People Share Embarrassing Moments That They Nearly Stopped (But Decided Not To)

Would you stop a friend before they made a complete ass out of themselves, or would you let the chips fall where they may?

Personally, I couldn’t do that to a friend. Maybe a foe.

You’re about to see a lot of chips falling because these 12 people just couldn’t help but watch these embarrassing moments unfold.

12. Tight fit

I was sitting in a car in a Home Depot parking lot watching these two guys tie drywall to the top of their car. They were running the rope through the driver and passenger side window. With the door closed. So, I watched.

Of course they got done, went to open the doors… And couldn’t open them. They had to jump through the window.

One of the guys was a short little fat guy. He hopped into the window and got stuck. I could only see the ass end as he struggled to get in.

The thought of him wedged in the window kicking his feet to get in still cracks me up.

11. That’s a bold strategy Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.

My colleague who had a crush on one of our higher-ups said he wanted to text her about a basketball game we were watching that we knew she’d be interested in because she brought it up at a meeting.

When he asked what he should say I jokingly said “What are you wearing?” thinking he would understand it was a joke, like any other normal human being.

Instead he started texting it.

I just sat staring then asked “No..you didn’t?” He replied “Oh. Probably shouldn’t have said that.” We waited for her response which was “?” then he came up with “Which jersey? Duh.”

She was very nice about it. Didn’t socialize with him much after that, being married, our boss, older and all…

Probably could have been fired. Michael Scott social skills.

10. Putting them on blast

Not long ago I spent 9 months on an aircraft carrier for deployment. About 6 months in the days were all looking the same so anything for a laugh was welcome.

One afternoon I visited a bathroom near my workstation to find a friend (and the walls and ceiling) dripping wet. He said the toilet had “exploded” in his face when he flushed it. Now, it’s not uncommon for pipes to break and I had a small chuckle at his misfortune. It wouldn’t even have been memorable had it ended there.

A while later I returned (trying to stay hydrated) and someone was in the stall mopping the place up. Again, nothing memorable, i take care of my business and leave but think “wow they fixed that quickly.”

Back again, after a quick drain I’m washing my hands and see someone I don’t really know enter the stall in question. At this point it dawns on me the average repair time for issues like this is usually weeks, not hours. I expected to see tape labeling the stall “secured” but here was this guy, taking a leak in a mopped dry stall. The thought to warn him crosses my mind…… but I just have to know. I need this.

I take a step to my left as the trickle stops. The metal clink of the handle is immediately followed by the rush of a fire hose at full blast. Water sprays clear out onto the mirror I had been looking through, against the stall walls and pounds against the ceiling. When the blast ends, and the bottom of the stall looks like water fall. I hear soggy boots slowly turn around with a squishy “slosh” and out steps a dripping Marine in a drenched uniform.

We exchanged surprised glances as I suppress my laughter. To break the silence he says “well, that sucked,” and slowly sloshed out of the bathroom.

Could have stopped it, but it made my day/week/month/deployment.

9. Shibby Shibby

This one is reversed as it was my friend laughing maniacally while it happened to me.

My college roommate used to work at this chicken restaurant called chicken express. We would go eat at a location close to campus (this was not the location that he actually worked at) pretty often cause its delicious.

So one time he tells me, “hey man when you order the tenders make sure you say ‘shibby shibby’ after your order. That’s the code to tell them you work at Chicken E and they’ll hook you up with like 20 tenders.” Maybe it was wishful thinking or just plain stupidity, but i totally believed him.

We drove through the drive-thru and he was in the back seat. The conversation with the employee went like this:
“Um I’ll have 2 number ones with mashed potatoes… shibby shibby”
“Okay 2 number ones with mashed potatoes and a what was the last thing?”
“…shibby shibby?”
“Having trouble hearing you.. a what now?”
“…shibby..shib…by”
“Sir I have no idea what you’re trying to say, do you wanna pull around?”

At which point I look back and see my friend almost turning blue from trying to hold his laughter in. He totally lost it and I just drove off…

8. She’s not going to have a good time.

I was at a casino buffet once standing in the sushi section waiting for my turn.

This old white lady cuts the line and takes a huge dollup of wasabi and puts it on her plate full of Mexican food.

I can only assume she thought it was guacamole, which for some reason, they kept next to sushi.

In the moment, I felt she deserved what was coming to her.

7. Heavy petting

It happened in high school while watching a educational movie.

We were two classes tucked into a small classroom to watch it together. So people had to sit on the desks as there wasn’t enough chairs. I sat next to my friend’s girlfriend on a desk, with my friend on a chair in front of us.

She strokes her hand through his his hair, he takes his hand behind his back, and proceeds to stroke her leg.

Only thing was, it was my leg.

I poked his girlfriend to let her know what was going on, we both knew what had to be done without uttering the words. We let this go on for a good 5 minutes, constantly fighting the urge to laugh out loud.

Then I slowly pulled my trouser leg up. He stroked my very furry leg for about half a second before he realized something was very wrong.

I’ll never forget his face when he turned around to see what was going on.

6. Flirty McFlirtyson

My wife and I decided to hang out with some friends one night and we noticed a new guy joined the group. He seemed nice but a little off (turned out to be a total stalker who always carried a backpack, we nicknamed it the rape kit).

Anyways, we were playing some games and this guy manages to cut his hand wide open. Since no one really knows they guy I offer to take him to the hospital. My wife and I jump in the car and I let him sit in the front seat. He seems super happy about my wife riding along with us and starts chatting with her.

I keep peeking in the mirror realizing he’s total interested in my wife and my wife is trying to keep a straight face. She lets him flirt trying to be nice and not embarrass him as I drive in silence until we get to the hospital.

He hops out and is trying to make plans with my wife to go out to dinner or a movie and she’s dropping hints like flashing her ring and telling him she’s busy. Finally he’s like fine if you don’t want to go out, just say so. I laugh and tell him I don’t let my wife go out on dates without me.

He got beet red and told us he’d find his own way home. I think I enjoyed watching the boost of confidence it gave my wife the most. I can tell her she’s amazing all the time, but stuff like that is proof.

5. Instant karma’s gonna get you…

Last summer we went camping, and when I tried to use one of the campground coin operated showers I was disappointed when I put in a dollar and it didn’t work. As I waited for the one that DID work a guy came up behind me and said, “hey, it looks like that shower room is vacant, are you waiting for this one in particular?” I explained that I had tried it but that it was out of order, so there was now two of us waiting for one shower room.

Just minutes later a woman and three kids comes by, looks at us waiting in line and makes a dash for the vacant shower room. One of the kids looked at us and quietly asks if there’s a line and she responds “Shhhhhhh”, and the four of them go in and switch the door to “occupied”.

Maybe I’m the one who should be embarrassed by not telling her. Undressing yourself and three kids, inserting quarters that you’ll never get back only to have to re-dress everyone and sheepishly get in the line you should have been in to begin with is probably a bit of an overkill for the crime of seeing an opportunity and taking it.

Anyway, she was there in an even longer line when I got out and glared at me as I went back to my family’s camping spot. It definitely made me feel less bad about allowing her to go on a karmic adventure.

4. With friends like this…

So in college I became friends with this girl who was kind of a world traveler right when I transferred in. She was a part of the international group that welcomed all of the international students and shortly after invited me to a party for all the international students.

I’m meeting lots of new people and there is a really stunning girl from Italy that I was interested in talking to. My friend encouraged me to go open with “Bella figa” when talking with her. “Beautiful girl” was the meaning.

It had Bella in it so I thought what the hell. I make my way to her, introduce myself, and say those magical words. The beautiful Italian girl gave me the most repulsed look and walked away.

I turn around and my friend is laughing hysterically.

It translates to “you have a beautiful pussy.”

3. Chair Force One

While waiting for a briefing, a room full of Air Force airmen intentionally sat in every chair other than a damaged one they knew would dip very far back when someone sat in it.

I arrived and the room was full. The anticipation was palpable. I already knew about the chair – I thought everyone did – so I sat in the only other one available and realized the last person absent at that point was a generally disliked Senior NCO (a higher-up sergeant for those of who you don’t know).

As a junior NCO, I should have taken the initiative to inform said SNCO about the chair when he arrived…and for a second, I was going to tell him.

Then I didn’t. haha

All the airmen erupted in laughter when it happened and it took every ounce of fortitude for me not to, as well. I was definitely LOL on the inside, though. I’m not proud. haha

2. Clitoris!!

Teacher in class reading the review questions from of the end of the textbook chapter. One guy was sort of falling asleep on left side of the room.

The teacher loved calling on people he knew weren’t paying attention. So he calls on him to answer. I don’t remember what the question was.

The guy jumps up in his seat and mumbles to his friend sitting behind him asking what the answer is since he obviously didn’t even hear the question. Without hesitation his friend whispers, “Answer is B, clitoris.”

And as fast as he can he yells out “B. Clitoris.” And once he realizes what he just said sinks lower in his chair than I thought possible and turns fire-engine red, all while swearing at his friend behind him. I laughed so hard I cried.

The teacher just looked at him and pretended he didn’t hear his answer and asked him to give it again. Which he obviously by then figured out what the actual multiple choice options were and gave one of those.

We knew his friend was going to give him the wrong answer and man am I glad everyone let it happen.

1. “I was a 19 year old girl, and even I was grabbing my crotch when I heard it.”

I had a friend in college that dared people to kick him in the balls after he’d had too much to drink. We’ll call him Dave.

Part of his party trick was to keep a straight face the whole time. His success rate had given him a false sense of confidence, so he just kept egging people on. Keep in mind that the ball kickers were usually drunk freshman who could barely put any power into it.

Then one night, he decides to up the ante and ask one of the school athletes in attendance (we’ll call him Ricky.) I knew Ricky played soccer, and though I’m usually the buzzkill that asks everyone to be doubly sure they “really wanna do this,” I decided to let Dave go for it.

Ricky, who was also completely sober, accepted the challenge. He took a deep breath, pretended like he was readying himself for kick off and took aim at Dave’s package. What unfolded after that moment continues to pull at my heartstrings.

The moment that Ricky’s foot met Dave’s crotch elicited a look of horror from every man in the room. Ricky had taken Dave’s dare seriously, and his foot landed with so much force that it was reminiscent of the sound that a boxing glove makes on a bag except with a tiny squish. I was a 19 year old girl, and even I was grabbing my crotch when I heard it.

Dave quietly excused himself, while Ricky apologized profusely. After Dave hadn’t been seen for awhile, I went looking for him and found him lying in a ball on the bathroom floor. He had been there for about half an hour. He looked at me and said “I think I need help.”

Ricky, who was still feeling guilty, was also sober and I asked him to drive us to the hospital. They did the whole nine yards for Dave, including an ultrasound. I waited outside the room, but I could tell that the ultrasound tech was trying to make small talk, so while he was imaging Dave’s balls and shaft, I could hear him talking about a Peter Gabriel album.

The doctor said that Ricky’s foot hit Dave’s crotch with such force that it was as if he had sustained a stab wound to his genitals. He spent the rest of the year with a banana hammock underneath his jeans.

The only funny part was that, since he dressed like a generic hipster, he had to buy new pants so they would fit over it.

tldr; don’t dare people to kick you in the balls

We know you can choose a lot of sites to read, but we want you to know that we’re thankful you chose Did You Know.

You rock! Thanks for reading!

The post People Share Embarrassing Moments That They Nearly Stopped (But Decided Not To) appeared first on UberFacts.

July 12, 2019

Waiters Share the Most Insane Things They’ve Overheard at Their Tables

Waiters must hear a ton of ridiculous things every day with the flow of people in and out of their places of employment.

Check out these 26 Reddit stories from waiters and waitresses who overheard hilarious conversations and bizarre customer interactions.

1. No ifs, ands, or butts about it

I had a summer job at a seafood place around the Charleston area. I seat this couple who were pretty funny. Anyways, I bring them their drinks and ask if they’re ready to order. I can’t remember what the husband ordered, but the wife didn’t like it. So he looks at her and says “Woman, I’ll still eat that butt of yours when you eat chili, so don’t give me no crap for ordering what I want”. She immediately replied “Harvey, I just need you to shut the hell up”. Then they both started laughing. Best table ever. And they tipped me like $20.

2. Clearly a bad girl

I saw a mother take her knife and with the flat part of it, whack the hand of her 2 year-old child because she was drawing something with her left hand. She yelled at her “No, use your right hand. Good girls don’t write with their left hand.”

This was as I was standing there taking their order and writing with my left hand.

3. You read that right

My favorite was a group of nurses. Pouring waters as one says the sentence “So a guy came in for an adult circumcision yesterday…”

Never ask a nurse about their day. It was worse than yours.

4. Princess Mommy

I approached a table with a family of five to take their order. Two adults and three kids from about 5 to 10 or so. One of the kid starts to say something and the father cuts him off by saying “Don’t say another word Peter. Nobody says a thing until princess Mommy makes up her mind and decides what she wants for dinner.” Followed by long awkward silence and me leaving.

5. Clown, ’nuff said

Party of five or six, it’s a group of friends having dinner. In walks a clown. Clown starts randomly walking around the restaurant doing balloon animals for kids and stuff like that. I have no idea what is going on, we didn’t hire this guy.

He walks over to the table of 5 or 6 and selects a man from the table to perform a magic trick for. He did the trick, a small flash of smoke and fire happens and then magically there is an engagement ring on a rope. The man takes the ring and the woman gets on her knees and asks the man to marry her. The man says no, tells her to get up and they continue dinner. This table now has the attention of the entire restaurant (like 300-400 people on our busiest night). Everybody just turned away and started awkwardly eating like nothing happened.

6. I hope you would

Shucker at an oyster bar here. So other than all the obvious terrible jokes I get, I can say, without a doubt, the most messed up thing I’ve ever heard was a man sitting with a woman who was getting more and more distraught and the man looks at her and says “Look, I told you when this whole thing started if I had to choose between you or my wife I’m picking my wife”.

7. Billy Bob dreams

I waited tables for 10 years at this small family owned restaurant in rural Ohio that had a “famous” sandwich. It was on a few Food Network shows and stuff like that.

A family comes in. Mom, dad, two little kids. I take their drink orders and as I am getting the drinks, the dad pulls me aside.

Dad: “My son is obsessed with Billy Bob Thorton. We told him that Billy Bob comes here and eats from time to time, so could you just play along.”

Me: “Yeah of course, no problem.”

I return with the drinks and the son, who is about 5 years old, starts asking me questions about Billy Bob Thorton. Like what he orders, if he is nice, stuff like that. I make stuff up, because I want a good tip and don’t want to ruin this little kids life. He is so excited to hear that Billy Bob comes to the same place he is at.

I can only imagine other scenarios where Billy Bob Thorton has appeared in this kid’s life.

8. Double up

I was at the bar, not waiting tables, but I have two stories. The first was a couple that sat down directly in front of where I was washing glasses. This was during the NBA Finals so I thought it was a bit odd they seemed so sad while everyone else was enjoying the game. They spent at least 4 hours there and from what I was able to hear they were discussing having another kid to fix their relationship. I guess she had cheated on him because she felt ’empty’ but didn’t want to end their relationship as they already had kids together. The guy was clearly very upset but said he’d support her if this is what she wanted.

The other was last week during a huge fundraiser we hosted. A group of 3 or 4 ladies were noticeably uncomfortable and when I asked if they were okay they told me that one of them had a stalker who constantly shows up at her house, work, and calls her repeatedly. He just showed up to the bar. She had threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave her alone, so what did he do? Naturally, he bought her a drink as an apology.

9. Read the manual

When I was a waiter, people often pretended that I wasn’t there. The stories they told were amazingly personal. One woman at a table of 6 lunching ladies told the story of how her husband was recently prescribed viagra. “He took it like a vitamin – 1 pill every morning. He kept having erections at work and didn’t understand why.”

10. Dying

Late one night I had this couple who were maybe in their late 30s. The guy looked a tough guy.

From the moment they came in, the woman was crying the whole time. Not like, a little bit crying but straight up bawling. She hadn’t talked to me the entire time, but the guy was very chatty. He explained to me how he had just found out that he only had a few months left to live and how she, his “angel” was gonna take care of his boy for him and all this crap. Anyway, I felt pretty genuinely bad cause that’s a pretty sad thing to hear.

Then I saw them come in again over a year and a half later…. Acting totally normal. They didn’t remember me, but how do you forget the face of someone that told you they were dying?

11. That’s cuz you can’t

Ex waiter. I’m walking down a long hallway carrying a tray of food. A kid comes running from a perpendicular hallway and run face first into the wall without putting his hands up. He starts crying. The dad walks behind him very calmly and kneels down and says, “Buddy, you just can’t go running into walls.”

12. Apples and spaghetti

I sat a table of three: a mom, her daughter, and her grandma.

After sitting, Grandma left to order spaghetti at the Italian place next door.

Mom seemed to be having an existential crisis. I asked her what she wanted to drink.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Can I get you some water?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to come back later?”

“I’m not sure.”

The daughter, who was getting impatient, stood up on her chair.

“Hey!” she said. “I’ll have you know. I want apples!”

“But first I have to get you something to drink. Would you like some water?”

“I want apples!”

Grandma ate Italian food in silence while Mom stared at a menu for an hour and a half and the daughter ate apples. When they finished, Mom paid, and they left. She tipped well, considering all they bought was $.50-worth of apple slices.

13. Nothing in life is free

“I heard if you complain here you get your meal for free”

I sidled by and politely told her that wasn’t the case.

14. A happy meal

My Mom and I went to a restaurant in a town we were visiting, and we were seated close by a family just sitting down to dinner. As soon as they sat down, the waitress asked if they wanted a drink. Dad and Mom ordered wine and son looks at waitress and then blurts out to his parents “I’m gay.”

Waitress leaves. Parents look at their son and then look at each other. Mom then asks Dad what he is thinking of having to eat. Son again exclaims “I’m gay.” Parents look at him deadpan and say in unison, “we know”. Then waitress came and took our orders and I didn’t hear what happened next. But they stayed and enjoyed their meal and seemed to be fine with each other.

15. Happily ever after

Heard a group of 3 women talking about how each of their 4th/5th/ whatever many marriages are going and how they treat marrying for money as their career.

One of them paid with their newest husband’s black AMEX card.

Pages: 1 2