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10 Deeply Profound Shower Thoughts

Shower thoughts are the random little epiphanies that you experience while you’re showering (hence the name). There’s just something about idly scrubbing between your toes that opens up your mind in ways you can’t access at other times. Some of these thoughts can be truly revelatory. Others… are a bit more random.

Reddit’s “Shower Thoughts” thread is chock full of these useless ideas.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/tr666ple_6

 

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/JetSetMiner

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/k1l2327

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/PainMatrix

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/Free-Tshirts

The next time you step into the shower, remember your thoughts aren’t as crazy as you might think.

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15 People Share the Creepiest Thing They Saw From Their Bedroom Window

If you’re like me, you’re constantly waking up in the middle of the night and thinking that every little bump and creak is someone or something lurking outside your bedroom window. There’s something about that time of night that just makes everything seem more sinister.

Lucky for me, it’s always been my imagination. These AskReddit users, however, have some genuinely creepy tales to tell.

1. Shooter

“Live in Detroit right on the border between a safer neighborhood and “Detroit” Detroit, so I tend to see quite a bit from my window.

Maybe not creepy, but the scariest would have to be getting an alert for an active shooter and only to see a guy matching the exact description just wandering around across the street.”

2. Scary

“A man walk in his yard with a gun drawn, aiming it at windows of different houses. He was arrested after someone called 911.”

3. Terrifying ex

“I was sitting on my bed trying to ignore the texts my abusive ex was sending me. I was dating my now husband, and my ex didn’t take kindly to it. He was sending me text, after text switching between being apologetic and threatening me. I was sitting on bed. The bedhead was against the window and I was leaning on it.

Eventually I grab my phone and text back, telling him to stay the f**k away from me, when I hear his message tone go off right behind me. I, while shaking, open the curtain and he was right there in the bushes. Nothing too good unfortunately happened after. I opened the front door, like an idiot, to tell him to go away. He burst through. I was home alone. I reported to the Police but nothing was done. I did manage to get a transfer with work though and never saw him again.

Last I heard, he is in prison.”

4. Flashlight in the face

“Not me but my mom, she has a sliding glass door that she sleeps with open because my cat used to wake her up wanting in and out of it at all hours of the night. Well, one night she wakes up with two men in her room and a flashlight in her face, she jumps up and realizes it was two cops, they asked her if anyone came in, apparently someone on the run ran through our backyard while she was asleep with the door open, and luckily enough the guy didn’t notice and ran on.

She just leaves her actual door open now, my cat can deal with it.”

5. That’s…odd

“A very well to-do looking man who didn’t appear to be drunk, walking down the street at about 2am. He stopped, got down on his knees, and started having a conversation with the darkness through the grills of a sewer drain. I couldn’t hear what he was saying. It appeared to be a two-way conversation, he would pause, nod, gesticulate from time to time. Lasted around 20 minutes.

And no, he didn’t drop anything down there, I saw the whole thing. I have no explanation.”

6. Pregnant and alone

“My husband and I rented the upper floor of a house and another couple rented the bottom floor. They usually went to work early and didn’t come home until the dinner hour. I was very pregnant and alone at home during the day. I had just gotten out of the shower, towel barely wrapped around me, to see that someone was outside my bedroom window in my side yard. He didn’t see me because he was trying to lure the neighbor’s dogs to the fence by shaking a bottle of pills at them. He was wearing a large trench coat, underwear and no shoes.

I called 911 kinda naked and they came immediately. Turns out my downstairs neighbors had a house guest. Which is fine, I guess, but he really was trying to drug the neighbor’s dogs. Who knows why because they were quiet sweet dogs. Neighbors were called and they kicked him out immediately and apologized for scaring me. Still, I had a friend come over while I was there alone that day.”

7. Neighbor

“My neighbor (older woman) looking right through it. With her hands on the glass to see better, like this.

I got out to ask her if she needed help. Her response was “No, I’m just looking.” and she walked away. After she probably stood there for four hours (my brother saw her standing there earlier).

She did this every day for half a year. Turned out she was mentally ill and absolutely harmless. But it creeped me out and made me paranoid for a few weeks.

One day she was gone for a few months. She’s back now but doesn’t look through my windows anymore. Now she’s standing on the ground-floor, looking through the door outside. I miss her.”

8. Silhouette

“My wife and I were awakened in the middle of the night by what sounded like a loud scream in our backyard. What really freaked us out though was there was a silhouette of someone on the drawn window blind.

I ran through the house to grab my highest power flash light then back to the bedroom. I tried looking out the adjacent window but didn’t see the person even when I used the flashlight, but the person’s silhouette was still on the drawn blind. I finally decided to pull the blind back, fully expecting some freak to be on the other side but no one was there.

It turned out to be an owl sitting on the fence silhouetted by my neighbor’s garage light.

Awakened by scream, thought some freak was looking in our window, tuned out to be an owl.”

9. OH SH*T

“Used to live in a basement apartment in a reasonably nice end of town. Had been there a few months, no issues. One night (late summer), I was laying in bed, watching a movie, whilst the dog had adopted about a month prior was laying on my feet, sleeping. (110 lbs, senior Rottie x).

Window was open, as I normally opened it in the evening for fresh air when the weather was decent. About 10 PM, I hear nothing, but my dog snaps awake, snarling, flies at the open window, knocks the screen out and all I hear is “OH S**T!” I look out the window, and there is a screwdriver on the ground.

Turns out this guy was trying to break in, using a screwdriver to quietly remove the screen. Moved to an 8th floor unit very, very shortly afterwards.

(Also got my dog back about an hour later, un-injured. RCMP had gotten a few calls (including mine) about this guy seen at other complexes around my neighborhood and one picked up my dog along the way). They also caught the guy, and from what I understood, he was wanted on multiple warrants.”

10. Dad!?!?!

“Not seen but heard–what sounded like a young woman pleading and crying. It was a hot summer night in Chicago so I had my windows open.

“PLEASE NO! NO OH GOD NO!” Followed by a gruff male voice shouting back. I go outside to investigate, holding a hockey stick. I walk up the alley between my house and the neighboring apartment building. Nothing. No lights on, no more voices.

A few nights later I hear the same voices. “PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU DON’T DO IT!” followed by MUFFLED ANGRY MALE SHOUTING

I walk out again, hockey stick in hand. Again, nothing. I walk into the neighboring building’s back yard to see if someone is there. Nothing. I say “can anyone hear me?” in as calm a tone as possible, holding on to the hockey stick for dear life. Nothing.

About a week later, in the middle of the day, I hear this voice again. “COME ON PLEASE! PLEASE!” I go outside and stand on my front porch. There, I see a young teen boy, pleading with his dad, who I can clearly hear now. “I told you once, I told you again, you don’t do your homework, you don’t get to play XBOX!” The dad walked to his car, Xbox in hand, with this kid screaming bloody murder from the front porch.

I wonder if Batman ever had to deal with this crap.”

11. Sad

“my neighbors bathroom light on. obviously it doesn’t sound creepy initially, but to this day the story it still gives me chills.

growing up in my childhood home, we had a neighbor who was very… eclectic, but very nice. 99% sure he was on a lot of heavy drugs, and he would leave for weeks/months at a time cause he traveled and worked with the circus. he was also a heavy cigarette smoker. he would take baths every night and i could sometimes faintly hear his loud smokers cough from my window. one night i saw his bathroom light on, heard him cough a little, then it was quiet. the next night the light was on, but he was oddly quiet this night… no coughing. same thing the next night, and the next, and the next, and the next…..

come to find out, he had suffered a heart attack while he was in the tub and had been in there dead for almost five days. his body was only discovered because his roommate came home and found him ? makes me so sad to think he died all alone.”

12. A gang thing

“When I was a teenager I woke up one night to fighting outside and this one guy was hitting this other guy with a belt all crazy talking about how “he stood up for him” and all this…the weird thing is the guy just was taking it and not fighting back…I think it might have been some sort of gang thing…”

13. Oh my god!

“I was awakened by this scratching noise to find a creature that I can not for the life of me recognize as anything I’ve ever seen at my window trying to pry it open with tiny paws. I looks like a cross between a weasel and a rat but I will never forget the fur on this creature. It look like it hadn’t cleaned itself in days and its fur made this creature unrecognizable to the point that I need to put my face about two feet from it with only a plane of glass between us just to see if I can recognize it.

It clearly wanted in but thankfully, the apartment window is secure. I recall there being a second one, but it wasn’t any more recognizable to me in the slightest.”

14. Not a pleasant sight

“A man urinating from his roof.

Ugh so disgusting.”

15. Don’t do drugs

“In high school, I lived in an apartment where the first floor was downstairs, so ground level was about half way up your wall, meaning your windows were basically just above the grass.

My blinds were shit, and couldn’t be rolled up because of it. I had to yank them out of the way to crack the window at all, and that lead to one of the slats cracking. Maybe an inch tall, 5 inch wide strip was missing.

One night, I heard a lot of chatter, then people walking away. After about 15 minutes of dead silence, with me facing the window, I noticed something moving and shut my laptop.

Some dude was just peeking in that strip like that’s totally a normal thing to do, watching a teenager play habbo probably.

When I moved, he stepped back, laughed, and walked away. Creepy fucker. I think it was an older brother of someone who lived in the complex but I’m not positive.

Honorable mention to the methhead that lived above me who had finger looking nipples and paper thin,translucent night gowns, just standing and staring at nothing, rocking back and forth. I expected her to teleport like 10 feet while I blinked or something. She’d sometimes smoke a blunt and just let ash fall onto herself, wiping it away when she was done smoking then walk over the broken glass and cracked up concrete barefoot about half the time.

Drugs are a hell of a drug, kids.”

The post 15 People Share the Creepiest Thing They Saw From Their Bedroom Window appeared first on UberFacts.

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15 Women Reveal Why They Refused Being a Bridesmaid (and What Happened After)

If you’re asked to be a bridesmaid (or a groomsman) for one of your friends, the acceptable response is to jump for joy, say thanks, and accept the honor immediately.

That said, there are exceptions like financial problems, health issues, and being asked by someone you’ve never even met before (true story). Sadly, the AskReddit stories that follow don’t all fall into the above ‘acceptable’ reason column, but most still make a great deal of sense once you read them.

1. A proposition

“I’ve said no at least three times because I absolutely hate being a bridesmaid. But each time I’ve offered to play violin for the ceremony instead. All three times I was taken up on the offer.

Saved me the expense of being a bridesmaid, saved the bride $ on music for the ceremony (I always played these weddings for free), and I still got to be an important part of the event. Win, win, win.”

2. Selfish

“I told her I wasn’t even going to be able to attend the wedding because of health issues. She had selected an out-of-state rural location that was not accessible for my wheelchair. I wouldn’t have been able to afford the trip to begin with anyway. She got upset and said I was just being cruel.

I guess she talked to someone else or had time to calm down and called me the next day apologizing for accusing me if trying to ruin her special day. I mean I had been dealing with the same health issues long before she got engaged or even started dating the man she was about to marry. Also, asking someone in a wheelchair to attend a wedding in the forest off a hiking trail with no easy access isn’t well thought out is it?”

3. Very weird

“Had a girl I had never met or heard of before call and ask me to be her bridesmaid.

She was a friend of a friend whom I had helped out years before by being a bridesmaid and doing all her flowers and such because that friend wasn’t very well off. Apparently this girl thought I was some sort of volunteer paratrooper bridesmaid florist? It was very weird.

I told her that I couldn’t because:
A) I didn’t know her

AND

B) I was going to have a three week old baby at the time if my due date was correct and didn’t want to drive 8 hours with a newborn.

She seemed ok with this and hung up, only to call again a few minutes later to ask if I was refusing because he was so much older than her and I was being judgmental and I said no, because I literally knew none of this because I do not know you. I have never heard of either you or your fiance before. Which is – again- the major reason I would not be your bridesmaid…

I wished her every happiness and hung up.”

4. Sister story

“My sister asked me to be her Maid of Honor and I declined. She was like “What the heck, why?!” I told her “You’re just asking me to be nice and because you think it’s the right thing to do. But I’m not your best friend. Jocelyn is your best friend, and she should be your maid of honor.” My sister cried and said what a good sister i was. So i guess i demoted myself to bridesmaid.”

5. A long story

“My sister had a destination wedding in the beginning of August of this year. I have three sisters, and the one getting married is the youngest one. All of the sisters would be bridesmaids (plus like 5 of her best friends). Problem was, I got pregnant and my baby was due in the middle of June. Fortunately, she was also pregnant and due in March, and she totally understood.

The timing was so borderline. If he was born on his due date, he would only be 7 weeks old by the wedding. They recommend waiting until two weeks after the 6 weeks vaccinations to fly, but they could do the vaccinations as early as 4 weeks. If he was early, we might be able to make it. If he was late, maybe not. This was also my first child, so I had NO clue what to expect. Maybe it would be chaos and traveling was a horrible idea. I just had no way of knowing.

As it turned out, I had an induction 5 weeks early due to a medical emergency. I missed all of the wedding planning stuff due to being sick and then having a newborn. But baby was healthy, really easygoing, and it was looking like I was going to be able to go. Not only that, but my husband wanted to take two weeks of his parental leave so that we could take a family vacation just the three of us. We were going to island hop for two weeks, visit one of his friends, etc. We were so excited. I told my husband that I would book our travel and accommodations for Oahu first (where my sister was getting married) and the rest of the trip was up to him. I was down for whatever. I bought my bridesmaid dress and booked our travel. Everything was coming up Millhouse.

Then my husband passed away suddenly two and a half weeks before the wedding. Obviously I was a total f*cking wreck. But literally all of my family was going to Hawaii for the wedding. My in-laws live across the country from me. Nobody wanted me to be left alone so they insisted baby and I still come to Hawaii. One of my sisters helped me cancel my husband’s flight, move mine so that I wouldn’t have to travel alone, cancel my accommodations and crash in their room with the baby.

Now, I thought it was obvious I wasn’t going to be in the wedding anymore. I thought I didn’t have to have that conversation. It was already always up in the air whether I would be able to attend the wedding at all, let alone be a bridesmaid. I thought it would be clear that a wedding would be really f*cking hard for me as it is. I didn’t want to ruin all the videos and pictures with my thousand yard stare, running mascara, and bags under my eyes.

Well, it just never occurred to my baby sister that I wasn’t still one of her 8 bridesmaids. God love her, she is amazing and thoughtful and the most loving and sweet person I know. But she just had a lot going on and she probably hadn’t thought about it.

The day of the rehearsal, I put the baby in a stroller and hoofed it from the resort. We walked around Waikiki and I tried to not be desperately miserable behind sunglasses. I took pictures of my son with the Duke Kahanamoku statue, bought and ate a rapidly melting pineapple soft serve cone, and window shopped. My parents called me and told me to come back to the hotel so we could “go shopping” so I sighed and went back. When I got there, they were like, OK we’re going to the rehearsal. I said, uh you guys are, I’m not. They said, “[your sister] wants you there.”

I thought it was weird, but I went. And I sat in the back with the baby while everyone chatted and got directed around. Then the wedding coordinator kept making references to where I’ll be standing and sitting, etc. All the bridesmaids and groomsmen and my sister and brother in law were standing fanned out up front, when the wedding coordinator started talking about where in the order I will be standing during the wedding (mind you, at this point I’m sitting in the third row with my baby).

So I said flatly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not a bridesmaid.” And my sister, standing where the bride stands in front of everyone says, “yes you are.”

And I said, “I thought you knew I wasn’t going to be. I didn’t have time to get my dress hemmed. I didn’t even bring my dress.”

LONG PAUSE.

I don’t remember what happened after that except for they reset to do the whole march again and I picked up my baby and walked away to sob behind some bushes. Once I got all my sh!t together I went back and watched the rest of the rehearsal. Afterwards I immediately went back to the room, where one of my sister’s friends was working on handwritten name cards.

That friend was the first people who had donated to a GoFundMe after my husband died, so as soon as I parked my stroller in the room I started crying and thanking her. She gave me a big hug and I told her about how I had a mega meltdown during the rehearsal, and she held me and told me it was OK, that it’s understandable. My sister walked into the room while I was crying and she gave me a big hug. I told her that I was sorry, I messed up her rehearsal, and I should have told her I wasn’t going to be her bridesmaid. She said it was OK, she wasn’t mad.

SO yeah. That’s how that went. The wedding was hard for me, but I was happy for my sister. She still included me as much as I was willing to be included. She still had my makeup and hair done, and I was in her video a little and in family photos. During the reception my sister and BIL gave a speech, and she gave a shout out to my husband and I ugly cried. Anyway, I’m still glad that I went. I love my sister, she was there for me when I had my baby and she was there for me when my husband died. I wish I could have been there for her during her wedding, but I did the best that I could. Super glad I wasn’t a bridesmaid, though.”

6. Excited for her

“She asked, and thus ended up being one of the first people I told I was pregnant. I couldn’t even go to the wedding—I lived 500 miles away and on the wedding day I was 8 months pregnant on no-travel orders. Baby was born 2 weeks later.

Bride was excited, not angry.

Over a decade later I am still sad I missed that wedding though—so many of our friends and families have not all been together since.”

7. She got mad

“I was a broke college student that had my own bills to pay on a student worker part time wage. She expected me to buy my own dress, and the one she picked out was $400 and refused to change to a cheaper one. I literally made $400 per month so there was no way I could afford it. She got mad and has not talked to me since, which does not bother me because she was being extremely selfish.”

8. You don’t know me

“My then-boyfriend’s brother’s fiance asked me to be her maid of honor. It was a shotgun wedding due to her pregnancy but it was also about 6 weeks away. I barely knew her and thought it was really weird. I told her she should choose someone she’s known longer and has a deeper connection with or perhaps a family member. I also pointed out that if my bf and I broke up, she would probably hate having me in their wedding photos. That’s got a weird reaction from everyone involved.”

9. Not a good idea

“I turned down an opportunity to be in a wedding party on the summit of Longs Peak in Colorado. Start hiking at 3 am so we could be off the summit before the afternoon lightening storms killed us. Sounds great! (actually sounds awful, let’s be real.)

All of us were in sh!t shape, bride especially. WTF were they thinking? I heard later that it was absolutely miserable. I guess it turned out so badly that multiple people dropped out of the hike. We didn’t get the full story for months. Lots of minor injuries and they didn’t make it to the summit until noon.

No one could tell her it was a stupid idea.

This was long before social media. I shudder to think what she could have come up with in the age of social media. They would been dropping on to the summit with parachutes.

Yes, they divorced in a few years.

I have no idea why a chubby bride thought her chubby friends would all enjoy hiking up a 14K foot mountain for a sunrise wedding.”

10. No thanks

“Yes….I declined because I saw the groom to be picking up the bride by her neck. We were young, we were out clubbing, I don’t know why these two were even trying to get married, this was back in say, 1998. Anyway, groom-to-be picks up bride by the neck, I call cops, they come arrest him, she bails him out same night. It was about 3 or 4 months later that they were getting married and she asked me to be the maid of honor! No can do I told her, I told her the truth. And she was okay with it.

They were over within a year. I just remember she was crying and so embarrassed that she had just gotten all these gifts for the wedding, and that all those people who came to her wedding would find out that it was all for nothing. As far as I know she moved back in with her parents for a while, she was quite young.”

11. Short notice

“Bride asked me to be a bridesmaid on a Wednesday. Wedding was on a Saturday. Across the country. She claimed she had ‘asked my Dad to tell me’ (I don’t even live with him anymore) and spent years without talking to me after I declined.

Not a big loss.”

12. A true bridezilla

“I had a friend from high school ask me to be her maid of honor. I said yes, but I was worried about the money. I bought the dress, started planning her shower and she was already hounding me about her bachelorette party, even though she was four months away from getting married. Bridal shower went well in my opinion, until the bride kept making side comments about how there weren’t enough games, or prizes. (I was recently unemployed and didn’t have money, but my parents were helping.) I had planned four games, and I thought that was fair. She also said the food wasn’t good enough either, and spent the entire time talking to her other friends and ignoring me.

The next day she messages me saying we need to meet and plan her bachelorette party. She wanted all the bridesmaids to come over and have dinner. Well, night of the dinner I was really sick. I have a lot of health concerns and she was aware of them, but still got mad at me. Keep in mind I had been planning and trying to accommodate her requests for the bachelorette party while also making it feasible. She wanted an over night weekend get away in a air B&B and it would have been like $300 per person or something like that. I tried to convince her it wasn’t feasible and wanted to plan something else. I found something else to do, but hadn’t told her about it yet.

She messaged me later that night saying how disappointed she was that I wasn’t being a good maid of honor, and that she shouldn’t have to plan her own bachelorette party, and she basically yelled at me and said that I was a terrible friend because I did not do what she wanted exactly. Our entire friendship she always made it about herself, and I had distanced myself from her recently, and so I was surprised she asked me to be her MOH. After that message I was like fine, I’m done. And I quit her wedding.

We are no longer friends, and When we met in person to discuss it she blew up at me for not being there for her, that I was ruining her special day, and that she wasn’t getting what she wanted. I knew I had done nothing wrong and she was being a bridezilla. Their wedding recently happened and I could care less. She was a toxic person and I don’t need that negativity. Sure I feel bad about it, but I also know I needed to stand up for myself as our entire friendship she always walked over me.”

13. Drama

“My half sister asked me to be her bridesmaid at her extravagant, not small wedding. All good, until I was told she wasn’t inviting my dad, because he ‘wasn’t her family’ despite financially supporting her for 15 years while her dad refused to pay any parental contribution.

I wanted nothing to do with the wedding after that. I attended, and went to bed very swiftly after I had a free meal.

To this day, my sister is still very standoffish and rude to my dad. It’s caused no end of drama in our house, but I love my dad to pieces and I will always stick up for him and all the amazing things he’s helped us achieve and experience even as adults. He’s a very wonderful man.”

14. Not on speaking terms

“My ex husband’s sister had asked me to be her bridesmaid. I declined because it was shortly after his affair and there was a lot of bad blood between his family and me. It was really heartbreaking to do; we had been best friends for years prior. Unfortunately, we no longer speak.”

15. You’re disinvited

“A friend of a friend asked me to be a groomsman at his wedding. I thought it was odd because we only ever saw one another when we were hanging out with our mutual friend. I don’t even remember if I ever met his fiance.

At the time my wife was pregnant and due to give birth right around the time of the wedding and also I had just gotten a job again after being unemployed and was trying to catch back up on finances so paying for a tux wasn’t an exciting prospect. I declined and told him I didn’t want to leave them in a lurch if my wife ended up going into labor because it was such an important day for them. I thanked him for inviting me and told him I would attend the wedding but this way at least they weren’t depending on me.

He understood and was fine with it but called me a couple days later, clearly embarrassed and told me his fiance was furious and had disinvited me from the wedding.

They ended up getting divorced a few years later.”

The post 15 Women Reveal Why They Refused Being a Bridesmaid (and What Happened After) appeared first on UberFacts.

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10+ People Reveal the Absolutely Dumbest Ways They Hurt Themselves

Think back: what’s the absolutely dumbest way you’ve ever hurt yourself? For me, it was that time I punched my brother in the head and nearly broke my hand in the process. Ouch! Just for the record, I feel terrible about it now…

In this AskReddit article, people admit the stupidest ways they’ve ever hurt themselves.

1. Mooning gone wrong

“In college I went to visit one of my roommate’s hometown. It was a well visited summer destination, with a large lake. We took his Dad’s boat out and proceeded to check out the girls and blast around the lake. Being the smart 19 year old I was, I decided to moon him from the front of the boat. Well, he cut the engine and we hit a cross wake. My bare a** flew over the front. I hit the bottom middle of the boat, twisted, and my bare bum was dragged under the prop, getting cut from the small fin under the blades.

My legs went numb, and my bathing suit was around my ankles. My buds had to help me onto the boat with my junk hanging out. As I regained feeling in my legs, we went to the hospital to make sure not much more than my ego was injured all while my buddy kept asking me if I was going to sue his dad.

I tweaked my story to the nurse, saying I just fell over the front. She suspiciously asked why my bathing suit wasn’t cut up. I told her it was just big and must have fallen down.

Two days later, I had to drive my broken self 8 hours back to school and call off my job for the week (doctor’s orders).”

2. Not too bright…

“My dad had taken me and my siblings to get ice cream. He was pulling into the driveway. I wanted to see what would happen if I opened the door and put my foot on the ground. You get hurt is what happens.

Also grabbed the cord from a hot iron after being told not to about 6 times. Fell on my chest.

Was super hungover another time and tried to plug a cord in. Put my body in a weird position. My left side cramped. Stretched the other way to uncramp it. That side cramped. Then one of my calves cramped. Just had to wait it out and move around like an idiot.

I get off my couch after a nap kind of aggressively. I push myself up with my hand and swing my feet out and under me in one motion. One time they were wrapped pretty right in the blanket. Luckily my face was there to catch my fall.

No idea how I’ve made it to 27.”

3. Stabbed

“At my second grade Christmas concert we were drawing pictures before the show and I accidentally stabbed myself in the head.

Blood everywhere, pencil sticking out of my head I ran to the teacher who of course freaked out and rushed me to the nurse. She yanked it out and gave me a bandaid (this was the early 90s.)

It didn’t really hurt. I got a cool scar and still sang in the Christmas concert.”

4. Clumsy

“I sneezed as I was walking, tripped over a box and then went head first into the wall. My poor anxious father was in the other room and just heard a really loud THUMP followed by me cackling hysterically at my own stupidity. He came running in and I was holding my nose with clear fluid running out, unable to put a coherent sentence together (from laughing too hard).

He was convinced it was spinal fluid for some reason and that I had a concussion. He made me go to the doctor (thankfully not the ER). It was just some runny mucus that got knocked loose from my sinuses.”

5. Bowl in the face

“There was a dirty bowl left in the center my now wife’s coffee table in college. Her roommate had painted the table with the wrong kind of paint which caused everything to stick to it. So I went to pick this bowl up and it was REALLY stuck on there. So in my infinite wisdom I thought to myself ‘I bet I could pick up this entire table holding nothing but the bowl.’

Mind you this table wasn’t light by any means but I gave it a try anyway. I succeeded in lifting the table a good inch or two off the ground when it suddenly gave way, causing me to slam the bowl directly into my face. I still have a unibrow scar from that incident.”

6. Eye injury

“When I was like 13 I was stripping some cables with a pair of scissors to rewire a table lamp with a longer cable. Being a dumb little sh*t, I stripped by applying force in a face-ward direction. When the cable casing let go, my hand flew towards my face, jabbing the very tip of the scissors into my eyeball.

When this happened, time slowed into the most serious bullet time I’ve ever experienced, and I could feel the scissors hitting three distinct layers as it went in. Like how it feels when you cut an onion, and you can sort of feel the layers of the onion, right?

Anyway, it was just left of the iris. No damage was done and it just stung for like a few hours with a tiny blood dot as the only proof it ever happened and then it was good as new. Scared the sh*t out of me.”

7. I’m too young to die…

“Used to work at a recycling plant and everyday 1 hour till the end of our shift we had to clean up.

So I was sweeping the concrete floor with those long, fuzzy brooms. After 20 minutes of sweeping I’m getting bored of looking busy so I set the end of the handle in between my chest and continue walking while simultaneously pushing the broom.

As I’m sweeping like an idiot on the smooth concrete, I hit a worn out portion of concrete where it’s rough and jagged and the end of the handle comes flying up and hits me right in the throat.

I can’t breath for what seems an eternity and I’m thinking to myself I’m too young to die.

Realistically, after 5 seconds I was fine.”

8. Right in the nuts

“You know how when you put a comforter on a bed you kind of whip it from the edges to make it fall into place? I whipped it so hard that the wave crest of the comforter hit the chain cord for the ceiling fan, which was on. The chain cord had a weighted ball at the end that swung up into the spinning ceiling fan. The weighted ball broke off the chain and became a projectile that nailed me in the testicles hard. I dropped to the ground immediately and was in pain for a solid day.”

9. Face first

“As a kid I was running to hide from someone around the corner of a brick wall, so that I could jump out and scare them. I turned around to check if they were behind me while simultaneously starting to run around the wall. I undershot my turn, so when I looked back in front of me I was staring face first at the corner of the wall running full speed. That was the first time I had to get stitches.”

10. That poor penis

“Not me, but my husband burnt his peen on a plug in heater. My dog bumped past it and it fell while my husband was freshly naked and about to get dressed from taking a shower.

The metal heating plate on it was a honey comb pattern so it basically branded that pattern on his penis. The E.R. nurses kept coming in to see what was I’m sure to them entertaining and strange injury. It was hilarious aside from his understandably and excruciating pain.

Luckily for my husband his E.R. doctor was male and made sure the pain was taken care of. The doc was just covering his manhood in horror while trying to maintain composure. That was an interesting night.”

11. Ouch

“Literally stepped out of bed while talking on the phone and breaking one foot, simultaneously spraining the other one.”

12. Yes

“You ever try and pull the blankets up and end up punching yourself in the head? That.”

13. Rabbit attack

“Stuck my finger in a rabbit cage at a friend’s house and had one of my finger nails get chewed off.

Also walked around my house looking through binoculars backwards and walked straight into a wall, getting two black eyes in the process.”

14. Accident prone

“As a kid I kneed myself in the face and knocked out my front teeth trying to crawl through a play tube. A few months ago I threw out my back blowing my nose.”

15. Flesh wound

“Forgot I was holding a plastic butter knife, went to scratch my eye and somehow cut my fuckin upper lip and started gushing blood.”

The post 10+ People Reveal the Absolutely Dumbest Ways They Hurt Themselves appeared first on UberFacts.

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Divorce Lawyers Share the Worst Ways People Got Revenge on a Spouse

Divorce is a nasty business. While it doesn’t always have to be this way, chances are that more often than not, it’ll become a battle of he said/she said that gets ugly fast.

These AskReddit users share the worst ways they’ve seen divorces play out in court.

1. Lost her mind

“Worked at a law firm that was subpoenaed as part of a divorce between a partner at the firm and a partner at another major law firm.

The woman issued more than 70 subpoenas to banks, firms, investment companies — you name it — because she was convinced he had squirreled away $20+ million overseas behind her back. It got so bad that she dug up receipts from 25 years ago to try to put together this grand conspiracy puzzle.

In the end, after she racked up $1.5 million in legal fees, and 7 different lawyers, the judge said this sh*t is ridiculous — there was no conspiracy, and you are not entitled to a portion of this phantom $20 million.

Mind you: this was a major law firm partner who was acting this way. She made millions per year in her career. But she apparently lost her mind.”

2. A final f*ck you

“Not a divorce lawyer, but my father went through the process recently. Amounts of money aren’t the real concern. The assets must be split as close to 50/50 as possible. So the f*cking over generally comes in the form of inequitable distribution of one-of-a-kind things.

My father had a precious set of old, inexpensive kitchenware that his late mother gave him before he even married my mother. When the divorce went to mediation and she told the mediator that she wanted those pots and pans, she got them. She got them because she was willing to give up something else of equal monetary value (so, something worth less than $10), and was willing to sit in mediation for hours, racking up thousands in lawyer fees for both sides, until my father consented. Again, an even financial trade, but a sentimental trade of overwhelming disparity. Just as a final “f*ck you.”

3. Scummy

“Not a lawyer, but I met with a scummy one when I was looking to get a divorce. The first lawyer I met with, who had been recommended by a coworker as an amazing divorce attorney, suggested that, if I wanted full custody, I should make sure people knew the relationship was abusive. Tell my friends/family, make sure the neighbors heard me screaming/begging him not to hit me, document every bruise even if I wasn’t sure it came from him.

Thing is, my relationship wasn’t abusive and I’d already told her that multiple times. She never outright said I should fabricate evidence or anything, but she ignored my repeated statements that there was no abuse and kept on with her detailed instructions of how to document any abuse that might happen. I got the distinct impression that she was letting me know how to create an abusive relationship out of thin-air in order to get custody of my kids.

I ended up not using her as an attorney, for obvious reasons, and in the end my ex and I shared 50/50 physical and legal custody of our children and raised them together despite whatever issues we had with each other. I can’t help but wonder, though, how many dads lost a relationship with their kids because of her zealous coaching.”

4. Screwed over

“A friend of mine in high school worked at a pizza place. One of the delivery drivers was just ridiculously smart when I talked to him. Later I found out that he use to be a nuclear physicist. His wife was also a nuclear physicist, but left him for her lawyer.

He got screwed out of his kids, most of the assets, and had to pay a lot towards alimony/child support. He did the math, and figured out the tips he didn’t get taxed on plus his minimum wage delivering pizza was more than keeping his job as a nuclear physicist. Plus he got a little satisfaction not having to pay her as much. The guy was really nice. I always felt bad for him.”

5. A sad tale

“My dad actually got f*cked by his divorce lawyer during my parents’ divorce last year.

My dad and my sister have never gotten along, and over the years it got more and more strained. They eventually got into a physical fight which led to a CPS report and him getting slapped with a child abuse record (they labeled it as ‘confirmed but isolated’, so he’s not on the registry and you can only see it with certain background checks).

In this case, my mom was OBVIOUSLY going to get full custody of my sister. My mom also wanted to give my dad the house, and his cars, and his money pit of a boat.

Lawyer decided, because my dad is stubborn as f*ck, that he would string ol’ dad along. Lawyer spent HOURS with my dad trying to convince him that Dad could get more money and custody from my mom.

They did a divorce mediation (so they wouldn’t have to go to court), and lawyer dragged it out for 4 hours. The whole time he was riling my dad up, thinking he could get things like the original down payment on the house, half custody of my sister, my mom’s car, etc. At the end of the 4 hours of mediation, Lawyer told my dad he should take the deal that my mom and her lawyer had originally offered in the first place, and Dad signed that.

So he paid about $12,000 in completely unnecessary legal fees.”

6. Geraldo even covered it!

“Parents divorce seemed simple: dad cheated on mom, mom gets custody of me. Dad didn’t like paying alimony and child support to the tune of $2k a month after he gave up rights. Dad had great idea, pay a hitman $15k to kill soon to be ex-wife. Dad goes through with it, idiot actually pays undercover cop the money.

Dad then flies back to Canada (home) and wait for results. International task force is formed to try and detain him. Geraldo Rivera covers story, idiot dad gets arrested in Toronto and flown back to California. In this process I was 3 in care of family back down south, mother in protection by police. Dad’s family is apparently wealthy, gets a good lawyer, is charged with 17 felonies can’t remember how many he was convicted of. He gets 18 months. After all of this mom still had to sue for divorce it still took 2 years.”

7. Toxic

“My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well she decides to build a house right behind the other house, mind you this was a lot of land probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so that the back of the houses faced each other.

The house gets built and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the legality of a situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently his ex wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out he would yell “Susan you b*tch! Get in here!”

He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers,”Susan you b*tch! Quit pissing on the flowers!” or “Susan you b*tch! Quit digging in the dirt!” The ex-wife called the cops on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan, and it was in fact a b*tch so there you go.”

8. A real piece of work

“My mom was a real piece of work in this department. My mother is mentally unstable and was very abusive to me as a child. When my father finally moved out and asked for a Divorce I was luckily old enough (13) to legally decide who I wanted to live with. I, of course, chose my dad and that enraged my mother. By court order, she was allowed to live in our 4 bedroom house while me and my dad had to move in with my aunt into a two bedroom house.

We lived there for 4 years while my mom did everything she could to slow down the divorce proceedings. During this period my father was court ordered to pay the mortgage and utilities on the house my mother was living in. She would leave all the lights on and crank the heat with the widows open just to drive the utility bills up. She once left the garden hose on for a week into a drain to even make the Water bill outrageous. When it was finally all over and she had taken my dad for as much as she could she decided to sue him for my college fund.

I called her and told her if she went through with it I would never speak to her again, she told me if I wanted it I needed to move in with her before I turned 18 so she could get child support from my dad. I refused, she won the case for the money and my dad had to use most of what was left of the fund to pay for her lawyers costs.”

9. C’mon Dad

“Dad was a real *sshole and mom tried to save him a lot of money during the divorce. They have 3 kids who were 16, 13, and 8. Dad wouldn’t sign ANY agreement my moms lawyer produced. It had to be his idea and from his lawyer or it wasn’t getting signed. Dads lawyer was incompetent and sends an agreement that states he will pay $2,000 a month in child support until all kids are 18.

Mom tried to explain to dad that it needed to be revised to lower every time a child turned 18. Dad called mom a c*nt during that negotiation so mom said f*ck it and signed the agreement and dad paid the $2,000/month for 10 years when he should’ve been paying around $1,400/month for 5 years and $700/month for the last 5 years.”

10. Wow

“My friends husband was a cop, got a judge friend to commit her. He filed for divorce while she was committed, got same judge to grant him custody while she was committed. When she was released because she wasn’t a danger to herself or anyone, she had no one to come get her, (she was committed in Atlanta, no family anywhere close) she had nowhere to go and nothing with her, had to spend 3 homeless nights in Atlanta before someone came and got her. She still only has supervised visits 3 years later.”

11. No moral compass

“A good family friend was a lifelong post office employee, 30+ years of savings and retirement. Mid 50’s, one of the funniest, best natured people I’ve ever met. Married an early 30s woman, very well educated and seemingly nice person. They had a child, shortly after she filed for divorce for no apparent reason. Family friend never owned a credit card, excellent money management his entire life with a credit score over 800. Proceedings start, he finds out she opened over 13 credit cards in his name and drained his accounts of over $70,000.

He’s had to relocate to another part of the state just to see his only child, and will never be able to retire. Somehow she has gotten away with fraud to the tune of over a quarter million dollars, and the courts have done nothing thus far to prosecute her for anything. It’s the disgusting reality of modern day human nature, and it makes me sick just to write this out. Stuck with massive court costs, absolutely no savings and a sub 600 credit score just so his ex wife can live the extravagant lifestyle she wants. Some people have absolutely no moral compass whatsoever.”

12. Humanity at its worst

“Handled a divorce between a teacher (wife) and a CVS cashier (husband.) I represented the wife.

For all intents and purposes, the wife was the breadwinner of the family and she supported herself, her husband, and their two children. I should note: one of the children was severely autistic and required intensive (and expensive) rehab and education.

During the process of the divorce, the husband (living alone) sued the wife (caring for both children) for temporary spousal support. He met all the statutory guidelines to receive it. But, it just came off as slimy.

At the day of the hearing, the judge reviewed all of the facts and spent 20 minutes lambasting the husband. He called him a “vile creature” that was everything wrong with society.

The judge then told us that his “hands were tied” and that he was forced to grant the spousal support. But he let everyone know how little he thought of the husband.

As we were leaving the court, the husband just kept saying to my crying client “Just like Goodfellas – F*ck you, pay me.”

It was literally humanity at its worst.”

13. Extreme

“In family law particularly, people can behave in extreme ways because this is the most emotional flash point in their lives. It usually involves their children or their home, or both. However, clients with character who care about their children, go about divorces in the same way they do the rest of their lives; and they are a pleasure to represent.

The problem clients… As you practice law longer, you recognize clients that aren’t emotionally functional and do crazy sh*t. I want to list some comic examples, but once you really understand that these are human beings who are victims of physical and sexual abuse, suffer from debilitating addiction problems, or have serious psychiatric disorders, it loses its panache. The hardest thing to do is look at some ignorant alcoholic 45 year old 250 pound tattooed bully that just beat the sh*t out of his wife and see that he’s really a 10 year little kid that watched his mom get beat up and he never moved on from that.

Or some screeching middle aged woman that lights a car on fire but it turns out she’s really a little girl that got molested and told her mother and her mother told her she was a liar and never to tell anyone. Or the innocent spouse that never saw that one coming. Now try switching the races. Being a lawyer means getting uncomfortable insight into people’s lives and it usually isn’t very funny.

From the lawyer’s perspective, he or she is putting their reputation alongside someone going through this. These are red flag clients and our job isn’t to fix all these problems. If they are abusive or display psychotic behavior to their spouses, they will do it to you. Same principal as seeing as how they treat the waiter. They also won’t pay your bill or be satisfied with your legal work. I generally turn these clients away unless I know their family and no one else is going to represent them. But you have to be very heavy handed with them.”

14. People are sketchy

“There’s the typical cleaning out the accounts and running, claiming the children first on taxes so the other party can’t, claiming the other party as a dependent so they can’t file separately, stuff like that.

Then there was this one case.

My client fled the home with her baby after an incident of domestic violence. In my state, both parents have full rights to the children unless a custody order in place. In other words, whoever has the kid, gets the kid. Police will not intervene where one spouse is withholding a child from the other spouse if there are no orders in place.

Well my client had the child for two weeks at her new place when H showed up demanding the child. She refused. He called the police. The responding officer was a family friend of both, but originally a friend of H. This PO shows up and decides to try to mediate the conflict. The PO tells my client something along the lines of “let him hug his son goodbye and he will leave peacefully.” My client was hesitant, but agreed. H took the kid and exclaimed “he’s mine now!” And ran to his car with the baby. No supplies, no clothes, nothing. The PO claimed he had no idea what was happening (yeah right). And since no orders were in place, there was nothing my client could do.

While we were trying to track him down, we got an order returning the child to my client’s possession. He suddenly contacted my client saying he was at a hotel in the area and if she wanted her son back, she could if she came over and slept with him. We sent the police.”

15. Quite a story

“I do some work for the attorney on this one…

Local investment broker has done well. Strong practice and very affluent client base. Wife owns a small shop in the local community (a pet pastime – doesn’t really turn a profit). Been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years – working with reproductive doctors / clinic. Wife finally gets pregnant – one in a million chance. Has the baby – its a boy! Fast forward a couple of months. Wife has to go to market for her shop and takes a day trip to “the big city” a couple of hours away. Husband prepared for this and takes opportunity to have baby tested for paternity – not his. When they started fertility clinic, he was tested and knew he was shooting blanks.

So, he contacts his attorney (my “boss”) and we start “the plan”. While we are preparing the case, we have PI follow wife. A few doctor visits, tennis lessons, lunch at the country club daily, hanging out with her friends. Her friends decide to throw her a birthday party at the Country Club. This is our opportunity.

I serve her the divorce papers, loudly asking her name and, after confirming, announce the reason for the divorce – infidelity. You are hereby ordered to appear, in the {blank} county court, blah blah blah… Her friends are stunned. Discovery reveals that she and her friends are all cheating in the same circles. Go to court – present evidence showing husband is not father and request to have his name removed from birth certificate. Judge, not wanting the child to become a ward of the state orders her to produce a list of all people she has slept with during the reasonable window of conception. She provides list. Next court appearance, ten men show up running the full gamut of “personalities”. One doctor, one architect, a tennis coach, two chefs, one “trust fund prince”, and a few others to “round out the mix”. One was actually the father of the person they really needed, but when she said, “John Doe”, she didn’t specify “John Doe Jr”.

All ordered to take a dna test. Our client succeeds in getting his name removed from birth certificate, no child support, no alimony. Wife strikes a deal with baby daddy for child support and “support payments” for a number of years – she “wins”, it’s the doctor. Part of agreement is she has to move from area (paid by Dr.), NDA signed, Doctor VERY rich and must protect his name / reputation. Court allowed no dad on birth certificate because of guaranteed support for child (trust fund).

Yea client. It sucked for him keeping everything secret, but he a smart and patient man. He has since remarried and is very happy. Because of evidence produced, several other high profile (but low key) divorces followed.”

The post Divorce Lawyers Share the Worst Ways People Got Revenge on a Spouse appeared first on UberFacts.

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10+ Times Bartenders Helped Women Stay Safe from Creeps at the Bar

Bartenders have long been the hallowed providers of libations and a sympathetic ear to your problems, but they’re also taking on an even more important duty – keeping women safe at the bar. Here are several great examples from AskReddit users. Cheers!

1. Tinder date

“I had to use it when on a date off tinder. We met up and he had already got me a drink just sat there (shot of something clear) and then said to me that I should do it then he would take me some where better for more fun. I wasn’t comfortable so excused my self to the bathroom and saw a poster that said about ask for Angela if you’re uncomfortable. Went to the bar and asked for Angela and immedietley this guy was playing along saying oh yeah she’s working in kitchen tonight he got me a taxi and walked me out the back door and into the taxi to make sure I got there without any hassle. Never saw the guy again.”

2. I’m a friend

“Working as a bartender and bouncer for the past couple years, I usually just try to watch for body language of people that are in the bar. If it looks like someone needs a quick escape, I’ll approach and pretend I’m an old friend that hasn’t seen them in a while, if they actually don’t need help, I can excuse myself by saying they look like a friend.

Either that, or I’ll try to position myself behind the questionable party and give a thumbs-up and cocked eyebrow as a sort of “You good?”.

Edit: Well, thank you to the people who commented on this comment, and thanks to whoever gave me gold! Really awesome of y’all.”

3. You’re not her boyfriend

“This is a relatively new thing, but us girls have been doing some form of it for a long time.

Back when I was a bartender, I noticed a girl stumble into the pool table. She was crying and clearly very intoxicated. I went over to ask if she was okay, and some guy I hadn’t seen her with all night jumps up and says, “I’m her boyfriend, I’ve got her.” No the f*ck you do not.

We got her to calm down and give us her phone to call her roommate so someone safe could take her home. It sucks that it’s necessary, but I’ll always love my boss from that bar because he threw that creep out, physically.

We saw her again. She didn’t have a boyfriend or remember that night.”

4. New to the area

“I went out on my own one night and was having a few drinks at a local pub. I had just moved to the area so didn’t really know anyone. A guy sat down next to me and was chatting. At first is was just casual but he eventually became really tipsy/handsy. Then the guy actually kissed me just out of the blue and I told him I was not ok with it. He said I was leading him on – which was not the case at all.

He got angry and stormed off to the washroom. I was feeling really uncomfortable and unsafe. I didn’t know my new neighborhood yet. The bartender saw that I was feeling off right away – he didn’t even know me but could tell. He asked if I wanted to be shown out the back door and if they could put me in a cab home so that I could go without the guy following me. They even paid – and apologized that I felt unsafe in their bar. I was totally blown away. I would totally go back there and feel completely taken care of.”

5. Chivalrous bouncer

“I’m a bouncer in a nightclub. No drink safewords but we actively keep an eye out for situations which don’t look above the radar. If a girl’s leaving with a guy and she looks too intoxicated to stand I’ll take her aside and ask what his name is and how she knows him. If she’s scared or needs help getting away from a bad situation I’ll call her a cab and walk her to it. I’ll also say to the bloke that I need to see some ID because ‘his entry stamp isn’t the right one’ as soon as I see it I’ll take a photo, pass it on to the police and ban him for life from out club.

We’ve built up a reputation as the safest nightclub in our area, which draws both crowds especially girls. It’s massively helped our business being so focused on safety.”

6. Creeper

“Had a creeper at a hotel bar who wouldn’t leave me alone despite my best efforts to ignore him. I even asked him politely and not so politely to “leave me alone”. He actually kept trying to touch me and told me that I was going to go to his room with him. He had a strange angry edge too. So I gave the bartender a “help me” look and said to him something like “I need to talk to you about that thing with my tab, remember?” and asked if could do it when the bar closed (which was like 5 minutes later).

He looked at me and said, “Give me a minute”, made a phone call and then said, “So, they can help you at the front desk”… meanwhile creeper is literally not leaving me alone is still trying to actually hang on me and keeps talking.

So I start to leave and creeper is trying to kiss me and pull me close but I tell him I have business at the front desk and walk to the front desk. About 3 employees were there and I said “The Bartender said you could help me with my tab?” And one of the employees says “oh, I need you to come here with me to fix that”. And she says to the guy “You need to stay here, this is personal business”. The employee (a woman) and I start to walk away and of course the creeper followed us. She actually walked me to a staff elevator and he tried to get on with us. She told him “Get out of here and leave us alone” as a male hotel employee came up to him just then and the elevator door shut. The employee walked me literally to my room door and stayed until I had it locked on the other side.

I have had (and still occasionally do have) guys hit on me but never anything like this incident. I actually wrote a long long email to the hotel corporate office and the actual hotel about the bartender and two employees because they helped me in what I would say was “above and beyond”… the guy really frightened me. I have been as brand loyal as possible to the hotel chain ever since.”

7. Take a hint

“Had a bar call 911 once after they bounced a guy who was creeping out a woman. He stood outside the bar and flat out said he was waiting for her until she came out, which he did. He started following her and told people they were together. I literally had to stand with this moron while this poor girl and her friends got into the car, and dipsh*t tried to stand really close so he could get the address.

I told the driver her address, but gave the address of the jail, which most taxis know, and he seemed to get the hint. Guy tried to complain later that we had “unlawfully detained” him just so he couldn’t get the girls number and address.

I mean… Yeah, basically that’s what we did. Move along.

Edit for clarification: I responded to the 911 call, I’m a police officer.”

8. Pretend you know me

“I’ve actually been used to escape by a random before. Was at a local bar with a bunch of friends and out of no where girl walks over, sits on my lap and between a teeth clenched smile just said “pretend to know me”. I laughed and loudly said “Hey you! Where’d you wonder off to?” Thankfully my friends picked up on it because inside of 10 seconds a few of my female friends were chatting with her and standing between her and the guy she’d fled.

I asked her after what about me made her know I was a safe person to turn to and she said “because you’re here with a bunch of women. Total honesty. Thought you were gay.” Lol.

Edit: holy crap. Welp. There goes my Reddit silver AND Gold cherry. Ya’ll are awesome.”

9. University town

“My university town had the highest incidents of sexual assault for 5 years in a row, the school and community took it really seriously and implemented procedures all over the place.

I asked my friend, who was a bouncer at my favorite bar/club, what happens when a girl orders the drink. He said it changes week to week in the ladies bathroom to confuse men when word gets out. You can use any of the former ones and the bartenders will jump into action.

Generally they find a way to get you away from that person whether it be a “phone call” or they need to show you something. Once you’re out of eye sight they whisk you away to the opposite floor of the place (bar is on the bottom, club is on the top) and keep the date occupied until your gone. If he gets away from his “company” they radio that the drink got spilled and every bouncer abandons their post to try and keep him away from you.

They escort you out the backdoor into a waiting cab. They pay the cabbie to take you home and make sure you’re not followed. When you get home they ask that you flick your front porch lights on and off and call the club to let them know you’re safe. They also save the security cameras from that day in case you have need of it at a later date.

I never used their service because my friends were the bouncers and usually intervened before I needed to say anything.”

10. Leave me alone, please

“Semi-related, but I was out at the pub on campus for a show, and had been there previously in the day celebrating our last exam with some friends. Some guy who was sitting at a table next to us and trying to chat us up earlier was still there with his buddies and was drunker and braver and of course he got me alone when my friend went to the bathroom.

He wouldn’t stop talking to me and getting in my face and yelling about himself and when I excused myself to go to the bar (literally was like “ok bye.”) He followed me to the bar and ordered the same thing as I did and offered to pay and I said I was good and he did not. stop. talking. And I must have looked mad as f*ck because the bartender walked over and went “hey you were here earlier right? Buddy give us a second I need to speak with her about her tab.” The guy leaves and the bartender tells me I looked distressed and asked if everything was ok, I told him I was fine but this guy was in my personal space and not leaving. So he said if he doesn’t stop that I should come back and order a whiskey lemon and security would be notified, and he would walk me back to my car if I needed it.

We ended up moving tables and I think he got too drunk to stand up and left not too long after that but I was so relieved to know the bartender was watching out. I’m not one for confrontation and it just feels so much safer to be able to duck out with someone having my back.”

11. Aggressive

“I’m a bartender in a small town. Anytime a new woman comes into the bar I let her know that if she ever feels uncomfortable or needs anything to ask me to go out for a smoke with her. I’ve had plenty of people use it to get away from some just usual creeps.

But NOTHING beats the night a guy asked this girl to go home with him. After she politely refused he grabbed her and called her a bitch. We already had our eye on this situation, my bouncer immediately came out of no where and tazed this drunk assh*le.”

12. Let them know

“PSA to the ladies:

I’m a guy who’s worked 20 years as a bartender, club manager, and security dude. We LIVE for taking out assh*les. If you ever are having an issue with a guy, date or not, please let anyone there know and I bet they would be thrilled to make the asshole go away (or put you safely in a car)

When I used to hear after the fact about incidents in the club where a patron was harassed I alway wish I would have known what was going down— staff will usually gladly step in.”

13. Thank you

“I had a creep corner me in a bar once and tried to stroke my thigh. I dude I’ve never met before came up and said “hey sis I’ve been looking all over for you!” And he put his arm around me and walked me out. Thank you so much stranger.

Edit: since I’m seeing a lot of comments about this. It was pretty obvious they were not working together. The nice guy walked over from a group of friends (all college aged) and the creep was in his fifties. And when I said he walked me out, he just walked me to the door of the bar.”

14. View from a female bartender

“Female bartender chiming in. In the decade I’ve been doing this, most bars I’ve worked in don’t have a safe word or drink. I’ve worked in 3 major cities with large universities and bar districts and not one I’ve ever seen.

I consider keeping patrons safe a large part of my job, especially working at clubs or at music festivals. I’m watching anyone that gives me a weird vibe or people that are obviously on a newish date and most other bartenders that give a shit do the same. There’s a “look” other women will give when they need help. Either cornered into a conversation they obviously want out of or trying to turn down free drinks from some guy that won’t take no for an answer.

That’s when I just go over and pretend I’m bussing or wiping the bar and make eye contact with her until she gets I’ve got an understanding of what’s going on, then I just ask her how she’s “doing” in a tone that also conveys I’m there to help if need be. If her answer is weird or she keeps eye contact too long with me, or in a “please don’t leave” kinda way, I immediately get security and try and get her an Uber if she’s tipsy, or find her friends. I do everything I can to make sure they get home. I unfortunately can tell so many stories of drugged/drunk girls completely out and having to literally keep men away from them because they all swear they’ll get her home safely or that they know her or her friends.

So ladies, you can always tell your bartender literally anything is going on. We consider the workplace kind of ours and don’t want any bad shit happening to anyone that comes in. Just tell us and we’ll help you.”

15. Slammin’ drinks

“Ehhh this is a “close but not quite” situation but it may get attention due to the lack of legit responses.

A guy I was with was with was SUPER adamant about me keeping up with him slamming drinks. He would drag me to the bar and order for me, then egg me on to drink faster, etc. I did NOT want to be drunk with him.

He ordered me a vodka soda and I maintained that slightly pained look on my face, hoping to catch the bartenders attention. When he looked my way, I widened my eyes just a little and subtly shook my head “no”.

I watched him as he poured me drink by faking the vodka pour and just filling me with what I presume was soda water (not normally my drink of choice so I wasn’t sure what it was – kinda looked like stale Sprite) and he garnished it with a lime and everything. Said “cheers” when he handed us our drinks.

This continued for a while until Drunky McSmashypants wanted to leave. Bartender said to me “oh you had asked about seeing Megan, right?! Yeah she’s in the back, go ahead while he closes out”

I sort of hovered by the restrooms which were tucked away, watched the bartender BS with the dude for a while, and he eventually left lookin all annoyed. When the coast was clear, I came out, said my thank yous, and he said “anytime, happens more than we care to admit” so I thought it was pretty cool that the bartenders were aware enough to pick up on the little signs and help a sister out. I guess during their conversation he basically convinced the dude that I didn’t seem into it and he thought he saw me leave already. Drunk dude was druuuuuunk so I guess he bought it without further intervention necessary.”

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15 “Modern Classic” Films That People Believe Will Be Iconic in the Future

We can’t help but try to predict the future. From the next big fachion trend to cutting edge technology, humans love to hypothesize on what will come next. So, in that spirit, here are 15 movies that are already considered “modern classics” and might be even more special in the future.

#15. Her

“The movie “Her” also captures a really specific sense of alienation from the modern world (and finding comfort in the company of a machine) that no other movie has gotten quite right.”

#14. American Psycho

“Do you like American Psycho?

Christian Bale’s early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when American Psycho came out in 2000, I think he really came into his own, commercially and artistically. The whole movie has a clear, crisp look, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the movie a big boost. His Bruce Wayne been compared to Michael Keaton’s, but I think Christian has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.”

#13. Toy Story

“Toy Story will be held as the turning point for animation, when 3D digital animation became mainstream and 2D animation began to diminish. It launched Pixar as one of the most successful studios in the world.

ETA: This is of course from a Western viewpoint as many have pointed out in the replies; Japanese animation studios are still producing high budget, high quality 2D animation. That being said, this doesn’t detract from the impact Toy Story had on modern cinema.”

#12. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Wish this movie was more popular. It does what a good movie should which is keep you thinking about it after you’ve seen it. It genuinely impacts you.”

#11. Shrek

“Shrek. Not counting just the memes behind it, it was one of the first CGI movies, had a strong message about being accepted, and had humor for all ages (while having a few less-than-kid-friendly jokes scattered about).

It also has the memes that have been going around for at least 5 years, ancient compared to the lifespan of most memes.”

#10. My Cousin Vinny

“My Cousin Vinny.

Law school students study it. It is still cited in the courts today.

Called one of, if not the most realistic portrayals of the practice of law on film.”

#9. A Nightmare Before Christmas

“Nightmare Before Christmas. What an art style.”

#8. The Truman Show

“The Truman Show. Way ahead of its time. This was a movie that really stuck with me. My favorite bit is when the show finally ends, and these people that have been watching for literally decades just go “hmmm, what else is on?” So subtle, yet poignant.”

#7. Oh Brother Where Art Thou

“Oh Brother Where Art Thou, and I’d like to think The Thin Red Line and True Romance will get greater recognition one day. People who are into films know them but a lot of people don’t.”

#6. Wall-E

“Wall-E definitely. Not only is it a gorgeous film, with the first half being a stellar ‘silent’ film but it carries messages of environmentalism and anti-consumerism which we are now starting to see fully the repercussions of in our own environment.”

#5. The Iron Giant

“The Iron Giant. By and far one of animations greatest tragedies but even after its tepid box office turnout this films significance & accomplishments are not wholly lost. The acting is on point, the animation superb and its message isn’t hackneyed or cookie cutter while also managing to explore the hysteria and anxiety of Cold War America in a manner palatable for children but cognizant enough that older viewers don’t feel talked down to.

I’d highly recommend Why The Iron Giant Is A Tragedy Of Animation it goes into great detail on WB animation, development of the film and the hand its marketing played in its box-office turnout.”

#4. The Dark Knight

“The Dark Knight revolutionized not just Batman but superhero movies in general.”

#3. Spirited Away

“Spirited Away or Princess Mononoke. Spirited away is the only traditionally animated film to win a non technical Oscar, the only non Western animated film to win an Oscar. It was the highest grossing film in Japan of all time for a long while, and is consistently ranked on the top 10 greatest movies of the 21st century, and top 100 of all time. With the exception of maybe a handful it won every award it was nominated for. And I can’t stress enough that it’s traditionally animated in a world where 99% of animated films are CGI, and the line between CGI and live action is more and more Blurred, a film like spirited away becomes more important as it is not only an opus of its medium, but also because the medium is dying or dead to most audiences. Spirited Away is also approachable by and easily enjoyed by anyone. It reflects positive themes of empowerment, respect, and Justice. Spirited also manages to repersent love between a male and a female that’s not romantic, but platonic and built on respect and admiration for one another.

Princess Mononoke is a better movie, in my opinion, but is probably less important to and for mainstream attention and study because it didn’t have the impact or approachability.”

#2. Groundhog Day

“Comedies are hard to predict, but I think that The Big Lebowski and Groundhog Day will still be watched a long time from now.”

#1. The Prestige

“The Prestige. It was overlooked I feel. And if Criterion is still a thing in 20 years, I think it’ll be one of their titles.”

A pretty solid list to be sure, but we’ll just have to wait and see!

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15 Red Flags When It Comes to Finding a Therapist, According to Patients

Admitting that you need help takes a lot of courage, which is why you want to make sure you get the help you deserve from someone who is qualified to give it. A bad therapist might be worse than not talking to anyone at all. And when you found out you’ve been seeing a bad one, it sucks.

It sucks so bad, AskReddit put out a call for red flags to look for according to both experienced patients and other therapists. Hopefully this’ll help keep you away from any real quacks.

#15. Bad advice.

“When your 3 month pregnant fiance is killed suddenly and the therapist says “You shouldn’t cry.”

Lol. Im tough as nails… but yeah bro. Bad advice.”

#14. You’re gonna see someone else.

“When they get angry that you’re gonna see someone else… my old coworker said that to her therapist and that lady flipped out on her…”

#13. No other comments or helpful dialogue.

“Asking questions like “What can I help you with?” and getting short or frustrated with you when you have trouble producing a tangible issue with an elegant and easily forecasted solution.​

Asking “How does that make you feel?”, or something similar over and over, with no other comments or helpful dialogue.”

#12. Gee, thanks lady.

“from my old therapist: “But emotional abuse isn’t really abuse, right?”

Gee, thanks lady.”

#11. When you pay in advance.

“He offers complementary Prozac when you pay in advance for 3 sessions or more.”

#10. Therapy isn’t one size fits all.

“This is a less glaring red flag, but a therapist should always tell you that it’s okay if their style of therapy doesn’t work for you. They should be open about the fact that it’s okay to stop and see someone else. They should also tell you that they’d like you to tell them if they make you uncomfortable/mad etc.

I feel like so many people would have better experiences with therapy if therapists were open that they aren’t perfect, all-knowing, brain-fixing psychics. Therapy isn’t one size fits all.”

#9. Turns out he got paid.

“They get kickbacks for prescriptions.

I had a therapist keep me on an SSRI that made my moodswings worse to the point I tried to kill myself. Every time I expressed concern, he told me to “just keep giving it a chance,” and got angry when I quit. Turns out, he got paid for every patient he got on Celexa.

Edit: Because everyone points it out, yes he was a psychiatrist. I just misused the word therapist.”

#8. Confidentiality.

“They break confidentiality by talking to your parents, spouse, etc about your sessions.”

#7. She forgot key details.

“Mine was okay at first but later forgot key details in what was going on with me, began to judge some lifestyle choices in ways that were pretty much just “oh it’s only a phase” and kept repeating to me that I have a hulk inside me and need to just keep it under control as his only “technique.” Still in the market for a new one but there aren’t many where I live

Edit since there were a few questions being asked:

I was absolutely a very angry person before. I ruined things with my ex because of how easily I would become upset/angry. But I’m a teacher and I’m genuinely struggling to become a better person both for my sake and the sake of my students. I genuinely tried to implement what this therapist was discussing with me, and I know these are just words so maybe it’s difficult to believe but when I had to answer the questions “who is x person, and who is y person? And fell me where you work again?” over and over again, on top of the therapist forgetting that my parents are divorced and so on, it was difficult. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a long time, but I’m surprised this information was not in his notes.

And for the most part, all that he offered was, again, breathing techniques to calm down and stop the hulk within. First off, I wasn’t so angry to the point I would punch things or anything like that. I would get more upset than angry. I struggled a lot wondering if I was a good person and being treated like I was this hulk just made me feel worse. To some extent I can see why that might sound like something I don’t want to hear. But the reality is that I needed more than just anger management and I didn’t want that to be the main focus and reminder of the damage I had done to my life.

Nowadays I’ve learned to just not stop moving. I wake up early to do a few chores, go to work and spend nearly ten hours of my day doing that (that includes commuting). I come home and I’ll exercise, cook, read, game, watch tv, write…anything to just keep moving. If I stop to think too much I get severely depressed so i think i know now to just not stop. But frankly it’s tiring. That’s why I’m going to do my best to come to terms with everything and that’s why I’m searching for a therapist who can guide me and show me the skills needed to do so.

I am considering online therapy but I would prefer in person because I think that works best for me. I have already looked into a therapist about two hours away from me and plan on making monthly trips if that works out. Thank you all for the support!”

#6. Professionalism.

“Lack of punctuality or professionalism. Showing up late, last minute cancellations, deciding to take a non emergency call during a session etc. These show that they are not committed to helping you and don’t value your time.”

#5. The first guy I saw.

“The first guy I saw was cringing with a fake smile on the whole time I talked. Like what I said was beyond crazy and not things every 15 year old says. It was off putting and I’ve really not gone back.”

#4. Facial expressions.

“Facial expressions of disgust or condescension while their mouth is professing compassion or understanding.”

#3. Texting.

“She’s texting while you’re talking.”

#2. Yes, that’s why I’m here.

“I had a therapist once who simply said “that must be so hard” to basically everything I said. Yes, it is, that’s why I’m here, do you have any way to make it better?”

#1. Go find you a good one.

“Starts the session by telling you that he was once formally disciplined for having an inappropriate relationship with a patient, and then ends it by inviting you to meet up to do some 1-on-1 yoga with him. Later that week, he shows up in your LinkedIn feed for having viewed your profile.

PS – If you have a bad experience with a therapist (like this one that I had, described above), don’t write off therapy. There are bad counselors just like there are bad dentists and bad teachers and bad hair stylists. Walk away from that one and go find you a good one.”

Be happy and healthy, my friends.

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Here Are 15 Useful Skills Your 13-Year-Old Might Need in the Future

Just a heads up, none of these people are experts. Nor are they psychics who can see the future. But if you’re looking for inspiration, or maybe some ways to think outside the box when it comes to preparing your young teenagers for what awaits them in this big, bad, world, these 15 people have some poignant thoughts.

#15. Good study habits.

“Am in college rn.

Please learn good study habits. Holy god. Just do it.

You should also really try and keep all your grades as high as you can. I’m not kidding, a few points here and a few points there cost me 4K in scholarship. It’ll happen to you, too.

Also, don’t get too messed up about girls in high school. It’s not worth ruining a year or two over. Promise.”

#14. Practice.

“Guitar and/or piano. Seriously. Your mom wants you to practice, fucking practice. The ability to casually produce music in social settings will set you apart wherever you go. You don’t even need to be good – just able to make sounds that go in the right order.

And if you don’t learn it now, you never will.”

#13. Nobody is obligated.

“Less “skill” and more “life lesson”

NOBODY is obligated to like you.”

#12. When things go wrong.

“Learn to handle when things go wrong, because they will, and often.”

#11. Make it up.

“No joke, learn to bullshit. It’s more important later in life than you think.

Learn how to talk to people in a way that makes them feel comfortable and have confidence in you. I learned by having a retail job, it teaches you how to connect to people (also some humility). This is useful from the boardroom to the bedroom.

And in case you haven’t figured it out yet, writing papers (essays, reports, etc.) is like 90% bullshit. In college, grab some sources and you can sum up your point in two paragraphs. Bullshitting will allow you to turn that into 2,000 word essay.

Incompetent people that can bullshit become middle management. Competent people that can bullshit become presidents.”

#10. Never forget this.

“Ok, so you’ve got $100. If you let it sit in a savings account for a year at 5% interest, then after one year, it’ll be worth $105.

But here’s where it gets awesome. If you then let that $105 sit there for ANOTHER year, then you get 5% interest on $105 instead of the original $100. So after two years, it’s $110.30. And then $115.80. And so on and so on.

That concept is called compound interest. You get interest on the interest you already earned, and it builds on itself year after year. If you start talking about amounts that are much bigger than $100. Like $100,000 or so? Then those amounts start adding up like crazy.

Now remember that the exact same thing happens to money that you OWE someone.

Never forget this.”

#9. In the long run.

“How to cook for yourself and do your own laundry. Also, tons of financial stuff, learning to properly handle money now will help you out a ton in the long run.”

#8. You never know.

“The two things I used in college that I wished I had known all along were WolframAlpha and the automation features in Excel.

Wolframalpha.com can do integrals, derivatives, areas, volumes, and even compare things like “Number of men in New York City divided by the number of women in Nanjing” which is pretty cool.

Excel can do a lot of work for you if you learn a few tools. VLOOKUP, SUMIFS, and Pivot Tables and Pivot Charts will be super helpful.

It won’t hurt anybody if you do learn some very rudimentary programming as well. There are plenty of free Java tutorials that can give you some tools you can apply to a lot of topics. For example, my wife got a masters in Public Health, and never imagined she’d use programming, but she ended up having to learn a statistical analysis tool that basically needs to be programmed to use. You never know.”

#7. How to ask for help.

“Learn how to ask for help. Don’t have someone else do everything for you, but it’s good to recognize when you genuinely don’t know how to do something so that you can ask someone who does. Can save a lot of time and stress, and you’ll probably learn it better than if you just muddled through on your own.”

#6. Labors of love.

“General yard labour, just to get a little bit of an idea of how to use some tools, and do some sort of manual labour.”

#5. Challenge ideas.

“How to think critically. Challenge ideas from your parents, your teachers, what you see, what you read. Above all those, challenge the ideas of your peers.

And read a damn book once in a while, just for fun.”

#4. Life skills.

“Sewing. The ability to replace buttons and repair small tears will save you a lot of money on clothing you would otherwise throw out or replace.

Cooking. You can make healthy, delicious food for a lot less money than eating out. Bonus for guys, chicks dig a guy who can cook well.

Reading. In a lot of schools, reading is not taught very well, so students commonly feel like it isn’t worth their time to read because they never learned to enjoy it. Books are great free entertainment and they are a wonderful way to learn and grow as a person!

Exercise. You need to know how to keep yourself fit, because it is a hell of a lot easier to get fit at 13 and stay that way than it is to try to get fit at 30.

Work Ethic. Any task worth doing is worth doing well. Cliche? Yes, but cliches exist for a reason, they are constantly applicable. Learn how to work well, how to get shit done without complaining or shirking. Employers and peers recognize people with good work ethics and respect them for it.

Dressing. Learn how to dress well, what clothes work for your body shape and what don’t. Learn how to match and contrast colors and put together outfits. Seriously, this is a very underrated skill and it can pay off. Simply looking stylish and put together can get you through doors that might otherwise be closed.

Finance. Develop good financial habits now, and they will pay dividends (pun intended) later. Live within your means. If you have a credit card, live by a rule of “if I can’t pay off the balance at the end of the month, I can’t afford it.” This one took me WAY too long to learn and I’m trying to play catch up.”

#3. Think for yourself.

“Learn to think for yourself. I’m not saying go out and challenge all authority but don’t let people push you into doing things you don’t want to do in life. Listen to what people have to say, absorb that information and form your own opinions and ideas from it. Too many people get pushed into careers or educational paths they don’t necessarily want to go into because they feel pressured by one person or another to do it. Think before you do.”

#2. Phone calls.

“Learn how to make serious phone calls for making appointments or asking for info. If online info about a business or service is vague or confusing, being able to directly ask a person makes things much less confusing.

It helps to develop a short script to frontload relevant info. “hello, my name is [X], I’m calling to ask about [y]/ I’m calling to schedule an appointment with [z], etc…”

Then learn info that’s commonly needed alongside it for when they ask for it. Address, phone number they can reach you at, driver’s license number, (careful with this one) SSN if you’re in America. Only give that sorta info out when asked, have it ready to go though.

Phone calls still have a very important role in communication even today, and when you need to do serious planning with someone else there’s no substitute to a phone call save for face-to-face meeting.”

#1. Types of knots.

“How to do 1 or 2 different types of tie knots. Regardless of gender this is both easy and quite useful. Being able to make a tie look really good can sometimes save the day.”

 

Good luck out there, parents of teens!

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10+ More of the Biggest “Plot Twists” People Have Experienced in Their Lives

We typically only think of plot twists as things that happen in the movies – a big reveal that changes all that came before it. But, sometimes, they make their way into real life in surprising ways.

These 12 people took to Reddit to share some of the most surprising plot twists from their lives.

Enjoy!

1. A medical evaluation

“My wife’s uncle is an incredibly nice guy who absolutely adores his wife. We started hearing about marital issues. He was becoming more and more argumentative. And then he hit her. They separated. He harassed her to the point that she got a restraining order. He defied the restraining order and was put in jail.

In jail, his issues got him a medical evaluation. Turns out, he had a brain tumor. They removed it. He returned to normal and was released from jail. They’re back together with him back to his wife-adoring self.”

2. Birth father

“I was adopted from South America to the US when I was a toddler and have no memory of my birth parents. I had an older friend/mentor I met in college. I knew him as Mike. He got me involved in the local church and always went out of his way to help me when I needed someone. I never got to thank him for being there for all the times I needed him. After graduating from college I got to meet my birth mother. She did not know where my father was though. When she died, I got a few of her belongings including some pictures. Guess who was in those pictures?

Mike. He was my birth father.

I tried to reach out to him again and I haven’t heard anything.

No one seems to know where he is now. He knew all of those years that he helped me and went out of his way. I knew this because he always seemed to help me even though he didn’t need to. Back then I just thought he was especially nice but thinking back now he definitely knew something about our relationship that I did not.”

3. *Drop the mic*

“A few years ago, I got invited to a friend’s engagement party. They were throwing a huge bash because they were planning on a very small destination wedding. Later in the evening, my friend’s fiancé took the mic and started thanking everyone for being there.

‘Sorry, Jen will be out to thank you guys in a minute, she’s just having a wardrobe malfunction.’ He went on to tell the story about how they met, how they were best friends and decided to get engaged and finished with something along the lines of, ‘We wish you could all be there and that we could get married right now.

So we’re going to.’

Out walks Jen in her wedding dress.”

4. Dementia

“During the last year of my grandfather’s life, he had dementia and was having trouble keeping track of reality. Before he was placed into hospice, he kept complaining about a man that was in his house. He would say that he would come around at night and that he was taking his things and using his stuff. Grandma, of course, kept reassuring him that she was the only one there. His doctor increased his medications because he was losing touch with reality so badly.

Fast forward to my grandfather’s funeral and a man showed up who wasn’t known by more than a few people in the family.

Turns out, he was an old friend of my grandmother’s who showed up to give his support. In a small town like that, it wasn’t exactly an unusual thing to have random people show up to the funeral home who knew the person at some point.

Well, about a year later, my grandmother let slip that she was seeing someone: the guy from the funeral. At this point nothing too odd, they got to talking at church and we thought it was sweet.

Then a bit later sweet, innocent ol’ grandma mentioned that it was their third anniversary.

Grandpa died two years prior. This man was the person that grandpa saw in his house every night. He was the reason that everyone thought grandpa was going crazy, he was the reason that my grandfather was medicated to the point of being a vegetable for the last horrible year of his life.”

5. Bitter rivals

“The little town I grew up in had these two car dealerships on opposite sides of town – one Chevy, one Ford.

They were bitter rivals. Attack ads, bad mouthing talking salesman, billboard wars, you name it.

When the owner of the Chevy dealership died, it came out he’d also owned the Ford dealership by way of a shell company.

No one saw that coming, including a lot of the higher-ups who worked at the dealerships.”

6. Reserved and distant

“My grandfather’s funeral. He was always a fairly reserved and distant father, as far as I understood. He would definitely fit the stereotype of a northern dockworker who comes home expecting dinner to be on the table and then goes to the pub all evening via the bookies.

Anyway, an unsurprising heart attack later, we all gathered for his funeral.

We’re a big, but close family so we know everyone, including his friends. However, one guy turns up, about the same age as my dad and his siblings, who nobody knew.

Long story short, turns out it was my grandfather’s son.

From another family. From another marriage. That went on for as long as his marriage to my grandmother. My grandfather had maintained two marriages over 40 years, having seven children with my grandmother and just the one with this other woman.

They knew about our family and kept away. Apparently, my grandmother knew about them but kept quiet.

Turns out he wasn’t going to the pub every night.”

7. First apartment and new job

“1991, I was 19 and had just signed the lease for my first (solo) apartment. I just got the first paycheck from my new job and I deposited the paycheck at an ATM (another first! I’d always gone into the bank to do it).

Two weeks later, I got my bank statement in the mail and saw with horror that I had only $1.87 in my account. Way wrong, I should have at least $200, I’d been very careful with my spending. I freaked, I came within $2 of bouncing my first rent check.

I was literally reaching for the phone to call the bank when the phone rang.

It’s the police, asking if my ATM card was stolen. I checked my wallet and the card was missing (my job at a theater pub came with cash tips so I didn’t use the card often), and told them I was about to call them anyway because I was missing $200 from my account.

‘Well, we’ve got your card, and your $200, so come down to the police station,’ they told me.

I couldn’t figure out how they have my card AND the cash. It just didn’t make sense, so I drove down there.

The detective said someone (let’s call him Bob) pulled in to use an ATM and saw a man acting suspiciously while he was using it: moving back and forth as if trying to dodge the camera.

Bob said the man then left the ATM, got into a car, and drove away at high speeds as if fleeing the scene. Bob then went to the ATM and put his card in, which popped out. Bob then withdrew $200, and then another ATM card popped out.

My card. Bob’s card had popped out because the crook had left my card in the ATM before speeding away. Bob realized he had withdrawn the money from my account, not his, so he brought my card and the cash to the police and reported the attempted theft.

The detective gave me the description of the crook.

According to Bob, it was a man 5’7″, brown hair, round gold-rimmed glasses. I say out loud, ‘So, about my height, my color hair, and glasses like mine,’ before realizing Bob was describing me.

I’d never deposited a check in an ATM before, so I was moving back and forth, following the instructions on the screen, filling out the envelope with my account number, punching the amount in, etc.

I then forgot to take my card out and just left because I’m a giant idiot. I drove away at high speeds because I was 19 and that’s how I drove everywhere.

Worried the detective might be annoyed, I didn’t tell him I was the crook, I just thanked him and left with the money I ‘stole’ from myself.

Somewhere in a box in my closet, I still have the police report where I’m both the victim and the perp.”

8. Stalker

“When I was a senior in high school, there was freshman girl that ‘Single White Femaled’ me. She would follow me around and tell me how cool and funny I was. She asked what hair product I used, what body spray, where I bought my clothes, etc.

I was not funny or cool, and honestly, it was flattering at first. She styled her hair like mine but it was a high school in the 90’s and we all pretty much did our hair the same. Then she started dressing like me. Then she got involved in all the activities I was in.

Then she started telling people we were cousins. She found my home number in the phone book (again, the 90’s) and would call me all the freaking time. It was weird. I just went out of my way to avoid her.

After my graduation ceremony, she found me on the field and hugged me. She was sobbing- big ugly, snotty sobs- telling me how she was going to miss me and the school wouldn’t be the same without me there. I peaced out and then completely forgot about her.

Flash forward nine years and I’m just beginning to date the man that is now my husband.

We’re going through old pictures and I see this girl from high school. And I’m like, ‘Hey! I know this girl! She was this weird chick that stalked me in high school! Why do you have a picture of her?’

It was his ex-wife.”

9. A perfect match

“I met a guy online, he was cool, found out he lived less than two hours from where I live.

We meet up. First time seeing each other’s actual faces.

Total doppelgangers.

Turns out his father is my bio father’s older brother.

Both our bio dads bailed before we were born. We both were abused as kids by teachers (him at 15, me at 13). Both us have soy allergies and Lysinuric Protein Intolerance (it’s genetic).

And both of us joined the army and failed out during BCT due to undiagnosed mental health issues.

Our lives had run parallel to each other. He’s only a year older than me.

We meet every month for drinks.”

10. Brutal

“My high school sweetheart’s best friend let me know that my girlfriend cheated on me with multiple guys at a party. I broke things off with her that same day. It was a very nasty breakup.

Years and years later, I got a message on Facebook from her best friend.

She explained to me that my high school sweetheart never cheated on me, she just wanted to break us up so that she could have me for herself because I seemed like the ‘perfect boyfriend.’

Her plan backfired because I thought she was ugly, inside and out, and as soon as I broke things off with my girlfriend, I wanted nothing to do with her.

Between her plan failing and the guilt of ruining an otherwise great relationship, she decided to keep her mouth shut.

I don’t know if she told her best friend, but I know that I never will.”

11. So noble

“My sister’s boyfriend decided that he wanted to do more with his architecture skills, so he gave his two weeks notice and moved to Haiti to help rebuild after the earthquake. They stayed together. He had bad phone service, so they mostly kept in touch through emails.

He would send her long emails with photos and stories of what they were doing. This went on for a couple of months.

One off-handed tip from a co-worker and a week of sleuthing later and it turns out he never went to Haiti.

He moved to Seattle to be with his fiance and partner of nine years.”

12. Sort of looked familiar

“I met this girl out at a bar, got her name and number and we agreed to meet up for lunch. Lunch dates are nice because you automatically have a discreet timeframe.

We were chatting before ordering and we got to talking about who I knew from the small town she was from.

I mentioned that she has the same last name as my cousins who live there, just spelled differently. She asked who and I couldn’t remember their first names, but the two youngest are twins. She said, ‘X and Y?’

I said, ‘YES!

that’s it!’ We aren’t a terribly close family.

I looked at her and she was curled up in the smallest posture in what feels like she is sitting behind her chair as she said, ‘I was married to X.’

I let out a tremendous laugh and said, ‘I thought you sort of looked familiar.

You were at grandpa’s funeral right?’ She says yes, and I smirked saying, ‘Thought you were cute then too.’

I hadn’t eaten yet and was starving, so we ordered a sandwich and tried to pretend it wasn’t weird.

When the date ended, I called my mom immediately and told her coyly about the date I had.

Me: ‘Hey mom.’

Mom: ‘Hey honey, how’s it going?’

Me: ‘I just went on this date with this great girl, so much in common blah blah blah, I don’t know if we’ll see each other again though.’

Mom: ‘Why not?’

Me: ‘You and Dad went to her first wedding!’

Couldn’t have made a story up that was this good if I tried.”

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