Parents aren’t perfect, and let’s face it – by the time you kid is a teenager, they are probably already well aware of that fact. Even so, I’m not sure some of these 15 kids were entirely prepared for the moment their parents did this.
#15. Just bemused.
“Went to my 12 year old son’s end of season dinner for his sports team, just an informal get together at a local family pizza place on a Friday night. One of the parents brought multiple cases of wine with him (wine salesman) and we all went a bit nuts. I don’t drink much these days so it hit me extra hard. Apparently when we were walking home I was hiding in the bushes then leaping out at random people pretending to be a Nosferatu type vampire and hissing at them. Hissing! My poor kid was mortified. Ps I’m a hobbit sized woman so the people passing weren’t scared by me, just bemused/annoyed.”
#14. Oh god.
“Not the parent but my boyfriend in high school was having a friend stay over and he forgot something at home and he went in to grab it and walked in on an orgy. We all felt so bad for that kid like… Oh god…”
#13. Never watched Tarzan again.
I woke up at night to grab some food, as I walked to the stairs I saw my dad crawling naked on the stairs making sounds like Tarzan on it’s way to my mom. never watched Tarzan again.
#12. We laugh about it now.
“My husband left us when my daughter was nine. I was single until last year when left she high school and went to college.
When she was fifteen she was supposed to be staying the night at a friend’s house so I had a friend of my own over. We got a little drunk and started hooking up on the couch and I got his pants down and he had the biggest rig I’ve ever seen in person. I went down on him.
And then my daughter came home early because her friend got sick. She walked in on me with this guy’s giant penis in my mouth and went “Mom what the fuck?! Holy shit!” and ran out of the room.
We were all mortified.
EDIT: Holy hell this blew up. No I don’t want to see your dicks. His size was only important to the story because it was big enough to make my poor daughter’s reaction go from mortified to just shocked, then back to mortified. No life isn’t a porn movie. She and I laugh about it now.”
#11. Folded up.
“Late, but funny. My girlfriends dad came home late after a night of drinking when she was a kid, didn’t know my girlfriend was having her friends for a sleepover. he stumbled in her room to give her a kiss goodnight and tripped over a cot in the middle of her room. he was confused as to why it was there, so he did the nice dad thing of putting her cot away for her. turns out there was a teenage girl sleeping in said cot that got folded up. Makes for good storytelling.”
#10. Home unannounced.
“Hope this qualifies: With our daughter away at college the wife and I would take advantage of many situations to do the bump-bump. One day I came home from work and I heard the shower running. I went into the bathroom and reached inside the shower curtain and pinched her ass. All of a sudden I hear this voice say, “what the fuck dad?” Apparently our daughter decided to come home for the weekend unannounced. I think I was more fucked up over it than she was.”
#9. The worst thing I could think of.
“The worst thing I could think of was my dad yelling at some guy that stole a parking space he was waiting for… this thread makes me appreciate having such a good childhood.”
#8. I got caught.
“I got caught masturbating. Didn’t hear them come in, they threw open the shower curtain to prank me. Couldn’t look ’em in the eye for a week.
Edit: The prank was the bucket of freezing cold water they were about to throw on me, not just ripping the curtain open to expose my shame.
Also, my top comment is about masturbating. Not sure if I should be proud or ashamed!”
#7. My stepdad’s fault.
“Kinda funny. When I was about 12, my mom threw a wooden cutting board at my stepdad. He dodged it, and the cutting board obliterated some super fancy antique set of spice storage jars my mom held dear to her heart. This was, of course, my stepdad’s fault.”
#6. Thought I was alone.
“Thought I was alone with my wife in the kitchen. Shoved my hands down her backside, started grabbing her butt like it was bread dough. Told her I was going to **** her until she passed out. We are into it and then I look up and lock eyes with my son. He doesn’t look traumatized or grossed out. He just starts laughing like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever seen. I’m telling you: two decades later and I’d still drop everything to grab my wife’s butt. She’s a hotty!”
#5. Guess what?
“My daughter was 17 when this happened:
An old friend called me and wanted to hang out so I said sure. I’m not a drinker but occasionally I’ll smoke weed. Until then I’d only smoked out if pipes and occasionally a doob. My friend handed me this weird looking pen thing and thinking it would be like a normal high I hit it hand three times pretty hard.
This wasn’t like smoking a doobie.
I was the highest I had ever been and my friend saw this and took me home. It happened that my daughter was home (summer) when I got through the door. I went directly to my room thinking I could just sleep this off. Unfortunately I am one of those people who gets ravenous when I get high and I was in no way able to cook anything. So I’m thinking about what I had in the kitchen and my brain flashed on cornbread. I could make cornbread. It turned out I couldn’t and I gave up after mixing the ingredients. So I’ve got raw cornbread mix and I’m really God damn hungry so my messed up brain just says “Fuck it. Eat the cornbread.” And I did.
About halfway through the bowl my daughter comes in the kitchen. There is no way in hell I can hide eating uncooked cornbread so I looked at her and said “hi! Guess what???” Her answer ? “Mom, I know you’re high.”
The story is not over.
An hour later I’m still high watching YouTube. I happened to be watching something like this (https://youtu.be/rGOOlcdpfLg). My daughter is crazy talented with makeup. I am not. She already knew I was stoned anyways so I asked her to give me a makeover like that. She did but it turned out terrible. The reason it was so bad was because I turned on my webcam just to watch transformation during the process. I could not stop laughing at how ridiculous I looked the longer she spent on my face which made her laugh.
She still gives me shit about 5 years later.”
#4. Could not stop laughing.
“Going to a movie with my 15 year old, getting out of the car I turn just wrong and twinge my back. She asks whats wrong and I say “I threw my back out humping your mom last night.”
She is looking at me like a deer in headlights, and I cannot stop laughing, which incidentally did not help my back.”
#3. Just any man.
“Friend was the parent. Found him in complete shock saying he was trying to stay calm, but knowing he’d just messed up with his teenage daughter.
Before breakfast at the start of what was going to be a non-stop busy day he decided to shoot a foreplay text to his girlfriend about some kinky thing he was going to do to her that night.
At the table he decided to sneak it in while his daughters went into the kitchen to grab the food… only he accidentally sent it to one of them… and it notified on her phone as they were walking back to the table.
He said the girls sat, and the one asked why he just texted her. He said “hmm?” – as he quizzically watched her eyes process what she read, look at him with betrayal, and then his heart slammed to a stop.
He realized what happened too late, or he said he would’ve dove across the table and knocked the phone out of her hand.
Cue a profuse apology and long address to many tearful questions about how daddy wasn’t lying that every man should respect women – it’s just that some women want to have certain things done and said when it’s only supposed to be a private matter between two consenting adults.
She now is over it, but from then on he went from being her hero, to just an any man.
Edit: for clarity”
#2. Nothing to see here.
“This happened to my husband. We had a whole gaggle of teenage kiddos over at our house one Friday night. My husband had a few beers, and then snuck off behind the garage to have a smoke. He doesn’t smoke in front of me since I quit. He had bummed a really strong cig, and it made him super dizzy. Just as he was keeling over, a group of teenagers came along the path just in time to see him fall over onto the lawnmower. He pretended to be getting ready to mow, which made them howl with laughter. They still talk about “that time Dad fell and tried to cover it up by saying he was going to mow at 11pm”
#1. A pony named Speedy.
“Shit I am so late to the party, but ..
My dad always tells the story of when he was 6 or 7 and his father (my grandpa) came home from a rowdy night of drinking. My dad says my grandpa sidled slowly into the kitchen with a rope in his hand and my grandma, who was sitting at the kitchen table, asked what he had done.
He then led a miniature pony into the kitchen.
The pony was named Speedy, he bit like a motherfucker and would never let anyone ride him, and one day he ran off. They lived around a lot of farmland so we like to think someone took him in and got the devil out of him.”
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