Category: buzzfeed community

Posted on

15 Dating Stories That Are Incredibly Awkward

Dating is sort of a necessary evil if you don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life.

That said, if any of these 15 stories had happened to me, I think I would have figured that being alone was the least of my problems.

15. The one thing that’s worse than a wedding.

“Instead of rescheduling, one guy took me to a funeral on a first date. Then afterwards, while eating dinner, the conversation was so awkward due to nothing in common, I couldn’t even look him in the eye.”

—jlpowell1201

14. This is so far from okay.

“We went to sushi and he just had to go back to his place before drinks. Turned out we had to go back to his place because he was afraid of public restrooms.

I sat alone in his living room listening to him straining while trying to poop. He then realized he was out of toilet paper and texted me to grab him a roll from upstairs.

Let’s not even get into the smell. Literally the shittiest date ever.”

—erickajenices

13. That’s a Code Red.

“The guy who asked me out worked at a garage but he didn’t bother to shower before our date, so he showed up covered in grease.

The whole night was awful, but I eventually gave up after he said, ‘You ever hang out in hospitals? I like to. Maybe just because I’m turned on by blood.’

I cannot make this shit up.”

—colleenh49

12. Pretty sure that’s an episode of Seinfeld.

“I was on a date with a guy from Tinder, and towards the end he asks me if I want to see his neighbor’s new puppy. So he calls them and says “yeah me and Stacey will be over soon.”

We just spent three hours together and he didn’t know my name was Perry.”

—perrys4049e593d

11. I hope you at least got free dinner.

“My date picked me up and drove us to a restaurant. When we got there he grabbed his backpack, which I thought was strange. He then specifically requested a table next to an outlet.

I soon found out what he needed his backpack and outlet for. I kid you not, he pulled out his laptop to show me a PowerPoint presentation on a pyramid scheme he wanted to recruit me for.

He spent the entire date trying to recruit me.”

—r48a91675c

10. And they had never discussed it before…

“I met up with this guy on Tinder and we seemed to click. Fast forward into the date and he disappeared and came back holding a sandwich-sized bag half full of what looked like broken glass.

Crack, my Tinder date had crack.

I politely declined his offer and then when I had the opportunity, made an exit.”

—heatherb45021465f

9. She’s like the female Sheldon Cooper.

“An older woman I used to work with decided to set me up with her son. He asked if I’d like to come over for dinner. This is not normally something I would agree to, but I did since I knew his mom. Turned out he still lived at home with her.

While I was planning my exit strategy, she got up and asked, ‘Would you two like some privacy for coitus?’ I thanked them for a lovely meal and made up a lie about how I had to leave.

I never felt comfortable around her at work again.”

—buttmuffin

8. That is the opposite of how Valentine’s Day works.

“I had been dating this guy and was really falling for him. He said he wanted to plan everything for our Valentine’s Day date. He loved astronomy, so he picked a spot and brought a small telescope and showed me all the constellations. I was on cloud nine.

I changed into something sexy and invited him in. He got undressed, got in bed, and then told me he couldn’t do this anymore. He basically got undressed to break up with me.

He said I deserved a really nice Valentine’s date before he did it.”

—aprilm4ecddbafd

7. Definitely take the money and run.

“Not only was the guy I met up with not the person in his pictures, he told me I looked different than what he expected, and offered me gas money to leave.”

—victoriaf4f2309550

6. Also a Seinfeld episode.

“I had had my eye on this guy for a while. After a few weeks of flirting he finally asked me to go to a gig with him on a date. We went to the gig and were having a good time, when suddenly HIS PARENTS SHOW UP! Turned out he had invited them because he wanted me to meet them….ON OUR FIRST DATE!

Afterwards he called me continuously and I asked him to back off but he didn’t, so I called it off completely. This ended with him begging me to change my mind by screaming ‘I’M A COOL PERSON!’”

—beckij41bc2d27d

5. I mean now I just want to know whether or not he did.

“Things were pretty normal during the first half of the night, but then things got weird. He sat next to me in the restaurant booth and proceeded to slide a butter knife up and down my thigh.

He then went on to ask what my response would be if he told me he had five dicks.

Yeah, never saw that guy again.”

—sarahn47f402432

4. Oh man on a first date what in the hell.

“I agreed to meet up with a guy I knew through mutual friends. We decided to drive around for about an hour, just talking and getting to know one another. It was going well so we started making out. He then whispered to me, ‘Would you pee in my mouth…with a funnel?’

Luckily my cousin texted me and I said I had to leave. As he got out of the car he asked me how much I usually pee so he could go buy me a funnel at the store.

I blocked him as soon as he got out of my car.”

—leiah49a02f220

3. At least he waited to make sure you weren’t alone.

“This guy I met at a bar took me to a Chinese place for dinner. We ordered a bunch of different things and shared it all. My face started to get really red and I broke out in hives. By the time we got to the car, I was struggling to breathe and I asked him to take me home.

Well, I went into full blown anaphylactic shock and stopped breathing in the car. Apparently I was allergic to almonds and didn’t know it, and we ordered almond chicken.

He had enough sense to take me to the ER. I woke up a few hours later to him sitting in the corner of the room looking horrified and apologizing profusely because during all the commotion they ripped off my shirt and bra and he saw my boobs.

Once my roommates got there he bolted never to be heard from again.”

—brittanywnek

2. All of this just makes me want to give him a hug.

“He showed up dressed like Superman — white button-up over a blue Superman T-shirt, Clark Kent hair, glasses — and took me out to sushi…thought I told him several times that I was a vegetarian. At dinner, he spilled sake all over me.

He also pulled out his digital camera to show me photos of the trip to Europe he had taken with his mother five years ago. And then, while he was driving me home, he told me his goal was to have a relationship like Leo and Kate in Titanic.”

—Aeffervescent

1. That is just wrong.

“I allowed my friend from college to set me up on a date, which ended up being a group date out on a lake. My date, Austin, was plastered by the afternoon and we all decided to go for a swim.

At one point during the swim he got very quiet. The group looked in his direction, and we noticed his face looked like that of a constipated child. His friend yelled: ‘Get in the boat, now!’ Moments later, we saw a very large turd float to the surface next to Austin.

Austin laughingly got back in the boat and acted as if nothing happened.”

—anonymouslydating

Yikes! I am secondhand cringing so freaking hard!

Do you have any stories that can rival these? Tell us the dirty deets!

The post 15 Dating Stories That Are Incredibly Awkward appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

13 of the Strangest Conspiracy Theories You’ve Probably Never Heard About

Conspiracy theories seem to be everywhere, but, sadly (or – actually – probably for the best), most of them fly under the radar for most of us. Unless something happens that places them in the mainstream consciousness, only a select few followers of said beliefs ever even know they exist.

And let me tell you, after you check some of these out, you’re going to be sorry you weren’t let in on the secrets sooner.

As told by the Buzzfeed Community.

13. Ronald Reagan did away with the birds. All of them.

All birds died in 1986 and were replaced with drones to spy on the public.

12. Leonardo DiCaprio had something to do with River Phoenix’s death.

Shortly after his Oscar nomination for Running on Empty, River Phoenix was asked what movie he wanted to do next. He pulled out a copy of The Basketball Diaries and said, “I want to play Jim Carroll.” Phoenix would have done anything to get this role, but apparently Leo DiCaprio wanted it as well. That’s why he played a part in Phoenix’s fatal overdose.

In fact, Leo has even admitted to seeing Phoenix at a party in LA the night he died. After his untimely death, the role of Jim Carroll went to Leo DiCaprio, which helped launch him into superstardom.

11. The Red Cross isn’t using your blood the way you think.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Дарья Дмитриевна (@daria_rodakaeva) on

Something sinister is going on with the blood donations the Red Cross collects. Sometimes they sell it for profit, and other times the government uses it for biowarfare testing. Most shockingly, the Illuminati uses it for satanic rituals.

10. Stevie Wonder isn’t really blind.

A lot of people believe this one. Donald Glover even got a little suspicious after meeting Stevie Wonder a few times. He claimed that some things just weren’t adding up. Interesting!

9. Big Pharma is hiding cures for diseases like cancer and HIV.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Dissent Pins (@dissentpins) on

This one is simple: the pharmaceutical industry makes billions and billions of dollars each year, so they have no interest in releasing the already-existing vaccines. Unfortunately, lifetime treatments for an “incurable” disease are way more lucrative for them.

8. J.K. Rowling is hiding a big secret.

Some people believe that J.K. Rowling didn’t actually write the Harry Potter books. Instead, they were ghost-written by a giant group people. This conspiracy theory goes one step further and claims that Rowling is actually Rita Skeeter, and she wrote the stories of Harry Potter after being banished from the Wizarding World.

7. Men in Black is based in real life.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by tsmc_cinema (@tsmc_cinema) on

Aliens exist, and the government is trying to cover it up. They have a secret organization, almost identical to the one in Men in Black, whose job is to destroy all evidence and memory of alien lifeforms.

6. Coke and Pepsi are one and the same.

Apparently the rivalry between each company is completely fake. It’s simply used as a ploy to get people to take sides and buy more of each product. That way the people who secretly own both companies will make even more money.

5. Ancestry DNA (and like services) are owned by the government, who wants to build genetic models of every citizen.

Ancestry DNA kits are actually kind of genius. Not only are you paying to give the government samples of your DNA, but you’re also letting them do research on you and your family. Now they can track you, learn about your genetics, and keep records of your extremely personal information.

4. The government is trying to convince you to shave off your beard so it won’t mess with facial recognition software.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. It’s hard for the government to keep tabs on humans if their facial recognition software doesn’t work, so they anonymously claimed that beards were unsanitary, in hopes that people would shave them.

3. The real Paul McCartney died in 1966.

This one is dark. Apparently Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966. He was then replaced by a lookalike because the band’s managers thought there’d be an uptake in suicides if people found out the truth about his death. The other Beatles members apparently referred to the lookalike as “Faul,” a combination of the words “fake Paul.”

2. Television was created as a grand distraction from the events of real life.

The first American TV stations came into existence in the late ’20s and early ’30s, but televisions weren’t commercially sold until about 1938. Around the same time, the government was making a lot of mistakes and needed to distract the public from what was really going on. Interesting.

1. All of reality is an illusion a la The Truman Show.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Cinegramática (@cinegramatica) on

Reality is an illusion. Every decision you’ve ever made, everything you’ve ever seen or believed, and everything in existence (even the entire universe) is fake. Essentially, we’re all stuck in a computer game and someone has been controlling us.

You’re off to do more research now, aren’t you?

I know I am!

The post 13 of the Strangest Conspiracy Theories You’ve Probably Never Heard About appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

15 Kids Who Did a Great Job…Of Insulting Adults

For better or for worse, kids are unfailingly honest.

It’s mostly that they haven’t really figured out the whole “lying to make people feel better” thing, but it’s also partly that they genuinely don’t care about your feelings.

It’s refreshing…most of the time. I’m not sure I would have survived any of these 15 encounters without at least a couple of tears.

15. In what way, exactly? I have questions.

“I used to be a nanny for a little boy. One day, while I was looking at my reflection in a mirror, he came up behind me and whispered, ‘You look like Shrek.’” —amberlilyb

14. It’s good logic, I guess. So that’s something.

“My 8-year-old son suggested I dye my hair a very bright color — that way people wouldn’t be looking at how fat I was, they’d be looking at my hair.” —gemma13

13. You only really need to be concerned if she’s clairvoyant.

“I was driving my 5-year-old niece home after spending the day with her. Out of nowhere she said, ‘Lala, I’m so sad for you. You’re never going to get married and you live alone.’” —laurena4f5591b42

12. It’s better when you hide your face. Ha!

“My little cousin asked me why I didn’t wear contacts, and I said, ‘Because I feel like I look better with glasses on.’ She asked me to take my glasses off, and when I did she said, ‘Yeah, you’re right.’” —mel321

11. She’s going to be famous.

“My friend’s daughter drew a very detailed picture of me sitting on the couch having coffee with a messy bun and my neck fat lines.” —emilyroseberg

10. It takes some chutzpah to straight up ask someone if they’re an alien.

“I had a kid at work ask me if I was an elf disguised as a human because my ears are so big.” —karab467e5ec81

9. Sick burn, kid. Yikes.

“My nephew said, ‘I like butterflies, flowers, rainbows and hearts.’ My friend then asked, ‘What about your aunt?’ My nephew said, ‘No. I like beautiful things.’” —juliac4749950b2

8. Well, that gives you something to work on. He’s helpful!

“My older sister was trying to hype me up about my dating life, so I jokingly asked, ‘OK so why am I still single then?’ My 5-year-old nephew, who was walking past us, said, ‘Cause you’re boring and have no friends.’” —chanl

7. You’ve never been embarrassed until you’ve taken a young child into a public dressing room and/or bathroom.

 “My friend’s 5-year-old made up a song about her mom’s ‘long boobs’ while my friend was trying on bathing suits.” —katem46ab993ed

6. It’s time for someone to learn we don’t touch without asking.

“I recently lost a considerable amount of weight and have loose skin. My 4-year-niece brought her friend over to me, lifted up my shirt, and said, ‘See, I told you she’s melting.’ I wear Spanx now when I see her.” —r4732565ca

5. You gotta love his manners, though.

“My 5-year-old held the door open for me when I was carrying groceries into the house, so I said, ‘Thanks, buddy.’ He replied, ‘I’m helping the elderly.’ I’m 27.” —chelsr2

4. Tell me how you really feel.

“I was on the bus with an 11-year-old girl I was nannying when she pointed out a woman sitting across from us and said, ‘Look, she has the same haircut as you! But you see, it looks good on her.’” —carolinemariegillespie

3. Okay now that’s just rude.

“My mom came back from the dentist and told us she had sensitive teeth because she had bone loss. My 8-year-old sister replied, ‘You have everything loss, bone loss, hair loss, sight loss, everything but weight loss.’” —xkgggx

2. Yeah and that’s why you should listen to me.

“I used to work at a daycare and a sassy little girl named Arya once told me I have the face of a monster.” —chelseah30

1. I’ve always suspected, but come on. LIE.

“My 4-year-old niece was watching me put makeup on. When I finished, she said, ‘You look pretty with makeup on.’ I said, “Oh, do I not look pretty without makeup?’ To which she replied, ‘No.’” —annar84

I mean, yikes. You want the truth? Ask a child under the age of 10.

Has your kid ever brought you to your knees with an insult? Share it below!

The post 15 Kids Who Did a Great Job…Of Insulting Adults appeared first on UberFacts.