Category: tweets

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Tweets for Deeply Introverted Folks

I finally took the Myers-Briggs personality test after a lot of egging on from a friend of mine and it told me that I’m an INTJ which I guess means “Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging.”

Which makes sense to me. I’m pretty intuitive, especially when it comes to quickly realizing how bad I’ve screwed something up. I can’t stop myself from constant thinking, even if it’s about nothing in particular, and I’m always judging everyone.

But most of all, I am an introvert. Just as the people behind these tweets clearly are.

11. Check it out

Please don’t bring attention to me, this is the opposite of what I wanted.

10. I can dig it

It takes me about as much time to psych myself up for one anyway.

9. Pick me up

Oh, I’m sorry, you very clearly mistook the nature of this interaction.

8. Keep it cool

Ice makes drinks better and insulates the poles of our planet, let’s keep it around.

7. A celebration

It’s January 2nd, apparently. So that we can all recover from the horrors of having to attend NYE parties.

6. This rules

I’m the president and soul member.

5. Two out of three

Hey man, the system works.

4. Risk and reward

If I keep this up I may soon never have to speak to anyone again.

3. Cute but deadly

Please don’t leave me, I’m small and very afraid.

2. Generic title

Generic joke.

1. Drop the beats

And yet somehow this does not stop everyone.

Hang in there, fellow introverts. We’ll all get through this together, on our own.

How introverted are you?

Tell us in the comments.

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Could “Babe Are You Okay” Be the Defining Meme of Our Time?

Millennials are always checking in with each other.

Gotta keep advocating for mental health, even when we’re living in a time where there’s no normal and no baseline and the notion of sanity is kind of laughable.

Maybe that’s why “Babe are you okay?” has become one of the defining memes of our era.

Take it away, people of Twitter.

15. Curry favor

What and why and what.

14. Sing it

If you look closely enough, you can hear the nothing.

13. It’s a business opportunity

Are you not feeling quite so high up today?

12. Cows

I think if you forget to do that three times your car will actually stop working.

11. Stock up

What is happening to us?

10. Pile on

Yeah, what’s WRONG with you?

9. IT’S BEEN

Threw your arms in the air and said “you’re crazy!”

8. Gotta go fast

At what point were marketers convinced that consumers REALLY wanted to eat Sonic the Hedgehog?

7. Game on

I would do this in my sleep, it’s an unavoidable reflex.

6. Water o’clock

I feel seen and not in a way I’d like to be.

5. Call and response

Are you on auto pilot?

4. Buy buy buy

Did you finally just run out of money?

3. Let ’em know

Spread the word.

2. So touching

That hits hard.

1. Oh well

Isn’t that like the only word we know now?

Babe are you okay? You hardly scrolled through all those tweets.

But seriously, are you okay?

Tell us in the comments. Babe.

No, seriously, we want to know.

Please and thank you.

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Hilarious Tweets That Really Bring the Heat

I could really use some LOLs right now.

Laughter is kind of the cure-all for everything, don’t you think?

When you’re feeling down, have a laugh!

Girlfriend broke up with you? Have a laugh!

Your mother still refuses to speak to you because of how you behaved at the dinner table at Thanksgiving in 2015? Have a laugh!

I think you get the point. We need some serious laughs right now and that’s what we intend to do.

So have a laugh at these funny tweets. We sure did!

1. Strike a pose!

You are fabulous and you know it.

2. Where did that thing go?

I need that thing that you put your foot on!

3. That’s not gonna work for me, sorry.

Every person has their breaking point.

4. Is anyone looking over here yet?

Also fun to do in the ocean.

5. I wasn’t lying, I swear.

I am, however, a failure.

6. I can’t wait to do it again!

And spend $40 on snacks!

7. Don’t do this to yourself.

It’s always a terrible idea.

8. There’s a whole lot of them in there.

Time to go into the vault.

9. I do not experience this.

But perhaps you do?

10. We all do it!

You’re doing just fine…

11. We all feel this way!

Get me out of here!

12. ALL DAY. EVERY DAY.

We might need to work on that…

Have you seen any really funny tweets lately that made you LOL?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

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Married? Then These Tweets Are Sure to Make You Laugh!

Until death do us part…

Do you remember when you said that as you stared into your partner’s eyes? And you thought you would live happily ever after?

Well, look at you now…I bet you had no idea that your life would now consist of petty arguments about how to load the dishwasher…you were so naive…

Just kidding! We’re happy for you and I’m sure the whole marriage thing is going swimmingly, but you have to admit that there are a lot of funny and quirky (and sometimes annoying) things about being married.

And these tweets nailed it! Let’s take a look.

1. Yeah, pretty much sums it up.

Give me back my heat!

2. Could this really be happening?

Say it ain’t so!

3. I think he’s right about this.

I’m on his side on this one!

4. I’m right over here!

Wait, did you just say that out loud?

5. This is a classic husband joke.

You really nailed it!

6. Not so fast!

It’s always your fault, dude.

7. You’re right, it’s blowing up!

That’s called “going viral.”

8. Sounds like a blast!

You know this happens to you, too.

9. That didn’t work out so well…

Honey, don’t do that anymore…

10. Proving your point.

And doing it in style!

11. We did this?

Are you sure about that?

12. Always a rude awakening.

Don’t do that again!

How about all of you out there?

Are things in your house a little tense these days or is everything A-OK?

Talk to us in the comments and give us an update!

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Tweets for Misanthropes to Enjoy…If That’s Possible

There’s a great word that I feel doesn’t get used enough despite ample opportunity and applicability. That word is “misanthrope,” and it’s defined thusly:

Mis•an•thrope – noun – a person who dislikes humankind and avoids human society.

Pretty relatable right?

But it doesn’t stop there. You can toss it in as an adjective (“misanthropic”), an active noun (“misanthropy”), or even throw it around as an “ism,” (“misanthropism”).

You can do all of this to sound just a little more sophisticated while explaining to the people around you that you hate the people around you and want nothing to do with them. That is, if you’re anything like the folks who wrote these tweets.

10. Alone again, naturally

This has pretty much been me for the last year, I must confess.

9. Dog eat dog

Canines are infinitely better than humans.

8. What do you think you’re doing?

I’m gonna need way more information before I make even a verbal commitment, this might be a trap.

7. It’s no surprise to me

‘Cause every now and then I kick the living sh*t outta me.

6. Remember, remember

I see no reason the random light treason should ever be forgot.

5. Asked and answered

It’s a dangerous game that you’re playing.

4. Downright neighborly

The less they know of my existence the better.

3. Squad goals

Oh, I’m dead serious about that.

2. Back off

I’m sorry, do you know who I am?

1. Checking in

Yup, it’s still pretty stupid out here.

We misanthropes gotta stick together. But separately, because ew.

Would you define yourself as a people person? Why or why not?

Tell us in the comments.

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Nice Tweets About Best Friends Being Besties

When Harry Nilsson wanted to tell us about his best friend, he did so through song, and he expressed his feelings thusly:

People, let me tell you ’bout my best friend
He’s a warm-hearted person who’ll love me to the end
People let me tell you ’bout my best friend
He’s a one-boy, cuddly toy
My up, my down, my pride and joy

I think we should probably bring back the use of “one-boy cuddle toy” as a general signal of affection, but I don’t know if we’ve all got time to write entire bouncy songs about our friends these days, so instead, we use stuff like these tweets.

Let’s take a look!

10. Coming through

Come on, ya still gotta let them eat cake.

9. Brain meld

We don’t even have to speak, but when we do, it’s magic.

8. Words of encouragement

You are the alpha. You are the omega. The one that is and is to come.

7. I dare you

Oh, things are about to get spicy in here.

6. Petty much right

Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.

5. Take a break

This is a totally healthy and normal approach to relationships, right guys?

4. Hour by hour

Wait, do you mean to tell me that people still have, like, phone calls?

3. Ex-cellent

No, sir. I am here to protect you from yourself. You’re coming with me.

2. We’re on the case

This mystery will be wrapped up quick.

1. Sole mates

We are together in victory and da feet.

 

A good friend tweet is worth a thousand songs.

How would you describe your best friend?

Give it a whirl in the comments.

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Tweets For People Who Are Sick of Work

Let’s revisit the immortal words of Todd Rundgren:

“Take this, every day when I get home from work
I feel so frustrated the boss is a jerk,
And I get my sticks and go out to the shed,
And I pound on that drum like it was the boss’ head because
I don’t want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day.”

This lighthearted tune about an employer head trauma fantasy rings true with most of us, especially with the people who wrote these tweets.

Though I’d rather nobody bang on drums while I’m trying to relax. You can take that elsewhere, please.

10. Dead serious

Cool, cool cool cool, our society is broken.

9. Me time

How about mind your own business, Carol?

8. Tears in rain

Now THAT’S what I call freedom.

7. Code of conduct

Now I shall go to heaven.

6. Tow the line

It’s the delicate balance that binds us all together.

5. Growing accustomed

I don’t even need to see the rest of ya’ll.

4. See no evil

We’ve been speaking with our voices for millenia, we can just keep doing that.

3. The dream

Let me know if you figure it out.

2. Enthusiasm

I too have an inescapable guilt complex.

1. Many worries

Watch your language.

Nobody wants to work. But we gotta. At least we can all tweet about it!

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? What made them unique?

Tell us all about it in the comments.

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These Tweets Are the Best of the Best

Twitter, what would I do without you? Be productive? Do my work? Clean my apartment? Get back in contact with loved ones?

That all sounds lame. I’d much rather scroll endlessly through the strangeness scape that is Twitter. Especially now that they’ve sort of done some housecleaning of their own. Without the absolute worst bottom 5% of users or so, it’s all in all a much more pleasant place to be. It’s easier to find cool and funny tweets, like these ones here.

12. 101 demands

Also you might wanna just go ahead and organize some protests against the fur industry.

11. Dang libs

The bald hypocrisy and apathy is just absolutely stunning.

10. Among gus

It’s darker than you could possibly imagine.

9. How the cookie crumbles

You monster – that’s the most evil thing I can imagine.

8. What gives?

“I am so firing our travel agent.” – birds who still have travel agents, I guess.

7. Mind the gap

You know that’s how we do.

6. Incorporeal hotness

It’s a beauty that surpasses even my understanding.

5. Valentimes

Time to get involved in everybody’s business!

4. Level up!

Wake me when it’s time for the twos.

3. Babe?

This is it, this wins, the meme is over now.

2. Stay with me

You’ll never leave…not while I have anything to say about it.

1. In theory

You laugh but I’ve heard people really say crap like this.

I can’t imagine what I would do without Twitter, and I don’t have to, because it’s here.

Who are your favorite people to follow?

Tell us in the comments.

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Great Tweets to Relax and Kick Back With

Had a bad day?

No worries. Kick back, relax, and enjoy some Tweets.

That is, if you’re physically in a position which allows for back-kicking. Otherwise this could be a disaster involving some sort of fall and a lot of pain and maybe medical bills and arguments in which case the need for relaxation will have only been exacerbated and we won’t have helped at all.

So, I don’t know, consult with a doctor before kicking back I guess, but prepare yourself to enjoy these random tweets from any available posture.

12. Busy busy business woman

“And what is it you do around here?”
“Computers!”

11. A whole new year

Yeah, we’re all REALLY enjoying the marking of this milestone.

10. Zack attack

I know both an “h” guy and a “k” guy and I can confirm this is accurate.

9. Going on and on

I had to check to see if this is true, but it definitely is.

8. Cancel culture

It’s like he didn’t even want to save the whales in the first place.

7. Quality control

This should be a full time job for a lot of people.

6. Follow the path

They’re polite but creative with their vulgarity across the pond.

5. Make pretend

When life imitates art imitating life.

4. Egg-cellent

Good luck with your boring, well-adjusted child.

3. Spinny rainbow and die

I mean if you think about it it’s your fault for expecting a $2,000 machine to keep working for longer than a year.

2. Higher standards

I actually have no earthly idea what I’m doing.

 

I hope you managed to enjoy all of those uninjured, as God intended.

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

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Funny Marriage and Relationship Tweets You Need To Check Out

I know what you’re going through: you just got into another argument with your significant other and you feel like really letting them know how you feel…

But let me give you some advice: just blow it off and laugh about it!

Instead of letting the situation escalate and explode, come visit us as much as you need to and we’ll make you laugh with funny tweets about livin’ that relationship life!

And we have a totally solid collection for you to look at today, friends.

So go lock yourself in a closet somewhere away from your partner and have some laughs!

Hey, you’re welcome…

1. The remote wars continue…

There’s really no escaping it once you’re married.

2. Sounds like a perfect marriage to me.

People, pay attention to this one.

3. What size am I, again?

That’s a little humiliating…

4. How does this whole thing work?

You either are a morning person or you’re not.

5. Hahaha. This is good.

Don’t you think this looks pretty familiar?

6. That sounds awesome!

Yes, dear…Yes, dear…Yes, dear…

7. That was a rude awakening.

I was planning on sleeping in today…

8. That’s true love, right there.

Romance is not dead, people!

9. Your husband and I have a lot in common.

Do you think it’s a little bit warm in here?

10. And around and around it goes.

Isn’t this great?!?!

11. You had a good run.

But he obviously made a fatal error.

Now we’d like to hear from you.

In the comments, tell us how everything is going in your relationship during these crazy times we’re living in.

Please and thank you!

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