Are you a foodie? I don’t love the term -because I think just about everyone is a foodie to an extent in that everyone loves a great plate of food – but I am definitely someone who goes out of their way to find a great place to eat. Sadly, when the food doesn’t come out the way you’d expect it to, it can be a massive disappointment.
I’m not sure I could have handed any of these experiences, tbh. You?
#1. It used to be great.
“Paid $9 for a tiny burrito that contained a spoonful of rice, two pieces of fried tofu, about a teaspoon of pico and about three shreds of Monterey jack. It was soaked in a sauce that was so spicy I felt it for hours afterwards, and then all over again when it passed through. Absolutely disgusting. I was with a group who insisted that the food would be absolutely delicious. Talked to a relative who knows the area and she said that the restaurant used to be great but had gotten to be terrible within the last year.”
#2. Noped out.
“My aunt made some Hamburger Helper and fucked it up. I will never understand how you can mess up Hamburger Helper. Even my two year old cousin noped out of eating it.”
#3. I tasted tacos for the next two days.
“My husband made tacos. He misread the seasoning instructions and put in 3/4 cup instead of 3 tablespoons. I remember thinking that the mixture looked a lot darker than normal before I took a bite. I seriously tasted tacos for the next two days. He’s not allowed to make tacos anymore without supervision.”
#4. I hate milk.
“Mom made me drink some milk right after I’d eaten a grapefruit and the milk curdled in my mouth. I hate milk.”
#5. Don’t mess around with chicken.
“I got salmonella poisoning from undercooked chicken. After throwing up once I basically dry heaved for a few hours. Also, I had an insanely high fever, like 103/104 and hallucinated that I went to hell. I was dripping in sweat and saw shadowy figures in my peripheral vision dancing around in a circle.
After experiencing that I can totally see why people think they were visited by demons or went to hell. Don’t mess around with chicken.”
#6. She whipped up some food.
“My first time at one of my best friends house, his mom decided to make is a snack while we did homework. She was a single mom for a lot of his upbringing, so she worked all day and was usually not up for cooking lunch/dinner. She wanted to be nice and offer me something though, so she whipped up some food. She served us undercooked whole wheat pasta. She also didn’t have any sauce or topping for it, so she just crumbled some Triscuits over the top of them. My friend was severely embarrassed. His mom has since remarried and has learned much more about cooking food for others.
Edit: a word”
#7. The same damn thing.
“I made a microwaved pizza for myself when they first came out in the late 1980s. I loaded it up with extra cheese.
I hear the microwave go BING. I pull it out and it flips over onto my hands. I had boiling hot cheese stuck to my fingers. I screamed like a banshee. My mom looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo. And my best friends was there and started laughing at me with blisters forming all over my hands.
A few weeks later I was over at his parent’s place with him. He throws in a microwaveable pizza. I hear BING then him screaming like a banshee. He did the same damn thing.”
#8. I still remember the flavor.
“Probably a tie between the bad tortilla chips that gave me food poisoning and the time my sister tricked me into eating Cat Chow. Decades later and I still remember the flavor.”
#9. Like sweaty balls.
“Back in the days when I used to hate sushi I tried some in Tokyo just for the bragging rights. I don’t know what I ordered but it was slimy and gooey and salty and tasted like sweaty balls. It took all my strength to stop myself from chundering at the table.
Love sushi now so would probably enjoy it if I tried today.”
#10. A near poisoning.
“We travelled to Sicily and decided to get some pizza. Found a really nice place at the beach, where we could watch the sunset over the sea. We ordered our pizzas and everything seemed perfect. Then the pizzas came and my bf tasted his. First he thought his pizza had a funny seasoning and gave it a shot, but after a few bites he said his tongue began to tingle. I tried a few bites myself and it was a really weird sensation in my mouth. Like when something is really spicy, but more in the acid kind of way. So he tried to explain to a waitress something was off with the pizza. There was a huge language barrier, so in the end she took the pizza away and looked quite irritated. My bf decided to walk towards the kitchen because we had the feeling they didn’t understand our complaint. From my point of view, a saw different staff members rushing out of the kitchen, including a cheff, and tried to explain something to my bf in quite a panicky way. Turns out their dishwasher was broken and all the plates where covered with highly concentrated dish soap. Their head chef ate some pizza and had to be picked up by an ambulance, fortunately we didn’t get food poisoning and just left the restaurant with empty bellies.”
#11. I had to excuse myself.
One of my ex boyfriend’s grandmother had the whole family over for dinner one night. She cooked spaghetti and my ex’s mom warned me that it would be terrible. Boy, was she right. His grandmother boiled water, put in the noddles, DID NOT DRAIN THE WATER, and then dumped some salt, pepper, and KETCHUP into the pot and served it. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could dry heave over the toilet.
#12. Disgusting beyond belief.
“I tried to eat andouillette, a kind of pork sausage, while I was in France. It’s notorious there. When I ordered it the server sort of said ‘are you sure?’ It was disgusting beyond belief. I was actually retching.”
#13. To this day.
“Food poisoning Benihana Millburn NJ. Age 16. BRUTAL. Cold sweats when passing any Japanese steakhouses, to this day.”
#14. Like we were eating houseplants.
“I had Chinese take away that was sub-par a couple weeks back. The rice was meh, nothing to write home about.
But then I tried the chow mein. Somehow, it tasted like soil.
I thought my tastebuds were tripping, but my girlfriend then tried hers and, yep: Like we were eating houseplants.
I still don’t understand.”
#15. For the next two years.
“I got food poisoning from a Mexican restaurant. I shit my pants twice, popped a blood vessel in my eye from vomiting so hard, and I couldn’t even think about Mexican food without getting nauseous for the next two years.”
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