Category: marriage

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Divorced People Share the Moment They Realized Their Marriage Was Over

Marriage is supposed to be forever, but it doesn’t often work out that way.

Sometimes with divorces, there’s a slow, tortuous buildup to the end with enough drama and/or introspection to fill a few diaries cover to cover. Then there are those marriages where everything combusts in a moment, like it did in most of these 19 stories from various Reddit threads.

Hopefully at least one fun divorce party was had after these proceedings!

1. Broiled was given lots of red flags.

Probably when I returned home and found all the furniture, food and my wife missing.

Another hint was the empty bank account.

2. Then shouldn’t cdc194 and his ex be going to hell for divorcing?

She wasn’t religious when we met, 10 years later she told me I was going to hell for believing in dinosaurs.

3. Buckaroo_Banzai_ just wanted a new shirt.

My wife put on 170 lbs over 10 years. I never said anything and supported her attempts at weight loss.

One day I was trying on an old Steelers jersey that didn’t fit, because I had gained 15 lbs in 10 years. I said, “Well, i guess it’s time to buy a bigger jersey.” her response:

“We’re not blowing money on a stupid jersey. You’ll just have to lose weight.”

Fucking

Done

4. Metyuadem saw the demise of two relationships at once. What a show.

When I came home to find her sister’s husband naked in my bed.

5. Nobody likes taking the bus, but this person’s ex could’ve kept that thought to herself.

On my 6th birthday I got a dog named Ace, an absolutely beautiful golden retriever chow mix that was my only friend throughout a very lonely elementary-middle school life.

My parents called me one day in July of 2009 while I was at work (I was stationed in my hometown after a few tours) telling me they were taking him to be put down because he was having some terrible medical problems and in pain.

I asked my Top if I could go and he threw me out of the office, on the way towards my folks house I called my wife at work (DQ) crying hysterically about it. I told her that she will have to either take the bus home or have her mother take her.

The bus was a straight route and would take 15 minutes, and her mom lived between her work and our house so it would be no hassle anyway.

Cut the story short, she starts screaming at me for caring more about a “stupid fucking dog” than her having to take the bus home, I hung up and that was it. I never kissed or hugged her again.

6. If Raven2002 wasn’t that hurt by his friend, he needs better friends.

I came home early from work because of a migraine. Found him in bed with my best friend.

Oddly, I was more hurt by her behavior than his.

Broomed them both that day.

7. GoingBackToKPax takes things literally.

The last straw? The one they kept snorting coke with.

8. This person’s ex was very upfront about their opinions/forcing them on other people.

When he said ‘okay, I won’t force you into converting anymore, but I’m going to pressure you a little bit and talk a lot about my religion to you so that you’ll accept the truth eventually’.

At least there was honesty involved in this failed conversion.

10. Molunkusmol delivered a great comeback on such short notice.

I suspected my then husband of cheating, so I followed him. I went to the house where he was and saw him outside with a little boy. I was angry and asked (not meaning it), “Who is that – your son?” He said, “Yes.”

Yikes – surprise – he had another family! Time to split! My response, “I don’t ever want to see you again. On your deathbed will be too soon.”

11. _Blood_Fart_ is familiar with the adventures of the sea.

After having sex, her lover would wipe his “nut” on my pillow.

Came home from work and laid right in it 2 times. She claimed I drooled in my sleep.

I know the taste of seamen, she could not fool me.

12. It’d be interesting to know how often 1angrydad consumes this fruit now.
Bananas.

We were grocery shopping, and I pick up a bunch of bananas and she immediately started in with “Why are you getting bananas?! You’re not going to eat them, put them back! Right now!”

Literally yelling at me and berating me in public for bananas.

When we got back to the house, I told her I was done.

One too many crazy episodes for me.

13. Shakeyjake discovered the power of writing.

When I sat down and wrote down all my life’s goals and ambitions and realized that when I imagined my happiest self in the future it didn’t include her.

14. It’s shocking that noisycat’s husband was shocked.

My husband informed me he was moving the girl he had been having an affair with into our house.

He wasn’t divorcing me – he fully expected I’d be passive enough to accept it.

According to his friends and family, he was “shocked” I left.

15. Zinere could’ve ended up without the dog, which would’ve been worse.

When she dropped me off on a major highway in Florida with no cell, no money, my dog and a bag of clothes that is when I made the choice this woman’s getting a divorce.

16. Was_creative_once shouldn’t be so modest about his math skills.

Came home from a seven month deployment overseas to a five month pregnant wife. I’m no mathematician but I figured that one out

Putting two and two together can be hard sometimes.

17. Emodius and his ex had different ideas about work.

Ex wife said “You should get a second job”. I’m like, “Bitch, you should get a first job”. I knew.

18. DidymusNoble doesn’t understand the importance of cat food.

My dad left a passive aggressive note about not leaving a can of cat food in the fridge. My Mom confronted him about the tone of the note.

A fight ensued, Dad tried to escape to his man cave, Mom made the mistake of barging in to continue the fight while he was trying to calm down, Dad erupted in 25 years worth of pent up rage.

A can of cat food…

19. It’s unclear what WHATS_WITH planned to do with the one breast implant.

The day she showed up with a boob job and new boyfriend.

I wanted to sue for the right one, but my lawyer didn’t like that idea. I wanted my half!

Presumably he intended to do nothing fruitful with the fake boob.

Well, that was something I’ll never forget. What a bunch of insane stories!

Do you have one that you want to share? Do it in the comments!

The post Divorced People Share the Moment They Realized Their Marriage Was Over appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Man Wrote a Stupid Tweet About a Hot Girl and Updated the World a Decade Later in a Very Cute Way

Ten years ago, far fewer people were on Twitter and you could pretty much tweet whatever nonsense popped into your head — like meeting a cute girl and calling her a “jalepeno.”

That’s what a young man tweeted in 2009, only to return 10 years later with an update: he married the cute girl.

Jared Matthews was a young single 20-something when he tweeted this classy joke:

“Met a really hot girl who was half japanese half philipino. Think i ruined it by constantly callin her a jalepeno.”

But he didn’t ruin it. The girl, Analyn, thought it was “hilarious,” Jared told BuzzFeed News. They exchanged numbers right there in the Las Vegas bar where they met, and about a month later, they became official. They went on to date for years.

Jared stopped using Twitter shortly after the jalapeno joke, as you can see here.

But in 2019 he returned to his account. His page only had a few tweets on it, so he immediately saw the 2009 joke about Analyn and decided to write an update: Jared had proposed after three years of dating, and the two were now married.

The update went viral, with over 700,000 likes. Twitter can be a dark, weird place – but this? This is as wholesome as it gets, and it’s exactly what people needed to see at the end of the decade.

Jared and Analyn now live together in Ft. Lauderdale. The two haven’t shared any photos of themselves, but Jared has been busy giving strangers relationship advice after his newfound viral fame.

He told BuzzFeed News: “I knew exchanging numbers that night had been the best decision of my life.”

He was clearly right.

The post A Man Wrote a Stupid Tweet About a Hot Girl and Updated the World a Decade Later in a Very Cute Way appeared first on UberFacts.

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Fans of ‘the Bachelor’ Can Now Get Chris Harrison to Officiate Their Wedding

Isn’t this interesting…?

Some people like to do something big and memorable for when they pop the big question, others would like to have a celebrity preside over the nuptials. Well, if you’re a mega-fan of all things related to The Bachelor, you might want to jump on this opportunity.

Chris Harrison, the host of the massively popular ABC show, has been an ordained minister since 2012 with Universal Life Church and he is available to officiate your wedding…for a fee.

In order for Harrison to consider being at your big day, you have to fill out an online form and give all the details about your big day including location, budget, etc. Harrison doesn’t list a price for his services, but he says he will travel anywhere, including internationally. On his Instagram page, the TV host said, “I’ll even come officiate your wedding – as long as there’s rose or two there..oh and good wine!”

And if you really want to get crazy, you can even book Villa de la Vina, the mansion that’s used in The Bachelor. The sprawling mansion is located in Malibu, California.

If for some reason you can’t afford to dish out the big bucks for Harrison to actually be at your wedding, you can always have him give you a video shout-out, if you are so inclined.

If you could pick a celebrity to officiate your wedding, who would it be?

Oh, and…will you accept this rose…?

The post Fans of ‘the Bachelor’ Can Now Get Chris Harrison to Officiate Their Wedding appeared first on UberFacts.

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15 Funny Tweets About Couples Therapy

Going to therapy is nothing to joke about…oh wait, yes it is!

At least it is according to these folks who decided to tweet about couples therapy.

Let’s dive right into the pain…and the laughs!

1. Who’s ahead?

2. I’ve heard enough out of you.

3. Hahahaha.

4. Maybe you are…

5. Doesn’t look good…

6. That’s a tragedy.

7. You’re not a doctor!

8. That is crucial.

9. I see…

10. You moron!

11. That’s great!

12. I’m gonna need to pat you down.

13. Uh oh…

14. Never a good sign.

15. He just can’t bring himself to do it.

Have you ever given couples therapy a whirl?

If so, let us know how it went in the comments! We’re here to listen!

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Married Folks Should Enjoy These Tweets About How ‘Date Night’ Changes After You Get Hitched

Do you emember those date nights before you got married? Those evenings were hot, sultry, and full of romance.

Now that you’ve tied the knot? Maybe not so hot anymore…

Sleep! Now that’s exciting!

Enjoy these hilarious tweets about how date night…kind of fizzles out after you get married.

1. So happy together.

2. Sounds like a blast.

3. Hmmmmm…

4. In sync.

5. That’s a date, right?

6. Maybe in 12 years.

7. That is HOT.

8. Very romantic.

9. Now you know.

10. Oh, how things change.

11. Doesn’t seem equal.

12. Time to get $1.50 off.

13. Pay attention to the tenses.

14. Can we go home yet?

15. A picnic at home.

Tell us about your last date night with your spouse.

We want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly!

The post Married Folks Should Enjoy These Tweets About How ‘Date Night’ Changes After You Get Hitched appeared first on UberFacts.

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12 People Who Admitted They Married for Money, Not Love

People tie the knot for a lot of reasons. We’d like to think that the reason is love, and it often is… but these 14 people had very different reasons.

Let’s face it, financial stability IS important when you want to build a life. Of course, it’s not the only thing, so maybe these people should have thought twice before tying the knot.

Check it out!

1. Maybe? Yeah, okay…

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. EVERY single day? That must be hell!

Photo Credit: Whisper

3. And… sometimes it works!

Photo Credit: Whisper

4. Yeah, but would your kids REALLY starve? Come on…

Photo Credit: Whisper

5. It’s hard to fake what? Being rich?

Photo Credit: Whisper

6. Awww, poor baby…

Photo Credit: Whisper

7. Yeah, sounds like your mom is a real peach!

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Yikes! This sounds like it’s gonna blow up BIG time.

Photo Credit: Whisper

9. That is a valid reason.

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. Time to talk it out!

Photo Credit: Whisper

11. Yeah, that’s gonna be tough to sustain…

Photo Credit: Whisper

12. Haha… next time… after you GET THAT MONEY!

Photo Credit: Whisper

Well, did you learn anything? What NOT to do? Maybe what you MIGHT do? Naughty, naughty…

Do you have a story like this? Well, we want to know! Tell us in the comments!

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Married People Share Why They and Their Spouse Sleep in Different Rooms

By the sounds of this article, it sure seems like a lot of married people sleep in separate rooms. But what are their reasons?

In case you’ve been wondering why folks out there do this, people on AskReddit shared their personal stories.

Do you do this? If so, let us know why in the comments.

1. The woman next door.

“My grandparents do this. My grandfather built a small apartment on the second floor of their house. They do it because they have different sleep schedules and in general they spend much of the day apart because they like it that way. But they always eat lunch and dinner together, and my grandfather loves to listen to her soft footsteps throughout the day. He calls her “the woman next door.” It’s really cute.”

2. Saved their marriage.

“My parents do this.

My Mom likes to sleep with the TV on, my Dad snores and steals sheets.

My mother claims sleeping separately saved their marriage.”

3. Movin’ out.

“My husband snores so badly. He’s done two sleep studies and used every nasal strip and spray on the market. Nothing helped. We were honestly on the brink of divorce because of how little sleep we were getting. But then our kids wanted to get bunk beds and share a room. My husband moved into the spare room, making it his own, also getting his super firm mattress he prefers.

Honestly, it saved our marriage. Sleep is incredibly important. When you are well rested, little things don’t blow up into big things. It seems odd, even to us, but we try not worry too much about it. I’d argue we’re more connected now than we’ve ever been.”

4. Snoring drove them apart.

“Girlfriend’s parents do this. They both snore and do it to get away from each other’s snoring. I didn’t think it was that bad until they talked about having to sleep in the same bed during their trip in Europe. They were at each other’s throats because if one fell asleep, the other couldn’t.”

5. Part-timers.

“During the Summer I move to another room we call “the wind tunnel”. Basically I have a ceiling fan going almost 24/7 and a window fan above the bed I run from 7pm-8am.

She has allergies and easily gets runny nose and sneezes from any moving air. My body temp will skyrocket and I’ll sweat like crazy in a room devoid of moving air. So she sleeps in a stuffy no air movement master bedroom and I sleep soundly in the Wind Tunnel.

During the winter I move back, cause then I become the ultimate body warmer for her.”

6. Runs in the family.

“My parents slept in separate beds as did my great grandparents. For my great grandparents it was a comfort thing. Grandma didn’t like not being able to move around the bed at will. She and grandpa loved each other dearly and she passed not long after he did because she missed him so much.

For my parents it was a couple things. As my dad aged his sleep cycle went weird. He would be able to sleep a couple hours and then be up half the night and fall asleep again about the time my mom was getting up for work. Also my mom has sleep apnea and uses a cpap. It made hella noise back then. Dad was half deaf and the sound still bothered him. Out of respect for each other they decided it was better to have separate bedrooms.”

7. Sleep noises

“Sometimes I have to sleep on the couch cuz I get hypersensitive to sound, especially human sound, and don’t like the noise his whole existence makes. He gets it luckily.”

8. You’re the culprit.

“Lol. I do this. I am an absolute terrible person to share a bed with. I snore like a passing semi truck and apparently (I’m told) flail wildly in my sleep. When we first got married I kept waking up to an empty bed. She would join me for an hour until I was asleep, then retreat to the couch. After a week or two I got fed up and just went to the couch first. Then started several months of us trading off for the couch. Eventually I just went and bought a twin mattress and tossed it in the office. That became my bed. And when we got a bigger house, I just setup in a separate room.”

9. Makes sense.

“Different sleep cycles and work schedules. He wakes up 3 hours before me.”

10. GTFO.

“We blended two households. His bedroom was fully furnished and the furniture and closet were full. It made sense for my stuff to go in a different bedroom. We started out sleeping in one room or the other but I realized pretty quickly that, if I ever wanted to get a full night’s sleep, it wasn’t going to be in the same bed with him. I’ve been known to call him a sweating, snoring, slant sleeping sonofabitch after a night of his sweating, snoring, and slant sleeping. We do a “your place or mine” thing for nonsleeping activities but GTFO when it’s sleepy time.”

11. Spicy.

“My wife has MS – one of the primary issues she has is vertigo. when i’m in the bed with her, the motion of my breathing/heartbeat/movement really fucks with her vertigo while she sleeps.

Also, i snore, so an isolated coil mattress wouldn’t quite do it(they aren’t total isolation, either, you feel movement) or two beds in one room.

Also, honestly, it spices up the sex life. Adds an element of pursuit and some illicit atmosphere to it, we’re sneaking around the house to each other’s beds to bang.”

12. Did you get into a fight?

“Sleep cycles and she violently tosses around. I’ve been asked by my commander if I got into a fight when I showed up to duty with a black eye.”

13. Not gonna happen.

“Spouse snores, two 60 pound dogs, and a queen size bed. No room for me and I need dead silence.”

14. Need different temps.

“My grandma and grandad do. She likes it freezing and he likes it boiling.”

15. Sounds like a plan to me.

“My step mother’s parents took this to a new level.

He built a second house next door. They lived next to each other for 20 years before they both passed in a short amount of time.

It seemed very odd to me, but it worked for them. At least from an outside perspective. I know images never reflect reality.”

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Enjoy Some of the Best Sex and Dating Tweets from the Last Decade

Relationships can be complicated, dramatic, and messy, but they can also be wonderful and fulfilling at the same time.

Real talk: we’re all obsessed with sex and love, so why deny it?

Let’s enjoy some tweets that went viral in a huge way.

1. There’s a scoreboard.

2. Looking to impress exactly one person.

3. Very specific.

4. Sounds very proper.

5. Thanks a lot…

6. Not like that.

7. A real romantic.

8. We’re really doing it!

9. You’re pretty much single.

10. You’re in too deep now.

11. Are you uncomfortable yet?

12. Yup, it’s dead.

13. Looking for some to do NOTHING with.

14. Well, this is a first.

15. Three stages of life.

Funny stuff, no doubt about it!

The post Enjoy Some of the Best Sex and Dating Tweets from the Last Decade appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Guys Got the Silent Treatment from His Fiancée After Spending $5k on Surgery to Save His Dog

Relationships can be tricky and that goes double for the moment you realize that your money is now our money. That means you need to discuss before you make decisions with it.

A fact that Unsurebigbig3 found out the hard way after he shelled out $5k for his dog’s cancer treatment without discussing it with his bride-to-be.

She got angry, he’s upset – no one is happy.

What do you think about the situation?

My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this? from relationship_advice

Now, I love dogs as much as the next person, and if I had the money sitting in the bank to save or extend my pupper’s life, you’d better believe I would use it. And the fact that she’s thinking more about the money than the dog’s life makes me absolutely dislike her.

That said, we’re only getting his side of the story, here, and there are red flags on his end, too – like the fact that he didn’t include her in the decision, and that he takes the time to point out that he saves much more money than she does.

So, what do you think? Was he wrong? Was she?

Comment from discussion Qjfomentl’s comment from discussion "My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this?".

Do they both suck?

Comment from discussion andandandetc’s comment from discussion "My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this?".

Most people tend to fall on the “you both kind of suck and you probably need counseling before marriage.”

Comment from discussion SummerAndTinklesBFF’s comment from discussion "My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this?".

I can get on board with that, though I do also question marrying someone who is going to use the silent treatment as a fighting tactic…

Comment from discussion sad_little_sheep’s comment from discussion "My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this?".

Comment from discussion meldavis99’s comment from discussion "My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this?".

Comment from discussion Semi_Nerdy_Girl’s comment from discussion "My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this?".

Because you’re probably hoping to marry an adult and not a psychological child.

Comment from discussion tequilyamockingbird’s comment from discussion "My Fiancée isn’t speaking to me after I used “our” money to help my dog. Not sure not to fix this?".

What do you think? Should he marry her? Should she split? Are they going to make it?

The post A Guys Got the Silent Treatment from His Fiancée After Spending $5k on Surgery to Save His Dog appeared first on UberFacts.

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15 Men Share the Moment They Knew They Wanted a Divorce

Marriage is tough, and the truth is (at least in my experience) that not everyone gets it right on the first (or second) try. It stands to reason, then, that there’s a moment for many of us when we realized that staying married to the person sharing our lives and our beds just wasn’t going to be an option.

If you’re curious what puts men over the edge in a relationship, well, these 15 guys are down to share.

15. I bet he wishes he could take the $15k back.

Not me, but one of my best friends(got his permission to post). He got a pretty substantial year end bonus from work. He decided to use most of it for his wife’s Christmas gift and pay off her remaining student loans (~$14,700) and the remaining portion to buy a new computer chair for when he gamed (~$300).

Christmas morning (he was nice enough to let me stay at his place when I traveled for work as he lived 20 minutes from the airport) we all woke up, and had breakfast. His family and her parents came over and we started exchanging gifts.

Besides paying off her loans, he had gotten her a few times items. She opened the card saying her loans were paid off she just sat there for a minute. After the silence, and assuming she was kinda in shock, she asked “did you seriously not get me anything else? I bought you that stupid keyboard (the wrong one btw) and you only got me a few things?”

At that point, his brother in law and myself decided to go hang out in another room for a while they ended up getting into a huge fight. A day later when he was dropping me off at the airport he told me that he was going to visit a lawyer and get a divorce.

14. That’ll do it.

When a friend’s wife said to me “You know your wife is sleeping with my husband.”

13. Too bad you couldn’t take your stepdaughter with you.

When my stepdaughter became a teenager, my ex ramped up the nutso. She had always been an impatient, angry screamer of a parent. But as my stepdaugher became a young woman, my ex just went crazy with envy or something. I know lots of moms have a hard time with teenage daughters, but their base level patience is so much better than my ex’s was. Threats of cutting hair in middle of night while daughter slept, pulling hair, slapping face, ridiculing in front of her friends, swinging something that missed and put a hole in the wall – I was out, with the kids.

12. Second chances should be more than enough.

I was working on a mother daughter scrapbook as a Christmas present for her. Was going through her Google photos account looking for pics of them together. Came across a selfie she took with some dude laying on her. Confirmed her second affair. Knew it was over the moment I saw it. That has fucked me up pretty good.

11. I would have gone for the drama and the free drinks.

We flew across the country for her sister’s wedding. She didn’t say a word to me the entire time since we had parked at the airport. Once we landed at our destination, we walked to baggage claim (absolute silence preceding for several hours now). At the carousel, I picked up her bag when she took it out of my hand and calmly stated, “None of my family knows you’re here–I told them I came alone.” She walked out of the airport and left me there.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder made for some really fun scenarios.

10. He’s got some great friends.

When my buddies approached me to complain that she kept sitting on their laps, wiggling, and hoping for an erection.

9. Not that he needed permission, but.

When she falsely told our marriage counselor that I punched her.

The next week, she denied saying it and accused our counselor of lying. He gave me a “You should leave this relationship” look. I took that look as permission from a professional that I definitely wasn’t making the wrong decision. Got divorced and never looked back.

I legitimately feared for my safety towards the end — not that she would hurt me, but that she would make a false accusation to the cops or a crazy friend.

Edit: shortened the story

8. That’s a big ol’ yikes.

The morning I saw a picture of some dudes dick on her phone. She was classy enough to bring him to the divorce proceedings…

7. It’s hard to watch people make your kids feel like that.

My wife was around less & less…had to be free to live her life, go out with her friends. More often than not she would call me to pick our daughter up from daycare, after promising to pick her up & have some girl time…..just tell her I’m working late or not feeling well. She always had something better to do & the kids were old enough to know better. I went to pick our daughter up one day, when they called her name she came running over until she saw it wasn’t mom, again, slumped her shoulders & slowly walked over to ask “what’s her excuse this time?” That was the breaking point, told her to get out, even helped pay her security deposit to get her out.

6. It’s okay to be happily divorced.

During the last year and a half of our marriage she became extremely psychologically abusive. She was a narcissist, controlled my every move, would isolate me, refused physical contact, I was just an extension to her life, was not allowed to talk to any female, was not allowed to hang out with any friends or she would ignore me for up to 5 days at a time, double standards everywhere, verbal abuse and the list can continue but it hurts to think about. The last straw for me was when she threatened to kill me because I came home from work late even though she knew I would be home late. It was just a little too late for her and she also threatened to hit me the same day. This was the second time this happened and I talked with several people at work about it and they suggested that I run. I had texts of the threats on my phone and contacted a lawyer that same week. She agreed to sign since I told her I would take severe legal action if she didn’t. Thankfully no children and it was a clean divorce and I’m happily divorced.

5. A good deal for whom, exactly?

I was a Lance Corporal bringing home scraps for a paycheck to an unemployed wife who one day brought home a brand new Lexus IS350 because she “got a good deal on it.” Apparently I was supposed to pay the $800/mo bill. I didn’t think it was a good deal.

4. Poor little dear.

She let me know she was pregnant and wanted my permission to tell all her girlfriends during a girls’ night out.
Since I knew there was no possible way it was my child, she was also unknowingly admitting to having an affair. (I can math, and she can’t). It was with her boss.
Lawyered up the next day, and he ate her alive in court. I got primary custody of our child we already had, and child support, and a sheriff’s notice that she had to vacate my home in 30 days.
I never knew she could be that stupid.

3. This one has to win some kind of award.

When she staged a robbery of our house so she could pawn all of my shit for drug money.

2. Oprah always knows best.

she made me watch Oprah and there was a quiz. Is Your Marriage Okay or not type thing. In my head I saw 7 or 10 items that were Not Okay. She didn’t see any. We had already been to counseling.

1. Shenanigans are overrated.

When she presented a picture of our four-year-old daughter and me laying next to each other on the couch watching Blues Clues to our marriage counselor as evidence of my “inappropriate conduct” around our kids.

Thank God he saw right through that bullshit immediately and told her to knock it off.

Edit: There is no Joe. #notmySteve

Edit 2: Many asked, so here’s the deal. We’ve been divorced almost five years now. The process wasn’t fair, but that wasn’t really my ex’s fault. No allegations of child abuse or misconduct were brought up against me during the proceedings, so that was good. They wouldn’t have flown for a minute in court anyway.

Our kids are older now and every day are becoming better equipped to see and understand the difference between what’s reasonable and right and what’s simply just batshit insane–and it’s not working out all that well for their mother, who hasn’t changed her MO much if at all since we parted ways. So it goes.

I’m happily remarried now to a woman with kids of her own–kids who were friends and schoolmates of MY kids before she and I even got to know each other. They’re all OUR kids now. Life is good. No more shenanigans.

Those are some doozies that I have no idea how they could have come back from, so yeah. Probably a good decision.

If you’ve got a moment like this in your past, share it with us in the comments!

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