An Actress Provided a Succinct, Powerful Explanation About Why Women Very Rarely Feel Safe

If you’re not a woman, it can be hard to understand what it’s like to walk around feeling not exactly secure, pretty much all of the time.

Women and girls have to be on their guard, watching their surroundings, picking out exit strategies, prepared to lie or laugh and jokes that aren’t funny or actually run for their lives if something goes south.

Actress Shay Greyson, who lives in London, does a great job illustrating what it’s like on a day-to-day when she describes and encounter with a man in the park who asked to take a picture of her dog.

It was daytime and there were people around, so she figured there was no harm in saying yes.

Until…

“My dog was on a leash, it was daytime, and there were a lot of people around.

With that in mind, I figured he had no malicious intentions, so I said yes.

As he was doing it, I noticed that his hand was holding her collar.

That’s when I realized he was actually taking a picture of my address on the dog tag, not my dog.”

I think many of us would have gone into flight mode at that point, but Shay didn’t – she went after him and stood up for herself instead, insisting that he delete the photos and then verifying that he did.

Then, she insisted that he delete them from his “recently deleted” folder.

“My gut told me to keep insisting, so I told him that I would not stop or leave until he showed it to me.

He then agreed to show me the album, and as I suspected, the three pictures were still there.

I then made him permanently delete them all.”

She shared her story on TikTok, where other women chimed in with their own stories and how they believe their own quick thinking perhaps saved their lives.

@heysheybae

What if I didn’t realize what he was doing? #fyp #safetyprotocol #womensafety #foryou #storytime #feminism #foryoupage

♬ original sound – heysheybae

If you’re not a woman and are wanting to better understand what it’s like to live as one – and why we often have escape strategies and don’t want to be friendly – there are plenty more posts on TikTok like Shay’s.

Women are out there trying to make you understand, so take advantage!

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Humans of New York Raises Millions of Dollars for a New York Treasure

If you don’t know about Brandon Stanton or his website, Humans of New York, your whole life is about to improve.

The concept began as Brandon wandering around with a camera and recorder, taking pictures of random people and asking them a question, or to share their story. Their tales are funny, heartbreaking, heartwarming, solemn, and thought-provoking (sometimes all at once), but the one thing they have in common is their ability to make readers remember that the people we pass on the street are all human.

We all have stories, We all have pasts and joys and challenges that have formed us.

Posted by Humans of New York on Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Brandon and his site, his stories, his humans, remind us to be kind, I think, and also that there are millions of reasons to not just chuck humanity off a cliff.

Recently, Brandon stopped to tell an older Black woman that he liked her coat, and the two of them got to chatting. He published (what turned out to be only part of) her story, and when he reached out to her later about hearing more, became worried when he couldn’t get in touch.

Her name is Stephanie, though the world Brandon has created now knows her as Tanqueray.

(4/32) “All I ever thought about was getting out of that house. I’d spend hours watching those old black-and white…

Posted by Humans of New York on Monday, September 21, 2020

She’s been having medical troubles that prevented her from meeting with Brandon to tell more of her story as a podcast like they had planned, so Stanton did what he usually does – he went above and beyond to help another human in need.

He offered her story in return for donations, and people fell so quickly and deeply in love with the woman – a long-ago runaway from upstate who found her way to the city and made her own way in the burlesque clubs of the 60s and 70s – that they began to donate what they could.

Tanqueray’s story is truly amazing, but it’s her spirit, and her frankness in telling it, that I think draws people in.

Posted by Humans of New York on Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Regardless of what has done it, the fact is that people been quick to leap to her aid – to the tune of $2.6 million and counting.

Stephanie has some pretty immediate and large medical challenges currently, and will need substantial funds to continue living somewhat independently for the rest of her life.

She’s pledged whatever remains in her trust at the time of her death to a children’s charity, The Association to Benefit Children.

Posted by Humans of New York on Wednesday, September 30, 2020

You’ll need to read her story for yourself, because there’s no way I could cover all of the twists and turns and hope and drama and heartbreak and joy without using her words – you deserve to hear it the way she tells it, because that’s half the beauty.

And then, you just might find yourself reaching for that donate button yourself.

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Problems That 911 Dispatchers Face During Every Shift

It might not be the most glamorous job in the world, but answering 911 calls takes a special type of person.

911 receives about 240 million calls every year, and with some of the shifts lasting 16 hours – not to mention the content of the calls – you definitely need to be strong.

Here are 9 things they deal with on a regular basis.

9. Never hang up on a dispatcher.

Image Credit: iStock

Every time someone calls and hangs up, a dispatcher is required to call back. So even if you’ve made a mistake, it’s best to stay on the line and explain instead of hanging up.

Bill Blume, a dispatcher since 2001, says that he understands wait times can be frustrating, “but at the same time people just don’t appreciate how much a hang-up can slow the process down.”

8. Most calls aren’t true emergencies.

Image Credit: iStock

While dispatchers get between 300 and 500 calls a shift, veteran Amanda says “Ninety-five percent are nothing calls.”

“They’re not people who need help. They’re people who have low coping skills.

The fact you don’t know how to change the batteries in your fire alarm is not a 911 call. The fact you don’t know where you parked your car at the mall is not a 911 call.

But you’ll have days when it seems that’s all you get.”

Some states have penalties for abusing the system, but they’re usually only enforced with repeat offenders.

Amanda also says it’s not easy to tell right away whether a problem might be serious.

“The level of distress somebody is displaying is in no way correlated to how serious their problem is.

The people who are screaming the most generally have overflowing toilets.

But the calmest guy will call up and say, ‘I don’t really wanna bother anybody, but my wife isn’t breathing.”

Ugh. Please don’t do this.

7. It really helps if you know your own location.

Image Credit: iStock

If you can’t communicate your exact location, a dispatcher can’t send help. Amanda says it’s very common.

“Maybe you’re stuck in a store and  you didn’t pay attention to the address. Or on the highway people are very fuzzy about where they are.

In hotels people don’t know their room number.”

Dispatchers with experience are pretty good at using vague descriptors, the sound of nearing sirens, and in their own lives, are sure to be aware of what’s going on around them at all times.

6. They have a call hierarchy.

Image Credit: iStock

Amanda admits that “calls get triaged based on the level of immediate public danger,” which is to say, they may no be addressed in the order they are received.

They also make the call on whether or not emergency vehicles go out with lights and sirens.

5. The disappearance of landlines has made their jobs harder.

Image Credit: iStock

Most 911 calls – around 80% – are now made from cell phones, which makes it impossible for the dispatcher to use the person’s phone number to pin down their address.

Nikki, a dispatcher for 9 years, says that some cell phone carriers are more accurate than others, though.

“We’ve discovered that Sprint and Verizon have the most accurate locations.

We were once trying to locate a man with a gun, and he had Sprint, and the map showed him on one side of a pine tree and that’s exactly where he was.”

In 2018, Apple and Google both added services that transmit location data from cell phones to 911.

4. They get a lot of butt dials.

Image Credit: iStock

The FCC estimates that around half of the 911 calls from NYC cell phones are accidental – which adds up to 84 million calls every year.

FCC Commissioner Michael O’Rielly says,

“This is a huge waste of resources, raises the cost of providing 911 services, depletes PSAP morale, and increases the risk that legitimate 911 calls – and first responders – will be delayed.”

Nikki says it’s not all bad, though.

“We’ve had people call with the phone under their pillow while they’re having sex, or people singing while they’re driving down the road.”

On rare occasions, accidental calls have also helped lead to real arrests.

3. You don’t have to say a word.

Image Credit: iStock

It’s entirely possible that someone calling for help may not be able to speak, like in a case where they don’t want to be overheard, or if they’re choking.

Dispatchers are trained to ask yes-or-no questions that the caller can answer with the push of a button.

Martha, a dispatcher from George, explains,

“…if there’s a domestic situation, we’ll ask, ‘Is he still in the room? Does he have a weapon? Has he been drinking?’”

Truly terrifying.

2. You might get a busy signal.

Image Credit: iStock

If there is a large emergency that is experienced or witnessed by a large crowd, lines could be busy, says Amanda.

“When you have a very public incident going on, sometimes you’ll get busy signals because there are instantly 1000 calls.

The problem is that within those busy signals are some set of people calling for things that are not the public incident.”

So yeah, don’t call if there’s a BIG emergency… just your emergency.

1. Here’s how you get around it.

Image Credit: iStock

If you can’t get through, try calling your police or fire department directly – Rachel Herron, a former dispatcher from California says they’re easy to find online.

“You should have that number programmed into your phone.”

I don’t think I could handle it, honestly.

If you’re a 911 operator or know someone who is, tell us some good stories in the comments!

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911 Operators Share Behind-the-Scenes Secrets

There are a lot of jobs in this world that possess some kind of mystery, but most of us don’t spend too much time thinking about what 911 operators handle on a daily basis.

This, despite the fact that around 240 million of us call 911 every year – that’s between 300 and 500 calls per operator per day.

Yeah.

So I think it’s fair to say they’ve probably got their fair share of secrets – and these 10, shared by those with years of experience, are pretty cool.

10. Kid calls are the worst.

Image Credit: iStock

Emergencies involving children will get to even the most experienced operators – like retired dispatcher Rachel Herron.

“Everyone hates a baby call.

If you get a call that a baby isn’t breathing, the whole room gets really, really quiet and all the dispatchers pull for the person giving CPR instructions.

I’ve had a couple that have gone badly and those are hard to let go.”

Truly heartbreaking.

9. They don’t know what happens after they hang up.

Image Credit: iStock

One of the hardest things about their jobs is hanging up and moving onto the next call without knowing the outcome of the one they’re on. Once first responders are on the scene, though, they have to do just that.

Jill, a 14-year-veteran, confirms.

“It is the worst part.

You have this intense moment with this person, it could be the most horrible moment of their life and you’re the first one to help them, and you never find out what happens.”

I wonder how many people get PTSD because of that?

8. There are “regulars.”

Image Credit: iStock

Billy Blume, a long-time dispatcher, says,

“We call them frequent flyers. You kind of develop a relationship with them. You remember them and know how that conversation is gonna go.

It may be someone prone to alcoholism or who has a history of mental illness and you know certain things that work on other calls just aren’t gonna work there.”

Would you have thought this happens?

7. Sports fans are likely to wait too long to call.

Image Credit: iStock

The centers are quiet during major sporting events…but only because fans don’t want to interrupt the game, says dispatcher Amanda.

“You get no calls when the game is on. None. It’s bizarre.

As soon as the game is over, you’ll have 20 guys having a heart attack because they weren’t willing to call during the game.

It’s true every single year.”

No game is THAT important. You can always watch the highlights.

6. Creatives are drawn to the job.

Image Credit: iStock

A lot of dispatchers are there for a paycheck until their other career – author, musician, dancer – takes off.

“You rarely see someone come into a job as a dispatcher where that is their career goal,” says Blume, who is himself an author.

If you’re thinking about signing on for supplemental income of your own, though, think twice – Blume estimates only about 1/3 of new hires make it.

5. They’re very superstitious.

Image Credit: iStock

They never acknowledge a quiet or slow shift, because that’s the best way to get an onslaught of calls.

Shhhhhhhhh!

4. They find ways to keep their hands busy.

Image Credit: iStock

Dispatchers are all good multi-taskers and thrive on those adrenaline-filled moments, but when things are slow, many are browsing social media or knitting to pass the time.

Nikki, a long-time dispatcher, has been doing it so long she can browse Pinterest while she walks someone through how to do CPR.

Yeah.

3. They never ask ‘why’ – and they don’t care.

Image Credit: iStock

They only care about the what and where or your emergency; the why has no bearing on the things they need to accomplish.

Nor should it!

2. They know if you’re lying.

Image Credit: iStock

Callers lie for all kinds of reasons, like saying there have been shots fired in an attempt to get police to come sooner, or an abuser who took the phone from a victim saying everything is fine.

Dispatchers are listening for cues all the time says Blume.

“Usually you can read into tone. A red flag is if, when I call back, they say the call was a mistake, that’s a big difference than if they say it was an accident.

If they say it was a mistake that gives me the impression they were trying to call on purpose and clearly there was a reason why they did it.

You have to be suspicious.”

Very interesting! They’re almost a human lie detector.

1. They suffer trauma.

Image Credit: iStock

A 2012 study found that 911 dispatchers are at risk for PTSD because of the high volume of stressful calls they receive every shift.

Things like this, says dispatcher Jill, are hard to shake off.

“I heard a gentleman take his last breath after being stabbed.

That one bothers me today and it happened seven years ago.

I have a thick skin but not around my heart.”

Dispatchers are likely to suffer insomnia, paranoia, and grief even when they’re not manning the phones – walking around their town’s streets can be reminders of where people suffered and died.

Many of them cope by remembering that most of the time, their involvement is able to make things better for the person on the other end of the line.

I don’t think this is the job for me, y’all, but props to those who do it!

If you’ve done this work, share some stories with us in the comments!

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