Category: Funny

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People Talk About What Kind of Food People Only Pretend to Like

Oh! I know my answer to this question!

Ethiopian food. It seems to be all the rage among the hipsters in the city I live in. I’ve tried it twice at two different restaurants but I’m just not feeling it. At all.

Now, to be fair, I probably should give it another shot because it’s been several years, but the memories still haunt me, so I’ve been wary of going back…

AskReddit users opened up about what foods they think people only pretend to like.

1. Local fare.

“Anything that’s classified as a “local delicacy”.

There’s usually a reason it’s remained local.

And yes, I am Scandinavian, how’d you guess?”

2. Nope.

“Some of the Jello salads out there. Green Jello with carrots (and sometimes raisins) is an abomination.

Also, whatever the hell my mom used to make with cottage cheese and orange jello.

My family had this weird notion that if you put healthy stuff in Jello that it was a side dish and not a dessert. Nope, you just ruined two foods by making unnatural combinations with them.

Mom never did come across a Jello recipe that she thought was a bad idea though.”

3. Never heard of it.

“Lutefisk

We eat this on Christmas on my dad’s side of the family and everyone hates how it tastes, but it’s an important part of our family history. His ancestors had to eat it to survive famine, and it’s a way of keeping the memory of their sacrifices alive and showing respect to them.

Having it with a table full of absolutely delightful cooking also serves as a reminder of what we do have, and makes us more aware of what we should be thankful for. We do drown it in mustard and cream sauce though.”

4. Eat up!

“Chitlins.

Seriously, it’s intestines sorta cleaned and cooked.

That’s it.”

5. Not normal.

“Gefilte fish.

I refuse to believe anyone under the age of 80 enjoys this food.

It’s not normal.”

6. Thoughts?

“I have the soap gene for cilantro, so I had my fiancé try a bit (raw) to tell me what it tasted like.

Does it really just taste like grass for people without my curse?”

7. Gross.

“Limburger cheese.

It smells and tastes like sweaty feet.”

8. What?!?!

“Tonic water.

It’s like angry poison water.

Shy would anyone drink that on purpose?”

9. Hmmmm…

“Balut.

I spend quite some time in the Philippines and I never saw one person actively ENJOYING the food but eating it because cheap and easy to get.”

10. Come on, now…

“Grape Nuts.

If I wanted that texture and no flavor I would go outside and chew on gravel.”

11. Not a fan.

“Caviar.

I’d like some salt paste please for $100 a scoop…”

12. Marmite.

“Marmite.

There’s literally a series of adverts made by the company where the whole premise is ‘This sh*t tastes so terrible that even the slightest scraping will make you vomit.’

They’re not even pretending anymore. It’s not a food as much as it is an inter-office dare to see just what nasty bullsh*t they can convince people to eat.”

13. Keep it away from me.

“Anything rose or floral flavored.

I wanted a cake, not a cake that smells like flowers and taste like soap.”

14. I get it…but…

“Everybody gonna say oysters and even though I love oysters I get what they mean. They’re the texture of a thick loogey. They taste like saltwater and algae that’s marinated an old piece of discarded bubble gum.

But I love them! I love them so much! I love them with horseradish, lemon juice and hot sauces. They’re mostly just a vector for those flavors I guess. But I’d never really argue with a person who hates on them.

They’re objectively correct. I’ve just eaten so many things at this point, whacked off my taste buds so much, made them numb with fire and acid, that I’ve evolved to some twisted realm of flavor where culinary cenobites make me genuinely enjoy some clearly disgusting meal.”

15. Doesn’t sound great.

“The food my nephew makes.

It’s too salty and its always made out of Play-Doh.”

Okay, you know the drill…

Now we want to hear from you!

In the comments, tell us what foods you think people only pretend to like. Please and thank you!

The post People Talk About What Kind of Food People Only Pretend to Like appeared first on UberFacts.

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What Food Do Folks Pretend to Like? 16 People Responded.

Are foods out there that people only pretend to like?

Maybe it’s because it’s all the rage at the moment, maybe it’s extremely hip, or maybe people are just too afraid to speak out against it.

Whatever the case, it does seem like there’s a lot of this going around…or at least people think there is.

Let’s see what AskReddit users had to say about this.

1. Code for “not good.”

“Everything I eat at Rosh Hashanah.

Chopped liver, gefilte fish, kugel (noodles with cottage cheese and raisins).

Everything is described as an “acquired taste,” which is code for “not good.””

2. No thank you.

“Liver and pig’s feet.

I eat all types of food.

I eat sushi, caviar, oysters, beef heart, tongue, etc but those two foods in particular have a certain taste that just broadcasts what they are, and it isn’t positive.”

3. I’m being poisoned!

“Those bitter gross leafs in some salads.

Those are weeds, not food.

Healthy doesn’t mean it needs to taste like poison.”

4. Get that outta here!

“Sprinkles!

You all pretend to like them because they’re cute but in reality they ruin whatever they are on.

Leave my cupcake alone with your glittery crunchy nasty bullsh*t.”

5. Like shoe leather.

“Well done steak.

It destroys the flavor and texture,.

You may as well just save yourself some money and buy chicken instead.”

6. Uh uh…

“Miracle Whip

To quote Kyle Kinane, “mayonnaise doesn’t go bad, it just becomes Miracle Whip. That extra tang in there, you know what that is? Patience.””

7. Not a fan.

“Fruit cake.

Do people actually eat that?

I feel like it work better as a doorstop.

8. Take that back!

“Jägermeister.

It tastes like a syrup version of black licorice.

Ewww, god no.”

9. Not feeling it.

“Coconut Water.

If I wanted to drink taint sweat I would just collect my own.

10. Not for me!

“Kale.

Sure, I’d love a sandpaper salad!”

11. That’s one way to put it.

“Cottage cheese.

It’s the Devil’s yeast infection.”

12. I guess it is kind of gross…

“Celery.

It’s literally bitter, chewy, fibrous water.

Blehhh.”

13. Is it all a conspiracy?

“Candy Corn?

There is a conspiracy that in the 1880’s “Big Sugar” had found a way to sell their low grade sugar by mixing it with edible wax and selling it to children called “candy corn”

if someone “Likes” candy corn they are alien who is trying to “fit in” with humanity, cause people weren’t suppose to like candy other than as fake gag food.”

14. Overpriced.

“Really fancy wines.

I feel like once yet hit anything over USD 40 per bottle, all wines are just about the same levels of good.”

15. Rusty nails.

“Uni(sea urchin).

Tastes like rusty nails and explodes said rusty nail juice in your mouth like a boba.

Chefs talk about how they love it and I think people say they like it to get foodie cred.”

16. Very bitter.

“IPA beer.

Especially when the brewery prides itself on how hoppy it is.

That just means it’ll be so bitter you’ll barely be able to get it past your lips.”

Now we want to hear from all of you out there!

In the comments, tell us what foods you think people only pretend to like.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post What Food Do Folks Pretend to Like? 16 People Responded. appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About the Craziest Things They’ve Ever Seen at Parties

This is gonna be fun…

I can vividly remember some house parties (and some field parties) that got a little bit out of control when I was in high school and college…and maybe a few years after college, as well…

Hey, we were all just living our best lives!

Are you ready to hear some party stories!

Let’s get wild with some folks on AskReddit.

1. Oh boy…

“Got a gun pointed at my crotch by the girl whose apartment the party was at. She laughed and said it wasn’t loaded.

Then some guy called her back over to the table where he was sitting. He said, “give me that.” And proceeded to pull out the magazine.

I left about then…”

2. They blew it.

“These guys were trying to cook a pig which none of them have ever done, so these geniuses came up with a plan to build a fire pit, lay the pig on top, then place a cast iron bathtub over the pig to cook… all day.

When it was time to feed the partiers, they removed the tub to find nothing but ashes.

They cremated a pig.”

3. Time to go to the ER.

“I once got stabbed in the f*cking chest at a party.

This guy had a ceramic plate of wings (was drunk) and I accidentally bumped into him (dropping his wings and plate) he got so mad he picked up a shard of the plate and stabbed me with it.

I ended up going to the hospital but was mostly ok.”

4. A wild night.

“Halloween house party, everyone in costume except one guy.

Everybody is having a good time until that guy goes on a rampage and throws a guy dressed as Shaggy through a ground floor window and just paces around the room like a wild animal looking like he’s going to do it again.

Everyone’s in a state of shock or going out to check on Shaggy. My mate Pete (RIP) calmly folds up a chair and smashes the guy over the back with it WWE style and then threw him out.”

5. Whacked out.

“An extremely drunk/high guy (I have no idea, he was wobbling around and hallucinating) and he made my bed.

I watched, also fairly drunk, from the corner of my room, as he fell on top of it over and over while attaching the sheets and tucking them under the mattress.

Guy’s mother must have drilled some crazy sense of duty into him.”

6. He nailed it!

“A very fat friend of mine was extremely drunk and said ‘Im gonna do a flip!’

He did a complete front flip, landing on a plastic chair, which broke and sliced his arm open.”

7. Ahhh, don’t worry about it.

“Austin, Texas 2008ish…

I was living with 6 people in hyde park and all of us were under 30 and kind of a hot mess. We were all good friends and would drink way too much and go to parties all the time.

So one of my room mates hits me up and tells me about a party nearby and gives me the address. I don’t really know anyone there but I don’t really care because I’m gonna go get drunk anyways…

So I ride my bike over to some apartment complex and start looking for the right apt number. I take a turn around one of the buildings and suddenly I see a fully naked 20 something girl making out with a fully clothed 20 something dude in the parking lot. She is pressing him up against the wall and both if them are too busy to notice me.

So I nope the f*ck right out of there, and wonder how the f*ck anyone could be that bold. I repeat this girl was full on naked, like without any socks or nothing in a parking lot alley of sorts at night.

I finally find the right apartment and my roommate still has not made it.

I break the ice with all these strangers by telling them about this weird *ss scenario that just happened and everyone has a good laugh. It turns out a bunch of them live here too and they start to ask me what they looked liked.

Just as I am finishing the details about what the guy was wearing and what the girls hair looked liked the people that were f*cking walk right in the door…

Dead silence, then straight up “Hey, this new kid just saw you f*cking in parking lot!” Followed by howling and cackling. The girl (who was surprisingly clothed now) turned bright red and dragged the speechless guy she was with to her room in dead silence.

By this point I felt like I f*cked up. I knew it would be a good ice breaker but I never would have in a million years expected them to walk in the door.

Then someone who lived there said not to worry about it and handed me a beer.”

8. Terrible.

“Guy tried to kill himself in the bathroom tub by slashing his wrists. It was a small-ish party in an apartment with one bathroom so people had to pee so thankfully they got to him in time.

We broke down the door when he finally said what he was doing and called an ambulance.

He lived. Also went to a psych ward for a few weeks after this.”

9. Left a mark.

“I went to a college Halloween party about 8 years ago, there’s was this dude dressed up in a pink gorilla costume just going ham, life of the party!

Dude went a little too hard, he ended up throwing up directly into his gorilla mask (while wearing it), and then followed it up by power yeeting himself down the stairs!

An ambulance came for him and we saw him again the next morning when he returned as a regular colored human and a cast on his leg.”

10. Make yourself at home.

“Hosted a party once and stayed sober so my house wouldn’t turn into a wreck.

Walked into my room and saw the biggest guy in my class (bodybuilding kind of big) drunk AF sitting on my bed watching reruns of Spongebob Squarepants and eating nachos.

Then looked at me dead in the eye and said “What? It’s a good show”.”

11. That’s not good.

“I went to a house party that got out of control. I was part of the ‘clearing out squad’ and I found a very coked up dude in the bathroom washing his face in the sink which appeared to filled with blood, like horror movie levels of blood.

Apparently he was punched in the face by somebody with a big ring which had sliced his nose, essentially, off. I will never forget him stuporously turning towards me to say something and his nose following his head on a 2 second delay like a door on a hinge.

He looked like Red Skull from the Marvel movies.”

12. Lots of weirdos out there.

“A random guy who wound up at a house party asked a couple people if they had her*in, and after we kicked him out he came back to the smoker’s area in the alley out back and tried to physically carry a drunk girl off down the back alley.

We intervened and got her inside and safe, but that was pretty f*cking crazy.

Be careful out there kids.”

13. Didn’t go back there.

“House party in 1990, I was 19 and in college. The crowd was mostly farm and ranch kids, rodeo team people, a lot of HS girls.

I was drinking a beer at the kitchen table talking to some people, playing one-card-no-peaky. Two brothers lived in the house we were partying in, parents were gone. There was a rear-projection TV in the living room with MTV or something on it.

The older brother, maybe 20, was laying on a beanbag on the living room floor in front of the TV. Younger bro comes in, sees older bro asleep on the beanbag. Younger bro decides he’s going to fart on older bro while he sleeps. Younger bro undoes his pants, drops his trousers, and squats over older brothers nose…and pushed. From my perspective the whole thing was silhouetted by the television screen.

A lone turd slithered out of younger bro and landed on older bro’s face. Younger bro whispers “oh, f*ck” because older bro had opened his eyes. Younger bro takes off running out of the house. Older brother sits up, sniffs, picks up the turd, and yelled “you sh*t on my FACE!”. Dead silence all around.

Older bro gets up and leaves the room and heads down the hall. Comes back a minute later with a 12 gauge pump, feeding shells into the magazine as he walked. Younger bro is outside getting into his truck when he sees older bro coming out the front door. YB fires up his truck and tore out of the yard while OB is shooting the hell out of the back of that pickup.

I didn’t party there anymore.”

Okay, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us about the wildest thing you’ve ever seen at a party.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post People Talk About the Craziest Things They’ve Ever Seen at Parties appeared first on UberFacts.

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Parents Who Are Definitely Smarter Than Their Kids

I don’t know if I’m smarter than a 5th grader, but I am sure that I’m smarter than my preschooler – even though he’s pretty certain he’s the cleverest being alive.

They just don’t have any experience, and also they have no idea how the world works – if these 14 kids prove anything, it’s that they’re totally weird (and they have a lot to learn).

14. None of that is right.

Dunce cap.

Image Credit: Reddit

13. It’s all about how you phrase things.

They’re easily fooled. For now.

Image Credit: Reddit

12. Sometimes the question shocks you into silence.

And not in a good way.

Image Credit: Reddit

11. It is frustrating when you don’t get what you want.

You’ve got to sympathize with the kids.

Image Credit: Reddit

10. Bless her heart.

And she’s admitted it, too!

Image Credit: Reddit

9. Is his middle name Gullible?

If not, you missed an opportunity.

Image Credit: Reddit

8. My favorite thing is that the parent took this picture instead of helping.

You gotta get your laughs, I guess.

Image Credit: Reddit

7. They don’t tend to raise their eyes.

My kids can’t find a darn thing.

Image Credit: Reddit

6. Be free, little slugs.

She only had the best intentions.

Image Credit: Reddit

5. I mean just. Why.

HIS FOOT.

Image Credit: Reddit

4. Life’s full of tough choices, kiddo.

Might as well learn that now.

Image Credit: Reddit

3. That was his best guess.

I’m absolutely dying.

Image Credit: Reddit

2. That might buy you five minutes.

Depends on how earnest they are.

Image Credit: Reddit

1. Another dream bites the dust.

You hate to see it happen, really.

Image Credit: Reddit

The weirdness of kids is actually one of the most charming things about them in my book.

What’s the weirdest dumb thing your kid has said or done? Share with us in the comments!

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These Kids Have a Lot to Learn, But We Still Admire Their Effort

There are a ton of things that I will miss about my sweetlings being littles, but one thing I am looking forward to is having kids who can give as good as they get in the sarcasm department.

That, of course, involves them having a bit more of an understanding about, you know, life and stuff – something these 11 posts will prove toddlers and preschoolers are definitely lacking.

11. Gotta respect a girl who knows what she wants.

And buys in bulk.

Image Credit: Reddit

10. I’m scared to know how long they believed this.

Poor kid.

Image Credit: Reddit

9. Spelling is hard.

But I have no idea who is allowed where.

Image Credit: Reddit

8. He probably already had a clue.

He loves you anyway, sweetheart.

Image Credit: Reddit

7. No. Stop it.

I am deceased.

Image Credit: Reddit

6. Classic Dad move.

It’s a classic for a reason.

Image Credit: Reddit

5. Excellent use of synonyms.

Not that he meant to, but still.

Image Credit: Reddit

4. What is it about the vents?

You never know what’s going to disappear down there.

Image Credit: Reddit

3. They’re just not good at hide and seek.

You can make that work to your advantage.

Image Credit: Reddit

2. This is honestly such a sweet story.

I aspire to this level of Mom.

Image Credit: Reddit

1. I dare you to read this and not laugh.

It’s impossible.

Image Credit: Reddit

I swear, some days all you can do is laugh.

Tell me in the comments the dumbest thing your kid has done lately, and how hard it made you laugh.

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Recent Tweets That Are Definitely Worth a Giggle (Or Two)

If you’re on the search for a list of tweets that will elicit a smile, a giggle, or even a full-on laugh, look no further – because we think these 16 people have hit the nail on the head.

Whether you’re looking for parenting funnies or just plain ol’ life hilarity, we think you’re going to find it here!

16. That vampire thing is really working for him.

It’s not all bad. I’m just saying.

15. Too many days that have gone like this.

We mean to work…

14. It really is weird to think about, isn’t it?

I don’t think this should be possible?

13. Dare you to unsee it now.

You can’t. I know.

12. True story.

Don’t think about it too hard or you’ll cry.

11. I would take that deal every day of the week.

Unless it was like, my best friend. Then, no.

10. When the perfect visual pops up.

You have to share it.

9. It’s definitely goals.

For everyone involved, to be honest.

8. This isn’t normal?

I think this is normal.

7. He cannot compute.

What to do? WHAT TO DO?

6. I fail to see the issue.

That’s why we like it, right?

5. It’s so much worse than you’re imagining.

Honestly, and I was expecting bad.

4. Ahaha that’s funny.

I don’t care who you are.

3. If you know, you know.

If you don’t, I just can’t explain it.

2. I could watch this over and over.

I need to know what happened after.

1. It must be like losing your head a bit.

Like, into another dimension.

 

Did we do well?

Please, tell us which were your favorites in the comments!

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Parents Who Have Totally Had It With Distance Learning

Distance learning is one of those things no one asked for, but everyone is getting it these days anyway. Like socks for Father’s Day, or a gift certificate for a pedicure somewhere that’s not your place, if you’re a woman.

We’re all doing our best, which is better some days than others – but these 18 parents are really just ready to chuck it all right in the bin.

18. A truer GIF has never been shared.

Screaming is accurate, too.

17. We hear what we hear.

It’s probably not what the teacher said.

Distance learning from memes

16. I didn’t know we had to dress for school, too.

I haven’t dressed for anything in months.

15. We were hoping to keep that a secret for awhile longer.

Not forever. But longer.

14. I have never felt so old.

Good thing I’m Gen X, and therefore do not care.

13. Precious, aren’t they?

I wish I could tell people to mute themselves in real life.

12. Imagine feeling this so hard you wrote it on your car.

I mean, maybe you don’t have to imagine.

11. It had to be someone.

Thanks for taking the hit.

10. Only one kid is allowed to freak out at once.

I’m sorry, that’s just the rule.

9. Spoiler alert: they’re never leaving.

The “breaks” aren’t for you.

8. Probably the best you could hope for, honestly.

At least it doesn’t include profanity.

7. We had fun though, right?

Honey? Right?

6. Just mind your business, full stop.

It’s the only way to go.

5. Every dang time.

Why are they like this?

4. Who knocks on the door?

That shouldn’t be allowed currently.

3. Is that all?

Because it feels like at least double.

2. Wait some people are sleeping?

How are they making that happen?

1. Sometimes you have to butt in.

There’s just no other option.

How is distance learning going for you?

If you can tell us without weeping into your wine glass, please do!

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People Share the Fastest Way They’ve Seen a New Coworker Get Fired

Once you’re happily ensconced at a job that you like, no longer the newbie feeling your way along, it can be interesting to watch those who come after you. You’re probably able to tell pretty easily which will sink and which will swim, right?

If you’re these 16 people, that’s definitely true, because they had a front row seat to the whole thing.

16. You gotta have boundaries.

Guy got hired, while going through orientation realized that his ex gf worked there too.

Turned around and walked right out the front door.

15. On CAMERA.

During their onboarding training, they stole my bosses wallet on camera….

1 hour in..

14. He had no idea where the line was.

This was a while ago at my old job. New guy gets hired as a bus boy. He was super annoying and tried to insert himself into everyone’s conversation whether they wanted him there or not. It only took a couple of hours for the whole restaurant to hate him. I was working the bar and he kept eating the bar fruit.

I personally didn’t care but the manager did. Manager comes over and tells him to stop eating the fruit. He looks the manager in the eye and eats another piece of fruit. Manager says “Really?” followed by “Come with me to the office”.

New guy promptly replies with “Alright man, calm down. I can tell you got that big dick energy for a good reason” followed with cliche wink and nudge from his elbow. In front of me and like 4 other employees. I wanted to slam my face into the ice bin, it was so cringe to witness.

He promptly walked out the front door 10 minutes later without his uniform on anymore. The worst thing about it was the manager was an insanely laid back guy. Hell, the whole restaurant was insanely laid back. You really had to try hard to get fired from this place. Had he not thrown in that big dick line, I’m almost positive he would have just gotten a slap on the wrist and kept the job.

13. This is pretty funny.

My boss was out of town and I managed a tea shop near a Starbucks years ago. This kid came in (foreign) and said he was supposed to start today.

We were hiring and I trained him etc. My boss came back two days later and had no idea.

The kid was in the wrong place but he stayed with us. Hired on the spot without even applying.

12. That’s something.

Not sure if it counts as being fired, but a guy in our basic training threatened a drill sergeant with a bayonet.

No idea what happened after he went to the hospital, but I didn’t see him again.

11. Good luck ol’ chap.

New guy drove a forklift into a fire hydrant, in front of a safety rep for the company. His supervisor was called over, and he immediately tells the supervisor that he won’t pass a piss test, as he used his only bottle of clean piss earlier that day when he hired in.

Everybody standing there immediately burst into laughter, which continued as security (also laughing) escorted him off site. Even the supervisor was all smiles…just gave him a pat on the back and wished him the best of luck. It was wild.

10. One heck of a story.

Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank.

The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank.

9. This is all icky.

A week. I worked in a bar and a new girl started. At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine.

One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane). Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out.

8. You can’t always fake it ’til you make it.

I got hired as a long-term temp with one other person to do some basic data entry work at a major brand pretty much everyone has heard of. And it was at their corporate headquarters so pretty prestigious.

Anyway, we went through all of this onboarding stuff in the morning that required us to get photo IDs and figure out parking and all that stuff. Then after 2 or 3 hours we were introduced to one of the employees in our new department who began going over what we were going to be doing.

None of it seemed overly difficult and I figured that while it was new system I had never used before I’d be able to work it out in a few days as long as I asked questions and took notes. And that was the thing that made me realize that the other person who got hired with me probably lied on her resume and was completely out of her depth.

She didn’t take any notes and didn’t ask any questions. And whenever I glanced at her I could see flashes of panic on her face. Well, lunchtime came and when we came back she said that another company had called her and offered her a permanent position and she couldn’t work with us ay longer.

Both me and the person training us knew what was going on but I’ll give the other lady credit for finding a way out without losing face too badly.

7. I’m guessing some kind of substance was involved.

There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him.

A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP, with his friends, and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot.

6. Lying makes people angry.

New guy started on Monday and was gone by Friday.

The guy hit some racking in the warehouse with the forklift, boss saw him do it, and the guy decided to lie about it when asked if he knew what happened.

5. Equal parts sad and funny.

I’ll never forget Jeremy.

Jeremy was 18, did not apply for colleges, so his parents made him get a job. He was hired as a mover, as is everyone. He shows up the first day to roll-call in a full suit and tie asking where his desk is. This was a group full of former convicts, high school dropouts, and generally rough dudes trying to make a living.

We laughed so hard. Jeremy went right back home.

Next day, Jeremy’s mom shows up to give the manager a piece of her mind. We laughed even harder.

4. That’s determination.

A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened.

He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he’d stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager.

3. Well that’s unfortunate.

First day of work, he walks in, says “what the f*ck is up dumbaSs” to the guy that parked next to (didn’t touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired.

The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch.

Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers.

2. I need details.

This was a pizza place I worked at in college. New guy was started on Thursday. Fine worker we showed him the ropes. He was on subs which is the easiest job. The instructions are right in front of your face.

Friday he no call no shows (it’s Friday. The busiest night of the week. And he and I were the only kitchen workers that weren’t also drivers). Monday a police officer shows up at the restaurant looking for him.

No idea what happened as he wasn’t there. Tuesday the owner informed me he was let go.

1. They sound brilliant.

I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day.

Boss told one take a coffee order and come back.

Took everyone’s money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order.

They never came back.

Man, these are definitely like car accidents you just can’t look away from, right?

If you’ve got a similar story from your work, please regale us with it in the comments!

The post People Share the Fastest Way They’ve Seen a New Coworker Get Fired appeared first on UberFacts.

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Things That People Did Once and Then Said “Never Again”

Trying new things is usually regarded to be a good thing for humans to do now and again – or as often as you can. Hopefully, those instances pleasantly surprise you, but even when they don’t, you can usually learn something.

If you’re these 19 people, what you learned is that you’re definitely never going to do that again.

19. Trust your gut.

My ex.

We were giving long distance a shot, it was an on and off relationship for like 3 years.

I traveled 18hrs to see him only to find out he had been cheating on me and no one from his circle even knew I existed.

I cried for a straight 18hr bus ride back home.

18. I’m sure the dog feels the same way.

Attempting to catch my dogs shit in the bag rather than picking it up from the ground. Seemed like a good idea.

Dog sharted up my arm. Had a long walk back home through my neighborhood covered in shit.

Never again.

17. Food poisoning is the worst.

When I was like, 11 I had some friends (the kids that lived next door) over and we were just hanging out, playing video games all night. My mom ordered Papa John’s for us. We tore the pizza up like the ravenous savages we were and continued gaming. That night the boy stayed over while his sisters and little brother went back home.

We go to bed that night and at some point one of us (cant remember who) began to throw up, which woke the other one up. My mom rushes in and helps clean up the mess. Once the vomiting stops we go back to bed. But then before long itd start again. Just like before, sometimes I was first, sometimes it was him. Sometimes we could get to the bathroom on time, sometimes we couldn’t. My mother, the saint of a woman she is, cleaned up all of that vomit. Apparently things were no better at their house.

To this day some 15 years later I refuse to eat Papa John’s. I’m sure it was just a one time thing but once was enough

16. If you don’t love it, don’t do it.

Law school.

I applied and got in because my parents thought I would be a good fit. I stuck out the first year because I was heavily influenced into thinking my career paths only included law, engineering or medicine.

After the first year I was miserable and depressed, dropped out and now I’m doing something that I’m passionate about and is less saturated than law. My dad is still trying to convince me to pursue a JD.

15. I’d laugh, but…

Peppermint essential oil.

Why? My darling spouse read online you could use it on lady bits to provide a tingling sensation. Decided to do so to me. DIDN’T read the bit about majorly diluting it first.

The result? The sensation of 1,000 fire ants biting my most intimate parts while simultaneously being submerged in lava. And since it’s an oil, washing it off did jack shit.

I sobbed in a half full bath tub whilst rubbing my cooch with a towel doused in vegetable oil (the remedy, according to the Internet).

0/10 do not recommend

Never again

14. A great story for dinner parties.

Purchased a bag of 150 mint mentos as a study snack. Got stuck into an assignment and somehow ate the entire bag over a twelve hour period. Next day my partner and I walked our dogs down to a cafe. Stomach becomes sore while we drink our coffee. I look to the toilet but it’s a busy cafe with a single toilet. Figure I’ll just wait to do my business back home (about a half hour walk away).

As we start walking back I begin to sweat. Cramps become unbearable. Give my partner the dog lead and tell her I need to run. She doesn’t know what’s going on. I start sprinting. Which then makes the stomach cramps so much worse. Realize I’m not going to make it. Almost crying from the stomach cramps. See a Bush. Can’t hold it. Pull pants down. Don’t quite succeed. Shit EVERYWHERE! Bush isn’t concealed.

Other dog walkers walk past and dog runs up. Mortified. Still can’t stop shitting. Partner sees me. My pug happy to see me. Runs straight up and into my mentos diarrhea.

Haven’t eaten mentos ever again. It’s a fun story now but god did that day suck. Partner loves to bring it up at dinner parties.

13. Fastest way to get dumped.

When I was about 17 I had a boyfriend who was a bit older but also a complete idiot. One day he offers me a full body massage and I’m like “sweet!”.

As he’s doing it he tells me he’s going to use tiger balm instead of oil. I asked what that was and he told me it’s what they use for massage in his culture (he’s Chinese, I’m NZ European). I was like “ok whatever”.

Next minute, I had a sensation over my entire body, including my lady parts. Had an hour long shower and I was still suffering. Chinese people do NOT put tiger balm all over their bodies. This guy used to say and do all sorts of dumb sh%t and then would pretend it was Chinese culture to avoid looking like an idiot.

12. Take your time.

Yesterday I was in a hurry and not being very safe and put a 1/4″ drill bit through my hand.

Could have been 100% avoided by taking even the slightest of safety precautions but I was frustrated and rushing to finish.

Never again will I not take the simple moment to do it correctly.

11. Yeah, not okay.

Amniocentesis.

Having a giant needle stuck through my pregnant belly and being dug around to get a sample triggered my fight/flight and I was sweating so much from the intensity.

I didn’t watch while they did it but my mother in law was there and started crying while they were digging around.

She held my hand, looked at me with tears in her eyes and tried to calmly say “it’s okay, you’re okay”.

I still have nightmares about it 10 years later.

10. Always be suspicious.

Trusting voicemails.

Back in the mid 2000’s, I got one of those scam calls saying that I owed a lot of money and needed to call them to get an account squared. I was scared and didn’t want police coming after me (I was torrenting a buttload of movies and TV shows at the time and didn’t want them seizing my computer). I called them up and asked them how to get this figured out, assuming that a couple grand would be worth the fines and jail time.

I kept asking questions. I kept imploring for more information. I wanted to know exactly what account I was giving to, the name of my contact there, and exactly which Walmart their “payment partner” was distributing their “money cards.” I was legitimately terrified, but I think my constant questions spooked them. They said “good luck in court, we’re sending the police now,” and hung up. That was the moment I started to realize this might not be a legitimate thing. I tried calling them back, got somebody to pick up, and when I read them back my case number and contact name, they said to stop wasting their time and hung up again.

I did a bit of research, and by “a bit,” I mean “literally two seconds on Google” and discovered that police and banks won’t call you to resolve outstanding debts, and they certainly won’t give you just one hour to fix it. I felt really dumb falling for a scam, but also felt really lucky that the scammers couldn’t answer my deluge of questions.

Nowadays, I independently verify every singe thing. Voicemail, Email, text…if you put a phone number or URL in that thing, I’m going to skip it and take the scenic route instead. I’ll call my bank’s branch directly using the number listed on their official website. I’ll contact a company using their official customer service line. I’ll sign in to my own account using my own bookmark or search result, and not use the “login” button in the email.

Since then, I’ve had very good luck avoiding scams and blocking these overseas criminals. They almost got me once, but afterwards, never f*cking again.

9. This sounds awkward.

Living with a couple.

Roommates suck in general but a 3 times in my life I split an apartment with a couple and it was awkward at best, and truly miserable when they fought.

8. Amen.

Getting an endometrial biopsy.

Worst pain of my life.

If I ever get cancer they can just take the whole damn uterus out, I’m not going through that again without anesthesia.

7. It never hurts to take a second look.

Driving through an intersection immediately upon my light changing to green. Some asshole ran a red one day and almost t-boned me on the driver’s side.

Never again. I always wait for a few seconds before I start driving through an intersection, longer if there is a blind corner.

6. Too many lessons learned the hard way.

Alcohol and Cocaine. Almost ruined my life. Started drinking at 16, started doing coke at 26, and took till I was damn near 41 to quit.

Dumped my last baggie of blow out beside my garage 23 years ago and haven’t touched the shit since.

5. The worst.

Working retail.

I think it’s something every young person should do…once.

People suck, especially with our bullshit culture of “the customer is alway right”

4. No thank you.

I had my gallbladder removed after a gallstone.

I thought I was having a heart attack and called an ambulance. While I waited I started arrange all of my finances for my wife. The hospital ran a zillion tests, told me it was a gallstone, and the only real solution was to remove the whole gallbladder if it came back.

If it came back?

Yup.

3. Just say no.

Meth. I was a hardcore amphetamine pill addict and said “fuck it” one night and smoked a shitload of meth. I was up for two or three days, by the last day I was well into psychosis and left town.

Stayed in a hotel room for a few days to make sure I didn’t become a meth addict and to evaluate what the fuck I was doing with my life. I didn’t stop the pills immediately but I’m never fucking doing meth again.

2. Not good for anyone.

Making friends with people because you feel bad for them.

Be nice but no more than that is required.

Pity is no reason to start a friendship and it never turns out well, neither for them nor for you.

1. Good travel buddies are hard to find.

Go on an overseas tour with a close friend. Always do a mini trip or spend a weekend with them exploring a new place to test the waters.

I went on an overseas trip with someone who was constantly late, couldn’t pay for anything, didn’t want to do any of the activities we had planned, sulked around…the list goes on. We had completely different travel styles.

She wanted to sleep in…I wanted to organise things, be on time and plan ahead. Basically our travel styles just did not mesh. I ended up having such a bad time I booked a flight home. Would never again go on a holiday with her again or any friend with a similar personality. never again.

I have to agree – these were all terrible ideas!

What would you add to this list? Tell us in the comments!

The post Things That People Did Once and Then Said “Never Again” appeared first on UberFacts.

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Funny Tweets That’ll Make You Holler

Ready to have some good, quality laughs?

Actually, are you ready to maybe even HOLLER?

Well, you’re in luck because we have a heaping helping of hilarious tweets that we just know you’re gonna love.

Let’s be honest: I need a break, you need a break, and the best way we can think to make that happen is with humor!

Are you ready? Let’s get it started!

1. This is not what I signed up for!

Maybe you can talk them into separate beds? Or even separate bedrooms…?

2. This is hilarious.

I’m glad someone captured it on film.

3. Praying to the Porcelain God.

When’s the last time you overdid it like this?

4. You don’t think you’re like other guys?

Okay, if you say so…

5. I can’t believe you fell for that!

Boy, are you gullible!

6. Not a big fan of the beach.

Get her back to her cardboard box!

7. You gotta get creative these days.

Staying positive and testing negative.

8. The ultimate mash-up.

Get some chicken and some lipstick. Perfect!

9. I can’t handle this anymore!

You’re walking a fine line…and your sanity is at stake.

10. This is pretty brutal.

We will pray for you…

11. You should have worn a hat.

Or maybe even a mask…

12. I fully support this.

I’m thinking about a new last name, too…Lazer?

13. You did it again, didn’t you?

When are you gonna learn your lesson?!?!

Okay, now we want to hear from you.

In the comments, share something really funny that you’ve seen on social media lately.

We want tweets, jokes, memes, photos, etc. Thanks a lot!

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