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12 Tattoo Artists Reveal What Tattoos They Were Totally Embarrassed to Do

We’ve all seen a tattoo on a friend, relative, or a stranger and cringed, but what about people who do them every day? Well, according to this thread, they’ve done more than their fair share of cringing, too…

#12. We’ve run out.

“I was in the chair getting part of my sleeve done when one of the dudes came into the back room and told my tattooist that there was a young woman at the desk who wanted some stars tattooing on her arm. He sighed loudly and told the other guy to tell her that sorry but they’d run out of stars so no can do.”

#11. Not a normal ladybug.

“A girl I know got a tattoo of a ladybug.

It wasn’t a normal ladybug. It was a ladybug with a 5 inch long human dick going down her arm.”

#10. Would not recommend.

“I try not to judge but I have a difficult time not doing so sometimes.

The most interesting tattoo I’ve ever done was on a guy who came in wanting the words, “Bridget, I’m sorry. I was wrong. I love you.” I would say it was the most dumb tattoo I’ve ever done, but…well you just have to have the full picture.

The story goes like this: 38-year-old guy was dating and living with his girlfriend of two years. She wanted to get married. He was reluctant because she didn’t fit some ideals he had in his head for his long-term partner. They were all superficial things: she was shorter than he liked, and blonde. He preferred brunettes. So she left him. Two months later he realizes he made a huge mistake. The only problem is that she’s moved on and is dating someone and has made it clear that she’s not interested.

This is when this gentleman comes to get the tattoo that is going to solve all of his problems. He tells me that he’s arranged to have dinner with her in a week. He intends to plead for her to come back to him, and when she inevitably doubts his sincerity, he will reveal his tattoo as a sign of his commitment. I try to talk him out of it, but he’s an adult, sober, and of seemingly sound mind. I do the tattoo.

Cut to that very next day. It’s my off day. I’m at my friend’s subdivision pool and I notice this guy who is remarkably attractive. He’s also playing around with some of the kids there and I lean over to my friend and inquire as to Hotty McHottypant’s identity. She tells me about how he’s the new boyfriend of her pretty blonde neighbor who had just gotten out of a long term relationship. Her name? You guessed it. Bridget. In the flesh.

At this point I’m wriggling with the excitement of seeing this girl in person, and the anxiety of having knowledge of what is about to happen to her without being able to reveal it.

Over the next few days, little billboards start popping up around town. “Bridget, I’m sorry. I was wrong. I love you.”

We all know how this is going to end. Bridget sees the tattoo, freaks the fuck out, and this guy leads the rest of his life with an uncomfortable tattoo.

But that’s not what happened!

He has dinner with Bridget. She sees the tattoo, and she completely changes her mind. She breaks up with her boyfriend, gets back together with her ex. And three months later, they get engaged. They have a destination wedding, and are still married today. I know this because I saw both of them at that same pool three and a half months later and they both came over and Bridget gave me a big hug and thanked me. Also, the billboards earlier that month all over town that said, “Bridget, I love you. Will you marry me?” helped tip me off.

And that’s my story of how the dumbest tattoo I’ve ever done ended up being not dumb at all. I wouldn’t recommend anyone else trying it though.

Edit: typo

Edited to add that I’ve had a few people ask to see my work and since I’m not above shamelessly self promoting, you can see it on my Instagram under the same username as here.”

#9. Holding fee.

“I have two stories.

My boyfriend is the artist so I hear a lot of stories. The two that come up frequently about what tattoos he has judged (at all) are these.

A woman comes in and wants an infinity symbol. Sure. Easy enough. EXCEPT, she wants it made out of other smaller infinity symbols. The artist who did it died a little inside.

This one my boyfriend did (and I was there for this one).

A guy comes in wanting his girlfriends name tattooed on him. Stupid, yet common.

But he wants her name, on his penis.

Her name:

Chastity.

There is a guy walking around with Chastity on his dick.

Also, the shop charges a 100 dollar dick holding fee on top of what the tattoo would normal cost.”

#8. Oh the irony.

“I judged one girl hard when she came in to dads shop. She had just turns 18 the day before, and wanted three tattoos at once. The first was a hand holding a cigarette, the second said something along the lines of “no regrets” in French, and the third was a lip print on her asscheek. The irony was lost on nobody.”

#7. Quite well done.

“I knew a girl in college who had a giant back tattoo of two lions fucking. It was quite well done though.”

#6. No less awesome.

“Rainy Tuesday, I was an apprentice. Only type of day that we would take walk-ins.

Guy comes in and hems and haws over flash. Finally approaches the counter, eyes sparkling: “I want….an olive.”

He got a green manzanilla olive, red pimento and all, the size of a baseball on his bicep. First and only tattoo. We asked why an olive? He said “Welllllllll…I’m dating a woman named Olive. Sorta. But it’s kinda going south. But that’s okay; I really like olives!”

We judged him to be of less than average intelligence. And taste. But no less awesome.”

#5. Young and dumb.

“During my apprenticeship I tattooed a kid who lost a bet. It was his friends signature on his ass. That being said, I didn’t really judge him for that. He was young and dumb. When it comes to judging clients it’s a lot less to do with the tattoo they’re getting than how they behave in the chair and the kinds of things they say. But the ass tattoo was definitely the dumbest one I did.”

#4. They just hate each other.

“I particularly enjoy watching the couples that come in and want each other’s names or matching tattoos. They always seem like they just hate each other – lots of griping and bitching, low talking and indecisiveness.”

#3. You first.

“So a buddy of mine is a traveling tattoo artist– he just travels the world and works as a guest artist at tattoo shops.

So this time he’s in Thailand and an older white couple comes in, husband seems to have had a few drinks. Husband wants to have his wife’s name tattooed on his genitals. My buddy straight up denies the request (drunk, genitals, etc), but another artist decides to go through with it.

Next day, the couple returns, but they are instead arguing on the way in. Apparently it was a ‘if you do it, I’ll do it too’ kind of agreement, but the wife wants no part of it.”

#2. It doesn’t get worse.

“My roommate dated a girl who had “always follow your heart, because even though it’s on the left, it’s always right.” I don’t think it gets worse than that.”

#1. Stars, man.

“I asked an artist which tattoo he loathed to do and he just said, “Stars man, f*cking stars.”

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15 People Dish on the Weirdest Classmate or Co-Worker They’ve Ever Had

If you’ve gone to school or had a job, you’ve been around some strange people on a regular basis. If you’ve worked for the government in any capacity, you’ve worked around more than your fair share. Speaking from experience.

But these 15 people really have experienced some doozies.

#15. Stay awesome.

“Working in tech support, I was friends with Tim. Tim liked three things, Baseball, Wrestling (WWE), and my comedy. He thought EVERYTHING I said was hilarious. I could tell he was going to start laughing ten seconds before he would; as I would arrive to the punchline (and sometimes, just an end to a normal sentence), he would begin to shake and crack a smile. For example:

“This lady couldn’t understand why her internet wasn’t working-”

*Tim shakes, starts to smile*

“Yeah?”, choking back laughter.

“…and her router was unplugged.”

He. Would. Lose. It. Made me feel like Dane Cook bringing down Madison Square Garden. I love you Tim, stay awesome.”

#14. The wrong target.

“Had a classmate who hung out with the weeb squad, and he would summon you to their table in the library at lunch to show you that he’d drew a voodoo doll and named it after you. (He did this to scare a bunch of kids I guess?)

The time he did it to me, I just said “Thanks Michael.” and walked off. He didn’t like that he didn’t freak me out.

EDIT: Woah, I come back to Reddit to see a lot of people found humour in my story, awesome.

I’d also like to add a bit on…picture me as a giant emo kid. Michael chose the wrong target that day.”

#13. The only number.

“At my college there was a guy we called “The Hat”

He was a morbidly obese guy who wore muu muus his mom made with strangely patterned fabric , slide on slippers, blue lensed John lennon sunglasses and a giant striped felt cat in the hat looking top hat. He had crazy long hair that he wore in a pony tail. He had a beard that was mostly on his neck and not his face. he carried all his books in a very large roller suit case.

He would waddle past a group of people to a doorway and hold the door for the first person in the group then walk through the door and close it so the next person would need to open it up. He use to pick a terrible accent and speak in it for weeks at a time. He “played” an acoustic guitar in the quad by randomly placing his fingers on the frets and strumming up and down while free stying song lyrics about people who walked by. He would eat entire packages of lunch meat during class pulling out individual slices and squirting mustard on them then rolling them up and shoving them in his mouth. He started his own non school sanctioned fraternity of which he was the only member then proceded to haze himself for pledge week.

He was a strange guy.”

#12. Ed Trumpet.

“We have this co-worker. We call him Ed Trumpet. He basically makes these trumpet sounds when he did something good.

He also using his table as his own drumset.

When he comes in he takes of his shoes and puts on these… Loafers…”

#11. We’re all terrified.

“Coworker talks to herself as well as inanimate objects, and responds to herself as if it’s an actual conversation. I can tell what she ate for lunch based on what barnyard animal noises she’s making when she returns from break. She gets on her hands and knees and barks like a dog at random. A simple paper cut would make you think she lost a limb by the screams.

I’m the only person on staff who isn’t terrified of her.”

#10. Six months later.

“I worked at a funeral home for a while and caught my co-worker looking at the dicks of the deceased on several occasions. In the evenings, while I was in the next room, he’d watch porn in the main office with the volume turned up as loud as possible. He literally never washed his clothes. One day, he dropped a smoothie and got it all over his clothes, 6 months later it was still there. Fuck you, Ed.”

#9. Confessions.

“I worked at this movie theater with this girl Liz. Something was a bit off with her but, not intellectually but she was just off. She would develop crushes on male co workers and constantly harass and be suggestive. She would also create very detailed erotic picture books with characters that looked exactly like and had names that were like one letter off from whoever her crush du jour was.

After I got a job as a pizza boy in the same plaza I found out she had created a book called “confessions of a deranged pizza delivery driver” that featured me and her involved in blood orgies and shit and ultimately ended with her character stabbing me and sodomizing me with a knife and fucking my corpse. So yeah, that was Liz.”

#8. Gone for 3-4 days.

 “In college I worked in the mail room for the library system. Most of the other employees were fellow college students but there were three “career” employees, all guys in their late 40’s to mid 50’s. “Joseph” looked like a hippy stoner left over from the 1960’s who smelled of B.O. and pot. “Bob” generally was the guy who would drive the mail to other parts of the campus system and was probably somewhere on the Autism spectrum. He had a lot of strange gestures and ticks and would often rhyme words when he got excited or nervous.

So Joseph and Bob would nitpick at one another every so often and after having worked together for what appeared to be about 20 years, they had pressure points on each other. One day after they began arguing about something completely mundane, Bob went off on Joseph essentially calling him a smelly hippy. Joseph basically sat there and took it and then very calmly just said, “Hey Bob, what word rhymes with Orange?” Bob just starts to kind of get agitated, kept mumbling a bunch of gibberish that sort of sounded like it rhymed with orange and Joseph just kept repeating his question, getting louder and louder. Bob ended up running out of the mail room and was gone for 3-4 days.”

#7. I hope you are okay.

“At my first professional job, I worked with a 28-year-old woman who might as well have been 10. Her parents picked her up and dropped her off, she had to have them constantly reassure her, and her mom handled most of her affairs for her. I honestly never really understood why the office tolerated her incredible childish nature.

The top two moments for me:

She got really emotional because a baby bird fell out of a tree outside. Her mom had to come pick her up, while her dad tried to put the bird back in the nest.
I shared that my family dog was going to be put down, as he was 19 years old and his quality of life was nearly zero. This caused her to enter a screaming fit where she locked herself in the bathroom, and then she couldn’t figure out how to unlock herself. We had to call a locksmith via building management.
Wherever you are, Sarah – I hope you are okay.”

#6. Well, my man…

“Weirdest coworker I’ve had:

I’ll call her Ann. Ann was in her late 20’s, but almost every story of her purchasing anything either started with “My man bought me…” or “My daddy bought me…” – and I don’t mean just expensive things, even her basic shoes and purse were purchased by either her SO or father. So, fairly immature, you get the picture.

She constantly tried to drown out the rest of us making light typing noises and stray conversation by turning up one of those “sleep machines” quite loudly. Her next-cubicle-neighbor constantly had to ask her to turn it down. The white noise setting was okay, but she also sometimes set it to Ocean or Rainforest, and Rainforest included bird sounds.

Even though she was trying to cover up our noises, she had no qualms about making her own. 65% of her job consisted of data entry, but every time she made a mistake, she exclaimed “Cheese and crackers!”, “Dangit!”, “Stars and stripes!”, or “Oh gosh darn!”. And she made a lot of mistakes in day.

She also loved to remind everyone that she was germaphobic and preferred things perfect and clean at all times (of course, she was one of those people who labeled herself OCD even though really, she just liked things neat and tidy). One day, a coworker who sat all the way across the room from her, came in with a bit of a cold. That coworker couldn’t help from coughing and sneezing, and Ann made it known she would have preferred someone contagious stay home, even though the sick coworker kept to herself, didn’t touch the shared stuff, and sat far away from Ann. Everything was silent, when I noticed Ann get up and head towards the sick coworker. Without saying a word, I hear an aerosol can go off, followed by “What the hell, Ann? Don’t just SPRAY ME with LYSOL! What’s wrong with you?? You can’t just sneak up on people and spray them with chemicals!!” Ann tried to apologize, but of course in her mind, she was doing the sick coworker a favor by just drive-by-spraying her with a disinfectant. She kept insisting that, although she would never go to work sick, if she did, she would absolutely appreciate it if we sprayed her with Lysol.

Finally, the weirdest thing was that she always had perfectly pedicured and painted toenails, and always wore open-toed shoes (despite always complaining her feet were cold). But every single time anybody complimented her toenail color or shape, she’d always reply with “Well, my man insists I always have perfect feet and beautiful toenails, so he pays for me to get a pedicure every week.” Finally her next-cubicle-neighbor coworker told her, “You keep saying that, and we don’t care about your man’s foot fetish!”

Also, I worked with her for one year, and could never find out if her “My Man” was a boyfriend, fiancee, husband, sugar daddy, or even his name… For the whole year, he was simply “My Man”. I’m not 100% sure he exists.”

#5. Karl was crazy.

“I worked with a lot of weirdos when I was a security guard — the field seems to attract them — but the weirdest was Karl. Karl used to rinse his mouth with straight bleach regularly, would shoot at his neighbor’s houses out his window with a .22, and once said to me, “Someone has put stones in the toilet again.” When I asked why someone would do that, he said, “To make me look bad.”

I think Karl was crazy.”

#4. It wasn’t even his job.

“I used to work at a grocery store and we had a guy that was a utility clerk, so he basically just pushed carts and stocked shelves. Well this guy would only stock the feminine hygiene aisle. He would stock the tampons about 5 times a day and he would smell each one as he put them on the shelf. He would also clean the girls bathroom and only the girls bathroom 3 times a day, which wasn’t even his job.”

#3. She hated all joy.

“As far as a weird coworker goes. I worked for a construction company in accounting. There were 4 of us in the department and we shared one big room as an office. Our supervisor sat on one side, us 3 on the other. The company was extremely laxed, no real dress code, just get your work done and you could pretty much do whatever you wanted and if you finished early, you could go home a little early and get paid for the day. Anyway, we all got along fine… except this real old lady in the department, let’s call her Leslie. She hated all joy and all of us, the only person she partly tolerated was our supervisor who was much younger than her. She would constantly bitch about the way we “stunk” of perfume, she would pretend to choke when I put on scentless lotion (mind you, she smoked and reeked of cigarettes), she would huff and puff if you put anything on her desk for her to do, if her phone rang she picked it up with “Yeah, what?” Just a miserable old bat.

But then one day, our supervisor sat us down, and goes “I feel the need to address something because it had been brought up to me nearly every day for the past 6 months. I know we are very relaxed here, but apparently phone usage is a problem with some people. I know I use my phone, I’ll try my best to cut down too…” And we side eye each other and Leslie starts to full blown cry. Like weep pitifully. “It’s only HER!” she nearly shouts. Pointing at me, the youngest of all 4 of us, “She just is always on her phone. She never puts it down.” She is sobbing, tears and snot running down her nose, the whole bit. “I can’t take it! She is always on her phone!!!” she shouts.

My supervisor’s eyes get really wide, she’s freaked out and she says “Leslie, I really don’t see her on her phone that much. No more than any of us here.” My other coworker chimes in “Yeah, I don’t see Kristaboo14 on her phone that much and I sit right next to her. We all use our phones occasionally…”

“NO! YOU JUST DON’T SEE IT! SHE IS ALWAYS ON HER PHONE!!!” Leslie screams, her voice echoing in the room at this point.

At this point, my supervisor escorts her out. I don’t see her again the rest of the day. The next day I come in, a few construction guys from the yard are in our office building her a cubicle in the corner of the room. She literally just could not stand to see me. No complaints about the phone after that, but she still continued to be a miserable old bat. I have NO idea why she targeted me, or what the issue was. She was about 70 and I was in my 20s? Maybe it was just the age gap? I have no idea. But it was definitely one of the more bizarre experiences I’ve ever had with a coworker.”

#2. Don’t question my work ethic.

“About 10 years ago the place I worked at (glass & glazing factory) hired this 16 year old kid. Every day that week he would disappear into the toilet for at least 20 minutes at a time, upwards of three times a day. We all assumed he was beating off in there and had a laugh about it amongst ourselves.

It got progressively worse – the Thursday he literally wasted 2 and a half hours in there, until on the Friday the boss told him he needed to pick up his act, to which he replied that he didn’t appreciate having his work-ethic questioned, and that he wouldn’t be back Monday.

That last day, around 3:30pm he went into the toilet again, and at about 4:40 came out and said that he’d been bitten by a redback spider (black widow) and needed to go to the hospital, so he got on his BMX bike and left.

One of the other guys went in there after that to kill the spider and discovered a stash of our touch-up spray paint bottles hidden behind a steel I-beam in the corner of the toilet.

The kid had been stealing the spray paint and huffing it in the toilet until he passed out.”

#1. Just really into Teletubbies.

“I had a coworker that knew every episode of the telletubbies by heart. He was like 30 years old.

EDIT: A lot of you have been asking if he has kids. He doesn’t, he’s just really into telletubbies.”

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15 People Confess to the Dumbest Argument They’ve Ever Had

Ever had an argument and think somewhere in the middle of it that you can’t believe you’ve wasted even that much time fussing about something so dumb? I’m sure you have.

That said, these 15 people might have you beat.

#15. Apparently.

“My ex girlfriend and I got into a pretty heated argument about where the bed sheets should be stored. Personally I just thought that her putting them down with the canned foods in the kitchen didn’t seem to make as much sense as putting them with the curtains and towels in the bathroom. But apparently that makes me an idiot.”

#14. My own opinion

“That Vatican City wasn’t a country after multiple google searches, the whole class agreeing that it was and even a geography teacher telling him it was

His response?

‘I still don’t think it is because I can have my own opinion.’”

#13. 30 minutes gone forever.

“I had a 30 minute argument with a roommate once because he didn’t believe a canoe was a boat.”

#12. No more arguing.

“Someone I work with said if they cant see drops of water on/coming from something then it isn’t wet. I got a damp cloth and asked if it was wet. “No, there isn’t any drops coming from it.” So I wrung it out and got more water out of it. They didnt want to argue anymore.”

#11. Ha ha.

I tried to tell my little brother that it was spelled “sword” not “sored.” I even broke out the Websters Unabridged to prove it to him. His reaction? “Ha ha, your dictionary spelled it wrong.”

#10. An appropriate ending.

“I got an argument when I was around 8 that some ants have wings and some don’t. That was the whole argument. This kid absolutely refused to believe that some ants have wings.

It ended with him headbutting me.”

#9. So say we all.

“My mother has argued with me over if we are currently arguing.”

#8. I made it up.

“Whether or not Timbuktu is a real place. My kids insist I made it up. I’ve shown them maps and websites to prove its real but they still think I made it up.”

#7. I know I’m right.

“A girl tried to convince me that hiccups are caused by the gallbladder. Her argument points:

Then why do people with no gallbladder, never get hiccups?
Why can you google gallbladder hiccups and get results
Can you explain exactly how hiccups and gallbladders work? No? Then that means I’m right
Can I explain either of those? No, but I know I’m right.”

#6. The water cycle.

“that filtering water is unnecessary and dumping all our waste into the rivers is fine because “the water cycle takes care of it”

#5. Actually…

“Someone tried to convince me that they could run a mile in 3 minutes. After I called her out saying the fastest was 3 minutes and 43 seconds she then argued that the fastest mile was actually 1 minute .”

#4. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

“around fourth grade I was at lunch, and I SAW my friend take my butterfinger out of my lunchbox and she spent the entire 20 minutes trying to convince me it was hers.”

#3. Not a pickle.

“I was eating a pickle at lunch, in high school. I referred to my pickle for some reason in the conversation. My friend said, “That’s not a pickle.”

It was a pickle. A normal, big crunchy dill pickle. It looked exactly like the pickle you’re picturing right now.

I asked her what she thought it was, and she said it was a cucumber. I said that she was right, but that it was also a pickle. She disagreed. I asked her what she thought a pickle was, then, if not the thing in my hand. She couldn’t answer.

It was the weirdest argument ever.”

#2. That’s why you need a juicer.

“My brother’s then girlfriend argued with me that almond milk isn’t a thing. I’d seen a commercial for Jack Lalane’s juicer and I mentioned how you can apparently make almond milk with it. Our conversation went like this:

If you squeezed an almond would any milk come out?

Well no. That’s why you need the juicer.

It doesn’t work like that.

But if almond milk doesn’t exist, what are all these things at the grocery store pruporting to be almond milk?

That’s almond flavoured milk.

How come it’s labelled as vegan?

That’s almond flavoured soy milk!

If you squeezed a soy bean would any milk come out?

[shrieks]”

#1. Never argue with a preschooler.

“My daughter once argued with my ex about whether or not ducks have butts. She was 4.”

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14+ People Admit the Dumb Trends They Were Happy to See End

Are there ever trends and fads going on that just blow your mind? Like you can’t even believe people are super into that one thing?

Fads and trends come and go, and AskReddit users reveal what trends they were really happy to see go away forever.

1. You’re not alone…

“Ed Hardy. It was popular where I lived from around 2007-2009.

Oh man, it was a glorious time to be alive because for a brief 4-5 years you could spot all the glistening, bejewelled skull-adorned a**holes from a mile away.”

2. I’m not calm

“Keep Calm and ___

Our upper management occasionally try to get memes involved in the company newsletter.

I saw a Bob Evan’s shirt with this tag-line for sale today. I believe that is an indicator that that fad is dead, buried, and decomposing.”

3. Glad it’s over

“Cash me outside, how bow dah” Just oh my god… glad its over.”

4. This went away?

“Gigantic subwoofers in s***ty $1,000 cars.

Glad to say its been a while since I’ve seen a 97′ Civic producing sonic booms.”

5.  Scenesters

“Scene. I still see a ‘scene kid’ every once in a blue moon, but for the most part the trend changed to hipsters so the scene folks moved on.

AND THEIR POOR HAIR…bleaching to death after switching back and forth from black to blonde…killing their hair with coontails….TEASING IT LIKE MAD…it hurt to even look at…..

AND THE MUSIC. I was a fan of a lot of music during the scene era because I am a fan of hardcore/post hardcore/pop punk/etc…but sometimes I had to just throw in the towel and ask WHYYYYY???? Mostly with bands like blood on the dance floor. Just..wtf”

6. Like!

“The “Like for cookies, Like for Jesus, Like for Puppies, Ignore for SATAN” Facebook pictures.”

7. Unnecessary

“Band-aids on your face you don’t need. I’m looking at you, Nelly.”

8. Just give it to me straight

“I hope the fad of Internet recipes that are now 3000 word long essays die. Just post the ingredients and the fucking method and shut up, nobody needs to know that your Aunt learned how to make this in the 70’s and passed it on to you during the summer 1995 when you had to stay with her, which is when you also got into hip hop, and that boy Michael used to tease you and you thought he hated you but realized when you were older that he actually liked you. I don’t actually know why people do it either, I’m less likely to click an ad your page if I don’t like your page because it’s boring.”

9. This is good news

“All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor seems to have quietly disappeared…”

10. I have no idea what this person is talking about

“The whole Kony 2012 thing. 99% of the people who latched on to this had never heard of him and most have undoubtedly forgotten who he is. He’s an evil bastard but self righteous Facebook posts somehow failed to stop him.

Admitting to being a sheeple idiot at the age of 13/14. Literally had never heard or did any research about him but yet all my friends were hash tagging #kony2012 so ofcourse I joined.. Sigh……”

11. Wankers

“Fake nerd glasses. You made fun of me for wearing glasses (which I wear to avoid going under a f_cking bus) that were WAY nicer than these faux nerd ones all the way through school! Then suddenly they’re a fashion statement? F_cking wankers.”

12. Gross

“I was so happy to see the Kylie Jenner Lip Challange trend die out. It was absolutely stunning how people all over the internet really thought it was a brilliant idea to put their lips into a cup and suck until all the blood rushes into their lips in an attempt to get big, sexy lips. The results on how some of those challanges came out are actually horrifying.”

13. I respectfully disagree

“When 13 year olds used to say ‘Deez Nutz!’ in response to everything.

My 8 year old nephew will say something mean about someone, then yell ROASTED and then dab. I love that kid, but that makes me want to drop him off in a field somewhere and drive away.”

14. This is odd

“In high school there was a span of a few months where people would sneak up on you and choke you out. First time it happened to me, I flipped the dude over my shoulder and he got mad at me! Glad that died out pretty quickly!”

15. Not cool

“WhEn PeOpLe TyPeD liKe ThIs All ThE tiMe aNd iT wAs ~cOOL~.”

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10+ People Admit to the Last Lies They Told

Liars are everywhere, people. Keep your eyes and ears peeled.

Some of these lies are small and harmless and some are…shall we say ‘a little larger?’

Let’s at least give these AskReddit users some credit for admitting to the last lie they told.

1. Kind of a weird one…

“A friend gave me a bunch of squash from his garden. I hate squash. I brought the bag of squash to work so my co-workers could take them home. I don’t know why but this became a big deal and all day long everyone asked me how I grew so much squash. Rather than tell them that the squash came from a friend I lied and told them that I grew the squash. I don’t know why I did this.”

2. Liar!

“I just told my coworker I was in the middle of something very important. I’m not doing sh-t, other than reading this thread.”

3. A common one

“Sorry I thought I responded to your text but never pushed send :(“

4. Good job Mom

“I told my 5 year old we are out of candy.

There is plenty of candy.

And it’s mine.”

5. Good luck!

“Told my boss just now that I’m leaving work early today for a doctors appointment. I don’t feel well.

Truth is I have an interview at 3pm. They received my resume sumitted last night and want to talk ASAP.

Not feeling well is a lead-in for me to take tomorrow off because I have another interview, with a different company than the one today.”

6. Did they believe you?

“Last night encountered 2 drunken girls attempting to lift a rock. They asked me to help them lift it. My response?

“Sorry, I don’t have any arms.”

I very clearly have arms.”

7. Always a bad idea

“I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it surely”

8. For a good cause

“I’m helping my mom’s boyfriend plan his proposal to her, so we’ve both been lying to her pretty steadily which has been enjoyable.”

9. Broken links

“A guy on an online dating sight was trying to show me pictures of his family jewels, I kept saying the links were broken to see how many different places he’d try to upload it, and how much tech support he’d offer to fix whatever the problem might be on my end.

Turns out the answer is four.”

10. Feel good about yourself?

“I told my dogs before we left for a morning of errands that we would be back in a few minutes…. I am an awful person.”

11. I’m down!

“I am totally down to hang out this weekend! Reality – I am laying in bed and doing nothing all weekend. I’ve had a rough two weeks.”

12. Customer service

“No ma’am, we don’t sell [enter product I know for a fact isn’t sold at my job]. They only come in [enter alternative product we do sell that she doesn’t want].”

“Are you checking??”

“Yes, I’m checking.”

13. Ha!

“I’m glad I have a free U2 album on my phone now.”

14. Hookin’ up

“I told the girl I have been hooking up with that I had dreamed I was waking up next to her and I was extremely disappointed when I woke up alone. Granted, I was extremely disappointed when I woke up, but I didnt have any dreams last night.”

15. Interview

“Had an interview this morning– so many lies.

“Talk about a time when you didn’t effectively prioritize your workload. What were the consequences?”

“I always effectively prioritize my workload and have great time management skills.”

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10+ People Share the Lamest Motivational Sayings They’ve Ever Heard

I’m on board with these people: I’m not a big fan of motivational sayings. Once, at a previous job, we were all handed lyrics to what was supposed to be an inspirational song and we had to listen to the song and follow along with the lyric sheet. It was incredibly painful and humiliating.

These AskReddit users shared the motivational sayings they really don’t enjoy, and they are right on the money.

1. Well, that’s not really working so far

” “Just be yourself.”

“Myself” is a 400 pound sack of sh-t who does nothing but eat pizza and play video games. That’s who I’d be if I let myself be “myself”.

What I TRY to be is the best version of myself. That’s why I work out, go to school, study another language, stay in touch with friends and family. To improve, and not settle.”

2. Not a fan of this one

“I was just thinking about this the other day.

Everything (does) happen for a reason (because of previous events).

Everything (does not) happen for a (future) reason (that is of supposed greater purpose).

It’s such a nothing statement.”

3. Really?

“Do what you love and the money will follow.”

4. Some good advice here

“I think variations on “stay positive”, because it’s made out like you should always be happy and positive about everything. They don’t tell you that you need to reflect and what brings you down sometimes.”

5. Work hard

” “Work hard, and good things will come.”

Sometimes it’s true. Sometimes it’s completely untrue and you work hard at a sh-tty job for the rest of your life and wish you were dead.”

6. And?

“Someone always has it worse.

Sure. But, this is my issue right now. Feeling sorry for some homeless dude at this moment isn’t going to fix my busted -ss car so I can get to work.”

7. My issue

“Someone always has it worse.

Sure. But, this is my issue right now. Feeling sorry for some homeless dude at this moment isn’t going to fix my busted -ss car so I can get to work.”

8. Don’t let go

“If you love something let it go, if they don’t come back they were never yours in the first place.”

F-ck that. Fight tooth and nail for what you want. Don’t let go until you know for sure it’s a lost cause.”

9. Mixed messages

“Good things come to those who wait. Sure patience and waiting have their time. But so many things need action and perseverance and so many people just need a kick up the butt to get them moving. Good things come to those who work for them.”

10. A little truth

“God never gives you more than you can handle.” What? People encounter things that kill them. It you take a bullet to the head and then you die, that was more than you could handle.”

11. BS

“You make your own luck!”

That’s literally not what luck is!”

12. Huh?

“A bird in the bush is worth two in the stone”. What the f-ck does this even mean?”

13. Fake it

“You gotta fake it, till you make it!”

That doesn’t take into account how much people enjoy exposing frauds.”

14. Not really

“You can do anything you put your mind to.

I had a debate once because my step mother once said that, and so I asked her “Am I able to time travel back to 1568 build a solid aluminum tower through the sun within 20 seconds” all she said was, if you put your mind to it.”

15. The background ain’t so bad

“The general consensus in this thread is that the saying “you can have it all” is bullsh-t.

That’s right on target.

You’re not going to be a rock star. Or a famous actor. Or a champion athlete. No matter how much positive thinking you engage in, you’re not going to make millions.

If you work hard, you might wind up being a session player in that famous band. Or an assistant coach on that team. Or a producer on that hit sitcom. And that’s okay.

Not everybody gets to be the star of the show.”

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12+ Moviegoers Share Their Worst Experiences at the Theater

People talking, looking at their cells phone, and otherwise making noise at the movie theater is my biggest pet peeve. It drives me insane and that’s why I only go see movies on Tuesdays at 11 a.m.

Anyway, enough about me. AskReddit users divulge their worst movie theater experiences…and they’re making my blood boil.

1. Teenagers

“Worst – Went to see Borat opening night (for some reason I thought it had been out a week already). The “obnoxious teenager level” was dialed up to 11 that night.

Best (at least most memorable in an amusing way) – nothing to do with the film, but years ago I went to see Wishmaster in the theaters with my girlfriend at the time. We were a minute or so late, so the movie already started. It was very dark, and we can see two people sitting right as we walk in. Thinking it was packed, we took the first two seats we could tell were open (which happened to be right across the aisle from the two people we saw.

A few minutes later, the next scene is the skyline of the city in the middle of the day. This cast light into theater, and those other two people we saw were the only other people in the movie, and we were sitting two feet away. I turn to my girlfriend and whisper “maybe we should move” which she said “no, it would be embarrassing.” _A minute later I hear the other guy whisper to his date”maybe we should move”and her say \”no, it would be embarrassing.” _We give each other apologetic looks and sit awkwardly through a pretty forgettable film.”

2. Didn’t even get a refund

“They were offering cheap tickets at a movie theater in a rougher area.

Group of kids playing with lighters the whole time.

One lit a chair on fire.

Smoke alarm went off.

Didn’t get a refund.”

3. It really does…

“I went to see one of the G. I. Joe movies with my brother in one of the worst theaters in my area. We were the only one in the room while watching. At one point my brother says out loud “man this movie sucks a**” and the guy working the projector said back “yeah it really does.” “

4. Ugggghhhhh

“Best/worse? A couple came in to a movie (Thor Ragnarok) with an infant and sat down not far from us. I was picturing the baby screaming through the whole movie. Nope.

The woman behind us talked through the entire thing. It was her 1st marvel movie.”

5. Waterworld

“Worst but best story

I saw Waterworld with Kevin Costner…and the ceiling started leaking from a storm so the rain literally soaked us. It was a $1 theater and I demanded a refund. And got it.”

6. I love this story for some reason

“I had the misfortune of watching Gone Girl in a theater with someone who thought it was a comedy. Gone Girl is a dramatic mystery, not a comedy in any sense of the word. At every mildly funny line, this person was hooting and hollering like it was an Adam Sandler movie. It really broke the mood of a tense, dramatic film.”

7. No sound

“Went to see _”Arachnophobia” _with my boyfriend at the theatre next to our college campus. Lights dimmed, previews played… then the movie started. About three minutes in, the sound goes out. Movie still playing. People start yelling _”Sound!!!”_ but nothing happens. A few jokers start improvising the dialogue, and it’s hilarious. More people chime in, effectively covering the entire soundtrack with gut-busting results. Never laughed so hard in my life. Then the sound came back on and disappointment permeated like a wave through the audience.”

8. WTF

“Experiencing “the crawler”

someone crawling under the seats to steal from people’s purses.

-shudder-“

9. Great guy

“Drunk guy in front of me sh*t himself.

He waited at least 40 minutes before moving.”

10. Classy

“The couple immediately in front of us were getting pretty hot and heavy with a make out session, then the girl moved into the guys lap. At first I thought this was just cuddling, then it became quite clear they were having sex in a crowded cinema, and her head bobbing up and down was ruining my view of the film.”

11. WHAT

“The most outrageous experience was when the guy sitting next to me (in the dark) put his hand down into my hot-buttered popcorn and started helping himself.”

12. Best and worst

“I guess my worst and best cinema experience happened all in the same time.

In the very very early days of online ticket purchases… I purchased 4 tickets online to see 12 Monkeys, on opening day. I was taking a special date and wanted to impress her. Evidently, I was the first one to ever purchase tickets online for this particular theater. We got to the theater and the movie was sold out, even though we had purchased online tickets… The ticket booth was confused as to what was going on so they called the manager. The manager come out and explained that we were the first people to ever order tickets online and that it didn’t quite integrate with their ticketing system causing the theater to overbook. I was thinking… Just great. First date and this happens. I felt like an idiot.

The manager actually made it right in the long run… He suggested that we see another movie that was starting at the same time. He gave us tickets and we went to the theater. Right before the movie started he come in and brought us a full/big snack package, drinks, popcorn, candy, etc. Really great gesture. He said he would meet us after the movie to see how it went.

After the movie, sure enough, the manager was waiting right by the door waiting for us to come out. He stopped us and asked how the movie suggestion was. He then handed us tickets to come back and see the movie that we really wanted to.”

13. Oh boy

“In Doctor Strange, I was in the theatre opening weekend or something and so the theatre was pretty crowded. Right as the movie is starting, one mans phone starts ringing. In my head I’m thinking he will hang up and it’ll all be fine but NO.

So the guy picks up the phone and begins a conversation, at which another person in the theatre tells him that other people are in the theatre and he should hang up.

He responded to that suggestion by saying something along the lines of “I had cancer surgery yesterday and this is my f*cking doctor” much profanity was used.

The other man said “well you can walk out of the theatre so all of these people can not be disturbed”.

And at this point the one mans son is even telling him to stop but he feels it is important to argue his case so he says “I paid for my f*cking movie ticket now why don’t you piece of sh*t leave me the f*ck alone because this is more important than the f*cking movie”.

At this point he was standing up and yelling at the top of his voice. The other man had backed down and stopped responding but the one man was just saying “f*cking hell” and other profanity under his breath for the next 5 minutes.

I was in my theatre with my sister and I was actually scared a fight was going to break out, let alone the fact I was distracted and pulled out of the theatre experience the whole movie and missed the first 5 minutes.”

14. Nice family experience

“Went to see “Finding Dory” a few weeks after its release. Only people in the theater were my SO and I, another older couple with their kid, and a group of 4 teens in the back.

Anytime the movie showed Dory, one of the people in the group of teens would yell “FOUND HER!” with the entourage chuckling at their hysterical joke.

Eventually the man of the older couple ran out of patience and told the group to please be quiet. You would’ve thought he threw poop at them.

They all stand up and start harassing the couple. Telling them that they are going to rape their kid and force him to watch. Next thing I know, the dad flung himself over the seat and a 4-on-1 brawl began.

My SO and I ran out of the theater to get help. Fortunately this was a bigger chain of Movie Theaters and they had security on site. All 7 of them (teens, parents and kid) were escorted out of the facility even though it was the teens who instigated the whole thing.

At least I was able to enjoy the rest of the movie in silence.”

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10+ People Imagine What Jobs Would Be Completely Unnecessary If Everyone Told the Truth

Sadly, we live in a world chock full of liars and swindlers.

So let’s have a little bit of fun, shall we? An AskReddit user asked what jobs would cease to exist in a world where everyone told the truth.

Kind of sounds like a science fiction film, doesn’t it? Let’s see what these people had to say.

1. Sounds likely

“Companies that do background checks, maybe?”

2. No more spying

“Being a spy.”

3. And no more crystal balls

“Mediums.”

4. Crime will cease to exist

“Detective.”

5. I can see your future…

“Psychics.”

6. Hahaha

“Advertisers would have it rough.”

7. Could happen

“No shops would need to be staffed with cashiers.

Customers could go in, take what they needed, and put the money owed in a box or tray or something.”

8. Another dig at advertisers

“People who write commercials.”

9. Bluffing

“Professional poker player.”

10. This would be rough

“I don’t know about unnecessary, but customer service would become very difficult.”

11. Religion

“Megachurches.

Now even though I’m an atheist, I don’t really think of regular centers of worship as dishonest. They believe what they believe, and so saying what they believe to be true is not an attempt to be dishonest.

Megachurches ain’t that. Megachurches are where giant lying charismatic scumbags swindle the poor and desperate out of what little they have, in the vain hope of a miracle.

In a world with no dishonesty, they wouldn’t work out so well.”

12. Time to look for a new gig

“Lie detector dude would be unemployed.”

13. Truth

“Politician.”

14. Another truth

“Juries in a court of law.”

15. No more Tv shows or movies

“Actors.”

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Pet Owners Share the Most Intelligent Things Their Animals Ever Did

Let’s be honest: most of the time, we only take note of the really dumb stuff our pets do. Ripping stuff up, eating the trash, etc.

But they do have the ability to blow our minds once in a while. Like the type of things these AskReddit users shared.

1. Good boy!

“My dad has always had problems with throwing his back out and it usually makes him unable to move for several weeks. Anyways, one time when he threw out his back, my dog grabbed a blanket in her mouth and slowly spread it over my dad while he was sleeping. We were all amazed and gave her a treat.”

2. Another good boy!

“Woke me up and brought me outside to under the deck, where he very obviously showed me the cat that got out and was hiding under there. He looked at the cat, then back at me, then at the cat, then back at me.”

3. He’s testing you

“My friend’s dog knows he’s not allowed onto one very specific carpeted area in the house and he knows never to step onto that area. How does he like to be a smart-ss about it? He grabs his favorite toy, casually tosses it onto said carpeted area, looks at us, and gives us the “well my toy’s there and I have to step onto the carpet to get it”. He does it so slowly and so deliberately that you know he’s being a complete smarta** about it. I can’t help but laugh every time he does it which is not often. He typically does it when he’s desperate for our play because he knows he’ll get a laugh and a positive reaction out of it.”

4. The lost watch

“When I was younger I lost a watch that I really loved. Around that time my cat developed a habit of using his front paws to reach under the fridge and just scramble around under there like crazy. He was seriously obsessed and did that for almost a year, until one night he pulled out a tray that had been under the fridge, and on it was my watch. After that he never touched the fridge again. He was a good boy.”

5. Imitation

“There was a time when, coming back from a trip, the balls of my feet were swollen and it hurt going up and down the stairs. My cat would actually imitate me by limping up and down the stairs (taking the steps one at a time) while meowing pitifully. I swear if he could talk, he would’ve said something like “see, this is how stupid you look.”

6. Saving the fish

“My cousin had a koi fish pond and two dogs. One night the dogs started barking during the middle of the night really loud and urgently, and they almost never bark at anything. My cousin and her parents knew something was weird and went out to check.

One of the fish somehow managed to jump out the pond and was flopping around next to the water on the concrete, and one dog was trying to help it back in the water with his nose while the other was barking for my cousin or her parents to help.

Once they watched them place the fish in the water, they went back in the kennels to sleep. They would watch the pond a lot from then on.”

7. Show us your puppies!

“Not my pet but the dog of a farmer in my grandma’s town that recently had given birth to puppies. When we were strolling around by the farm we saw the dog and said to her: “hey, show us your puppies!” next thing we know, the dog ran around the farm and came back with all her cute little puppies and let us play with them. What a wonderful day.”

8. Smart cat

“My 13 lb ginger cat always had to be near me. Some of the doors in my house didn’t latch, and he learned to open them by using his body as a battering ram. Okay, fine. So one day I’m in a closed room with a door that does latch, and I hear the doorknob rattle. It rattles for a bit then turns, and the cat pops the door open with his weight and saunters in.

I miss him.”

9. Hide and seek

“I actually have a story for this. I taught my dog to play hide and seek. I made him sit in the kitchen while I hid a rawhide somewhere in the house. He would then search until he found it and would then bring it back to me. I would then tell him to hide it and he would. One day I was searching for the damn rawhide for like 10 mins and could not find it. Searched everywhere. Eventually I had to give up totally confused. Next morning I open a dresser drawer to get a pair of shorts and there it is. He saw a slightly cracked drawer, dropped it in, closed it, and outsmarted a human. I was very proud.”

10. Pleased with herself

“I watched my Australian Shepherd problem solve how to get her tennis balls that get stuck under the furniture out by taking another tennis ball and rolling it to knock the stuck one out. She seemed very pleased with herself.”

11. Haunted

“Rock in a rocking chair. I thought my living room was haunted for weeks.”

12. Hiding pills

“He has to take antibiotics for ten days. They are pills.

In the beginning, i was wondering why he wasnt getting better. Turns out, the a**hole was keeping them in his cheek or under his tongue and spitting them out under the closet.

So now i hold him until he swallows and then i check his mouth.

It’s really one of those times i wish i could explain to him why i am ‘torturing’ him with eye drops and painkillers and whatnot. YOU ARE A SENIOR KITIZEN AND YOU HAVE A SEVERE COLD. Stop spitting things out!

On the other hand, he has never scratched or bitten me, just struggles and pulls away.he is a very sweet cat.”

13. A great pair

“Not mine, by my mother had two cats in Hawaii before I was born. She would tell stories about how one, Epo, was very intelligent, and the other, Popokie, was as dumb as a bag of rocks. Made a great pair.

She would talk about how they’d be playing out back and she would call them in for dinner. Epo would immediately show up, but Popokie would be lost in her very small backyard

She would just look at Epo and say: “Epo, go get Popokie!”

And Epo would run out and guide Popokie into the house and to his food dish so that he could have dinner.

Same sort of thing if she had no idea where Popokie was. She would just tell Epo to find him, and Epo would go search the house and bring Popokie to her.”

14. Faker

“Faked to have a paw injury so I’d carry him around the house.”

15. Head for the truck

“If I called my girlfriend at around 9 PM on a Friday, my dog would always get excited and head to the truck.

I was stationed in Shanghai for about a year, but lived for years in Thailand with my GF and my dog.

Whenever I had a long weekend I’d fly back to Thailand. My dog quickly picked up on the idea that whenever my GF switched from speaking Thai to English, she was talking to me. I would call her when I arrived at the airport on a Friday evening, as it was only about 15 minutes from our home, and she’d come pick me up.

My dog was able to put this whole scenario together and went ape-sh-t whenever I called on a Friday evening and he would immediately head for the truck to go pick me up. When I would call her at other hours of the day, he would look at her like he knew who she was talking to, but he knew that it didn’t mean that I was coming home.”

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10+ People Reveal the Things They Hate That Everyone Else Loves

We all have examples of this sort of unpopular opinion in our lives: things that everyone in the world seems to love that you just HATE. Could be a movie, a band, a trend, food, etc.

People on AskReddit revealed the things they really don’t care for that everyone else loves. What’s yours?

1. No thanks

“Take me out to eat for my birthday and get the waitresses to sing and smear cake in my face.”

2. Dummies

“To be irresponsible. FFS I’m not going to a party in a town a few dozen kms over without knowing how will I get back home. And even if I did, you can bet I wouldn’t spend all my money on booze.

They got stranded there, over 50km from home, with no money, with no one that could go get them, at 8 am.”

3. Weird

“Calling out to strangers pretending to know them. Walking up to them. Having a proper conversation and after they convince the stranger they met somewhere before saying oops wrong person…”

4. Different groups of friends

“Two different groups of friends. One loves heading out to places on the weekends where there’s always pounding music and shots, the other would rather stay in and watch netflix all weekend.

It’s killing me trying to drag either group towards a happy medium. I just want to go out somewhere for casual drinks where we can actually hear a conversation.”

5. Seems kinda pointless

“Buy the most expensive clothes and then not wear them again and buy more after a month or so.”

6. Nerd alert!

“Magic the gathering. Now I shouldn’t say I absolutely hate the game, I just never could get into it. What I absolutely hate is when we all get together to hang out, and they all end up playing for hours while I sit there not caring.”

7. Introvert

“Going out and bar hopping. Too much money and too many people. I’ll get faced at home, thanks”

8. Crappy

“I have friends who are in a really crappy punk band. I like punk, but their band is god-awful.”

9. No sex talk, por favor

“Unbeknownst to most of my friends, I am still a virgin. I don’t like hearing them talk about sex. It freaks me out.”

10. Anti-social media

“Taking pictures to post on social media. Can’t we just do something without having to talk about how many likes we’re getting!? It’s so annoying to me, I couldn’t care less. I mentioned this to one of them and apparently it was offensive. We’re in our mid-twenties. No one gives a s**t that we went out. Also I think it’s embarrassing to take a bunch of pictures over and over because they don’t like any of them, like get over yourself!”

11. I would not be friends with this person

“Horror movies. They go to the cinema on the regular to see whatever slasher-jump-scare movie is playing, but I just don’t enjoy it. I tried. I really did.

Now I either go and see a different movie that’s playing at the same time, or just meet them for drinks afterwards. It’s a good system.”

12. Let’s move on

“Get together and talk about their children. I liked it before when they had a personality and I could talk about more than 1 topic.”

13. Mallrats

“Hang around the mall. They never even get food while they’re there, they just look at clothes for 2 hours and leave! I just wanted Auntie Anne’s.”

14. No kids allowed

“This bar and grill that allows children after 10 p.m. My roommates and I come from the same city and they’re friends with some mutual acquaintances who have a daughter, so they always go to that place on Saturday nights because they can’t be assed to pay for a babysitter.

I’m not even a kid person in the first place, I refuse to have my Saturdays held hostage to a child.”

15. Let’s go to White Castle instead

“Going somewhere “nice” almost always entails some complicated booking system where we’re told we’ll get our table for 90 minutes only, and we have to jump through hoops if the party is larger than 6, somebody needs to leave a credit card number. You can sit down till everyone’s there. Half your group just want to instagram stuff so there’s that. The food is good but fussy and overpriced, you don’t want to say it but the steak you had at your local spot for a fraction of the price is more pleasant. If the order is not quite right you feel awkward or that you’re making too big a deal of it. Everyone’s sort of anxious and tense because we’re all uncomfortable both psychologically (ehh this is a place where some drinks cost more than my car) and physically (had to dress up to fit in). just can’t resist them.

I’m all for places that have better quality food, I’m 100% about getting out of my comfort zone and yes, sometimes it’s nice to be a little fancy. When I look back on some of the “ohh let’s go somewhere special!” evenings, objectively speaking I did not enjoy it.”

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