Obsessed with Pizza? Then These Tweets Are for You!

Full disclosure…I’m obsessed with pizza. Like, it’s kind of a problem. I can eat it every day for every meal, even breakfast. I don’t do that, of course, but I can dream, can’t I…?

If you’re on Team Pizza with me, these tweets are going to make a whole lot of sense.

PS: I’m starving…

1. I hear this in my head every day.

2. One last bite…

3. It’s even better.

4. That’s what hurt me.

5. It’s simply the best.

6. I have two questions.

7. I need to track this person down.

8. Just go for it!

9.  I need to be alone with the pizza.

10. Let’s renew our vows.

11. That’s all you need!

12. Let’s try for another one.

13. That whole arm is going in there.

14. I’ve often thought about this…

15. That’s my kid!

Is pizza the love of your life?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

The post Obsessed with Pizza? Then These Tweets Are for You! appeared first on UberFacts.

There’s a Classification for How Much Meat You Eat off Your Chicken Wings

To my meat-eating friends out there who love chicken wings: this article is right up your alley. You need this. I NEED THIS.

If you’re a chicken wing enthusiast, you know that there is an art to eating the meat off the bone. Some people become experts at this, kind of deshelling and eating sunflower seeds.

One Twitter user took it upon himself to come up with a classification system for how much meat you can actually manage to eat off the bones of chicken wings. The scale runs from 1 to 5. A 1 looks like only a couple of nibbles were taken off the bone and a 5 looks like a wild animal attacked the wing and devoured it like it was their last meal.

The tweet blew up and all kinds of people weighed in with what they believe are their ratings on this newly-created (and critically important) scale.

For the record, I’m a 4.99 on that scale.

What’s your favorite chicken wing place on the planet? I have to go with The Peanut in Kansas City. Out of this world! And I will add that The Moosehead in Charlotte, North Carolina is pretty damn exceptional, as well.

Tell us your favorites in the comments!

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12 Mindbenders That Might Just Mess With Your Sense of Reality

The simple definition of a paradox is this: a statement that contradicts itself or a situation which seems to defy logic.

These are all around us every day, and range from something mundane like saying “I always lie” and the complexities surrounding the idea of time travel.

If you’re into reading things that really bend your brain, I present these 12 paradoxes, designed to do just that.

12. When did it cease to be?

The Ship of Theseus always kind of fucked me. So, there’s this Greek dude called Theseus, and he’s on a very long boat trip home. His ship needs repair, they stop, replace a few rotten boards, and continue. Due to the particularily strenuous nature of this very long trip, several more of these stops for repairs are made, until, by the very end, not a single board from the original vessel remains.

Is this still the same vessel? If not, when did it cease to be?

11. Simple but not.

Pinocchio says “My nose will grow after I finish this sentence”

Does it?

10. The more traffic, the more traffic. Or something.

Braess’ paradox.

From wiki “the observation that adding one or more roads to a road network can end up impeding overall traffic flow through it. The paradox was postulated in 1968 by German mathematician Dietrich Braess, who noticed that adding a road to a particular congested road traffic network would increase overall journey time.”

9. Just stop it, people.

That “this page is intentionally left blank” page.

The page isn’t even blank anymore!

8. Triple make you crazy.

The UK ‘triple lock’ that people moving to the UK experience:

Need proof of address and photographic ID to open a bank account

Need a bank account and photographic ID to rent a place

Need a bank account and an address to get sent your photographic ID

7. The Legend of Zelda.

What about the song of storms from the legend of Zelda?

In the legend of Zelda ocarina of Time, you travel though time between child and adult by using the master sword, and doing so you can come back to certain areas to get different items from both times.

Well one song the you learn is called the song of storms and you learn it by going to the adult time and talk to a guy in a windmill. He tells you about a kid that came in 7 years ago and played a strange song and messed up the windmill and teaches it to you. After learning the song you can now go back to being a child and go to the guy in the windmill and play the song to him, despite not knowing it before as a child.

So questions are where did the song come from and who taught who the song? Did the windmill guy teach it to link or did link teach it to the windmill guy?

6. And around and around forever.

Jim is my enemy.

But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy.

And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

So, Jim is actually my friend.

But…because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy.

So, actually Jim is my enemy.

But…

5. Where to put the hooks?

So i know this is just a silly thing but…..

At my old work, my department was food service. In our prep room, you had to always wear an apron. Always, no exceptions.

When leaving the preproom, you had to take your apron off to prevent cross contamination.

The bosses were trying to figure out where to put the hooks. Inside in the back of the door, or outside on the wall.

4. Definitely hard to explain.

The Banach Tarski paradox is one hell of a mind fuck.

Its basically taking something, and rearranging it to form another exact copy of itself while still having the complete original. Like taking a sphere, which has infinite points on it and drawing line from every “point” on its surface to the center, or the core of the sphere. Then you seperate the lines from the sphere, but because there is infinite points you now have an exact copy of the original sphere.

Its kind of hard to explain here so just watch the Vsauce video on it for a more in depth explanation.

3. The coastline is always growing…or something.

The coastline paradox.

The more accurately you measure a coastline, the longer it gets… to infinity.

2. But you do, in fact, reach the door.

One of my favorites is Xeno’s Paradox.

In order to leave my apartment, just for example, I have to walk half way to my front door. Then I have to walk half the remaining distance. Then half that distance, ad infinitum. In theory, I should never be able to reach the door.

Now I love this paradox, because we’ve actually solved it. It was a lively, well-discussed debate for millennia. At least a few early thinkers were convinced that motion was an illusion because of it!

It was so persuasive an argument that people doubted their senses!

Then Leibniz (and/or Newton) developed calculus and we realized that infinite sums can have finite solutions.

Paradox resolved.

It makes me wonder what “calculus” we are missing to resolve some of these others.

EDIT: A lot more people have strong opinions about Zeno’s Paradox than I thought. To address common comments:

1.) Yes, it’s Zeno, not ‘Xeno’. Blame autocorrect and my own fraught relationship with homophones.

2.) Yes there are three of them.

3.) If you’re getting hung up on the walking example, think of an arrow being shot at a fleeing target. First the arrow has to get to where the target was. But at that point, the target has moved. So the arrow has to cover that new distance. But by then, the target has moved again, etc. So the arrow gets infinitesimally closer to the target, but doesn’t ever reach it.

4.) Okay, you think you could have solved it if you were living in ancient Greece. I profoundly regret that you weren’t born back then to catapult our understanding two millenia into the future.

5.) Yes, I agree Diogenes was a badass.

I hope this covers everything.

1. Just take a shot and pick a box.

Newcomb’s Paradox:

There are two boxes, A and B. A contains either $1,000 or $0 and B contains $100. Box A is opaque, so you can’t see inside, Box B is clear, so you can see for sure that there is $100 in it.

Your options is to choose both boxes, or to choose only Box A.

There is an entity called “The Predictor”, which determines whether or not the $1,000 will be in Box A. How he chooses this is by predicting whether or not you will choose both boxes, or just Box A. If the Predictor predicts that you will “two box”, he will leave Box A empty. If he predicts that you will “one box”, he will put the $1,000 in Box A. He is accurate “an overwhelming amount of the time”, but not 100%. At the time of your decision, the contents of Box A (i.e. whether or not there is anything in it) are fixed, and nothing you do at that point will change whether or not there is anything in the box.

It is a paradox of decision theory that rests on two principles of rational choice. According to the principle of strategic dominance:

There are only two possibilities, and you don’t know which one holds:

Box A is empty: Therefore you should choose both boxes, to get $100 as opposed to $0.

Box A is full: Therefore you should choose both boxes, to get $1,100 as opposed to just $1,000.

Therefore, you should always choose both boxes, since under every possible scenario, this results in more money.

BUT:

According to the principle of expected value:

Choosing one box is superior because you have a statistically higher chance of getting more money. Most of the people who have gone before you who have chosen one box have gotten $1,000, and most that have chosen both boxes have gotten only $100. Therefore, if you analyze the problem statistically, or in terms of which decision has the higher probability of resulting in a higher outcome, you should choose only one box. Imagine one billion people going before you, and you actually seeing so many of them have this outcome. Any outliers became insignificant.

In terms of strategic dominance, two-boxing is always superior to one-boxing because no matter what is in Box A, two-boxing results in more money. One-boxing, on the other hand, has a demonstrably higher probability of resulting in a larger amount of money. Both of these choices represent fundamental principles of rational choice. There are two rival theories, Causal Decision Theory (which supports strategic dominance) and Evidential Decision Theory (which supports expected utility). It is pretty arcane but one of the most difficult paradoxes in contemporary philosophy.

Robert Nozick summed it up well: “To almost everyone, it is perfectly clear and obvious what should be done. The difficulty is that these people seem to divide almost evenly on the problem, with large numbers thinking that the opposing half is just being silly.”

EDIT: I made some edits…to make it clearer.

EDIT: There are also an offshoot of Newcomb’s Paradoxes called medical Newcomb’s Problems. I’ve been in a situation like this before, I’ll describe it:

I went on an antidepressant, and there’s a history of manic depression in my family. My psychiatrist told me that for some people, antidepressants bring out their manic phase, and they find out they have manic depression. They already did have manic depression, so it doesn’t cause it, it just reveals it. She told me to watch out for any impulsive decisions I making, as that can be a sign of a manic phase.

I was in line at a convenience store and thought: should I buy a black and mild? I don’t really smoke, but for some reason it seemed appealing. Then I realized, that seems like an impulsive decision. But, if it is an impulsive decision, and I go through with it, and do indeed have manic depression, then I should just do it anyways. After all, it’s not making me have manic depression, it’s simply revealing something to me that I already had. On the other hand, if I don’t do it, then I have no evidence that I have manic depression, meaning that there truly is less evidence, and therefore I have no reason to believe that I have manic depression.

Expected utility = don’t buy the black & mild Strategic dominance = buy the black & mild

These situations aren’t quite as easy to see, but they’re interesting anyways.

I’m doing quite well now and all indication is that I do not have manic depression.

I’m off to take a nap to recover.

Do you have a favorite paradox? If it’s not here, please leave it in the comments!

Yes, we’re asking you to mess with our head once again. Because that’s how we roll.

The post 12 Mindbenders That Might Just Mess With Your Sense of Reality appeared first on UberFacts.

A Guy Was Caught Cheating After His Girlfriend Saw a Fitbit Physical Activity Spike at 4 A.M.

Oops!

We live in a very convenient world filled with state-of-the-art technology that is designed to make our lives a hell of a lot easier. But sometimes these tricky little devices can backfire on people, especially if they’re up to no good. And that’s exactly what happened to the boyfriend of NFL correspondent Jane Slater.

Slater took to Twitter to tell a scandalous story about her one-time boyfriend who got her a Fitbit for Christmas one year so they could get in shape together. Slater said, “I loved it. We synched up, motivated each other… didn’t hate it until he was unaccounted for at 4 am and his physical activity levels were spiking on the app, wish the story wasn’t real.”

Slater added, “Spoiler alert: he was not enrolled in an OrangeTheory class at 4 am.”

And her tales of heartbreak didn’t end there. Slater said on Twitter, “I also had a guy get drunk and bring another girl home forgetting I was spending the night there. We were set to go to church the next morning and I stayed in to get sleep. I could write a book.”

Maybe she should write a book, huh?

Other folks online sympathized with Slater and had a sense of humor about her situation.

Because why not laugh?

It is pretty funny after all!

And, on top of that, other people had similar stories…

Yep.

Uh huh.

For REALS!

Have you ever had something like this happen to you?

I really hope you haven’t…but if you have, let’s hear those stories in the comments!

The post A Guy Was Caught Cheating After His Girlfriend Saw a Fitbit Physical Activity Spike at 4 A.M. appeared first on UberFacts.

A Woman Messaged Her Tinder Matches With Quotes From ‘The Grinch’

Well, this is entertaining…

Dayna Troisi is a big fan of How The Grinch Stole Christmas and so she decided to do something very clever on Tinder.

Troisi said, “he is all of us. Like, for example, he hates people, and refuses to go out when he can’t find the perfect outfit (don’t you hate when you’re too bloated for your favorite bodysuit?). He is also emotionally stunted but good-hearted at the end of the day. Plus, he has a dog, so he can’t be that bad. So, I wondered: What would happen if I messaged my Tinder matches with quotes from The Grinch?”

Let’s see how it went, shall we?

1. Sign him up.

Photo Credit: Tinder

2. Nice recovery.

Photo Credit: Tinder

3. Not feeling it.

Photo Credit: Tinder

4. More cuffing.

Photo Credit: Tinder

5. This fella got it.

Photo Credit: Tinder

6. This guy is pretty serious.

Photo Credit: Tinder

7. This went off the rails.

Photo Credit: Tinder

8. Okay…

Photo Credit: Tinder

9. What else do you feel?

Photo Credit: Tinder

10. A poet and he knows it.

Photo Credit: Tinder

Pretty brilliant, I must say!

Have you ever done anything like this on dating apps? Tell us all about it in the comments!

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Watch This ‘Saturday Night Live’ Skit About the Hell That Is Dressing Your Kids During Winter

Do you have young kiddos? If so, you know what an absolute treat it can be getting them dressed during the cold winter months! Lots of screaming, crying, fighting, and tantrum-throwing to liven up your long days!

And if you don’t have kids, you remember these days from your childhood, don’t you? I sure do. It was a constant battle between my mom and myself, no one willing to give an inch and back down. Good times!

Well, Saturday Night Live recently nailed this phenomenon in a hilarious fake Macy’s commercial about the trials and tribulations of trying to dress little kids during the winter.

The commercial starts off typically enough as a Christmas ad with happy families having a grand time.

Photo Credit: NBC

…But then the whole thing starts to go downhill pretty quickly. The kids start to complain about various issues with their clothes. “It’s too hot!” “It itches!”

And the narrator tells us that “Tis the season for wrestling your wiggly little monster into thick winter clothes.”

Photo Credit: NBC

Of course, there are winter clothes that won’t fit over any kid’s head.

Photo Credit: NBC

And there are corduroys that will…well, you’ll see…

Photo Credit: NBC

What’s in store for all the sweet little girls out there? This!

Photo Credit: NBC

She’ll love those!

And you better believe those winter jackets are so huge that no kid will be able to fit into a car seat!

Photo Credit: NBC

Are you ready to see this video in its entirety? Here you go!

Is that spot-on, or what?

Ho Ho Ho and Happy Holidays!

Stay warm out there!

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15 Funny ‘Harry Potter’ Jokes That Fans Should Enjoy

We’ve got a major Nerd Alert!

I’m just kidding, I’m one of you! A Potter-head, if you will. And I got a huge kick out of these jokes that poke fun at the Harry Potter universe.

And we think you will, too.

Enjoy, all you Muggles out there!

1. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

slytherin

2. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?

Because he only has followers, not friends.

3. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?

Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Crookshanks

4. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?

Up his sleeve-y!

5. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?

Because he can’t control his pupils.

Mad Eye Moody

6. A wizard walks into a pub…

…and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He turns to the witch next to him and says, “So, do I come here often?”

7. Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub…

The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”

The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

Hungarian Horntail

8. A Muggle walks into the Hog’s Head Inn…

…with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool, where’d you get it?”

“London,” the frog croaks. “They’ve got millions of ‘em!”

9. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?

A mechanic.

Thestral

10. Why does Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

11. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?

They’re both cauld ron.

Harry Potter Studio Tour

12. Which side of a centaur has more hair?

The outside.

13. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?

Because she gives him hugs and hisses.

14. Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?

Because he has a Longbottom.

Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter)

15. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?

Broom-mates.
===
Pretty fire jokes, right?

What did you think? What were your faves?

Let us know in the comments!

The post 15 Funny ‘Harry Potter’ Jokes That Fans Should Enjoy appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Siblings Who Don’t Deserve Forgiveness

Some transgressions can be forgiven because we’re family – but some things are just unforgivable horror shows. Frankly, these people below should be shamed for the rest of their lives (preferably on the internet). That’s how bad they are.

Let’s be real: these 15 siblings clearly are gonna get what’s coming to them.

15. You’re living with a monster.

What my older sister does to toothpaste tubes from mildlyinfuriating

14. How can you even be mad?

My mum asked my brother to share his Easter egg with me. from mildlyinfuriating

13. That’s a pretty epic level of lazy.

my little brother was too lazy to clean up monopoly so he threw it in the trash from mildlyinfuriating

12. What kind of person could do this?

How my sister eats her pizza…. from mildlyinfuriating

11. I love how there are no other texts in between.

My brother has a habit from mildlyinfuriating

10. She’s clearly trying to kill you.

About three weeks ago my sister knocked my lamp over and broke its glass cover. Today I saw that she had placed it next to my curtain, burning a hole in it and almost starting a fire. from mildlyinfuriating

9. Cheese and crackers, anyone?

I shit you not my brother ate the ham out of all 5 Lunchables and put them back in the refrigerator from mildlyinfuriating

8. It had to be a rainy day, too.

My brother backing out of my driveway… from mildlyinfuriating

7. But the middle is the best part?

My sister, everybody. from mildlyinfuriating

6. Okay but in her defense that could happen to anyone.

What my sister did to my earbuds… from mildlyinfuriating

5. Just shove it behind the couch, it will be like it doesn’t exist.

My brother calls this cable "management" from mildlyinfuriating

4. She’s just taking one for the team.

My sister only eats the chocolate from the top container on the YoCrunch yogurts, leaving the rest of us with plain vanilla yogurt. from mildlyinfuriating

3. Who thinks keeping a lollipop clean is more important than a phone screen?

My sister is a god damn savage. from mildlyinfuriating

2. But it wasn’t empty!

My brother thinks that, by leaving half a sheet on the roll, he won’t have to change it. from mildlyinfuriating

1. This makes me twitch.

My sister, everybody. from mildlyinfuriating

 

May I never do something like this to my poor, long-suffering sister.

Has one of your siblings ever let you down on this scale? Tell us the story in the comments!

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Ryan Reynolds Made a Gin Commercial Starring the Woman From the Peloton Commercial

You’ve probably seen the holiday Peloton ad – the one that definitely didn’t go the way the company wanted. It features a wife and mother who receives an exercise bike, then goes on to document her fitness journey online.

The problem is that it sort of plays like a horror movie in which the woman is forced to act like a happy wife and mother who loves working out, but is in fact being held against her will.

Monica Ruiz, the actress, blames her eyebrows, but it turns out the odd commercial might be great for her career – because Ryan Reynolds already hired her to make a commercial for Aviation American Gin.

In it, the Peloton-gifted wife is drinking gin at a bar with her friends after (maybe?) separating from her kidnapper/spouse. Or at least recovering from her traumatic year with the Peloton.

“You are safe here,” one friend says as the women share a toast “to new beginnings.”

Ruiz drains her glass and asks for another, and all’s well that ends well, I suppose.

Most people think it’s hilarious…except Sean Hunter, who played the husband in the original ad. He isn’t as amused by the situation as everyone else.

“Five seconds of air time has created an array of malicious feedback that is all associated with my face. As it continues to be screenshot online, I wonder what repercussions will come back to me. I pride myself on being a great teacher and developing actor and I can only hope this affects neither.”

Time will tell, but I mean, maybe he’ll get a second, better commercial opportunity as well?

You never know, but as for Reynolds and Ruiz, the internet is loving the addition to the “Peloton Cinematic Universe.”

And you know, I do feel a little bad for both actors, who likely never expected that booking an innocuous Christmas ad for an exercise bike would blow up online, for better or worse. But this is who we are as a society now.

Watch your face, folks. There are repercussions for days.

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The 2020 Social Justice Kittens Calendar Is Pretty Great

This is what you really need to get 2020 started off on the right foot! These kittens are fighting for social justice, and they’re here to remind you every month next year that they’re not going to stand for society’s BS any longer.

Let’s see what these social justice warrior kittens have to say in this calendar from
Sean Tejaratchi.

1. Those pesky “facts.”

Photo Credit: Amazon

2. Forego free speech…

Photo Credit: Amazon

3. Beware.

Photo Credit: Amazon

4. Forget about your opinion.

Photo Credit: Amazon

5. Time to listen.

Photo Credit: Amazon

6. Always does.

Photo Credit: Amazon

7. Doesn’t feel safe.

Photo Credit: Amazon

8. Are you part of the problem?

Photo Credit: Amazon

9. Love rage.

Photo Credit: Amazon

10. So-called allies.

Photo Credit: Amazon

What do you think? Feel like 2020?

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