Check Out These Outrageous Bits of Advice from Grandmas

I get kind of annoyed when people talk about the elderly like they’re shocked these folks have lived lives.

They’re not teddy bears, they’re not cartoon characters, they’re human beings with vastly more experience on this planet than the people patronizing them.

That said, I *do* understand why it can feel a little embarrassing/funny/I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-this when, say, an older member of your family opens up to you about elements of their lives you hadn’t thought about…and maybe didn’t want to. Like this thread on Reddit revealed:

My grandma once chastised me for wearing underwear to bed because I need to "let my taco air out". What bizarre advice have you gotten from the older and wiser? from AskReddit

But this user wasn’t alone. There’s plenty of outrageous grandma advice to go around. Let’s hear some more.

1. When you got it, flaunt it.

My Grandma (a model during the depression era) use to tell me, “Be proud when you walk!

Throw those t*ts out!” When I would tell her I was only nine and I did not yet have t*ts, she would just say, “You guess where they are gonna be and throw that out!”

2. Secrets revealed.

So I am a DD while my mom is like a -A. Because my mom hates feeling left out, she has one of those pairs of rubber boobies you can put in your bra to make it look like you have mosquito bites. So one day, while were visiting my grandma, my mom’s getting dressed while she’s in the room. My grandma stares at my mom for a solid minute and then this happened:

in a thick German accent ” Mary! ”

” What? ”

” You have no teets! ”

” …. ”

I could not have laughed any louder.

– jennah101

3. The hero we need.

The job for my siblings and me every Christmastime was to help my grandma decorate her tree. For as long as I can remember, my grandma had a gold foil ornament on her Christmas tree. When I was probably about 11 or so, I got the nerve to ask her what it was, already kind of knowing. Sure enough, she calmly told me “oh, that’s a condom wrapper. I want all my kids to practice safe sex”.

Way to go Grandma with the Magnum.

But really- safe sex is awesome.

– megafart

4. Butter me up.

my grandma once told, while very drunk, if you don’t have lube on hand melted butter works just fine..

– scllfof4

5. Hate the game.

My grandma, whilst once discussing my new boyfriend, was asking why I was only dating one man. Her 87 year old advice to 23 year old me was That in her day she would line up multiple dates, with multiple men to try them out, and once you went on enough dates with one person, then you would go steady. That was the norm. I had to nicely explain to my super conservative irish catholic grandmother that that is what we so kindly refer to as a “player” nowadays. Her response:

“Well, I guess I was a player then.”

– scnavi

6. What a pitch.

My grandma warned me that boys “make a tent” in bed every morning. Thanks Gramma:/

– [user deleted]

7. Wait for it.

My grandma told me not to date girls from the south in college because they all wanted to get married too young…surprisingly good advice

– [user deleted]

8. Work it.

When I excitedly told my grandmother that the boy I liked was going to prom with me, she said “Don’t wear anything with zippers. Make him work for it.”

She was a spectacular woman.

– senatorkneehi

9. Remember this.

My gram gave me a diary when I went to college and said “write a lot, it’s the only way you will remember what happened in college”

Mildly accurate.

– RatApples

10. Mr. Fancy Pants.

I made a joke about anal sex and KY at my girlfriend’s house and her 70 year old grandmother tutted at me and advised me that in her day vaseline was good enough for anybody.

– cwstjnobbs

11. Love me everywhere.

My grandmother and I had a conversation as follows

Grandma: Hows armoredporpoise’s girlfriend in bed?

Me: Umm…

Grandma: Does she let you put it both holes? Your grandfather used to love me everywhere. If you can’t love her everywhere then you shouldnt love her anywhere.

– armoredporpoise

12. Do what you want.

“Slut? Honey, that’s just called doing what you want. And if you’re happy, who gives a d*mn?”

“Those b*tches be crazy!” said after nearly being clipped by a car full of college girls.

I love my grandma. She’s a teeny little old lady, aged 82 years, from Virginia.

– [user deleted]

13. Over/under.

My grandmother once told me “the best way to get over a man is to get under another.”

– not2old4ffvii

14. Stalling for time.

When I came out to my grandma, she smiled and told me not to have sex with dudes in restroom stalls. Thanks, Grandma!

– cromble

15. Too involved.

When I was 19 my (then) girlfriend went to Europe with me for the summer to visit my family. Now, my family is generally pretty cool with the whole sex thing. I always got a separate room for me and any girls I was seeing whenever I was staying/ visiting them, etc, etc. This was, however, the first time my grandmother was faced directly with this issue. Anyway, we arrive to the house late at night after a long-*ss flight, have a huge *ss dinner, and my girlfriend goes upstairs to our room to get ready for bed. I try to go up too, but my grandmother drags me aside and proceeds to give me the most awkward sex talk of my life.

Grandma: Have you two… had… intercourse yet?

Me: Well, we’ve been together for half a year now, so yeah

Grandma: Are you going to do it tonight?

Me: …What?

Grandma: Are you going to have intercourse tonight?

Me (starting to get creeped out): Probably not tonight…

Grandma: Do you use birth control?

Me: Yes, she’s on the pill

Grandma: That sounds sketchy, you should use condoms too

At this point I just want to get out of there, so I just agree with her hoping she’ll let me go

Me: Okay grandma, we’ll use condoms too. I’m gonna go up…

Grandma: Actually, maybe its better if you don’t finish inside her… Just cum outside! I can give you a rag!

Me: …upstairs

Grandma: Are you sure? I have lots of rags.

Me: GRANDMA NO

– not_vulva

Hey, there’s some solid advice in there!

What memorable bit of input have you gotten from your grandma?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Check Out These Outrageous Bits of Advice from Grandmas appeared first on UberFacts.

A Mom Wants to Know if She’s Wrong to Change the Locks to Keep Her Kids’ Grandma Out of the House

This already sounds like a tricky situation.

Whenever there are grandparents and grandkids involved in any situation, there’s bound to be some drama and some hurt feelings some of the time.

But this woman has a unique situation: she wants to know if she was wrong for changing the locks on her house when her ex-husband gave his mom a key to the house…which sounds kind of weird to begin with…

Let’s take a look at how this whole thing unfolded.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Seems normal enough, the ex-husband would be allowed to have a key to her house for day-to-day stuff.

But then the situation went in a new direction and totally caught her by surprise.

But it seemed to be smoothed over after she had a talk with her unexpected guest.

Photo Credit: Reddit

But then Grandma struck again a month later.

So the woman decided to put her foot down. The grandma didn’t see eye to eye with the woman, so she decided to take some action.

Photo Credit: Reddit

That’s right, she changed the locks on her ex-husband the kids’ grandma.

The next time Granda came over to drop the boys off, she got a bit of a rude awakening.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Ouch. Well, she made a decision and decided to stand by it.

But the ex and Grandma clearly don’t seem to be getting the point.

And the woman clearly has some doubt about whether changing the locks on them was a good idea or not.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Not surprisingly… people are decidedly on mom’s side.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Nope nope nope.

Photo Credit: Reddit

This IS NOT a hotel, ma’am!

Photo Credit: Reddit

What do you think? Is she the *sshole?

Have you ever done something like this with a friend or a family member?

Tell us your stories in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you. Thanks!

The post A Mom Wants to Know if She’s Wrong to Change the Locks to Keep Her Kids’ Grandma Out of the House appeared first on UberFacts.

Here Are Some Great Gifts for Grandparents That They’ll Actually Use

(Quick note: This is a sponsored post, but we never write about stuff that we don’t love. So yes, somebody paid us to write this post, but they didn’t tell us what to write or how to write it. Click here to learn more about how we make money and select our advertising partners.)

Have you ever seen something and thought, “I wish I would have thought of that!” Maybe you haven’t, but a grandparent you know sure has! And you’ve undoubtedly heard one of them say, “That’s the best thing since sliced bread!”

Yeah, bread didn’t used to be sliced. It was just a whole loaf. That was a thing.

Today we’re taking a look at 5 awesome gifts for this holiday season that will get your Mamo and Bampo talking like there’s no tomorrow. “What a handy gift!” they’ll exclaim. And they’ll be right. Because these are pretty darn great!

#1. Bug Bite Thing

Photo Credit: Bug Bite Thing

This handy, dead-simple tool has been a fave product of ours for many years, and the sharks on Shark Tank apparently agree!

Check out what happens when all five sharks are fighting over one product!

So why were they so excited?

Because the Bug Bite Thing actually works.

Listen, literally every single person on this planet has to deal with bug bites or stings.

And if you’re a grandparent and you have grandkids… you want to make sure they’re always taken care of when those bites strike!

View this post on Instagram

We love it!! 💚💚

A post shared by Bug Bite Thing (@bugbitething) on

Do you want to use expensive creams and ointments?

No, of course not. Because they don’t treat the actual cause of the bug bite.

But the Bug Bite Thing does. It sucks the irritant or venom out the wound with simple suction.

Plus, it’s completely reusable. Just wash it with soap and water, dry it off, and it’s ready to use again.

It’s so easy, we even made a meme about it! Because if there’s one thing grandparents love… it’s memes!

Click here and grab a couple today at their website or click here to pick one up on Amazon! The grandparents in your life will thank you!

#2. Oasis Diffuser – Waterproof Aromatizer

Photo Credit: Oasis Diffuser

As we get older, the one thing we all pay attention to is our health. That’s where essential oils can help. They aid in reducing stress, inflammation and all kinds of conditions you wouldn’t expect.

Oil diffusers have been growing in popularity, but what about when you get in the shower? That’s where the Oasis Diffuser – Waterproof Aromatizer comes in.

It’s a very simple idea. You fill up the bottles, turn on the diffuser and take a shower. All that beautiful smelling mist does the rest!

So what kind of essential oils should you use? You can go grab ANY kind really, but some of our favorite essential oils are blends from Zum.

Photo Credit: Indigo Wild

Put those two together, and those grandparents in your life will look at shower time in a whole new light!

Click here to pick one up today, and click here to check out those oil blends from Zum!

#3. 23andMe Health + Ancestry Service

Photo Credit: 23andMe

Where did we come from? How did we all end up here? These are questions we ask our elders, but sometimes they either don’t know or can’t remember. You’ll give them insight into their ancestry and the traits that come along with that.

Photo Credit: 23andMe

Plus, you’ll give them reports about their health that may reveal things that they never saw coming.

Photo Credit: 23andMe

Click here to grab a kit for the grandparents in your life.

#4. Letters to My Grandchild

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Are you ready to cry? Yeah you are! Because what’s more weepy than thinking of a grandparent writing a letter to their grandkids that they’ll read in the future?

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Answer, nothing!

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

This book includes 12 prompted letters for grandparents to fill in with their memories, wit and wisdom.

And there are other books in this series too…

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Click here to check out all the titles! You may want to pick up more than just one!

#5. Did You Know 2020 Desk Calendar

Photo Credit: Did You Know

What do grandparents like more than hugs from their grandkids? Reading a new, fun fact every single day of the year! Like this one!

Photo Credit: Did You Know

Okay, we kid. Hugs are clearly better, but who in your life do you know who would be more inclined to look at a desk calendar every single day than grandma and grandpa?

For instance, did you know this about ghost peppers?

Photo Credit: Did You Know

Yeah, stay away from those ghost peppers! Yikes!

Click here and grab at Did You Know? 2020 Desk Calendar today!

The post Here Are Some Great Gifts for Grandparents That They’ll Actually Use appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Weird, Wild Family Secrets That Embarrass Them to This Day

Some of these folks had to go through some seriously humiliating situations.

And it all started with a simple question: What’s the most embarrassing thing a parent has done to you?

Enjoy this cavalcade of craziness…

16. “Dad! Why can’t we go to the fair?!?”

Here’s a story that my dad never told me but my uncle shared after my dad passed.

He was madly in love with a girl when he was 17 years old. They were soul mates, lovers meant to be, engaged to be married and grow old together, all that sweet jazz.

They went to the county fair one year and decided to ride the Ferris Wheel. About the time they got to the top and started heading back down the safety bar came unhooked and swung open. My dad grabbed her and held onto the seat. He tried to hold her but he couldn’t.

She fell to her death.

My dad never mentioned it, never said a word to anyone, even to my mom. My uncle said her death broke his heart and he was never the same again, until after I was born.

He would never let me go to fairs, amusement parks, or any place with rides when I was growing up and we used to get into big fights about it when all my friends were going.

He always told me it was just because they were dangerous and didn’t want me to get hurt.

15. This art is s**t!

When I was six years old my mother used to babysit my neighbor Annie. Annie was a very artistic girl; she loved to color and draw everything she saw.

One day, I was playing Star Fox 64 on my Nintendo 64 and Annie was watching. Of course, being too absorbed in the game, I never turned around to see her greatest work of art.

My mom walks in the room to check on us and does a gasp to end all gasps. Annie had made a drawing of a triangular looking ship with a circle around it.

It was Star Fox doing a barrel roll except she made it with a load of diarrhea she scooped out of her pants.

14. The other child…

Apparently, our dad had another kid about eight years older than me.

My mom blurted something out about it after their divorce when she was pissed about something. It was along the lines of, “if he thinks he can forget you exist like that other kid of his.” She then turned very white and I was never able to get more out of her than that.

My dad pretends he doesn’t know what I’m talking about but has apparently told my brother a bit of the story and then backtracked and never talked about it again.

So yeah, apparently I’m not the oldest.

13. The clairvoyant kid!

A few weeks ago, I was getting breakfast ready for my three-year-old when he nonchalantly told me his Grandma fell down the stairs.

About an hour later, Grandpa calls us to tell us Grandma had fallen down the stairs.

Also last weekend, he said my sister was going to visit the next day.

Guess who showed up the next day for a “surprise” visit?

12. Harry Potter trash…

Back in the day (2005) I was 14 and I would print out my erotic Harry Potter fan fiction to read at night, as we didn’t have portable devices like smartphones back then. I always threw them away after.

One day my mom gave me a gigantic see-through bag for trash and that night I read some of the good stuff and then put it in there.

There was probably like 15 pages of printed out smut. While I was at school she rooted through my trash.

She confronted me when I came home like “Why are Fred and George getting intimate with Hermione? What are these stories?? Where do you get them? Are they all like this??”

So so bad. I think I died and I’ve been a ghost for the last 13 years.

11. This one just keeps getting weirder and weirder…

My mom once pulled up my skirt, causing me to involuntarily flash a room full of people, at a family Christmas dinner.

I was absolutely mortified. She wanted to check for any potential self-harm scars on my thighs, apparently. I’ve never physically harmed myself before in my entire life.

I was 18 years old at the time, and thankfully I was wearing underwear so it was not as bad as it could have been.

Nevertheless, she should not be allowed to consume alcohol ever again.

10. Ignoring the eating disorder…

My family never talks about my sister’s eating disorder. She eats a ton and goes on to vomit. She goes jogging for one hour or more per day (every day, no breaks even though her knees hurt like crazy) and refuses to eat any carbs, fruits and vegetables only.

I seem to be the only one who realizes the magnitude of this, and the only one who thinks of this as a sickness, not as a “temporary phase.”

It’s been like this for three years already, and I have no idea when my parents noticed. Whenever I say something I get “shushed” at and later have to justify my “insensitive behavior” in front of my parents. So I just kind of gave up on arguing.

Not sure what I can do to change things without disrupting the family.

9. A dog with amazing comedic timing!

One Thanksgiving, my grandmother ran out of counter space and stuff was sorta burning like crazy on top of the stove. She took out the turkey on the tray, looked around, and put it on the ground for like three seconds.

She intended for it to be there for three seconds.

Her dog, Rosco, had been following her all day.

Earlier she tossed him a turkey giblet, and I guess that didn’t sit well with him. He defecated all over my grandma’s leg, floor, and freshly-cooked turkey in one explosive two-second blast of fiery diarrhea.

8. Who’s the monster?

My three-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother, looked at him for a while.

Then she turned to me and said, “Daddy, it’s a monster! We should bury it.”

I didn’t bury it.

7. That YouTube search history tho…

That when my daughter was five or six years old, she would look up videos of dogs throwing up or stallions urinating, based on her YouTube history.

I never directly spoke to her about this but have always told her that she can always talk to me about any questions she had about any subject with no judgment from me.

She’s 14 now and I still haven’t said a word.

6. Bad, bad, bad dad!

My dad, influenced at least in part by the movie Bad Boys II, decided to mess with my boyfriend on my first date by acting like a tough guy.

He filled a whiskey bottle with tea and, when he answered the door, he started chugging down the whole thing while scanning my boyfriend up and down.

He then tried to break the bottle over his own head. The date was canceled due to the ensuing hospital trip, and I became known as the girl with a totally insane father.

“Don’t concuss yourself this time, Dad!” became the running joke in my house once I was able to get a date again.

5. Grandma, the slacker…

My grandmother said she needed a place to stay one night due to issues with her housemate.

She slept on the couch… for the next ten years.

Made no effort to get her own place despite having a very good retirement income and still working part-time as a nurse.

Loved to hit the casino though!

4. Joke’s on you, parents!

It’s one in the morning. I’m fast asleep with my wife in the living room reading.

All of the sudden, the baby monitor is blaring my 16-month-old son’s laughter into my ear. So I jump up, run into his room, and he’s standing in his crib pointing at the corner of the room and giggling hysterically.

I just stared at him for a few seconds before I grabbed him and put him in bed with me.

3. That last part, tho…

About a year ago, my parents caught me singing to my microwave while I was waiting for it to warm up a piece of pizza.

This all happened at 4 in the morning, when I thought my parents were staying at a friend’s.

Oh, I almost forgot that I was naked.

2. The war at home!

My uncle and grandfather don’t have a good relationship but were tolerating each other because it was Thanksgiving. My uncle was cooking lasagna and my grandfather decided to help, so he grated the cheese. He did this in another room, because the kitchen was full of other people cooking, we have a big Thanksgiving with maybe 15 or 20 who love to eat.

I had brought in the cheese and everything was going fine. Flashforward to dinner time, the food is coming out and, as tradition dictates, we always start with lasagna. My grandfather made some joke like,” I know you hate me, but at least I’m grate,” and stuff hit the fan.

My uncle literally went into a rage and was yelling at everyone because we didn’t tell him he was using “tainted” cheese. Then said “f*** it” and proceeded to flip the table ALL the food was on. Then my grandfather called him outside to settle the score, which resulted in two grown men fist fighting in the backyard, culminating with my grandad getting thrown into the pond we lived off of, and slicing his leg on a jagged rock that he landed on.

The rest of us ordered Chinese food and kicked my uncle out. My grandfather refused the hospital because he had a little too much “holiday joy” in him at the time.

Surprising my uncle hasn’t come to holidays in years now.

1. Hugs, not drugs…

When I was 11 years old, I was taken in by the police for questioning regarding illicit substances distribution that had been taking place out of our family’s house.

My dad had marijuana growing in the basement, and he had been using it as well as selling it frequently to neighbors and friends.

When the police raided the house while my dad was at work, they asked me if I knew anything about what was in the room. Since I admitted to having had knowledge of it, I guess that that was all it took for them to feel the need to bring me in for questioning. They even cuffed me and everything.

My dad didn’t show up at the police station till almost eight hours later.

As you can imagine, in a small town like the one where I grew up, people talked. A lot. It also didn’t help that I lived next to a massive apartment complex where everyone could see what was happening the entire time as it was unfolding.

I was the talk of the town for almost two years because of this incident.

Isn’t it nuts that the last story probably wouldn’t happen these days? Well, at least in some states?

So much time, energy and money wasted on the war against marijuana.

*sigh*

The post People Share the Weird, Wild Family Secrets That Embarrass Them to This Day appeared first on UberFacts.

16 People Share Their Weirdest, Wildest Family Secrets

Can you think of the most embarrassing thing a family member has done?

Okay, now take that and make it ten times worse. Because that’s what some of these folks had to go through.

And it all started with a simple question: What’s the most embarrassing thing a parent has done to you?

Enjoy this cavalcade of craziness…

1. Harry Potter trash…

Back in the day (2005) I was 14 and I would print out my erotic Harry Potter fan fiction to read at night, as we didn’t have portable devices like smartphones back then. I always threw them away after.

One day my mom gave me a gigantic see-through bag for trash and that night I read some of the good stuff and then put it in there.

There was probably like 15 pages of printed out smut. While I was at school she rooted through my trash.

She confronted me when I came home like “Why are Fred and George getting intimate with Hermione? What are these stories?? Where do you get them? Are they all like this??”

So so bad. I think I died and I’ve been a ghost for the last 13 years.

2. This one just keeps getting weirder and weirder…

My mom once pulled up my skirt, causing me to involuntarily flash a room full of people, at a family Christmas dinner.

I was absolutely mortified. She wanted to check for any potential self-harm scars on my thighs, apparently. I’ve never physically harmed myself before in my entire life.

I was 18 years old at the time, and thankfully I was wearing underwear so it was not as bad as it could have been.

Nevertheless, she should not be allowed to consume alcohol ever again.

3. Ignoring the eating disorder…

My family never talks about my sister’s eating disorder. She eats a ton and goes on to vomit. She goes jogging for one hour or more per day (every day, no breaks even though her knees hurt like crazy) and refuses to eat any carbs, fruits and vegetables only.

I seem to be the only one who realizes the magnitude of this, and the only one who thinks of this as a sickness, not as a “temporary phase.”

It’s been like this for three years already, and I have no idea when my parents noticed. Whenever I say something I get “shushed” at and later have to justify my “insensitive behavior” in front of my parents. So I just kind of gave up on arguing.

Not sure what I can do to change things without disrupting the family.

4. Grandma, the slacker…

My grandmother said she needed a place to stay one night due to issues with her housemate.

She slept on the couch… for the next ten years.

Made no effort to get her own place despite having a very good retirement income and still working part-time as a nurse.

Loved to hit the casino though!

5. Joke’s on you, parents!

It’s one in the morning. I’m fast asleep with my wife in the living room reading.

All of the sudden, the baby monitor is blaring my 16-month-old son’s laughter into my ear. So I jump up, run into his room, and he’s standing in his crib pointing at the corner of the room and giggling hysterically.

I just stared at him for a few seconds before I grabbed him and put him in bed with me.

6. That last part, tho…

About a year ago, my parents caught me singing to my microwave while I was waiting for it to warm up a piece of pizza.

This all happened at 4 in the morning, when I thought my parents were staying at a friend’s.

Oh, I almost forgot that I was naked.

7. The war at home!

My uncle and grandfather don’t have a good relationship but were tolerating each other because it was Thanksgiving. My uncle was cooking lasagna and my grandfather decided to help, so he grated the cheese. He did this in another room, because the kitchen was full of other people cooking, we have a big Thanksgiving with maybe 15 or 20 who love to eat.

I had brought in the cheese and everything was going fine. Flashforward to dinner time, the food is coming out and, as tradition dictates, we always start with lasagna. My grandfather made some joke like,” I know you hate me, but at least I’m grate,” and stuff hit the fan.

My uncle literally went into a rage and was yelling at everyone because we didn’t tell him he was using “tainted” cheese. Then said “f*** it” and proceeded to flip the table ALL the food was on. Then my grandfather called him outside to settle the score, which resulted in two grown men fist fighting in the backyard, culminating with my grandad getting thrown into the pond we lived off of, and slicing his leg on a jagged rock that he landed on.

The rest of us ordered Chinese food and kicked my uncle out. My grandfather refused the hospital because he had a little too much “holiday joy” in him at the time.

Surprising my uncle hasn’t come to holidays in years now.

8. Hugs, not drugs…

When I was 11 years old, I was taken in by the police for questioning regarding illicit substances distribution that had been taking place out of our family’s house.

My dad had marijuana growing in the basement, and he had been using it as well as selling it frequently to neighbors and friends.

When the police raided the house while my dad was at work, they asked me if I knew anything about what was in the room. Since I admitted to having had knowledge of it, I guess that that was all it took for them to feel the need to bring me in for questioning. They even cuffed me and everything.

My dad didn’t show up at the police station till almost eight hours later.

As you can imagine, in a small town like the one where I grew up, people talked. A lot. It also didn’t help that I lived next to a massive apartment complex where everyone could see what was happening the entire time as it was unfolding.

I was the talk of the town for almost two years because of this incident.

9. A dog with amazing comedic timing!

One Thanksgiving, my grandmother ran out of counter space and stuff was sorta burning like crazy on top of the stove. She took out the turkey on the tray, looked around, and put it on the ground for like three seconds.

She intended for it to be there for three seconds.

Her dog, Rosco, had been following her all day.

Earlier she tossed him a turkey giblet, and I guess that didn’t sit well with him. He defecated all over my grandma’s leg, floor, and freshly-cooked turkey in one explosive two-second blast of fiery diarrhea.

10. “Dad! Why can’t we go to the fair?!?”

Here’s a story that my dad never told me but my uncle shared after my dad passed.

He was madly in love with a girl when he was 17 years old. They were soul mates, lovers meant to be, engaged to be married and grow old together, all that sweet jazz.

They went to the county fair one year and decided to ride the Ferris Wheel. About the time they got to the top and started heading back down the safety bar came unhooked and swung open. My dad grabbed her and held onto the seat. He tried to hold her but he couldn’t.

She fell to her death.

My dad never mentioned it, never said a word to anyone, even to my mom. My uncle said her death broke his heart and he was never the same again, until after I was born.

He would never let me go to fairs, amusement parks, or any place with rides when I was growing up and we used to get into big fights about it when all my friends were going.

He always told me it was just because they were dangerous and didn’t want me to get hurt.

11. This art is s**t!

When I was six years old my mother used to babysit my neighbor Annie. Annie was a very artistic girl; she loved to color and draw everything she saw.

One day, I was playing Star Fox 64 on my Nintendo 64 and Annie was watching. Of course, being too absorbed in the game, I never turned around to see her greatest work of art.

My mom walks in the room to check on us and does a gasp to end all gasps. Annie had made a drawing of a triangular looking ship with a circle around it.

It was Star Fox doing a barrel roll except she made it with a load of diarrhea she scooped out of her pants.

12. The other child…

Apparently, our dad had another kid about eight years older than me.

My mom blurted something out about it after their divorce when she was pissed about something. It was along the lines of, “if he thinks he can forget you exist like that other kid of his.” She then turned very white and I was never able to get more out of her than that.

My dad pretends he doesn’t know what I’m talking about but has apparently told my brother a bit of the story and then backtracked and never talked about it again.

So yeah, apparently I’m not the oldest.

13. The clairvoyant kid!

A few weeks ago, I was getting breakfast ready for my three-year-old when he nonchalantly told me his Grandma fell down the stairs.

About an hour later, Grandpa calls us to tell us Grandma had fallen down the stairs.

Also last weekend, he said my sister was going to visit the next day.

Guess who showed up the next day for a “surprise” visit?

14. Who’s the monster?

My three-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother, looked at him for a while.

Then she turned to me and said, “Daddy, it’s a monster! We should bury it.”

I didn’t bury it.

15. That YouTube search history tho…

That when my daughter was five or six years old, she would look up videos of dogs throwing up or stallions urinating, based on her YouTube history.

I never directly spoke to her about this but have always told her that she can always talk to me about any questions she had about any subject with no judgment from me.

She’s 14 now and I still haven’t said a word.

16. Bad, bad, bad dad!

My dad, influenced at least in part by the movie Bad Boys II, decided to mess with my boyfriend on my first date by acting like a tough guy.

He filled a whiskey bottle with tea and, when he answered the door, he started chugging down the whole thing while scanning my boyfriend up and down.

He then tried to break the bottle over his own head. The date was canceled due to the ensuing hospital trip, and I became known as the girl with a totally insane father.

“Don’t concuss yourself this time, Dad!” became the running joke in my house once I was able to get a date again.

Yikes! These were nuts!

The post 16 People Share Their Weirdest, Wildest Family Secrets appeared first on UberFacts.

10 Memes For People Born with the Soul of a Grandma

I’m the type of person who’s been referred to as an “old soul” for pretty much my entire life. Even in my youth, I wasn’t really much for being the footloose and fancy-free type.

Some of us are happy to RSVP “Maybe” to every party, knowing there’s no chance in hell that we’re going out after 9PM.

Here are 10 memes that every 20-something-going-on-81 will relate to.

1. When people ask about your hobbies.

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. Serious regrets!!!

Photo Credit: BuzzFeed

3. Sleep counts as an activity.

Photo Credit: Instagram

4. Get offa my lawn!

Photo Credit: Instagram

5. Can’t relate.

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. The intention is always there.

Photo Credit: Twitter

7. Wow I was totally gonna go too!

Photo Credit: Instagram

8. Priorities, priorities.

Photo Credit: BuzzFeed

9. Am I a grandma or am I just lazy? Hmm.

Photo Credit: Instagram

10. Woahhh what happened?

Photo Credit: Instagram

Extra 5 points if you’re nodding at these memes from the bed right now.

The post 10 Memes For People Born with the Soul of a Grandma appeared first on UberFacts.

Three Years Later: Grandma Who Accidentally Texted a Teen is Still Sharing Thanksgiving

The holidays are all about family. It’s a time to get together with your loved ones and celebrate your good fortunes. We can all use a little love during the holidays, and there’s something even more special about celebrating with the family that you chose (usually in the form of good friends).

That’s what happened in 2016 when Jamal Hinton received a text from an unknown “grandma” in 2016.

Photo Credit: Twitter, @CertoNego

Photo Credit: Twitter, CertoNego

Photo Credit: Twitter, @CertoNego

Photo Credit: Twitter, @CertoNego

And their relationship grew from there.

Hinton took Wanda Dench up on her offer and enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal with his newfound family – and he continued to do so in 2017 and 2018.

Photo Credit: Twitter, @kingjamal08

And it doesn’t stop there. They even meet during the off-holiday-season!

Photo Credit: Twitter, @kingjamal08

Hinton posted a Q&A session with Dench (aka Grandma) about the mishap that turned into a blessing.

Dench said, “I grew up in the military and moved around a lot so I was always going to new places…strangers were not strangers to me…you open your ‘door’…it was normal for us.”

Photo Credit: Twitter, @kingjamal08

Always remember: kindness is free and the word “family” knows no bounds.

The post Three Years Later: Grandma Who Accidentally Texted a Teen is Still Sharing Thanksgiving appeared first on UberFacts.

Here Are 10+ of the Best Tweets from the Funniest Grandma on Twitter

Do you know who Myrna Tellingheusen is? If not, then you’re just plain out of the loop.

With over 80,000 Twitter followers, she’s the funniest grandma on Twitter. And we’re lucky enough to have her share her pearls of wisdom with us.

1. It keeps her young

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. Good idea

Photo Credit: Twitter

3. Dammit Florence

Photo Credit: Twitter

4. It might be…

Photo Credit: Twitter

5. Crucial move

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. Don’t hold back

Photo Credit: Twitter

7. I like this one a lot

Photo Credit: Twitter

8. Which they usually are…

Photo Credit: Twitter

9. Attention, bag boy!

Photo Credit: Twitter

10. You might have to

Photo Credit: Twitter

11. Stupid men

Photo Credit: Twitter

12. Roberta is dead to her

Photo Credit: Twitter

13. Can’t live with that name

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. Never forget

Photo Credit: Twitter

15. Mall walking wisdom

Photo Credit: Twitter

Keep ’em coming, Myrna!

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