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12+ People Reveal Crazy Rules Their Strict Parents Made Them Follow When They Were Kids

As a parent, it’s important to set rules for your children. Otherwise, they won’t learn key disciplines that will serve them well later in life. But sometimes, parents can go a little overboard in the rules department.

If strict curfews were your biggest worry growing up, then you had it good compared to these kids. Now that they’re all grown up, these kids with strict parents hopped on Reddit to reveal the most ridiculous rules they had to follow.

1. No straws

My dad wouldn’t let me use straws because he said they could cut through my tongue or cheek like a hole punch.

2. Rude

My mom didn’t allow the phrase “shut up.”

3. Too violent

I wasn’t allowed to watch most cartoons until I was a teenager. My mom thought Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry, Mighty Mouse, etc. were all too violent.”

4. Satan is everywhere

No heavy metal, no Harry Potter because it was satanic, and no D&D or Magic: The Gathering because, again, it was satanic.

5. Liar, liar

No using the words “lie,” “liar,” “lying.” Instead we had to say “That’s not the truth” or “That doesn’t sound right.”

6. No talking at dinner

No talking at the dinner table other than the occasional “Do you want some (more) of ___?” Or “Please pass the ___.” We could not talk about anything at all. I make it a point now, with my kids, to chat up a storm each and every meal.

7. Even thinking of it counts

My husband wasn’t allowed to say “frigging” or “gosh” or “fudge” or “goodness” or “sugar” or even “oh, fiddlesticks!” because it meant he was thinking a swear word and “it’s the thought that counts.”

8. Huh?

No drinking water from my bathroom. My bathroom genuinely had colder water and the best water in the house. I don’t know what she possibly thought I was doing, but I had to drink lukewarm peasant water like the rest of my family.

9. How is that fair?

We were punished if my friends broke their own family rules. So Sally sneaks out or gets a tattoo without telling her mom, her mom tells my mom, and my mom grounds us.

10. At least you got an extra hour

Curfew was 11 p.m. for me until I was 21. Now, I’m 23 and have moved out, and when I go home to visit, my curfew is STILL midnight.

11. Was Mario based on a book?

My friend’s parents had a rule that if they wanted too see a movie or get a game, they would have to read the book it was based on first.

12. Grounded for saying “always”

No saying “never” and “always” — because nothing is “never” or “always.” My parents saw these words as exaggeration. For example, if I said something like “Man, we always have chicken for dinner,” I would be reprimanded or grounded.

13. No texting after 10

No texting or calling after 10 p.m. on school nights and midnight on weekends.

14. Fart is a curse word

We couldn’t say “stupid,” “shut up,” “heck,” “darn,” “freaking,” or “fart.”

15. Look both ways

I wasn’t allowed to cross the street until I was 13.

The post 12+ People Reveal Crazy Rules Their Strict Parents Made Them Follow When They Were Kids appeared first on UberFacts.

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What Celebs Were Like Before They Made It, According to Their Former Classmates

Ever wondered what your favorite celebs were like before they made it big?

Were they unassuming nerds? Or were they always part of the popular crowd? Or perhaps they have a background in something you’d never expect!

These former classmates of stars gave us the inside scoop on what celebs they went to school with and what they were like way back when.

Some of these may surprise you!

1. Justin Bieber

“I went to elementary school with Justin Bieber. He was a nice guy, but a lot of people made fun of him cause he was short. I remember he was really good at sports and singing, though. One day he came to school and told everyone he was going to get a record deal and that he met Usher.

No one believed him.”

2. Taylor Lautner

“I went to junior high with Taylor Lautner. I also hung out with him after school sometimes. He was always super nice. He can actually do some crazy backflips and is very athletic.

I also remember him being sponsored by Abercrombie and Fitch after he did the Shark Boy and Lava Girl movie. He said he didn’t have a choice but to dress like a jerk.

Lava Girl (Taylor Dooley) also went to my school during the same time. She is a rad chick that I still hang out with today. She’s smoking hot too.”

3. Robert Downey Jr.

“I went to Junior High School with Robert Downey Jr.

He was very, very much like many of the characters that he often plays in movies – always trying to make the quick joke. Sometimes I can’t separate his character (especially in his early movies) from the kid I knew in JHS because that is exactly the way he acted back then. We were also in a drama class together one year and the teacher used to constantly make a joke where he basically wondered aloud why Downey was here in the class adding that his father (a writer and filmmaker) was going to get him a bunch of jobs through his connections.

Also, one time he got the crap kicked out of him by another kid for dating a girl that the other kid liked.”

4. Justin Trudeau

“Justin Trudeau was my substitute teacher in high school. I had him for grade eleven socials. We were learning about the origins of WWI. He started telling us about this really cool band called Franz Ferdinand. He seemed really agitated that no one in the room had heard about them. Like he was taking personal offense at that and kind of spazzing. At the time I was just thinking, ‘wow settle down, man.’

A few months later “Take Me Out” became a smash hit and I thought, ‘Man, that prime minister’s son sure is hip. That’s bad news for Ben Mulroney.’

On September 11, 2001, I was only 13 but I could tell that this was some serious stuff. For social studies that year I had a wonderful teacher named Tom Harpunik who’d won the Prime Minister’s award for teaching and I knew that he’d have an excellent class discussion set up for that.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have socials that day. But my French teacher wasn’t at school that day and our sub was Mr. Trudeau. At the time I knew who Pierre was and I think I knew he had a son who was a teacher but I don’t think I put that together at the time.

So there I am in French class on 9/11 with this sub who says that he’s actually a history and drama teacher but he’s from Montreal so he teaches French from time to time.

He wasn’t going to teach us French that day; he wanted to talk about geopolitics, to the extent that 13-year-olds could. He had some thoughts but he was more concerned with facilitating discussion. Unfortunately, I don’t remember a lot of what was said but I remember that he really did want to hear from every student about how they thought it would affect their lives.

I’ve got my problems with his policies, but given that day I’m not surprised that he’s prime minister.

He’s got the name recognition, he’s handsome, and he’s really good at bringing people together and making them feel heard.”

5. Debby Ryan

“I knew Debby Ryan. We didn’t go to the same high school but we went to the same church youth group. She was nice, very bubbly (borderline obnoxious), and was involved in a lot of church productions. Major drama geek. She even played Mary for Christmas, one year. I actually remember overhearing her, afterward, telling someone how she felt she had played the part so well it brought people to tears and she found it touching or something.

I thought it was hilarious.

Her brother played guitar in the youth group band and all the girls were crazy over Chris. Chris is his real name and I don’t understand why he changed it to Chase. Ryan isn’t their real last name, either, but I can at least understand why they’d change that. But yeah, he was hot stuff and one of my friends almost dated him but he was notoriously hard to get.

I remember when she auditioned for Disney. She wouldn’t stop bragging about it. Our church was in Keller, TX and I wanna say her mom took her to Dallas for it? I remember thinking there was no way she’d land a part for Disney. That’d be like winning the lottery. It just doesn’t happen to people you know.

But then low and behold, she actually landed a Disney gig.

I never thought she’d actually get famous, but then a few years later, she was. I’m actually pretty proud of how true to her values she seems to have stayed, honestly.”

6. Cardi B

“I went to high school with Cardi B in Bronx, NY. She was super skinny and not thick at all. I think she was a grade or two ahead of me when I was a freshman.

I don’t remember too much of her, we never really interacted because A) she was older and B) we had completely different friend groups/interests.

I do remember, however, that her voice was super freaking loud and you could hear her laugh from down the hallway. A couple of my friends hung out with her and they all said that she was relatively friendly and always making jokes.

She definitely liked to make others laugh.

Besides that, I remember she dressed up as Lady Gaga for ‘Celebrity Day.’”

7. Anne Hathaway

“I went to college with Anne Hathaway. She was the roommate of my best friend’s girlfriend, so I was invited to the pre-party for this massive party she threw when she got paid for Princess Diaries.

Honestly, it makes me very happy to say she was incredibly kind and generous. Even after she left school to pursue acting full time, I’d run into her on campus now and then (my girlfriend was a few years younger than me, so I was on campus quite a bit for a few years after graduating). Anne always said hi to me, gave me a big hug and a kiss, even though I suspect she didn’t remember my name. Whatever, I wasn’t going to complain. It was obvious to everyone on campus that she was incredibly talented.

I remember friends going to see her perform in a play on campus where she played an assault victim. They said it was probably the most moving live performance they’d ever seen, and they were amazed at her ability to cry on cue and really embody the role.

To this day, I smile every time I hear about her success. She was a really lovely girl, and I think she deserves what she’s achieved. It also helps that she’s been openly supportive of equal marriage rights, and has generally taken advantage of her ‘soapbox’ to spread a bit of goodness.”

8. Miranda Lambert and Kacey Musgraves

“Miranda Lambert was a senior at my high school when I was a freshman. Watched her do a talent show but I don’t like country music so I thought nothing of it really. A couple of years later she won the first season of Country Music Star.

A couple of my female friends were really good friends with her younger brother and get to go to backstage shows occasionally.

Kacey Musgraves, who is getting pretty big now in country music, also went to my high school.

She was a freshman or sophomore when I was a senior. Absolutely gorgeous at the time, and only getting better looking with age.

The thing is, I hate country music so I don’t really listen to their music.

But it’s kind of cool, I guess.”

9. Tyler the Creator

“I sat across Tyler the Creator for one semester, but he was in my class all year long.

He was always making stupid jokes, and of course, inappropriate jokes here and there. He broke my pen and said I could just go buy another one.

He was always chatty, talking about his favorite hip-hop artists, (The Neptunes and N.E.R.D, I believe).

Towards the last few days of school, our teacher brought a camcorder to record the class, and he wanted to do a rap battle with another classmate sitting in our group.

The entire class roared with laughter and I wish I could remember why, but the opponent sat down afterward.

I didn’t know he was Tyler the Creator until a few years ago. Crazy that he’s famous now, and his humor is still intact.”

10. Evan Ross (Diana Ross’s son)

“I was best friends with Evan Ross (Diana Ross’s son) growing up. His bodyguard would pick us up from school every Wednesday and we would go to the Ross’ mansion. They had a bowling alley in their house and I got to play in her closet every week.

One time, her other son (Ross) broke his arm when we were playing on the trampoline and we had to wait to go to the hospital until she found the perfect pair of shoes.

She’s the ultimate supreme diva.”

11. Emily Ratajkowski

“I knew Emily Ratajkowski. She was really nice but pretty quiet and aloof. She was really artsy and mostly hung out with the artsy girls and skateboarding guys. I remember she invited me to her birthday party once and I was pretty excited about that.

She was already modeling at the time and had even been on that iCarly TV show when she was a kid.

I think she started doing nude modeling the instant she turned 18. She was always really comfortable with her body (not surprising) and for her, it was just art.

From what I see on her Facebook and everything, fame hasn’t really changed her much.”

12. Mark Hamill

“My mother dated Mark Hamill’s cousin and indirectly caused the car accident Hamill was in. She convinced her boyfriend to have Mark come to some family reunion or something. I do not remember the details and, considering my mother, I would say this story has a chance of being completely true.

My mother and uncle were friends with Alexis Denisof (Wesley in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, among other things) growing up.

He was nice and down to earth. The same uncle was roommates or neighbors (I forgot which) with Jason Segel when they were both trying to make it big. Apparently, he’s a great guy and funny.

My grandmother knew all the great singers of her time, Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin, etc.

Frank was a jerk, but Bobby was sweet to her. She loved the movie ‘Beyond the Sea,’ and wrote to Kevin Spacey about how spot on he was in portraying Bobby Darin. He wrote back, which was pretty cool. Not many celebrities mail a handwritten note to a fan.”

13. Miranda Kerr

“I went to school with Miranda Kerr. She was a typical popular pretty girl, who tried hard and had everyone fawn over her. Basically, she was the perfect poster child and good girl who did whatever she was asked.

I mean that with no disrespect intended.

Her parents, on the other hand, were attention seekers, and I have no respect for them. They moved the family across the country for her ‘career’ when she was still young, without much care for her childhood and even less care for her younger brother who has struggled a lot in life living in her shadow.

She was doing magazine shoots at 14 and being heavily made up and posed in skimpy outfits. There was quite a bit of uproar locally with people asking the question of whether it was borderline illegal because she was so young.

They were making her up to be so much older because she was tall and skinny with big eyes and lips. It seemed they were making an adult out of a girl who wasn’t even close to the legal age of consent.

It always seemed off that a parent would allow that. The parents made it all about her and they pinned everything on her gaining success at whatever cost. The parents were controlling and only gave the brother half glances in life.

I believe Miranda tried to distance herself from them for a while.

Not long ago, they were doing interviews saying they had not seen her in years and she wouldn’t speak to them and didn’t know why. Again, manipulative attention seeking trash.”

14. Grimes

“I went to elementary school with Grimes. She was charismatic, but I got the feeling she was more of an introvert.

If I recall correctly, she was an average student. Keep in mind that this was a private Catholic school in an affluent neighborhood, so all of our parents had high expectations.

I did not know her parents that well, but her mom is a crown prosecutor and her dad is a professor, so I’m sure they expected her to be doing well. Her parents went through a messy divorce in either the fifth or sixth grade.

Claire (Grimes) took it hard. She had always been artsy, but I think she got more into her art during this phase as she focused less on her academics.

One thing that may come as a surprise is she wasn’t musical at all in these days.

Apparently, she taught herself how to play the piano when she was 16 or 17, but this was after I lost track of her. Our school had a decent music program, but she wasn’t into it. We had an excellent visual arts program at the school and that was her jam – drawing and painting.

She liked drawing fashionable women.

She also loved animals, so she would paint them a lot. I think her dog’s name was Toby and she liked to paint him. I think I remember her drawing and painting nature scenes from time to time.

She also loved Barbie dolls.”

15. Ellen Page

“I went to school with Ellen Page. We were in the same group of friends, went to all the same parties, and ate lunch together. She kept thinking I was calling her ‘Helen’ all the time, which was weird.

I would say, ‘Hi Ellen, how’s it going?’

‘My name is ELLEN! Not Helen!’ she would say. I think it was a legit thing the first time, but she later started doing it purposely as a joke to get me riled up.

My best friend, a guy, dated her for a bit in 2005 and they were nice together.

When she came out, I thought it was a tabloid rumor at first but, frankly, wasn’t that surprised. It wasn’t an overly serious relationship nor did it last long. He still hears from her every so often, but less now then he used to.

I have not spoken to her for a few years.

She may not even remember my name, honestly. Weirdly enough, I work behind the camera in film and I’ve seen her at some film galas and around town occasionally. I always imagined if we did talk it’d just get a little awkward.

Hey, Ellen, what are you up to these days? Making movies? Oh me too… Just small, little ones for much less money in Nova Scotia.

She’s one of those people who acted exactly how you would expect.

She’s a bit timid and shy, but nice.”

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People Are Sadly Starting to Forget These 15 Important Things

As the world changes around us, the way we do things changes too. Life can change so quickly that before you know it, something you considered commonplace is gone in the blink of an eye.

Not only that, but technology is coming and going so quickly that not everything can stay in our brains. So, here are 13+ things the internet thinks we’re already starting to forget.

#15. Huh?

“How to burn CDs”

#14. The Spanish Flu

“Pandemic diseases like the Spanish Flu that wipe out large populations. It’s particularly worrying with western medicine losing more and more funding, drug-resistant bacteria, and idiots like anti-vaxers increasing the odds for viruses.”

#13. Ecological amnesia.

“Nature

100 years ago you could catch a cod that was six feet long off the coast of Newfoundland. Today you’re lucky if you get one that is a foot. The strange thing is that people are equally excited – now we just think that cod are max two feet in length.

Ecological amnesia is the term I believe.”

#12. Privacy.

“The importance of your privacy.”

#11. Just how fragile.

“The world wars, the cold war, and just how fragile and valuable this society we’ve built up over the last hundred years is.”

#10. Everyone just shrugs.

“The Equifax breach. I try and bring this up all the time. Legitimate personal data was stolen, SS and CC numbers, and everyone just shrugs. Or mentions the FB breaches as if they are comparable.”

#9. That was a weird year.

“The fact that there was a part in 2016 where clown chase people.”

#8. He killed two people.

“That Matthew Broderick killed 2 people with reckless driving and only had to pay $125 by saying he lost his memory. Edit: $175”

#7. Repercussions.

“That there are repercussions. I notice these days that if someone insults you, for example, and you return fire, they immediately seem to forget that they threw the first volley of shit, and then act like you’re the bad guy.

Maybe “accountability” is being forgotten too?”

#6. Available all the time.

“That people can take their time to respond, and need not be available through phone or social media all the time.”

#5. House phones.

Remember that when you wanted to call someone at home, you had to go through the gatekeeper. Usually another relative, you had to ask for the person to see if they are even there.

Tldr; House phones.

#4. Snoop’s murder trial.

Snoop Dogg was on trial for murder. Everybody knows Snoop as the rapper who smokes a shit load and cooks with Martha Stewart, but fewer people remember that he was on trial for murder. I think a lot of people are forgetting that gangster rappers were actually in gangs

#3. The meaning of songs.

“I always think about songs that will/have lost their meaning to a generation that doesn’t understand, and songs that aren’t too old like Paul Simon’s Kodachrome, and BNL’s Hook and Line, about keeping a phone off the hook to avoid communication. Life progresses; change is not all bad, but we do lose some things along the way.”

#2. Where the hell is that plane?

“That Malaysian aircraft that went missing several years ago. Where the hell is the plane??”

#1. Getting a degree.

“How getting a degree was only needed for a job; you could get anything you wanted and still go into a technical position. Now, your degree is essentially obsolete without the “right” degree or experience, or anything meaningful that makes your background better than the people you’re competing against.”

What do you think? Would you add other things to the list?

The post People Are Sadly Starting to Forget These 15 Important Things appeared first on UberFacts.

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15 Straight Guys Recount the Most Intimate Non-Sexual Moments They Shared with Another Dude

Our society tends to scoff at male bonding and fellowship, implying that intimacy is inherently female, which is simply not true. Men are just as capable of experiencing non-sexual, intimate moments with their male friends.

Men on AskReddit revealed their most intimate non-sexual moments they shared with another guy. Hopefully it’ll help even more guys open up and get real with their bro-friends.

1. Bros

“My fraternity brother/ roommate was having a bad day, we were all drinking but he clearly had the most and texted an ex, so I brought him back to our room to keep an eye on him. He got real sad and started crying, except he was insecure about his masculinity so he would cry for a few minutes about how he felt around other guys, then deny that he felt like that and this cycle would repeat every five minutes. Finally I broke through to him that feeling like this was completely fine and actually good (better acknowledging than hiding it).

I held him in my arms while he wept for about half an hour. He kept trying to push back because his every instinct was telling him that this wasn’t ok, but I just shushed him and rubbed his back as I held him. He eventually calmed down and went to bed. That happened two weeks ago and we haven’t talked about it yet, but I’m glad he trusted me, and hope he seeks me out if he’s feeling that ways again.”

2. Bromance

“It was my dads birthday. Went to the city for dinner. He sent me and my neighbor (who came to dinner with us) to get the car from the parking garage. It was raining so we were running. As were running through the streets of manhattan in the dark, lightning struck and thunder boomed. We simultaneously say “I love that” look at each other and keep running in the rain.

That night, a bromance was formed.”

3. Never spoke of it again

“I was at my buddy’s house hanging out. He had just taken a shower, dressed, and come out to the living room where I was watching tv. His hair looked odd so I grabbed his brush and started brushing it. For whatever reason I started channeling a French salon owner. I brushed it into different styles and we were both having a laugh.

His dad walked in the room and we immediately acted as if we were doing something terribly wrong. We hurriedly departed and never spoke of it again.”

4. A good friend

“My mom attempted suicide years ago. She was hospitalized for a month. I thought I could handle it but a week or two after it happened, I got into a fight with my girlfriend at a party and started crying. I couldn’t stop. I totally unraveled in a friends kitchen. My best friend put me in his car and we drove around while I sobbed uncontrollably. I’ve never been more emotionally unstable.

He didn’t talk, he just drove around. Then he dropped me off at home. I felt so much better. He never even brings it up to this day.”

5. New friends

“I broke up with my first serious girlfriend after 4 years and an engagement. She had been cheating and it was a messy end.

18 months later, we had managed to stay apart but I was having dreams about her. I was having lunch with my best friend and he asked me about it. I told him I had been having dreams where I was pleading with her to acknowledge me, that I meant something, that she loved me. I would wake up weeping, and in telling this, started crying lightly at the table. He asks what I miss most, I mention the jokes, the places we went.

He takes a breath and says:  “It sounds like as much as you miss her as your girlfriend, you miss the friend she was, too.”

Never dreamed or thought of her much again. Made some new friends.”

6. Adventure

“I was on a trip with a buddy. He’s an avid climber. The mountain we climbed together with the guide was waaaay over my skill level but we couldn’t tell till half way up. It was sheer ice. My buddy had paid a lot to be on this trip and I after doing some glacier climbing was invited along by the guide for free.

Twice I froze in terror. Clinging to the side of the mountain with just axes and my crampons and tethered to my best friend and then the guide and then the ice anchor. I couldn’t move. It was a combination of exhaustion and fear. I wept my buddy never once grew frustrated even though I was definitely fucking up his trip. He stayed calm and just said:
“Buddy you aren’t going to fall because we won’t let you fall. Even if you do you are attached to me and I sure as shit will never let you fall. After that I’m attached the the guide. He’s attached to the mountain. You are safer now than you are in your car everyday. Now breathe and swing that f*cking axe as hard as you can above you and start moving.

I did it. After 10 hours we reached the summit for the most earned view of my life. I hugged my childhood friend. We repelled down the other face in the dark with head lamps. I had no fear. I felt alive. He’ll forever be my brother.”

7. Ahem…

“A few years ago my plastered-drunk friend was too sauced to function and he threw up all over himself. Being his friend and roommate I helped him get cleaned up. Only problem was he kept refusing to take a shower. He was only interested in taking a bath (in hindsight it was safer and easier). So this f*cker gets completely nude and hops in the tub filling with cold water.

Almost immediately he’s screaming for my help, shivering by the time I’m in the bathroom. I fix the water and he starts crying saying he is “soooooo hu-hu-hungry.” So I go grab some saltine crackers and began to feed my naked friend in the bathtub.

So there’s that.”

8. Spoon session

“My best friend had muscular dystrophy. I’d been both his main bud for over ten years (all of which were past his life expectancy) and had to help him go to the bathroom, set up breathing machines, feed him, etc. All out of necessity and love at the same time.

When it became evident that his end was near, we refused to talk about it. I moved in with his family for a while just to be there with him, but we never discussed in words what was was going to happen…just kept hanging out as we always did.

One night, after about a week of getting up the courage to broach the subject, I asked him if he was afraid of dying. He said not at all, and that he was glad that I would finally be free of the burden of having to take care of him. This broke both of us.

This obviously was waaaay too much for either of us to handle and I laid in bed with him and we cried for what seemed like hours. We went over everything we needed to cover our feelings and our fears (and some logistics concerning certain things he wanted me to keep hidden from his mom).

He passed about a month after that, and after ten years since, I still wish I could go back and and lay down with him and hold him and cry and tell him how much I love him and miss him.

Best bro spoon session I’ll ever have.”

9. Bubble bath

“My friend got really super drunk and decided to take a bath with his clothes on. I, being the less drunk one, stayed in the bathroom to make sure he didn’t like drown or something. He ended up inviting me to join him.

Two bros, fully clothed, drunk, in a bubble bath at 2am.”

10. Ben

“My best friend passed from a brain tumor when we were both 19.

About 1 week prior to his passing, he was not remembering very much and he was continually eating without (due to the steroids and pain meds, I believe) going to the bathroom very often. He consumed way to much food over the course of a morning, around lunch he started vomiting in the most absurd projectile vomit stream you could ever imagine. 20 seconds of a stream the size of a fire hose going all over him, the couch, some on me and very little in the bowl I ran to grab him. The worst part was when it was done, and we were covered in vomit. He didn’t know who threw up or where it came from.

I picked him up, covered in vomit and carried him to the shower. He was embarrassed for his mom or any girls seeing him naked for some reason with vomit on him. I undressed him, and bathed him myself. Helped him soap, shampoo, dry and dress. It was the last time I felt he even knew who I was.

I miss you Ben.”

11. Weird

“Me and my friend used to masturbate next to each other when we were about 12yo, we did it several times and never spoke of it ever again. We just sat there chatting about random stuff while masturbating furiously. Weird.”

12. Exploring

“Not ONE clue why, but when me and my best friend were like 8ish, we were at one of my dad’s late men’s league hockey games. We never watch the games and just kind of explored and messed around looking for stuff to do. Well we found out some of the empty locker rooms were open and lights off. Perfect to explore as a kid right?

Well we explored more than i remember why. We casually bumped into each other in the middle of the dark room and our curiosity’s must have sparked. We started to just……rub up against each other and like dry hump each other. That went on for about 15 seconds when we both kind of snapped out of it at the same time. Still don’t know what triggered that kind of sexual eruption, but i have been trying to figure it out since.”

13. Well, that’s nice

“Had a friend say to me while I was feeling pretty down about myself and my looks that he would f**k me if I was a woman.”

14. A nice view

“A couple of years ago I went up to visit my friend in Minneapolis. His apartment was located right across the street from a music festival, so we hung out on his lawn drinking all day and enjoying free live music.

Later on that night we went out for a cigarette and started walking around his neighborhood. What started as a short cigarette walk ended up being a longer excursion as we made our way past the house into some forest area near some train tracks. It was really cool for me being able to see more stars than I was used to seeing back in Chicago and actually being able to walk from the city into nature.

We kept hiking and ended up next to a lake. He asked if I wanted to go swimming and I was like yeah, so we ended up skinny dipping in the lake. I hadn’t been swimming in a long time so it was especially fun for me and it was so awesome to swim at night with a cool view of the city across the lake.

It was such a beautiful view and night that we didn’t realize we were ruining the intimate moment of another couple too. While we were just two naked drunk dudes swimming in the lake by the moonlight, there was a couple on the shore that was trying to have a romantic picnic, complete with wine and a blanket. We thought we were alone until I saw them, but it’s funny to think how it was to see that from the couple’s viewpoint. One minute it’s a really romantic night, then out of nowhere two naked guys run screaming at the water.”

15. He needed it

“Talking another guy out of suicide. He just needed someone to listen. We hugged for a solid 30 seconds and he sobbed into my chest. Awkward looking back, but in the moment he needed it.”

The post 15 Straight Guys Recount the Most Intimate Non-Sexual Moments They Shared with Another Dude appeared first on UberFacts.

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Doctors Reveal 12+ of the Dumbest Patients They’ve Ever Experienced

The next time you get yourself in a difficult medical situation…just let a doctor handle it. There’s a reason why they went through years of medical school.

So, listen up to these doctors on Reddit who shared stories of the dumbest patients they ever encountered.

Caution: extreme stupidity ahead.

1. Bite The Sun

“I’m a general practitioner, and the most outrageous thing I’ve heard was from a boy who was something like 20-22 years old. He was from an impoverished, illiterate family. The boy had a bad case of tonsillitis and refused to take any medication because all he needed to do was ‘bite the sun.’ Basically, at noon, he had to look up to the sun, open his mouth as wide as possible and ‘bite’ the sun several times so it would ‘burn’ his tonsils and cure him over the course of a couple of weeks. When that wouldn’t work, plan B was to do the same at night but only under a full moon.”

2. Yikes

“I had a 34-year-old who popped a pimple on his privates with a needle after cleaning it by putting it in his mouth. Yeah, he ended up losing everything.

A 72-year-old recently had a heart stent placement and started having similar chest pain at night around 10 p.m.

He decided to stay in all night and try to sleep through it. He popped ten aspirin overnight and came to an urgent care instead of a hospital. He was not doing so hot when he left our care.

Another guy, a mid-20s male shot his junk off.

Now he lives with a hole in it.

This other time a young female jumped off the balcony just so that she can get some pain meds. I loaded her up and intubated her.

A guy had a room freshener spray stuck in his butt.

They had to take him to the operating room. I don’t know what he was thinking. It’s a vacuum when you shove stuff up there!

Another good one was when this dude pulled out his catheter just because he was angry at medical staff.

Yeah, that didn’t help with the situation. He realized later what mistake he made and how painful it’s going to be for him for a while.”

3. His butt hurt

“In the wee hours of the morning, a doctor friend of mine got called to see a trauma consult. It was a guy who reportedly wandered into the ER stating he’d just come from a bus stop across the street from the hospital.

He had just woken up there and realized that he was missing his wallet… as well as all of his clothing from the waist down.

What, you ask, would prompt an indecently-clothed man to march barefoot across a busy downtown road, in a big city, by the dawn’s early light to seek assistance in the ER?

Shame be condemned… his butt hurt.

My friend did an appropriate workup and discovered a large chunk of broken-off concrete lodged in this gentleman’s rectum. It required an operation to retrieve it. However, before they whisked him off to the OR, the patient confessed the rest of the story:

He’d hooked up with two strange men off of Craigslist, and they’d gone out in one guy’s awesome sports car, used copious amounts of illicit substances, and done… well, at that point, he wasn’t too sure just what they’d done.

All he remembered was waking up at the bus station with no pants and a rock up his butt.

While my friend was still in the ER with the guy getting consent for the operation… the patient’s very worried wife walked in.”

4. Google Master

“I am an ER doctor and recently had a young male patient who came in for about the fifth time complaining of abdominal pain and vomiting. Looking over his records from past visits, I could see that his symptoms had previously been attributed to either acid reflux and gastritis or cyclic vomiting syndrome due to daily heavy substance use. Anyway, he’d been told to take Nexium twice a day and cut back on the drinking, as well as follow up with a GI doctor, but he had done none of those things.

Instead, he tells me, ‘Doc, I Googled my symptoms and I’m sure I have stomach cancer. My mom has cancer too, so she gave me some of her chemo-therapy pills and I started taking those.’

So, yeah, guy ignored the medical diagnoses and recommendations he was given and instead decided he had stomach cancer and treated himself by taking his mother’s chemotherapy pills. He wasn’t sure what kind of cancer his mom had.

I tried to explain that different cancers require different medications, that chemotherapies are the most toxic medications we made and might kill him. He was very unlikely at his age to have stomach cancer and much more likely to have over-production of stomach acid for which he should take the medicines he was prescribed the last several times he came to the ER.”

5. A drinking emergency

“Had an old coot (best possible description of the man) who was sweet but had spent his adult years drinking away whatever brain cells he had when he started. He presented with the chief complaint, ‘I can’t drink anymore. Every time I drink one, I just throw it back up a few minutes later.’

Well, it turns out he hadn’t been able to eat actual food in months, was subsisting on pretty much just liquid, and hadn’t gone number 2 in over two weeks.

That didn’t bother him a bit – until he couldn’t drink. Then it was an emergency!

He had a big ol’ tumor blocking the distal part of his left colon (so near the end of the road, intestinally speaking), and everything gradually got backed up all the way to his stomach. That’s why he couldn’t keep a drink down – there was just no more room at the inn.

I fixed him with a colostomy, and he got better and left. He refused chemo, and I figured he’d just go home and die of cancer. However, almost exactly one year later, he came back to me with just about the same complaint – obstructed to the point of not being able to drink.

Except for this time, it was that his ostomy had essentially retracted into his abdomen and the skin had nearly grown shut over it.

He was pooping out of a teeny-tiny hole in his skin. WHAT?

Even my oldest partners had never seen anything like it, but once again Cooter wasn’t remotely fazed. He just wanted us to fix it so he could go home and keep drinking.

I did. Haven’t seen Cooter since. I kind of hope he’s still out there, treating his cancer with suds and just blissfully ignoring the Grim Reaper.”

6. Might want to double check those instructions…

“There was a patient who was upset to find out that she was pregnant again because she’d used her diaphragm EXACTLY as she’d been told. She carefully inspected it for holes, applied the spermicide, placed it, wore it at night, then took it out, cleaned it and put it away each morning… and then her husband arrived home from his night-shift.”

7. Some explaining to do

“We responded in the ambulance to a place that is… well, it’s different. We go hot for a 13-year-old girl with abdominal pain.

We get there, and she’s lying on the couch, surrounded by family. She’s uncomfortable but able to laugh and joke that her stomach hurts.

It feels ‘crampy’ for the last two days and she has had blood trickling out from her privates.

This happened last month too, then about a month before that. She has had to go home from school each time.

She is surrounded by women. Her mother (late-20s), her grandmother (40s), great-grandmother (early 60s) and great-great-grandmother (mid-70s). Every one of them is flabbergasted as to what this could be.

So, here I am, a 30-year-old dude of a very different ethnic and cultural background, asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions.

‘Have any of you explained to her about periods?’ No. Clearly not. No one here has been NOT pregnant for a long enough time to understand that they come more or less regularly, roughly once a month.

We took her in any way.

Better safe than sorry. At least us and the nurses could explain some things to her. Clearly, no one else could.”

8. Full contact

“I worked in the ER during my internship and met a girl who had increasingly painful and red eyes since a couple of days back. The last 24 hours had been horrible. I asked about all the normal stuff, and she claimed to have no idea why she had an eye problem – she had never had anything wrong with her eyes.

I proceeded to drop some dye in her eyes to check them under a microscope, and when I did, I realized she was wearing contacts.

She didn’t like her natural eye color, so she had bought a set of blue colored lenses eight months earlier.

Never removed them, not even during night time. She didn’t even think to mention this to me, claimed to have no ‘foreign materials’ in her eyes.

I gave her quite the harsh lecture and a referral to an ophthalmologist.”

9. Home Improvement

“I worked in a private WASP hospital in a very affluent community. This meant I missed out on injuries from gang violence but got to see some of the dumbest attempts at home improvements ever. I will list my favorite.

So, two guys are attempting to lay hardwood flooring.

They have no clue what they are doing, but what the heck. They rip up the old flooring, lay down some plywood and start to lay down their nice antique hardwood boards. At this point, they have an issue.

How does one find the studs in the floor when they are covered by the larger plywood panels?

Well, being geniuses, they decide to send one guy to the floor below and have him call out under the beam and have the guy fire his nail compressor over the sound.

There are so many issues at this stage that it is amazing. I have no clue why they thought this plan was a good idea. So tempting to start smacking them around at this point… but had to be professional and just let them keep going.

Sure enough, the guy on the top floor missed a beam, fires the way over-powered tool into plywood, it goes through the weaker first layer of flooring, shoots the guy on the bottom floor in the head.

They know the nail missed the beam (there is a hole to prove it) but can not locate the nail.

Oddly enough, the patient was fine. The nail grazed his skull and entered the skin, then settled behind his ear.

It was a very sore bump. He assumed the nail had hit him on the way by and initially, didn’t want to come in, but the friend insisted on it since they could not find the missing nail.

Great x rays, couldn’t keep them.”

10. Smelly

“I was an intern in the ER. I have seen a lot of stupid people; it was a small town and all. The worst I think was when I walked in, and the floor smelled like… I don’t even know. It was by far the worst thing I had ever smelled.

I asked a passing nurse what the smell was, and he just shrugged his shoulders and told me, someone, probably poop everywhere.

Well, the doctor is preparing to go into this room, but I did not expect what would happen next.

He opened the door, and I almost barfed. It was extremely hard to keep my professional composure.

The guy had his leg wrapped up. The doctor asked him to unwrap it, and it was gangrene. From his foot up to the middle of his thigh.

The smell I had been smelling was rotting flesh. The cause? ‘The four-wheeler I was riding caught fire six months ago.’”

11. Nothing a little Jack can’t fix

“As an Army medic, I have had some dumb patients. One of the first guys I treated got nasty road rash from a motorcycle crash and decided to treat it himself by pouring Jack Daniels on it. By the time he came to the medics, it was pretty bad, and I had to do debridement with a scrub brush: scrubbing the bad parts off with plastic bristles.

He was in a lot of pain, and I was trying not to laugh at him.

We once had a guy who had the tip of his finger amputated. His first question was, ‘will this grow back?’

One guy had a sore back, and while I was doing the physical exam, he said, ‘Doc, my spine is curved (it wasn’t).

That’s why my nose is crooked.’

Medics all have lots of fun stories.”

12. Baby only likes the good stuff

“I grew up in Upstate New York, where my dad had his practice (he’s an OB/GYN). Genesee Brewery was nearby, so it was a fairly popular adult beverage brand with the locals.

A patient came into the office for a prenatal checkup.

As part of his follow up, he asked if they were drinking anything they shouldn’t so that he could tell them to avoid it.

The woman reassured him that her drinking habit was fine. ‘Oh, don’t worry Doctah!

I drink da good stuff. I drink Genny Cream!’

My dad then had to explain that even if she’s drinking the ‘good stuff,’ she still can’t have it when pregnant. She honestly thought that if she had ‘good’ stuff, it’d be fine for the baby.

Yikes. Plus, I think Genesse Cream is pretty awful to begin with, which makes the story funnier.”

13. He drove himself

“I’m a surgical resident, and one that comes to mind while I was on the cardiothoracic service was a gentleman that came in through the trauma bay with a stab wound to the chest. He reported (after we fixed the rather large hole in his right ventricle) that he was just visiting a friend and while on the stoop of the building, a random stranger stabbed him with a sword from a 1st-floor window.

He proceeded to laugh, get back in his car with his buddies and drive home, despite the rather profuse bleeding from his chest. He drove home and then eventually decided he should go to the hospital. He drove BY HIMSELF to the hospital.

The last thing he remembered was being on the way to the hospital. Lucky jerk was found in the parking lot. He had passed out in his car. He eventually made it to the OR and walked away just fine.”

14. Too many to count

“There are several close calls. There was the patient who fixed an appointment for a pedicure the day after open heart surgery. He said that he’d just sneak out of the ICU and that nobody would notice.

Then there was the patient who had an amputation of half of his foot and decided that it would be a good idea to walk to the toilet after returning to his room, covering the floor in bloody footsteps because the suture ripped open again.

Then the patient who said that he didn’t have any previous operations, but was covered in scars. When asked about each of them, he suddenly remembered having about 15 surgeries for various accidents.

The patient who forgot that he had his kidney, spleen, and part of the colon removed (because of a tumor).

There was one patient who decided that he’d never take more than three pills a day (because obviously taking more than three pills a day is going to kill you). He was on four or five different meds at that time, and just chose at random which meds he was going to take which day.”

15. Better safe than sorry

“I still remember a guy coming to the hospital with his girlfriend and asking for the morning after pill. I asked them when did the intercourse happen and he says, ‘Well, I wouldn’t call it exactly intercourse, but my girlfriend would feel much more relaxed if she took the pill.’

I asked, ‘Could you define the nature of your contact?’

He says, ‘Well… uh… my girlfriend is pure, so we don’t ‘do it,’ but last night we were in our underwear, and we were cuddling, and I came a bit in my underwear, and then we kept cuddling, and my wet underwear was touching her thigh.

So maybe something found its way into her?”

16. How else?

“I had a marine once who came to me complaining of a rash to his right forearm for two weeks. This was his first visit for the issue and hadn’t had anything like this before. He was worried since he reported worsening symptoms since initial onset.

When asking about prior skin issues, he told me he had ringworm just before THIS rash.

I look at his arm, it looked like a mild second-degree chemical burn in a rather circular shape, with blisters on the edges. What got me was the exact definition in the burn edge. Asking the young LCPL how he got that he replied, ‘Well that’s the burn I got from the bleach I poured on my arm.’

When I ask him WHY he poured bleach on his arm he says, ‘Well, how else was I going to kill the ringworm?’”

17. Don’t miss it

“I have the grandma, the mom, and the teen in the room. The teen is pregnant, but this apparently is a good thing. There are no fathers/grandfathers/boyfriends/jobs in the picture, but everyone decided it was about time a new generation was added to the family lineage.

Apparently, the teen did not appreciate the fatigue, full bladder, back pain, etc., that go along with being pregnant and is also experiencing some cramping pains. She demands that we do a C-section because she’s tired of being pregnant (even though she’s still not far enough along) because then we can just hook up the premie in an incubator to finish growing and the government can just pay for the (incredibly expensive) ICU stay.

My jaw just dropped.

Then there was the lady wearing short shorts and no underwear who raised her leg and showed me the puss-filled wound on her labia … while in the middle of the waiting room.

I don’t miss rural OB/Gyn experiences.”

18. Cement cast

“Turns out using cement as a DIY cast for your broken (but not reset) leg is a bad idea. Turns out the chemicals in the cement irritate and dissolve your skin. A patient became septic and almost died by the time he presented for medical care.

Emergency Medicine – preventing natural selection one stupid person at a time.”

19. The thirst and the energy

“As a med student, myself and another student took a history from a guy who drank several (10+) cups of tea a day with six sugars in each one ‘for my thirst’ and had six meals a day of four bacon sandwiches, with butter, ‘for the energy.’

That’s all he had every day.

That’s it. He couldn’t understand why his heart disease wasn’t getting better, why he’d put on weight, why he was now showing high blood sugar and was borderline diabetic.”

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13+ People Share the Moment That Forced Them to Grow Up Too Fast

Childhood is hard to fully appreciate until it’s over. There’s often a moment buried in our memory that we can look back on as the time we no longer felt like a child. Retrospectively, it can be easy to see how that watershed moment changed everything – which is exactly what these 15 people realized.

#15. A lot for a teenager to take in.

“Being diagnosed as a diabetic at 14. First I almost die from Diabetic Ketoacidosis (which i can assure you is extremely unpleasant) and then spend 5 days in the hospital getting a crash course on everything i need to do to keep myself alive from then on.

Counting carbs, checking blood sugar, how to determine the correct amount of insulin to give myself, how to treat loss, how to treat highs, what to do if I’m spilling ketones.

That’s a lot for a teenager to take in and process.”

#14. Both my parents

“When both my parents died in a car crash when I was 20.”

#13. A sophomore in college

“My bipolar started to fully manifest when I was a sophomore in college. I ended up making a lot of mistakes, ruining a lot of friendships, and dropping out of school. It’s taken 5 years for me to pick up the pieces of my fractured life. I’m stable, I have a well paying job, but man do I feel older than I should.”

#12. He wasn’t going to change

“When I found out that I may have leukemia. I took a hard look at my relationship with my fiance. He was not supportive of me at all. That’s what finally made me realize that he wasn’t going to change into the person I needed him to be. He had been prioritizing himself the whole time we were together and I finally had enough.”

#11. I had to step in big time

“Realizing in college how little money my parents really had and that I had to step in big time.. that matured me up really quick. Went from barely working and partying to handling 20-30 hour work weeks bartending and school.”

#10. He took everything

“In 2015 my dad kicked me out of my own house so he could live there with his new bitchy wife.

I had to file a report, get a lawyer and had him force removed from my house. Before that he emptied the place, took everything but my old bed. So there I was with no job a bunch of furniture to buy, bills to pay and a lawyer to finish paying. That moment was def a turn point in my life.”

#9. My dad’s third wedding

“The day of my dad’s third wedding.

I won’t go into too many details, but my dad married a chick he met on the internet and uprooted our entire lives, we immigrated to the states and everything. During the time they were dating, she seemed nice enough and I was pretty stoked to get a mom. Literally the second the ring was on her finger she started treating me poorly. She blamed me (an 11 year old kid) for leaving her purse at the venue when she’d never even mentioned I should look after it. It was still there when we got back but the damage was done. I knew she wasn’t gonna be my mommy but I still wanted her and my dad to be happy. Spoilers: they werent. It was a long 8 years of her treating me like crap and me trying to deal with it.

It worked out okay I suppose. I’m 26 now and while I always try to be kind to people, I don’t take their bullshit.”

#8. My mom’s death

“My mom’s death when I was 17.”

#7. Felt like I was taking care of him

“My father lost his job to due to his alcoholism, and then about a month later, my mother tried to take her own life by taking as many pills as possible. I was 14 at the time, and for a while felt like I was taking care of them, instead of me. I put my head down and told myself that I was going to do as best as I could in school, do whatever I could at home, and then get as far away as possible. The first two years were particularly difficult, but thankfully I had a set of friends that kept me happy and sane. I learned to silo my life which is still something I’m working on, but it made me realize a lot about adults and that parents don’t always have it together as they seem.”

#6. Makes you appreciate the little things

“Getting a gun held to my head whilst delivering pizzas. Makes you appreciate the little things.”

#5. She told me she was pregnant

“When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant.  I was in college and I went from planning where I was going to party the next weekend to graduating and getting a job in an instance.”

#4. I watched him bury our dog

“I realized my dad wasn’t unbreakable when I watched him bury our dog.

That day I watched the strongest man I had ever known collapse on his knees sobbing. And I realized that life is a lot tougher than I thought.

EDIT: I’m glad some of you have been able to share your stories. I hope it has been cathartic. Here’s to all the good doggos in our lives.”

#3. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for my kids

“Getting my fiance at the time pregnant with my son when we were 18. I was a total fuck up in school and after school, I was a drug addict, I didnt really have any drive. Then once I knew I had another human to take care of I figured my shit out fast. Took me a while to shake the drug habit fully but I’ve been fully clean now for almost a year. I’d be dead if it wasnt for my kids (I also had a daughter not long after I had my son).”

#2. I grew up that night

“I had a crush on an older guy since 6th grade. He invites me over to his place sophomore year. I go, we watch some movies and start making out. I’m a pretty straight forward type of gal and I am pretty confident. We start making out and all is fine, but he asks me to take my shirt off, and I didn’t want to. Slowly he keeps making me feel shitty about it, and he keeps pushing things further while I am adamant about not going any further. I keep saying no, but not leaving. I’m not enjoying this as it feels like I’m fighting to keep my innocence the entire time. He starts physically overpowering me and gets his hand in my pants and starts fingering me aggressively. I’ve had more than enough now and I’m not letting myself get overpowered more than I already have. I tell him that if he doesn’t quit right now, I will be telling his mother about this. She is a fantastic lady who I have known for a few years now. He stops but gets all defensive like he didn’t do anything wrong. I leave.

I grew up that night. I can’t quite describe just how I changed, but something inside me snapped, I was far more adult like with everything after that. I think my inner mother came out of her shell before she gave birth to any kids.”

#1. My first semester of college

“Miserable grades my first semester of college.

That never happened in high school, and I had to change habits quickly.”

Something to think about the next time you’re looking at your own precious little ones.

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Teachers Crack Us up with the 15 Best Late Excuses They’ve Ever Heard

Teachers work long hours that they often don’t get sufficiently compensated for, deal with our kids for more hours a day than we do (while they’re conscious at least), and have to navigate through endless red tape. If that sounds like a big headache, that’s because it is.

But they do have some little joys, one of which is that kids say some of the funniest things when they’re lying. These 15 tardiness excuses are proof of that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

And of course, on rare occasion, some of those outlandish-sounding excuses turn out to be true…

#15. Lol, gross

“I remember this from 11th grade. Our history class was right after lunch. The class started with a quiz, so everyone was quiet. This big guy comes in like 15 minutes late. He goes over to our male teacher and whispers something in his ear. The teacher repeats it, but a little bit louder so that it was audible.

And the teacher says, ” The cafeteria lady sold you an all-bread Stromboli ??? ”

Yes, the cafeteria lady had indeed sold him an all-bread stromboli, with no meat and cheese in it. So he had to go back and ask for another one, sit down and eat it, which was why he was late for class.”

#14. For a week or so

“Student walked in and looked a bit shaken. She told the class she had been hit by a car in a calm voice. English was her second language. Some people were confused and didn’t think she had been a pedestrian struck by a vehicle. Not five minutes later, a police officer, paramedics, and the school nurse come in and usher her away. Apparently she got hit, got up off the ground and sprinted into school.

She had a minor concussion and we didn’t see her for a week or so.”

#13. Barefoot and crying

“Not sure if this applies, but a teacher was telling us about how important it was to hand in our essays until the end of the week (we had to hand two essays per week). While she was talking about how she wouldn’t accept tardiness, there was this only one exception when she accepted it on the following week.

Turns out a student was mugged on his way to school. He ended up losing his backpack with everything inside (including the essays), phone, wallet, socks and shoes. The student ended up going to talk to the teacher barefoot and crying, telling her how he tried even to persuade the assailant to let him get the essays out of his backpack, but to no avail.”

#12. To be fair

“Locked in their own house was a good one. To be fair, some really old locks could only be unlocked if you had the key. So if your parents were the only ones with the key and locked the door on their way out, you’re fucked.”

#11. A local euphemism

“I work in South Korea and had a fifth grader say he was late because he “caught a whale”, which is a local euphemism for getting circumcised.”

#10. We were the accident

“I teach at a university, but this was from my high school years.

My sister had just gotten her learner’s permit that week, and was driving to school for the first time, with me riding shotgun (required licensed 18yo family member etc.) We came up to a very sharp intersection — something like a 135-degree hairpin turn, and the light turned yellow.

My sister asked me what to do, and I said to stop for it (not liking the odds of a complete noob driver trying to do that turn at speed with me on the outside).

She stopped, quickly. The Mercedes behind us didn’t. Everyone except the Mercedes was okay, but it snarled traffic up pretty badly for a while.

I drove the rest of the way to school (the crash totaled the Mercedes, but just dented the back cargo door in the Blazer we were in), and waited in line as student after student checked in late at the office with “There was an accident on the way to school.”

Our excuse was “We were the accident on the way to school.”

#9. I teach preschool

“I teach preschool, so most of our excuses are detailed explanations of their bowel movements.”

#8. The parent before me

“I once signed my daughter in late to elementary school, and the parent before me had put “UFO Sighting” in the “reason for tardiness” box.”

#7. Didn’t even have a truck

“Call ins, but still…“forgot to turn off my f***in heater,” “somebody stole my tires and put my truck on blocks,” and “gotta find my damn dentures, those things are expensive” are my favorites.

Edit: the second guy didn’t even have a truck.”

#6. Her dog really did eat her homework

“Not a teacher, but in the third grade I had to give a presentation in social studies class. We got to read our presentations off of a piece of paper. My dog ate half of that paper the morning I was supposed to deliver said presentation. I was hysterical because I didn’t think my teacher would believe the “my dog ate my homework” excuse. My dad wrote a note for my teacher “Please excuse gxminifxxd as her dog really did eat her homework.”

#5. Scans of his head and everything

“Years ago I had a student come in who had missed the test the previous week. He said a while back he had been shot in the head and they were unable to remove the bullet and the previous week it had started shifting and he was in the hospital. Showed me the scans of his head and everything.

Also, right now another student’s friend let me know that he is in jail for a few weeks and asked me if I could please not drop him as he wants to stay in the class.”

#4. Misfit Disney princesses

“I’m a TA and last semester a student emailed me saying he would be late to class because he got bit by a squirrel.

There was also a different student who came to class with a baby turtle he found one day (on time though). It’s possible I was teaching a class full of misfit Disney princesses.”

#3. You have to respect bathroom problems

“Just heard this one last week:

“I’m sorry I was late, I have diarrhea”.

Truth or lie, you have to respect bathroom problems.”

#2. Cool/stupid

“Primary teacher here – teaching 11 year olds, kid comes in 30 mins late because he was waiting for his LED shoes to finish charging.

Turns out he was not lying and proceed to moonwalk over to his chair with his shoes flashing. Couldn’t even be mad it was too cool/stupid at the same time.”

#1. Toronto shooting death

“I was a TA, running twice weekly lab sessions in the evening. Being more than 10 minutes late to a lab usually earned a 0 grade for the day, so you usually needed a medical note or police report to get out of it.

At the end of class, one student who was 20 minutes late came up to me and apologized profusely. He was a quiet, unassuming Chinese guy with glasses and a below average grasp on the English language.

He told me that while he was walking to class, a guy in front of him was shot multiple times by a man in a nearby parked car, which then sped off. He claimed that he rushed over to the man, and attempted to attend to his wounds along with another bystander, but that he died before the ambulances arrived.

My first thought was, that’s ridiculous. But then I noticed his shirt, jeans, and forearms covered in blood. Before I had a chance to really say anything, he beelines it to the exit and leaves. A couple hours later, out of curiosity, I Google’Toronto shooting death’ and sure enough, there’s a 14-minute old article describing a fatal shooting that occurred earlier in the day, not terribly far from campus.

The next day, I get an email from the course instructor, informing me that the student had submitted a police report to confirm his involvement in the incident. Motherfucker held a man in his arms as he died and still made the effort to come to class. I can’t even imagine what that guy was going through, as he quietly sat in the back of that room.

Shoutout /r/UofT, that’s why he made CS POST and you didn’t.”

 

I told you! Gold!

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These 13+ Little-Known Facts Might Surprise You

These little-known facts pack a lot fun. They’re great to whip out at a party and impress your friends or simply hang onto them for your own satisfaction.

These 15 people are sharing their favorites, and I’m 100% in.

#15. The Ancient Greeks.

“Spiked and studded dog collars derive from the days of the Ancient Greeks.

The Greeks gave their sheepdogs sharply spiked collars to protect their necks from wolves as they guarded a shepherd’s flock of sheep by night.”

#14. Huh.

“Bees testicle explodes after sex.”

#13. I think about it a lot.

“Two guide dogs named Salty and Roselle were with their owners in the twin towers on floor 78 as the attack commenced (9/11). The dogs guided their blind owners to safety. This isn’t mindblowing but I think about it a lot.”

#12. Obviously this is painful.

“Cats penises are barbed. Obviously this is painful but also necessary as the pain induces ovulation which happens about 30 hrs later. No pain, no ovulation. The barbs also act as a scraper to remove rival semen. It’s not very effective though so a litter can have multiple fathers.”

#11. In his natural register.

“Freddie Mercury was a baritone. He just never sang in his natural register because he was afraid nobody would recognize him. But there are definitely recordings of him speaking and singing, and he’s definitely a baritone – All of his popular stuff just happened to be in his falsetto singing voice.”

#10. A fence in Australia.

“There is a fence in Australia that is longer than the distance from New York to London.”

#9. Closer in time.

“That Gone with the Wind was filmed closer in time to the Civil War than to today.”

#8. Very special mud.

“So baseball has a special rubbing mud. Since about the 1940s, every baseball used in a major league game has been rubbed with a special mud that comes from a secret location in New Jersey.

New baseballs have a sheen on the leather which makes it difficult for a pitcher to grip the ball. So they had to find something that could reduce the sheen without altering the color or damaging the leather. The answer was the super secret New Jersey mud that’s still in use today. One guy owns the very small company that sells the mud and knows of the super secret location.”

#7. A Catholic priest.

“Did you know that the Big Bang (the actual Big Bang, not the sitcom) was thought up by a Catholic Priest?”

#6. Always a Saturday.

“The BEst before date on crisps in the U.K. is always a Saturday.”

#5. Farther West.

“Reno, Nevada is farther West than Los Angeles.”

#4. The most fatal.

“Eating disorders are the most fatal mental illness(es) – anorexia topping the list, then bulimia, then various OSFED/EDNOS. Even more fatal than major depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar. ~20% die due to intentional suicide, the rest due to heart failure and other physical complications.”

#3. The same tortoise.

“Steve Irwin and Charles Darwin owned the same tortoise.”

#2. Never visited.

“George Everest never visited Mount Everest. Yet the mountain is named after him. Also he pronounced his name eve-rest.

So we have the highest mountains named after a guy who never saw it and the name is pronounced wrong.”

#1. A well-known astrophysicist.

“The guitarist for Queen is also a well known astrophysicist.”

I feel smarter now, don’t you?

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15 Professional but Totally Unnecessary Things Chefs Do During Meal Prep

With the increase in popularity of shows on the Food Network (shoutout to the Pioneer Woman), meal kits, and recipe blogs on the internet, it’s easier than ever to feel like a professional chef at home.

However, sometimes those outlets make us think we need to be too fancy. Thankfully, these 13+ chefs are here to tell you the steps/processes that you can go ahead and skip.

#15. Beautiful grill marks

“Giving the meat a quarter turn a few minutes before it’s done on the grill. It gives the meat beautiful cross hatched grill marks but does nothing for the quality of the meat.”

#14. Frenching

“Frenching. You usually see it on fancy cuts of meat like tomahawk steaks or racks of lamb. It improves the look of the cut, is pretty easy to do and most people have come to expect it when ordering more expensive cuts of meat. This step is unnecessary to me though because the part that is trimmed off is super tender and fatty and delicious, so if I have the option, I request an unfrenched cut.”

#13. Sounds more sophisticated

“Truffle oil. I feel the vast majority of the time it’s added only so that the dish sounds more sophisticated.”

#12. A little fire

“Flambé is bullshit. It’s literally just setting the alcohol on fire that has already boiled off from the dish and doesn’t burn hot enough at the surface to create any Maillard reaction products. I do it to entertain my three year old. He loves it.”

#11. Tiny stems

“Tiny stems in fresh parsley, cilantro, rosemary, thyme, tarragon, basil etc.

Seperating that last 2-5 mm from the leaf to the stalk is not important and generally speaking, it’s both tender and packed with flavor. But, but, muh atention too detales…”

#10. Zero nutritional value

“Adding edible gold to any food. It does not affect the taste and has zero nutritional value, as it will just pass through your digestive system without being absorbed. Well, at least you will literally be shitting gold after eating it.”

#9. Choking hazards

“Leaving the tails on shrimp for ornament. In stir fries, curries, etc., now I have to get in there and remove something it was actually easier to just take off with the rest of the shell.

Why leave these choking hazards in an otherwise entirely edible meal to be discreetly stashed at the side of a plate or in a napkin?”

#8. Sure, it’s pretty, but…

“Garnishing with fucking micro greens that you have to clean and fucking pick the seeds out of. It takes forever and most people just take them off anyway. Sure, it’s pretty, but spending 45 minutes of my prep time going through a box of them really sucks.”

#7. Peeling

“Peeling carrots and potatoes. Give them a good wash and they’re fine. Hell, potato skins improve mashed potatoes, imo.”

#6. Baker’s napalm

“Traditional French desserts like croquembouche and gateau st honore only exist to make me feel like a failure.

Cream puffs have no business being in a conical shape held up by baker’s napalm.”

#5. No one wants to try and cut into that mess

“the food tower… it may look nice, bit no one wants to try and cut into that mess.”

#4. Suddenly you’re fancy

“Parsley. Put it on anything, and suddenly you’re fancy.”

#3. Plate appeal

“Plating.

High-end restaurants take great pains to make sure meals are plated well and look appealing from a purely aesthetic standpoint.

When cooking at home, I generally don’t put as much effort into the “plate appeal”.”

#2. A few

“Here are a few

Vanilla beans. I LOVE them and they are so complex and beautiful. It’s professional to bring them out in dishes, but really not necessary. Vanilla extract, though not as good. Will work just fine. Especially when a vial of 3 beans costs $10.
Those paper things that go on the bone stumps of a cooked turkey. So useless I won’t even google their name.
Blowing smoke into your cloche dome. Revealing your plated food as smoke bellows out from it and revealing the dish is cool as hell and professional. Though it technically adds flavour, you likely also used the smoke gun earlier in the cooking process to add flavour that it is not needed again.”

#1. Miniature bowls (looking at you, Ree Drummond)

“Putting all the ingredients in miniature bowls.”

Here’s to your next delicious meal at home!

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12+ People Reflect on the Most Inaccurate Things They Learned About the Birds and the Bees

Do you remember when you first had “The Talk?” It might’ve been with your parents, a friend, a teacher, an older sibling, the weird guy who lived in the garage next door, etc.

Whoever told you about sex for the first time probably told you some things that aren’t true, or at least are inaccurate. After all, it’s an awkward situation for both parties involved and many adults tend to stretch the truth or leave out some key details. These AskReddit users reveal the funny and WRONG things they were taught about the birds and the bees.

1. Nope

“That you can get pregnant from hugging and that you can get AIDS from kissing. It was 1999 when it had been proven that HIV was not spread through casual contact.”

2. Be careful

“I always thought you were supposed to be really gentle with the penis. So my first time giving a hand job I had the lightest grip possible so I wouldn’t hurt him. When he showed me just how I was shocked lol.

I also thought your period was supposed to be just a dot of blood, hence the name “period.” Had a rude awakening with that one.”

3. Wait, that’s not true?

“I was taught that a woman releases a special chemical in her brain during/right after sex that makes her attached to the man for the rest of her life, because he made that happen. Only women tho, and only your first.

My parents were so hellbent on this that me and my mom often argued about it… she was adamant that I could barely know the guy, yet this would happen and it would ruin my life, she was that convinced (as a teen, they didn’t like my boyfriend and used this to say I won’t know who he will grow up into, in highschool you’ve known him only a few years, this will forever taint your life when you eventually get married etc…. very strong belief they hold). Many other misconceptions as well, but that’s the craziest. Others include:

*Tampons cause infertility because the ovaries cannot ‘air out’

*Having cold feet outside leads to infertility by ‘freeze damage’ to the ovaries

*Sex is a donation to a man, not at all something to share as it can never truly be pleasurable for the woman. However, you’re in luck because women happen to release a forever-bonding chemical when she loses her virginity so you won’t mind ‘doing what is needed to him when do you have to.’ “

4. Mom?

“My mum told me there was no such thing as ovulation when I was 9. To this day I haven’t had the courage to ask her how she thinks I got here!”

5. It’s over

“Basically sex = your life is ruined and there’s nothing you can do about it then.

Little bit inaccurate.”

6. There it is!

“I received absolutely no sex education. I was raised a religious fundamentalist, married at 19 to a girl that was as ignorant as I was and lost our virginity on our wedding night. Married for 13 years. I learned what and where a clitoris was from my 2nd sexual partner at the age of 32.”

7. Uggghhhhh

“My sex ed was cassette tapes of an old man basically just saying don’t have sex before marriage, but one of the things he said was “I grew up on a farm, and I learned all I needed to know about sex by watching the animals.””

8. Abstinence

“My middle school teacher told the class that condoms were not effective at all for protecting against STDs and only worked 50% in stoping pregnancies, and that anyone who told you otherwise was a diseased pervert trying to trick you into sex. Abstinence teaching, ladies and gentlemen.”

9. Lies!

” “If you both keep your virginity until your wedding night, you will have an amazing sex life forever.”

False.”

10. Inaccurate

“Not sure this counts but when I was 10 and asked my mom what AIDS was, she said it happened when people had sex without protection.

Fair enough. Except my little brain confused “protection” with “permission”. And that was what I thought AIDS was. For longer than I care to admit.”

11. A whole buncha stuff

“If you have sex in a hot tub, you can’t get pregnant. When you go to sleep, your period stops. My friend also believed that girls only had their periods on the full moon cycle.

These are things I had other people come to me about, because they had no sex ed and I was the one friend who actually learned something from their parents.”

12. Confused

“In addition to the usual (condoms aren’t effective, sex before marriages gives you cancer, zero information about discharge or where clitoris is located) I was taught that women don’t feel sexual arousal. At all. Those who think they do are just confused. Women have sex to please men and make babies, no other reason.

I still wonder if the woman who taught me this was just asexual and didn’t know it, and she assumed this was the norm.”

13. Dirty

“They taught us that if you have sex, you are dirty and disgusting. It became confusing to me as a child to be excited when someone announced they were pregnant, I thought it was only good if you ended up pregnant.”

14. You’re gonna catch it

“I mean I don’t think this really counts but my class made us watch the lifetime movie “she’s too young” a movie about a high school that has a huge chlamydia outbreak which made it seem like that was gonna happen to our school if we had any sex so that I suppose.”

15. Sex offenders

“Went to catholic school in south Texas. My sex ed was “you are all too young to have sex, if you do you will be a sex offender for life” then we learned about the legal problems of being a sex offender. Not totally wrong, but lots of girls had to leave when they ended up pregnant.”

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