Category: Funny

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14 Tweets from Teachers from Friday the 13th

Last Friday was the 13th, and it was a full moon, so teachers everywhere were battening down the hatches, girding their loins, or just calling in sick expecting their already crazy jobs to go completely off the deep end.

And while some teachers surely breathed a sigh of relief at the end of the day thinking they’d gotten off easy, these 14 teachers will surely rethink going to work at all the next time such an ominous confluence looms.

14. What a coincidence – this is also what I do on Friday nights.

13. Yeah, let’s just take a quick minute to rethink that idea.

12. You could leave it and claim those are the bloody tears of your students.

11. So…you teach dogs?

10. Middle schoolers will absolutely never give you what you want.

9. I have been this sub, so thank you.

8. Do you give them points for creativity, though?

7. The caption for this headline should win some kind of award.

6. It’s definitely not a 9-5, that’s for sure.

5. You have ONE JOB copy machine.

4. It really is all about how much you can insult them without anyone being able to prove it.

3. Why is this sooooo true there are not enough layers.

2. You have to know when to accept it and when to fight it. Pick your battles, etc.

1. I love how teachers also feel obligated to explain what made that smear.

 

I don’t know; some of these are pretty darn funny!

What about you – do you believe in full moons and Friday the 13th, or is all of this purely coincidence? Let us know in the comments!

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These “Fancy” Words Might Make You Sound a Bit Pretentious

Do you have any friends (or foes) that insist on using big and flowery words? It doesn’t matter if they’re doing it to sound smart or just because it’s how they talk, it’s still annoying, right? I find that this typically occurs in office settings or networking events…ugh.

Lifehacker recent tweeted:

And the responses are quite entertaining!

13. Feeling so juxtaposed

12. How do you pronounce croissant?

11. Stop with the utilization!

10. What does ‘bespoke’ even mean?

9. Just say “collect”

8. In addition to…

7. Just a perfectionist being perfect

6.  “Let’s leverage that skill.” *eye roll*

5. Any sentence that has this word sounds like a backhanded comment

4. On the contrary…

3. What???

2. Really, Karen?

1. An outdated business term

To be clear, if you have a vast vocabulary, we’re not trying to discourage you from using it. Being knowledgable is totally a good thing.

Just please try to not to come off as pretentious or condescending. The point of communicating is to get your point across. Check the highfalutin language at the door.

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A Man Opened a Can of Heinz Beans…And Found One Single Bean

If you’re from the U.S., you might not believe a man went home looking forward to cooking the last can of Heinz Beanz in his cupboard.

Apparently, blokes across the pond enjoy a can of beanz for dinner now and again – and it was just what 41-year old lawyer Steve Smith fancied that night after a long day of work.

But inside the can was just a bunch of savory bean juice and one, lonely bean.

Luckily for Steve (and all of us), this happened in 2019 and not 1999, because at least instead of tossing the can and grumbling to himself, he could take his woes to Twitter.

He tweeted a video of his sad attempt at dinner, tagging Heinz before chucking the beans idea and making some eggs, instead.

Steve told The Independent, “I thought it was funny – but annoying. I thought they might see the funny side.”

The jury is out on whether or not Heinz found the incident even slightly amusing, but they did ask for details on the can and offer an apology.

An average can of Heinz Beanz, in case you were wondering, contains around 465 beanz.

Which is…a lot of beanz. Enough to fill you up, I guess!

Here’s hoping Steve’s eggs were just as delicious that night, and that a lifetime supply of beanz are on their way to Bristol, England, right now!

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A Man Broke into a House, Cooked Breakfast and Told the Resident to ‘Go Back to Sleep’

Awwwww, isn’t this nice?

This might be the most wholesome crime ever. A man in Florida broke into someone’s home and cooked himself a nice breakfast. When the resident woke up, the burglar simply told them to “go back to sleep.”

Perhaps the burglar didn’t offer to make the resident a plate because they were not happy about the whole situation. They went on to call 911.

The suspect, Gavin Crim, is a 19-year-old Marine. He allegedly entered the house through an unlocked back door while the resident was asleep, according to local deputies. The resident discovered him in their kitchen, cooking and eating, sometime after 4 a.m. on a Tuesday morning.

After the resident threatened to call 911, Gavrin fled from the scene. Deputies tracked him down in a wooded swamp area behind the house. He was arrested and charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling. He has since been released on a $1000 bond, and officers say he confessed to the burglary.

It’s not clear what Gavin’s motive was, but an arrest report mentioned that Gavin may have been under the influence of alcohol, which kind of explains the situation. A few stiff drinks could totally inspire you to enter a random house in search of waffles!

The resident didn’t specify what kind of breakfast the burglar made, but it’s safe to say that he probably didn’t do the dishes.

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Check out These ‘Extremely Dangerous’ Pooches Behind ‘Beware of Dog’ Signs

Be careful around these doggos because they’re obviously vicious killers who will take no mercy on your sorry soul.

And they’re behind those “Beware of Dog” signs for a reason, as you’ll see shortly. You might end up losing a finger or even your whole arm if you try to approach them, so KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.

Good luck.

1. Run! They’re going to maul you!

Beware of the dog from AnimalsBeingDerps

2. Look at that vicious killer.

View this post on Instagram

#keepout #bewareofdog

A post shared by Moka Express (@mokahuahua) on

3. Took a while to find this little guy.

View this post on Instagram

#dogchow #dog #cuidadoconelperro #bewareofdog

A post shared by Jesus Castaño (@superchucho1982) on

4. He might just want some pets.

Beware of dog! from pics

5. Awwwww. Wait, he’s vicious!

Beware

6. Definitely false advertising

7. He looks like a real monster.

Beware of Dog from aww

8. He just wants to play!

9. OMG, this might be the best one.

10. Get a load of this fella.

Beware of the dog from aww

11. A trained killer, no doubt about it.

Beware of Dog! (Because she is soooo vicious!) from pugs

12. Adorable, but a quiet predator.

13. Scaring all the people in the neighborhood.

14. Barely making it through the door.

15. This one is too scary.

BEWARE of DOG from aww

Terrifying junkyard dogs, all of ’em.

Do you have a pooch that’s as vicious as these dogs? Share a pic in the comments!

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13 Times People Without Kids Posted Hilarious Memes

Hang on…this is sure to spark some debate.

Are you a person without ANY children? Well then… hello. You must be well rested and have plenty of money.

For those who DO have kids and are here to relive those glory days of not being responsible for another human being who clings to you until they don’t need you… HEY! Remember all these things and how awesome they were?

Okay, we kid… kind of. But here are 13 times when the childless among us won big time.

1. Ahhhhh… sleep, glorious sleep!

Photo Credit: Someecards

2. I am responsible for MYSELF, thank you very much!

Photo Credit: Someecards

3. Yeah, and baby otters grow up to be adult otters, which are almost as cute.

Photo Credit: Someecards

4. This is what vacation is for… and grandparents…

Photo Credit: Someecards

5.  You tell ’em Sarah!

Photo Credit: Someecards

6. These are legit kids. Don’t @ me!

Photo Credit: Someecards

7. Responsibility tsunami!

Photo Credit: Someecards

8. Oh yes… this is me. Always. And forever.

Photo Credit: Someecards

9. Yeah, who cares about a pic of a kid? Let’s see those doggos!

Photo Credit: Someecards

10. You know, he’s got a point!

Photo Credit: Someecards

11. Morgan, you’re my new hero. Thank you for this insight!

Photo Credit: Someecards

12. Cats are kids. Don’t @ me.

Photo Credit: Someecards

13. Ahhhh… sweet, delicious, peaceful, serene silence!

Photo Credit: Someecards

So, how do you feel now? Want kids? No???? That’s crazy. I would have thought you’d want them after all!

Well, I guess we can always share our thoughts in the comments, yeah? So do that!

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This Father and Artist Shares Images of His Life With Five Girls

James Breakwell (Xploding Unicorn on social media) is a pretty big name online, known for being the hilarious father to four young girls. His life is obviously pretty chaotic, and, aside from his famous twitter account, he has a little extra fun with it creating a webcomic titled “Unbelievably Bad Webcomic.”

It’s no museum-worthy art, but other parents will find truth and hilarity in the 15 comics below (and probably all of the rest, too).

15. I mean at least it’s going in the toilet.

14. Their prices are going to go up as they get older.

13. This is not her first rodeo.

12. Silly kids. They’ll learn one day.

11. Kids know how to latch onto an argument when they hear a good one.

10. That’s what’s known as derailing the progress.

9. Who says boys are the only ones hard to keep alive?

8. Brutally honest is the only way to stay married.

7. The accuracy of this is stunning.

6. Definitely not how this generation works, Dad.

5. When you’ve taught them well, it might come back to bite you.

4. And we all know what maybe means.

3. Your wife knows best.

2. It’s amazing how many men think “doing the laundry” means “I put it in the machine and turned it on.”

1. The sass is strong with the eldest.

Breakwell has also published two books – Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse and Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child – and has published two other webcomics, Unfridgeworthy and Wombat Dojo. 

If you enjoy his style, make sure you’re following him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

He’s a funny guy, so definitely worth the click!

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This Guy’s Wife Was Furious After He Let Their Kid Name His Stuffed Animal “Tig Bitties”

If you’re married or in a relationship with a male, you’re likely aware that they’re overgrown children and still find jokes that have to do with the female body and bodily functions hilarious.

My own grandmother stopped me from naming a Cabbage Patch doll “Beth Mindy” because her initials would have been BM. I had no idea what that meant, but took her advice and christened the doll “Mindy Beth” instead. I think it had a nice ring to it. But I digress.

The original poster (OP) in this case says there’s no harm, no foul, in suggesting his son give his stuffed tiger “Tig” the surname (middle name) of “Bitties.”

AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"? from AmItheAsshole

His wife, though, thinks it’s terrible and could cause trouble down the road, should the tiger become a beloved toy that leaves their house for sleepovers and the like.

Comment from discussion n3x4m’s comment from discussion "AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?".

While most people feel like the guy is NTA (not the a**hole) or that there are NAH (no a**holes here), a few take issue with his immaturity.

Comment from discussion bdog1097’s comment from discussion "AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?".

And some… well, they’re completely on his side.

Comment from discussion FelineFauxPas’s comment from discussion "AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?".

Because that’s how this world works.

Comment from discussion gabesfrigo’s comment from discussion "AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?".

And this complicated response…

Comment from discussion Mikuro’s comment from discussion "AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?".

But seriously guys… why is this funny? I mean… come on.

Comment from discussion Patenski’s comment from discussion "AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?".

He should probably think things through a bit better, say those who claim he’s TA (the a**hole) in this scenario.

As a married woman with two little boys, I expect my own sense of humor when it comes to things like this will have to find a way to grow – or at least tolerate – jokes that aren’t at all funny. And this woman is going to have to do the same, because it’s too late to turn back now – Tig Bitties is here to stay.

So… idea… how about she suggest the name Call Smock for her son’s next stuff animal?

Because, ya know…

The post This Guy’s Wife Was Furious After He Let Their Kid Name His Stuffed Animal “Tig Bitties” appeared first on UberFacts.

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Taylor Swift Fans Freaked out When an “Unknown Band ” Named Tool Grabbed the #1 Spot on the Charts

In very amusing (if you’re not a Generation Z kid) Twitter news, Taylor Swift fans are confessing they’ve largely not heard of popular 90s band Tool.

Tool has always had a strong, loyal following and, since they’ve just released their first album in over 13 years, it’s not hard to believe they’re most likely going to eclipse Lover, Swift’s latest, on the top Billboard chart.

Swift’s fans are not only upset that she’s only going to get to spent one week reigning the charts, but they’re awfully confused…because they’ve never heard of Tool and can’t understand how this “new” band has dethroned Tay.

Swifties have taken to Twitter to try to rally support for Lover, encouraging fans not to give up and to keep streaming, even though everyone realizes it’s probably all for naught.

The best part (if you’re a millennial or older or just someone with great taste in what can now be considered classic rock) is how they’re directing their outrage at this band “no one has heard of” for daring to release such a successful album.

They’re also (perhaps rightfully) “shook” seeing the lengths on most of Tool’s offerings.

For their part, Tool fans everywhere are pretty much delighted at the reaction – and the return of the band to the airwaves and the charts.

I mean, what fun is logging into Twitter if you can’t giggle at teenagers whipped into a frenzy over one of the great bands of your own youth, right?

Are you a Tool fan? A Swiftie? Neither?

No matter what, these tweets are pretty darn funny, if you ask me!

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16 Times Tumblr Just Couldn’t Let ‘Twilight’ Fade Away

Twilight was a huge success as a series of books, then movies, might baffle some, but for fans, the stories (no matter how cheesy or badly translated to film) will always hold a special place on the shelf in our hearts.

Which is why, I guess, the questions and thoughts about the stories continue to regularly show up on Tumblr.

I gotta say…I’m not mad.

16. Stupid teenagers finally got their day in the sun.

https://twilightisgaynow.tumblr.com/post/179059353399/people-give-twilight-a-lot-of-shit-but-its

15. This might be one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

https://ree-duh.tumblr.com/post/185530076154/edward-so-now-that-im-marrying-bella-im-finally

14. One more reason to despise this scene.

https://farkosten.tumblr.com/post/187439695679

13. The accuracy, it burns.

https://bummass.tumblr.com/post/185075760215/bella-in-her-room-in-the-dark-at-3am-tryna-figure

12. Okay but the soundtrack is really good.

https://chonce.tumblr.com/post/165992854137/chonce-twilights-soundtrack-didnt-have-to-go-as

11. It doesn’t make for great cinema but she’s not wrong.

https://roxilalonde.tumblr.com/post/178253719572/people-hate-on-twilight-but-it-is-the-only-movie

10. I just want to make sure I’m not the only person who knows she’s a Mormon.

https://911esme.tumblr.com/post/185556258223/catintheunderground-petermaximoff

9. Now THIS is the Twilight fan fiction we all deserved.

https://thegoddesslunaxo.tumblr.com/post/170850508938/the-thing-that-pisses-me-off-about-50-shades-of

8. This is one of the better written scenes in the film imho.

https://lesbianmikewheeler.tumblr.com/post/178739641077/i-know-this-scene-is-supposed-to-demonstrate-how

7. I’ll take weird coincidences for $500, Alex.

https://tarncirque.tumblr.com/post/185002118767/id-like-to-draw-everyones-attention-to-this

6. She could have at least googled “how do I know if I’m dating a vampire,” right?

https://youngstero.tumblr.com/post/94110735627/the-funniest-thing-in-twilight-is-when-bella

5. Anyone who was Team Jacob reading the books is some kind of alien idk.

https://poppunklegs.tumblr.com/post/177036031630/cockmcstuffins-bella-was-lucky-she-didnt-have-a

4. If this is true he’s definitely the hero we all needed.

https://undereyelouisvuittons.tumblr.com/post/83007015947

3. Yep definitely going to have to click on that.

https://does-bella-like-me.tumblr.com/post/169781449629/me-twilight-doesnt-have-a-long-term-impact-on-my

2. Why would you want to, though?

https://iwantabrickbybrick.tumblr.com/post/102208893109/supermassive-black-hole-by-muse-reminds-me-of-the

1. Like yeah, sure, let’s go with that.

https://onlinepunk.tumblr.com/post/177861536942/could-you-imagine-if-edward-had-just-been-some

 

Do I think Twilight is great fiction? No. Are the movies even worse? Yes. Did I read all 4 books in 3 days?

Yes. Yes I did.

Let me know if you did, too!

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