20 Memes for Moms That Are Extremely Relatable

Being a mom is a higher learning institution where a toddler is the teacher, and they’re making up new lessons randomly and without warning. And every day you have to pass test after test after test.

And if you fail… oh boy. Let’s not even talk about that.

Let’s just read some memes instead. And eat chocolate. And talk about our kids.

20. How yo doin’?? ?

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

19. Oh, you sassy gurl!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

18. Oh yeah, dat me!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

17. Truth

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

16. RUN! Protect the treasure!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

15. But do you have to, tho?

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

14. Oh, blame the dads again, ehhhhh?

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

13. HALP!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

12. The right is just the industrial version…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

11. “You want to play a game, mommy?”

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

10. Stop touching it!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

9. Damn it feels good to be a toddler…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

8. But would you?

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

7. Complete and utter destruction of the mind, body and soul

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

6. I’m HUGE!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

5. You can do anything. But there are consequences.

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

4. Yo betch! Cheez-its! Right meow!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

3. Tonight I googled, “Does giving kids booze to sleep really work…”

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

2. Rules? What rules!?!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

1. Always on poop. Forever on poop.

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

Just remember moms… you chose this.

But you’re free to complain.

We’re listening.

We’re always listening…

The post 20 Memes for Moms That Are Extremely Relatable appeared first on UberFacts.

These Dads Swore They Didn’t Want Cats. They Were Lying.

People always claim they don’t want cats. Then there’s a BIG turn.

These 15 dads claimed they didn’t like cats and then fell in love. BIG TIME.

15. I mean if it’s going to be there, you might as well keep the fur under control.

14. True love.

13. You’re not fooling anyone, bub.

12. AND the cat has a nickname.

11. No better use of Facebook if you ask me.

10. He carries her to bed every night. OMG.

My Dad (79) went from “I don’t want that dang cat” to carrying her to “her room” for bed each night. from aww

9. The cats like you and that’s all that matters.

8. Never say never.

7. A new baby is a new baby.

6. Only the best for Gizmo.

5. That cat looks so interested in the video. Ha!

My dad hated cats and was pissed when I brought her home, but now, 3 years later, he’s showing her cat videos while she sits in his lap. She also sleeps with him every night. from aww

4. Extra.

My dad, who hates cats, built bunkbeds for my boys. from aww

3. That’s what’s known as eating your words.

2. I mean he is a guest might as well be comfortable.

My dad says he hates my cat, but today I came home from work to find this… from aww

1. Priceless.

Good luck out there, non-cat people!

The post These Dads Swore They Didn’t Want Cats. They Were Lying. appeared first on UberFacts.

Garbage Collectors & Dumpster Divers Reveal the Insane Stuff People Threw ​Out

Ever been dumpster diving? It’s pretty wild.

Yes, rich people throw away a bunch of expensive things for no apparent reason other than they’re rich.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at these 23 answers to the question that reddit asked, “What’s the most illegal, strange or valuable thing you’ve seen while gathering people’s trash?”

Oh, and do you want to know what pro football players throw out? That one is at the end. And it’s pretty nuts.

23. “Ironically a bunch of brand new trashcans”

I’ve volunteered at neighborhood cleanups and have found some amazing stuff.

I was working the metal bin, but took home a couple nice GT bmx bikes for the kids.

A brand new in the box turkey deep fryer.

Ironically a bunch of brand new trashcans (Rubbermaid brute)

Perfectly fine honda pressure washer.

Commercial paint sprayer.

I grab it for myself and sell that shit!

22. “They were BEDAZZLED.”

I’m a janitor in an office building. I’ve seen a lot of strange things in the five years I’ve been there. Bathroom trash is the weirdest – I’ve found empty bottles of lube, chicken wings stuffed into the tampon boxes, pregnancy tests at least a few times a year – but the lady with the bugs was the weirdest.

One of the floors in the building had a huge problem with bugs. One night I was collecting the trash off the floor when I noticed she had very carefully decorated a cardboard box to look like a hotel, and had a sign inviting people to drop any bugs they found inside. It was weird, but I figured she was just collecting proof of the bug problem to get management to do something about it.

A few weeks later, I turned the corner to her cubicle, and it was covered in bugs. There were about 20, tacked up all over with pushpins. And they were BEDAZZLED. Each of these goddamn bugs had its own unique pattern.

After we told management about it they finally did bring an exterminator in! We still talk about the “bug lady” to this day.

21. “…in their own specialty shaped little recessed bits lay three large adult toys.”

I was doing waste analysis, collecting people’s domestic rubbish and sorting it into categories, producing data for recycling planning. Fairly disgusting job.

Anyway, I once found a nice wooden box with a hinged lid, lined with some sort of silky fabric, and in their own specialty shaped little recessed bits lay three large adult toys.

One was the size of a fire extinguisher. The thing was scary.

No idea why someone would throw them out when they’d clearly been cherished.

20. “So, he started a freecycling program…”

Not a garbageman, but in my college town dumpster diving was a regional sport every May with all the college kids throwing away anything they didn’t care to move.

My geography professor found a brand new, never used, pair of skis in the trash one year. So, he started a freecycling program, which was an assignment for my honors human geography class.

We picked up unwanted items from the dorms and Greek houses, and held onto them until school started in the fall, when students could have their pick of anything.

Certain items, like shoes, went straight to where my professor volunteered in Peru, and anything unused went to Goodwill or another thrift store.

Laziness does terrible things when you’re young.

19. “…the CEO doesn’t give a sh!t.”

My friend’s dad is the “do everything” kind of man for a CEO of a construction company.

He gets asked to throw away jewelries and expensive art artifacts.

He also had to get rid of old pick ups (sell them or whatever he could but get rid of them) he could keep the money the CEO doesn’t give a sh!t.

18. “I still have a 3 storage units full of house parts I picked up back then”

I have a (now deceased) friend who basically stocked his antique store with stuff he found on the side of the road.

I’m sort of ashamed to admit it because I feel like it was profiting off the misfortune of others but I lived in New Orleans during hurricane Katrina and I basically rebuilt my house from stuff that people tossed. I was amazed at the amount of stuff people ripped out that was above the waterline.

​People would literally hire crews to gut their entire house and they would put everything, and I repeat, everything on the side of the road. At one point there

Some of the stuff I found: AC Units. 2-3 Sub-Zero refrigerators (compressor is on the top, people, there are no electronics in the bottom to get wet). A full room of paneling which I used to panel a small bathroom.

Marble flooring. Attic fans. Solid wood doors. A full vintage porcelain bathroom set (tub, sink, toilet and bidet). A skeleton shower from the 20’s ($). Hardwood flooring. Chandeliers. Cabinets. Lots and lots of cypress molding and structural elements.

Also found: TV sets. Computers. 2 grand pianos (flood had discolored legs but not reached the soundboard). 3-4 bedroom sets. A stack of paintings by a well-known LA artist ($$). Lamps. Stereo equipment.

I still have a 3 storage units full of house parts I picked up back then that I have slowly been incorporating into my current home renovation. It was truly a shame to see all this great old stuff be tossed and replaced with Home Depot crap. I could have filled 10 more units with stuff I saw and couldn’t store.

17. “…to hear the most satisfying “pop” you’ve ever heard.”

Brother owns a trash company which I worked a lot for during summer breaks.

I’ve found a live possum, which hissed at me. Dead mice. Lots of adult videos. Blow up doll.

The most valuable thing to find is glass handles of vodka. We used to save them in the cab, throw them as high as we could at the dump to hear the most satisfying “pop” you’ve ever heard.

Gotta find little enjoyable things that make you smile while working a literal sh*tty job.

16. “I mean like small scale professional level stuff.”

Not a garbage man, but we used to hang out at the dumpster of the local U-Store type place (before the whole Storage Wars thing happened) and first of the month you could find the coolest sh*t in that dumpster.

I remember we got an entire wine making set. And I don’t mean a little one, I mean like small scale professional level stuff. Wine corks, multiple heavy glass bottles of all different colors, those huge glass bottles, the hoses and valves, everything.

Basically looked like someone had an entire micro-brewery setup and forgot to pay the rent on his box.

Whoopsie.

15. “This man just threw about 30k in the trash”

I worked as garbage man last year as a summer job. One day a man came by who said he lost a high sum of money and he wants us to look for it. The money was in an envelope and he said it was € 10.000+. He said he wanted to bring the money to the bank and stashed it between some old newspaper he wanted to get rid of (yeah, what a genius, right?).

Anyways, we were about 10 men at that time and he promised to give all of us a fair share if we manage to find it, so, obviously we started the search.

As you can imagine, that shit usually takes a while to find because you have to literally look through every paper container (about 20) for a small envelope.

Well, the luck was on our side that day, after about 10 minutes a coworker called out that he got it. Awesome. He looked inside and told us later that it was definitely more than 10k (more like 30k).

Everybody got a 100€ bill and it was pretty much the best working day ever.

This man just threw about 30k in the trash and found it like 2 hours later. Should’ve went to the casino that day.

14. “Others were sold on eBay for 4 times what I paid…”

I’m a major thrift store scavenger. I found a tiny hole-in-the-wall junk shop in a town just outside a big Tennessee city, near Amish country. Most of the stuff was old vending machine crap, and stacks of old magazines etc.

I saw a big plastic bag full of (what looked like) old, torn towels that had “donate” written on it and scratched out, and “whole bag $10” rewritten on the bag. I started peeking through it. Under the torn towels were incredibly beautiful hand-embroidered bed linens and pillowcases, some with crocheted or hand-tatted lace trim.

Most were incredibly soft linen, or beautiful cotton. I’m a crafter so I immediately saw the value. My guess is that someone’s mother/grandmother passed away and they threw her whole linen cabinet into a bag without looking closely. I got up really quickly so the store clerk wouldn’t see how excited I was and guess that the bag had more than towels in it. I paid the $10 and ran to my car to unpack.

In that bag were 8 pairs of pillowcases (all different, all flawlessly embroidered ), 6 embroidered woven dish towels , a 1950s style apron, and many small items like handkerchiefs..and 2 torn towels. Down the road in the antiques shopping row, I saw a pair of nearly identical pillowcases going for $50 a pair.

A bunch of the stuff is currently on my bed. Others were sold on eBay for 4 times what I paid for the whole bag.

13. “Guy had left computers, tvs, a f*cking mercedes…”

Friend’s uncle owns some apartment buildings. Guy from China was living in one of the units and ended up needing to leave the country for Visa issues.

Eventually got in touch with the guy somehow (email likely) to ask what was going on, why no rent paid, etc.

Guy explains and says that he can’t give money for rent, and to just sell off anything in the apartment to make up for it.

Guy had left computers, tvs, a f*cking mercedes, etc.

Cleared way more than the $1600 for two months rent, plus kept the security deposit.

12. “He tells Dad that the foot was likely removed as a warning to someone…”

Not me, but my Dad was.

He found his share of cool stuff. he worked from 1969-1989 for the DSNY. I still have a lamp made from an old brass fire extinguisher that he found, like many others, he found lots of TV’s, some new clothes (usually at Christmas time – that is why we always went through the wrapping paper), baseball cards by the box, wish I kept those, some WWII stuff, most notably an SS Dagger –

but one of the wings of the eagle was broken and attached with scotch tape. Stamps, cause I collected them when I was a kid. I have a Hitler postage stamp somewhere from this.

I wrote this before, but here it goes. The creepiest thing was in the early 1970’s, Dad and the other 2 guys (at the time they were 3 to a truck, one drove, the others loaded the trash), were in East New York, an area of Brooklyn that is really sh*tty (and still is today).

They come across a very large human foot that was black (as in it came from someone who was black). Not knowing what to do, they put it in a paper bag and drove to the nearest police precinct. They walk up to the desk Sgt and place the bag in front of him. He asks what is this about?

He gestures to look inside. Desk Sgt does. closes bag up, looks at Dad and his partners, and tells them “Cycle it” (By cycle, he meant just run it through the truck with the other trash).

He tells Dad that the foot was likely removed as a warning to someone, that they (the police in that precinct) had seen it before. It was likely drug related. Even if they did find the owner, he wouldn’t talk, and the foot couldn’t be attached back. By moving the foot, they pretty much ruined a crime scene.

They cycled the foot.

This was the 1970’s – NYC was in a downward spiral at the time.

11. “The most valuable would have to be an assorted allotment…”

Very wealthy neighborhood.

I tossed 4-5 bags into the hopper, the fifth one ripped… sweet sweet mary jane. Although it was just trimmings.

I laughed and kept going.

The most valuable would have to be an assorted allotment of unused Winsor and Newton oil paints.

Nothing too spectacular. But as an artist it was valuable to me.

10. “…wondering if people knew that I could read all of their medical records…”

As a kid, I can chime in what rich people threw away, even in the 1970s. None of this would make that much sense anymore, but the number one thing that I found that was surprising were clock radios. They were perfectly functioning clock radios, they just weren’t the new LCD models. They were the flip kind, or they would have a gear that would slowly turn and show the time. Are used to clean them up, and then sell them to other neighborhood kids for like five bucks. My mother caught wind of this, and put an end to it because she didn’t like the thought of her son digging through someone else’s trash.

Decades later, I went dumpster diving with some friends once in a while to get computer equipment from the back of failed business operations. It’s how I built my first few computers. I remember looking at one of the contents of the hard drive, and wondering if people knew that I could read all of their medical records or private email. :/

I am told that it’s better handled now. Almost every company I’ve worked for in the last 20 years has some sort of technology recycling service, but I always wonder if they’re just paying someone else to throw it in the dumpster for them.

9. “The rich guy hands him the keys, title,”

My uncle’s friend picked up trash in Grosse Pointe in the 80’s. There was a rich client who would often meet him by the curb just to talk every day. One day, he up and asks, “Hey, you know anything about cars?” Uncle’s friend happened to be working the trash job to save up to open his own car shop, so he replied, “Sure do!”

The guy then asked him what he thought about the Ford Escort, and uncle’s buddy replied that he thought it was cheap, but reliable. The rich guy hands him the keys, title, and tells him to pick it up after his route, he had bought it brand new for his daughter, but she hated it, and he was going to get her a different car.

The odometer had less than 500 miles on it.

8. “Easily have gotten over $5k worth of makeup products…”

I enjoy dumpster diving from time to time even though I make enough money to live comfortably – I grew up in the poor parts of San Diego and would dumpster dive as a kid with my friends for fun and the habit never really wore off.

Back when I was a preteen/teen there was a fairly well off family in our apartment complex who had 4 kids and every month or two, their parents would get PISSED OFF at one of their kids and throw out ALL of their toys. This happened like clockwork every 2-3 months with one kid one month, another kid another month and sometimes 2or 3 kids in one sitting. My friend and I would dumpster dive and pull out EASILY $500 worth of toys each – sometimes brand new stuff with price stickers still attached.

One time, they threw out their kids Harry Potter collection stuff out. Got a few of the books, some limited edition golden Harry Potter bookmarks, unused journals and this brand new and unopened. I still have it over 15 yrs later.

More recently though I’ve found a F*CKTON of crafting supplies – mainly really expensive beads and beading materials to make necklaces/bracelets. I’m talking like 30 lbs of beads and beading materials in one big box – split it up into parts and sold them for $100 on ebay each.

Also found a set of really nice fireplace pokers with the holder, a few used brand name handbags, a bag full of Iron Maiden gear including shirts, CDs, random cutouts and printouts of Iron Maiden’s Eddie and a huge cloth iron maiden flag all from the same dumpster (on different occasions).

Also, when I go out of town to big cities (or when I go back to visit my family in San Diego) I like to go dumpster diving at makeup stores since they tend to throw out perfectly near new condition displays ALL THE TIME.

Easily have gotten over $5k worth of makeup products over the years by diving in their dumpsters.

7. “sold them all online for like $600 pure net profit…”

Not a garbage man – but at work there was this big cleaning spree in our storage room (IT place)

Rummaging through it because I was bored and noticed there were a LOT of brand new sealed in retail box Lexmark color ink cartridges. I don’t have an inkjet but this was going to get thrown on a pallet and tossed.

I scored probably 25 or 30 brand new boxes (tricolor packs) and sold them all online for like $600 pure net profit (after fees).

Turns out people are willing to buy those things when your price is 20% less than everyone else online.

6. “8 year old me f*cking LOVED bin day.”

My dad has been ‘on the bins’ (working for the council doing refuse, blocked drains, street cleaning etc) for about 30-odd years.

He brought a load of books home once, all hard cover Terry Pratchett’s, that someone had just tossed in to a bin in a shopping centre.

He used to do tip runs, collecting stuff that had been dumped illegally and taking it to a tip (landfill?) and he used to come back with all sorts of sh!t. Mum would just bin it all again as soon as he was at work. “Look at this!” he’d say, dragging something utterly horrid in to the house “Can you believe someone would throw this away?!” Yes dad. We can believe.

Bonus points – his mates that worked our route would let me press the button on the trash compactor!

8 year old me f*cking LOVED bin day.

5. “a Raleigh 753 tubing road race bike.”

Dumpster diver: Fender Telecaster, rusted strings but unplayed;

Sony short wave radio;

washing machine & dryer;

silver ashtray, spoon, and chopsticks, a set;

unopened whiskey and brandy bottles;

a sword;

a set of old handmade carbon steel kitchen knives with ebony handles;

several printers;

3 Sony Trinitron monitors;

books, lots of books;

several 30-40 year old passports;

a Raleigh 753 tubing road race bike;

a top-of-the-line DeLonghi espresso machine.

4. “…found $40,000 hidden…”

Not a trash story exactly, but….a couch was donated to a charity.

It went onto the sale floor at a thrift shop and sat there for 2 weeks.

Since it reached the time limit for sale they were throwing it into the dumpster.

A last second inspection found $40,000 hidden inside.

I didn’t see one red cent of it, but it went to charity so I guess thats cool.

3. “He just kept saying heads, heads, heads…”

A normal day at the landfill was interrupted by a scream of terror from the dozer driver who came running full tilt and white as a sheet up to my me.

He just kept saying heads, heads, heads, over and over again.

They went back to his dozer and found a garbage bag torn open with ten bloody heads spilling out of it.

Somebody had thrown away ten mannequin heads that had been used in a local haunted house.

2. “It’s hard to imagine what rich kids throw out.”

I grew up near a very wealthy prep school, and at the end of every year I would dumpster dive for all kinds of things.

Electronics (mp3s, graphing calculators, etc…), brand new camping gear from the one overnight trip they do, desks/desk chairs, money, you name it.

I’d sell some on craigs, keep some, and donate what I didn’t need.

It’s hard to imagine what rich kids throw out.

1. “…contracts and just about all the personal information that one would need to actually become Ricky Williams.”

When former Football player Ricky Williams briefly retired to become a spiritual guru in the hills he moved into a place that was on my recycling route.

I noticed a box he tossed once and grabbed it to see if there was any memorabilia or football items related in it. It looked important.

What was in it was team doctors papers, contracts and just about all the personal information that one would need to actually become Ricky Williams.

I felt weird that this was out there, so I took it home and burned every piece of it in the fireplace.

Felt guilty even looking at it as I tossed it.

Moral to these stories? If you’re Ricky Williams, you need to get a firepit and burn yo shit! #truth

The post Garbage Collectors & Dumpster Divers Reveal the Insane Stuff People Threw ​Out appeared first on UberFacts.

Calves Protect Their Ears from Frostbite with Muffs, and It’s Pretty Adorable

A lot of cattle ranches exist in states where winter comes early and stays well into the spring, meaning that many calves will be born while there’s still snow on the ground and temperatures are dangerously low.

According to Dr. W. Dee Whittier, calves are particularly susceptible to the cold, and the frostbite that can happen as a result.

“Newborn calves are most at risk because they are wet and because they have a large surface area in relation to their total body mass. Calves are not fully capable of maintaining temperature the first several hours of life. Newborn calves have a circulatory system that is less able to respond to cold changes as compared to more mature animals.”

Posted by Triple P Farm on Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Farmers know that losing cattle – especially brand new ones – isn’t kind, nor is it profitable.

Enter the earmuffs for calves trend, as useful as it is cute as it is ridiculous.

Posted by Triple P Farm on Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Thanks to @ThisFarmingMan_, we now have these pictures for posterity, and around 200k people online have already become obsessed.

Probably best not to look at any of these before you go out to grill a burger or a steak, though. They’re just too darn adorable to be dinner!

Or maybe you don’t care.

Probably depends on the steak.

The post Calves Protect Their Ears from Frostbite with Muffs, and It’s Pretty Adorable appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Share the Weird Things They Did When They Were Kids

All of us were kids at one point and we all did weird sh*t.

With that in mind, one Reddit user asked this question recently:  “What are some strange things you did as a kid?”

15 people shared what they used to do, and the last one is EPIC. Make sure to check out #1. Seriously.

15. “…it was very important to me to do what felt like the right thing.”

When a family pet would die, Dad placed it in a garbage bag and put our dead cat or dog in the trash bin for collection.

Even though he wouldn’t allow a “pet cemetery” on their property, the minute he left for work I retrieved our pet and buried it in a remote section of the back yard (with an etched stone for a marker).

Mom would help me, and Dad never found out It felt strange keeping a secret from him because it was the only one – but it was very important to me to do what felt like the right thing.

14. “I liked the taste of the limestone dust/concretions.”

when we had tornado drills in school we would all go into the new tornado shelter under the cafeteria.

It was dark and had really encrusted limestone gravel. I’d suck on the rocks because I liked the taste of the limestone dust/concretions. It was a rare event because we didn’t have a lot of tornado drills.

Suckin rocks in the dark surrounded by hundreds of kids.

13. “Then I took each pair off one-by-one…”

I used to put on somewhere between 5-10 pairs of shorts and go visit an elderly couple that lived a few houses down.

Upon arriving, I’d get them to guess how many pairs they thought I was wearing. Then I took each pair off one-by-one (except for the last) to reveal the final count.

They usually gave me powdered donuts afterwards. Then I’d be on my way.

12. “…even my mom said it was really creepy.”

For whatever reason, I always used to repeat things immediately after I said them but in a whisper.

“I’ll have chicken tenders!”

I’ll have chicken tenders

Years later, even my mom said it was really creepy.

11. “I miss my light buddy.”

You know how light reflects on the tile floor to create a glowing orb? I used to be best friends with that little guy till about 5th grade.

When I’d see him in the school auditorium or in class I distinctly remember whispering “Hey buddy” or something like that.

I kind of miss the times where you could just personify inanimate nonsense.

I miss my light buddy.

10. “There are no dentists in our family…

We pretended that we lived in the mouth of a boy named Johnny.

Basically, we’d wrap a thick blanket around our legs (to represent the gums), and shout with excitement when Johnny brushed his teeth or drank milk, or scream in horror when he ate chocolate or other sugary foods.

No idea how this started. There are no dentists in our family…

9. “My sinuses were full of rotting bread.”

I’m the 2nd of 4 kids in a military family.

When I was still a preschooler, one day, my mother notices I stink. Not dirty, not sweaty, but full on rolled in garbage stink.

So I get yelled at for playing in the garbage and bathed and made to put on new clothes and a little while later I stink again.

So I get yelled at and bathed and made to put on new clothes and a little while later I stink again.

This went on until my mother had (the first of many) mini nervous breakdowns.

She took me to the doctor. She was crying and sobbing and explained the insanity of what was going on and begged him to find out what was wrong … because even then I stank like garbage.

It took him a few minutes but he did sort it out.

I had been taking small bits of white bread from my sandwiches, rolling them into little balls and shoving them up my nose.

My sinuses were full of rotting bread.

He pulled out as much as he could, I sneezed out the rest over a couple of days and then I stopped stinking.

Side Note : I have no memory of this, only my mother telling the story every chance she gets.

8. “I would then climb into the fireplace…”

When I was about 1-2 years old, I apparently used to take of all my clothes.

That’s not the strange thing. Lots of kids like to run around naked.

The strange part is that I would then climb into the fireplace and eat charcoal.

My older siblings all love to remind me of it.

7. “I had to do it again 4 more times…”

I had OCD where everything I did, I had to do in multiples of 5.

Everything, number of bites before swallowing, I had to take 5 chips at one time, scratch myself 5 times etc you get the idea.

So if ever I had to do something for the 6th time, I had to do it again 4 more times to hit 10

hahaha

6. “A few other neighbours didn’t lock their doors.”

I used to break into my neighbours homes when I was 7 or 8 maybe.

Never stole anything of value, just wandered around. Had a neighbour who had a massive house but didn’t appear to live there.

The stairs leading from the parking pad into the home was just surrounded by bars, I was able to squeeze through the bars to enter the home.

A few other neighbours didn’t lock their doors. I remember one instance of being in someone’s home and walking around and found a box of cookies on the kitchen counter. They were sprinkle cookies, very delicious.

I remember being upstairs and I heard someone in the shower. They came out before I could get down the stairs.

I spent a long time trying to escape unseen.

5. “the other person would ram them in the ass…”

Ok..finally I can confess.

My friend and I used to play this game where one person (we’re females ) would bend over with their ass in the air on the bed and the other person would ram them in the ass with their head.

I was never really into it. Mostly since I was usually the one with my ass in there. My friend was weird. But I did it because some times it was funny.

I have lived with the shame of the stupidity of this game for years.

4. “I’ll get a craving every now and again…”

I used to eat paper.

If I got a napkin with a meal, I’d eat that along with the food, and I’d tear corners off textbooks for a snack.

Even now as an adult, I’ll get a craving every now and again for a paper towel.

3. “I decided to try to make perfume by pulverizing…”

What strange things didn’t I do?

I dug up nightcrawlers for the sheer pleasure of seeing how gross/slimy/interesting they were.

My best friend and I had a game where we played at being vampires and werewolves.

I decided to try to make perfume by pulverizing magnolia flowers, putting them in a bottle with some other random stuff that smelled good, and left it in the sun, long story short, it didn’t turn into perfume.

I had a “pet” squirrel that would come and climb window-screens if I didn’t feed it by a certain time each day.

Honestly, I could go on and on.

2. “The people below us screamed, grabbed the croc for a minute…”

My extended family would visit a timeshare condo in Vermont in the summer. My mom, dad, brother and I stayed in one bedroom with a bunk bed, and my cousin, aunt, and uncle stayed in the other.

My family’s room had a full-length mirror on the door. My cousin, brother, and I would play a game called “Funny News”, where I would pretend to be a news anchor in front of the mirror and talk about the weather and make up random news and they would throw stuffed animals at me and I would react to them. I would say things like “And today the forecast calls for…” and they would throw a teddy bear at me and I would say “…for BEARS?!” Goofy things like that.

Another time we took my cousin’s stuffed crocodile, tied a string around it, and lowered it down from the balcony. We were on the fifteenth floor of the building. The people below us screamed, grabbed the croc for a minute, and then tossed it back over their balcony…

1. “I once woke my parents up in the middle of the night singing “We Will Rock You” by Queen.”

Oh boy. Where do I start?

I had an imaginary boyfriend named Boomafitz. He had spiky hair, a red bowtie with blue polka dots, and sharp teeth.

Among my other imaginary friends were a british ghost girl named Jenny who spent all her time crying and eating potato chips and a goldfish named Mustard, who ate dogs.

I fought with people all the time. I would constantly make huge scenes in public arguing with other kids. Once I met another little girl, and we got along at first, until she said that her dad was the strongest man in the world. I politely informed her that my dad was the strongest man in the world. We went back and forth telling stories of our father’s feats of strength, and she told me that her dad once lifted up a skyscraper. With 100 people in it. I couldn’t compete with that. I went home heartbroken after learning that there was a man stronger than my dad.

I had a crush on Mighty Mouse, and left out bars of soap for him every night in the hopes that he would come to my house to retrieve the soap, and I would catch him and he would marry me.

Whenever I played with Barbies, which I did until I was 13 years old, the games were usually about Ken kidnapping the Barbies and taking them all to a deserted island, where he used them as his sex slaves, whom he murdered brutally every time they tried to fight back. Eventually, the Barbies who had survived escaped and killed Ken by hanging him with his intestines. They went back home on a large makeshift boat, and I then played follow-up games about them dealing with the trauma of what had happened to them.

I wrote a lot of songs about unicorns stabbing people I didn’t like to death with their horns.

I talked to strangers a lot, and I thought everyone I spoke to was my friend. Except for that girl who’s dad was stronger than mine, she was my worst enemy even though I never saw her again. I would tell them really weird, personal things, too. I remember once when I got lost in the store, I just waltzed right up to this poor elderly couple to regale them with tales of how I kept getting bloody noses because I picked my nose too much, until my parents found me and dragged me away from them, apologizing profusely right before I got the chance to move on to the topic of peeing my pants.

Now I love Halloween and Horror, but I used to be absolutely petrified of that stuff. I couldn’t set foot into the Spirit Halloween store without sobbing like a baby until I was 11 years old.

I played a lot of melodramatic “Grey’s Anatomy” type games where I was dying in the hospital.

I once woke my parents up in the middle of the night singing “We Will Rock You” by Queen.

When I was a toddler, I absolutely loved “Walk” by Pantera.

I used to take the head off of my toy horse and put it in my dad’s bed.

I used to dress my Elmo toy up as Hitler and put him in my dad’s bed.

I pretended I was a little angel around adults, but when I was around other kids, I was a huge jerk who bossed everyone around all the time. I don’t know how my best friend put up with it all these years. She was basically my minion in the beginning of out relationship. She liked me more than I liked her, and I just ordered her around, and she happily obeyed my every word. But sometimes I would make kids cry or get mad and start attacking me. I may have pretended to be big and powerful, but I was really a weakling.

I wrote a series of books about a floating green head who went on adventures with his friends, Stick Figure, Sarah, Cookie, and Vampire Rabbit.

Whenever I would visit my cousins, I would always cry because I thought they would go blind from playing video games too much. My older cousin usually tried to comfort me, while my other cousin who’s a little younger than me always got annoyed and tried to tease me and make it worse.

Okay, that last one wins all of the internet points. You are officially the strangest kid in existence.

All hail user/SadButterscotch2!

But it’s fun to be strange, right? Just as long as you grow out of most of it?

Naw, who am I kidding. Being strange is what makes us who we are.

So stay strange, fam!

The post 15 People Share the Weird Things They Did When They Were Kids appeared first on UberFacts.

10 Couples Admit How Infidelity Surprisingly Saved Their Marriage

All couples are different, and these folks are no different.

Because society says they should have broken up after one of them cheated… but things actually got stronger.

Let’s dig in…

1. It happens more than you think…

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Hmmm, so you couldn’t find anybody better???

Photo Credit: Whisper

3. Well, maybe regret it a little??

Photo Credit: Whisper

4. Yeah, why tell anybody? It’s your business. Nobody else needs to know.

Photo Credit: Whisper

5. Good for you!

Photo Credit: Whisper

6. Yeah, that’s not true. People can change.

Photo Credit: Whisper

7. Sometimes I wonder why people can’t just talk about this stuff…

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Therapy is often part of the healing…

Photo Credit: Whisper

9. Truth

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. Well, Sandra Bullock didn’t stand for it…

Photo Credit: Whisper

All this just goes to show you that there’s no right or wrong way to build a strong relationship.

But I doubt these people would recommend doing this particular method more than once. ;-D

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If You Work in Customer Service, You’ll Feel These Memes in Your Soul

You may think you’ve had some bad experiences in the service industry, but you haven’t seen anything until you’ve worked that customer service desk in a retail setting. Wow. People will turn into god damned animals if they think they should be getting their money back. And god forbid if they think they should be getting something for free for their trouble.

Yes, I did work retail and, yes, I did work the customer service desk… so these 22 customer serve memes are so damn relatable.

Let’s go!

22. Isn’t this how it use to work?

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

21. Oh, it’s gonna be like that?!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

20. Fake it till you make it… to another job.

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

19. Oh really?

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

18. See! SEE!!!!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

17. Well, maybe you need to customer somewhere else then!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

16. I can already tell this is going to end badly…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

15. Wait, how did I get this banana….?

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

14. Just so you know…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

13. Sorry, not sorry, but really sorry, and sorry.

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

12. #TruthBomb

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

11. Hahaha, oh you retail workers and your funnies…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

10. I don’t want to be here any longer…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

9. Yesssssssssss????

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

8. All jobs. Ever.

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

7. Agreed. You gave it to me. I’m taking it. Bye.

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

6. Oh, some of us understand…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

5. Put Kim behind a customer service desk and watch her CRUMBLE…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

4. Why do you keep asking me this?!

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

3. I’m chilling until the last possible second.

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

2. All the feels…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

1. Is this a double? This seems like a double…

Photo Credit: Petty Mayo

Okay, I’m going to go to bed. Gotta get some sleep so I can work in the morning…

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The post If You Work in Customer Service, You’ll Feel These Memes in Your Soul appeared first on UberFacts.

10+ People Share All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Horror Stories

Buffets are kind of disgusting. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy them, but they are pretty gross. Certain types of foods seem to get about 1,000% more revolting when offered buffet-style (Chinese, pizza, etc.).

Sometimes, what’s even more disgusting than the food itself is the folks who descend on these buffets to do the unthinkable. Take a look at these tales of gluttony from AskReddit, and maybe you’ll think twice the next time you plan on heading to Chop Suey #1 Family Buffet.

1. 7 years is…a lot

7 years of pizza buffet experience. I’ve seen salad bowls full of ranch. I’ve seen huge gluttonous Southern Baptist preachers with a stack of pizza because they’re too fat and lazy to make that many trips. We had a regular who came in 2 times a week. We called him “belly shirt guy” who would stack a whole pizza on each plate per trip on top of unlimited pasta. His gut hung down below his shirt. Great turn around for him though because he started eating salads every trip. By the time I left the man has lost a good 75 lbs and actually looked healthy.

2. Chocolate Fountain

A few years back when Golden Corral first got the chocolate fountains, I went there and was going to try it out. As I was walking up to the fountain and I started to contemplate what I was going to have, a toddler takes his drink and just pours that motherfucker into the fountain and ruins it. So anyways, the manager comes over and is going ballistic because they had just set it up for the day and now they would completely have to replace the chocolate. Shortly after, this man comes up and decides he wants some chocolate brownies, but he can’t as the machine is being purged in the back of the place, so what does he do? The guy just puts his tray down and leaves the restaurant, goes to the toddler’s family’s car and slashes their tires. He was never caught after that.

That man was a different kind of devoted that the world needs.

3. “Had to sleep it off”

I don’t work at a buffet, but I was that guy.

I’d been backpacking on the Appalachian Trail for a couple months (it’s a 2,100 mile hiking trail that runs from Georgia to Maine, along the US Appalachian Mountain range). Been eating nothing but ramen & instant oatmeal since Gatlinburg. I was getting hungry, OK? I was having dreams about meat.

So my friend and I hiked down from the trail to this tiny town, Catawba, Virginia, that only has one restaurant, the HomeplaceAll You Can Eat Fried Chicken.

We walk in. We sit down. A waitress brings us a platter of fried chicken and a basket of homemade biscuits. And whenever we start running low, she brings another platter.

It’s not like most buffets, where the food’s crappy and watery and sugary but at least it’s unlimited. No. It’s the best damn fried chicken I’ve ever tasted. Crisp and juicy and greasy and just perfect.

Me and my pal gorge on fried chicken. Eat at least 5lbs each. I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable, so when the waitress shows up with the next platter, I wave her off. She clears the table.

And then she comes back carrying a motherfucking blackberry cobbler.

So we polish off the cobbler (it would have been impolite not to), pay our bill, grab our backpacks from the foyer & stand on the porch, contemplating the 1,500′ climb back up to the trail. And it becomes obvious that there is no conceivable way we are climbing back up to the trail tonight.

So I go back inside and ask the hostess if there’s anywhere to camp here in town, and she tells me, “you’re welcome to sleep in the gazebo out back.” Apparently, this happens all the time.

EDIT: we were not the only hikers in the gazebo that evening. These two other dudes came in later and ate harder and had to sleep it off with us.

4. Fight!

I watched a fight break out between a customer and a manager at an all you can stack restaurant.(You pay for a plate, and you can take as much as you can stack on a single plate) Anyway this guy had his plate stacked about 12+inches high with food. As he was reaching for a serving spoon he dropped his plate. He demanded another and the manager got pissed and told him he shouldn’t have stacked it so high. He refused to give the man a refund, he pointed to a sign that said something about paying for dropped food. Apparently wasn’t the first time this had happened.

5. Steak

My little brother nearly got kicked out of a Ryans steakhouse. When he was like 12 he had a crazy high metabolism and put away like 5 steaks from their buffet at once. Went to get a 6th one and the guy grilling them up forbid him from getting another one. Manager was called, my dad got pissed, brother got his 6th and 7th steak. Was a good night

6. Good ol’ Southern cooking

Once witnessed a man eat 4 plates of food piled high (I’m talking southern food, so it was all fried foods) claim he was having a heart attack and clutch his chest, then let the biggest, most foul smelling fart I have ever experienced.

After he laughed about it, he continued to go back and eat two more plates of entrees, and a plate of desserts.

7. Wait, what?

Not an employee, but still relevant.. when I was a kid, my mom, dad and I would go to a Chinese buffet quite often. My dad would put a mountain of food on his plate then never finish it. He’d then proceed to lay down in the restaurant floor and take a nap.

He also did the mountain of food thing at other places like Golden Corral, but he only laid down in the floor at the Chinese place.

A Man Live-Tweeted His Apartment Getting Taken over by His Neighbor’s Pets

Imagine this: you hear a knock on your door, and then you open it up to find an adorable trio of animals just staring up at you.

Twitter user JuanPa didn’t have to imagine, because it literally happened to him.

Yep, that’s right.

Cats’ll do that.

This is just nuts.

Uh-oh…

Those are some clever dogs.

What do you even do in a situation like that?

Seriously, these dogs are VERY smart.

Maybe he’ll have better luck with the cat?

Nope.

Finally, the animals are subdued…

… Or not.

The plot thickens.

Sweet relief!

Thank the stars.

I get by with a little help from my friends.

Hurray!

If only it were that easy.

What a mess.

This is too much, y’all.

Thankfully, all things must end eventually.

What a ride!

Wow! I’m tired just reading about the day he had.

The post A Man Live-Tweeted His Apartment Getting Taken over by His Neighbor’s Pets appeared first on UberFacts.

People Shared Photos of Working Cats and They Are Wonderful

In addition to sleeping up to 20 hours a day and knocking objects off of tables, cats have jobs too, okay?

Want proof? I’ll give you proof. People have been posting photos of working cats on social media, so let’s give these felines the credit they deserve.

1. All the way from Iceland

2. That is great

My tow truck driver has a cat named Dixie with a matching safety vest. from pics

3. Don’t mess with him

4. Crimefighter

5. Cat Scan Assistant

hmmm from hmmm

6. He’s in advertising

The best way to advertise your garage sale nearby from thisismylifenow

7. Don’t even think about it

Security guard from Catswithjobs

8. Cockroach Management

Dedicated Cockroach Manager from Catswithjobs

9. Col. Mittens

Colonel Mittens at your service! from Catswithjobs

10. Security from up high

Store Security from Catswithjobs

11. Foreman

PsBattle: A cat wearing an orange hard hat from photoshopbattles

12. Naturally

Hennessy is always my liquor store’s employee of the month from Catswithjobs

13. Greeter

Local Ace has greeter pirate kitty named Ace— he loves grooming customers. from Catswithjobs

14. Therapy cat

Therapy cat on patrol in the nursing home from Catswithjobs

15. Law enforcement

Oscar the police station cat. from Catswithjobs

Now it’s time to get your kitty cats in line so they can start earning their keep!

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