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In the 1960’s an American doctor tested if his patients could develop immunity to cancer by injecting them with cancer cells without their consent. He went on to be president of the American Association for Cancer Research.
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Doctors used to prescribe ‘Obecalp,’ a sugar pill that is literally ‘placebo’ spelled backwards, for various illnesses such as psychosomatic disorders and chronic ailments.
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The “Doctor” title was appropriated by physicians, who took it from academia. History has dictated the use of the courtesy title Dr by physicians and general practitioners. However, surgeons do not use the title of Dr and, due to the origins of surgery with the barber surgeons.
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Country music became popular in America partially through a pirate radio station of a quack doctor based out Kansas who built a fortune on a procedure to implant goat testicles into men’s scrotums.
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Drayton Daugherty was a doctor who cured a dying man by pretending to undo a voodoo hex in a last ditch effort after modern medicine didn’t work. The man believed he was cured and lived for ten more years.
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For a lot of people, there’s nothing more natural or terrifying than childbirth. Is the baby going to come out alright? Is the mom gonna make it? Will the dad pass out or not?
And when it comes to this Ask Reddit thread… nothing was held back. And I mean… nothing.
Doctors, nurses who deliver babies, what are some strange/funny things people have screamed while giving birth? from AskReddit
From surprise genders to raptor babies to some REALLY inappropriate things… these stories have got it all!
Let’s take a look.
My dad has told me they thought I was a girl all the way up to birth.
I came out as a c-section and the doctor goes “huh, this ones got extra equipment.”
I am not an obgyn but I was questioning a patient in the ER about some other health problem, she wasn’t carrying at that time. When I got to the part about the gynecological history I asked how many kids did she have and how were they born. She had two kids and were both born with C-section. I should clarify that this was in Spain and the patient was gypsy, now gypsies are not usually well educated and women often marry young and don’t finish school, they also talk weird.
Now, the lady told me she had 2 kids and 2 c-sections and I asked her why she had to deliver by c-section she said because the first kid was a “come coño”.
Well, this can be translated as “p*ssy eater.” This lady was convinced that her first child was going to eat her pussy and had to be taken out before he did.
You can imagine my surprise.
At first I didn’t understand and left the room after the questioning still puzzled. I went and started digging in her file and found out that the c-section had to be done because after she broke water the doctors noticed the amniotic fluid was filled with baby sh*t, usually when a baby shits in-utero, it is a sign that the baby is suffering and has to come out quick, that was why she had a c-section. Now here is why it is funny:
- In-utero baby shit is called meconio.
- The doctors probably told this lady that she had to get a c-section because the baby comes with meconio
- Comes with meconio = “viene con meconio” in spanish.
- “Viene con meconio” sounds a lot like “viene comecoño” (p*ssy eater)
- Imagine being told your whole life that your mom had to get a c-section because you were going to eat her p*ssy when you actually almost died at childbirth.
I know it must not be that funny in English but I did my best translating it and hope some of you see how funny it was for me.
One lady was too posh to swear when in pain from contractions, she just said “jeepers creepers.”
When I was born, my dad didn’t know that babies are usually born face down.
And as I was coming out he screams “OH MY GOD SHE DOESN’T HAVE A FACE.”
I was high on meds at the time, I was begging for BBQ ribs in between contractions.
“C’mon, honey! The nurses will never know!”
They were standing right there.
Apparently, when my aunt was giving birth, she was all jokes.
Very angry jokes, but jokes none-the-less.
KNOCK-KNOCK! WHO’S THERE?! THE BABY! NOT YET!
Not a doctor, but a father.
When my first child was born his head was kind of misshapen, and when the doctor lifted him up to show my wife she yelled “why the f*ck does he look like a raptor?”
I lost it.
EMT who did a birth on the side of the road.
Woman shouted “f*ck me!” during a contraction and the husband casually replied “that’s how we got into this mess, dammit!”.
I had a very hard time containing myself.
Patient fully dilated, started pushing, then changed her mind. “I don’t wanna do this, I’m going the f*ck home.”
And then tried to get off the table.
When my sister was in labor, she was screaming and our mom was trying to be comforting:
“It’ll be OK. Take some deep breaths. It’ll be over soon.”
Then my sister looks up at our mom and says “You have no idea what this is like.”
Paramedic here: Delivered a baby for a lady who did not realize she was pregnant and called us for ‘abdominal pain’
Patient: ‘You are an idiot! I am not f*cking pregnant’
Me: ‘Well, I can see a head crowning’
Patient: That must be a f*cking tumor!
The tumor was a healthy baby girl. Mom was totally sweet afterwards btw.
My roommate and I just finished our labor and delivery rotation in July.
During one of the births she was helping out in, the mom and the dad were separated but still good friends. So while this woman is pushing out her baby she begins to half tell/half scream that my roommate should date her ex/the baby daddy. The conversation went something like this:
Mom: You should really….(screams in pain)….go out with….(Screams again) him sometime. He’s really fun.
Dad: I wouldn’t mind some drinks sometime, what are you doing this evening?
No, she did not go out with him.
I’m white, Irish ancestry so I had red hair when I was a child, and my wife is black.
Her sister was also in the delivery room. When the baby crowned her sister told her she could see the baby’s hair. My wife who can barely breathe blurted out, “The hair isn’t red is it?!”
Apparently she was terrified the baby would be black with red hair.
My mothers labour was extremely short, I was born within an hour. So that means that she went from experiencing minimal pain, to extreme pain with little time to adjust.
When my dad was driving her to the hospital, he unfortunately had to stop for gas. He went into pay, and just then an elderly man in a wheelchair stopped him, asking him to buy cigarettes for him as the store was not wheelchair accessible.
My mom then proceeded to lean out the window, yelling “DON’T HELP THE CRIPPLE.”
We have never let her forget that one.
When my brother was born, they had to use forceps to get him out.
My mom saw them and screamed “THOSE ARE SALAD TONGS! YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ANY GODD*MN KITCHENWARE IN THERE!”
I am seriously crying laughing. The things people say at their most vulnerable are comedic gold, right?
Do you have a story as crazy/silly as this? Let us know in the comments!
The post People Share the Hilarious Things That Were Blurted Out When Children Were Born appeared first on UberFacts.
Hans Münch was a doctor known as The Good Man of Auschwitz because he refused to assist in the atrocities. His experiments were elaborate farces intended to protect inmates. He was the only person acquitted of crimes at the 1947 Auschwitz trials after many inmates testified in his favour.
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Doctors have a tough job. Actually, EVERYONE who works in health care has a tough job when it comes down to it.
And they get to see every aspect of our society at their jobs. They deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly on a daily basis.
And that’s why these stories are gonna be very informative!
Here’s what AskReddit users had to say about the interesting patients they’ve dealt with.
“I once cared for a repeat self-harmer that put a knife into their neck, regretted it, taped it in place … and BICYCLED TO THE HOSPITAL. A few miles, past carfuls of normal people. Parked the bike, walked in to triage to check in.
Through a waiting room of grannies and kids and men with chest pain. With a kitchen paring knife duct taped in place sticking straight out.
CT scan later showed that the tip of the blade was 2mm from the carotid artery.”
“60~70 year old lady arrives at Trauma ER.
She was being CHASED BY A COW, running for her life and fell off a 2 meter ledge. She had several fractures, but only really complained about her leg, and tried to get up and walk away several times telling us she was fine.
Initially we thought she had some head trauma and was completely disoriented, but it turns out she was just that stubborn. She was hospitalized for awhile and had a good recovery.
I do wonder if the cow fell of the cliff as well…”
“In my Obgyn clerkship, this woman came in pretty hesitantly at the urging of her girlfriend for pelvic pain. She apologized if she was wasting our time and said it was probably nothing.
This poor lady had a cyst THE SIZE OF MY HEAD on her ovary that caused torsion (twisting and cutting off blood supply). She was rushed into surgery but lost that ovary. People say it’s more painful than child birth and here she was, apologizing to us.”
“A patient can in through the ER for a series of x-rays. He claimed to have fallen down some stairs and we basically had to x-ray both legs from the knee down.
I have never met a bigger, whinier baby. He moaned and groaned and flinched at the lightest touch, refused to hold still, would not straighten his legs, complained about the table and xray cassette being too hard…
There were no visible injuries aside from a few scrapes and nothing obvious on the x-rays. He was still convinced that he would never walk again and had broken both legs irreparably.
Funniest part was that we had a different patient come in on the same day with a similar complaint. He actually had fractures in both legs and fee.”
“Young trauma patient ~17yo T-boned by a garbage truck.
Moving him on to the CT table he said “OW” and silent tears cane down his face. Then he apologized for complaining, and thanked us profusely. Turns out he had a few broken vertebrae, broke half his ribs, and had a fractured hip and clavicle.
Kid whimpered a few times during the CTs, and again apologized when we came back in. Like dude, you could scream in my face and I’d understand.”
“Patient presented to the Trauma ER with an 18 inch machete blade firmly implanted across the top of his skull.
He was driven to the hospital by a friend, walked on his own into the ER, had totally normal vital signs in triage, a slight steady trickle of blood from the wound, denied pain and was in no apparent distress.
Due to a mass trauma event, the ER was insanely busy, so it took us a while to get him a bed. In the meantime, he calmly sat in the waiting area, (nearest to the Triage station so we could keep an eye on him) and watched TV, as staff were running around like crazy, phones ringing nonstop, patients b*tching about the wait time to be seen and exhibiting other types of tomfoolery.
Machete man just sat there tranquilly exhibiting his true Zen mastery of machete head wounds.
All these years later, I can still see him with that machete lodged in his skull. He had an uncomplicated treatment course and suffered no impairment from the injury. He was cooperative and nice to all his care givers.
He also profusely thanked us for caring for him. Probably one of the few that did that night!”
“Guy was about 30 years old with a decent laceration on his face but nothing major, stated he was jumped by some guy in the bushes out of nowhere and had to fight him off.
He didn’t really complain about his laceration too much and stated his back was a little sore and that he feels fine and didn’t want to go to the hospital. Vitals all looked good and he appeared fine. But Just to be safe I wanted to give his whole body a look over to be sure he didn’t have any other lacerations and God was I glad I did.
As I pulled this guy’s large coat off (winter at night) I see a knife protruding from his lower right back with a slow but steady stream of blood coming out. Guy was as shocked as I was.”
“A woman walks into the ER walking very bow legged. She seems calm and explains that she has some swelling in the right side of her external genitals. She thought she my have had an infected cyst and she drove herself hoping for help draining it and antibiotics.
We didn’t think much of it, it clearly wasn’t a rush to the front of the line emergency. So an hour or so later they bring her in to a room. She has a fever and high blood pressure but still calm and stoic.
So the NP gets her story and has her remove her pants and underwear and cover with a sheet. She is apologizing profusely about not being able to clean herself very well before coming in.
When NP pulls up the sheet her l*b*a is swollen to the size of a coconut. She had an abscess that was starting to cause sepsis.
The only emotion she showed was embarrassment about not being able to clean herself because of the pain and a single tear down her face when the wheeled her to the ER.”
“There was a guy who attempted suicide by firing a nail gun into his ear. I took care of him in the ICU and he remembers everything. He’d been depressed a long time and decided to end it.
Nailed himself, sat around a while before deciding he didn’t want to die, drove himself to the ER, walked inside and fainted. It was so weird how stoic he was about it all.”
“As a med student, I was third row in helping to try to code a drying GI bleeder.
People who have end stage liver disease don’t make clotting factor well, and also have anatomical difficulty that leads to big, ropy vulnerable blood vessels in the stomach that are at risk to bleed. And when people bleed inside the stomach you can’t hold pressure – you simply must get them stable enough to have life saving endoscopy and clipping of the bleeder.
This guy was Exorcist level vomiting bright red blood, he was exsanguinating into his stomach and we couldn’t get his blood pressure to stabilize enough to get a scope into him for a while. There were runners bringing us coolers of emergency release blood, and the splatters and pools of blood he had vomited reached across the hall.
When we finally got him packed up to go to the endo suite, the family next door quietly apologized for taking our time for their chronic non-emergent issue and could they go home now?”
“We had a patient recently who was palliative (expected to die naturally). His body functions were only at about 10%, he wasn’t eating or drinking and he wasn’t peeing or defecating anymore. He just laid in bed with his eyes closed breathing.
When people get to this point usually the only care we provide is for comfort vs. Sparing life. So we dont give people food or water because they are usually unconscious and more likely to choke and be harmed.
This patient’s daughter was some big shot lawyer from the US and when she saw that we weren’t feeding her dad she started recording everything we did and said to her and then phoned the police. I remember a police officer coming to the unit, asking to speak to me (the most responsible nurse at the time) and asking me why I was withholding food.
I explained to the officer that I had physicians orders to withhold food, and that the patient was at a severe aspiration risk. The police officer was like “cool, case closed”, and left.
The daughter was unfortunately banned from the hospital premises by management for interfering with patient care.”
“The underdramatic are more interesting:
Mid-70s woman, generally healthy, presents to outpatient neurology clinic with an altered gait. Dragging feet more than usual, feels she’s tripping when walking up steps. Family describes tendency to repeat herself more often.
Neurological examination normal other than a slightly odd, slow and dragging gait. Honestly looks like she’s “faking” an odd gait, suspect malingering but above average amounts of liquid in the areas surrounding the brain can give these types of symptoms.
CT scan the brain, almost half of her brain was smushed to the other side and filled up with water (massive sub-arachnoid cyst, think intracranial water ballon), probably been growing for years. No other symptoms, she only came in to our clinic since her daughters were worried about her memory.
Made a full recovery by draining the fluid, still makes me wonder how many people out there are walking around with half a smushed brain without knowing about it.”
“Overdramatic: Tons of stories but the most recent was a patient demanding a heavy Percocet Rx (far more than I would prescribe even post-surgery) after having a nasal swab for COVID-19 completed.
I get that it’s temporarily uncomfortable as I’ve had it done several times myself but no way was I buying him writhing around screeching about how much pain he was in. When the patient eventually realized I wasn’t budging it was as if someone had flipped a switch and he “miraculously” recovered.
Underdramatic: Patient tried extracting his own tooth and inadvertently pushed it up through the abscess and into his right maxillary sinus. To my surprise he adamantly declined even local anesthesia no matter how much my staff was pleading with him.
Patient autonomy is a grey area here in the US (given how insanely litigious everything is) so after receiving clearance/written consent to proceed with treatment I figured he’d just have to learn the hard way. Instead of performing a lateral window root tip retrieval I took a surgical suction tip/curette and removed all three fragments through the alveolar ridge warning him several times beforehand that it would hurt like hell.
The guy never even flinched. I was able to complete the procedure, debride the infection and graft the floor of the sinus with membrane/sutures without incident.
Go figure.”
How about you?
Do you work in healthcare?
If so, tell us about some of the interesting patients you’ve had to deal with. We look forward to hearing from you!
The post Doctors Open up About the Interesting Patients They’ve Had to Deal With appeared first on UberFacts.
For 30 years Paul Shuen was one of Canada’s most respected obstetricians and gynecologists. His license to practise in Ontario was revoked after it was discovered that, since deliveries paid more on weekends, he was drugging his patients without their knowledge to induce labor on Saturday.
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I have a good friend who’s a nurse and he told me that people come in wayyyyyyy more than you’d think with things stuck in their butts that need to be removed.
Ouch!
And the excuses? They usually sound like total bullshit, as you can probably imagine.
So let’s see exactly what’s going on out there.
AskReddit users shared their painful stories.
“Had a guy with a screwdriver up there (handle first).
He was honest. Said the wife wanted to try something new.
Why the screwdriver? Something shaped like a dick would have been gay.
I always thought that was a real weird place to draw that line.”
“Guy comes in, walking kinda awkwardly.
Doesn’t take a seat.
When it’s his turn, he’s called up to triage and again, refuses to sit.
“What brings you in today?” I said.
“I.. uh…. I’ve lost a glass. You know, like a tumbler.”
/Shuffles
“Ok. So, why are you here?”
“Well, we had a party that got out of hand last night. I was cleaning the house this morning and I noticed one of my drinks glasses was missing. And I think it might be up my ass.”
That’s it as far as explanation, but sure enough, there it was on x-ray. Rim-side first, so after it disappeared up his asshole, it basically filled itself with shit.
Now, any time people that know the story ask if I’ve seen something they’ve lost, I ask if they’ve checked their asshole.
“Guy came to my hospital with a cue ball stuck in his rectum. Said him and his wife were having sex and this happened. Made no excuses and showed no shame.
ER doc was unable to remove it with forceps and he had to get anesthesia to have a minor surgical procedure to get it out. My job was basically to just go through a pre surgical check list and send him on his way. When I’m done he shouts excitedly ‘Alright, let’s get this ball rolling!’
I almost died laughing. It was near the end of my shift and I always wonder what happened to him. I’m sure he did fine and is back to having amazing kinky sex with his wife.”
“Guy told me he was constipated so he stuck the broom handle up there to break up the poop. I almost believed him.
It was half of a broom handle, cut off and wrapped in electrical tape.
All the way inside…”
“My brother was a triage nurse and examined someone that came in with a barbie doll up their arse….
Don’t know if they were male or female though.”
“My sister is a surgical nurse and a guy came into to the hospital with a pool noodle shoved up his ass. It was so deep that they had to cut open is abdomen, intestines and colon to cut the foam out of him.
He said he “fell on it” while swimming nude. But when they cut him open it had a condom stretched over the end of it.
When they confronted him he said “please don’t tell me wife”.”
“I went to med school in the deep south.
Burly, middle aged southern gentleman showed up in the ED. Chief complaint: rectal pain. After a full history, and physical examination couldn’t ascertain the case of his pain other than him saying “feels like something’s up there,” we decided to start with some X-rays.
Before we obtained them, he says: “Alright I’m gonna be square with you. I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when these thugs jumped me out of nowhere, and held me down and stuck a cucumber up my butt. Please you got to get it out.”
I immediately went to get my attending. One surgical consult and G.I. consult later, a cucumber WRAPPED IN A CONDOM was extracted from this man’s rectum.”
“Friend is a stomach surgeon so always gets called in to pull things out of arses.
He has loads of stories but the one I remember is a guy who had a glass ketchup bottle up his arse. He’d claimed to have returned home with his grocery shopping, realised he’d lost his key so put shopping down and attempted to climb through a high window.
He slipped, fell backwards arse-first onto his groceries and SHLUM! The ketchup bottle just shot up his a-hole. (Ignore that guy was presumably not naked at time).
After removing it at the hospital, my Dr friend said ‘Thats strange. The ketchup you bought is only half full.’
I think the worst thing is that it suggests he was gonna eat the rest of it another time.”
“A light bulb.
You could always tell when someone came in to the ER with something lodged in their rectum because everyone would be standing around looking at the X-ray. It was still in perfect light bulb shape.
I have no idea how the patient got it up there without breaking it.”
“Had a patient who showed up with his soon-to-be ex-wife. They were “reconciling” at a nearby motel. She convinced him that if he loved her, he would let her put a dildo in his ass. Only it wasn’t a dildo, it was her vibrator without a flared base.
Rule number one of anal play is make sure that it has a flared base. Rule number two is nothing sharp.
The whole thing went up there and he couldn’t get it out. I had to take it out under anesthesia. She felt awful and was crying the whole time. He was a very blue collar, normal dude and she was dressed in very fancy clothes.
An unlikely match in my mind. He was just happy that they were at my urban hospital and not the uppity town about 15 miles away where they lived.
I often wonder what became of them and their marriage.”
“A glass water bottle in his ass and he’s desperately trying to find an excuse (not one would really ask at that point actually ) he finally said: I don’t remember who put it there.
Couldn’t you just fell from some stairs or something?”
“My friend is a nurse.
She told me about a guy who came into her ER. He claimed to have fallen out of a tree and a branch went right up his ass. They x rayed him and he had this perfectly round wooden rod up his ass. When they removed it they saw that it was sanded, painted and primed.
That branch must’ve come from a genetically modified species of tree lol.
Do you have any particularly embarrassing medical stories?
If so, please share them with us in the comments.
We can’t wait to hear from you!
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