16 Adorable Tumblr That Will Brighten Your Day

Having a bad day? Hey, we all have ’em. That’s why it’s beneficial to seek out the wholesome stuff on social media so it’ll make you feel better.

Like these Tumblr posts.

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12 Guys Openly Share Secrets About Dating That Most People Wouldn’t Guess

The dating experiences for men and women can be VERY different.

Gender roles. Societal expectations. Basic sexual attraction. They all play a big role in who we date and what we expect. And keeping up with it all can be complicated and exhausting.

These 12 men share their struggles with dating and tips about how to treat a lady. And while some of this is eye opening… some of it is a bit douchey.

Hang on! It’s about to get weird in here.

1. Really?

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Well, now you know how women feel, right?

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3. This is what women say they want, so hopefully they do understand.

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4. I know a lot of men who would disagree.

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5. Devastating!

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6. The background picture on this is amazing.

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7. Hahaha, okay buddy.

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8. I’m pretty sure women know…

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9. And I bet they do the same to you, pal!

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10. Another good test!

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11. Seems like a bad test…

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12. You know, this is completely cool. Good test!

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Learn anything new?

Hope so! 😜😍😘

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10+ Things That Introverts Absolutely Love

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? We’re all a mix of both, but everyone tends to be more dominantly one or the other.

An easy way to figure it out is to think about your preferred way of spending time on a Friday night. Do you want to go out until the wee hours and party, party, party, or would you rather stay in with a good book and/or just a few close friends?

No matter what type of introvert you are, these tweets are sure to turn you on.

1. Endless possibilities.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @Anythingpork

2. Finally…

Photo Credit: Twitter: @Frogerta

3. When the roomies are out of town.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @TKComedy2013

4. A wave is worth 1,000 words.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @HeyJake____

5. The three best words in the English language.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @ohhsquirrel

6. No one to steal your seat.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @Brinettieee

7. You feel like a genius.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @Brinettieee

8. Oh, boy. This list has us all hot and bothered.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @GoldenGirls85

9. It’s like it just magically appears.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @Anythingpork

10. Anything is just a click away.

11. Truly meditative.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @ToniQueene

12. Party of one, please.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @LackingStock

13. I’m undefeated.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @AminamAmbien

Ok, that’s all the excitement I can take for today. Time to go be alone for a while.

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15 Guys Reveal the Dating “Tests” They Put Women Through

Have you ever been dating somebody and laid a little trap? You know, asked a question you knew how you wanted the other person to answer?

If you’re a guy, you’ve likely encountered this before, but ladies… guys are doing this to you too. After all, there’s a lot of stuff we want to know sooner rather than later.

Check out these 15 guys and see how they test their potential mates while on dates

1. TBH, a pretty good test.

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. So you want somebody who enjoys being mistreated?!

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3. This is going above and beyond. Not fair.

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4. Sure you do, buddy, sure you do…

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5. Yeah, I’m sure there are a TON of gold diggers trying to grab you. Right…

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6. This is such a double standard…

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7. Oh boy, what a horrible problem…

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8. Speed test!

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9. What is with these gold diggers?

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10. It has to go both ways. Everybody in a relationship has to give AND take.

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11. They’re also probably not an alcoholic, so…

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12. So what does she do?!?

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13. Oh snap! Testing time is over!

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14. This is a very bad test.

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15. I can’t believe this is actually a test!

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Oh shit, have I been tested before?!

I’m so self-conscious now! 😁😂🤣

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19 Tweets That Just About Everyone Can Relate To

These 19 tweets sum up life pretty well. If, for whatever reason, you can’t relate to them, I guess your life must be pretty special and completely together at all times. Good for you, I suppose.

For the rest of us, you know what’s up!

Let’s get to it!

1. Nawhhhh.

2. Imma bed going to now, k bye.

3. I need to eat!

4. I just want to see my cousin. That is all. Thank you.

5. Gas smells good!

6. I had things to do…

7. It’s not just guys…

8. Life is too hard.

9. Doggos over everything!

10. Nailed it!

11. This. Right. Here.

12. Walk away.

13. Pretty good!

14. Hey. Hey. Hey.

15. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Probably should stop.

16. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

17. Turn it down!

18. The gender wars are real.

19. Struggs and drugs.

I don’t care what you say, gas smells good.

The end.

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20 “Friends With Benefits” Share Their Cringeworthiest Secrets

Have you ever been in a “friends with benefits” situation?

Those who have will likely be quick to point out that, while it provides a great deal of physical fulfillment, it can be a little emotionally empty. Inevitably, however, one person starts to want that emotional component too, and things get messy.

Here are 20 stories of people who tried the FWB setup… and it’s not going so good.

1. Honesty is the best policy.

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Did you see that movie?!

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3. Oh no… how horrible for you…

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4. Yeah, that is a bit much.

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5. Better luck next time!

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6. Just let it go man. Let it go…

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7. Isn’t that kind of the point?!

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8. Yeah, that’s kind of how this stuff goes.

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9. Open your mouth and allow words to come out.

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10. Yeah, that’s not cool.

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11. Oh, calm the fuck down already.

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12. Hates is probably a strong word, yeah?

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13. Ruined? You sure about that?

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14. No, you good.

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15. Hmmm, not the outcome one would expect, but if it works, it works!

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16. Maybe he’s trying to convince himself?

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17. And!?!?!

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18. Break. It. Off.

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19. Haha, well, I bet that wasn’t uncomfortable or anything…

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20. Probably.

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If I’m being completely, brutally honest… I have no sympathy for any of those people.

When you agree to these kind of situations, you have to be ready for the fallout.

Otherwise, stay away from the genitals!

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13 People Share the Reasons They Refuse to be an Organ Donor

Being an organ donor is a pretty noble thing that just about all of us can do, because you can save someone’s life even after you’re gone. Sadly, there are still so many folks out there who refuse to sign up because of all the misinformation there is out there.

First, organs are given on the basis of need, not greed. While it is true that people can go places in the world and purchase organs, that’s rare. And they definitely can’t do that in the United States. So if you decide to donate ANY organ, it’ll go to the next person on the list. Guaranteed.

Second, nobody is going to let you die because they want your organs. That would be completely illegal, and there’s no evidence this has ever happened when it comes to modern-day, organ donation programs. Especially those in first world countries. So if you believe this is happening, you’re probably a moron.

Alright, on to the secret reasons!

1. Another good point.

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Right, but you won’t need them eventually…

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3. Rich. People. Are. NOT. Profiting. From. This.

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4. This is actually a good point.

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5. Fair point, although this is bound to change eventually.

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6. Good exception.

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7. But do you really know for sure or are you just guessing?

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8. This person just does not give AF!

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9. No they won’t. That’s not how it works!

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. I can’t believe THIS many people actually believe this!

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11. That’s not actually a bad reason, but it is very specific.

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12. THEY. WILL. NOT. DO. THIS.

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13. Ultimately it’s a very personal choice.

Photo Credit: Whisper

Of course it is completely okay to NOT donate your organs if you don’t want to. But if you’re doing it because you believe any of the myths out there… you’re wrong. And likely stupid.

Sorry, not sorry.

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20 Wedding Pros Share the Huge Red Flags That End Marriages

The question was simple: Marriage professionals, what are the red flags that prove a marriage won’t last?

Thousands of professionals chimed in, but these 20 are the best.

Enjoy the craziness that happens on people’s wedding day, most of which lead to divorce.

1. “…that’s a strong sign of an unbalanced relationship.”

Wedding videographer here. I don’t usually follow the marriage all that closely after the video is delivered, but usually you have a feeling as a neutral 3rd party about whether it’s going to last or not.

While I agree with most of the stuff mentioned here, I’ve found that the microcosm of how the couple feels about each other comes usually comes out during the cake cutting. If they’re drinking then they’ve usually had a few by that point and it’s a moment when everyone is watching you do something potentially awkward with your new SO. When I see a new bride or groom aggressively smush cake into the other’s face I usually feel like that’s a strong sign of an unbalanced relationship. Sometimes they’re both having fun with it and you can tell it’s cool, but most of the time you can tell that the person with cake on their face is either shocked or angry about it.

Again, I don’t have hard data to track results…but that’s the thing that usually informs my opinion about how it’s going to work out.

2. “I tried to play “I want to hear bride’s ideas” card…”

Ex wedding photographer here. There were only a couple situations where I had doubts about the couple’s future and one where I was certain.

I met the couple in a cafe to discuss their ideas and my services. The girl was very happy, she was very emotional and interested. The guy, however, was rolling his eyes and grunting at everything and I stop trying to get him involved in the conversation after he ignored me twice. It made the girl very uncomfortable and she was apologetic of his behavior. I don’t know what happened to them, as they apparently chose to reschedule their wedding and didn’t hire me in the end.

I declined shooting a wedding when the person who was going to hire me was the groom’s mom. When I asked her to arrange a meeting with the couple, she said that they didn’t want a wedding (meaning they wanted to elope), and it was her initiative to celebrate it. I tried to play “I want to hear bride’s ideas” card, but she told me the bride has no ideas, she obeys the groom, and the groom obeys mom. So I’ll only talk to the mom. So I declined, I hope the girl is fine – no one deserves a controlling MIL.

Finally, I was a guest and a photographer at my friend’s wedding. The bridesmaid was wearing a short white dress and she was chirping about her side hustle modeling for photos and catalogues, how “her boyfriend saw her in so many wedding dresses he won’t be surprised when she wears one to the wedding” and how “she caught 8 bouquets already, this will be her ninth”.

She talked a lot about wedding planning and stuff, but apparently there hadn’t even been a formal proposal and her boyfriend, who was a guest as well, looked very annoyed and clearly wished he were somewhere else.

Anyway, the bridesmaid started bugging me for photos of her and her boyfriend a week after the wedding, I told her several times that when I start editing the photos, I will do hers first, and by the time I sent her the photos, they were already broken up.

She started dating someone else a month later and got married the next year.

3. “the 8-month pregnant venue coordinator start carrying chairs…”

I used to work in day-of wedding coordination, and I remember 2 couples that I couldn’t wait to hear about the divorce.

When you pay a wedding coordinator, you only pay for the things the coordinator orders/plans (flowers, catering, DJ) + coordinator fees. Anything else couples buy (dresses, gifts, suits, etc) are added. We estimated this to be a $500,000 wedding, easy. Dad paying for all of it.

The bride was a total sweetheart when I met her. The groom seemed quiet, but was very easy going. Always nice to have a sober groom, and he didn’t drink a drop during the day. Then the photographer/videographer left to take some venue shots.

The bride began berating everyone, myself included, on how her perfect day had to be capped out because no one wanted to give her more. My clothes were trashy, the DJ’s computer was a PC, the bar staff we’re wearing red vests and she hates vests. Photographer came back and she was an angel again.

The second was a wedding of a general and pediatric surgeon in the local hospital. Paid for their own beautiful and in-their-means wedding. The bride was seriously amazing. But, there was a mixup day if the wedding. The 200 chairs that we’re supposed to be moved to the 3rd story of the historic building weren’t taken upstairs.

So my boss, the other assistant, and the 8 month pregnant venue coordinator start carrying chairs upstairs. 3 flights.

It wasn’t great.

After the wedding, we had to do it again, but down. The father of the groom started helping us. We begged him to enjoy his son’s day, but he responded that if it were his daughter doing this, he’d be furious. Groom comes by and tells his dad to stop helping the pregnant woman stack chairs.

He looks at the monster that is his son and asked how he’d feel if it was his wife or sister who had to do this. Groom told his dad that maybe if we had applied ourselves a little more, we wouldn’t have been taking out the trash at a successful couples wedding.

Clearly he didn’t know how much his wife was paying us.

4.

I was a wedding photographer for many years in the 00’s.

It was pretty easy to tell which couples were going to last and which ones would soon be divorced.

The main behavior differentiating the two was whether they were on the same team, helping each other and lifting each other up in the face of the inevitable problems and stress that come with weddings. Good couples tackle problems together. Bad couples take sides and fight/blame each other when something goes wrong.

5.

Wedding Planner here: Red Flags – nerves are normal but when one of the pair start doubting whether they should go through with it waaay before the day, you know something isn’t quite right. Green Flags – they make decisions together and have each other’s backs especially when family can be pressuring.

6. “loved poker, craft beer, cigars, hanging with his rowdy friends, video games…”

Wedding videographer here: I try to get to know both people beforehand, so I can work in their hobbies/unique traits into my product. A big red flag is when one person is clearly trying to change the other.

I had one dude who loved poker, craft beer, cigars, hanging with his rowdy friends, video games, etc. I planned a cool shoot where I had all his friends in an old west saloon, and he sees his bride to be, etc… but she steps in and declares “oh, he won’t be doing any of those things any more.”

Poor bastard just sat there in silence as I awkwardly had to plan them shopping for a Yorkie puppy instead. Half way through post production after the wedding, he called and said he was getting an annulment. I wanted to say “could have told ya so!” But I try to stay neutral.

Green flags are just the opposite. Embracing the other person’s habbits/hobbies/interests, basically not being a controlling freakshow.

7. “They got divorced about a year later.”

Ex wedding photographer.

Typically I saw red flags when the bride or groom is super quiet. I mean silent and just watching.

One instance was a groom who barely said ten words to anyone during the ceremony or reception afterwards. The bride and her mother were extremely loud and excited the entire time. The bride needed everything to be “perfect”. I dropped off the photo bundle with them two weeks later and he was still quiet. She however complained about all of the pictures because the groom wasn’t “smiling enough”. She wanted a discount because I couldn’t make him look happy enough.

They got divorced about a year later. I know because I did his engagement photos with his new fiancée about four years after his first wedding. His engagement photos showed him much happier.

Edit: I stopped doing weddings but I do some portraits and mostly commercial and product work.

He called me for a wedding quote but I had stopped doing them at that point. I do still do portraits so I offered to do engagement photos for him that he was happy with.

8. “We did not get a 5-star review.”

Wedding band guitar player here.

Drunken gorilla-sized groom physically attacked us when we cut off the music after already going over our contracted time an hour. Mother of the groom got into the mix and pulled him back. Bride was in tears. Best man pulled out a Bluetooth speaker and kept the party going. We did not get a 5 star review.

So that was a red flag.

They lasted a few months.

9. “She was in a mickey mouse t-shirt at that time…”

I am/was a wedding photographer: I think you can kind of tell if they are going to stay together forever based on how they handle all the little (and sometimes even big) problems a wedding day can bring.

There was one couple’s story I love to tell. They are not your typical bride and groom, they had their wedding in a forest where you could also go climbing (sorry don’t know what they are called) with a big wooden house and fireplace in front. All vegan food and a lot of friends with lots of dogs. Everything was perfect, except the special dress the bride had have made and painted didn’t arrive in time for the ceremony and she was devastated.

She was in her sweatpants and a mickey mouse tshirt at that time and her soon-to-be-husband took off his suit, put on a big white shirt, stood there in his boxer shorts and just said “well, we have to go” (cause the ceremony-person had to leave an hour later) and she just laughed and went with it. I was in shock but other than it being strange to have hairy man-legs in my wedding photos, taking the pictures was really fun and they were totally relaxed. I’m pretty sure they will be doing well.

10. “He was absolutely heartbroken.”

And I have to tell this one too…I didn’t need a sixth sense when I heard that on their honeymoon, the bride cheated on the groom, so the grooms parents didn’t want the photos OR the video I had shot. Instead they wanted me to sue her for the remainder of the money they owed me. I told them I was sorry but they signed the contract so they had to pay.

The bride was a total bitch to him all day at the wedding. It was no surprise she did this. He was absolutely heartbroken.

And yes, they sent me a check for the remainder, and I still have all the photos, developed and collecting dust in a pile still in the lab bag I brought them home in. This was in 2003, and I can’t bring myself to throw them away.

The best part? The groom called me two years later to do his wedding photos and video because he was getting married again. I was all set to do it, and then the new fiancé pulled the plug. Turns out she didn’t want any memories of the first wedding being involved. So I was fired as soon as I was hired.

11. “Everyone is drinking. Knocking back shots.”

I am a videographer. Most weddings we video are fairly smooth. Couple is happy. Family cries tears of joy. Lots of laughter. That bit. We did film one wedding that seemed fine right up until the aisle walk.

We video the bride and groom prep. They have two suites—one for the ladies and one for the gentlemen. My partner and I were having an easy time running back and forth. Everyone is drinking. Not light beer either. I mean knocking back shots. Empty bottles everywhere. Offering us rounds too as they go by. Everyone is pretty carefree, upbeat, and ready to party, the bride and groom most of all. This is going to be the easiest wedding we film. Or so we thought.

Now everyone is seated in the ceremony hall. Groom and all his men are up front with the officiant. Bride’s Maids start walking down the aisle. All beautiful. The bride walks in with her father. At this point I’m filming the groom and his reaction. We get a wide shot because we can always zoom in during post. My partner is recording the groom and her father. I see the best man in my viewfinder pull out a flask from his jacket pocket—the rest of the men do the same except Groom.

So this is clearly planned.

The best man speaks loud enough over the music so people turn to him away from the Bride. He raises his glass high and shouts “Here’s to Bride Name, here’s to Groom Name; may you never disagree. But if you do…” He points at the bride with his flask hand and finishes “FUCK YOU, here’s to Groom Name.”

They all drink to their frat boy toast. The best man hands the Groom his flask and he drinks it laughing!!

I have never watched a video more than I have the reaction of the Bride and her father. Jaw dropped speechless. The ceremony went on. And it’s not done. The officiant asks the Bride “do you take Groom yadda yadda…” and she surprisingly, yet weakly, says yes. The officiant asks the same of the Groom and instead of just saying yes, he screams “Fuck da fuck yeah I do!!” Bride just face palms herself in embarrassment.

The look of disgust on her whole family’s face the entire night after that was priceless and highly awkward to film. I could go on with more stories about this wedding, but this just about the bride and groom. Needless to say I think that’s a big red flag.

TL;DR Best man raises his flask as Bride is walking down the aisle and says “here’s to Bride, here’s to Groom, may you never disagree, but if you do, fuck you *pointing at bride* heres to Groom.” All groom’s men drink from flasks including the Groom.

12. “…smashed the cake…”

Photographer here.

I swear that all of the couples that have split up have smashed the cake in their SOs face. None of the nice cake couples have. Just my weird anecdotal experience.

Maybe it’s a sign of respect for each other.

13. “what he wrote was not exactly Shakespeare…”

Former wedding videographer. When doing the letter read the bride at the end said which I quote “well that was fucking stupid”.

I cut that part out in the final video.

Let me clarify what im referring to. The couple reads their letter from their partner prior to the wedding. She just got done reading the grooms letter and was talking about what he wrote.

To be fair, what he wrote was not exactly Shakespeare but still a harsh response.

14. “Our team can hear them yelling at each other half a mile away…”

Wedding videographer here.

Had a couple fly us out to Iceland for their engagement shoot. Now the first couple of days were fine and everything looked okay, but in Iceland, some lodging options aren’t very luxurious. The groom chose to book what was essentially a tiny bunk house (the ones meant for those summer camps) and the bride lost it and complained the whole night.

Next morning things are pretty tense and our team continues the shoot as planned even though it is incredibly awkward. Most of our plans fall through because they start arguing.

In front of a beautiful, solitary glacier.

For two hours.

Our team can hear them yelling at each other half a mile away because there is literally no one else around for miles.

We finish up whatever we could of the last day of the shoot and awkwardly said our goodbyes.

Later on I learn that they broke up a month before the wedding.

15. “…look past his soon to be wife and wink at me…”

Red flag: The groom winking at both my assistant and I during the ceremony.

He was not winking in the sense that he might have been tearing up or had something in his eye but there was a part in the ceremony where the couple sat down and he would lean his head back in his chair look past his soon to be wife and wink at me or look over his left shoulder and wink at my assistant.

It was bizarre.

16. “…biggest sign is the cake cutting.”

Photographer here: to me the biggest sign is the cake cutting. Some people like to smear the cake everywhere as a joke, some people don’t. Usually the couple is in sync about this. They know what the other would like and they don’t smush cake on the others face if they wouldn’t want that.

Sometimes one of them (usually the groom) will force cake all over the others face and embarrass and upset them. I’ve seen this happen a handful of times and all of those relationships that I have kept up with have ended in a divorce.

17. “I think that’s a good indicator…”

Photographer here.

You can tell somewhat based on how the couple treats each other on the wedding day.

If they are respectful toward one another (and toward me) during a day full of stress then I think that’s a good indicator of being able to deal with other problems that may arise during a marriage.

18. “Dad did it anyway, mom smacked him across the face…”

Not a wedding photographer, but my parent’s wedding video is a tell-all story.

At the cake cutting, my mom had specifically asked my dad not to put cake on her face (which is usually a tradition).

Dad did it anyway, mom smacked him across the face, dad said “fuck this” and stormed out of the reception.

They had a twenty year rocky marriage of lies and infidelity, and are finally officially divorced.

They are much better off now. The cake cutting really seems to be a good rule of thumb for a relationship.

19. “Then we had to photoshop a smile onto the groom…”

My husband and I are wedding photographers. We’ve been pretty lucky so far and haven’t had too many crazies. We have stayed friends with a few of the couples and see them regularly.

The one couple we hope we never see again fought the entire wedding day. The couple barely looked at each other, it was so bad. Then we had to photoshop a smile onto the groom a couple of times so he at least looked happy in the ceremony of all things. To describe what he looked like, I would compare him to a Polish meat butcher with transitions lensed glasses. Totally brutal. I have no idea if they are together still but I would say not.

20. “She wanted a cake like a castle…”

Cake artist here. I had a couple come in for a tasting. Appointment was for 7 PM, but he was late. First half hour was just her. She told me they met at a stable where they both kept their horses. Those horses were going to be featured at the wedding as the bride and groom would ride them to the site (a beautiful farm venue.)

She described in detail her self-designed medieval gown, flower wreath in her hair, embroidered shoes like some from a museum: sounded lovely. She wanted a cake like a castle, which was a specialty of mine. The whole wedding would be over the top, but not in a cringey way.

Then he arrives. Barely says Hi to her, sits down and starts telling me about his wedding. He’ll ride in dressed as a riverboat gambler with a frock coat, brocade vest, string tie, big hat, gold pocket watch, and STERLING SILVER SPURS! He’s fine with the castle cake, but wants to incorporate the watch and a pair of mother of pearl handled pistols (picture given).

I had already decided that I was not going to work with them. NO way could I come up with a cake that would work for them. But they were there so I brought out the samples. For the next hour they carried on two entirely separate monologues. They didn’t address each other (or me) and they didn’t listen to each other (or me).

I made no attempt to book them that night, and when they called later in the week I told them their date had been taken. They were living in 2 incompatible and entirely self contained fantasies. I doubt they even made it to the wedding day.

Honestly, it’s good most of these people figured out quickly that they weren’t right for each other.

Do you really want to spend your life with somebody you don’t like?

No. No you don’t.

The post 20 Wedding Pros Share the Huge Red Flags That End Marriages appeared first on UberFacts.

14 Employees Who Should Have Definitely Gotten Fired But Miraculously Didn’t

Somebody on Reddit asked this question: “What is the biggest “oh fuck, I’m dead” thing you’ve done at work, but nobody ever found out?”

Thousands answered, and we combed through the best to share them with you.

1. “I was essentially trapped at work…”

Had a truck turn up 15 minutes before the end of the day and in my rush/pure fucking anger to just get him unloaded ASAP so I could go home I drove through the roller shutter doors as they were still opening and “caught” them with the top of the mast.

I got the guy unloaded and on his way and tried to lock up hoping to explain it all away the following day.

The door was that bent it wouldn’t lock, as it wouldn’t lock I couldn’t set the alarms, I was essentially trapped at work and now an hour late from leaving.

In a moment of pure desperation I lifted the doors again and drove into them from the other side bending them enough to lock them up, set the alarms and get home.

I’d hit them a little too hard so they were now bent inwards and the bosses assumed someone had reversed into them during the night – the estate we were on was a notorious cruising spot for the local boy racers and there was always tyre marks or bits of car scattered round the place so they got the blame

2. “…the only way to activate a multi-million dollar security technology system.”

Lost a key dongle that was worth $32k.

This was 15ish years ago in a different state and career. The dongle looked basically like a USB thumb drive was was the only way to activate a multi-million dollar security technology system for a hospital in a big city.

The thing is, I was 100% sure I never had it and that it was missing from the packaging from the manufacture. Everyone I worked with also was not sure they ever saw it too. I was distraught and sick to my stomach at the possibility I screwed up somehow on something so stupid and cost costly but ended up being convinced we never received it.

The owner of the company I worked for and our lawyers had to get involved with the vendor to make an agreement with them to send us a replacement for a relatively small fee. I’m not positive after all these years on this cost but think it was around $5k.

No one was happy but we needed it and it was done.

Fast forward to years later. I’m living in a different state, now married and working for a different company in a different field and I decide I want to use the backpack I used to use at the old job where the dongle was lost. I still had some stuff in it so I clean it out, turn it upside down and shake it and hear something rattling around.

In the bottom of the big compartment of the bag, it looks like a solid piece. I dig my fingers around it and was surprised to find it was a flap. I open the flap and HOLY SHIT its the mother f’ing missing $32k dongle!

I was shocked and for a second, felt so damn guilty. But then I just laughed as it was already taken care of and years in the past. Still feel like a shithead thinking about it all these years later just a little bit.

3. “I left Gwar, Meat Sandwich, as our only muzak…”

Gwar.

Our muzak hold crap system was out of whack, so since I’m IT, I was tasked to fix it. Stupid proprietary audio files, stupid codecs, stupid hold music.

To pass the time, I ripped a gwar cd that I recieved as a gag gift a million years ago to the proprietary format and amused myself by throwing “Meat Sandwich” on loop for testing.

Finally got everything working, called it a night and went home for the rest of the weekend.

Monday morning, around 11am, I get a call. “Hi, Coyote? I think our muzak system is still broken. People are complaining about the songs and the sound?”

What? WHAT? Call my work into question? I tested it MYSELF. I personally made sure the audio format was working with my OWN MUSIC and…

…and…

….and fuck.

I left Gwar, Meat Sandwich, as our only muzak for hold for our entire company.

I ran to the Datacenter, put everything back to default and the told them that it was “crossing channels” or some bullshit and everything was fine.

But we open at 6am. So for 5 glorious hours, Meat Sandwich was the music playing after the soft voiced woman told you to “Please Hold”.

4. “It was made out of diamonds or gold or something else fucked up.”

It was university.

They had this really expensive piece of equipment and I can’t remember exactly what it measured, or how it worked.

What I remember is this: you completed a “circuit” to power the thing, meaning you plugged a wire into 5volts or whatever came out of the wall, and another wire into the ground, and plugged both of them into the device (alligator clips baby).

What you got out of the wall was wayyyyyyyy too much current, so you had to put a resister between the wire from the wall and the device

The thing cost something ridiculous like 25k at the time. It was made out of diamonds or gold or something else fucked up.

Anyways, I got really pissed at my lab partner, just took over the experiment. And plugged the thing directly into the wall without a resister…

I basically fried the thing in a second.

I smelt burning and could see smoke come out of it immediately and knew exactly what I’d done.

As I literally thought “Oh fuck, I’m dead” and started realizing the gravity of my actions, this dude in a huge ass trench coat thing walks by my lab table, gets his coat caught in it and pulls the thing off the table. It lands on the ground and smashes into a million pieces.

Dude was walking with the guy who ran the labs, and that dude loses it on him.

I just sat in silence. I felt guilty but like I dodged the biggest bullet of my life.

I didn’t know definitively that I’d broke it, but I knew definitively that that dude had.

And I was too much of a coward to say anything.

5. “…my hot acid puke punched right through the bag and into my lap.”

It was the night before I was scheduled to have a tense meeting with my boss and a client. The meeting was supposed to be a sort of “peace talk” because of tension growing between my staff and the client who was an emotional and difficult person to work with. The night before my wife and I opened a bottle of wine with dinner and managed to finish it off before bed. This didn’t seem like too much at the time but the next morning I woke up sicker than I have ever been.

I still had this difficult meeting so I got up got dressed managed to choke down some Advil and a glass of water. The minute I get on the highway to work I feel my stomach twisting. There is nothing between where I am now and where my office is except highway with almost no shoulder.

Half way to work I feel that feeling in my throat, like a tightening, and my bowels are starting to make terrible noises. I realize I am going to throw up and look around my car for anything to throw up in. I spot McDonalds bag is on the floor so I grab it.

Hoping I don’t need to use it I speed up trying to get to my exit so I can pull over and ralph.

No dice.

I held the bag up to my mouth going 85 MPH and throw up red wine into the McDonalds bag which had the strength of tissue paper because my hot acid puke punched right through the bag and into my lap.

By some miracle I had extra business slacks in my car. I stopped at a gas station and changed in the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and a haggard sallow man with flop sweat and sunken eyes stared back at me. Even with the wardrobe change I smelled faintly of booze and vomit. I went to the meeting and my boss noticed something was up. He rescheduled with the client telling me “I don’t think you’re up to it this morning”.

I for sure thought he was going to fire me for being a huge drunk but nothing happened.

I don’t drink wine anymore.

6. “Went home. Ate pizza. Couple hours go by.”

I was to supposed to meet a client outside of work to discuss a business opportunity.

Got permission to leave work early to go to an arranged meeting with the customer. I went on auto-pilot as soon as I started driving from work. Forgot about the meeting. Picked up a pizza. Went home. Ate pizza. Couple hours go by.

OH SHIT!

I didn’t have a phone number for the customer, so I never called or anything, just no-call no-showed on the customer.

Customer never said anything. Manager never asked about it.

7. “My life flashes before my eyes.”

Okay so I’m running a summer camp and half way through the day I’m comparing our bus attendance to the group attendance and I notice there is a little girl who was marked as being on the bus but not in her group. I go and check the group, no sign of her.

Other groups, nope.

No one has seen this six year old girl and we are out in bumble fuck nowhere and I am losing my shit. I have lost a child. We’re gonna get so fired and gonna need to call the cops and they’re gonna have to search the woods.

My life flashes before my eyes.

After fifteen minutes of oh my god my life is over my coworker pulls up with the news that she spoke to the girls mom and she did not come to camp that day at all, the bus attendance was an error. I was five minutes from calling my boss and instead I collapsed in the dirt with relief and tried not to cry.

Holy fuck.

8. “….we only have one kid.”

Summer martial arts camp, probably 10+ years ago. Several times a day, the entire camp would be called to line up on the gymnasium floor. Roughly 50-75 kids, probably in rows of 8, spaces with about 5 feet between each kid, all nice and orderly.

For the most part, everybody knew exactly where and which spot to line up on. It was pretty meticulous laid out, and we would spend 20 or 30 minutes on the very first day, making sure each and every person knew specifically which spot to line up on.

One day, lineup is called for lunch or something. Whistle blows, mob of kids come crashing from all around. Kids take their spots, settle in, counselors are talking, telling them what’s for lunch, somebody is probably walking through the rows of kids with a giant bottle of hand sanitizer spritzing each pair of outstretched hands. Suddenly somebody noticed an empty spot. They turned to the next kid over who was quite young (probably 7 ish) and asked who stands there. “Oh, that’s my brother”. “Well where is he??” “I dunno..”.

So they proceed to tear the whole place apart.

Swimming pool???!? Check. Bathrooms? Check. Girls bunk? Check. Kitchen? Check. Showers? Check.

You name it, they searched there, twice. Finally they have to call the parents and tell them that they LOST one of their kids.

How do the parents respond?

“….we only have one kid.”

Oh yeah, kid forgot to mention that his brother was IMAGINARY.

9. “…20 minutes later walking in the back to ankle deep water.”

I used to work for a big box pet store taking care of the animals that lived in the store. There was a rotation of the animals getting their accessories changed out and cleaned (i.e. water bottles, food bowls, plastic huts) every day. So each day the morning person cleaned that day’s habitats and the closer did the “dishes” in the sink and set them to dry and be put back in rotation for use.

It was sometimes difficult to complete any of these tasks while also dealing with customers. The sink we did dishes in was very deep and company policy stated that the dishes had to soak in a cleaning solution for a certain amount of time so it took a long time to fill up the sink with the solution to soak everything.

It was common to turn the water on to fill up the sink and go see if anyone needed help in the store while you waited.

Not long after I started working there I was performing this task and got pulled into a long conversation with a customer. Normally I’d duck in the back and turn off the faucet if I thought the conversation would take a while, but this night I just completely forgot the sink was on. Cue like 20 minutes later walking in the back to ankle deep water. The sink had overflowed and was filling the back space. The door had a rubber stopper at the bottom keeping it from going into the store

I took a squeegee thing and started herding the water into a drain on the floor on the back side of the fish wall but it took a long time. I was so frantic and still had to pay attention to customers out on the floor. Luckily no one else ever went into the back unless you worked in that department and I was working alone. So I managed to herd most of the water into the fish drain and the rest dried over night before the opener came in. No one ever knew I flooded the back space.

Few months later I realized flooding was a common occurrence and my manager flooded it at least once a year.

10. “We call it the doom button…”

I auto-archived 2500 records from our database with one button push. This removed them from active status and cancelled any associated reservations and services.

I had to click into each record and reinstate it. Took me 6 hours.

I admitted my folly at the next team meeting to ensure no one else had to go through the sheer butt puckering terror I did when those records disappeared. We call it the doom button now. Why there is a doom button I have no idea.

11. “…forklift tine and punched it all the way through her tailgate!!!”

When I was 18 I worked for Menards (like Home Depot). It was a small store with an outside yard that you couldn’t drive into so we would pick what you wanted with a forklift and load the customers out in the parking lot.

So this lady came in to pick up a bunch of special order bricks. I loaded two pallets of bricks into the back of her very nice new truck, she signed the paperwork and the transaction was done…. Until I sat in the forklift filling out my part of the paperwork and she backed into a forklift tine and punched it all the way through her tailgate!!!

I was 100% in the wrong as anyone who has ever driven a forklift knows that unless you are actively using the lift, you keep the tines on the ground if you’re parked, and a couple inches above while driving.

I had seen a guy get fired once for driving over a piece of cardboard instead of stopping to pick it up, so I was beyond screwed… but she just put it in drive and took off. She didn’t even look back at me. I expected that she was going to pull up to the front of the store to report it, but she just left. As far as I know she never reported it, and no one ever knew it happened.

That was 21 years ago and I think about that incident pretty often.

12. “…the captain made a wrong turn onto a narrow taxiway…”

When I was a brand new airline pilot we landed at an airport that required a long taxi back to the terminal. During the taxi the captain made a wrong turn onto a narrow taxiway that led to a small private hangar. As soon as he made the turn we knew it was the wrong taxiway, but it was very narrow with trees on both sides so there was no way to turn around. I had no idea how we were going to deal with this.

He thought for a minute, then said, “McGonogle, can you see the tower from here?”

I looked. “Nope.”

“Good. Then they can’t see us.”

With that, he reversed both engines and slowly backed onto the main taxiway. I guess the passengers thought it was normal because no one asked any questions and we never heard anything about it.

13. “…paperclip flew right over the small wall and hit a customer right in the head…”

when I was about 17 I used to internship at a bank through a school program. It was a small business bank so there wasn’t any glass like you see at big banks. The set up was 4 desks lined up next to each other with small walls separating them almost cubicle style but shorter. My desk was all the way at the end next to the wall.

Anyways, so I’m sitting at my desk bored one day with nothing to do so I grab a paperclip and start flicking it paper football style at the wall separating my desk and the one next to it. Ever ytime it bounced back I would flick it again.

Well one time I flicked it a little too hard and the paperclip flew right over the small wall and hit a customer right in the head that was waiting to be attended.

My heart sank and so did my head down to the desk as I tried to go unnoticed in hopes that they wouldnt know who did it. Looking back it was probably obvious that the 16 y/o boy was the one flicking paperclips and not the 40+ old ladies next to him.

Luckily I don’t think the customer knew what hit her and I was never blamed for it.

14. “I never had to fess up to my boss…

Working at a high end tour company, I backed a bus hitch into a guest’s BMW. Broke one of their tail lamps.

I picked up all the plastic remnants from the ground and taped a note to their window to find me when they returned from their tour to discuss the damage and go speak to the owner with me about insurance, etc.

I’d been breaking down my trip to make way for the next bus arriving, so I hadn’t had a chance to go tell my boss before they returned. The guest came and found me, laughing. Said someone had hit it a few weeks prior and it was already being processed through the insurance of the other person who had hit him, and not to worry about it.

He hadn’t realized that I’d done additional damage because it was the same tail light, nothing else was damaged and I’d picked up all the broken pieces from the ground, so it didn’t look that bad compared to what damage had already existed.

I never had to fess up to my boss about the incident and learned to never attempt to park the bus near the fancy cars again.

Wow!

The post 14 Employees Who Should Have Definitely Gotten Fired But Miraculously Didn’t appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Whose Brutal Honesty Lost them a Job Opportunity

We’ve all had to do it… the dreaded job interview.

“Is my resume right?”
“Am I over dressed?”
“What kind of insane questions are they going to ask me?”

We can all get stressed AF worrying about whether or not we’re going to do well, but what if you didn’t care?

The following 15 people share their shockingly honest stories about how they said what was exactly on their mind, which was definitely too much for these companies to handle.

1. “Thank you but you’re nothing special…”

“I’m in tech sales and this happened a few years ago.

In an interview with a VP of Sales, I was asked what to do if the product I was selling only fit half of the buyer’s requirements checklist.

I said I would recommend the prospect evaluate other products to see whether a better fit was available, rather than push them to purchase something they would be dissatisfied with.

They would figure out they had the wrong product sooner or later, and the support and follow-up required to remedy the problem would end up costing the company more.

He replied, ‘Thank you but you’re nothing special,’ and walked out of the room.

I was shocked and sat there for about 10 minutes. No one came back so I ended up walking myself out.”

2. “It didn’t go down well.”

“This one didn’t end up costing me the job offer as such, but it would’ve cost me the job offer from the person who was interviewing me:

Interviewer: ‘Can you tell me about a time when you demonstrated leadership skills?’

Me: ‘Do you really want me to? Because I can do that if you like and give you some story and blah blah blah, but it seems like you’re kinda just asking that because you think that’s what you’re supposed to ask in an interview, rather than because you actually care? So we could talk about more interesting stuff if you’d rather do that.’

This was from one of the many interviews I went through during my internship at Lehman Brothers.

I said it partly because I was absolutely sick to death of answering stupid interview questions from people who didn’t care what my answers were and partly because I genuinely wanted to know what the other person was actually thinking and partly because I wanted to see what happened.

I wasn’t intending it to sound aggressive or non-cooperative, though obviously I was aware that was a risk.

My hope was that we’d actually be able to have a proper constructive conversation as a result. As an interviewer, I’d love to have someone respond that way, though I wouldn’t ask that question because frankly I’d rather smack my head against the desk for 15 minutes than sit through an interviewee giving me canned answers they’d rehearsed over and over again.

It didn’t go down well.

I don’t know for sure what the feedback was from that interviewer, because I had multiple interviews that day, and everyone had to give some feedback. That was then filtered through HR and I was given general feedback and a couple of quotes. However, every other interview that day went well, so I’m pretty confident that the ‘he did not seem well-prepared’ came from that interviewer.

So it goes. I’m glad I gave it a try, and with all the other positive stuff that was going on that summer I could afford to blow it with that one particular trading desk.”

3. “Teach me something in 60 seconds that I don’t already know.”

“I was interviewing for a plant manager’s job, all my experience and skills sets boxes were checked, so to speak.

The interview was going well. The HR manager walks in to the middle of the interview and informs me that she will be joining the discussion to make this a team interview.

She starts asking bizarre questions. Like, ‘Teach me something in 60 seconds that I don’t already know.’ OK, off the beaten path of questions but I teach her how a man can carry his wallet to make it harder to be pick-pocketed.

She’s a woman and she would obviously not know that type of stuff. Her questions are really off. The original interviewer finishes and he asks if I have any questions for them. Of course I do, so I respond yes. He then tells me to be careful as there is only one question that is acceptable. I ask him if he has any concerns about my ability to perform well in the position we are discussing.

He tells me close, I should have asked him what is preventing them from offering me the job right now. I then tell them that I have other questions, they look puzzled but proceed to answer my questions.

I then get to a question about how on their website had talked about their valuing military veterans. I mention the plant manager by name who was quoted on their website.
The HR manager looks at me and explains that they are not sure where I got that information from and that that plant manger was 5 plant managers ago.

In my head, I’m thinking that was only a 2-year-old quote. So I asked why have the previous plant managers failed. She responds because they didn’t listen. I replied back, you have gone through five plant managers in less than three years and you think they are the problem? The recruiter later told me they wanted to hire me up till the end when I questioned their decision making skills.

Glad I changed their mind.”

4. “crawling from 10%, to 20%”

“I was interviewing with Apple for a marketing position.

One of the interviewers was the product manager for the Safari browser.

I pointed out that one reason that I preferred Chrome over Safari was because Safari’s progress bar in the URL box made page loads seem slower than they really were, if you saw the bar crawling from 10%, to 20%, and so on, it had a negative psychological effect because it caused you to think about how much more time it was going to take for the page to load.

I’m not sure if that was the answer that prevented me from advancing, but it sure was a mistake.”

5. “Um, why are you here?”

“I was interviewed for a job with the title ‘communications executive.’ I didn’t get past the first question.

Interviewer: ‘Tell me why you want to work in sales.’

Me: ‘I don’t.’

Interviewer:’Um, why are you here?’

Me: ‘The job title doesn’t mention sales, nor did the ad. Your office wouldn’t give me any further details when I phoned, so it never crossed my mind this was a sales job.’

Interviewer: ‘It is . . . There’s probably not much more to talk about.’

Me: ‘I doubt it.’

Interviewer: ‘Did it take you long to get here?’

Me: ‘About an hour.

I was allowing plenty of time because I didn’t want to be late.’

Interviewer: ‘Um, sorry.’”

6. “They did not seem amused and I was not impressed with their attempts at answers.”

“Several years ago, I had submitted my resume to multiple companies. A couple of major companies had jumped on it and went through their hiring process very efficiently, quickly reaching the point of preparing offers.

Suddenly, a Google recruiter calls me up; it had taken them literally a month or so from submission.

After that initial phone screen, they invited me to an on-site interview. I said, ‘Sure,’ thinking that at least it’d be fun to see what the company looks like from the inside.

The on-site interviews were frankly rather underwhelming considering the scary stories you see all over the web.

In the end, I had opportunity to ask a few questions.

Since I wasn’t all that enthusiastic about Google at this point, I asked something along the lines of, ‘Looking from the outside, your product selection process looks like throwing a bunch of cheese balls into the wall to see what sticks.

Besides the ads, do any of your other products actually make any money?’ They did not seem amused and I was not impressed with their attempts at answers.

A few weeks later, the Google recruiter calls to tell me that they won’t be moving forward.

She seemed genuinely surprised when I did not appear heartbroken; I guess she thought everyone desperately wants to work for Google. I did not really give a hoot anyway since I had already chosen between three other opportunities.”

7. “I think you can sense my level of interest in this position.”

“I saw an opportunity at a small agency which had recently been acquired by a large tech company. My primary goal was to sell them contracted service for specialized training. But the position they were offering intrigued me.

It was a convenient commute, the benefits at this large company were excellent, and the position had just the right amount of balance of what I’d be extremely proficient at, and what I’d be challenged by. But here’s the thing – I’ve been freelance for so long that the thought of a 9–5 (or more) job wasn’t particularly appealing. Being over 50 and freelance means you can and do take a nap whenever you want.

This particular corporate culture required a full-time commitment and it appeared there was little opportunity for flex-time or remote work. In other words, I really didn’t want to work that much. Employers don’t usually pursue candidates with that kind of attitude. Anyway, I made 2 mistakes during the phone interview, I admitted my freelance hourly rate, and admitted my half-hearted interest in the job.

And my tone was nothing but pure, unfiltered honesty. Again, my primary purpose was to sell some contracted training to the particular team with the open position.

I was successful in learning about the team, and identifying the right, qualified decision-maker. I was upfront about my goal, and when the interviewer asked whether my interest was the position or the contracted work, I answered ‘either/or.’ But the interviewer immediately classified me as over-qualified me when she heard my hourly rate.

Interviewer: ‘Oh, this is a production-level job, you wouldn’t be happy with the compensation.’

Me: ‘I don’t want to oversell myself, I think you can understand that as a freelancer I certainly don’t do 40 billable hours a week at that rate. The salary range is fine, and a production-level job is what I’d be highly proficient at, my skills and experience in the system and platform you’re adopting make me a perfect fit at that level.’

Int: ‘And you understand this is a full-time, on-site position?’

Me: ‘I understand, but is there any flexibility in schedule or remote work?’

Int: ‘No. But…’ [she rattles off the okay-sounding holiday and vacation day policies].

[Awkward pause]

Let me interject that pausing during phone negotiations is an effective tactic in sales. Whoever feels uncomfortable enough to speak first is often the one that breaks down and either reveals something or submits to the other one.

Trouble is, this wasn’t just some bored HR person working through a pile of resumes, this was a high level recruiter, with excellent interviewing skills.

I broke first.

Me: ‘I think you can sense my level of interest in this position.’

Int: ‘Yes, and if there’s any opening in the future for a position at your level we’ll let you know.’

Which is code for ‘if this guy ever submits a resume again, just throw it out.’ I got the little 3-day training gig I was after, but I wish I had lied a little, and pretended I had a little more enthusiasm for the position. I could have done a couple of years there and quit after saving a little cash. But then, I probably would have let that slip too.”

8. “…two gigantic updates that stressed good reputations over sleazy tactics.”

“I tanked an interview on purpose. Walked in for a web design/programming gig. Everyone immediately ducked behind their screens when the boss walked out.

One employee gave me a sad look like, ‘Don’t do it.’

The interview started. The two guys in charge were very proud of how they ‘do the Google’ to attract customers.

This means they use varying tactics to show up prominently in Google’s search results pages. It’s typically low quality Search Engine Optimization. If they sold yellow boxes of facial tissues and you wanted to buy a yellow box of facial tissues online, then they would have done a lot to make sure Google points to their site for a ‘yellow facial tissues’ search.

Some of it is good for end users, some of it is bad for the entire Internet.

Anyway, that was their gimmick. They ‘do the Google.’ Another gem was, ‘We’ve read a book and a couple of blogs, and we think we know what we’re doing.’

So, I decided to be completely honest. I told them that end users wanted a site to have a good reputation more than good rankings. I stressed that it’s important to have a presence, message, and outreach that’s attractive to clients.

I said that Google was soon going to follow those end users. They got frustrated, even a little upset, and the interview ended. Then I made the hour-long drive home and felt glad to be out of there.

Within the next year, Google pushed two gigantic updates that stressed good reputations over sleazy tactics.

I have no regrets.”

9. “Of course I’m a Superstar and you’d be an idiot not to hire me.”

“A friend told me about a job where he worked which involved a technical management position building a theme park.

The hiring VP was out of the country, but his assistant decided to fly me to California four days before the interview so the team could meet me and I could better understand the scope of the project.

I dove right in and attended all of the planning meetings and design sessions. In the second meeting I made a suggestion the resulted in savings of over half a million dollars.

Several other similar suggestions over the next few days made me a shoe in for the job so I went to the actual interview with high expectations. Sitting across from the VP, it was pretty clear he was not pleased that I had become so engaged without his knowledge and seemed intent to find some weakness.

After several belligerent questions which clearly pointed to the fact that he wasn’t going to hire me, he finally shouted, ‘You must think you are some kind of Superstar!’

My immediate reply just before he ordered me out of his office was, ‘Of course I’m a Superstar and you’d be an idiot not to hire me.’ As you might imagine I did not get the job.”

10. “…when I replied with my number he literally spewed coffee all over his desk…”

“I had a second interview with a publisher for a senior editor slot at a medium-sized newspaper. I really wanted to stay in the area and was willing to compromise on money so when asked what my salary requirements were, I low-balled with a number that was at the absolute bottom of my scale.

The publisher was taking a drink of coffee at that moment and when I replied with my number he literally spewed coffee all over his desk and snapped, ‘That’s more than I make!’

End of interview.”

11. “Do you have Netflix?”

“I interviewed with Netflix a few years back and they asked me, ‘Do you have Netflix?’

I said ,’Well no, because I don’t want my kids to watch too much TV.’

They still continued the rest of the interview but it was pretty obvious that I didn’t make it.”

12. “But I didn’t want to do the job.”

“The exchange went like this:

Interviewer: ‘You don’t really want this job, do you?’

Me: ‘No.’

I was interviewing for a vacation job stacking shelves in Toys R Us over Christmas.

It was a crappy job with lousy pay. I was a Cambridge university undergraduate with an impressive CV.

I was there because I wanted to try to earn some money and I only had a few weeks away from university to do so.

My options were limited. If they’d hired me, I’d have worked hard and done a good job for them.

But I didn’t want to do the job. It was going to be mind-bogglingly boring and I was going to end up taking home just over £100 a week which wasn’t going to move the needle much.

So when I was asked outright, I felt like the appropriate response was to be honest. I did go on to explain the situation, but the truth was that I did not want the job.

The interviewer was concerned (rightly) that I was massively over-qualified, (rightly) that I would be bored and (wrongly) that I wouldn’t do a good job.

They actually ended up coming back to me a few weeks later after their initial selection hadn’t worked out for some reason, but by that point I had (thank god) found something else to do.”

13. “Your answer is incomplete. The client will not accept that answer.”

“I was interviewing for a consulting firm internship during my first year of business school. They sat me down, handed me a 3-page case description and said I had 3 minutes to read it.

Then the interviewer began asking a series of questions that relied heavily on data presented in the case. I was told that I could not see the case document again and that I had to give a concrete numerical answer to each question, even though his questions were such that any meaningful answer required considerable number-crunching.

The interviewer’s manner was aggressive.

He would cut me off and say things like, ‘Your answer is incomplete. The client will not accept that answer.’ After flailing at this for 10 minutes or so, I asked him to end the interview.

Looking somewhat surprised, he asked why. I said that, regardless of whether this type of interview was to measure my ability to think on my feet or to handle stress, the thing that it told me about them was that their culture was aggressive and discourteous, and that I probably wasn’t a good match for them.

I did not hear from them again.’

14. “to become CEO in a year or so.”

“I’ve had many.

On one occasion, the company head, who was interviewing me, said, ‘Here are the rules – I ask, you answer.’ I said sure, but first I’d like to know why they are hiring when the company looks as if it is about to go bankrupt.

I suppose that was the very question they were avoiding. In the end, they hired a colleague (and then went under in less than 6 months). Later I asked him why he took the job and he said he was leaving his wife and wanted to work in the other city where their head office was (and besides, he negotiated a good severance ahead of time).

Good answer.

For me, I’d often go to interviews because someone asked whom I couldn’t refuse and because I did want a change and so wanted the practice at interviewing, but knew some of these weren’t really good choices.

There are others I lost out on without knowing exactly why until shortly after. Once the recruiter asked about a backrest I used to carry to avoid back problems and I bragged about having a patent on it (I did actually), proud to show my inventiveness and creativity.

That led to a series of questions from him about whether I was fit enough to work, not to cost them on their sick plan, able to fly for business… ‘with my bad back.’ No amount of me telling him I used the backrest to AVOID HAVING a bad back would change his mind and a day or so later I got the rejection call I pretty much expected. In another (all these were for HR VP jobs) they asked, what my long term, ultimate career goal was and I said, ‘To be the biggest and best HR VP on earth.’

I learned later from seeing who they chose that the answer they wanted was, ‘to become CEO in a year or so.’ (That was the answer he’d given me when I asked him that for an organization I was on the board of, so I could guess that would have been ‘the right answer’ – and often you can’t guess at the time). Why they wanted an HR expert who just saw the job as a one-year stepping stone I can only guess at, but you never know with some companies.

In all these, I wasn’t too worried about being brutally honest, since I had a pretty good job and was only interested if the one on offer actually looked better. By the time you get to the interview, your research should have answered that and your goal is to meet your potential new direct boss and see if he or she is any good.

The boss is the most important feature of any job! If it turns out something is wrong there are a hundred ways to get yourself rejected without burning bridges, just by being honest – and, honestly, you only want to work for a company that accepts honesty.”

15. “I told them this was impossible and asked if they wanted an honest employee…”

“I interviewed for a position which required 10 years of Adobe InDesign experience, at the time InDesign had been on the market for less than 7 years.

I told the interviewer I had experience with Quark and Pagemaker for over 10 years, but since InDesign was only 7 years old, I only had 7 years experience with that particular program.

The interviewer informed me they had many other applicants who had over ten years experience with InDesign. I told them this was impossible and asked if they wanted an honest employee or one who only told them what they wanted to hear?

I did not hear back so I guess I got my answer.”

True story, I once threw a job interview because the guy who would have managed me came off as a total mess. So I set expectations way too high when asked, “Where do you see yourself within the company in 6 months?

I told them that I expected to get a promotion in about 6 month’s time. The tone in the room changed immediately. Needless to say, they were not pleased. And I didn’t get the job.

Still, it was one of the most instructive experiences of my professional life because what it taught me is I do have control in those interviews. Basically, always (ALWAYS!) be willing to walk away from an interview if you don’t like what they’re saying or what their offer is. And never settle for less than what you think you’re worth. Because how you value yourself is the most important thing you can do in your career.

I guaranteed you that’s some advice you’ll use again and again. So remember it. 😎

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