A Man Wrote a Stupid Tweet About a Hot Girl and Updated the World a Decade Later in a Very Cute Way

Ten years ago, far fewer people were on Twitter and you could pretty much tweet whatever nonsense popped into your head — like meeting a cute girl and calling her a “jalepeno.”

That’s what a young man tweeted in 2009, only to return 10 years later with an update: he married the cute girl.

Jared Matthews was a young single 20-something when he tweeted this classy joke:

“Met a really hot girl who was half japanese half philipino. Think i ruined it by constantly callin her a jalepeno.”

But he didn’t ruin it. The girl, Analyn, thought it was “hilarious,” Jared told BuzzFeed News. They exchanged numbers right there in the Las Vegas bar where they met, and about a month later, they became official. They went on to date for years.

Jared stopped using Twitter shortly after the jalapeno joke, as you can see here.

But in 2019 he returned to his account. His page only had a few tweets on it, so he immediately saw the 2009 joke about Analyn and decided to write an update: Jared had proposed after three years of dating, and the two were now married.

The update went viral, with over 700,000 likes. Twitter can be a dark, weird place – but this? This is as wholesome as it gets, and it’s exactly what people needed to see at the end of the decade.

Jared and Analyn now live together in Ft. Lauderdale. The two haven’t shared any photos of themselves, but Jared has been busy giving strangers relationship advice after his newfound viral fame.

He told BuzzFeed News: “I knew exchanging numbers that night had been the best decision of my life.”

He was clearly right.

The post A Man Wrote a Stupid Tweet About a Hot Girl and Updated the World a Decade Later in a Very Cute Way appeared first on UberFacts.

12 Mindbenders That Might Just Mess With Your Sense of Reality

The simple definition of a paradox is this: a statement that contradicts itself or a situation which seems to defy logic.

These are all around us every day, and range from something mundane like saying “I always lie” and the complexities surrounding the idea of time travel.

If you’re into reading things that really bend your brain, I present these 12 paradoxes, designed to do just that.

12. When did it cease to be?

The Ship of Theseus always kind of fucked me. So, there’s this Greek dude called Theseus, and he’s on a very long boat trip home. His ship needs repair, they stop, replace a few rotten boards, and continue. Due to the particularily strenuous nature of this very long trip, several more of these stops for repairs are made, until, by the very end, not a single board from the original vessel remains.

Is this still the same vessel? If not, when did it cease to be?

11. Simple but not.

Pinocchio says “My nose will grow after I finish this sentence”

Does it?

10. The more traffic, the more traffic. Or something.

Braess’ paradox.

From wiki “the observation that adding one or more roads to a road network can end up impeding overall traffic flow through it. The paradox was postulated in 1968 by German mathematician Dietrich Braess, who noticed that adding a road to a particular congested road traffic network would increase overall journey time.”

9. Just stop it, people.

That “this page is intentionally left blank” page.

The page isn’t even blank anymore!

8. Triple make you crazy.

The UK ‘triple lock’ that people moving to the UK experience:

Need proof of address and photographic ID to open a bank account

Need a bank account and photographic ID to rent a place

Need a bank account and an address to get sent your photographic ID

7. The Legend of Zelda.

What about the song of storms from the legend of Zelda?

In the legend of Zelda ocarina of Time, you travel though time between child and adult by using the master sword, and doing so you can come back to certain areas to get different items from both times.

Well one song the you learn is called the song of storms and you learn it by going to the adult time and talk to a guy in a windmill. He tells you about a kid that came in 7 years ago and played a strange song and messed up the windmill and teaches it to you. After learning the song you can now go back to being a child and go to the guy in the windmill and play the song to him, despite not knowing it before as a child.

So questions are where did the song come from and who taught who the song? Did the windmill guy teach it to link or did link teach it to the windmill guy?

6. And around and around forever.

Jim is my enemy.

But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy.

And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

So, Jim is actually my friend.

But…because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy.

So, actually Jim is my enemy.

But…

5. Where to put the hooks?

So i know this is just a silly thing but…..

At my old work, my department was food service. In our prep room, you had to always wear an apron. Always, no exceptions.

When leaving the preproom, you had to take your apron off to prevent cross contamination.

The bosses were trying to figure out where to put the hooks. Inside in the back of the door, or outside on the wall.

4. Definitely hard to explain.

The Banach Tarski paradox is one hell of a mind fuck.

Its basically taking something, and rearranging it to form another exact copy of itself while still having the complete original. Like taking a sphere, which has infinite points on it and drawing line from every “point” on its surface to the center, or the core of the sphere. Then you seperate the lines from the sphere, but because there is infinite points you now have an exact copy of the original sphere.

Its kind of hard to explain here so just watch the Vsauce video on it for a more in depth explanation.

3. The coastline is always growing…or something.

The coastline paradox.

The more accurately you measure a coastline, the longer it gets… to infinity.

2. But you do, in fact, reach the door.

One of my favorites is Xeno’s Paradox.

In order to leave my apartment, just for example, I have to walk half way to my front door. Then I have to walk half the remaining distance. Then half that distance, ad infinitum. In theory, I should never be able to reach the door.

Now I love this paradox, because we’ve actually solved it. It was a lively, well-discussed debate for millennia. At least a few early thinkers were convinced that motion was an illusion because of it!

It was so persuasive an argument that people doubted their senses!

Then Leibniz (and/or Newton) developed calculus and we realized that infinite sums can have finite solutions.

Paradox resolved.

It makes me wonder what “calculus” we are missing to resolve some of these others.

EDIT: A lot more people have strong opinions about Zeno’s Paradox than I thought. To address common comments:

1.) Yes, it’s Zeno, not ‘Xeno’. Blame autocorrect and my own fraught relationship with homophones.

2.) Yes there are three of them.

3.) If you’re getting hung up on the walking example, think of an arrow being shot at a fleeing target. First the arrow has to get to where the target was. But at that point, the target has moved. So the arrow has to cover that new distance. But by then, the target has moved again, etc. So the arrow gets infinitesimally closer to the target, but doesn’t ever reach it.

4.) Okay, you think you could have solved it if you were living in ancient Greece. I profoundly regret that you weren’t born back then to catapult our understanding two millenia into the future.

5.) Yes, I agree Diogenes was a badass.

I hope this covers everything.

1. Just take a shot and pick a box.

Newcomb’s Paradox:

There are two boxes, A and B. A contains either $1,000 or $0 and B contains $100. Box A is opaque, so you can’t see inside, Box B is clear, so you can see for sure that there is $100 in it.

Your options is to choose both boxes, or to choose only Box A.

There is an entity called “The Predictor”, which determines whether or not the $1,000 will be in Box A. How he chooses this is by predicting whether or not you will choose both boxes, or just Box A. If the Predictor predicts that you will “two box”, he will leave Box A empty. If he predicts that you will “one box”, he will put the $1,000 in Box A. He is accurate “an overwhelming amount of the time”, but not 100%. At the time of your decision, the contents of Box A (i.e. whether or not there is anything in it) are fixed, and nothing you do at that point will change whether or not there is anything in the box.

It is a paradox of decision theory that rests on two principles of rational choice. According to the principle of strategic dominance:

There are only two possibilities, and you don’t know which one holds:

Box A is empty: Therefore you should choose both boxes, to get $100 as opposed to $0.

Box A is full: Therefore you should choose both boxes, to get $1,100 as opposed to just $1,000.

Therefore, you should always choose both boxes, since under every possible scenario, this results in more money.

BUT:

According to the principle of expected value:

Choosing one box is superior because you have a statistically higher chance of getting more money. Most of the people who have gone before you who have chosen one box have gotten $1,000, and most that have chosen both boxes have gotten only $100. Therefore, if you analyze the problem statistically, or in terms of which decision has the higher probability of resulting in a higher outcome, you should choose only one box. Imagine one billion people going before you, and you actually seeing so many of them have this outcome. Any outliers became insignificant.

In terms of strategic dominance, two-boxing is always superior to one-boxing because no matter what is in Box A, two-boxing results in more money. One-boxing, on the other hand, has a demonstrably higher probability of resulting in a larger amount of money. Both of these choices represent fundamental principles of rational choice. There are two rival theories, Causal Decision Theory (which supports strategic dominance) and Evidential Decision Theory (which supports expected utility). It is pretty arcane but one of the most difficult paradoxes in contemporary philosophy.

Robert Nozick summed it up well: “To almost everyone, it is perfectly clear and obvious what should be done. The difficulty is that these people seem to divide almost evenly on the problem, with large numbers thinking that the opposing half is just being silly.”

EDIT: I made some edits…to make it clearer.

EDIT: There are also an offshoot of Newcomb’s Paradoxes called medical Newcomb’s Problems. I’ve been in a situation like this before, I’ll describe it:

I went on an antidepressant, and there’s a history of manic depression in my family. My psychiatrist told me that for some people, antidepressants bring out their manic phase, and they find out they have manic depression. They already did have manic depression, so it doesn’t cause it, it just reveals it. She told me to watch out for any impulsive decisions I making, as that can be a sign of a manic phase.

I was in line at a convenience store and thought: should I buy a black and mild? I don’t really smoke, but for some reason it seemed appealing. Then I realized, that seems like an impulsive decision. But, if it is an impulsive decision, and I go through with it, and do indeed have manic depression, then I should just do it anyways. After all, it’s not making me have manic depression, it’s simply revealing something to me that I already had. On the other hand, if I don’t do it, then I have no evidence that I have manic depression, meaning that there truly is less evidence, and therefore I have no reason to believe that I have manic depression.

Expected utility = don’t buy the black & mild Strategic dominance = buy the black & mild

These situations aren’t quite as easy to see, but they’re interesting anyways.

I’m doing quite well now and all indication is that I do not have manic depression.

I’m off to take a nap to recover.

Do you have a favorite paradox? If it’s not here, please leave it in the comments!

Yes, we’re asking you to mess with our head once again. Because that’s how we roll.

The post 12 Mindbenders That Might Just Mess With Your Sense of Reality appeared first on UberFacts.

A Guy Was Caught Cheating After His Girlfriend Saw a Fitbit Physical Activity Spike at 4 A.M.

Oops!

We live in a very convenient world filled with state-of-the-art technology that is designed to make our lives a hell of a lot easier. But sometimes these tricky little devices can backfire on people, especially if they’re up to no good. And that’s exactly what happened to the boyfriend of NFL correspondent Jane Slater.

Slater took to Twitter to tell a scandalous story about her one-time boyfriend who got her a Fitbit for Christmas one year so they could get in shape together. Slater said, “I loved it. We synched up, motivated each other… didn’t hate it until he was unaccounted for at 4 am and his physical activity levels were spiking on the app, wish the story wasn’t real.”

Slater added, “Spoiler alert: he was not enrolled in an OrangeTheory class at 4 am.”

And her tales of heartbreak didn’t end there. Slater said on Twitter, “I also had a guy get drunk and bring another girl home forgetting I was spending the night there. We were set to go to church the next morning and I stayed in to get sleep. I could write a book.”

Maybe she should write a book, huh?

Other folks online sympathized with Slater and had a sense of humor about her situation.

Because why not laugh?

It is pretty funny after all!

And, on top of that, other people had similar stories…

Yep.

Uh huh.

For REALS!

Have you ever had something like this happen to you?

I really hope you haven’t…but if you have, let’s hear those stories in the comments!

The post A Guy Was Caught Cheating After His Girlfriend Saw a Fitbit Physical Activity Spike at 4 A.M. appeared first on UberFacts.

A Woman Messaged Her Tinder Matches With Quotes From ‘The Grinch’

Well, this is entertaining…

Dayna Troisi is a big fan of How The Grinch Stole Christmas and so she decided to do something very clever on Tinder.

Troisi said, “he is all of us. Like, for example, he hates people, and refuses to go out when he can’t find the perfect outfit (don’t you hate when you’re too bloated for your favorite bodysuit?). He is also emotionally stunted but good-hearted at the end of the day. Plus, he has a dog, so he can’t be that bad. So, I wondered: What would happen if I messaged my Tinder matches with quotes from The Grinch?”

Let’s see how it went, shall we?

1. Sign him up.

Photo Credit: Tinder

2. Nice recovery.

Photo Credit: Tinder

3. Not feeling it.

Photo Credit: Tinder

4. More cuffing.

Photo Credit: Tinder

5. This fella got it.

Photo Credit: Tinder

6. This guy is pretty serious.

Photo Credit: Tinder

7. This went off the rails.

Photo Credit: Tinder

8. Okay…

Photo Credit: Tinder

9. What else do you feel?

Photo Credit: Tinder

10. A poet and he knows it.

Photo Credit: Tinder

Pretty brilliant, I must say!

Have you ever done anything like this on dating apps? Tell us all about it in the comments!

The post A Woman Messaged Her Tinder Matches With Quotes From ‘The Grinch’ appeared first on UberFacts.

A Guys Asked If He Was Wrong for Fat-Shaming His Teen Daughter on Her Birthday

I think I know my answer to this question that someone asked on Reddit, but I’ll let you make up your own mind.

A father took to Reddit’s “Am I the Asshole” page to ask about how he treated his teenage daughter about her weight. Read the man’s words and then decide how you feel about this situation.

sight

Here is the full post from Reddit:

“This happened a few months ago. I just learned about this subreddit and thought this would be a good place to ask about a point of contention in the family.

My daughter is overweight. Not anything too drastic, but she is around 5’4 and 155 pounds. So she could stand to lose a few pounds. I’ve been concerned about her weight for a long time. None of it has been helped by my also-overweight, enabling wife.

On her 19th birthday, in August, we went on a hike in the state forest. She complained about it literally the entire time. She didn’t like that it was hot, she didn’t like the incline, she didn’t like the mosquitoes. I still encouraged her and pushed on, I think she was satisfied with having exercised at the end of it.

Hiking

But, while we were driving back home, she knew that we would be driving past a Dunkin Donuts. She wanted me to stop so she could get herself a “birthday donut.” I said no. She was upset about it, saying she just wanted a donut and she’d just done this long hike to please me on her birthday. I argued calmly that she didn’t want to undo all the work of the hike by getting a donut. She said the one she wanted is 350 calories (which I doubt is true) and would fit into her day. I pointed out she’d probably be eating cake later. We didn’t stop and she sulked about it on the whole ride back. When we got home, she told her mother, who of course sided with her and went on a rant about how our daughter’s birthday shouldn’t be a time I’m preaching healthy eating.

Donuts

I am trying to protect her health at every turn, when she spends most of her free time with her mother. Am I really the asshole for not wanting to stop and get her a fatty donut after a nice hike?”

People weighed in on the situation and it was pretty clear that basically NO ONE was on this guy’s side.

“You’ve got to be fuckin kidding my man. On her birthday, you forced your daughter into an activity I suspect you knew she would not enjoy, and then denied her a 75 cent treat. Beyond that, you didn’t even pretend you took the hike for time together, or– God forbid– her enjoyment; you made it clear that your focus for this event was getting her to exercise. You’re a huge asshole.”

Angry Man

“This is completely the wrong way to go about helping someone lose weight.. One hike is not going to make a difference in the larger picture of health, but this memory is going to be burned into her brain. Health and weightloss is an ongoing lifestyle change and one doughnut has ZERO impact on her weight.

As someone who spent their teens slightly overweight, it was my relationship WITH food that was the problem, I was an emotional over eater, no matter how much I wanted to slim down. My parents withholding something like a doughnut only drove me to eat in secret and form unhealthy habits. such as binge eating. For teenage girls, their relationship with their body easily becomes a societal reflection of their self worth.

You say she “sulked” in the car home, she was probably filled with lots of shame and self hatred that she was fighting with her dad who clearly views her as fat. If you really want to help your daughter, which you seem to care about, you need to change your tactics.

Depriving her of one doughnut is not the solution, working on life long healthy patterns is. For me, I dropped weight in university when I found an activity I liked to do with friends and learning to cook my own food, so that when I wanted a something tasty, I could make something myself rather than grabbing and downing a bag of chips. You’re not wrong to want your daughter to be healthy, but weightloss is as much about mental health as physical.”

What do you think about this situation? Does the dad have a point or is he WAY off base?

Let us know in the comments!

The post A Guys Asked If He Was Wrong for Fat-Shaming His Teen Daughter on Her Birthday appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Siblings Who Don’t Deserve Forgiveness

Some transgressions can be forgiven because we’re family – but some things are just unforgivable horror shows. Frankly, these people below should be shamed for the rest of their lives (preferably on the internet). That’s how bad they are.

Let’s be real: these 15 siblings clearly are gonna get what’s coming to them.

15. You’re living with a monster.

What my older sister does to toothpaste tubes from mildlyinfuriating

14. How can you even be mad?

My mum asked my brother to share his Easter egg with me. from mildlyinfuriating

13. That’s a pretty epic level of lazy.

my little brother was too lazy to clean up monopoly so he threw it in the trash from mildlyinfuriating

12. What kind of person could do this?

How my sister eats her pizza…. from mildlyinfuriating

11. I love how there are no other texts in between.

My brother has a habit from mildlyinfuriating

10. She’s clearly trying to kill you.

About three weeks ago my sister knocked my lamp over and broke its glass cover. Today I saw that she had placed it next to my curtain, burning a hole in it and almost starting a fire. from mildlyinfuriating

9. Cheese and crackers, anyone?

I shit you not my brother ate the ham out of all 5 Lunchables and put them back in the refrigerator from mildlyinfuriating

8. It had to be a rainy day, too.

My brother backing out of my driveway… from mildlyinfuriating

7. But the middle is the best part?

My sister, everybody. from mildlyinfuriating

6. Okay but in her defense that could happen to anyone.

What my sister did to my earbuds… from mildlyinfuriating

5. Just shove it behind the couch, it will be like it doesn’t exist.

My brother calls this cable "management" from mildlyinfuriating

4. She’s just taking one for the team.

My sister only eats the chocolate from the top container on the YoCrunch yogurts, leaving the rest of us with plain vanilla yogurt. from mildlyinfuriating

3. Who thinks keeping a lollipop clean is more important than a phone screen?

My sister is a god damn savage. from mildlyinfuriating

2. But it wasn’t empty!

My brother thinks that, by leaving half a sheet on the roll, he won’t have to change it. from mildlyinfuriating

1. This makes me twitch.

My sister, everybody. from mildlyinfuriating

 

May I never do something like this to my poor, long-suffering sister.

Has one of your siblings ever let you down on this scale? Tell us the story in the comments!

The post 15 Siblings Who Don’t Deserve Forgiveness appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Funny Tweets About Couples Therapy

Going to therapy is nothing to joke about…oh wait, yes it is!

At least it is according to these folks who decided to tweet about couples therapy.

Let’s dive right into the pain…and the laughs!

1. Who’s ahead?

2. I’ve heard enough out of you.

3. Hahahaha.

4. Maybe you are…

5. Doesn’t look good…

6. That’s a tragedy.

7. You’re not a doctor!

8. That is crucial.

9. I see…

10. You moron!

11. That’s great!

12. I’m gonna need to pat you down.

13. Uh oh…

14. Never a good sign.

15. He just can’t bring himself to do it.

Have you ever given couples therapy a whirl?

If so, let us know how it went in the comments! We’re here to listen!

The post 15 Funny Tweets About Couples Therapy appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About Getting Texts from Their Exes During the Holidays

For some reason, scores of people decide to send their exes text messages during the holidays. Even when the breakup was awful and one side (or both) have made it clear that they want nothing to do with the other person.

I’m here to say that’s probably not a great idea…some things should just be left in the past.

Just stop it. Okay?

These tweeters definitely have some feelings about this topic.

1. Sure, why not?

2. Hahahaha.

3. Annual traditions.

4. Don’t bother.

5. Who are you again?

6. Who do you think you’re talking to?

7. That’s a shame.

8. Twelve is a lot…

9. Wow! Dragging their own child…

10. I think not.

11. Let’s go through it all over again.

12. A vicious cycle.

13. Probably a good idea.

14. NO WAY.

15. Uh oh…here we go again…

Just say NO!

The post People Talk About Getting Texts from Their Exes During the Holidays appeared first on UberFacts.

Funny People Talking Trash About Their Exes Is All You Need to See Today

When you break up with someone or you get brutally dumped, you know what comes next…a lot of trash talking!

And these people are PISSED. So, naturally, they needed to vent on Twitter about their breakups.

Which is good news for us! Because we’re on the outside looking in!

Let’s get knee-deep in this drama!

1. That’s not really helping you.

2. Beware of the trash.

3. I thought that was you!

4. Zing!

5. Get this person off my back.

6. Hahahaha.

7. I might need more than that.

8. The big meeting.

9. Sandy wasn’t messing around.

10. Poor lady…

11. My mom is not on your side.

12. A dangerous game.

13. I know it’s this month…

14. Think about that…

15. The power and the glory.

As the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do.

Boy, that was a doozy!

The post Funny People Talking Trash About Their Exes Is All You Need to See Today appeared first on UberFacts.

Funny Tweets About Things That People Think Are Better Than Sex

Sex is great…but have you seen these tweets?

People are weighing in on social media about what they think is as good or better than doing the deed, knocking the boots, doing the horizontal mamba…or whatever you want to call it.

Let’s dive into these and get inside the heads of these folks…

1. That is SEXY.

2. Very satisfying.

3. EROTIC.

4. Not yet…

5. Way better than sex.

6. What a relief.

7. This is my space.

8. NEVER.

9. Might not be able to beat this one.

10. This has to be a fantasy.

11. Meetings are pretty brutal.

12. That’s impossible.

13. Made a new friend.

14. Showed them…

15. Ahhhh, I’m spent.

Those are pretty hilarious.

Why don’t you share your own version in the comments…we know you have a few of these on your mind!

The post Funny Tweets About Things That People Think Are Better Than Sex appeared first on UberFacts.