I worked as a bar back for a little while, and during my short tenure there, I saw some total weirdos doing weird stuff.

Hey, booze makes folks get crazy and it makes people who were already crazy EVEN CRAZIER.

You ready to get weird?

People who work as bartenders shared their stories of weirdness on AskReddit.

Let’s take a look.

1. I’ll take that to go!

“Worked a bar right downtown on a very main street in a very open and visible setting.

Middle aged wealthy looking guy comes in, orders a pint.

No problems.

Gets the pint, walks back out the door, probably gonna smoke / hang out outside.

Whatever.

Gets back into his car and immediately pulls it and drives off.

He did it so fast and with such confidence like it was a f**king Big Mac and we were McDonald’s. Full pint in a glass, it was hilarious and weird.”

2. A great combo.

“A lady came in and very casually asked for a pack of Camel Crush and a glass of milk.

I asked her if she wanted ice in it as it was a hot Texas summer day.

She said no then went out to the patio to smoke her cigs and drink her milk.”

3. Really bad.

“Bartender in a strip club here: Amateur night, random girl hops up on stage, crowd loooooves it.

She uses water to make stage slippery. Slides around, overshoots and flies off the stage, somehow straddling the arm of a broken metal chair, cuts her crack/bu**hole way wide open.

Needs to go to hospital. I was in nursing school so I assessed her injury…..bad. Bad bad bad.”

4. A drink for my friend.

“Bartending at a busy pub in London.

There must have been thousands of people crammed into this place. This man gets to the bar and orders himself a pint.

Then out of nowhere he pulls a live lobster from his jacket and asks if his mate could have a pint too.”

5. Time to go.

“Had a lady who p**sed herself sitting at the barstool.

She proceeded to reach into her purse to grab a pill bottle filled with god only knows what. Well, in her intoxicated state she dropped the pills…. Directly into her p**s puddle.

She picked them out of the puddle, swallowed them, and was pretty promptly kicked out after that.”

6. Good Lord.

“Crackhead bursting in with a chainsaw sure woke me up on the graveyard shift.

That or the couple who’d been hitting it off at the bar did a shot and the girl suddenly threw up in her hands.

The guy didn’t miss a beat, just assured her “no it’s ok” and sensually licked her fingers clean.”

7. The nice side of town.

“After getting out of the military, my well off cousin and her husband owned a plaza on the nicest side of town.

A bar had just went belly up in that plaza, so they decided to buy the liquor license and open one themselves. It was a very high end wine and spirits bar with a similar high end menu. On Friday and Saturday, jazz and blues musicians would play.

I was the only non-trained bartender, so I’d handle the easy drinks and run them to tables. We had this one table, they were a couple, that ordered everything on the menu, and drinks only a real bartender could make well. They had to have racked up a $500-$600 bill easy. They both got up to use the restroom at the same time, and they didn’t pay the tab.

In the confusion of chasing them out the door, another patron went to the bathroom and to his horror, there was p**p smeared on all four walls, the mirror, the toilet, the door, paper towel and soap dispensers, everywhere. It was mortifying.

Check the women’s bathroom, same thing. It was early in the night, and not one of us could could bring ourselves to clean it. We had to close and have a professional cleaning service come.”

8. Insane.

“This happened a few months ago at a college bar.

We were just opening and we’re still pretty empty when a guy in his mid 30s walked the exit door without a mask (Covid regulations mandated one door for entry and another for exit only). Our biggest and most direct bouncer immediately came up to the guy and told him he needed to go around and use the other door to come in and to put a mask on.

The guy starts arguing saying there were no signs about the rules blah blah blah. Eventually the guy starts postering strangely like he had a gun hidden in his waistband or something and wouldn’t back down from our bouncer that was at least twice his size which was putting me on alert a little. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to grab back up to kick this dude out so I grabbed another bouncer and they got rid of the guy.

All normal after that for the next few minutes until 15 minutes later I hear a loud bang out back. The guy apparently rolled up to the original bouncer in his pick up, rolled down the window and told the bouncer he had something for him then raised a shotgun and fired. Luckily the bouncer wasn’t hit but we closed for the night after that.

It was the weirdest thing I’ve seen in the sense of how little someone was willing to kill over. Literally using a different door and putting on a mask was enough to potentially ruin his life and end another…”

9. Cleared the place out.

“A guy comes in and orders a pint and then goes and sits at a table beside and elderly couple and a group of tourists. He then proceeds to s**t himself.

I had to drag him out because he refused to leave. He left kicking and screaming. The place pretty much clears out after that.”

10. Well, that worked out.

“Small town bar…guy rides his horse to town.

Proceeds to get drunk, goes out and rides the horse into the bar.

Horse knows where home is so the guy lets the horse take him home!”

11. Party time! Oh, wait…

“Worked a private party, supposedly 75-100 people are going to be arriving. Host family shows up, probably about a dozen or so extended family members, toting a cake.

Party start time comes and goes, no more guests are arriving. After about an hour I talk to my manager, all “WTF did you call me in for, this isn’t a party at all!” I end up talking to the host family, and the main mom starts crying that nobody wanted to celebrate with the birthday girl.

I got sad, and asked who the birthday girl was, so at least I could buy her a big drink on the house. Mom responds “She’s dead. She died a few months ago.” She then proceeds to weep uncontrollably for a very long, awkward time. I WORKED A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR A DEAD WOMAN.

Nobody else ever showed, and we made food for 50, and had food prepped for another 50. I made almost no money that night. My boss did allow me to get hammered in the house after they left, however.”

12. Who’s your friend?

“I had a guy that came in with a service cat which I didn’t know it was a thing. The cat had to be trained because we had a live band that night and he just chilled there.

The owner of the cat even got up to go to the bathroom and the cat just sat there in the barstool and didn’t freak out from the amount of people or the loud music.

And yes he got a shot of milk.”

13. Down in Mississippi.

“I am from backwoods Mississippi and was working in the city closest to my hometown at the time. Lots of forest areas that are super isolated.

I was bartending. Alone. Sunday morning at a brewery. I had one ornery regular that had come in, one random lady who wore headphones and had her back to me.

In this dude rolls from his SUV, illegally parked, wearing a plaid button up that had sleeves that were both different colors from the body. And on each shoulder… two huge big foot emblems. I told the man I liked his shirt because it was a cool shirt. He said, “I’ve seen it.”

Because I have a goofy old man for a dad, I laughed. And he said, “No seriously, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen the big foot.” The regular choked on his drink. This man proceeds to tell me all about the big foot he’s seen.

For like half an hour. It’s near my parents’ home, actually right near where my brother is buried, apparently. I ask him about what parts he saw it specifically, he has no details. Just assured me that his friend showed him, and also that he’d seen little ones, as well. No more than 3 feet tall.

Then he said he had more shirts to show me and went and got them from his car. This is where the regular chugged the rest of his beer, said, “Sorry kid, I can’t deal with him,” and left me there.

He comes back in, and tells me all about his plans. In the back of his SUV, some weird contraption. You could only see it when he opened the door. Turns out, it was A BIG FOOT CAGE.

His plan, and i swear to God this was verbatim, was to “catch it, and then call all the news stations and journalists and bloggers and media. Let them get their pictures and stories and videos. And then… and then let him go. Because he doesn’t belong in a cage.”

And then he asked me if he could buy concert tickets (we were not a concert venue) and left without purchasing anything at all.

I was so sad that no one had experienced it with me until the girl from the table turned around and was like, “I unplugged my headphones as soon as he walked in and listened to all of that and oh my God.””

How about you?

Have you ever seen any weird stuff go down in a bar, either as a worker or a patron?

Tell us your stories in the comments!

The post Bartenders Discuss the Weirdest Things They’ve Seen on the Job appeared first on UberFacts.

Bars attract weirdos. Full stop.

Couple that with the fact that alcohol makes weird people even weirder, and you know you’re gonna see some wild sh*t if you hang around these kinds of establishments for any amount of time.

And bartenders? Well, they get to see it all!

Bartenders on AskReddit shared stories about the weirdest things they’ve seen on the job.

1. Very strange.

“A couple came in once, I sat them down, gave them menus and all that.

Not ten minutes in I pick up a call and it’s a woman asking to speak to the guy. I politely let him know someone’s on the phone and they say its urgent. He has a quick chat, seems okay and hangs up the phone before going back to the table. 5 minutes later, she calls again, I go over again, apologize and say they seem really concerned.

At this point he’s clearly tense and making an effort not to raise his voice. After a few minutes he hangs up, hands the phone back to me and says “if she calls again, just tell her I’m not interested in speaking to her”.

Lo and behold, she calls again, and I say exactly what he asked, to which she laughs in kind of a clichè “crazy ex” kind of way, and I sh*t you not, says “well tell him I hope he doesn’t eat too much because when he finds the tyres I slashed he’ll be walking home, wishing he’d spoken to me” and hangs up.

I went over a minute later and asked what kind of car he had because there was someone double-parked outside and wanted to check it wasn’t him. I figured it wasn’t worth freaking him out if it was an idle threat.

He described the car and said where he’d parked it. I took a cig break and went to check… All 4 tires were fine, but that poor bugger had not a single window left unsmashed or severely cracked and there were a couple of rocks laying on the ground.

Needless to say, they did not stay to finish their meal.”

2. Great guy!

“A guy who p*ssed himself sitting on a a barstool and then wanted to fight me when I cut him off and wouldn’t serve him a new drink.”

3. Look out!

“A car plowed into the bar, coming all the way in, and flipped a pool table on its side.

Pinned three off duty Applebee’s waitresses against the bar.

No one was hurt and the woman who was driving tried to order a drink.”

4. Classy.

“I once witnessed a woman openly fondling herself (dress hiked up, underwear pulled aside) in the middle of a not super busy bar.

It was very obvious she wanted people to see. The weird part was, after a bar back yelled at her and told to stop or get out, a guy walked up to the bar back and said “don’t talk to my wife like that”

This really happened.”

5. Wow.

“Used to have a regular who sold her time on Backpage. She loved our queso so she always had the guys bring her there.

What stuck out was that she always ordered Jagermeister and Diet Coke. In the same glass.

I once had to kick her out because she got so wasted she was giving a blow**b under one of our tables, when I could clearly see the d**k in her mouth, she’s lying about what she’s doing and says she is looking for something.”

6. Where did you come from?

“The weirdest is definitely having a mariachi band burst in through the door of the pub, play two songs and leave!

Keep in mind this is the UK, it was a dark rainy mid week night.

I don’t know where they came from or where they went after but while they played they had the attention of everyone in the pub.”

7. Sad.

“Naked kid maybe 5-6 years old came in. Reactions ranged from WTF to laughter to attempts to help.

Kid went straight to this lady, an every night regular, who turned out to be his mom. Apparently he hid in her car and she was too zonked on various substances to notice.

Kid was naked because he had literally nothing to wear, I later learned, and their duplex apartment a few blocks away was a vermin infested Hellhole. Mom was a serious addict.

Her kid following her to the bar was the impetus that led to him being taken away and her getting sent to rehab. I learned all this after the fact.

But the kid walking naked into the bar was definitely among the most unexpected things I’ve ever seen.”

8. Tragic.

“A heavy set middle eastern man was drinking heavy and got very drunk at my bar. When he went to the restroom his prime rib dinner had arrived.

I think he shot-up some smack in the stall cause when he came back way drunker. He then cut a long big strip of prime rib, about the size of a thick hot dog, then while glaring at me, threw his head back and proceeded to swallow it whole like a baby bird would a worm from its mother.

It of course got stuck in his throat choking him and he passed out and fell on the floor. I/we cleaned out his air passage and gave him CPR. 10 minutes passed and he was still unconscious when the paramedics arrived.

He left with a heart beat but died later that night in the hospital.”

9. A wild crowd.

“Worked at a serious dive for five long years.

Once had a crack addict covered in prison tattoos explain to me why it’s better to shoot her**n into your pe**s than into your neck (I am a woman, no pe**s to shoot heroin into here). He was actually kind of a good dude in his way, he taught me how to stop people who were smoking crack in the bathroom without having it get rough for me.

The trick was politely yelling from the hall to the washroom “Hi! I know you’re smoking crack in there but if you could please leave I won’t call the cops, thank you!” and honestly it worked like a charm.

I also once served a very large woman with some pretty decent stubble and her man friend, who was cross eyed and kinda smelt like pee. They were sitting at a booth at 2 or 3 in the afternoon and she was taking “bl**job” shots – which are topped with whipped cream and you’re not supposed to use your hands to drink.

Each time I brought her one she lifted her breasts, one by one, and placed them on the table so that she could lean over them to reach the shot glass on the table with her mouth.

By shot number three or four she had whipped cream in her whiskers and her man friend was leaning across the table to stroke her face and say “I f**kin loooove you” honestly I actually think the moral of that story is that there’s someone for everyone, and that’s kinda sweet?”

10. He was in a good mood that day.

“Gordon Ramsay walked in, ordered a 1/2 sized margarita, and told me it was perfect after he finished it.

He was a f**king gentleman and even bowed and said thank you on the way out. I later learned they were filming an episode of Kitchen Nightmares around the corner and he knew the chef who owned the restaurant where I was bartending.

He came in the next night too. I had a convo with Gordon Ramsay two days in a row.”

11. Strip club.

“Used to bartend at a strip club, so I definitely saw some weird things. The ones that stick out the most include:

Bartending in VIP and a guy refused to pay the girls for the hours. VIP host, who was also a former fighter, asked the guy to pay. Guy gets belligerent, calls him a slur and spits in the host’s face.

Host hits him once, KO. Guest comes to, stands up and spits blood at everyone and is escorted out. Dancers brought the teeth they found to me at the bar… not sure what I was supposed to do with them.

Watched as one unique dancer, who typically communicated via meows, slowly sip her drink as a guest licked and smelled her armpit.”

12. It was a Tuesday night…

“It was a Tuesday night and we were closing at mid-night.

A group of about 6 gentleman came to my bar, seemingly intoxicated but overall pretty friendly. Small talk revealed they are mostly from the Portland area and are here (undisclosed location near the Philadelphia area) for their best friend’s wedding (tomorrow).

The one guy asks for a shot of the most expensive tequila we have. That is Clase Azul Anejo at $150 a shot. He says “Ill take it.” So I run downstairs (this occurred on a rooftop bar) grab the bottle and all the fancy stuff to go with it, perform my lil presentation in front of him, and he grabs the snifter filled with $150 worth of our best tequila and says “okay boys circle up!”

Without missing a beat as if it were choreographed, the six guys get in a circle and start flapping their arms (positioned like chicken wings from the chicken dance), crouch down, and start chirping like baby birds.

Guy #1 then takes the shot and spits it into guy #2’s mouth, guy #2 into guy #3’s mouth, and so on until it reaches guy #6 who receives and swallows the now certainly warm and slimy shot like a f**king champ.

Found out afterward they were all on shrooms but coolest s**t I’ve ever seen. Woulda comp’ed the shot if I had the power. Hope those boys are doing well.”

Now we want to hear from all the bartenders out there.

In the comments, please tell us about your weird work stories.

We can’t wait to hear them!

The post Bartenders, What’s the Strangest Thing You’ve Seen While Working? appeared first on UberFacts.