Category: funny parenting tweets

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Parenting Tweets That Moms and Dads Will Feel Deep Down in Their Souls

All of us joke about the silly, odd, frustrating, and annoying aspects of parenting.

That’s it. That’s the pitch – no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

So you know, if you’re a parent, these 12 tweets are going to see all too real.

12. As long as there’s coffee, everything will be fine.

Mostly. Probably. Don’t run out.

11. I wish I was this kind of mom.

I am the opposite sort of mom.

10. Or make that squeaking sound.

Whoever invented those is the worst.

9. Isn’t it cute how they watch everything you do?

And then repeat it at the worst possible moment?

8. Kids are kind of magic, aren’t they?

For better or worse.

7. I think that’s why they invented a Ken.

Why else would he be necessary? He has no genitals.

6. Throw in some Netflix and he’s got it.

The trifecta, as George Costanza would say.

5. You still had to stop and listen, though.

It’s a parent rule.

4. It’s a step in the right direction.

Though I doubt she would have cleaned it up afterward.

3. This is actually a necessary thing in life.

Where’s the Kickstarter?

2. She was also accidentally very quiet.

And sitting somewhere very out of the way.

1. I don’t think a sore throat is a symptom.

Of course, you never can tell.

Isn’t it nice to know we’re not alone, though?

What’s the realest thing your kids have done this week? Tell us about it in the comments!

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15 Funny Tweets About Parenting

If there’s one thing that’s true about parenting, it’s that it gives you lots of material. Kids are hilarious, both when they’re trying to be and when they’re not, which is good – we might not survive otherwise.

Here are 15 parents who are really getting their little one’s best efforts (for now).

15. Best to be honest about these things from the start.

No need to be impractical.

14. Better safe than sorry.

But yes, let us all have that confidence.

13. And they realize they’ve always known

They just didn’t understand until then.

12. And yet everyone wants to go to the beach?

It’s really not the best with little kids.

11. It’s how she expresses herself, okay?

As long as there was no Sharpie on the walls or furniture, I’d call that a win.

10. This girl is going places.

Watch out, everyone.

9. So much for beggars not being choosers.

That lesson doesn’t apply to fairy tale creatures, perhaps.

8. The most terrifying thing anyone could imagine.

Anyone who has stepped on one before, anyway.

7. They could be fined otherwise.

“What’s in here, a ton of bricks?” is an acceptable substitute.

6. That is a…moment.

Not good, not bad, but certainly a moment.

5. Why do I feel like there must be meaning in this somewhere?

Probably because I haven’t have a second cup of coffee.

4. Unless you’re one of those cry-it-out people.

No judgement but you won’t learn yoga that way.

3. She learned from watching you.

Isn’t it sweet? HAHAHA.

2. Also that terrifying moment when you make a threat you really, really don’t want to follow through on.

Taking away iPad or TV time hurts you more than them some days.

1. Things can get very honest when they’re pretending to be you.

It’s like looking in a tiny judgmental mirror.

I’m just giggling, and this time not because my kid is walking around with a box on his head.

What’s the funniest thing your kid has done this week? Share with us in the comments!

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Tweets for Anyone Struggling With the Thought of Parenting for One More Minute

I’m not sure I’ve ever done something in my life that feels like a bigger contradiction than parenting.

I love my kids, but I could use a break. I want to do right by them, but I think I’m doing a terrible job. I want to hold onto them tight forever, but I want to teach them to be independent and happy.

It goes on and on and on, but if one thing is true, it’s that hearing how other parents are also struggling day-to-day can really put things in perspective.

These hilarious and heartfelt tweets definitely did that for me!

16. I’m sure he’ll miss you, though.

At least until he’s old enough to get his own phone.

Image Credit: Twitter

15. That’s if you’re lucky.

There are obviously fates worse than death, and toddlers know about them all.

Image Credit: Twitter

14. They are unfailingly honest.

I’m sure the day will come when we appreciate that fact.

Image Credit: Twitter

13. It makes you feel older than you already do.

What has happened to our once-sharp brains, y’all?

Image Credit: Twitter

12. So many terrible ways to wake up.

Having to clean the floor is up there, for sure.

Image Credit: Twitter

11. A more apt observation I have not seen.

Just say no to touching kids, period.

Image Credit: Twitter

10. Hey, they asked.

But yeah, I think that’s what they meant.

Image Credit: Twitter

9. It’s important to reward even the inanimate objects in your life.

I mean, it makes as much sense as anything else now.

Image Credit: Twitter

8. That’s definitely a rule.

Just because you didn’t know it needed to be one doesn’t make it less real.

7. You are raising this girl right.

Or she’s figuring it out on her own, but either way, I’m impressed.

Image Credit: Twitter

6. Same if you have toddlers and you find only the cap of a marker.

Thank goodness for Mr. Clean Magic Erasers.

Image Credit: Twitter

5. Some days it’s like their main goal is to drive you crazy.

And most of the time they succeed.

Image Credit: Twitter

4. As long as she’s happy, right?

And at least lemons smell nice.

Image Credit: Twitter

3. To be fair there’s not a lot else to do in there.

And you’re making them watch you go to the bathroom so turnabout and all that.

Image Credit: Twitter

2. I’m ashamed to admit how many times a week I say this.

To the kids AND the dog.

Image Credit: Twitter

1. I don’t even know why we waste our breath.

I think reverse psychology is a better bet.

Image Credit: Twitter

 

I’m just buckling up for this ride like the rest of y’all.

Unlike an amusement park, there’s no chicken exit, so hold on tight.

The post Tweets for Anyone Struggling With the Thought of Parenting for One More Minute appeared first on UberFacts.

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These Parenting Tweets Prove That Laughter Is the Best Medicine

If you don’t laugh, you’re gonna cry – it’s the advice that gets me through many a long parenting day with two littles at home, let me tell you. They’re demanding, they’re emotionally draining, they’re the source of your worry and anxiety, and for me, alone time is at a serious minimum.

Being able to log onto the internet and find that others are having some of the same struggles – and others sharing their own hilarious kid interactions, helps me get through it!

12. There are upsides to making your kid very comfortable at home.

No one really likes camping, do they?

11. This seems like a pretty comprehensive list.

He’s probably going to need to “rest his eyes” at some point.

10. Eh, I’m sure this grammar rule will be the next one to go.

It’s all anarchy in the world of English.

9. Ooh, I’m honestly not sure the clean room was worth it.

Unless he found all of your spoons.

8. THIS is ironic, Alanis.

Why are old bodies so annoying?

7. Older kids have all the jokes.

These aren’t half bad, if you ask me.

6. The most elusive gift in the world.

This is what we all want for Mother’s Day. #facts

5. No one has the answer to that, kid.

At least we have the internet.

4. Let the cable news anchor figure it out.

It’s full of passion, I know.

3. Let’s find a way to make that happen.

Because I’m running on caffeine, sugar, and half-eaten chicken nuggets.

2. That sounds about right.

But annoying your teenagers is like, the only fun thing about having teenagers.

1. That’s real family love right there.

Dear Lord, please let my parents keep my kids again soon.

I’m laughing, even knowing that tomorrow it could be me posting something like this.

What’s the funniest thing your kid has said or done lately. I want to hear about it!

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Parents Whose Kids Are Giving Them a Run for Their Money

Kids exist to try our patience, right? At least, that’s what it can seem like sometimes.

They find our buttons and dig their thumbs in as deep as they’ll go, twisting and really putting their back into it the more they can see us slowly going insane.

Of course they’re angels and we love them, but also, what I just said is the truth.

We all do what we can to get through days like these 14 people are having – and since it’s not you this time, go ahead and laugh. You know you want to.

14. It’s like he knew that ruining the coffee was the worst thing he could do.

Actually in this case he was really trying to help. You can’t even get mad at the sweet little lad!

Image Credit: Twitter

13. I, too, am confused.

I really want a followup to this tweet because I need to know if/where they found it.

Image Credit: Twitter

12. He’s really got his thinking cap on.

It’s hard to argue with that logic!

Image Credit: Twitter

11. Literally whatever makes them happy.

You definitely have to pick your battles.

Image Credit: Twitter

10. Yeah there is definitely pee somewhere.

Of course, if it’s like my house, there’s already pee everywhere so.

Image Credit: Twitter

9. They do keep you one your toes.

And you know you were barely asleep, anyway.

Image Credit: Twitter

8. Tornados are pretty scary.

But yeah, I imagine a tomato so huge we had to hide from it would be pretty frightening as well.

Image Credit: Twitter

7. The answer is to stop trying to help.

But we just can’t do that, can we?

Image Credit: Twitter

6. It’s a fair question, when you think about it.

Of course, it’s probably the 550th question she’s heard today.

Image Credit: Twitter

5. At least they don’t usually throw up on you.

Who am I kidding? It’s exactly the same.

Image Credit: Twitter

4. See, your marketing degree is coming in handy!

It’s all in the presentation, you know.

Image Credit: Twitter

3. It won’t last forever.

Honestly it doesn’t even work with my 3yo most of the time.

Image Credit: Twitter

2. You just get kind of numb to it all.

But you feel like you deserve a medal when you actually please a 3yo.

Image Credit: Twitter

1. You think you’re high sometimes.

It would make folding laundry more interesting. Perhaps.

I’m just so grateful I’m not raising the only heathens in the world!

Tell us about a recent moment you just had to walk away from your kid! We want to commiserate in the comments!

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Tweets That Capture the Highs and Lows of Parenting

Life is all about peaks and valleys, and anyone who lives a good long while will tell you for sure there are plenty of both. And even if you’re dreaming of perfect days and weeks and years while pregnant with your first amazing baby, here’s the truth: that applies to parenting, too.

It’s one big, long ride, and honestly, would a rollercoaster even be fun if you didn’t occasionally plunge screaming into the abyss?

I didn’t think so! And these 14 parents are here to remind you to laugh while you’re shrieking. It’s the only way.

14. It’s the call of the beast.

See also, anything you’re trying to sneak.

Image Credit: Twitter

13. It is super annoying when you realize you’re just living with yourself.

And yeah, you’re annoying, too.

Image Credit: Twitter

12. It’s how you know someone had a baby I mean.

The internet world is so weird sometimes.

Image Credit: Twitter

11. Every single time.

And don’t believe them when they tell you they’re doing “nothing.”

Image Credit: Twitter

10. So many things you never imagined you’d have to say out loud.

I’ve honestly lost count.

Image Credit: Twitter

9. It will be an awkward conversation.

And no way are they going anywhere. They know they’ve got it good.

Image Credit: Twitter

8. Except now this isn’t a lie.

I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying.

Image Credit: Twitter

7. This is what the #blessed was really made for.

So we all know it’s tongue-in-cheek, right?

Image Credit: Twitter

6. Why did we want a house with stairs, again?

It will be nice when they’re older.

Image Credit: Twitter

5. In my house he says “I’m okay!”

Which is not my main concern but he’s cute.

Image Credit: Twitter

4. You’ve gotta pick your battles.

Now it’s somebody else’s problem.

Image Credit: Twitter

3. Hey, I think I’ve seen that one!

It’s not as good as Hamilton.

Image Credit: Twitter

2. That’s gonna be fun to unpack one day.

Just get them a good therapist. It’ll be fine.

Image Credit: Twitter

1. They really are a mystery, right?

A disgusting, frustrating mystery.

Image Credit: Twitter

I think these people are hilarious and also I need more parent friends!

What’s your favorite way to remind yourself that every day ends eventually? Share your tips for getting through the tunnels in the comments!

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Funny Parenting Tweets You Won’t Want to Miss

There are a lot of sayings out there about how you have to laugh so you won’t cry, or that laughter is the best medicine, or you have to laugh or you’ll just lose your shit…or maybe those are all kind of the same thing.

All I know is that when it comes to 24/7 parenting with young kids (or older kids, or any kids), knowing there are other parents out there doing it all along with you can really make all the difference.

So please, sit back and have a half at the expense of these 15 parents…because today, it isn’t you.

15. This just warms my heart every time I see it.

I need to get my kids some friends so they won’t need me to play with them all the time.

14. “Oh, you already ate? I guess I’ll just cook that delicious gourmet meal I had planned tomorrow night.”

Wash, rinse, repeat…just don’t forget to stock up on cereal.

13. Sure, that’s a good try, kid.

Time is relative anyway, so.

12. I don’t understand why whispering is so hard.

But I do understand why it’s good that you can hear what you under-five is saying at all times.

11. Dads don’t make the rules, they just follow them.

How would you know you were talking to a dad otherwise?

10. We go back and forth on the talking thing so many times over the course of 18 years.

We can’t wait for them to talk, then we can’t wait for them to shut up, and on and on.

9. If you have little kids, they’re all broken when you do find them.

Also so are the crayons and why do none of the markers have lids?

8. Yes and remember they will always repeat everything you say.

So watch it. I mean, if you care about that sort of thing.

7. Ah, so it’s not just my 3yo.

He would eat cookies and popsicles all day and then wonder why his stomach hurt if I let him.

6. One day they’ll be gone.

You can have hobbies and a clean house, at least until they want you to babysit the grandkids.

5. The penguin might smell worse.

In theory.

4. Someone is cruising for a bruising.

It’s like he knows nothing about his own mother.

3. Hardy har-har I would expect nothing less.

Dads gotta dad, y’all. Like I said.

2. Parents definitely need to know how quickly a toddler can bust something.

It’s directly related to how much you’re willing to pay for it.

1. Cat parents really take this whole gig very seriously.

And honestly cats just don’t care one bit.

These are slaying me! Kids are so great and also so awful all at once, right?

What’s the funniest thing you’ve read about parenting this week? Share it with us in the comments!

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These Parents Are Just About out of Patience

Parenting is wonderful, but it can also be a trial – and there are some days when your kids just keep pulling water out of the well over and over again until you’re all but tapped out wayyyyyy before bedtime.

Those are the days I’m super thankful that we live in an age of technology and screens and the like, because I’m an advocate of accessing all of the tools if my own reservoir needs to be topped off.

And these 16 parents really seem like they could use a minute or thirty of help from Peppa, Mickey, or Ryder and the pups so they could take a few deep breaths and back away from the edge.

16. Some questions just have to be pondered.

And you don’t know for sure which ones until they hit you.

15. My kids are going to know better than to even ask me.

Because I couldn’t even help myself with my math assignment.

14. These could be the notes to many things I do every day.

I’m pretty sure we all sound like Charlie Brown’s parents to kids.

13. You have to decide what your daily threshold is for annoyance.

And yeah, outsource that to Alexa if you can.

12. That just means you don’t let them out of your sight.

Oh wait, that was already the gig.

11. She was probably busy for 20 minutes, so that’s a win.

Quiet is another, much bigger, win.

10. The answer to that one seems obvious, doesn’t it?

And yet…

9. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

And kids that have opinions on those things.

8. All answers are good answers.

Also, this is my answer to ‘what is your favorite fruit.’

7. A little perspective isn’t a bad thing.

Neither is learning how to do math, loser.

6. Everything Is Sticky: A Parent’s Memoir

Because it is, all the time, and it matters not if you mop. You live in a frat house now.

5. Maybe that’s the style now.

You wouldn’t know, because you’re old.

4. Time to Marie Kondo your drawers.

Or make people start doing their own laundry.

3. What even are rules right now?

I mean, what’s the point of fighting the chaos?

2. It’s definitely all about perspective at this point.

The grass is always greener, I guess.

1. And then you just shrug and go with it.

Because you’re not a teacher, you’re a parent.

We’ve all been there, I’m telling you. That’s why we can laugh at these in solidarity.

What’s the moment you realized you needed to just walk away? I had one last week when my husband spilled my soda and then, before we could mop it up, the 3yo was down on his hands and knees licking it off the floor.

Yeah. Welcome to the glam life, future parents.

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