Category: jokes

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Fresh and Funny Tweets Just For You!

If you’re looking for some fresh, funny tweets, you’re in the right place.

Well done. You have excellent investigation skills. Let’s get down to it.

Here are fourteen funny tweets to satisfy your clicky-curiosity!

14. Oh, brother

I need clarifications on the ages of all the people in this story.

13. Research bowl earth

Surf’s up, soup’s up.

12. The gig economy

Learn how to monetize your baby TODAY!

11. Hard hitting reporting

I’d very much like to know what went wrong in the career of this person I’ve never heard of and don’t care about.

10. Judge not

I got into this job mostly for the little hammer.

9. The smolest boi

Are you just literally talking about those invisible dog leash gag gifts from the 70’s?

8. Living large

Just because I have nothing doesn’t mean I don’t have standards.

7. Roar right past

Weren’t we supposed to have the fun sinful part before paying for it?

6. The hard truth

They didn’t start that way, we just haven’t replaced them in 10 years.

5. Swear to God

If she was an Evangelical it was the greatest moment of her life, I promise.

4. Lunch goes on

I’m schooling at home and the food still all tastes like cardboard, somehow.

3. No chill

What do you have to do to get a little service around here?

2. Ya big baby

How the human race even made it this far is beyond me.

1. Artificial intelligence train-ing

Which of these squares DOES contain a stoplight? I thought I knew, but now…

Hope you enjoyed those, and we wish you the best in your future funny-tweet-finding endeavors. Good luck out there.

If you had to pick just three people who could keep using Twitter, who would they be?

Tell us in the comments.

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Funny Tweets From People on the Struggle Bus

A philosopher once said, “Seek not perfection, seek only to live, for in living there – aw, dammit! I just spilled coffee all over my smock. My NEW smock. Dad was right, I’ll never make it as a philosopher. Stupid Carl. STUPID.” And you know what? He was right.

Here are tweets from ten people who are trying and failing and trying again.

10. Skin deep

Honestly even the fact that you’re talking about cleaning your room seems a little braggy to me.

9. High standards

When you realize that you may not be the catch you imagine yourself to be.

8. Don’t mind me

When you’re so in the moment you can’t smell your kitchen on fire.

7. Minimalism

I’m less concerned about the folding chair and more concerned about the two dozen paddles on the back wall.

6. Special delivery

I’ll bet he just ate all your fries and didn’t want to admit it.

5. This is just grate

How…how did you manage to get home like that?

4. The juice is loose

Gonna clean those things down to a pulp.

3. The pie goes on forever

Hey last time I checked you were my bank, not my mom.

2. Recipe for disaster

Honestly I thought the food might just be more impressive.

1. Shoe-less and clueless

At least you’re not stomping around trying to pretend your rights are being violated.

None of us has it fully together. And that’s ok. Just make sure to share your failures with others, because they’re usually really, really funny.

What’s been your biggest fail moment lately?

Tell us about it in the comments.

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Funny SpongeBob Memes We Think Are Forever Classics

SpongeBob memes are everywhere and there’s literally one for any occasion. Many, in fact.

Take for instance the college experience. It sort of makes sense that a show centered around a character who is somehow simultaneously a child and an adult would really speak to college students, and that many a meme would reflect that.

Here are fifteen things we can all relate to, in SpongeBob form.

15. A bad example

Wave goodbye to that GPA, friend.

14. A hefty price to pay

At least the books only cost me a kidney.

13. The final countdown

It’s fine. I can’t feel my soul but it’s fine.

12. Broke life

I’m not sure I can even afford to be sitting in this chair, tbh.

11. Average Joe

What can I say except you’re welcome?

10. Take a chance

Lesson learned: never speak again.

9. Time flies

Seriously that stuff’s more effective than a souped up DeLorean.

8. Side hustle

Yeah I can totally take that shift which I will immediately try to pawn off on someone else!

7. Hide the pain

Even my own face betrays me.

6. Very alarming

Guess I’m not making it to that class. Again.

5. Fat clouds

It’s even a problem underwater, somehow.

4. The great imposter

Look man, I’m just trying to turn in this dang assignment.

3. Financial planning

Taco Bell doesn’t count. Taco Bell never counts.

2. The thought that counts

You can have all of me. Well, some. You have to share.

1. Measure up

Get that logical coherence outta here.

If you’re actually a student right now, I hope you didn’t browse all those instead of doing your actual work. Tick tock, buddy. Get back to it.

What’s the weirdest thing about college in your opinion?

Tell us in the comments.

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Memes That Will Be Especially Funny if You’re a Woman

We’ve got some memes that will be funny to anybody but might be especially funny if you happen to be a lady.

Or a fire-type. Or a water-type.

Wait, I’m thinking of Pokémon again. Look, nevermind, let’s just get to the memes.

Here are ten bits of fun for girls who just wanna have it.

10. Heart shattering truths

Our actions are like a window into our souls.

Via: someecards

9. You say that now

Beauty is in the eyeliner of the beholder, I guess.

Via: someecards

8. Don’t sweat it

I’m comfortable as all get out and that’s really all that matters.

Via: someecards

7. Reunited and it feels so good

This is why you gotta keep ten or twenty spares on ya, just in case.

Via: someecards

6. Get mad, stay mad

It’s just the worst. Period.

Via: someecards

5. High and mighty

But if ya’ll could go ahead and never say anything bad about me that would be great, thanks.

Via: someecards

4. The breast of times

Just point the way.

Via: someecards

3. She bangs, she bangs

Is this what everybody in that movie was supposed to be screaming about?

Via: someecards

2. Crushing it

Surely the planets have something to say about this.

Via: someecards

1. Change the channel

Which one you find more relaxing says a lot about you and your relationship status.

Via: someecards

For a balanced media diet, I recommend reading up on lots and lots of memes and then flipping back and forth between Hallmark and Lifetime. Just keep everybody in your life on their toes. It’s an exciting way to live.

What are your favorite kind of memes?

Tell us in the comments.

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Enjoy Some of the Best Comebacks Found on the Internet

The thing about the internet is that it’s a huge public forum where almost anybody can access and respond to the things you say.

And the thing about having a forum like that is that with so many eyeballs on your statement, odds are exceedingly good that at least one pair of those eyes is gonna be connected to a brain that just happens to have the most perfectly devastating response.

Ergo, the internet is basically just one giant clap back machine, and the results are hilarious and oof-worthy.

Here are fifteen examples of killer comebacks brought to us by the internet.

15. First languages

Clearly she meant speak American. Yanno, talk about guns and Tiger King.

14. Safety second

And just like Jurassic Park, we literally never learn.

13. Special delivery

(Club = team for all my fellow basic Americans.)

12. Social predictions

Don’t hold back, king.

11. Deep breaths

I might be suffocating but these download speeds are tight.

10. Packing heat

It was planted on me, I swear.

9. Cold shoulder

Every doctor: “This is way worse than a cold or the flu.”
Your cousin: “Nu uh.”

8. Well actually

If he was around to hear this conversation he’d cut off his ear all over again.

https://ryanrosslegs.tumblr.com/post/111237376092/shaxaphone-growlithed

7. Desperate measures

Get bent, bruh.

Ooof and well asked for. from clevercomebacks

6. Just kidding

Nothing better than when you can turn around a yo mama joke.

Dominance asserted from clevercomebacks

5. Born and raised

“If we went back to using obsolete techniques and technologies, people would be confused.” – a boomer’s idea of a sick burn.

Weird motives from clevercomebacks

4. Don’t cry for me

If being a man means I don’t get to care about my own parents then screw it, I’m a wombat.

In a post about “man up” being an insult. from clevercomebacks

3. Granting wishes

That kid is going to be a lawyer when she grows up.

Children are savages from MurderedByWords

2. Can’t take the heat

But…but…I saw a meme somewhere that said…

A Moron and a Microbiologist Comment on a COVID-19 Article… from clevercomebacks

1. The winter of our inconvenience

We’re so insular we literally forget there are other countries.

On a thread about wearing masks from clevercomebacks

That’s a lot of cathartic comebacks right there. Sort of revs you up to go plant a few yourself. Remember: don’t go looking for a fight. But when the time comes to strike, use the opportunity well.

What’s your favorite comeback lately?

Tell us in the comments.

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Funny Memes You Can Look at for Free Right Now!

We have some good memes for you today!

Ordinarily, these memes would cost a pretty penny, but because we’re feeling generous, we’re going to pass them all along to you for absolutely free. Act now. This is a limited time offer. You can’t afford NOT to scroll, if you think about it.

Here are thirteen free and random memes that we’re sure you’ll agree are the deal of a lifetime.

13. Bear with me, now

Both of these absolutely rock.

Via: someecards

12. Brutal honesty

Sorry could you turn it down a bit? I’m trying to talk here.

Via: someecards

11. What it boils down to

Go ahead and feed what’s left to bills aaaaaand it’s gone.

Via: someecards

10. Wedded hiss

They look like some kind of cursed Victorian couple.

Via: someecards

9. Eat up

I’m not the boss of me.

Via: someecards

8. Decisions, decisions

It’s the perfect way to stave off execution indefinitely.

Via: someecards

7. Time to bite

When you’re getting ready for that succ.

Via: someecards

6. I swear it’s knot

Please stay back, my breath definitely bites.

Via: someecards

5. I suppose

Aaaaand we can no longer speak to each other.

Via: someecards

4. Coked up

You mean you don’t like our Caffeine Free Diet Vanilla Chocolate Cherry Pumpkin Gasoline Fusion Zero?

Via: someecards

3. Killer clowns

We all float down here…

Via: someecards

2. Get the message?

How can I be expected to work under…conditions.

Via: someecards

1. High hopes

There I go again, planting traps for myself.

Via: someecards

All that value at no cost. What can we say except you’re welcome. We’re true humanitarians.

What are your favorite kinds of memes?

Tell us in the comments.

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13 People Share the Best Jokes They Know

Here we go…

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who?

Hey, we got an owl on our hands, here!

Okay, that was totally lame, but that is, technically, an example of a joke. Are you ready to hear some more?

What’s the best joke that you know?

Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say.

1. I laughed at this.

“Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls.

One guy says, “I wish I could do that.”

The other replies, “… well maybe just try petting him first.””

2. Hahahahaha.

“A penguin is on a long-deserved vacation from the zoo. He decides to take a road trip out west, where his car breaks down. Luckily, it’s right in front of a mechanic in town.

He drops the car off and tells the mechanic he’s going to get some lunch. Its a really hot day, so after eating he stops by the ice cream shop for a little treat.

Walking back to his car, the mechanic tells the penguin “It looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin laughs: “Oh, no” he said, as he wiped his mouth “It’s just ice cream.””

3. Groan…

“I had a song stuck in my head the other day and kept singing it out loud.

My wife finally broke down and screamed Will you please STOP singing Wonderwall!?

I said maybe…”

4. Short and sweet.

“What did the sign on the door of the brothel say?

“Beat it, we’re closed.””

5. Gotcha!

“People are shocked when they find out what a terrible electrician I am.”

6. Not sure if younger folks will get this…

“Doc, you gotta help me. I can’t stop singing ‘What’s New Pussycat’.”

“Ah. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?”

“It’s not unusual.”

7. The island of cannibals.

“One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. The cannibals said, “if you do what we say, we wont kill you”. S

So the 3 people followed the orders the cannibals. So the cannibals said, “go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see”. So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, “put the apples up your *ss without making a facial expression”. The person then made a facial expression after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.

The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. the cannibals said, “put the cherries up your *ss without making a facial expression”. The person then started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.

In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with cherries “why did you start laughing?”. The person replied, “I saw the third person come out with pineapples.””

8. Talking dog.

“This guy sees a sign: “Talking Dog $5”

He walks up and asks the man: “Does this dog really talk?”

Owner: “Yep”

“Bullsh*t”

Dog: “It’s true, I can talk.”

Man” Holy sh*t!”

Dog: “Yeah, I started out in the circus as a sideshow, until the CIA found me. They recruited me as a spy. No one suspects the dog in the room is listening to state secrets. After two tours, I retired here in the country to live out my days.”

Man: “My god, man! That is the most astounding thing I have ever heard! So, why the hell are you only selling him for $5?”

Owner: “Because that dog is a liar. He didn’t do any of that sh*t!””

9. LOL.

“The divorce court judge says to Mickey “Now let me get this straight Mr. Mouse, you want a divorce from your wife Minnie because she’s crazy?”

And Mickey says “No, I never said she was crazy, I said she was f*cking Goofy!””

10. See you in Hell.

“Three men went to Hell, and they stood before the Devil.

The Devil asked the first man, “WHAT DID YOU DO FOR A LIVING?”

The man answered, “I was a lumberjack.”

The Devil said “THEN WE WILL CHOP YOUR PEN*S OFF.” He turned to the second man, asking the same question he asked the first.

“I was a fireman,” said the second man.

“THEN WE WILL BURN YOUR PEN*S OFF,” said the Devil. He turned to the third man, asking the same question he asked the other two.

The third man thought about it, and finally answered the Devil:

“I was a lollipop salesman.”

11. In the woods.

“A pair of hunters from Illinois are out in the woods.

Whilst decending a hill one of them suddenly cries out in pain and falls to the bottom, clutching his chest as he hit the ground. The other hunter rushes to his side as his friend noticeably stops breathing. Pulling out his phone he quickly dials 911.

After a few rings the dispatcher picks up. “911 what is your emergency?” Asks the dispatcher. The hunter replies, “I am out near route 51 my friend has a heart attack i think he is dead!” “What do i do?” Asks the hunter. The dispatcher replies, “It is okay sir, can you calm down and make sure that he is dead?” The hunter replies, “okay.”

The dispatcher hears some rustling over the phone followed by the resounding boom of a 12 gauge. The hunter comes back on the line asking, “Okay, now what?””

12. Don’t even try it.

“What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo!”

13. The priest and the plumber.

“Priest and plumber go golfing. It’s the last three holes after a close round.

Plumber misses his swing and curses “bugger missed”. The priest is mildly offended and chastises him “you shouldn’t curse in the lord’s presence”. The plumber laughs it off and looks furtively over his shoulder.

Next hole, the plumber is distracted and goofs on the putting green. He can’t help but curse “bugger this!”. The priest scolds him “i told you, if you curse again may the lord strike you down”. The priest takes the lead.

On the last hole, the plumber is sweating from the pressure, practicing his putting move. One points separates them on the green. He swings… connects… and the ball rolls on the lip of the hole and pivots off target into the sand bunker. “f*ckin f*ck!” the plumber rants.

Before the priest can chime in a mighty rumble is heard, the thick clouds overhead part and a bolt of lightning screams through the air. The priest is struck dead and a voice from the clouds says “bugger, missed”.”

Okay, friends, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, please share your favorite joke with us.

Let’s see what you got!

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Tweets That Parents Will Absolutely Understand

I grew up with two sisters and my memory of the early years is a little hazy but I’m fairly sure we were all absolute terrors.

At the time it was easy to look at my parents as killjoys who wanted nothing in this world but to engender my perpetual disappointment, but in retrospect, I think we’re lucky they didn’t sell us to a passing circus or something. Because kids can be…a lot.

To illustrate what I’m talking about, here are ten tweets from parents who know the struggle all too well.

10. Once upon a time…

And they never heard from her again.

9. Tips and tricks

“Clean enough” might as well be the name of my autobiography.

8. Beat the spread

For instance, my patience.

7. Get this bread

He wants to be a part of the upper crust.

6. Clean up your language

How about YOU do that.

5. A simple request

Oh well, guess we’ll try again tomorrow.

4. For the record

Plague be damned, no one can endure this sort of torment.

3. Killing time

Life before the internet was somehow weirder than life before the internet.

2. Coffee break

Come on in, pull up a shirt.

1. Making the rounds

When God opens a window, he also loses a lid.

To the parents out there dealing with the joys and pains of raising a kid, I salute you. From my bed. Where I can nap. Because I don’t have kids. Good luck!

Do you have kids? What’s the experience been like?

Tell us in the comments.

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Memes for Parents Because They Need a Break

Do you know how to raise a child?

No seriously, I’m asking. Because I don’t. And the prospect that I will likely someday have to is freaking me out a little more each day.

I’ve been trying to find advice on the internet but I just keep looking at memes. Maybe they can help?

Let’s find out with these fifteen parenting gems.

15. Tell me more

Wednesday will not be pleased to hear about this.

Via: Someecards

14. Forgive me, father

They mustn’t find out who I truly am.

Via: Someecards

13. Guffaw suppression

Just gotta hold it in for like 15 more years and then tell them about it then.

Via: Someecards

12. Clean up

I’ve had a few roommates like this as well.

Via: Someecards

11. Tattle tale

I’m sure he’s thrilled about it every time.

Via: Someecards

10. Take a break

It’s somehow more soothing than any white noise machine.

Via: Someecards

9. Butt of the joke

How any of those teachers are surviving this is totally beyond me.

Via: Someecards

8. Fruit on top

Just a refreshing 4,000 calories to get your day started.

Via: Someecards

7. Dolla dolla bills, ya’ll

Don’t spend it all in one place.

Via: Someecards

6. Time’s change

Humanity has never really had it together.

Via: Someecards

5. Potty training

Ah, nah, this is definitely not what I signed up for.

Via: Someecards

4. Secret meetings

There’s not much room but at least it’s quiet.

Via: Someecards

3. Blanket statements

Looks like that laundry is going…undercover.

Via: Someecards

2. Join us

It’s only gonna get crazier from here.

Via: Someecards

1. Silent perfection

You could only improve by being unconscious.

Via: Someecards

Parenting doesn’t look easy, but it does look…rewarding? I think? Or at least it produces good memes?

Do you have any parenting tips?

Share them with us in the comments.

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Memes to Help You Understand the South

A lot people say we’re living in a deeply divided nation. Others say, “No we’re not, you liars, this means war!”

I think both sides have a point.

And in an effort to heal things over just a little, I’m going to try to educate myself about parts of the country that I don’t have too much familiarity with. For instance, the south. A place with a rich and storied culture, which I will now attempt to fully comprehend through memes.

Take a journey with me out of Yankee territory, ya’ll.

10. Cold shoulder

You dare to insult me like this?

9. Inch by inch

All aboard the Polar Express, I guess.

8. Spurs of the moment

These things are God’s mistakes and you can’t convince me otherwise.

7. There’s snow winning

Do I wanna build a snowman? Probably not.

6. Georgia on my mind

Hey, that’s sign’s got a point.

5. Ya’ll think different

Don’t you tie me down with your autocorrected tyranny.

4. Forbidden phrases

Nobody doesn’t like Dolly Parton at least a little.

3. Oh sweet mercy

This is it. This is the end of all things.

2. Pluralism

But where’s the “youse guys” part of the map?

1. Bitter sweet

I’m gonna spill some tea about spilling this tea.

Via: Pinterest

I feel about as well-versed in Southern culture now as I’ve ever been, and even more so in meme culture.

What’s the most distinctive thing about where you grew up?

Enlighten us in the comments.

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