People Talk About the Most Messed-Up Things Strangers Told Them

One phrase that was cool when I was a kid but has now fallen out of use entirely is “TMI,” or “too much information.”

Turning phrases into acronyms was once, on its own, an entire joke. I don’t know why. It just was.

And when someone hit you with something unexpectedly bizarre about their life, you just said “T-M-I!” and reveled in the sitcom laugh track in your head.

What’s the most fucked up thing someone has told you about themselves after barely getting to know them? from AskReddit

What are the TMI experiences of Reddit? Let’s find out.

1. Fear and respect

I (25f at the time) was at A&E in the UK. I got discharged and was waiting for my taxi outside. This buff shirtless dude, covered in tattoos (they were decent too, imo) comes over and asks for a light. I bought a zippo for novelty so I obliged.

We got to talking and he told me how he had just got out of prison after serving a life sentence for killing his father, after his father murdered his baby sister. Had his records on him and everything (he was at the hospital as he was diabetic and had experienced an issue of some sort after being released – I have no expertise here).

I have never feared and respected a man so much in my life.

I bought him a pint after my taxi decided it wouldn’t be arriving. Decent bloke – we still speak 9 years later.

– heavenhelpyou

2. Twilight years

I remember the first friend I made at my new high school when I was 14 so vividly. Just as we were walking out of the classroom where we had just met she turns around and cheerfully chimes:

“oh, by the way. I’m a vampire.”

Yes, Twilight had just come out. That entire school was so weird.

I remember another girl noticed I had cut myself shaving and insisted on putting a bandaid on for me as she muttered things like “you have no idea how difficult this is for me”. (Yes, she also claimed to be a vampire.)

Small towns, man.

– U535087

3. Tea and sympathy

I used to work at an animal shelter and we had several people who would come volunteer to help out.

One of the women who came there on a regular basis went to lunch with me. She was such a sweet woman, a little older than I was at the time. She proceeded to tell me that she used to go to the park and give old men bl*w j*bs because she felt sorry for them.

WTF?

– moviesandcats

4. That’s hardcore

First night at my first base right out of tech school in the USAF…

“Hi! My name is Mike and I’m into hardcore S&M!”

Still had to share a room with him a few nights.

– 1369311007

5. The mix up

My manager at my job in high school decided to tell us about her suicide attempt on my very first day.

She was like, “One day, I decided to take some pills and end it all. I grabbed a pill bottle out of my mom’s cabinet and took a handful without even looking at what it was and then lay down to die. I was so surprised to wake up in the morning perfectly fine. Confused, I checked the bottle to see what I had taken.”

Yeah, it was estrogen.

– Nimeni013

6. The quiet kid

I sat next to this quiet kid in my Spanish class. He was awkward and had a subtle speech impediment.

One day, I tried to spark conversation with him and he told me that he considered murdering his parents.

– auxxxcordddlorddd

7. The bad hire

My boss at the time had hired an older woman who was re-entering the workforce. He wanted to fire her the first day when she couldn’t even complete the legal paperwork (maybe 20 minutes for the slowest readers) in 8 hours. He quickly lost his patience training her so he pawned her off on me.

Before the end of the first day I trained her she failed at things as I explained them to her, cried, called me a bully for trying to “train her too quickly.” She reported me to the boss and she wanted to report me to HR for creating a hostile environment. I was actually out of town at the time, but he managed to spook her enough by asking if we should just call this hiring a mistake and have her and the company mutually part ways. She straightened up pretty quick apparently.

When I came back a few days later she’s better, and more eager to learn. As we are leaving for the day her husband is waiting for her in the parking lot with her teenage son in the back seat. I pull out in my car after they do and the entire time her son is turned around in the backseat smiling at me through the rear windshield.

The following day she tells me her son has a huge crush on me now. He thinks I’m so hot and he’s going along for the ride tonight so he can see me again. Then this woman, who I have known for three days, tells me all of her teenage minor child’s physical stats including the size of his penis. Why a mother knows the size of her sons penis I do not wish to know.

I actually had to remind this woman that I was more than a decade older than her minor child. To which she sort of laughed and said he’d be older soon enough.

She did not end up working with us for long.

– Camp_Express

8. Dark realities

I was doing my practice in a hospital. They brought a young man in the neuro clinic, he was my 1st patient. He was around 30 and he had fallen from a tree while working.

He turned out to have a complicated neurological condition that had nothing to do with his fall. He was also diagnosed with severe depression. He was in there for months and no one ever visited him, the only time he felt a bit better was when I visited him and did some tests to him.

He said “it’s nice when you come and make me play with the coloured toys and make me draw things”. One day he was looking out of the window, when I came in he looked me dead in the eye and told me “you know, if the windows didn’t have protective bars, I’d jump right out”.

It was the 1st time I’d heard such thing and I remember it ever since

– Shoddy_Natural4217

9. So many questions!

I picked up a hitchhiker once that told me he left California after his wife died because the cops were asking too many questions.

I dropped him off in the next town and he paid me with a beer and we parted way

– iasip1986

10. So much so fast

Had to do a course and the trainer arrives, introduced himself to the small class of maybe 4-5 people and asked a bit about each of us, he then told us his wife had died 2 years ago and he tried to kill himself.

I felt horrible for him but he seemed genuinely happy with where his life was, I ended up staying back after class and having a beer with him at the bar he was a really cool guy I hope he is still happy.

– BrickBrickson

11. Sharp wit

That he stabbed his neighbour in the neck because he sexaully assaulted his step-daughter.

I’d worked with him for 2 hours at this point.

– devlin1888

12. Ya burnt

Some guy next to me on the bus once went into a long elaborate story about how he burned his house down for insurance money like three weeks prior.

I wouldn’t have believed it if his hands didn’t have massive burn scarring.

– STARCRUSHER99

13. Tears of a stranger

An old man asked me if I knew when the next bus would arrive and we ended up getting into a nice conversation that somehow led to him telling me about his daughter being being in an abusive relationship with a guy who made her move far away from him and his family so they couldn’t help her.

We were both crying by the time the bus arrived.

– Probablyprofanity

14. Care and care alike

Met a woman who worked I child care.

She told me all about how difficult it was working with abused boys and how she got to close to one and had sexual feelings. Showed me a picture and said anyone who meets him thinks he is really nice and not to judge him on looks….then the barman came back with my drink and I left.

That was the entirety of conversation with a VERY drunk and probably sh*tty social worker.

– AlertMike

15. At least he’s honest

My favourite question to ask new colleagues was: so, what do you do in your free time?

First person I asked: a sh*t ton of drugs.

– somethingseminormal

I…I don’t know what to do with that information.

Do you have a story like this?

Share it with us in the comments.

The post People Talk About the Most Messed-Up Things Strangers Told Them appeared first on UberFacts.

Hilarious Marriage and Relationship Tweets You Need To Check Out

I know what you’re going through: you just got into another spat with your significant other and you feel like really letting them know how you feel…

But let me give you some advice: just blow it off and laugh about it!

Instead of letting the situation escalate and explode, come visit us as much as you need to and we’ll make you laugh with funny tweets about livin’ that relationship life!

And we have a totally solid collection for you to look at today, friends.

So go lock yourself in a closet somewhere away from your partner and have some laughs!

Hey, you’re welcome…

1. The remote wars continue…

There’s really no escaping it once you’re married.

2. Sounds like a perfect marriage to me.

People, pay attention to this one.

3. What size am I, again?

That’s a little humiliating…

4. How does this whole thing work?

You either are a morning person or you’re not.

5. Hahaha. This is good.

Don’t you think this looks pretty familiar?

6. That sounds awesome!

Yes, dear…Yes, dear…Yes, dear…

7. That was a rude awakening.

I was planning on sleeping in today…

8. That’s true love, right there.

Romance is not dead, people!

9. Your husband and I have a lot in common.

Do you think it’s a little bit warm in here?

10. And around and around it goes.

Isn’t this great?!?!

11. You had a good run.

But he obviously made a fatal error.

12. You would have been gone a long time ago.

She sounds like a very patient woman…

Now we’d like to hear from you.

In the comments, tell us how everything is going in your relationship during these crazy times we’re living in.

Please and thank you!

The post Hilarious Marriage and Relationship Tweets You Need To Check Out appeared first on UberFacts.

Check Out Some of the Most Brutal Burns on the Internet

The internet is really just a place where we go to fight with each other in new and innovative ways.

Luckily, some of those ways are actually funny, and some fighters use their knowledge and wits to make the battle as sophisticated and satisfying as it is brutal.

Such is the way with these particular entries. Players – start!

14. If you don’t like it, leave

It’s fun to pair your heartlessness with insults so everybody knows right away you don’t actually care what happens to anybody who isn’t you.

13. Over the moon

What I love about this reply is the the original tweet is gone now and it doesn’t even matter because it’s a one-size-fits-all rebuttal.

12. Just imagine

I’ll bet you’d like a little of that splash now that ya burnt so bad, huh?

11. The gold standard

An absolute classic, the metaphor we all need.

https://aetherkidatheart.tumblr.com/post/162904307683/firstdegreeliberty-heimwehr-robloxgf

10. Under pressure

The thing about gay marriage is that “believing in it” is irrelevant.
It’s just a thing that happens.
It’s not the Loch Ness Monster.

https://kaiserneko.tumblr.com/post/121816884560/rp0077-micasablumpkins

9. Soup’s on

Ok but how though?

https://keetongu.tumblr.com/post/142088033928/still-fancy-that-cup-of-soup-now

8. The they

Seriously, everyone I grew up with used “they” as a gender-neutral singular all the time and didn’t have a problem with it until people started asking them to.

https://heyheyrenay.tumblr.com/post/180041315239/mauthedoog-baras

7. Absolutely smoked

You walked right into that one.

6. This is relevant

English is just a stew.

5. Under control

We get it, you’re vaped.

4. Would love to come

It’s five bucks dude, that’s like one beer.

3. Densely speaking

Shine bright like a diamond.

2. Soup strikes back!

No idea if this response is real but I want it to be.

1. Just a little bit

Let’s get way down deep.

Well I need to go fan myself off after all that heat.

What’s the best comeback you’ve heard recently?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Check Out Some of the Most Brutal Burns on the Internet appeared first on UberFacts.

Weird Ways to Turn Lies into Money

With all the lies we’re constantly surrounded by, it’s kind of frustrating that we can’t glean SOME kind of good out of them.

But what if we could…

Every time someone lies to you, $100 gets deposited to your bank account. What is the fastest way for you to get rich? from AskReddit

How might the denizens of Reddit capitalize on such a universe? Let’s find out.

1. Start a business.

Contract myself out as a foolproof lie detector.

– GMaimneds

2. Get both sides.

Ask my mum and dad individually about how their divorce went down

– maayooo6381

3. Pretty please?

Gather all your relatives and ask “I am beautiful, right?”.

Easy cash

– [user deleted]

4. Scam-a-thon.

Give you email address and phone number out at every available opportunity and let the scams roll in

– acrobaticalpaca6464

5. Be a vet.

I’m a veterinarian.

They’re not giving the pills to the dog like I told you to, the check is not in the mail, you’re not cutting out his treats, and you’re not exercising them enough.

Seriously, I’d make a fortune.

– Algaean

6. Shop around.

Attend one political rally after the other.

And if votes are not in season, go shopping for used cars or looking for houses.

– Treczoks

7. Doing the math.

I can say “1+1=3” in .72 seconds (yes, I did time myself). If I make a full minute of that, that’s 83 (.33) lies per minute. At x10 speed that’s 830 lies per minute. If I play this track over itself such that they never line up perfectly, then I can get a lie to start at each of the smallest increments the editing software can handle. So if it can handle .01 at the smallest, then you get 83×72 (5976) recordings in one track. Played at x10 speed, lol, you get 59,760 lies per minute for $5,976,000 per minute.

If you take that track and auto tune it to every possible frequency that can be assigned by the software you use (let’s pretend it’s 1000) then you can be lied to at every frequency in every split second at x10 speed. For 59,760,000 lies per minute. This makes a whopping 5,976,000,000 per minute. Suck a dick, Bezos.

Will this sound like garbage? Ya, totally. But if I quietly dub this over whatever songs are in my music playlists then I can listen to music while I get lied to. Hell, the music might even have some lies in it. Cardi can’t have a WAP 24/7, right? According to Ben that’s not healthy.

– Arkmer

8. Ho ho ho!

Talk about your suspicions of Santa’s validity, in a large crowd, while holding a 5y on your lap.

– [user deleted]

9. Spare some change.

Beg on a busy street.

“I’m hungry, do you have some change?”

– ozdkyt

10. Your own terms.

Make a website where someone has to check a box stating they’ve read and agree to the terms and conditions

– grungerat_

11. What an opportunity!

Go to an MLM convention.

Those hun bots will get you rich quicker than they claim LuLaRoe will!

– cmonyy

12. Be precise.

Ask them everyone how old they are.

They could say 26, but in reality they are actually 26 years, 3 months, 12 days, 8 hours, 2 minutes and 22 seconds.

– Ooodles-of-nooodles

13. Farm it out.

giving 10$ to every person that lies to you.

– NotAFatAlien

14. Work in tech.

I mean, I work at a tech company and we get lies all the time.

I’m pretty sure half of the people could just go to work and make an easy thousand dollars

– billionai1

15. Not OK.

Just go around saying “Hi, how are you?”

“Good!”

$100

– peon2

Of course, the definition of “lie” might challenge some of these. Does it have to be something simply untrue, or something the speaker KNOWS to be untrue? Does anything involving an opinion count or does it have to be objective?

There are many things to consider.

Keep the conversation going in the comments.

The post Weird Ways to Turn Lies into Money appeared first on UberFacts.

People Admitted the Dumbest Ways They’ve Injured Themselves

We’ve all injured ourselves in dumb ways at one time or another, am I right?

You know it!

And now it’s confession time, folks…

Let’s see what these folks had to say about the dumbest ways they’ve injured themselves.

1. Not cool!

How do you explain that one?

2. A painful dance.

Gotta be careful!

3. It was all over…

You should’ve sat that game out!

4. The demonstration went awry.

Bad idea!

5. Top three.

You’re definitely accident prone.

6. This one hurts.

And you have to lie about it.

7. Just standing around…

That sucks.

8. Head first!

Not a good idea.

9. Always a dangerous maneuver.

Not many have pulled it off.

10. Oh, man!

Bad timing.

11. That doesn’t feel right.

Straight to the ER!

What’s the dumbest way YOU’VE injured yourself.

Spill your guts in the comments.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post People Admitted the Dumbest Ways They’ve Injured Themselves appeared first on UberFacts.

Hilarious Memes to Satisfy Your Soul

I’ve been doing some soul searching and I’m gonna be honest: the only thing that really brings me true pleasure these days is funny memes.

But, hey, that’s better than nothing, right?!?!

You know it!

So how about you take a look at these memes and see if they touch you like they touched us…let’s get started…

1. Those things sure are pesky.

Just take them out of that drawer for good!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

2. Hey, it could be worse.

Just give it your best shot!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

3. No way! You were in the Suez Canal?!?!

That’s not what I pictured it to look like…

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

4. Does that dog belong to you?

Or was it just roaming through the neighborhood?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

5. I had a feeling this was true.

Totally unbelievable.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

6. This is the worst!

Why can’t I have any energy during the week?!?!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

7. Just smack it around a little bit.

It even works sometimes!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

8. You’re making a lot of noise in there!

You always gotta check your pockets!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

9. What exactly is going on here?

It sounds kind of disturbing…

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

10. This looks like a lot of fun.

We can hold hands in the bathroom again!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

11. This pretty much sums up life right now.

Please don’t ask me that question again…

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

12. Can’t seem to find that energy!

Any advice or tips?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

Ahhhh, that was nice, wasn’t it?

Now let’s hear from you!

In the comments, share some more funny memes with us.

Thanks a lot, amigos!

The post Hilarious Memes to Satisfy Your Soul appeared first on UberFacts.

You Asked For Hilarious Memes and We Delivered in a Big Way

You demanded and we listened.

That’s what we do here. We listen to what the people want and we deliver.

Actually, we OVERdeliver and we’re darn proud of it.

So enjoy these memes, friends. We think you’re gonna love them.

1. This plan is really coming together!

I love it when this happens!

Photo Credit: The Chive

2. Like making a deal with the devil.

Stealing socks away for centuries.

Photo Credit: The Chive

3. It never fails!

You know they love it!

Photo Credit: The Chive

4. Now what am I supposed to do?

I can’t exactly get up right now…

Photo Credit: The Chive

5. Those sewer mutants are gonna have an epic party!

This is what I call good luck!

Photo Credit: The Chive

6. Why must you torture yourself?

You are a glutton for punishment.

Photo Credit: The Chive

7. How the hell did that happen?

Can someone explain this to me?

Photo Credit: The Chive

8. It’s just not the same.

Sometimes, you just can’t handle that song.

Photo Credit: The Chive

9. She should probably lay off the sauce.

It doesn’t seem to agree with her.

Photo Credit: The Chive

10. How’s that working out for you?

Keep trying! You can only go up from here!

Photo Credit: The Chive

11. Look at that rhino run!

I wonder what kind of drugs the dog was on…

Photo Credit: The Chive

12. That escalated very quickly.

Please don’t get arrested tonight…

Photo Credit: The Chive

13. Always a weird group.

And at least two people aren’t gonna pull their weight…

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

Let’s keep this party going, shall we?

In the comments, please share some more funny memes with us.

We can’t wait to see what you come up with!

The post You Asked For Hilarious Memes and We Delivered in a Big Way appeared first on UberFacts.

Posts You’ll Think Are Funny If You’re OLD

I remember when I was young, older folks would always tell me that time starts to move really fast as you age.

Of course, being a teenager, I didn’t pay much attention…or think they were right.

But here we are, people!

I’m in my 40s now and time is moving WAY TOO FAST lately…so fast that it’s actually starting to scare me…

While you contemplate all of this, enjoy these funny memes about getting older.

1. Keep scrolling, keep scrolling…

You’re almost there…

Photo Credit: The Chive

2. I know I have mine!

Me and that thing are basically best friends at this point.

Photo Credit: The Chive

3. He was right all along…

I never should have doubted you, Red.

Photo Credit: The Chive

4. How about we make it 4:45?

That’s not too early, is it?

Photo Credit: The Chive

5. Alright! More time to sleep!

This is when you know you’re REALLY getting old.

Photo Credit: The Chive

6. It just gets worse.

Trust me on this one…

Photo Credit: The Chive

7. Life can be so exciting!

This is what adulting looks like.

Photo Credit: The Chive

8. Where are all the older men at?

And where’s the 50 SPF?

Photo Credit: The Chive

9. You are a very wise old person.

At least to kids still in high school…

Photo Credit: The Chive

10. Wait until you hit 40…

It’s not a pretty picture, people!

Photo Credit: The Chive

11. I feel a little out of place…

Is it just me?

Photo Credit: The Chive

12. Please slow down!

The months and years are just flying by…

Photo Credit: The Chive

Now we want you to make us laugh.

In the comments, please share some more funny memes that will make us all laugh!

The family that laughs together stays together! Thanks!

The post Posts You’ll Think Are Funny If You’re OLD appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes for All of Us Who Are Dreaming of a Vacation

I’m going to the beach for a week in July and I have a countdown on my desk to remind me how many days until I hit the road…

And I think I speak for a lot of folks out there when I say I NEED A VACATION.

Am I right, or am I right?

Let’s enjoy some vacation memes so we can daydream until we actually get the hell outta town!

1. Forget I even exist when I’m on vacation.

Are we clear?

Photo Credit: The Chive

2. I’m with you on this one 100%.

It looks absolutely glorious.

Photo Credit: The Chive

3. This looks like paradise.

At least for some folks…

Photo Credit: The Chive

4. Even Wonder Woman is over it.

That’s when you know it’s really bad!

Photo Credit: The Chive

5. Wouldn’t this be nice?

I sure could go for some of this…

Photo Credit: The Chive

6. People at the airport really like to booze is early, huh?

I’ve always found this to be kind of odd.

Photo Credit: The Chive

7. Any takers on this one?

I thought you might be interested!

Photo Credit: The Chive

8. You’ll figure something out.

The local pool, maybe?

Photo Credit: The Chive

9. I think you got everything packed in.

Oh wait, we forgot one of the kids. Turn around!

Photo Credit: The Chive

10. You gotta do what you gotta do.

When it comes to getting out of town.

Photo Credit: The Chive

11. That’s what I saw, too!

I really need a break…

Photo Credit: The Chive

12. We can all dream!

And hopefully it’ll become a reality!

Photo Credit: The Chive

Okay, now we’d like to hear from you.

In the comments, tell us the first place you’re gonna travel to when it’s safe to get out of town.

Please and thank you!

The post Memes for All of Us Who Are Dreaming of a Vacation appeared first on UberFacts.

Vacation Memes for Everyone Who Wants to Get Out of Town NOW

Has it been a while since you went on vacation?

I have a feeling that the answer is YES, because none of us have been able to go anywhere in a while!

But that’s all gonna change pretty soon…I think…

In the meantime, enjoy these vacation memes…you know you want to.

1. Well, I guess it’s better than nothing…

It could be worse. Maybe…

Photo Credit: The Chive

2. You’re a celebrity on vacation.

Back home…not so much.

Photo Credit: The Chive

3. You already know you’re gonna overpack.

So don’t even fight it!

Photo Credit: The Chive

4. Ahhh, this is what vacation is all about.

No room for drama!

Photo Credit: The Chive

5. Yeah, so am I…

Still just staring at these four walls…

Photo Credit: The Chive

6. Bring on the tequila!

Hey, be careful with that stuff!

Photo Credit: The Chive

7. I’m with you on this one.

It’s been a while!

Photo Credit: The Chive

8. I hope you have a good imagination.

You’re gonna need it!

Photo Credit: The Chive

9. It’s literally all I want right now.

Does this look good to you?

Photo Credit: The Chive

10. Either one would be a welcome change.

You can’t be too picky.

Photo Credit: The Chive

11. It never ends, does it?

Your life basically revolves around laundry.

Photo Credit: The Chive

12. Alright, it’s party time…

There’s no better feeling in the world!

Photo Credit: The Chive

Okay, now we want to hear from you!

Do you have any big vacations planned this summer?

If so, please tell us about them in the comments. We’d love to hear from you!

The post Vacation Memes for Everyone Who Wants to Get Out of Town NOW appeared first on UberFacts.