Category: psychology

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Next Time Your Child Tries to Manipulate You, Use Game Theory Against Them

If you need even more proof that humans are born manipulators, look no farther than your average toddler. No one teaches them how to manipulate their parents (or try to, anyway) in order to get what they want.

They somehow just know how to make it happen.

And as they grow, their attempts become inevitably more sophisticated – at least a little.

Don’t worry, parents, we’ve got you covered with: use game theory to thwart their manipulations.

The advice comes from professor Kevin Zollman and journalist Paul Raeburn, and you can find more about it in their book, The Game Theorist’s Guide to Parenting. Below are some of their rules for negating tantrums, deflecting whining, and generally promoting peace in your home.

Force Cooperation

Image Credit: Pixabay

If you’ve got siblings who refuse to work together, Zollman suggests putting the prisoner’s dilemma to work for you. Assign your kids a join task, then give them each the same reward (or punishment) based on their team performance.

It might take time, but the setup will compel them to learn how to make alliances for the good of all.

Don’t Give Them Anything For Free

Image Credit: Pixabay

Instead of handing out privileges like the bigger room, the front seat of the car, or picking where you eat for dinner, make them earn it – they can bid on things that can’t be shared with allowances or extra chores.

Never Make Empty Threats

Image Credit: Pixabay

If your kids sense that you won’t follow through on your threat – or that it might mean making you the parent suffer – they’ll be less likely to see it as credible. So always pick punishments that benefit you, so they know you’ll follow through.

Force Them to Lie

Image Credit: Pixabay

It might sound counterintuitive, but forcing your kid to lie to your face repeatedly creates psychological discomfort they’ll likely want to avoid in the future.

Let Them Have Consequences

You can’t just bail your kids out when things get tough – even if it breaks your heart to let them cry over their own mess. If you swoop in and make it better, all you’re teaching them is that they can get their way by manipulating your emotions, which is exactly what you’re setting out to change.

 

There you go! Good parenting advice, if you ask me, whether you’re familiar with gaming and game theory or not.

If you’ve got a little manipulator on your hands, give these a try and report back!

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Here Are Some Funny and Real Tweets About Going to Therapy

Let’s say this right off the bat: therapy is good for everyone. Even if you think that you’re the most well-adjusted, smartest, happiest person on the planet, it would still do you some good to go talk to a complete stranger about your issues…because we all have ’em.

So, in the spirit of that, let’s look at some funny tweets about getting some good, old-fashioned counseling!

1. Come on in!

2. Might want to change course.

3. It’s not?

4. Oh shit!

5. Don’t do it…

6. Here, here.

7. Can I see your notes?

8. Oh…

9. Never a good thing.

10. Who? Me?

11. That’s a lot to think about.

12. Judging you.

13. Think about that one…

14. Don’t be too honest.

15. Hahahahaha.

Now, don’t you feel just a little bit better…?

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WOOP Is a Research-Backed Method to Help You Achieve Your Goals

All of us could use a little boost when it comes to hitting the goals we set for ourselves, right? A lot of folks out there have tried all different kinds of plans and methods to motivate themselves, but it’s just not easy.

Luckily, there is one that is backed up by research, and you might want to consider implementing it into your own life.

It’s called WOOP, which stands for wish, outcome, obstacle, plan. It’s a mental strategy meant to help you realize and achieve your goals. It’s also been called “mental contrasting.”

Here are the four, easy-to-follow steps to WOOP.

1. Identify your wish.

Your wish or goal could be something big like getting a new job or something small(ish), like going to the gym four or five days a week.

gym

2. Identify the best possible outcome if that wish came true.

Ask yourself how you would feel if you achieved that goal. What would the best possible outcome be from the situation? If a new job would relieve the stress in your life, maybe feeling calmer in your everyday life would be the best outcome.

Roman Cab

3. Recognize the obstacles that currently keep you from achieving that goal. 

Ask yourself this question: what is holding you back from achieving your goal? And, in turn, from feeling the best possible outcome? Maybe you don’t feel like you’re good enough for a new job? Maybe you don’t have any connections that could land you an interview for that new gig?

Manon a Job Interview

4. Make a plan to reach the goal.

How can you start to overcome these obstacles? Maybe you could start emailing or reaching out to a few people every week to make the connections you need to get your foot in the door at a new company. Maybe you can completely re-do your resume and send it out to all your friends and former co-workers, expressing your interest in getting a new job. You should also ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” to try to put your fears to rest.

Smile

As I mentioned earlier, WOOP doesn’t have to be for huge, momentous decisions. You can use this method for smaller things, like cleaning your house or exercising more. The folks behind WOOP say that it can “support all areas of behavior change. It is for people who feel stuck and don’t know what to do. It is also for people whose lives seem just fine but who feel they can do better. And it is for people who face a particular challenge or transition.”

And the research doesn’t lie. Study participants who followed WOOP doubled the amount of exercise they did over a four-month period. They ate 30% more fruits and vegetables over a two-year period. And WOOP helped people with diabetes improve their self-care.

And those are just a few examples of how it was effective.

What do you think about WOOP? Have you tried it? Did it work for you? Maybe you have some other methods for reaching your goals?

Tell us what works for you in the comments!

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When You’re Stressed About Money, This Is What Happens to Your Body and Your Brain

I think a lot of us can say that we’ve felt this kind of stress before: stress about being broke or very close to it. But how does this stress affect us, physiologically speaking?

We all have a fight-or-flight response system in our bodies that developed when our ancestors were roaming the land trying to avoid the many threats that could literally kill them at any time. Stress hormones are released when we’re presented with what we interpret as these kinds of situations – times when we humans have to decide whether to stick it out and fight or to run for our lives.

Stressed

But there are fewer saber-tooth tigers these days, and your fight-or-flight reflex is much more likely to be triggered by social issues – including dealing with money problems. When it does happen, the fight-or-flight reaction is very hard on the body. It can tense up our muscles until they hurt and mess up how our immune systems work, leaving us more vulnerable to getting sick. It can also cause constant stomach aches and headaches.

Stress

Another bad side effect: you might make bad decisions, even though, deep down, you know better. Aimee Daramus, a clinic psychologist, said, “Under stress, blood flow and electrical activity are reduced in the frontal and prefrontal lobes and increased in the survival parts of the brain, such as the amygdala.”

Since the parts of the brain where blood flow is reduced influence impulse control and planning, your decision-making process might get thrown for a loop, causing you to do things you normally wouldn’t do. Basically, you start to feel the walls closing in, which pressures you to act in ways that actually hurt your situation.

Daramus added, “We act quickly and decisively, but not always as accurately as usual.”

Depressed

On top of that, frequent stress reactions – whether caused by money issues or not – may cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Chronic stress might even lead to long-term physical ailments such as heart disease and diabetes. Finally, the stress may lead you to take comfort where you can find it – and that can sometimes mean in alcohol and drugs, which may lead to substance abuse problems.

Money problems are hard – really hard – but try to take care of yourself.

Remember, your only real wealth is health.

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An Expert Says That Unmarried Women Without Kids Are the ‘Healthiest and Happiest Population Subgroup’

We all face a lot of pressures in our lives – pressures about marriage, kids, happiness, and what the perfect ingredients are to live a “perfect” life. Well, the older we all get, we know that there is no such thing as perfect,’ and we also know that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for someone else.

As a man, it seems to me that women have it much tougher than men when it comes to societal expectations (though I can only speak from my personal experience). A lot of people still think that women are supposed to settle down, get married, have children, and raise a family. That’s been the ‘traditional’ way for generations, but what if those pressures really aren’t pushing women toward happiness at the end of the day?

Woman pointing

A professor of behavioral science named Paul Dolan published a book in 2019 called Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myths of the Perfect Life in which he makes some very interesting claims. Dolan, who teaches at the London School of Economics, said something quite controversial: he claims that “married people are happier than other population subgroups,”  but only “when their spouse is in the room when they’re asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f—ing miserable.”

Wow. That sure turns a lot of ‘common knowledge’ on its head, doesn’t it? On top of that, Dolan said that “the healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children.”

Dolan’s book and his claims are based on research that polled people who are married, single, divorced, separated, and widowed. Dolan also claims that men seem to get more out of marriage because many of them “calmed down” after getting married.

Dolan pointed out the different effects that marriage has on the sexes: For men, “you take less risks, you earn more money at work and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and dies sooner than if she never married.”

Woman's portrait

Dolan also added this little nugget about his research and findings: “You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children — ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner.”

Yikes.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments!

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Staying at Home With Children Is More Stressful Than Going to Work

Parents who stay at home are often pretty misunderstood. While many people assume they sit around relaxing at home all day, the reality is it’s a 24-hour job that is exhausting. Between caregiving and household management, the work seemingly never ends. One new survey found that, for many people, staying at home is more stressful for parents than going to work.

The Aveeno Baby survey, conducted in the U.K., asked 1500 mothers and fathers about their experiences as working or stay-at-home parents.

The survey found that a significant percentage of parents (31%) feel that staying at home with the kids is more stressful than going to work, rather than the other way around.

Photo Credit: iStock

“Becoming a parent is an amazing experience, but we understand that entering this new chapter of life can also bring with it a great deal of stress and worry, so we wanted to discover more about what new parents experience in the first few years, what they wish they had known and how best we can support them,” Aveeno Baby skin expert Rebecca Bennett told The Sun.

“From what you put in your baby’s mouth to what you put on their skin, every small decision becomes much bigger and you worry you might not be making the right choice, or are being judged by others.”

Regardless of whether you work or stay at home, having a baby is HARD, the survey found. 39% of parents reported constant exhaustion while 55% believed that having a baby is hard work even with a strong support system.

In the age of social media, many parents also reported that parenting apps make it harder for them to feel like good parents due to the constant comparisons to others.

Photo Credit: iStock

The lesson? Never assume another parent has it easier than you!

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People Share the Secret Battles They Are Currently Fighting in Life

People say that everyone out there is fighting a secret battle. It could be health-related, it could be depression, sadness, rage, money troubles, love troubles, etc. The point is that everyone is dealing with something.

AskReddit users shared the private battles they are currently enduring.

Remember to be kind to everyone and help people out whenever you can. You never know what people are going through.

1. Terrible.

“My mother has weeks or months left… Doctors aren’t optimistic, but this is indeed my last holiday with her.”

2. Still haunted.

“My mom died unexpectedly in December of 2011.

I am haunted by all the ‘what ifs’, ‘should haves’, and ‘never agains’.”

3. Torn apart.

“Honestly….depression. Cancer has literally torn my family apart. I lost my biological father, my stepfather, 2 aunts and numerous cousins to it. My daughter doesn’t have it but she stays sick, a lot.”

4. Hang in there!

“Diagnosed with 2 different types of cancer this year. And surgery, radiation. Starting to recover and figuring out what life will be like from here on out as I turn 40 in 3 months.”

5. A dark abyss.

“Trying to continue life with my daughter gone. I miss her so much every day. I’m fighting the guilt that’s constantly eating me alive because I didn’t protect her. I should’ve been more watchful but I failed my sweet baby. Life is nothing but a dark abyss without her and I’m not sure I’ll ever see light again.”

6. Staying clean.

“Going through methadone treatment while my two brothers are still using drugs. I’m clean now but it’s still a tough battle, especially because we live together.

I appreciate all the support and kind words reddit peeps. I’m in the middle of tapering down already, 30 mg left, and if anyone is facing a similar struggle just know YOU CAN DO IT! You’re the master of your own destiny.”

7. My psychosis.

“Psychosis. I’m under immense pressure to try and seem normal, to laugh like I’m normal and react and talk and socialize like I’m normal. But it’s hard when I’m hearing and feeling things that aren’t real, or when I believe things that make other people get weirded out. I feel like I’m at constant war with my head and I want so hard to just seem well-adjusted, and to not be fucking annoying all the damn time.”

8. Looking for a job is demoralizing.

“Currently dealing with unemployment and trying to stay positive in the sea of rejection letters. Luckily, I have an interview coming up but that is stressing me out because I don’t what I’m going to do if that doesn’t go well.”

9. Still grieving.

“It’s been a while since my husband died and no one talks about him anymore, it’s as though he never existed but I still grieve for him every single day.”

10. Exhausted.

“I just wish I existed outside of my own fucking head. Attempts at reaching out met with indifference feels like contempt after so long. .

3 people I love have died in the last year. I feel so fucking alone.

Nobody is having an easy time and I can barely think of anything positive, and when I do and share it, indifference is what I’m met with.

It’s exhausting. I don’t want to do this anymore for no reason.”

11. Reality.

“I have a baby with serious health issues who will likely have disabilities.

There are a lot of other things along with that situation.

Sprinkle in my own anxiety disorder / depression… Struggling mightily with life right now.

I don’t see it getting better. This is my new reality.”

12. A shell of my former self.

“Depression, Anxiety, PTSD.

Car accident at 16 left me clinically dead and in a coma. Massive anxiety from that along with PTSD.

Last year I lost my S/O because of a drunk driver.

I have horrific nightmares about both incidents. I’m a shell of my former self.”

13. This is sad.

“I want to kill myself, but I’m the only person who gives a crap about and helps my disabled friend in another state who is routinely abused and taken advantage of.

I mean, I guess I also don’t want to hurt my parents, but they should have thought ahead before reproducing when they knew how fucked-up their heads were. But my friend never asked for a neurological disorder. She doesn’t deserve to suffer alone.”

14. He doesn’t need to know.

“My kid is dying. Incurable, fatal disease. My wife and I decided to tell no one, not even family, because at that point our little boy will find out, and why does he need to know? He just needs to be a little boy and enjoy the life he has.”

15. Heartbroken.

“The girl i thought i was gonna marry broke up with me. I’ve been going through a faith crisis which has always been huge for me. I just feel so broken and lonely…”

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A New Law in Wisconsin Punishes Parents in Bullying Cases

From cities to workplaces to schools and other educational institutions, leaders are looking for better ways to punish bullies. There are initiatives from the White House all the way down to small communities, but on a big scale, nothing really seems to be moving the needle.

So Shawano, Wisconsin, is trying something new – they’re going to make the parents of minor bullies culpable by law, and see if that makes a difference.

 

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The law applies to online and in-person bullying, and it includes a grace period after the first infraction is met with a warning. The idea is that once parents are aware of the situation, they should have an opportunity (a 90-day period) to deal with the situation themselves before further action is taken.

If the child does not improve after the 90 days and gets caught bullying again, the parents will be fined $366.

Another infraction results in a second fine of $681.

 

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Not chump change, especially for families who aren’t well-off to begin with.

Police are hoping that the new law can help them combat both bullying and cyberbullying in the area, says Police Chief Mark Kohl.

“We feel without getting the parent involved, just giving a ticket of fining someone out of this isn’t the answer. This isn’t generated toward the kids being kids, some playground banter. This is the person that is meticulously using social media or saying things that are vulgar in an attempt to hurt, discredit, and really demean a person.”

I’m waiting for follow-up statistics on how this ends up working before making any final judgements on the idea itself, but I applaud their out of the box thinking – and their attempt to get the parents involved in combatting an issue that typically starts at home.

What do you think?

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Wow! Playing Music Benefits Your Brain More Than Any Other Activity.

If you’re interested in strengthening your brain, playing a musical instrument is the best exercise you can do to improve brain function, make you happier and protect against dementia.

Learning to play an instrument actually changes brain structure and improves functioning better than any so-called brain games. Those who learn to play when they are young also have better long-term memory and brain development.

Photo Credit: Pexels

A study completed by researchers at the University of Montreal found musicians tend toward more mental alertness over those who don’t play.

Head researcher Simon Landry said,

The more we know about the impact of music on really basic sensory processes, the more we can apply musical training to individuals who might have slower reaction times. As people get older, for example, we know their reaction times get slower. So if we know that playing a musical instrument increases reaction times, then maybe playing an instrument will be helpful for them.

Previous to this study, Landry discovered musicians have faster auditory, tactile, and audio-tactile reaction times, and an altered statistical use of multisensory information.

Photo Credit: Pxhere

In other words, playing an instrument is a complex and emotional task requiring multiple senses, inputs and fine motor skills. This is what changes the brain and can also help musicians be successful in other fields, like business.

Scans of brains actually show physical differences between musicians and non-musicians. The huge bundle of nerves connecting the two sides of the brain, or the corpus callosum, is larger in the brains of musicians.

Learning an instrument at a young age leads to the biggest brain differences. Even if someone doesn’t dedicate the rest of their lives to an instrument, there are still drastic changes caused by even moderate or intermittent study. That’s because music instruction makes these changes in the brain more efficiently than any other activity (that we know of).

Photo Credit: Pxfuel

From strengthening speech processing to protecting against dementia, learning to play an instrument is like lifting weights for your brain. So forget the dumb brain games on your phone. Pick up guitar or find a piano teacher.

Your brain will thank you.

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This Is Why Time Feels Different During the Holidays

The holidays can be a blur of family reunions, gatherings, workplace end of the year dinners, food, and fun. Then, January 2nd comes along and makes us feel like the holidays slipped past us in a curious haze.

Why does this happen?

Well, holidays can change our perception of time. Part of this is because people tend to visit their families and stay in their childhood rooms. Reunions with high school and college friends make us feel farther from the past or make us look forward to the future.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Anthropologists and psychologists have also been working to answer the question of how different cultures interpret time. Their discoveries show us that time is actually a social construct.

In Time Warped: Unlocking the Mysteries of Time Perception, author Claudia Hammond writes,

“Time perception matters because it is the experience of time that roots us in our mental reality. Time is not only at the heart of the way we organize life, but the way we experience it.”

Photo Credit: Pexels

Time as we know it today, a 24-hour span divided into increments of 60 minutes with 60 seconds each, technically began as a way to help industries and trains. Soon, all industries used clocks to decide when you should get to work, catch a flight, and do other tasks.

Many people get time off during the holidays. This allows them to experience life without the constraints of a clock – which is totally different from almost every other part of their lives. So don’t worry if you feel that the holidays change your perception of time because you are definitely not alone.

What are your thoughts on time and how it seems to warp during the holidays? We want to know your thoughts!

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