Category: Real Life

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19 of the Most Satisfying Revenge Stories of All Time

Sometimes, people are rude. And rude people are just asking for petty vengeance. I know some of these 19 AskReddit tales of trifling retribution might seem over the top, but rudeness is simply not to be borne – not in civil society, anyway. In my experience, the only way a rude person learns to dial back the sass is by facing consequences. So I cheered as I read these stories, cheered for the cause of justice!

1. He wanted water…

Kid stole my water bottle. I opened it up and left it inside his backpack.

2. *GASP*

My sister posted a very anti-LGBT article on Facebook when the North Carolina bathroom bill was passed. She claimed she “no longer felt safe” shopping at Target if she might “be forced to use a bathroom” with a trans person. (The horror!)

So for her wedding the following month, I got her a Target gift card.

XOXO,

Your very gay brother ♥

3. That’s only fair

Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don’t know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces.

So, after three bouts of this, and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box, emptied the contents (a gigantic sandwich, a Twinkie, chips, some vegetable pieces, and a few other bits), and ran over them with my car. I carefully packed it back in, and put it back.

He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.

4. lol, nice

My Ex cheated with a married man. He now lives with her. He is a POS.. but anyway, I still have login for her DVR. I logged in, erased all her shows, then recorded only the show “Cheaters.” Petty, but it makes me laugh.

5. Pop pop!

When I was a kid I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch “Handbook” – it was full of kiddie experiments and stuff and was pretty fun.

My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the ‘tricks’ from the book.

You fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, put some tinfoil on top of the cup, the kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil.

I put it under her bed, it takes a few days to “work”, so I completely forgot about it, until one night I woke up to my two sisters whispering – it had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.

6. Mild irritation is the most fun level

My wife is very picky about the mugs she has for different hot drinks: Tall mugs for coffee, wide mugs for tea, dainty cups for fruit teas.

When she’s being irritating and asks for a cuppa she gets very plain, boring builders mugs and I delight at the mild irritation it brings.

7. Hello, Jim from The Office

Speeding up a coworker’s double click speed and watch him squirm when his normal double clicking speed isn’t working.

8. That’s a good point to stop

I once had a colleague I didn’t appreciate, so I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse and kept the mouse in my drawer. I would just open my drawer and it would mess his curser right up. Kept it going for like 2 months. He was about to murder the world when I thought I better stop.

9. Eff that guy

I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the prof told me tough luck.

Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and began giving him edited versions.

I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things or just straight up write stuff that makes no sense.

An example of the crap I would put in: To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Echer’s factorial (4.22).

If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him.

He retook that class.

10. What’d he do to you??

Listing a Playstation 4 as brand new on multiple second hand goods websites, for $50. I used my old landlord’s phone number as the contact number, ‘cos that guy was malicious.

He had to change numbers.

11. These are…genius. You’re a genius.

I have two with a previous landlord / property management company.

I signed a lease on a townhouse while in college that “included high speed internet” … the setup was basically one awful router for 14x townhouses (so like 28 people). Needless to say it was crap, and the location of our unit vs. the router made it worse. We made some calls to try and get them to add a router or hardwire us in so we could add our own. No dice.

Eventually I paid to get my own service and added 2x routers in our unit. I changed the SSID to match what the “free” router was, and kept the passwords the same… so to the residents it looked like there was better coverage.

After about two weeks I changed one router’s password and just disconnected the other. So some residents could use the “free” router, some had a bad password, and some could connect but couldn’t reach the outside world. They must have been flooded with calls because within 24 hours they had someone out and added 3x new routers to help with coverage.

The other was after a huge snowfall (~24″ in 24 hours) …. the property management company hadn’t touched the snow in our parking lot for days … after day 3 I called to mention we were sort of trapped and they needed to send trucks / snow blowers / etc to take care of things… the response I got was basically “Sorry, we’ll get to it sooner or later”.

… side note – years ago if you opened a yahoo email, you could add a second email for recovery without confirming it.

I created a new @yahoo email address and used their general @Xpropertymanagement as the alternate email. I had it copy every email to both. I then signed up for alerts for every time there was an ebay listing for “snow plow” “snow blower” “snow shovel” or there was a “sale on X snow removal” gear…. it took a matter of hours before thousands of emails were sent. Ended up crashing their email server.

They responded to all residents with a very nice email explaining they get the frustration, and they’re working on it…. so I paused the alerts. 24 hours later, still nothing, alerts back on. Another email, another pause, another day of nothing, repeat. Eventually we got the driveway plowed and life was good.

12. That’s crappy! 

We had a guy in our office take a crap in the bathroom every day after lunch and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn’t listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork so 5 minutes before he went in I took all the toilet paper…. that’s right. I forced the man to live with a dirty bottom.

13. Playing with Himself

I used to work as a sound tech part-time at a nearby bar when studying for my computer science degree. It was great fun and even kinda relevant to my degree (and gave me a great excuse to binge on audiophile equipment).

So basically every Friday night we would give a slot to a band from the college to perform for an hour or so, and this rich guy’s son would always turn up in some band or another. He had all the fanciest gear (Fender Strat, distortion pedals, etc.) but his technique sucked. But to anyone who would listen, he was the next Jimi Hendrix blah blah.

One thing about this guy was that he loved to pump his volume through the roof and play these crunchy chords with the distortion amped to the max, in the process drowning out the rest of his band members.

So instead of hooking up to the mixer and then through to the PA system, I just routed his signal through to his in-ear monitors, and every time he performed his “solo” he would gyrate around the stage for no apparent reason.

Really the most petty thing I’ve ever done, but revenge is sweet. (I heard he still plays amateur guitar through the grapevine)

14. Brat

My boyfriend’s uncle and 7 year old cousin live upstairs from us. His cousin has a tendency to be a little brat. I was holding her yorkie when she came over and yanked her from my arms.

No more than 20 minutes later I went out and bought some dog treats. Everyday when I come home I give the dog a treat. Now the dog waits by our door instead of her’s.

15. That’s gotta be detention!

This dude in my accounting class in high school used to ask me for answers to questions, only to spout them to the teacher like he’d worked them out, thereby looking like a genius and getting credit for my work.

One day our teacher comes into class with a pierced tongue and is talking sort of funny. Terry, as his name is, proceeds to use it as a point of conversation. “Hey miss, do you have any other piercings, like your ear?” “No,”, she responds, thinking he’s making inane conversation. “Would you get your nose pierced?” He keeps asking, just to prolong the time before class starts.

As usual, he leans over asking for help. “What are some other good things to ask her?” I was annoyed that he always asked for my help to benefit him, so I thought I’d have some fun. “Labia, ask if she’s going to get her labia pierced.” “What is a labia?” he says. “Oh, sorry, it means eyebrow, that’s like the piercing name for it. Like how a tragus is that nose piercing, yeah?” “Oh cool! Hey miss, are you going to get your labia pierced next?”

Every girl, and especially the teacher, in the class looked at him like he was trash, and he tried blaming me, but I brushed it off gracefully.

16. Wrecked

Back when I was studying engineering, it occurred to me to try and find an app on my iphone for those Panasonic projectors in lecture rooms. So I get the app and it just let me connect to the one in the class without a password or anything. I have a friend who is one of those perpetual pranksters, you can’t leave your pc or bag or food/drink unattended when he’s around.

So I beam a picture of him onto the projector, so the lecturer is just talking away and this goofy picture of my mate is on the screen. Lecturer doesn’t realise yet, people in the lecture start waking up and giggling a bit. Now I use the pen function and draw a penis on the picture too. Mate was red in the face and trying to hide. Lecturer finally noticed and says “Michael why is there a picture of you on the screen?”

Finally for a fleeting moment I actually wrecked that dude.

17. …pretty sketchy boss

I had a 6 month school internship at a mobile phone store. The boss was a total jerk that treated his school-interns like full paid workers (even gave me some concerning money-responsibilities).

A while after the internship he called to tell me I would have to give a statement at court.

He had a problem with some customer and a shipment and he planned to tell the court that he explained me everything concerning shippings precisely. Of course he didn’t. And of course I didn’t lie in front of the judge. My boss’ attorney gave me a look I will never forget when he realized his stupid plans didn’t work out. Few weeks later my now ex-boss tried to call me again. I didn’t pick up.

18. Good, that guy sounds like a jerk.

Work related- My co-worker was always complaining and always lazy with his work, yet he got recognition for the simplest thing he would actually do. He also took credit for a full days work that was pretty much all me. I always got ignored. So one day, I came in early and I unplugged his Ethernet jack just barley to the point it looked like it was still plugged into his computer. For 4 hours he couldn’t do any work. Meanwhile, I got my work done, and he couldn’t take any credit for it since everyone knew he didn’t have Internet access. Half way through the day, he left on break, I plugged it back in and bam, just like this it was working. By then, he couldn’t claim my work, and I begun to get noticed more.

19. PWNED

When I was about 13, I was snooping around my older brother’s room and found a stack of 20 dollar bills stashed away. He was saving up from his high school job to buy a car. Hundreds of dollars. To 13-year old me it was a fortune, and I figured he wouldn’t notice if I stole just one 20 — still a lot of money to me. So I did.

For years I would remember it every once and a while and feel guilty. The worst part was, when I took the 20, he was also a teenage kid and probably knew exactly how much money was there. He probably knew I took one but let me get away with it because he figured I needed it. That made me feel much worse.

15 years later, I’m hanging around with him on the holidays. I see that he left his wallet on the counter, and he’s upstairs. I sneak into his wallet, see there’s a few 20s, and I slide an extra one in there. Got him!

The post 19 of the Most Satisfying Revenge Stories of All Time appeared first on UberFacts.

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19 Creepy, True Stories That Might Ruin Your Sleep Tonight

Ready for some nightmare fuel…?

Have you ever had something happen to you that made your pulse pound and your adrenaline kick into action? Something so scary that you had to take a moment or two to recover?

You may need a moment to recover from just hearing some of these 19 (scary af) true stories from AskReddit. The people who lived them certainly did:

1. Dancing Man

About five years ago I lived downtown in a major city in the US. I’ve always been a night person, so I would often find myself bored after my roommate, who was decidedly not a night person, went to sleep. To pass the time, I used to go for long walks and spend the time thinking.

I spent four years like that, walking alone at night, and never once had a reason to feel afraid. I always used to joke with my roommate that even the drug dealers in the city were polite. But all of that changed in just a few minutes of one evening.

It was a Wednesday, somewhere between one and two in the morning, and I was walking near a police patrolled park quite a ways from my apartment. It was a quiet night, even for a week night, with very little traffic and almost no one on foot. The park, as it was most nights, was completely empty.

I turned down a short side street in order to loop back to my apartment when I first noticed him. At the far end of the street, on my side, was the silhouette of a man, dancing. It was a strange dance, similar to a waltz, but he finished each “box” with an odd forward stride. I guess you could say he was dance-walking, headed straight for me.

Deciding he was probably drunk, I stepped as close as I could to the road to give him the majority of the sidewalk to pass me by. The closer he got, the more I realized how gracefully he was moving. He was very tall and lanky, and wearing an old suit. He danced closer still, until I could make out his face. His eyes were open wide and wild, head tilted back slightly, looking off at the sky. His mouth was formed in a painfully wide cartoon of a smile. Between the eyes and the smile, I decided to cross the street before he danced any closer.

I took my eyes off of him to cross the empty street. As I reached the other side, I glanced back… and then stopped dead in my tracks. He had stopped dancing and was standing with one foot in the street, perfectly parallel to me. He was facing me but still looking skyward. Smile still wide on his lips.

?I was completely and utterly unnerved by this. I started walking again, but kept my eyes on the man. He didn’t move.

Once I had put about half a block between us, I turned away from him for a moment to watch the sidewalk in front of me. The street and sidewalk ahead of me were completely empty. Still unnerved, I looked back to where he had been standing to find him gone. For the briefest of moments I felt relieved, until I noticed him. He had crossed the street, and was now slightly crouched down. I couldn’t tell for sure due to the distance and the shadows, but I was certain he was facing me. I had looked away from him for no more than 10 seconds, so it was clear that he had moved fast.

I was so shocked that I stood there for some time, staring at him. And then he started moving toward me again. He took giant, exaggerated tip toed steps, as if he were a cartoon character sneaking up on someone. Except he was moving very, very quickly.

I’d like to say at this point I ran away or pulled out my pepper spray or my cellphone or anything at all, but I didn’t. I just stood there, completely frozen as the smiling man crept toward me.
And then he stopped again, about a car length away from me. Still smiling his smile, still looking to the sky.

When I finally found my voice, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. What I meant to ask was, “What the fuck do you want?!” in an angry, commanding tone. What came out was a whimper, “What the fuu…?”
Regardless of whether or not humans can smell fear, they can certainly hear it. I heard it in my own voice, and that only made me more afraid. But he didn’t react to it at all. He just stood there, smiling.

And then, after what felt like forever, he turned around, very slowly, and started dance-walking away. Just like that. Not wanting to turn my back to him again, I just watched him go, until he was far enough away to almost be out of sight. And then I realized something. He wasn’t moving away anymore, nor was he dancing. I watched in horror as the distant shape of him grew larger and larger. He was coming back my way. And this time he was running.

I ran too.

I ran until I was off of the side road and back onto a better lit road with sparse traffic. Looking behind me then, he was nowhere to be found. The rest of the way home, I kept glancing over my shoulder, always expecting to see his stupid smile, but he was never there.

I lived in that city for six months after that night, and I never went out for another walk. There was something about his face that always haunted me. He didn’t look drunk, he didn’t look high. He looked completely and utterly insane. And that’s a very, very scary thing to see.

2. Fortune

I’d been living alone for less than a week. I got some Chinese take-out and was eating in front of the TV. I finished my meal and cracked open the fortune cookie. It read “You will have a visitor tonight, lock your door.” There were no visitors that night, but the memory still haunts me.

3. On the Tracks

I watched in horror as this drunk seeming guy fell (maybe it was on purpose, but I don’t know) onto a commuter rail track just as the train was coming. The sound/sight of him getting run over (crunching, splattering, awful) has stayed with me for life as the scariest, brain scarring thing ever.

4. Hitting the Ground

I was on vacation in Ithaca with my boyfriend at the time.

We had literally, I’m talking 10 minutes, just gotten into town and stopped at a suspension bridge near Cornell’s campus. I’m terrified of heights and, so, my boyfriend was coaxing me step by step over the bridge. It was gorgeous and we stopped at the middle to take a picture.

On the side we had come from there was a parking lot with steps leading to the bottom of the gorge but on the far side there were hiking paths with no barrier.

A woman walked past us and offered to take a picture for us. We declined and she smiled and walked quickly to the far side of the bridge where she smoothly jumped off into the gorge. There was not a second of hesitation, it was almost like she expected the path to keep going.

The sound of a person hitting the ground from a jump like that sticks with you.

5. “It had been unlocked the whole time”

I was about 15 minutes from finishing the night shift at work when there was a massive crash on one of the windows in the office so I get up and go to check it out. Someone has thrown quite a sizable rock through one of the windows on the front of the building. This is made especially weird because I’m working in the industrial district at 11:30 at night with none of the other businesses open. I go back to my desk, put a quick call through to security to let them know and decide to head home. As I’m leaving the building I’m freaking myself out about it more and more and end up running to my car, getting in and taking off. I’m almost home and I’ve started to calm down a bit when I realise that I didn’t unlock my car when I got in. It had been unlocked the whole time. I do a quick check with my hand in the backseat for any possible murderers that might be hanging around there but there’s nothing there.

Fast forward 30 minutes: I’ve called a friend of mine who says he is out drinking so I decide I’m going to join him. I jump on my bicycle and start riding over. I’m doodling along the road on my bike, it’s a nice night and I’m in no big rush, just enjoying the moonlight when I hear someone riding behind me. I straighten up and stick to one side of the road. He passes me really slowly and, when he is right beside me, he shoots me a smile I can describe as purely fucking insane. I kind of flinch and am taken aback as he rides on. That’s when I realise. He is riding my mom’s bike.

Needless to say, I sprint the fuck home. When I get there, sure enough her bike is missing and one of my car’s doors is open. The back left one. I was driving, and had no need to open that door.

6. Falling

I was standing on my balcony when I saw some drunk guy flash in front of my eyes. I was on the tenth floor and apparently he fell over from the twenty-first floor. The split second he passed by, I got to see his look of fear, shock, disbelief and a whole bunch of other emotions before he fell to the floor in a thud and crack. You could just tell he was dead.

7. It took you 8 years?

After living in my house alone for 8 years, I came to the realization that I had closed a lot more doors than I had opened.

8. Camping Alone

A group of friends was staying at this remote cabin that one of my friend’s cousins owned. There were no roads leading to the cabin, and it was a good 3/4 day hike from where you parked the cars.

I couldn’t go at the same time as everyone else due to work obligations, so I decided to head up the same day but later. It would mean I would have to camp for a night by myself though (the latter part of the trail is too dangerous to be taken at night, especially by someone who doesn’t know it). I didn’t care, I was kind of looking forward to it as I’ve never camped alone before.

So I was in the middle of these woods when the sun went down. I got my camp set up in this small clearing. Probably 40 feet across. Get my camp fire going and pitch my small, one person tent. Do all that camping stuff like cooking hot dogs on a stick over the fire and s’mores. I probably stay up for a good 2 or 3 hours after dark (it was mid-autumn so the days were somewhat short).

The entire time I thought I heard shit moving in the woods on the edge of the clearing. I didn’t think anything of it at first cause the woods are full of animals, but as the night went on I realized that whatever it was was just circling the clearing over and over. Once I started paying attention it made 4 or 5 laps around before I decided to get up and investigate. The noise stopped as soon as I stooped up and I thought I heard some sounded going away through the woods.

I just shrug it off thinking it was some fox that was curious that got scared when I stood up. I decide its time to sleep, douse the fire and climb into my tent. I start to doze off and stay in that half asleep half awake state for a while. I normally hear weird shit when I’m in this state, so I don’t think much of it when I hear a voice.

Something wakes me all the way up though and I realize the voice is real and right outside my tent. Its just above a whisper and I’m not sure if it was another language or if they were just speaking English in such a way that I couldn’t understand.

I lay there for some time, I don’t know how long, listening and waiting for something to happen. There is just enough moonlight to light up the walls of the tent, so I can see when a hand presses into the wall of my tent down near my foot. This freaks me out and I sit up quickly. Who ever was outside of the tent tore ass out of there. Like running full sprint through the woods.

I get out of the tent and shine my flashlight around and see nothing. I was expecting there to be a bloody handprint on the tent, but nope. Didn’t sleep that night, packed up camp at first light that morning and booked it to the cabin.

9. Who’s There?

I was once in a hottub with some friends late at night, and we were all telling some stories. One of the guys told us this one, a story of a girl he knows (not sure if it’s true, but multiple people in the hottub who knew her verified it was true):

So one day, this girl was called over to babysit. She did it a lot for these people, so it was routine for her.

Anyways, she was told to put the kids to bed at 9, and she did. After she put the to bed, she started watching TV and doing homework, waiting for the parents to come home. But then, she started hearing some noises coming out of the basement, like pans falling and stuff. She just ignored it, and thought it was the washing machine or something. Anyways, a little later, she starts hearing the noises again. She decides to call the police, and tell them she was hearing noises coming out of the basement at the house she’s babysitting at.

The lady at the station told her there’s a patroller in her area, and that he’ll be at the house in about 20 minutes. Anyways, in about 5 minutes, she hears a knock on the door. She answers, and it’s a full swat team. She asked, “I thought they were just sending a patroller..” and one of the guys told her, “After you hung up the phone, we heard a second phone on the line hang up.” Ended up there was a man in the basement, listening to the conversation. The lady in the station waited and heard him hang up, then immediately sent the SWAT team to help. They went downstairs and caught him; he was wanted for multiple cases of rape.

10. Fucking Seagulls!

I saw this little bird walking on the street when suddenly a seagull grabbed it in it’s mouth. Seagull started to smash this helpless bird against the ground few times. After a while it ate the bird and I saw a bump on seagull’s neck like the bird was stuck in it’s throat. Then it flew off.

I was just standing there and said: “What the fuck, seagulls shouldn’t do that.”

Fuck seagulls.

11. Signals at Night

I was playing around with a radio once when I was a kid, just slowly spanning through the static trying to find a station. I had found an old television antenna, attached it to the side of our house and ran a wire out my window to it with an alligator clip attached to the radio antenna, allowing me to get a way broader range of signals.

So I’m sitting there, early in the morning (like 2am), slowly sweeping frequencies, and suddenly I get to this station that’s playing this very weird crackling sound. It sounded sort of like cracking knuckles, or maybe Rice Crispies cereal, but with a fixed, rhythmic pattern instead of being random. I sat there listening to it for a second, then it suddenly stopped and this faint voice says “It doesn’t work. We’re already dead. We’re already dead.”

It took a second for the weight of the words to hit me, but when they did I freaked the fuck out and almost threw the radio across the room. I’m pretty sure it was just someone messing around with a radio transmitter, but damn if it didn’t scare the shit out of me at the time.

12. “Don’t EVER do that again!”

My dad died of cancer the day I turned 16 after about two weeks in a coma. It was really fast – less than two months between diagnosis and death. He died in the house. (we had a hospice attendant and my mom was very good about seeing to him in those final days).

Anyway, a lot of weird shit happened after he passed, but the one that still freaks me out when I think about it happened about 12 hours before he took to bed for the last time. He was in our living room napping on the couch while my mom was in the kitchen cooking. No one else was home.

Suddenly, he jerked awake and was shouting for my mom in a very loud, agitated voice. Clearly angry with her. “Beverly! Don’t do that! Don’t EVER do that again!”

She ran into the room, alarmed and asked what he was talking about, and he said, “Don’t do that. Don’t walk past me like that in that long, black wig.”

Sometimes I think he saw death.

13. Night Dive

This was a few years ago on a night scuba dive. There were 8 of us in the group including our dive master and his assistant. We had just finished our dive and were gathered up in a circle ready to ascend and get out of the water when my dive master freezes. He takes his flashlight and pointing it outside our circle of divers he catches something circling us with the beam. Turns out it was a 12 foot long great white shark. At this point half of the group are trying to keep the shark illuminated as it circles us and remarkably everyone stayed calm. The only things going through my mind were iterations of these two thoughts, “don’t look like a yummy delicious fatty seal, and that I hope I taste terrible.” My dive master gets our attention and slowly puts his thumb up and then makes an upward motion. We all begin to ascend and the shark kept with us until we were maybe 10 feet from the surface. Then it turned off into the darkness and was gone. I did not go back into the ocean for about a week after that.

14. New House

My parents bought their first house back in 1972. It was a fixer-upper, but they decided to move in right away and fix things as time/money permitted.

Within a few days of moving in, the new neighbors came over to introduce themselves. They also let my parents know that the previous owners had moved out after a nasty divorce. They had lost their second baby from SIDS, and their relationship went downhill from there.

My parents were horrified, more so because they were newly pregnant and couldn’t imagine going through such a thing.

They eventually pretty much forgot all about it. Life went on. They were in love with their new life and their new house.

In preparation for the baby, they decided to wallpaper the nursery. Now, my Dad told my mom there was no need in wallpapering the inside of the closet, but she insisted. She was kneeling down, scraping off old paint inside of the closet when her eyes fell upon something that made her blood turn to ice.

Written in crayon, at about eye level for a kindergartner, in childish scrawl was: I KILLED THE BABY.

15. “I was the only one in the house”

Woke up one night around 1am, heard the shower was on… I first thought it was my brother, he works night shifts, so thought he had came home late and was in the shower… It went on for about half an hour until i got up and went to see wtf he was doing… No one was in the shower, my brother wasn’t home yet, i was the only one in the house. Still to this day, i have no idea how it turned on or who did it.. Almost 5 years later i still think about it and shit myself… Even writing this now i feel like turning every light on in the house…ahah whyyy do i do this to myself!!

16. Ghosts

I housesit for a family friend when she goes out of town. The woman who lives there is really into a bunch of spiritual stuff – new age stuff, reiki, etc. The very first time I was housesitting, I was outside watering the plants. I was the only one there and had closed the door after me. From the driveway where I was watering, I had a completely unobstructed view of the front door, the only door that was unlocked at the time. When I went back inside, there, on the little table next to the front door was a half eaten cookie. The table had been completely clear when I went outside and I hadn’t seen cookies that looked like that anywhere in the house. Nothing too creepy, but very puzzling and unsettling.

When the woman returns, I mention it to her and she laughs and says she “gets ghosts all the time.” I’m a fairly skeptical person, but honestly, ghosts were the best explanation.

The next time I was over, I was pooping around 10:30. The house itself is fairly old and creaks from time to time, but nothing too loud or disruptive. While I was pooping, there comes a single loud knock from the other side of the bathroom door. This wasn’t a little creak or pop from the house, it was a loud, determined rap on the door. It was enough to scare my poop back in for the rest of the night.

17. It happened “right behind the door”

One of the scariest things I ever heard was when I worked in retail. My stored used to do layaway and that was where I worked. Right by the layaway counter We had three bathrooms. A Men’s multi stall, a Women’s multi stall and a family bathroom. Well only the family bathroom had a door that locked all the others had the push/pull swing door. I was in the back cleaning up and I thought I hear screaming so I walked out front by the counter. I heard more screaming. I was not sure at first where it was coming from I ran and checked the men’s and women’s bathroom and they were empty and I still heard the crying and screaming. It was coming from the family bathroom. I banged on the door but the yelling, screaming crying kept going on. It sounded like a child and I had no idea what was going on. I called for a manager because I had no way of getting in the door since it was locked. This whole time there is still crying, screaming banging. After several attempts of trying to open the door we called 911. We had no idea what we going on but it didn’t sound good. I think about fifteen minutes at this point, although it felt forever. Then the sound check stopped. No more banging, crying nothing. We banged on the door until the police came.When they finally did they had to kick the door in since we had no key. As we all stood around and looked in all we saw was blood all over the place.

We were not really sure what happened at first but the police told us to back up and that is when they pulled out a lady and a child. A bloody child, maybe 3. We all just stood there in shock. The child was not moving, we thought he was dead because of all the blood. They took the lady away in handcuffs and the child to the hospital.

We all had to give statements. Later my manager told me what happened. She just snapped becayse he wouldn’t stop crying and she just had enough and did whatever she could to make him stop. The child did live. I was sure he was dead but he wasn’t she had just knocked him out from hitting him so hard.

This story is not scary in the ghost sense but for that to happen right behind the door and not know what is going on or be able to help was pretty scary to me.

18. “Something in the middle of the woods catches my eye”

Well, I’ll never forget this one…

My wife and I used to live in a townhome that backed to some woods. We both took off work one day to get some things done in the yard, cutting the grass, weeding our large flower beds, laying mulch etc.

Our yard wasn’t big; it took about two full grass clipping bags. I would walk a couple of feet into the woods and dump them in a pile.

As I’m walking back to empty the second bag, something in the middle of the woods catches my eye. Something out of place and it’s moving.

I crouched down to get a better look and I just froze. At first, I could make out a pair of shoes just swaying back and forth and then was able to see the legs and body of a teenager. There in the middle of the woods was a teenage boy who had hung himself. Next to the tree, I could see a skateboard leaning up against it.

I yelled for my wife to call the police and started running back to try and save him but he was gone. His body was limp and his head was was just slumped over. His dark scruffy hair was slowly blowing in the breeze.

The cops came and quickly cut him down and they were gone.

As it turns out, he was having problems getting along with his parents and this is what he decided to do.

19. Organ Music

Years ago, I lived in a townhouse above the an old couple that were the landlords. This was in the historic section of Albany, NY near the park. The landlords were in their sixties, maybe early seventies. This place actually had a plaque on the front of it saying it was built in 1880-something and that some rich state senator had lived there. There’s places like this all over the area that had been subdivided and rented out.

I lived there for a year and every now and then, always while I was trying to sleep, I would hear faint, organ music accompanied by some rhythmic banging sounds. I always have slept with a fan to drown out any ambient noise and sleep better. This music was just…floating through my room. No one was above me. Just the old people who went to bed at nine below me. I would get up and try to find the source of the sounds but it just seemed like it was everywhere and nowhere.

Since I never heard any music or anything from any other room, and I never heard that music during the day, I concluded that it was the ghosts of previous occupants that had lived there decades before. This actually affected my decision to live there again when my lease was up. The old couple even offered to knock $50 a month off the rent if I resigned. That would have amounted to nearly a month of total rent over the course of a year. I thanked them, but declined, opting instead to live in a newer place.

Flash forward a couple of years. My friend is having a party. He invites some coworkers that he used to work with at the state. I’m talking to one dude about all the places in Albany I had been in. He’s lived in several, too. After some conversation, we find out that one of his friends used to live in that exact same apartment before me. I’ve never told anyone about the music and banging I would hear there but I just have to ask this guy if his friend ever said anything about the place being haunted. His eyes light up when I ask him.

“You’re not going to believe this!” he says and starts thumbing through the contacts list in his phone. He dials his friend. When the guy answers, he gives him a brief overview of the conversation we had been having then hands me the phone.

“What’s up, man? Yeah, I lived there in 2003. You heard the music, too? That was the landlords having sex below you. I swear to God. I actually asked about them about it the morning after I had heard it for the tenth time. The old man sheepishly explained that he was banging his old lady. He apologized and said they’d keep it down. The funny thing is, it seemed to get louder and louder over the last couple months I lived there. It was almost like they wanted me to hear.”

The mystery was solved. That organ music I had heard was literally organ music that the old people would have sex to. Somehow, that was creepier than it being ghosts.

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A Kindergarten Teacher Shared the Unfiltered Reasons About Why She Quit Teaching

As a profession, teaching is grossly underrated and underpaid. Unfortunately, many excellent teachers leave their classrooms each year because of burnout.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia

Teachers need many skills within the classroom–time management, crowd control, creative writing and design, along with proven mastery of the curriculum and limitless patience.

Kindergarten is no exception.

One kindergarten teacher decided to post on Facebook about her experiences in the classroom and why she realized she had to leave.

The filter comes off now..I think it's easier for people to believe that I left teaching because of the lousy pay. …

Posted by Jessica Gentry on Thursday, June 13, 2019

She begins by saying her decision to leave was not about the money. Although she knows it would be easier and more comfortable for people to believe that, she personally felt she needed to speak out.

The filter comes off now.
.

I think it’s easier for people to believe that I left teaching because of the lousy pay. It was easier for my former HR director to believe it was because I found something that I was more passionate about. Some would allow them to assume that… let them be comfortable in their assumptions because your truth may lead to discomfort of others. Well… I’m not some. That ain’t me 💁‍♀️.

The truth, as she explains it, is that teachers are leaving the profession in droves, not because of the poor pay, but because of the parents.

Let me tell you why those who ooze passion for teaching are leaving the occupation like their hair is on fire…

She believes blaming the kids is part of the problem.
.

1. The old excuse “the kids have changed”. No. No friggin way. Kids are kids. PARENTING has changed. SOCIETY has changed. The kids are just the innocent victims of that. Parents are working crazy hours, consumed by their devices, leaving kids in unstable parenting/coparenting situations, terrible media influences… and we are going to give the excuse that the KIDS have changed? What did we expect them to do? Kids behave in undesirable ways in the environment they feel safest. They test the water in the environment that they know their mistakes and behaviors will be treated with kindness and compassion. For those “well behaved” kids–they’re throwing normal kid tantrums at home because it’s safe. The kids flipping tables at school? They don’t have a safe place at home. Our classrooms are the first place they’ve ever heard ‘no’, been given boundaries, shown love through respect. Cue “the kids have changed” 🙄.

Photo Credit: Pixnio

The push for technology in the classroom has edged out the teaching of social skills.

2. In the midst of all of this… our response is we need to be “21st Century” schools. 1 to 1 student to technology. Oh. Okay. So forget the basics of relationship building and hands on learning. Kids already can’t read social cues and conduct themselves appropriately in social settings… let’s toss more devices at them because it looks good on our website. During an interview, one division asked me “how are you with technology? That’s important to us”. Uhhh… I hear Bobo the chimpanzee is pretty tech savvy… I consider myself pretty great with kids 🙄.

Because of the push for technology, teachers, including kindergarten teachers are taken out of the classroom and away from the students, leaving little time for planning and actual teaching.

3. And since our technology approach doesn’t seem to be working, teachers must need more training. So take away two planning periods a week. And render that time utterly worthless when it comes to ADDING to the quality of the instruction. Just this year, a new math assessment was introduced for K teachers. We had to attend a training on a school day (time missed with students) then it took us THREE WEEKS to administer it… one on one… to 21 students. Such. A. Waste. All of the info I could have told you about them without taking away from precious instructional time.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Gentry hears from parents who object to attendance policies, demand to go on field trips only to spend the time on cell phones and ignore teacher-parent conference times.

4. Instead of holding parents accountable… and making them true partners, we’ve adopted a customer service mindset. I’ve seen the Facebook rants about attendance and getting “the letter”. Well, here’s the thing… I can’t teach your child if he’s not in school 🤷‍♀️. I was cussed out by parents who wanted to attend field trips but missed the THREE notes that went home–and when they did attend a trip, sat on their phone the entire time. I’ve had parents stand me up multiple times on Conference Days then call to tattle on me when I refused to offer an after school option. I’ve had parents tell me that I’m not allowed to tell their child ‘no’…

If Gentry is not allowed to say, “no,” she can’t be expected to teach children the proper ways to behave. She says the stress of seeing children neglected wears on her mentally and physically.

5. My mental and physical health was in jeopardy every.single.day. Knowing that your kids need and deserve more than they’re getting. Sitting in one meeting after another, begging for more support, only to be told ‘don’t lose sleep over them’… when you LOVE your kids and are PASSIONATE about your mission… these messages tear you apart. Watching them come in… dirty clothes… chaos at home… and knowing they need more than you can give them in a classroom of 21, with less and less support, multple languages spoken, several different disabilities… it breaks you. We become emotional eaters. We become couch potatoes to zone out. We become so short fused that our families suffer.

Genrty ends her post by saying leaving her profession behind was her only option if she wanted to be the best mother and advocate for her own child. Getting out of the classroom will also let her help parents and kids more effectively.

So… that’s why.
.

I finally realized… you can’t save them all. You can’t even help 21 if you aren’t healthy yourself. If your mental and physical health aren’t a focus, you aren’t even good for the 21.
.

I left my retirement fund… my paid sick leave (46 days left on the table, unpaid). I didn’t leave for better pay.
.

I decided to start with my 1 at home… and work to help other mommas be able to show up for their ones at home. Because… I really do believe it starts there ❤ I found something that allows me to impact the environments that those 21 go home to. I found something that I can make an impact with… that doesn’t leave my tank empty, rendering me useless for others.

I may have left the classroom… but I am still advocating for those kiddos. It just looks different now.

Photo Credit: Pxhere

Her post went viral for being honest, real and right. Comments from fellow parents and teachers were overwhelmingly supportive of her message.

As parents, we are doing our children a disservice when we aren’t present for them. And when great teachers are leaving our kids behind as a result, it’s time for a change.

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10+ People Share All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Horror Stories

Buffets are kind of disgusting. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy them, but they are pretty gross. Certain types of foods seem to get about 1,000% more revolting when offered buffet-style (Chinese, pizza, etc.).

Sometimes, what’s even more disgusting than the food itself is the folks who descend on these buffets to do the unthinkable. Take a look at these tales of gluttony from AskReddit, and maybe you’ll think twice the next time you plan on heading to Chop Suey #1 Family Buffet.

1. 7 years is…a lot

7 years of pizza buffet experience. I’ve seen salad bowls full of ranch. I’ve seen huge gluttonous Southern Baptist preachers with a stack of pizza because they’re too fat and lazy to make that many trips. We had a regular who came in 2 times a week. We called him “belly shirt guy” who would stack a whole pizza on each plate per trip on top of unlimited pasta. His gut hung down below his shirt. Great turn around for him though because he started eating salads every trip. By the time I left the man has lost a good 75 lbs and actually looked healthy.

2. Chocolate Fountain

A few years back when Golden Corral first got the chocolate fountains, I went there and was going to try it out. As I was walking up to the fountain and I started to contemplate what I was going to have, a toddler takes his drink and just pours that motherfucker into the fountain and ruins it. So anyways, the manager comes over and is going ballistic because they had just set it up for the day and now they would completely have to replace the chocolate. Shortly after, this man comes up and decides he wants some chocolate brownies, but he can’t as the machine is being purged in the back of the place, so what does he do? The guy just puts his tray down and leaves the restaurant, goes to the toddler’s family’s car and slashes their tires. He was never caught after that.

That man was a different kind of devoted that the world needs.

3. “Had to sleep it off”

I don’t work at a buffet, but I was that guy.

I’d been backpacking on the Appalachian Trail for a couple months (it’s a 2,100 mile hiking trail that runs from Georgia to Maine, along the US Appalachian Mountain range). Been eating nothing but ramen & instant oatmeal since Gatlinburg. I was getting hungry, OK? I was having dreams about meat.

So my friend and I hiked down from the trail to this tiny town, Catawba, Virginia, that only has one restaurant, the Homeplace—All You Can Eat Fried Chicken.

We walk in. We sit down. A waitress brings us a platter of fried chicken and a basket of homemade biscuits. And whenever we start running low, she brings another platter.

It’s not like most buffets, where the food’s crappy and watery and sugary but at least it’s unlimited. No. It’s the best damn fried chicken I’ve ever tasted. Crisp and juicy and greasy and just perfect.

Me and my pal gorge on fried chicken. Eat at least 5lbs each. I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable, so when the waitress shows up with the next platter, I wave her off. She clears the table.

And then she comes back carrying a motherfucking blackberry cobbler.

So we polish off the cobbler (it would have been impolite not to), pay our bill, grab our backpacks from the foyer & stand on the porch, contemplating the 1,500′ climb back up to the trail. And it becomes obvious that there is no conceivable way we are climbing back up to the trail tonight.

So I go back inside and ask the hostess if there’s anywhere to camp here in town, and she tells me, “you’re welcome to sleep in the gazebo out back.” Apparently, this happens all the time.

EDIT: we were not the only hikers in the gazebo that evening. These two other dudes came in later and ate harder and had to sleep it off with us.

4. Fight!

I watched a fight break out between a customer and a manager at an all you can stack restaurant.(You pay for a plate, and you can take as much as you can stack on a single plate) Anyway this guy had his plate stacked about 12+inches high with food. As he was reaching for a serving spoon he dropped his plate. He demanded another and the manager got pissed and told him he shouldn’t have stacked it so high. He refused to give the man a refund, he pointed to a sign that said something about paying for dropped food. Apparently wasn’t the first time this had happened.

5. Steak

My little brother nearly got kicked out of a Ryans steakhouse. When he was like 12 he had a crazy high metabolism and put away like 5 steaks from their buffet at once. Went to get a 6th one and the guy grilling them up forbid him from getting another one. Manager was called, my dad got pissed, brother got his 6th and 7th steak. Was a good night

6. Good ol’ Southern cooking

Once witnessed a man eat 4 plates of food piled high (I’m talking southern food, so it was all fried foods) claim he was having a heart attack and clutch his chest, then let the biggest, most foul smelling fart I have ever experienced.

After he laughed about it, he continued to go back and eat two more plates of entrees, and a plate of desserts.

7. Wait, what?

Not an employee, but still relevant.. when I was a kid, my mom, dad and I would go to a Chinese buffet quite often. My dad would put a mountain of food on his plate then never finish it. He’d then proceed to lay down in the restaurant floor and take a nap.

He also did the mountain of food thing at other places like Golden Corral, but he only laid down in the floor at the Chinese place.

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Guy Documents Weird AF First Week of Work at Target. Spoiler: People Are Strange

When you start a new job, a million things go through your mind.

Will I fit in?
Will my co-workers like me?
Am I as stupid as my mother says?

Okay, well, maybe some of us have different thoughts than others, but when Tumblr user kimpossibooty was hired as a cashier at Target, he did what every good millenial should: document his days there to share with all his internet friends later.

All jobs have their quirks, but apparently this particular national superstore really brings the weirdos out en masse. Prepare to be spirited away to a land of misfits, freaks, and mutants.

And next time you’re at your local Target, take a closer look at your fellow shoppers…

Day One:

  • Sold lingerie to an eighty year old woman
  • Got a free salted caramel frappacino from the suspected gay barista, Parker
  • Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen year old girl who was cringing the entire time
  • Had a very engaging conversation with a three year old boy about colors. We both like blue.
  • Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair
  • Watched her and two other women with her get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.
  • Sold fifteen gallons of kitty litter to a soccer mom who refused to break eye contact
  • Got a second free Starbucks drink. This one was a pumpkin pie one that wasn’t even on the menu. I like this barista man.
  • Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job.
  • Sold an old man $200 of furniture and got him to sign up for a Target credit card. Before he finished the last step, he turned and walked away with his cart without a word.
  • He still hadn’t paid. I called him back and he apologized, saying “sorry, sometimes my diabetes makes me do that.” He didn’t finish getting the card.
  • A woman came up with $220 of items. After a wad of coupons and a stack of free gift cards from other promotions, her total went down to $55. I want her to teach me.
  • Saw a girl skipping down the aisle in what can only be described as a pink princess fairy wedding dress. She was filled with happiness and if I hadn’t been on the clock I would have taken her. At the very least, I want that outfit for my own.
  • Got approached by a large man named Jason. He told me not to steal. I will take this advice to heart.
  • Met a woman referred to only as The Cat Lady. She asked if I wanted her to buy me a keychain from Ross. I told her I had no keys. She nodded solemnly and walked away, whispering their exact location inside Ross, just in case.
  • Got called into the HR Head’s office at the end of my shift. I was expecting to be yelled at for some reason. She and another lead showered me in compliments for ten minutes straight, saying a lot of managers had been saying great things about me all day. Not what I expected, but I’ll take it.

Day Two:

  • Intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions.
  • Three college boys came through, each buying spandex and makeup wipes. They spoke no words. They made too much eye contact. They left me with more questions. I question when this job will provide answers.
  • A three year old came through, pushed by his personal chauffeur. He bought one small Spider-Man onesie. He carried out the entire transaction on his own. He was the most polite customer I have had so far.
  • Three people walked away without their change. Only two returned.
  • A man bought thirty light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need thirty light bulbs. He just likes coupons.
  • He then walked to customer service, claiming to have returned several things he did not mean to. He then walked a lap around the store and left. He did not leave the store with his light bulbs. They were nowhere to be found.
  • A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All evidence pointed to it not being a baby.

Day Three:

  • Two children came through the line. They were chanting to their mom through heavy streams of tears. “WE WANT STICKERS MOMMY.” There were no stickers at any of the registers. They continued crying. I failed my people.
  • An old woman bought five bottles of wine and a large bottle of vodka. Her license told me she had lived through World War II. Her smile told me she was still living.
  • I sorted through the candy in the checkout lanes. I was meant to set aside candy that had expired in the last month. A box of Kit Kats was found that had expired in February of 2015. One was missing. I hope the poor sap is okay.
  • Clearance school supplies have arrived. A man bought 71 spiral notebooks for $6. A woman bought 110 folders for $4. I hope they meet each other. I would like to see the child of two math problem characters.
  • A bearded man named Rusty came through. I sold him a bottle of Crystal Light powder and a gallon of water. The powder was empty. The water jug had an inch of pink water left in it. How long has he been inside the store already. His beard intimidated me too much to ask.
  • An elderly man in a fedora pushed two full carts into my lane. They were both filled to the brim. He bought 52 12-packs of Mountain Dew. 12 were diet. He repeatedly told me he was 80 years old. As I handed him his receipt, he leaned in and whispered, “I’m going to get DRUNK.” He pointed at his carts, smiled at me, and scurried away with his definitively alcoholic purchase. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he cares.

Day Four:

  • The store is having a 10% off your entire purchase sale. I have a coupon to scan if anyone asks for it. I scan it if people don’t ask for it if they’re nice to me. I don’t scan it if they’re rude. Power is a new sensation. Power is a good sensation.
  • Because of the sale, we have been flooded with guests itching for a bargain. When I need to go on my break, the manager has to stand in front of the line and tell people to go somewhere else. As the line died down, I prepared to leave. A new wave of people approached. She whispered to me “run as soon as you can.” I did not see her after my break.
  • An old man comes through the line and loudly announces that “this is a cash thing. No cards!” His clarity is appreciated, but also questioned.
  • A young man follows him. He jokes, “this is a card thing. No cash!” His smile shows he was a kind man. His joke shows he was a dad.
  • A confused teenager follows after. He whispers, “……….cash”. He thinks he has to announce his payment type. I do not correct him.
  • Children continue to handle their own transactions. This makes my day good. One girl had her own wallet and told me “thank you for your help, sir”. This makes my day great.
  • Five hours into my shift, I discover small figurines of Bambi and Pluto behind my register screen. Knowing that I am experiencing the happiest place on earth for a bargain price is nice.
  • A customer purchased hard salami. The store sells a product called hard salami. How anyone can work or shop here with a straight face remains beyond me.
  • A small girl waits in the cart as her mother pays for her transaction. She decides she had enough. She shouts, “Let me out of here!” She attempts to leave the cart. She realizes the walls are too tall. She sits down and accepts her fate with a shocking level of grace.
  • A grown man sees a coloring book on a shelf. He calls after his wife, who has already walked away. “There’s a coloring book here. This is just pitiful.” No one has any response for this.
  • I met a man who looked like Harry Potter if, instead of getting out of the cupboard at age eleven, he stayed in there for fifteen more years with nothing but Red Bull and My Chemical Romance albums.
  • A woman gets 69 cents back in change. I know that I will likely get reprimanded if I make a 69 joke to a customer. I do not speak to the customer any further. I am trying to decide if it is worth losing my job or not.
  • A little girl in basketball shorts kicks the candy rack multiple times. I expect her to turn around and show that she is throwing a fit. Instead, she seems calm and please. She is having the time of her life. I look forward to seeing where life takes her.
  • A child in my lane gets a toy. A child in the next lane yells at him for having a toy when he does not. Toy-having child prepares to throw the toy at toy-lacking child. Parents pick up their respective children. Thus ends the Baby Feud of 2016.

Day Five:

  • I open my register. An octogenarian woman approaches. She purchases bras and lingerie. I cry on the inside. It is too early for these images.
  • A small girl helped me put her parents bags into their cart. Every time I hand her a bag, she digs through it, announcing which things are hers and which are her parents, and putting her parents’ items in the cart without the bag. They did not earn the bag and she treats them accordingly.
  • A group of old people came on a field trip to Target and spent ten minutes discussing the new Jungle Book movie before buying a copy. Their reviews were overwhelmingly positive and gleeful.
  • The DVD ran $18.94. The group banded together, pulling out every coin they could find to ensure they gave me exact change. They must have had ten dollars in coins between them. The strength of their teamwork inspired me. The depth of their pockets confounded me.
  • A fly flew directly into my nostril before bouncing around and making a swift exit. I was more impressed by its aim than bothered by its decisions.
  • A woman seemingly stepped out of the 19th century prairie to purchase a frappucino. I think her dress was handmade. Her head scarf still had a price tag.
  • An old couple came through my lane to purchase gardening tools. Anytime one of them turned their back to the other, they would be tickled without warning or mercy. I believe I have just had a glimpse into my future.
  • A very angry old man pulled two full carts through. He purchased a Twix bar, a bottle of Diet Pepsi, 36 pairs of underwear, and 262 adult diapers. I believe I have just had another glimpse into my future.

Day Six:

  • I witnessed the man who talked to me about stealing following suspicious individuals through the store. He was like a private eye shark on a mission. The determination and simultaneous stealth and intimidation he possessed solidified him as my hero.
  • The computer made me card a man for buying Elmer’s glue. I questioned the computer. It gave no answers.
  • A soccer mom walked up to me, frappuccino in hand. She bought a large box of condoms, asked to have them outside of a bag, and then ran out of the store with them.
  • My stash of stickers has been restocked. I can once again please the masses.
  • My manager brought me a concoction he made behind the Starbucks counter. He told me it was meant to taste like a red Starburst. It tasted nothing like a red Starburst. It tasted exactly like a pink Starburst.
  • He also made me a Cookie Monster frap. It was a liquid Oreo. If anyone has contacts at Food Network, please reach out to him for a show.
  • A mother purchased her four year old daughter a Minnie Mouse stuffed animal. She asked the daughter if she wanted to hold it. The child whispered, “No. She is evil.” What does she know that I do not.
  • Another old man purchased twelve boxes of Mello Yello and eight boxes of Sprite. He saved almost as much as he spent. The old man bulk soda purchasing trend continues. I look forward to participating one in my later years.
  • Three team leaders tried to get a refrigerator through a door in a small hallway. The refrigerator was both taller and wider than the door. It took them 45 minutes, but once they succeeded, I was filled with pride.

Day Seven:

  • The Cat Lady returned. She purchased eight cans of cat food and a bag of chips. I asked how she was doing. She replied, “I don’t know, I just got here, this is all I want.” She appeared as confused as I was.
  • A small child was with his mother. From the moment they entered the store to the moment they left, he was shouting, “MOMMY THAT’S OKAY. MOMMY THAT’S OKAY. MOMMY THAT’S OKAY.” His words echoed around the store for the entirety of their visit. His message remains unclear.
  • A woman asked for a refund on a pair of sneakers for her infant. Mother returned, baby shoes, never worn.
  • An old man was dressed in a hat that read “SANTA CLAUS” with a Santa Claus shirt. I want to know his motives. It is only September 2, but I appreciate his enthusiasm.
  • Cat Lady came back. She purchased another case of cat food at the register next to mine. She then loudly announced that she wanted Chinese food. I am beginning to understand her.
  • I spent my break on the phone outside of the store. While on the phone, I was looking at my iPod. While on the phone looking at my iPod, a Best Buy employee walked by, and serenaded me with a song about me. The only lyric I heard was “I got two phones because I got two hands.” I appreciate his art.
  • A second grader sat in the back of his mothers cart. As they approached my lane, I heard him shout “Stupid snacks! I don’t want snacks! I want to go home! Snacks are stupid!” I haven’t disagreed with a person so thoroughly since I last heard Trump speak.
  • His mother pushed the cart behind her in the hopes of hiding her embarrassment. I asked her how she was doing. She said “Good”. Her son yelled “No good”. I asked if she found everything alright. She said “Yes”. Her son yelled “No we did not”. I appreciate his honesty, but after his opinion on snacks, I decided to pay him no heed.

Sounds like a great time…remind me not to apply to Target next time I get fired.

The post Guy Documents Weird AF First Week of Work at Target. Spoiler: People Are Strange appeared first on UberFacts.

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20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended

Ending a friendship is always rough, especially if you’re on the receiving end of the “unfriending.”

These 26 Redditors share the good, the bad and the ugly of losing their best friends.

Sometime for very good reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all!

1. Just Jealous

I set a good girl friend up with a close guy friend. Then he started cheating on her, so I told her the truth. When she finally confronted him, his actually replied with:

“Don’t listen to her. She’s just jealous. Just played matchmaker to get closer to me.”

The worst part? She believed him. So did my circle of friends on her side and his side.

I never quite got over that.

2. Drinking doesn’t make it better

I lost my friends when my son died. Instead of being supportive, they harassed me to come out drinking, or go to the bar. Like I had just been through a breakup and needed to go out. No, literally 24 hours ago I buried my baby in the ground.

3. Not like Britney Spears though

She was toxic. Always one-upping me, comparing us and making herself feel better about her appearance, always leaving me for other “best friends” and telling them all of my personal stuff… The list goes on.

4. Moms’ club

She had a baby, and then one day we were having lunch and she told me “You know, I only want to hang out with other moms from now on.” I didn’t quite get the hint, but she ignored all my texts and emails for a few months and I finally realized what she was trying to tell me back there.

5. Ghosted

My best friend ghosted on me. We met in 3rd grade and were thick as thieves until I went to college. While I can recognize I wasn’t the greatest friend always, it was 100% her choice to stop being my friend. I admit- it still hurts nearly a decade later. I never got closure, and I doubt I ever will. I’m not sure she has thought out why or would give me the honest truth if I asked. She should have been my maid of honor, and it makes me really sad when I think of that. I try to remind myself that she caused drama for me- she was really passive aggressive and wouldn’t talk to me when I did something to bother her. She also never opened up to me about anything bothering her in other aspects of her life. I don’t need that back in my life.

But I do miss the great times we had- all the inside jokes, the way we knew what was on each other’s minds- we absolutely killed at the game taboo! – and I have never gotten that close with anyone again. But I did read a really beautiful sentiment recently, which I will try to capture here. The people you have in your life grow and occupy space in the tapestry that makes up your life. When they are gone, it makes a hole where they used to be. The memories and love are still there and may always be there. So don’t look at your tapestry as filled with holes- look at it as your own unique lace pattern. The pattern isn’t over, but it is constantly changing. The pain of loss doesn’t ever really go away, but it does lessen over time.

6. Differences

Ah, my highschool best friend. We weren’t very alike at all. “Anna” was this super bubbly and cheerful feminine girl, and I was a sarcastic pile of nerd in vaguely human form. A kind of geek-tomboy. We actually meshed pretty well, but from the get go, she was the kind of person who’d turn up to parties on the wrong day because she’d get mixed up. Her parents didn’t like me much, because I was into heathen stuff like Lord of the Rings.

Anna couldn’t form an opinion if it wasn’t exactly the same as her Dads. I remember in 2006, she argued vehemently that there was no future in I.T. because her Dad said it was a waste of time. Facts didn’t matter if her Dad didn’t like them. We stayed close until after school ended, and since our birthdays were only a week apart, we always had a combined party.

Three weeks before my eighteenth, I got tickets to a convention. I called her that day to let her know that we’d have to do separate parties. I asked if she wanted to come to the con with me. She said no, not her thing. Cool.

Literally the day my group is going, she calls to ask when she can expect us around to her place for the party and ice skating. I remind her that we’re going to the con. She loses it at me. Gets real nasty over the phone and hangs up. Calls everyone else to try to convince them to ditch the con and come to hers. They all say no. She calls my parents and tries to get them to stop me from going and tells them I’m on drugs…yeah no. Went, but the whole thing was soured by her reaction.

I don’t think she ever spoke to me again herself, but I’d often meet people in my social circles who’d treat me like trash “because of what you did to Anna.” Took ages for people to stop thinking I was a complete and utter jerk. Maybe they just grew up.

7. Ouch

Let him move in because of issues at his home. Started missing money and found used syringes IN MY SHOES.

8. I’m sorry – cat abuse?

His drug using girlfriend who was on probation stole $300 from me and abused my cat. My former friend refused to believe she could do such a thing and got pissed off at me about it. We’d been friends for 20+ years.

9. Anger Management

She flipped and went super saiyan because I had the audacity to make plans with another friend, and invite her. Instead of making plans with her first then inviting my other friend. She then pinned me to a chair and started screaming in my face. Thats the day I fired my maid of honour, and booted her from my life. She then smashed my car window that night.

10. Du-ally noted

I fired him. Not as my friend – I employed him to help him out, and ended up needing to let him go. He wants nothing to do with me now.

Don’t work with friends.

11. Flake

Long story short: I love the guy, I wish we saw each other more often, but he’s the flakiest, most unreliable person I know. He treats everyone like they’re barely worth his time. Make plans with the guy and it’s a coin toss whether he’ll even show up. I’ve known him for 10 years and it’s only gotten worse, but I learned long ago that it’s a waste of time to chase him.

12. Duh

Got invited to his wedding, all night long I heard about how awesome the Bachelor’s party had been and asked why I hadn’t come along – because I wasn’t invited or told about it.

13. Buh bye

We grew apart. I needed emotional support during a very tough time and she wasn’t interested in helping, so I ended it.

14. Bridges

You know what they say about how you don’t always burn your bridges, but rather let them fall apart due to structural decay? That’s pretty much it.

15. Booty call

Because she calls me on the phone every few months when she’s alone and has had a few beers. that’s pretty much eliminated the need for other conversation. I messaged her a story about an interesting and relevant event in my life today and she ignored it.

16. Then she doesn’t

“I feel she doesn’t want to talk to me… what would happen if I stop initiating conversations?”

Many months later, haven’t heard a single word from her.

17. When I needed her most

My best friend from high school fell off the face of the earth when I needed her most, I had a precancerous tumor and had to have surgery. I was terrified and she wasn’t there for me. It didn’t make any sense.

Almost a year after we stopped speaking, a mutual friend informed me that her father had just lost his battle to cancer (I had no idea he had it). She wasn’t there for me because she had to be there for her father, and I then understood that she probably couldn’t emotionally handle both situations at the same time. It was then when I decided I would take a chance and attend the wake.

I was so nervous when I got there because I hadn’t seen her in over a year, but when I walked in and she saw me, she immediately burst into tears and gave me the biggest hug. To this day, that moment was one of the best I ever experienced. I got my friend back. A year and a half after that, I was the maid of honor at her wedding.

I know not every situation turns out as well as mine, and I’m sure there are people who bail because they simply don’t care, but in my case all it took was a bold effort by me and it worked out in the end.

18. Needy

She’d only really message me if she wanted something.

If she was down I’d try my best but if I was upset it was ‘oh I’m really not in the right place right now, talk later’ which is fair enough but I always tried to help her.

She’d also message me screenshots of the argument with her boyfriend, they’re a bad couple and my advice is always either ‘dump him’ or ‘talk it out’ which is never what she wants to hear but what am I supposed to do about it? I guess she just wants validation she’s right to be annoyed but she can be really unreasonable sometimes.

Oh and then she asks for money under some bogus pretence and then buys weed. I know I shouldn’t fall for it and I’ve stopped now but y’know.

19. Shaming

My high school best friend got into college around six months before me (it happens in my country). She then stopped talking to me altogether. When I finally got into college, she decided it was too shameful to hangout with someone who was six months behind her. She’d still talk and go out with other friends from HS, but I was completely ignored by her.

20. Snip snip

He cut me out of his life.

He was my best friend for 15+ years. We had grown a bit apart due to different lifestyle choices, but we always spoke at least once a week and found time to spend with each other.

He was constantly talking about feeling stuck in our home town and wanting to explore the world, but worried about paying for it. About two years ago I helped him get a job with my company. It was not a very exciting job, but it paid twice as much as he was making before, so I figured it would help him save up for traveling.

About six months into the job, we were working together and got into an argument. We had fought a few times in our friendship and this did not seem any different than other times; I was over it by the time I went home.

He missed the next 2-3 days of work, then emailed our manager saying he quit. He removed me from all of his friends lists, and will not respond to phone calls, text messages, or emails. I admit I am not the easiest person to get along with at times, but after a 15 year relationship I would have liked to at least said a proper goodbye.

It has been 18 months since he’s talked to me. He was my guy and now most days I feel alone.

21. Blocked

Her boyfriend didn’t like her hanging out with other guys, made her block me and all of her other male friends on social media. No idea if they’re still together, but she hasn’t contacted me at all since so.

22. Religion changes you

I left the mormon church. I lost many friends the moment they found out I left. I even lost a ‘christian’ friend because at least as a mormon I believed in the bible – now he doesn’t know who I am or what I believe anymore.

I have new friends now, but most of my mormon friends treat me like I’m dead.

23. Nowhere to go from here

When I realized the only thing we had in common was the past. That sucked.

24. ‘I forgot’

She was maid of honor in my wedding. After, I would try to make plans with her for lunch or whatever, and she always cancelled the day of. Never gave a reason just “oh I forgot I can’t, some other time”. I realized I was the only one putting in any effort so I just stopped trying to do things with her. I figured if she wanted to do something she’d get ahold of me.

I got married in July of this year, haven’t heard from her since.

25. It’s me not you

It’s the same reason I don’t speak to most people from my past. I’m got mental issues. So if I don’t see someone for a while then seeing them is very hard for me because I hate myself seeing someone who I knew in the past.

26. Karma

Walked in on him moments after he was finished having sex with my (now ex) girlfriend in my room

Karma was nice though: he blew out his knee and can no longer play his sport professionally, I lost a lot of weight, and she found most of it.

The post 20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended appeared first on UberFacts.

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20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended

Ending a friendship is always rough, especially if you’re on the receiving end of the “unfriending.”

These 26 Redditors share the good, the bad and the ugly of losing their best friends.

Sometime for very good reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all!

1. Just Jealous

I set a good girl friend up with a close guy friend. Then he started cheating on her, so I told her the truth. When she finally confronted him, his actually replied with:

“Don’t listen to her. She’s just jealous. Just played matchmaker to get closer to me.”

The worst part? She believed him. So did my circle of friends on her side and his side.

I never quite got over that.

2. Drinking doesn’t make it better

I lost my friends when my son died. Instead of being supportive, they harassed me to come out drinking, or go to the bar. Like I had just been through a breakup and needed to go out. No, literally 24 hours ago I buried my baby in the ground.

3. Not like Britney Spears though

She was toxic. Always one-upping me, comparing us and making herself feel better about her appearance, always leaving me for other “best friends” and telling them all of my personal stuff… The list goes on.

4. Moms’ club

She had a baby, and then one day we were having lunch and she told me “You know, I only want to hang out with other moms from now on.” I didn’t quite get the hint, but she ignored all my texts and emails for a few months and I finally realized what she was trying to tell me back there.

5. Ghosted

My best friend ghosted on me. We met in 3rd grade and were thick as thieves until I went to college. While I can recognize I wasn’t the greatest friend always, it was 100% her choice to stop being my friend. I admit- it still hurts nearly a decade later. I never got closure, and I doubt I ever will. I’m not sure she has thought out why or would give me the honest truth if I asked. She should have been my maid of honor, and it makes me really sad when I think of that. I try to remind myself that she caused drama for me- she was really passive aggressive and wouldn’t talk to me when I did something to bother her. She also never opened up to me about anything bothering her in other aspects of her life. I don’t need that back in my life.

But I do miss the great times we had- all the inside jokes, the way we knew what was on each other’s minds- we absolutely killed at the game taboo! – and I have never gotten that close with anyone again. But I did read a really beautiful sentiment recently, which I will try to capture here. The people you have in your life grow and occupy space in the tapestry that makes up your life. When they are gone, it makes a hole where they used to be. The memories and love are still there and may always be there. So don’t look at your tapestry as filled with holes- look at it as your own unique lace pattern. The pattern isn’t over, but it is constantly changing. The pain of loss doesn’t ever really go away, but it does lessen over time.

6. Differences

Ah, my highschool best friend. We weren’t very alike at all. “Anna” was this super bubbly and cheerful feminine girl, and I was a sarcastic pile of nerd in vaguely human form. A kind of geek-tomboy. We actually meshed pretty well, but from the get go, she was the kind of person who’d turn up to parties on the wrong day because she’d get mixed up. Her parents didn’t like me much, because I was into heathen stuff like Lord of the Rings.

Anna couldn’t form an opinion if it wasn’t exactly the same as her Dads. I remember in 2006, she argued vehemently that there was no future in I.T. because her Dad said it was a waste of time. Facts didn’t matter if her Dad didn’t like them. We stayed close until after school ended, and since our birthdays were only a week apart, we always had a combined party.

Three weeks before my eighteenth, I got tickets to a convention. I called her that day to let her know that we’d have to do separate parties. I asked if she wanted to come to the con with me. She said no, not her thing. Cool.

Literally the day my group is going, she calls to ask when she can expect us around to her place for the party and ice skating. I remind her that we’re going to the con. She loses it at me. Gets real nasty over the phone and hangs up. Calls everyone else to try to convince them to ditch the con and come to hers. They all say no. She calls my parents and tries to get them to stop me from going and tells them I’m on drugs…yeah no. Went, but the whole thing was soured by her reaction.

I don’t think she ever spoke to me again herself, but I’d often meet people in my social circles who’d treat me like trash “because of what you did to Anna.” Took ages for people to stop thinking I was a complete and utter jerk. Maybe they just grew up.

7. Ouch

Let him move in because of issues at his home. Started missing money and found used syringes IN MY SHOES.

8. I’m sorry – cat abuse?

His drug using girlfriend who was on probation stole $300 from me and abused my cat. My former friend refused to believe she could do such a thing and got pissed off at me about it. We’d been friends for 20+ years.

9. Anger Management

She flipped and went super saiyan because I had the audacity to make plans with another friend, and invite her. Instead of making plans with her first then inviting my other friend. She then pinned me to a chair and started screaming in my face. Thats the day I fired my maid of honour, and booted her from my life. She then smashed my car window that night.

10. Du-ally noted

I fired him. Not as my friend – I employed him to help him out, and ended up needing to let him go. He wants nothing to do with me now.

Don’t work with friends.

11. Flake

Long story short: I love the guy, I wish we saw each other more often, but he’s the flakiest, most unreliable person I know. He treats everyone like they’re barely worth his time. Make plans with the guy and it’s a coin toss whether he’ll even show up. I’ve known him for 10 years and it’s only gotten worse, but I learned long ago that it’s a waste of time to chase him.

12. Duh

Got invited to his wedding, all night long I heard about how awesome the Bachelor’s party had been and asked why I hadn’t come along – because I wasn’t invited or told about it.

13. Buh bye

We grew apart. I needed emotional support during a very tough time and she wasn’t interested in helping, so I ended it.

14. Bridges

You know what they say about how you don’t always burn your bridges, but rather let them fall apart due to structural decay? That’s pretty much it.

15. Booty call

Because she calls me on the phone every few months when she’s alone and has had a few beers. that’s pretty much eliminated the need for other conversation. I messaged her a story about an interesting and relevant event in my life today and she ignored it.

16. Then she doesn’t

“I feel she doesn’t want to talk to me… what would happen if I stop initiating conversations?”

Many months later, haven’t heard a single word from her.

17. When I needed her most

My best friend from high school fell off the face of the earth when I needed her most, I had a precancerous tumor and had to have surgery. I was terrified and she wasn’t there for me. It didn’t make any sense.

Almost a year after we stopped speaking, a mutual friend informed me that her father had just lost his battle to cancer (I had no idea he had it). She wasn’t there for me because she had to be there for her father, and I then understood that she probably couldn’t emotionally handle both situations at the same time. It was then when I decided I would take a chance and attend the wake.

I was so nervous when I got there because I hadn’t seen her in over a year, but when I walked in and she saw me, she immediately burst into tears and gave me the biggest hug. To this day, that moment was one of the best I ever experienced. I got my friend back. A year and a half after that, I was the maid of honor at her wedding.

I know not every situation turns out as well as mine, and I’m sure there are people who bail because they simply don’t care, but in my case all it took was a bold effort by me and it worked out in the end.

18. Needy

She’d only really message me if she wanted something.

If she was down I’d try my best but if I was upset it was ‘oh I’m really not in the right place right now, talk later’ which is fair enough but I always tried to help her.

She’d also message me screenshots of the argument with her boyfriend, they’re a bad couple and my advice is always either ‘dump him’ or ‘talk it out’ which is never what she wants to hear but what am I supposed to do about it? I guess she just wants validation she’s right to be annoyed but she can be really unreasonable sometimes.

Oh and then she asks for money under some bogus pretence and then buys weed. I know I shouldn’t fall for it and I’ve stopped now but y’know.

19. Shaming

My high school best friend got into college around six months before me (it happens in my country). She then stopped talking to me altogether. When I finally got into college, she decided it was too shameful to hangout with someone who was six months behind her. She’d still talk and go out with other friends from HS, but I was completely ignored by her.

20. Snip snip

He cut me out of his life.

He was my best friend for 15+ years. We had grown a bit apart due to different lifestyle choices, but we always spoke at least once a week and found time to spend with each other.

He was constantly talking about feeling stuck in our home town and wanting to explore the world, but worried about paying for it. About two years ago I helped him get a job with my company. It was not a very exciting job, but it paid twice as much as he was making before, so I figured it would help him save up for traveling.

About six months into the job, we were working together and got into an argument. We had fought a few times in our friendship and this did not seem any different than other times; I was over it by the time I went home.

He missed the next 2-3 days of work, then emailed our manager saying he quit. He removed me from all of his friends lists, and will not respond to phone calls, text messages, or emails. I admit I am not the easiest person to get along with at times, but after a 15 year relationship I would have liked to at least said a proper goodbye.

It has been 18 months since he’s talked to me. He was my guy and now most days I feel alone.

21. Blocked

Her boyfriend didn’t like her hanging out with other guys, made her block me and all of her other male friends on social media. No idea if they’re still together, but she hasn’t contacted me at all since so.

22. Religion changes you

I left the mormon church. I lost many friends the moment they found out I left. I even lost a ‘christian’ friend because at least as a mormon I believed in the bible – now he doesn’t know who I am or what I believe anymore.

I have new friends now, but most of my mormon friends treat me like I’m dead.

23. Nowhere to go from here

When I realized the only thing we had in common was the past. That sucked.

24. ‘I forgot’

She was maid of honor in my wedding. After, I would try to make plans with her for lunch or whatever, and she always cancelled the day of. Never gave a reason just “oh I forgot I can’t, some other time”. I realized I was the only one putting in any effort so I just stopped trying to do things with her. I figured if she wanted to do something she’d get ahold of me.

I got married in July of this year, haven’t heard from her since.

25. It’s me not you

It’s the same reason I don’t speak to most people from my past. I’m got mental issues. So if I don’t see someone for a while then seeing them is very hard for me because I hate myself seeing someone who I knew in the past.

26. Karma

Walked in on him moments after he was finished having sex with my (now ex) girlfriend in my room

Karma was nice though: he blew out his knee and can no longer play his sport professionally, I lost a lot of weight, and she found most of it.

The post 20+ People Explain How Their Best Friendships Ended appeared first on UberFacts.

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20+ Class Clowns Who Successfully Took on “The Man”

Every school has at least one: the class clown, the cutup, the jokester. The guy or gal who has an uncanny ability to say the exact right thing at the exact right time to make everyone burst out laughing.

These stories from AskReddit users will make you laugh and fondly remember your own class clown. Or perhaps it was you!

1. A whole garbage bag?

A dude in my math class brought in a garbage bag full of donuts once. Like, 20 minutes after the class started he just breezes in with this magical bag of pastries.

2. Legends of Clowns Past

Not in my time, but legends in my school:

We had a weird old building that was added to a half dozen times. Outside of the third floor windows there’s a narrow ledge of the 2nd floor roof a couple of feet down, but you can’t really see it unless you stick your head out and look straight down.

One day the class had a sub. Since it was May the school windows were wide open (no screens either since these were ancient windows and school isn’t in session during summer bug season.) In the middle of class, a student gets up, yells that he’s “sick of life”, and jumps out of the window… (The student then walked over to a window in the adjoining hall and climbed back inside)

Another time during typing the students knew the typewriters were getting replaced at the end of the year. So when they had a sub with a couple of days left in the semester, a student just randomly stood up and say’s he’s sick of typing and throws the typewriter out the window.

And finally there was a teacher that without exception would come in five minutes late, then would stomp on the papers in the wastebasket. One day the students quickly emptied it, ran down to the restroom and filled it with water, and then floated some crumpled papers on top.

During my time four of my classmates including the class clown “borrow” a car from a friend of one of their mothers, then head to Reno over MEA weekend (a four day weekend for a teachers convention in my state). they get as far as western Wyoming before being pulled over for speeding. The friend didn’t press charges but they spent the weekend in jail until the parent of one of them could fly out there and get them. If this sounds mild, consider this was a private, conservative school. The school suspends them for a day and then they’re back in class on Tuesday.

3. I like this one

Jumped out of a 3rd floor window to go get a better view of a fight happening in the parking lot. This was the end of June so everyone was getting a little insane by that point. He was always nuts though. Now he’s a father with like 3 or 4 children, unreal.

4. Okay…

Hid live chickens in lockers.

5. Public execution

He got expelled for holding a public hanging of a teddy bear in the 1st grade classroom. He even brought rope for the noose. The 1st grade was not amused.

6. Good on so many levels

He recited the “friends, Romans, countrymen” monologue for class but dressed up in a suit and delivered it like a southern Baptist preacher. The funniest part was that he was Jewish

7. …Ouch

Came to school during​ school spirit week( a week where we had a more relaxed dress code if it had to do with school spirit) wearing nothing but boxers and duct tape in the schools colors.

8. In hiding

Hid inside a cabinet and made random noises when the teacher was teaching and the teacher was getting mad thinking it was this other kid and was about to write him a referral and wouldn’t believe him when he said it wasn’t him and it some kid in the cabinet.

9. Just like Jeff Spicoli

Pretty sure it’s not the wildest thing he did, but the best thing he did was ask to be dismissed in the middle of class, then came back 10 mins later with a full pizza meal combo (including an order of garlic bread bites for me). He then proceeded to turn to the unbemused teacher and stated “I found this in the bathroom”.

10. Bang!

He duct taped a condom over the assistant commandant’s exhaust pipe. He started driving away, it inflated to the size of a beach ball and sounded like a shotgun when it finally popped.

11. Now that’s commitment

Crapped their pants on purpose when the teacher wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom until break time.

12. Savage

A kid was bragging to the teacher that he had a girlfriend (this conversation was in front of a class of 30). He was talking tough like he was the greatest player in the world. Calling himself a true master of the ladies.
The teacher asked him “where did you guys meet?”
Then out of nowhere, the class clown shouts: “page four of male escorts on Craigslist.”
Still the most savage remark I’ve ever heard. Kids were falling out of their chairs from laughter. The kid looked like his soul was ripped out.

13. Foghorn

Our class clown had the two wonderful abilities of being able to play the baritone sax and circular breathe. School talent show. He enters. What does he do? Blows a super long low A note for ten minutes straight without stopping. Like one, long low, note. Like a foghorn. And he made everyone sit there, while he blew this long, loud shaking note. That was a fun talent show.

14. Stuck

Superglued his head to the desk

15. Teach

Our class clown wasn’t a student, rather the teacher.

Our teacher for units 3&4 Physics (VCE in Victoria, Australia) was a well known larrikin. Found every excuse he could to teach us with experiments involving liquid nitrogen, sodium, and other such dangerous things. The school had actually banned him from using potassium in this “experiments” because he had set a room on fire by accident. All the danger aside, he was the most engaging teacher I have ever had and I learnt so much from him.

Towards the end of my graduating year, my whole class (about 10 people) were all 18 years old, and so we would go to the local pub for lunch every Friday for a counter meal and a drink. We happened to have a double period of Physics after lunch and accidentally stayed past the start of class. Fifteen minutes into the period, and the most responsible girl in our class gets a call from our teacher.
“Were are you guys? Class started 15 minutes ago”
“Sorry, teachers name, we went to the pub for lunch and lost track of time”
“Are you all there? Do any of you have a text book?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Give me five minutes”

Sure enough, 5 minutes later, He turns up and proceeds to run us through our lesson, in the pub, with the caveat that it was not to happen again. As far as I know, He somehow retroactively passed it off as some sort of last minute excursion and because we were all legally adults, we didn’t need to get our parents permission.
Truly a madman.

16. CHAOS

As a senior prank, he left a morning class to “use the bathroom”; instead, he went out to the parking lot where his older brother (who had already graduated) was parked with a moving van. They re-entered, bringing with them several cages containing at least 30 live squirrels, which they proceeded to set loose all over inside the school, as well as HUNDREDS of golf balls. When the bell rang and that period ended, it was fucking CHAOS in the hallways.

17. A good one to end with

I was a student teacher in a middle school and had to monitor a study hall during the last period of the day. The kids sat at tables in the lunch room, so the place was pretty disgusting and most of the students were antsy because they just wanted to go home. One day a group of 6 guys all had their hands up so I went over to see what they wanted.

They told me there was something wrong with Brian — the class clown. I asked him if he was all right, but he just sat staring into space. I asked him again, and he opened his mouth but instead of answering, ten flies came out and wandered all over his face. He had pulled their wings off and then put them in his mouth.

18. Quiet time

High school chemistry. the troublemaker kid has been assigned the only seat by the window.

Chemistry teacher is going on and writing on the black board when the kid opens the window, makes a snowball, and zings it right past her head to hit the black board a few inches from her. She turns around and says “who threw that? who did it? I’m not teaching anymore until someone fesses up”

The window was still open, and he was the only person seated anywhere near it.
We had quiet time the rest of the day.

19. Disgusting AF

After class, he went to the bathroom and took a huge dump into his beanie.

Afterwards, he hung up the beanie in the wardrobe in front of the classroom, so the turd could hang there all night.

The next day, nobody wasn’t allowed to enter the building, due to an ‘unexplainable’ smell. The principle walked around the building to find the source of the smell. He came closer to the beanie, smelled on it, took it of and looked inside of it – he went home for the rest of the day afterwards.

20. “What a legend”

Dude went streaking from the far east side of the school, past the office, through the cafeteria, out the west doors.

He had a toque over his junk at first but that fell off at some point.
He came out the west doors with his junk in his hand screaming “I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT THIS FAR!!”, jumped into his friend’s getaway jeep and rode off.

Fucking beautiful. What a legend, man.
Teachers used to just walk away when he started acting up, I can vividly recall each teachers “I am not dealing with this shit today” expression every time they interacted with him. 🙂
I miss him

21. Never heard this one before

I knew a guy who brought a prostitute to prom. It was pretty damn funny when I heard about it, but he was a couple years older.

22. That’s horrifying

Drank some milk, turned his eyelids inside out, squirted milk out of his tear ducts.

Still to this day the most disturbing thing I have ever seen in person.

23. TP

In high school our class clown wrapped the principles car completely in toliet paper.

24. Flock of seagulls

Our class was on the ground floor and the window faced our soccer field, and on that rainy day we saw a huge flock of seagulls just hanging out on the grass.
My friend raises her hand and asks to go to the washroom.

About a minute later, she’s outside running through the flock of seagulls waving her hands and yelling.

She came back inside a little winded and damp from the rain. We had a hard time not falling on the floor laughing.

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Meet the Man Who’s Been Living on a Cruise Ship for 13 Years, aka “The Captain”

He has taken his lunch and dinner every day at the same corner table now for thirteen years. Slim and distinguished, the passenger is lovingly known by the Seven Seas Navigator crew as “The Captain.”

Photo Credit: Forbes

Morton Jablin is 94 years old, sharp, and quite elegant-looking. So, why has he chosen to spend the last 13-years on a boat?

Jablin was born and raised in Brooklyn before he went abroad with the U.S. Navy Office of Naval Intelligence in WWII. After he returned to the States in 1946, he worked as a pharmacist, married his wife Charlotte and raised two children. He eventually started a successful lace-making business.

Throughout their marriage, Jablin and Charlotte traveled all over the world on various cruise lines. When Charlotte passed 13 years ago, Jablin decided to make his globetrotting full time and settled on the Navigator as his new home.

Living on the ship has allowed Jablin to keep a simple routine – one that ensures he knows where everything is, which is particularly important because he is steadily losing his eyesight and is now 90% blind. Other than the occasional doctor appointment, he no longer participates in shore excursions. “Charlotte and I had already been everywhere.”

His corner table in the Compass Rose Dining Room is permanently reserved for his daily lunches and dinners and is set for him exactly the same way for every meal.

Photo Credit: Regent Cruises

His suite has been customized to meet his needs, and he exercises daily by walking on a deck that is usually empty. Casinos aren’t his thing, but he enjoys the onboard musical performances.

Family visits him when the ship docks in Miami, and he can always call them on his cell phone. Although other passengers will sometimes start conversation, Jablin really considers the crew as his friends and family.

Jablin summed up his life at sea this way. “I couldn’t achieve this lifestyle anywhere else. If I need a nurse or doctor, someone is in my cabin within five minutes. No matter what the time of day, if I need something, someone is here in 10-15 minutes. If I weren’t on this ship, I would have to have someone living with me.”

“Where else could I feel this secure and safe? Life on board couldn’t be better,” he said.

He kind of has a point, don’t you think?

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A Fabulous Pigeon Found Wearing a Rhinestone Jacket is Reunited with Owner

A few weeks ago, the Fallen Feathers bird sanctuary in Glendale, Arizona received an especially glitzy new guest.

Photo Credit: Facebook

He looked to be healthy, well taken care of and like he’s seen at least one red carpet. “He’s friendly and fits on your finger,” Jody Kieran, director of the sanctuary, told AZ Central. Appropriately, the caretakers at Fallen Feathers named him Liberace.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Fallen Feathers spread the word about the fancy fowl via Facebook, the local news stations and papers hoping to connect him with his owner. If the owner didn’t respond within a month, Liberace would be put up for adoption.

But one question kept popping up over and over again. What is a flight suit?

The sanctuary blogged an explanation. A flight suit is a diaper for birds. It protects clothing and furniture when pet birds are out of their cages.

And clearly they are easy to customize.

Photo Credit: Facebook

…The more you know.

Kieran appreciated all the concern and shares her posts garnered. She wanted to find the owner and get Liberace back to watching the TV westerns he favored in his own home. “This was a bird that was loved,” she said.

Photo Credit: Facebook

If no one stepped up to adopt him, Kieran was even considering releasing Liberace in the wild.

Thankfully, a call came from someone in the area who happened to see a news story on Liberace on Instagram. It turns out Liberace’s real name is Olive, which, while not as glamorous-sounding, is still pretty cute. And just like that, owner and beloved, bedazzled Olive were finally reunited.

Now Olive can finally relax at home and watch his favorite movie, Lonesome Dove.

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