Category: storytime

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Stories of Times When Sex Went Hilarious Wrong

Everybody has their favorite sex story.

They’re usually not about the times we just had really good sex; that’s more of a personal thing you kind of treasure for yourself. No, the stories we share are when things went bad, or weird, or hilarious. That’s the good stuff. And lucky for us, now there’s a giant collection of these stories on Reddit. It all started with this prompt:

What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you during sex? from AskReddit

And the answers came pouring in. Here are just a few of the best ones. (I’m sure you realize this, but you’re about to venture into NSFW territory.)

1. The Double Wind

We both farted at the exact same time, whilst maintaining eye contact.

– Amber-Dragon

2. It’s Nerf or Nothing

We’ve been in an ongoing Nerf war since I want to say February.

Recently she pulled a pistol from underneath her pillow and shot me point-blank while I came.

– Poops_McClanahan

3. The Craigslist Paul Rudd

I met a guy off of craigslist once. I only share this story with my closest friends, so here goes nothing.

I was trying to get over someone I loved who had just moved away, so I decided to do this on a whim.

The guy from Craigslist literally looked like the spitting image of Paul Rudd. No joke. So I was like “fuck yes let’s do this”.

We started making out and our clothes started coming off. Things start getting hot and heavy.

I grab his hair to pull on it a little, and

It fucking comes off.

His hair was in my hands.

I realized within about five seconds of silence that I had just pulled a toupee off of his head.

– aglassofmerlot

4. Not Getting Your Deposit Back

once was at an Airbnb and the bed was making a lot of noises and mid fuck the headboard broke off and fell on top of us

– heymynameisjack

5. “Meetings”

Gf and I are both working from home, which has led to mid-day quickies – our “meetings.” It’s awesome. Little bit of role play. I’m a lucky guy.

Anyway, last week we’re right in the middle and my phone rings. I’m certain it’s my boss.

So I stop and run out to the living room to get my phone, but I’m still wearing socks and I slip rounding a corner and just completely hit the floor.

No grace at all.

So I answer the phone and I’m laughing at myself and out of breath from the sex, and my boss is confused as to why I’m so amused at the news of other people getting furloughed. So he probably thinks I’m an asshole. – Gf and I are both working from home, which has led to mid-day quickies – our “meetings.”

It’s awesome. Little bit of role play. I’m a lucky guy.

Anyway, last week we’re right in the middle and my phone rings. I’m certain it’s my boss. So I stop and run out to the living room to get my phone, but I’m still wearing socks and I slip rounding a corner and just completely hit the floor. No grace at all.

So I answer the phone and I’m laughing at myself and out of breath from the sex, and my boss is confused as to why I’m so amused at the news of other people getting furloughed. So he probably thinks I’m an asshole.

– TheBrownCouchOfJoy

6. Call Me Kyle

Ex boyfriend had a daddy kink. During sex he asked me who he was. I’m the dumbest person on earth so I responded with “my boyfriend?”

He said no and asked again. “Kyle?” He said not quite. It then clicked in my head and I broke out laughing during sex.

– captain-slammi

7. …What?

A horse put it’s head in through the car window and licked my butt as I was in the throes of passion with a lady

– XavierBreff

8. It’s Catchy

Me and my friend occasionally have had sex on three occasions and the last time I was eating her out, she had music playing.

Some advertisement that we would ALWAYS sing along to came on and without having to say anything to each other we both popped our heads up, sang along with the ad, then got right back down to business.

We didn’t realize how funny it was until WEL after we had finished.

– giguiou

9. Doing My Best

One of my exes loved dirty talk but I was still relatively inexperienced in that field and one time while she was riding me she starts doing the dirty talk and goes “are you gonna cum for me baby?” and my response was “well I’m gonna try.”

She started laughing but we kept going anyway

– p_t_dactyl

10. Ssssssmokin’

Had a second date with a guy. He stayed the night. We made out but didn’t have sex… then the next morning, I definitely blew him, and as he was cumming, my roommate, who had been cooking bacon or something in the kitchen, set off the smoke detector.

Something about the timing of the alarm going off as he was getting off just really made me laugh.

– blizzaga1988

11. Too Hot to Handle

I accidently wipped my Dick off with a paper towel that was previously used to wipe hot sauce off my hands……….

Imagine sticking a lit cigar on the tip of your penis…

– putnamto

12. Junk Beds

Hostel in Rome. One of those cheap rooms with about eight bunk beds per room. Right on the other side of the wall was the communal area/bar.

I had been flirting with this kiwi girl for most of the night. At one point, we discover the bedroom is empty, so we close the door and go at it.

About ten minutes in, the bunkbed collapses on us. About twenty people rush in at the sound of the crash and screams.

We got teased pretty unmercifully for the rest of the night.

– Roland_T_Flakfeizer

13. Nature is Beautiful

Animal sex came on the TV when we were getting started and then my girlfriend couldnt stop laughing

– ThatGuyIsGeneric

14. Toying with Me

My GF was finishing me off in her mouth after we had been going at it for a while, and the exact moment as she grabbed my balls my dog chewed, woth perfect timing, on a squeaky toy.

It was like getting a BJ in a cartoon.

– Zeryot

15. Sweet Nothings

I don’t know why but we were laughing at something before we had sex and it just kept on popping inside our minds while we were having sex so we ended up laughing while we were doing it until we finally stopped having sex just so we could have a good laugh.

In the end, we were too exhausted from laughing that we just fell asleep naked.

– Mist3rTryHard

One time while alone in my room, my bed started to move on its own. I got so freaked out that I went to the kitchen to try to settle myself, where I heard an eerie moaning. At this point I was convinced my apartment was haunted. That is, until I realized I was actually hearing sex moans coming from upstairs, and the reason my bed was moving was that me and my roommates’ beds were up against the same wall on different floors. The apartment was being haunted by hanky panky.

What’s your funny sex story?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Stories of Times When Sex Went Hilarious Wrong appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Woman Unexpectedly Falls in Love When Her Pet Shrimp are in Peril

We all love our pets. But most of that love is directed at the bigger, fuzzier kind of companion that will show us affection, or in the case of cats, tolerance. But have you ever formed a bond with a pet a little smaller?

When I was a kid I had hermit crabs. “Hermit” is literally in the name. These creatures live to hide in their shell, and if you do actually touch them, they will pinch you. Nothing could be further from a good pet. And yet, they’re a popular choice. And I loved mine till the day they died. RIP, embarrassingly-named-pet-crabs.

But this story is some next level unexpected pet love. A teacher who goes by @thebugchicks on Twitter shares a tale of freshwater shrimp, and near disaster. Read on.

They are strangely cute. Maybe it’s those big ol’ eyes?

I don’t know if freshwater shrimp literally have the capacity to care how big their house is, but, if they do, she’s cognizant of that need.

These two are clearly in very good hands.

Trips to the pet store are often dangerous for me, as well.

At this point in the story, I’m feeling a little bit bad that the last time I impulse bought shrimp was at a Red Lobster.

Despite what the internet may imply, it’s OK to not have strong feelings about absolutely everything.

Here’s where the story ramps up.

I can hear the tense string soundtrack in the back of my mind.

Dun dun DUUUN!

It’s never until we face the possibility of losing everything that we realize what we truly have.

Eat your heart out, Speilberg.

Just a second, adding the word “manpanion” to my lexicon forever.

Maybe this is exactly why he fell in love with you?

*munches popcorn with wide-eyes*

The DOG is the antagonist of this story? But he looks like such a good boy! I don’t know if I can deal with this new twist.

All moments of panic need a factoid or two to settle the mood.

Success!

I’m not crying about some lady’s shrimp. Nope. Not me.

Marty & Sal have no idea how good they’ve got it.

We should probably all be tracking our emotions a little more closely these days.

And that is the tale of crustacean-fascination-turned-infatuation that took the internet by moderate storm. You’re welcome.

What’s the pet you’ve bonded with the most?

Tell us about them in the comments.

The post A Woman Unexpectedly Falls in Love When Her Pet Shrimp are in Peril appeared first on UberFacts.

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True Stories About Some Very Bad Dates

You’ve had bad dates. We all have. There are more bad date stories in this world than there are people. The stories range from the truly abhorrent to the charmingly embarrassing to the downright bizarre, and we can’t seem to get enough of them.

Which is why I’d like to turn your attention to this gift of a thread kicked off by Twitter user @millercycle:

I’ve been combing through these replies for a while now and they’re incredible. Here are just a few of the highlights for your love-hate enjoyment.

13. I’m lovin’ it

To be fair, who has money in high school?

12. Breakdown breakup

Why do people just refuse to fix their cars sometimes?

11. Stuffed

That’s a swing and a miss for hoping she’ll have the same weird sensibilities as you, my dude.

10. Double date

This is literally a sitcom cliche, I refuse to believe this happened in real life.

9. Ex machina

There were soooo many stories like this in the thread.

8. Get out

I literally cannot think of a worse question to start a date with.

7. Wipeout

I…I just…what?

6. Pole position

That’s gonna be a yikes from me.

5. Making the cut

There’s a sentence in here which, I swear to you, you will not see coming.

4. Dine & dash

There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

3. Bee careful

That’s Barry B. Benson! You monster!

2. The grapes of wrath

Has this human ever humaned before?

1. The kiss

Maybe stop adopting such attractive dogs.

Welp, that was horrifying. There are so many of these stories I desperately want more information on but I’m simultaneously afraid to ask.

What was YOUR worst date story?

Tell us in the comments.

The post True Stories About Some Very Bad Dates appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Treasurer Who Doesn’t Understand Money or Numbers Picked the Wrong Fight

Running a business or an organization can be really tough. There are many decisions to make and you can never be sure any of them will turn out to be the best. But in all the confusion, there are a few basic guiding principles that can help.

For instance, maintain clear and consistent communication. We can all think of a time in our lives when something went horribly, frustratingly wrong simply because someone wouldn’t listen.

That’s the kind of story posted by user omegaweapon on Imgur. She put it up under the name “Entitled treasure [sic] at a charity can’t comprehend how 10% works…. So I’m a thief.” Apparently, OP, who goes by Abs, was dealing with the treasurer of an organization she was renting to. A treasurer who, weirdly enough, does seem to understand much about money or…numbers.

And so we begin…

Chapter 1: Lock & Key

Chapter 1 – Part 2

Chapter 1 – Part 3

Chapter 2: This Was Always the Plan

Chapter 2 – Part 2

Chapter 2 – Part 3

Chapter 3: Sebastian

Chapter 3 – Part 2

Chapter 4: Math is Hard

Chapter 4 – Part 2

Chapter 4 – Part 3

Chapter 5: The Standoff

Chapter 5 – Part 2

Chapter 6: I Fought the Law

Chapter 6 – Part 2

Chapter 6 – Part 3

Chapter 7: Aftermath

Chapter 7 – Part 2

Chapter 7 – Part 3

I have my doubts that the man she talked to explained the situation any better than Abs did. I don’t even have anything to do with this situation and I understood what she was saying perfectly the first time. This is what happens when poor listeners back themselves into a corner and refuse to admit they were wrong, even as the evidence mounts. Do yourself a favor: when you’re wrong, just fess up, and move on. It’s…a lot less embarrassing in the long run.

Have you had to deal with someone like this?

Tell us your tales of woe in the comments.

The post A Treasurer Who Doesn’t Understand Money or Numbers Picked the Wrong Fight appeared first on UberFacts.

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Man Gets Revenge on Greedy Landlord Years Later By Random Chance

As more and more people are renting because they have no better options, the few who hold the properties are coming under closer scrutiny. Laws concerning what a landowner can and can’t do in regard to a tenant are complicated, vary from place to place, and many know that tenants simply won’t know their rights in that regard and can thus be taken advantage of.

Just like any position, there are good landlords and there are bad. This story, posted to Reddit by user RockyMoose, is about a bad one, and is particularly satisfying because it ends in a revenge that couldn’t have been engineered. Read on.

Chapter 1: Ante Up

Chapter 1 – Part 2

Chapter 1 – Part 3

Chapter 1 – Part 4

Chapter 2: Raise and Fold

Chapter 2 – Part 2

Chapter 2 – Part 3

Chapter 3: The Turn

Chapter 3 – Part 2

Chapter 3 – Part 3

Chapter 3 – Part 4

Chapter 3 – Part 5

Chapter 4: All In

Chapter 4 – Part 2

Chapter 4 – Part 3

Chapter 4 – Part 4

Damn! Whether or not you believe in karma has some real outside force, there’s no denying that treating others poorly can come back to bite you if they’re given the chance to have anything to say about it.

What’s been your worst experience with a landlord?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post Man Gets Revenge on Greedy Landlord Years Later By Random Chance appeared first on UberFacts.