Category: true stories

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People Share the Things They Didn’t Know Were “So American” Until They Traveled Outside the U.S.

You ever travel outside of the U.S. and people immediately have you pegged as an American? I personally think most Americans get a pretty bad rap as travelers due to a very select few who are ignorant and obnoxious. But I also think we are not nearly as bad as some other travelers abroad.

Here are 15 things you might not realize make you stand out as “totally American” in countries across the pond.

#15. Ketchup isn’t free.

“At a buffet in Germany, I had to pay for ketchup.”

#14. The size of cars.

“I did an art history course in Italy. What really stood out to me was the size of cars over there. Over here you have a mix of mid sized sedans and pick up trucks/SUV’S, with the occasional compact car (back when I went compact cars here were incredibly scarce). Over there, it seemed like most everyone drove a compact car, with the occasional sports car. I remember counting six pickup trucks in the 10 days I was there (for comparison, I can name more than 6 people I know with a pick up here).”

#13. The whole of Ireland.

“Massively wide roads/lanes. The whole of Ireland made me feel claustrophobic, but when I got back home the roads felt like way too much wasted space.”

#12. Constantly refilled.

“Having your drink constantly refilled ay restaurants. I just wanna drink a ton of water alright?”

#11. Violently American.

“Tailgates. I’ve lived in the states my entire life, but when my Spanish girlfriend came to visit I wasn’t sure what I could show her that really exhibited American culture. There are plenty of American stereotypes you see on TV, but it wasn’t until I took her to a tailgate that I realized how violently American the whole experience is. A huge parking lot full of drunk twenty year olds bouncing on trucks bigger than most European apartments, with half the trucks blaring country, and the other half blasting rap. Solo cups and beer cans all over the place, grills, corn hole, etc. I’ve traveled to quite a few different countries, and I can’t really see a tailgate happening most other places.”

#10. American flavored.

“Ranch flavor Doritos in the Netherlands are called “Cool American” flavor.”

#9. Drive-thrus.

“I’m from northern europe but have visited USA couple of times. Their love for SUV cars and drive-thru is unreal, like there is a dunkin, subway and three kinds of fast food place next to each other and all of them have a drive-thru.

Edit: meant drive-thru, not drive-in.”

#8. A made-up crime.

“Jaywalking. The rest of the world thinks this is a made-up crime you only see in movies with corrupt cops.”

#7. Yes it is.

“I’ve never been abroad. Is that American enough?”

#6. Portion size.

“Portion sizes.

My high school senior trip to London, as a typically ravenous appetite 18 year old, I couldn’t get over how small everything was standard.”

#5. I think you underestimate the size of our avocados.

“Small avocados.

Went to puerto rico. Was like, ‘yo ill have like 6 of those stuffed avocados’. Buddy was like, ‘yo gringo, i think you underestimate the size of our avocados here. Just have one and ill being you more if you want after’.

I had half of one. It was like a football.”

#4. Types of soda.

“Getting to choose from like 50 different types and subtypes of sodas.​

Hearing commercials advocating you to go to the doctor and demand a prescription for whatever fantasy pill is new to the market on the radio like it is no big deal.”

#3. How large grocery stores are.

“how large grocery stores are here. My wife is not american and we lived in China and were in HK all the time… they had large international stores that were great and she didnt really grasp the size of american grocery stores till our first week in the USA and there’s 150 feet of cereals on one aisle”

#2. Being loud.

“The stereotype about us being loud is true. I never thought of myself as being loud until I went abroad and would hang up the phone after speaking in what I thought was appropriate volume to find everyone around me was staring at me, and realized how much more quiet they were lol whoops”

#1. Smiling and being friendly.

“I moved to England from Texas about six years ago. One of the major things that I noticed was that smiling and being friendly towards strangers was considered bizarre. This is a bit true in any metropolitan area, but especially in the UK. In Texas I was used to smiling at people, asking for directions if I needed them, and being friendly towards strangers. I learned very quickly that smiling at someone on the tube, or asking someone for directions on the street immediately makes someone think you’re trying to scam/rob them or you’re crazy.”

Go ahead and travel anyway. People are generally forgiving.

The post People Share the Things They Didn’t Know Were “So American” Until They Traveled Outside the U.S. appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Guy Tweeted His Story of Accidentally Smuggling Drugs and It Should Seriously Be a Movie

Do this mental exercise with me… imagine that your best friend calls you up and randomly invites you on a road trip. You’d say yes, right?

And then you find $40,000 worth of heroin.

I’m not going to give anything else away because ALL of this is edge-of-your-seat reading.

It all started with a random phone call from a friend.

They make the necessary arrangements and away they go!

And, yanno, they buy a van to make the trip more comfortable…

Next, they stopped in Santa Barbara.

It was all going great!

But Shane had an idea: “What if I make some modifications to the van?”

Aside from some strange shit going on with the engine, everything else was going smoothly…

They camped at Mt. Shasta and enjoyed the view.

Eventually, though, the van need some fixing…

And now, the REAL story begins.

They found an entire BRICK of drugs…

And then somebody unexpected shows up…

They thought they were royally screwed…

Luckily nothing happened even though it was a close call.

So what did they do? Well… maybe some of us would do this, but not many…

Now, this is where everything goes wrong.

Yes, the guy who put the brick in the van came calling…

However, Shane managed to outsmart him.

How many of you would have tried this? I wouldn’t have…

So, he quickly got in touch with the guy he sold the van to and started making arrangements.

Shane keeps going with the scam…

To make everything look more genuine, he added a little twist.

The only thing left was to make a fake heroin brick.

And then… it was showtime!

That’s when Shane realized he had gotten involved with the wrong crowd.

No one suspected anything; the plan worked.

Or did it?

They agreed on $5000.

But, this is where sh*t actually got real.

Yep, Shane got caught.

However, there was some room for doubt.

Though he talked his way out of the mess, it was still not over.

Then Shane found himself in yet another situation.

They were the same guys.

And they finally found out…

It was a life and death situation, so Shane escaped when he got the chance.

He continued to play dumb and actually made it out alive.

As it turns out, they were MS-13 gang members.

So, what did you think about Shane’s story? Would you have done the same?

Oh, you wouldn’t have? ME NEITHER!!!!!

Jeezus…

The post A Guy Tweeted His Story of Accidentally Smuggling Drugs and It Should Seriously Be a Movie appeared first on UberFacts.

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20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended

Ending a friendship is always rough, especially if you’re on the receiving end of the “unfriending.”

These 26 Redditors share the good, the bad and the ugly of losing their best friends.

Sometime for very good reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all!

1. Just Jealous

I set a good girl friend up with a close guy friend. Then he started cheating on her, so I told her the truth. When she finally confronted him, his actually replied with:

“Don’t listen to her. She’s just jealous. Just played matchmaker to get closer to me.”

The worst part? She believed him. So did my circle of friends on her side and his side.

I never quite got over that.

2. Drinking doesn’t make it better

I lost my friends when my son died. Instead of being supportive, they harassed me to come out drinking, or go to the bar. Like I had just been through a breakup and needed to go out. No, literally 24 hours ago I buried my baby in the ground.

3. Not like Britney Spears though

She was toxic. Always one-upping me, comparing us and making herself feel better about her appearance, always leaving me for other “best friends” and telling them all of my personal stuff… The list goes on.

4. Moms’ club

She had a baby, and then one day we were having lunch and she told me “You know, I only want to hang out with other moms from now on.” I didn’t quite get the hint, but she ignored all my texts and emails for a few months and I finally realized what she was trying to tell me back there.

5. Ghosted

My best friend ghosted on me. We met in 3rd grade and were thick as thieves until I went to college. While I can recognize I wasn’t the greatest friend always, it was 100% her choice to stop being my friend. I admit- it still hurts nearly a decade later. I never got closure, and I doubt I ever will. I’m not sure she has thought out why or would give me the honest truth if I asked. She should have been my maid of honor, and it makes me really sad when I think of that. I try to remind myself that she caused drama for me- she was really passive aggressive and wouldn’t talk to me when I did something to bother her. She also never opened up to me about anything bothering her in other aspects of her life. I don’t need that back in my life.

But I do miss the great times we had- all the inside jokes, the way we knew what was on each other’s minds- we absolutely killed at the game taboo! – and I have never gotten that close with anyone again. But I did read a really beautiful sentiment recently, which I will try to capture here. The people you have in your life grow and occupy space in the tapestry that makes up your life. When they are gone, it makes a hole where they used to be. The memories and love are still there and may always be there. So don’t look at your tapestry as filled with holes- look at it as your own unique lace pattern. The pattern isn’t over, but it is constantly changing. The pain of loss doesn’t ever really go away, but it does lessen over time.

6. Differences

Ah, my highschool best friend. We weren’t very alike at all. “Anna” was this super bubbly and cheerful feminine girl, and I was a sarcastic pile of nerd in vaguely human form. A kind of geek-tomboy. We actually meshed pretty well, but from the get go, she was the kind of person who’d turn up to parties on the wrong day because she’d get mixed up. Her parents didn’t like me much, because I was into heathen stuff like Lord of the Rings.

Anna couldn’t form an opinion if it wasn’t exactly the same as her Dads. I remember in 2006, she argued vehemently that there was no future in I.T. because her Dad said it was a waste of time. Facts didn’t matter if her Dad didn’t like them. We stayed close until after school ended, and since our birthdays were only a week apart, we always had a combined party.

Three weeks before my eighteenth, I got tickets to a convention. I called her that day to let her know that we’d have to do separate parties. I asked if she wanted to come to the con with me. She said no, not her thing. Cool.

Literally the day my group is going, she calls to ask when she can expect us around to her place for the party and ice skating. I remind her that we’re going to the con. She loses it at me. Gets real nasty over the phone and hangs up. Calls everyone else to try to convince them to ditch the con and come to hers. They all say no. She calls my parents and tries to get them to stop me from going and tells them I’m on drugs…yeah no. Went, but the whole thing was soured by her reaction.

I don’t think she ever spoke to me again herself, but I’d often meet people in my social circles who’d treat me like trash “because of what you did to Anna.” Took ages for people to stop thinking I was a complete and utter jerk. Maybe they just grew up.

7. Ouch

Let him move in because of issues at his home. Started missing money and found used syringes IN MY SHOES.

8. I’m sorry – cat abuse?

His drug using girlfriend who was on probation stole $300 from me and abused my cat. My former friend refused to believe she could do such a thing and got pissed off at me about it. We’d been friends for 20+ years.

9. Anger Management

She flipped and went super saiyan because I had the audacity to make plans with another friend, and invite her. Instead of making plans with her first then inviting my other friend. She then pinned me to a chair and started screaming in my face. Thats the day I fired my maid of honour, and booted her from my life. She then smashed my car window that night.

10. Du-ally noted

I fired him. Not as my friend – I employed him to help him out, and ended up needing to let him go. He wants nothing to do with me now.

Don’t work with friends.

11. Flake

Long story short: I love the guy, I wish we saw each other more often, but he’s the flakiest, most unreliable person I know. He treats everyone like they’re barely worth his time. Make plans with the guy and it’s a coin toss whether he’ll even show up. I’ve known him for 10 years and it’s only gotten worse, but I learned long ago that it’s a waste of time to chase him.

12. Duh

Got invited to his wedding, all night long I heard about how awesome the Bachelor’s party had been and asked why I hadn’t come along – because I wasn’t invited or told about it.

13. Buh bye

We grew apart. I needed emotional support during a very tough time and she wasn’t interested in helping, so I ended it.

14. Bridges

You know what they say about how you don’t always burn your bridges, but rather let them fall apart due to structural decay? That’s pretty much it.

15. Booty call

Because she calls me on the phone every few months when she’s alone and has had a few beers. that’s pretty much eliminated the need for other conversation. I messaged her a story about an interesting and relevant event in my life today and she ignored it.

16. Then she doesn’t

“I feel she doesn’t want to talk to me… what would happen if I stop initiating conversations?”

Many months later, haven’t heard a single word from her.

17. When I needed her most

My best friend from high school fell off the face of the earth when I needed her most, I had a precancerous tumor and had to have surgery. I was terrified and she wasn’t there for me. It didn’t make any sense.

Almost a year after we stopped speaking, a mutual friend informed me that her father had just lost his battle to cancer (I had no idea he had it). She wasn’t there for me because she had to be there for her father, and I then understood that she probably couldn’t emotionally handle both situations at the same time. It was then when I decided I would take a chance and attend the wake.

I was so nervous when I got there because I hadn’t seen her in over a year, but when I walked in and she saw me, she immediately burst into tears and gave me the biggest hug. To this day, that moment was one of the best I ever experienced. I got my friend back. A year and a half after that, I was the maid of honor at her wedding.

I know not every situation turns out as well as mine, and I’m sure there are people who bail because they simply don’t care, but in my case all it took was a bold effort by me and it worked out in the end.

18. Needy

She’d only really message me if she wanted something.

If she was down I’d try my best but if I was upset it was ‘oh I’m really not in the right place right now, talk later’ which is fair enough but I always tried to help her.

She’d also message me screenshots of the argument with her boyfriend, they’re a bad couple and my advice is always either ‘dump him’ or ‘talk it out’ which is never what she wants to hear but what am I supposed to do about it? I guess she just wants validation she’s right to be annoyed but she can be really unreasonable sometimes.

Oh and then she asks for money under some bogus pretence and then buys weed. I know I shouldn’t fall for it and I’ve stopped now but y’know.

19. Shaming

My high school best friend got into college around six months before me (it happens in my country). She then stopped talking to me altogether. When I finally got into college, she decided it was too shameful to hangout with someone who was six months behind her. She’d still talk and go out with other friends from HS, but I was completely ignored by her.

20. Snip snip

He cut me out of his life.

He was my best friend for 15+ years. We had grown a bit apart due to different lifestyle choices, but we always spoke at least once a week and found time to spend with each other.

He was constantly talking about feeling stuck in our home town and wanting to explore the world, but worried about paying for it. About two years ago I helped him get a job with my company. It was not a very exciting job, but it paid twice as much as he was making before, so I figured it would help him save up for traveling.

About six months into the job, we were working together and got into an argument. We had fought a few times in our friendship and this did not seem any different than other times; I was over it by the time I went home.

He missed the next 2-3 days of work, then emailed our manager saying he quit. He removed me from all of his friends lists, and will not respond to phone calls, text messages, or emails. I admit I am not the easiest person to get along with at times, but after a 15 year relationship I would have liked to at least said a proper goodbye.

It has been 18 months since he’s talked to me. He was my guy and now most days I feel alone.

21. Blocked

Her boyfriend didn’t like her hanging out with other guys, made her block me and all of her other male friends on social media. No idea if they’re still together, but she hasn’t contacted me at all since so.

22. Religion changes you

I left the mormon church. I lost many friends the moment they found out I left. I even lost a ‘christian’ friend because at least as a mormon I believed in the bible – now he doesn’t know who I am or what I believe anymore.

I have new friends now, but most of my mormon friends treat me like I’m dead.

23. Nowhere to go from here

When I realized the only thing we had in common was the past. That sucked.

24. ‘I forgot’

She was maid of honor in my wedding. After, I would try to make plans with her for lunch or whatever, and she always cancelled the day of. Never gave a reason just “oh I forgot I can’t, some other time”. I realized I was the only one putting in any effort so I just stopped trying to do things with her. I figured if she wanted to do something she’d get ahold of me.

I got married in July of this year, haven’t heard from her since.

25. It’s me not you

It’s the same reason I don’t speak to most people from my past. I’m got mental issues. So if I don’t see someone for a while then seeing them is very hard for me because I hate myself seeing someone who I knew in the past.

26. Karma

Walked in on him moments after he was finished having sex with my (now ex) girlfriend in my room

Karma was nice though: he blew out his knee and can no longer play his sport professionally, I lost a lot of weight, and she found most of it.

The post 20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended appeared first on UberFacts.

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20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended

Ending a friendship is always rough, especially if you’re on the receiving end of the “unfriending.”

These 26 Redditors share the good, the bad and the ugly of losing their best friends.

Sometime for very good reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all!

1. Just Jealous

I set a good girl friend up with a close guy friend. Then he started cheating on her, so I told her the truth. When she finally confronted him, his actually replied with:

“Don’t listen to her. She’s just jealous. Just played matchmaker to get closer to me.”

The worst part? She believed him. So did my circle of friends on her side and his side.

I never quite got over that.

2. Drinking doesn’t make it better

I lost my friends when my son died. Instead of being supportive, they harassed me to come out drinking, or go to the bar. Like I had just been through a breakup and needed to go out. No, literally 24 hours ago I buried my baby in the ground.

3. Not like Britney Spears though

She was toxic. Always one-upping me, comparing us and making herself feel better about her appearance, always leaving me for other “best friends” and telling them all of my personal stuff… The list goes on.

4. Moms’ club

She had a baby, and then one day we were having lunch and she told me “You know, I only want to hang out with other moms from now on.” I didn’t quite get the hint, but she ignored all my texts and emails for a few months and I finally realized what she was trying to tell me back there.

5. Ghosted

My best friend ghosted on me. We met in 3rd grade and were thick as thieves until I went to college. While I can recognize I wasn’t the greatest friend always, it was 100% her choice to stop being my friend. I admit- it still hurts nearly a decade later. I never got closure, and I doubt I ever will. I’m not sure she has thought out why or would give me the honest truth if I asked. She should have been my maid of honor, and it makes me really sad when I think of that. I try to remind myself that she caused drama for me- she was really passive aggressive and wouldn’t talk to me when I did something to bother her. She also never opened up to me about anything bothering her in other aspects of her life. I don’t need that back in my life.

But I do miss the great times we had- all the inside jokes, the way we knew what was on each other’s minds- we absolutely killed at the game taboo! – and I have never gotten that close with anyone again. But I did read a really beautiful sentiment recently, which I will try to capture here. The people you have in your life grow and occupy space in the tapestry that makes up your life. When they are gone, it makes a hole where they used to be. The memories and love are still there and may always be there. So don’t look at your tapestry as filled with holes- look at it as your own unique lace pattern. The pattern isn’t over, but it is constantly changing. The pain of loss doesn’t ever really go away, but it does lessen over time.

6. Differences

Ah, my highschool best friend. We weren’t very alike at all. “Anna” was this super bubbly and cheerful feminine girl, and I was a sarcastic pile of nerd in vaguely human form. A kind of geek-tomboy. We actually meshed pretty well, but from the get go, she was the kind of person who’d turn up to parties on the wrong day because she’d get mixed up. Her parents didn’t like me much, because I was into heathen stuff like Lord of the Rings.

Anna couldn’t form an opinion if it wasn’t exactly the same as her Dads. I remember in 2006, she argued vehemently that there was no future in I.T. because her Dad said it was a waste of time. Facts didn’t matter if her Dad didn’t like them. We stayed close until after school ended, and since our birthdays were only a week apart, we always had a combined party.

Three weeks before my eighteenth, I got tickets to a convention. I called her that day to let her know that we’d have to do separate parties. I asked if she wanted to come to the con with me. She said no, not her thing. Cool.

Literally the day my group is going, she calls to ask when she can expect us around to her place for the party and ice skating. I remind her that we’re going to the con. She loses it at me. Gets real nasty over the phone and hangs up. Calls everyone else to try to convince them to ditch the con and come to hers. They all say no. She calls my parents and tries to get them to stop me from going and tells them I’m on drugs…yeah no. Went, but the whole thing was soured by her reaction.

I don’t think she ever spoke to me again herself, but I’d often meet people in my social circles who’d treat me like trash “because of what you did to Anna.” Took ages for people to stop thinking I was a complete and utter jerk. Maybe they just grew up.

7. Ouch

Let him move in because of issues at his home. Started missing money and found used syringes IN MY SHOES.

8. I’m sorry – cat abuse?

His drug using girlfriend who was on probation stole $300 from me and abused my cat. My former friend refused to believe she could do such a thing and got pissed off at me about it. We’d been friends for 20+ years.

9. Anger Management

She flipped and went super saiyan because I had the audacity to make plans with another friend, and invite her. Instead of making plans with her first then inviting my other friend. She then pinned me to a chair and started screaming in my face. Thats the day I fired my maid of honour, and booted her from my life. She then smashed my car window that night.

10. Du-ally noted

I fired him. Not as my friend – I employed him to help him out, and ended up needing to let him go. He wants nothing to do with me now.

Don’t work with friends.

11. Flake

Long story short: I love the guy, I wish we saw each other more often, but he’s the flakiest, most unreliable person I know. He treats everyone like they’re barely worth his time. Make plans with the guy and it’s a coin toss whether he’ll even show up. I’ve known him for 10 years and it’s only gotten worse, but I learned long ago that it’s a waste of time to chase him.

12. Duh

Got invited to his wedding, all night long I heard about how awesome the Bachelor’s party had been and asked why I hadn’t come along – because I wasn’t invited or told about it.

13. Buh bye

We grew apart. I needed emotional support during a very tough time and she wasn’t interested in helping, so I ended it.

14. Bridges

You know what they say about how you don’t always burn your bridges, but rather let them fall apart due to structural decay? That’s pretty much it.

15. Booty call

Because she calls me on the phone every few months when she’s alone and has had a few beers. that’s pretty much eliminated the need for other conversation. I messaged her a story about an interesting and relevant event in my life today and she ignored it.

16. Then she doesn’t

“I feel she doesn’t want to talk to me… what would happen if I stop initiating conversations?”

Many months later, haven’t heard a single word from her.

17. When I needed her most

My best friend from high school fell off the face of the earth when I needed her most, I had a precancerous tumor and had to have surgery. I was terrified and she wasn’t there for me. It didn’t make any sense.

Almost a year after we stopped speaking, a mutual friend informed me that her father had just lost his battle to cancer (I had no idea he had it). She wasn’t there for me because she had to be there for her father, and I then understood that she probably couldn’t emotionally handle both situations at the same time. It was then when I decided I would take a chance and attend the wake.

I was so nervous when I got there because I hadn’t seen her in over a year, but when I walked in and she saw me, she immediately burst into tears and gave me the biggest hug. To this day, that moment was one of the best I ever experienced. I got my friend back. A year and a half after that, I was the maid of honor at her wedding.

I know not every situation turns out as well as mine, and I’m sure there are people who bail because they simply don’t care, but in my case all it took was a bold effort by me and it worked out in the end.

18. Needy

She’d only really message me if she wanted something.

If she was down I’d try my best but if I was upset it was ‘oh I’m really not in the right place right now, talk later’ which is fair enough but I always tried to help her.

She’d also message me screenshots of the argument with her boyfriend, they’re a bad couple and my advice is always either ‘dump him’ or ‘talk it out’ which is never what she wants to hear but what am I supposed to do about it? I guess she just wants validation she’s right to be annoyed but she can be really unreasonable sometimes.

Oh and then she asks for money under some bogus pretence and then buys weed. I know I shouldn’t fall for it and I’ve stopped now but y’know.

19. Shaming

My high school best friend got into college around six months before me (it happens in my country). She then stopped talking to me altogether. When I finally got into college, she decided it was too shameful to hangout with someone who was six months behind her. She’d still talk and go out with other friends from HS, but I was completely ignored by her.

20. Snip snip

He cut me out of his life.

He was my best friend for 15+ years. We had grown a bit apart due to different lifestyle choices, but we always spoke at least once a week and found time to spend with each other.

He was constantly talking about feeling stuck in our home town and wanting to explore the world, but worried about paying for it. About two years ago I helped him get a job with my company. It was not a very exciting job, but it paid twice as much as he was making before, so I figured it would help him save up for traveling.

About six months into the job, we were working together and got into an argument. We had fought a few times in our friendship and this did not seem any different than other times; I was over it by the time I went home.

He missed the next 2-3 days of work, then emailed our manager saying he quit. He removed me from all of his friends lists, and will not respond to phone calls, text messages, or emails. I admit I am not the easiest person to get along with at times, but after a 15 year relationship I would have liked to at least said a proper goodbye.

It has been 18 months since he’s talked to me. He was my guy and now most days I feel alone.

21. Blocked

Her boyfriend didn’t like her hanging out with other guys, made her block me and all of her other male friends on social media. No idea if they’re still together, but she hasn’t contacted me at all since so.

22. Religion changes you

I left the mormon church. I lost many friends the moment they found out I left. I even lost a ‘christian’ friend because at least as a mormon I believed in the bible – now he doesn’t know who I am or what I believe anymore.

I have new friends now, but most of my mormon friends treat me like I’m dead.

23. Nowhere to go from here

When I realized the only thing we had in common was the past. That sucked.

24. ‘I forgot’

She was maid of honor in my wedding. After, I would try to make plans with her for lunch or whatever, and she always cancelled the day of. Never gave a reason just “oh I forgot I can’t, some other time”. I realized I was the only one putting in any effort so I just stopped trying to do things with her. I figured if she wanted to do something she’d get ahold of me.

I got married in July of this year, haven’t heard from her since.

25. It’s me not you

It’s the same reason I don’t speak to most people from my past. I’m got mental issues. So if I don’t see someone for a while then seeing them is very hard for me because I hate myself seeing someone who I knew in the past.

26. Karma

Walked in on him moments after he was finished having sex with my (now ex) girlfriend in my room

Karma was nice though: he blew out his knee and can no longer play his sport professionally, I lost a lot of weight, and she found most of it.

The post 20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended appeared first on UberFacts.

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15 Older People Confess What They like About Millennials and It’ll Warm Your Cold Heart

You can’t turn around these days without seeing Baby Boomers insulting millennials for literally every little thing they do. But while this is definitely a popular narrative that a lot of places have tried to push, the fact is that there are plenty of elderly people who sympathize with the problem young people today are facing.

Heck, a lot of them even admire the way millennials are handling things, as this Reddit thread will show you.

1. Smashing gender divides

I’m 62, and I’m impressed that boys and girls in junior high and high school actually are friends with each other. I even saw the kids playing a quick pickup game of touch football – boys and girls – at the middle school while waiting for the bus to come over from the elementary school. Never would have happened in my generation.

2. Fun music

My kids laugh because I like rap as much as they do.

They do get tired of me telling them the original sampled sources and musical roots.

3. Video games are awesome now

61 years old here, and I love my video games as much as younger people.

4. No worries

The phrase “No Worries” after you apologize for a delay holding someone up. Has a much warmer feel than any other equivalent.

5. Hilarious slang terms

Yeet. I don’t know what it is, but that word just makes me laugh. I’ll be 48 this year, and hopefully still have many years before I yeet the f**k off this mortal coil.

6. Changing priorities

Putting more of a priority on personal life and goals than on “career”. The realization that devotion to employer is a dead-end is one that not so many of my fellow Gen-Xers have cottoned to.

7. Memes!

I’m 48 and I love memes. I’m facebook friends with many of my college students and I’m sometimes in tears laughing over the memes they post. I love the levels of cultural knowledge required to “get” them. Even at 48, I still feel rebelliously like I’m getting something that my parents don’t get.

8. Kindness rules

How kind and understanding they are to kids who are different.

My first grader just went to a party for a kid with Downs this last weekend. He invited his whole class and at least 2/3 of them showed up to celebrate with him. Warmed my heart.

9. Adopt don’t shop

They adopt pets rather than buying the designer ones.

10. Keepin’ it casual

Casual dress codes!

Some of the managers are younger than me now and they do not care what anyone wears to work.

Die, high heels!

11. Tolerance

You guys are tolerant as hell. I work in a school and kids can wear nerdy shit and not wonder who they’re gonna have to fight first.

Back in the 90’s I smuggled my Star Wars books into the cafeteria like I was carrying enigma machine codes.

12. Advanced technology

I am amazed that you all can play game consoles with what seems like twenty different god damned buttons on the controller. And use them all almost simultaneously!

13. More living

I like that they are less into stuff and more into experiences.

14. Acceptance

I was a teen when “gay” was still an insult.

Kids these days are so friggen cool.

15. Dabbing

Dabbing. I dab the f**k out of my wife and kids. I open my arms and walk to them like I’m going to hug them, then I dab away.

The post 15 Older People Confess What They like About Millennials and It’ll Warm Your Cold Heart appeared first on UberFacts.

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20+ Class Clowns Who Successfully Took on “The Man”

Every school has at least one: the class clown, the cutup, the jokester. The guy or gal who has an uncanny ability to say the exact right thing at the exact right time to make everyone burst out laughing.

These stories from AskReddit users will make you laugh and fondly remember your own class clown. Or perhaps it was you!

1. A whole garbage bag?

A dude in my math class brought in a garbage bag full of donuts once. Like, 20 minutes after the class started he just breezes in with this magical bag of pastries.

2. Legends of Clowns Past

Not in my time, but legends in my school:

We had a weird old building that was added to a half dozen times. Outside of the third floor windows there’s a narrow ledge of the 2nd floor roof a couple of feet down, but you can’t really see it unless you stick your head out and look straight down.

One day the class had a sub. Since it was May the school windows were wide open (no screens either since these were ancient windows and school isn’t in session during summer bug season.) In the middle of class, a student gets up, yells that he’s “sick of life”, and jumps out of the window… (The student then walked over to a window in the adjoining hall and climbed back inside)

Another time during typing the students knew the typewriters were getting replaced at the end of the year. So when they had a sub with a couple of days left in the semester, a student just randomly stood up and say’s he’s sick of typing and throws the typewriter out the window.

And finally there was a teacher that without exception would come in five minutes late, then would stomp on the papers in the wastebasket. One day the students quickly emptied it, ran down to the restroom and filled it with water, and then floated some crumpled papers on top.

During my time four of my classmates including the class clown “borrow” a car from a friend of one of their mothers, then head to Reno over MEA weekend (a four day weekend for a teachers convention in my state). they get as far as western Wyoming before being pulled over for speeding. The friend didn’t press charges but they spent the weekend in jail until the parent of one of them could fly out there and get them. If this sounds mild, consider this was a private, conservative school. The school suspends them for a day and then they’re back in class on Tuesday.

3. I like this one

Jumped out of a 3rd floor window to go get a better view of a fight happening in the parking lot. This was the end of June so everyone was getting a little insane by that point. He was always nuts though. Now he’s a father with like 3 or 4 children, unreal.

4. Okay…

Hid live chickens in lockers.

5. Public execution

He got expelled for holding a public hanging of a teddy bear in the 1st grade classroom. He even brought rope for the noose. The 1st grade was not amused.

6. Good on so many levels

He recited the “friends, Romans, countrymen” monologue for class but dressed up in a suit and delivered it like a southern Baptist preacher. The funniest part was that he was Jewish

7. …Ouch

Came to school during​ school spirit week( a week where we had a more relaxed dress code if it had to do with school spirit) wearing nothing but boxers and duct tape in the schools colors.

8. In hiding

Hid inside a cabinet and made random noises when the teacher was teaching and the teacher was getting mad thinking it was this other kid and was about to write him a referral and wouldn’t believe him when he said it wasn’t him and it some kid in the cabinet.

9. Just like Jeff Spicoli

Pretty sure it’s not the wildest thing he did, but the best thing he did was ask to be dismissed in the middle of class, then came back 10 mins later with a full pizza meal combo (including an order of garlic bread bites for me). He then proceeded to turn to the unbemused teacher and stated “I found this in the bathroom”.

10. Bang!

He duct taped a condom over the assistant commandant’s exhaust pipe. He started driving away, it inflated to the size of a beach ball and sounded like a shotgun when it finally popped.

11. Now that’s commitment

Crapped their pants on purpose when the teacher wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom until break time.

12. Savage

A kid was bragging to the teacher that he had a girlfriend (this conversation was in front of a class of 30). He was talking tough like he was the greatest player in the world. Calling himself a true master of the ladies.
The teacher asked him “where did you guys meet?”
Then out of nowhere, the class clown shouts: “page four of male escorts on Craigslist.”
Still the most savage remark I’ve ever heard. Kids were falling out of their chairs from laughter. The kid looked like his soul was ripped out.

13. Foghorn

Our class clown had the two wonderful abilities of being able to play the baritone sax and circular breathe. School talent show. He enters. What does he do? Blows a super long low A note for ten minutes straight without stopping. Like one, long low, note. Like a foghorn. And he made everyone sit there, while he blew this long, loud shaking note. That was a fun talent show.

14. Stuck

Superglued his head to the desk

15. Teach

Our class clown wasn’t a student, rather the teacher.

Our teacher for units 3&4 Physics (VCE in Victoria, Australia) was a well known larrikin. Found every excuse he could to teach us with experiments involving liquid nitrogen, sodium, and other such dangerous things. The school had actually banned him from using potassium in this “experiments” because he had set a room on fire by accident. All the danger aside, he was the most engaging teacher I have ever had and I learnt so much from him.

Towards the end of my graduating year, my whole class (about 10 people) were all 18 years old, and so we would go to the local pub for lunch every Friday for a counter meal and a drink. We happened to have a double period of Physics after lunch and accidentally stayed past the start of class. Fifteen minutes into the period, and the most responsible girl in our class gets a call from our teacher.
“Were are you guys? Class started 15 minutes ago”
“Sorry, teachers name, we went to the pub for lunch and lost track of time”
“Are you all there? Do any of you have a text book?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Give me five minutes”

Sure enough, 5 minutes later, He turns up and proceeds to run us through our lesson, in the pub, with the caveat that it was not to happen again. As far as I know, He somehow retroactively passed it off as some sort of last minute excursion and because we were all legally adults, we didn’t need to get our parents permission.
Truly a madman.

16. CHAOS

As a senior prank, he left a morning class to “use the bathroom”; instead, he went out to the parking lot where his older brother (who had already graduated) was parked with a moving van. They re-entered, bringing with them several cages containing at least 30 live squirrels, which they proceeded to set loose all over inside the school, as well as HUNDREDS of golf balls. When the bell rang and that period ended, it was fucking CHAOS in the hallways.

17. A good one to end with

I was a student teacher in a middle school and had to monitor a study hall during the last period of the day. The kids sat at tables in the lunch room, so the place was pretty disgusting and most of the students were antsy because they just wanted to go home. One day a group of 6 guys all had their hands up so I went over to see what they wanted.

They told me there was something wrong with Brian — the class clown. I asked him if he was all right, but he just sat staring into space. I asked him again, and he opened his mouth but instead of answering, ten flies came out and wandered all over his face. He had pulled their wings off and then put them in his mouth.

18. Quiet time

High school chemistry. the troublemaker kid has been assigned the only seat by the window.

Chemistry teacher is going on and writing on the black board when the kid opens the window, makes a snowball, and zings it right past her head to hit the black board a few inches from her. She turns around and says “who threw that? who did it? I’m not teaching anymore until someone fesses up”

The window was still open, and he was the only person seated anywhere near it.
We had quiet time the rest of the day.

19. Disgusting AF

After class, he went to the bathroom and took a huge dump into his beanie.

Afterwards, he hung up the beanie in the wardrobe in front of the classroom, so the turd could hang there all night.

The next day, nobody wasn’t allowed to enter the building, due to an ‘unexplainable’ smell. The principle walked around the building to find the source of the smell. He came closer to the beanie, smelled on it, took it of and looked inside of it – he went home for the rest of the day afterwards.

20. “What a legend”

Dude went streaking from the far east side of the school, past the office, through the cafeteria, out the west doors.

He had a toque over his junk at first but that fell off at some point.
He came out the west doors with his junk in his hand screaming “I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT THIS FAR!!”, jumped into his friend’s getaway jeep and rode off.

Fucking beautiful. What a legend, man.
Teachers used to just walk away when he started acting up, I can vividly recall each teachers “I am not dealing with this shit today” expression every time they interacted with him. 🙂
I miss him

21. Never heard this one before

I knew a guy who brought a prostitute to prom. It was pretty damn funny when I heard about it, but he was a couple years older.

22. That’s horrifying

Drank some milk, turned his eyelids inside out, squirted milk out of his tear ducts.

Still to this day the most disturbing thing I have ever seen in person.

23. TP

In high school our class clown wrapped the principles car completely in toliet paper.

24. Flock of seagulls

Our class was on the ground floor and the window faced our soccer field, and on that rainy day we saw a huge flock of seagulls just hanging out on the grass.
My friend raises her hand and asks to go to the washroom.

About a minute later, she’s outside running through the flock of seagulls waving her hands and yelling.

She came back inside a little winded and damp from the rain. We had a hard time not falling on the floor laughing.

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20+ People Reveal the Moment That Changed Their Whole Perspective On Life

One of my favorite shows on Netflix, Big Mouth, has a moment where all the characters sing a song called, “Life is a F***ed Up Mess,”and I definitely believe it.

That said, sometimes there are just experiences that we have to go through in order to learn and grow as a person. Whether it be from travel, heartbreak, or a number of other incidents, here are some examples of people whose perspectives on life were totally changed thanks to a single experience.

1. Bucket List

After my dad died in 2014 of Huntington’s Disease, a fatal genetic disorder, I decided to get tested in late 2015. I am gene positive. Meaning, I will develop the disease at some point later in life, but am not currently showing symptoms. Although I’m only 26, I’ve begun working towards my bucket list and only 2 months ago, crossed off my #1 wish of visiting Germany. It was two weeks of everything I could have asked for. I have a relatively successful career, which I enjoy and am thankful for, which allows me to check off these items from my bucket list.

Knowing that my life expectancy is maybe 40 at best, based on my CAG repeats, it’s given me the chance, or maybe the reminder, to live my only life as well as I can.

2. Hard Times

Getting injured, having multiple surgeries, and having to quit my teaching job and go on long-term disability. Being on disability really sucked, and I have more compassion for people who are permanently disabled. I also understand homelessness better. I’d probably be homeless myself if I didn’t have parents who could help with some of the medical bills.

3. Simple Pleasures

Getting high at a music festival. My buddy and I got hungry so we got chicken strips. We sat down on the dirty ground and enjoyed our chicken strips amongst other festival goers. I realized how nothing is more important than being somewhere you love with people you love. No fancy restaurant, no expensive food, no flashy jewelry… just my bud and I having a blast. Will never forget that.

4. Moving On

I’m in my early 20s, and got dumped by my first serious girlfriend a few months ago. I really liked her and she was pretty into me, but I was constantly trying to please her and was letting her walk all over me because that’s what I believed women wanted. I never stood up for myself when she would flake/take hours to text and I think she lost respect for me because of that. Her excuse was that “she wasn’t ready” but I know I was at least partially to blame…

Instead of sulking and begging, I took the breakup as motivation to hit the gym, meet new people, read books, further my career, work on social skills, etc so that at least if she doesn’t want to give it a second try, then a better girl will take her place. I’m so much happier now because of it.

5. Still Here

Drug/alcohol addiction, followed by recovery.

I just shouldn’t even be alive. I told a psychologist I expected to be dead by 25. But I’m 25, not dead, sober for several years, and somehow getting a Ph.D. I literally had no idea how to stop drinking; I wanted to, but couldn’t. Somehow it happened, though. And now when I get super stressed at school, or when people bug me, I just remember the fact that I shouldn’t even be alive. All of my problems immediately become laughable and absurd when I do that.

So I’d say I learned not to take things so serious, because at the end of the day, I’m still just right here.

6. High On Life (And Drugs)

I’ve never had any truly religious or deep meaningful experience in my entire life. Sure I’ve had fun. But I’ve never really got a deep life altering, paradigm shattering experience in my entire life. Everything was just humdrum until I started experimenting with psychedelic drugs.

I was a vocal atheist and thought everybody who believed in anything like that was totally stupid. Not saying I am religious now because I’m not, but I was such a closed minded person about stuff like that.

Psychedelics showed me the potential for love. Both for myself and others. It opened me up to seeing how consciousness and existence is so much more than I ever thought it was and it showed me how to see the world a lot differently than I currently was. Also showed me just how insanely beautiful and wonderful everything truly is.

I lose sight of it all the time, but deep down those experiences are still with me.

7. Rags to Riches to Rags

So after a family member died I inherited almost $78,000,000. My family and friends attitudes changed completely after hearing the news. People I didn’t even know of started contacting me, almost everyone I knew asked me for money, the number of ‘friends’ I had doubled. About a week later, the lawyer that handled the last will contacted me saying there was a closer relative that they had missed. I went back to being normal and found out who my real friends and family were.

8. Take the Time

One of my best friends passed away unexpectedly last August. I didn’t keep up with messaging him every once and a while and slowly grew apart. He messaged me a week before he died simply saying “I miss you.” I forgot about replying like some people do and I got a call the following week from another friend saying he died. I was devastated because I had no idea he was ill. Later that day I was looking at my inbox and noticed his message and it floored me. I still beat myself up over it because all I had to say is “I miss you too we should catch up.” But I didn’t and he’s gone. It was a harsh lesson but it changed me, and no matter what I take the time to reply to any message I get from someone I care about.

9. Hugs Work

Up until I was a teenager, I didn’t like my sister much. She didn’t like me either. Then, one day, I read that hugging someone makes your brain release chemicals that make you trust that person more. I didn’t buy it, so I jokingly told my sister that it means we have to start hugging our enemies to give them a false sense of security, and stuff like that. Then we jokingly hugged and we continued to hug every day for a while.

And you know what? It’s weird, but it actually worked! She’s my best friend now.

10. Eat More Salad

I had been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for about a month straight. I was in college. These things happen. Anyway, I had a little bit of cash put together, so a buddy and I went to TGIFriday’s. The waiter came, and as I was ordering my food, for some reason, inexplicably, I had to have a salad. My friend looked at me like I had grown a second head. He demanded explanations. There were none.

So I ate the salad. Literal chills started racing up and down my spine. It was like a religious experience.

So, I told my friend to order a salad. He was understandably concerned at this point. Why was this important all of a sudden? What’s the deal with the salad? I said, “Order. A. Salad.”

We still talk about it sometimes. That was 15 years ago.

Uh… so, the moral of the story is don’t eat so many sweets and vegetables are a required part of your diet.

11. Count Your Blessings

I traveled a lot early in my career. I spent a lot of time in quite a few poor countries.

I went to Haiti 6 times in my life to work. The poverty and corruption was like nothing I had ever seen before or really since. People would beg and beg for the scrap lumber from our shipping crates to build their houses. When they built a house, it was about the size of the walk-in closet in the first home my wife and I bought.

Ever since then, I have never complained. I have a nice house. Nothing extravagant, but it is a nice house. I have money to put food on the table. I have multiple grocery stores within a 10 minute drive from me and I can buy anything I want to eat. I have a job that pays well and I enjoy working at.

I don’t let the inconveniences of life bring me down. If I feel sorry for myself about something, I remember the really poor people I have come across in my travels (as opposed to what I call American poor) and I am instantly thankful for what I have.

12. Gone Too Soon

A few years ago I lost a long time friend of mine in a car accident. He fell asleep at the wheel on the interstate and crossed over into oncoming traffic, hitting a semi. We had known each other since we were 5 and went through grade school, middle school and high school together. He was 25 when he passed. I knew he had struggled with depression for a long time, but at the time of his passing he was actually in a really good place in his life. He was doing what he loved and had been dating a girl for a few years. He was happy!

So it really made me think if I were to suddenly be gone tomorrow, am I happy with where I’m at? I wasn’t, and I started to make a lot of life changes after that. I had been overweight for a long time and started working on my health and I’ve lost around 85 lbs since then. I got into a career I love and enjoy doing everyday. I stopped stressing about stupid things too. It’s not worth it. I tell my family and friends I love them a lot more frequently than I used to. And I always, always, ALWAYS make sure I get enough sleep before I have a long drive to make.

13. No Apologies

A random stranger in passing. When I was about 16, I accidentally stepped into an elderly woman’s way while walking down a narrow walkway. We did the awkward dance trying to pass one another, as we passed each other I turned and said “I’m sorry!” to her.

She turned back to me and with a stern, but oddly charming, tone says “Don’t you ever apologize for your existence. Just say excuse me and be on your way.”

At first I took what she said as her being rude. Then I walked away and let it sink in for a bit and since then it’s stuck. I always say excuse me now if I’m in someone’s way.

14. Enjoy Life

Gaining a friend and talking to said friend. Up to that point in my life I had lived on the internet and became something of a space exploration fanatic dead-set on pushing humanity into the cosmos. My plan in life was to work as hard as I could toward that goal, without any room for anything else.

Until I met my friend. She was much more normal than me (normalcy was something I disdained at the time), but not any less dedicated academically. She wanted to excel in life, but also enjoy it. It was the latter part that I had been missing.

15. Expand Your Horizons

To me it was definitely travelling.

And, not to sound like that guy, but by traveling I don’t mean two days in a hotel by the beach in some third world country, I’m talking several years in total immersion. Worked there, slept there, ate, met people, got drunk, got mad, fell in love, got heartbroken, split up, fell in love again, made money, lost at least as much, learned how to greet locals the proper way, and why how I’d do it in my country isn’t okay here, the whole thing.

16. Full Circle

For me it was a small comic, it had a picture of a girl at various ages of her life.

Age 6:”I love mommy”

Age 16:”I hate my mom!”

Age 30:”Mom was always right…”

Age 45:”I wish mom was here”

It really hit home and made me change for the better. I started helping my mom around the house and built an amazing relationship with her till now.

17. Power of Empathy

An anthropology course I took in University. The professor told us that when we look at different cultures we have to “make the strange familiar, and the familiar strange”.

So basically you need to look at cultures outside of your own and try to see them with empathy. Really try to look at it as if it was your own culture, that it was normal, or something you grew up with. And to do the opposite with your own culture.

Taught me a lot about looking at my own culture with a critical eye, and looking at other cultures with empathy.

18. Lesson Learned

I was dating a girl for 2 years and was so damn certain she was the one. She was passionate, confident, and could light up a room when she entered. At the same time, we were very different in that regard and I struggled to stay balanced in something that I wanted so badly to work.

Anxiety and a lack of motivation were a serious pattern for me. She pushed me, tried to say that it was important to her that I got a grip on things but I just couldn’t come to terms with it. In the end one day while driving back to her place she told me she couldn’t do it anymore and that she felt I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I needed to learn to believe in yourself or I would always leave people staring at a wall of nerves.

The experience hit me like a bombshell and for a long time I felt like I wasn’t going to make it through. I just wanted to do anything to stop feeling defeated. One day while sitting there and thinking I realized that I let my fears rob me of someone I deeply cared about. It had to stop and I needed to get help.

I reached out to my folks, explained to them what I was going through and got help. After spending some time planning what I wanted out of life I began committing everyday to building back to a place where I could be proud of what I was doing. I never forgot what she said to me, and while it hurt a great deal it made me realize that I was defeating myself out of enjoying life.

Last year I saw her for the first time in 5 years. She was engaged, had moved to a new city and was happy as ever. I thanked her for helping me to realize what I was doing to myself and wished her the very best.

Every time I struggle, or start to doubt myself I remember what that experience taught me. If you are going to lose something, don’t let it be because you defeated yourself. Take charge, do your best and accept the outcome – but don’t sell yourself short.

19. Dumb Luck

Growing up I was absolutely miserable. Being the fat kid in school, no attention from girls, very very few friends, more athletic family members who would single me out and pick on me. This went on through high school unfortunately.

When I was 19 things began falling into place for me through sheer dumb luck. I was (wrongly) diagnosed with ADD and the adderall they put me on caused me to lose 70 lbs in ~2 months, then the family came into some money as a result of a medical malpractice suit that killed my grandmother a few years earlier and my dad paid for me to study Japanese in Japan for 6 months.

Losing the weight and going to Japan were exactly what I needed to shake off my miserable former self. I had finally done something I could be proud of and it just kept catalyzing more and more positive changes in my life. It’s weird to think I spent the first 20 years of my life hating myself, hating the world, hating my family, just as such a miserable guy. I love all those things now.

20. Beauty in Heartbreak

Had my first real breakup last year. For a while, I was devastated and truly depressed. However, after a while I began to discover more things about myself and what I wanted and what I liked. I began to appreciate things and people that I took for granted before. 2016 was one of the worst years of my life, but I can confidently say that so far 2017 is the best year of my life. I’m still single, but I’m truly happy with that and with myself.

21. Love Isn’t Magic

It showed me that love is not magic. It’s something that has to be worked at together. When one party can’t or won’t do equal work, the relationship fails. It feels amazingly good when it works and feels amazingly bad when it breaks down. The fact that my fairytale image of my parents marriage failure led me to (at least try to) have a more realistic view on life. No amount of want alone can make things happen in relationships. It’s like carrying a really big fish tank: it’s difficult with two people, and it’s pretty amazing to move things along to new places, but one person can’t do it. If someone isn’t invested in moving it along, it will drop and break. And it’s a real big mess to clean up and deal with all alone.

22. What’s In a Grade?

I locked myself in a bathroom stall and literally beat myself up for 15 minutes. I cried for many days afterward.

Soon enough, I got sick of living in this misery. I wanted to let go and accept it so I could just be happy. But to be happy in spite of such a grade would mean redefining my values.

Panicked, I looked up whether I could still stand a chance at Caltech, my dream university, if I got such a grade. The general consensus was “eh, pick somewhere else.”

That was it! Not “no, you suck,” not “no, Caltech wants smart people.” Just pick somewhere else.

So now I’ve truly accepted the loss of my valedictorian status, as painful as it may be. There’s nothing I can do about it now, and looking back, I can see that all this grade anxiety did nothing but crush my spirit. Now I centrally define myself as a friend, reader, learner, inquirer, helper, and daughter of God, identities that will endure my whole life – not as the tenuously hanging valedictorian.

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20+ of the The Shadiest “It’s Not What it Looks Like!” Stories

Every now and then, the good people of Reddit start discussing things that make me feel a lot better about myself.

This was one of those occasions.

#1. Uh huh, sure… STALKER

“About 5 1/2 years ago, I dated a guy for like 2 months. While I was dating him, I was in the process of house-hunting. I’d mentioned that the neighborhood he was living in, particularly, was one I had been hoping to buy in. Our relationship fizzled, and we mutually split. Fast-forward a couple months, and a house was on the market across the street and a couple down from his. I hated the awkward fact it was so close to his, but I loved the house itself, and like I’d said, I really wanted to buy in that neighborhood and had been having crap luck.”

“So I did what is normally recommended to anyone to do when looking at new homes… I visited in the evening to check out noise/activity levels. At no point did I contact the guy because we hadn’t dated that long and I didn’t even know if I’d ultimately end up living there. So I was parked at the house I liked when my ex suddenly walked out of his house taking his roommate’s dog for a walk. I freaked… realized how bad it might look, like maybe I was stalking him or something, and I wasn’t sure if he’d seen me or my car, so I froze as I wondered whether to just do nothing and hope he didn’t see, or try to explain myself.”

“I opted for the latter. I rolled down my window and awkwardly was like, “heyyyyy…….” and explained to him that I was thinking of buying that house. He seemed cool about it, but who knows what was really going through his mind.

I did ultimately buy the house and still live there, and he still lives across the street. Fun times!”

#2. “I put it between the front seats of my dad’s car…”

“This happened in high school, shortly after I started dating my first “boyfriend”. At the time, I would often wear a camisole with a built-in bra layered under a V-neck tee. One day, I was wearing this outfit but wanted to go shopping after school for other shirts, so I brought a regular bra with me to try stuff on.”

“After I got out of the store, I for some reason didn’t want to put the bra in my bag so I put it in the armrest compartment between the front seats of my dad’s car, and of course immediately forgot it was there.”

“The next day, my parents were getting ready to go somewhere. They had left the house, but moments later my mom barged back in, demanding to know why I was “taking off my clothes in the car”. I frantically tried to explain the clothes shopping story, but to this day I’m not sure she bought it.”

#3. “Oh hey, be quiet, he just fell asleep…”

“Sister came home to her boyfriend and our brother laying his head in his lap (her bf was holding his head in his lap and stroking his head and back) she was confused and as soon as she opened her mouth her bf turned around “oh hey, be quiet, he just fell asleep.” Apparently my brother got food poisoning and was throwing up constantly, her bf showed up to return some things she left at his house. So being* him, he helped our brother get some medicine from the store, change, and stroked his head on the couch till he fell asleep (it took a while since he was always getting up to throw up). We all laugh about it now :))”

“Edit: OKAY! To clear up some confusion, me and my sister are both 16, her boyfriend is 17, and my brother is 19 going on 20 here soon! Also! My brother is shorter than her bf (bro: 5’9, sbf: 6’1). This happened like 3 months ago.

Edit2: and my brother and sbf are both Bi, but sbf has only ever dated 1 guy years ago and my brother is like basically gay at this point lmfao, and for all those asking, they consider each other brothers”

#4. I CAN EXPLAIN!

“I work at a school portrait company. I retouch thousands of images and sometimes I need to retouch inappropriate things. Well this high school girl was wearing a see through shirt and I had to retouch out her nipples. I was in the office by myself as a 20 something year old man when a girl walks in and sees me zoomed in on this high school girls see through shirt… I CAN EXPLAIN! I told her I’m not a creep, I’m just retouching her shirt so you can’t see her nipples… It was very awkward but since she worked as a photographer she completely understood once I explained.”

#5. “Those aren’t mine!”

“Mine’s a little different. I was at a corporate function, and noticed that the president of the company was trying to clean his glasses with a paper napkin. Being the well-prepared person I am, I always keep a microfiber cloth in my pocket – I wear glasses, too, and I prefer to actually clean the glasses, not just smudge the oils around. I digress.”

“So I reach into my pocket, grab a cloth, and hand it to him. And he responds with a confused “Huh.”Now, at this time I also have a son who is going through potty training, so I tended to keep spare clothes; usually in my backpack, but also in the pockets of my overcoat.”

“I look over, and the president of my company is kind of staring at the (unused, thank God) pair of Jake and the Neverland Pirates underwear, boys size small, I just handed him. And of course, my immediate response wasn’t to laugh, wasn’t to say “oh, those are my kid’s backup pair” … no, my response was to immediately say “those aren’t mine!” Which was 1) obvious, and 2) not guilty sounding at all.”

#6. “wait… I can explain”

“I was practicing anatomy for drawing of course. So… I had to look up naked models and stuff. No big deal. Just to get the human form down. Nothing too weird. I get done sketching for the day and went to bed. Over the weekend I was animating and my dad walked in my room to ask me something. Well… he goes “what the hell?” And picks up a drawing. I was like “what?” And he sees these drawings… I legit said the line “wait… I can explain” and he walked away laughing.”

#7. Peeping perv

“One of my friends was in a cycling accident commuting home from class one night and wound up in the ER. She needed someone to make sure her dog, Fox, is taken care of and tells me she left her bedroom window unlocked so I should be able to get in the house. Now Fox is semi familiar with me but I still don’t like the idea of crawling in a window and facing a pretty big dog unannounced.”

“So I’ve got the window in the alley cracked and I’m trying to call Fox and let her know that I’m there and coming in. I’m saying stuff like “Hey Foxy girl, Foxy Lady etc etc” meanwhile the upstairs neighbor hears all of this while she is sitting on the toilet and thinks someone is doing some perv peeping tom stuff looking into windows. Luckily it was all cleared up pretty quickly as we were all college kids that saw each other in and out fairly often, but it almost took a bad turn.”

#8. “Sexy” girl cats

“A couple years ago, I started a new job. As a result, I bought a house. My wife and I own a cat and we were tired of the cat box making one of the restrooms smell bad. We ended up putting a cat door in the door that leads to the garage and putting his box out there. This way the cat can piss & shit as he pleases without making the house smell bad. We noticed that when he did his business, he would stare intently right Into the wall. As a joke, my wife and I decided to get some cat pin up pictures on the part of the wall he stares at. So that night, I find a few pics of “sexy” girl cats online. I found Pepe le pew’s GF, Felix the cats gf and a couple others. All of them in compromising poses or with a seductive look on their face (nothing pornographic).”

“The next day at work, I tried sending them to the color printer. I was especially careful as the color printer was in the main office where there was nothing but girls working. I went in to make sure there was no one near it before going back to my office and sending it through with a few other documents I needed. Sure enough, I walk back into the office to grab my “papers” and one of the older ladies in the office is standing there looking at it with an awkward but shocked look on her face.”

“My jaw dropped as I tried explaining it to her. It came out something along the lines of “its for my cat, I swear!” Well, she wasn’t really believing me, and just walked away. I never really had the same friendly relationship with her after that. I guess she just thought I was some weirdo, which I don’t blame her. Oh well, the cat loves his pictures and admires them every time he drops a deuce.”

#9. Always check your pockets…

“I got super high and drunk one night with my best friend and his gf. They stayed at my house. My friend is a loud snorer so his gf ended up sleeping on my couch. My best friend in my guest room upstairs.”

“At 4 am I woke up still pretty drunk and high. For some reason I felt the need to check social media but couldn’t find my phone. Drunk and high Me decided to go downstairs to find my phone.”

“Without realizing his gf was on the couch, I reach down by a pillow to check for my phone. She wakes up, and I’m left there having to explain at 4am why I’m grabbing her face.

I don’t think she believes my story to this day and I look like a rapist. My phone was in my pocket the whole time.”

#10. A straight-laced mistake

“I was volunteering at a pool for my instructor’s certification. The girl I was with was really thirsty and asked if I would mind getting her a Powerade from the vending machine since she couldn’t leave her class. She told me where her wallet was so I could get her change. Another staff member walked in while I was taking the money from her wallet. I was the most straightlaced, nervous kid on Earth, lol. I explained. She either believed me or checked with the lifeguard later, but either way, the first girl got her Powerade and the pool hired me later, so the second girl knows I’m not a thief. 😂”

#11. Words are important

“In the beginning months of a relationship, I was staying over at my girlfriend’s apartment. We were in bed, and the only light in the room came from a bright lamp on the end table, on her side of the bed. Now, in addition to being a bit sensitive to bright light, I have a lazy eye that makes it hard to focus on things that are really close. Things like my girlfriend, at that particular moment.”

“So naturally, I asked, “Could you turn off the light? You’re really hard to look at.” I don’t know which of us had the bigger look of horror on our faces.

EDIT: My first silver! And I came soooooo close to not posting, thinking it wasn’t quality enough a comment.”

#12.”It was a dog bite!”

“A female friend of mine who is a Police Officer was on a welfare check and was bit by the property owners dog. She was about a mile from my house when bit and because I am an EMT she decided to call me to see if I could inspect where she was bitten and advise if she needed to go to the hospital. She show up at my house and limps into the kitchen telling me the dog bit her just below her left butt cheek on the rear of her upper thigh.”

“I was worried that the bite had broke the skin and she would need to get it bandaged and possibly get a rabies shot. I told her that I would have to take a look at the bite to help her so, she takes off her duty belt and pulls her pants down to around her knees to expose the bite area. It didn’t look too bad but there were two spots where the dogs teeth had broke the skin. I told her I would bandage it up so she could make the 20 minute drive to the clinic. I was just about to bandage her leg when my wife walks through the door.”

“There I am with one of our female friends, standing in our kitchen, in her police officer uniform, pants down (she was wearing a thong), I was sitting so basically her ass was in my face, and my hands on her upper thigh/butt. We both had the deer in the headlight stare as we realized how bad this must have looked to my wife. We then both shouted out in unison “It was a dog bite!”.”

#13. “…it was a year before I went around for dinner.”

“I had recently started dating this girl. We had been together maybe 3 months, and I had yet to do the “meet the parents” thing. I had been putting it off as her Dad was this fearsome Scottish dude who was known for his temper.”

“Anyhow, at my 19th birthday party (as so many do at this age) things got out of control. It was supposed to be a garden party, but it got changed to a garage party when the weather let me down. It was slinging it down. As my parents didn’t want a mess, everyone was supposed to take off shoes when coming in the house for the toilet. As you can imagine, after everyone breaks the piss seal, few lads can be bothered with all that just for piss. So we are all going through my back gate and using the grass around the corner.”

“This also becomes the outdoor smoking spot, and the combined foot traffic in the rain does not take long to turn this into a quagmire of mud and piss.”

“My girlfriend takes a massive swig of vodka. Mistake. This is not staying down. She dashes outside to vomit. She hurls up everywhere in this mud then promptly falls over in it. She is so hammered she then rolls over onto her front to stand back up. She now looks like the swamp thing, and she is going downhill fast. She is under strict instructions to be home by midnight, and it is now 11pm and she can barely stand. This is a small town with no Taxi company, and the 1 mile walk across town with someone in this state is not happening.”

“As quite a lot of people are staying over, my first gambit was to ring her home and try to get her permission to stay over too. Of course it was her Dad who answered. That request went down like a shit sandwich and was given a very firm “NO!” from the Dad who then just hung up as the conversation was over. Shit.”

“So I have to ring back and sheepishly explain that she is too far gone to move under her own power. He will need to come and get her.

“FINE!” [Hangs up again]”

“It was then I knew I really fucked up. She was still in Swamp Thing mode and her dad would be here in no time. We had to clean her up. We had already gotten her out of her jumper. With her still throwing up in the toilet, I explained I was going to lend her some of my jeans. In my drunken brain this was an awesome plan. We just had to wait for her to stop being sick. This didn’t happen. Panic is rising.”
“This was more than a one person job. I then got her best friend to help her out of her jeans. I did not hear the Dad arrive as the front door was open from other people leaving. He just walked straight in. I guess someone directed him upstairs as he walks into the bathroom, just in time to see myself and Lucy peeling the jeans down over his daughter’s arse as she was still being sick in the toilet. Time stopped.

Had I asked anyone else to help I would probably be dead. It was a year before I went around for dinner.”

#14. She admonished me in front of the class…

“4th grade. All of the kids in my class had figured out that they could get up to sharpen their pencils whenever they wanted – a way to break-up the monotony I suppose. Several students abused this privilege and I didn’t want to be counted among the abusers, as Mrs. Spangler had become vocal about this.”

“During an assignment, my pencil was dull to the point that the wood was scratching on my paper. I decided to use my thumbnail to break the wood away from the tip and expose the graphite so that I didn’t have to sharpen it. As I was doing this, my teacher walked by and exclaimed, “You’re trying to break your pencil!” I didn’t have time to establish a defense before she admonished me in front of the class.

I still think about it sometimes… I’m 37.”

#15. “Are you a lesbian”

“During lunch at my school everyone would be in the lunchroom, it was a small school so pretty much everyone ate at the same time. A friend of mine and I would skip lunch and spend the time just running around the school doing whatever we wanted. One day we were playing like an extreme form of hide and seek all around the school and she ran into the bathroom. I went into the bathroom and stepped up on the toilet seat and peeked over the stall. I had planned on being like “ha! Got you!” But it wasn’t my friend in the stall. The girl assumed I was trying to be a pervert and went and told a teacher. I got the “are you a lesbian” talk from a very conservative teacher at a very country school and the girl went around telling everyone I was a weirdo and that I tried to watch her pee.”

#16. Church lady

“I was really tall in Jr High. One of my best friends at the time was pretty short, and we had a running joke where he would use a little kid voice whenever standing next to me, because I was so much taller.”

“So one day we’re playing tag around my church building (grew up in a conservative house) after most people had already left, and my buddy runs into the bathroom and locks himself in a stall. But I was taller than the wall of the stall, so I pressed up against it and looked down at him and said in my best creepy voice “You can’t hide from me!” and he used his little-kid voice to say “Oh no! Somebody please help!”

“Of course, one of the old church ladies was standing in the doorway behind us, watching the whole thing with horror. Turns out she was there to clean, and caught us at exactly the wrong time.”

#17. “Well, jump out the window…”

“Oh man. Back in my early 20s, Around mid-2000s when Jackass was all the craze i went to a house party. A girl there took a big liking to me and kept coming onto me pretty strong. I was in a relationship and kept turning her down. I went into the parents’ bedroom to take a call when she came into the room and tried to kiss me. I said no and she started to undress, I told my friend on the other end of the phone what was going on and he just said ‘well, jump out the window’”

“20 year old, drunk me thought this was a great idea, Just like CKY/ Jackass! So I opened the window and jumped out onto the grass below, Rolled and walked away unhurt, The next thing I know there is a dull thud and semi-Naked crazy chick was laying on the ground, She had jumped out after me, hit the earth below, slipped and fallen backwards hitting her head on the ground.”

“People inside the party heard the noise and came running out the door of the house to find me standing over a semi-conscious, half naked girl….”

#18. “No! Wait it’s a gun tool thing, I swear!”

“Years ago I was dating this girl, and I had just acquired a black powder gun. Now for those of you who don’t know, one of the parts on many of the black powder guns is called a nipple, and usually require a wrench to get off. Mine didn’t have this wrench so I punched in “Ruger nipple wrench” into Google and went downstairs to grab a drink.

When I come back into her room, she’s looking at my laptop, wide eyed and nervously says “Ummm, I don’t know if I would be into that…” Cue my reaction of “What? No! Wait it’s a gun tool thing I swear!”

#19. “Assault with a deadly wiener…”

“As a broke college kid, one of my go-to meals was a $0.69 chilli dog from 7-11, which was 4 blocks from my dorm. I had no car. One winter’s night, I bundled up in my heavy coat, gloves. and beanie and went to get myself one.”

“So I’m heading back, holding my foil-wrapped dinner, and decide to run (to get out of the cold faster.) Next thing I know, a cop car screeches to a halt in front of me, and I’m ordered to the ground. Spent the next couple minutes explaing to NJ PD why I’m running out of a convenience store, at night, in a “ski mask”, waving a shiny metal object.

TL/DR: Suspected assault with a deadly wiener.”

#20. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER.”

“My friend Anna was in her 20’s but she looked really young, easily as though she could be a minor. She had too much to drink at the bar so I started carrying her home on my shoulders as she was having a really hard time walking. As we got to her house I went to let her down and she fell off and smacked her head on the fence. She was wearing a skirt and as she fell it went up to her waist. I’m trying to get her to come-to so she can go in her house when an old lady walks out on her porch and starts screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT LITTLE GIRL, WHERE ARE HER CLOTHES.”

“I try to calmly explain that this is her house and I’m just a friend trying to get her home but she just keeps shouting, “WHERE ARE HER CLOTHES, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER.” She won’t come to and I realize just how bad the situation looks, so I tell the old lady we can call an ambulance. As I tell my friend we are about to call an ambulance, she immediately comes to and fixes her skirt and stands up. The old lady says, “oh you were right, I guess she had clothes the whole time.”

#21. “That tickles my penis.”

“I babysit for extra income and took a four year old boy I was caring for to the park. I was pushing him on the swing and he pipes up, “That tickles my penis.” I have NO idea why – he’d been swinging for a good 15 minutes before announcing that and I’m not sure if he just shifted his weight in the swing, or that was the only way he knew to describe feeling butterflies in his stomach from the swinging motion, but I was legit worried he might tell his parents something like, “tweri12 tickled my penis on the swing”. I’m a woman – the fear would be magnified ten fold if I were a man.”

#22. “Daddy likes to come into my room naked…”

“When my daughter was around 3 years old, she casually told my wife that “Daddy likes to come into my room naked and play with me.” It took a minute to realize what she was talking about. A few weeks prior to that, she had woken up screaming. Bad dream, I’m guessing. I jump out of bed wearing nothing but boxer briefs to see what the problem was. To get her to stop crying, I tried to make her laugh. Luckily, my wife believed me.”

Yep. I just checked again, and I’m still lookin pretty good next to these fools.

Thanks again, reddit!

The post 20+ of the The Shadiest “It’s Not What it Looks Like!” Stories appeared first on UberFacts.

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15 People Reveal Which Popular Movie They Absolutely Hated

Have you ever seen a movie you completely hated, but you were all alone in your opinion? I’ll admit it: I’m not a fan of the Harry Potter series. I just can’t get into it at all.

Below are 15 movies that are so “universally” loved that the people who hate them are afraid to say so for fear of similar reprisal.

#1. A live action Fern Gully.

“Avatar.

It’s a live action Fern Gully.”

#2. Remnants continue to resurface.

“Frozen. Watched it once, thought “eh Disney” and 6 years later remnants of it still continue to surface”

#3. Just a love letter to musicals of the past.

“La La Land. It was just a love letter to musicals of the past. Well-done, but not groundbreaking or particularly memorable in and of itself. All of my friends who had never really seen musicals went crazy for it and I couldn’t stand hearing the songs from it played.”

#4. It should have been offensive.

“Ready Player One was horrendous and should have been offensive to anyone who’s ever played a video game, something which Spielberg has clearly never done.”

#5. Mind-numbingly boring.

“”Lincoln” was a mind-numbingly boring movie that’s “highlights” were Daniel Day-Lewis being Daniel Day-Lewis with a fake beard. I majored in Political Science (pro-tip: DON’T). I knew what was going on and the maneuverings that were happening and etc. Did not change the fact that it was an insanely boring movie.

#6. So bad it’s good.

“The Room is incredible because it tried so earnestly to be an excellent film and flopped spectacularly. Movies like Sharknado are boring (to me) because they try so hard to be quirky. Huge difference.”

#7. I secretly want the dinosaurs to win.

“Jurassic World. I don’t get how it became so popular. I secretly want the dinosaurs to win and eat all the main characters.”

#8. Considering divorce.

“My wife hates Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Wondering if I should be considering divorce.”

#9. Just a cool premise.

“Bird Box. It really seems like someone thought up the cool premise and then they tried to force a script into it. Although i gotta say, the scene with the parking sensors in the car was super cool.”

#10. Can’t watch it.

“Anything that’s “so bad that it’s good”.

I can’t watch that shit.”

#11. A reason to get Sandra Bullock in her skimpies.

“Fucking Gravity. I hated that movie. I work for an aerospace firm that makes stuff for the ISS. That movie felt like a reason to get Sandra Bullock in her skimpies. Space isn’t sexy. Space is full of a rats nest of cables and 30 year old equipment that’s miraculously being kept on life support by an extremely dedicated group of engineers.

That, and what the fuck was satellite debris doing in the same orbit as the ISS?”

#12. Immature and obnoxious.

“Sausage Party, all critics liked it because it had “meaning” but I thought it was an inmature and obnoxious experience.”

#13. The first three movies suck.

The Hunger Games is probably my favorite book series, but the first three movies suck. I didn’t watch the last one.

Edit: First Silver! Yay! 😀

Edit 2: I’m going to look for the Battle Royale books! :)”

#14. I’m not afraid.

“I’m not afraid to clearly state my opinion of anything

I don’t like any of the current crop of action movies”

#15. I don’t get what’s so romantic.

“The notebook. I don’t get what’s so romantic about a guy hanging on a ferris wheel to make you go on a date with him. That’s basically blackmailing.”

Just be honest – you just might find your tribe in the process!

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15 People Share Horror Stories About the Rudest Guest They’ve Ever Hosted

Houseguests are a mixed bag. Depending on who it is, the visit could be a lot of fun. But if they overstay their welcome or just generally act like a terrible guest, you may start longing for the day they get the hell out.

Good houseguests try to minimize their mess, offer to help out, and generally provide good company. Bad house guests are the people in these 15 stories.

1. So disrespectful

When I was in university, one of roommates asked if a high school friend of his from back home could come visit and stay in our apartment for a night or two. I agreed, but I was writing midterms and was stressed beyond belief so I firmly requested that they not party at our place so that I could get to sleep uninterrupted.

I came home from the library at 11pm and they were both shitfaced. My roommate was passed out in his bedroom, there was rank-smelling puke all over the toilet seat, and his friend had brought a girl home from the campus bar and was currently having sex in my bed. WTF.

I kicked his (and her) asses out of the apartment, and then ended up doing laundry at 11:30pm because my sheets were sweaty and covered in their fuck-juices.

I no longer speak with this roommate.

2. Three weeks of drama

We had two couples come to stay with us from overseas and one of the couples spent the entire time arguing and getting into massive fights. This included screaming, crying, slamming doors, sulking, the works. For three weeks. It was the longest three weeks of my life.

3. Who dyes their hair at someone else’s house?

My really close friend brought his now ex girlfriend that was super controlling over while me and a few other friends were hanging out, about thirty minutes in she decided that she is going to go into my super white bathroom and dye her hair black, not only this but if you’ve never dyed your hair before you must rinse your hair out to get excess dye out. She ended up staining my white counters, bath tub/ shower, floor, two decorative towels, my carpet outside the bathroom and my toilet. I was so irate and I don’t think she understood that you do not do this shit in someone else’s house without asking them. Literally everyone that was over including me told her to get her now just showered naked ass out of my house. I was so done because she just stained soooooo much shit that will not come out easy. It makes my blood boil thinking about it now.

4. Poor kiddo

I was babysitting my neighbours daughter. My neighbour was supposed to pick up the girl hours before and didn’t answer any of my messages prior. I got the living room ready just in case if she was gonna stay the night. It was close to midnight and he finally came to pick her up. The dad ranged the bell and when I answered the door he was sooo wasted. He barged in and walked past me to go to kitchen and everything that was in his grasp, he literally destroyed. He went to the fridge and drank juice straight from the carton. He then walked back to the living room where his daughter was, then was spewing random shit to her and mid sentence he vomited all over my couch and passed out after.

EDIT: For those of you asking;

Yes he did apologize and paid to clean the couch.

The daughter at that time just started first grade, so she was probably 6 or 7. She’s very smart, so she was aware of what was going on.

Did I call CPS? Yes. He turned out to be an alcoholic and it wasn’t the first time he has done this.

5. How not to handle an accident

My cousin and her daughter, who has down syndrome, were visiting and staying with me in my home. Her kid pooped in a quilt, and for some reason my cousin rolled it up and shoved it in the closet in the guest room without telling me.

I discovered it after they left (it was rolled up pretty good so I didn’t smell it immediately) because my dog stood in front of the closet and barked nonstop until I came and found it…She was so offended by it and didn’t stop barking until it was completely cleaned up, haha.

Edit: I called her and said, “I found the quilt from your bed rolled up with poop in the closet…what happened?” And she said, “Oh, daughter had an accident. Sorry!”

6. Why?

I let a guy I knew from college crash at my place for a few days when he was in town for a conference. Fed him, drank a bunch of liquor with him, etc. Thought I was being very hospitable. He had an early flight so on the last day he left before I woke up. Went into my bathroom and saw he had taken my bar of soap and written some stupid song lyrics all over my bathroom mirror. This was the master bathroom so it had two sinks and the mirror was like 8 ft by 4 ft at least. It was huge letters and there was more soap than mirror. Took me hours to get it clean. Like what the fuck dude.

7. I would just burn it

My boyfriend invited a couple dudes over while I was at work because we only have a 1 bedroom apartment and I don’t always enjoy sitting there watching them game. It was considerate. Anyways, he was asleep and they were gone when I got home since I work 3rd shift. I noticed my new bathroom mat was discolored and assumed it was from shoes and didn’t closely observe. Anyways, I made him look at it with me when he got up because I was a bit mad since it was brand new. Upon further observation, we came to the conclusion that before leaving, his friend wiped shit all over my new bathroom mat. It turned out to be brown finger streaks across the whole thing! Threw that out immediately. The toilet paper was readily available BTW… They are not allowed in the apartment anymore, and it was weird because they weren’t on bad terms they actually wanted to hang out again.

8. Who does that?

I had a collection of 1$ casino chips, one from every casino I had been to. A housemate invites some people over and a guy sees them sitting somewhere and starts playing with them. I figure the guy likes to fidget so it’s no big deal. Guy ended up taking a bunch a mismatched casino chips and even apparently tried buying a drink at the bar with them. Luckily one of the other guys he went out with got them back to me but seriously? Who does that?

9. True friends

Stole $100. But this story has a happy ending.

When I was young I had three friends over, all of them brothers. The oldest was my age, the middle was a couple years younger (same age as my brother), and they had brought their youngest brother with them. He was a little bitch.

Well that day my dad let me hang onto a $100 bill because I thought it was cool and had never seen one. I showed it off to my friends and left it on my side table. I didn’t even notice it go missing.

Well, here’s how the story goes. My friends had left, and when they got near their house, the youngest brother pulled out the $100 and said “hey guys, look what I took.” The two older brothers got pissed. They dragged him crying all the way back to my house, handed me the $100 that I hadn’t even realized was missing, and forced him to apologize. Friends of integrity right there.

10. At least there was no meth

I was going to post about the time I was really angered by friends of friends staying and emptying our bar fridge (it was fully stocked with beer), emptying the wine fridge (also stocked), and a random bottle of bailey’s (none of these things go together?!? Heathens) and not offering to replace any of it, while making themselves completely at home and even inviting guests over to view “their place.” But in reading these, I’m starting to feel much better that no meth was involved – maybe it’s time for me to let that grudge go.

11. So. Gross.

My grandfather’s cousin was staying with us a for a week; he has a bladder problem and would refuse to wear adult diapers! What followed was him leaving a trail of pee (sometimes poo), when he walked around the house… didn’t take too long for my mother to ask his son to take him back home.

12. Not for sitting

we had a party at our house. Guests ended up using the bathroom in our bedroom as well because of lines on the guest toilet. We have (had) one of those “only attached to the wall and no legs to support” sinks on top of a slim long shelf kinda thing. They sat on the damn thing and broke it. I was beyond belief how someone could sit on something that looks, feels and very obviously shows it is not made to carry weight and is not supported.

Now it has legs…

13. I hope they paid the plumbing bill

my 10-year-old distant cousin unwrapped 3 new bars of soap and flushed them down the toilet on the 3rd floor of my house. That night, we returned from dinner to find water dripping from the ceiling on the first floor—the third floor bathroom had flooded and the water leaked through the floor, dripped from the ceiling of the second floor, and leaked though to the ceiling of the first floor. the whole mess cost thousands of dollars to repair.

the kid confessed everything with great glee and his mother just thought it was the funniest thing.

14. It’s a simple request

I’ve made this post before so I’ll just copy paste it here:

Not my house but my car. I don’t have many rules for passengers when I’m driving but there are two I will never budge on.
1: Wear your seat belt.
2: Do not smoke in my car.

I had just bought a car, it wasn’t brand new but I knew the previous (and only) owner and I knew he was a car guy who took meticulous care of his cars inside and out. He wouldn’t even sell me the car before he had given the engine a proper service. Within a week of getting the car a friend asked for a lift to the train station, I knew he smoked so as we walked to the car I told him specifically to wait until we get to the station before he lights up (a 10 minute ride at most).

I back out of the parking spot, drive to the exit of the parking lot and as I check my left hand side for oncoming cars I hear from my right the distinctive sound of a lighter sparking up. Dude could not even fucking wait until we were out of the fucking car park before he just had to have his goddamn cigarette. I ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing and he just looks at me and says “Relax, it’s not like it’s a new car.” Fucker ended up walking to the train station.

15. Always clear the browser history

Oh i forgot this one! A friend of a relative stayed with my parents for a week, the guy was Argentinian, late 50s. He was very old fashioned, religious etc, for example, he even told my parents that it was wrong that i was living with my boyfriend without being married.

One day he asked my mum to use her PC “to check his email” was in there for quite a while, riiiight.. You guessed it, he was watching porn, but i guess he didn’t remember the website he wanted because he first googled in Spanish “young ladies with dark hair having sex” and a few variations of that. My mum found all that in her Internet history, called him out, he tried to blame my (then 16 year old) brother, who had his own PC, speaks mostly English (wouldn’t have googled in spanish) and was away in a camping trip

He wasn’t welcomed back.

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