Just because you are heterosexual doesn’t mean you aren’t curious about the pluses, minuses, and just plain differences when it comes to dating men, women, or both.

Lucky for you, Reddit is always happy to provide answers. For educational purposes, obviously.

#15. On how I approach.

“There’s actually a noticeable difference on how I approach the relationship. When I’m with men I like being taken care of, but I like being more dominant in with women, I’ll do all the things I’d want a man to do for me.”

#14. Don’t fit the mold.

“I’m in a male-dominated field and have nerdy hobbies and am not traditionally feminine, so in some ways, men have been easier for me to get along with. But on the other hand, with another women, I’ve felt a more comforting sense of kinship and a sort of symmetry. But I have been hurt just as much by women as by men. I have dated both men and women who have insulted my body, compared me to other girls, dismissed my feelings, etc. And in some ways, I feel like men can be more clingy and emotional in relationships, just because many men have no emotional outlet other than their romantic partner. Women might be emotionally intimate with a wide circle of friends, but men generally are taught to bottle up their feelings and only open up to their partner, which is a lot of pressure for me.

I prefer dating people who are more similar to myself, who err on the side of over-communicating rather than under-communicating, who are emotionally available and conscious of people around them, who don’t try to dominate the room or go all “well, actually…”, who have a feminine side and don’t try to act macho, and who find me attractive for my butch side rather than just the parts of me that are more conventionally attractive. Because of this, I have mostly stuck to dating women. However, I’m now in a long-term relationship with a man who loves baking and taking care of me when I need it, uses the words “self-care,” understands my emotions better than I do myself sometimes, buys me feminist literature, looks like a beautiful ageless elf, and loves the fact that I could take him in a fight. Even if the traits you like are more common in one gender, there are plenty of people who don’t fit the mold of traditionally feminine or masculine behavior.”

#13. Talking through problems.

“This is sort of broad strokes, but oftentimes when a man would approach me with a problem, he’s looking for a solution. When a woman would, she wants her feelings validated. This also means when I talk about a problem of mine, my partner would respond in the way they would want, rather than what I’m necessarily seeking

Edit: there are lots of exceptions, and it’s not a binary thing. Sometimes I (a dude) will go to a partner hoping for validation of my feelings because I already know the solution to my problem, and it just helps to share my feelings – a burden shared is a burden halved! Sometimes, women I know do want help with finding a solution to a problem. I’ve just noticed that in general these trends often exist.”

#12. Really clingy.

“All of the guys I have dated were clingier than the women I have dated. To the point sometimes where I feel I’m not expected to have time to myself. Women seemed to be more understanding of personal time. But I suppose that may be more of an introvert vs extrovert thug.”

#11. Better listeners.

“personally, the only differences i’ve had with multiple same and different partners is just what they identify as, male or female. once you’ve dated a decent amount of people from both sexes you realize everyone is all the same. i’ve been with women that bottle up their emotions and hold onto grudges more often than men and i’ve dated men more emotional and clingy than me and other women too.

however, i will say that the one thing that always seems to follow the stereotype-is that women are better listeners and remember some of the most minute details from previous dates whereas men will check out quicker if a conversation doesn’t really pique their interest. it’s a lot harder making small talk with men; whereas with women its fairly easy for me to navigate the conversation and to either lead or listen. but, i have dated more lesbians than bisexual women and i think the fact that the lesbian dating pool feels much smaller than it is that women are much more eager to get into a relationship rather than a hook up and therefore listen more closely to what you have to say.

edit:added more details”

#10. No privacy.

“Women are softer and gentler in both a physical and emotional sense. Arguments tend to be more emotional and less angry with women, but now that we learned to be intentionally kinder to each other around our periods that doesn’t happen much at all. It’s a little weird on a date with a woman that you use the same bathroom. You don’t get that moment to yourself and there’s no privacy. Men seem to be more activity driven.

I’ll offer up the caveat that I’ve only had five partners total so there’s a lot of generalization.”

#9. The same anatomy.

“I keep seeing a reoccurring theme here. Girls think sex with girls is better, and guys think sex with guys is better. Possibly because you have the same anatomy and know what feels good?”

#8. Communication style.

“More individual difference than gender difference.

But if there is one it’s communication style. Men take a lot longer to open up. And I’d say most men are less thoughtful about many things (like keeping track of important things happening in your life and giving support through them) although my personal experience there with the only man I’ve seriously dated has been stellar.”

#7. Less emotionally open.

“Girls are softer, more gentle and like to chat/converse about everything. The guys I’ve dated have been waaay less emotionally open and would bottle their feelings and never talk about them.”

#6. On being an introvert.

“Most of the time neither gender realize that being introverted means I get energized from being alone and it doesn’t mean that I’m angry at the time. But usually guys are more understanding (or atleast don’t want to try to change it) while girls think it’s something they did.”

#5. A matter of minutes.

“Men can get ready in a matter of minutes.”

#4. Depending on circumstances.

“In arguments alone: Women are explosive, but more pleasant in the day-to-day. Men tend to backslide into a quiet agony that never gets resolved.

The women I’ve dated tend to be more open emotionally, ready and able to bring up any problem as it occurs – and similarly able to chill it for a time while we both get our emotions back to a state where we can talk to each other. Men, for their part, are content to just never bring up what bothers them. They’ll gladly endure, for thirty years, a problem that can be resolved in three days of open conversation.

Also, men will want a moderate level of sex all the time, while women want a fluctuating low-then-high level of sex depending on circumstances, hormones, emotions, and the positions of the moons of Jupiter. I tend to have crazy, mad, sparse sex with women, but constant decent sex with men.”

#3. The general public.

“How it’s received by the general public. When I’m out one on one with a man, it’s second nature to assume he is my significant other in situations such as having a dinner date or a weekend away at a hotel. That’s not the case when I’m with a woman. In particular, my current girlfriend looks somewhat similar to me. We’re both petite blondes. When we are out together, the first assumption is that we’re sisters or best friends. We have to make a point to explain that we’re together. It doesn’t bother me, as most people genuinely just don’t know and assume what’s second nature to them. It’s just an observation.”

#2. That shared understanding of experience.

“The biggest difference for me, as a guy, I’d that there is a different level of friendship with a guy than a girl. With my current bf, it’s like I’m hanging out with my best bro, at the same time as spending time with the person I love. We do everything together and I never really want time away.

My last ex, a girl, was great to spend time with, but there was a level of understanding and friendship that wasn’t there purely because she was a girl. She could never understand certain things that a guy just gets. That shared understanding of experience that guys have. I’m sure girls have the same thing with other girls.

That was longer than I expected, but that’s the biggest difference I have.”

#1. Easier to share.

“It’s easier to share a bathroom with two men. There’s more room in the counter, less time spent in there and so on.

Men tend to brood on things before arguing in an explosive way. Then it’s resolved. With women I found that little things were cause for bickering more often but grudges or holding things for the right time wasn’t as common.

Taking directly has been, for me personally, easier with men than women. The women I dated would read into things I was trying to say, even when I was trying to be direct.

For me, sex with men was always easier because there wasn’t such an entrenched societal view. Men are men and like sex in our society. Women who like sex are often shamed or insulted and as a result tend to be, again for me personally, more difficult to approach or converse with when it comes to sex.”

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