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15 People Share the Weirdest Date They’ve Ever Been on

Dating is odd. Sometimes you hit the jackpot, but most of the time…well, you know.

AskReddit users were nice enough to share their most cringeworthy date experiences for your reading pleasure. Share yours in the comments!

1. Run!

“Met with a girl in a dark university bar. Everything is going well. We eventually go outside because there is a mechanical bull we are goin to try. As soon as she gets on the bull, I realize she is at least 10 years older than she claimed and has a rotten meth tooth. After asking her a few questions, she admits that she has two kids outside of the state and has no interest in them.

She also admits to having a girlfriend with whom she is not sexual. She is physical with her though. She starts showing me pictures of her girlfriend with bound breasts…like ropes around them bonding them. This girlfriend of hers is white, but her breasts are black from being beaten in while bound. I was young and completely unprepared for this. We ended the night early and I even got the courage to tell her I wasn’t interested instead of ghosting her like I truly wanted to do.”

2. He knew she was a keeper

“Probably the 2nd date with my now wife. Some guy paid me to get revenge on a buddy of his and wanted me to scatter a few hundred pounds of potatoes into his buddies front yard. It was near where I was planning on taking my now wife and she said she would be cool with helping. So we drove to this guys house, made sure he was not home, filled his yard and driveway with potatoes together then went on our date.”

3. Meet my father

“I went on a date with a guy named Dan when I was in my late teens. Dan said “I’d like you to meet my father, he’s going to love you”

So I got in the car and as we started heading out of town I asked where we were going and Dan said “you’ll see, we’re almost there”

15 minutes later we pull I to a cemetery and he says come with me, I was nervous as I followed him down a little hill and he kneeled down in front of a tombstone and said “dad, she’s going to be my wife someday”.

That was the first and last date Dan and I ever had.”

4. Two tales

“I will tell about both worst weird, and best weird because, I can’t really pick one

Worst weird was this guy that was a avid hiker like me, and suggested we do a quite easy, very known and travelled circuit by the coast. The weather was great ( sunny, windy, the very best for a hike) but.. The guy spend the three hours of the circuit reciting BY HEART all the people having committed suicide on the path ( a part of it was near a cliff so people used to go Sprotch when they wanted to cancel their subscription to Life ™ ) and he knew. Just. So. Many. I mean, it was odd at first, creepy soon after and quickly descended into terrifying. Needless to say no second date was had.

Weird cute one was with a guy I dated for some time after: we were just sipping coffee on a bench when his phone went off : his brother’s wife had gone into early labor and said brother was freaking out, and in his soon to be a dad way ahead of plan frenzy, shouted: ” the baby’s room isn’t even painted!”. Cue my date leaping in with a ” I got this, stay with your wife!” , pocketed his phone, turned to me and went ” I have a double of his keys.. wanna help me paint the room ?”
“What, like, now?”

“Yep”

“Ho. ok”

And we spent half a day painting a kid’s room. That was fun, all things considered!”

5. Don’t tell anyone you’re a mechanic

“I have a bad habit of telling people I’m a mechanic too early into knowing them because I really enjoy it and I like talking about it. The last date I had involved about 20 minutes of us actually talking to each other about things like school, what books we’re reading, and video games. When we get to the part about what we do for a living, I tell her I’m a mechanic. She immediately drops all conversation and begs me to go fix her car right then and there.

I’m a little too nice of a person and couldn’t say no at that moment, so we pay for our drinks and leave. As soon as I see her car I know I made a mistake, it’s been recently wrecked and should not have been on the road. She then starts to tell me about how a friend of hers says it only needs a few repairs and it should be good to go, when in reality it probably should have been totaled with how bad the front end was caved in.

I tell her this and she starts yelling at me saying I must not know what I’m doing, then says I need to fix it anyway and that she needs to borrow my car to go run some errands at 10:30 at night. I tell her no, and that I’ll call her a tow truck since I have AAA, and that I don’t think we’re going to work out. It’s been 3 weeks since then and I still get calls from her asking her what’s wrong with her car.”

6. Cat-fished

“I essentially got cat-fished by a coworker. There had been some mutual attraction months before but I decided it wasn’t a good idea and told her we should just be friends. Then she made a fake online dating profile, used her knowledge of my likes/dislikes to attract me to this profile, carried on extensive communication pretending to be someone else, and then showed up to our date expecting me to suddenly fall head over heels in love with her.

She showed up at the date and I asked her what she was doing there, she replied “I think you know why I’m here” and I got in my car and left without saying anything. Eight years later and her cubicle is still 15 feet away from mine.”

7. Sounds a little unhinged

“So many adventures, so I’ll stick with the highlights. Dinner seemed to go all right, except that he drank most of a shared pitcher of margaritas by himself, then drank all the liquor I had at home. I was kind of irked, so we go searching for more.

The first place was closing up (it’s Sunday), so he goes up and bangs on the windows, loudly demanding that they sell us some beer and calling them assholes while I die of embarrassment. At the next place, after they served us, he casually said, “Oh yeah, I don’t have any money, so you’re going to have to get that.” (Not that I expected him to pay for my beer, but he expected me to pay for for his.)

In conversation, he mentioned that his favorite book was Ulysses and compared himself to Jack Kerouac. I asked him what kind of movies he liked, only for him to snottily retort that he watches “films.” He had me read a short story he wrote that, frankly, was pretty terrible, but when I offered polite criticism, he got angry and said I just didn’t understand. That was the problem with being a “natural writer,” he said. No one understands.

At one point during the evening he wanted to check on his dog. He said it wasn’t far, but it turned out to be a long drive to the middle of nowhere. Nothing was open, and I had to piss really bad. It was the most resentful roadside pee imaginable.

After he snapped at me about not understanding his writing, I said I was tired and he should go. He asked me for $3.00 for gas. I wanted him gone so much I actually gave it to him.

I later found out that he had a huge coke problem, and he told the mutual friend who set us up that we had sex that night but that I ghosted him after. The ghosting part was true, anyway.”

8. A whole series of them

“Mine is a series of dates that led to the weirdest one.

I was a student at a big state school and it was very possible to meet someone at a party and never see them again. I chatted with a woman a few times who was always interesting and engaging. She was a Christian and outspoken about her faith. I’m cool with that, but I’m not all that outspoken myself.

I asked her out to dinner and a movie after the second or third time of running into her and chatting and she said yes. I wanted to keep it traditional and do the whole date thing, so I cleaned up and picked her up to go to a restaurant and a movie. It went well. We hugged, said our goodbyes, and that was it.

We wound up going out again for a drink or something and things seemed to go okay a second time. It was sort of platonic, but we never had a conversation where we said that we were just going to be friends or something else. In either case, we were definitely going on dates.

So, I invited her out on my signature move- a canoe trip on a local river. It’s spring-fed, crystal-clear, and there are a number of deep springs with floating docks. It’s a great time. We both worked retail and had a day off in the middle of the week so that was the plan.

When she got in the truck, she was surprised to hear that she would be needing a bathing suit to go canoeing (?) and so we stopped at Target for her to buy one. I received specific instructions to stay in the truck while she shopped. No big deal.

When she got back to the truck, she let me know that she bought a two piece because all of the one piece bathing suits didn’t work. Awesome. Things are going swimmingly. Except she followed up with “it doesn’t matter. You will never see me in a bathing suit anyway.” That was weird, but okay.

The canoeing was fun. We swam. She swam in a T shirt. That was weird. But, overall, we had fun. On the way back to town, I asked if she wanted to order a pizza and watch a movie. She said she couldn’t, because she and her roommate had a policy that boys were not allowed over alone. Then she backed up and said that well, since these weren’t dates and we weren’t dating, that it would be okay for me to come over, but I had to leave by 9:00.

Hold up, I said. These are dates. She got all weird about how these weren’t dates, that we were just friends, and that she was not going to date. God would provide her with a husband on his accord. Right, I said. And these are dates. I’m not sure how you missed that.

She went on to talk about dating and marriage and then dropped that she knew I wasn’t the one because God told her that her husband was a baseball player. She knew that her husband was going to be a baseball player and she would consider going on a date with a baseball player, but it would be a stretch.

I rescinded my offer to watch a movie and order a pizza, and that I didn’t think I was interested in going down this road. Shortly after, she called my phone about a dozen times in a row because she had a flat tire and wanted me to come change it. I told her to check with the baseball team.

Epilogue- Some time later I was at a party, standing around a keg, and doing normal college student stuff when one bro asked another bro if he remembered to invite his girlfriend to the party. People in the know laughed and eventually the story came out that this random girl would come to every baseball practice and every baseball game by herself, stare, and pray. She’d try and interject herself in awkward and creepy ways and she would randomly show up wherever they were. This was pre-social media, so it had to have taken a lot of effort to make this happen.

So, there you go. Don’t not date crazy religious women who are betrothed to collegiate athletes.”

9. Impostor

“The guy faked an Italian accent the entire time.

He was from Florida.”

10. Okay…

“Once had a girl get up and go to the bathroom during a make-out session. Came back with her head shaved.

I asked why she did that, she told me her “head was too hot” and she “had been thinking about doing it for a while”

Okay.

Made out for a little while longer until I could think of an excuse and got the hell out of there.”

11. Oh my

“I’ve got a weird one

met a girl at a bar

went back to her place

she did the whole whipped cream bikini thing

the whipped cream was spoiled

I muscle through sour whipped cream

30 minutes into fun time her daughter walks in on us that I didn’t even know was there or that she even had kids

another 15 minutes and her Aunt & Uncle walk in on us… yeah- wasn’t even her house but her Aunts.

She then breaks down in tears and starts telling me about being abused and her old heroin addiction.

then proceeded to tell me about her 2 other kids

I nope right the fuck out of there

a week or so later I see in the newspaper that she was in a car accident and died

surviving family members in the obituary included her current husband.”

12. Getting back out there

“First date after a broken engagement for me.

This girl kept telling me how much she wanted to go on a date with me off tinder. I was hesitant but she was persistent. Well, we got to the coffee shop and had some really nice conversation. Then she said she had some coworkers down the street that were at the Arcade Bar playing in a Mario Kart competition and if I would like to join in? Hell yes! We went down, got some beers and met the coworkers, super cool dudes.

She spent the rest of the night dodging around the bar trying to avoid them. Kept telling me how weird it was that they were here… uhh yeah but this was YOUR idea girl. Then she went to the bathroom and as she was getting up looked and me and said,

“can I bring my beer or are you going to drug me?”

Me “Uhh, what?”

“Are you going to drug me?”

“No, why the hell would I do that?”

“Ok.” Gets up to leave… “Actually, i’m going to bring my beer.”

Then when she gets back..

“My mom isn’t going to like YOU.”

Me “Uhh, ok why not?”

“You have me drinking on a thursday, I never do this. I can’t believe you made me.”

me “All of this was your idea, every single thing about it!”

Then when I walked her back to her car, she sprinted the last block to her car, got in and drove off. Then texted me telling me what a great time she had and if we could set up a time to meet again.

Edit: since people are enjoying this.

I had another tinder date with a second girl.

She invited me over to watch a movie. I came over and she was watching a movie with her roommate. They were already 25 minutes into the movie when I got there.

They didn’t want to talk while they watched the movie either.

So I sat awkwardly for two hours at a movie I didn’t know what was going on in. And neither of them would tell me what was happening.

Then movie ended and I got the hell out of there.”

13. Hi mom!

“Tinder date. Woke up to her mom knocking on her locked bedroom door and she made me hide under her bed while she had a full conversation with her mother.

She had her own apartment.”

14. AWKWARD

“I was on an exchange program with a French school and matched with one of the girls in my class on tinder. We didn’t speak before but we made an appointment via messages to meet at her place to watch a movie. We then realized that I didn’t speak French at all and that she could only communicate with me because she put everything I wrote and everything she wanted to say into google translator but she didn’t speak a single word in English.

So we watched a Movie and tried not to be awkward. I wanted to make a move but not being able to speak with her made it very weird for me I don’t exactly know why. So I didn’t do anything and when the movie ended there was a long uncomfortable silence… that was probably the most awkward moment in my life.”

15. Just like a Seinfeld episode

“She talked about herself in the 3rd person the whole time. I didn’t realize until the date was almost over that she did not have a best friend with the same name as her.”

The post 15 People Share the Weirdest Date They’ve Ever Been on appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Who Said No Marriage Proposals Describe What Happened

Unless you’ve been on either side of this situation, you really have no idea what it’s like…or what happens in the aftermath.

It’s why you have to dig into these stories of rejected proposals from AskReddit users.

1. Strike!

“Not me, but some poor soul at my local bowling alley.

We were rolling rocks on a Friday night, the bowling alley was happening. The tunes stopped and the guy on the intercom asked if we could all direct our attention to lane 16.

A guy dropped to his knee and asked his lady friend to marry him. She said no. She looked embarrassed and stormed out.

He took a swig of his beer and rolled a ball down the lane. I’d like to think he thought the music would come back on and everyone would go about their business. Nope. Everyone was shocked and just watched him bowl like 4 times before the music came back on and he finally just sat down. Felt like an eternity of cringe.”

2. Mom

“My mother had a sweetheart back in the 50s who got her name tattooed on his arm and then proposed. She turned him down. [cue sad trombone]

Last she heard, he had married someone with the same name as her.”

3. Get that figured out

“My mom turned down my dad’s original proposal.

My parents had been dating for roughly three months when they got pregnant with me. They had moved in together and things had been going well. My mom was making dinner and my dad was on his knees fixing the kitchen door and out of nowhere he asks her to marry him. She thinks he’s kidding and tells him he can’t be serious. His exact line was “well I’m already on my knees.” He had married before but had been separated from his ex wife for a number of years, but they were still technically married. So my mom told him he needed to get that figured out and propose in not such a dopey way.”

4. Apology proposal

“I found out my ex was cheating on me and immediately broke it off with him. The next day he showed up on my doorstep, in the snow crying. When I went outside he got on one knee and presented me with a heart shaped ring.

I went back inside and baked cookies. It was a great decision, as I met my current boyfriend a few years later and he makes me truly happy.”

5. Want to elope?

“There was a weird guy who worked at a thrift store where a friend of mine worked when we were in high school; he was in his early 20s. I was about 16 when this happened; I became friends with a few members of the staff and he was a part of that group. He was always weird and kinda creepy but we had similar tastes in music and hung out with some of the same people.

Teenage priorities. He was pretty upfront about finding me attractive from the get-go although I made it clear I wasn’t into him in that way. Because I was so young and inexperienced with these things and pretty live-and-let-live I didn’t see any reason to not be nice.

I agreed to go over to his apartment one time while killing time waiting for another friend to get home from her job so we could hang out. kept complimenting me and talking about how “perfect” I was. I cut the visit short because it wasn’t sitting well with me.

The next time we hung out he tried to convince me to run off right then and there and elope with him. I thought he was joking at first. He wouldn’t come off of it and then I realized he was actually serious. He had this weird intensity that was extremely off-putting. I left immediately when I realized he was actually serious and managed to never see him again. It’s been 20ish years and I still feel gross typing this out. Was he actually joking? I hope so but jfc that was awkward.”

6. Priorities

“A girl asked to marry me in 3rd grade. I said no, I don’t have time for marriage, I need to play with my friends.

She said OK. I went on to play with my friends.

All things considered, I think that went well.”

7. God told me…

“High school bf had dumped me after two years, revealing that he had never truly loved me. I went to college, and we still had occasional contact over my first semester. When I came home for Christmas break, he asked me to give him a ride home from where we had been with a group of friends, telling me he needed to ask me something.

In my car in front if his apartment, he told me that he didn’t want an answer right then, to go home and pray about it, but God told him to ask me to marry him. I went home and went to sleep instead, then told him no thank you the next day. He seemed disappointed but totally unsurprised.”

8. Different cultures

“Not me, but my wife.

While she was at BCT for the National Guard, (before we were married, but we had been dating about 5 years at that point) a guy with a very thick accent told her that he needed to speak to her father. Well, she has not had contact with her father since sometime early in high school (hell, I’ve never met him, never plan to either) and she told this guy such. He then went on and said that he must speak to her father. Eventually it comes out that he wants to speak to her father about her dowry.

Something about his father has many cattle and he could provide for her very well. I think she told him something about how that’s not how things are done in the US, her father had no say in who she married, and she was happily dating someone. Dude backed off and apparently was otherwise pleasant for the rest of the time there, just a monstrous amount of culture shock. I still laugh about it every time I remember her telling me about it.”

9. Cheater

“We’d only been together for a few months. Both military and stationed in Germany. I was about to deploy and my contract ended pretty much as soon as I was set to return. She said we should get married so we could stay together when I got back. I’d already been divorced at this point and wasn’t about to marry some girl I’d only been with a few months. So I told her we’d see how we held up with me deployed and cross that bridge when we came to it.

About 2 months into my deployment she and a friend of mine eloped. I was hurt but boy did I dodge a bullet.

Also their marriage ended exactly how you’d expect… Divorced in less than 6 months. She was f*cking a couple other guys on the side and he was too stupid/naive to realize. Remember folks; if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.”

10. I will own you

“We had only been dating for about a month, he was pretty obsessive at first but I thought maybe it would just be a phase so I blew it off. One day, he brought me to a jewelers to get my ring size and I could pick out the ring. I also thought it was just a promise ring, no biggie, people do those kinda things early on as well. What got ME was when he bought it, took me to a park, got down on one knee and said “I love you baby…I knew I wanted to do this the moment we matched (unfortunately on Tinder)…you’re the love of my life. Now I can show everyone that I own you. Will you marry me?”

He was gonna OWN me. Like a pet. I wanted to wring his neck for saying that. I don’t get offended easily but saying “owned” really pissed me off. I helped him up back to his feet tho and we walked back to his car that he was current living in, right down the street from my condo so he could “keep an eye on me”, and I told him I wasn’t going to marry him and that I thought it was best we should break up and move on. I didn’t feel comfortable having him drive me home so I took an Uber after that.

Unfortunately, still being the obsessive guy he was, he tried with the coming to my condo every day with gifts and crying and just trying to make me feel bad and get back together. Then it got to him getting angry and threats. After about a month, he gave up. And I haven’t seen him since, it’s been a year now. Thank god.”

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911 Operators Remember the Calls They’ll Never Forget

It should be no secret that the people on the other end of the 9-1-1 line have super stressful jobs. They’re talking to human beings in their most desperate moments (and also some stupid and hilarious moments, of course), so of course they have some pretty good stories.

Like the 17 below, categorized by people on the job as totally “unforgettable.”

#17. It was slugs.

I’ll go with a lighter one. I once had an elderly woman complain that gang members tagged her shed. She also said she didn’t want a black deputy (this is the south). The (black) deputy arrived and found that it wasnt spray paint, but that her shed was so dirty that slugs had eaten paths in the filth that created patterns.

#16. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

Had some one call saying a man had been killed by a goat. Turns out goat is what they also call the machine that picks oranges off of trees. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

#15. She’d been laying down in the back seat without her seatbelt on.

This one still bothers me because it’s so fresh and our community is hurting from it as well. Took a call from a hysterical woman advising me of a rollover crash that happened near her house. She lives near the top of a blind hill that people like to “jump” (like catching that butterfly feeling in your stomach, although you can get air in the right vehicle). She tells me that a girl is laying on the ground about 30 feet or so from the vehicle.

When asked if the girl is alive, she says, “Oh yes, honey she’s wiggling around on the ground. My daughter is a nurse, she’s checking on her now.” Awesome. We hardly ever are lucky enough to have a trained professional on scene before a med unit can get there. But then she tells me her daughter is starting CPR. To be honest, that didn’t surprise me. My caller was getting hysterical again and we already had first responders on the way, so I started asking more questions about the scene. Her daughter breaks CPR to get on the phone with me. Tells me she can do compressions only, that the girl’s jaw is completely gone.

A bit stunned, I tell her to continue compressions. But rather than getting put back on with the original caller, I hear the scared voice of a teenage girl, the driver. “Is my friend going to be okay?” I can’t find anything to say for a moment. Finally, after what seemed to be too long, I say “They’re doing CPR, dear. And we have help on the way. Are you and the other passenger okay?” “We’re fine. Just please tell me she’s okay.” The girl on the ground was confirmed D.O.A. She had been laying down in the back seat without her seat belt on because she had a headache. She was 15.

#14. The type of scream…

Answered to the sounds of a couple of women absolutely screaming and wailing (I’m sure anyone that has done the job long enough knows the type of scream I mean – that blood curdling scream of someone in genuine anguish). Knew something was up and got police and ambulance on the way. Trying to get them on the phone to get details and a boy of no more than five years old comes on the phone and says “my daddy is swinging from the roof and his eyes are open and staring”.

He had hung himself while his family were out doing their shopping.

#13. Pretty messed up.

This actually happened a few days ago. I’m an ER tech, but one of our unit secretaries (someone who transfers calls and does other important tasks that keeps the place afloat) is an EMT in the next county over. I was waiting for a patient to return to their room, talking with her, when she looks down at her phone. She tells me she has the dispatch app or whatever for ambulances and fire trucks, and every firehall in the county had just received a call about a possible decomposing body. Apparently the neighbor called about a terrible smell coming from the property. Hazmat was called and everything, expecting a dead human body.

Once they broke into the house, they found that it wasn’t a dead human, but 38 dogs in the house. 11 of the dogs were dead and in “varying states of decomposition”. The place is still pretty much under wraps, but 16 more dogs were found in the shed yesterday. The two people who owned the house have since been arrested and charged with 51 counts of animal cruelty. All of the animals left alive were taken to the humane society, where half of the county has just about donated food or blankets.

The whole thing is pretty messed up, but I now for sure respect the hell out of the EMTs and paramedics that walk through our doors everyday. They really never know what they’re going to see when they walk into a place.

Here’s the most recent article: https://www.carrollcountytimes.com/news/local/cc-dogs-cruelty-040919-story,amp.html

#12. Biggest WTF.

Well, my buddy is a fireman and dispatch had just alerted them of a man having chest pains. They get to the guys house, and as soon as they open the door, the dudes dog runs outside. The dude shouts “you let my dog out! go get my dog! Please!” So my buddy immediately starts chasing the dog.

He catches the dog, comes back to the house, and when he walks in the door he sees that the man having “chest pains” had actually shot a HOLE IN HIS CHEST while cleaning his gun.

Old dude shoots himself in the chest, tells 911 it’s chest pains, and when help arrives, he makes them go chase his dog down before tending to his own life threatening wound. Biggest WTF of my buddies career

#11. It really messed with my head.

I’ve been a 911 dispatcher for 11 years in a medium size center (population ~180,000). We have more than our share of crazy calls but there are only a few calls that have stuck with me. For me the ones that I can’t get rid of aren’t even close to being the craziest or most brutal.

7-8 years ago I took a 911 call from a man who came home to find his adult sister had been raped and beaten. The suspect had wrapped a telephone cord around her neck then tried to push her through the window of the apartment. He was understandably very distraught. She was still alive and was able to talk to me. She had not been blindfolded and I was certain I could get a description of the person who had done this to her. She answered all of my other questions but absolutely refused to give me any info on the suspect. I later found out that the reason was self-preservation, the person who did it was the brother who called 911 for help. He was so believable it really messed with my head. I also felt horrible that I had continued pressing her for info with the person who hurt her was right there and that I could have potentially put her in more danger without realizing.

#10. He couldn’t let it go.

Not me, but my sister is a dispatcher. One time she received a call from a man who said he just killed his sister and brother. She kept him on the phone for 5 or 6 minutes to make sure he didn’t run before officers arrived. She got him to admit they had all been drinking and playing cards, then got into an argument when one of them accused the other of cheating. The other two went to bed, but this guy stayed up stewing. Apparently he couldn’t let it go. He shot each of them in their beds while they slept, then called 911. I heard a partial recording of the call and she sounded calm AF. She told me she was screaming on the inside the entire time.

#9. Got you now, you little sh*t.

I have a few.

I took a call from a man who’s ~1 year old daughter fell in the pool while unattended. At the time of the call she was not breathing, unresponsive, and had no pulse. My partner dispatched out fire and EMS while I was on the phone. Got the child’s mother to start CPR. Fortunately she was certified and didn’t require very much instruction at all, just had to tell her to count her compressions out loud so I could keep up. Before first responders arrived, the baby starts breathing again. I believe she sustained some brain injury but nothing life threatening. Had to go take a walk around the block after that one. Please please please, if you aren’t CPR certified, get certified. It very well may have been the difference between that child living and dying.

On a lighter note, I also had a guy call in claiming he was having a heart attack. None of the info I got from this guy indicated he was even remotely at risk for one. Mid 20s male, average weight, no history of heart problems (or any other medical history for that matter). Turns out he had smoked some particularly strong pot about 30 minutes prior to calling. Absolutely nothing wrong with him other than he was stoned stupid. We got a pretty good laugh out of that one.

I also took a call from a kid who was about 10 years old who thought it would be funny to prank call 911. He started off by saying there was a fire. I could hear him giggling in the background. Followed that up with meowing at me over the phone. Managed to get a good location off the call and got his address. Read the address to him and asked if that’s where he lives. CLICK. Alright, got you now, you little shit. Had a deputy go out to the house as is our policy and he explained the situation to the parents. Deputy told me later the kid got the ass chewing of a lifetime. Super gratifying.

#8. We still had to check for spiders.

“A woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”

In college, I worked as an EMT in a major city. Not the craziest call I ever had but one of the wackiest call outs we ever got was to respond to “a woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”. I’ll never forget pulling up to this major intersection where, sure enough, there’s this old lady lying on the sidewalk with her pants off and legs spread up in the air. Turns out it was this transient lady in her 70s who had been having some wild hallucinations.

We still had to check for spiders ?

#7. It was a wild time.

A woman masturbating on the phone.

The first time she called she sounded normal at first. Asked for an officer that never worked here. General conversation about this officer while she progressively got more.. extreme with her moaning. I eventually (and gracefully) ended the conversation. It was a wild time. I still remember her name and voice.

The second and third times she called I asked if it was her and she hung up right away.

Why are you like this Ms. Roberts? What is your end game?

Edit: For clarification, we traced the number down to a woman in Florida. We’re located in Missouri and our agency is tiny (part of why I like this job). Hunting her down and bringing her to justice probably would have gotten her offwouldn’t have been worth the hassle.

#6. It will stick with me forever.

Student Paramedic here. Had a call being general broadcasted over radio when I was chilling in base with my mentor (we were on a 2 man car ambulance) operator who was broadcasting said something along the lines of: “female, reportedly unconscious, police on scene, major trauma (pause)… CPR in progress confirmed arrest by police on scene.”

my mentor looks at me, we’re off in 30 mins at the end of a night shift but we go anyway. We’re around the corner. Make it there in no time at all. There’s police EVERYWHERE. at least 7 squad cars. I’m nervous as hell and so is my mentor. As we approach the house, a man emerges, handcuffed by police. He looks content enough and smiles at us as we walk by. Police shout for us to hurry, we run over with equipment to front door and are met with one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen and will always be there in my mind.

There’s a woman lying on the ground, with the left side of her head caved in, blood absolutely all over the place and brain matter scattered around the floor too. Police are doing CPR, we stop them when we see the Patient has signs of pooling and rigor mortis. I’m literally sweating and on the verge of tears, this is not how I wanted my shift to end. Then, we hear from behind us more police in the house and the sounds of children. 2 kids are escorted out of a bedroom behind us with their eyes covered and one of them asks:”what’s going on Where’s Mommy?”. My heart melted. I’ve never been exactly traumatised by a job but those kids being shielded from what just happened to their mother will stick with me forever.

I bring equipment back to the ambulance as my mentor starts to do paperwork and we wait for someone to move the body. Social services arrive and take the kids, blissfully unaware of what’s just happened. Was off 3 hours late after all the paperwork and interviewing from police. Good job, but man has it lefts it’s mark on me.

#5. Profoundly sad.

Older lady, I want to say maybe early 70s, calls in with a sort of polite urgency in her voice, tells me she thinks she’s having a stroke. Tells me she has her grandchild at the house with her, asks me to call her daughter to come get the child.

By the time she’s done giving me the phone number there’s just a very slight slur in her speech. By the time EMS got there (probably no more than 5 minutes or so) I couldn’t understand a thing she was saying. Fascinating, disturbing, and profoundly sad hearing someone stroke out on the phone as they’re talking to you.

#4. Not something I’ll ever forget.

For me, the worst ones are always the calls you can relate to on a personal level. I took a call last month from a father who discovered his son with a bag over his head and a note next to his body. I’ve taken a ton of suicide calls, but this one was particularly difficult for me because the son was my age, and the way the father pleaded with his son was almost exactly the same way I’ve imagined my dad if I were to ever do the same. I’ve had the same “Come on, buddy! Don’t do this to me!” running in my head at least 2-3 times a day since.

Also, not technically a call but my first shift on my own, I dispatched the deputy I did my ride along with to a domestic that he ended up being shot and killed at. Hearing his blood-gurgled “shots fired” scream on the radio won’t be something I’ll ever forget.

#3. She was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.

I was a dispatcher for a residential alarm company similar to ADT. I would call people when their alarm was tripped and ask them if they were okay.
One day I received a signal from a residence from a glass break sensor on a window in the bathroom.
When i called the lady was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.
Turns out she was cleaning her bathroom and when she bent over she farted so hard and loud it set off the sensor on the bathroom window.

#2. Not even a little bit.

Not 911, but tele-nursing, people called me plenty when it should have been 911.

Grandma, calls me about her 16 year old, 40 week pregnant, grand daughter.

GM: Hey my grandbaby is pregnant and she just went to pee and said the cord is hanging out….is that normal?

Me: No…..not even a little bit

#1. Kindness and compassion in his last moments.

A young man 23 years old called and told me he was going to commit suicide. He was my first call of my shift that day, very early in the morning. He planned to set his car on fire with himself inside. He was upset and crying but he apologized to me. He said he was sorry I picked up the phone and he was sorry for how this was going to affect me. He hung up on me and the second time I was speaking to him I could hear liquid splashing in the background. He ended hanging up again and I never got him back. He did end up setting the on fire and it was fully engulfed by the time anyone got there. I’ll never forget his name or voice and I simply hope I showed him kindness and compassion in his last moments.

Edit: Thank you for the gold and silver kind strangers! I appreciate all the comments. I’m fine. Im lucky enough to have an amazing support system in my co-workers and I have an awesome spouse to keep me grounded. This call made me a better dispatcher. It’s easy to become desensitized to the horrific things we hear and this young man renewed my passion for helping people.

I couldn’t do it. Glad others can!

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15 People Reveal What They Were Totally Unprepared for When They Moved out of Their Parents’ House

It’ll be easy when you move out of your parent’s house right? A piece of cake?

WRONG. That’s when reality slaps you right in the face.

AskReddit users shared what they were totally unprepared for when they moved out on their own. Ahhhhh, memories…

1. Used to seem like it

“The fact that $100 is no longer a lot of money.”

2. Now I’m bummed out

“Loneliness by far. I loved living by myself, but lying in bed without my cat on my bed, or without hearing my mom laughing downstairs made the room feel very small and secluded.”

3. That is the worst

“The cost of food and how fast it goes bad.”

4. Adulting

“You need to actually THINK about what you want to eat each and every day. I still can’t get over it.”

5. Then reality sets in…

“For me it was exhilarating. Want to sit and eat a whole package of double-stuff oreos at one sitting without anyone judging you? It’s on!

Fortunately, it only took a few weeks of that before I realized I was getting fat and felt like shit, so I had to go back to eating real food like my mom cooked when I lived at home.”

6. Lonely

“Come back to a dark, liveless home in the evenings.

Since my mom worked 6am 2pm until a few years ago, and we lived with my grandparents, there were always someone home when I’d come back from school.

Even if we didn’t chat, there were someone there, moving around, doing their own things. It sometimes was annoying because I sometimes was tired and needed peace and quite. But I underunstimate how much reassuring it was.”

7. That is depressing

“The amount of depressing things that come in the post: bills etc.”

8. Turning into Mom

“How alike my mom and I are. I used to tell her to chill with the household chores.

She couldn’t chill.

I can’t chill.

Must. Clean…”

9. That’s the worst

“Being on my own if I got sick. I once got food poisoning when my roommate was away for the weekend. Vomiting every 20-30 minutes for an entire day. I was severely dehydrated and didn’t even have the strength to walk to the drug store for meds and Gatorade.”

10. Be happy

“Happy things don’t just happen. You decide to do them.

All those fun events and great memories you had growing up? The birthday parties, beach trips, days you decided to turn the living room into a castle of sheets and cushions?

My parents deliberately planned those things (or gave their own time on a whim) because they wanted me to be happy.

Even if I’m tired from work, I try to plan fun, silly events and always celebrate holidays, because I realized no one’s going to do it for me anymore.

Edit: This comment really seemed to resonate with people! Thanks for the comments and bling. I’m glad this made you happy, or think, or feel seen.

For all those without parents or guardians that made things special for you, I’m sorry. You deserved to have someone who cared.

For those who ask, How do you make special things happen on your own? Or when life is busy, or when you’re poor?, here are some things I’ve done to make my own life nice:

I pick myself wildflower bouquets… or sometimes from people’s shrubs if they’re near the road shhhh

I often take myself to the beach

I like to drive fast with my windows down and good music blaring

I journal a lot

I take myself out to the movies on week nights! I actually prefer to see movies alone. I’m free to emote as I please, and I don’t have to explain anything to anyone.

I strike up a lot of random conversations with people on transit, restaurant waitstaff, folks working at coffee shops, etc. It feels good to make human connections.

I teach. Teaching is one big high for me.

I’m always on the lookout for neat treasures on the ground. Lone earrings, a nice rock, and red autumn leaf.

Get a warm cup some something and hold it in both hands while you walk around on a cold day. Best ever.

I guess these aren’t necessarily holiday-things, but they’re still special, and make my life joyful.”

11. Bare cupboards

“Not having condiments or spices on hand. I took for granted having salt and pepper and whatever spice I needed in the cupboard. Buying all that at once can add up quickly.”

12. All the small things

“The amount of small things that needs to be done on everyday basis: cooking, house cleaning, dish washing, laundry, etc… And this does not include homework (if you are a student), hobbies, personal life… I’m just so tired of all that stuff.”

13. I have to pay for this?

“Water cost money. I grew up on a farm with well water. It completely blew me away people had to pay for tap water. Years later I feel bad for people in cities that dont provide drinkable water.

Our home town had an oil pipe burst and contaminated their drinking water. Many people came to our farm for drinkable water.”

14. And it’s getting worse…

“Food is SO EXPENSIVE. I moved out a few months ago and that’s been the thing I was least equipped to deal with.”

15. I was wrong

“How wrong my idea of “independence” was.

Sure, you can do whatever you want whenever you want. But almost every activity generates waste in some capacity that YOU need to deal with.

Also, if you have a full-time job, having to forego hanging out with friends that don’t. Sorry guys, I can’t hang out until 2 am on Tuesday to play video games anymore. Gotta be up at 6!”

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People Reveal the Very Illegal Things That Happened at Their High Schools

Do you remember any crazy, super illegal stuff that went down at your high school? Well, that question was posted on Reddit and, oh boy… lots of people had stories to share. Soooooooo many stories.

Some funny. Some sad. Some completely insane.

High school was a weird time for many, and you’re about to find out how crazy it got…

1. Where do you go to school?!?!

Let’s see, where should I start?

Freshman year – 2 rapes in bathrooms, 1 fatal stabbing.

Sophomore year – Shooting in the courtyard, half pound of coke found in students locker.

Junior year – Drama teacher(f) caught sleeping with 3 students

Senior year – Gym teacher/Driver’s Ed teacher(m) impregnates freshman girl. Then it is discovered he has not had a valid Driver’s License for 6 years, invalidating the Driver’s Ed class for everyone that took it during that time period.

2. This is why you don’t give your kids booze.

High school coach didn’t keep tabs on our team during a weeklong beach trip to play games in Florida. Parents supplied kids with alcohol, one of my teammates snaps his neck diving into the ocean.

Coach fired, kid paralyzed. Literal chaos within our baseball program ensued, it was awful.

I transferred.

3. This. Is. Nuts.

Spanish teacher got arrested for illegally bringing over a 14 year old Argentinian girl and keeping her as a sex toy.

But since she was here illegally and wouldn’t testify against him she was deported and he came back to school later in the year. Come to find out a couple of years later he had molested like half of the girls volleyball team he was the coach of.

4. The difference between these two incidents!

My senior year one of my friends was murdered by her boyfriend and he drove around with her body in the trunk for a couple of hours.

Also, a couple of kids got caught giving each other piercings in the stairwells.

5. Freshmen are dumb…

There were 4 freshmen in the bathroom stall just vaping and a teacher came in so they freaked out and didn’t want to get in trouble so they thought calling the cops on the teacher for harassment would get them out of trouble.

They got expelled an hour after the cops arrived.

6. Well, that’s a sure way to get fired!

This was middle school, but our computer teacher was fired after they caught him watching porn in the computer lab during lunch.

Rumor has it, he was watching on the big projector screen they use for teaching.

7. This took a lot of turns in a short amount of time!

A teacher was caught having sex with an autistic student.

I believe the student claimed to have loved her.

Her dad was also a teacher at the same school and he left after the incident came out.

Edit: Teacher was female, student was male.

8. The “cool” kids…

The cool gang of kids (not me, I’ve never been anywhere near cool…) got into a dare contest which ended up with one of them having to get a pair of knickers from a particular girl. She didn’t want to play the game… so he ended up cornering her in a boys toilet and cutting them off her with a knife.

We never saw him at the school again. All games were banned.

9. Well, this is pretty epic!

Little bit of backstory first.

Our school had a big renovation ongoing, and because of that, almost half off the school was closed down. The closed part included the biggest bathrooms and because of that, the school administration ordered two toilet barracks to be placed on the school yard.

So… some 7-9th graders decided to buy some toilet pipe opener liquid (i don’t know what is the correct term) and aluminium foil. They put the aluminum foil inside some plastic bottles and poured a little pipe opener in them with the foil. As someone has probably done this before, knows what is going to happen next. They stuck 6 bottles total inside the toilet bowls in every stall of one barrack and blew them up due to the chemical reaction between the foil and the opener. All the pipings of the single barrack were destroyed due to water pressure inside the pipes. Turns out that the two barracks had connected pipings and the water that was in the bowls in the other barrack shot up to the ceiling due to pressure.

The students never got caught and if I remember correctly, the incident ended up costing a hefty amount for the school administration. The barracks were taken away, and were replaced with new ones. After the incident, every recess there was a teacher infront on the barracks monitoring everyone going in and out. Nothing happened to the new toilets.

10. The CD master!

Pre-internet days (kinda), CD’s were a thing.

I had a massive CD collection in a gigantic book in my locker. I typed up lists of all the artists and albums I owned. So I had these flyers everywhere and for $3 a CD I’d burn you a copy. This was right when CD burners came out and my stepdad was super into the latest and greatest tech so we had the cool gadgets when they came out.

I eventually was caught but for a time I made killer money.

11. Don’t piss off the minor league boxer!

A Special Ed kid got jumped by a dude on his way to school and was beaten bloody. The whole thing was recorded by the guys girlfriend and her friend. The whole time they were cheering him on yelling things like “World Star!” and so on. She later posted it on Instagram which pissed off everyone and just about everyone wanted to beat the dude up in the vid. He was given temporary suspension (Fucking BS) while the police took care of him. From what I know, he was given a assault charge.

Also side note: There was a girl at my school who was in minor league boxing who was ready to beat him up, she even tried looking for him by his house.

EDIT: For those of you arguing if the boxer would’ve won the fight, can confirm, she was a hell of a lot bigger then the guy. In comparison, he was a pretty skinny dude.

12. Good plan on that third attempt…

Our football coach took off with one of the girls in the high school and moved to mexico and married her.

He had a wife and kids.

They then hired a brand new football coach who was 23 years old.

Before the end of his first year, he was hooking up with an 18 year old senior girl. They also took off and went somewhere.

We went without a coach for a couple years.

13. Hey, whatever works for two adults is up to them.

I had a male teacher in high school who had a lot of chemistry with this one girl in my class. They never did anything inappropriate but like they had great banter and got along great. We’d all joke that she had a crush on him and that they were going to get together. We even joked that they were already secretly hooking up, but we didn’t really think they were.

They were married 5 years later and have 2 kids and couldn’t be happier. It made all of us wonder if something was going down while she was in high school.

They both swear nothing happened until she randomly bumped into him at the supermarket when she was visiting home for the holidays. Parents were outraged when they found out. The school couldn’t fire him because there was no proof. Eventually they got tired of the awkward stares and moved away.

They’ve been married like 8 years now and from what I can see in social media are still going strong.

14. I don’t know what’s worse. The gun or the tapeworm!

Grew up in a small town.

When a lamb got sick and was dying our Ag teacher just had us go out behind the classroom building and shoot it.

We ended up pulling a massive tapeworm out of it.

Definitely not legal to have guns on campus let alone use them.

15. Abusing the disabled is nuts.

Had a pretty controversial case involving a handicapped student who had cerebral palsy and muscular dystrophy. His parents filed a lawsuit accusing two of his handlers of abusing him by dumping him out of his chair and forcing him to wear a neck brace so he’d “look them in the eye.”

Worst part was I don’t think the handlers suffered any consequences. I looked up articles on it and all of them highlight the abuse and lawsuit, but none follow through with the results which is frustrating.

16. Here, let me help you shut up forever…

Had a guy selling heroin. After that there was a weekly police presence.

Also, a kid bound a girl to a chair, gagged her and stuffed her in a cupboard in the woodworking shop. He claims it was to help her complete the sponsored silence she had been doing that day.

Okay, I’m scarred for life.

Going to go wash my brain out with beer.

Brb.

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15 People Who Survived Murder Attempts Share Their Stories

The details of these 15 murder attempts are crazy and true – and, since they have happy endings, they also make for interesting reading.

Take a look at these stories.

#15. Got bad vibes.

Mines not extreme by any chance but a couple of years ago my brother and I went to walk the dog at like 11pm. We left through the side gate (live on a corner) and right as we exit I see this weird looking dude at the corner of the footpath walking weirdly towards us. Got bad vibes and told my brother to get the dog and get back inside. This dude is walking kind of side on and hiding something in his hand behind his back, as I’m getting my brother through the gate the dude says something like “oi mate can I come in, I need a blanket I’m freezing” I just ignored him and went inside and locked the door. We then get a call from the people who live two doors up, the same dude knocked on their door and their 10yo son opened it to see the dude holding a fucking hatchet. Anyway I’m glad I went with my gut on that one

#14. Thank god for nosy neighbors.

Thank God for my nosey neighbors. I always used to hate how nosey they were. Until this happened. When I was about 10 I was riding my bike outside. My parents always let me ride my bike outside during the summer, but only up and down the street we were on. One day, a man in a fan was parked across the street. He called to me, asking me if I had seen his dog and could help him find it. Me, being a dumb child, offered to help him find it, and I started walking towards his van. My neighbor, and older white lady, came BOLTING out of her house hooting and yelling, telling the guy to back off. The dude got back in his car in a hurry and took off, and it wasn’t until many years later that I realized how bad that situation could have been.

#13. I went furious.

I (18F back then, now 25) was on my way home at night after meeting a friend.

My home was just 10 minutes away from the trainstation. After a few minutes I felt someone following me. No big deal I tought, just someone else walking home. But I started walking faster. I realized the person behind me was catching up…weird. In my head I started to make up scenarios of how to defend myself if the person would attack me. Never would I think of this to actually happen.

Well, until I felt something on the back of my head, hitting me hard. I went furious. I turned around and attacked the guy. My mind was just full of anger towards this stranger who, what I thought, hit me.

We were wrestling until I fell on the ground. He was sitting on top of me, strangling me. I tried to crawl my nails into his eyes as deep as I could, but I started to black out. Suddenly there was this tought in my head “wake up, or you will die”…well, adrenaline kicked in again and I opened my eyes and screamed of the top of my lungs, attacking him again.

That helped. He stood up and began to run. I layed there for a few seconds, then I started to run home, still screaming.

My mom was already at our door and opened for me because my screams woke her up (or her mother senses, who knows?) She immeadiately called the cops and they could arrest him on the same night.

It turned out that he actually shot me in my head from behind. They assume that the gun didn’t work properly, the bullet didnt penetrate my skull and stuck in there, but as far as I know they never found out why the gun misfired. I’m glad though. He told the cops that he already followed me a few times in the past, but never had the guts to “do it”. He wanted to kill me and rape my dead body.

I know that’s a wild story, I have some swiss news paper articles as a source if someone cares though.

#12. They never found them.

I was 14 and outside in my garage petting my cat. It was November so it was already dark by 5pm. Someone opened the door behind me without me hearing, grabbed me by my Ponytail and starting dragging me outside. They hit me on my head with a brick and knocked me out. Pulled me halfway around my house when (I’m guessing this is when) they stabbed me on the left side of my stomach. This must have brought me out of my daze, because my mom said she heard me scream from inside where she and my brother And sister were in the kitchen. They came out the front door and saw me bleeding out on the side walk, called 911. had 12 stitches (double layer) a severe Concussion, and whiplash. didn’t eat and hardly slept for a week. They never found them.

Edit: somehow believed for nearly 14 years I was 15 when this happened, turns out I was 14. Edited to correct.

2nd edit: thank you so much for my first gold! ☺

#11. This was also a mistake.

I was riding in a train across Eastern Europe. I was running low on money and even though I had been warned that a woman should not travel alone in second class seating I did not spring for first class. I was sitting alone in one of the compartments that seats six. This was also a mistake and a very stupid one to sit alone. Eventually the train stopped and a man got on – he was very drunk. He came into my compartment and I guess thought I looked like his ex-wife.

He attacked me. If it were not for the fact that this particular station was the border between two countries I would be dead. Instead border patrol from both countries were on the train and while I was unable to scream, the door was open and at least a half a dozen uniformed men jumped him and saved me. I was in the hospital for a little while but recovered. At one point during the trial, one of the cops asked me if I wanted him and his buddies to hold the guy down while I hit him. I thought he was joking. So I said no, go ahead you do it. I was also joking. But it turns out they took it seriously and were about to! I did put a stop to that at least. But they were so offended that someone from their country would attack a young female American tourist. They were furious with him. So many people there depended upon tourism

#10. Don’t think he saw me at all.

Was a bouncer at a club in LA for a minute in the 90’s. Stopped some dudes clearly affiliated (in a gang) at the door after they refused security checks. After a few minutes of their threats & Manson lamps they left spewing all sort of warnings.

A little later it starts to wind down and because it’s a little slow & we’re overstaffed so I start to drink. I get a bit drunk (not wasted, but sleepy-buzzed) so I tell my buddy I’m going to go lay down in the back of his car for a while.

A few minutes after lying down I realize I have to piss. I get out and stumble a few into a spot between a guard gate (for a parking lot) and a building for a little privacy (there’s a few dozen people milling around in front of the club). I’m about 25 feet away from the club’s entrance and just off an alleyway.

While I’m relieving myself, a dude runs right past in front of me, around the guard booth to my rear, and unloads a 9mm (recovered rounds from back seat/trunk/roof/bumper) into the back seat of the car I’d just crawled out of.

“bam bam bam bam…” Unloading into the car.

He then turns, runs right back past me, and down the alley into the night. Don’t think he saw me at all.

Nothing really came of it. Except my partner was convinced I was a “marked man” and refused to be near me for a year or so.

Edit: holy crap, I kind of expected this to get buried. This was Los Angeles. I was about 25 (almost 50 now) so some specifics are long gone – but I remember this: my buddy was genuinely terrified by this, I don’t think he knew anything about it (in fact he seemed to interpret the event as a larger conspiracy to have me snuffed – not some random pissed off dude making a point/getting jumped in) and because he ditched the car/wouldn’t take my calls it got left at that. For those concerned with the car – it was, like, a 1980’s rusted out sedan…maybe a $500 car. Details about the slugs/number of rounds fired were relayed to me later by third parties (my friend and I were known in the neighborhood, people were talking about it). Thank you for the well wishes. Honestly though, this wasn’t even the first time I was shot at (it’s been a long strange trip).

Edit 2: Also, I tried to argue later that it’s just as likely the guy was shooting at someone else across the street and that the car just got in the way. But there were holes all through that thing. Back seat had 4/5, another 2/3 went into the back window and ended up in the backs of the front seats, another 2/3 rounds went right into the trunk. I honestly don’t know if he was a terrible shot, or if he hit right what he was aiming for.

Apologies if I’m doing this wrong, I suck at Reddit.

#9. He was stabbed 7 times.

I have a friend who had a party at his parents house when he was in high school that a ton of random people went to. He got super drunk during the party and went upstairs to go to sleep, knowing that his friends would watch the party for him. My friend woke up from his nap to a guy from his school sitting on top of him stabbing him death. He was stabbed seven times before it stopped and he laid there on the bed dying.

The only reason he is still alive is because his best friend came upstairs to ask him if it was alright if he made a frozen pizza and found him. The assailant was put in jail and recently was released and it scares me to know that a guy who “wanted to know what it would feel like to kill someone” (said during the trial), is still out there free.

#8. I was very confused.

My supposed best friend decided that my wife and I were too perfect. Therefore it must all be an act and I was obviously abusing her.

He was at our house after I made an awesome dinner and we were having fun drinking and singing karaoke.

I went to the kitchen to put some glasses away, came back and leaned on the couch with him slightly behind me to the left of me.

Then I heard a thunk and felt an amazing amount of pain on the top of my head. He had picked up the whiskey bottle on the table and smashed it into my skull.

I was very confused as to wtf was happening. Then the blood started pouring. I didn’t want to get blood everywhere so I went to the kitchen.

Dude is pacing back and forth saying weird shit. I thought about my gun (which was close by) but I wasn’t thinking quite straight. He left.

I had a huge concussion and still suffer side effects from it.

My number 2 goal in life is to live longer then that asshat just so I can shit on his grave.

#7. I was too late.

I was exiting a bar once after last call and was with a friend who was a medic. We saw a girl laying in a snow bank near a telephone pole who had just been hit by a car. We ran over and tried to help her, some others were already on the phone with 911 and I, not having any medical training didn’t have anything to contribute but didn’t want to just leave, the whole situation was concerning.

I turn around for a second and start to hear people screaming… I turn around a a minivan was heading for us, the few people around this woman. They already started to run, but I was too late…​

He hit me as I was trying to flee… put the car in reverse, ran over me again, and then went forward and run over me a third time.

Turns out the guy was high and drunk and got into a fight with the women’s bf, whom I bared a strong resemblance too. He thought I was him. Not to throw a pity party for myself but 9 years later I have a ton of medical issues, and my life pretty much started on a downward spiral since then… but sure, I guess I “survived”.

Edit: For everyone wondering about the guy, An off duty cop watched the whole thing go down, and copied his license plate number. He was apprehended 20 minutes later & charged with attempted murder, along with many other things.

He plea’d out to just 3 years in jail. He had actually killed someone else a few years before drunk driving. How they thought that was appropriate is beyond me.

#6. Next thing I know.

This all happened many years ago.

I was a lead man at a factory. A girl starts working there, and I take an interest. After a few months, I find out she is in a terrible drug-fueled abusive relationship. Every night, I tell her to call me, I’ll come get her. Finally after months, she calls me, I come get her and take her to my house.

The guy she was in the relationship with didn’t take too kindly to me taking her away. He spends the next 2 years harassing and threatening us.

A few months after she and I got married we went out for a few drinks. Her ex just happened to be at the bar we went to. He apologized to us for the threats and harassment. We were sitting outside talking with a few other people.

Next thing I know, I’m on my back on the ground with someone choking me. I try all I can to get them off of me, but being blindsided and them being on top of me, it wasn’t easy. As I struggle to get free, everything goes black, then I see “the light at the end of the tunnel”. In that moment I was certain that this was the end of me. I somehow manage to get a better hold of this person’s head, and I yank them off of me. We run to the car and get away.

A week or so later, my wife had been talking to everyone she thinks might know what happened. Turns out, her ex had paid 2 people $50 to kill me that night.

#5. Drive away, sweetheart.

I was abducted at a gas station during undergrad. The locks on my car were broken, and as soon as I got back in, a strange man came in and forced me to drive him to an ATM. I am paralyzed with fear so any sense or reason I had went out the window. He claimed he worked at Wendy’s and for my generosity he would give me all the Wendy’s I ever wanted. On the way to the ATM he showed me pictures of his daughters (on his clearly stolen cell phone). Then a Whitney Houston song came on the radio and he starts BAWLING his eyes out and screaming “Why do all the good people have to die, only bad things should happen to bad people.” I go to the ATM, take out cash, give it to him thinking it’s over. He then makes me get back in the car and drive him somewhere else. We pass by some train tracks and I’m thinking this is it, this is where I will be murdered. He asks me what I’m studying in school, and I tell him Biochemistry. “I believe in jet propulsion and all that shit. WE ARE NOT ALONE ALIENS ARE AMONG US.” He then makes me pull over at a gas station and he tells me “drive away sweetheart”. I call the cops, had to do a line-up, apparently this dude had done this to a ton of other women, and some were less unscathed than I was….

#4. He was perfectly civil.

Throwaway because it got some media. I’m a criminal defense attorney. I was representing this guy that had embezzled almost $500k from his business partner. He was looking down the barrel at several years in prison, a bunch of his assets had been seized by the government, was being sued by multiple creditors for north of $2 million, and was in the midst of an ugly divorce and wasn’t allowed to see his kids. I was one of 3 lawyers he had – criminal, civil and divorce. He was drinking a lot and using coke — I used to get this incoherent phone calls in the middle of the night that ranged from threats to crying.

He came to my office one day and asked for me but I was in court. My secretary said he was perfectly civil. He then went to his divorce lawyer’s office and shot him to death. Got stopped by the police a short distance away and was wounded in a shootout. He would later tell the cops that he had come to my office to shoot me that day and also planned to shoot his civil attorney.

#3. I was supposed to sleep there.

Sophomore year of college went with a friend to go hang out at his old college. We were supposed to crash with a few friends of his but we met a few ladies and ended up at a pool party. Next day went home and my friend started getting calls from one of his buddies moms asking if he’d seen him.

Turns out in the middle of the night a few guys broke into the house kidnapped my friends buddy and roomate. Took there car and drove them out to the middle if nowhere and executed them. I guess it was part of some gang initiation.

I was supposed to sleep there with my friend. I still somtimes think about it and get the shivers.

EDIT: spelling.

This happened in 1999 in stubenville ohio. Someone posted a link to the wiki page in the comments.

Thank you to all the people who commented. I posted this before work and then my phone went crazy for the next few hrs.

#2. My mom got mad at me.

Well. My mom got mad at me when I was 20 and I didn’t give her money for her birthday, which I’m assuming was to pay off drug dealers of hers, so she stabbed me between the ribs. Ended up getting stuck in the bone and had to get it taken out in surgery.

#1. I was that close.

I was doing volunteer work in Central America, working in a really bad area of the capitol city–it was a slum built on top of the city’s garbage dump. The whole place reeked of trash, and there were large metal cylinders coming up out of the ground throughout the area to vent the gas from decomposing garbage underground.

As a fellow volunteer and I walked down a dirt path, two men approached us. I’d never seen them before. They were acting strangely, but I just thought they were drunk or high–a lot of people in the area drank rubbing alcohol to get drunk, since it was cheaper than beer or liquor. Over time, drinking the rubbing alcohol would really mess with their brains.

As the men got closer, they began acting really friendly–too friendly. One of them came close to me, trying to put his arm around my shoulders. At first, it seemed like the behavior of a guy who gets happy and friendly when he’s drunk. However, an alarm went off in my head, and I gently–but firmly–pushed him away. I tried to make it seem lighthearted and playful, like, “Hey, man! How’s it going?” (Affectionate shove.) I didn’t want to make a scene, since I was a gringo; I didn’t want to seem like an ugly American.

This went on over and over down the whole path–he’d get close, I’d shove him off, he’d come close again. Finally, my friend and I came to a fork in the path, and we went one way while they went another.

After we got to the house of some people we knew, we told them about the two guys. (I was so focused on protecting myself, I didn’t even notice much of what was happening with the other guy.) They said, “Oh, everyone around here knows him. That’s his routine–he comes up to people, pretends to be friendly, puts him arm around them, then pulls out his knife and stabs them in the stomach.”

I was that close to getting stabbed to death.

Yikes! Dumb luck is really the best thing to hope for sometimes.

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15 Zookeepers Share the Weirdest Things They’ve Seen Animals Do

I’ve always wondered what goes on behind the scenes at zoos. After reading through this list, I’m not surprised by animals anymore. Ever. Nope.

#15. Chimps love treats.

“I would bring the chimps treats each week. I once brought a bag full of lychee, which they thought was only “meh” but the keepers loved them. Surprised me, since I thought they would go nuts for them so I picked a whole tree’s worth.

One day I bring a dozen kiwi, and it was clear they had never seen them before. Watching them peel the kiwi so delicately with their lips was amazing.

Also, given watermelon, they will eat it all the way through to the skin. I’m talking all the rind down to one millimeter of tough green skin.

They’ll chomp a banana tree stalk like candy… anyway, chimps love treats.’

#14. Howler monkeys are weird AF.

“Male teenage red howler monkeys that grab their asshole while pooping, and taking all the shit out with their hands.

Seriously, howler monkeys are weird AF.”

#13. Like nothing was happening.

“I’m a zookeeper!

We had a lone, male Marabou stork that found a water bottle, picked it up and put it in his nest, then proceeded to incubate it for a while. He got mad when we eventually had to take it away from him.

I’ve seen adult giraffe attempt to nurse from lactating females and seem peeved when she wouldn’t let them.

I’ve seen a Nyala get a whole square of sod skewered upside down on his horns that eventually slid down and completely covered one of his eyes. He acted like nothing was happening.”

#12. Check mate, kid.

“Not a zookeeper, but a few years ago we were vising the Berlin zoo and some kids that were in our group were really fascinated by the chimpanzees.

After a few minutes of making faces and trying to get the chimps attention – one of the kids shows the monkey his middle finger.​

The chimp responded with lifting both its arms and showing the kid TWO middle fingers.

Check mate, kid.”

#11. What the people are doing.

“Generally, the weirdest stuff you’ll see at a zoo is what the people are doing.”

#10. Planet of the Apes.

“Ex zookeeper here, I remember once there was a period of a few days where one of the chimps had this stick and was spending hours at a time just rubbing it on the ground. Some of the keepers tried to give it other toys to play with etc but it wasn’t interested. Anyway, long story short, it was sharpening the stick and then tried to stab a keeper through the bars of their indoor part of their enclosure.”

#9. She ate a skunk.

“Volunteer (former), not keeper. I liked to show up early before my shift to watch the big cats get let out into their space. One morning, one of the lionesses was already out and she was sitting there, like the famous NY library lions, only with a Calvin face. Her tongue was hanging out and her eyes were squinched up. I asked the lead cat keeper what the deal was. “Oh, she ate a skunk yesterday, so we decided it’d be a good idea to let her stay outside overnight instead of stinking up the night house.”

They opened the doors to the lions’ night house and her brother and sister came bounding up to her in what appeared to be great concern (“Where WERE you last night?!?!?). Her sister took one whiff and bounded to another place in the exhibit. Her brother started to sit close to her, thought better of it, walked about six feet away and then settled down and watched her.”

#8. Every damn day.

“I work at an aquarium, not a zookeeper though. We have one male sea otter who likes to play with his dick right in front of the glass in the most prominent spot. His dick is bright red and he just strokes it and nibbles at it in front of everybody. Every damn day. I’m the one who stands by the exhibit, so I’m the one who has to field all the awkward questions.”

#7. Absolutely distraught.

“I was a zookeeper and worked in animal care in various capacities for a long time. One of the weirdest things I’ve seen is when a reptile “drops” their tail. It’s only happened to me once with a Lemon gecko I was transferring from one terrarium to another. I had a poor grip on him and as he was wiggling loose I desperately grabbed on to his tail which he promptly dropped and I was left holding a dismembered, writhing tail while the gecko escaped.

Also, two of the lions at one of my jobs were afraid of a raccoon. I could hear them (the lions) making the most pitiful, pathetic bellowing sounds. I went to check on them and lo and behold a raccoon was up one of the trees in their enclosure. These two large alpha predators were absolutely distraught over a little raccoon. For it’s part, the raccoon was completely unbothered and just observed them for a bit before going on it’s way.”

#6. A little too frisky.

“Super late, but actual Zookeeper. I was once charged by a very large male Sulcata Tortoise who apparently thought I got a little too close to his female. Fortunately I was able to step over the foot high fence in time so that I was viciously mauled. Our tortoises are characters. I’ve also had to flip the male over by myself, who mind you, is on the upper end of his life span and about as big as they get, because he got a little too frisky with the female and fell off.

edit: I did not in fact step over the fence to be mauled, but to avoid being mauled. spell checking is for squares.”

#5. Off the steep hill behind her enclosure.

“I worked at a private zoo for a while and the weirdest was probably the female baboon rescue we had. She was very well tempered but she would beckon new workers over to her cage with a gesture and if you had anything in your hand, she’d reach out and rip it from you then throw it off the steep hill behind her enclosure.”

#4. The pickiest eater.

“Been a zookeeper for almost 2 years now. We have a giraffe that has a couple meds he has to take daily, but the little shit will NOT take the same food from you two days in a row. He knows exactly what we’re up to and also happens to be the pickiest eater ever so sometimes it takes an hour to get five pills, the size of A TYPICAL ADVIL PILL, into this 2,000 lb animal.

Also was watching lions in their inside enclosure once, mom and dad we’re laying down and daughter was just walking around trying to find a spot. The daughter is notorious for bugging any other lion with her to play by sitting on them. She walks over to mom and starts to sit, or so I thought, and just starts PISSING ON HER. I’ve never seen a lion double take but that second I swear to god I saw mom look at what was falling on her and then just DISGUST on her face and she jumped up and swatted at daughter. It was pretty freaking hilarious.”

#3. Licking the beaver.

“I’m a zookeeper! I work in a small department with lots of random animals that we take on programs to show guests. In our department, the cages are made of mesh, so the animals can sometimes be housed next to each other where they can reach each other and interact. One time, the beaver was housed next to the tamanduas (lesser ant eaters), and we went over and saw the tamanduas licking the beaver ALL OVER! By the time the beaver went back to his own enclosure he was soaking wet with tamandua spit.”

#2. Flossing baboons.

“Not a zookeeper but primatologist. During my masters I did a study on spontaneous tool use in captive baboons. The weird bit? They were flossing. Literally flossing with hair and broom bristles like we do with toothpicks and…well dental floss. You can Google ‘Flossing Baboons’ and you’ll pretty quickly get a photo of Georgia.”

#1. Then repeat.

“I once saw on gorilla poke another in the butt then sniff his finger.

One gorilla was laying in a hammock and the other was sitting on the ground beneath him. He would reach up, poke the gorillas butt, look at his finger, sniff it then repeat.”

If it’s your dream to become a zookeeper, you’re a better person than I.

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15 People Who Have Killed or Injured Someone in Self Defense Reveal What Happened

I suppose you have to do what you have to do if your life is in danger…so these stories are pretty gripping and terrifying.

Because that’s exactly what these people from AskReddit did.

Here are their stories.

1. Rural justice

“My great grandmother was widowed in rural greece after WW2. Her sister was in an abusive relationship, and my great grandmother told her husband “if you hit her one more time I will kill you”.

He obviously hits her, so my great grandmother goes to his poker game with all the elite men in the village and shoots him square between the eyes. No one questions the rural justice imposed and she lives out the rest of her life a dominating figure in the village.”

2. Florida

“My great uncle lived in a trailer in a rural area of Florida. A kid (17) broke in one night and held him at knifepoint. He had no money, and told the kid that. He also told the kid to leave or he will grab the shotgun next to him.

Kid charged and slashed him, then he shot him dead. They ended up charging his friend (driving get away car) with the murder. Turns out they robbed several trailers that night. Chose the wrong one.”

3. Wedding reception

“My parents story: during their wedding reception, two men with masks entered and announced they’d be robbing them. Everyone thought it was a prank, laughed it off, and went on with the party. They pulled out guns and said it was no joke.

Everyone was on the ground on all fours, and they went around collecting wallets and jewelry from the guests. They came up to my grandpa (I’ve never met him) and saw what looked like a wallet in his breast pocket (it was a date book) and asked him to hand over his wallet. He said he didn’t have one (cause he didn’t) and was punched in the stomach. My uncle looked up at the guy and had a gun put to his forehead and was told “I’m going to blow your fucking brains out.”

My uncle grabbed the gun and turned around, pulling the guy’s face into his shoulder. My grandpa and others tackles him down and held him down. The second guy went running off, and my dad (ran track on college) chased after him and tackles him. Him and others pin him down.

Police come and everyone is excited that the ordeal is over. The cops say something like “this is going to take a bit longer though, there was a death.” Freaking out, my family asks who and find out the first guy was suffocated from being held down. (Later it was confirmed he was on cocaine and died from something related to his heart).”

4. Russia

“This happened to my dad in Russia, back in the 90s, which were wild there.

My dad is a big fat guy who can’t fight for shit. He’d recently gotten an 8 month old puppy, and he took the puppy for a walk. He was and still is a smoker of MORÉ cigarettes – I think they only exist in Europe.

Two young guys walk up to him and ask for a cigarette. He says he doesn’t have any. Now that brand of cigarettes that he smokes – they are really long – and the pack is sticking out of his pocket. The young guys get pretty pissed and one of them shoves dad. When my dad falls down, the guys take out a telescopic truncheon.

Dad knows it’s a losing battle but he unclips the dog’s leash so he could swing the metal clip at least.

Now, there is one important fact that I left out about this puppy. He was a Caucasian Sheepdog. At 8 months, he was about 75 lbs. And he went fucking ballistic. Both guys end up in ICU, one loses an eye.

The cops want the dog killed, and dad has to pay a lot of bribes to keep that from happening. The dog ends up living a nice happy 13 years.”

5. Knocked out

“Not me, but my dad had to knock someone out with a pipe wrench.

My dad was in his mid-twenties and had just started up his HVAC company. It was late at night, one of his customers called about his tenant’s complaining the air was out. At 3am. My dad, as a recent business start-up all on his own, got dressed and went out on the call.

He got there and fixed the AC and when he was leaving (it was a bit of a run down, poverty stricken area), a man who was clearly drunk thought he was with his girlfriend who was living in the house my dad just worked on. My dad, obviously, was like no, I’m the HVAC repair guy. Dude pulls out a knife and charges my dad and my dad simply swings at him with what was in his hand, which was a wrench. Knocked the guy in the temple and he was out cold.

Dad kinda panicked and jumped into his van and sped off. Nothing ever came of it so I assume the guy was ok, aside from a massive headache.”

6. You’re free to go

“Obligatory “Not me, but my Grandpa”, but here goes. Grandpa was something else. Arrested several times during prohibition for running stills in the hills of Appalachia and other colorful sorts of stuff. Anyway, many years after that, he was in a bar somewhere in town.

Some young asshole got in his face, as young assholes do. Words were exchanged, the young guy pulled out a gun, and he stuck it in my Grandpa’s face.

Grandpa didn’t have time to determine the extent of the young man’s commitment to his actions, so he decided to pull out his gun and kill him right there. Cops were called, witnesses were interviewed, and Grandpa was free to go.”

7. Whoa

“I’m a medic and firefighter. We got called to a rollover accident new years morning. Obviously a drunk driver. It was 3am. We were first on scene, walked up to the car, and found a gun pointed at my face.

I grabbed his arm, smashed it into the A post repeatedly. My partner didn’t even know what was going on.

The guy dropped the gun, I told me partner to get it, and I ripped the guy from the car. He’s screaming I broke his arm.

The police get there, I tell them he had a gun and pulled it on me. They grab him and throw him in their car.

He was arrested, taken to the hospital so his arm could be splinted. Was charged with driving impaired and assault. Please guilty and went to jail for a couple of years.”

8. Drugs are bad

“A TINY girl I went to school with was at home with her mother in law. A man came and knocked on the door with some bullshit excuse like his car was broken down or something. He eventually left. Her husband took his truck into the shop that day and came home later. That night, the same man broke into their house thinking it was only the two women home, as no other cars had returned.

Her husband began struggling with the intruder and broke a wooden baseball bat over the guys head. He kept attacking. Mother in law jumps in. Tiny woman ran to the kitchen and got a knife and stabbed the man to death stabbing multiple times. The man was high on PCP or something.”

9. Bad times in Panama

“Granddad was in the Navy stationed in Panama after WWII. One day, he and one of his shipmates were out patrolling or on guard duty or some such when a local kid runs up and says there’s an American in a bar nearby and he’s about to get killed. So my granddad and his comrade follow the kid to the bar and walk in to see an American sailor all cut up, backed into a corner holding a chair over his head, surrounded by a a couple of locals with knives.

Granddad scans the room and sees a pair of Panamanian cops in uniform sitting at a nearby table just watching and laughing. He tells the guys with the knives to back off and one of them turns and lunges at him, so he shoots him in the belly.

Immediately, the cops jump up reaching for their sidearms, but Granddad’s buddy shoots them both right around the same time Granddad shoots the second knife-wielding attacker. So maybe thirty seconds after they walked into the bar, four guys are dead.

They got court-martialed but somehow came out without so much as a discharge. Not sure how or why. I need to get around to seeing if I can find any records on it.

Also, my granddad never met a story he couldn’t embellish, but I have a feeling this one is true. He’d talk about horrific violence he experienced at Iwo Jima till the cows came home, but he did NOT want to talk about Panama.”

10. My God…

“Not me, but my father. Back in the 60s, he was at a small town bar with a friend. The friend was playing pool and won a bunch of money off some guy he’d just met. So the guy goes out to the car, gets a gun and kills my dad’s friend.

Everyone in the bar kind of jumped on the gunman, and my dad kicked/stomped his head with his steel toed work boots. The guy died in the hospital, but my dad was never arrested or charged with anything.

He doesn’t talk about it much. The only reason he told me was because I made a stupid joke about shooting someone and he wanted to teach me why it wasn’t funny.”

11. A scary situation

“Was at party with my best friend (a guy) in a house full of college students that all either lived together/hung out together aged between 22-28, in all about 20 of us. His roommate who’d never really had alcohol in excess got shit faced.

This guy kept hitting on me and not taking social cues of me being not interested. Things turned violent eventually. He said he’d kill my best friend for cock blocking. I pretty much put him in a hold and calmed him down and went to another side of the house. A few minutes later, he comes to find us, but he’s gotten a baseball bat.

My best friend lived there, the guy lived there and I was a house guest. My best friend wound up getting whoever was left at the party in one room and the guy was chasing him around with a baseball bat. The way it turned was when the guy got a hold of my friend, and my friend did his best to restrain him, but this guy was unrelenting. It’s all confusing really, the guy just snapped.

My friend literally had to beat him unconscious because he kept trying to strangle my friend. We were all really scared. By the time the cops got there, the guy’s face was REALLY fucked up and my friend had some broken bones. Self defense is a crazy thing, we were concerned my best friend would go to jail, but he didn’t.

Turned out the roommate was there on an expired visa, and he had two or three priors for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Last we heard he’s still in jail, his face is completely rearranged and banned from entering The United States for ten years. That was 4 years ago.”

12. A story from Queens

“I was living in Queens while attending Fordham U in the Bronx. Came off the train one night, there was a young busker at the end of the platform rapping about how if everyone just gave a little money God would give a little back. I looked straight ahead, ignored him, tried to power walk past him.

I’m a small female, he was a much bigger man. He grabbed me by the arm and started trying to charm me for money. I was pulling away, trying to make him let go, he wouldn’t. I started screaming and then I just started stabbing him with my keys. I always carried my keys with the tips stuck out between my fingers because it was a not so nice neighborhood and I always got home late. It didn’t kill him but it hurt enough that he let me go.

This little immigrant woman had been coming up the platform and heard me screaming so she came running and started hitting him with umbrella. So now he’s on the ground bleeding and being sacked about his personage by a seventy-five year old Ukrainian woman who introduced herself to me as Olga. Police came, arrested him, gave me and my new friend a pat on the back and a ride home.

Fortunately it was the only time I was ever assaulted when I lived in Queens. When I lived near campus in the Bronx it was a lot worse. My roommate was insane.”

13. Bar fight

“When I was 22 I was at a show at a bar, watching my friends band play. After they finished their set I moved to the back to be near the doors to help them with moving their equipment out. It’s very dark and everyone else is still up closer to the stage.

Suddenly, someone I don’t know grabs me from behind, in a big bear hug, and starts to drag me back towards the doors leading out. I, without thinking at all, drop my weight, manage to slip out of his arms, whirl around, grab his hair and SLAM his face down into my rising knee. I can still to this day feel his nose shatter as I hit him. He stumbles backwards, blinded and covered in blood.

He’s rather quickly grabbed by my friends who had seen him attack me and the cops are called. He’s arrested and taken to the hospital, where it turns out I broke not only his nose, but also fractured his cheek bone.

For context I’m a girl, and around 110 lbs. I’ve never been in a fight or have any real idea how to defend myself. I’m certain the only reason this worked is that he hadn’t expected me to defend myself in any way, it was entirely the surprise of it. I don’t think it would have worked at all had he been prepared.”

14. Don’t mess with Texas

“My civics teacher who lived in a smaller Texas town told me a crazy story from his childhood. When he was a kid, a robber broke into his house and was stealing shit from his family. He woke up and looked around the house due the noise. He found the robber standing in his foyer, about to exit, and the next thing he knew, the robber’s head exploded.

His father who was upstairs got a his revolver, shot the robber’s head, who met the hammer of justice if the form of a .44 magnum.

That was that. Robber gone, and no legal consequences faced the family, due to Texas laws concerning protecting your property (this occurred way long ago so laws may be different). He used this story to explain the kinds of laws the U.S and Texas had. Pretty insane story. Moral of the story: If you rob someone, and they have a gun and they know how to use it, prepare to say goodbye to your way of life, or your mortal coil. Especially in Texas.”

15. Nightmares

“3 of them have been car/motorcycle jackings. The one that sticks with me the most is the guy who tried to steal my bike at knife point. I reached into my riding jacket and fired the gun through the holster(and jacket). It’s not like the movies where the bad guys just fall over.

In the time it took emergency services to arrive, I had to watch a grown man writhe in pain, scream, cry, beg for his mom, and ultimately expire.

It is one of the most heartwrenching things I’ve ever seen. I still have nightmares.”

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Thrift Store Workers Share the Weirdest Items They’ve Pulled from the Donation Bin

If what you see on the shelves at the thrift store is the good stuff, then what gets donated and doesn’t make the cut?

Below are 15 solid examples.

#15. There’s a story there somewhere.

Not something I’ve found particularly but something very strange. Every month and a half or so, a man would come by right before we closed and would donate a single blank cd. Every single time. My coworkers and I would always put it in and see if anything was on it. There never was.

#14. The extra stuff inside.

A grinder with weed still in it, and somehow a suitcase full of dildos made it onto the floor and was brought to our attention by an elderly lady who was wanting to purchase the suitcase but didnt want “the extra stuff inside”.

I still think a customer had to have somehow snuck a bag of dildos in and dumped them there since anything going to the floor is opened and sprayed with disinfectant, plus it was heavy so it definitely wouldve been opened if it arrived that way. Either way it made for an interesting day at work.

Edit: I forgot to add money! We were allowed to keep any money we found, usually it was the occasional few bucks in a purse someone forgot. Other times it could be big bills or one lady locked out and found a stash of around $2000 in two dollar bills in a trinket box.

#13. A get out of jail free card.

We’ve had some nipple clamps on a chain, a rampant rabbit with car charger, a jug in the shape of a tit and a book with a hole in it that you stick your dick in for a novelty puppet show.

Oh and there was also a mobile phone with a bunch of photos of a local policeman wearing his girlfriend’s underwear. I securely deleted those. He owes me a get out of jail free card for that.

#12. I look fantastic in it.

I found a full Tommy lee jones Two face suit. I look fan tastic in it. Only $15

Here it is in all its glory.

View post on imgur.com

Edit: thank you all for the self confidence boost!

#11. A human skull.

A classmate of mine found a human skull that was donated. It still had reminents of human on it. They reported it to the police and turns out it was part of an active murder investigation 1 state over.

#10. That’s not sand.

I was a receiving and loading lead at a thrift store for a few years. We had this guy that cleaned out storage units for a living and then he’d dump whatever he couldn’t flip with us for a tax slip.

He pulls up and we’re going through it all. Pretty nice stuff, looked like it was an estate sale. We get it all unloaded and then we start snooping through to see what needs to get brought to where and we find this green glass vase filled with sand.

I started pouring the sand out into the trash so we could figure if the vase was worth using

“That’s not sand”

Somehow we ended up with an unmarked, full urn.

#9. I’ve seen it all.

Ah something I can contribute to. In college I was one of the people that directly sorted donations.

I’ve seen it all, vibrators, boxes of dildos, a nunchuk collection to name a few. On more than one occasion have we found large amounts of money stashed away in hollowed out books, usually $1000+ in new bills.

The one story that sticks out the most was this middle aged man who consistently came on Saturday evenings to donate used underwear. Bags and bags of men’s used underwear, for almost 3 months straight, then suddenly he just stopped.

#8. So much nope.

When I was about sixteen I worked at goodwill for about 6 months. There was this old homeless man who used to try and sneak inside to sleep and stuff like that. Everyday he’d get kicked out pretty quick by one of my female coworkers. After about a month of working there with her, the homeless man came up to the counter she was working at, gave her a target bag filled with rocks, and left. We open the bag and find a doll underneath about a layer of rocks. It was so friggin creepy. The doll looked exactly like her. We flipped it over and the back had her FULL NAME sewn into it. She quit about a couple days later because she was worried about that homeless man coming back to the store.

#7. Defaced by a complete lunatic.

One time, someone donated a book (some country singer’s autobiography I believe) that had been massively defaced by a complete lunatic.

That’s not a great description, but fortunately I took pictures:

Book donated by lunatic

Utterly fucking insane. I didn’t meet the donor because I was at lunch at the time, but my coworker said they seemed completely normal.

#6. A good read.

Used journals… Highlights include someone recounting the time they bit someone, and a tale of an explosive funeral. They make for a good read, but why wouldn’t you throw them out?

#5. Unwanted gifts.

I worked in donations. In the same day we got a pickled baby tiger shark and a coin purse made from a kangaroo scrotum.

Edit: for everyone wondering how I knew, it still had the original tag on it. Me and my co-workers were guessing it was an unwanted gift someone felt bad about throwing away.

It was not the same person that donated the shark.

Who knew my most upvoted comment would be about kangaroo balls?

#4. Cool job for a while.

Someone donated an entire trash bag full of dirty diapers.

Sex toys. Lots of sex toys. Some older, and more naive, workers actually priced them and put them in the sales floor.

An old electronic chessboard that was somehow worth $2000+

Some rich old lady came in and donated a ziplock bag full of gold and platinum jewelry – it was real.

Huge beanie baby collections. Guess someone finally figured out after 20 years that they weren’t a solid investment. It’s something you hear about but I never really saw before.

Maybe not the strangest but you actually do find some cool old shit people think is worthless. Cool job for a while.

EDIT: drinking some beers now. Ask a former Goodwill employee anything!

#3. Investigation warranted.

My aunt’s a cop and had to go investigate a donated hand grenade.

Edit: People keep asking if this happened in ______ city, so apparently it’s super common in America. For the record, keep it classy, San Diego.

#2. The Big Red Dog

A high school diploma still in its leather case. We were selling it for $1.39.

Also a porn movie inside a Clifford the Big Red Dog DVD case.

#1. Lobotomy tools.

I was sorting out some donated items and come across an unusual set of tools. Through some research, we discovered that it was a full transorbital lobotomy tool set. It got donated to a local university for display. Apparently, a vintage set in good condition can sell for around $1,000.

It’s high time I took another look around!

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15 Delivery Drivers Reveal the Most Messed up Places They’ve Ever Been

I delivered food for a while (Mojo’s, Lawrence, Kansas, RIP) and I can attest to how many weirdos you have to interact with on a daily basis.

And how many odd and creepy places you have to go to.

AskReddit users who have done time in the delivery field shared their experiences. Buckle up.

1. Awkward

“Someone ordered pizzas to a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black while I rolled up in my bright red greasy T-shirt lol. Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I’ve had.”

2. Get outta there

“It was outside of town on a dirt road with tall trees. Every “house” was basically just plywood shacks. There was broken down cars and trash everywhere. The entire neighborhood just reeked of a b rated horror film. I find the right house and walk up to the “door” but it was just a blanket so I had to yell “Pizza!” They come to the door and grumbled.

It was a haggard looking man wearing boxers and a dirty white tank. Something felt wrong as he handed me a bill that looked washed. I held the $100, with old Ben Franklin’s face on it, up to the light and could clearly see Abe Lincoln in the paper.

They had ordered around $50 worth of pizza and wanted change. He tried convincing me that he went to the bank and they gave him that bill. I asked him why then wrong face was on there and he said that’s how they do it. I said hell no and drove away as fast as I could. We stopped taking orders that don’t have street roads.”

3. OH MY GOD

“You just reminded me- my husband delivered to an older woman who ended up dying during the time it took for him to get there after she placed the call (~20 mins). He said he showed up as they were loading her up into an ambulance (I think) and that the family was standing around watching and he didn’t know what to do so he gave it to one of the family members (who paid for it) and left.”

4. No thanks

“I didn’t end up delivering the pizza but the address was an abandoned house.. it was around dusk and the house was so obviously uninhabited, I could see trees growing through the windows and the backside of the house was crumbling so badly I could see to the backyard… from the street.

The instructions were to “come around back”. I double checked the address after locking my doors called the customer a couple of times, called the store and told em what was up and why I wasn’t delivering the pizza and headed out.. I mean seriously who would have been dumb enough to go to the back of that house?”

5. I’m under here!

“I once delivered to a guy living under his porch if that counts.

I drove up to the house. Its pitch black. No lights on. I look at the ticket and it says “use back door.” I go up the steps and no lights on. Nothing. Then I hear a voice from below me say, “hey down here.”

I look under the porch and theres a small door leading into what looked like a makeshift apartment. I had to actually crouch to get to it. Gave the guy the pizza and bounced the fuck out of there.”

6. NOPE

“The one where they tried to pull me in the house.

Not coincidently the last delivery I ever made.”

7. A bunch of good stuff

“Extremely large man naked on his bed telling me to come in. i yelled that i wouldn’t like to do that and he replied “oh it’s a girl, why’d they send a girl” as if we knew the situation there….

Delivered to a trucker in his rig. berated me for having a single nose piercing and colored hair because he had a son “with all them piercings” and all he does is drugs now. then the man texted me “can i ask you a silly question” (i had called him to find his specific rig for the delivery). i ignored and blocked him and he called the store asking for me specially to return and bring him a specific sauce packet…… my manager said no and had me stay in the store with the crew until it was time to leave.

One woman answered the door in a thong and asked where another delivery driver was. told her he wasn’t working. she replied “well he knows to always do mine for me”. again tried to explain that he was not present in the store that day. later found out he was dealing while delivering.”

8. Hoarders

“Every Hoarder House I ever delivered to. Honestly, I feel for those folks, there’s usually a mental issue that starts it. Sometimes it’s just learned behavior, either way it’s still just sad to me.”

9. Weird

“I was delivering chicken (KFC) not pizza, but my worst stop was pathetic, really.

I knock on the door, I hear a kid yell “I GOT IT”, he opens the door, and runs up the stairs yelling to his friends “The chicken asshole’s here! The chicken asshole’s here!!”, after which a crowd of about 8 pre-teens at the top of the stairs start throwing change down the stairs at me to pay for the delivery.

I asked if they could hand me the money, they laugh and just throw the quarters/dimes/etc. harder.

So I picked up the bag of food, winged it up the stairs at them, it hit the wall, and I split.

Told the boss what happened and if they call to complain I won’t listen or apologize; I’ll just quit if he brings it up. I found out later he did get a call and told them to get stuffed.

Good boss.”

10. Classy

“Used to deliver part time in a not so nice part of town. Used to do a regular delivery to an adult book store, my 18 year old mind was blown the first time I went in & saw all the sex toys & shit hanging on the walls.

Another time I delivered to a room at a hot sheet motel. Dude opened the door & while he was counting out the money I saw a naked hooker sit up in the bed behind him.”

11. Obsession

“I worked at Domino’s and we had to blacklist a guy because he was obsessed with me. He would come in and ask if I was there. If I wasn’t working that day he would just show up the next. If I was on a delivery, he’d wait around in the store for me.

He would tell me that he loved me and ask me out on dates. He was very bad on heroin and made it obvious. The last time I delivered to his house, he ordered about $40 worth of food and drinks, and kept trying to hand me $100 even though I told him numerous times I didn’t have the change.

He apparently stole his grandma’s cell phone and wouldn’t give it back and him and his cousin were screaming at each other the whole time I’m waiting to get the smaller bills he kept telling me he had. He had nothing smaller than a $100 and he kept arguing with me because he changed his mind and just wanted 1 pizza and a drink and I told him I couldn’t do that.”

12. A dodgy part of town

“So while I was in under grad, I worked as a pizza delivery driver. I had a delivery to a dodgy part of town with a delicious pie. When I got within a couple miles of the residence, a local sheriff’s deputy got in front of me. We made all the same turns. Then as we got closer, another got in front of him and one behind me. I start freaking out a bit as I’d been smoking some weed, but carry on.

Finally, we all get to the same residence which is totally surrounded by police in riot gear, guns drawn, all that shit. I get out with my pizza and discover the house I’m supposed to deliver to is the one with SWAT out in front. One of the officers waves me off and says, “he’s not gonna need that today” and they proceed to breach the door, to which I return to the car with a free pizza and get the hell outta there.

They were added to our “Do not deliver” list but I don’t think we ever heard from them again.”

13. Help me!

“Funnest job I ever had, but man the shit I saw and went through. The most fucked up delivery had to be when a woman answered with her huge beautiful Siamese cat. I love that breed, so I ask if I can pet him. She says yes, I bend down.

The cat purrs, rubs against me, all the usual signs of liking it. So I stand up to finish giving this lady her pizza, the cat lunges and bites me above my right eye, and wraps all 4 limbs around my head. Panic! Freeze! Wtf do I do?! Wtf is going on?!

Why isn’t this lady helping me???? I grab this demon cat from hell by the front legs and just rip him the fuck off of me. As I do my contact lense pops off. All I can think is that it’s eye skin coming off of my eyeball. I throw that fucker down and just freak out at the amount of blood that starts pouring out of my gash. The woman brings me into her house and puts a towel on.

I tell her she has to take me to the emergency room or call 911 as I can’t see to drive myself. After all it was her cat who attacked me. She drives me to a minor er place. I get stitches, and a tetanus shot. She foots the bill. Never see her again. Boss wasn’t happy that I missed the rest of the night, or had another order in my car. Fuck that cat.”

14. Cuffed

“I drove to the customer’s house and saw that a guy was being handcuffed by the police in the front yard. I had no idea what to do so I drove around a neighboring block a few times. When I came back, the police and handcuffed guy were gone.

I didn’t know if he was the customer or not so I just walked up to the door and knocked. An old couple answered and took the pizza and paid and didn’t say anything about the arrest that happened on their lawn. It was in a city with extremely low crime rate as well so it was very strange to 17-year-old me.”

15. A sad story

“First time to a huge mansion that was renowned for big tips, where you had to go around the back to a gate leading to the pool patio. Guy who answered the gate doorbell (!) had been disfigured in some horrible accident.

He had me wait while he got his wallet, so I got a good dose of the backyard where a raging party was going on. Coke being snorted, craziness in the pool, booze bottles everywhere, and it was like midday on a Wednesday.

Guy finally comes back, addresses me by name (no name tag) and says “you don’t remember me, do you?” Knowing that I’d remember those injuries, I realized he must know me from before he got hurt, and I stammered out a weak “no, I don’t?”

His response blew me away – he recalled being in first grade with me at a local Catholic school I attended for one year. Then, he went on to detail everything about class that year, the people, teachers, activities and that his accident had happened during the following summer – he’d gone through a windshield in a head-on with a semi.

I delivered there a few more times, and hung out chatting with him as long as I could. It slowly became clear that the party crowd was just using him for his money. That was fucked up enough, but what I also eventually realized was that he was stuck in that last normal year he’d lived and, 20 years later, had moved back (IIRC, he’d moved away because his parents died or were severely injured in the accident) as soon as he was old enough to access the accident settlement. And the money was going up that crowd’s nose pretty fast.

I had no idea how to help him or even if he wanted help, and eventually started letting other drivers take that run. Never saw him again, even though it’s a small town.

Eventually he stopped ordering pizza and then I left for a job elsewhere, but would pass by his house when visiting while my parents still lived there. Fewer and fewer cars were parked out front every time I went by, and the house slowly became overgrown with ivy. Fucked up.”

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