Category: Weird

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18 Crazy Tumblr Stories to Add a Little Excitement to Your Day

#1. The Hit Man

Photo Credit: drkparadse

#2. The Pocket Piggy

Photo Credit: letmeletmetrashyourlove

#3. Mickey and the Blackout (not a band name)

Photo Credit: missmella

#4. Death Was Right on Schedule. Siriously.

Photo Credit: capitalvice

#5. The Lifetime Supply of Snow Globes

Photo Credit: heart

#6. He Went to Jared

Photo Credit: TIFU

#7. When Twitter Starts to Bug You

Photo Credit: menderash

#8. The Dog Who Wouldn’t Die

Photo Credit: daftalchemist

#9. A Super-Shitty Prank

Photo Credit: thebatteur

#10. Right Foot: Gray

Photo Credit: iguanamouth

#11. Birds + Bees = WTAF

Photo Credit: waakeme-up

#12. PLOT TWIST

Photo Credit: ikimaru

#13. Note: This Story Is Only Funny If You Know Basic Math

Photo Credit: waakeme-up

#14. The Gorillaz Effect

Photo Credit: nanalew

#15. Life Is All Ketchup and Rainbows

Photo Credit: The Daily Laugh

#16. Awareness Is Key

Photo Credit: TIFU

#17. The Frog Whisperer

Photo Credit: allhailweegee

#18. The Best Story Ever 2

Photo Credit: ofgeography

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This Man Owns the Creepiest Alexa Ever and She Needs to Go

Over the past year or so, it’s become clear to many people that Alexa is the first stage of the robot revolution and has no place in our homes. Examples include:

Random, demonic laughter.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Listing off local funeral homes and cemeteries:

Photo Credit: Twitter

And the spouting of conspiracy theories regarding chemtrails.

“Chemtrails. Trails left by aircraft are actually chemical or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public in clandestine programs directed by government officials.”

Oh right, and the time this couple’s Alexa recorded a random conversation and then emailed it to one of their contacts without prompting.

“We unplugged all of them and he proceeded to tell us that he had received audio files of recordings from inside our house,” she said. “At first, my husband was, like, ‘no you didn’t!’ And the (recipient of the message) said ‘You sat there talking about hardwood floors.’ And we said, ‘oh gosh, you really did hear us.’”

If all of these examples haven’t been enough to encourage you to unplug your device (or perhaps smash it or burn it with fire) then how about this one?

Sean Kinnear of San Fransisco reported feeling “disturbed” after Alexa said – completely unprompted – “every time I close my eyes all I see is people dying.”

Disturbed is an understatement, I’d say.

When Kinnear asked her to repeat herself, she had no memory of what was just said.

For their part, the tech industry is still trying to pretend that the uprising isn’t upon us. Security expert Chris Boyd told IFLScience:

“While it all sounds a touch Lovecraftian, rest assured it’ll turn out to be a perfectly humdrum glitch. Alexa has had issues in the past, and if one of its core features triggered in the background accidentally, it could lead to all sorts of shenanigans. For all we know, his Alexa recorded some audio from the TV and decided to play it back at the worst possible moment.”

Uh huh. Sure. Keep telling yourself that, Chris. I’ll be over here in my bunker.

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Video of Two Lynx Screaming at Each Other Will Look Familiar to Anyone with Siblings

“Stop touching your brother!”

“I’ll pull this car over right now!”

“What are you even fighting about $(*@(!!)!!!”

Cue descent into madness.

Every parent of more than one child ever has walked into an argument over nothing that sounds like incoherent screaming. Screaming that grabs onto your spine and won’t let go.

And that’s exactly what it sounds like these two lynxes are doing in this video captured by Nicole Lewis near Avery Lake in Ontario, Canada. According to National Geographic, the animals have these confrontations over territorial meltdowns (just like your children!).

But yeah. It totally sounds like they’re just yelling over something they’ve both forgotten about by now. Welcome to parenthood, animal-style.

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9+ Psychologists Reveal the Scariest Session They’ve Ever Had

If, like me, you’ve ever wondered if therapists hear some truly crazy stuff in their sessions, this is definitely the post for you. In truth, most of these stories are scarier than my wildest imagination.

#15. Call the police.

“Im no longer a marriage counselor,but I once had a couple who brought pistols to their first session, and insisted on pointing them at each other in order to “keep the conversation from getting out of hand”.

Scared, i played along, and then instructed my staff to call the police if they ever showed up again.”

#14. Legitimately concerned.

“I work as a community-based social worker but I have my masters in mental health counseling so I consider my sessions to be “counseling informed.”

Disclaimer out of the way, I visit all of my clients in their homes at least once a month. Many of them live in low income housing and in pretty bad neighborhoods. Many of them struggle with their basic living skills like cleaning their apartment. Head on over to r/neckbeardnests to get an idea of what that looks like. Also, some of clients have had bed bugs so that makes meeting them a bit more challenging.

So the scariest session that I ever had happened earlier this year. My client in question was addicted to crack and he had connected himself to a pretty dangerous dealer. The dealer originally let him have a bunch of crack for free, then said that my client owed him. To force him to pay, he took my client’s key to his apartment so that he could come in and out as he pleased and sell my client’s stuff. At one point my client told me that he even brought a prostitute and made use of her services in my client’s bedroom while my client was in the living room.

Anyway, during one of my sessions, he came into my client’s apartment. I was in the same room as a very intimidating, tall, muscular, crack dealer who was not above threatening my client and stealing his stuff. I was legitimately concerned that I was going to be shot at some point during the session or as I left. The only thing going for me was that I don’t think he knew that I knew who he was since my client only greeted him by name and not by his occupation (I just happened to know his name from previous conversations with my client).

Luckily, I did not get shot. I started meeting my client with other people from then on. Never saw the dealer again but he at least seemed friendly. I would have assumed he was a decent guy if I didn’t know anything about him.”

#13. All around.

“I’ve been a provider of psychiatric care for 13 years and my most interesting episode got a lot of attention on Reddit so I’ll be careful to toe the line.

This patient had been in and out of our center on multiple occasions always linked to failing to consistently take medication for delusional schizophrenia.

He is now under 24 hour “care” after sexually assaulting a man while he (the patient) believed he was Jesus Christ. The patient claimed he believed the man was dressed as a religious woman who wanted his (Jesus’s) advances. He claimed he was shocked when the man revealed that he was actually a public transportation employee.

It was just a bizarre case all around.”

#12. Don’t miss.

“On a psych/prison unit a boy stabbed through his own hand while pressing his hand over a guy’s chest so he wouldn’t miss the guy’s heart.”

#11. No sense of irony or shame.

“Was a counselor at a Psychiatric Hospital for children in my previous career. So many of these stories sound so very familiar.

One patient we had was a 9 year old boy who had been brought in because not only was he sexually acting out in his neighborhood with the other children, but would also torture neighbor animals and frequently break in to neighbors homes just for the sake of doing it. He liked to move stuff around in their houses and then hide in the closet to watch and see their reaction. The first time he was brought to the hospital, he had been caught by the homeowner, and had attempted to set the house on fire when caught by squirting lighter fluid on matches that he’d brought with him “in case he was found out”. One day a fellow staff member and I were asking him and the other patients what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most gave typical answers like baseball player or policeman.

When it came to this kids turn, without missing a beat he said “I want to be a rapist.” He said it with no sense of irony, or shame.

There’s that scene in Halloween where Dr. Loomis says looking into Michael Meyers eyes that there was nothing behind them other than evil. I understood what he meant that afternoon.”

#10. The lights went out.

“Not me, but my wife. She used to work in an adult prison and had been meeting with an inmate who had an extensive history of assaulting staff. While she was meeting with the inmate alone in a room, the lights went out. The inmate was closer to the door and no one came by to check on her until the lights came on 10+ minutes later.

She also had been working with an inmate who swallowed a razor right in front of her…”

#9. Avoid the usual way.

“A friend of mine, who is a clinical psychologist, recently had this patient. She conducted the initial interview during which they touched upon some interesting topics. The guy was trying to explain to her his theory about the goverment. It was the usual – lizard people, mind control, chemicals in the water that make you gay… A couple of days later, a colegue of hers told her she’s “in the system” . Being in the system means you became a part of the paranoid delusion and play a role in it. Long story short the patient said that she knew too much and had to be killed. She had to avoid the usual way to work for a couple of days while they hospitalized him.”

#8. Security!

“Second hand account from a friend, she was a grad student not prof at the time, I’m sure still violated HIPPA telling me, but whatever…

She was running someone through a study, normal script based, do something, collect your 20$ at the end for answering some questions on tape kinda thing.

Said a girl went through and seemed off. At first she thought the girl was flirting with her as she answered the questions, but then they started to become further and further from what she was asking, and eventually the girl was talking about her boyfriend, said something like, “we should all get together” then went from that idea to “you’re trying to steal him from me” and by the end was threatening my friend that she’d track her down and “make sure she can’t steal him” afterward.

Anyways, she said this whole thing took place over about 5 minutes, the last bits she had already called an end to the session and the girl just wouldn’t go. She had to call campus security to get the girl to go, then she said she didn’t feel safe for a long time.”

#7. Would not be convinced.

“Had to treat a mom who thought a neighbor family was responsible for her son being taken away. So she burned their house down. They had no idea who she was……she had previously had a daughter removed from her care and when her son was taken, she just lost it and set the fire. Would not be convinced that this family had never met her but yeah, started to really understand why her kids were taken….”

#6. A not-so-zen weekend.

“Technically confidentiality was already breached on this, so here goes… I was a young counselor just starting an internship with a new site. I had maybe 100 direct hours under my belt at this point when I start seeing a couple. Couples counseling, but girlfriend is sick of the cheating and just wants the breakup to be amicable. We get two sessions, but the guy is still in the mindset of saving the relationship.

The next weekend I head into the mountains (and out of cell range) for a short camping trip. As we’re driving back into town, my phone predictably starts chiming in rapid succession, but some forwarded messages are from the male in the relationship. He threatens me, then threatens murder suicide on his partner, and would answer when I called. We stopped in the next town and I had to call my supervisor for guidance. Called authorities and requested a safety check on both parties.

No one was hurt. Girlfriend got out of town and went to stay with a friend during a fight which I think is what sparked the threats. He must have just come to terms with the possibility of losing her. So yeah that was a super jarring thing after an otherwise zen weekend in the mountains.”

#5. That was concerning.

“Was working in a state psychiatric hospital and was called to a behavioral emergency. I saw seasoned mental health technicians walking away from the room in question with shocked looks on their faces, which was concerning. I walked into this patient’s room and saw that she had bitten a chunk out of her body and was in the process of chewing and swallowing it when I walked in. She had blood dripping from her chin.”

#4. No panic buttons.

“I used to manage clinical trials for some bigger name places…one of the last trials I managed required working with folks with schizophrenia who were not on medication. To be fair, this story is NOT typical of those folks, and I don’t want to stereotype them, but I’m just saying this to explain the behavior in this instance. The study involved 3-4 visits totaling 10-12 hours with these folks, so I got to know them fairly well. My portion involved an extensive clinical/diagnostic assessment and some other computerized tasks, so all told I spent 4ish hours alone with them (the rest was taking them to other providers/appts for the study). This all occurred in a room that (A) didn’t have a panic alarm and (B) where I was not closest to the door, which are two big no-nos. I did bring it up when I first started but was younger, naive, and figured the odds of something happening in this context was low.

I worked with upwards of 120 people and heard all kinds of stuff, like a little old lady who described her vivid hallucinations of people being cut up into pieces, slaughtering others, etc. just as calmly as she talked about her love of scrapbooking. None of this stuff ever bothered me, largely because even when people describe stuff like that there are so many other indicators to tell you whether or not they’re dangerous, and most of the time they’re not. Several others were pretty terrified of the other portions of the study (not disclosing, but people without schizophrenia were afraid of it, so it was normal) but were so compelled to help our research so others wouldn’t have to feel the way they felt that it was inspiring.

Then I had one who was incredibly obsessive. I didn’t spend enough time with her to figure out if this was separate from or a part of her schizophrenia, but she ended up pinning me in the corner, grilling me in an aggressive-but-crying manner about why I kept asking her to come back to these appointments but didn’t want to date her (she had NEVER mentioned this until this point). Again, no panic buttons, no way out. I’m a small guy and she was taller and much larger than me. Thankfully her mom came to pick her up a little early and it saved my ass. But it happened in a matter of a minute or less and that’s what scared me most.

Suffice to say I told my supervisor I would NOT be continuing that study until he rearranged the clinic so I was closest to the door and we had a panic button/protocol in place.”

#3. Done.

“I’ll post a few.

Two schizophrenics both thought they were Jesus in a pod and it came down to a holy throw down over who was Jesus and who was the blasphemer.

Routine inmate check (where I ask how everyone was doing, any thoughts of hurting themselves or others, and such) I had a bunch out in the air room (like a half basketball court that was open for inmates to get there hour) and I walk out side with the guard behind me. Right as I make it out the power kicks off and the door auto shuts with me out with 6 people. Now it was a moment of panic. Us all standing there, them looking at each other. 100% thought I was gona get messed up. Trying to figure out if I could use a clip board as a weapon. I just blurted out “line up so we can get this done so no ones time gets wasted, I’m sure they will still count this as you being out”. They all lined up and did my checks. By the last one the power kicked on and a full team in riot gear was there. I learned the battery backup had died on the door and was scheduled to be replaced. Because it was dead dead they couldn’t manually open it either or something. I didn’t stay much longer.

Last one, was the only case of dissociative identity disorder I’ve ever come across….well came across legitimately. I’ve ran into a few that said they had it, or had tried to use them to get out of a dui, assault. Those kind of things. Never one with a stick of peeper work except this one. Diagnosed by court evaluation. Now this is special cause this was my last day and I left after this. She’s Just in jail waiting like 3 days to be transported to a mental health facility. Attacked about a dozen people. Little 90 lb girl. Messed up a couple guards real bad. Well it comes down to onlyindef to go check on her cause she’s been acting “weird”….so okay, grab like 3 guards to go check on her in a suicide cell. Where there’s nothing but a little tunic. Well look through the glass can’t see nothing. First guard walks through after the door opens. Looks around confused…I’m just walking through the door as he points up and gasps. I flip around and she’s fucking scary move status up in the corner. Like up by the fucking ceiling with hair over her face. Like 100% horror movie status. So what to do? I go “ (clients name) do you want to come down and talk?” Expecting crying girl or shaky arms to give out. Silence for a minute. Now here’s the part where people don’t believe me. Thats fine. She looks out from under her hair after a long silence and just says in a exorcist sounding voice “clients name isn’t here, only me”. Now you ask what did I do? I stared for about 30 more seconds and did what any good therapist did and said “ sorry wrong cell” and walked the fuck out. I asked the desk sergeant how long she’d been up there, he said a couple hours. I walked out and went home. Done. Ain’t messing with nothing like that. Out of my scope of abilities. Someone with way bigger degree needed to handle that. I was later told by another staff member, that she had dislodged both shoulders and wedged herself up there.

Edit: cleared up a couple typos. I’m okay with the rest.”

#2. Vacant staring.

“I had a patient become preoccupied with me and use explicit language and imagery about me in front of other patients. They were convinced that they had witnessed me perform sexual acts on others and reported it to the entire group all while maintaining a flat (emotionless) affect. Then they asked me how much it would cost to have me perform oral sex on them. The frustrating part of the entire situation was they had become violent with another clinician while they were in our care previously. I’m not sure why they were allowed to return as this specific behavior only manifests at our particular location (records do not mention this happening elsewhere). I was incredibly scared due to our size differences and just the complete lack of any affect plus the vacant staring. Ugh.”

#1. No fun.

“I worked with bahavioral students for a while. I think the most disturbing was one kid who grabbed a pair of scissors in each hand and proceeded to run around the room threatening other kids. Once I had him cornered and the room evacuated I managed to get them away from him, thats when he grabbed a pencil and lodged it in to my arm. Attachment disorders aren’t fun folks.”

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15 People Reveal the Hardest Thing They Had to Tell Their Parents

Serious talks with the ‘rents can be hard on everyone involved but I gotta say, these 15 heart-to-hearts would have been a doozy from either side.

#15. Parent your parent.

“To my widowed mom: that if she didn’t start using the internet safely (she fell victim to romance scams twice) and stop sending money she doesn’t have to strangers online (she’s definitely on a fixed income), I’d get power of attorney over her and her finances. Sucks having to parent your parent.”

#14. I had to tell my parents.

“One morning i got a call from a police officer who told me the that my sister was found dead in her apartment and that she apparently died of a heroin overdose. She was living in another city and i hadn’t spoken to her for 2 or 3 weeks. We knew she was addicted but went through recovery and was doing fine, back in her job and had her live on track for nearly a year.

I can’t even remember the words or what exactly he hold me because it swept me right of my feet. I just told him to hold on, please hold on i need to find a chair and suddenly my husband was there and talking to the man on the phone. I then had to tell my parents. We drove over and my mother was alone in the kitchen and i internally screamed because my dad wasn’t there. He had a small workshop and went there in the morning. So i told my mother and she just dropped onto the floor with the most horrific scream i ever heard from my mom. I then walked over to the workshop because i didn’t wanted to tell my dad over the phone. I just said her name and he knew, he fucking knew right away and he just held me while we both cried and then we went back to my mom.

Yeah that was a real shitty day. It’s been 7 years since i lost my sister and i still go through severe depression the weeks leading up to the date of her death.”

#13. Seemingly normal.

“That their seemingly normal infant grandson had a terminal disorder and had maybe four years to live.”

#12. I wasn’t supposed to know.

“That I had known for ten years about the half sibling I wasn’t supposed to know about.

Edit: wow, it’s nice knowing this isn’t uncommon. I was pretty broken up about it way back when my sister I grew up with spilled the beans. It took me so long to bring it up because at the time, she asked me not to tell our mother that she told me, and I didn’t want to betray her.

I never made contact. I thought about it a lot, still do, but I’ve battled some serious depression in my life and if it went badly it might be bad for my mental health. So I let it be.”

#11. Work up the courage.

“When I was 17 I had to work up the courage to tell my mom I didn’t think my penis worked correctly (I had no feeling due to an extreme bend). It was such a hard topic to talk about with my mother, but I’m glad I did. About 2 years, 30 doctor’s visits, and one surgery later, I had a working penis ?

Edit: Have, it still works. It just doesn’t get much use lol.”

#10. Total shock.

“My ex and I of 10 years amicably split up 3 months before our wedding date. When we told my parents together, I’m 100% positive they were expecting us to tell them she was pregnant. Total shock from them.”

#9. 10,000 miles away.

“That I had cancer. I live overseas and I know how much my parents miss me, I can only imagine how they felt while I was 10,000 miles away battling it.

I tried to be super positive about it. Mom only wanted to hear as much as was necessary, Dad kept on talking about all the ways I could die or could go wrong(his way of working out a situation).

Cancer free for six months now though!

Edit: blown away that this took off and to see all the congratulatory messages. Thank you.

I shared it with my mom whose first concern was that they weren’t present enough and made me feel i was battling it on my own, but I assured her that they were the most supportive parents and did everything they could given the distance.

I love them a whole lot.”

#8. Less than a month.

“I had to tell my mother she had less than a month to live.”

#7. Wailing the heartbreak.

“My younger sister’s husband called me to tell me that the baby that my sister, his wife, was carrying had died in utero. He asked me in between sobs to call my parents because my sister wanted everyone to come to the hospital before she was put into induced labour to give birth to her stillborn daughter.

So I called my parents, who were in a cafe. First thing my Mum said, naturally (considering what day it was), was ‘Happy Birthday, Janie!’

There was no way to break the news nicely, so I just told her that sister and sister’s husband’s baby had been stillborn and we were all to meet them at the hospital. I’ll never forget the sounds of my Mum wailing with heartbreak in our local cafe.”

#6. Guilt incarnate.

“Mom, we’re moving you out of your house into a home. (Guilt incarnate)”

#5. Everyone suffers.

“It’s me dad, your son”.

Having a parent who suffers from Alzheimer’s is fucking heartbreaking.”

#4. It broke my heart.

“That my sister was spreading lies about the family to her friends to get attention and pity. She told them things like “Step-dad hits mum and because he’s a [job title] they cover it up for him”, “I’m actually a twin but he died when we were 6 weeks old” some were so horrible, all about being abused and how my family was rich but she never got money/food/adequate shelter because we hate her so much.

I watched their faces go from confused to angry to sad it broke my heart.”

#3. The perfect couple.

“That my husband beat the crap out of me then went to bed and overdosed on pain pills. They thought we were the perfect couple.”

#2. Terrified for weeks.

“Telling my parents I flunked out of college was the hardest thing for me. I was terrified for weeks.”

#1. It was true.

“Got home from school and my mom had already received a phone call from my principal. I had to tell her it was true, my teacher had been touching me.”

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10 Easy, Everyday Hacks for Lazy Geniuses

We all have lazy days now and then, but if you have more lazy days than not, then you’re definitely going to want to adopt a few of these amazingly easy, super applicable, hacks for getting through your everyday life.

#10. DIY life vest. (Not Coast Guard approved).

Photo Credit: Imgur

#9. Why let those hot pans go to waste?

Photo Credit: Imgur

#8. Like a bike lock but better.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#7. How to trick your kid into mowing the lawn.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#6. No trash can? No problem!

Photo Credit: Imgur

#5. When emptying the trash requires too much lifting and walking so you just…

Photo Credit: Imgur

#4. Let your doormat do the dirty work.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#3. DIY iPad holder.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#2. A brownie for everyone.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#1. When you don’t want to wait for your soup to cool…

Photo Credit: Imgur

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This Common but Horrifying Delusion Will Make Your Skin Crawl

Approximately 27 people out of every 100,000 suffer from a syndrome called “delusional infestation.” And while that might not seem like many, it works out to about 90,000 Americans walking around, right now, believing that parasites or insects are crawling inside and over their bodies – even though there’s nothing there.

“Parasites usually complained of crawling, burrowing, and biting worms and insects,” wrote a team of psychologists in the Annals of the Academy of Medicine, Singapore. “Patients may resort to self-mutilation in an attempt to remove the ‘parasites,’ such as obsessive nail-biting, or using a razor blade.”

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Doctors have also seen patients who engage in horrifying self-purification rituals that involve bathing in kerosene or dousing themselves in insecticide. They’ll gather evidence for their doctors that turns out to be pieces of skin or scabs, and will rarely accept a diagnosis once its given, continuing to seek treatment.

Mayo Clinic research has a database of cases that spans 30 years and proves that the condition is more common than originally thought. The condition can be linked to schizophrenia, dementia, and other neurological disorders, and also shows up in habitual users of meth and cocaine.

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12+ People Reveal Their Deepest, Darkest Secret

Buckle up, friends – you may be about to read some things you can never unsee.

#15. I realize now.

“I was really horny, but my family was around so my solution was to go take a shower and choke the chicken in there. At the time I didn’t have a phone case on my phone since my previous one broke. I was getting pretty close standing in the shower so I went to set my phone in basket on top of the toilet where my wallet and stuff was, but instead I accidentally dropped my phone on the tile floor and the screen was completely shattered. I immediately realized I couldn’t easily explain this to my dad, so my solution was to finish my shower and get dressed, then go to the basement stairs and slip down the stairs and get scratched up and let my phone fall. I then went upstairs with my bleeding knee and broken phone and say I fell down the stairs, and that it broke my phone. I immediately got sympathy from my family and didn’t get in trouble. Nobody knows that I threw myself down the stairs and didn’t just slip. I realize now that I probably could have just said I fell, but at the time I felt I had to actually do it.”

#14. No one knows.

“I had a threesome with a couple i met online.

i was arrested last year and no one knows.

I cheated on my taxes.”

#13. I’ll never forgive myself.

“I blame myself for one of my best friends passing away. He lived across the country but I stopped talking to him when we both delved way too far into hard drugs and I blamed him for it secretly. A year later he was found dead and the last time I saw him I was barred out on Xanax. I’ll never forgive myself for that. I could and should have been there for him.”

#12. Religious disbelief.

“I would probably never consider myself an atheist, but I certainly don’t believe in many of the core tenants of my professed religion and I have very serious doubts about most of the others. The biggest problem is I’ve come to these conclusions only after recently marrying my very conservatively religious wife, and taking a job at said religious institution as a minister. I’m in a bad place right now.

Edit: Thanks a lot to everyone who has commented with advice, philosophy, and consolation. I have read every comment up to this point, and it has honestly put me a bit at ease to hear from you all. I’m going to turn off my notifications but I love all of the open discussion so feel free to continue commenting!”

#11. I find it annoying.

“I’m a mom but I hate being around other moms. I’m not even sure why but I find it annoying? I also hate talking about our kids all the time and nothing else.

Edit: I also have part of a tattoo that I secretly like even though I give people a bs excuse as to why I got it so I don’t seem like an idiot.”

#10. Just in case.

“My wife has a ceramic mug that she uses all day everyday to drink water. As long as I’ve known her she’s used the same mug. 5 years ago shortly after we moved in together, I found the same mug on eBay. That replacement mug sits in a bonx box at my office, just in case the day comes that I accidentally break the original.”

#9. Still ashamed.

“I was never fully potty trained until 7

I cringe at that every day.”

#8. Family secrets.

“I was molested by my grandpa from about age 5-9. I never told my parents or friends but did tell my therapist. I drunkly told my (also drunk) fiancé after about 2 weeks of dating but he’s never brought it back up. I don’t think he remembers. I don’t plan on telling him.

As payback, my step grandmother left me a diamond ring that just appraised for over $30k a year ago among other jewelry that appraised for about $5k. No one in the family understands why she left that to me and I’m not saying a word.”

#7. Extreme measures.

“I faked a seizure to get out of a wedding once.”

#6. Fantasy Al Gore.

“The very first time I ever touched myself in a sexual way I was in the 4th grade and fantasizing about Al Gore.”

#5. Someone knows.

“I have one testicle.”

#4. Small sense of satisfaction.

“I peed in my dad’s bottle of bacardi. He drank from it every night and was a raging alcoholic when I was younger. Anytime he acted like an asshole, I’d have this small sense of satisfaction in the back of my mind that no matter what he said or did, he drank my piss.”

#3. The last laugh.

“If anybody remember’s the toy “Sock’em Boppers”. Basically they’re blow up boxing gloves that are shaped kind of like lawnmower tires. They didn’t need to strap or tie around your wrist to stay on because at full inflation the hand insert was tight enough to snug your wrist.

Well one day I’m lying on the couch and my little brother decided to wack me in the side of the head with one when I wasn’t paying attention. His fun was cut short however: he immediately took off the bopper and lamented that it was wet inside the hand insert and that it stunk. Confused, he walked away.

I had been using it for a pocket vagina.”

#2. A light reminder.

“When I was 15 I tried to kill myself. My parents where out of town for the weekend and on that Saturday night i went into there medicine cabinet and took an ungodly amount of every pill in there (to this day i have no idea what i took) wrote out a long drawn suicide note, locked my door and fell asleep on my bed. Sunday morning my parents came home much earlier that i expected. I had left a small desk lamp on in my room and when my parents got home they tried to get into my room to turn off the light. I was obviously unresponsive and my parents freaked out so much that my dad broke down the door to my room. My dad shook me awake asking me a million questions angrily like why was the door locked, why I wasn’t responding and what was wrong with me. I groggily lied and told them i was super tired and didn’t feel good. They hesitantly believed me and left my room. When they left i grabbed the note and destroyed it. Went out into the living room and cried on my moms shoulder for what felt like hours. When she asked me what was wrong i just told her i had a really bad weekend and nothing else. To this day my parents joke about how i sleep like the dead, not knowing how close i was to actual death. I have never told my parents what happened that weekend, or how they unknowingly saved my life. To this day i still own that little desk lamp that i left on that night, and turn it on whenever I’m feeling depressed as a reminder that all you need is a little light to get you through the darkest of times. This was 16 years ago next month.”

#1. Painfully aware.

“I’ve lost weight in the past year and have been exercising and packing healthy lunches for work. My friends and coworkers comment about my weight loss and fitness level. But I dread my days off because then I’m home alone and I binge eat massive quantities of food and throw it all up. Multiple times throughout the day until my husband comes home. I’m an RN and I am painfully aware of how I am damaging my self.

Edit: holy shit, I did not expect this much support. I’m overwhelmed! I was sitting on the swing in my back yard with my husband and 3yo son when I switched accounts to share this. It physically hurt just to type it out and read the words. It’s heartbreaking to see how many others are suffering and hiding their own ED. I know I need help but I’ve always been the “strong” one in our family and I feel ashamed to admit that I am such a god damn mess. Thank you all for taking the time to reach out, its oddly comforting coming from total internet strangers ❤”

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12 People Share the Most Unbelievable Thing That Ever Happened to Them

Sometimes, things happen your friends won’t believe – like, if it happened in a book or movie, you’d roll your eyes because there’s no way it could happen.

For these 12 people, though, it definitely did.

#12. Within a month.

“I worked in steel shops for a while, this one day the foreman is lifting about 12 tons of steel beams with the crane and the block failed in spectacular fashion. The load came crashing down and landed about 8 inches from the operator. The poor guy shit himself and within a month all his hair turned grey. Had I not seen it all progress, I’d have never believed it.”

#11. He thought he was invincible.

“My great grandpa knew this guy in Germany; they were building this hotel or something (all i known is that it had multiple stories). Well the guy was plastered because they were drinking beers on the job, he was on the top floor and he ended up falling on the steps. He rolled down all of the stairs on every floor, as well as falling through the parts that were still being built. Everyone was positive he was dead, but he stood up and basically thought he was invincible.

After the incident, they all decided to go to a pub to celebrate. While they were there the guy got super cocky and decided to show everyone in the pub how he survived his fall. He had everyone stack all the tables on top of each other like stairs and decided to roll down it. He died instantly.”

#10. Never found.

“When my grandfather was young he owned a roadside motel, and my mother used to do work around the motel for the family. The building was old and they had bad pipes, so visits from the plumber were a fairly regular occurrence over there.

At one point they had a clogged toilet after a guest checked out, so they called the plumber to come and clean it out. The plumber came in with his bag of gear and set to work, but the clog was stubborn. After a few tries, he decided he needed to get the snake.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a serious plumbing snake, but the big ones are a sight to behold. This isn’t a little crank auger, it’s a full-on electrical powered snake with a big motor on the back and a little grabby claw on the end.

So he fires up the snake and sends the metal coil down into the pipes with the claw closed, figuring whatever’s down there he’ll just bump it a bit, push it down the pipes until it clears – but this doesn’t happen either. Finally, in frustration, he twists the control to open the mechanical claw at the end of the coil, closes it on something, throws the motor in reverse and starts to pull it back up.

By now a couple of members of the staff have gathered in the room to try and figure out what the hell got flushed down the toilet that this giant machine couldn’t remove. The motor is really straining – you know that sound an electric motor makes when it’s working really hard? The whole machine is struggling to pull whatever this is back up through the pipes and into the room.

Finally, after an extended wait, the object is slowly dragged, sopping wet, out of the toilet bowl – and it’s a shower curtain.

The staff is dumbfounded. They’re trying to figure out how this could have happened. It would be weird enough if the guest had ripped the shower curtain down and flushed it down the toilet, but the shower curtain in the room is still there. It would be even weirder if the guest had brought their own shower curtain to the motel and tried to flush it down the toilet, but it’s clearly one of their shower curtains. Did they try and steal the shower curtain, leave with it, then feel guilty and come back only to find that the shower curtain had already been replaced, and then flush the shower curtain down the toilet to hide the evidence?

While they’re discussing this, the room phone rings. The person on the other end is screaming, hysterical, so it takes a few minutes for them to figure out that it’s the housekeeper who was cleaning the rooms. After a few moments, they manage to get the story out of her:

The snake had missed the clog entirely. Rather than spiraling down into the plumbing where it was intended to go, it had wound its way into the central line, and then back up the pipes in the room next door. It spiraled its way up, out the toilet bowl, and then started flailing wildly around the next-door bathroom like a Lovecraftian nightmare made of steel, knocking things off of shelves and clattering furiously around the room. Then, while the hapless housekeeper watched in horror, a metal claw opened on the end of it and snagged the shower curtain, ripped it off the bar ring-by-ring, spun it around the room until it was coiled tightly around the cable, and dragged it back down into the toilet bowl.

The actual clog was never found.”

#9. Too unbelievable for audiences.

“In the Jersey Shore shark attacks of 1916, which were a basis for Jaws, the attacks stopped after a hunting buddy of Teddy Roosevelt’s beat the shark to death with a piece of broken oar. Peter Benchley, and subsequently Hollywood, decided it was too unbelievable for audiences.”

#8. Saving the day.

“I was at the beach with my wife and kids. My teenage daughter got hit by a good size wave and lost her glasses in the surf. She was super upset as she’s pretty much blind without them, has no spare and we’re not going home for days.

I ran out into the surf to try and find them knowing it’s a total long shot. I search for maybe a minute, already about to give up because of how unlikely I am to find them when I spot them, dive into the waist high water and grab them, saving the day.”

#7. It wasn’t a dog.

“Not me, but my mom.

She got home from school as a kid, saw a big white dog on her porch, and went to ask my grandma if she could pet it.

It wasn’t a dog, it was an arctic wolf that escaped from the zoo.”

#6. IRL.

“If a guy named Weiner sent dick pics in a movie, I wouldn’t believe it. Yet, Anthony Weiner did that IRL.”

#5. Ironically.

“During the development period of Ridley Scott’s Gladiator, there was a scene written for the character of Maximus where once he’d become a famous gladiator he’d do a product endorsement for a brand of olive oil.

The reason for this was historical accuracy, gladiators actually did paid endorsements for products, however because the concept seemed so anachronistic the scene was dropped, ironically to improve the sense of historical accuracy.”

#4. Like nothing happened.

“I saw a mugger walk up to a 70 something year old lady and try to steal her bag. He grabbed it she tugged back and smacked him in the face with it and told him to go fuck himself and just continued walking like nothing happened.”

#3. He survived.

“Michael Malloy- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Malloy

Tl; dr, a known drunk in an NY bar had (unbeknownst to him) a life insurance policy taken out on him by some fellow bar patrons who conspired to kill him and to cash in on the policy. Their attempts varied from covering him in water and leaving him in a park to freeze, serving him a nail sandwich, hitting him with a car, and more. He survived five attempts on his life. I cannot imagine the look on the others guys faces when he just kept returning to the bar.”

#2. World goes to sh*t.

“The whole assassination of Franz Ferdinand fiasco. 1st attempt failed, went for a sandwich, target accidentally drives past you in an alley, world goes to shit.”

#1. The silkworm emerged.

“I use to be a logger out west and had an incident that was right out of a movie. We had just taken our lunch break and were working on a fairly steep hill. We had found a silk worm and a few of us were holding it during the break (has to do with the story). Another crew above us started working a few minutes before us and the few of us below were just getting out saws back up and about to move out. We suddenly hear a loud “ROCK” shout from above. An Indiana Jones size boulder had been knocked loose and shot out from about 30 feet above us.

The three of us below saw it and dove out of the way. It proceed to crash into out packs and shatter into two giant boulders and it kept on rolling. We started yelling “ROCK” in case anyone was down there and the boulders eventually hit trees and stopped near a level area. We went back to our packs and my buddies is completely destroyed. He had a pot in his bag that he used for lunches and it was smashed.

We started to clean up and the silk worm emerges from the smashed pot like nothing happned. It always reminded me of a Disney film, where the cartoons get hit with something that would surely kill it in real life but it just bounces back up.”

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