People Share Brutal Insults That Don’t Require Swear Words

I think that it takes a lot more creativity to insult a person WITHOUT using all the classic curse words that we know and love.

Have you ever tried it? It’s pretty hard!

But we’re in luck today, because we’re about to get bombarded with a whole bunch of them that you can add to your arsenal.

Feel free to use some of the “clean” insults that folks offered up on AskReddit.

1. Nowhere to go but down.

“You’re not a disappointment to your parents, because they already lost all their expectations.”

2. That’s pretty good.

“I’ve always loved this Cher monologue from The Witches of Eastwick:

“I think-no, I am positive-that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones.

You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.”

3. Not too bright.

“You’re the kind of person who takes the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the beeping was giving you a headache.”

4. I’m gonna use this.

“You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you waste.”

5. He was a legend.

“I’m gonna go with one from Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf…

“If they put your brain in a parrot, it would fly backwards.”

6. The master.

“Mark Twain had some bangers.

My personal favorite is:

“I didn’t attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.””

7. Brutal.

“Surely you realize by now that your friends don’t actually like you, they just feel sorry for you. So why do you keep wasting their time?”

8. I like it.

“Wouldn’t trust you to get water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”

9. Bottom of the barrel.

“You’re the kind of person who should only ever get burnt bacon.”

10. Not a good thing.

“In the South.

“I’ll pray for you” and “bless your/their heart.”

Both can mean pretty much you’re a dumb*ss or a nice way of calling you a sinner.”

11. A big letdown.

“I expected nothing from you, and you still let me down.”

12. Nonexistent.

“It’s not that I don’t think highly of you; I don’t think of you at all.”

13. Too late for that.

“If your ancestors had possessed the foresight to castrate the village idiot, you wouldn’t even exist.”

14. Epic.

“You talk so much, yet say so little.”

15. Boom!

“The day I want to be like you is the day I’ll take your advice.

So far, I’m not interested in going backwards.”

16. Dummy.

“If you had more than one brain cell, they’d collide and kill each other.”

Now we want to hear from you!

What is your favorite CLEAN insult?

Talk to us in the comments.

Thanks!

The post People Share Brutal Insults That Don’t Require Swear Words appeared first on UberFacts.

What’s Illegal but People Act Like It Isn’t? Here’s What People Said.

We sure live in a weird world, huh?

Some people obey the law and some don’t.

And then some folks choose WHICH laws they choose to obey, which is a whole different issue…

What’s actually illegal but people act like it isn’t?

Let’s see what folks on AskReddit had to say about this.

1. Not cool.

“Teenagers with leaking each other’s nudes.

I’m a teen myself and seen it happen to many classmates.

Lots of kids don’t realize you can get charged with CP as a minor.”

2. Interesting…

“In the US, telling non-managerial employees not to discuss wages. The National Labor Relations Act — which was passed in 1935 — makes it illegal for an employer to prohibit you in any way from discussion of your wages with others.

Nnless you’re management; as in, actually have control over others’ salaries. Then they can tell you not to disclose those.”

3. Pick it up!

“Not picking up after your dog.

There’s an awful lot of doggie landmines in the dog walking trails where I take my dogs.”

4. It’s not free.

“Stealing artwork and photos from the Internet and using it for commercial purposes without permission (logos, t-shirts etc.).

I’m talking artwork done by currently living artists who are most likely trying to make a living off their work.

Too many people think that just because it’s on the
Internet, means it’s free to use.”

5. Not good.

“I work in downtown Seattle a lot.

So heroin and having your d*ck out.”

6. This scares me.

“Texting while driving.

I live in a college town, and I take a mile walk every morning, and I like to people watch while waiting at crosswalks. It’s infuriating how people can just stare at their phones while driving.

I could understand if it was just when stopped (though you shouldn’t do it even then) but these people roll up to a light, head tilted 90 degrees to the side, one hand on the wheel and it drives me nuts.”

7. Out of the road!

“Jaywalking.

I always wondered where this was actually enforced. Thought it was big cities like New York.

Then I went to New York and realized you cross the street whenever you think you can do so without dying.

Still wondering where it’s actually a thing.”

8. Litterbug.

“Dropping the cigarette butts on the ground.”

9. People do it.

“Recording a baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.”

10. Pretty trashy.

“Stealing.

Holy sh*t, the amount of people that I saw when I had Tiktok actively encouraging and giving tips for shoplifting was f*cking insane.”

11. Gross!

“”Sampling” bulk candy in grocery stores.”

12. A dumb move.

“Drinking and driving.

It’s actually frightening how many people drink and drive regularly.”

13. Too much red tape.

“Giving a homeless person a place to sleep.

Incredible amount of regulation involved in putting someone in a sheltered bed for the night, yet the general public assume it’s an easy process.”

14. Sounds bad.

“In South Africa, literally everything.

It’s not illegal if nobody important sees you and even if they do see you they either dont care or you can probably bribe them.”

15. Weird.

“In the Netherlands, scaffold theft.

It is insane how much scaffolds get stolen.

Worth of thousands of euros.”

What do you think?

What do people not think is illegal, even though IT IS.

Talk to us in the comments!

The post What’s Illegal but People Act Like It Isn’t? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Bad Encounters They’ve Had With Celebrities

I worked on movies and TV sets for quite a few years, but I gotta say that most of the celebrities I had personal interactions with seemed pretty cool and somewhat normal. But, as you know, people who are rich and powerful can often be…difficult…and some of them are just straight-up *ssholes.

I guess we can’t really blame some celebrities for being frustrated in public (or even online). You have people coming at you all the time from different directions wanting something, anything, from you.

So I can see how certain famous people get irritated and lash out. I’m not saying it’s appropriate or acceptable, but I guess until you’re in that position, you just really don’t know how you’d act or react to people. I plan on finding out very soon when I get famous from either my dancing or my modeling.

But back to the folks who are ALREADY famous…

Are you ready to hear about some regular, everyday folks who had unpleasant experiences with celebrities?

Let’s see what these folks on TikTok had to say. I can’t wait to see what happened!

1. Kendall Jenner.

@rachelistyping

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef #foryou #fyp #kendalljenner #kyliejenner #storytime

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

2. Leonardo DiCaprio.

@catalinaacat

#stitch with @bloatflygirl celeb beef by proxy? #fyp #fypシ #storytime #celebritybeef #WellDone #WeWinTogether #ShowUpShowOff

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

3. Bill Murray.

@sean_gatz

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #fyp #billmurray #celebritybeef #funny #storytime #funnystory #truestory

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

4. Tyra Banks.

@trishlikefish88

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #greenscreen #celebritybeef #tyrabanks

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

5. Jake T. Austin.

@ipreferally

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef #jaketaustin #selenagomez #wizardsofwaverlyplace #halloween #storytime #z100

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

6. Peyton Manning.

@tifftok78

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef Big baller, $0.00 tip. #peytonmanning I got stiffed, not in the fun way.

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

7. Anna Kendrick.

@theresalanglois

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef #annakendrick #rude #why #millennial #mom #over30 #hilarious #women #idkwhy #pitchperfect ??‍♀️

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

8. Ariana Grande.

@sarahrochele

#stitch with @bloatflygirl i actually hated her for years until I got over it and now I’m a fan lmao #celebrity #celebritybeef #beef #fyp

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

9. Lebron James.

@qharris8

#stitch with @bloatflygirl my celebrity beef? Lebron James…. #Lebron #lebronjames #celebritybeef #nba #lakers #losangeleslakers #qharris8

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

10. Debby Ryan.

@brittanyvictoriaj

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebrity #celebritybeef #fyp #foryoupage #celebritytiktok

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

11. Jonathan Cheban.

@kweenizzyy

#stitch with @bloatflygirl my fave story #kardashian #foodgod #celebritybeef

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

12. Niall Horan.

@winecowgirl

I love my random celeb beef #onedirection#niallhoran#louistomlinson#harrystyles#liampayne#zaynmalik#WellDone#celebritybeef#WeWinTogether#fyp

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

So… how about those encounters, eh? Are you shocked? Dismayed?

We want to hear from you. Have you ever had a bad encounter with a celeb? Or a good one? Or just an average one that left you underwhelmed?

Tell us your stories in the comments.

Thanks!

The post People Share the Bad Encounters They’ve Had With Celebrities appeared first on UberFacts.

People Who Laughed at Completely Inappropriate Moments

If there’s one thing that’s true in this world, it’s that human beings are…strange. Another thing, though, that most of us accept is that the inner working of the human brain remain a mystery.

Sometimes those things just misfire–we tell the supermarket clerk we love her, we stumble, and yeah, we laugh when situations are completely devoid of humor.

You can almost feel the secondhand awkward reading these 15 confessions.

15. Delivery is everything.

I was out with a cousin that I had not seen in quite a while since she lives in another country. We were at a cafeteria/bar type thing. Since she was staying a few days only, she asked me if it was okay if some friends of hers that she hadn’t seen in years came along. Told her sure and 10 mins later they come sit with us.

One of them (they were 3) starts telling us whats up with his life and casually drops “oh my father also died this summer” (as if he had bought a new phone or sth) and I almost spit my drink… I really tried not laughing but he didn’t help.

I left out a tiny giggle and he continued telling how his father died casually. I had to look at my phone to not lose it..

14. That’s a memory that will last.

My dad’s funeral. My maternal grandfather got very emotional, and when he’s emotional, he loses his English and lapses into Welsh.

He’s also a trained singer, so halfway through one of the hymns he starts bellowing it out in Welsh, which no one else in the church could speak (we live in Scotland). It was funny and awful at the same time.

13. I guess it wasn’t a joke.

I was doing storefront fundraising at a WalMart for the non-profit I’m a part of. I pitched a guy on the way in and his reply was “I’ll donate to someone else as soon as someone donates me a kidney.” I expressed my sympathies and moved on.

The guy I was fundraising with pitched the man again as he walked out of the store. The man must’ve said something derogatory and my partner looked at me, shrugged, and made a funny face. I laughed and the guy wheeled around and started screaming and cursing at me for laughing at a man who needs a kidney transplant.

He ended up calling the store and saying I was mocking his plight and we were asked to leave for the day.

12. It’s probably exactly what he would have wanted.

I pissed myself laughing at my husbands funeral. He had a pretty morbid sense of humour and one of the songs he wanted played was “I just wanna live” by Good Charlotte.

In the moment the whole thing just seemed so absurd that I just cracked up laughing. However because most people could only see my back they all assumed I was just crying.

But honestly I think that my reaction was pretty normal given the emotional distress that day

11. You just can’t help it.

My neighbour (60F) was about to open her gate but then she saw us, and she quickly turned around to say hello.

Well, she perfectly face planked to the ground while doing so, got up and acted like nothing had happened and continued talking.

I tried to ask her if she was okay but couldn’t stop laughing. I must have looked like an asshole, it was the most perfect plank I’ve ever seen.

10. A very sweet story.

I am a silent laugher. I was laughing so hard at my dad’s military funeral that I was visibly shaking. My mom gave me the side eye and when we had a moment alone she asked what I thought was so funny about my dad’s death.

I told her that sitting in the sun, with tons of mosquitoes, and military guys who had trouble folding the flag (seriously these guys screwed it up like five times) while I pictured my dad shaking his head saying, “ what the hell are you all sitting here for? Go fishing! Get out of the mosquito hell and move on; I’m dead.” Just had me giggling to myself because my dad thought funerals were a waste of time.

My mom looked at me, sighed, and said something like, “yeah, he probably would say that.”

9. I would like to see the video, please.

A teenager was harassing a middle aged woman in a wheel chair.

The teenager tried to kick her in the face ….. she caught his foot so he fell on his face, she held his foot up and repeatedly kicked his nuts with her giant special boot.

8. Stick up for the kid.

I happened to witness the immediate aftermath of a car accident between this woman and a younger guy who seemed to be a new driver.

The young guy had a STOP sign and the woman was cussing at him, telling him he should be paying more attention and that he will kill someone if he drives like that. The poor dude was practically speechless and still reeling from the shock of the accident.

Just as I was about to go on with my day, here comes a delivery guy on a scooter. He stops for half a sec to take stock of the situation and goes “Hey, lady! Leave the poor kid alone, you were going the wrong way on a one-way street” while pointing at a sign that confirmed what he said.

Suffice it to say, I pissed myself laughing at her as she went back to her car realizing she was at fault after all

7. Oh that’s awful.

I joked about my friend and said he looked like he was having a seizure before my dumbass realized he actually was having a seizure.

6. Like baby deer.

One time in college a few friends and I took a couple giggle stamps and went for a walk down the main drag of town, taking it all in.

At about the time that things were really coming to a head, a car crashes into a stone wall on the other side of the street at like 25 miles an hour. Without missing a beat 5 girls who were dressed to go out and were all wearing tall heels hop out and all run in different directions away from this car. They all looked like baby deer learning to walk.

The driver stumbles out seemingly intoxicated and then proceeds to try and reverse himself off the wall and leave the scene but ends up ripping off the front end of his car and then getting stuck.

Anyway I almost collapsed from laughing at all of this and after roasting the driver from across the street instead of helping like the Seinfeld gang for about 5 minutes we decided to leave.

5. God doesn’t like ugly.

Was in a restaurant and there was this kid a few seats ahead of me just being loud and annoying.

So when he got out of his seat to do god knows what.

He tripped and fell on his untied show and face planted into the hardwood floor.

I laughed out loud so hard and i got a lot of nasty stares but it was worth it.

4. The best moments.

I used to be a wedding planner. One wedding was set on a coastal beach. Really great day, I had been working on this for months.

Now, the couple decided that the ring bearer would be their labrador and he would have the rings on a ribbon around his neck, fair enough. So a bridesmaid would let him off the lead at the beginning of the aisle and he would trot down to the happy couple.

We did test runs and he was really good so he was the least of my problems.

Or so I thought. I’m right at the back with my schedule, ceremony starts but the dog had different ideas, he stormed down the aisle (almost knocking the bride over) past the couple, down the beach and into the see with the RINGS.

Half of the groomsmen running after him ending up drenched in the sea. I literally had tears running down my face with laughter, there was fuck all I could do, had to balance against a wall with my heels embedded in the sand.

3. Some people just love an audience.

On jury duty for a drunk driving manslaughter case. He agreed to an interview on scene of the accident, drunk as hell. After the officer identified himself on the tape, drunk dude started hollering in a thick southern drawl “ya’ll know me! My daughters a street walker down in (nearby town)”. I started laughing at that. With the wife and family of the victim visibly upset, staring at me. Then guy admitted he spent the day drinking at a strip club, with a n open 12pack of beer in the passenger seat with empties on the floor.

Man, that trial was a joke. Why didn’t he plead guilty? No defense to speak of, they even had video of the accident, not to mention he consented to a BAC test.

And this was the guys 5th drunk driving offense!

2. One of those days.

Clearly tired dad and his, I’m assuming, 5 year old daughter in a supermarket, following behind him pointing out things that she thinks they need in an obnoxious voice.

Girl: Daddy, do you know what WE need?
Dad: silence
Girl: Daddy!! Do you know what WE need?
Girl: DADDY!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?!
Dad: A muzzle.

Had to duck into the next aisle so fast and burst out laughing, the people in that aisle had no idea what I’d just heard and looked at me like I was laughing at voices in my head.

1. You work with what you’ve got.

At my grandma’s funeral, when it came time for interment, all of us who’d gone to the cemetery were asked to stay some 50 yards away as they were sodding the whole new area of the cemetery we were in.

However, my grandpa wanted to sprinkle some dirt on her casket, so they permitted him to do so, with my mom, aunt, and uncle alongside. A few moments later, we heard a really loud thud–evidently, because of the nature of the dirt there, instead of being able to find a small handful of loose dirt, he picked up a little clod or two and tossed that into the grave.

Hearing the thud in the distance, my wife and sisters and I couldn’t resist busting out laughing.

Luckily grandpa was too far away to hear it.

This happens to all of us, I know, but at least today it’s not me.

Tell us your story of inappropriate laughter in the comments!

The post People Who Laughed at Completely Inappropriate Moments appeared first on UberFacts.

Things That Would Have Seemed Normal in 2000, But Would Be Pretty Strange Today

Times change. We all know that, but in the past, we’ve had a bit more time to get used to those changes before something new comes down the pike.

For the past decade, our world and technology have been changing so fast and so often that it can seem like a whirlwind – and these 12 things that have gone all but obsolete are the proof in the pudding.

12. We all knew how to read maps!

Printing out your route from Mapquest before leaving the house.

Seems like there was one year where every car was guaranteed to have a Mapquest printout on the right front passenger seat.

And somehow mapquest was always wrong. Even if by just one street.

11. No way this happens today.

I remember 25 years ago getting on a plane and realized I forgot some important paperwork in the car.

The flight attendant let me get off the plane and I ran through the terminal and out to the parking lot to my car to retrieve it.

Then quickly ran back in, zipped past the security screener, out onto the tarmac and climbed up the stairs to the plane.

It was a rather small airport so it took less than 5 minutes. But I doubt I’d be allowed to do that today.

10. It’s been a wild ride.

Email has almost gone full circle in terms of usefulness in communication… (edit: personal communication, i.e. not work/professional/school. I clarifyed that at the end, but some responses suggest that point was missed)

2000: Email is common, but it’s not something people check very often. Easy way to disseminate information to a lot of people at once, but not great if you want/need instant feedback.

2010: Everyone has email and smartphones are becoming the norm, so everyone has email access at all times. With the limitations of SMS, is a popular and efficient way to do group conversions.

2020: Social media and dedicated messaging platforms have taken over, email is little but a vast wasteland of spam, so people stop paying attention it and don’t check it very often.

9. All of airports.

Waiting for your loved ones at the GATE rather than the luggage pickup.

I think low security is even overstating how bad it was.

My airport had 2 guys with those handheld metal detectors they casually waved and often times they just waved kids under 10 through.

Anyone could walk down to the gate with you without a ticket.

8. Or face the fine!

Rewinding movies when you’re done watching them.

BE KIND, REWIND

7. Do those still exist?

Teen magazines (Tiger Beat, M, Mad…) that you could take posters out of and hang in your room.

6. You know you still do this.

Blowing into video games to fix them.

5. We were very dedicated to our mix tapes.

Buying a stack of blank Cd’s so you can make your own custom mixes.

4. And AskJeeves!

Using Yahoo to search for things.

Or repeatedly signing up for 15 free hours of AOL using a spoofed credit card number and a fake name.

3. Or clicking the numbers multiple times.

T9 texting.

Having the keys memorized so you could text like Matt Damon in “The Departed”.

2. I barely remember doing this.

Switching to channel 3 to play video games.

1. It was good and bad.

Not freaking out when someone calls you out of nowhere.

Or comes by your place without messaging first.

It’s so, so crazy to think about our changing world in these terms.

Is this what getting old is like? I guess I’m there!

The post Things That Would Have Seemed Normal in 2000, But Would Be Pretty Strange Today appeared first on UberFacts.

A Mom Asked, “Is It Wrong to Give Your Kids a Reality Check About the Responsibilities of Being an Adult?”

We all have dreams for our future when we’re young: the job we want, the house we’ll have, the lifestyle we’ll live. We see the lives of characters in our favorite TV shows and movies, and imagine that could be us someday.

Carrie from Sex and the City managed to afford a New York apartment full of expensive shoes, working as a full-time writer. Why can’t I?

Unfortunately, reality isn’t so simple. Adults have a lot of bills to pay. And that’s what this mom attempted to explain to her daughter, but she was met with some unexpected consequences.

So she took to Reddit to ask, “Am I the a*shole?”

Image Credit: Reddit

Alright, already we can see that her daughter is in a foul mood. Maybe this isn’t the best time for a hard reality check. Then again, is there ever a good time?

Mom sees this as an opening for an important conversation about what adulting actually entails. It’s not all eating ice cream for dinner and staying up way past your bed time.

Image Credit: Reddit

Oh, honey.

While hiring a maid isn’t a bad thing, nor an unreasonable thing for a middle to upperclass household to do, it’s almost laughable to image an 18-year-old right out of high school having that privilege.

It’s too tempting not to pop that bubble.

Image Credit: Reddit

I completely understand where her husband is coming from. The daughter was probably dealing with some other issue or insecurity and it manifested in the form of complaining about chores.

Then again, was the mom wrong to be real with her daughter?

Most people don’t think so.

Image Credit: Reddit

There’s nothing wrong with encouraging your children to pursue their dreams, but to do so without preparing them for the obstacles they’ll face doesn’t do them any good.

Image Credit: Reddit

We shouldn’t wait until a teenager’s senior year of high school to get real with them about all that being an adult entails.

Image Credit: Reddit

I WISH I’d learned some more basic life skills before leaving home for the first time.

Image Credit: Reddit

Her daughter won’t be giggling if she leaves home with little to know idea how to budget.

Image Credit: Reddit

The overwhelming majority think this mom was doing her daughter a favor.

Sometimes being a parent means being the “bad guy,” in your child’s eyes.  In the short-term, her daughter might be upset for a bit, but in the long-term, at least now she knows where to set her expectations.

Do you agree with mom, or do you think she needs to give her kid a break?

Let us know in the comments!

The post A Mom Asked, “Is It Wrong to Give Your Kids a Reality Check About the Responsibilities of Being an Adult?” appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Absolute Worst Times They’ve Laughed in Public

There are times when everyone in the room laughs. There are times when most people are laughing, and there are times when only a few seem to be in on the joke.

Then, there are times when no one is laughing but you – because you really, really shouldn’t be cracking up.

These 14 people admit the moments those latter types came up in public, and you can judge for yourself just how inappropriate the laughter might have been.

14. What does he expect!

About 2 and a half years ago I was walking down the Main Street in my city and let me tell you, it was about half past boiling degrees. Anyway, as I’m just walking along (and struggling might I add) this guy who would have to have been around 6.9ft lumbers past me in an old Victorian Top hat!

I couldn’t stop myself from letting out a light chuckle (I held back as I didn’t want to be rude). To my surprise, he must have heard me and he turns to me and gives me a big cheeky wink before tipping his hat and running away. I still think about that big fella from time to time.

13. I bet grandma would have loved that sound.

I was very close to my great-grandma growing up. I was at her house often as she babysat me when I was younger. I was 12 when she died. It was the first death of someone I knew and loved. I was devastated.

Fast forward to the funeral. It was only my second funeral and this one I didn’t know how to act because I was grieving. My younger sister and I were tagging around with our uncle, who was 14 and close enough to our age that we were very close growing up. He was trying to keep up distracted and cheered up. So we were a bit squirrelly and our moms kept telling us to calm down.

There was a family member at the funeral going around taking pictures of family. He asked my sister and I to get a picture in front of the casket. I was weirded out but ok. He tells us to look at her with our palms together like we’re praying. I was struck by the absurdity of this and thought, oh I should pretend I’m crying. So I quick duck my face into my head and pretend to sob. I then I realized I was pretending to cry in front of my dead great-grandmother for a picture and for some reason, I thought this was just hilarious and started giggling uncontrollably.

My sister quickly starts giggling. We both succumb to what I’m sure was grief and uncomfortableness combined and we are literally on the floor laughing in front of our great-grandmother’s casket. I have a bad habit of peeing if I laugh too hard and sure enough, I’m trying hard not to wet my tights and laughing and crying. I see my mom and grandma come marching up to us and everyone staring daggers at us.

We got a good talking to about respect and are told to stay in the side room for family until we can compose ourselves. I was so ashamed and it was one of my most embarrassing memories for decades. I’ve finally come to terms with it and can appreciate that my great-grandma would have probably loved that we were laughing at her funeral.

12. Some things never change.

My mother and grandmother met an old acquaintance of hers at the cemetery were my grandpa is buried. There was a new grave of a 14 year-old who had recently passed of Fibrosis (affects the lungs). Said acquaintance goes “How sad, I heard that he died of Phimosis” (not being able to pull back the foreskin).

My mother, aware of the difference and having a record of bursting out laughing in horrible situations, can’t hold herself back, tears in the eyes and almost maniacally laughing. My grandma is very ashamed and infuriated at her daughter for laughing at her acquaintance of many years at the grave of a recently deceased 14 year-old.

Later grandma basically shouted at her for this behavior like she would have 40 years ago.

11. It is a very expressive language.

During my graduation ceremony, I was in the front row. We all got up to sing the school’s anthem. The song was also gestured(?) in sign language.

For some reason I found the person’s gestures really silly and I was barely containing myself from erupting into laughter.

10. I think that happened on Seinfeld once.

The ending of a boy in the striped pajamas. They were showing it at the blood donation place I went to, and at the end of the movie The son of the German running the concentration camp wanders into the camp, and gets sent to the gas chamber.

The irony of it made me giggle, and the dirty looks from all of the old ladies who had also just given blood, and watched the movie made me loss it. I was crying from laughter, and that’s the story of why I am no longer allowed to give blood.

9. Teenagers, right?

I went to a pro-life rally once and they had someone on stage doing sign language while they had someone giving a speech.

Everything was fine until the man said “at the moment of conception” and the person signing held up one hand in front of her in a fist, then with the other hand started wiggling her index finger, moved it across her, and inserted it into her fist, like a sperm swimming to an egg, and my teenager mind absolutely lost it.

8. We all have our crosses to bear.

My wife and I walked around the grocery store one day and when we turned around an isle a 7′ girl all of the sudden was in front of us. We managed to not laugh or stare, barely.

Then a black guy that was approx 15 seconds behind us noticed and loudly yelled “damn you’re tall as hell girl” in a voice only a 40+ black man can make.

We burst and quickly got into another isle. Poor girl. She seemed shy and bothered by being in public. Just because of people like me and my wife.

7. It just comes out of nowhere.

When the polish president died in a plane crash in 2012 (I think) there was a nationwide minute of silence.

For some reason I couldn’t stop laughing, it was like an attack of just laughter because of nothing.

Anyways my family got pissed and took me away to a room where I sat alone in the darkness and laughed for few minutes till my whole core started to hurt

6. Well that’s awkward.

I was brought into a full team meeting (six of us) at a previous job and was told one of my coworkers was fired and I chuckled a bit and smiled. Our team always played jokes/pranks on each other like that.

Turns out she was actually fired for signing her bosses name on time cards. I felt pretty terrible that they were serious. It was a dumb mistake for her to make, but she was a great coworker so I felt bad for even momentarily chuckling at the fact that she had been fired.

5. I’m sure the priest has seen it all.

My younger sister and I were altar serving on Ash Wednesday. We were probably about 13 and 11 years old.

The priest is making the cross on each parishioner’s forehead with ashes and saying “remember, man, that thou art but dust and to dust thou shalt return.”

My 13 year old brain decided to interpret that as “thou art butt dust” and I snorted.

That set my sister off and we were both sitting there laughing our asses off and trying to stifle it as much as possible.

4. So many yikes.

One time at a McDonald’s some kid had a hold of a milkshake and was enjoying the fuck out of it, arms a’flailing and screaming his little head off. Just enjoying life. I thought this was hilarious and tried -and fail- to stifle laughter as this little kid shared his joy over his frosted beverage to the world.

As me and my friends left the restaurant, they informed me the child was very obviously special needs. I laughed at a handicapped kid in public in front of everybody and had no idea how I looked or what I was doing. In hindsight I was surprised I didn’t get punched in the back of the head of it. I felt horrible over it.

3. Everyone loves to see that.

I was working at a McDonald’s cleaning in front next door I saw a guy walking and some guy comes on his bike behind and lays him out with one punch.

2. Sometimes it’s too much to take.

I work in a warehouse and we were in a meeting with all warehouse staff and our Director, Foreman and Supervisor.

The Director stood up and gave the usual flowery B.S. speech I assume most do. He then got to the phrase that I laughed out loud at:

“You are the backbone of this company, and your opinion matters!”

Note: We are the backbone, but they couldn’t give two craps about our opinions, I couldn’t believe he would lie to us so blatantly.

1. “It was fine.”

I was talking to my colleague and I causally asked him how his weekend went.

I was expecting him to say the usual boring stuff like walked the dog etc- instead out of nowhere he says “it was fine, went to my mates funeral” at that moment I burst out laughing in his face uncontrollably, I don’t understand why it made me laugh so much but it was the last thing I expected him to say. I’m a terrible person.

I’m just so glad none of these are my stories.

If you’ve got one that would qualify, though, please share it with us in the comments

The post People Share the Absolute Worst Times They’ve Laughed in Public appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Scientific Facts They Really Wish Weren’t True

Believing in science is important, and when a fact is irrefutable, researched, and peer-reviewed, we should all accept that it’s true.

That doesn’t mean we have to like it, though.

Here are 17 people who have a beef with one scientific fact or another, and their reasons are pretty darn good.

17. We have no idea what’s down there.

The fact that 80% of the ocean is unexplored.

All of that vast ocean… and we have no idea what’s in it.

16. Well that’s terrible.

Pandas often have twins, but usually the mother can only manage to care for one, so the other is abandoned.

Giant panda cubs can’t even open their eyes until they’re 6 weeks old, and can’t move around until they’re 3 months.

Poor little guys.

15. We won’t be around to see it either way.

The universe was theorized to either slam back together after many more billions of years and possibly create a new Big Bang, or just die by expanding away from everything else and getting colder and colder until atom basically stop moving.

I think its called the Big Chill. Guess which one sounds worse. You pick the Big Chill? Well thats the one scientists believe is the one thats gonna happen.

14. The face I am making right now.

Otters are not as nice as the look.

Male otters sometimes hold pups ransom to force their mothers to give up some of their food

They kill for fun, like a bunch of sociopaths,

One of them grabbed a baby harbor seal (with their fangs) and raped it to death.

11 percent of sea otters found dead on the California coast from 1998 to 2001 were killed, at least in part, by trauma associated with mating.

Also, they are necrophiles.

13. Makes you feel safe, doesn’t it.

Carbon fiber is extremely strong, but only when forces are applied in the direction of the fibers. If you apply the force perpendicular to the fibers, a carbon fiber will split easily.

So you either have to figure out where the forces will be and position the fibers of a carbon fiber part in that direction or settle for a sometimes weaker metal part, which can withstand forces in all directions.

12. Females always getting the short end of the stick.

Felines (and some other animals) have barbed penises which make intercourse extremely painful for females. Females will even try to escape because it causes so much pain.

Unfortunately the spikes are necessary to stimulate ovulation, so it’s unavoidable for reproduction.

11. It’s simple math.

Bigger people, be it taller or fatter are more likely to develop cancer than someone smaller. If anyone doesn’t know what cancer actually is it’s what happens when a cell divides incorrectly and it begins to reproduce at very high speeds.

The more cells someone has the more likely they are to develop cancer. This is not taking any exposure to a substance that can cause cancer into consideration.

10. I would very much never like to find out.

That you can get a blockage in your bowels and die crapping out of your mouth.

9. We so want it to be possible.

That nothing can go faster than the speed of light. I sucks because it make space exploration like in SciFi impossible. And yes I know that there might be ways around it or stuff like wormholes but right now they aren’t really possible.

There is tons of cool stuff we might be able to do in the future. Send seed ships to other solar system. Make generation ship to closer ones. Colonise and terraforming the solar system. Make drone exploration ship.

But actually go from system to system like in star wars, star trek and a million other show. Not an option and might very well never be.

8. We should be more careful.

Materials that are really useful, but extremely harmful.

Asbestos is an amazing material, if it didn’t cause cancer then freakin everything should be made of it. Lightweight, strong for its density, entirely fireproof, and extremely carcinogenic.

Lead paint and leaded gasoline is just plain better, real shame lead is so poisonous because otherwise you’d never want to use the lead-free versions of those things.

Carbon nanotubes, while not something that currently has practical application, probably never will because like asbestos they cause cancer. It is outstanding what that stuff is capable of, but breathing in broken material will absolutely give you cancer.

I’m sure there are some others I’m forgetting.

7. There are ways to deal with it.

Trauma stays with you for the rest of your life.

There are ways to help overcome it but it never truly leaves and will always keep affecting you to a degree.

6. That sounds unpleasant for all involved.

Animals, like Hamsters, have more babies then their bodies (nipples) can feed.

In order to save the others from competing with each other, the mother will eat any additional young, alive.

5. Really? That’s the thing?

Friction does not depend on surface area but instead on normal force on that surface and friction coefficient.

Drives me mad. If I could ask god one thing it’d be to change this.

4. Not-so-fun facts.

“Increasing number of people are unknowingly spreading HIV because they don’t get regular STI check ups”

– Doctors when I get STI check ups.

3. That sounds terrible.

There have been only 3 people who had died out of the earth.

They were the crew of the Soyuz 11. There have been recorded details about the mission, mostly graphic.

You know something was very serious when even the USSR doesn’t even bother covering it.

Yep, even the USA learned about it the second they heard about it.

2. But only if you’re not blind.

That being blind is akin to trying to watch the back of your head, you simply can’t, blind people don’t see black, they literally see nothing.

It’s a terrifying thought.

1. This really is the worst.

Things that taste good are bad for you.

In 1948, the Framingham Heart Study enrolled more than 5,000 residents of Framingham, Massachusetts, to participate in a long-term study of risk factors for heart disease. (Very long term—the study is now enrolling the grandchildren of the original volunteers.)

It and subsequent ambitious and painstaking epidemiological studies have shown that one’s risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, certain kinds of cancer and other health problems increases in a dose-dependent manner upon exposure to delicious food.

Steak, salty French fries, eggs Benedict, triple-fudge brownies with whipped cream—turns out they’re killers. Sure, some tasty things are healthy—blueberries, snow peas, nuts and maybe even (oh, please) red wine.

But on balance, human taste preferences evolved during times of scarcity, when it made sense for our hunter-gatherer ancestors to gorge on as much salt and fat and sugar as possible. In the age of Hostess pies and sedentary lifestyles, those cravings aren’t so adaptive.

Me? Why can’t time travel actually work? I have things to do.

What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

The post People Share the Scientific Facts They Really Wish Weren’t True appeared first on UberFacts.

People Recall the Moment They Realized They Were in Too Deep

If there are some truly bad moments in yourlife, it’s the ones where you realize, without a doubt, that you are in big, big trouble and can’t see a way out of it.

Maybe you could make the argument that these moments aren’t necessarily bad, if you’re talking about falling in love or something, but I don’t know.

18. That’s quite a moment.

The time I was invited by a friend to a “Halloween House Party”

Turns out it was more of a gay/trans “Eyes Wide Shut” type get together that took place in this bizarre mansion. Everyone was in these erotic costumes drinking out of cocktail glasses and I was dressed as Elvis drinking Coors Light.

I knew I was in too deep when within about 8 minutes of arriving I went to get a beer from the kitchen and there was some Freddy Mercury lookin mother f*cker standing there wearing nothing but a spiked collar and a co*k ring on his monster dong.

17. It’s called rock bottom.

I got into shooting heroin in my early 20s. I always knew it would end bad.

But I really didn’t feel “too deep” until I was cuffed and crammed in the back of a police paddy wagon for robbing a convenience store.

I spent three (deserved) years in prison and every day was the definition of “oh man, I really f*cked up here, this sh%t is crazy”

16. Sounds like a fun story.

when i realized i was in a throuple not a friend group.

15. Wow that’s a trip.

I got a PS2 and even though I was over 50 at the time I really got into the Grand Theft Auto games.

I played them so much I ended up straining the ligaments in my wrists and needing steroid shots at the bases of my thumbs.

I couldn’t even hold my toothbrush without great pain.

In the end I had to give the console and games to my grandchildren (not the GTA games) and my thumbs have pretty much been fine ever since, but I really do miss playing video games.

14. This could have been so much worse.

When I was 16 I had a brief online relationship with a 13 year old guy.

We were originally just friends, but he kept dropping little hints that he liked me, and I was so blinded by the desire to be in a relationship (I had never dated anyone before) that I started dating him even though I didn’t even like him in that way.

I didn’t realize how wrong it was until we started exchanging… not really nudes, but very nsfw images of each other. I had a realization of like “I’m 16, why am I dating someone so much younger than me”, and I broke up with him.

We’re still friends today and I’ve apologized to him, and he said it’s totally fine and I don’t need to feel bad about it.

I’m just glad I ended the relationship before things got anymore out of hand.

13. Time to check your diet.

When I went to the doctor with unexplained lower back problems and they told me my liver was being damaged by the high sugar diet I was on and that I was on the verge of having diabetes.

Changed my lifestyle that day.

12. You can be addicted to anything.

I checked and I have 754 days played on Ark Survival Evolved for Xbox, that’s like if you sat on the couch for 2 years straight and played a video game, then I realized that’s not like wasting 2 years of your life on a game it IS wasting 2 years of your life on a game like let me really emphasize here.

I’m not saying I’ve played this game for 2 years like that much time passed since I began, I mean I’ve actually played that many hours over the course of about 5 years.

Omg it’s mind boggling. Straight up gaming addiction.

I have severe anxiety and the game distracts me from it, but it’s now it’s own problem too. I’m def too deep.

11. That’s a bad moment.

When my ex-gf tried to cut me off from my family.

Like “Oh this is abuse isn’t it?”

10. The Simpson’s knows…

Anytime I catch myself thinking of The Simpson’s Ralph sitting on the school bus chuckling and saying “I’m in danger”.

So good.

9. That was a close one.

About ten years ago, a friend and I dropped another friend at an illegal poker game. We were frisked by a guy with two huge guns (holstered, I don’t know guns, they were hand guns), and then had to go through a metal detector. There were two other armed guards with large handguns standing near the table, and yet another super large bouncer type guy sitting down reading a newspaper. So 4, huge, armed dudes. And then a motley crew of players sitting around this table way in the back.

As we enter, the room lights up and everyone is like BOBBY AYEEE and our friend is like, the most beloved dude in the room, and the tension is ok.

He goes off to the table and my other friend and I go over to the bar where a…super coked up? Woman comes over and offers us drinks. We go to pay and the big guy sitting down comes over and gently takes my wallet out of my hand and puts it in my breast pocket like “no, that would be illegal, we don’t have a liquor license.” With a look like “hey, it’s free, just drink free…also I can kill you.”

So…we drink. And then at some point there is an argument between the women / bartender and the same guy slaps the fuck out of her at which point were like “uhhhh we need to gtfo of here” and it was pretty tense just abruptly leaving, and these dudes were like, really skeptical of us “suddenly having to leave.” It was exactly like a movie. Our friend was like nah nah they do really have to go, I’ll take a cab home.

We later found out all / most of those dudes were off duty cops and the building was owned by some old mob guy.

This was Philly. It all checks out.

8. That’s too much for a kid to handle.

I tried to make friends with the quiet kid that was bullied, because I felt bad for her. It worked. She seemed super nice until I realized that she wanted to shoot up her school and her home.

I had to go behind her back and tell my mom and the teacher, but no one would do anything because no one believed me. I was afraid that she’d find out and that I’d get off her good side, and she’d kill me. I begged them in tears to call the police, but no one did. I was the only one keeping her at relaxed.when she got angry.

This was 8th grade. I’m a senior in high school, now. I left the school years ago, but, last I heard, she got counseling, and is “doing well”. Not sure how true that is.

7. The road to recovery starts somewhere.

When I stopped drinking because of a stomach bug and ended up in the ICU from the dt’s.

Yeah, it can happen.

I needed help.

6. Big red flag.

Anytime I start trying to rationalize what I’m doing via the sunk cost fallacy.

Immediate time to reassess what I’m doing.

5. A watershed moment.

In a domestic violence situation, there are so many moments that you can see and sort through in retrospect. The “moment” where my brain said “you need to find a fucking way out of this” happened shortly after we had been married. My family was in Vegas, so we went to join for a couple days. I can/could drink, but that week I was just not into it— like when even one drink makes you sleepy. He was irate and annoyed at this. I didn’t insist on him staying with me all day- I was just going to rest.

He eventually left to go drink and gamble, but ultimately came back after about an hour, and crawled into bed with me. I was groggy and half asleep. He then started grinding against me trying to have sex. I said no, Im really not feeling good. I probably even said “sorry” but I don’t remember. I rolled over, and he kicked me as hard as he could in the center of my back. I fell off the bed, terrified. “You are a f*cking bitch, and you are making this up. You are fine.” I slowly got up and he grabbed me and began raping me. I left my body. I had to pretend I liked it so I did my best. But my body was not my own.

At that point, I knew I had to get out.

4. Jail seems to sober people up.

Got cheated on in a marriage that should have never happened. Young and dumb. I relieved the pain by drinking with friends, which turned into drugs and drinking 24/7, in only a matter of a few months….totally life consuming.

I lost everything, ended up with 2 DUIS in a 6 month span and spent 6 months in jail because of them. I was using cocaine daily, MDMA, alcohol, weed, Xanax and whatever else I could find.

The worst part is how I didn’t even realize how deep I was in, till I was locked up, and watched everything I had be thrown away (new truck, job, apartment, respect) and couldnt do a damn thing about it. All because I couldn’t stand dealing with the pain of what happened. Jail pretty much got me clean, I’m glad it happened.

I’m 3 years sober right now. Still digging my way out of this mess. Trying to get a normal life back. Will never touch another substance. I have likely permanent head issues now, because of all that drug use in such a short period of time.

3. When you stop kidding yourself.

When I realized I wasn’t just bloated and my stomach was actually that big .

2. This is funny.

A few years back two friends and I accidentally got into a season wrap up party for TV show Made in Chelsea.

We had to pretend all night we were producers from Channel 4.

Fortunately I didn’t watch the show, so was easy to lie. Brilliant fun, and an open bar!

1. George Costanza?

Went camping with a group of friends, told them i was night blind as a prank. One of them tripped over and tore a ligament while guiding me.

Started researching night blindness behaviours to make it seem permanently real from here and that’s when i knew i was in too deep.

No one likes to be in over their head. It’s hard to breathe that way!

Do you have a similar story to tell? Please share it with us in the comments!

The post People Recall the Moment They Realized They Were in Too Deep appeared first on UberFacts.

These People Admitted to Believing Some Pretty Silly Lies

Kids will believe pretty much anything. Add that to the fact that a lot of parents enjoy hoodwinking us for fun, and well, most of us can recall believing some pretty silly stuff during childhood.

That said, sometimes our parents sort of forget to tell us the truth, or assume we’ve learned it ourselves, and we believe those things for way too long – these 16 people are willing to admit to just that, for the laughs.

16. I guess undercover work is in trouble, then.

That if you ask someone if they’re a police officer, they have to tell you the truth.

There are still people who believe this. Whoever started this urban legend is a genius.

15. I don’t know when I realized they were real.

That reindeer wasn’t an actual animal but specifically a mythical animal that Santa Claus used.

I believed this until I was 23 or so when I saw some nature documentary talking about reindeer. I was like.. whaaaaaaaaat?

14. Sometimes we just want to believe.

My dog went to a farm… Until I was 35.

13. That is very elaborate.

When I was a kid I used to think professional wrestling was real, and The Undertaker scared the living shit out of me during his whole Ministry of Darkness phase. I thought he actually was Satan’s minister or something.

Like yeah, he’s an undead overlord of hell, here to bring an eternity of darkness and misery to this planet, but he also has to make a weekly television appearance to win a wrestling competition, and you can buy his action figure at Toys R Us.

12. Major parent fail.

I thought guys got periods too, but only once, and you bled and then you were able to impregnate someone.

I cut my upper leg during a rugby match and was bleeding near my groin and was devastated because I thought everyone would presume I had my period mid-match and also subsequently would be walking around able to impregnate people. Worst thing is, I wasn’t even a stupid kid – we literally just lived in a reserved country and I was a full-time boarder at my school, so never got ‘the talk’.

Anyway, thanks for attending my Bled Talk.

11. Bless.

I believed my uncles “roommate” just slept on the couch…

10. I can see this kid’s mind turning.

More so naive and innocent rather than dumb but still funny.

My dad used to tell us kids that a dwarf/little person worked in and operated every carpark barrier in the world.

Every time he drove up to one he’d press the button for the ticket and say “cheers mate, hows the wife?” and fake a conversation as he waited for the barrier to open lol.

9. When the dumb almost kills you.

That I could smell something while underwater.

When I was around 10/12 years old I was in a tropical themed water park where also happened to be a herbal bath. It smelled very nice, which I had not expected. Most of the tropical plants were fake plastic plants, so I figured the water in the bath was normal swimming pool water and the smell was coming from something else. The bath was surrounded with a small aromatic herb garden which didn’t look fake. I sneakily took a sample from a thyme plant that felt surprisingly real.

But because the air was filled with all the different aromas and a hint of chlorine I couldn’t smell anything different when I tried to smell the thyme. I figured the only place where my sense of smell couldn’t be fooled by any fakery was underwater. For 5 seconds I actually felt pretty smart. Until I tried.

8. I am dead now.

That sperm were the size of tennis balls and would burst forth from the head of your penis if you “slept with a woman”, slither across the bed up into her, and make the baby.

Thanks facts of life popup book with no adults willing to clarify that the objects within were not always to scale.

7. His wife told him the truth.

I used to think they dropped the ball at times square multiple times for each USA time zone.

I just assumed people stuck around for the extra ball drops cuz they were all drunk and having fun.

Worth mentioning that I believed this until I was an adult and had my east coast wife let me down easy

6. Sex education is sorely lacking.

I thought that girls peed from their butts.

Then I learned about vaginas and thought girls peed from there.

It wasn’t until I was like 16 that I realized there was another hole.

5. That makes you think.

When we played Pokémon Mystery Dungeon my little sister used to accept the lamest missions and not get good rewards. I told her about it and she responded with

“How would you like it if you were a poor Pokémon that lost its mom and was stuck all alone and had nothing to give someone to save you?”

I laughed my head off at her because “it’s not real, duh” but secretly, I feel that in my soul sometimes.

4. Hollywood is a liar.

That men can get pregnant too …. damn you Schwarzenegger :'(

I was 6 and I saw a man with a big beer belly shopping for diapers at a mall. It made all sense to me and i was so happy i screamed omg u will have a baby !

I think I am gonna go rewatch Junior again.

3. It’s the last part that nails it.

As a kid, my sister told me that we had an older brother that died.

She said he died when playing bowling and his fingers didn’t come out the ball and slid all the way down the alley then he turned into a skittle.

2. Maybe these should be things.

When I was a little kid, I believed that when people got divorced, they had a divorce ceremony, like where they had to go to church and say, “I don’t.”

I imagined the woman wore a black divorce dress (like her wedding dress had been dyed black), and that everybody went to the reception where the ex-bride and ex-groom sat on opposite sides of the hall and there was a divorce cake where the little bride and groom on top had their backs to each other with their arms angrily crossed.

I eventually learned, from watching my mom’s soap operas, that this was not the case, and was kind of disappointed cuz I’d been to a few weddings by then, and was interested in what a divorce ceremony was like.

1. So many wrong lyrics before the internet.

One of my favorite song’s growing up was TLC’s “Don’t Go, Jason Waterfalls”

I can’t think of anything I believed past the age of say, ten, can you?

If so, please share the story with us in the comments!

The post These People Admitted to Believing Some Pretty Silly Lies appeared first on UberFacts.