What kind of monsters don’t have an assigned side of the bed with their partner?
The kind of monsters who are friends with journalist Jeff Stein…
Several months ago, a couple we are friends with said they don’t sleep on the same side of the bed every night. As in, every night when they get into bed, they don’t know who will sleep on which side. Still blows my mind
— Jeff Stein (@JStein_WaPo) July 27, 2019
In every couple, there is an unspoken agreement (and nightstand full of crap you rarely need) that sits next to the side of the bed that is “yours.” That’s just the way of things, and it’s the way it should be…except for this one couple who thinks they can just sleep willy-nilly on whichever side of the bed the feel like plopping onto on a given night.
Stein admitted that though it seemed like anarchy to him, maybe there was something to it.
I gotta say while it seems like pure anarchy to me I’m also at least a little intrigued by the idea. To overthrow the chains of convention, end every night by starting anew, and let all that is solid to melt into air….
— Jeff Stein (@JStein_WaPo) July 27, 2019
Twitter was on my side, though, and basically thought those people should never speak of their strange bedroom practice again.
How do they know if they wake up on the 'wrong side of the bed'?
pic.twitter.com/M5PW0tPLb2
— barrieblonde
(@barrieblonde) July 28, 2019
Because who would do this?!
If one of us accidentally falls asleep on the wrong side, we need to wake up and move. My god, we aren’t animals.
— Matthew SNOWFLAKE
AF
(@mshalk) July 28, 2019
It makes no sense!
We swap sides in hotel rooms. I thought that was pretty progressive. These folks are radicals!
— Ryan (@AuraLeeHarvey) July 27, 2019
Do you want chaos to reign in your bedroom?
Whoa… even when we're on vacation we keep the same relative sides. I don't think we could sleep otherwise.
— Nervous Squirrel
(@Ratat0sk) July 29, 2019
What’s next? Cannibalism?
Personal log 10:02 The humans still do not suspect us.
14:17 *engage SmallTalk mode + SocialAnalysis mode*
We like sports.
(Positive result.)Yes, your baby is beautiful.
(Positive result)We have no set sides of the bed.
(Why are we on fire?)— Mr Dysphemistic (@manyshovels) July 27, 2019
There really isn’t excuse for this…
burn your sources. this is a fucked up thing to grant anonymity for
— the norms misser (@cd_hooks) July 27, 2019
They should be locked up…
Bold of you to admit you’re friends with serial killers publicly.
— Alanah Pearce (@Charalanahzard) July 28, 2019
Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme.
I broke up with someone who wanted to do this
— politics and poetry (@rebelpioneer) July 27, 2019
These are important questions, y’all, and idk maybe we need a follow-up interview or something.
Or maybe there are some things we just don’t want to know details on…
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