Category: Funny

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These Tweets Show, Once Again, That Women Are Funnier Than Men

The ladies of Twitter are out in FULL FORCE in this article, bringing down the house with laughter once again!

Check out these 12 tasty examples of what happens when you give a woman a phone, a sense of humor and A LOT of time…

1. Watch out Spidey!

2. Okay… I can see that…

3. Bitchy stopping face…

4. Gurrrrrllllll…

5. I got that green dumb…

6. Can’t tell the difference!

7. Yes. That is true.

8. When he right, he right…

9. Perfect

10. #HotGirlSummer

11. Define “safe”

12. She’s fine boys!

Ahhhhh… now that felt good.

*le sigh*

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Tennessee Police Warned About “Meth Gators,” Then Had to Walk It Back

Remember that urban legend that said if you flushed a baby alligator down the toilet, the poor little fella would end up in the sewer, get enormous, have a major chip on its shoulder for being deserted, and then would go on a killing rampage? It’s actually the basis of a schlocky 1980 movie called Alligator.

Well, there’s a new alligator-centered urban legend you should familiarize yourself with because it’s a doozy…and police in Tennessee had to backtrack after the story went viral. Let’s begin, shall we?

Police in Loretto, Tennessee, posted a photo on Facebook about a drug bust. In the post, they also told people they shouldn’t flush their drugs down the toilet because it ends up in local waterways and that’s always bad news…oh, and it might create meth gators.

You read that right, meth gators.

The Facebook post read:

“Folks…please don’t flush your drugs m’kay. When you send something down the sewer pipe it ends up in our retention ponds for processing before it is sent down stream. Now our sewer guys take great pride in releasing water that is cleaner than what is in the creek, but they are not really prepared for meth.

Ducks, Geese, and other fowl frequent our treatment ponds and we shudder to think what one all hyped up on meth would do. Furthermore, if it made it far enough we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama. They’ve had enough methed up animals the past few weeks without our help. So, if you need to dispose of your drugs just give us a call and we will make sure they are disposed of in the proper way.”

People on social media bought into the hype and shared their thoughts.

Because the story went viral and people totally believed these doped-up reptiles might be coming to hunt them down, the Loretto Police Department had to clarify that meth gators are not, in fact, real.

I mean, this story even went international:

Loretto Police chief Bobby Joe Killen said, “As far as I know, there’s no methed-up gators being sighted anywhere. It’s just a joke to let people know they don’t need to be flushing their drugs of any kind down the sewer system. They need to dispose of it in a proper manner.”

Killen added, “We take our job seriously, but we like to joke amongst ourselves at the department. When you work eight, 10-hour shifts in our line of work, there are times when we like to laugh a little bit. Otherwise, you take your problems home.”

I predict a horror movie franchise based on meth gators and I could not be more pleased about it!

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The Heavy Metal Knitting World Championships Recently Took Place in Finland

There are no doubt a bunch of funny/weird/eccentric competitions out there that you and I haven’t heard about yet.

But this is something you should probably acquaint yourself with…because it is EPIC. The Heavy Metal Knitting World Championships took place in Joensuu, Finland, in July 2019 – and by the looks of it, it was a helluva lot of fun.

Posted by Heavy Metal Knitting on Thursday, July 11, 2019

It’s pretty simple: knitters get onstage and a heavy metal band plays. So the knitters kind of become part of the band. Heavy metal is hugely popular in Finland, so it only makes sense that this unusual contest took place there. Finnish heavy metal bands that are popular include HIM, Insomnium, Children of Bodom, Amorphis, Lordi, and Nightwish.

Posted by Heavy Metal Knitting on Thursday, July 11, 2019

You know what else is really popular in Finland? You guessed it! Knitting! Perfect combination, right? A band called Maniac Abductor (great name, by the way) played while the knitters feverishly worked their fingers to the bone.

One competitor in the competition said, “Knitting is such a meditative activity, but now it’s energetic and it’s heart-pumping.” Another added, “It’s ridiculous, but it’s so much fun.”

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It's one week since the 1st Heavy Metal Knitting World Championship and we're still overwhelmed by all of this! There has been so many articles, interviews and media interest towards our newly established sport that we've completely lost track of how far and wide the information has spread. We checked the top 10 most viewed videos on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube – combined they have 24 million views and around 200 000 shares at the moment, and it's just the top 30 posts of these channels :O A month ago "heavy metal knitting" search in Google resulted in a few thousand results. Today the amount of results stands at over 500 000 ? There has been several tv-spots in Japan, radio interviews in Australia and UK, many of the contestants have been interviewed in their home countries. So amazing and crazy at the same time! Knitting is definitely no bullshitting. Thank you for making this all possible! We're currently drafting the outlines of the event for next year and will let you know immediately when we've agreed on the date of the competition ? (The Knitting is no Bullshitting cloth was used in @antra.karkla final act ?) (Picture by @tovarimarketing @joonakotilainen ?) #heavymetalknitting

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This is how the event’s Facebook page sums it up:

“In heavy metal knitting, needlework and music become united like never before. On the same stage, accompanied by a million-dollar guitar solo, with hair flowing in the air, there’s heavy metal music and knitting, shaking hands.

Knitting to the rhythm of heavy metal music can be compared to playing air guitar — which is a Finnish way to goof around as well. In heavy metal knitting, the knitter becomes a part of the band, showing their best needlework tricks as the heavy riffs echo on the background. The knitter takes part in the jam while their balls of yarn and knitting needles swish through the air…”

And get a load of who ended up winning the championship.

Incredible. Here’s some video of the event you need to see.

I think I’m gonna have to go to this next year…Finland, here I come!

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Some Horses Have Incredibly Hipster Mustaches

The world is pretty depressing right now, so here’s some good news: some horses can grow mustaches, and they look ridiculous! If horses were hipsters from Brooklyn, they would look exactly like this.

Mustaches are common in a horse breed called the Gypsy Vanner. They have a long, luxurious mane and big voluminous hair on their lower legs. And on their faces, they rock a mustache.

Didn't realise a horse can grow a mustache.. See More Funny Pictures at www.much-funny.com

Posted by MuchFunny on Saturday, April 29, 2017

Not all Gypsy Vanner horses have a mustache, but many do, and the trait is not limited to males. If the hair is long enough, it tends to curl up hipster-style.

Horse mustache, its a thing.Deal with it.

Posted by Der Todesking on Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Gypsy Vanner horses aren’t the only ones who can grow mustaches. Other breeds, such as Clydesdales, Shires, and British Ponies are also capable of growing mustaches. In fact, the most famous horse mustache of all (probably) belongs to a horse called Alfie who is a Shire mix. His mustache is said to be the largest of any horse in the U.K.

People have a variety of opinions about this horse mustache thing. It’s shocking, obviously.

But also pretty cool, and maybe even… Beautiful?

Some of these horses look like MySpace models.

Other people are decidedly against the horse mustache, though.

“Oh wow oh no oh wow I don’t like the horse mustache at all,” one person tweeted.

“This has fucked with me all day, I feel so weird about this,” another said.

Welp, at least mustaches can always be shaved.

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The Darth Vader Hot Air Balloon Makes a Trip Back Home

According to Wikipedia, the 12 Star Wars films have totaled more than $9.323 billion in the box office…which is a lot.

So it comes as no surprise that someone created a Darth Vader hot air balloon. And it’s awesome.

As a part of the largest annual festival of hot air balloons, the Vader balloon made its way to Bristol International Balloon Fiesta that ran from Aug. 8-11.

Who cares? Glad you asked. While the Vader ballon has previously popped up all over the world, Bristol was one location it had never flown.

“The Darth Vader special shape hot air balloon was built in Bristol by Cameron Balloons but has never flown in this fine city. (We know!)”

In an effort to transport the Darkside, the festival committee started a crowdsourcing campaign, successfully raising over $6,300 to make this special event (even though the campaign is over, you can still donate in support of the festival itself).

Photo Credit: Youtube

This is particularly significant because Bristol is the birthplace of the man that played Darth Vader in Star Wars, David Prowse. Hint: Not James Earl Jones that did the voice, but the actual actor in the suit!

This was even hat-tipped by Luke Skywalker, himself, Mr. Mark Hamill.

Just awesome.

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15 Quick, Dumb Jokes to Share with Your Kids

Kids really love jokes. Also…kids are really bad at telling jokes.

Or, maybe they just love bad jokes.

Either way, there’s no way your little one is going to be able to stop a smile when you come home with these 15 (non) gems.

15. How do you catch a whole school of fish?

With bookworms!

14. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers!

13. Why did the pony get sent to his room?

He wouldn’t stop horsing around!

12. Why can’t a leopard hide?

Because he’s always spotted!

11. When will the little snake arrive?

I don’t know, but he won’t be long.

10. What do you call an old snowman?

Water!

9. What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

8. How do mountains keep warm in the winter?

Snowcaps!

7. Why do fish live in saltwater?

Because pepperwater makes them sneeze!

6. Where do you learn to make banana splits?

At sundae school!

5. Why are ghosts such bad liars?

Because you can see right through them!

4. Why did the zombie stay home from school?

He felt rotten!

3. Why are writers always cold?

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I’ve been thinking about milestones this week. • How they’re more like drafts and less like finished pieces. • Working on a typewriter recently, I realized it involves a lot less whimsy and a lot more concentration than I first imagined. • The 7 drafts above (swipe left) all nod their heads in agreement. ? • Margins don’t just appear. You can’t press the “Backspace” button to correct a mistake. Sometimes a little punctuating hammer won’t cooperate—I’m looking at you Mr. Dash.? ??? • And life, as you know, dear chronic creatives has a lot more moving pieces and clunky bits than an Olympia Typewriter. • For me, high school lead to nursing assistance lead to college lead to dropping out lead to nannying lead to unemployed-ness lead to here, where I read and write and paint and take care of my body. Draft 7. • I take courage in knowing that it’s not that I’ve missed a milestone of graduating college or landing a dream job. It is simply that I’m drafting on scrap paper until it’s time to get out the nice stuff. • And you? Do you do drafts in your art? • ??? • #chroniccreative #chronicillness #invisibleillness  #drafts #milestones #concentrate #typewriters #typewritersofinstagram #isthatevenathing #collegedropout #notashamed

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They’re surrounded by drafts!

2. What do you call a cow that cuts your grass?

A lawn moo-er!

1. Why do seagulls live by the sea?

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Fearless eyes // #NikonD5300 _____________________ What's up everybody? As I was in Rijeka (one of the bigger cities in the north of Croatia) I visitied the harbour and there were a lots of seagulls. The special thing was that they were so trustfully I was able able to come very close. These conditions made the close up picture possible. I posted some animal portraits before and I am happy to show you the next one now! Have a nice day and a great week as well! ✳ ✴ ? @el_be_photography ✳ Lens: Nikon Nikkor 18-105mm 1/800 sec. | f/13,0 | ISO 320 | 105mm _____________________ #el_be_photography #LBphotography #nikondeutschland #lifetime_photographers #seagulls #birdsofprey #birds_captures #animalphotos #animalovers #wildlifephotographer #lovefordetails #animalportrait #detailed #portrait_shot #nature_uc #visitcroatia #animals_in_world #closeup #birds_adored #nikoneurope #instanaturefriends_

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Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels!

Okay, fine. I’m laughing, too.

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15 Things That Totally Scream “I Peaked in High School”

You know the kind of people I’m talking about – your still friends on Facebook, probably so you can feel good about yourself – but it definitely seems like high school was the best years of their lives.

And well, if you’re worried that might be you, you’d better check this list of 15 signs it could be.

15. Sad.

At my ten year reunion, the prom queen came wearing a tiara with a custom “Queen ’03” sash over her shoulder. I had to go outside I was laughing so hard.

But I’ll be damned if she didn’t rock that outfit the while time, so, respect.

Still sad though.

14. I can see that.

I dated a guy with his high school mascot tattooed on his arm. It was such a turnoff.

13. Or in real life.

Still bullying the “nerds” at your 10 year reunion.

12. Fast times.

Selling pot to teenagers and then trying to get them to stay and smoke with you.

11. #bossbabe

Want to earn money from home and set your own hours?

E: thank y’all for the hella love. And sorry you all have had that ‘bestie’ (read: distant acquaintance) reach out to you with a desperate sales pitch.

10. A permanent reminder.

Getting the score of the football game you won against the school’s rival tattooed on your shoulder.

9. It might be time for a new jacket.

A guy who graduated from my high school back in 2003 was arrested a few years ago for his 2nd DUI. He was wearing his Letterman jacket in his mugshot.

8. Bless your heart.

We used to play indoor floor hockey in a loft room in the big gym of my middle school. One game I scored three goals, one of them being a bank shot off the wall.

The next year I wrote about the game for an assignment in English class and the teacher read it to the class the next day.

I’m not sure which one was my peak.

7. Stay cool!

Sharing EVERY memory from Facebook talking about the “good ol days” and “wish we could go back” when it’s only been a few years since graduation.

6. Technology doesn’t help everyone.

Filming yourself running drills and throwing footballs off camera in front of your van/mobile home.

5. Why are you still here?

When I was in high school, this guy a year before me had a fearsome reputation. At house parties, people would fear him just by name alone. He would show up to parties with his cronies and start fights. He came from a decent enough family. Everybody wanted to be on his good side.

Anyway, he graduates high school, and most of us were still in 12th grade. I remember he used to come around lunctime to smoke with the people out front, shoot the breeze and talk about how much fun it is to just sleep in and do nothing and have all this freedom.

A couple of months of “Ohhh cool!” To, “Why are you still here?” as we awkwardly shuffled back to class.

4. It’s just creepy at that point.

Partying with high schoolers when you’re 30.

3. Peaking, indeed.

Billy Joel feels compelled to write a ballad about how you and your ex were the king and the queen of the prom, how the two of you married right after high school, and how it all went to hell from there.

Bonus points if your names happen to be Brenda and Eddie.

2. That’s quite a moment.

Me,

in a horrid realization,

in the back of my 92 Camaro,

while icing that knee I blew out at the championship game senior year,

reading through the divorce papers.

1. Nothing new to talk about.

Some of the popular girls from high school still get together very frequently, and you see updates of it on facebook. I also keep in touch with some friends from high school, and I think that that’s nice. However, one of those friends of mine once ran into them during one of their get-together. He said hi and happened to be sitting not too far from them at the bar.

He said that all they did for the whole night, was talk about high school. They looked up old classmates on Facebook, laughed at them, called them names, looked at their spouses and called them names too. They still thought themselves the popular kids, as if they still had some sort of influence on all these people. Everyone has moved on, done interesting things in their life except for them. They’re just rehashing old drama and old rumors.

One of those girls had a small bit of success as a photographer in high school. She won a couple contests that were aimed at teenagers and her photos aren’t bad. Her parents turned this into a very big deal, her friends all wanted to be in her photos, and she was dead set on going to art school and getting the recognition she deserved. I don’t know if she never made it into art school or if she dropped out, but she definitely did not become a photographer. Instead, you see her launching some new startup business selling asinine live-laugh-love shit about once a year.

I know high school wasn’t golden for me!

The post 15 Things That Totally Scream “I Peaked in High School” appeared first on UberFacts.

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People on Twitter Can’t Understand a Couple Who Claims They Don’t Have a “Side” of the Bed

What kind of monsters don’t have an assigned side of the bed with their partner?

The kind of monsters who are friends with journalist Jeff Stein…

In every couple, there is an unspoken agreement (and nightstand full of crap you rarely need) that sits next to the side of the bed that is “yours.” That’s just the way of things, and it’s the way it should be…except for this one couple who thinks they can just sleep willy-nilly on whichever side of the bed the feel like plopping onto on a given night.

Stein admitted that though it seemed like anarchy to him, maybe there was something to it.

Twitter was on my side, though, and basically thought those people should never speak of their strange bedroom practice again.

Because who would do this?!

It makes no sense!

Do you want chaos to reign in your bedroom?

What’s next? Cannibalism?

There really isn’t excuse for this…

They should be locked up…

Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme.

These are important questions, y’all, and idk maybe we need a follow-up interview or something.

Or maybe there are some things we just don’t want to know details on…

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This Little Girl Wasn’t Impressed by the Birthday Cake That Called Her a “Loser”

To be fair, it takes quite a bit to impress a toddler, so “unimpressed” is kind of their default. That said, you might have a shot with the right, well-executed cake on their birthday.

Which was pretty much the opposite of what mom Melin Jones ended up with when trying to get a cute cake for her daughter Liz’s 2nd birthday party.

Editing this with a little more information -Some of my family & friends know about the cake mess up we had with Liz’s…

Posted by Melin Jones on Sunday, June 30, 2019

Here’s the full text:

Some of my family & friends know about the cake mess up we had with Liz’s 2nd birthday cake but I recently posted it in a Facebook group I’m in (Sad Sales, Stolen Goods, and Sketchy Services )and had a lot of people ask me to post it to my public profile so they could share  it – so here’s the story !

September 7th, sometime in the afternoon I had went to Wal-Mart in Desloge to get things for Liz’s birthday party, which we were having that next day.

We hadn’t ordered a cake or anything days a head like one should /would normally so I swung by the bakery and picked out one that was already made, and asked the lady behind the counter if she would write “Happy Birthday Lizard.”

Lizard is our nickname for Liz. She said yes and within a few minutes she handed it back.

She didn’t ask me how it looked and I didn’t check .

Remember, I’m in a hurry here as it’s the day before her birthday party and I’m just now picking the cake out and getting everything else.

Little did I know life lessons were about to be had! We get home, I’m unloading the car and quickly glance down at the cake and noticed that the worker wrote Loser , not Lizard . At first I was a little shocked and speechless but quickly started dying laughing.

I hurried and carried the cake and Liz into the house, put the cake down on the table and put Liz in the chair to send a picture to my husband of the cake .

Liz wasn’t told to look at the cake, she can’t read so she didn’t know what the cake said, we didn’t tell her what it said and she doesn’t even know what a loser is. She just happen to be looking at the cake when I took the photo.

My husband and I laughed about it together when he got home, enjoyed every bit of the loser cake (eat up , mom of the year ! you deserve it !) and later that evening I made another trip to Wal-Mart for another cake for her party.

I never brought it to the bakery’s attention because had I took the time to just look at the cake when she handed it to me I would have never walked out the door with it and also , I didn’t want her to get into any type of trouble or be mocked by her coworkers for writing loser on a child’s birthday cake .

It was a simple misunderstanding and I didn’t want her to get any backlash from it .

This is a funny story , it’s ok to laugh . Lizard got a new cake, the idiot that couldn’t be bothered to take a few mins to stop and check it also got a cake.

I promise you my now almost 3 year old didn’t have a clue what happen. She’ll go on to live a somewhat normal life….. as long as someone else starts picking out her birthday cakes.

The good news is that Liz can’t read, so even though she looks un-enthused, she “wouldn’t know what a loser is,” her mom told the Mirror back in 2018.

Editing this with a little more information because some of the news stations have really butchered it & have false…

Posted by Melin Jones on Sunday, June 30, 2019

She also said that while the cake might have called their daughter a loser, the family was the winner.

Because the cake was delicious!

Posted by Melin Jones on Monday, July 1, 2019

“I ate every bit of that loser cake,” Melin told People magazine.

Proof that happy endings do exist, my friends!

The post This Little Girl Wasn’t Impressed by the Birthday Cake That Called Her a “Loser” appeared first on UberFacts.

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These Posts Will Make Perfect Sense If Your Partner Is a Snorer

Okay, confession time: I am a snorer. And the ironic part: I lose my mind when I’m sleeping in the same room with someone else who snores.

But it doesn’t seem to bother some people at all. I have a friend who said she likes it because it’s soothing. Soothing.

Oooookay, what planet are you from again?

Anyway, if you have to deal with a snorer in your life, these posts will look very, very familiar.

1. Bragging rights

2. Great…

3. The Six Stages

4. Last night’s count was…

5. Ugh

View this post on Instagram

#mood? #boyfriendstuff #snoringboyfriend #memes?

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6. It’s over

7. Futuristic

8. Sexy

9. STFU

10. Still love him, though

11. That’s hot

12. Drowsy

13. Let me sleep, please

14. Hahahaha

15. Me? No…

Good night and good luck.

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