15 Funny Photos That Perfectly Sum up Canada

Oh, Canada!

I love Canada! Nice people, beautiful cities, open prairies, and of course, the greatest sport known to man: HOCKEY.

Also, the people are really, really nice. It’s great, eh!

And these pics prove that point, once again.

1. Never see that in the U.S.

Another Canadian thing from pics

2. Don’t worry about it

Meanwhile in Canada… from pics

3. Water fight!

Canadian Police Clash with Citizens from pics

4. Already Great

Found a pretty cool hat at a local store today from pics

5. This is great

Police in Montreal are refusing to wear their work pants as a part of a labor dispute. from funny

6. Thank you!

Canadians are notorious for being kind from pics

7. Honest

Honest Canadian commuters. The workers were missing and the automatic gates were broken. This is the result. from pics

8. Generosity

Everything about this says Canada from pics

9. Please be a nice thief

Canadian victims of theft. from funny

10. Can I come in?

11. Come back later

12. It happens…

Canadian Parking Ticket from funny

13. Canadian graffiti

This bathroom graffiti is positive. from mildlyinteresting

14. All dressed the same

Fashion at my small town Canadian bar. [OC] from funny

15. Shorts?!?! Really?!?!

A guy at my University in Canada walking to class from funny

Oh, Canada, you sure are a gem!

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15+ Things Europeans Think They Do Better Than Americans (And They’re Not Wrong)

There are many reasons why you should be proud of being an American, but there comes a time when you just have to admit that other countries do it better.

What, exactly, is it? Well, these 17 things are an awfully good start.

17. Seriously this should be a thing everywhere.

16. No elaboration needed.

15. We are a nation of prudes.

14. Who has time for lifestyle changes?

13. Having fun.

12. Building restroom doors.

11. Cheese and bread.

10. This actually makes me want to cry.

9. You mean there’s more than one?

8. I’ll need to taste test to confirm.

7. Change starts at home and all that.

6. Drinking in public.

5. I was repeatedly advised I was ordering too much food when in Europe.

4. I mean they’re not wrong.

3. Being less annoying.

2. Taking holidays seriously.

1. Baby stuff.

 

Time to do some more traveling!

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Classical Illustrations Depict What Can Only Be Described as Japanese Fart Battles

If you’ve ever needed proof that potty humor in general has been around for years– fart humor in particular – these images depicting epic flatulence battles should do the trick.

Image Credit: Waseda University

There’s a centuries-old scroll called He-Gassen (“the fart war”) dating to Japan’s Edo Period (1603-1868) that depicts men, rear ends bared, spraying powerful gusts of gas toward each other – gas that can break boards and cross wide battlefields to win the day.

Image Credit: Waseda University

Image Credit: Waseda University

Though the depictions aren’t entirely unique – Arabian Nights features a story titled “The Historic Fart” and Apocolocyntosis, a satire possibly written by Seneca, references a “shart” (“When he had made a great noise with that end of him which talked easiest, he cried out, ‘Oh dear, oh dear! I think I have made a mess of myself.’”)

And bathroom humor has a long history in European political dissent – this is a woodcut from 1545 entitled “Kissing the Pope’s Feet”:

Image Credit: Public Domain

But back to Japan…

Image Credit: Waseda University

Image Credit: Waseda University

In the Japanese art, Westerners in particular were apt to be blown away by the strength and prowess of the Japanese wind, so the scroll pictured also counts (crudely) as a political cartoon.

Image Credit: Waseda University

Image Credit: Waseda University

The creators of South Park have nothing on whoever created it, for sure.

If you want more (and of course you do), you can check out the full collection here.

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A High School Student Came out in His Valedictorian Speech and Was Greeted with Wild Applause

It takes a lot of courage to simply get up and speak in front of a large crowd of strangers. It really takes a lot of courage to come out as bisexual in a speech – especially in a valedictorian speech at your high school.

Which is exactly what a young man named Mason Bleu did when speaking at his graduation in New York City. During his speech, Bleu told the audience, for a “long time, I have struggled with my sexuality. I’ve dodged it and ignored it because I wasn’t proud of who I am. But today I’m changing that. I’m proud to be a bisexual man.”

In a Twitter post, Bleu said, “So I came out during my valedictorian speech. It was definitely the scariest thing I’ve ever done but the reaction was amazing. Thank you to everyone who supported me!”

The reaction from parents, friends, faculty, and fellow students: a standing ovation. Take a look at the video.

In a follow-up tweet, Bleu said, “The overarching theme of the speech was about being proud (it is pride month) so I decided that I couldn’t tell people to be proud of who they are when I was in hiding for so long. Anyways, I did this not only for me but for anyone else who has struggled being closeted.”

And Bleu followed up his big coming-out party with a trip to the New York City Pride parade.

 

And he offered up a sympathetic ear to anyone who needed to talk.

Good work, Mason! You’ve undoubtedly encouraged many young people to feel comfortable with they are and where they’re headed in the future.

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American and Mexican Children Play Together on Seesaws Built into the Border Wall

Here’s a feel-good story.

Despite all the current examples of tragedy, hateful rhetoric, and divisiveness in the news, the images of children simply playing together at the US-Mexico border can make us all pause and reflect on what it means to be human.

There’s no doubt that the situation along the US-Mexico border is complicated and has been for many, many years. But two university professors decided to change the tone from “it’s scary and complicated’ to “maybe this can be a little whimsical” by installing seesaws that straddle the border so kids on opposite sides of the fence can play with each other.

How do you like that for breaking down barriers?

The folks behind the project are Ronald Rael, a professor of architecture at the UC Berkeley, and Virginia San Fratello, an associate professor of design at San Jose State University.

View this post on Instagram

One of the most incredible experiences of my and @vasfsf’s career bringing to life the conceptual drawings of the Teetertotter Wall from 2009 in an event filled with joy, excitement, and togetherness at the borderwall. The wall became a literal fulcrum for U.S. – Mexico relations and children and adults were connected in meaningful ways on both sides with the recognition that the actions that take place on one side have a direct consequence on the other side. Amazing thanks to everyone who made this event possible like Omar Rios @colectivo.chopeke for collaborating with us, the guys at Taller Herrería in #CiudadJuarez for their fine craftsmanship, @anateresafernandez for encouragement and support, and everyone who showed up on both sides including the beautiful families from Colonia Anapra, and @kerrydoyle2010, @kateggreen , @ersela_kripa , @stphn_mllr , @wakawaffles, @chris_inabox and many others (you know who you are). #raelsanfratello #borderwallasarchitecture #teetertotterwall #seesaw #subibaja

A post shared by Ronald Rael (@rrael) on

The seesaws were installed at the border in Sunland Park, New Mexico, not far from the very busy border of El Paso, Texas, and Ciudad Juarez, Mexico.

Photo Credit: Instagram,rrael

Photo Credit: Instagram,rrael

Rael and San Fratello actually came up with the idea for a “Teetertotter Wall” back in 2009. In his Instagram post, Rael said, “The wall became a literal fulcrum for U.S.-Mexico relations and children and adults were connected in meaningful ways on both sides with the recognition that the actions that take place on one side have a direct consequence on the other side.”

Photo Credit: Instagram,rrael

Rael added that the seesaw project “is incredibly important at a time when relationships between people on both sides are being severed by the wall and the politics of the wall.”

Kids simply having fun knows no boundaries, no borders, no walls, and no fences.

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The Apollo 11 Astronauts Were Honored with Butter Sculptures at the Ohio State Fair

To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the historic Apollo 11 moon landing, the three astronauts on that mission are being honored with life-sized sculptures made out of butter at the Ohio State Fair.

On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins landed on the moon and changed the course of history. The state of Ohio has a strong kinship with space travel: Neil Armstrong was an Ohio native and so was John Glenn, the first American to orbit the Earth. Ohio also has a long history of dairy production. Combine all those factors together and you get the magnificent butter display at this year’s Ohio State Fair.

If you are lucky enough to be able to go to the Ohio State Fair in Columbus, don’t miss the traditional “cow made out of…

Posted by Suellen Brady-Nugent on Thursday, July 25, 2019

Dairy farmers donated over 2,000 pounds of butter to help create the sculptures. An artist from Cincinnati named Paul Brooke and a team of sculptors spent 400-500 hours creating the buttery tributes in a cooler set at 46 degrees to prevent the pieces from melting.

Here’s a cool time-lapse video of the butter being sculpted:

Alexander Balz, one of the artists, said, “The space suits were a real challenge, to be honest. It’s easy to sculpt things that you know. When you sculpt a human being you memorize it, so this was a challenge.”

Roughly 500,000 people are expected to have attended the State Fair in late July and early August. Here’s a video with some great footage of the display.

What a unique and cool way to honor a pivotal event in American, and human, history!

And, by the way, I’m really hoping that this butter sculpting catches on more widely because it is fabulous.

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15 Funny Tweets About How British People Speak

Mind your head on the tube, love!

I kid, I kid. We know all British people don’t sound like that…or do they? Just kidding! Again!

Hey, they make fun of us too, so let’s dish it out a little, shall we?

Righty-o!

1. YewChube.com

2. ROIGHT

3. Sexy

4. Don’t bover me

5. There it is again

6. My favorite!

7. Hahahaha

8. Hayche-BO

9. Those spicy things

10. My second favorite!

11. Thirsty

12. You’ve heard this one

13. That’s means the conversation is over

14. Good ideer

15. Absolutely famished

To all our friends across the pond: we’re just being cheeky!

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15 People Who Broke the Law…And Got Away with It

I imagine most of us have broken a law or two – even if it was just an illegal u-turn – so you don’t have to feel terrible about yourself.

See if your stories match up with these from people on AskReddit who admit to breaking the law and getting away with it.

1. That is awesome

“I stole my own car from the tow impound lot, best part was getting the certified letter months later that they were going to auction it if I didn’t come and pay for it.”

2. Lead foot

“I used to have a total lead foot.

One day, I was driving to my ex-wife’s parent’s house by myself. They lived in a small town right off of the freeway. Now, on the freeway I was driving about 80 mph (130 kph), which was standard for most drivers. When you pull off the freeway, it immediately drops to 25 mph (45kph).

So, I pull onto this main drag and start driving through the town. I’m about a mile down when suddenly I notice a police car pull up behind me. I look down and see that I’m driving at 45 mph (70kph).

A few things hit all at once: First, I couldn’t afford a ticket. I was 20 miles over. I would have ended up with a $200+ ticket just because I failed to decelerate. I was only three blocks from my in-laws, AND the the officer hadn’t turned on his lights yet.

For reasons only known to me, I immediately pulled over, turned off the car and started walking. The officer pulled up behind me, not knowing what to do, but still with NO LIGHTS turned on. I just kept walking without turning around.

I get to my in-laws and tell them what happened. They tell me that I have to go back for my car, so I do. The officer was gone. No consequences whatsoever, never received a ticket in the mail, never heard a thing. I would never, ever do it again.

And that’s how I got out of a major speeding violation.”

3. At least you tried

“My friends and I didn’t pay for our dinner at Steak n Shake this past weekend. I stood waiting at the register trying to pay for 20 minutes but no one came to take my money. It was 12:30 am before we left.”

4. Thief!

“Stole a Blue Angels flag from the hanger they were parked in.

When I was in the navy the Blue Angels vistied the air base I was stationed at. They proceeded to kick all of our planes out of our hanger and I had to fix our birds out in the rain. In a fit of contempt, on the last day they were there, I went into the mezz and stole the flag hanging from the overhead beams.

I still have the flag and wear it lake a cape from time to time.”

5. Grand theft auto

“Assisted in semi stealing a car.

Almost 2 decades ago my cousin calls my dad and says his car broke down. As my dad has friends with heavy equipment he figured my dad could get a trailer to tow it on.

So my dad my uncle and I go pickup a flatbed tow truck from a friend of his then drive 2 hours to pickup the car. We find it near where it should be on the side of the highway so we load it up and go to a reststop to secure it on the truck better.

As my dad and my uncle are attaching straps I’m looking at the car and notice something is odd. My cousins car(late 80s Audi) had broken speakers for what ever reason they all stopped work so instead of replacing them with with normal speakers he used house tower speakers big ones at that back seat and passenger seat. I’m noticing there arent any tower speakers in the car I pointed this out and they stop and start looking at the car then checked the plate number they dont match(cousin had a vanity plate) my dad immediately hooks the call raises the bed and let’s it roll off into a space at the rest area.

We hop into the truck and drive off to find the car. We find it less then a mile away.

Audi reliability jokes aside what are the odds of two identical audi’s same year color and even rims and tires being broken down that close to each other.”

6. I would’ve done worse

“When I was a teenager, my Labrador got out of the yard and I finally found him at the pound with a bullet in his shoulder. I had to put him down. I inadvertently found out who did it. I spray painted his corvette. After he got it repainted, I did it again.

Editing for clarity. This was a small town in the late 70’s, I did tell the cops when he was shot but we didn’t know by who, they said they could do nothing. As far as I remember even when I found out who did it they said they couldn’t help me. I found out who did it because my sister went to a party and a guy there was talking about a dog he shot.

He lived in the same block where animal control picked my injured dog up. Of course I took my dog to the vet, but as a poor 16 year old, I did not have the funds needed for surgery. If I recall correctly it was $400, which would have been a small fortune for me. I had the vet put him down. He was a sweet lab, I bawled my eyes out for weeks.

One of the local cops was a family friend, he put 2 and 2 together, and after the second paint job, he stopped by my work and mentioned what happened to this guys car, and looked at me and said he hoped it wouldn’t happen again. i took the hint and left him alone after that. This all happened over 40 years ago, but to the best of my recollection, that is what happened.”

7. No way

“I went to Thailand to kick a drug habit. On the plane on the way there I got talking to a guy who knew a guy (drug users have an uncanny way way of picking each other out). The withdrawals were kicking in hard so the idea of getting just a little bit to tide me over was too strong to resist. We got off the plane and went to his friend’s club.

All notion of quitting drugs evaporated and I went on an unholy bender. Anyway, cut to 3 weeks later and I am due to fly home. I get the brilliant idea of stocking up on drugs at local Thai prices and bringing them back to my country for resale. I bought a bunch of drugs and got on the plane. I had a stop over in Singapore. As I walked through the terminal I looked up and noticed the big signs in English that say “UNDER SINGAPORE LAW, DRUG TRAFFICKERS WILL BE EXECUTED”.

I went to the bathroom and did a quick inventory of the stuff I had on me. More than enough to be killed for it. Swallowed/snorted as much as I could and flushed the rest. Had the worst 10 hour stop over of my life where I just kept thinking that every noise in the airport was an officer coming to arrest me. Made it out alive and never trafficked drugs internationally again.”

8. All good in the end

“I found out that this specific guy stole my phone, from checking previous text on my account and calling numbers they were in contact with. He wouldn’t admit he stole it, so I broke into his house via balcony, stole his laptop, and left a singed note to meet me and return my phone to get his laptop back. It totally worked and everyone got their stuff back.”

9. Shoplifting

“I accidentally shoplifted some pudding cups once.

I was at Target and was buying a couple of large bags of dog food which were in the basket part of the cart and several smaller items that were in the top part of the cart. I had tossed the pudding cups into the basket part before I put the dog food bags in and forgot they were there when I put all the smaller items on the belt to be rung up. They were hidden from view when the dog food bags were scanned.

I saw them when I was putting the dog food bags into the trunk. If the lines weren’t so long I would have gone back to pay for them, but 20+ minutes for a 99 cent item, I can live with that. If it were a more expensive item I would have returned to pay for it.”

10. Fraud

“Worked at a car dealership, broke many finance and insurance fraud laws on a daily basis for years. Most finance managers do and may not even be aware or it.”

11. Trespass

“I visited a abandoned building. Someone called the police and 30 minutes later we saw firefighters walking into the huge building just to search us. Luckily we saw it when we where already out.”

12. Brave

“Flown with weed in my checked luggage.”

13. Joy ride

“I was visiting the beach, and when walking home with a friend from a bar at 4am on a Sunday night, we came across a jetski on the beach being bounced around by the waves. My friend convinced me to ride it back with him the next mile to where we were staying. So we rode it in the ocean in pitch black while a storm was out in the distance (cool, not scary).

When we got to our place, we rode it around until the sun came up and then I found the jetski registration, found the guy on Facebook, played the good guy and messaged him and told him “hey I found your jetski at X location on the beach”, then went inside.

It was a pretty thrilling experience. I don’t know how illegal it was considering it was a jetski just left in the ocean, and I returned it, but it was still pretty fun.”

14. That sounds scary

“Probably climbing a signal tower, in Egypt. I realised afterwards that it was on military land… Then proceeded to climb it another couple of times. Oh to be young and carefree…”

15. Scammer

“When Xbox 360s used to get the red ring of death, I started up my own little side business. I used to buy new ones at wal-mart with cash, open it, and take a small razor and swap the bar code from the new 360 to the broken 360.

Then I would take the broken 360 with the new bar code and put it in the box and return it to Wal-Mart saying it was a gift but I “already had one”, all they used to do was scan the bar code to see if it was the same. Boom, new 360, and I would charge people $100 and get them the brand new 360 within 48 hours.”

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19 Creepy, True Stories That Might Ruin Your Sleep Tonight

Ready for some nightmare fuel…?

Have you ever had something happen to you that made your pulse pound and your adrenaline kick into action? Something so scary that you had to take a moment or two to recover?

You may need a moment to recover from just hearing some of these 19 (scary af) true stories from AskReddit. The people who lived them certainly did:

1. Dancing Man

About five years ago I lived downtown in a major city in the US. I’ve always been a night person, so I would often find myself bored after my roommate, who was decidedly not a night person, went to sleep. To pass the time, I used to go for long walks and spend the time thinking.

I spent four years like that, walking alone at night, and never once had a reason to feel afraid. I always used to joke with my roommate that even the drug dealers in the city were polite. But all of that changed in just a few minutes of one evening.

It was a Wednesday, somewhere between one and two in the morning, and I was walking near a police patrolled park quite a ways from my apartment. It was a quiet night, even for a week night, with very little traffic and almost no one on foot. The park, as it was most nights, was completely empty.

I turned down a short side street in order to loop back to my apartment when I first noticed him. At the far end of the street, on my side, was the silhouette of a man, dancing. It was a strange dance, similar to a waltz, but he finished each “box” with an odd forward stride. I guess you could say he was dance-walking, headed straight for me.

Deciding he was probably drunk, I stepped as close as I could to the road to give him the majority of the sidewalk to pass me by. The closer he got, the more I realized how gracefully he was moving. He was very tall and lanky, and wearing an old suit. He danced closer still, until I could make out his face. His eyes were open wide and wild, head tilted back slightly, looking off at the sky. His mouth was formed in a painfully wide cartoon of a smile. Between the eyes and the smile, I decided to cross the street before he danced any closer.

I took my eyes off of him to cross the empty street. As I reached the other side, I glanced back… and then stopped dead in my tracks. He had stopped dancing and was standing with one foot in the street, perfectly parallel to me. He was facing me but still looking skyward. Smile still wide on his lips.

?I was completely and utterly unnerved by this. I started walking again, but kept my eyes on the man. He didn’t move.

Once I had put about half a block between us, I turned away from him for a moment to watch the sidewalk in front of me. The street and sidewalk ahead of me were completely empty. Still unnerved, I looked back to where he had been standing to find him gone. For the briefest of moments I felt relieved, until I noticed him. He had crossed the street, and was now slightly crouched down. I couldn’t tell for sure due to the distance and the shadows, but I was certain he was facing me. I had looked away from him for no more than 10 seconds, so it was clear that he had moved fast.

I was so shocked that I stood there for some time, staring at him. And then he started moving toward me again. He took giant, exaggerated tip toed steps, as if he were a cartoon character sneaking up on someone. Except he was moving very, very quickly.

I’d like to say at this point I ran away or pulled out my pepper spray or my cellphone or anything at all, but I didn’t. I just stood there, completely frozen as the smiling man crept toward me.
And then he stopped again, about a car length away from me. Still smiling his smile, still looking to the sky.

When I finally found my voice, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. What I meant to ask was, “What the fuck do you want?!” in an angry, commanding tone. What came out was a whimper, “What the fuu…?”
Regardless of whether or not humans can smell fear, they can certainly hear it. I heard it in my own voice, and that only made me more afraid. But he didn’t react to it at all. He just stood there, smiling.

And then, after what felt like forever, he turned around, very slowly, and started dance-walking away. Just like that. Not wanting to turn my back to him again, I just watched him go, until he was far enough away to almost be out of sight. And then I realized something. He wasn’t moving away anymore, nor was he dancing. I watched in horror as the distant shape of him grew larger and larger. He was coming back my way. And this time he was running.

I ran too.

I ran until I was off of the side road and back onto a better lit road with sparse traffic. Looking behind me then, he was nowhere to be found. The rest of the way home, I kept glancing over my shoulder, always expecting to see his stupid smile, but he was never there.

I lived in that city for six months after that night, and I never went out for another walk. There was something about his face that always haunted me. He didn’t look drunk, he didn’t look high. He looked completely and utterly insane. And that’s a very, very scary thing to see.

2. Fortune

I’d been living alone for less than a week. I got some Chinese take-out and was eating in front of the TV. I finished my meal and cracked open the fortune cookie. It read “You will have a visitor tonight, lock your door.” There were no visitors that night, but the memory still haunts me.

3. On the Tracks

I watched in horror as this drunk seeming guy fell (maybe it was on purpose, but I don’t know) onto a commuter rail track just as the train was coming. The sound/sight of him getting run over (crunching, splattering, awful) has stayed with me for life as the scariest, brain scarring thing ever.

4. Hitting the Ground

I was on vacation in Ithaca with my boyfriend at the time.

We had literally, I’m talking 10 minutes, just gotten into town and stopped at a suspension bridge near Cornell’s campus. I’m terrified of heights and, so, my boyfriend was coaxing me step by step over the bridge. It was gorgeous and we stopped at the middle to take a picture.

On the side we had come from there was a parking lot with steps leading to the bottom of the gorge but on the far side there were hiking paths with no barrier.

A woman walked past us and offered to take a picture for us. We declined and she smiled and walked quickly to the far side of the bridge where she smoothly jumped off into the gorge. There was not a second of hesitation, it was almost like she expected the path to keep going.

The sound of a person hitting the ground from a jump like that sticks with you.

5. “It had been unlocked the whole time”

I was about 15 minutes from finishing the night shift at work when there was a massive crash on one of the windows in the office so I get up and go to check it out. Someone has thrown quite a sizable rock through one of the windows on the front of the building. This is made especially weird because I’m working in the industrial district at 11:30 at night with none of the other businesses open. I go back to my desk, put a quick call through to security to let them know and decide to head home. As I’m leaving the building I’m freaking myself out about it more and more and end up running to my car, getting in and taking off. I’m almost home and I’ve started to calm down a bit when I realise that I didn’t unlock my car when I got in. It had been unlocked the whole time. I do a quick check with my hand in the backseat for any possible murderers that might be hanging around there but there’s nothing there.

Fast forward 30 minutes: I’ve called a friend of mine who says he is out drinking so I decide I’m going to join him. I jump on my bicycle and start riding over. I’m doodling along the road on my bike, it’s a nice night and I’m in no big rush, just enjoying the moonlight when I hear someone riding behind me. I straighten up and stick to one side of the road. He passes me really slowly and, when he is right beside me, he shoots me a smile I can describe as purely fucking insane. I kind of flinch and am taken aback as he rides on. That’s when I realise. He is riding my mom’s bike.

Needless to say, I sprint the fuck home. When I get there, sure enough her bike is missing and one of my car’s doors is open. The back left one. I was driving, and had no need to open that door.

6. Falling

I was standing on my balcony when I saw some drunk guy flash in front of my eyes. I was on the tenth floor and apparently he fell over from the twenty-first floor. The split second he passed by, I got to see his look of fear, shock, disbelief and a whole bunch of other emotions before he fell to the floor in a thud and crack. You could just tell he was dead.

7. It took you 8 years?

After living in my house alone for 8 years, I came to the realization that I had closed a lot more doors than I had opened.

8. Camping Alone

A group of friends was staying at this remote cabin that one of my friend’s cousins owned. There were no roads leading to the cabin, and it was a good 3/4 day hike from where you parked the cars.

I couldn’t go at the same time as everyone else due to work obligations, so I decided to head up the same day but later. It would mean I would have to camp for a night by myself though (the latter part of the trail is too dangerous to be taken at night, especially by someone who doesn’t know it). I didn’t care, I was kind of looking forward to it as I’ve never camped alone before.

So I was in the middle of these woods when the sun went down. I got my camp set up in this small clearing. Probably 40 feet across. Get my camp fire going and pitch my small, one person tent. Do all that camping stuff like cooking hot dogs on a stick over the fire and s’mores. I probably stay up for a good 2 or 3 hours after dark (it was mid-autumn so the days were somewhat short).

The entire time I thought I heard shit moving in the woods on the edge of the clearing. I didn’t think anything of it at first cause the woods are full of animals, but as the night went on I realized that whatever it was was just circling the clearing over and over. Once I started paying attention it made 4 or 5 laps around before I decided to get up and investigate. The noise stopped as soon as I stooped up and I thought I heard some sounded going away through the woods.

I just shrug it off thinking it was some fox that was curious that got scared when I stood up. I decide its time to sleep, douse the fire and climb into my tent. I start to doze off and stay in that half asleep half awake state for a while. I normally hear weird shit when I’m in this state, so I don’t think much of it when I hear a voice.

Something wakes me all the way up though and I realize the voice is real and right outside my tent. Its just above a whisper and I’m not sure if it was another language or if they were just speaking English in such a way that I couldn’t understand.

I lay there for some time, I don’t know how long, listening and waiting for something to happen. There is just enough moonlight to light up the walls of the tent, so I can see when a hand presses into the wall of my tent down near my foot. This freaks me out and I sit up quickly. Who ever was outside of the tent tore ass out of there. Like running full sprint through the woods.

I get out of the tent and shine my flashlight around and see nothing. I was expecting there to be a bloody handprint on the tent, but nope. Didn’t sleep that night, packed up camp at first light that morning and booked it to the cabin.

9. Who’s There?

I was once in a hottub with some friends late at night, and we were all telling some stories. One of the guys told us this one, a story of a girl he knows (not sure if it’s true, but multiple people in the hottub who knew her verified it was true):

So one day, this girl was called over to babysit. She did it a lot for these people, so it was routine for her.

Anyways, she was told to put the kids to bed at 9, and she did. After she put the to bed, she started watching TV and doing homework, waiting for the parents to come home. But then, she started hearing some noises coming out of the basement, like pans falling and stuff. She just ignored it, and thought it was the washing machine or something. Anyways, a little later, she starts hearing the noises again. She decides to call the police, and tell them she was hearing noises coming out of the basement at the house she’s babysitting at.

The lady at the station told her there’s a patroller in her area, and that he’ll be at the house in about 20 minutes. Anyways, in about 5 minutes, she hears a knock on the door. She answers, and it’s a full swat team. She asked, “I thought they were just sending a patroller..” and one of the guys told her, “After you hung up the phone, we heard a second phone on the line hang up.” Ended up there was a man in the basement, listening to the conversation. The lady in the station waited and heard him hang up, then immediately sent the SWAT team to help. They went downstairs and caught him; he was wanted for multiple cases of rape.

10. Fucking Seagulls!

I saw this little bird walking on the street when suddenly a seagull grabbed it in it’s mouth. Seagull started to smash this helpless bird against the ground few times. After a while it ate the bird and I saw a bump on seagull’s neck like the bird was stuck in it’s throat. Then it flew off.

I was just standing there and said: “What the fuck, seagulls shouldn’t do that.”

Fuck seagulls.

11. Signals at Night

I was playing around with a radio once when I was a kid, just slowly spanning through the static trying to find a station. I had found an old television antenna, attached it to the side of our house and ran a wire out my window to it with an alligator clip attached to the radio antenna, allowing me to get a way broader range of signals.

So I’m sitting there, early in the morning (like 2am), slowly sweeping frequencies, and suddenly I get to this station that’s playing this very weird crackling sound. It sounded sort of like cracking knuckles, or maybe Rice Crispies cereal, but with a fixed, rhythmic pattern instead of being random. I sat there listening to it for a second, then it suddenly stopped and this faint voice says “It doesn’t work. We’re already dead. We’re already dead.”

It took a second for the weight of the words to hit me, but when they did I freaked the fuck out and almost threw the radio across the room. I’m pretty sure it was just someone messing around with a radio transmitter, but damn if it didn’t scare the shit out of me at the time.

12. “Don’t EVER do that again!”

My dad died of cancer the day I turned 16 after about two weeks in a coma. It was really fast – less than two months between diagnosis and death. He died in the house. (we had a hospice attendant and my mom was very good about seeing to him in those final days).

Anyway, a lot of weird shit happened after he passed, but the one that still freaks me out when I think about it happened about 12 hours before he took to bed for the last time. He was in our living room napping on the couch while my mom was in the kitchen cooking. No one else was home.

Suddenly, he jerked awake and was shouting for my mom in a very loud, agitated voice. Clearly angry with her. “Beverly! Don’t do that! Don’t EVER do that again!”

She ran into the room, alarmed and asked what he was talking about, and he said, “Don’t do that. Don’t walk past me like that in that long, black wig.”

Sometimes I think he saw death.

13. Night Dive

This was a few years ago on a night scuba dive. There were 8 of us in the group including our dive master and his assistant. We had just finished our dive and were gathered up in a circle ready to ascend and get out of the water when my dive master freezes. He takes his flashlight and pointing it outside our circle of divers he catches something circling us with the beam. Turns out it was a 12 foot long great white shark. At this point half of the group are trying to keep the shark illuminated as it circles us and remarkably everyone stayed calm. The only things going through my mind were iterations of these two thoughts, “don’t look like a yummy delicious fatty seal, and that I hope I taste terrible.” My dive master gets our attention and slowly puts his thumb up and then makes an upward motion. We all begin to ascend and the shark kept with us until we were maybe 10 feet from the surface. Then it turned off into the darkness and was gone. I did not go back into the ocean for about a week after that.

14. New House

My parents bought their first house back in 1972. It was a fixer-upper, but they decided to move in right away and fix things as time/money permitted.

Within a few days of moving in, the new neighbors came over to introduce themselves. They also let my parents know that the previous owners had moved out after a nasty divorce. They had lost their second baby from SIDS, and their relationship went downhill from there.

My parents were horrified, more so because they were newly pregnant and couldn’t imagine going through such a thing.

They eventually pretty much forgot all about it. Life went on. They were in love with their new life and their new house.

In preparation for the baby, they decided to wallpaper the nursery. Now, my Dad told my mom there was no need in wallpapering the inside of the closet, but she insisted. She was kneeling down, scraping off old paint inside of the closet when her eyes fell upon something that made her blood turn to ice.

Written in crayon, at about eye level for a kindergartner, in childish scrawl was: I KILLED THE BABY.

15. “I was the only one in the house”

Woke up one night around 1am, heard the shower was on… I first thought it was my brother, he works night shifts, so thought he had came home late and was in the shower… It went on for about half an hour until i got up and went to see wtf he was doing… No one was in the shower, my brother wasn’t home yet, i was the only one in the house. Still to this day, i have no idea how it turned on or who did it.. Almost 5 years later i still think about it and shit myself… Even writing this now i feel like turning every light on in the house…ahah whyyy do i do this to myself!!

16. Ghosts

I housesit for a family friend when she goes out of town. The woman who lives there is really into a bunch of spiritual stuff – new age stuff, reiki, etc. The very first time I was housesitting, I was outside watering the plants. I was the only one there and had closed the door after me. From the driveway where I was watering, I had a completely unobstructed view of the front door, the only door that was unlocked at the time. When I went back inside, there, on the little table next to the front door was a half eaten cookie. The table had been completely clear when I went outside and I hadn’t seen cookies that looked like that anywhere in the house. Nothing too creepy, but very puzzling and unsettling.

When the woman returns, I mention it to her and she laughs and says she “gets ghosts all the time.” I’m a fairly skeptical person, but honestly, ghosts were the best explanation.

The next time I was over, I was pooping around 10:30. The house itself is fairly old and creaks from time to time, but nothing too loud or disruptive. While I was pooping, there comes a single loud knock from the other side of the bathroom door. This wasn’t a little creak or pop from the house, it was a loud, determined rap on the door. It was enough to scare my poop back in for the rest of the night.

17. It happened “right behind the door”

One of the scariest things I ever heard was when I worked in retail. My stored used to do layaway and that was where I worked. Right by the layaway counter We had three bathrooms. A Men’s multi stall, a Women’s multi stall and a family bathroom. Well only the family bathroom had a door that locked all the others had the push/pull swing door. I was in the back cleaning up and I thought I hear screaming so I walked out front by the counter. I heard more screaming. I was not sure at first where it was coming from I ran and checked the men’s and women’s bathroom and they were empty and I still heard the crying and screaming. It was coming from the family bathroom. I banged on the door but the yelling, screaming crying kept going on. It sounded like a child and I had no idea what was going on. I called for a manager because I had no way of getting in the door since it was locked. This whole time there is still crying, screaming banging. After several attempts of trying to open the door we called 911. We had no idea what we going on but it didn’t sound good. I think about fifteen minutes at this point, although it felt forever. Then the sound check stopped. No more banging, crying nothing. We banged on the door until the police came.When they finally did they had to kick the door in since we had no key. As we all stood around and looked in all we saw was blood all over the place.

We were not really sure what happened at first but the police told us to back up and that is when they pulled out a lady and a child. A bloody child, maybe 3. We all just stood there in shock. The child was not moving, we thought he was dead because of all the blood. They took the lady away in handcuffs and the child to the hospital.

We all had to give statements. Later my manager told me what happened. She just snapped becayse he wouldn’t stop crying and she just had enough and did whatever she could to make him stop. The child did live. I was sure he was dead but he wasn’t she had just knocked him out from hitting him so hard.

This story is not scary in the ghost sense but for that to happen right behind the door and not know what is going on or be able to help was pretty scary to me.

18. “Something in the middle of the woods catches my eye”

Well, I’ll never forget this one…

My wife and I used to live in a townhome that backed to some woods. We both took off work one day to get some things done in the yard, cutting the grass, weeding our large flower beds, laying mulch etc.

Our yard wasn’t big; it took about two full grass clipping bags. I would walk a couple of feet into the woods and dump them in a pile.

As I’m walking back to empty the second bag, something in the middle of the woods catches my eye. Something out of place and it’s moving.

I crouched down to get a better look and I just froze. At first, I could make out a pair of shoes just swaying back and forth and then was able to see the legs and body of a teenager. There in the middle of the woods was a teenage boy who had hung himself. Next to the tree, I could see a skateboard leaning up against it.

I yelled for my wife to call the police and started running back to try and save him but he was gone. His body was limp and his head was was just slumped over. His dark scruffy hair was slowly blowing in the breeze.

The cops came and quickly cut him down and they were gone.

As it turns out, he was having problems getting along with his parents and this is what he decided to do.

19. Organ Music

Years ago, I lived in a townhouse above the an old couple that were the landlords. This was in the historic section of Albany, NY near the park. The landlords were in their sixties, maybe early seventies. This place actually had a plaque on the front of it saying it was built in 1880-something and that some rich state senator had lived there. There’s places like this all over the area that had been subdivided and rented out.

I lived there for a year and every now and then, always while I was trying to sleep, I would hear faint, organ music accompanied by some rhythmic banging sounds. I always have slept with a fan to drown out any ambient noise and sleep better. This music was just…floating through my room. No one was above me. Just the old people who went to bed at nine below me. I would get up and try to find the source of the sounds but it just seemed like it was everywhere and nowhere.

Since I never heard any music or anything from any other room, and I never heard that music during the day, I concluded that it was the ghosts of previous occupants that had lived there decades before. This actually affected my decision to live there again when my lease was up. The old couple even offered to knock $50 a month off the rent if I resigned. That would have amounted to nearly a month of total rent over the course of a year. I thanked them, but declined, opting instead to live in a newer place.

Flash forward a couple of years. My friend is having a party. He invites some coworkers that he used to work with at the state. I’m talking to one dude about all the places in Albany I had been in. He’s lived in several, too. After some conversation, we find out that one of his friends used to live in that exact same apartment before me. I’ve never told anyone about the music and banging I would hear there but I just have to ask this guy if his friend ever said anything about the place being haunted. His eyes light up when I ask him.

“You’re not going to believe this!” he says and starts thumbing through the contacts list in his phone. He dials his friend. When the guy answers, he gives him a brief overview of the conversation we had been having then hands me the phone.

“What’s up, man? Yeah, I lived there in 2003. You heard the music, too? That was the landlords having sex below you. I swear to God. I actually asked about them about it the morning after I had heard it for the tenth time. The old man sheepishly explained that he was banging his old lady. He apologized and said they’d keep it down. The funny thing is, it seemed to get louder and louder over the last couple months I lived there. It was almost like they wanted me to hear.”

The mystery was solved. That organ music I had heard was literally organ music that the old people would have sex to. Somehow, that was creepier than it being ghosts.

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Desperate-Sounding Officials Are Using Pizza to Help People Understand Russian Election Interference

Let’s be honest: hearing a story (or, in this case, daily stories) about how Russia used bots and trolls and other vague, internet tactics in order to influence an American presidential election can be kind of hard to wrap one’s mind around.

I mean, this isn’t Cold War tactics like nuclear weapons that we can hide from under our school desks to (pretend we can) survive. Without a concrete thing to point to, officials have found it difficult to really present how big of a deal – and how much of a threat – these actions have been and continue to be to our democracy.

In a last-ditch seeming attempt to meet the masses where they live, the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency is relying on pizza to get the message apart.

Because if Americans live anywhere, it’s in a pizza parlor.

The agency created an infographic that they shared in a July 25 tweet that puts the Russian interference in the 2016 election in terms of an ongoing, widespread, and passionate disagreement about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza.

In a nutshell, we’re to imagine that, instead of using clever tactics to pit Americans against each other when it comes to issues of race, religion, sexual orientation, etc., a foreign power wants to encourage a battle to the death over pineapple.

Image Credit: DHS.gov

“To date, we have no evidence of Russia (or any nation) actively carrying out information operations against pizza toppings. This infographic is an ILLUSTRATION of how information operations have been carried out in the past to exploit divisions in the United States.”

The illustration takes people on a fairly thrilling ride examining how foreign powers like Russia can turn ordinary people against their friends, family, and neighbors.

“Foreign influencers are constantly on the lookout for opportunities to inflame hot button issues in the United States. They don’t do this to win arguments; they want to see us divided.”

Some examples of how they use social media to push further division are given as “Being anti-pineapple is un-American! Millennials are ruining pizza! Keep your pineapple off my pizza! What’s wrong with plain old cheese?”

Basically, the lesson is that you should consume all of your media – especially online media – with a hefty dose of skepticism, and if someone is intent on stirring the pot, make sure to ask yourself what’s in it for them.

Oh, and as for pineapple on pizza? To each her own.

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