Category: askreddit

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People Talk About Fates Worse Than Death

We’ve all heard the saying that something is “a fate worse than death,” but have you ever spent any real time thinking about what that might mean for you?

I mean, maybe not, because it’s not all that comforting of a thought, those things that would make dying seem appealing.

These 16 people are thinking about it, though, so I guess we might as well go along for the ride.

16. I never want to find out.

Outliving your child is horrific.

I used to work in a senior center and one of our residents was an old Baptist pastor with the kindest demeanor.

He had three sons and one daughter. The daughter died in her 50s of cancer. All three sons served in Vietnam – one died in combat, another took his life, and another died of cancer due to Agent Orange.

After he told me all this, I (an agnostic myself) asked him how he has been so faithful. He just said “if I didn’t have a reason to believe this would all make sense someday, I would just fall apart”.

That just straight ripped me into pieces.

15. Dying without dignity.

Everything leading up to dying in the ICU.

Families of 85+ year olds with multiple co-morbidities force us to keep “doing everything” to keep people alive far beyond any chance of recovering with any quality of life or dignity.

Ever done CPR on a frail old body that weighs 95 lbs? The feeling of the cartilage and ribs crushing under your hands is something we never forget.

After a few rounds of compressions, you can see a very obvious cavity in the chest that we have smashed into oblivion. And all for what? So the person can die in misery?

Often, these people have written Do Not Resuscitate and Do Not Intubate requests, but the family can override these once the patient is unable to participate in the conversation.

Then we get people 85+ years old with catastrophic strokes. Family decides to “do everything,” so the patient ends up with a trach (hole in the neck) on a ventilator (breathing machine), a PEG tube in the stomach for liquid tube feeding, and resigned to bedrest for the remaining miserable months of their life. They will probably ultimately die of a steady but slow weight loss, horrible infected wounds from prolonged immobility (I have seen bed sores down to the bone and large enough to fit my fist in to), or infection (like pneumonia). All for what?

Then you get the younger ones, but the ones who are far past any sense of recovery. Some of the worst to watch are people with liver failure from alcohol abuse. They go through severe and difficult to manage alcohol withdrawal, in which they are confused, combative, and hallucinating. They are often sedated to the best of our ability and restrained for their own safety. Then come the bleeding problems associated with liver failure. I’ve seen someone go from talking to me and laughing to dying by vomiting all of the blood from their body due to esophageal varices (bleeding arteries in the throat/stomach). It looked like a murder scene, and the the patient was awake and aware she was dying as she bled out in front of us.

So if you talk to anybody who works in critical care, they will often have many examples of things worse than death. We essentially torture people every day. We see that slow, inevitable spiral down. We try our best to be realistic with patients and families, but it often doesn’t work.

14. Too awful to contemplate.

If you kill your child but don’t mean to, like fall asleep while them in the bed and roll on them, or accidentally tripping and… splat.

Or like I recently saw on house where a lady went fucking crazy or some shit and strangled her child because of the voices in her head but when she was cured and found out the baby died she was bawling and shit.

13. That sounds like a living nightmare.

Locked-in syndrome. I’m a healthcare worker (RN) and have seen it a handful of times.

The patient looks at you, and you can tell that they’re in there… but they’re unable to walk, talk, eat, scratch their own a$s, nothing.

12. Survivor’s guilt is real.

Being the only survivor, you carry the guilt of not being able to save everyone

11. Definitely never want to experience this.

Being burned alive.

I saw a guy that was playing with gasoline get burned alive.

The smell and sounds that he made were something I will never forget.

Luckily it only lasted him a few minutes before he passed out. But the next 10 years and hundreds of surgeries were terrible. He said many times we should have let him die.

10. Sleeping is one of my favorite things.

Fatal Familial Insomnia.

9. Make your wishes known now.

Being forced to live in a vegetive state on life support because your friends/family won’t let you go.

8. And wonder why you haven’t.

Seeing everyone close to you die. It makes you wish you died with them.

7. Can’t even imagine.

Being the child in a child sex trafficking situation.

6. Plenty of people survived this. Thank goodness.

Torture or slavery for about 80 years.

5. Being any part of this tbh.

Being the “Middle Piece” in The Human Centipede.

4. That would not be fun.

Being in an Infinite Death loop and no way of escaping.

3. Make it stop.

Separating you from all the living things and putting you into a confined room with a giant mirror and the lights on full brightness 24/7.

2. That would get old.

Locked in a room and forced to watch The View.

At high volume.

All day.

Every day.

1. It definitely would be the worst.

I think that having a child disappear and never knowing what happened is likely the worst thing in the world.

Holding out hope.

Never knowing when it is appropriate to stop looking.

Even when your despair seems too much to bear for even one more day, you know that killing yourself would end any possibility of being reunited.

I need a drink.

That was not at all uplifting! But go ahead and add your answers if you’ve got a different one…

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Older People Talk About Which Year Felt Worse Than 2020 and They Explain Why

I’ve read quite a bit about the year 1968 and I’ve always said to myself, “wow, that must have been so exciting and interesting to live through such a tumultuous year.”

Now that we’re living through an awful year, my mind has definitely been changed. This is not fun, it’s not exciting, and it’s honestly pretty terrifying. But I guess that we should all appreciate that we’re living through some very interesting times that will be studied and written about forever.

What are some other years that felt worse than 2020?

Let’s get some history lessons from folks on AskReddit.

1. Crash in Finland.

“My parents still think the economic crash of the 1990s that happened in Finland was worse, and in Finland it killed more people in the form of suicides than Corona has thus far.

I was just born around that time. And lots of people just lost everything. Companies folded left and right. Loan intrests were crushing people.

Then right after that we got dot com bubble.”

2. The burst bubble.

“Personally speaking:

2002 the dot-com bubble burst and I lost a cushy job, that was pretty bad.
2008 great recession happened, again was laid off, that was pretty bad too.

2019 was awful. I found out my recently deceased father had an entire other family. I guess technically, we were his other family.

Met the ones he abandoned (my new older half siblings) last summer and it was incredibly awkward and for some reason left me hollow and extremely full of guilt.”

3. A personal story.

“I’m 42. I’ve had years that were personally pretty bad, but this is super weird times.

Like, late 1997, the day before my 20th birthday, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and the first 6 months of 1998 were especially very, very stressful and scary, but at least I could go out with friends, I threw myself in to school, I worked, I tried to be useful or out of the way at home. I didn’t have to think about it 24/7.

I deactivated my FB, Insta, and Twitter October 1 and I’m planning to keep them like that at least through the election, maybe longer. Can’t change what’s going on, but I can’t have all of this crap living rent-free in my head all the time.”

4. JFK.

“1963 because President Kennedy was shot.

My teacher cried and my father left home.”

5. Interesting perspective.

“The last quarter of 2001 was more intensely miserable.

2020 misery is more spread out and not quite as terrifying.”

6. Serbia.

“Bombing of Serbia in 1999.

NATO was only supposed to bomb military objects, but they bombed hospitals, markets, random populated areas. I was in the hospital with my dad when the sirens came on the whole hospital went to the basement, lucky the hospital wasn’t hit, after the danger my dad drove us back he told me not to look out the window, being a kid I did look only to see innocent people dead along the whole street as the flea market was hit on a weekend…

I am 25 y/o now I still have nightmares about it occasionally. Also NATO used prohibited weapons with uranium which also caused a lot of people to get cancer from the radiation years after…”

7. History in the making.

“The year 1970.

People dying or being maimed for life (both mentally and physically) in a stupid, nonsensical war. Richard Nixon was President. The government refusing to listen to hundreds of thousands of people protesting the war, and people of all sorts not just college kids and hippies.

I participated in a HUGE protest in DC and walked down Pennsylvania Avenue with a lot of other people, holding the hands of my two kids. “We are speaking to our government. Never forget.””

8. It was bad.

“2008 was a really bad year.

Big financial crash, lots of people lost a lot of money, especially from their savings and retirements. Lots of layoffs, including me, and really high unemployment and few jobs to move to.”

9. The Eighties.

“1983 was probably the year we came closest to global nuclear war. Even worse than the Cuban Missile Crisis.

There was a large confluence of circumstances and events (some related, some not) that could have spelled doom.”

10. Bad years.

“1994-95.

I spent a good bit of time homeless or living in a tent. I was in the US illegally and couldn’t get any form of assistance without being deported, and I was too small for most places to even consider employing me under the table.

Also, honorable mentions to 2016-17 for my divorce year and pretty much the entire period of 1992-1997 for me. 2020 doesn’t crack my top ten worst years, aside from the collapse of western civilization it really hasn’t been too bad on me.”

11. Way back when.

“It’s has to be 1947 when India got independence from britishers and then divided into Pakistan(Islamic country), India (republic nation).

People were forced to leave according to their religion. They were burnt alive and r*ped. Around 2 million people died, 14 million misplaced.

And my father told me that my grandfather who used to work as a ticket checker in railway had seen trains full of dead bodies.”

12. This is maybe as bad…

“Late 1960s and early 70s, we had the Vietnam war body count nightly on the news, for years. Everyone was worried about being drafted. I was too young.

There was plenty of angst to go around then. But I feel this year has probably been as bad or worse.”

13. Chaotic times.

“1968-1969.

Started with the Tet Offensive in Vietnam. It was a military disaster for the North Vietnamese, but a big surprise to the American public – they had been told the war was effectively won. And from there it just got worse.

Student riots. City riots. MLK was assassinated in early April and the ghettos exploded. Then in early June, I was on a South Vietnamese hilltop firebase. One of our less English-proficient officers came up to the American advisers in the afternoon. “You know Kennedy, ya? They shoot him!” The three of us looked at him. I said, “Yeah Đại Úy (Captain), back in 1963. So?”

“NO!” he said, “They shoot him now!” Then he got frustrated with us and stomped off. Weird. What’s up with the Đại Úy? We couldn’t get American radio (AFVN) in the daytime, but later that night we found out what he was talking about. Another Kennedy? WTF is going on back home?

I got back on leave in December. America was nuts. I couldn’t walk through the airport without starting a fight. I wasn’t fighting. Someone would want to yell at me, and someone else would start yelling at him, and eventually they’d forget I was there – because I wasn’t. My instructions were to keep walking. The war had come home. Racial justice had graduated to racial war.

It was almost a relief to get back to Vietnam. Seemed saner.

Bad year for the USA. 1969 was only better because some of the things people were expecting to happen, didn’t. But it wasn’t much better.”

Now we want to hear from even more older folks.

In the comments, please tell us what years you think were worse than 2020.

We’d love to hear from you!

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People Discuss the One Thing Movies Do That Drives Them Nuts

All of us have our quirks. Our pet peeves. The things that get under our skin – and often, those are also things that other people don’t even notice.

So, there’s a chance that what bugs these 18 people when they see it done in a movie won’t even register as annoying to you, but still….maybe they will.

Let’s take a look!

18. Much easier to win that way.

Fight scenes with multiple attackers.

They’re all so polite, waiting for their friends to get their ass kicked before engaging.

In reality you get jumped by everyone at the same time.

17. You’re going to be hungry later!

When people order food in a restaurant and then leave before it arrives.

At least get it to go.

16. The apple. Ha!

College professor here. Pet peeves about how college is depicted:

Every class is in a medieval European-style amphitheater classroom

Professors are all living in giant 6,000 sq ft houses, even if they teach literature or sociology

Professors only address students by their last names, and all students call professors “sir”

Students or professors strolling down the quad with a leather courier bag worth a month’s pay, for some reason always eating an apple

NO F*CKING TECHNOLOGY IN THE CLASSROOMS

15. Got off lucky.

In fires nobody dies of smoke inhalation.

They’ll be in there for ages, merrily chatting away, coughing, miraculous escape (lifting a burning beam out the way maybe), they get outside and are fine!

Maybe a smudge of soot on the face and a cough then on their merry way.

14. Do not try this at home.

Someone being hit in the head, loses consciousness, and two minutes later getting up as if nothing happened.

13. Don’t we all have bulletproof couches?

Good guy jumps behind some furniture and the bad guys unloads 1000 rounds into it and none of them go through.

What the fuck is that couch made of!?

12. I really don’t think it’s that easy. Thank goodness.

Snapping peoples necks with a quick twisting motion at the jaw.

11. Those guys need better training!

10 trained soldiers with automatic weapons, a couple of snipers and a helicopter gunship are all shooting at the fleeing heroes.

The only thing they manage to hit is the ground just behind their feet.

10. You won’t find me in an air duct.

Gunfire indoors or inside cars and everyone can hear fine afterwards

Big explosions that throw people around but have no shrapnel

Windows that can be jumped through without shredding your skin

People traversing through air ducts

9. I don’t think so.

“I’ve got a plan”

“Great. What is it?”

“No time. Just trust me.”

8. No pancake left behind.

Big breakfasts that no one eats because the characters are in a hurry and running out the door.

Me personally, I’ll be late to whatever for some pancakes/waffles.

7. Tell the story in case you’re about to die.

A: “I have something important to tell you. It’s about the Jones case.”

B: “What’s up? What’d you find?”

A: “Can’t talk now. Meet me tomorrow at 9.”

B: “A! Tell me what’s going on!”

A: “No, not now. Tomorrow at 9.”

A is found murdered the next morning, B is haunted by conversation. Sets off on worldwide mission to solve the murder and uncover the cover-up.

6. There are no other tools.

I think Hollywood only has two sound effects for mechanics shops.

Air impact guns buzzing like a nascar pit stop and some hand ratchets clicking.

In Hollywood you could get a scene of someone working on the international space station and the back ground noise would be a nascar pit stop air gun.

5. Yeah that’s not a thing.

Doctors doing everything in medical settings. Scanning the patient, setting up IV’s, interpreting brain MRI’s.

Nurses who?

Radiographers what?

4. It’s really setting the rest of us up to feel like failures.

Clean houses where there are 3 to 4 chaotic children.

Living spaces in tv and movies are always spotless. That is, unless there’s a plot- or character-specific reason why it’s not.

And they’re usually decorated very well no matter how poor they are.

3. Wild how that happens.

Action movies where the good guy’s car gets rammed or gets in bad wreck and it’s still drivable and the airbag doesn’t deploy.

2. Nerds can’t do that.

Cop looking at blurry CCTV image

Cop: “Can you clean up the image?”

Nerd: “Sure, computer enhance sector theta 6”

crystal clear image appears on screen

Cop: “Oh my god”

1. Are you sure you just don’t have the right guns.

you don’t have unlimited ammo.

Someone must’ve turned on sv_cheats and forgot to turn it off

Some of these I definitely get! Different strokes for different folks.

What would you add to this list? Tell us in the comments!

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People Discuss What Was Normal in 2000, but Strange in 2020

Do you remember the good old days?

When we could go to concerts? To movies? To crowded restaurants? Heck, remember when we could hug our friends and family members without being worried about catching a virus?

Yes, things have changed. Especially when we look back to the turn of this century and compare it with 2020.

What was normal in 2000 but is strange in 2020?

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say.

1. Remember when?

“Using Yahoo to search for things.

Or repeatedly signing up for 15 free hours of AOL using a spoofed credit card number and a fake name.”

2. Here come the mixes!

“Buying a stack of blank CDs so you can make your own custom mixes.”

3. Make sure to print it off.

“Printing out your route from Mapquest before leaving the house.”

4. This is so cool!

“Getting excited about receiving an email.

When I got my first email address I had a friend sign me up for all this spam b/c I was sad I wasn’t getting any email.”

5. Be kind, rewind.

“Rewinding movies when you’re done watching them.

The day we got an automatic rewinder was glorious. Just visited my parents a few weeks ago and it’s still sitting next to the VCR.”

6. Tracking down the good stuff.

“Struggling to find a clean .mp3 file of that new hot song to burn onto your cd, meticulously kept in a binder with its peers.”

7. You know it!

“Saying dot com at the end of everything because it was cool to do so.

Woah dude, that’s so sweet. It’s the bomb dot com!”

8. Don’t see that anymore.

“I have a vivid memory from around 2000 of being at a fine dining restaurant with my family and my grandmother casually smoking a cigarette and ashing into a crystal ashtray and nobody batting an eye.

Today I think you’d get arrested for smoking in a restaurant, at the very least you’d get kicked out by the manager.”

9. The good old days.

“Waiting for the internet to connect. Yelling at someone in the house for being on the phone when you can’t connect.

I kept a folder of music lyrics that I ripped out of Dolly/Girlfriend magazines. Also loved reading the booklet inside the CD of all the lyrics.

Recording songs off the radio to make a personal mix tape. Always got annoyed at the DJ for talking over the end of the song.”

10. Sad, but true.

“2000: Your parents telling you not to believe everything you read on the internet.

2020: Your parents believing every post they see on Facebook.”

11. Pretty much gone now.

“Privacy.

Oh man- the movie Minority Report was creepy because Tom Cruise went into The Gap and it knew what he bought last time, or something like that.

IF ONLY that were the only thing being tracked.”

12. It’s all in there.

“Maybe not strange per se, but having an entire area specifically for storing entertainment like movies and music, or an “entertainment center”.

You used to have a HUGE cabinet for storing your VHS, DVD, games, and CDs along with placing your TV in it.

Now it’s just a TV mounted on the wall with MAYBE a shelf small enough to hold a game console.”

13. I’m lost…

“Giving manual directions to someone.

Turn left at the McDonalds, then take your 3rd right, and if you get to the crooked tree you’ve gone too far kind of thing…”

14. I’ll be right back.

“I remember 25 years ago getting on a plane and realized I forgot some important paperwork in the car. The flight attendant let me get off the plane and I ran through the terminal and out to the parking lot to my car to retrieve it.

Then quickly ran back in, zipped past the security screener, out onto the tarmac and climbed up the stairs to the plane. It was a rather small airport so it took less than 5 minutes.

But I doubt I’d be allowed to do that today.”

15. Imagine that…

“See this?

A camcorder, a video editing system, a PC, a telephone, a camera, the Thomas Guide, a PlayStation, your entire CD, LP, and cassette music collection?

Imagine if they all fit in a little device you can put in your pocket!”

16. See you never.

“Moving away from a school with kids and teachers you hated but you know you’ll never hear or see them again.

Thanks to social media, that was taken away.”

Now we want to hear from you.

What do you think seemed normal 20 years ago but is definitely not in 2020?

Talk to us in the comments. Please and thank you!

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Quiet Kids Who Shocked Their Fellow Students When They Finally Spoke Up

There are many stereotypes about students – there are jokes, popular kids, nerds, band nerds (special breed), the wild kids, and yeah, the “quiet ones.”

We all joke that the quiet ones are the ones you have to watch out for, but man – never has it seemed more true than hearing about the moments these 17 “quiet kids” finally spoke up.

17. Did he get the bee?

The quiet kid from my grade stood up one day, grabbed a broom, stood on a chair and began trying to swat bees that got inside.

One bee landed on the window where quiet kid proceeded to yell “DIE BEE DIE” and then swatted and shattered the window. He screeched when it happened and then sat back down. Never heard him speak again

16. This is how people become legends, my friends.

In class he asked the woman teacher if he could go to the toilet.

She sternly replied, “You’ve got two minutes, Richard” and Richard says, “Two minutes? It takes me that long to unravel it”.

Teacher goes red and everyone loses it.

15. When you wish you could give her a fist-bump.

One of my students hardly said a word all year until a couple weeks ago. I was trying to get a group of talkative ones under control and she had enough. She yells out “SHUT THE F*CK UP! IM TRYING TO WORK YOU F*CKING A$SHOLES”

Awkward silence followed because I didn’t know how to handle the normally studious and quiet one losing it.

14. Wait, what?

We were having a bullsh%t elective course and we ran out of stuff to do so we wound up having story time. My friend walks up to the front and starts telling us about how he once got pretty badly injured. Basically he was walking into his friends house, slipped on some black ice, faceplanted on it and his front teeth tore off most of his front lip and broke off.

He ran into the house babbling and bleeding (he was like 11 and was missing part of his face so he wasn’t 100% coherent at the time) and his friends mom takes one look, runs into her bedroom locks the door and doesn’t do anything until my friends dad arrives and starts screaming at her. My friend says he still has no idea why the grown adult woman couldn’t handle the situation any better and we all start making guesses and bullshit psychoanalysis.

Cue the quiet kid raising his magnificent head and blessing us with enlightenment: “maybe she just needed to finger herself real quick”

13. Awww, bless.

I was best friends with the “quiet kid” in middle school. It wasn’t so much shocking as the stupidest thing I’ve heard him say. He got this thousand yard stare all of a sudden and just said “I can’t remember what color my dog is”.

12. It’s honestly hard to blame him.

So this one kid, who barely ever said two words, one day, asks the teacher for the time (it was at some after-school thing and there was no clock). The teacher says the classic “time for you to get a watch”, which for some reason was funny to everyone else.

The quiet kid doesn’t laugh. He looks the teacher dead in the eyes, and once everyone quieted down, he says “so are you gonna tell me the F*CKIN’ time, or what?”

We were in like, 7th grade.

11. If you’re into dark humor…

My dad is very quiet, to the point that it makes most people uncomfortable, even me sometimes.

One day, we’re at the park and a woman walks passed us and my dad quickly says “What if I punched that woman in the face and said ‘Sorry I thought you were my wife.’”

10. Living up to the stereotype.

“What if we killed everyone with cancer to stop it from spreading”

9. Ah, those were the days.

In high school, there was this really quiet girl named Grace. She was a pleasant person, but wouldn’t say anything more than “Hi” or “sorry” unless you asked her something. Even then, she’d appear terrified.

It was at prom, and I was in the parking lot of the venue we had prom at. I lost a contact, and had to run to my car to grab my glasses. In the parking lot, Grace was smiling and walking from her car. She looked at me, laughed, and said “Ryan (her prom date) just fingered the f*ck out of me.”

I still laugh about it to this day.

8. That’s one way to do it.

This douchebag kid who constantly fucked with people was in line with the quiet kid and the quiet kids friend. The quiet kid is a bit over weight so when he gets up to the lunch lady and gets his chicken nuggets, the Douchebag says “You dont want extra nuggets big guy?”

The quiet kid out of no where just starts ranting: “No I am all set but what are you up to this weekend? you wanna hang out grab some food maybe f*ck a bit? I like to be on top and you look like a bottom, what do you say wanna f*ck tonight?”

The entire line is dead silent. The douchebag starts getting all pissed off and acting like he’s gonna start a fight and the quiet kid says “Ok fine you can be top baby.”

The douchebag kid leaves to the entire line laughing their asses off at his expense. No idea if the quiet kid was gay or he just knew that even jokingly suggesting the douche kid was a homosexual would upset him more than anything. But I do know he left the line with his delicious chicken nuggets and a huge smile on his face.

7. There must be more to this story.

He started to attack someone in my class with a table when the teacher got a cup of coffee.

That was quite… something.

6. That’s…unsettling.

Quiet guy I work with never said much until he came up to me and asked “What happens when an Eskimo c*ms?” before I get the chance to respond he throws a hand full of ice at me and walks away.

5. He couldn’t let the perfect moment pass him by.

I was in marching band in HS, probably 7 years ago now, and we had this huge muscular guy as our brass instructor. He would always yell at us to “NAIL THESE CHORDS” or “YOU’RE NOT PLAYING LOUD ENOUGH”

There was this little Asian trumpet kid that was so innocent and nice; he barely ever spoke a word. One really really hot afternoon, our instructor was being especially loud, and said “WHY DONT THE TRUMPETS BLOW HARD ENOUGH”

Dead silence across the field as all the brass are waiting for next instructions. Then we hear:

“Why doesn’t your mom blow this d*ck hard enough” from quiet trumpet kid. Needless to say, we all laughed, got push ups and laughed some more.

4. We all have our thing.

In Junior High in the mid eighties the game “Trivial Pursuit” was all the rage. We played it in math class one day and this kid, Gary, who NEVER SAID ANYTHING AT ALL totally spanked everyone else by answering every single sports related trivia question.

He got a lot of attention for it and I believe he walked a little taller after that day. I don’t think I ever heard him say anything else, but I did see him sitting on the bleachers at a few sports events.

3. Deep thoughts.

“72 virgins is nowhere near enough virgins for eternity.

That’s like….a weeks worth of virgins.”

2. At least he’s your friend?

At school, having just shown me the scope for a (supposedly his) sniper rifle: “If the fire alarm ever goes off and you can’t find me, don’t use the doors as an exit”

1. And he became Tolkien?

In high school, I had first level Spanish with this kid who was super quiet.

At the end of the year, we all had to give a speech in Spanish in front of the entire class.

This motherf*cker stood up and gave a speech, not in Spanish, but in a language that he had spent the entire year inventing.

It’s bound to happen to every quiet kid at some point, right? You just can’t keep your mouth shut for another second?

If this has been you, or you’ve witnessed something similar, please tell us the story in the comments!

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Awkward Stuff That Phone Store Employees Have Seen on a Customer’s Device

Any job that involves working with customers is bound to come part and parcel with awkward moments. People are weird, people are coming from all sorts of walks of life, and if people need something from you, there’s no telling what kind of attitude you’re going to encounter.

People who work at stores like Verizon, Cricket, or Apple, though, have the sometimes awkward, always interesting bonus of having access to people’s private devices, though, and they’ve got some pretty good stories out of it.

16. There is no part of this that isn’t a horror show.

I used to be a Specialist at an Apple Store. My favorite story was when I was asked to help out this grizzled taxi driver whose Mac was “slow.” His ENTIRE desktop was covered in naked jpgs of young-to-underage-looking nude asian women.

The driver absolutely did not give a shit that I was seeing all this. All traces of shame left this man years ago (along with many of his teeth). He had no concept of using folders to store his porn, or to organize them in iPhoto. Just covered his desktop in loose icons that were layers thick.

He also showed me the machete he keeps in his coat, because he’s been held up multiple times.

15. Aww, reach out!

I work at a phone dealer so I deal with the same problem. Lots of ass cracks, only one dick, tons of confused faces. However..

I went to wipe one phone one day and it had a picture of my best friend from junior high as the wallpaper. I haven’t seen or talked to him in like 7 years as I’m in a different city and we pretty much lost touch due to different interests etc. I was completely shocked seeing as I was there all day and did not see him and he must not of seen me.

I mean, everyone has a dick or an a$$crack to put on a phone. I had one best friend and there he was on the phone that I happened to stumble across to wipe.

I still haven’t gotten in touch with him to tell him how oddly coincidental that was. Maybe this will happen again and I will see him at a ping pong show in Bangkok in 25 years. Who knows.

14. This is horrifying on so many levels.

Came in one morning to see the opening manager kind of freaking out. I was the opening inventory guy, so there wasn’t really anyone else there other than him and I. He tells me to check out the Genius Room (where the techs work on shit). I walk over, open the door.

The entire place is flooded. Turns out the movie theatre upstairs had an issue with their waste water. A few hundred gallons of literal shit water rained down in the room where all the customer’s exposed electronics are.

Management’s plan for this clusterf*ck?

Have employees clean it up, throw out damaged parts and test all the customer equipment. If the customers computer was hosed, replace it and tell them we couldn’t repair it. If it worked, give it back to them and say nothing. They put notes on the repairs in the system to replace the computer if it ever came back, for any reason.

They then thought it would be ok to send back all the affected parts, without even notifying the receiving warehouse of the fact these parts were covered in waste water.

One of the dozens of reasons I hated working for that company.

13. I feel like this could have been worse.

Likely too late, but I’ve been on the other side of the fence. I had a DVD in my laptop that was an “instructional” video… I was trying to learn some new moves to please my (then) boyfriend.

It’s just my laptop so I leave the DVD in there for days, and one day my computer suddenly shuts off and a puff of smoke appears. Well that can’t be good.

When I take it in they say they have to send it out to get fixed (under warranty). I forgot the DVD was still in there. I return a week later and this poor girl brings out my laptop, goes through the whole boot up thing to make sure it works and then at the very end hands me an envelope and whispers “I believe there was a movie in there as well so this is your property”.

I just said “YUP, there was”. And hightailed it out of there. So embarrassed.

12. That’s…impressive.

It was just a typical Sunday afternoon at the Apple Store. Busy as hell, kids running around, and way too many people demanding my help all at the same time. I was helping someone with something, when suddenly, I hear a sound that sounds like nails on a chalkboard… No. Louder.

My ears had never heard such an unpleasant noise in my life.The whole store – probably 200 people, went from deafening to silent in a second.

I turned around to see what was happening when I see an old man who looked like he was in a WWI trench in his youth, screeching in on a walker with no tennis balls, with his back at about a 90 degree angle.

He ever so slowly made his was to the back of the store at the genius bar. The effect was so permanent it left two trail marks in the custom stone floors from the cutting of his walker legs.

Obviously, this man had to leave, which he did. Only to come back a few days later – welcomed by the same horror and silence.

I decided I needed to see what was going on. So I excused myself and walked to the corner of the genius bar where this man was stationed. He had a white iMac that seemed to be in the process of a data transfer drop off. Okay, normal enough. As I walk by to go into the back I capture a glance at his finder tab – only to find 267GB of the most well categorized pornography I’ve ever seen.

I mean thinks like ratings with stars, actor tags, genre EVERYTHING.

A few days later, the man vanished. Never to be seen again.

11. Sometimes people are awesome.

The other night we got “Nick Caged”.

Every iPad in the store had a different wallpaper photo of that bastard.

Can’t be unseen.

10. What could they say?

Another old couple comes in for a personal setup. They’d already bought their iPad but wanted to come back and have me show them a quick session. Okay.

So I’m going through all the main features of the iPad when I end up with “and here’s safari” where I press the safari icon. What opens up is something like “HORNYMILFCOUGARSXXX.THISISAVIRUS.COM” with some cougar squirting on the camera. I immediately closed it and ended with “well, it seems you’re well acquainted with safari”. They said nothing.

9. That was not a good day for that employee.

One day I was browsing /r/cringe on my iPod and came across a post about a neo-Nazi. In the comments someone linked to the guy’s profile on a weird Nazi forum. I clicked through some of his posts there just out of curiosity to see what kind of shit was there.

Soon after that, my home button quit working so I had to take in my iPod for a replacement.

Some poor Apple employee probably had to see 30+ pages of crazy Nazi fringe material in my Safari history.

8. That would have been the day I quit.

Some kid projectile vomited on an iPad.

Someone had to literally wipe that.

7. I actually didn’t need to know this.

I worked as a specialist in a Flagship store in NYC for about a year. Every night we actually physically wiped down every product with alcohol wipes so that they would be sanitary the next day. I sh%t you not when I say we wore rubber gloves to do this.

The amount of people we had come into the store; many of which were homeless or just plain dirty was astounding. The white keyboards on the desktops weren’t always white by the end of the day.

And on the ipads, you could actually see the layout of the keyboard because of all the finger prints on the screen.

6. I feel like someone narrowly dodged a bullet.

This couple in their late 60’s comes in on a really busy day. I was showing them iPads and such. The man was looking around on Safari – but he was looking up really, REALLY, weird shit. Things like Yucca Valley nuclear sites, the Al Queada homepage – just weird shit.

So anyways, he tells me he wants a 64GB Black Verizon iPad. Well shit, we sold every single one and that was the only one we didn’t have. He was pretty pissed off because he exclaimed he called in ahead of time. I think what happened was the person on phones assumed we had it and didn’t check. So for some reason he insists on calling the store to ask her again, as if that would make them magically appear. Well, too bad, because there are 16 people in the line ahead of him and only one girl on phones (typical weekend). So after awhile I just sell him a different one and go on my way. About 20 minutes later hes still on the phone so he WALKS INTO THE BACK, through the cracked door, THROUGH THE BACK OF HOUSE, and ends up standing behind the girl on phones chair – breathing over her shoulder, without anyone noticing (phone still to ear).

It was crazy, the manager saw and almost didn’t know what to do except say, “uhm, sorry, you really can’t be back here”.

5. Of course she did.

I work at Geek Squad, and as bad a reputation as some of these stores have I think we have a pretty good confident group.

Weirdest thing I have seen was a man using the display computers as an internet cafe machine to bid on a car on eBay and getting annoyed because they reset every 10 or so minutes so as to stop this type of tomfoolery. But after three identical complaints I walked over and opened up the same exact eBay auction for the car and told him he would never outbid me because I have the p/w to keep the computer working ( not exactly true )

He shot me a very disturbed and confused look and exited the store after 2 hours of trying to purchase some old car off of eBay.

But as for porn I had a girl come in with a webpage open and say there is something wrong with my desktop background. When we closed the webpage there was an open folder of approximately 200+ photos she was submitting to Playboy and Penthouse. I really hope they got published. They were well shot and she was absolutely gorgeous.

She totally knew what she was doing and I am pretty sure she liked our reactions.

4. Why are so many people peeing on their phones?

I worked at Vodafone, I have had to deal with:

A man corrupted a brand new laptop within an hour of purchase from viewing bestiality sites

I made a woman cry because we worked out that her phone bill was higher because her husband was cheating on her. Sad.

Dozens of moisture damaged phones. After checking them for faults then casually being informed they had been pissed on.

Probably three times a week “lads” showing me their girlfriend naked.

And finally my favorite after 6 years of service…. a girl filling up her phone memory full with self porn and then offering to pay an employee to sit for about an hour to transfer them all to another phone (years before easy sync etc)

3. Some rules for the road.

I don’t work at an Apple Store, but I’ve been selling phones for 4 years. People have all kinds of weird sh%t on their phones.

I once had this girl who kept coming back with issues, and every single time both screens on her phone would have wallpapers of her f*cking. I’m not even joking. It was a keybo, and had one little screen and one big one. Do the f*ckees know?

If you’re going to ask me to fix your browser, please don’t leave the porn open

One time I had to back up this woman’s phone (she was probably about 50) to one of the store computers. She had about 5 videos of some guy who was definitely drunk singing and doing hula-hoops

A lot of nudes. Everyone has nudes. I have nudes. You have nudes. I don’t want to see your nudes though.

This isn’t really weird, but I think that the 13-year-olds who password protect their phones and their “kissing my boytoy” wallpapers are hilarious. They always seem so cheeky.

2. I am not shocked.

Not an apple employee, but I wiped data on phones for ModusLink, and saw between 300-350 phones a day. While I occasionally saw nudes, the vast majority of pictures were of two things.

In 2nd place, babies…usually newborns. Sometimes they were with their mother who had clearly just delivered them and I felt strange, like I was in the room on this very intimate event.

But in 1st place by a mile, was pictures of pets. People fill their phones with pictures of their pets doing the most mundane shit. One phone in particular belonged housed at least 200 photos of the same cat just sitting there in the same pose (or lack thereof) not doing sh%t, just sitting there.

As it turns out, people really like cats…who would’ve guessed?

1. So is this like a thing?

Some guy who we have never caught comes in every other week or so and puts nic cage’s face on every iPad and iPad Mini in the store…

I don’t know who he is and I hate him for making my job harder…

But damn I respect him.

I mean, I figured most of the answers would have to with porn, but sheesh. Come on, people.

If you’ve worked somewhere like this, share your own best story with us in the comments!

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Phone Store Employees Recall the Weirdest Thing They Saw on a Customer’s Phone

Every job has it’s oddities, I suppose, and sometimes, those could maybe be viewed as perks.

If you’re someone who works for a cell phone company, in a store all day where a lot of your time is spent repairing or troubleshooting customer’s phones, it’s a blessing and a curse to be able to see what’s on them.

These 18 employees are scrolling and telling about the weirdest thing they ever encountered on a customer’s phone.

18. He was proud of that.

one more – a male elementary school teacher who was also a nudist. wanted to learn how to bookmark pages in safari – so i click on safari and its a picture of him skinny dipping into a lake.

no big deal, i close that window and open a new one…

SAME PICTURE. IT WAS HIS HOMEPAGE!

17. Because it couldn’t be him!

Former employee here. Did data transfers a bit, and it’s remarkable the amount of people (not young, mind you) have naked pics of themselves in their iPhoto library. We weren’t supposed go through them, and we didn’t, unless the customer explicitly stated they wanted us to check and make sure every photo transferred. Keep that crap in a separate folder so your friends/children don’t see it.

Once had someone from a site similar to suicide girls come in, and was big on promoting herself and showing off her photos.

And then there was always the random wife who found their husbands porn stash after a transfer and wanted to accuse us of putting it there.

16. That title though.

Genius here, once had to get a disk out of a failed optical drive.

Old Grannies, Young Panties IV

15. What is wrong with people?

My old room-mate was a genius…

He offered to sync some lady’s photostream to her phone… as he did… pictures started popping up from her husband’s photo album of him fucking all these other women…

left in tears…. he called me all bummed… felt so bad.

14. Wow people have zero shame when they’re desperate.

Worked in several different positions at an apple store. All the demo products are on a schedule and wipe every time they restart. Though I have seen people add their business as the homepage. Also seen people pull up that product at best buy or another site.

Since working as a tech I’ve seen a lot of porn, a lot of it self made. Weirdest was a picture on this girls desktop of her on a dog cage wearing only a dog collar.

Weird interaction with the guy who kept asking me how to go to porn sites without getting on their mailing lists. Another with the middle aged guy who had a problem importing pictures, some of them were of him with other guys. (He had the decency to cover my eyes and say “you’re too young to see this”)

Or the guy who swore his phone was broken because he couldn’t stream his porn. (Sorry man, that site uses flash. Was not a good enough explanation)

13. Spoiler alert: your girlfriend doesn’t want to see it.

Worked at best buy and I got a picture of this girl’s boyfriend’s dick over text while I was transferring her contacts.

She wouldn’t stop apologizing.

12. I’m not surprised.

Not Apple, but Verizon.

People would leave their phones and go to do other shopping while we transferred data and such.

I had a co-worker who had 100% accuracy when guessing if someone would have naked pictures of themselves.

It became a game fairly quickly.

11. Someone’s idea of a joke.

I work at an apple store! We see a lot of weird shit. Once when I was a specialist, I went to go demo an iPad mini to someone.

Turn on the screen and BAM, penis as the lock screen wallpaper. They did not end up buying the iPad mini.

10. So much porn.

Once, one of the Experts had a guy come in wanting help with an iMovie project. Not exactly part of their expertise, but Expert (female) wanted to help and no Family Room people were available so she said sure. The guy had 5 hours worth of home made porn that he wanted to edit together into his own home porno.

Another Genius told me that he had a guy come in for his iPad because his data wasn’t working anymore. After a bunch of troubleshooting, it seems the problem lay with his carrier and his outstanding $6000+ bill he had in going over his data limits. What was he doing with all his data? All the gay porn.

And of course, all the obligatory dick, vag and boob pics of SOs while they are standing right there.

9. I guess the daughter doesn’t need to come out now.

I worked as a specialist and was good friends with some people at the genius bar. One time a mother came to pick up her daughters laptop from the genius bar after a data transfer from her old computer.

When the genius’s brought the computer out from the back room she rudely insisted that she goes through the computer while still at the genius bar to make sure everything was transferred.

They started going through the photos and the mother stumbled upon a photo album of a her daughter with 3 or 4 other girls in a lesbian orgy. She immediately closed the computer and left the apple store in tears.

8. The biggest downside of the internet.

I don’t work in an apple store, but I went through the iMessages on one of the store iPhones.

Someone was sending really nasty, mean texts to someone they obviously didn’t like with an anonymous number.

If you’re going to be an asshole, at least own up to it.

7. Noooo worst day of work.

I’ve got some Apple store stories.

I used to be a Genius for a few years and a man came in with a non-functioning iPhone. When I asked him what was wrong he said “I don’t know man, just woke up and it won’t turn on.” Upon further questioning it came up that he had been drinking the night before, and it might have had something to do with his problem.

I started to check for liquid damage thinking he might have spilled a drink on it inadvertently, and that’s when the stench hit me…(as a side note, you need to get your face really close to the phone to look at the liquid damage sensors in an iPhone). What I had only now began to smell was the odor of stale piss.

This dude had somehow soaked his phone in urine and gave it to me to try to get replaced. Needless to say he did not get a new phone. Ruined my day.

6. Folks…why?

I manage a Cricket store. Had a guy come in to pay a bill, turns out I was in the same clinic with him in Virginia a few years back when I was ill. I lingered by the iPhones as he left and he just said, deadpan: “oh hey bruh you might want to wipe that man, I Googled the word “nutsack” on there.”

He was at that phone for 10 seconds, tops. No pictures, he just said hello, walked over to the phone, Googled the word “nutsack” and closed the screen and walked away.

5. Why would she bring her mom?

Former employee. A girl brought in her own laptop because it was running real slow. Hard drive was basically full with all sorts of animal porn.

This girl was like 16 years old, we live in a pretty wealthy area outside New York City. When she returned to pick up the computer, she brought her mother with her. One of those real snooty upper class types.

My friend was actually the genius that worked on her computer and he originally planned to be straight with this girl and tell her she had way too much porn on the ol’ iBook, but with mommy dearest around he just had to tell her that there were “a lot of pictures on the hard drive” along with other issues.

4. What an accomplishment.

Not at Apple, but I work for Sprint. Some guy managed to take a picture of himself without his shirt on with a store phone. He didn’t send it, he took it. Somehow we didn’t notice, but I know it was taken there because the rest of the store was in the background

3. Man that is random.

I’ve seen some weird shit before.

One time someone FaceTimed one of the iPads I was cleaning. Another specialist and I answered it. It was a very large hispanic lady with a shirt not quite covering all of her belly. i informed her that she called a demo iPad (someone clearly logged in with their Apple ID). She asked if we still wanted to talk. We didn’t.

Also, various people who don’t belong on demo backgrounds.

2. Probably a common tale.

I used to work as a specialist in a mall store. One time a man came in, and said that the internet wasn’t working on his phone.

So I said the ol’ “Let’s find out together” line, and I open the dude’s phone. The guy was like a 60-ish aged white guy, I’m a late 20s-aged gal…

I open his Safari, and go to a website. He just didn’t know how to do it. Then he asks me how to search, and the ONLY thing in his history is “interracial porn.”

I looked at his Asian wife, looked at him, he looked at me, and it was the longest 10 seconds of all of our lives.

1. I…have nothing to say.

creative of 7 years, recently promoted to full time customer. my job was to train old people how to use macs, one hour at a time. one lady in particular comes to mind, her husband had recently passed so she came in weekly for lessons, but also maybe to make her mind off things?

A few weeks in a row however, she would bring up iphoto and find a picture of her late husband and start crying. this happened for a few weeks – until one week it was pictures of her and her husband naked in bed – but someone else was taking pictures.

This time it was tears of joy as she explained that it was her SON TAKING THE PICTURES because he thought they looked beautiful.

I am rolling!

I’m also checking the histories and photos on my phone. Just in case.

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People Who Stuck It to Their Boss – but Still Kept Their Jobs

Unless you work for yourself, chances are that at some point, you’re going to run up against a boss who is kind of bad. The ones who are sticklers for the rules, who apply them without stopping to think about why, or who they’re helping, and honestly? They make going to work every day a slog.

May I recommend that, like these 14 people, you put on your creative cap and figure out how to get that boss’s goat without breaking any rules at all.

14. Being reasonable usually works.

On the flip side, I’m the boss enforcing policy: When I took over the department, the old boss told me that the reason the place looked like crap was because when he asked a sales associate (base pay + commission) to clean or put up stock, they claimed it wasn’t in their job description. The main boss backed them up, calling it a technicality.

I pulled out the description and read out “Other duties as assigned by the Manager” on the last line. Two out of nine quit. My department is now clean and stock is always up. Sales are consistently up. I’m cool with that.

13. Good on her for fighting back.

I used to work at a lingerie store as an assistant manager so I had to dress nice and look professional. All the other girls wore huge heels and always ended up complaining about how sore their feet were at the end of their shift and I always wore flats to avoid having sore feet.

They were still nice, stylish shoes, but they didn’t have towering heels on them. My manager always used to get mad at me for not wearing heels and tried to claim it was part of the dress code. I looked it up and showed her that it didn’t say anywhere that I had to wear heels, just that I had to wear acceptable work attire or something like that and she tried to tell me it was an out of date dress code or something so I would tell her that she should get an updated one then.

Eventually, she brought head office into the argument and the provincial manager was trying to tell me to wear heels to work. I told them they would have to pay me more than minimum wage to ruin my feet. I did not get a raise and no one ever told me to wear heels to work again.

12. Next time, specify a color.

I work at Panera, and we were recently told we had to get non-slip/slip-resistant shoes, else risk being fired.

Rather than buying the ugly black kind all of my coworkers got, I got a bright purple pair of Doc Martens. All of the managers gave me a “ಠ_ಠ are those slip-resistant?”

You bet, motherf*ckers.

11. There’s a feather in your cap.

At my old school, they had rules about hair length (guys), and our teacher got anal about it. The only actual rules were that they couldn’t pass our eyebrows or collar-area.

Being the witty douchebag I am, I used a shit ton of gel to slick up my hair and do obnoxious things with it. It was all raised, so it never crossed my eyebrows or collar.

I got away with it for 2 months, until the principal changed the rules! All just for me 😀

10. A wholesome tale.

My buddy and I came into the office, last day on the job.

We found there was no clause against taking the boxes from the shipping dept and turning them into armor, The Box Knights were born and died on that day.

No door was safe from our attacks.

9. I love her and her knee socks.

I used to work at the Jaws ride at Universal Studios Florida. Our uniform consisted of a blue t-shirt, jeans or jean shorts, white socks, and white shoes. The “unofficial” dress code had all of us girls wearing jean shorts and white knee socks.

One summer, I ended up working the Jaws ride and The Jungle Cruise at Walt Disney World simultaneously. I love Disney, and had always wanted to work there, but I ended up finding it stifling, with all sorts of silly and over the top rules.

At the Jungle Cruise, you wear a khaki shirt, khaki shorts or pants, white socks, and brown shoes. One day, I didn’t have any normal sized socks to wear to the Jungle Cruise, so I ended up wearing my white knee-highs, which looked RIDICULOUS with the Jungle costume. When I got to work, one of my managers flipped his shit, told me my socks weren’t in compliance with “The Disney Look” (the official policies on how to dress at Disney) and made me roll my socks down. It looked like I was wearing little white life preservers around my ankles, and looked more out of place than they looked originally.

I was annoyed, so when I went home, I scoured my Disney Look booklet for the policies pertaining to socks. All I could find was that socks had to be long enough to cover the ankle bone. There was no maximum height. Hell, I could have worn white tights under my khaki shorts if I really wanted to.

The next day, I wore my knee-highs again, as a small act of rebellion. The same manager was there, and he flipped out. He actually pulled me into the office to write me up, but before he could get me to sign the paperwork, I pulled out my copy of The Disney Look and showed him that, while incredibly silly looking, my socks were perfectly acceptable, and that I would continue wearing them like that.

And so I did. I looked stupid, but I didn’t care. Working for Disney wasn’t a pleasant experience in my opinion, and it was very liberating to know that I could at least wear my socks however the hell I wanted to.

8. People latch onto the strangest things.

I worked at a Petsmart 5 or so years ago, in the “Pet Hotel” where animals were boarded while their “Pet Parents” (owners) went on vacation. Everything I did was in the back. No customers ever saw me. Just the dogs and kitties.

But my bitch boss would always get onto me for forgetting my belt. So one day she was particularly mad at me about not having a belt despite the fact that I was picking that shift up last minute for someone who was sick.

I pick up a dog leash, put it through my belt loops, and say “Well, it appears I now have a belt.”

7. And everyone just shook their heads.

Working at Big 5 there was a policy that men had to be clean shaven or have a mustache; no beards or goatees or star-burns.

I can NOT wear a mustache without looking like either a pedophile or an 80’s porn star, but I hate shaving every day.

So I grew out the biggest, creepiest Hulk Hogan stache ever witnessed and wore it proudly for the entire time I worked there.

6. Maybe don’t try this in the military.

In the Navy you must always have a white t-shirt under your uniform. I had a Senior Chief who constantly checked if your t-shirt was not visible and required that it bee seen. I checked the uniform regs and found that while in a working uniform you can wear a V-neck tee.

Started wearing them and he took notice as soon as he saw me. I told him that the regs allowed it. He scowled and his only comment was, “One for the blue shirts” and walked away.

Then he hammered me for every reg violation he could find. Smart asses never win. At least not in today’s Navy.

5. This man is a hero.

I work in foodservice. My job created a rule one day that one’s hair can not touch one’s collar. I have rather long hair, but I always kept it in a braid and we wear hats, anyways. I was informed of this rule about two hours before the end of my shift, and told that I HAD to comply IMMEDIATELY because I was breaking health code.

I politely informed them that no, I was not. This was a store policy — but I would be happy to come in with my hair up the next day. I didn’t think this was unreasonable, it takes a while — not to mention pins/hair product/etc. to keep my hair up.

Not good enough! NOW!! So I punched out for a break, bought rubber bands and floral wire, made 8 braids with the wire woven in, and stuck them in every direction. Boss saw me and began screaming. I calmly told him my hair wasn’t touching my collar.

TL;DR: Long hair not allowed to touch collar, created obnoxious hairdo within regulations.

4. They’ve got no answer for that.

Company dress code allows women to wear open-toed shoes, so long as they are leather. The dress code does not allow men to do the same. A few years back, I started wearing leather sandals during the warmer months.

A few managers mentioned to me that I was in violation of the dress code and I pointed out that my shoes would be considered acceptable if I were a woman and that it’s gender discrimination to deny me the ability to wear something that is considered ok on someone of the other gender.

Haven’t heard any comments or problems since.

3. Ah, the indignant walk out. Love it.

Boss told me “you have to cover X this upcoming weekend, both days, since everybody else said no.” I said “How do you know I’ll say yes?” He said “you have to, there’s nobody left.” I said, “You’re wrong, I’m left. But I quit. Now there’s nobody left.” He was speechless, his expression was priceless, I stood there about 10 seconds and said, “I’m walking away now” and left.

Thank God this happened the day after I had (secretly) secured a better job.

Probably one of my fondest memories.

2. This used to drive me nuts, too.

When I was working at an OfficeMax about 10 years ago, I was the only employee who didn’t smoke. Needless to say, everyone in the building took a 15 min smoke break 2-3 times a shift, and I got squat.

One day, I asked the manager if I could have a “Clean Air Break”, and he was confused. I explained that since smokers can have their 15 min breaks 2-3 times a shift, I should be able to step outside and do the same without having to smoke. Irked my manager, but he knew he had to let me to avoid any discrimination.

1. Using homophobia for good.

Not a job, but a school.

I went to a Catholic college and they didn’t allow members of the opposite sex to spend the night in a dorm room.

I made a huge case that they were discriminating against heterosexuals, and that rule miraculously disappeared the next year.

I tip my hat to these folks!

Do you have a story to add to the bunch? Please share it with us in the comments!

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People Who Found a Way to Get Their Boss’s Goat Without Breaking Any Rules

There are great bosses in the world, but there are also a whole lot of lemons out there, too. Most of the time we can’t just pick up and change jobs any time a jerk – loud or quiet – finds their way to the rung above ours, though, so we have to deal with it.

Dealing with it is made easier if you can find a way to piss them off, all while ensuring you can’t get into trouble (technically), a fact these 16 people know for sure.

16. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

back when I was working and attending classes I would go straight from campus to work, getting me there anywhere from 10-20 minutes early before my shift. On occasion my boss would ask me to help him out with something before I clock on, putting something away or answering the phone. Over the span of a couple months, this evolved from ‘occasionally’ to “every day your shift starts when you get here”.

After doing this for a couple weeks (still clocking in at my usual 3pm) I decide that if I’m working for a few extra minutes each day, I’m gonna get paid for it. I did this ONCE, and I didn’t make it an hour into my shift before my boss is screaming at me and throwing down the employee handbook saying that I’m only allowed to clock in 5 minutes before and after my scheduled shift.

Needless to say, I made it a point to not check in until 5 minutes after my scheduled shift every day, no matter how early I was. Fast forward 3 months and my boss gets fired. He got what was coming to him.

15. This man is the hero we all need.

This story is about my buddy’s father, a former university prof. At one time, the university instituted a dress code forcing professors to wear ties. In protest, he bought the most lewd, ridiculous and outrageous ties he could find. Fish ties, dick ties, piano keyboard ties. He became something of a hero to his students who regularly bought him the most offending or off-colour ties they came across. The university ended up rescinding the dress code.

He passed away about 10 years ago and they had a reception for him where they displayed his hundreds of ties and invited mourners to take one in his honor. I showed up late and all the dick and fish ties were gone. It was a sad day.

14. Talk about giving someone the finger.

 Supervisor was a bit*h who wouldn’t let the lead guards at the top of the tallest slide in the park go to the bathroom. Guard at the top is radio-ing that he needs to take a sh%t, but she won’t let him.

Mind you, the lead guards are allowed to ride down every once in a while to make sure no tubes are stuck. Lead guard is about to sh%t his pants in front of a ton of guests, so he goes into the utility closet and sh%ts in a bucket of cat litter we kept to clean up vomit.

He then proceeds to ride the slide down to clean himself off and left the supervisor to clean up his bucket of sh%t.

13. This story has it all.

My brother in law worked for UPS for 17 years. He was a bit of a joker and was constantly getting in trouble for coming to work with crazy hair colors, or cornrows (he was a big Italian guy and was told it wasn’t appropriate). It was always something.

But they couldn’t say anything about him wearing sunglasses.

So his little rebellion was he would wear the most outrageous sunglasses he could think of. Ones shaped like giant red lips, guitars with the stems sticking up, purple ones with rhinestone hearts on them. Anything for a laugh.

After a while people knew him by his glasses. If some one said they lived in a certain area I would say, “Oh my brother in law is your UPS man, the guy with the crazy glasses.” and their reply would almost always be something like,”Oooooh John. Yeah I love that guy, he’s hilarious.”

He passed away 4 years ago, he was hit by a drunk driver while he was out walking one night. When we attended his funeral all of the guys from work came dress in their browns with crazy sunglasses on. His best friend gave his eulogy wearing a pair of neon green glasses three times the size of his face and the pastor even borrowed John’s guitar glasses when he went up to speak.

After his funeral we counted, he had over 200 different pairs. What started as him being a pain in the ass to his boss ended as a tribute to his character in life of always wanting to make some one else smile.

12. I would pay money to see the video.

My father was working in a post office in the early 80’s. It was an unusually hot day with ~85°F inside. There were no fans available so it was crazy.

Men weren’t allowed to wear shorts, but dad came to work wearing shorts which covered his knees and a part of his shin, figuring he was fine. He wasn’t, and his boss sent him home to change. He returned in his grandfather’s bonjour from the late 19th century. Top hat and all.

The boss kept asking if it wasn’t a little hot in that suit but he said he was fine.

11. What can he say?

A couple of friends of mine work at Wal-Mart. They found out that kilts are well within the dress code as long as they are the correct color. Drove their managers nuts. It’s been a year and absolutely no problems though. 🙂

10. Teenagers are amazing.

Not work but school. I’m a senior in high school, and one day a bunch of senior guys decided to start up “tank top Tuesday” every Tuesday about 1/2 the senior guys would come to school in a tank top.

Our school had no rule about tank tops except that the straps be at least two inches thick so we didn’t anticipate any problem, especially considering girls at our school wore tank tops all the time.

After the first day, the school announced that boys were no longer allowed to wear tank tops, when questioned as to why, they claimed that visible armpit hair was a distraction that inhibited learning.

The following Tuesday, we all went to school wearing tank tops and sporting shaved armpits.

9. Suddenly everything was approved!

while I was in the Navy it was recommended that I get a extensive surgery on my ankle. My command felt that I “didn’t deserve a bunch of time off for a surgery” so they said they would approve it but none of the convalescent leave. They refused to sign ANY paperwork.

First thing I did was hit them with the regulation stating that they were required to respond to all requests within a certain amount of time (3 days I think). They responded with a “no”. So then I had Navy legal draw up paperwork (with accordance to regulations) that my command would be responsible for 100% of my medical care if they did not abide by doctors orders. I then let them know that would mean that ALL of my medical care would then be handled by civilians and the command would be responsible for paying the bill out of their budget.

They approved my surgery, convalescent leave, and convalescent leave extension.

8. I bet he loved it, too.

At a former workplace, the dress code was changed.

Men were no longer allowed to wear shorts.

Women could wear skirts.

I started wearing a kilt, because skirts were ok in the rulebook.

7. You gotta have your integrity.

I used to work for this small town, twice weekly newspaper. The editor/publisher, mayor, county commissioner and a few other people were skimming tax dollars. When I confronted my boss about it, he told me he’d blackball me if I said anything.

So I went to the local television station, tipped them off and they uncovered the story. When they won their awards, my name was added to the list of reporters.

I still can’t get a job as a journalist, but damn if it didn’t feel good.

6. How can you not love kids?

Not work related, but school. In HS I wore a freecondoms.com t-shirt to school. I was called down to the principals office after 3-4 hours(my cool teachers thought it was awesome in the AM classes) and was told I was promoting abhorrent behavior. I posited that I was in fact trying to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I lost my fight and was told I had to leave if I did not have another shirt.

Rather than leaving I put a sticky note over the ‘m’ in condoms and spent the rest of the day harassing faculty about fantastic lakeside condos that I was giving away for free.

5. A few months off, full pay.

Used to work at a TV station. Absolutely awful management and horrible bosses. Complained about it to friends all the time. Some would even ask me on facebook about my job and I would reply- but I knew I could get fired for speaking ill of the company.

So I read the HR Handbook and found out as long as I don’t specifically name the company, I can’t be fired for it. So, about a month later, I realize I can’t take this shit anymore and post on facebook how terrible my job is, never mentioning the company by name.

They fire me a day later, I gladly walk out of that building and into a lawyer’s office- got $17,800-my yearly salary (seriously).

4. Damn the man.

A friend wore a shirt that said “Genitals are Funny”

They made him replace it with a school uniform shirt (we are not from the USA) from the Lost and Found box. He was over 6ft tall and chose a small girl’s blouse.

He could only button it at the waist and the seams split at little around his arms.

Worth it.

3. Hey, you do what you gotta do.

Worked in one corporate kitchen where our GM didn’t like our music so he would put on children’s music, so we all started singing a long at the top of our lungs…We won that war of attrition.

Years later in another kitchen we had surround sound in a closed kitchen where the uppity GM did not like our music and started passing draconian censorship rules about the music…so we switched it to children’s music for a week.

moral of the story never underestimate the power of a kitchen crew of misfits singing “banana phone” at the top of their lungs to fight fascism, motherfucker! Viva La Raffi! Viva La Raffi!

2. Hey, the letter of the law.

When Circuit City was still in business I worked in the warehouse. For whatever reason, they had a strict dress policy of khaki pants, this awful collar shirt that also had to be tucked in. This went for everyone, even warehouse. Like Kazin420, I discovered through an old warehouse employee guide (Shoved in a draw years ago and forgotten about) That as long as Warehouse employees had khaki colored shorts, with no cargo pockets, and a t shirt with a Circuit City logo there would be no problem.

Circuit City stopped making Circuit City t shirts long before I started, but thanks to a local Salvation Army, I was able to pick up, two Circuit City T shirts, and a quick trip to Target for some shorts, and my new uniform was set. My mangers were not happy about my appearance, claiming I looked sloppy and unkempt.

Even better, when the giant black dude (who hated his job, and just slept in the back, and talked on his cell phone all day) from the warehouse found out about this, he too had some old Circuit City t shirts, and joined in. Management hated us working together. I miss Circuit City

1. What was his issue with George Foreman?

My boss went away for about 3-4 weeks for a conference, and while he was away, a workmate and I had an idea… a george foreman grill, and then we’d go to the deli and grab stuff for lunch: hamburgers, lamb chops, pork, steaks etc.

We did this every day for over a month, and when the boss got back he put a stop to it, with the exact words “I don’t want that thing inside the office”.

So we took it to the shared kitchen area on our floor (We rented a suite).

When he got angry at that, and said “I DONT WANT IT ON THIS FLOOR”, we took it down to the underground parking area and used the power outlet at his parking space while he was out at lunch. he caught us because he was coming back from lunch with a business partner (in the car with him) and we were hunched over a tiny George Foreman grill making hamburger patties. Imagine 3 IT guys, crouching on the ground like cavemen, in a poorly lit underground parking lot, cooking hamburger on the concrete floor. Yeah, it went over about as well as you would think.

If he didn’t specifically use the words “Take that home or I will break it and throw it in the trash” our next step was to use the power point in the parking lot of the church directly opposite the building (and facing his office)

I need to take notes from these people!

Have you ever had a chef’s kiss moment like these? Tell us about it in the comments!

The post People Who Found a Way to Get Their Boss’s Goat Without Breaking Any Rules appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

People Admit How They’d Spend $1 Million on Their Favorite Hobbies

This would be a tough proposition for me…

If I had to pick one hobby to spend $1 million on, what would it be?

Old hockey memorabilia? Old movie posters? Books? Records?

The possibilities are endless!

But it sure is fun to think about, isn’t it?

If you had to spend a million bucks on your favorite hobby, what would you buy?

Let’s check out what AskReddit users said about this!

1. Sounds like a plan.

“I’d buy some land and start planting cotton, bamboo, make linen, order silk, start making my own!

I’m allergic to most animal hair and it’s difficult to find any yarn without it! I’d also learn how to wind my own yarn and dye it as well!

I’m too excited about this idea…”

2. Nerd alert! But good for you!

“Brand new top end rig, new networking gear, A.V. set up, nice desk, decent office chair.

Maybe a new sofa should all fall under gaming, maybe a house to so you plenty of space for it too.”

3. There you go!

“With a million dollars I’m making my own car from scratch.

I’m thinking fully custom NA flat 12, around 6.0L, in a semi-monocoque chassis with CFRP panels and manual, 6 speed double clutch gearbox…

Designing the parts would be as much fun as building it and that would be as much fun as driving it.”

4. Wow.

“I have an affinity for fountain pens. Given that a Montblanc Geometry Solitaire Meisterstück is £1250 I could get a lot of nice pens for that amount.

The Fulgor Nocturnus pen was sold at auction for 8 million, so I could perhaps find something in between the Fulgor Nocturnus and a Meisterstück.”

5. I like this!

“I’d buy a house to store all my books.

Or build my own multilevel library with sliding ladders.”

6. Perfect!

“I like hiking and conservation.

So I would buy a bunch of land, a house and live there while I transform it into a more valuable ecosystem.”

7. And…action!

“ALL THE FILM EQUIPMENT I’VE EVER DREAMT OF.

All the software I could never afford, the cameras, the studio, the actors and crew, the props and lights and…..jeez I would be in heaven.”

8. See you there!

“Cannabis farm in a recreational state with an on site home for my family of 3 humans and 4 animals.”

9. Good plan.

“I’m a woodworker.

I’d buy some cheap land way up North, get a bunch of durable hand tools, hire skilled craftsmen, and have them crank out free toys for children.

For only a million, I can’t give things to all children, so I’ll make a list of only the most needy and worthy.

Sometime when it’s the dead of winter, I’ll deliver those toys. I’m skipping 2020 though, seems to dangerous out there.”

10. Turn it up!

“I’m a musician.

I’d probably hire someone for marketing, make t-shirts, press some CDs, and book some high-quality recording sessions.

Oh, and definitely a new acoustic guitar, which I badly need.”

11. This old house.

“I like renovating 1970s houses.

So I guess 3/4 of a house in Toronto, or 50 houses in Detroit.

I think I’d have more fun in Detroit.”

12. Cycling.

“First I’d buy the best bicycle money can buy.

Titanium frame, custom cut to my exact measurements, and built with all the best components. That will “only’ set me back about $10,000. Then I’ll upgrade all my camping equipment with the best of the best. Again we’ll say $10,000 but that’s probably a large overestimation.

What would I do with the other $980,000? I’d load all that super fancy camping gear onto the bicycle and spend the next several years cycling all around the world. I’d fly to New Zealand first, and bike the whole length of both islands. Then Australia.

I’d ride from southeast Asia to England, somehow working in a detour down to Africa. Then from Alaska all the way to the southern tip of South America (I’ve already booked across most of the Continental US, so I’m ok with flying over that this time).

All along the way, that million dollars would be buying my food, paying visa fees and airline tickets between continents. Traveling by bicycle is a relatively cheap way of traveling, at least when you’re camping instead of just cycling from one hotel to the next.

A million bucks would be enough to ride around the world several times over, even while treating myself to the occasional hotel along the way.”

13. A writer’s life.

“My hobby is writing.

The writing part is cheap. I can do it on a Chromebook using Google Docs. I even published a novel spending about $300. (Mostly book cover design and copies to give/sell to people.)

However, after this part is where things get expensive. Once you’ve published a book, you need to convince people to read it. There are so many books on Amazon and I’m an unknown writer so even if someone happens to stumble upon my book they won’t know why they should read it.

Trust me, virtually nobody will stumble upon your book, buy it, read it, and tell a hundred friends to do the same.

In addition, my first book was looked over by some friends/family as beta readers for free. (Well, I gave them a copy of my book, but it was still cheap.)

The problem I ran into for the sequel was that I needed people who had read Book 1 so they could critique Book 2. Given so few people read the first book, it proved a difficult task and that book remains unpublished.

Going back to the question, I’d give part of the money to a professional editor to critique my book as many times as needed until it was perfect. Then, I’d pay a great artist to design an eye catching cover (instead of the inexpensive bare bones cover my first book had).

Next, I’d hire someone to promote my book(s) far and wide. Finally, I’d pay someone to professionally record an audiobook version of my novel(s).

Of course, all of this would probably cost about $10,000. (This is off the top of my head estimate.) A lot of money for me right now, but a drop in the million dollar bucket. The million dollars would be enough to help me with 100 books.”

14. I’m assuming this is for Dungeons and Dragons.

“Forget about leather bound special editions of all sourcebooks, expensive dice (rare materials, custom made, electronic, weird shapes, etc), and hand-painted miniatures for days. That’s just getting started.

We’re going to build an immersive experience.

First, the play area: build a beach house with 6 rooms for the players, 4 bathrooms (2 up, 2 down), a full kitchen, den, back deck over the water, and our gaming Dungeon.

The Dungeon: Glass display cases for figurines w/fantasy motif woodwork. Bookshelves for source and splat books and character creation materials. Leather sectional with a flat screen for character creation and breaks. A wet bar, because we’re civilized adults. The Gaming Table. And The Wardrobe. Custom AV system.

The wardrobe: a walk-in closet with props like fake shoulder parrots, rapiers, and staves for players and outfit accessories like wide leather belts, scarves, and hats.

Custom AV: preset surround sound and light settings all controlled from the DM’s laptop for at-the-fingers control of background sounds, music, and mood lighting.

The Gaming Table: Seats 8. Each rolling leather office chair will have its own included upper shelf for dice, pencils, etc and a lower shelf for tablet, character sheets, etc, their own built-in dice tower, a fold out drink holder for our pewter dragon goblets.

2 charging ports for devices both usb and regular outlets. And, the selling point: built-in touchscreen laptops connected to the DM’s LAN network for private messaging the DM and for distribution of visual aids.

The tabletop: 3d printed modal mix-and-match, magnetic dungeon pieces integrated with the table’s magnets.”

Now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us how you’d spend a million bucks on your favorite hobby.

Please and thank you!

The post People Admit How They’d Spend $1 Million on Their Favorite Hobbies appeared first on UberFacts.