15 Parents Share Their “I Raised an Idiot” Stories

Does every parent have a moment where they look in the mirror and say…”Is my child a total and complete moron?” It sure seems that way.

Parents of AskReddit share the moments they realized they raised an idiot. Hey, the truth hurts.

You have to laugh…or else you’ll get really depressed.

1. Poor Dad

“My dad’s moment was when I made him drive around with me because my car had been making a “thunk” noise every time I made a turn. After 15 minutes he announced it was the baseball bat in my trunk rolling around.”

2. Out the window

“I used to tell my kids not to take off their shoes and socks in the car, especially on short trips. Just leave them on so that we don’t have to spend 5 minutes finding and putting them back on before we run into the store. Imagine a single dad with two young kids running around the car trying to re-shoe my children in the grocery store parking lot in the middle of an Arizona summer, yuck.

One day we went to the store and my daughter was missing her shoe. It was nowhere to be found. “Daddy, I didn’t want you to be mad that my shoe was off so I threw it out the window.” Made sense to a 5-year old I guess.”

3. Know it all

“When my son was 11 years old, he confidently informed me he was pretty sure he knew everything there was to know, because he tried to think of something that he didn’t know, and couldn’t think of anything.”

4. LOL

“When one of my daughters tries to insult the other by telling her how ugly she is.

They’re identical twins.”

5. That was for me

“When I asked my 14yo if she could please bring me a piece of cake, she cut it, forgot why, then ate it.”

6. Uggghhhh

“When my youngest son, who was 10 at the time, was getting his ears checked at the pediatrician and they found a “foreign object” in his left ear.

Said object was a dead housefly. Because he thought sticking a fly in his ear would give him flying powers.

He had caught it and shoved it in there alive about a week prior.”

7. Hmmmm

“Daughter calls me “there is a cop behind me with his lights on. What should I do?” “

8. C’mon kid!

“He knew there was a frozen pizza in the garage but couldn’t find it. Didn’t even think to check the freezer.”

9. Magic carrots

“Told my kid that carrots help you see in the dark, he then went into the basement with a carrot and started waving it around like a flashlight.”

10. Stop!

“When we had to take down our shed and my son took a chainsaw to the support posts….from the inside. Fortunately, his brothers are not idiots and they stopped him.”

11. This is good

“When my son was disappointed by sex ed class. He thought they were going to learn some moves.”

12. Speechless

“My 14 yr old soon went into a dressing room to try on 5 pairs of pants. After waiting 15 min and yelling twice into the men’s dressing room to see if was ok, he admitted he couldn’t find the shorts he had worn in. He gave me 3 pairs of the pants and still couldn’t find them.

I finally had to go into the stall to look. They were balled up in the leg of one of the pair of pants. It was extremely noticeable. He swore he took his shorts off before trying on any of the pants so he didn’t think to look in them. I was speechless. He’s in the gifted and talented program in our school district.”

13. Oh boy

“I was in the shower yesterday when my phone rang. I asked my 13yo to answer it. He says ” um…she’s in the shower”. Then silence. I asked him to take a message and he responds “how do i do that?” I had to explain how to write i note on a piece of paper…..”

14. Good job buddy

“My dad loves to tell the story of him teaching me to tell time. I had just learned money, so a quarter was 25 to my small brain. After about an hour of trying to convince me that it was only 15 minutes in time, my mom walked in the kitchen to both of us crying out of frustration.

Also my step son is almost two. He is tough as nails. Last night we were helping him do front flips. He would just put his head on the ground and we would flip his legs over his head. Apparently at some point, he thought he had it by himself and took off running just to jump and faceplant on the floor. He looked up at me so proud of himself. I just said “good job buddy” and tried to deflect my laughter.”

15. A thoughtful idiot

“My 13 year old son was sniffing really hard and moving his head all around the area he was standing in. Slightly concerned he had lost his mind, I asked him what he was doing. He told me, “I farted. I’m trying to smell it all up, so you dont have to smell it.” He’s a thoughtful idiot.”

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15 Waiters Share Really Stupid Things Their Customers Have Done

If you work in the service industry, you know you have to deal with many dumb people.

If you’ve been there, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, you can enjoy these stories vicariously through these servers.

1.

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A Grocery Store Gives Customers Embarrassing Plastic Bags to Encourage Them to Bring Their Own

A trend has developed in recent years where we’re seeing cities, counties, and grocery stores completely banning the use of single-use plastic bags altogether. So while there is some progress, we still have a long way to go.

One grocery store in Vancouver, British Columbia, decided to try to convince their customers NOT to use plastic bags in a very unique, and hilarious, way.

East West Market is offering customers plastic bags with fake slogans and fake businesses that no one, and I mean no one, would want to be seen with. How’s that for a deterrent? Embarrassment always works, people.

How would you like to carry a bag around town that said, “Into the Weird Adult Video Emporium,” “Dr. Toews’ Wart Ointment Wholesale,” or “The Colon Care Co-op”? You’d probably never be able to look your neighbors in the eye again.

The bags have the tag line “Avoid the shame. Bring a reusable bag” printed on them as well. Customers also have to pay five cents per plastic bag at East West Market if they don’t bring their own bags.

The owner of East West Market, David Lee Kwen, said about the project, “We wanted to give them something humorous, but also something that made them think at the same time. It’s human nature not to want to be told what to do.”

One downside has been that because the bags went viral online, people are paying the five cents to collect them. Kwen said, “Some of the customers want to collect them because they love the idea of it. It’s a double-edged sword. We wanted to address an issue, but we’ve also made something popular. Our aim was to start a conversation that could go beyond people just remembering their reusable bags when they come to our market—and we’re glad that the conversation has kept growing, with anyone who’s seen or interacted with the bags.”

Hey, at least people are taking notice, right?

Just do us a favor and bring a reusable bag next time you go grocery shopping, okay?

We’ll all be better off.

The post A Grocery Store Gives Customers Embarrassing Plastic Bags to Encourage Them to Bring Their Own appeared first on UberFacts.

A Grocery Store Gives Customers Embarrassing Plastic Bags to Encourage Them to Bring Their Own

A trend has developed in recent years where we’re seeing cities, counties, and grocery stores completely banning the use of single-use plastic bags altogether. So while there is some progress, we still have a long way to go.

One grocery store in Vancouver, British Columbia, decided to try to convince their customers NOT to use plastic bags in a very unique, and hilarious, way.

East West Market is offering customers plastic bags with fake slogans and fake businesses that no one, and I mean no one, would want to be seen with. How’s that for a deterrent? Embarrassment always works, people.

How would you like to carry a bag around town that said, “Into the Weird Adult Video Emporium,” “Dr. Toews’ Wart Ointment Wholesale,” or “The Colon Care Co-op”? You’d probably never be able to look your neighbors in the eye again.

The bags have the tag line “Avoid the shame. Bring a reusable bag” printed on them as well. Customers also have to pay five cents per plastic bag at East West Market if they don’t bring their own bags.

The owner of East West Market, David Lee Kwen, said about the project, “We wanted to give them something humorous, but also something that made them think at the same time. It’s human nature not to want to be told what to do.”

One downside has been that because the bags went viral online, people are paying the five cents to collect them. Kwen said, “Some of the customers want to collect them because they love the idea of it. It’s a double-edged sword. We wanted to address an issue, but we’ve also made something popular. Our aim was to start a conversation that could go beyond people just remembering their reusable bags when they come to our market—and we’re glad that the conversation has kept growing, with anyone who’s seen or interacted with the bags.”

Hey, at least people are taking notice, right?

Just do us a favor and bring a reusable bag next time you go grocery shopping, okay?

We’ll all be better off.

The post A Grocery Store Gives Customers Embarrassing Plastic Bags to Encourage Them to Bring Their Own appeared first on UberFacts.

Jenna Fischer and John Krasinski Expertly Trolled Each Other During the Stanley Cup Finals

The St. Louis Blues recently won the Stanley Cup for the first time in their history. But what happened leading up to the game was better than hockey, itself. Well, at least for some people.

Jenna Fischer and John Krasinski battled it out on social media leading up to the final game. We know them as one of the cutest, loving couples on NBC’s The Office. Fisher, who played Pam Beesly was the office assistant. And Krasinski played the calm and collected, Jim Halpert.

They had a rocky start in the show but I’ll get that. On with the trolling!  Krasinski is a die-hard Bruins fans. He’s a Boston hometown boy that grew up loving his team. And Fischer, who resides in St. Louis, fell hard for her Blues.

After The Office ended these two remained great off-screen friends and this act of playfulness shows it all. Besides, trolling and teasing each other is what good friends do.

It all started with Fischer tossing out this tweet to start the friendly rivalry.

Before I get too far, there is a great connection between hockey and The Office. Fans of the show may remember that before Jim Halpert and Pam Beesley said “I DO!” on the show, Pam was engaged to Roy.

In the episode, “The Client”, the group is discussing their worst first dates and Pam is sure she has this. She tells the story of how her date took her to a hockey game with his brother. She had gone to use the bathroom and the game ended. Then her date and his brother left her behind. We come to find out later, her date was Roy. Yep, worst date ever!

Back to the story!

When Fisher didn’t get a response from Krasinski, she photoshopped them wearing competitor jerseys.

That got his attention!

Steve Carell even joined in on the fun and wore Krasinski’s favorite team logo hat.

But it all boiled down to this hilarious video of Krasinski from Game 7.

Did you see who that was sitting next to Krasinski?

That was David Denman, the actor who played the fiance Roy on The Office! Well played.

Of course, Fischer clapped back referencing the show.

In the end, the Blues took the cup and Carell bowed down to the win.

And Krasinski did as well.

All in all, the group had a fun time razzing each other. And us fans got to swoon over a reconnection of “Jim and Pam”.

Win win!

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19 Accurate Tweets About People Who Love True Crime TV

If you start watching true crime TV, it’s pretty hard to stop. Because we used to have to wait for a marathon to pop up on cable… but now we’ve got Hulu, Netflix, Amazon… yeah, it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Here are 19 people that share your addiction and aren’t afraid to tweet about it…

1. They really do make you feel better about your life choices…

2. Ladies… same?

3. It’s going down tonight!

4. If I could watch this for 24 hours straight, I would do…

5. YAS! Why isn’t this a thing?!?

6. She is Richard. She’s been doing it for years…

7. He sees you when you’re sleeping…

8. I’m sure he thought about it.

9. Cheerio!

10. Plot twist: It’s you!

11. It never stops, fam!

12. Well, to be fair, it is a crazy show…

13. Nightmares are just dreams with surprise endings…

14. Actually, you’re in hell, but it’s more entertaining here.

15. Sounds like you’re winning!

16. But what if you weren’t prepared when the killer struck?

17. When did Ben Affleck wear that?!

18. At least you know your lane…

19. And then shit got DARK…

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled true crime programming…

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20 of the Funniest Scottish Tweets You’ll Ever See

The accent, the word choice, the slang. It’s pretty amazing the way Scottish people speak.

And the tweets from Scotland are pretty glorious as well.

While reading these, remember to picture them in a Scottish accent in your head.

1. Wow

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2. At least it went to charity

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3. Thanks Dad!

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4. Hahaha

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5. Tiring

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6. Back on the gear

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7. Directions for Little Max

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8. Decipher that

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9. Maybe they should

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10. Duck delivery

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11. Not official

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12. Oh maw…

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13. Emigrated

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14. Tory household

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15. Bat!

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16. Cheers

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17. Changing palate

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18. A typical day

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19. They’re crazy people

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20. New boss in town

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Time to eat some haggis and throw my favorite kilt on!

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15 Times Grownups Got Completely Roasted by Kids

Are little kids really adorable or are they just expert roasters laying in wait for their next victim?

Well, who’s to say, but these little monsters delivered some third-degree burns and roasted these adults TO A CRISP.

Here are 15 times every grownup died inside just a little bit.

1. That hurts

2. Not so fast…

3. Hahahaha

4. They’re paying attention

5. Thanks a lot

6. All this

7. Not looking for that

8. Not cool

9. Yummy!

10. Game Over

11. Maybe?

12. LOL

13. Zing!

14. Tell no one

15. Harsh!

Game. Set. Match. –> Children.

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The Award for Worst Straight-Dude Tinder Bio Goes to…This Guy

Dating today is pretty rough. Everyone’s busy, it’s impossible to meet people, and dating apps can be superficial and depressing. Of course, there are decent people out there, and some of them are even on Tinder.

But not this guy.

Twitter user @TheDreamGhoul shared this winner’s bio:

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Holy smokes. There’s so much to unpack here. First, let’s look at the full, expanded list:

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Okay, so reducing people to a score out of 20 is a great strategy for an online quiz, not for screening people to date. This fine fellow is also making superficial things such as putting on make-up and having “way too many clothes” a high priority. I know, everyone is entitled to their preferences, but…wut?

Anyway, Twitter had fun with this one. Here’s someone mocking the idea of putting on a face:

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This person who got a ridiculously high score:

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However, his approach is time-saving:

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I think this is my favorite reply, though:

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I sincerely hope Roz signs up for Tinder.

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This Guy Shared a Hilarious ‘John Wick’ Script…Written by Bots

Comedy writer Keaton Patti must have a lot of spare time on his hands.

In the past, he forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives and then had the bot write a new “Triple D” episode based on what it saw.

He also gave Olive Garden commercials the same treatment last year.

(Pro tip: That’s the place you bring your family when they’re in town from Italy, FYI.)

 

Well, Mr. Patti has struck again!

This time, Patti forced a bot to watch more than 1,000 hours of John Wick footage (I’m assuming just the two available films on an endless loop) and then a new, original screenplay emerged.

Let’s take a closer look at that first page of the screenplay.

Photo Credit: Twitter,KeatonPatti

Can you fire a horse like a gun? No. But John Wick can.

Photo Credit: Twitter,KeatonPatti

Looks like a pretty intense opening for a potential new John Wick film if you ask me.

Of course, he tweeted this out just in case. Hey, you never know, right?

As you can probably imagine, this new bot-written script was quite a hit on Twitter.

Because why would we not love things written by computers?

One thing’s for sure, robots will not be taking over the world anytime soon.

Truly epic! The man is a genius!

What would you like to see him force the bots to do next?

I’m thinking a reinterpretation of Road House

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