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15 Creeped-Out People Share the Scariest Things They’ve Ever Seen in Their Lives

Okay, creeper time.

Have you ever been totally creeped out by something you saw out in the middle of nowhere? Might have been in the woods, in a rural area, in the mountains, etc.?

AskReddit users went on the record and shared their personal stories and they will give you the willies!

1. What do you expect in Transylvania?

“Went on a mountain hike in Transylvania with a group of friends from school, and way up, after maybe 12-14 km of trekking, we saw a house….was in the middle of nowhere. It had a barn, with a few animals, couple of cows, chicken, etc. As we get closer, we see a few people, a guy and 5-6 women. Not sure if there were more inside. The dude comes to greet us, barely speaking the language. We had a hard time understanding what he’s saying. They lived without electricity, gas, anything. This is in the early ’90s, so there’s no internet, mobile phones to worry about. At least for most people.

Anyway, they all looked weird, kinda dumb expressions on their face, we can barely understand eachother. They asked us who’s the president now, and if we want some milk. They look at our clothes and shoes weirdly, curious…like who knows when is the last time they had human contact. Or maybe there were more crazies around those parts…dunno. Not sure to this day what was going on. It’s not typical in the region, so we kinda freaked out, especially cause the dude looked a bit disturbed, and we were too young.

We were looking around to see if there’s more of them, paranoia was getting to us, thinking there must be a village nearby. What was also weird is that all the women kept their distance, and never got close to us. Like he was guarding them, or checking us out, if it’s safe for them.

One of my friends kept saying we don’t want their milk, and we need to go, cause it’s getting dark. We walked calmly for a while, then when we thought we’re out of their sight, bolted like crazy out of there. Needless to say, we camped after a few hours, and we always had one person awake to keep watch.

We told people that were living in the villages near that area, about the “mountain people”, and they didn’t believe us. They said nobody lives there, up in the mountains.”

2. OH MY GOD

“I was driving home after an extremely late night at work, I lived in the middle of nowhere, about a mile before I got there a woman covered in blood jumped out of the woods into the middle of the road screaming. I panicked and went around her then slammed on the breaks to help.

Her boyfriend had beaten her and was currently chasing after her in the woods. I got her in my car and called the police, they met us at the hospital because I told them there was no way I was waiting on the side of the road when he was coming.”

3. Get outta there!

“I was driving through rural parts of Missouri with a buddy. We drove down a single lane road that had no exit. At the end of the road, there was a group of deer corpses laid in a perfect circle. I’d say there was at least 10 deer.

We BTFO real quick.”

4. Terrifying

“I’d been at football training with a few of my cousins when I was about 10 years old.

We decided to take a walk before our parents picked us up, so we went along the canal towpath. My cousin looked down in the canal and say a really nice jacket floating along and being a weird scavenger person decided to reach in to fish it out.

Well, the jacket turned over. And so did the man wearing it. He also had no face left.

Not gonna lie, that was rough.”

5. Yikes

“My boyfriend and I were walking through the woods on a nature trail when we came across a piece of alligator tail and foot that had been ripped off and the rest of the body was gone.

I freaked out – all I kept thinking was I have no idea what’s big enough to kill and eat an entire alligator, but I don’t want to meet it.

We cautiously kept walking and a few hundred feet later saw a giant, probably 10 foot at least, alligator walking along the shoreline with a whole smaller, dead alligator in its mouth.

And that was the day I learned that alligators were cannibals.”

6. That’s weird

“I was mountain biking in the woods and I came across an east Asian looking man in a perfectly fitted suit and a briefcase. Just casually walking through the woods.”

7. Creeper

“When I was about 7 or 8, my parents sent me to a local summer camp that they would pick me up from in the afternoons. I never really liked it because the kids were mean, everything was either broken or not clean, and the counselors obviously didn’t care. I remember the girl’s changing room had a door that lead out to the woods but the doorknob was gone so it was unlocked all the time and you could see into it.

This was primarily where the girls changed into their bathing suits and there was usually someone blocking the view while we changed so the boys couldn’t look in. Well, one day I’m changing alone and someone wasn’t blocking the door. I look over and see an eye peeping in through the hole watching me change. I pull the rest of my clothes back on quickly and run out to tell my twin brother.

I tell my dad that I don’t want to go back to that camp anymore and he begrudgingly takes us out of the camp pretty soon after because he knew how much we hated it. Years later, the camp has been closed down for many many years and I’m asking my dad about it. He gets really grim and tells me it shut down because a 13 year old boy had raped 7 year old girl in the woods right behind the girl’s bathroom a few weeks after I had told him about someone watching me change.”

8. Camping

“Cowlitz river. Washington State. Camping with my dad and sister me buddies, early ’90s. Something was throwing rocks and sticks into our camp. We shined a flashlight out and caught a reflection of eyes and a silouete. Very very tall. Kept throwing stuff in our camp randomly for about 15 minutes. We just stoked the fire really high. In the morning I woke up to heavy footsteps in our camp and something reeked. Woke up my dad. He shook the tent and yelled. Whatever it was ran off.”

9. Run!

“My girlfriend and I were hiking along some abandoned railroad tracks and we get to a small bridge going over a little creek. I’m about to go explore under the bridge when she points something out. I look over and in the woods across from us I see a guy.

I’m like whatever and keep headed down to the creek area and then the guy stands up and he’s naked. We immediately back track pretty quickly to get away from there and once were like 1 minute down the trail I look back and this naked dude is just standing in the middle of the trail watching us walk away.”

10. On the playground

“While I was walking to High School I saw the body of a young girl that had hung herself from a swing set. Police were just putting the bag over the body when I was going by. The City ripped down the playground and built a new one shortly after.”

11. In the Australian bush

“This took place in the Australian bush around 10/11 at night.

I was 17, leading a staggered column of about 60 Cadets to our detachment campsite. Due to light discipline rules, only myself at the very front of the group and the other flight commander at the rear had torches on. This was so that any vehicles coming along the trail could see us and so that most of the cadets could maintain their night vision(we were camouflaged up and thus difficult to see at night).

As we walked along I periodically looked to my sides, and kept seeing what looked like dew drops on the ground. Almost like tiny blue gems glinting in my torch light either side of the road.I had to maintain my position in the formation, so I couldn’t get a good look at what they were.

However, after a while we stopped for a very brief break, and I took the opportunity to have a closer look. Walking over to the side of the trail I spotted a small cluster of the “diamonds” and focused my head torch on them. Rather than seeing diamonds or dew drops or anything remotely pleasant, I instead saw a group of about 5 large spiders just crouching in the leaf litter and staring at me.

They looked like huntsmans which are about the size of an adults hand. Sweeping my head around, I realised there were thousands of the things. All over the ground, some on the trunks of trees, and everywhere around me; glaring at the light affixed to my head.

I had a very brisk walk back to the formation and attempted to play it cool while screaming in my head. Being a massive Arachnophobe, I have no fucking clue how I managed to set up a tent and spend the next week in that cursed forest.”

12. Don’t go there at night

“I was in a large wooded area near my BF’s home, with him, hanging out nearly at midnight. We had gone in pretty deep and it required a good amount of climbing. The closest path was maybe 5-7 min climbing down so it was highly unlikely someone could be at that spot, that time of the night, besides us.

As we were kissing and stuff he thought he saw a shadow move 20 – 25 feet to the left of us, climbing, but it stopped suddenly when my bf looked at it. He told me to be wary and that exact moment we saw a dark figure climbing a little up but diagonally, like he tried to go directly above where we were.

We didn’t move and watch him till he closed the horizontal gap and was directly above us maybe 15 feet of steep downhill thick forest. Then he began to come towards us.

Without skipping a bit my bf grabbed my hand and we almost ran downhill till the path. We made it in less that two minutes while still holding hands and listening to the man running behind us. We ran as fast as we could down the path and out of the forest where there was a cafe and some basketball and tennis courts next to the wooded hill, and of course, people.

As we realised we came really close to be mugged or worse, we vowed never to go there at night again. ? “

13. Terrible

“I found a woman’s body floating in a harbor in San Pedro, CA.”

14. Flipping out

“In Auburn, AL in 2008. It was halloween and we googled haunted houses. I cant remember what the website was like or if there even was one, but it was like 45 min away. I know that it wasnt like a big attraction and we figured it was on someones land and would be like a local deal. We drove out there at like 10pm. This was before iphones and GPS so we had mapquest directions.

We ended up going down a pretty country road for a while with no street lights, then turned down a legit dirt road that went through the woods. Pitch black. Went down it for like 10 minutes and finally saw an old house with a sign by the driveway that was handwritten and said “Haunted House”. No other cars or lights or people anywhere We pulled in the driveway and sat there for a second like “alright this is fucked up, we should leave”.

All of the sudden an old pick up truck turned on about 15 ft in front of us facing us, lights shining right in our faces. It started driving towards us (down their own driveway).We backed out and peeled out. It followed us, like almost bumping our rear end. Right on our tail down this pitch black dirt road in the middle of the Alabama woods.

We were flipping our shit. It was texas chainsaw massacre/hills have eyes stuff. He stayed out our tail blinding us and almost bumping us all the way back home until we got off our exit and he finally let us go. No idea who was driving.

I always think what would have happened if we got out of the car when we were in that driveway.”

15. This one is crazy

“My boyfriend and I were backpacking through rural Tasmania a few years ago. While on a bus, we were discussing our plans for the ensuing two weeks. The girl in the seat in front turns around and offers us a place to stay in her town. We declined as we were headed elsewhere first, but she gave us her mobile number and said that she and her partner would love to have us.

A few days later we decide to take them up on their offer. We call her, and she says they’re happy to host us. So far so good.

They meet us at the train station and immediately something feels off. It’s really difficult to explain, but it’s that primal, ineffable feeling in your guts that tells you that something isn’t right. We ignored our guts and followed them.

They lead us straight out of town. We ask them where we’re going and they say that they live on the outskirts. This town is creepy as fuck. It’s an old mining town that has been largely abandoned, and as we walk the 15-odd minutes to their home the houses get shittier, with boarded up windows, overgrown gardens and no people in sight.

Eventually we reach the house at the very end of the town. It’s their house. We go in.

Set up in the middle of the living room is a single mattress with a sheet hanging around it. They show us around the house except for one door which stays closed. When I asked what was behind it they pretended not to hear. Our room has a made bed, chest of drawers and looks like a normal room. It seems weird that they sleep on mattresses in the living room when they have a “guest room”.

We go back into the living room and look around. Knives. A lot of knives. My boyfriend asks if they go hunting? No. The partner hands one of the knives to my boyfriend and asks him to open it. It’s a massive fucking bowie knife with what looks like blood staining around the edges of the blade. My boyfriend laughs awkwardly and sets it down.

They have a tattoo gun – “to practice”. My boyfriend asks if they have any tattoos. No. There’s a small axe at the door. I ask if they collect wood. No.

Suddenly the guy says he wants to go to the shops. We agree quickly because we’re creeped out and want to get back into the town.

The four of us leave and they start walking in the opposite direction to the town. I say that the town is back the other way. The guy says this way would be more interesting because it goes up through the trees. He says that they have never been up the mountain before but he knows the area and it would take the same amount of time.

I tell my boyfriend that I’m freaking out but he thinks it’s ok. We follow them into the trees. The path goes up the mountain. We are going in the total opposite direction of the town.

The girl turns around to her partner and whispers – “so where was the place again?”

My boyfriend and I freeze. I say I want to take the road back to town and start walking.

When the four of us arrive in the one shop in town – no one recognises the couple. And this is a really small town. We make an excuse that we want to go look at sights and that we’ll catch up with them later, and instead book a hotel room and freak out.

I did some snooping on the area. Their house had an extra room (behind the mystery door) and a basement. The path that we were taking led straight out of town and up the mountain. There was no way it could loop back into town.

So yeah pretty sure we narrowly avoided being murdered. Or maybe they were just massive weirdos. Tbh the creepiest thing was the fact that there was no drug paraphernalia at all – the state of the house and the weird behaviour would have been understandable if they were intoxicated but that wasn’t the case.”

Pure nightmare fuel!

Have you had any experiences like this? Share in the comments!

The post 15 Creeped-Out People Share the Scariest Things They’ve Ever Seen in Their Lives appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Share the Moment They Realized They Were Attracted to the Opposite Sex

Do you remember this moment?

Adolescence is an awkward time for everyone, but once sexuality comes into the mix.. shit starts tuh get cuhRAYzy.

The straight people of AskReddit were kind enough to share their first moments of sexual emergence – aka “the moment they knew they wanted dat ass.” Enjoy!

1. Best to start young

Kindergarten.

Girl had her hair in a braid.

I noticed it looked a certain way, but I didn’t have the word to describe it. I asked my teacher to help me.

“Braid?” she asked.

“No,” I said.

We went through four or five more words. After each no, she’d ask me to explain more. Eventually she figured out the word.

“Oh,” she said, “you think it’s pretty.”

“Yeah,” I said, “she’s pretty.”

2. Understood

My sister had spice girls on VHS. I was very interested in that movie.

3. Politics. Le sigh…

There used to be a website called whitehouse.com

It was NOT a site dedicated to the White House. It was porn. My friends and I quickly exited the window in shock, but I thought, “I liked that.”

4. There ya go

When I was ten and found an underwear magazine in the mail

5. “One day” lololol

One day in 5th grade I noticed a lot of the girls in my class had boobs.

6. That ought to do it

The movie titanic, during that one drawing scene.

7. “…all I remember was ass”

11 years old. I was sitting in the drive through at El Pollo Loco, and this girl walked by in 1990s spandex jean shorts.

And all I remember was ass.

8. Boobs are magical…

I was pretty young like 5 or 6 something like that, my parent put on Cartoon Network but didn’t notice when it’s runtime or whatever was over and the channel switched to showing movies, one of the movies had this nude scene in it, I don’t remember much of what it was about, I just remember there was a naked lady tied up to a chair, anyways, the moment I saw that lady’s boobs I was like…yep I gotta get my hands on a pair of those.

9. Ok… if you’re into deadly plant sex

Poison Ivy in Batman and Robin. Weird but it did something for me.

10. “I wonder if I still think girls are gross…”

It wasn’t a gradual realization for me. I was sitting, bored, in a sixth grade class, when I thought, “I wonder if I still think girls are gross,” followed immediately by, “I wonder if I am gay.” So I imagined myself kissing Mike, a hot piece of sixth-grade male ass on my right. No, that was disgusting.

Then I imagined myself kissing Clarissa, on my left. And this started the most intense and all-consuming crush I’ve ever had, or ever will have. It was fucking magical.

11. What a man…

When I was four I saw a photo of Fabio. What followed was an exchange that went something like this:

“Mom. Is that a man? (looking at his thighs) He looks like a tree.”

“Yes. His name is Fabio.”

“I like him a lot.”

12. “…and that’s when I knew I liked girls.”

5th grade. This new girl transferred to our school from somewhere else, and we ended up sitting next to each other in computer class. We were playing some silly game and trying to help each other but, neither of us was doing great. Something happened in the game that was really silly and we both started laughing. Watching her smiling and laughing like that was the start of my first real crush, and that’s when I knew I liked girls.

13. ::Nanny laugh::

When I saw The Nanny on tv for the first time… Really did it for me. The Nanny named Fran!

14. DUH

Princess Leia.

15. Awwwww

Met this girl in primary, for my little mind she was perfect i guess. Well long story short i had a crush on her for 13 years and then i finally asked her out and now I’m married to her. Btw i met her when i was 5 and finally had the courage to ask her out when i was 18 and at this point she was on the other side of the country but we made it work.

16. TL;DR – they found out on Wednesday

When I was 7 and Addams Family movie came out and I saw Christina Ricci. That’s when I knew I liked girls and gothic girls that have a possibility of killing me really attracted me. Same to this day

17. Yaaaaassss

Age 7. Saw a boy casually walking onto the soccer field and I was like “ok, I really like something about that swagger”

I certainly remember my first moment, do you? Let us know in the comments!

The post People Share the Moment They Realized They Were Attracted to the Opposite Sex appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Share the Scariest Situations They’ve Experienced While Traveling

Traveling can put you in some pretty sticky situations. Being in an unfamiliar place where you might not know the language or anyone around you is a prime setting for off-putting and, in some cases, downright terrifying things to happen.

My scariest traveling situation came in Moscow when my brother, my sister and I attended a hockey game and the crowd was 99% skinheads. Let’s just say it didn’t go well, and I still tell that story 15 years later.

Here are 15 similarly disturbing traveling tales from AskReddit users that will make your hair stand on end.

1. Doesn’t sound like a party

“Went hiking in the Himalayas in Nepal when I was 18 with a friend. We were the only girls on the hike. The entire time on the first day our Nepalese guide (probably early 30’s married man) told us we were going to have a ‘chicken’ party when we got to our first night stay in a village in the mountains.

Not knowing what this was, we were very hesitant. Turns out chicken party meant that all the guys on the trek (guides and male trekkers alike) got hideously drunk and started ramming on our super thin, wooden door with a cheap, flimsy lock clucking like chooks. We spent the whole night sitting with our backs pressing against the door to stop them.”

2. Drugged

“When I visited Turkey, some people staying at our hotel came out of their room and explained that they had eaten some cake offered to them by a fellow traveller, ostensibly for his birthday, and they had fallen asleep for over a day, only to find he had cleaned them out, passports, money, etc and took off. Put me on my guard, that’s for sure.”

3. Close call

“On a flight from Atlanta to Pensacola and, as we approached to land the pilot announced that we may have to turn back because of fog. Apparently he changed his mind and decided to try landing and I am sitting there by the window watching the when the fog finally broke. We were barely above the tree tops and I could see the runway was about 500 yards on the right side. The plane suddenly starting climbing HARD and we turned around and flew back to Atlanta.

It was a close one.”

4. Lucky

“I was traveling across Europe with my girlfriend and snapping lots of pictures along the drive as we went through various EU borderless countries. While entering Italy, my girlfriend noticed the “Welcome to Italy” sign and wanted a cliche couples photo. Naturally, I agreed and we got out of the vehicle, took our cringe selfie, and drove into Italy.

20 minutes into the drive we noticed that my girlfriends purse was missing. To contextualize the story, we had been carrying every important legal document we had while we were traveling in case something went wrong and we were stopped by police/TSA. This included our passports, citizenship cards, birth certificates, and drivers licenses. Essentially, this was everything that proved we were who we said we were and there were absolutely no other records of our existence elsewhere. All of these documents were in my girlfriends purse that was now lost.

We realized we had left them at the “Welcome to Italy” sign and I quickly turned the car around and drove as fast as I legally could (I had no drivers license) back to the border. By some miracle, nobody had grabbed the purse and we got al our documents back.”

5. Phew!

“Same happened to me in Paris Gare du Nord (very busy train station). Person I was travelling with left their bag in the cafe there, with all our passports and a bunch of cash in it. He didn’t realise till we got to our destination 3 hours away. Googled the cafe number, tried to speak French to the manager, and we think he is telling us the bag is still there.

Friend gets back on a train and travels 3 hours back to Paris, and it’s still there! So much stress, and a lot of unnecessary money on train tickets, but I’m very glad Paris didn’t live up to its pick-pocket reputation that day!”

6. Passports, please

“Pulled off a bus around 1 A.M. in the morning when I was travelling from Italy to Croatia. The guards at the border of Slovenia I believe stopped the bus. They got on the bus which was dimly lit and had their guns drawn with lights illuminating from the end of their weapons. They were asking everyone for passports.

Mine was in the undercarriage. I got dragged off the bus pretty roughly and was told to kneel on the ground while the driver looked for my baggage. There were about 4 or 5 officers and 1 was behind me with his gun drawn toward me. It could have been for light but it still felt f*cking intimidating. After viewing my passport and lecturing me on always keeping it on me we went on our way.

Slovenia was not nice. Croatia was beautiful!”

7. Don’t get arrested in Africa

“Got arrested by military police in Angola. My idiot colleague was flying a drone where he wasn’t supposed to and the MPs came down with AK-47s and detained us for hours. They clearly wanted a bribe but my idiot colleague kept insisting that they weren’t corrupt because they were police. The MPs finally got sick of waiting for their bribe and freed us after saying that our hotel called and “verified our visas.” They didn’t even know our names or what hotel we were staying in.

We almost got arrested a second time because my idiot colleague started flying the drone around again immediately after we were released.”

8. Terrifying

“Saw a guy murdered at about 3 A.M. outside Rome’s main railway station. This was back in the 1980s. North African illegal immigrants got into a fight and three guys kicked and stomped another one to death.”

9. Top four

“I had lots of them. Here is my top four:

Got stopped at the Slovenian border on our way back from a holiday in croatia. They stopped us because we didn’t have a sticker for their road toll on the vehicle. As we were clearly on our way back, we were charged with dodging the toll both ways. A few border guards complete with guns and dogs also searched our car, because we might be smuggling drugs. Didn’t go down to well with my then 3-year old son, because they took his teddy bear and wanted to slice it open.

Took a night bus from Mumbay to Goa. First scary situation: We were told (after leaving) that we had to changes buses, once we left Mumbay. Got dropped of on pitch black parking lot somewhere. My wife and I were deathly afraid for about an hour, then the new bus rolled up. Next scary moment: Bus stopped for a toilet/smoke break. Jumped out of the bus, lit a cigarette, turned around and saw the bus driver. Huge eyes, wild hair and obviously on something that had kept him awake for the last week and would keep him awake for one more… Next scary moment: realizing that almost the whole way is up and down mountains. I do know about vehicles, especially trucks and busses. Seeing the bus the next morning, made my knees weak.

Went sightseeing in Cape Town. Rode a bus around, walked a bit (all in “safe” areas), took a few pictures. At a traffic light a white man whispered in my ear: “Those black dudes followed you for the last two blocks, as did I. Watch out!”. Went into a coffee shop, trying to calm our nerves. Left an hour later, none of the black dudes around. But the white guy was again following us. Ran to our car and drove off.

Got mugged somewhere in the sticks in Jamaica. when is on holiday there with my parents. Was with a tour going to some waterfall, suddenly there is guy with a machete in front of us, waving the blade and yelling stuff. Gave him all the money we had on us, as the tour guide was telling us to. In hindsight: Might have been a setup by the tour guide.”

10. The bus

“Travelling by bus across Java solo when I was 21. Night time driving in heavy traffic, the bus pulls on to a rail crossing in gridlock. you guessed it, the lights start flashing and the barriers come down in front and behind the bus. We can’t go forwards or backwards and we can see the light from a fast approaching train coming towards us.

Everyone started screaming and ran to the front door banging on the glass and begging the driver to open the door. He either couldn’t or wouldn’t. Longest couple of minutes of my life.

I decided the front of the bus was certain death, went right to the back instead and was contemplating at which moment I should start kicking the window out when someone said (in indonesian, luckily I speak it) ‘its on the other track’. there was a moment where we all held our breath..and then the train passed inches from the drivers window in front of hte bus on the other set of tracks.

Afterwards everyone sat down and started laughing like it was totally normal and we drove on. I was sitting in my seat with eyes the size of saucers no doubt! Stayed with me that one.”

11. Be careful

“I was travelling around Zambia on a three-month holiday on my own when I suddenly fell deathly ill whilst in a backpacker’s joint out in the bush. I was throwing up bile and could barely move until someone found me after almost a day and got me to the hospital in Lusaka which was an hour’s drive.

I was apparently severely dehydrated to the point that my skin was malleable like clay. The doctor had to hydrate me through a drip because I’d throw up anything I tried to drink or eat. Honestly it’s incredible how much I’ve appreciated water since that event. The memories are all a little hazy from the event but I recall being in my hospital bed and all I could think about was a tall glass of frosty water. Moral of the story is when travelling alone, be careful.”

12. Assault

“Posting for my sister.

Her and friends were out drinking in Paris and when it was time to go home the Uber app wasn’t working so they started walking back streets. A gang with their hoods up pulverizes some dude in front of them to the point of almost death. She says they are shocked, and the group starts coming at them, then runs right though her and her group of friends and around the corner.

They spent a few minutes picking up this guys shoes and trying to ask if he was ok (while he’s covered in blood) but they didn’t speak French so they left when other people arrived.

PSA: don’t walk down dark alleyways”

13. Trapped

“I was traveling abroad for the first time, also traveling without my parents for the first time, at 19 years old. I’d gone to Japan with my best friend, and we got two separate rooms at the little business hotel we were staying in about 30 minutes outside of Tokyo. Japanese hotel rooms do not (typically) have tubs the same length as those you would find in the US, but they are very deep.

I was taking a bath one night when I decided to slide down onto my back and dunk my hair to wash out the shampoo, since the little faucet situation wasn’t really working for me.

I ended up stuck and unable to get myself back up from under the water. I was only a biscuit under 5’5″ and fairly thin, I was just perfectly wedged in there. After flailing around I finally managed to grab something I could use to pull myself back up.

My next mistake was telling my mother about it the next day when we called to update our parents on our trip.”

14. Shakedown

“Phillipines, mid-1980s. Olangapo City.

Was stationed in Okinawa, had a chance for a brief leave and took it. Went alone. At the time was a cocksure U. S. Marine in my mid-20s, very physically fit, and thought I could handle any situation. By the way, Olangapo City was outside the former U. S. Air base. City was full of desperately poor thieves and hookers. Preamble complete.

Walking down the street on my way to the Air Force base, a man called out my first name. I ignored him. He then called out my first and last name. Again, I ignored him. He then repeated my name and added in my hometown. Now I’m curious, so I walked over and asked where he got this information. “Your friend from Okinawa is here. He’s drunk at a bar and sent me looking for you. He needs help! Come with me!”

Stupidly, I went with him. (It was believable, as a lot of Marines would get leaves to the Philippines. This stranger announced his name, and I did have a friend with the exact same name due to arrive in a few days.) We get in a trike (three wheeled motorcycle) and him and the driver take me to the really poor part of town. We stop at an alley filled with numerous stalls and bars meant for the locals. About a hundred feet down the alley, we enter a bar. “Looks like your friends in the bathroom… Can you buy us a beer while we wait?” I asked the bartender (young woman) for three beers. After ten minutes, I go looking in the bathroom to find it empty.

“Time for me to leave,” I announce as I returned to the bar. “How much for the beers?” The bigger of the two men says this is a “very special” bar, and each beer is the equivalent of twenty dollars. I laughed in his face, turned around, read the menu, and gave the bartender the payment plus a nice tip. When I turned around to leave, both men are on either side of the door with butterfly knives in their hands. “You go nowhere until you give us all your money,” the one said while waving the knife in the air.

“I’m an American! There’s a military base just down the road. You’re not gonna do a damned thing!” Mustering up all my courage, I walked past them, then up the alley to the main street. I finally turned around to look, and they were not following me. The adrenaline rush, shock, fear, and everything else hit me all at once and I began vomiting on the street.

Later that day I learned that the hotel staff would sell your private information to people. Also, their friendly little ‘chit-chat’ during check-in at the hotel was also sold. I checked into a new hotel later that day.”

15. Hitchhiking

“Oh man, got a couple of these.

Hitchhiking in Serbia, my friend and I got picked up by this neo-nazi dude going into Belgrade. Kept talking about how his countrymen were slaughtered by NATO pigs in the Balkan Wars. My friend and I were Danish and American – as in, from two of the nations most involved in said slaughter. Pretended we were Norwegian and Canadian for a very tense hour-long drive.

Hitchhiking from Bulgaria into Romania, same friend and I were stuck at the border, which was a huge bridge across the Danube, and nobody would pick us up for fear that we were smuggling shit. Finally, the border guards allowed us to walk across the bridge, though the closest thing it had to a pedestrian walkway was a narrow ledge for guards and construction workers, that halfway across turned to pieces of rubble and rebar sticking out of the side of the bridge that we had to walk on, with the water 60 feet below us in the middle of night.

On top of that, we were greeted on the other side by Romanian border guards with machine guns who were very agitated, since they had never seen anyone walk across the bridge and assumed we were crossing illegally.

Got picked up by a guy in France who spoke of nothing but how he was the second coming of Christ and all the other prophets were fakes. Bad vibes.

Hitchhiking in the US, got left in Ukiah, California for the night, a horrible creepy little meth-town. Walked to the edge of town to sleep in a park at about 2 in the morning – turns out it was more of a national park, with warning signs outside about mountain lions, rattle snakes, bears, murderous tweakers and a fucking rabid fox.

Went to sleep next to the path leading into the forest, when, in quick succession, an unidentified animal started circling us, some person wearing nothing but shorts, a t-shirt and a tiny backpack paces straight past us into the forest (at 3 in the morning, mind you) and some car kept getting turned on and off somewhere right behind us in the empty parking lot. Got creeped out, got out of there, met a couple nice homeless girls who let us sleep next to their car and told us we were fucking insane to go to sleep where we did, since the place was murder city.”

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People Share Things They like but They Can’t Stand the Fan Base

This is a tricky subject…

Have you ever gotten really into something and discovered that while you like that thing, you really don’t like other people who support it? It might be a band or a TV show or a movie or a sports team.

In this AskReddit article, people went on the record and shared something they like but can’t stand the fan base.

1. Anime

“Anime.

Every time I find one that I like. I mention it to other people and then they feel the need to shit on whatever I’m watching and say I should watch something else because it’s better.”

2. Nirvana

“Nirvana. Not the WHOLE fanbase, but primarily the ones who say you have to hate the popular songs and love the lowkey ones, as well as the ones who talk about it like they’re the last good band to ever exist. The ones who glorify Cobain’s suicide also get on my nerves.”

3. Short and sweet

“Marijuana.”

4. No idea what this is

“K-pop. A few years ago, my friends introduced it to me and I thought the music wasn’t terrible so I slowly became a fan of random music from different groups. Many fans of these K-pop groups are toxic and like to start Fan Wars with other groups. It’s wayyyy too much drama, but I’m not trying to go against all the fans. It’s just that some of these ppl are way too obsessed.”

5. That’s kind of weird

“Doctor Who and Sherlock. I used to really casually enjoy these things, but the amount of weirdness around people who are obsessed with the two of these things, turned me off of it quite a bit.”

6. Wrestlemania

“Weirdly enough for me it’s the WWE. Especially with Raw and Smackdown right now. It seems that majority of the fan base want everyone to be over and no one to be over at the same time.”

7. Not a cult

“I actually really like CW shows. I know they’re stupid and they’re completely unrealistic, over the top, and obnoxious….but they are SO good for just escaping reality. The fans….drive me nuts. It’s a TV show….not a cult. Let’s just enjoy it and move on.”

8. Burton has legions of fans

“THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (and other Tim Burton-esque films).

This fan base was larger back in the early 2000s when the emo platforms of old were prolific with fanfic, posts and badly-drawn art and low-res screenshots pasted with animated glitter love heart stickers.

Nowadays it’s not so prominently featured on social medias, but I know more than a fair few full grown adults that still fawn over Jack Skellington and Sally in the most cringe-worthy ways.”

9. Seriously…

“League of Legend. Seriously, can’t get a game without someone flaming.”

10. You’re a target now

“Tom Holland.

I don’t hate the fan base, but some fans are a bit creepy.

I like tom holland’s acting, he’s a good actor, and I am a fan, but sometimes I get creeped out by his fans. Like I’ll make an occasional joke but talking about him constantly is kind of creepy. Or following him around and taking pictures of him (when you’re not paparazzi) and constantly knowing where he is? Like that’s super stalker-y. I know that he’s a young actor that’s in a lot of popular movies, but don’t stalk him. Its straight up creepy.

Now I’m a target for a bunch of pre-teen/teenage girls. Fun!”

11. It is a big hit…

“Hamilton is so good, but the romantization of actual historical figures, the terrible memes, and the “I know everything about history because I know hamilton lyrics” bothered me so much.”

12. Don’t want to deal with it

“Magic the gathering. The stigmas behind what people imagine a magic player to be bothers me. The general player probably hates something in the game I genuinely enjoy, and the people I’ve played with outside my family have ruined me wanting to support my local game store because I don’t want to deal with the other people that play.”

13. They are pretty hardcore

“The band Tool. Their fans are called toolibans for a reason.”

14. Annoying

“The band Queen. On any YouTube video where anyone discusses a band or song they like that’s not Queen, there will be comments about how Queen is the best band, and how freddie Mercury is a Messiah or a God, and how every other singer should blow him. And when someone discusses a queen song and expresses criticism there are fans who act like it’s a personal attack on them and get way to defensive. They’re just annoying.”

15. Supernatural

“Supernatural. Great show with likeable characters, but it seems like all the people that watch it are wannabe emo or the kids that weren’t cool enough to join the anime groups.”

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These Two-Sentence Horror Stories Might Get Your Heart Rate up

Ready to be creeped out?

These two-sentence horror tales prove that it doesn’t take a lot of words to set a mood – or make you want to scream.

These short stories couldn’t be any scarier, even if they had a couple thousands words to work with, just wait and see if I’m right.

10. Spooky.

I asked my dad why he hired such an old woman to babysit me when I was younger. from TwoSentenceHorror

9. It’s still happening.

We processed the tape, un-distorting its 278 hours (and counting) of background noise. from TwoSentenceHorror

8. Barf.

“I lost my friend in the recent mass shooting.” from TwoSentenceHorror

7. Okay ew.

String of unsolved disappearances in small Louisiana town continues to grow. from TwoSentenceHorror

6. Tricky tricky.

You wake up with no memory of anything, and the man in front of you says "What will be your last of the three wishes?" from TwoSentenceHorror

5. Maybe not.

We had all laughed at Uncle Ted for building a nuclear fallout shelter, but he was right afterall. from TwoSentenceHorror

4. Get ready to catch her.

“It’s a good thing I’m not scared of spiders”, she laughed nervously from the bathroom, “or your shower curtain would have made me pass out. “ from TwoSentenceHorror

3. I’ve heard that one before.

"My good friend, the keys to Area 51 were inside you all along!" from TwoSentenceHorror

2. Depressing and scary.

You’re all alone, but this man keep staring at you, and you know he wants to kill you. from TwoSentenceHorror

1. Nooooope.

The lights on the second floor didn’t work, and there was a painting of a disfigured, distorted man on the wall. from TwoSentenceHorror

 

Thanks internet! I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway!

Good luck getting any shut eye now…

The post These Two-Sentence Horror Stories Might Get Your Heart Rate up appeared first on UberFacts.

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These Two-Sentence Horror Stories Might Get Your Heart Rate up

Ready to be creeped out?

These two-sentence horror tales prove that it doesn’t take a lot of words to set a mood – or make you want to scream.

These short stories couldn’t be any scarier, even if they had a couple thousands words to work with, just wait and see if I’m right.

10. Spooky.

I asked my dad why he hired such an old woman to babysit me when I was younger. from TwoSentenceHorror

9. It’s still happening.

We processed the tape, un-distorting its 278 hours (and counting) of background noise. from TwoSentenceHorror

8. Barf.

“I lost my friend in the recent mass shooting.” from TwoSentenceHorror

7. Okay ew.

String of unsolved disappearances in small Louisiana town continues to grow. from TwoSentenceHorror

6. Tricky tricky.

You wake up with no memory of anything, and the man in front of you says "What will be your last of the three wishes?" from TwoSentenceHorror

5. Maybe not.

We had all laughed at Uncle Ted for building a nuclear fallout shelter, but he was right afterall. from TwoSentenceHorror

4. Get ready to catch her.

“It’s a good thing I’m not scared of spiders”, she laughed nervously from the bathroom, “or your shower curtain would have made me pass out. “ from TwoSentenceHorror

3. I’ve heard that one before.

"My good friend, the keys to Area 51 were inside you all along!" from TwoSentenceHorror

2. Depressing and scary.

You’re all alone, but this man keep staring at you, and you know he wants to kill you. from TwoSentenceHorror

1. Nooooope.

The lights on the second floor didn’t work, and there was a painting of a disfigured, distorted man on the wall. from TwoSentenceHorror

 

Thanks internet! I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway!

Good luck getting any shut eye now…

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15 People Reveal the Weirdest Things Their Partners Say in Their Sleep

I am the undisputed king of talking in my sleep. It has caused me derision and ridicule since I started going to sleepovers as a young lad…and it hasn’t gotten any better.

The good news is: I’m not alone. In this article, AskReddit users share the strangest/funniest things their significant others have said in their sleep. Enjoy!

1. Creepy

“I was up all night because my girlfriend was viciously jolting in the night. When I got fed up with it I tried to wake her up and she quietly said “who dis?” And then replied to her own question in a really creepy voice, “It danger.” She’s weird.”

2. LOL

“My girlfriend did a thing early one morning. I asked her what she was doing because she was throwing elbows at the sky and she calmly and simply said: “punching hamburgers.”

I haven’t laughed so hard in ages.”

3. Raise the roof

“Mine did the “raise the roof” motion with her arms and said “hells to the yeah” while giggling.

**Added Bonus ** She can occasionally say some _”blonde” _things and while her, myself and her three kids were sitting in our living room, she randomly says _”you know, it’s crazy to think that you’ve all been inside me.” She didn’t mean to include me but the kids all stopped talking and got very confused looks on their faces and started looking at me.”

4. Okay…

“I forgive you for your dark Chinese past.”

5. Perfect data

“When my wife was writing her PhD thesis, I woke up one night at like 3 AM to her stroking the duvet and smiling. I asked her what she was doing. She said, “Shh, don’t disturb my data. It’s finally perfect,” still smiling.

I said, “Hon, that’s not your data. That’s the duvet.”

The smile drained from her face and she started sobbing uncontrollably. For about five seconds, at which point she passed out mid-sob and was fast asleep again.”

6. Slabs

“I often try to have conversations with my SO when he starts sleep-talking… I transcribed the most recent one we had.

SO: No?
Me: Yeah?
SO: We can go if you want to.
Me: Where are we going?
SO: The… dollar slab bacon at Costco.
Me: Oh yeah? Why?
SO: Yeah, dollar for dollar it’s the best… slabs.”

7. That wasn’t nice

“Apparently my girlfriend sneezed and I yelled “Shut the f**k up!!” in my sleep…”

8. Gives me the creeps…

“For me it’s what she hasn’t said. Usually if she talks in her sleep it’s unintelligible gibberish but said in a manner that sounds like it’s supposed to make sense.

Its weird given it’s not just random words but sounds that are trying to be words.

Always gives me the creeps.”

9. Go back to sleep

“My girlfriend woke up at like 4am to go to the bathroom. When she came back I was sat on the edge of the bed, looked at her and said ‘i’m breaking out of here.’ She was obviously freaked out and asked me wtf I was on about and if I was awake. To which I replied ‘i’m getting a Chinese’ then laid back down and resumed sleeping.”

10. Katie

“Late to the party but here you go:

Woke up one night because my boyfriend was talking in his sleep and I’m generally a light sleeper. I listen for a moment while he just talks jibberish and then hear him say, “yeah, Katie! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

My name isn’t Katie.

So being the moderately unstable woman I am I sat on that one for a couple days and stewed silently. Who is Katie? Why is he dreaming about Katie? What did she do in his dream that was so awesome?

About a week later I’m at his work having a drink (he’s a bartender) after I got off work when his coworker/our mutual friend walks up to him and asks if he wants to go out to her car and smoke a bowl. He says, “yeah, Katie! That’s what I’m talking about!”

I forgot we both knew a Katie. Katie is a lesbian.”

11. The important stuff

“We gotta get the elusive passwords…..for Mario kart!”

12. Dangerous sleeper

“I’ll tell this one for my wife.

One night, I kicked her in the back, when she turned round and said”what the f**k?” i apparently said “What? Don’t you like it?” and tried to push her off the bed.

Recollection. I wish I did because thats funny as hell.”

13. Do they?

“Don’t trust the penguins, they have fake ID’s!”

14. Spider!

“One night he full on screamed at me to turn the light on, because he had caught a spider in the bed. He was crouched over it and had his hands cupped around it. I turned on the light and he gave me the weirdest look then looked down at his hands planted firmly on the mattress. He lifted them really carefully one at a time and … no spider.”

15. That is sexy

“I thought she was having a sexy dream because she was saying: “oh oh oh.” The. She followed up with “O’Reily auto parts!” “

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15 People Who Broke the Law…And Got Away with It

I imagine most of us have broken a law or two – even if it was just an illegal u-turn – so you don’t have to feel terrible about yourself.

See if your stories match up with these from people on AskReddit who admit to breaking the law and getting away with it.

1. That is awesome

“I stole my own car from the tow impound lot, best part was getting the certified letter months later that they were going to auction it if I didn’t come and pay for it.”

2. Lead foot

“I used to have a total lead foot.

One day, I was driving to my ex-wife’s parent’s house by myself. They lived in a small town right off of the freeway. Now, on the freeway I was driving about 80 mph (130 kph), which was standard for most drivers. When you pull off the freeway, it immediately drops to 25 mph (45kph).

So, I pull onto this main drag and start driving through the town. I’m about a mile down when suddenly I notice a police car pull up behind me. I look down and see that I’m driving at 45 mph (70kph).

A few things hit all at once: First, I couldn’t afford a ticket. I was 20 miles over. I would have ended up with a $200+ ticket just because I failed to decelerate. I was only three blocks from my in-laws, AND the the officer hadn’t turned on his lights yet.

For reasons only known to me, I immediately pulled over, turned off the car and started walking. The officer pulled up behind me, not knowing what to do, but still with NO LIGHTS turned on. I just kept walking without turning around.

I get to my in-laws and tell them what happened. They tell me that I have to go back for my car, so I do. The officer was gone. No consequences whatsoever, never received a ticket in the mail, never heard a thing. I would never, ever do it again.

And that’s how I got out of a major speeding violation.”

3. At least you tried

“My friends and I didn’t pay for our dinner at Steak n Shake this past weekend. I stood waiting at the register trying to pay for 20 minutes but no one came to take my money. It was 12:30 am before we left.”

4. Thief!

“Stole a Blue Angels flag from the hanger they were parked in.

When I was in the navy the Blue Angels vistied the air base I was stationed at. They proceeded to kick all of our planes out of our hanger and I had to fix our birds out in the rain. In a fit of contempt, on the last day they were there, I went into the mezz and stole the flag hanging from the overhead beams.

I still have the flag and wear it lake a cape from time to time.”

5. Grand theft auto

“Assisted in semi stealing a car.

Almost 2 decades ago my cousin calls my dad and says his car broke down. As my dad has friends with heavy equipment he figured my dad could get a trailer to tow it on.

So my dad my uncle and I go pickup a flatbed tow truck from a friend of his then drive 2 hours to pickup the car. We find it near where it should be on the side of the highway so we load it up and go to a reststop to secure it on the truck better.

As my dad and my uncle are attaching straps I’m looking at the car and notice something is odd. My cousins car(late 80s Audi) had broken speakers for what ever reason they all stopped work so instead of replacing them with with normal speakers he used house tower speakers big ones at that back seat and passenger seat. I’m noticing there arent any tower speakers in the car I pointed this out and they stop and start looking at the car then checked the plate number they dont match(cousin had a vanity plate) my dad immediately hooks the call raises the bed and let’s it roll off into a space at the rest area.

We hop into the truck and drive off to find the car. We find it less then a mile away.

Audi reliability jokes aside what are the odds of two identical audi’s same year color and even rims and tires being broken down that close to each other.”

6. I would’ve done worse

“When I was a teenager, my Labrador got out of the yard and I finally found him at the pound with a bullet in his shoulder. I had to put him down. I inadvertently found out who did it. I spray painted his corvette. After he got it repainted, I did it again.

Editing for clarity. This was a small town in the late 70’s, I did tell the cops when he was shot but we didn’t know by who, they said they could do nothing. As far as I remember even when I found out who did it they said they couldn’t help me. I found out who did it because my sister went to a party and a guy there was talking about a dog he shot.

He lived in the same block where animal control picked my injured dog up. Of course I took my dog to the vet, but as a poor 16 year old, I did not have the funds needed for surgery. If I recall correctly it was $400, which would have been a small fortune for me. I had the vet put him down. He was a sweet lab, I bawled my eyes out for weeks.

One of the local cops was a family friend, he put 2 and 2 together, and after the second paint job, he stopped by my work and mentioned what happened to this guys car, and looked at me and said he hoped it wouldn’t happen again. i took the hint and left him alone after that. This all happened over 40 years ago, but to the best of my recollection, that is what happened.”

7. No way

“I went to Thailand to kick a drug habit. On the plane on the way there I got talking to a guy who knew a guy (drug users have an uncanny way way of picking each other out). The withdrawals were kicking in hard so the idea of getting just a little bit to tide me over was too strong to resist. We got off the plane and went to his friend’s club.

All notion of quitting drugs evaporated and I went on an unholy bender. Anyway, cut to 3 weeks later and I am due to fly home. I get the brilliant idea of stocking up on drugs at local Thai prices and bringing them back to my country for resale. I bought a bunch of drugs and got on the plane. I had a stop over in Singapore. As I walked through the terminal I looked up and noticed the big signs in English that say “UNDER SINGAPORE LAW, DRUG TRAFFICKERS WILL BE EXECUTED”.

I went to the bathroom and did a quick inventory of the stuff I had on me. More than enough to be killed for it. Swallowed/snorted as much as I could and flushed the rest. Had the worst 10 hour stop over of my life where I just kept thinking that every noise in the airport was an officer coming to arrest me. Made it out alive and never trafficked drugs internationally again.”

8. All good in the end

“I found out that this specific guy stole my phone, from checking previous text on my account and calling numbers they were in contact with. He wouldn’t admit he stole it, so I broke into his house via balcony, stole his laptop, and left a singed note to meet me and return my phone to get his laptop back. It totally worked and everyone got their stuff back.”

9. Shoplifting

“I accidentally shoplifted some pudding cups once.

I was at Target and was buying a couple of large bags of dog food which were in the basket part of the cart and several smaller items that were in the top part of the cart. I had tossed the pudding cups into the basket part before I put the dog food bags in and forgot they were there when I put all the smaller items on the belt to be rung up. They were hidden from view when the dog food bags were scanned.

I saw them when I was putting the dog food bags into the trunk. If the lines weren’t so long I would have gone back to pay for them, but 20+ minutes for a 99 cent item, I can live with that. If it were a more expensive item I would have returned to pay for it.”

10. Fraud

“Worked at a car dealership, broke many finance and insurance fraud laws on a daily basis for years. Most finance managers do and may not even be aware or it.”

11. Trespass

“I visited a abandoned building. Someone called the police and 30 minutes later we saw firefighters walking into the huge building just to search us. Luckily we saw it when we where already out.”

12. Brave

“Flown with weed in my checked luggage.”

13. Joy ride

“I was visiting the beach, and when walking home with a friend from a bar at 4am on a Sunday night, we came across a jetski on the beach being bounced around by the waves. My friend convinced me to ride it back with him the next mile to where we were staying. So we rode it in the ocean in pitch black while a storm was out in the distance (cool, not scary).

When we got to our place, we rode it around until the sun came up and then I found the jetski registration, found the guy on Facebook, played the good guy and messaged him and told him “hey I found your jetski at X location on the beach”, then went inside.

It was a pretty thrilling experience. I don’t know how illegal it was considering it was a jetski just left in the ocean, and I returned it, but it was still pretty fun.”

14. That sounds scary

“Probably climbing a signal tower, in Egypt. I realised afterwards that it was on military land… Then proceeded to climb it another couple of times. Oh to be young and carefree…”

15. Scammer

“When Xbox 360s used to get the red ring of death, I started up my own little side business. I used to buy new ones at wal-mart with cash, open it, and take a small razor and swap the bar code from the new 360 to the broken 360.

Then I would take the broken 360 with the new bar code and put it in the box and return it to Wal-Mart saying it was a gift but I “already had one”, all they used to do was scan the bar code to see if it was the same. Boom, new 360, and I would charge people $100 and get them the brand new 360 within 48 hours.”

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15 People Share Tricks for Falling Asleep When You’re Not Tired

Listen up, all you insomniacs.

There are times in life when you can give into your night owl tendencies. You can stay up as late as you want, have a couple of drinks, and binge something on Netflix until your eyes go blurry – it’s lovely.

There are more times, though, when what’s coming down the pike tomorrow is more than enough reason to try to get some shut-eye, even if you’re not tired at nine or ten pm.

So how do you fall asleep before you’re ready? Well, these 15 Redditors have some tips!

15. A world of my own.

I just make up stories in my head. Sometimes I’m in the world of a TV show I like or in my own little dream universe I made where I have made up characters and such. And eventually I just fall asleep doing this.

Edit:may not be that much but I’m actually really happy about 1.8k upvotes on my first comment ever. Thank you!

14. Stories in my head.

I play some stories in my head. Like you’re suddenly a character in your favorite series and what would you do and stuff.

13. How It’s Melatonin.

How it’s Made. That shit should be called How it’s Melatonin.

12. Glad or annoyed.

basically I convince myself I’ve given up and go on my phone or play 3DS and make a plan to read something or play to a measurable point, so that there’s something that I WANT to stay awake for. Something that sleep would interrupt. Puts me right the fk to sleep, and I’m never sure if I should be glad or annoyed lol

11. Goodnight toes.

This is going to sound weird, but I slowly say good night to each of my body parts, starting with my toes and working up. Usually, I’m asleep by the time I hit my chest or so. If I’m not, I know it’s going to be a long night.

Let the reddit ridicule begin. ?

10. Works for my babies.

White noise, such as rain sounds.

9. Counting.

I learned a trick recently that helps me a lot.

I count backwards from 99. SLOWLY.

The key is to do it slowly, and I cannot emphasize the importance of that enough. Think the number, then take a pause that feels a little bit too long before thinking the next number, then take another pause.

99… pause…
98… pause…
97… pause…
96… pause…

The lowest I’ve ever counted is into the 60s or maybe the 50s before I fall asleep. Often, I’m asleep before I’m through the 80s. Sometimes I’ll lose track of what the next number is because I catch myself falling asleep, so I’ll start over, and I always fall asleep quickly after that.

Again, the key is to count backward… s l o w l y .

Before I started doing this, I used to toss and turn in bed for hours trying to fall asleep. But this knocks me out in minutes.

Maybe you’re wondering “Why start at 99? Why not 100?” If I start at 100, I hear Bono’s voice from the Rattle And Hum version of Bullet The Blue Sky, saying “Slappin’ ’em down… 100… 200…” which eventually leads to “Am I buggin’ you? Don’t mean to bug you” from Silver And Gold. And that bugs me, which makes it even harder to fall asleep, goddammit. So, I start at 99 instead, because fuck that.

8. The big sad.

Thinking about the big sad and cry myself to sleep.

7. Bob Ross.

Cheesy as it is, bob ross panting videos on youtube. He makes me feel safe an secure,

talking on and on about his animals,

i love falling asleep to the funny stories he tells about his paintings.

He calms me down a lot when I’m feeling anxious or upset (which is mainly the reason I stay up) and i can drift off dreaming about happy little clouds and trees, and a river that bob fishes in.

Or well catches a fish, gives it cpr, names it and gives him a little pat on the toot toot and sends him on his way lmao.

Edit: oh wow gold! I guess as is customary i thank the person for it. Well thank you!!

6. Oldie but goodie.

Masturbate.

5. Sad, but true.

Reading. It’s kinda sad but I’ve realized books put me to sleep now, even if it’s an exciting book.

Edit: many people are asking, so I’ll explain here: reading is not sad in itself, I love reading. I think it’s sad because reading started to put me to sleep, so I now read much less than I used to as a kid.

Oh, and thanks for the shinies!

4. Inside joke?

Thinking about all the gophers I didn’t run over in 2005

3. Not Reddit.

Well not reddit that’s for sure (sent at 2:47 in the morning)

Edit: I thankfully did end up falling asleep and yada yada etc. thanks for the silver

2. This is why I fall asleep on my kid’s floor most nights.

Pretending to be asleep.

1. Like I’ve been knocked out.

This is so silly but I watch the 09 sherlock Holmes movie with rdj. Puts my ass right to sleep like i done been knocked out

It can’t hurt to try, right?

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15 Moms That Are Keeping Some Pretty Juicy Details from Their Kids

It’s a mom’s job to protect kids from the scarier, dirtier, less legal ways of the world – especially the ones they know about firsthand!

The moms below have some pretty dark secrets in their closets, so I hope their kids never go looking!

15. A smile can hide a lot…

My mother always smiled at me. I can’t remember seeing her without a smile. When I grew up I discover she have chronic crippling depression.

Edit: corrected my bad english. Thanks for the gold and silver, I wasn’t expecting that. Well I just visited my parents, I talked a lot with her and told her that she that I’m proud of her, and that she can count on me. I can’t talk about her depression directly but at least I hope that make her feel a little bit better. Despite her depression she’s the strongest person I know

14. That’s a doozy!

That my High School boyfriend and I had a son at 16 years old… We went through Catholic Family Services for an ” open adoption ” we both get updates on how he is doing… even though we are not involved anymore… Also… my son is included in my will…

13. Bonus brother!

Just found out last year that my mom got pregnant in college, the guy split as soon as he found out and she never saw him again. She decided to have the baby, avoided going home when she was showing, and gave it up for adoption. My grandparents never knew (they died a few years ago) and I found out due to an ancestry.com DNA test. My half-brother contacted me and we pieced it together. She was relieved that it all came out in the end, it had been weighing on her all these years (She’s in her 70s, I’m 40 now, and my new half-brother is 52 or so). Needless to say, it was a huge surprise, I never in a million years would have guessed at that.

EDIT: Just to clear up any confusion. My mom had my brother in college, and had me in her 30s.

EDIT: Also, no, this isn’t an advertisement, it really happened and I only mentioned the site because that’s how he found me. Otherwise I don’t think we’d have ever found out. My mom was relieved that it came out, but was too scared to have ever come out with it on her own.

12. Just a small little oops…

When I graduated college, my mom casually dropped the fact that she, a tiny little Asian woman, used to deal large quantities of marijuana when she was in high school, and once had to skip a basketball game because she accidentally took a duffel bag full of weed to school instead of her gym bag.

11. My ceiling is their floor. Poetic.

I don’t want my kids to know anything about how I was raised. I really don’t.

Like, I can’t watch anything family themed without crying. Most know kid movies leave me with a lump in my throat so big I could choke on it. And as they get older it’s harder to turn my face far enough for them not to see and twice as hard to not cry.

My ceiling is their floor and I really just don’t want them to have to handle grown up problems until they are grown ups.

My wild secret is that’s why we go for walks as a family rather than the movies. The movies are somewhere my husband takes them for special one on one time so it’s still a special thing that they get to do. But I won’t make them sit through their mom having a fucking break down over some “Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind” line.

10. It’s all about perspective I guess.

One Thanksgiving, my Grandmother confessed to the family that her father had run a Speakeasy, and that she would tend bar/mind the shop while he was out on liquor runs. I think she was pretty ashamed, but I think everyone found it pretty cool and didn’t understand why she kept it a secret so long.

9. The ID is the best part of the story.

When my girlfriend (wife now) and I were first together, she was gone all summer, came back to town and we got it on. However, it was also noon. And the windows were open. And she’s a screamer. We stopped in the middle because she saw some light dancing around on the ceiling. Looked down and a cop was shining a light in. Luckily he let us off with a warning to close the windows, however, due to her height he did have to ask for her ID to verify that she was old enough (she was 22). My kids probably never need to know that.

EDIT: To answer all of the questions of “why would the cops show up?” It was a noise complaint. Our rental was super close to a bunch of apartments so the open windows and the close wall made for a perfect echo chamber.

8. It’s a family tradition.

How much of my teens I spent high. But now weed’s socially acceptable in most cases, that’s not even a thing. I’m disappointed. It’s almost fun in a way to have something to shock your kids with. My own Mom is really vanilla and is very old school. Bet she’s probably hiding the fact she runs a local swingers club or something.

7. A lot to unpack.

That I met their dad on World of Warcraft when I was 16, and ran away to be with him two days before I turned 18- he is 11 years older than me. They can know the overview but boy the details of it are real shady, especially when I am going to have to teach them internet safety and online stranger danger.

I am now divorced and their dad has moved away, and we have a positive coparent relationship and though he’s not very involved we both just want the best for the kids. Which leads me into the fact I don’t want them to know how I feel about the relationship looking back and the manipulation and emotional abuse. I don’t want my daughter to know that I wanted to abort her because I was 20 and in college and knew there was no way we could support her- and that I was HEAVILY guilted into it by their dad because of his age (at 31) “being his last chance”.

We used to sell weed by the pound out of Grandma’s basement.

Dad loves all kinds of drugs, and I have sampled most just not the heavy ruin-your-life ones. Truly I just want to be a stoner at heart.

6. Not slingers.

It is our current situation, but we are swingers.

5. Some secrets are better off buried, if you ask me.

Daughter of a mother with a wild secret, my dad was abusive, an extreme alcoholic and hit her regularly so she kicked him in the balls so hard that he couldn’t have kids (after me, obviously). He’s dead now (drunk driving, he took 4 people with him). My aunt got tipsy and told me everything.

4. PTA qualified.

I used to be an escort. If being an escort doesn’t make me a member of the PTA, nothing will.

EDIT: Thank you so much for my first gold!

3. I’m not sure how this would make me feel.

Both my parents were very honest through out most of my life but but over the summer when I was 17 my mom had mentioned that before I was born that my dad wanted to get an abortion. I had figured out on my own why my dad wanted an abortion was because we didn’t make enough money to support another child. But my mother fought for me. So my dad ended up stop drinking and smoking to be able to financially support me.

2. I’m not sure that’s genetic.

This will get buried and this story is from my dad. When I was ~19 and visiting home from college, my dad and I stayed up getting piss drunk. When I told him about my love for psychedelics, he clapped and said, “I knew it!”. I asked why and he stated that, “…Your mom was the acid queen, and we learned she was pregnant with you when she was 4 months in. We were tripping for your first couple of months.”

1. Nothing to be ashamed of.

I guess that I was a stripper for a while, and worked at a bank the same time. Don’t think I would share that, but if I heard them talk down about strippers I’d probably educate them on what it’s really like. I did what I had to do to put food on the table and give them a good life. My immediate family knows, except my step dad, and my children’s dad knows. We sometimes talk about it but not really.

Good luck keeping those doors to the past closed, mamas!

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