People Share the Hilarious Things That Were Blurted Out When Children Were Born

For a lot of people, there’s nothing more natural or terrifying than childbirth. Is the baby going to come out alright? Is the mom gonna make it? Will the dad pass out or not?

And when it comes to this Ask Reddit thread… nothing was held back. And I mean… nothing.

Doctors, nurses who deliver babies, what are some strange/funny things people have screamed while giving birth? from AskReddit

From surprise genders to raptor babies to some REALLY inappropriate things… these stories have got it all!

Let’s take a look.

1. Surprises abound!

My dad has told me they thought I was a girl all the way up to birth.

I came out as a c-section and the doctor goes “huh, this ones got extra equipment.”

2. Once you get there…

I am not an obgyn but I was questioning a patient in the ER about some other health problem, she wasn’t carrying at that time. When I got to the part about the gynecological history I asked how many kids did she have and how were they born. She had two kids and were both born with C-section. I should clarify that this was in Spain and the patient was gypsy, now gypsies are not usually well educated and women often marry young and don’t finish school, they also talk weird.

Now, the lady told me she had 2 kids and 2 c-sections and I asked her why she had to deliver by c-section she said because the first kid was a “come coño”.

Well, this can be translated as “p*ssy eater.” This lady was convinced that her first child was going to eat her pussy and had to be taken out before he did.

You can imagine my surprise.

At first I didn’t understand and left the room after the questioning still puzzled. I went and started digging in her file and found out that the c-section had to be done because after she broke water the doctors noticed the amniotic fluid was filled with baby sh*t, usually when a baby shits in-utero, it is a sign that the baby is suffering and has to come out quick, that was why she had a c-section. Now here is why it is funny:

  1. In-utero baby shit is called meconio.
  2. The doctors probably told this lady that she had to get a c-section because the baby comes with meconio
  3. Comes with meconio = “viene con meconio” in spanish.
  4. “Viene con meconio” sounds a lot like “viene comecoño” (p*ssy eater)
  5. Imagine being told your whole life that your mom had to get a c-section because you were going to eat her p*ssy when you actually almost died at childbirth.

I know it must not be that funny in English but I did my best translating it and hope some of you see how funny it was for me.

3. Well, that happened!

One lady was too posh to swear when in pain from contractions, she just said “jeepers creepers.”

4. Haha… can you imagine??

When I was born, my dad didn’t know that babies are usually born face down.

And as I was coming out he screams “OH MY GOD SHE DOESN’T HAVE A FACE.”

5. Let’s go higher!

I was high on meds at the time, I was begging for BBQ ribs in between contractions.

“C’mon, honey! The nurses will never know!”

They were standing right there.

6. Oh snap… that’s hilarious

Apparently, when my aunt was giving birth, she was all jokes.

Very angry jokes, but jokes none-the-less.

KNOCK-KNOCK! WHO’S THERE?! THE BABY! NOT YET!

7. Dino baby!

Not a doctor, but a father.

When my first child was born his head was kind of misshapen, and when the doctor lifted him up to show my wife she yelled “why the f*ck does he look like a raptor?”

I lost it.

8. Perfect timing

EMT who did a birth on the side of the road.

Woman shouted “f*ck me!” during a contraction and the husband casually replied “that’s how we got into this mess, dammit!”.

I had a very hard time containing myself.

9. Nope! Time to go!

Patient fully dilated, started pushing, then changed her mind. “I don’t wanna do this, I’m going the f*ck home.”

And then tried to get off the table.

10. Haha… gurl…

When my sister was in labor, she was screaming and our mom was trying to be comforting:

“It’ll be OK. Take some deep breaths. It’ll be over soon.”

Then my sister looks up at our mom and says “You have no idea what this is like.”

11. It’s not a tumor!

Paramedic here: Delivered a baby for a lady who did not realize she was pregnant and called us for ‘abdominal pain’

Patient: ‘You are an idiot! I am not f*cking pregnant’

Me: ‘Well, I can see a head crowning’

Patient: That must be a f*cking tumor!

The tumor was a healthy baby girl. Mom was totally sweet afterwards btw.

12. Bad timing…

My roommate and I just finished our labor and delivery rotation in July.

During one of the births she was helping out in, the mom and the dad were separated but still good friends. So while this woman is pushing out her baby she begins to half tell/half scream that my roommate should date her ex/the baby daddy. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: You should really….(screams in pain)….go out with….(Screams again) him sometime. He’s really fun.

Dad: I wouldn’t mind some drinks sometime, what are you doing this evening?

No, she did not go out with him.

13. Is that even possible?

I’m white, Irish ancestry so I had red hair when I was a child, and my wife is black.

Her sister was also in the delivery room. When the baby crowned her sister told her she could see the baby’s hair. My wife who can barely breathe blurted out, “The hair isn’t red is it?!”

Apparently she was terrified the baby would be black with red hair.

14. She’ll never live that down

My mothers labour was extremely short, I was born within an hour. So that means that she went from experiencing minimal pain, to extreme pain with little time to adjust.

When my dad was driving her to the hospital, he unfortunately had to stop for gas. He went into pay, and just then an elderly man in a wheelchair stopped him, asking him to buy cigarettes for him as the store was not wheelchair accessible.

My mom then proceeded to lean out the window, yelling “DON’T HELP THE CRIPPLE.”

We have never let her forget that one.

15. Get the tongs!

When my brother was born, they had to use forceps to get him out.

My mom saw them and screamed “THOSE ARE SALAD TONGS! YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ANY GODD*MN KITCHENWARE IN THERE!”

I am seriously crying laughing. The things people say at their most vulnerable are comedic gold, right?

Do you have a story as crazy/silly as this? Let us know in the comments!

The post People Share the Hilarious Things That Were Blurted Out When Children Were Born appeared first on UberFacts.

A Nurse Used Epic Pavlovian Conditioning to Exact Revenge on His Bad Roommate

Roommates are sometimes a great addition to your life. Roommates are also sometimes the worst possible thing that you just have to get through.

A nurse recently shared that he lives with two other nurses. They all work 12-hour shifts, and they all understand what their work-life is like. Sounds pretty good, right?

Well, except for the fact that he and one roommate work 8 am-8 pm, but the third roommate works 8 pm-8 am. So that means this third roommate is usually up late at night, and it turns out that he likes to have loud Facebook video conversations with his friends and family while he’s awake.

It wouldn’t be too bad, except that he tends to have these conversations out in the common area… and everyone can hear what’s going on. All. Night. Long.

So the original nurse decided to “encourage” the third roommate to have his conversations in his room, where no one would be able to hear him. The method? A little old-school Pavlovian conditioning.

The nurse breaks down the dynamic: everyone has their own sound-proofed space, their bedrooms.

The common area is great for hanging out, but maybe not for having extended, loud conversations.

During the day, it’s all good. But the roommate doesn’t seem to understand that the other two nurses like to do what many of us also like to do at night: sleep.

They initially tried to be adults about it, but it seems that it didn’t really work in the longterm.

But then… divine intervention:

You can probably tell where this is going, but it’s still really satisfying to read along.

Can you imagine how patient this person must have had to be? Months and months of training!

But in the end, it was all worth it.

Have you ever had a terrible roommate? Tell us your worst roommate stories in the comments!

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This Woman’s Photo of Her Twin Sister Illustrates How Tough It Is to Work as a Nurse

Every profession has its challenges and rewards, and I think it’s fair to say that nursing has more than its fair share of both. Between life or death situations, constant contact with irritated and sick humans, long hours on their feet, and sometimes being treated as lesser-than by doctors and others “above” them, nurses definitely have more reason than some to feel exhausted.

The truth of this reality hit Laura McIntyre as she snapped a picture of her twin sister, Caty, after her fourth shift in a row. Her sister was exhausted, in tears, and too tired to even eat the plate of food on her lap.

she's gonna kill me for this pic, but can we just give it up for nurses for a minute?•caty just wrapped up her fourth…

Posted by Laura McIntyre on Thursday, October 10, 2019

“She’s gonna kill me for this picture, but can we just give it up for nurses for a minute?

Caty just wrapped up her fourth shift in a row. That’s around 53+ hours in four days. That’s not including the 1.5 hours she’s in the car each day. She usually doesn’t get a chance to eat lunch or even drink much water (& she has to dress like a blueberry…I mean, come on). She is so good at what she does that she often forgets how to take care of herself while she’s taking care of her patients.

This pic is from a night back in July where she came to my house after a particularly hard day. She delivered a stillborn. Have you guys ever really thought about what a labor and delivery nurse sees? They see great joy in smooth deliveries & healthy moms & babies. They see panic & anxiety when a new mom is scard. They see fear when a stat c-section is called. The see peace when the mom has support from her family – because not all new moms do. They see teenagers giving birth. They see an addicted mom give birth to a baby who is withdrawing. They see CPS come. They see funeral homes comes. Did you know that they have to make arrangements for the funeral home to come pick up the baby? I didn’t either.

Caty (& all other nurses) – you are SPECIAL. You bless your patients and their families more than you will ever know. Thank you for all that you do.”

Nurses face stress, high pressure, and incredible loss on a daily basis, which means when they finally have time to let go, their emotions can overwhelm them.

So, let’s give it up for Caty, and maybe take a moment to hug the nurses in your life today.

The post This Woman’s Photo of Her Twin Sister Illustrates How Tough It Is to Work as a Nurse appeared first on UberFacts.

A Woman Wrote a Heartfelt Post to the Nurse Who Helped Her Brother After His Tragic Accident

These days, there is so much hate and overall unpleasantness being spread around on social media so often that it’s refreshing to see a story like this, even though it is based around a terrible tragedy.

A woman named Lydia Graham reached out on Facebook to try to find an off-duty nurse who showed incredible bravery when her brother Ian M. Graham died in a motorcycle accident in North Carolina.

Posted by Ian M. Graham on Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Here is Lydia Graham’s Facebook post in its entirety:

“Hi you guys/strangers who see this….

I feel funny writing this, and have debated writing it for a while now. I’ve decided I want to go for it, and the only way I can really think to get it out there is on facebook. I’d really appreciate if you’d share.

I’m trying to find the woman who witnessed and responded to an accident on September 10, 2014 around 6:30 PM on Route 147 between Chapel Hill St and Swift Ave in Durham, North Carolina.

What I know about this woman is this:

-she is (or was at the time) a nurse at Duke Hospital
-I *believe* she told the police she had just finished her shift at the hospital and was driving home, but that is not 100% verifiable
-She performed an emergency airway procedure on a stranger, in the middle of a busy road, shielding his body from oncoming traffic
-I was told she called the police the following week to ask about his progress, and was informed that he had passed away

I’m asking that you share this, especially if you are in North Carolina/the Durham area. If you know any medical staff at Duke Hospital, I ask especially that you share with them.

I’d like to find her, because I’d like to send her the following message.

Thank you.

——

You don’t know me; you don’t know I exist. I feel like I know you. I know you exist. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now.

In September 2014, you witnessed a gruesome accident. I am so sorry that that happened to you. I can imagine that it has probably haunted you at least a little ever since.

Your reaction was to get out of your car and put yourself into a dangerous and scary situation in order to shield and keep alive a complete stranger, in the middle of a busy road. I know that that was scary and traumatic for you. I know you saw things nobody wants to see. I’m sure you feared for your own safety, and I’m sure it was really difficult for you to find out that the man you threw yourself into helping and saving did not survive despite it all.

His name was Ian M. Graham. He was my brother.

Posted by Ian M. Graham on Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The post continues…

Because of you, he reached the hospital alive. He received the best medical attention and care any person could possibly receive.

I want you to know there is nothing- truly nothing- you could have done better or differently. I want you to know you did everything perfectly.

I want you to know that you did not save Ian’s life only because Ian’s life could not be saved.

But more importantly, I want you to know that that day, your courage and your humanity and your selflessness actually saved many lives.

Ian was an organ donor, and because he made it to the hospital and onto a ventilator alive, his organs were viable.

taken by Carter Smith at the wedding of Tina Patterson-Marcinkevich and Aaron Patterson-Marcinkevich

Posted by Ian M. Graham on Monday, July 28, 2014

Ian’s life actually helped save others, as the post reveals…

I want you to know that you saved the life of a 60 year old man with a wife of 36 years, a daughter and 2 grandchildren. He received a kidney from Ian.

I want you to know that you saved the life of a 66 year old man with 3 children and 7 grandchildren. He received Ian’s other kidney.

I want you to know that you saved the life of a man in his 50s, who had already penned his own obituary when he received the call letting him know that he was going to get Ian’s liver. His obituary can wait; because of you, his story is not done.

I want you to know that you are the reason a newborn child received a desperately needed heart valve the day Ian left this world.

I want you to know that you’re the reason a young child will not go blind after all. Because of you, she received Ian’s corneas.

Ian may have died days after the accident but I want to make sure you know that it was the accident that killed Ian, full stop. And because of you, multiple lives were saved and/or dramatically improved.

Also because of you, my brother didn’t die alone on the side of a road, scared or in pain. Because of you, my brother died with me holding his hand, whispering how it was OK for him to go now. He was in no pain. He was surrounded by pure love. Because of you, I got to say goodbye.

If my brother were still here he would have long ago tried to track you down, and had you been receptive he would have gone to any lengths to buy you a beer and give you the warmest, most amazing hug you’ve ever received. That’s the kind of guy he was. I owe it to him and to you to try to do the same.

Here my Halloween costume, Charlottesville. My name is "your ass on November 9th."

Posted by Ian M. Graham on Thursday, October 31, 2013

And get ready to get the tissues…

On a personal note, I want you to know that for a long time following the accident, you are the reason I woke up every morning and decided that on that particular day, I still wanted to be alive too. Because on so many days, the faith and love you gave me in and for humanity were the only things stronger than the devastation of what happened to me. And on those days I got up and I got through it. Because of you.

I’ve long thought it was unfair that you only knew Ian died, and nothing else. I’m sorry it took me this long to decide to write this and try and see if it could reach you. You deserve to know that you are a hero.

You are my hero.

I don’t know your name. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if we have anything in common. But I want you to know, finally, that I love you.”

Graham added an update to her Facebook post:

“**I’m editing this to say: I found her and we’re in touch. Thank you. I’m beyond grateful and humbled that all of these people helped me so quickly and so effectively. I love you all, too. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.**”

A very sad story, but a timely reminder that there are still a lot of great people out there willing to put themselves in danger to help others in times of need.

The post A Woman Wrote a Heartfelt Post to the Nurse Who Helped Her Brother After His Tragic Accident appeared first on UberFacts.

All Nurses Wish Their Patients Would Stop Doing These 12 Things

When it comes to jobs where serving the public is at the heart of your duties, the pet peeves can really pile up.

Nurses are the unsung heroes of the medical world, and they take more than their fair share of crap – which is why, for the love of god, please stop doing these 12 things immediately.

12. What if it’s a male patient, though?

11. They can’t handle it, and they won’t remember it.

10. Wash your hands, heathens.

9. The internet doesn’t actually know more than your medical staff.

8. It’s like they can smell the chaos.

7. A common misconception.

6. Yeah, even I know you’re supposed to hold your breath.

5. It’s so much less exciting, though!

4. They need eyes on that.

3. I’m pretty sure they’re not sanitary or practical.

2. Seriously everyone needs a break!

1. Understandable.

The more you know!

The post All Nurses Wish Their Patients Would Stop Doing These 12 Things appeared first on UberFacts.

Nurses Admit the Worst Things People Got Stuck Inside of Them. Yikes.

Are people ever gonna learn? You probably shouldn’t put foreign objects in the orifices of your body! I mean ever!

Here are genital horror stories from the Buzzfeed community and they are absolutely harrowing!

Nothing can prepare you for this, so here we go!

1. That’s your revenge?

“A lady came in with a knife still in her vagina. She claimed that an intruder assaulted her, but the area was not bleeding; it was as if the knife was slid into her.

She later revealed that she did it herself to ‘get revenge’ on her boyfriend…”

2. OH MY GOD

“My step-grandma was a gynecologist.

She once had an older woman come in, and at one point they took X-rays.

Apparently the woman had a potato growing in her uterus. INSIDE OF HER UTERUS!”

3. I fell on it…

“My adoptive mom who was a nurse once had a patient who came in with a flashlight stuck up his butt.

He claimed that he accidentally fell on it, but he had a history of ‘falling’ on objects that way.”

4. OUCH

“A coworker of mine had a patient who decided to stick a crochet needle up his penis while drunk.

The urologist on call had to surgically remove the object.”

5. Not a joke

“A guy tried to make a butt plug out of Lego and duct tape, and got it stuck in his ass.

I wish I was kidding.”

6. Not very bright (Hey o!)

“My mom always remembers the guy who put a lightbulb up his ass.

I asked her how they got it out, and her response was, ‘With great difficulty.’”

7. We need that back

“One night a man came in with the biggest black dildo I have ever seen shoved in his butt. We actually had to follow him around while holding a bucket under his ass.

When it was finally removed, his partner asked us to clean it off and said, ‘We’re going to need that back,’ and then she winked at me.”

8. This is insane

“A man came into the ER, blue in the face, looking like he was about to die. They checked all over his body but couldn’t figure out what was wrong. They flipped him over and saw a TAIL coming out of his butt. After doing a CT scan, they found a rat inside his rectum. The rat bit off part of his colon, and the man was suffering from internal bleeding, which is why his face turned blue.

Apparently the man decided to place a condom over the live rat to suffocate it and then place it up his butt so its breathing would hit his prostate and he would feel pleasure. The man made a full recovery, but the poor rat died.”

9. Time for surgery

“I work at the gastrointestinal lab at a local hospital. We were doing a colonoscopy on a guy who had a carrot stuck up his butt…that his wife put there. We weren’t able to remove it, so he had to go into surgery. The colon is curved, people. Don’t shove straight, long things up there that aren’t flexible.”

10. Trailing behind him

“I once had a guy come in with a shower head up his butt. He had the whole hose trailing behind him like a tail as well.”

11. Ballerina

“My friend is a nurse in the ER. One time a guy came in and complained that something was stuck in his urethra.

He said it hurt too bad to take out, and he ultimately started bleeding from there.

Turns out it was a little ballerina figurine from a music wind-up jewelry box. Wow.”

12. What is wrong with everyone?

“The craziest thing was when a man came in with a Barbie doll’s arm stuck in his urethra (pee hole).

Apparently, he ordered a sex doll off eBay, and when it arrived it was actually a Barbie doll.

He was so angry that he ripped off the doll’s arm and shoved it up his penis.”

13. At least it was a toy

“I once had a patient come in with stomach pains. I took an X-ray of his abdomen and asked what happened.

He told me he didn’t know. I hung his X-ray on the light box and saw that there was a toy lizard in his rectum.”

14. That sounds awful

“A prisoner came in with penis issues. Turned out he shoved a piece of floss really far up his urethra, just so he could get out of his cell.”

15. Did you learn a lesson?

“I’m a nurse in an ER. One day a woman came waddling in with a set of tongs stuck between her legs.

She used them to masturbate and inserted the tongs into her vagina. The clip that holds the tongs shut opened, and the tongs became hopelessly lodged into her vagina.

She had to be taken to the operating room to have them surgically removed and nearly perforated her uterus.”

Okay, I need a shower… stat!

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15 Memes That Night Shift Workers Will Definitely Relate To

If you’ve ever worked nights, you know how absolutely weird it is. The vast majority of the world is sleeping when you’re hard at work, and ot just seems like you’re out of sync with humanity.

Speaking of out of sync… you like to sleep, yeah? Well, then don’t work overnights!

Because, if you do, your sleep schedule will have to be completely transformed. Some are able to figure this out, but most are left wondering when in the hell are they going to get a better job.

Here are 15 times people who work at night shared their pain and made us feel better about our day lives.

1. Wait… you want me to work both nights AND days?!

Photo Credit: The Chive

2. Pound that Red Bull, kids!

Photo Credit: The Chive

3. Go. Away. Now.

Photo Credit: The Chive

4. Oh man. So much this!

Photo Credit: The Chive

5. FINALLY!

Photo Credit: The Chive

6. But why?

Photo Credit: The Chive

7. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.

Photo Credit: The Chive

8. One shift to rule them all…

Photo Credit: The Chive

9. Oh you!

Photo Credit: The Chive

10. Never thought about it like that, did ya!?

Photo Credit: The Chive

11. I’m sure it’ll work out… somehow…

Photo Credit: The Chive

12. What even is time anymore?!

Photo Credit: The Chive

13. Social life… I needs it! I wants it!

Photo Credit: The Chive

14. Not so happy hour…

Photo Credit: The Chive

15. Ohhhhhhh, we gonna have fun!

Photo Credit: The Chive

I tip my hat to nurses and firefighters and first responders.

They’ve gotta stay alert and awake most times when we don’t.

You have my respect!

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16 Hospital Employees Share Their Most Emotionally Scarring Stories on the Job

The emergency room is a CRAZY place. If you don’t believe me, check out this thread by Redditor FanisPapa, where asked other users this simple but brutal question: “Hospital staff of Reddit, what is an ER moment that has scarred you for life?”

Caution, the following stories are rough to read. You have been warned.

1. Every. Single. Rib.

Ex-wife is an ER nurse and this is the worst story she ever told me.

Guy was driving his Jeep Wrangler with the roof and doors off. He also wasn’t wearing his seatbelt, you can guess where this is going. What should have been a minor MVA ends with the Jeep rolling over. Not wearing his seat belt means the guy is tossed out. The roll bar of the Jeep rolls right over the guy’s sternum. Every rib, EVERY RIB, was broken in multiple places. He made it to the ER, but didn’t live long after.

Worst part: he was a firefighter at the station right next to the hospital. Everyone knew the guy and he was well liked.

2. WEAR EYE PROTECTION PEOPLE!!!

One of my colleagues told me about a guy that came in c/o eye pain and sensitivity.

Turns out he didn’t wear eye protection while doing some DIY home repair with a metal grinder of some sort. He had metal filings embedded in his cornea.

After numbing up his eye, they picked out some of the filings with a needle. My colleague was pretty sure that his coworker pierced through the cornea at some point.

I HATE eye stuff. I nearly puked when he told me this story.

3. Corked

My partner is an ER nurse so I asked her – she said an older lady came in one day and said that she couldn’t get a cork out of her vagina.

They asked how it got up there and she said when she shaved she puts a cork in to stop the shaving cream from getting in, but this time it wouldn’t come back out.

Said she had been doing it for years

4. Broken junk

Years ago we had a guy come into the ER with a broken penis….yep, a broken penis. He and his wife were having sexy time at what he described as “a very rapid pace” when he pulled back to far and came out when he went to shove it back in, he hit a dry spot on the side of her leg and bent his penis 90 degrees.

The problem was that he had ruptured his urethra. Scarred for life is a good way to describe the effect on the entire staff.

5. We all have limits

My mom works in the ER and tells me stories. Some take something out of her. Last year a two-year-old came in with head trauma. The 2-year old’s brother was backing out of the driveway and ran him over. After hours of trying to save him, he was gone. The ER went silent and the mothers scream echoed throughout the hospital. My mom said she couldn’t help but break out into tears when she left.

I have a son that was the same age at the time so it hit her hard. The Dr that was trying to save the child had already lost another patient that day and went on a leave of absence after that.

6. The moment you become an orphan

40-year-old man motor vehicle accident, not the patient’s fault, car swerved into his car on the highway. Patient comes into the trauma room with an EMT still giving chest compressions, patient’s vitals crashed on the way to the hospital. Nurses take over the chest compressions once the patient gets on the hospital stretcher. They continue compressions for 35 minutes with no positive response. Up until this moment, I’ve seen this before so not a big deal. A young 12-year-old girl walks up behind me and sees the compressions going on and stays silent. The ER doctor looked at her and then took over compressions for about 5 minutes. He tired out and a nurse took over. The doctor looked around the room at everyone with the familiar look of “are we all ready to call it”. The room is pure silence except for the noise of chest compressions. 5 more minutes go by. The doctor stops the nurse doing compressions with only his hands. The young girl starts to cry softly behind me. The patient was a single father, that girl became an orphan in an instant. I had to leave the room.

7. Beat down

Not ER worker, but had an internship with a hospital’s IT department and on occasion would have to service equipment in the ER.

One time I was sent into a room to work on something and there was a young woman there who had overdosed. She was dead, but they were waiting for her parents to arrive, which all happened while I was there. The mother begins wailing, understandably, but the father immediately begins BEATING the daughter’s boyfriend, screaming it was all his fault. Beating to the point of skull fractures and blood splattering everywhere.

It took three security guards to subdue him.

8. Ricochet

10-year-old boy shot in the head with a high-powered bb gun by his cousin. Came in fully alert, talking, normal mental state. Just a tiny BB hole between the eyebrows.

By the time he got back from CT his words were slurring and he was a little confused.

By the time Neurosurgery called back his eyes were pointing in 2 different directions.

By the time he was going up to the OR, he was starting to posture (abnormal body positioning due to primitive brain reflexes taking over when higher function shuts down).

This was all over the course of about 20-30 minutes.

The CT showed the BB went straight into the skull and pretty much just ricocheted all over the place. AFAIK the kid lived, but of course he’s never gonna be the same.

9. Cracking good time

ER call one night when I was a medical student. Chief complaint was penile pain. Guy’s mid-forties, seems otherwise normal, no obvious past medical or surgical history. Ask him about when it started and he tells me that it’s been hurting ever since he “cracked it” that morning. I’m assuming I misheard or that he misspoke, so I ask for clarification. He proceeds to explain that, ever since he was a teenager, he started waking up with morning wood, so he would “crack” his penis to make it go away so he could get on with his day. He demonstrates cracking by placing his two closed hands together on top of each other, then quickly bending the top one ninety degrees. He’s completely lost as to why it still hurts today when it’s been thirty years and the pain always went away by mid-morning before.

10. Face hole

FF/EMT turned ER Nurse here. Took care of a person who was attacked by several dogs. Responding officers had to use lethal force so that the medics could get the person into the ambulance. The dogs would end up testing positive for cocaine, steroids and other substances

We weren’t sure which hole in their “face” was the best to put a breathing tube into. I believe it was a 19-hour surgery.

She didn’t live too long after.

11. Cute maggots?!? No such thing.

Nothing scarring just mildly interesting: 1. Buttock infection from self-administering street bought steroids. Right buttock so swollen and raw with underlying tissues macerated creating a tunneling into his rectum. 2. A guy with backpack stuck to his back. Found like that in his apartment. Severely necrotic ulcer and very foul. We scraped like a bag and a half of cute maggots (visible and hidden ones) 3. Homeless guy. Bed bugs and lice. Crawling all over. Like lots. We-all-ran-out-of-the-room lots.

12. Sock foot

I removed a guy’s sock once. “I haven’t taken those socks off in 3 months.” The flesh came off with the socks because over enough time it “soaked” into the sock so the cloth and flesh were one.

It was all muscle and tendons underneath.

13. Karma’s a bitch

A woman I knew from a previous stay in our hospital was admitted. The woman was already about 95, basically tetraplegic from two strokes she had the year before, and “cared” for by her daughter. The daughter said that it’s quite nice that the mom can’t move anymore because she could just put her in a chair or a bed and she couldn’t get up and walk, so the daughter could go and work. People who don’t move spontaneously usually have severe problems with skin breakdown due to pressure ulcers and need to be moved around regularly, so that was kind of a red flag. With social services and our whole team, we were able to put the patient in a nursing home where she was cared for appropriately.

The ER-occurrence happened about three months later. We knew that the daughter wasn’t quite happy about everything because she wanted the mom to change her will in her favor. The mom was in no condition to ever be able to do that, but the daughter just didn’t realize that.

Well, she was sent to the ER from the nursing home with cardiogenic shock (meaning her heart was not working properly, and she was dying). The nursing home wanted to just let her go in her own bed at the home, but the daughter threatened to call her lawyer if she wasn’t moved to the hospital. So we saw her in the night, saw that she was in her last few hours on Earth and she was going to die (see above, she was old and sick and there wasn’t much we could do). The daughter demanded (and I mean with screaming and waving with her lawyer’s card) not to give her anything to lessen her symptoms. We also had to try and put a cannula in to “revive” her. So we had to try really hard, knowing it was basically torture for her mom – but the daughter had a certificate showing that she was the person allowed to decide on medical issues.

Best part is: daughter has a private practice for karma healing.

14. When parents are horrible people

House fire- family of six. One child didn’t make it.

Parent shrugged, laughed, said- “Well I’ve got three more don’t I?”

*To save the armchair psychologists of Reddit some time, this was not an instance of “Dark Humor”

15. The noises drowning people make

In the early 80’s I was a night shift Orderly in a small hospital when an ambulance came in with two drowning victims. They were in an SUV that had rolled into the water and they were unable to escape. They had been under water for a long time so there was no attempt to resuscitate.

The State Police had been called to collect a blood alcohol sample and to maintain the chain of custody someone had to stay with the bodies until the Trooper arrived, and I drew the short straw. For a half hour, I was shut in a small examination room with two people who I knew (small town) waiting, and drowning victims make noises.

It was horrible having to see the parents arrive to identify their daughters and it was bad seeing a cardiac blood draw but the noises stuck with me for a long time. It didn’t help that I had been reading Stephen King’s Night Shift when the ambulance arrived.

16. “I only came out to see him suffer.”

Cousin told me this one. He was doing side work in an acute care nursing facility, and full time as a critical care nurse.

He is standing next to the bed of stroke victim. The guy is twisted into a knot, and suffering every moment of every day. There is no going back.

My cousin says to the man’s wife, “Look, this is as good as it gets. We can keep him alive for a long time, but every day will be a day of suffering. Maybe it is time to let him go.”

Her reply, “F_ck him. He cheated on me our whole marriage. That mother f_cker is getting the full ride. I only came out to see him suffer.”

He was stunned, but he couldn’t do a thing about it.

Well, that was insane.

Have a good night!

The post 16 Hospital Employees Share Their Most Emotionally Scarring Stories on the Job appeared first on UberFacts.

If You’re a Nurse, These Memes Were Made For You

Nurses are some of the hardest working people in the world, and absolutely among the unsung heroes of our society. I’ve been fortunate enough to only ever have had one extended stay in a hospital (as a visitor, thankfully), and I can’t imagine how awful it would have been without the care and hard work that the nursing staff put in.

That’s why it’s so important for nurses to get a  good laugh once in a while, which is where these memes come in.

1. Good night and good luck

Photo Credit: someecards

2. Tell me all about it

Photo Credit: someecards

3. And you look great!

Photo Credit: someecards

4. Now or never

Photo Credit: someecards

5. Uh huh…

Photo Credit: someecards

6. Hang on, I’m gonna puke

Photo Credit: someecards

7. Top of your game

Photo Credit: someecards

8. Does this work?

Photo Credit: someecards

9. Trust issues

Photo Credit: someecards

10. Avoid the sun

Photo Credit: someecards

11. Makes sense

Photo Credit: someecards

12. You sure about that?

Photo Credit: someecards

13. And now?

Photo Credit: someecards

14. Just like that

Photo Credit: someecards

15. You’re done

Photo Credit: someecards

16. You’re still alive, shut up

Photo Credit: someecards

17. And…done!

Photo Credit: someecards

18. Please never come back

Photo Credit: someecards

19. You got the touch

Photo Credit: someecards

20. The boss

Photo Credit: someecards

Let’s all give the nurses in our lives a high-five for all the hard work they do!

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This Nurse Has a Very Powerful Message for Anti-Vaxxers

Meggy Doodle is a nurse who’s had enough with all these anti-vaxxers talking about how “Big Pharma” is just out to get you. Considering she’s a nurse, we’d say she knows what she’s talking about. Maybe that’s why her Facebook rant on the issue is going viral.

Here’s how it starts:

Photo Credit: Facebook

Don’t want to vaccinate, don’t do it. Fair enough. She continues:

Photo Credit: Facebook

Well, that seems harsh. I suspect there’s a reason for this, though.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Ah, things are coming together. I wonder what else “Big Pharma” is behind?

Photo Credit: Facebook

No getting away from “Big Pharma,” then. Fair enough. This isn’t all she has to say to anti-vaxxers, though.

Photo Credit: Facebook

I think they have a different definition of “research.”

Of course, anti-vaxxers may think that since everyone else is vaccinated, they’re okay. Doodle points out that that’s not actually the case.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Mic drop.

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