We are, to our knowledge, the only species on earth that uses complex language and as such the only species on the planet that uses insults.

Can’t really go around just insulting everyone who gets on our nerves though, so we developed a work-around that saves face while also taunting someone else.

According to Idioms.online people have been using backhanded (or left-handed) compliments since the late 1800’s.

Good to know we’re a consistent species.

Some people just want to use a compliment to get past the defenses we naturally erect around ourselves. Others just want to be mean.

Of course, not every suspect compliment comes from a negative place—often it’s just a matter of poor word choice or bad timing.

Complimenting someone’s hair just after they failed to get it the way they wanted it can hit a bad nerve real fast. No, we don’t speak from experience, why would you think that?

There are times, though, when a compliment working double-duty as an insult is the only way to get someone’s attention—to call attention to poor behavior for example.

Redditor cybersans wanted to see the best ones, so he asked Reddit:

“What’s a compliment but an insult at the same time?”

Age comes for us all?

“You must have been beautiful when you were young” ~905marianne

“You look good for your age.” ~ superspud0408

Judging people by their looks is always complimentary, right?

“You’re actually not as dumb as you might appear” ~ TrumpHairedHarambe

“You’re beautiful in your own way.” ~ CIoud_Wolf

“You’re much prettier in person.” ~ plutoforprez

And…

“You move well for someone of your size. ~ ReesieVA

“You don’t sweat much for a fat lass.” ~ Novack_and_good

Also…

“Wow you’re so brave going out in public like that! I would’t be able to do that if Iooked like that, I am not strong like you!” ~ oursider

Not wrong.

“You clearly don’t care about what the haters say” ~ Helpful-Meringue-735

“A girl I used to work with looked at me one day and said, ‘I love how you’re not embarrassed by your laugh’.” ~ Redditor

Timing is everything.

“This happened to me! I’m very slim.”

“One day I was about to hook up with a guy and we were getting undressed when he started giving me tips on what I should eat to put on weight.”

“When he saw my reaction, he tried to dig himself out of the hole by saying ‘don’t worry, I like you for your personality’.”

“He was so surprised when I put my clothes back on and asked him to leave!”

“He later texted me he was just trying to be nice and wanted to give me advice about my diet because he works as a fitness trainer and knows a lot about nutrition .”

“He also said I was too sensitive ” ~ Economy-Vanilla-967

Nothing beats the south for polite insults.

” ‘Bless your heart’.”

“The ultimate Southern compliment and insult in one package.”~ GALINDO_Karl1

There’s nothing wrong with comfort.

“Your clothes look comfortable.” ~ observantpariah

Some people got into the meaning behind the “compliment.” 

“I just got a Master’s degree in Physics.”

“I wear makeup when I go out and dress cute girly.”

“A lot of people tell me that they couldn’t believe I was doing physics. ‘Oh, you’ve got beauty and brains’ They basically mean two things:”

“People who do STEM subjects are supposed to look bland and unattractive.”

“They assumed I must be dumb just because I look girly/feminine.”

“Ugh!” ~sriracha_97

Others were confused. 

“ ‘You look so pretty for a lesbian!’ ”

“The f*ck is that supposed to mean?“~introverted_lesbian

Sometimes, it’s not the words but the context.

“‘Ohh, you’re/she’s/he’s very pretty’ when someone is doing/saying something stupid” ~ Impenetrabletoad

Fashion is the highest form of bravery.

“You’re brave for wearing that.” ~ Big-Ambitions-8258

What would a compliment be without casual racism?

” ‘you’re pretty for a black girl’ “ ~ chivalrousninjaz

I guess she’s supposed to say thank you?

“You know, you aren’t the type of girl I usually go for”~ Kritisk_

“Wow, you really clean up nice.” ~ cactusbishh

Subverting expectations often leads to some poor word choices. 

“Lol, this reminds me of a conversation with a coworker I once had.”

“He’s a real muscle-head and is always hitting the gym, whereas I’m the opposite.”

“I’m average height and was just under 300lbs(at that time).”

“Somehow we got to talking about weight, can’t remember what his was but he was shocked at mine!”

“His words after hearing I was close to 300lbs….”B*llsh*t! I’ve never seen a 300 pound person move like that!”. I couldn’t help but laugh.”

“The thing is, he’d seen me casually hop off 4-5 foot high loading decks with ease.”

“And I never had much issues keeping up with him.”

“Since then I’ve started working on my weight (totally unrelated to this exchange) and have lost about 50 lbs. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.” ~ RedBeardedMex

It would’ve been fine if they’d just stopped talking.

“An old ‘friend’ once said to me ‘your hair looks nice…for once’ “

“I cut her out a few months later for being a shitty person” ~ theginger_buffalo

“You’re really cool. Not at all how I thought you’d be when I first met you.” ~ leese216

Several Redditors even provided a handy template.

“Anything that goes by the standard:”

“You are [insert compliment] but you are also [insert insult]. Should do the trick” ~ YikesMaAssFellOff

“You’re *insert a compliment* for a *insert race*” ~ BastardousHuman

“Phrases like ‘with all due respect’.” ~ Prestigious_Skill_20

Backhanded compliments are often a way for people to save face while also putting another person down.

Of course, the compliment isn’t always meant as a sly insult, sometimes the words just come out wrong, or the meaning gets lost along the way.

Always be aware of what you’re saying to the people you care about, but also be mindful of the way in which you say it.

Compliments can do wonders for someone’s self-image or as a way to pick up their day – but a misspoken word or some hesitation in the wrong place can do just as much damage.

A turn of a phrase can move someone to excitement or dash their hopes.

The proper phrasing can ease someone’s mind or cause them to panic.