I’m Going to Laugh While I Read These 14 Tweets. Will You Join Me?

Welcome to my post about funny tweets. There’s 14 of them, so shall we just start reading them now?

We shall!

1. I can see this…

2. For those Mariah stans only…

3. Less. Is. More.

4. Oh snap….

5. This is gonna hurt.

6. This haunts me quite a bit

7. Trash loves trash

8. At least she’s honest…

9. I like it! More!

10. I’m listening…

11. Just the bare necessities…

12. GIMME!

13. Oh…. I get it!

14. Pokémon coming at ya with the funny…

Well, I don’t know about you, but I enjoyed that quite a bit!

Come back for more of all of that sometime soon!

Until then… toodles!

The post I’m Going to Laugh While I Read These 14 Tweets. Will You Join Me? appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Things People Didn’t Understand Until They Became Adults

You get a major shock when you eventually become a grown up – like how not fun it is 90% of the time – until they hit a certain age and find themselves with more responsibilities than free time and more kids than money.

The 15 things below definitely make me nostalgic for the carefree days of my childhood.

#15. Lefts and rights.

The whole “my right vs. your right” thing confused the heck out of me as a preschooler. I knew my own lefts and rights but when my mom was facing me and used to say “my right isn’t the same as your right” I learned to just do the opposite of what she looked like. Problem is this led to me thinking that the difference was because of AGE, so kids’ lefts and rights were the opposite of adults’ lefts and rights.

So somehow I got the idea in my head that when you turned 21 your lefts and rights switched (I have no clue why I specifically thought 21, I had this image in my head of blowing out 21 candles and everyone saying congratulations and you get some kind of certificate to officially switch them). Well I’m 21 now and my lefts and rights never switched.

#14. A dog and children.

The stress of paying bills and budgeting. My parents tried to keep this hidden from me but I could tell how much they carefully budgeted. They also sacrificed for us kids. I didn’t get that until I had a dog first and then children.

#13. Just double the Christmas presents.

That my parents couldn’t just double the presents this Christmas if I tell them it’s okay to not do anything for next Christmas.

#12. Value.

The value of all the shit I trashed or broke.

#11. Some people are selfish jerks.

Not everyone is inclined to do the right thing. Some people are selfish jerks and it sucks, but you just have to accept it and do what you believe is right. There are a lot of awesome people out there too, and you can’t get too cynical about the world because of the shitty people in it

#10. Not a given.

Vacations and breaks aren’t a given. You don’t just get to stop working for a few weeks randomly throughout the year, and no one plans around your vacation – you must plan all of your own (and sometimes other people’s) work around your departures. Oh, and vacations are expensive. There’s probably a reason that Billy down the block’s family is able to take five people to Disneyworld: because they have money.

I’m a violin teacher now and blew this poor kid’s mind this past weekend when he asked me what I was doing for spring break. I sort of stared at him for a second, and then remembered that spring break is a thing that kids get…so I told him that I’m working because I don’t get a spring break and he was just completely aghast. Sorry buddy, the adult world isn’t as fun as being a kid.

#9. Such a pretty name.

I didn’t know what virginity was and my dad would say I would understand when I got older. In the meantime, I thought it would make such a pretty name for a girl.

#8. Bills to pay.

my dad wasn’t a workaholic, we just had bills to pay.

#7. I really thought I’d need the karate chop.

I used to think that living beyond 24 was crazy and impossible
I used to think you would grow up to be a particular person instead of a larger version of yourself. I genuinely thought I could become Prince.
I really thought I’d need the karate chop as a part of my adult life

#6. How to cherish the silence.

As a kid I thought if it was quiet it was boring and the worst possible thing. Now I work in a library and cherish the silence more than anything.

#5. How seldom they do.

You wouldn’t care what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they think of you.

#4. Because they weren’t cool.

The Alanis Morissette lyric “You’re my best friend / best friend with benefits” from “Head Over Feet.” I told my parents that my best friend was my best friend with benefits when I was like 8, and they laughed hysterically and I just assumed it’s because they weren’t cool and into Alanis’s music and didn’t understand that it clearly meant “super best friend.”

#3. Special phones with letters.

How to dial any phone number that was alphanumeric. 1-800-WAIT-WUT. I thought adults had access to special phones with letters.

#2. The value of afternoon naps.

How grown-ups fall asleep after Sunday lunch, Christmas dinner, etc. It was so boring as a kid but now I fully understand the value of afternoon naps in the sun after a roast dinner.

#1. New jokes every time.

Calvin and Hobbes jokes. Reread and there’s new jokes every time.

Youth is definitely wasted on the young.

The post 15 Things People Didn’t Understand Until They Became Adults appeared first on UberFacts.

A Captive Female Shark Ate a Male Shark Who Wouldn’t Stop Bumping into Her

Women everywhere are likely feeling a bit of solidarity at reading how “needing some space” seems to cross species lines. Take this shark for example.

A female shark at the COEX Aquarium in Seoul, Korea, bit and then consumed her male tank-mate over a 21-hour period, with video showing she started with his head and worked her way down.

CALLINGTHE WILDTiger shark female eating a male shark smaller size, the Coex Aquarium in Seoul, South Korea

Posted by When Pictures Tell The Truth on Saturday, January 30, 2016

“Sharks have their own territories,” said an aquarium official. “Sometimes, when they bump into each other, they bite out of astonishment.”

Perhaps, but the fact that she didn’t stop with a surprised bite and went on to, you know, eat him whole, suggests to me that she’d been suffering his presence for longer than a hot minute.

Image Credit: Pixabay

We’ve all had that guy at work who just will not give us our space no matter what hints we drop, and if he had bumped us at the exact wrong time, well… who is to say he wouldn’t have met the same fate.

Marine specialists don’t expect that the shark will be able to digest her entire meal – in fact, they guess she will throw him up at some point, which only proves to me that she was doing it out of spite.

Image Credit: Pixabay

More power to her, I say. And let that be a warning to you.

You can find it on Daily Mirror…if you have the stomach for it.

The post A Captive Female Shark Ate a Male Shark Who Wouldn’t Stop Bumping into Her appeared first on UberFacts.

These 15 Surprising Jobs Pay Much Better Than You Probably Think

I think you’ll be surprised by this list. I know I was.

The list below that Redditors shared has a little bit of everything, but the thing they have in common is that you’ll probably be shocked by the salary tag!

15. A tough skill to learn.

Court reporting.

Stenography is a tough skill to learn, but plenty of court reporters earn over $100k.

And no college degree required (although most CRs will need to be certified).

14. You don’t even need a degree.

Garbage collectors in New York are paid up to $112k, a solid salary considering you don’t even need a degree.

Sounds like a nice fallback plan for me.

13. Technical writing.

If you have the ability to take complex technical information and simplify it according to the reading audience, you can make well over $100K annually.

People ridicule English degrees until they find out how much can be earned as a technical writer.

12. Absolute cake.

Longshoremen.

If you are a senior member of a union you make absolute cake.

$180k plus a year.

11. Blew me away.

UPS drivers can make close to 100k if you stay there long enough

Blew me away when I first heard that

10. One that’s all operator.

Boiler operator.

Get paid $35/hour to play skyrim on switch while watching Netflix.

Just have to find one that’s all operator and no maintenance.

9. Secretly you’re on Reddit.

An office job but you’re secretly on reddit

8. Easy on the body.

Mobile crane operator.

Union guys pull over $200k and its a trade thats pretty easy on the body.

7. Not a lot of people even know about it.

Power lineman make bank. Not a lot of people even know about it.

6. Full control over my hours.

I fix hospital beds.

Will be making $100k within my first two years with full benefits.

I also have full control over my hours.

5. Significantly worth the payout.

I work at home as a closed captioner broadcaster for the News. I make my own schedule and make between $35-$65 per hour depending on the job. Large investment to get started but significantly worth the payout.

4. A lot of options to advance.

Airline dispatcher.

A girl I dated many years ago I met because she was living in my town training to be an airline dispatcher. There are just a handful of schools that teach it.

I had no idea what an airline dispatcher was, let alone how much money they get paid. Dispatchers at FedEX can make $150,000 per year or more. It also gives you a lot of options to advance at an airline, like being station chief at an airline.

The girl I dated had a dream to one day be Air France Station Chief in Tahiti. I don’t know if she made it or not.

3. And I work in recruiting.

I don’t know if this is true in other cities but T and bus operators in Boston make bank. I’ve rarely met a higher paid, less engaged group of employees in my life and I work in recruiting.

EDIT: Since this seems to have attracted some attention, here is an article on the subject of MBTA salaries.

https://www.masslive.com/news/boston/2018/02/mbta_employee_salary_database.html

2. Something brag-worthy.

Self employed cleaning services (i don’t know exactly what to call it)

My parents started getting paid $35 an hour cleaning a community center to ~$50 from cleaning offices.

My mom started it then my dad joined in to help her with the hours and taking care of the house and kids.

Eventually my mom got good contacts, and started cleaning the offices of managers from factories, Sacramento politicians, and stuff alike.

Can’t express how proud i am of my mom. She turned all those shitty Hispanic cleaning lady jokes into something brag worthy.

#1. Easy money for sitting on your arse.

I drive machinery in a coal mine in Australia.

I make about 170k. Even our new trainees are paid pretty well, about $48 per hour.

I think it ends up being close to 90-100k.

Easy money for sitting on your arse in an air conditioned cab.

Which one surprised you the most?

The post These 15 Surprising Jobs Pay Much Better Than You Probably Think appeared first on UberFacts.

Enjoy These Stories of Food Delivery with a Little Mayhem Added to the Order

All these web-based food delivery companies sure make our lives convenient, don’t they? But, sometimes it doesn’t work out exactly the way it’s supposed to.

While we wait for them to deliver some consistency, scroll through these times where food delivery services brought a side order of weird to the night.

1. Foreign language lessons?

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. A side of romance?

Photo Credit: Reddit

3. A side of nookie?

Photo Credit: Reddit

4. A side of sarcasm?

Photo Credit: Lamebook

5. A side of nothing to go with your nothing?

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. Not a side of ranch.

Photo Credit: Reddit

7. A side of fast and furious?

Photo Credit: Imgur

8. A side of drama?

Photo Credit: Twitter

Whatever you wanted to eat, you probably won’t get it. But we keep trying because we want it to work so badly. In the meantime, enjoy your hot and juicy randomness.

The post Enjoy These Stories of Food Delivery with a Little Mayhem Added to the Order appeared first on UberFacts.

911 Operators Remember the Calls They’ll Never Forget

It should be no secret that the people on the other end of the 9-1-1 line have super stressful jobs. They’re talking to human beings in their most desperate moments (and also some stupid and hilarious moments, of course), so of course they have some pretty good stories.

Like the 17 below, categorized by people on the job as totally “unforgettable.”

#17. It was slugs.

I’ll go with a lighter one. I once had an elderly woman complain that gang members tagged her shed. She also said she didn’t want a black deputy (this is the south). The (black) deputy arrived and found that it wasnt spray paint, but that her shed was so dirty that slugs had eaten paths in the filth that created patterns.

#16. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

Had some one call saying a man had been killed by a goat. Turns out goat is what they also call the machine that picks oranges off of trees. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

#15. She’d been laying down in the back seat without her seatbelt on.

This one still bothers me because it’s so fresh and our community is hurting from it as well. Took a call from a hysterical woman advising me of a rollover crash that happened near her house. She lives near the top of a blind hill that people like to “jump” (like catching that butterfly feeling in your stomach, although you can get air in the right vehicle). She tells me that a girl is laying on the ground about 30 feet or so from the vehicle.

When asked if the girl is alive, she says, “Oh yes, honey she’s wiggling around on the ground. My daughter is a nurse, she’s checking on her now.” Awesome. We hardly ever are lucky enough to have a trained professional on scene before a med unit can get there. But then she tells me her daughter is starting CPR. To be honest, that didn’t surprise me. My caller was getting hysterical again and we already had first responders on the way, so I started asking more questions about the scene. Her daughter breaks CPR to get on the phone with me. Tells me she can do compressions only, that the girl’s jaw is completely gone.

A bit stunned, I tell her to continue compressions. But rather than getting put back on with the original caller, I hear the scared voice of a teenage girl, the driver. “Is my friend going to be okay?” I can’t find anything to say for a moment. Finally, after what seemed to be too long, I say “They’re doing CPR, dear. And we have help on the way. Are you and the other passenger okay?” “We’re fine. Just please tell me she’s okay.” The girl on the ground was confirmed D.O.A. She had been laying down in the back seat without her seat belt on because she had a headache. She was 15.

#14. The type of scream…

Answered to the sounds of a couple of women absolutely screaming and wailing (I’m sure anyone that has done the job long enough knows the type of scream I mean – that blood curdling scream of someone in genuine anguish). Knew something was up and got police and ambulance on the way. Trying to get them on the phone to get details and a boy of no more than five years old comes on the phone and says “my daddy is swinging from the roof and his eyes are open and staring”.

He had hung himself while his family were out doing their shopping.

#13. Pretty messed up.

This actually happened a few days ago. I’m an ER tech, but one of our unit secretaries (someone who transfers calls and does other important tasks that keeps the place afloat) is an EMT in the next county over. I was waiting for a patient to return to their room, talking with her, when she looks down at her phone. She tells me she has the dispatch app or whatever for ambulances and fire trucks, and every firehall in the county had just received a call about a possible decomposing body. Apparently the neighbor called about a terrible smell coming from the property. Hazmat was called and everything, expecting a dead human body.

Once they broke into the house, they found that it wasn’t a dead human, but 38 dogs in the house. 11 of the dogs were dead and in “varying states of decomposition”. The place is still pretty much under wraps, but 16 more dogs were found in the shed yesterday. The two people who owned the house have since been arrested and charged with 51 counts of animal cruelty. All of the animals left alive were taken to the humane society, where half of the county has just about donated food or blankets.

The whole thing is pretty messed up, but I now for sure respect the hell out of the EMTs and paramedics that walk through our doors everyday. They really never know what they’re going to see when they walk into a place.

Here’s the most recent article: https://www.carrollcountytimes.com/news/local/cc-dogs-cruelty-040919-story,amp.html

#12. Biggest WTF.

Well, my buddy is a fireman and dispatch had just alerted them of a man having chest pains. They get to the guys house, and as soon as they open the door, the dudes dog runs outside. The dude shouts “you let my dog out! go get my dog! Please!” So my buddy immediately starts chasing the dog.

He catches the dog, comes back to the house, and when he walks in the door he sees that the man having “chest pains” had actually shot a HOLE IN HIS CHEST while cleaning his gun.

Old dude shoots himself in the chest, tells 911 it’s chest pains, and when help arrives, he makes them go chase his dog down before tending to his own life threatening wound. Biggest WTF of my buddies career

#11. It really messed with my head.

I’ve been a 911 dispatcher for 11 years in a medium size center (population ~180,000). We have more than our share of crazy calls but there are only a few calls that have stuck with me. For me the ones that I can’t get rid of aren’t even close to being the craziest or most brutal.

7-8 years ago I took a 911 call from a man who came home to find his adult sister had been raped and beaten. The suspect had wrapped a telephone cord around her neck then tried to push her through the window of the apartment. He was understandably very distraught. She was still alive and was able to talk to me. She had not been blindfolded and I was certain I could get a description of the person who had done this to her. She answered all of my other questions but absolutely refused to give me any info on the suspect. I later found out that the reason was self-preservation, the person who did it was the brother who called 911 for help. He was so believable it really messed with my head. I also felt horrible that I had continued pressing her for info with the person who hurt her was right there and that I could have potentially put her in more danger without realizing.

#10. He couldn’t let it go.

Not me, but my sister is a dispatcher. One time she received a call from a man who said he just killed his sister and brother. She kept him on the phone for 5 or 6 minutes to make sure he didn’t run before officers arrived. She got him to admit they had all been drinking and playing cards, then got into an argument when one of them accused the other of cheating. The other two went to bed, but this guy stayed up stewing. Apparently he couldn’t let it go. He shot each of them in their beds while they slept, then called 911. I heard a partial recording of the call and she sounded calm AF. She told me she was screaming on the inside the entire time.

#9. Got you now, you little sh*t.

I have a few.

I took a call from a man who’s ~1 year old daughter fell in the pool while unattended. At the time of the call she was not breathing, unresponsive, and had no pulse. My partner dispatched out fire and EMS while I was on the phone. Got the child’s mother to start CPR. Fortunately she was certified and didn’t require very much instruction at all, just had to tell her to count her compressions out loud so I could keep up. Before first responders arrived, the baby starts breathing again. I believe she sustained some brain injury but nothing life threatening. Had to go take a walk around the block after that one. Please please please, if you aren’t CPR certified, get certified. It very well may have been the difference between that child living and dying.

On a lighter note, I also had a guy call in claiming he was having a heart attack. None of the info I got from this guy indicated he was even remotely at risk for one. Mid 20s male, average weight, no history of heart problems (or any other medical history for that matter). Turns out he had smoked some particularly strong pot about 30 minutes prior to calling. Absolutely nothing wrong with him other than he was stoned stupid. We got a pretty good laugh out of that one.

I also took a call from a kid who was about 10 years old who thought it would be funny to prank call 911. He started off by saying there was a fire. I could hear him giggling in the background. Followed that up with meowing at me over the phone. Managed to get a good location off the call and got his address. Read the address to him and asked if that’s where he lives. CLICK. Alright, got you now, you little shit. Had a deputy go out to the house as is our policy and he explained the situation to the parents. Deputy told me later the kid got the ass chewing of a lifetime. Super gratifying.

#8. We still had to check for spiders.

“A woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”

In college, I worked as an EMT in a major city. Not the craziest call I ever had but one of the wackiest call outs we ever got was to respond to “a woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”. I’ll never forget pulling up to this major intersection where, sure enough, there’s this old lady lying on the sidewalk with her pants off and legs spread up in the air. Turns out it was this transient lady in her 70s who had been having some wild hallucinations.

We still had to check for spiders ?

#7. It was a wild time.

A woman masturbating on the phone.

The first time she called she sounded normal at first. Asked for an officer that never worked here. General conversation about this officer while she progressively got more.. extreme with her moaning. I eventually (and gracefully) ended the conversation. It was a wild time. I still remember her name and voice.

The second and third times she called I asked if it was her and she hung up right away.

Why are you like this Ms. Roberts? What is your end game?

Edit: For clarification, we traced the number down to a woman in Florida. We’re located in Missouri and our agency is tiny (part of why I like this job). Hunting her down and bringing her to justice probably would have gotten her offwouldn’t have been worth the hassle.

#6. It will stick with me forever.

Student Paramedic here. Had a call being general broadcasted over radio when I was chilling in base with my mentor (we were on a 2 man car ambulance) operator who was broadcasting said something along the lines of: “female, reportedly unconscious, police on scene, major trauma (pause)… CPR in progress confirmed arrest by police on scene.”

my mentor looks at me, we’re off in 30 mins at the end of a night shift but we go anyway. We’re around the corner. Make it there in no time at all. There’s police EVERYWHERE. at least 7 squad cars. I’m nervous as hell and so is my mentor. As we approach the house, a man emerges, handcuffed by police. He looks content enough and smiles at us as we walk by. Police shout for us to hurry, we run over with equipment to front door and are met with one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen and will always be there in my mind.

There’s a woman lying on the ground, with the left side of her head caved in, blood absolutely all over the place and brain matter scattered around the floor too. Police are doing CPR, we stop them when we see the Patient has signs of pooling and rigor mortis. I’m literally sweating and on the verge of tears, this is not how I wanted my shift to end. Then, we hear from behind us more police in the house and the sounds of children. 2 kids are escorted out of a bedroom behind us with their eyes covered and one of them asks:”what’s going on Where’s Mommy?”. My heart melted. I’ve never been exactly traumatised by a job but those kids being shielded from what just happened to their mother will stick with me forever.

I bring equipment back to the ambulance as my mentor starts to do paperwork and we wait for someone to move the body. Social services arrive and take the kids, blissfully unaware of what’s just happened. Was off 3 hours late after all the paperwork and interviewing from police. Good job, but man has it lefts it’s mark on me.

#5. Profoundly sad.

Older lady, I want to say maybe early 70s, calls in with a sort of polite urgency in her voice, tells me she thinks she’s having a stroke. Tells me she has her grandchild at the house with her, asks me to call her daughter to come get the child.

By the time she’s done giving me the phone number there’s just a very slight slur in her speech. By the time EMS got there (probably no more than 5 minutes or so) I couldn’t understand a thing she was saying. Fascinating, disturbing, and profoundly sad hearing someone stroke out on the phone as they’re talking to you.

#4. Not something I’ll ever forget.

For me, the worst ones are always the calls you can relate to on a personal level. I took a call last month from a father who discovered his son with a bag over his head and a note next to his body. I’ve taken a ton of suicide calls, but this one was particularly difficult for me because the son was my age, and the way the father pleaded with his son was almost exactly the same way I’ve imagined my dad if I were to ever do the same. I’ve had the same “Come on, buddy! Don’t do this to me!” running in my head at least 2-3 times a day since.

Also, not technically a call but my first shift on my own, I dispatched the deputy I did my ride along with to a domestic that he ended up being shot and killed at. Hearing his blood-gurgled “shots fired” scream on the radio won’t be something I’ll ever forget.

#3. She was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.

I was a dispatcher for a residential alarm company similar to ADT. I would call people when their alarm was tripped and ask them if they were okay.
One day I received a signal from a residence from a glass break sensor on a window in the bathroom.
When i called the lady was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.
Turns out she was cleaning her bathroom and when she bent over she farted so hard and loud it set off the sensor on the bathroom window.

#2. Not even a little bit.

Not 911, but tele-nursing, people called me plenty when it should have been 911.

Grandma, calls me about her 16 year old, 40 week pregnant, grand daughter.

GM: Hey my grandbaby is pregnant and she just went to pee and said the cord is hanging out….is that normal?

Me: No…..not even a little bit

#1. Kindness and compassion in his last moments.

A young man 23 years old called and told me he was going to commit suicide. He was my first call of my shift that day, very early in the morning. He planned to set his car on fire with himself inside. He was upset and crying but he apologized to me. He said he was sorry I picked up the phone and he was sorry for how this was going to affect me. He hung up on me and the second time I was speaking to him I could hear liquid splashing in the background. He ended hanging up again and I never got him back. He did end up setting the on fire and it was fully engulfed by the time anyone got there. I’ll never forget his name or voice and I simply hope I showed him kindness and compassion in his last moments.

Edit: Thank you for the gold and silver kind strangers! I appreciate all the comments. I’m fine. Im lucky enough to have an amazing support system in my co-workers and I have an awesome spouse to keep me grounded. This call made me a better dispatcher. It’s easy to become desensitized to the horrific things we hear and this young man renewed my passion for helping people.

I couldn’t do it. Glad others can!

The post 911 Operators Remember the Calls They’ll Never Forget appeared first on UberFacts.

These Floating Wine Glasses Will Make Your Summer at the Pool a Whole Lot Better

Is there anything better than drinking wine at the pool on your day off?

Photo Credit: iStock

Now you can do so without having to swim over to the edge to take a sip.

Introducing: floating wine glasses, the solution to all your “drunk at the pool” problems. You can buy them from a few retailers, including Amazon and Aldi.

The Aldi glasses are incredibly cheap. They’re just $2.49 per glass, which is good, because something that is designed to hold your pool wine will probably not remain pristine forever.

They come in three colors, turquoise, white, and clear. They are only available for a limited time, though, so you need to buy them ASAP!

Photo Credit: ALDI

Not near an Aldi? Try Amazon. There’s a set of two for $20.99, and they float in the pool but look just like regular wine glasses. They’re multipurpose!

Photo Credit: Amazon

Looking at the product photo, it seems like pool water will absolutely get into your wine glass if anybody rocks the boat too much, but whatevs.

Here’s another cool set of four that’s much more colorful. These are $44.99 for the full set, or you can buy them individually for $12.95 each.

Photo Credit: Amazon

As a bonus, the wine glasses with the stake can be anchored into the sand if you’re kickin’ it on the beach instead of at the pool.

If you are not the pool type, you can also use these floating wine glasses in the bath, or in a hot tub or jacuzzi.

Btw, you’re welcome! ?

The post These Floating Wine Glasses Will Make Your Summer at the Pool a Whole Lot Better appeared first on UberFacts.

Keanu Reeves Doesn’t Touch People When Taking Photos with Them and We like Him Even More Now

It seems that every time Keanu Reeves pops up in the news, people love him even more…if that’s possible.

From giving up his seat on the subway to promoting kindness with his every action, he’s just about the most perfect human being on the planet (seemingly).

And now he’s upping his game, as people realize that when he poses for pictures with fans, he avoids touching them.

Posted by Unprofessional Madman on Sunday, June 9, 2019

 

Even celebs like Dolly Parton.

Posted by Unprofessional Madman on Sunday, June 9, 2019

 

He’s had a hard life, from his father leaving him at a young age to the birth of a stillborn daughter and the loss of both his partner and his friend, River Phoenix.

Posted by Unprofessional Madman on Sunday, June 9, 2019

 

He does his best to stay out of the media and reportedly prefers to spend his free time ballroom dancing and surfing.

Posted by Unprofessional Madman on Sunday, June 9, 2019

 

And stealing our hearts without even trying.

Posted by Unprofessional Madman on Sunday, June 9, 2019

While some people are cynical enough to believe he doesn’t touch women in pictures as a way to avoid being accused of sexual harassment, most of us know the truth.

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

He’s the real deal.

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

Because why wouldn’t he be?

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

What’s not to like about this guy?

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

And he knows what’s up when it comes to heavy petting. ?

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

Could he be?

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

Nah, he’s just a good dude.

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

And maybe it’s about something else entirely?

Photo Credit: Unprofessional Madman

Yes, Keanu is just an all around good guy.

True story!

The post Keanu Reeves Doesn’t Touch People When Taking Photos with Them and We like Him Even More Now appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Who Survived Murder Attempts Share Their Stories

The details of these 15 murder attempts are crazy and true – and, since they have happy endings, they also make for interesting reading.

Take a look at these stories.

#15. Got bad vibes.

Mines not extreme by any chance but a couple of years ago my brother and I went to walk the dog at like 11pm. We left through the side gate (live on a corner) and right as we exit I see this weird looking dude at the corner of the footpath walking weirdly towards us. Got bad vibes and told my brother to get the dog and get back inside. This dude is walking kind of side on and hiding something in his hand behind his back, as I’m getting my brother through the gate the dude says something like “oi mate can I come in, I need a blanket I’m freezing” I just ignored him and went inside and locked the door. We then get a call from the people who live two doors up, the same dude knocked on their door and their 10yo son opened it to see the dude holding a fucking hatchet. Anyway I’m glad I went with my gut on that one

#14. Thank god for nosy neighbors.

Thank God for my nosey neighbors. I always used to hate how nosey they were. Until this happened. When I was about 10 I was riding my bike outside. My parents always let me ride my bike outside during the summer, but only up and down the street we were on. One day, a man in a fan was parked across the street. He called to me, asking me if I had seen his dog and could help him find it. Me, being a dumb child, offered to help him find it, and I started walking towards his van. My neighbor, and older white lady, came BOLTING out of her house hooting and yelling, telling the guy to back off. The dude got back in his car in a hurry and took off, and it wasn’t until many years later that I realized how bad that situation could have been.

#13. I went furious.

I (18F back then, now 25) was on my way home at night after meeting a friend.

My home was just 10 minutes away from the trainstation. After a few minutes I felt someone following me. No big deal I tought, just someone else walking home. But I started walking faster. I realized the person behind me was catching up…weird. In my head I started to make up scenarios of how to defend myself if the person would attack me. Never would I think of this to actually happen.

Well, until I felt something on the back of my head, hitting me hard. I went furious. I turned around and attacked the guy. My mind was just full of anger towards this stranger who, what I thought, hit me.

We were wrestling until I fell on the ground. He was sitting on top of me, strangling me. I tried to crawl my nails into his eyes as deep as I could, but I started to black out. Suddenly there was this tought in my head “wake up, or you will die”…well, adrenaline kicked in again and I opened my eyes and screamed of the top of my lungs, attacking him again.

That helped. He stood up and began to run. I layed there for a few seconds, then I started to run home, still screaming.

My mom was already at our door and opened for me because my screams woke her up (or her mother senses, who knows?) She immeadiately called the cops and they could arrest him on the same night.

It turned out that he actually shot me in my head from behind. They assume that the gun didn’t work properly, the bullet didnt penetrate my skull and stuck in there, but as far as I know they never found out why the gun misfired. I’m glad though. He told the cops that he already followed me a few times in the past, but never had the guts to “do it”. He wanted to kill me and rape my dead body.

I know that’s a wild story, I have some swiss news paper articles as a source if someone cares though.

#12. They never found them.

I was 14 and outside in my garage petting my cat. It was November so it was already dark by 5pm. Someone opened the door behind me without me hearing, grabbed me by my Ponytail and starting dragging me outside. They hit me on my head with a brick and knocked me out. Pulled me halfway around my house when (I’m guessing this is when) they stabbed me on the left side of my stomach. This must have brought me out of my daze, because my mom said she heard me scream from inside where she and my brother And sister were in the kitchen. They came out the front door and saw me bleeding out on the side walk, called 911. had 12 stitches (double layer) a severe Concussion, and whiplash. didn’t eat and hardly slept for a week. They never found them.

Edit: somehow believed for nearly 14 years I was 15 when this happened, turns out I was 14. Edited to correct.

2nd edit: thank you so much for my first gold! ☺

#11. This was also a mistake.

I was riding in a train across Eastern Europe. I was running low on money and even though I had been warned that a woman should not travel alone in second class seating I did not spring for first class. I was sitting alone in one of the compartments that seats six. This was also a mistake and a very stupid one to sit alone. Eventually the train stopped and a man got on – he was very drunk. He came into my compartment and I guess thought I looked like his ex-wife.

He attacked me. If it were not for the fact that this particular station was the border between two countries I would be dead. Instead border patrol from both countries were on the train and while I was unable to scream, the door was open and at least a half a dozen uniformed men jumped him and saved me. I was in the hospital for a little while but recovered. At one point during the trial, one of the cops asked me if I wanted him and his buddies to hold the guy down while I hit him. I thought he was joking. So I said no, go ahead you do it. I was also joking. But it turns out they took it seriously and were about to! I did put a stop to that at least. But they were so offended that someone from their country would attack a young female American tourist. They were furious with him. So many people there depended upon tourism

#10. Don’t think he saw me at all.

Was a bouncer at a club in LA for a minute in the 90’s. Stopped some dudes clearly affiliated (in a gang) at the door after they refused security checks. After a few minutes of their threats & Manson lamps they left spewing all sort of warnings.

A little later it starts to wind down and because it’s a little slow & we’re overstaffed so I start to drink. I get a bit drunk (not wasted, but sleepy-buzzed) so I tell my buddy I’m going to go lay down in the back of his car for a while.

A few minutes after lying down I realize I have to piss. I get out and stumble a few into a spot between a guard gate (for a parking lot) and a building for a little privacy (there’s a few dozen people milling around in front of the club). I’m about 25 feet away from the club’s entrance and just off an alleyway.

While I’m relieving myself, a dude runs right past in front of me, around the guard booth to my rear, and unloads a 9mm (recovered rounds from back seat/trunk/roof/bumper) into the back seat of the car I’d just crawled out of.

“bam bam bam bam…” Unloading into the car.

He then turns, runs right back past me, and down the alley into the night. Don’t think he saw me at all.

Nothing really came of it. Except my partner was convinced I was a “marked man” and refused to be near me for a year or so.

Edit: holy crap, I kind of expected this to get buried. This was Los Angeles. I was about 25 (almost 50 now) so some specifics are long gone – but I remember this: my buddy was genuinely terrified by this, I don’t think he knew anything about it (in fact he seemed to interpret the event as a larger conspiracy to have me snuffed – not some random pissed off dude making a point/getting jumped in) and because he ditched the car/wouldn’t take my calls it got left at that. For those concerned with the car – it was, like, a 1980’s rusted out sedan…maybe a $500 car. Details about the slugs/number of rounds fired were relayed to me later by third parties (my friend and I were known in the neighborhood, people were talking about it). Thank you for the well wishes. Honestly though, this wasn’t even the first time I was shot at (it’s been a long strange trip).

Edit 2: Also, I tried to argue later that it’s just as likely the guy was shooting at someone else across the street and that the car just got in the way. But there were holes all through that thing. Back seat had 4/5, another 2/3 went into the back window and ended up in the backs of the front seats, another 2/3 rounds went right into the trunk. I honestly don’t know if he was a terrible shot, or if he hit right what he was aiming for.

Apologies if I’m doing this wrong, I suck at Reddit.

#9. He was stabbed 7 times.

I have a friend who had a party at his parents house when he was in high school that a ton of random people went to. He got super drunk during the party and went upstairs to go to sleep, knowing that his friends would watch the party for him. My friend woke up from his nap to a guy from his school sitting on top of him stabbing him death. He was stabbed seven times before it stopped and he laid there on the bed dying.

The only reason he is still alive is because his best friend came upstairs to ask him if it was alright if he made a frozen pizza and found him. The assailant was put in jail and recently was released and it scares me to know that a guy who “wanted to know what it would feel like to kill someone” (said during the trial), is still out there free.

#8. I was very confused.

My supposed best friend decided that my wife and I were too perfect. Therefore it must all be an act and I was obviously abusing her.

He was at our house after I made an awesome dinner and we were having fun drinking and singing karaoke.

I went to the kitchen to put some glasses away, came back and leaned on the couch with him slightly behind me to the left of me.

Then I heard a thunk and felt an amazing amount of pain on the top of my head. He had picked up the whiskey bottle on the table and smashed it into my skull.

I was very confused as to wtf was happening. Then the blood started pouring. I didn’t want to get blood everywhere so I went to the kitchen.

Dude is pacing back and forth saying weird shit. I thought about my gun (which was close by) but I wasn’t thinking quite straight. He left.

I had a huge concussion and still suffer side effects from it.

My number 2 goal in life is to live longer then that asshat just so I can shit on his grave.

#7. I was too late.

I was exiting a bar once after last call and was with a friend who was a medic. We saw a girl laying in a snow bank near a telephone pole who had just been hit by a car. We ran over and tried to help her, some others were already on the phone with 911 and I, not having any medical training didn’t have anything to contribute but didn’t want to just leave, the whole situation was concerning.

I turn around for a second and start to hear people screaming… I turn around a a minivan was heading for us, the few people around this woman. They already started to run, but I was too late…​

He hit me as I was trying to flee… put the car in reverse, ran over me again, and then went forward and run over me a third time.

Turns out the guy was high and drunk and got into a fight with the women’s bf, whom I bared a strong resemblance too. He thought I was him. Not to throw a pity party for myself but 9 years later I have a ton of medical issues, and my life pretty much started on a downward spiral since then… but sure, I guess I “survived”.

Edit: For everyone wondering about the guy, An off duty cop watched the whole thing go down, and copied his license plate number. He was apprehended 20 minutes later & charged with attempted murder, along with many other things.

He plea’d out to just 3 years in jail. He had actually killed someone else a few years before drunk driving. How they thought that was appropriate is beyond me.

#6. Next thing I know.

This all happened many years ago.

I was a lead man at a factory. A girl starts working there, and I take an interest. After a few months, I find out she is in a terrible drug-fueled abusive relationship. Every night, I tell her to call me, I’ll come get her. Finally after months, she calls me, I come get her and take her to my house.

The guy she was in the relationship with didn’t take too kindly to me taking her away. He spends the next 2 years harassing and threatening us.

A few months after she and I got married we went out for a few drinks. Her ex just happened to be at the bar we went to. He apologized to us for the threats and harassment. We were sitting outside talking with a few other people.

Next thing I know, I’m on my back on the ground with someone choking me. I try all I can to get them off of me, but being blindsided and them being on top of me, it wasn’t easy. As I struggle to get free, everything goes black, then I see “the light at the end of the tunnel”. In that moment I was certain that this was the end of me. I somehow manage to get a better hold of this person’s head, and I yank them off of me. We run to the car and get away.

A week or so later, my wife had been talking to everyone she thinks might know what happened. Turns out, her ex had paid 2 people $50 to kill me that night.

#5. Drive away, sweetheart.

I was abducted at a gas station during undergrad. The locks on my car were broken, and as soon as I got back in, a strange man came in and forced me to drive him to an ATM. I am paralyzed with fear so any sense or reason I had went out the window. He claimed he worked at Wendy’s and for my generosity he would give me all the Wendy’s I ever wanted. On the way to the ATM he showed me pictures of his daughters (on his clearly stolen cell phone). Then a Whitney Houston song came on the radio and he starts BAWLING his eyes out and screaming “Why do all the good people have to die, only bad things should happen to bad people.” I go to the ATM, take out cash, give it to him thinking it’s over. He then makes me get back in the car and drive him somewhere else. We pass by some train tracks and I’m thinking this is it, this is where I will be murdered. He asks me what I’m studying in school, and I tell him Biochemistry. “I believe in jet propulsion and all that shit. WE ARE NOT ALONE ALIENS ARE AMONG US.” He then makes me pull over at a gas station and he tells me “drive away sweetheart”. I call the cops, had to do a line-up, apparently this dude had done this to a ton of other women, and some were less unscathed than I was….

#4. He was perfectly civil.

Throwaway because it got some media. I’m a criminal defense attorney. I was representing this guy that had embezzled almost $500k from his business partner. He was looking down the barrel at several years in prison, a bunch of his assets had been seized by the government, was being sued by multiple creditors for north of $2 million, and was in the midst of an ugly divorce and wasn’t allowed to see his kids. I was one of 3 lawyers he had – criminal, civil and divorce. He was drinking a lot and using coke — I used to get this incoherent phone calls in the middle of the night that ranged from threats to crying.

He came to my office one day and asked for me but I was in court. My secretary said he was perfectly civil. He then went to his divorce lawyer’s office and shot him to death. Got stopped by the police a short distance away and was wounded in a shootout. He would later tell the cops that he had come to my office to shoot me that day and also planned to shoot his civil attorney.

#3. I was supposed to sleep there.

Sophomore year of college went with a friend to go hang out at his old college. We were supposed to crash with a few friends of his but we met a few ladies and ended up at a pool party. Next day went home and my friend started getting calls from one of his buddies moms asking if he’d seen him.

Turns out in the middle of the night a few guys broke into the house kidnapped my friends buddy and roomate. Took there car and drove them out to the middle if nowhere and executed them. I guess it was part of some gang initiation.

I was supposed to sleep there with my friend. I still somtimes think about it and get the shivers.

EDIT: spelling.

This happened in 1999 in stubenville ohio. Someone posted a link to the wiki page in the comments.

Thank you to all the people who commented. I posted this before work and then my phone went crazy for the next few hrs.

#2. My mom got mad at me.

Well. My mom got mad at me when I was 20 and I didn’t give her money for her birthday, which I’m assuming was to pay off drug dealers of hers, so she stabbed me between the ribs. Ended up getting stuck in the bone and had to get it taken out in surgery.

#1. I was that close.

I was doing volunteer work in Central America, working in a really bad area of the capitol city–it was a slum built on top of the city’s garbage dump. The whole place reeked of trash, and there were large metal cylinders coming up out of the ground throughout the area to vent the gas from decomposing garbage underground.

As a fellow volunteer and I walked down a dirt path, two men approached us. I’d never seen them before. They were acting strangely, but I just thought they were drunk or high–a lot of people in the area drank rubbing alcohol to get drunk, since it was cheaper than beer or liquor. Over time, drinking the rubbing alcohol would really mess with their brains.

As the men got closer, they began acting really friendly–too friendly. One of them came close to me, trying to put his arm around my shoulders. At first, it seemed like the behavior of a guy who gets happy and friendly when he’s drunk. However, an alarm went off in my head, and I gently–but firmly–pushed him away. I tried to make it seem lighthearted and playful, like, “Hey, man! How’s it going?” (Affectionate shove.) I didn’t want to make a scene, since I was a gringo; I didn’t want to seem like an ugly American.

This went on over and over down the whole path–he’d get close, I’d shove him off, he’d come close again. Finally, my friend and I came to a fork in the path, and we went one way while they went another.

After we got to the house of some people we knew, we told them about the two guys. (I was so focused on protecting myself, I didn’t even notice much of what was happening with the other guy.) They said, “Oh, everyone around here knows him. That’s his routine–he comes up to people, pretends to be friendly, puts him arm around them, then pulls out his knife and stabs them in the stomach.”

I was that close to getting stabbed to death.

Yikes! Dumb luck is really the best thing to hope for sometimes.

The post 15 People Who Survived Murder Attempts Share Their Stories appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Totally Wacky Things People Have Said in Their Sleep

I have to admit, I talk in my sleep a ton. And I’ve been the butt of jokes for years among friends and family members because of it. Thanks for the support!

That said, these 15 things people on Reddit shared about somebody muttering while asleep are pretty weird, even for sleep talking.

15. He was mocking them.

Once, me and our roommate were downstairs, while my husband was sleeping upstairs. We heard him yelling in his sleep and I figured he was having a nightmare and went to check on him.​

Turns out he was, in fact, not yelling. in his dream he had a bunch of creepy ghost children trapped in a hole and was mocking them by saying “WoOoOoO~ WoOoOoO~… Bitches.”

14. Would ya?

“Bleach your asshole already, would ya?”

He sleeps very hard, we can have conversations while he’s asleep. I’ve got several of them on video and they’re some of my most favorite things.

13. The money is hidden.

“The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation.” I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn’t understand and went back to sleep.

She doesn’t remember her dreams after she wakes up so it’s this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert.

12. I just wanted to see it to the end.

My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.

I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”…. he doesn’t remember it one bit.

The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”

11. Okay.

My ex used to talk in his sleep and kind of sleepwalk too.. It was pretty funny.

My favorite was when I woke up to him holding my coat to the door, dropping it, and putting it back to the door. Not like, trying to hang it on the door, just like…. holding it to the door and dropping it repeatedly.

I asked him, uhhhhhhh what are you doing? He gave me a funny look and crept into the bathroom slowly, peeked around, looked at me (in bed) and asked, “are you in there?”

“in….. where?”

“the bathroom.”

“no, i’m in bed…”

“oh. okay.” and he came back to bed.

My second favorite was when he shook me awake and told me “I’m definitely not gonna do it.” “do WHAT?” “yeah, I’m just feeling waaaayy too lazy and unmotivated right now.” no shit dude, you’re asleep….

10. Local boy massages.

I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had fallen asleep and started rubbing my back, which apparently prompted me to sleep-say “This just in! Local boy massages.. other local boy!!”

I am a 26 year old female but that night I was a young 19th century newsboy at heart.

9. You can’t forget gravity.

Wife: Oh no

Me: What’s wrong?

Wife: I forgot

Me: Forgot what?

Wife: Gravity

Me: You forgot gravity?

Wife: Yeah

Me: It’s okay, you can’t forget gravity

Wife: I can’t?

Me: No, it’s okay.

Wife: Good.

Out like a light.

8. The most important thing in the world.

One time while sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulder and told her “hey, people are just stacks of years” like it was the most important thing in the world.

7. On a fishing boat.

My husband’s Dad died on a fishing boat in the bering sea last year. It was a terrible way to go and he yells DAD very loudly like he’s trying to warn him a line is about to hit him.

6. I was so scared!

I’m Im the sleep talker/walker. One night my husband woke me up because my sister was calling him in the middle of the night. I was very worried and asked her what was wrong. She was practically in tears and managed to squeak out “thank god you’re ok! I was so scared!”

I guess in my sleep I had called her mumbled then set my phone down next to my speaker which was playing the audio book that had fallen asleep to. What she heard was me whispering then a strange man talking. She thought I had been kidnapped. She texted and called me and when I didn’t answer she called my husband to see if I was ok. He was confused and tried to assure her I was sleeping peacefully in bed.

I’ve also ordered bras and three gallons of almond milk off amazon. I’m not allowed to have my phone near my bed anymore.

5. We don’t even know an Abigail.

Completely at random: “OPEN THE WINDOW ABIGAIL IM BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL” we don’t even know an Abigail.

4. I didn’t go back to sleep for awhile.

My wife once in the middle of a dead sleep just did like a possessed scream/yell. It was from quiet to loud. Kind of like aaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. And then she started snoring immediately after. I didn’t go back to sleep for a while.

3. How come I get the Jetsons?

My wife doesn’t Reddit but she would jump to tell you that I said; “How come you get the cool spaceships and i get the Jetsons?” Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep

2.  Coupons.

I have two great ones:

I had stayed up late and husband was asleep in bed. We had creaky wood floors, so I was walking slowly into the bedroom trying not to make too much noise. I stepped on a creaky spot, and husband shifted in bed and then said, in a very cheeky/smiling tone: “I have a machine… that will shoot you.. if you move around. It’ll shoot you right now!” Then he was back to be being dead asleep.
I was reading in bed, husband turned to snuggle into me and then this conversation: Him: (in a cutesy, flirty tone) “Coupons.” Me: “Coupons?” Him: “Yeah, coupons.”

1. I want to tap your teeth.

We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.

One night he started giggling and I asked him why he’s doing it. Then he just replied with “I want to tap your teeth and make them go ‘hello’!”​

Still no idea what that meant.

Edit:

Just remembered another one that was very weird.

One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he’s in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.

Are you a sleep talker? Married to one?

I bet you’ve got some stories of your own!

The post 15 Totally Wacky Things People Have Said in Their Sleep appeared first on UberFacts.