A solid dad joke will make you groan, or even roll your eyes. A great dad joke will make you do those things, plus secretly text your own dad, or your husband, or your uncle who loves puns just as soon as you can.
I’m not saying they’re good jokes, but they’re good dad jokes – an important distinction, of course, but that doesn’t mean they’re not funny.
Below are 14 you’re definitely going to want to share.
14. Ooh this one is dark, y’all.
“My grandfather survived pepper spray and mustard gas attacks in two wars…and came home to us a seasoned veteran.”
13. I didn’t see that one coming.
“My wife just completed a 40-week bodybuilding program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7 pounds, 12 ounces.”
12. Nope. Stop it.
“I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform…straightaway, I knew he was a keeper.”
11. This one definitely earned a groan.
“What genre are national anthems? Country.”
10. Sorry to everyone outside my bubble.
“Due to the quarantine, I’ll only be telling inside jokes.”
9. It’s nice to know exactly what you’re getting into.
“My daughter’s boyfriend introduced himself to me and said, ‘Hello, sir, I’m David. Nice to meet you.’
He put out his hand and I said, ‘David, are you nervous?’
He said no, so I grabbed his hand, looked him in the eyes, and said, ‘Then why are you shaking?’”
8. Oh, dear.
“I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing.
He asked, ‘Can you describe the symptoms?’
I replied, ‘Sure. They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.’”
7. You gotta love a good science joke.
“I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.”
6. We’re all just trying to be safe, here.
“I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing. This is as close as I could get.”
5. If this one doesn’t make you crack a smile, I don’t know how.
“A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees.
The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
‘That’s one too many!’ says the customer.
The clerk replies ‘It’s a freebie.’”
4. Hahahahaha good one.
“I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen.
I felt bad, so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.”
3. No way your 5yo won’t love this one.
“Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident? To the I.C.U.”
2. Nailed it.
“I got an email from Google saying, ‘At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!’ and I thought, ‘That’s just spam!’”
1. And not just in the way the rest of us mean.
“The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.”
I’m already sending these to my dad, y’all.
Which one did you have to pass along? Share with us in the comments!
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