People Talk About What Their “Warning Tag” Would be if Humans Had Them

If you’re a big fan of hypothetical things, then we think you’re really going to enjoy what we have in store for you today.

Imagine a world where all human beings had warning tags, like the kind you see on different products.

You know: “High Voltage”, things like that…

What would your warning tag say?

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say about this.

1. The whole package.

“CAUTION: hard to motivate, socially awkward and may come with traumatic memories.”

2. Needs it to survive.

“Do not use without coffee.”

3. Just letting you know.

“Caution: May act rude and not say hello.”

4. Just being honest.

“May be toxic and manipulative without realizing it.”

5. Seriously…

“Not to be taken seriously.

Seriously – don’t take me…”

6. You sound very unusual.

“Will not shut up about opera and samurais.”

7. Get ready for it.

“Warning: This person is somehow both quiet and talkative, and will offend someone.”

8. Don’t mess with me.

“WARNING: Easily annoyed.

So don’t even start.”

9. All over the place.

“Caution: This person can’t focus on one topic and in one sentence there will be at least 5 topic changes.”

10. A real wallflower.

“Warning: Cannot think of anything to add to a conversation but still enjoys listening.”

11. It’s what you’re fluent in.

“Speaks mostly in profanity.”

12. We got a keeper!

“Will spank you once I get comfortable around you.”

13. Barely hanging on.

“Low storage space.

Information may not be saved correctly.”

14. Gotta be careful.

“Warning: Extremely fragile.

Handle with care.”

15. Are you a Gremlin?

“Avoid direct sunlight and don’t feed after midnight.”

16. Broken.

“Emotionally broken.

Will become quickly attached to someone but drop people just as quickly, sometimes “just because” or maybe you blinked at me weird.”

17. I’m a loner.

“Does not play well with others.”

18. Gonna wear you down.

“May cause drowsiness.

Do not engage in conversation while driving or operating heavy machinery.”

19. False advertising.

“WARNING!!

Certain features aren’t as good as advertised!”

20. Keep it coming!

“Super insecure and needs to constantly hear that you love him or care about him or else he goes into super depressed mode.”

What would your warning tag be if you had one?

Tell us all about it in the comments.

We look forward to hearing from you! Thanks!

The post People Talk About What Their “Warning Tag” Would be if Humans Had Them appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About What Their “Warning Tag” Would be if Humans Had Them

If you’re a big fan of hypothetical things, then we think you’re really going to enjoy what we have in store for you today.

Imagine a world where all human beings had warning tags, like the kind you see on different products.

You know: “High Voltage”, things like that…

What would your warning tag say?

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say about this.

1. The whole package.

“CAUTION: hard to motivate, socially awkward and may come with traumatic memories.”

2. Needs it to survive.

“Do not use without coffee.”

3. Just letting you know.

“Caution: May act rude and not say hello.”

4. Just being honest.

“May be toxic and manipulative without realizing it.”

5. Seriously…

“Not to be taken seriously.

Seriously – don’t take me…”

6. You sound very unusual.

“Will not shut up about opera and samurais.”

7. Get ready for it.

“Warning: This person is somehow both quiet and talkative, and will offend someone.”

8. Don’t mess with me.

“WARNING: Easily annoyed.

So don’t even start.”

9. All over the place.

“Caution: This person can’t focus on one topic and in one sentence there will be at least 5 topic changes.”

10. A real wallflower.

“Warning: Cannot think of anything to add to a conversation but still enjoys listening.”

11. It’s what you’re fluent in.

“Speaks mostly in profanity.”

12. We got a keeper!

“Will spank you once I get comfortable around you.”

13. Barely hanging on.

“Low storage space.

Information may not be saved correctly.”

14. Gotta be careful.

“Warning: Extremely fragile.

Handle with care.”

15. Are you a Gremlin?

“Avoid direct sunlight and don’t feed after midnight.”

16. Broken.

“Emotionally broken.

Will become quickly attached to someone but drop people just as quickly, sometimes “just because” or maybe you blinked at me weird.”

17. I’m a loner.

“Does not play well with others.”

18. Gonna wear you down.

“May cause drowsiness.

Do not engage in conversation while driving or operating heavy machinery.”

19. False advertising.

“WARNING!!

Certain features aren’t as good as advertised!”

20. Keep it coming!

“Super insecure and needs to constantly hear that you love him or care about him or else he goes into super depressed mode.”

What would your warning tag be if you had one?

Tell us all about it in the comments.

We look forward to hearing from you! Thanks!

The post People Talk About What Their “Warning Tag” Would be if Humans Had Them appeared first on UberFacts.

According to Gen Z Folks, These Things Millennials Do Are Not Cool Anymore

Those poor Millennials

You thought you were so cool for a while, didn’t you?

You were pretty much running the show there for a long time and then BOOM, these young Generation Z people swooped in and stole your thunder.

And not only that, now they’re talking mad trash about Millennials…and they’re making fun of them about the things that they like to do that the Gen Z’ers think are not cool and honestly kind of lame.

And, of course, the younger folks are posting their trash talking online.

Let’s see what kind of shade Generation Z people are throwing at Millennials. Hang on tight!

1. I guess the middle part isn’t cool anymore…

Who knew?!?!

@baileyupchurchmua

Sorry Gen Z, side part FO life! ? #PupPeroniShuffle #GetReadyWithOldSpice #fyp #millenialmom #middlepartchallenge #middlepartbaddie

♬ human – Christina Perri

2. Skinny jeans are officially OUT, people.

Just thought you’d like to know.

@amelie_coleman_

Okay we all had a skinny jeans phase but I love my baggy jeans

♬ This is not my sound – Mikaela

3. You guys need to stop using that emoji, okay?

It’s for the best…

@lesby.onix

???? #laughemoji #millennial #comedy #lgbt #okboomer

♬ brandy running and crying – brandy running and crying

4. Really? Is it time to do that already?

Okay, if you say so…

5. It’s about time, people!

And maybe you shouldn’t brag about that…

6. Guys, it’s time to get it together.

LOOK AT THE CAMERA. We’ve been over this before…

7. Oh, isn’t that adorable?

Well, maybe not so much…

8. I’ve heard about enough of that.

Are you with me on this one?

9. I had no idea!

And here we are…

10. I’m not a fan of that one.

It’s kind of annoying!

11. Can we stop all the wine talk?

It’s gone on for far too long.

12. You know you’ve seen it!

And we all feel the same way about it.

@lexi.borden

pack it up “i can’t survive without coffee”? #millennial #foryou #girlboss #avocadotoast #millennials #fyp #laughingemoji #harrypotter

♬ Sail – AWOLNATION

Have you seen any funny memes, tweets, or videos about people making fun of other generations?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

Let’s see if you can make us laugh!

The post According to Gen Z Folks, These Things Millennials Do Are Not Cool Anymore appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About What They’d Do if Their Dog Learned How to Talk…and Knew All Their Deep Secrets

Are you ready to get VERY weird?!?!

Imagine this scenario…your dog is basically your therapist and knows all your deep, dark secrets…we’re talking about the REALLY DARK stuff.

And suddenly, they have the ability to talk! Uh oh…this could be bad or it could be good.

So what would you do in this scenario?

Let’s get weird with folks on AskReddit!

1. You need to get over this.

“We could sit down and have a discussion about how claw trimming is NOT the most terrifying thing in the world.

I promise.”

2. Oh, no!

“Rename him “Old Yeller” and take him for the longest short walk of our lives.”

3. Time to party.

“F*ckin celebrate.

My dog is a godd*mn genius dog and she’d be be down for all kinds of mischief.”

4. I will never leave you.

“Explain to him how much I love him and tell him that I’ll never leave him. He has severe separation anxiety.

I’d wanna comfort him and tell him that he’s my world and even though I leave once and a while for work I still love him.”

5. Boring!

“I am so boring.

I would ask it what it has against squirrels and try to persuade it not to bark when my wife is trying to sleep and I’m watching something on my laptop.

The days of my deep secrets were over by the time we got her. *sigh*”

6. Could get dicey.

“My dog loves me a lot.

However, he is absolutely convinced I will abandon him any day. He would probably just complain to everyone else how he carries the relationship and I am just not as invested.

Lots of trash talk, but none of it true and certainly nothing I would worry about. Though he may ne disgusted by my active s*x life and trash that too.

He is a really prudish dog.”

7. Two different stories.

“Depends.

If it’s my old man doggy, I would cry uncontrollably. He’s been having a lot of medical issues and it’s been exhausting and frustrating so I would just want to communicate to him that I love him and that we’re doing everything we can and to please stop pooping at the vet’s office every single time.

If it’s my Great Dane, I’d have an honest to god discussion about him getting into trash cans and begging, as well as explaining that he needs to start being nice to other dogs all the time.

Not just when he feels like it. I’d also ask him why he stopped wanting to sleep in my room.”

8. A real dummy.

“My dog is so stupid, he would tell me all the dumb sh*t he’s planning on doing before he does it.

“Oh I see you accidentally left that candy bar on the counter mom. Don’t worry, I’ll eat that for you.”

The he’ll be all surprised pikachu face when I put it away hahaha. I don’t think he gives a f*ck about telling anyone my secrets. That’s all human nonsense to him.”

9. Best friends.

“My dog loves me, she’s sleeping by my feet while I write this.

Firstly I’d just want to thank her for helping me through a dark phase of my life and prevented me from harming myself. She also has helped me get healthier, I say I take her out for walks but in reality she takes me out for walks.

But I need to also know why she slowly walks under shrubs and bushes and goes into a trance??”

10. Keep him quiet.

“Buy as many dog bones as I could so he wouldn’t talk.

It’s been me and him since I was twenty.

I’m twenty eight now and I have made many mistakes that he has been a witness too.”

11. You know it!

“Crack a few beers, sit down for a few hours and listen to my dog’s story!”

12. It’ll be fine.

“I’m pretty sure she’d keep my secrets. I’m her fifth home in her relatively short life and she’s here to stay. I think we have a pretty good relationship.

Lord knows she hears a lot of privileged health information though. I work on call hospice and tend to talk to myself while doing paperwork. I live alone and pretty sure a regular dog can’t violate HIPPA.

If I explained to her that talking about all the work related stuff she’s overheard meant that I would lose my job and ability to provide chicken jerky, I’m sure she’d keep quiet about that much at least.

Now I love my cats but I think the tomcat would sell me out. It might be an accident though. He’s not the brightest animal I’ve ever met.”

Oh boy…now we want to hear from you.

What would YOU do if you suddenly found out your pooch could talk?

Talk to us in the comments!

The post People Talk About What They’d Do if Their Dog Learned How to Talk…and Knew All Their Deep Secrets appeared first on UberFacts.

People Shared the Stupidest Rules They Had at Their Schools

I still have a hard time believing that I actually went to school for all those years until I graduated from high school.

The cold, early mornings, the bus rides, the long days, and of course…THE RULES…

There were so many of them! Ugh. I really don’t miss those days at all…

AskReddit talked about the dumbest rules they had at their school. Let’s take a look.

1. Come on!

“If you were involved in a fight, you got suspended. While it sounds reasonable, context didn’t matter.

I got suspended once not for throwing a single punch, kick, whatever. I got suspended because someone knocked the books out of my hand and when I reached down to grab them they punched me in the face.

I got suspended for walking down the hallway and unprovoked getting punched in the face.”

2. Really dumb.

“Can’t wear too many matching shirts because you could be a gang.

This was in regards to a kid with cancer wanting to make a bunch of shirts.”

3. Put on some clothes, mister!

“You got in trouble if you wore just a hanes white t-shirt after school because “you were in your underwear”.”

4. Banned!

“My high school banned t-shirts that had the cover of Rush’s album Signals, an album popular at the time, which features an image of a dog sniffing a fire hydrant.

They considered it scatalogical because the dog was about to pee on it. This struck the entire student body as extremely stupid, and roughly 1/2 of the student body picked a day to wear the t-shirt.

We won.”

5. Bad idea.

“We were all given these ugly planners at the beginning of the school year, with a few pages at the back filled with ‘hall passes’.

If you didn’t have your planner, or if all your boxes were filled, you weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom. And no, you couldn’t buy a new planner. Or borrow one from your friend.

The only excuse you had was if you had a doctor’s note, but no doctor is going to give a note for an upset stomach caused by the school lunch.”

6. What’s going on over there?

“In grade 8, we were banned from standing in circles at recess because of potential scandalous activity going on in the middle.

We stood in squares instead.”

7. Showed them.

“They banned the word snap, since everyone used it instead of sh*t.

So we all just started saying sh*t.

The snap ban lasted about 3 days.”

8. Kind of expensive.

“The $200 blazer was compulsory and we got detention every single day until we got it.”

9. Sounds like a hoot.

“A girl and a boy couldn’t sit together.

The school employed “disciplinarians” to roam around the school and monitor this “activity”.

If found, you will get a reprimand, if found repeating the offence, you get sent to the principal office and if continuing, then eventually escalated to the parents, etc!”

10. Worried about your health.

“Middle School had banned salt and pepper from being used in the cafeteria, claimed it was too unhealthy.

Still sold Mountain Dew in the vending machines .”

11. I don’t think that’s a problem here.

“We couldn’t wear winter clothing (jackets, hats, gloves) in class because they were “gang symbols.”

This was a small farm town in Wisconsin. Besides obviously having no gangs, it was f*cking cold, even indoors, in the winter.

But clearly wearing warm clothing is something only gangs do.”

12. Very erotic.

“Our school banned hugging because it was “erotic.”

As you can imagine, the boys at school started giving each other very sensual high fives for the rest of the year.”

13. Ridiculous.

“No touching the walls.

They restored a building with historic value using, among other things, period appropriate paints. They then opened the planned primary school there and proceeded to try to get children to respect the restoration work.

So we had a few years of benches in the hallways being 10 cm from the wall and children being reprimanded for leaning against the wall before the faculty gave up.”

Do you remember some dumb rules from your school days?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

Thanks a lot!

The post People Shared the Stupidest Rules They Had at Their Schools appeared first on UberFacts.

Married? Then These Tweets Are Sure to Make You Laugh!

Until death do us part

Do you remember when you said that as you stared into your partner’s eyes? And you thought you would live happily ever after?

Well, look at you now…I bet you had no idea that your life would now consist of petty arguments about how to load the dishwasher…you were so naive…

Just kidding! We’re happy for you and I’m sure the whole marriage thing is going swimmingly, but you have to admit that there are a lot of funny and quirky (and sometimes annoying) things about being married.

And these tweets nailed it! Let’s take a look.

1. Yeah, pretty much sums it up.

Give me back my heat!

2. Could this really be happening?

Say it ain’t so!

3. I think he’s right about this.

I’m on his side on this one!

4. I’m right over here!

Wait, did you just say that out loud?

5. This is a classic husband joke.

You really nailed it!

6. Not so fast!

It’s always your fault, dude.

7. You’re right, it’s blowing up!

That’s called “going viral.”

8. Sounds like a blast!

You know this happens to you, too.

9. That didn’t work out so well…

Honey, don’t do that anymore…

10. Proving your point.

And doing it in style!

11. We did this?

Are you sure about that?

12. Always a rude awakening.

Don’t do that again!

How about all of you out there?

Are things in your house a little tense these days or is everything A-OK?

Talk to us in the comments and give us an update!

The post Married? Then These Tweets Are Sure to Make You Laugh! appeared first on UberFacts.

People Admit Skills That They Just Can’t Master

Things are hard sometimes…

I’m talking about all kinds of things that other people seem to pick up easily that you just can’t get the hang of.

You have some of these things in your life, right?

AskReddit users went on the record and shared the common skills they can’t seem to master.

1. Small talk.

“Talking to people. Small talk.

I’m fine with people I already know, or have lots in common with, can talk for 10 hours a day about nothing. But when it comes to strangers…

What the hell is going on? Why are you talking to me, what do you want? Please just be direct.

I don’t want to play mind games. i don’t want to guess what your intentions are. Just tell me. How can I help you?

Drives me insane.”

2. Maddening.

“Winning an argument with my husband.

The more worked up I get, the calmer he gets, it’s pretty maddening.”

3. What did you say?

“Listening.

I can look someone in the eyes, while they’re arm’s length from me, and not hear what they’re saying because there’s a loud noise 100 feet away that my brain latches onto.

I frequently have to ask people to repeat themselves at work, where there’s a few continuous background noises, and while I can distinguish those noises from each other, I can’t f*cking hear people.

I know it’s not a physical issue, because I’ve been cleaning my ears out several times a week just to make sure.”

4. This is me.

“Estimating people’s ages:

Me:”So I think our sons are the same age…is he also 12?”

Them:” No, he is almost 25.”

Me: “Maybe I was thinking of your other son. ”

Them: “My other child is a daughter. ”

Me: ” Is she 12?”

Them: ” Huh? ”

Me: ” Nevermind, you must have just been standing next to another kid or something. ”

Them: ” I’m in a wheelchair. ”

Me: ” How old is it?””

5. The simple things.

“Knowing my left from my right.

Or simple math. I can visualize big things, but the simple things elude me.”

6. Look into my eyes.

“Eye contact.

I’m not shy, not anxious or anything like that but my parents never told me that eyecontact is normal and only in my teenage years did I discover that eye contact is normal.

I always thought that since i didn’t like being stared at, others wouldn’t like it either.”

7. A hot mess.

“Makeup and doing hair.

Basically anything girly.

I always look a mess no matter how hard I try compared to literally every other girl I know.”

8. That’s odd.

“I can’t use scissors.

The majority of the time I can’t get scissors to cut bags and paper smoothly. I have to call my wife in so that she can cut it for me while making endless mockeries of me.

She says it has something to do with the part of the blade I’m using to make contact with the surface of what I’m trying to cut. Been trying to improve the last 3 years we’ve been married and I’m not better.”

9. Please stay off the road.

“Driving… ?

I wanted to believe I could learn, and everyone tried to tell me it was so easy but I’m really losing hope. I just don’t think I’m capable. Even my driving instructor is sick of me. She was so nice before, now she just yells at me and thinks I’m not trying when I am.

I can’t focus, my mind constantly wanders and I have little slips in attention all the time no matter how much I try to just focus on driving, sometimes only being snapped out of it when someone yells at me or something dangerous is about to happen (like almost drifting into a semi in the other lane…..) I constantly miss things.

I can’t remember road rules or recall them the moment I need them, my reaction time is slow and by the time someone else would already be reacting I’m noticing the thing to react to and haven’t acted yet… I’ve been compared to a drunk driver. Honestly the drunk driver probably drives better than me.

There’s so much input at once and you’re supposed to just take it all in and act accordingly but I can’t even begin to process any of it, and certainly not as quickly as I need to in a driving environment so I just shut down, and then panic because I have no idea what to do. This is especially common at intersections.

I need time to analyze the situation and think through things carefully before deciding on a course of action but quite frankly when driving that time is not there, I can’t just sit there and think it through before every action.

So I get to an intersection and while I’m trying to figure out what to do I get yelled at because of course I haven’t figured it out fast enough and I’m expected to do something NOW NOW NOW.

There’s way too much to focus on and it’s overwhelming… There also is no consistency in driving, the driving environment is always changing which stresses me and confuses me immensely. You’re constantly having to adapt to something new.

My spacial awareness is atrocious and I have no idea where the car is in relation to other objects or if I’m centered in my lane. The view out the mirrors doesn’t really help me fully “get” what’s actually going on behind me. Even though I can see where a car is behind me in the mirror, I can’t actually conceptualize where the car is on the road unless I turn my head and look back.

Speaking of which, shoulder checks are scary, I hate taking my eyes off of what’s in front of the vehicle. Apparently when I shoulder check I turn my whole body, but sure how to stop doing that. When I try to park on the side of the road I end up several feet from the curb.

It messes me up even more that you’re not centered in a vehicle—if the drivers seat + steering was centered in the vehicle like a bicycle or an atv it would be so much easier and less confusing, but no, we get this far left side bullsh*t that screws everything up. Who the f*ck designed vehicles that way? Whyyyyyyyyyy????

The concept of “scanning” is too vague. Where do I put my eyes? How long do you look in each spot? Do you just keep looking randomly around and hope you’re watching the right things? Is there a specific method for where you move your eyes and is it the same each time or does it change depending on environment? How long do you keep your gaze on one spot?

How are you supposed to remember to constantly check your mirrors every 5 seconds? If “the car goes where you look” then how are you supposed to constantly shift your gaze to different parts of the driving scene and pick a specific point in the distance to focus on at the same time?

Are you really supposed to trust your peripherals that much? Half the time I don’t even notice if something is at the edge of my vision, the focus stays on what’s in front of me. How does anyone keep sustained attention for an entire drive without zoning out anyway? How does every drive not exhaust people to the point where you feel burnt out the rest of the day for the effort?

How do you just ignore the fact that one little mistake could kill you, or someone else? And how could you not be expected to make mistakes when learning something new? People when I ask are just like “don’t crash” yeah, thanks, you think anyone ever does it on purpose?

It’s bizzare that we just people who are just learning in the middle of traffic and expect them to “just learn” and that nobody will ever make deadly mistakes. Driving accidents are among the top causes of death in the Western world, driving is extremely dangerous no matter how you look at it. People will say “oh but you can’t worry about the inevitable.” It’s not unpreventable or unpredictable.

If I don’t drive I won’t get in a car crash. But you say: “well if you’re in someone else’s car you could still be in an accident as a passenger.” Yes. But considering the above, it’s much more likely to happen if I drive.

And yet, some part of me still longs to learn because getting rides all the time f*cking sucks and I just want the normal ability to drive like everyone else… ? FML.”

10. That’s not good.

“Making Kraft Mac and Cheese.

I’m a reasonably skilled cook. I know my way around a kitchen and I cook almost all of the meals for my house.

But for some reason I am incapable of making simple boxed Mac & Cheese that’s anything remotely palatable. I follow the instructions on the box and it comes out runny and soupy. I eyeball the ingredients and it’s just a mushy paste.

I’ve narrowed the point of failure down to the mixing of the Butter/Milk/Cheese Powder so at this point if that’s what I’m making then I just boil the noodles and call my S/O in to do the final steps by working whatever Alchemical affront to the natural order she uses to make it work.

Then I add pepper…”

Are there some common skills that you can’t seem to figure out?

If so, please share with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Admit Skills That They Just Can’t Master appeared first on UberFacts.

These Stories From People Prove That Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

One of the most horrible feelings in the world is watching something crazy happen, or having something unbelievable happen to you, and no one being around to witness it – because you know for a fact anyone you tell is going to call you a liar.

That’s exactly the experience these 14 people in these situations, so take a read and decide whether or not you think they’re telling the truth.

14. What could have been happening?

When I was a kid, I got a shoebox and filled it with some sand, a pile of sugar, and a few ants, like three or four. I brought that box into the house and put it in my cabinet. I forgot about the box for like two days.

When I went to check the box, because I thought the ants couldn’t get out, I saw something that still seemed insane to me. But I know what I saw.

A military style formation of ants, in a large rectangle, sorted by sizes with the smallest ones in front.

Like two (might have been four) big ones in front of the others facing the formation. The large ones were facing away from the cabinet doors. The ants remained still for like two or three seconds then scattered in every direction.

13. When you can’t quite believe your eyes.

I watched a kid on his bike get hit by a car somehow he got up like it was nothing.

Shock and adrenaline are a helluva drug.

12. Quick thinking.

I legit found a $100 bill on the ground.

I couldn’t believe it myself but I took it straight to the ATM and it was accepted.

11. Nope. Don’t like that.

My grandad raised a crocodile in my mums backyard pool on an island, while she was growing up.

Every so often they would take him out to sea and try to release him, but a few days later he would come crawling up the local boat ramp, going home.

He killed the neighbours chickens a few times. They didn’t like him so much.

When he was taken into care at a crocodile park, they flew him on a plane to the mainland. He is one of the top 5 biggest crocs at his wildlife park.

10. I’m about to fall down a rabbit hole.

My wife has an artifact (reflective metallic nose ring looking object) embedded in her lower left rib cage between the bone and fatty tissue. It was discovered after an MRI for unrelated issue.

9. You can’t be selfish with a gift from the universe.

i once left my house in nothing but a tshirt and sweatpants in a suicidal manic-depressive state, bought a pack of cigarettes, and told the universe that if it couldn’t give me a good reason not to kill myself by the time i finished the pack, i’d do it.

i ended up seeing Daniel Radcliffe smoking a rollie outside of a starbucks. i offered him a “real cigarette” pretending to have no idea who he was. “oh, no thank you,” he said. “i much prefer the ritual of rolling my own.” what i COULD have said was well ya that makes sense seeing as how yr a wizard. what i DID say was hi i’m [PhDVa], what’s your name?

given my pact, and with nothing to lose, i unloaded all my emotional baggage on him right there. we ended up talking on the curb for half an hour. he asked me about my tattoos and listened to me recite Shakespeare. eventually he touched my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and said “i know there’s no good way to say this, but please don’t kill yourself.” he asked me some reasons why i don’t. “well, my cat, my mom, my brother—” “right, well, i’m glad the cat came first.” totally charming. finally he announced that he was going to “wander off that way.”

i’d left my house without my phone due to the nature of my pact with the universe (having nothing but the cigarettes on me to distract me from my angst was part of it) and so made no attempt to follow him or to get his number. (i went back to that starbucks several times over the coming weeks to no avail. i still don’t regret not trying to give him my number, though, as it would have violated the spirit of the pact. you can’t get selfish with a gift from the universe like that. bipolar people may understand what i mean. in any case, acknowledging his fame or getting all stalky would have broken the spell.)

8. Yeah don’t bring that up.

My old boss has a NXIVM brand. I saw it when she reached up to get something and panicked because it just seems rude to POINT OUT THE BRANDED SKIN on another person. I immediately recognized the symbol and it was surreal. I was immersed in podcasts and stuff about that at the time.

NXIVM was (is?) a cult that started as a mlm company and somehow progressed into young women starving themselves, being branded with an old guy and a random b list actresses initials and LARPing slavery. It’s a lot more but there’s the gist.

7. How charming.

One day I noticed my dog standing at the glass door with something in his mouth. It was a $5 bill. We went to BK and grabbed him a cheese burger for a reward.

The next day he was at the door with a $1 so we got him another burger. Figured it was only fair as he paid for it.

6. I mean…

Got a hole in 1 playing golf by myself with no one else around me on the course.

Most of my friends take my word it but still give me a hard time saying it never happened.

5. I hope they kept the stick.

I held a stick straight up in the air while pretending to be a magical creature and then it immediately started raining heavily.

4. Beginner’s luck?

I found and caught a shiny Ho-oh first time playing Pokemon Gold. All my friends thought I cheated.

My cousin and I each got Diamond and Pearl back when they came out and I saw that the very first Pokémon he ran into (before he had access to pokéballs) was a shiny Shinx. He even wanted a Luxray on his team and he’s still pissed about it to this day.

3. Sounds major.

I snuck into the Canadian Parliament building at around 1:30 AM on June 27th 1998.

I just walked around for about 15 minutes and tried to open a bunch of doors (which were all locked).

There was major construction happening on the west side of the building at the time. They were digging large holes around the foundation and surrounding areas and they had built a small temporary enclosure around one of the doors.

My three buddies and I had just graduated highschool and decided to wander around downtown, under the false hope that only 18 years olds can muster that doing so would somehow get us laid.

We climbed up a dark stairway on the hill at the back of parliament and reached the rod iron fence with a locked gate at the top. We could see two security guards (or, upon reflection, they were probably RMCP) who were doing rounds of the entire construction area, since it basically left the side of the Parliament building open.

My one buddy dared someone to try and sneak in. I was easily the most timid of the group, I couldn’t even bring myself to speak to girls on most days. But for some reason that night I gave zero fucks and just hopped over the fence while my buddies loudly whisper-hissed for me to come back.

I ran between the various CAT construction equipment, trying to stay in the dark patches, pausing to watch and memorize the route the two security guys were taking. The temporary door to the small enclosure was unlocked, I had seen one of the guards open it from our hiding spot behind the fence.

I sprinted the last 15 yards or so which were illuminated by construction flood lights and in the open, certain I’d be caught, but I made it into the door without making a sound. The actual door to parliament on the inside was open, so I just went inside.

The harder part was sneaking back out, I had to retrace my route and because I had been inside in the light for so long, my eyes had adjusted so I couldn’t see shit once I made it back to the darkness of the construction equipment. I nearly tripped a half dozen times on my way back to the gate.

My buddies had bailed on me within five minutes, assuming I’d been caught and wanting to put as much distance between me and them. I eventually found them at the base of the hill near the river, where I was met with a mixture of high fives and questions about my intelligence.

None of us got laid.

2. This gave me chills!

The owls.

When my grandpa passed away in November of 2008, I was at my dad’s house. The front yard is almost enclosed by pine trees. I kept hearing weird noises, so I decided to go outside and see what it was. We shown a light on the trees and was greeted by many many pairs of eyes.

There had to be at least 20 owls just hanging out in the trees. My grandpa had an interesting way with birds and we had a very close bond. That was the only time the owls had ever been to our house.

Until my Mastiff passed away last year. I was home alone, brushing my teeth when I heard the familiar sound. I thought I was going crazy, but no. There they were, owls in the trees. A completely different time of year, twelve years later. The owls keep watch.

1. A handy helper.

My husband and son were watching ants filing into their hole with their loot. One ant was carrying a piece of wood, but couldn’t get through the hole with it. It kept trying, holding up the line of other ants. Upon closer inspection, my husband see it’s actually been impaled with a sliver of wood. He picks up the ant and carefully removes the wood, and the ant fits down the hole.

As someone visually impaired, this a much different world than the one I live in.

I’m dying. I would have freaked out at some of these!

What’s your “no one will believe it” story? Share it with us in the comments!

The post These Stories From People Prove That Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction appeared first on UberFacts.

Person Asks if Their Joke About Only Eating Apples Went Too Far

Apples are my favorite fruit and I really like the idea of making a joke about it, but I would never pull the kind of prank I’m about to tell you about.

Judging by the comments, a lot of other people are also not fans of what this person did to their friends, but a lot of people also found it really funny.

This person wrote about the incident in the the “Ask the ***hole” Reddit page and asked people if this prank crossed a line.

AITA for pretending to be an “Appletarian” (eating only apple derived foods/drinks) for 3 weeks as a prank, causing my friends to have an intervention for me?

I got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an “Appletarian”, meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider.

I told them them all that I had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. When I first told them they thought I was joking, but they underestimated how committed I would be to a joke. So, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) I was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider.

Apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc.

Finally after about a week they bought that I had become an Appletarian. They started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. Some of them even got angry.

But I wanted to stick with the joke. Finally, after the end of 3 weeks, I walked into what I was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me.

They were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. Finally I started laughing hysterically. They were confused as hell so I told them I had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. I even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it.

I thought they’d appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. My girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago I had ruined our date night when I told the waiter I only wanted apples because I was an Appletarian and had “embarrassed her for a dumb joke”.

In my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank.

But, did I go too far?

This person didn’t feel he went too far at all.

Image Credit: Reddit

This Reddit user understands the value of pranks, but is not happy with the pain the OP caused.

Image Credit: Reddit

Read your audience — that’s this user’s message.

Image Credit: Reddit

This person tells the OP to think about how worried his loved ones must have been for his mental health.

Image Credit: Reddit

However, at least one more person didn’t think this guy was an a-hole.

Image Credit: Reddit

It was nice to see so many people in the comments advocating sympathy for friends instead of disregard for their feelings. I would have liked to see ideas in the comments for harmless alternative pranks.

Share a time with us when you pulled a prank and it failed.

The post Person Asks if Their Joke About Only Eating Apples Went Too Far appeared first on UberFacts.

Tweets for Misanthropes to Enjoy…If That’s Possible

There’s a great word that I feel doesn’t get used enough despite ample opportunity and applicability. That word is “misanthrope,” and it’s defined thusly:

Mis•an•thrope – noun – a person who dislikes humankind and avoids human society.

Pretty relatable right?

But it doesn’t stop there. You can toss it in as an adjective (“misanthropic”), an active noun (“misanthropy”), or even throw it around as an “ism,” (“misanthropism”).

You can do all of this to sound just a little more sophisticated while explaining to the people around you that you hate the people around you and want nothing to do with them. That is, if you’re anything like the folks who wrote these tweets.

10. Alone again, naturally

This has pretty much been me for the last year, I must confess.

9. Dog eat dog

Canines are infinitely better than humans.

8. What do you think you’re doing?

I’m gonna need way more information before I make even a verbal commitment, this might be a trap.

7. It’s no surprise to me

‘Cause every now and then I kick the living sh*t outta me.

6. Remember, remember

I see no reason the random light treason should ever be forgot.

5. Asked and answered

It’s a dangerous game that you’re playing.

4. Downright neighborly

The less they know of my existence the better.

3. Squad goals

Oh, I’m dead serious about that.

2. Back off

I’m sorry, do you know who I am?

1. Checking in

Yup, it’s still pretty stupid out here.

We misanthropes gotta stick together. But separately, because ew.

Would you define yourself as a people person? Why or why not?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Tweets for Misanthropes to Enjoy…If That’s Possible appeared first on UberFacts.