Viral Post Proves 99.9% of Men Have No Idea What a Speculum Is

Ok, so I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I actually did know what a speculum was, as well as what it’s used for. I’m honestly not sure why I know this. I’ve never seen one in person and I DAMN sure haven’t seen one in use.

Most guys, however, have no clue what this is, which might be the reason that someone came up with the genius idea to post this question on Facebook.

This is always fun. (Credit: Unknown)

Posted by Bad Parenting Moments on Saturday, March 23, 2019

And here are some of the great responses.

Photo Credit: Facebook

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And we have more examples of male stupidity…

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This is probably as good as it’s gonna get, ladies.

Photo Credit: Facebook

The more you know…

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15 People Ponder How Much Damage Someone Can Take Without Dying

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? In video games, the most damage you could take before it’s “Game Over” is right around 99HP (maybe 98, if that particular game’s health bar tops out at 99 points).

These 15 people muse on what, if any, real-life equivalent exists.

#1. Terrifying.

Seizures.

They’re god damn terrifying

Edit: I’ve read a number of your stories. They all prove my point.

#2. Your life flashes before your eyes.

Missing a step while going down the stairs. And when you think you finished, but that last step came out of nowhere and now your life flash before your eyes

-99HP

#3. My daughter was going to die.

Being told your child is going to die.

I’ve been told on three separate occasions that my daughter was going to die. As I write this, she’s upstairs asleep and she’s fine, but let me tell you – when you look into a Doctor’s eyes and they tell you your child is not long for this world ……-99HP

This blew up a bit, and thanks for all the well wishes. She has navigated a bunch of open heart surgeries with various complications from them but is doing great and has a great future prognosis.

#4. Is it game over?

Choking on food when no one is around belongs here as well, will I be completely fine in 15 seconds or Is game over for me?

#5. In the middle.

A car crash in the middle seat

#6. To the ankle.

taking a scooter to the ankle.

#7. My left everything.

I got T-Boned by a Semi.

Provided that you can’t recover from 0hp, it was a solid 99.9

Since somebody asked: Semi blew a red light as I was pulling out of the hospital I worked at. The ED crew ran out, shoveled me off the asphalt, and ran me inside. If it had been anywhere else I’d have bled out before an ambulance arrived. It broke my left everything, including ten ribs, many if which wound up in my lung, one of which is still unaccounted for. I was fortunate enough not to suffer any spinal damage, but I did lose my left leg below the knee. I’ve made a mostly full recovery, less the.leg and significant lung functionality.

Obligatory: I got spread across the road like so much red paint and all I got was this lousy silver gold showered with internet riches <3 <3 <3

#8. Loser, you.

Pinky toe versus the corner of the bed in the night.

#9. Short and sweet.

Nut shot.

#10. Severely compromised.

A severely compromised immune system.

#11. Giving birth.

I almost died giving birth. 3 years later and I’m only now back to where I started. We almost didn’t make it a few times during the pregnancy, but we got to term, and then a few major organs decided it was time to ntfo. During emergency surgery, I woke up twice and after, they forgot to drug me at all. I screamed and blacked out for an entire day. Mysteriously, I woke up to the nurse changing my iv in the night. But did it kill me? Nope!

#12. But barely.

This guy jumped on two grenades at the same time and lived, but barely. I think that qualifies.

#13. You’re still alive.

Shot in the head but you’re still alive.

#14. Betrayal.

You bite a pizza and the cheese slides off and burns your chin.

#15. The ability to create new memories.

Terry Wallis want into a coma in 1984 and woke up in 2003. He’s completely paralysed, brain damaged and thinks it’s still 1984. He’s lost the ability to create new memories.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Wallis

I hope I never have to find out for real!

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Woman Offers Lesson on How Ladies Should Behave When Their Man Is Watching the Game. It’s as Bad as It Sounds.

Conservative commentator Denise McAllister is no stranger to controversy, as evidenced by her recent feud with Meghan McCain. That’s a story for another day, though. Today, we’re here to examine something else she said recently that ended up giving her the wrong kind of viral fame.

McAllister took to Twitter to remind her fellow women how they should behave while their man is watching a big sporting event on TV. Prepare to roll your eyes in a MAJOR way.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Patience and timing, ladies…

Wow. Even as a man I think this is totally ridiculous, and I’m not alone.

Check out some of the reactions the tweet managed to get.

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And even more people weighed in.

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Apparently, McAllister later got into some hot water and was fired from her writing job at The Federalist for making homophobic comments as a result of the Twitter exchange above.

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Big Apple Goes Green: New York State Just Banned Plastic Bags

Consumers have had the option of getting their groceries in resuable grocery bags for some time now, but sadly, plastic bags still reign supreme. A lot of folks are just forgetful, and buy the reusable bags but keep forgetting to bring them along when they go out.

Residents of New York state may not be able to use that excuse for long, however: New York State is officially banning plastic bags, and some counties will impose a fee on paper bags too.

New York is the second U.S. state to ban plastic bags after California.

Photo Credit: iStock

Governor Andrew Cuomo first proposed the plan last year, and it goes into effect in March 2020. Goodbye, single-use plastic bags! Mostly, anyway. Some types of plastic bags – like newspaper bags or trash bags – will be exempted from the ban.

Instead, customers will have to use either paper bags or reusable bags. Individual counties can opt into a 5-cent fee on paper bags, though it’s not a mandatory part of the new law. The idea, it seems, is to encourage people to use reusable bags as much as possible, rather than paper or plastic.

Photo Credit: iStock

Environmentally speaking, this new law definitely marks progress. Plastic bags are basically the bane of the planet’s existence. They’re hugely wasteful, non-biodegradable, harmful to wildlife, environmentally costly to produce…the list goes on and on.

“These bags have blighted our environment and clogged our waterways,” Governor Cuomo said in a statement. He said the new plan will be a way to “protect our natural resources for future generations of New Yorkers.”

And the rest of us benefit, too.

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5 Industry Secrets Funeral Directors Want to Keep Buried

No one likes talking about funerals or thinking about the end of our lives (or the lives of our loved ones), but the hard fact is that we’re all going to have to face death, and that often involves a funeral.

So it’s best to be informed when it could mean thousands of dollars and your eternal resting place, right? Yes. And below are 5 things funeral directors would really rather remain a secret.

#1. Embalming is optional.

If you plan the viewing and burial (or cremation) quickly enough, embalming is an extra, not a requirement.

#2. So is having the deceased present at the funeral.

They charge you extra to have your loved one’s body present at the funeral, but it’s not actually required. Consider this: a celebration of life might be more convincing if people weren’t staring at the dead person, rather than remembering them alive.

#3. Caskets don’t have to be super expensive.

Funeral directors want to steer you toward mahogany and bronze, but the fact is, you can pick one up at Costco, Walmart, or Sam’s Club for a much more reasonable price (if you don’t mind sailing into the afterlife in a more modest boat).

#4. In fact, you can even rent them.

It might sound squicky at first, but if you’re a practical person who realizes that your body is eventually going to turn back into dirt and dust, anyway, you can rent your casket. The body rests in a cardboard liner inside the casket and then is buried (or cremated) without it.

#5. Their “bells and whistles” options aren’t what they appear.

They might try selling you a “protective casket” that includes a rubber gasket to seal the casket so tight it will slow or stall decomposition. Not only is the opposite true – moisture and gases get trapped inside and some caskets have even exploded because of it – but, I mean. Why delay the inevitable?

The more you know – your grandkids could pay off some of their student loan debt with the extra cash!

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Sandwich-Loving Vegan is Shocked to Discover That Mayonnaise ISN’T Vegan

Vegans are notorious for how passionate they are about their lifestyle, a passion which sometimes borders on being annoyingly overzealous. Even the ones who aren’t the “militant” stereotype portrayed by the media are still very knowledgeable about what they put into their bodies.

That’s why it’s so strange (and slightly hilarious) that one particular vegan didn’t even know that mayonnaise has egg whites in it!

An anonymous guy who works at Subway told this story.

“Yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight,” he began. “As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her breast, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, ‘Can I get some mayo?’”

This is where things went hilariously sideways.

Photo Credit: iStock

The employee said to the vegan: “You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?”

“THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT,” he wrote. Then she said: “N-no it doesn’t, I get mayo every time, are you sure?”

After confirming that, yes, he was sure, the girl “stood there with such a distraught and defeated face. I had shattered this poor girl’s world.”

AND IT GETS BETTER. The employee asked again whether she wanted mayo on her sandwich, AND SHE SAID YES.

Photo Credit: iStock

“So I gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time,” he said. On her way out, he called “Have a nice day!”

“She just looked at me, sighed, ‘yea, I’ll try’ and walked out. And that’s the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.”

Better late than never. FYI, mayonnaise is just eggs with oil, lemon, vinegar, and seasoning.

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15 People Reveal What Their Childhood Bullies Grew Up to Be

At some point in your life, you probably had a bully. Sadly, it’s just too common of a phenomenon. I remember in 2nd grade there was this kid who’d keep trying to beat me up in the playground and always made fun of the lunches my mom packed me.

Do you remember your childhood bully? Hopefully, it wasn’t you doing the bullying – though if you were, maybe reflect a little on that and apologize? I don’t know, don’t ask me.

AskReddit users shared their personal stories of what happened to their childhood bullies. Let us know if any resonate with you.

1. Acting out

“The bully was just a kid acting out. He’s parents were struggling financially and he had around 7 little siblings. He was probably being neglected and I noticed his younger sister who was about 12 at the time was always taking care of the little ones while their parents worked. I actually bumped into him and a mutual friend years ago and I felt really bad. He lost so much weight and looked like he was definitely taking drugs – I heard a lot of rumours and it looked like it was true.

He couldn’t look at me in the eyes I felt terrible for him. His friend and him disappeared from social media so I don’t know what happened to him now but I really hope he’s okay.”

2. What a story

“Her parents divorced, then her local celebrity dad went to prison, then her mom killed herself, then her grandparents died.

Her dad got out of prison and died when she was almost out of high school. The family money was gone on the divorce, dad’s legal defense and the 2008 housing crisis so she ended up working a shitty job.

She ended up dropping out of college two years in and joining a cult run by a dentist. Supposedly found Jesus, and is still in that cult.”

3. No longer a bully

“He got his sh*t straight, and he’s working as a carpenter. Good for him!”

4. Hasn’t changed

“I didn’t get along with most of my classmates until my junior year. We were from a tiny school and were together since kindergarten. Our junior year we kind of collectively thought, “Well, that was dumb,” and started getting along. All but one are lovely people.

The one that’s not a lovely person? I know because my mom arrested him post high-school. She was booking him and asked him if he had any money to post bond. He said, “I don’t need money. I got bitches.” Sure enough some woman, married to someone else, if I remember right, came and bailed him out.

So, yeah. He hasn’t changed.”

5. The bully speaks

“Well I’m ashamed to say that I was actually a bit of a bully in school, I used to pick on a guy who was taller than I was, I can’t even remember why. One day I finally made him crack and he had had enough and left right in the middle of class to go home.

I felt so terrible I called him that night to apologize for what I did to him. Turns out, we had a lot in common, we became friends, great friends actually, and I was the best man at his wedding. Still best friends to this day.”

6. Uh oh

“He became a TSA agent.”

7. Man…

“Crashed his car in Grade 12 and died.”

8. Hmmmmm

“Most of them are nurses or work in the healthcare field. It worries me.”

9. Classy

“She sells It Works! and describes herself on Facebook as a “business owner, mom, wino.”

10. Depressing

“There was an asshole in my high school who would mercilessly bully and torture a friend of mine who was a stereotypical nerd but a fantastic artist. In our final year nearing graduation the asshole bought a really fancy car and would show off by driving dangerously around the streets. He got into an accident by hitting a semi-truck on the highway. He’s forever bound in a wheel-chair, while my friend became an animator at Pixar.”

11. Catfished!

“She ended up being caught as a catfish on the T.V. show. My old school mates had a field day with that.”

12. Top 500

“My bully who convinced everyone that I’m a nerd and that I should be bullied because I played videogames is now like top 500 in overwatch or something while I’m stuck in diamond lol.”

13. Maybe trying to make up for her past?

“She became a school guidance counselor. ?

14. OMG

“There were many, but probably the worst of bad seeds didn’t make it much past high school. He was dicking around with a pistol at a party and when called on it said “What?! It’s not even loaded!” before putting it to his temple and pulling the trigger. Needless to say, it was loaded.”

15. Sad story

“He hanged himself in jail.”

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Husband Surprises His Wife with a Trip to Disney, and Now We’re All Crying

When two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together, they can never know for sure what’s waiting for them. It’s a risk you take, but you believe you’ve picked the best person to have by your side for whatever comes next – for better or worse, sickness and health, all of that.

Kate and David Pipe met because of her parents. They encouraged her to ask a man she’d never met as a wedding date, but she refused. When he emailed her about it, though, something made her reply.

They ended up dating, and, two years later, in 2009, they tied the knot.

Photo Credit: Kate Pipe

After a year or so of marriage, Kate and David decided they were ready to have a baby, and that’s when they came face-to-face with the “worse” part of their wedding vows – they weren’t able to get pregnant on their own.

“It’s a hopeless feeling when you realize that you are the statistic that needs intervention to have children. And when that intervention fails month after month after month, it’s devastating… and all you can do is try again next month.”

Most of the burden of getting the treatments fell on Kate’s shoulder’s, a never ending and complex task that David recognized and appreciated more than he could say.

“She used to get up at 5am and drive 90 minutes each way to a clinic in downtown Toronto and get blood drawn, do some testing, and be back at work before 9am. She did this between 10-15 times per month for months and months.”

The couple went through 7 rounds of intrauterine insemination, suffered two miscarriages, and finally tried one round of in vitro fertilization that was… extra successful.

Kate got pregnant with triplets – two boys and a girl.

Photo Credit: Kate Pipe

“Once you get pregnant, that’s not guaranteed either, so you are constantly living in a state of worry, just hoping that it works out… But the thought of having three babies at the same time never scared David or me, we just wanted to make sure they were safe.”

The babies were a blessing in so many ways. They were a gift the couple had been hoping and praying for during the whole, difficult process – and they helped ease some of Kate’s pain, too.

“I always felt that we would get those babies we lost to miscarriage back, and that’s what we feel happened with the triplets.”

Their babies were born healthy and are now happy toddlers, but David never forgot the dedication and sacrifice his wife showed while they were trying to conceive. So, he decided she deserved a surprise trip to her favorite place in the world.

Photo Credit: Kate Pipe

“She really deserved way more than a trip to Disney World, but we both love it there, and I really thought she needed to get away.”

Disney was a perfect choice, though; Kate had loved it since she was a child, and she and David honeymooned there years earlier – before marriage, and all of the heartache they managed in order to get their beautiful kids.

They’ve even already taken their kiddos, and are planning to make another trip for their fifth birthday.

David really wanted the trip to be a surprise, so he went all out, contacting her boss to rearrange her schedule and working with family members to make sure the triplets would be cared for while they were gone – he even packed her bags for her and didn’t tell her they were on their way to the airport until the very last minute.

“He didn’t tell me anything until we got on the bus that takes us to the airport and he said ‘we’re going on a plane’ and that was it. He said nothing else until he took that video.”

We’ll get to the video in a moment.

Kate was blown away by all David had gone through to plan a surprise trip just for her, even managing the kids’ schedules down to the very last detail.

Photo Credit: Kate Pipe

“He is truly an unbelievable husband and father. So many of my friends and family came together to support this surprise. It makes me emotional thinking about how lucky we are and how lucky our children are to be surrounded by so many kind and loving people.”

Her husband’s incredible act of love and kindness has left Kate on the lookout for ways to repay him, and show him how much he means to her and the kids.

“Now I just keep thinking ‘how am I ever going to top this surprise?’  It’s a challenge now that I think about often, how to create a surprise as epic and incredible as he deserves.”

She and David want you to know even though struggling to conceive is a “lonely feeling,” that “so many couples go through infertility struggles.”

Here’s that video we promised you!

I hope that all of you have such a bright, shining moment at the end of your journeys, too.

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10+ Millennials Remember the Things They Miss Most About the 90s

Nostalgia is a pretty universal aspect of the human condition. Every generation has looked back at their own childhood and thought “Ahhh, those were the days!”

Well, millennials who grew up during the 90s are no different. If you’re one of them (or just love the 90s) then these 15 memories are probably going to spark more than a few of your own.

#1. Basic necessities

“Honestly, I miss life before the internet and cell phones/texting became basic necessities.”

#2. A bit carried away

“Climbing trees, making dens in the woods, knocking on your friends door on a Saturday morning without phoning first, ‘are you playing out?’ Summer holidays spent in the half sunny alleys and fields behind the cul de sac. Asking my dad to record my tv shows onto vcr and him always getting the audio wrong from not turning the volume up on the cable box. Those little blue chocolate wafers my Nan had and the way she made toast. My parents watching Inspector Morse after I went to bed and how the radio was always on in the kitchen. The plum tree outside my bedroom window when it blossomed. School mornings getting colder and how my Mum got the car warmed up in the winter before we left. Our dog. My home. My self when I was young and the world was still magical.

Sorry I got a bit carried away.”

#3. Most of all

“8bit graphics, rainbow windbreakers, roller rinks still being cool, AOL, Nickelodeon. But most of all, just being a carefree kid.”

#4. A sense of innocence

“Amazing music, comfy clothes, cheap gasoline and a sense of innocence and optimism about the future.

Also being around my high school classmates seven hours a day, five days a week September through June could be a mixed blessing then, but I sure miss them now.”

#5. The good stuff

90s cartoons!

#6. When you got home

“I miss being safe from bullies when you got home. Like when I was in school I would get shit from someone, but once I got home that stopped. With the way we are all connected now through the internet and social media, I probably wouldn’t have escaped it like I used to be able to. I feel bad for kids that are bullied in school nowadays because they can’t escape the bullying by going home if they have any sort of presence on the internet.”

#7. The highest virtue

“Vintage clothes were the epitome of cool. It’s still weird to me that now it’s cool to wear expensive clothes, much less ones with obvious labels.

Also related, the idea of “not selling out” as the highest virtue. The idea that the coolest people of the 2010s are influencers with sponsored posts couldn’t be more anti-90s.”

#8. I didn’t appreciate it enough

“I spent the 90s on college and grad school, mostly. I miss having a life where my job was just to think, learn and mature. I didn’t appreciate it enough.”

#9. Some sort of game

“Starting high school in 1990. Good music. Rap rock and even pop. Getting outside. Calling people on an actual house phone to set up the weekend. Meeting girls by actually meeting and talking to them in person. You actually had to have some sort of game to even get a number. We worked hard and played hard. People weren’t so sensitive.”

#10. The news wasn’t 24/7

“Stop watching the news. I stopped a couple of years ago and I’m happier. Most of it is irrelevant anyway. Think about it this way. What have you learned from the news in the past year that has directly affected your life? Of those things, what’s the likelyhood of you finding out about it through other means. If the answer is high, just stop watching.”

#11. Instant win

“Instant win contests.

You could buy a bottle of Coke, win another bottle of Coke and immediately turn around to get another one for free.

Now you have to go online, enter some code somewhere and it sucks.”

#12. Like I was at an Irish funeral

“When I would be sitting in my living room apartment and looking at my CD shelf and seeing my Pink Floyd Pulse disk blinking that beautiful red blink. I always wondered when the exact time and date it stopped was because I would have popped that disc in and proceed to drink like I was at an Irish funeral.”

#13. All you had to do

“All you had to do was just go outside. We always found something to do and had a blast. My kids never go outside unless they have a specific activity planned ahead.”

 

#14. Improvised WWF

“Improvised WWF (it was still the WWF back then) matches on my trampoline with buddies.

Also NOT having the internet for every little thing made stuff like Pokemon game glitches the stuff of legend.”

#15. Having all my hair

“The music. The sense the world was improving. Having all my hair.”

Let me know when they invent a time machine, okay?!

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Meet the Man Who’s Been Living on a Cruise Ship for 13 Years, aka “The Captain”

He has taken his lunch and dinner every day at the same corner table now for thirteen years. Slim and distinguished, the passenger is lovingly known by the Seven Seas Navigator crew as “The Captain.”

Photo Credit: Forbes

Morton Jablin is 94 years old, sharp, and quite elegant-looking. So, why has he chosen to spend the last 13-years on a boat?

Jablin was born and raised in Brooklyn before he went abroad with the U.S. Navy Office of Naval Intelligence in WWII. After he returned to the States in 1946, he worked as a pharmacist, married his wife Charlotte and raised two children. He eventually started a successful lace-making business.

Throughout their marriage, Jablin and Charlotte traveled all over the world on various cruise lines. When Charlotte passed 13 years ago, Jablin decided to make his globetrotting full time and settled on the Navigator as his new home.

Living on the ship has allowed Jablin to keep a simple routine – one that ensures he knows where everything is, which is particularly important because he is steadily losing his eyesight and is now 90% blind. Other than the occasional doctor appointment, he no longer participates in shore excursions. “Charlotte and I had already been everywhere.”

His corner table in the Compass Rose Dining Room is permanently reserved for his daily lunches and dinners and is set for him exactly the same way for every meal.

Photo Credit: Regent Cruises

His suite has been customized to meet his needs, and he exercises daily by walking on a deck that is usually empty. Casinos aren’t his thing, but he enjoys the onboard musical performances.

Family visits him when the ship docks in Miami, and he can always call them on his cell phone. Although other passengers will sometimes start conversation, Jablin really considers the crew as his friends and family.

Jablin summed up his life at sea this way. “I couldn’t achieve this lifestyle anywhere else. If I need a nurse or doctor, someone is in my cabin within five minutes. No matter what the time of day, if I need something, someone is here in 10-15 minutes. If I weren’t on this ship, I would have to have someone living with me.”

“Where else could I feel this secure and safe? Life on board couldn’t be better,” he said.

He kind of has a point, don’t you think?

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