Breaking:
It has come to our attention that in most places it is NOT, in fact, illegal to have your vehicle’s interior cabin light on at night.
It’s just really distracting and annoying.
Some day some parents decided it was just easier to say it was illegal and it kind of stuck since then. Parents have just been out here telling kids half-truths like it’s literal law.
Reddit user jagenton25 asked:
“What’s a fact that was hidden from you as a child?”
I know I just said half-truths, but some of these are outright lies—and outright brilliant.
Official Policies
“It is actually not the official policy of Wonderland (large amusement park near where I grew up) that you are only allowed to visit once per year.”
“I’m not mad, I actually think it was hilarious that my parents convinced us of this.”
– pm-a-surprise
“My parents let us believe that you were only allowed to go to Chuck E Cheese on your birthday (or your sister’s birthday, I guess).”
– kaleidoverse
“As a parent who had to pay for Wonderland…. this is amazing.”
– QueenA68
The Trade-In Program
“There isn’t a trade-in program to bring in old legos to get new ones. Some f*cker just stole all my legos from our parked car and my parents told me this so I would not be sad.”
“I hope he experienced the small parts choking hazard himself, the c*nt.”
– Buroda
“I know they’re expensive, but there has to be a special place in hell for someone who steals Legos.”
“You have to know you’re stealing from a child. What a piece of sh*t…”
– JADW27
Special Tailored
“Birthday Suits are not real suits.”
“Growing up in a household where the attire was a cross between business attire and church clothes, I always assumed the term Birthday Suit was a special tailored suit that was given to you on your birthday.”
– brokenturle
“Yeah. I made this mistake, except I made it when I was older and working.”
“I was so excited about going out for my 21st birthday with my brand new outfit. I told everyone I was going to wear my birthday suit.”
“A coworker had to pull me aside and tell me what it was. He was almost in tears from laughing so hard at me.”
“I still say it though because it’s funny and a great memory.”
– WeHaveGuns
That’s Illegal – Or Is It?
“That playing around with the interior lights while in a moving vehicle is actually legal… It’s just annoying.”
– Atomic_Chad
“I thought this was illegal until even after college.”
“Thanks, Mom and Dad. So many times it would have been helpful to turn the inside light on while I’ve been in the car in the dark!”
– Kartash
“My whole life is a lie!!!”
– ABotchedVasectomy
“My parents were the same. They would freak out if I turned it on.”
“I found out after turning 16 that it was because the windshield of our van became a f*cking mirror when a light was turned on inside while it dark outside.”
“Couldn’t see a f*cking thing.”
– gslwbfianf
Steve
“I grew up thinking I had a 6th sibling—a stillborn brother named Steve.”
“My older brothers told me about ‘Steve’ when I was about five, and I didn’t believe them, so I went to verify this information with my mother.”
“My mother has run a tutoring business out of our house for as long as I’ve been alive. She’s usually exceptionally busy; I think she had about eight students when I went to ask her.”
“My mom had five young kids. We were poor. She was always hustling and exceptionally busy.”
“She didn’t have time to deal with our crap while she was tutoring, and we mostly just asked her if we could get food and she would usually respond yes.”
“So I ask her whether I had a sixth sibling named Steve. She doesn’t even look up.”
“She just says something like “Yeah, yeah, now go play somewhere else.”
“I, of course, take this as unequivocal proof that Steve existed and that he was dead. It came from my mother’s own mouth, after all.”
“I believe this for the next decade. I only think about poor stillborn Steve once in a while on his supposed birthday, and I don’t bring it up again for eleven years.”
“I was at a debate tournament with my brother, hanging out with all my closest friends, when we start talking about dead family members.”
“Somebody’s grandmother is dead. Somebody lost their brother. I mention I have a dead brother, too. His name was Steve.”
“And then this uncomfortable exchange happens in front of everyone.”
“‘Who’s Steve?’ my brother asks.”
“‘Our stillborn brother, remember?’”
“‘Huh?’”
“‘You told me about him when I was five?’”
“A slow grin spreads across my brother’s face. I know this grin. Everyone in my family calls it his Chinese Devil Grin because it means trouble.”
“‘Wait,’ he says. ‘You’ve believed that for eleven years!? We made that up’.”
“‘But mom confirmed it!’”
“‘Nope. Totally made up. I can’t believe you actually thought that for eleven years!’”
“I’m not going to explain what happened afterward, but people called me ‘Steve’ for weeks. Also, I double-checked with my mother. There was no Steve.”
“So the fact that I DIDN’T have a brother named Steve was hidden from me as a child, I guess.”
– Thomhobbes
That One Tomato Plant
“My parents were gardeners.”
“We were pretty poor, so we did subsistence gardening and ate out of that garden most of the summer, and fished for protein.”
“BUT they also grew this herb, which looked a lot like tomato plants.”
“That’s what I thought it was—except it never grew tomatoes and was kept in a separate garden.”
“I did finally catch on, but it took a while.”
“Young mary jane plants look a lot like young tomato plants. My folks were hippies who had a very decent crop, which I now understand in retrospect.”
– calcaneus
“We had a huge garden, but my father always kept one tomato plant growing in a lighted box in the basement closet.”
– Rosyshortcake
“The funny thing is it kind of smells like tomato plants, too. Oh, and they also have nearly identical nutritional requirements.”
– Capt_Hawkeye_Pierce
I Ain’t Afraid Of No Magic
“My dad had a 45rpm of the Ghostbusters theme song. He would play it for my brothers and I, and then say that he was magic and he would make the words disappear.”
“He would pick the record up, shake it around, say some magic words, and put it back on the record player.”
“Lo and behold, when the song started playing again, there were no vocals.”
“It blew our minds! Our dad really knew a magic trick!”
“Then I forgot about it for 15 years.”
“My dad decides he wants to get rid of most of his record collection, and asks me if I wanted any before he gave them away.”
“So, I’m sorting through the stack of 45s and there it is; The Ghostbusters theme! I excitedly hold it up, and remember the magic trick.”
“Then I flip it over and see that the B-Side was the instrumental version.”
“Of course I burst into laughter at the realization that I fell for such a simple trick. But I still had to confront Dad.”
“So, I bust into the kitchen all serious and toss him the disc.”
“I said accusingly: ‘what’s this!?’”
“‘Uh….The Ghostbusters theme song?’”
“‘Yeah, and what’s the B-Side?’”
“‘The instrumental version?’”
“‘Magic words my ass!’”
“The memory suddenly clicked and he started laughing hysterically. I guess it was something we had all forgotten.”
– ChuckZombie
So now that you’ve had some time to recover from the shock of that whole interior light thing, and you’ve read through what Reddit has to say, it’s your turn at the mic.
What truths did your family hide from you as a kid?
”
when something is funny, I don’t get it.” – Kalle579
