10+ People Admit to the Last Lies They Told

Liars are everywhere, people. Keep your eyes and ears peeled.

Some of these lies are small and harmless and some are…shall we say ‘a little larger?’

Let’s at least give these AskReddit users some credit for admitting to the last lie they told.

1. Kind of a weird one…

“A friend gave me a bunch of squash from his garden. I hate squash. I brought the bag of squash to work so my co-workers could take them home. I don’t know why but this became a big deal and all day long everyone asked me how I grew so much squash. Rather than tell them that the squash came from a friend I lied and told them that I grew the squash. I don’t know why I did this.”

2. Liar!

“I just told my coworker I was in the middle of something very important. I’m not doing sh-t, other than reading this thread.”

3. A common one

“Sorry I thought I responded to your text but never pushed send :(“

4. Good job Mom

“I told my 5 year old we are out of candy.

There is plenty of candy.

And it’s mine.”

5. Good luck!

“Told my boss just now that I’m leaving work early today for a doctors appointment. I don’t feel well.

Truth is I have an interview at 3pm. They received my resume sumitted last night and want to talk ASAP.

Not feeling well is a lead-in for me to take tomorrow off because I have another interview, with a different company than the one today.”

6. Did they believe you?

“Last night encountered 2 drunken girls attempting to lift a rock. They asked me to help them lift it. My response?

“Sorry, I don’t have any arms.”

I very clearly have arms.”

7. Always a bad idea

“I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it surely”

8. For a good cause

“I’m helping my mom’s boyfriend plan his proposal to her, so we’ve both been lying to her pretty steadily which has been enjoyable.”

9. Broken links

“A guy on an online dating sight was trying to show me pictures of his family jewels, I kept saying the links were broken to see how many different places he’d try to upload it, and how much tech support he’d offer to fix whatever the problem might be on my end.

Turns out the answer is four.”

10. Feel good about yourself?

“I told my dogs before we left for a morning of errands that we would be back in a few minutes…. I am an awful person.”

11. I’m down!

“I am totally down to hang out this weekend! Reality – I am laying in bed and doing nothing all weekend. I’ve had a rough two weeks.”

12. Customer service

“No ma’am, we don’t sell [enter product I know for a fact isn’t sold at my job]. They only come in [enter alternative product we do sell that she doesn’t want].”

“Are you checking??”

“Yes, I’m checking.”

13. Ha!

“I’m glad I have a free U2 album on my phone now.”

14. Hookin’ up

“I told the girl I have been hooking up with that I had dreamed I was waking up next to her and I was extremely disappointed when I woke up alone. Granted, I was extremely disappointed when I woke up, but I didnt have any dreams last night.”

15. Interview

“Had an interview this morning– so many lies.

“Talk about a time when you didn’t effectively prioritize your workload. What were the consequences?”

“I always effectively prioritize my workload and have great time management skills.”

The post 10+ People Admit to the Last Lies They Told appeared first on UberFacts.

10+ People Share the Lamest Motivational Sayings They’ve Ever Heard

I’m on board with these people: I’m not a big fan of motivational sayings. Once, at a previous job, we were all handed lyrics to what was supposed to be an inspirational song and we had to listen to the song and follow along with the lyric sheet. It was incredibly painful and humiliating.

These AskReddit users shared the motivational sayings they really don’t enjoy, and they are right on the money.

1. Well, that’s not really working so far

” “Just be yourself.”

“Myself” is a 400 pound sack of sh-t who does nothing but eat pizza and play video games. That’s who I’d be if I let myself be “myself”.

What I TRY to be is the best version of myself. That’s why I work out, go to school, study another language, stay in touch with friends and family. To improve, and not settle.”

2. Not a fan of this one

“I was just thinking about this the other day.

Everything (does) happen for a reason (because of previous events).

Everything (does not) happen for a (future) reason (that is of supposed greater purpose).

It’s such a nothing statement.”

3. Really?

“Do what you love and the money will follow.”

4. Some good advice here

“I think variations on “stay positive”, because it’s made out like you should always be happy and positive about everything. They don’t tell you that you need to reflect and what brings you down sometimes.”

5. Work hard

” “Work hard, and good things will come.”

Sometimes it’s true. Sometimes it’s completely untrue and you work hard at a sh-tty job for the rest of your life and wish you were dead.”

6. And?

“Someone always has it worse.

Sure. But, this is my issue right now. Feeling sorry for some homeless dude at this moment isn’t going to fix my busted -ss car so I can get to work.”

7. My issue

“Someone always has it worse.

Sure. But, this is my issue right now. Feeling sorry for some homeless dude at this moment isn’t going to fix my busted -ss car so I can get to work.”

8. Don’t let go

“If you love something let it go, if they don’t come back they were never yours in the first place.”

F-ck that. Fight tooth and nail for what you want. Don’t let go until you know for sure it’s a lost cause.”

9. Mixed messages

“Good things come to those who wait. Sure patience and waiting have their time. But so many things need action and perseverance and so many people just need a kick up the butt to get them moving. Good things come to those who work for them.”

10. A little truth

“God never gives you more than you can handle.” What? People encounter things that kill them. It you take a bullet to the head and then you die, that was more than you could handle.”

11. BS

“You make your own luck!”

That’s literally not what luck is!”

12. Huh?

“A bird in the bush is worth two in the stone”. What the f-ck does this even mean?”

13. Fake it

“You gotta fake it, till you make it!”

That doesn’t take into account how much people enjoy exposing frauds.”

14. Not really

“You can do anything you put your mind to.

I had a debate once because my step mother once said that, and so I asked her “Am I able to time travel back to 1568 build a solid aluminum tower through the sun within 20 seconds” all she said was, if you put your mind to it.”

15. The background ain’t so bad

“The general consensus in this thread is that the saying “you can have it all” is bullsh-t.

That’s right on target.

You’re not going to be a rock star. Or a famous actor. Or a champion athlete. No matter how much positive thinking you engage in, you’re not going to make millions.

If you work hard, you might wind up being a session player in that famous band. Or an assistant coach on that team. Or a producer on that hit sitcom. And that’s okay.

Not everybody gets to be the star of the show.”

The post 10+ People Share the Lamest Motivational Sayings They’ve Ever Heard appeared first on UberFacts.

12+ Moviegoers Share Their Worst Experiences at the Theater

People talking, looking at their cells phone, and otherwise making noise at the movie theater is my biggest pet peeve. It drives me insane and that’s why I only go see movies on Tuesdays at 11 a.m.

Anyway, enough about me. AskReddit users divulge their worst movie theater experiences…and they’re making my blood boil.

1. Teenagers

“Worst – Went to see Borat opening night (for some reason I thought it had been out a week already). The “obnoxious teenager level” was dialed up to 11 that night.

Best (at least most memorable in an amusing way) – nothing to do with the film, but years ago I went to see Wishmaster in the theaters with my girlfriend at the time. We were a minute or so late, so the movie already started. It was very dark, and we can see two people sitting right as we walk in. Thinking it was packed, we took the first two seats we could tell were open (which happened to be right across the aisle from the two people we saw.

A few minutes later, the next scene is the skyline of the city in the middle of the day. This cast light into theater, and those other two people we saw were the only other people in the movie, and we were sitting two feet away. I turn to my girlfriend and whisper “maybe we should move” which she said “no, it would be embarrassing.” _A minute later I hear the other guy whisper to his date”maybe we should move”and her say \”no, it would be embarrassing.” _We give each other apologetic looks and sit awkwardly through a pretty forgettable film.”

2. Didn’t even get a refund

“They were offering cheap tickets at a movie theater in a rougher area.

Group of kids playing with lighters the whole time.

One lit a chair on fire.

Smoke alarm went off.

Didn’t get a refund.”

3. It really does…

“I went to see one of the G. I. Joe movies with my brother in one of the worst theaters in my area. We were the only one in the room while watching. At one point my brother says out loud “man this movie sucks a**” and the guy working the projector said back “yeah it really does.” “

4. Ugggghhhhh

“Best/worse? A couple came in to a movie (Thor Ragnarok) with an infant and sat down not far from us. I was picturing the baby screaming through the whole movie. Nope.

The woman behind us talked through the entire thing. It was her 1st marvel movie.”

5. Waterworld

“Worst but best story

I saw Waterworld with Kevin Costner…and the ceiling started leaking from a storm so the rain literally soaked us. It was a $1 theater and I demanded a refund. And got it.”

6. I love this story for some reason

“I had the misfortune of watching Gone Girl in a theater with someone who thought it was a comedy. Gone Girl is a dramatic mystery, not a comedy in any sense of the word. At every mildly funny line, this person was hooting and hollering like it was an Adam Sandler movie. It really broke the mood of a tense, dramatic film.”

7. No sound

“Went to see _”Arachnophobia” _with my boyfriend at the theatre next to our college campus. Lights dimmed, previews played… then the movie started. About three minutes in, the sound goes out. Movie still playing. People start yelling _”Sound!!!”_ but nothing happens. A few jokers start improvising the dialogue, and it’s hilarious. More people chime in, effectively covering the entire soundtrack with gut-busting results. Never laughed so hard in my life. Then the sound came back on and disappointment permeated like a wave through the audience.”

8. WTF

“Experiencing “the crawler”

someone crawling under the seats to steal from people’s purses.

-shudder-“

9. Great guy

“Drunk guy in front of me sh*t himself.

He waited at least 40 minutes before moving.”

10. Classy

“The couple immediately in front of us were getting pretty hot and heavy with a make out session, then the girl moved into the guys lap. At first I thought this was just cuddling, then it became quite clear they were having sex in a crowded cinema, and her head bobbing up and down was ruining my view of the film.”

11. WHAT

“The most outrageous experience was when the guy sitting next to me (in the dark) put his hand down into my hot-buttered popcorn and started helping himself.”

12. Best and worst

“I guess my worst and best cinema experience happened all in the same time.

In the very very early days of online ticket purchases… I purchased 4 tickets online to see 12 Monkeys, on opening day. I was taking a special date and wanted to impress her. Evidently, I was the first one to ever purchase tickets online for this particular theater. We got to the theater and the movie was sold out, even though we had purchased online tickets… The ticket booth was confused as to what was going on so they called the manager. The manager come out and explained that we were the first people to ever order tickets online and that it didn’t quite integrate with their ticketing system causing the theater to overbook. I was thinking… Just great. First date and this happens. I felt like an idiot.

The manager actually made it right in the long run… He suggested that we see another movie that was starting at the same time. He gave us tickets and we went to the theater. Right before the movie started he come in and brought us a full/big snack package, drinks, popcorn, candy, etc. Really great gesture. He said he would meet us after the movie to see how it went.

After the movie, sure enough, the manager was waiting right by the door waiting for us to come out. He stopped us and asked how the movie suggestion was. He then handed us tickets to come back and see the movie that we really wanted to.”

13. Oh boy

“In Doctor Strange, I was in the theatre opening weekend or something and so the theatre was pretty crowded. Right as the movie is starting, one mans phone starts ringing. In my head I’m thinking he will hang up and it’ll all be fine but NO.

So the guy picks up the phone and begins a conversation, at which another person in the theatre tells him that other people are in the theatre and he should hang up.

He responded to that suggestion by saying something along the lines of “I had cancer surgery yesterday and this is my f*cking doctor” much profanity was used.

The other man said “well you can walk out of the theatre so all of these people can not be disturbed”.

And at this point the one mans son is even telling him to stop but he feels it is important to argue his case so he says “I paid for my f*cking movie ticket now why don’t you piece of sh*t leave me the f*ck alone because this is more important than the f*cking movie”.

At this point he was standing up and yelling at the top of his voice. The other man had backed down and stopped responding but the one man was just saying “f*cking hell” and other profanity under his breath for the next 5 minutes.

I was in my theatre with my sister and I was actually scared a fight was going to break out, let alone the fact I was distracted and pulled out of the theatre experience the whole movie and missed the first 5 minutes.”

14. Nice family experience

“Went to see “Finding Dory” a few weeks after its release. Only people in the theater were my SO and I, another older couple with their kid, and a group of 4 teens in the back.

Anytime the movie showed Dory, one of the people in the group of teens would yell “FOUND HER!” with the entourage chuckling at their hysterical joke.

Eventually the man of the older couple ran out of patience and told the group to please be quiet. You would’ve thought he threw poop at them.

They all stand up and start harassing the couple. Telling them that they are going to rape their kid and force him to watch. Next thing I know, the dad flung himself over the seat and a 4-on-1 brawl began.

My SO and I ran out of the theater to get help. Fortunately this was a bigger chain of Movie Theaters and they had security on site. All 7 of them (teens, parents and kid) were escorted out of the facility even though it was the teens who instigated the whole thing.

At least I was able to enjoy the rest of the movie in silence.”

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10+ People Imagine What Jobs Would Be Completely Unnecessary If Everyone Told the Truth

Sadly, we live in a world chock full of liars and swindlers.

So let’s have a little bit of fun, shall we? An AskReddit user asked what jobs would cease to exist in a world where everyone told the truth.

Kind of sounds like a science fiction film, doesn’t it? Let’s see what these people had to say.

1. Sounds likely

“Companies that do background checks, maybe?”

2. No more spying

“Being a spy.”

3. And no more crystal balls

“Mediums.”

4. Crime will cease to exist

“Detective.”

5. I can see your future…

“Psychics.”

6. Hahaha

“Advertisers would have it rough.”

7. Could happen

“No shops would need to be staffed with cashiers.

Customers could go in, take what they needed, and put the money owed in a box or tray or something.”

8. Another dig at advertisers

“People who write commercials.”

9. Bluffing

“Professional poker player.”

10. This would be rough

“I don’t know about unnecessary, but customer service would become very difficult.”

11. Religion

“Megachurches.

Now even though I’m an atheist, I don’t really think of regular centers of worship as dishonest. They believe what they believe, and so saying what they believe to be true is not an attempt to be dishonest.

Megachurches ain’t that. Megachurches are where giant lying charismatic scumbags swindle the poor and desperate out of what little they have, in the vain hope of a miracle.

In a world with no dishonesty, they wouldn’t work out so well.”

12. Time to look for a new gig

“Lie detector dude would be unemployed.”

13. Truth

“Politician.”

14. Another truth

“Juries in a court of law.”

15. No more Tv shows or movies

“Actors.”

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Pet Owners Share the Most Intelligent Things Their Animals Ever Did

Let’s be honest: most of the time, we only take note of the really dumb stuff our pets do. Ripping stuff up, eating the trash, etc.

But they do have the ability to blow our minds once in a while. Like the type of things these AskReddit users shared.

1. Good boy!

“My dad has always had problems with throwing his back out and it usually makes him unable to move for several weeks. Anyways, one time when he threw out his back, my dog grabbed a blanket in her mouth and slowly spread it over my dad while he was sleeping. We were all amazed and gave her a treat.”

2. Another good boy!

“Woke me up and brought me outside to under the deck, where he very obviously showed me the cat that got out and was hiding under there. He looked at the cat, then back at me, then at the cat, then back at me.”

3. He’s testing you

“My friend’s dog knows he’s not allowed onto one very specific carpeted area in the house and he knows never to step onto that area. How does he like to be a smart-ss about it? He grabs his favorite toy, casually tosses it onto said carpeted area, looks at us, and gives us the “well my toy’s there and I have to step onto the carpet to get it”. He does it so slowly and so deliberately that you know he’s being a complete smarta** about it. I can’t help but laugh every time he does it which is not often. He typically does it when he’s desperate for our play because he knows he’ll get a laugh and a positive reaction out of it.”

4. The lost watch

“When I was younger I lost a watch that I really loved. Around that time my cat developed a habit of using his front paws to reach under the fridge and just scramble around under there like crazy. He was seriously obsessed and did that for almost a year, until one night he pulled out a tray that had been under the fridge, and on it was my watch. After that he never touched the fridge again. He was a good boy.”

5. Imitation

“There was a time when, coming back from a trip, the balls of my feet were swollen and it hurt going up and down the stairs. My cat would actually imitate me by limping up and down the stairs (taking the steps one at a time) while meowing pitifully. I swear if he could talk, he would’ve said something like “see, this is how stupid you look.”

6. Saving the fish

“My cousin had a koi fish pond and two dogs. One night the dogs started barking during the middle of the night really loud and urgently, and they almost never bark at anything. My cousin and her parents knew something was weird and went out to check.

One of the fish somehow managed to jump out the pond and was flopping around next to the water on the concrete, and one dog was trying to help it back in the water with his nose while the other was barking for my cousin or her parents to help.

Once they watched them place the fish in the water, they went back in the kennels to sleep. They would watch the pond a lot from then on.”

7. Show us your puppies!

“Not my pet but the dog of a farmer in my grandma’s town that recently had given birth to puppies. When we were strolling around by the farm we saw the dog and said to her: “hey, show us your puppies!” next thing we know, the dog ran around the farm and came back with all her cute little puppies and let us play with them. What a wonderful day.”

8. Smart cat

“My 13 lb ginger cat always had to be near me. Some of the doors in my house didn’t latch, and he learned to open them by using his body as a battering ram. Okay, fine. So one day I’m in a closed room with a door that does latch, and I hear the doorknob rattle. It rattles for a bit then turns, and the cat pops the door open with his weight and saunters in.

I miss him.”

9. Hide and seek

“I actually have a story for this. I taught my dog to play hide and seek. I made him sit in the kitchen while I hid a rawhide somewhere in the house. He would then search until he found it and would then bring it back to me. I would then tell him to hide it and he would. One day I was searching for the damn rawhide for like 10 mins and could not find it. Searched everywhere. Eventually I had to give up totally confused. Next morning I open a dresser drawer to get a pair of shorts and there it is. He saw a slightly cracked drawer, dropped it in, closed it, and outsmarted a human. I was very proud.”

10. Pleased with herself

“I watched my Australian Shepherd problem solve how to get her tennis balls that get stuck under the furniture out by taking another tennis ball and rolling it to knock the stuck one out. She seemed very pleased with herself.”

11. Haunted

“Rock in a rocking chair. I thought my living room was haunted for weeks.”

12. Hiding pills

“He has to take antibiotics for ten days. They are pills.

In the beginning, i was wondering why he wasnt getting better. Turns out, the a**hole was keeping them in his cheek or under his tongue and spitting them out under the closet.

So now i hold him until he swallows and then i check his mouth.

It’s really one of those times i wish i could explain to him why i am ‘torturing’ him with eye drops and painkillers and whatnot. YOU ARE A SENIOR KITIZEN AND YOU HAVE A SEVERE COLD. Stop spitting things out!

On the other hand, he has never scratched or bitten me, just struggles and pulls away.he is a very sweet cat.”

13. A great pair

“Not mine, by my mother had two cats in Hawaii before I was born. She would tell stories about how one, Epo, was very intelligent, and the other, Popokie, was as dumb as a bag of rocks. Made a great pair.

She would talk about how they’d be playing out back and she would call them in for dinner. Epo would immediately show up, but Popokie would be lost in her very small backyard

She would just look at Epo and say: “Epo, go get Popokie!”

And Epo would run out and guide Popokie into the house and to his food dish so that he could have dinner.

Same sort of thing if she had no idea where Popokie was. She would just tell Epo to find him, and Epo would go search the house and bring Popokie to her.”

14. Faker

“Faked to have a paw injury so I’d carry him around the house.”

15. Head for the truck

“If I called my girlfriend at around 9 PM on a Friday, my dog would always get excited and head to the truck.

I was stationed in Shanghai for about a year, but lived for years in Thailand with my GF and my dog.

Whenever I had a long weekend I’d fly back to Thailand. My dog quickly picked up on the idea that whenever my GF switched from speaking Thai to English, she was talking to me. I would call her when I arrived at the airport on a Friday evening, as it was only about 15 minutes from our home, and she’d come pick me up.

My dog was able to put this whole scenario together and went ape-sh-t whenever I called on a Friday evening and he would immediately head for the truck to go pick me up. When I would call her at other hours of the day, he would look at her like he knew who she was talking to, but he knew that it didn’t mean that I was coming home.”

The post Pet Owners Share the Most Intelligent Things Their Animals Ever Did appeared first on UberFacts.

10+ People Reveal the Things They Hate That Everyone Else Loves

We all have examples of this sort of unpopular opinion in our lives: things that everyone in the world seems to love that you just HATE. Could be a movie, a band, a trend, food, etc.

People on AskReddit revealed the things they really don’t care for that everyone else loves. What’s yours?

1. No thanks

“Take me out to eat for my birthday and get the waitresses to sing and smear cake in my face.”

2. Dummies

“To be irresponsible. FFS I’m not going to a party in a town a few dozen kms over without knowing how will I get back home. And even if I did, you can bet I wouldn’t spend all my money on booze.

They got stranded there, over 50km from home, with no money, with no one that could go get them, at 8 am.”

3. Weird

“Calling out to strangers pretending to know them. Walking up to them. Having a proper conversation and after they convince the stranger they met somewhere before saying oops wrong person…”

4. Different groups of friends

“Two different groups of friends. One loves heading out to places on the weekends where there’s always pounding music and shots, the other would rather stay in and watch netflix all weekend.

It’s killing me trying to drag either group towards a happy medium. I just want to go out somewhere for casual drinks where we can actually hear a conversation.”

5. Seems kinda pointless

“Buy the most expensive clothes and then not wear them again and buy more after a month or so.”

6. Nerd alert!

“Magic the gathering. Now I shouldn’t say I absolutely hate the game, I just never could get into it. What I absolutely hate is when we all get together to hang out, and they all end up playing for hours while I sit there not caring.”

7. Introvert

“Going out and bar hopping. Too much money and too many people. I’ll get faced at home, thanks”

8. Crappy

“I have friends who are in a really crappy punk band. I like punk, but their band is god-awful.”

9. No sex talk, por favor

“Unbeknownst to most of my friends, I am still a virgin. I don’t like hearing them talk about sex. It freaks me out.”

10. Anti-social media

“Taking pictures to post on social media. Can’t we just do something without having to talk about how many likes we’re getting!? It’s so annoying to me, I couldn’t care less. I mentioned this to one of them and apparently it was offensive. We’re in our mid-twenties. No one gives a s**t that we went out. Also I think it’s embarrassing to take a bunch of pictures over and over because they don’t like any of them, like get over yourself!”

11. I would not be friends with this person

“Horror movies. They go to the cinema on the regular to see whatever slasher-jump-scare movie is playing, but I just don’t enjoy it. I tried. I really did.

Now I either go and see a different movie that’s playing at the same time, or just meet them for drinks afterwards. It’s a good system.”

12. Let’s move on

“Get together and talk about their children. I liked it before when they had a personality and I could talk about more than 1 topic.”

13. Mallrats

“Hang around the mall. They never even get food while they’re there, they just look at clothes for 2 hours and leave! I just wanted Auntie Anne’s.”

14. No kids allowed

“This bar and grill that allows children after 10 p.m. My roommates and I come from the same city and they’re friends with some mutual acquaintances who have a daughter, so they always go to that place on Saturday nights because they can’t be assed to pay for a babysitter.

I’m not even a kid person in the first place, I refuse to have my Saturdays held hostage to a child.”

15. Let’s go to White Castle instead

“Going somewhere “nice” almost always entails some complicated booking system where we’re told we’ll get our table for 90 minutes only, and we have to jump through hoops if the party is larger than 6, somebody needs to leave a credit card number. You can sit down till everyone’s there. Half your group just want to instagram stuff so there’s that. The food is good but fussy and overpriced, you don’t want to say it but the steak you had at your local spot for a fraction of the price is more pleasant. If the order is not quite right you feel awkward or that you’re making too big a deal of it. Everyone’s sort of anxious and tense because we’re all uncomfortable both psychologically (ehh this is a place where some drinks cost more than my car) and physically (had to dress up to fit in). just can’t resist them.

I’m all for places that have better quality food, I’m 100% about getting out of my comfort zone and yes, sometimes it’s nice to be a little fancy. When I look back on some of the “ohh let’s go somewhere special!” evenings, objectively speaking I did not enjoy it.”

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10 Mind-Blowing Things These Men Learned About Women Simply by Dating One.

Since the dawn of time, men and women have been attempting to understand each other. To most men, women are a mystery. We didn’t realize how much of a mystery until we stumbled upon this AskReddit asking heterosexual men to reveal what they’ve learned about women since they began dating them. The responses are truly eye opening.

1. Gives_Wrong_Answer has some misconceptions on the mechanics of tampons. Sorry, guys. There’s nothing cool or explosive about them.

I had no clue that the string on the bottom of a tampon was to pull it out when you wanted to change it. I thought for sure that a girl stuck the tampon in, pulled the string, and it expanded like a mini explosive. Kind of like a rip cord and a parachute. I was clearly wrong.

2. Much to the surprise of catiesaur’s boyfriend, our vaginas do not spontaneously turn into Niagara Falls once a month. Though wouldn’t it be cool if they did? (No, it wouldn’t be cool. It would be gross.)

My very period-sympathetic boyfriend thought, up until a few months ago, that all the blood during a woman’s monthly period comes out all at once. In some massive torrential wave. (Apparently, we only wear tampons/pads for longer because we don’t know exactly when the flood is coming…)

3. In yet another case of menstruation confusion, stinkyP00 is just relieved to know that those marks on our underwear aren’t poop. Frankly, we’re relieved too.

I’ve lurked reddit for a while now, but I had to create my own account for this one. I never had any sisters and started dating my girlfriend a little over a year and a half ago. Well, one day within the first month or so of dating, I noticed she had some skid marks on her panties. I was thoroughly disgusted, but she’s awesome, so I let it slide. I later saw that she had more than one pair of skid marked underwear, and it remained a mystery as to why this awesome girl either A) had really bad diarrhea often or B) had no idea how to wipe her own ass. Again, this didn’t affect me too greatly, but I did find it to be a little odd. Fast forward a few months, when we went to visit her mom at her apartment. My GF’s little sister, who was 17 at the time, lived there as well. I went into her little sister’s room and saw she had panties on the floor… WITH SKID MARKS. I was aghast… Could this be a family issue? I couldn’t take it any more and I just had to ask my GF if she wasn’t raised with proper ass wiping technique. She laughed and told me it was period blood, and that girls have a few pairs of underwear they use specifically if they’re on their period. The world made a little more sense, and I was so relieved my girlfriend knew how to properly wipe her ass. I also felt like a dumbass.

TL;DR – Period blood stains sure look a hell of a lot like skid marks.

4. A common misconception we’ve seen on this thread is that men think our buttholes serve many more functions than they actually do. So much so that herromongorian’s boyfriend thought we had to see a special doctor just for our buttholes.

i told my boyfriend about my first gynecology appointment and was joking that the first time i got fingered was by a big female doctor (see principle from the movie matilda). he started fidgeting, turned pale and asked me why gynecologists have to finger women’s buttholes. he thought gynecologist=butthole doctor.

5. Vomit=pregnant, according to topo_di_biblioteca’s boyfriend.

My boyfriend thought “morning sickness” (meaning you are pregnant) occurred the morning directly after you’ve had sex. He freaked out when I had a stomach flu one morning after staying over.

6. Yes, Someonedumb, we do this. What can we say? Girls love snacks. If your snacks look delicious, we’re going to eat them. That’s the way it goes.

That they’ll tell you they’re not hungry then eat the food off your plate one piece at a time.

7. Hey, MSJallDAY, it’s not easy controlling long hair in this humidity, okay? We need some reinforcement.

Bobby pins, bobby pins everywhere.

8. Thank you for understanding, IEatBluePlayDough. Looking good isn’t cheap!

The financial burden of makeup.

9. OnlySarcasm, do you think we keep asking you to put the toilet seat down for fun? No! It’s for safety! An open toilet is a dangerous toilet.

that they actually will fall in the toilet if you leave it up..

10. Perhaps all the bragging about penis size can at last come to an end thanks to this revelation by Camtronocon.

“Why would we care how long your limp penis is?”

Mind blown

Well, guys, this has been fascinating. I think we’ve all learned a lot here today.

The post 10 Mind-Blowing Things These Men Learned About Women Simply by Dating One. appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Professional Chefs Reveal What the Average Home Cook Is Getting Wrong

There are plenty of us who believe we’re pretty handy in the kitchen, but like with any skill, the more you do it, the better you get. So from people who do it every day, here are some quick tips on ways you can improve your cooking and baking experiences at home.

#15. Meat water.

“Not thoroughly drying their defrosted meat before cooking. So many people don’t understand why their meat wont form that delicious crust before it’s cooked completely through (esp regarding chicken). It’s because you’re steaming it in meat-water instead of frying in fat.”

#14. Makes my skin crawl.

“Not using a knife correctly. Holding it wrong, chopping like a neanderthal instead of slicing, not using a cutting board. You ever seen someone slice a tomato with a steak knife on a dinner plate? Makes my skin crawl.”

#13. No idea!

“Not following the recipe. I made these cookies it I substituted the baking powder for baking soda, cut the sugar in half, used wishes instead of butter and baked them at 700 because I’m in a hurry. I have no idea why they taste terrible!”

#12. Boil no more.

“That the only way to serve vegetables like cauliflower and broccoli is to boil the shit out of them.

For once, try roasting then in the oven for a little instead, if you can’t have them fresh and as is.”

#11. Like, yesterday.

“BUY A GOOD KNIFE. NOW.”

#10. Batches!

“Putting too much into a single pan. If you’re trying to brown, stir fry or sear, don’t pack it full. It saps heat, and often you might end up steaming what you’re trying to cook. This is something I notice a lot when someone makes me stir fry, and shit’s all soggy. Batches!”

#9. Wait the ten minutes.

“I’m a trained pastry chef who now works as a baker, and I cannot begin to describe how much preheating your oven matters. Food cooks unevenly in a cold oven. Meats, roasts and poultry can’t brown in a cold oven. with baking you use yeast, baking soda and baking powder as leavenings, which – surprise! – all work thanks to heat.

If you’re throwing in frozen, precooked chicken tenders, okay, whatever. but don’t ruin your pot roast over forgetting to punch a few buttons and deciding you can’t wait ten minutes.

Also, if your oven seems off (things take way longer to cook than they should, etc) GET AN OVEN THERMOMETER. You can get ones the clip right to the rack and be done with it. it’ll improve your cooking ten fold to have a properly heated oven.”

#8. More salt.

“Your noodle water needs more salt.

Nope still not enough. It has to taste like seawater.”

#7. All that is holy.

“Tossing meats and veggies to cook in the pan in whatever order as you chop them up.
Cutting produce in uneven sizes or tossing a bunch of different produce on a pan for a one-sheet dinner without considering what size the pieces should be to cook at the same time.
Relying on canned or processed items instead of fresh like premade gravy, canned soup, pre-shredded lettuce, or bottled lemon or lime juice ect.
Not layering flavor by doing things like: brining meat, marinating meat, searing meat, adding a splash or acid/citrus/vinegar, roasting or caramelizing veggies, letting sauces reduce down, basting lean meats with fat, warming up bread/buns/tortillas, ect.
Being afraid to use salt and fat for flavor.
Finally, for the love of all that holy, use fresh aromatics. Fresh garlic and ginger are your friends.”

#6. Shocking!

“People don’t salt their meat enough. When I have people over and they see how much salt I put on a steak they are shocked; tell me it’s too much. Some people even tell me they don’t like salt and to not put any on their steak before grilling. No, I will not do that. Universally my steaks are hailed as some of the best they have ever had.”

#5. You’ll ruin your blade.

“Don’t scrape ingredients off your cutting board with the cutting edge of your knife! Use the back of the knife for that.”

#4. The Silk Road.

“Slow and low heat treats most dishes and preparations well. Also, you can achieve incredible meals with a basic spice pallete. No need to explore the Silk Road for something crazy.”

#3. Let it breathe.

“Last time I saw a similar chef advice post, I learned to let steak rest a few minutes after coming off the grill, before eating. Holy crap, what a difference that makes….”

#2. Life changing.

“Boil spaghetti/other pasta types until it’s still this side of al dente. Drain. Add the pasta sauce, finish cooking the pasta and sauce together. Bene!!

–Italian from Naples, Italy taught us all how to cook pasta when we did it American-style: separately served the cooked pasta, then a scoop of pasta sauce on top. She was aghast. Brought us to the kitchen, started from boil oil-salt water, thru the proper procedure. Life changing.”

#1. Don’t be afraid.

“Don’t be afraid to use herbs and spices…but also be sure to use the right kinds and the right timing!

Some people just throw in a bunch of herbs and they completely contrast each other. Some people throw in their herbs way too early and the flavor gets cooked out and diluted over time.

I suggest looking up good pairings online and experimenting with ones you like!”

The post 15 Professional Chefs Reveal What the Average Home Cook Is Getting Wrong appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Americans Share Their Tips for People Visiting the USA for the First Time

Visiting a foreign country for the first time can be intimidating, especially if you come from a totally different culture or practice varied customs. It’s helpful to have someone to guide you, and while some of these pieces of advice won’t apply to everyone traveling, they’re undoubtedly informative and helpful if you’re planning your first trip stateside!

#15. Never been disappointed.

“See the National Parks!

I’ve never been disappointed by one. The U.S. National Park system is one of the best things about the country.

If you’ve never been to one, start with the Grand Canyon, but there are plenty more that are worth seeing. Yosemite, Yellowstone, Zion, Sequoia, Glacier….

The U.S. is very, very big and has a lot of beautiful sights to see. In my opinion, just about everything west of the Rocky Mountains is breathtakingly gorgeous.

Don’t forget Alaska and Hawaii! They’re included in that.

You could probably plan twenty separate vacations to the U.S. and still not come close to seeing all of the best stuff.”

#14. Quite friendly.

“Americans are actually quite friendly and it is not weird at all for strangers to make idle chat with you as you’re waiting in line, riding up an elevator, or in some way sharing a common space for a short amount of time. If they catch that you’re from out of town, I can guarantee you’re gonna get questions and interest from them.”

#13. Plan to drive.

“If you’re going outside of New York, DC, or the relatively few other cities that have good public transport, plan to drive. Check the website of the state(s) you’re visiting to see if you need an International Driver’s Permit and budget for a rental car. Public transportation does exist, but isn’t the greatest in most areas.”

#12. Be prepared.

“The US is BIG. Thinking about driving somewhere out of state? Double check your driving time. Tipping is a thing. Be prepared for that.
You can often get unlimited free refills at many restaurants. Live it up while you can. Live life on the edge. Go head, take that right on red. (As long as you come to a full stop first) Eat BBQ, Mexican food, and hamburgers. These are things we do better than pretty much everyone. Enjoy them.
If you like beer, checkout our booming craft beer industry. Over the last decade or so the US has gone through a sort of beer renaissance. Unlike the past, US breweries now produce some of the most sought after beer anywhere in the world.”

#11. Don’t flyover.

“If you have time, take a train ride from the east coast through the Midwest. The US IS HUGE. Seeing it by train is great.”

#10. A horrifying moment.

“DO NOT try and bribe the cops if you get pulled over.

That was a horrifying moment courtesy of a foreign exchange student.”

#9. No details required.

“Hi how are you” , “how’s it going”, and “hey what’s up” are just greetings. Feel free to just say hey in return it doesn’t necessarily warrant a legitimate response.”

#8. Fall in love.

“Try root beer. I’ve heard it’s virtually unheard of outside the US and many foreigners will try it and either fall in love or hate it. For some reason, this is fascinating to me.

Also, barbecue.”

#7. Personal space.

“Pleeeeeeease respect personal space. Americans have a concept of personal space that some countries do not. While some Americans are understanding, most are not, and having someone stand close enough to touch you accidentally is often unnerving.”

#6. Very good advice.

“If someone tries to put their mixtape in your hand, promptly return it and decline.”

#5. Try this.

“If you’re driving and need to fuel up and you’re using presumably a non-US credit card at a pump, try using 00000 or 99999 when it asks for your zip code to confirm the purchase. It doesn’t work at all gas stations, but enough to try it so that you might avoid having to go inside to prepay.”

#4. Be ready.

“Be ready for directness and prolonged eye contact. To Americans traveling abroad, be ready for the opposite.”

#3. Taxes.

“The price you see on an item in a Store is not the real price.

Each city, county, and state have different taxes on different things, and they are tabulated at check out. So (generally) expect the total price to be 3-10% more expensive than the sticker price.

This is because the US does not have a standard VAT tax or a GST, they have a web of Sales Tax, beverage tax, soda tax, gas/petrol tax, luxury tax and other taxes all at different rates.

For example, Delaware has zero sales tax whereas neighbouring Maryland has a 6% sales tax

Pennsylvania also has a 6% sales tax, but Philadelphia has an additional 2% sales tax on top of the State, making their sales tax 8%

So don’t panic, you’re not being ripped off, they just don’t tell you the true price until the end.”

#2. Still massive.

“Portion sizes in restaurants. Born and raised in Oregon and the portions are still massive.”

#1. Bring the cash.

“Travel within the US is pretty expensive compared to Europe. LA to NYC is around $300-500 dollars. LA to SF is around $100. It makes sense since it’s quite a large piece of land. So if you’re gonna vacation here, it’s probably best to focus on certain areas rather than trying to see the whole country.”

The post 15 Americans Share Their Tips for People Visiting the USA for the First Time appeared first on UberFacts.

9+ Psychologists Reveal the Scariest Session They’ve Ever Had

If, like me, you’ve ever wondered if therapists hear some truly crazy stuff in their sessions, this is definitely the post for you. In truth, most of these stories are scarier than my wildest imagination.

#15. Call the police.

“Im no longer a marriage counselor,but I once had a couple who brought pistols to their first session, and insisted on pointing them at each other in order to “keep the conversation from getting out of hand”.

Scared, i played along, and then instructed my staff to call the police if they ever showed up again.”

#14. Legitimately concerned.

“I work as a community-based social worker but I have my masters in mental health counseling so I consider my sessions to be “counseling informed.”

Disclaimer out of the way, I visit all of my clients in their homes at least once a month. Many of them live in low income housing and in pretty bad neighborhoods. Many of them struggle with their basic living skills like cleaning their apartment. Head on over to r/neckbeardnests to get an idea of what that looks like. Also, some of clients have had bed bugs so that makes meeting them a bit more challenging.

So the scariest session that I ever had happened earlier this year. My client in question was addicted to crack and he had connected himself to a pretty dangerous dealer. The dealer originally let him have a bunch of crack for free, then said that my client owed him. To force him to pay, he took my client’s key to his apartment so that he could come in and out as he pleased and sell my client’s stuff. At one point my client told me that he even brought a prostitute and made use of her services in my client’s bedroom while my client was in the living room.

Anyway, during one of my sessions, he came into my client’s apartment. I was in the same room as a very intimidating, tall, muscular, crack dealer who was not above threatening my client and stealing his stuff. I was legitimately concerned that I was going to be shot at some point during the session or as I left. The only thing going for me was that I don’t think he knew that I knew who he was since my client only greeted him by name and not by his occupation (I just happened to know his name from previous conversations with my client).

Luckily, I did not get shot. I started meeting my client with other people from then on. Never saw the dealer again but he at least seemed friendly. I would have assumed he was a decent guy if I didn’t know anything about him.”

#13. All around.

“I’ve been a provider of psychiatric care for 13 years and my most interesting episode got a lot of attention on Reddit so I’ll be careful to toe the line.

This patient had been in and out of our center on multiple occasions always linked to failing to consistently take medication for delusional schizophrenia.

He is now under 24 hour “care” after sexually assaulting a man while he (the patient) believed he was Jesus Christ. The patient claimed he believed the man was dressed as a religious woman who wanted his (Jesus’s) advances. He claimed he was shocked when the man revealed that he was actually a public transportation employee.

It was just a bizarre case all around.”

#12. Don’t miss.

“On a psych/prison unit a boy stabbed through his own hand while pressing his hand over a guy’s chest so he wouldn’t miss the guy’s heart.”

#11. No sense of irony or shame.

“Was a counselor at a Psychiatric Hospital for children in my previous career. So many of these stories sound so very familiar.

One patient we had was a 9 year old boy who had been brought in because not only was he sexually acting out in his neighborhood with the other children, but would also torture neighbor animals and frequently break in to neighbors homes just for the sake of doing it. He liked to move stuff around in their houses and then hide in the closet to watch and see their reaction. The first time he was brought to the hospital, he had been caught by the homeowner, and had attempted to set the house on fire when caught by squirting lighter fluid on matches that he’d brought with him “in case he was found out”. One day a fellow staff member and I were asking him and the other patients what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most gave typical answers like baseball player or policeman.

When it came to this kids turn, without missing a beat he said “I want to be a rapist.” He said it with no sense of irony, or shame.

There’s that scene in Halloween where Dr. Loomis says looking into Michael Meyers eyes that there was nothing behind them other than evil. I understood what he meant that afternoon.”

#10. The lights went out.

“Not me, but my wife. She used to work in an adult prison and had been meeting with an inmate who had an extensive history of assaulting staff. While she was meeting with the inmate alone in a room, the lights went out. The inmate was closer to the door and no one came by to check on her until the lights came on 10+ minutes later.

She also had been working with an inmate who swallowed a razor right in front of her…”

#9. Avoid the usual way.

“A friend of mine, who is a clinical psychologist, recently had this patient. She conducted the initial interview during which they touched upon some interesting topics. The guy was trying to explain to her his theory about the goverment. It was the usual – lizard people, mind control, chemicals in the water that make you gay… A couple of days later, a colegue of hers told her she’s “in the system” . Being in the system means you became a part of the paranoid delusion and play a role in it. Long story short the patient said that she knew too much and had to be killed. She had to avoid the usual way to work for a couple of days while they hospitalized him.”

#8. Security!

“Second hand account from a friend, she was a grad student not prof at the time, I’m sure still violated HIPPA telling me, but whatever…

She was running someone through a study, normal script based, do something, collect your 20$ at the end for answering some questions on tape kinda thing.

Said a girl went through and seemed off. At first she thought the girl was flirting with her as she answered the questions, but then they started to become further and further from what she was asking, and eventually the girl was talking about her boyfriend, said something like, “we should all get together” then went from that idea to “you’re trying to steal him from me” and by the end was threatening my friend that she’d track her down and “make sure she can’t steal him” afterward.

Anyways, she said this whole thing took place over about 5 minutes, the last bits she had already called an end to the session and the girl just wouldn’t go. She had to call campus security to get the girl to go, then she said she didn’t feel safe for a long time.”

#7. Would not be convinced.

“Had to treat a mom who thought a neighbor family was responsible for her son being taken away. So she burned their house down. They had no idea who she was……she had previously had a daughter removed from her care and when her son was taken, she just lost it and set the fire. Would not be convinced that this family had never met her but yeah, started to really understand why her kids were taken….”

#6. A not-so-zen weekend.

“Technically confidentiality was already breached on this, so here goes… I was a young counselor just starting an internship with a new site. I had maybe 100 direct hours under my belt at this point when I start seeing a couple. Couples counseling, but girlfriend is sick of the cheating and just wants the breakup to be amicable. We get two sessions, but the guy is still in the mindset of saving the relationship.

The next weekend I head into the mountains (and out of cell range) for a short camping trip. As we’re driving back into town, my phone predictably starts chiming in rapid succession, but some forwarded messages are from the male in the relationship. He threatens me, then threatens murder suicide on his partner, and would answer when I called. We stopped in the next town and I had to call my supervisor for guidance. Called authorities and requested a safety check on both parties.

No one was hurt. Girlfriend got out of town and went to stay with a friend during a fight which I think is what sparked the threats. He must have just come to terms with the possibility of losing her. So yeah that was a super jarring thing after an otherwise zen weekend in the mountains.”

#5. That was concerning.

“Was working in a state psychiatric hospital and was called to a behavioral emergency. I saw seasoned mental health technicians walking away from the room in question with shocked looks on their faces, which was concerning. I walked into this patient’s room and saw that she had bitten a chunk out of her body and was in the process of chewing and swallowing it when I walked in. She had blood dripping from her chin.”

#4. No panic buttons.

“I used to manage clinical trials for some bigger name places…one of the last trials I managed required working with folks with schizophrenia who were not on medication. To be fair, this story is NOT typical of those folks, and I don’t want to stereotype them, but I’m just saying this to explain the behavior in this instance. The study involved 3-4 visits totaling 10-12 hours with these folks, so I got to know them fairly well. My portion involved an extensive clinical/diagnostic assessment and some other computerized tasks, so all told I spent 4ish hours alone with them (the rest was taking them to other providers/appts for the study). This all occurred in a room that (A) didn’t have a panic alarm and (B) where I was not closest to the door, which are two big no-nos. I did bring it up when I first started but was younger, naive, and figured the odds of something happening in this context was low.

I worked with upwards of 120 people and heard all kinds of stuff, like a little old lady who described her vivid hallucinations of people being cut up into pieces, slaughtering others, etc. just as calmly as she talked about her love of scrapbooking. None of this stuff ever bothered me, largely because even when people describe stuff like that there are so many other indicators to tell you whether or not they’re dangerous, and most of the time they’re not. Several others were pretty terrified of the other portions of the study (not disclosing, but people without schizophrenia were afraid of it, so it was normal) but were so compelled to help our research so others wouldn’t have to feel the way they felt that it was inspiring.

Then I had one who was incredibly obsessive. I didn’t spend enough time with her to figure out if this was separate from or a part of her schizophrenia, but she ended up pinning me in the corner, grilling me in an aggressive-but-crying manner about why I kept asking her to come back to these appointments but didn’t want to date her (she had NEVER mentioned this until this point). Again, no panic buttons, no way out. I’m a small guy and she was taller and much larger than me. Thankfully her mom came to pick her up a little early and it saved my ass. But it happened in a matter of a minute or less and that’s what scared me most.

Suffice to say I told my supervisor I would NOT be continuing that study until he rearranged the clinic so I was closest to the door and we had a panic button/protocol in place.”

#3. Done.

“I’ll post a few.

Two schizophrenics both thought they were Jesus in a pod and it came down to a holy throw down over who was Jesus and who was the blasphemer.

Routine inmate check (where I ask how everyone was doing, any thoughts of hurting themselves or others, and such) I had a bunch out in the air room (like a half basketball court that was open for inmates to get there hour) and I walk out side with the guard behind me. Right as I make it out the power kicks off and the door auto shuts with me out with 6 people. Now it was a moment of panic. Us all standing there, them looking at each other. 100% thought I was gona get messed up. Trying to figure out if I could use a clip board as a weapon. I just blurted out “line up so we can get this done so no ones time gets wasted, I’m sure they will still count this as you being out”. They all lined up and did my checks. By the last one the power kicked on and a full team in riot gear was there. I learned the battery backup had died on the door and was scheduled to be replaced. Because it was dead dead they couldn’t manually open it either or something. I didn’t stay much longer.

Last one, was the only case of dissociative identity disorder I’ve ever come across….well came across legitimately. I’ve ran into a few that said they had it, or had tried to use them to get out of a dui, assault. Those kind of things. Never one with a stick of peeper work except this one. Diagnosed by court evaluation. Now this is special cause this was my last day and I left after this. She’s Just in jail waiting like 3 days to be transported to a mental health facility. Attacked about a dozen people. Little 90 lb girl. Messed up a couple guards real bad. Well it comes down to onlyindef to go check on her cause she’s been acting “weird”….so okay, grab like 3 guards to go check on her in a suicide cell. Where there’s nothing but a little tunic. Well look through the glass can’t see nothing. First guard walks through after the door opens. Looks around confused…I’m just walking through the door as he points up and gasps. I flip around and she’s fucking scary move status up in the corner. Like up by the fucking ceiling with hair over her face. Like 100% horror movie status. So what to do? I go “ (clients name) do you want to come down and talk?” Expecting crying girl or shaky arms to give out. Silence for a minute. Now here’s the part where people don’t believe me. Thats fine. She looks out from under her hair after a long silence and just says in a exorcist sounding voice “clients name isn’t here, only me”. Now you ask what did I do? I stared for about 30 more seconds and did what any good therapist did and said “ sorry wrong cell” and walked the fuck out. I asked the desk sergeant how long she’d been up there, he said a couple hours. I walked out and went home. Done. Ain’t messing with nothing like that. Out of my scope of abilities. Someone with way bigger degree needed to handle that. I was later told by another staff member, that she had dislodged both shoulders and wedged herself up there.

Edit: cleared up a couple typos. I’m okay with the rest.”

#2. Vacant staring.

“I had a patient become preoccupied with me and use explicit language and imagery about me in front of other patients. They were convinced that they had witnessed me perform sexual acts on others and reported it to the entire group all while maintaining a flat (emotionless) affect. Then they asked me how much it would cost to have me perform oral sex on them. The frustrating part of the entire situation was they had become violent with another clinician while they were in our care previously. I’m not sure why they were allowed to return as this specific behavior only manifests at our particular location (records do not mention this happening elsewhere). I was incredibly scared due to our size differences and just the complete lack of any affect plus the vacant staring. Ugh.”

#1. No fun.

“I worked with bahavioral students for a while. I think the most disturbing was one kid who grabbed a pair of scissors in each hand and proceeded to run around the room threatening other kids. Once I had him cornered and the room evacuated I managed to get them away from him, thats when he grabbed a pencil and lodged it in to my arm. Attachment disorders aren’t fun folks.”

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