Category: askreddit

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15 Times Things Went WAY Better Than They Should Have

“Well, isn’t that convenient?” How many times have you said that in your life?

Sometimes the universe just seems to be looking out for you. These AskReddit folks shared the most convenient things that ever happened to them.

1. That worked out

“Was overseas for a conference and I had taken a tour on the weekend before it, and met some peeps. One was a group from America and the other a girl from Germany. As the tour wound down I gave out my email address and told them to contact me so we could do something the following day.

The next day I go have lunch with the Americans first, and I’m on a train back in the direction I’m staying in, but wasn’t too sure around public transport at the time. I get a call from the German girl who asks if I’d like to have coffee with her in a certain suburb. As she says that I look up, the train door opens and it has the suburb name on the wall. I climb off the train, walk out the station and she’s right there.”

2. Cruisin’

“In 2010 my dad was at a hotel across the state. Two things you need to know about my dad: he is always hot, and he is very stubborn. So he goes to open the window in his hotel room but it was jammed and wouldn’t open. So he yanked on it until he popped a tendon in his arm. He went to the hospital and got rushed back to our city, it was a big deal because if he didn’t have surgery within 72 hours he would likely lose use of his arm.

But he got the surgery, workman’s comp paid for it because he had been on a business trip, and all was well. But then the hotel called, saying they wanted to compensate him so that he wouldn’t sue. My dad assured them he is not the suing type, he recognized it was his own fault, etc., and even offered to sign something saying he wouldn’t sue, but they were insistent on providing compensation. So finally, my dad told them he wouldn’t even know what to ask for.

The hotel, who was affiliated with Holland America Cruise Lines, replied and said: “how about a free cruise for four anywhere Holland America sails, and $10000 to get you to the location of the port?” So he said… yeah okay.

So the summer before my senior year of high school, me, my parents, and my best friend went on a Mediterranean cruise that went through Spain, Monaco, Italy, Greece, and Croatia, and the cruise/travel cost us nothing. It was f*cking amazing.”

3. I believe

“Once I was about to get a haircut which would have cost me £9, however I only had £7 as I spend £3 earlier that day. Now I had to get this haircut otherwise I would have been killed by my mum as she is the one who gave me the money for that specific reason.

So there I was sitting and hoping I would be able to negotiate something, with each passing minute I was getting more nervous. When a miracle happened. A man approached me and told me that he is in a hurry and will pay for my haircut if I give him my space. And on that day for a minute I believed in God.”

4. Rolled on in

“I ran out of gas on a long one lane bridge with a gas station at the end on the left side of the road. Had enough momentum to get over the bridge, had a large enough break in traffic to turn left without braking, and saw that one pump was open on the correct side of my car. Rolled into the station and didn’t even need to touch the brake to stop at the pump. I should also mention the bridge was flat so I didn’t have any hills to help me out.

I’m pretty sure my lottery chances are shot with all the luck I blew in that one minute.”

5. Right person at the right time

“I got on the wrong bus and didn’t even realize until it made the first stop. I got off there and was in a panic of what to do since I had to be somewhere at a certain time. The first stop was a college campus I had never been to. I saw somebody going out to her car, who turned out to be a professor, and I went to ask her about a bus that ran from the school. She just asked where I needed to be and she gave me a ride to the place for free. I ran into the right person at the right time.”

6. Boom!

“I started a new job and about 2 months later they announced that everyone was getting laid off as they were moving the billing office to another branch in a different state in a few months.

As an incentive they offered up to $2,000 bonuses for the people who remained the longest to clear up all remaining balances to make the transition more easy. I ended up convincing my old manager at my previous job to re-hire me a few weeks after the announcement.

Months later after I had left I ended up getting a check in the mail for the full bonus amount which I cashed ASAP.”

7. On vacation

“When I was maybe 15 or so, my mom told me to go to the doctor to get health report (for some documentation, it’s a long story). I didn’t want to go, so I lied that I went and the doctor was on vacation. Later, she comes into my room saying, “So, I called the doctor to make sure…”, and I’m like “OH SH*T”, and then she continues “So, you were right, she is on vacation indeed.”

I still can’t believe this happened.”

8. Helping hand

“I was cycling in a very isolated area, exploring my province, when one of my tires blew. I wasn’t even carrying any repair tools with me, so I was left with the only option to walk back 20 miles to the nearest village and either look for help or cancel my trip and take a bus back home. Not 1 minute after I started walking two cyclists appeared on the horizon. They happily fixed my tire and I was able to complete my ride. Montreal – Percé.”

9. Lemme, lemme upgrade

“One time I got into the wrong line when boarding a plane, but the attendant said “go on ahead” and instantly upgraded me to first class.”

10. Might have starved

“Went island camping with a friend of mine on a little sail boat. We did not have a gas stove to heat our food in, we instead had a metal frame that used firewood. Unfortunately, where we landed was void of any sort of wood. I’m convinced this was Deus ex machina at play here , but we conveniently found a store-bought log of firewood in this tiny island. Would have starved without it.”

11. That’s always nice

“Back in 2003 when you could fill at the pump then pay, I filled my car and went in to pay. The guy said that pump didn’t register a sale. Told me to have a nice day. I got around $38 worth of free gas.”

12. That was quick

“Bought a car for $2000. Picked it up and drove it 3 blocks home. Guy across the street sees the for sale sign and asks how much. Tell him I just bought it and he offers me $4500. He goes and gets me cash, I sign it over to him. $2500 bucks made in 30 mins.”

13. Lazy and happy

“Married the girl next door. We were friend and neighbors for almost a decade. We were frustrated being single and did the “hey! wanna date.” After we got married moving her in was a friggin dream! We kept the 2nd apt for 2 months, that was fun too. She didn’t have to change her address. Now that I think about it. We might be the laziest happily married couple.”

14. Easy!

“I had an AMEB piano exam coming up and I was supposed to have prepared two extra pieces, one of which the examiner would ask me to play (but you don’t know which one they’ll pick of course).

One, I had nailed. The other, from the very beginning, was a piece I never really liked much and I’d only learnt the first couple of pages – the rest of the piece would probably sound like someone playing it for the first time. Honestly, I didn’t give that piece nearly as much time as I should’ve.

So I went into that exam just HOPING the examiner would pick my good piece. Exam day came around and the examiner picked the piece I could only half play. CRAP.

Then, by some incredible alignment of the stars, she says ‘I’ll just get you to play to the end of the second page.’

Yes, of course Mrs Examiner, easy!”

15. A dream

“The job description literally was “off-role job, you have been notified”

I thought it was a joke, I applied on it anyway. Turns out Its one of the biggest Automobile giants in world desperately needing a graphic designer who is ready for an off-role job.

Its EXACTLY 12 minutes ride on Motorbike to and 17 minutes fro.

Got a chill boss who’s barely 9 years older than me and completely fine with me showing up 45 minutes late to work EVERYDAY as long as the work is done before I leave ON TIME.

When asked about the funny job description, she grilled the HR dept about funky job description.

some perks of my job

An hour late on job is acceptable EVERDAY. (due to my boss’s designation)
Mostly leave on time 5 minutes give or take extra
A less polite conversation makes my boss thinks she is scolding me and 5 minutes later she politely but professionally apologizes for ‘yelling’ at me. LOL
Can take up to 3,15-20 minutes break excluding lunch break
Company has an agency already hired who does half of my work. (I’m there for emergency creatives)
This is absolutely a dream job for a second job.”

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15 Singles Discuss What They Love Most About Their Lifestyle

These days, I’m quite happily married, but it wasn’t that many years ago that I was living the single life. While I’m definitely happier today than I was then, there are definitely some parts of the single life that were pretty great.

There are a lot of perks, as these 15 people are quick to point out.

#1. My entire social battery.

I can do what I want whenever I want!
Well, actually I still gotta help my family and go to work and that pretty much drains my entire social battery.

#2. Not getting dragged into lame events.

Not getting dragged into lame events with her family that essentially ruin my weekend.

“Oh no, I totally want to drive three hours and hangout with your family this weekend. I had these crazy plans to relax, maybe go for a bike ride, have some beers by pool, go to a movie with our friends, etc. But you’re right, lets drive three hours away to listen to your family argue about politics, eat bland food, and sleep on a futon. Sounds great.”

#3. What I love about being single.

All of my shit is exactly where I left it when I get home.

My bed is still made, my dishes are still done, my food is still there, my clothes are still clean, and nothing is missing from my cash stash.

If I want to stay up late and watch movies or listen to music, I can.

If I want to go to bed early, and use the whole damn bed, I can.

If I want to go out and have a few drinks with my friends, I can.

I never have to laugh at unfunny memes’ found on FaceBook, or explain why I’m laughing so hard at anything.

I never have to justify my joy.

I’m my own person. Full, complete, and content.

And no one can drain that from me.

This is what I love about being single.

#4. So much space!

Being able to sleep diagonally across my bed, so much space !

#5. The same goes for me.

No one has to deal with my shit, and the same goes for me. Dunno how I’d handle that.

#6. Free of the constant anxiety.

I’m free of the constant anxiety of if I’m being a good boyfriend.

#7. No obligations.

the fact that I have no obligations to anyone on a daily basis (outside of my family and shit). all I gotta do is worry about myself. also I get to use all my money for me

Edit: Thanks for the silvers and all the replies, even the ones who disagree, I enjoy hearing your perspectives.

#8. When you put something somewhere.

No longer single but the fact that when you put something somewhere IT FUCKING STAYS THERE!!!

Edit : thank you for gold and silver!

#9. The thing I miss most.

married father here chiming in.

The thing I miss most about being single is the ability to act purely in your own self-interest without having any sense of guilt or responsibility to another person. And I’m not even talking about something with high stakes — I’m talking about something as simple as wanting to eat an entire bag of skittles without sharing with another person.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sacrificing for my family and sharing any and every thing I have with my wife and kid, but when you’re single, you have the ability and right to make every tiny decision based on your own self-interest or selfishness, and that’s something I sometimes miss on a very simple rudimentary level.

#10. Not worrying about their success.

I enjoy not worrying about their success. Life can be difficult, so supporting an SO and putting personal struggles on the back burner to do so can be exhausting.

Overall, a healthy relationship is still my favorite… but single is much better than an unhealthy one.

Obligatory Edit: Holy karma! Thank you everyone! I’m so happy that so many of you found some value in this post. I’m in the middle of a divorce and had been habitually putting myself second to my wife, so I’ve really been trying to convince myself this is true. All these fake internet points reassure me in my thinking and make me feel pretty great, so I really appreciate you all. Please stay awesome! ?????

#11. Delightfully selfish.

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can spend money on myself with zero regard for what anyone else thinks. I don’t have to factor anyone else into my plans or life decisions.

It can be lonely sometimes, but it’s also delightfully selfish.

#12. I don’t have to choose.

i don’t have to chose between hanging with my friends or my SO.

#13. Best of all…

Not having to share a bed.

Not having to share your food.

Your space. Your free time. Your time out with friends.

​

But best of all …

​

Not having to have unnecessarily long discussions on where to eat.

#14. Stuff can just happen.

That stuff can just happen. If I want to change my entire weekend plans, bam – done. If I stumble upon a thing that happens and want to participate, boom – done. If I don’t want to talk to anyone, ka-blam – done.

#15. Exactly where it should be.

Everything in my car and apartment is exactly where it should be.

Try not to be jealous, coupled people. We have perks, too.

Just not the same ones.

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People Share The Rudest Assumptions Someone Has Made About Them

I wish more people would stop making assumptions about someone without knowing anything about them It’s so prevalent, and a lot of times we do it without even realizing.

What really sucks is when people assume the worst about you.

1. MRStaken

I have an undercut for my hair and wear it to the side, it almost hits my shoulder. I get misgenedered all the time because of this.

Apparently people look right beyond the facial hair and just call me miss, ma’am, lady, or whatever. Pretty much whenever this happens I just laugh it off because its kinda funny honestly and people make mistakes. I make sure they don’t feel bad about it when they realize it or just let them go and not correct them, its whatever.

But sometimes people get shitty and try to argue with me about why do I look like a girl. So I’d say thats pretty fuckin rude.

The assumption is whatever, just continuing to pester and get shitty to me about it is what I think is really rude about the whole thing.

2. Guys… stop saying this!!!!

That I can’t possibly be smart enough to do my job (security side of tech) because I’m an attractive woman. (Not assuming here – have had guys say this to me explicitly.)

It did help quickly weed out the assholes while I was dating, though.

3. A mediocre friend…

I was hanging out a friend and it had been about a month after we had met etc, and they said, “The best thing about you is that you’re happy being mediocre”.

This felt especially bad as at that time in my life, I had just had a string of failures and was already pretty down.

4. Why you so judgey old lady?

I was in target and stopped to look at a really cute swim suit for a baby that was on display in the aisle.

Two older ladies passed by and one of them said “she’s way too young to have a child” nose in the air.

I was in my mid 20s, probably the same age or older than she was when she had kids.

5. Again, trade jobs pay really well. People need to wise up.

That I’m probably just some uneducated immigrant who can’t speak English.

I’m Mexican, I drive a truck for a living. I make more doing this than putting my bachelor’s to use.

I don’t talk much because I’m tired, grumpy and depressed all of the time.

6. You WISH you made what he does…

I went to walmart while taking a break from painting the nursery. I was fairly spattered in paint and trying to pick a pizza. I heard a lady tell her kid “that is why you go to school so you don’t have a job like that”. There are layers to just how fucked up that was. Not the least of which is house painters can make pretty decent money.

7. When HR needs to apologize…

At a past employer someone complained to HR that I was allegedly playing inappropriate Rap music and too loudly at my desk.

I get called into HR to explain myself and told them it wasn’t me…it was the white guy sitting two desks behind me and he came in to admit it because he didn’t think it was such a big deal to be in trouble for.

It was probably the fact that since I was the only black guy where I sit in a certain part of the office, they just naturally assumed it was me.

You can imagine the sheer embarrassment on part of HR that came after.

8. Are they counting inner beauty?

“Why won’t you date her? Are you gay?”

“No, I just don’t like her”

“But she is prettier than you… ”

Happens strangely often, even if not with those exact words.

9. At this point… how do people not realize video games are entertainment like everything else?

That I’m lazy because I really enjoy videogames.

Bitch, I have a full-time job, house, car, wife, and a dog.

I also do most of the cooking, cleaning, dog-walking, and general chores around the house because my wife works crazy hours.

Lazy my ass.

10. So this one actually probably hurt quite a bit.

That I was stupid enough not to figure out that the guy I had a crush on in middle school was paid to go on a date with me as a joke.

10+ years later I’m still pissed.

Though based on how he’s doing now I dodged a real bullet there lmao

11. Just like a bad movie…

Well… There was the time I was an engineering student at a very well respected school and a mother told her son to make sure to get good grades so he didnt end up working in a movie theater like me. To my face.

I liked working there and did it because I was early in college and needed some extra cash.

I guess everyone that works at a movie theater is just a dumbass then instead of high school/college kids like we all were.

So that was pretty shit.

12. Good for you mom!

That I was being horribly disrespectful in a church ceremony.

In reality I was my little sisters Confirmation sponsor (Catholic rite) and was also in end stage liver failure. Was on lots of meds for pain and my brain was marinating in ammonia so I had several head drops (like when you’re falling asleep) during the 2 hour mass. Woman next to me berates me for being ‘so rude and disrespectful’

Luckily my mom found her afterwards and tore her a new one.

13. Not an only child

My (only) sister died when I was 15, when people I don’t particularly know or like very well ask me if I have siblings, I usually just say no – I don’t like to talk about it and it’s a conversation killer. But it’s surprising how many have replied with: ‘oh, only child? You must have been spoiled.’

I love then saying: ‘well I had a sister but she died.’ The look on their face is priceless ? Keep your judgements to yourselves, people.

14. Gender bender

When I was working at Best Buy in my teens/early 20’s, people would ask me to my face if I could go and get a “male” worker to answer their questions because they felt “more comfortable” asking them about it (stuff like game consoles, cameras and equipment, ipods, that was the area I worked in).

The fun part was watching the customers faces malfunction that male coworker would walk them back over to me, because I knew what I was doing in that department and they only knew their stuff when it came to TVs or washers and dryers.

15. Well, that’s quite a sales pitch…

A girl I met for a date on an app once said to me at the end of the date that I should see her again because a guy of my height won’t have many options.

16. Not zee person you thought he was…

I am a german living abroad so i have a german accent.

Also since i have had a receding hairline since my teens i have a short hair cut.

So yeah you’d be suprised how many times held me for a nazi.

My father and I were in Prague when we heard an English woman say to her friend, about us, ”they look so British they can’t be British”, which I don’t think was a compliment.

Okay, we were British but I think that was a bit uncalled for.

17. Hugs, not drugs

I have ADHD so I talk fast, I’m super tall and lanky and also suffer from all year around allergies.

Multiple times I’ve been told I have a cocaine addiction.

18. “Fuckular”

Just because I have these muscular fuckular forearms, babes are always asking me to twist the caps off of everything.

The truth, I have really soft under hands, and caps tear me up really good.

Well, that was uncomfortable.

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13 Game-Changing Scientific Discoveries Everyone Needs To Know About

I fucking love science. Because science can help us create things that seem like magic, but they’re real and they usually help humanity.

Recently a reddit thread asked the following question: What are some recent scientific breakthroughs/discoveries that aren’t getting enough attention? Of course, reddit users didn’t disappoint with their knowledge of all those things we haven’t heard about, but need to.

So check out these 13 discoveries and have faith in science. Because it’s provable and actually helps us all.

Amen.

1. Carbon Dioxide Flakes?

That we have figured out how to suck CO2 out of the atmosphere and now, very recently, how to turn it into solid flakes of carbon again. And not just under higly specific and expensive lab conditions, this process is apparently scalable.

We still need to curb emissions but this does flip the equation quite a bit regarding global warming, allowing us to put some of the toothpaste back into the tube so to speak.

Coupled with wind and solar energy, I predict this will become a major industry by mid-century, and very pure carbon an abundant material.

2. New killer whales?

Don’t know if anyone has pointed this one out… but pretty certain scientists have discovered a new species of orcas that live in sub-Antarctic waters.

They are calling it the “Type-D Orca”… pretty cool looking animals.

More rounded heads… smaller white eye patches… taller, narrower dorsal fins…

Being a soon to be marine biology grad, this excites me!

3. MDMA helping PTSD?

If the final trials go well (they are predicted to and the previous trials have done), MDMA-assisted psychotherapy will soon be an FDA-approved treatment for PTSD.

It is administered in a couple of doses over a few weeks and has lifelong effects.

The group doing this research got FDA Breakthrough Therapy status for it a few years ago and have been carrying out the phase 3 trials since early last year.

They were doing research into the same thing in Israel and it just got approved for compassionate use for PTSD in Israel this month.

Organization is called MAPS and they do some really interesting work.

4. Gluten-free?

There’s a good chance there will be a cure for celiac disease within the next 10 years.

There’s currently an active and ongoing clinical trial where participants (with diagnosed celiac) are getting infusions that will ultimately reverse the autoimmune response a person with celiac has when they consume gluten. It’s still far from complete, but we are closer than we’ve ever been to curing celiac disease.

**The clinical trial is taking place in Cleveland, Ohio. I was asked to be a part of it but unfortunately I just don’t have the extra time. If anybody local wants more information please message me and I can get you in contact with one of the researchers!

5. Skin guns?

Pretty recently they started doing tests for an extremely mobile skin grafting machine. It uses a kind of hydrogel out of the patient’s own skin, and scans the area of the burn then just prints out the skin.

Also, I saw a video a while ago about a guy who had a solution of skin cells airbrushed on the burn (mostly 2nd degree, IIRC). In 3-4 days he was healed with no scarring. The skin gun: https://youtu.be/eXO_ApjKPaI

6. Chemo that doesn’t poison you?

My job is coming came out with a drug that reduces the damage chemotherapy does to the body and helps regenerate blood cells faster, allowing for stronger doses to be administered and treatment scheduled to be reduced heavily.

This allows doctors to treat cancer more aggressively.

7. Bionic parts?

You can get hands and feet that are pretty close to the actual thing that operate by feeling the muscles that remain.

We will soon be long gone from the days of military style hooks and lumps of solid plastic.

8. Mental health issues caused by inflammation?

One of the more recent theories in psychiatry gaining popularity (although it was acknowledged decades ago) is the role of inflammation and the immune system in mental illness. There are studies showing that in schizophrenia and other psychotic conditions, inflammation attacks the brain. Some of the damage by inflammation might be irreversible, so the hope is that early intervention could prevent chronic schizophrenia. Trials have been attempted with anti-inflammatories like fish oil, with mixed success.

The role of inflammation has been extended to multiple mental illnesses, like depression, with raised inflammatory markers and other evidence being a common finding. Ultimately mental illness is multifactorial, and the causes are often biological, psychological, and/or social. So we can’t reduce something so complex and heterogenous to just an action by the immune system. But it has gained some excitement in the field because there could be people out there, for example, with schizophrenia for whom one of the primary causes is immune system dysregulation, and researchers are racing to find a prevention.

9. Diabetes no more?

They’re getting closer to a cure for type 1 diabetes. There’s already multiple people who have been cured with no need for insulin for years now after a clinical study

Here is the man that’s been cured: https://www.cityofhope.org/breakthroughs/rose-parade-diabetes-patient-roger-sparks

Here is a good breakdown of what they found in 2018: https://www.cityofhope.org/breakthroughs/wanek-project-to-cure-type-1-diabetes-18-months-later

And this is the latest new on the study: https://www.cityofhope.org/breakthroughs/study-by-diabetes-expert-describes-promising-type-1-treatments

10. New physics?!

Astronomer here!

Most of you have heard that the universe is expanding. Astrophysicists believe there is a relationship between the distance to faraway galaxies and how fast they are moving from us, called the Hubble constant.

We use the Hubble constant for… just about everything in cosmology, to be honest. This isn’t crazy and has been accepted for many decades.

What is crazy is, if you are paying attention, it appears the Hubble constant is different depending on what you use to measure it!

Specifically, if you use the “standard candle” stars (Cepheids and Type Ia supernovae) to measure how fast galaxies are speeding away from us, you get ~73 +/- 1 km/s/Mpc.

If you study the earliest radiation from the universe (the Cosmic Microwave Background) using the Planck satellite, you get 67 +/- 1 km/s/Mpc. This is a LOT, and both methods have a lot of confidence in that measurement with no obvious errors.

To date, no one has come up with a satisfactory answer for why this might be, and in the past year or so it’s actually a bit concerning. If they truly disagree, well, it frankly means there is some new, basic physics at play.

Exciting stuff! It’s just so neat that whenever you think you know how the universe works, it can throw these new curveballs at you from the most unexpected places!

11. Glad + Metal = ?!

Earlier this month, scientists were able to successfully weld glass and metal together using ultrafast (on the order of picoseconds, which are such a short unit of time that compared to it, a full second might as well be 30,000 years) laser pulses.

This hasn’t been successfully done before due to the very different thermal properties of glass and metal.

This is actually a pretty big breakthrough in manufacturing and could lead to stronger yet lighter materials.

12. Special K treats depression?

The FDA just approved ketamine as an antidepressant for treatment-resistant depression in the form of esketamine as a nasal spray.

It’s of the few unique and hopeful approaches to treatment-resistant depression that we’ve seen in years—some stats put the rate of recovery as high as 80%.

This doesn’t give you full recovery, but alleviation at least.

13. We’re still discovering lost history?

Göbekli Tepe – ruin discovered in Turkey that dates back to 11000 BCE, or further.

This throws a massive wrench into our understanding of what people were capable of at that time, and hints at advanced civilizations having likely existed long before we thought they did.

It has also only been about 10% excavated.

Also…

I’ve actually read some articles over the past few weeks about archaeologists using LIDAR technology to uncover Mayan ruins, and they’ve found that Mayan civilization was much more extensive than originally assumed.

At its height, its now believed that its population may have numbered near 15 million citizens, and that they engaged in extensive trade with their neighbors to the North and South; these LIDAR scans have revealed evidence of vast cities, farmlands and roadways. And this was all without any pack animals or wheeled carts.

Well, look at what science keeps doing for us!

Believe in science, folks. It always comes through eventually.

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911 Operators Share the One Call That’ll Haunt Them Forever

It should be no secret that the people on the other end of the 9-1-1 line have super stressful jobs. They’re talking to human beings in their most desperate moments (and also some stupid and hilarious moments, of course), so of course they have some pretty good stories.

Like the 17 below, categorized by people on the job as totally “unforgettable.”

#1. Got you now, you little sh*t.

I have a few.

I took a call from a man who’s ~1 year old daughter fell in the pool while unattended. At the time of the call she was not breathing, unresponsive, and had no pulse. My partner dispatched out fire and EMS while I was on the phone. Got the child’s mother to start CPR. Fortunately she was certified and didn’t require very much instruction at all, just had to tell her to count her compressions out loud so I could keep up. Before first responders arrived, the baby starts breathing again. I believe she sustained some brain injury but nothing life threatening. Had to go take a walk around the block after that one. Please please please, if you aren’t CPR certified, get certified. It very well may have been the difference between that child living and dying.

On a lighter note, I also had a guy call in claiming he was having a heart attack. None of the info I got from this guy indicated he was even remotely at risk for one. Mid 20s male, average weight, no history of heart problems (or any other medical history for that matter). Turns out he had smoked some particularly strong pot about 30 minutes prior to calling. Absolutely nothing wrong with him other than he was stoned stupid. We got a pretty good laugh out of that one.

I also took a call from a kid who was about 10 years old who thought it would be funny to prank call 911. He started off by saying there was a fire. I could hear him giggling in the background. Followed that up with meowing at me over the phone. Managed to get a good location off the call and got his address. Read the address to him and asked if that’s where he lives. CLICK. Alright, got you now, you little shit. Had a deputy go out to the house as is our policy and he explained the situation to the parents. Deputy told me later the kid got the ass chewing of a lifetime. Super gratifying.

#2. We still had to check for spiders.

“A woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”

In college, I worked as an EMT in a major city. Not the craziest call I ever had but one of the wackiest call outs we ever got was to respond to “a woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”. I’ll never forget pulling up to this major intersection where, sure enough, there’s this old lady lying on the sidewalk with her pants off and legs spread up in the air. Turns out it was this transient lady in her 70s who had been having some wild hallucinations.

We still had to check for spiders ?

#3. He couldn’t let it go.

Not me, but my sister is a dispatcher. One time she received a call from a man who said he just killed his sister and brother. She kept him on the phone for 5 or 6 minutes to make sure he didn’t run before officers arrived. She got him to admit they had all been drinking and playing cards, then got into an argument when one of them accused the other of cheating. The other two went to bed, but this guy stayed up stewing. Apparently he couldn’t let it go. He shot each of them in their beds while they slept, then called 911. I heard a partial recording of the call and she sounded calm AF. She told me she was screaming on the inside the entire time.

#4. Profoundly sad.

Older lady, I want to say maybe early 70s, calls in with a sort of polite urgency in her voice, tells me she thinks she’s having a stroke. Tells me she has her grandchild at the house with her, asks me to call her daughter to come get the child.

By the time she’s done giving me the phone number there’s just a very slight slur in her speech. By the time EMS got there (probably no more than 5 minutes or so) I couldn’t understand a thing she was saying. Fascinating, disturbing, and profoundly sad hearing someone stroke out on the phone as they’re talking to you.

#5. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

Had some one call saying a man had been killed by a goat. Turns out goat is what they also call the machine that picks oranges off of trees. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

#6. It was slugs.

I’ll go with a lighter one. I once had an elderly woman complain that gang members tagged her shed. She also said she didn’t want a black deputy (this is the south). The (black) deputy arrived and found that it wasnt spray paint, but that her shed was so dirty that slugs had eaten paths in the filth that created patterns.

#7. She’d been laying down in the back seat without her seatbelt on.

This one still bothers me because it’s so fresh and our community is hurting from it as well. Took a call from a hysterical woman advising me of a rollover crash that happened near her house. She lives near the top of a blind hill that people like to “jump” (like catching that butterfly feeling in your stomach, although you can get air in the right vehicle). She tells me that a girl is laying on the ground about 30 feet or so from the vehicle. When asked if the girl is alive, she says, “Oh yes, honey she’s wiggling around on the ground. My daughter is a nurse, she’s checking on her now.” Awesome. We hardly ever are lucky enough to have a trained professional on scene before a med unit can get there. But then she tells me her daughter is starting CPR. To be honest, that didn’t surprise me. My caller was getting hysterical again and we already had first responders on the way, so I started asking more questions about the scene. Her daughter breaks CPR to get on the phone with me. Tells me she can do compressions only, that the girl’s jaw is completely gone. A bit stunned, I tell her to continue compressions. But rather than getting put back on with the original caller, I hear the scared voice of a teenage girl, the driver. “Is my friend going to be okay?” I can’t find anything to say for a moment. Finally, after what seemed to be too long, I say “They’re doing CPR, dear. And we have help on the way. Are you and the other passenger okay?” “We’re fine. Just please tell me she’s okay.” The girl on the ground was confirmed D.O.A. She had been laying down in the back seat without her seat belt on because she had a headache. She was 15.

#8. The type of scream…

Answered to the sounds of a couple of women absolutely screaming and wailing (I’m sure anyone that has done the job long enough knows the type of scream I mean – that blood curdling scream of someone in genuine anguish). Knew something was up and got police and ambulance on the way. Trying to get them on the phone to get details and a boy of no more than five years old comes on the phone and says “my daddy is swinging from the roof and his eyes are open and staring”.

He had hung himself while his family were out doing their shopping.

#9. Kindness and compassion in his last moments.

A young man 23 years old called and told me he was going to commit suicide. He was my first call of my shift that day, very early in the morning. He planned to set his car on fire with himself inside. He was upset and crying but he apologized to me. He said he was sorry I picked up the phone and he was sorry for how this was going to affect me. He hung up on me and the second time I was speaking to him I could hear liquid splashing in the background. He ended hanging up again and I never got him back. He did end up setting the on fire and it was fully engulfed by the time anyone got there. I’ll never forget his name or voice and I simply hope I showed him kindness and compassion in his last moments.

Edit: Thank you for the gold and silver kind strangers! I appreciate all the comments. I’m fine. Im lucky enough to have an amazing support system in my co-workers and I have an awesome spouse to keep me grounded. This call made me a better dispatcher. It’s easy to become desensitized to the horrific things we hear and this young man renewed my passion for helping people.

#10. Biggest WTF.

Well, my buddy is a fireman and dispatch had just alerted them of a man having chest pains. They get to the guys house, and as soon as they open the door, the dudes dog runs outside. The dude shouts “you let my dog out! go get my dog! Please!” So my buddy immediately starts chasing the dog.

He catches the dog, comes back to the house, and when he walks in the door he sees that the man having “chest pains” had actually shot a HOLE IN HIS CHEST while cleaning his gun.

Old dude shoots himself in the chest, tells 911 it’s chest pains, and when help arrives, he makes them go chase his dog down before tending to his own life threatening wound. Biggest WTF of my buddies career

#11. Pretty messed up.

This actually happened a few days ago. I’m an ER tech, but one of our unit secretaries (someone who transfers calls and does other important tasks that keeps the place afloat) is an EMT in the next county over. I was waiting for a patient to return to their room, talking with her, when she looks down at her phone. She tells me she has the dispatch app or whatever for ambulances and fire trucks, and every firehall in the county had just received a call about a possible decomposing body. Apparently the neighbor called about a terrible smell coming from the property. Hazmat was called and everything, expecting a dead human body.

Once they broke into the house, they found that it wasn’t a dead human, but 38 dogs in the house. 11 of the dogs were dead and in “varying states of decomposition”. The place is still pretty much under wraps, but 16 more dogs were found in the shed yesterday. The two people who owned the house have since been arrested and charged with 51 counts of animal cruelty. All of the animals left alive were taken to the humane society, where half of the county has just about donated food or blankets.

The whole thing is pretty messed up, but I now for sure respect the hell out of the EMTs and paramedics that walk through our doors everyday. They really never know what they’re going to see when they walk into a place.

Here’s the most recent article: https://www.carrollcountytimes.com/news/local/cc-dogs-cruelty-040919-story,amp.html

#12. It really messed with my head.

I’ve been a 911 dispatcher for 11 years in a medium size center (population ~180,000). We have more than our share of crazy calls but there are only a few calls that have stuck with me. For me the ones that I can’t get rid of aren’t even close to being the craziest or most brutal.

7-8 years ago I took a 911 call from a man who came home to find his adult sister had been raped and beaten. The suspect had wrapped a telephone cord around her neck then tried to push her through the window of the apartment. He was understandably very distraught. She was still alive and was able to talk to me. She had not been blindfolded and I was certain I could get a description of the person who had done this to her. She answered all of my other questions but absolutely refused to give me any info on the suspect. I later found out that the reason was self-preservation, the person who did it was the brother who called 911 for help. He was so believable it really messed with my head. I also felt horrible that I had continued pressing her for info with the person who hurt her was right there and that I could have potentially put her in more danger without realizing.

#13. She was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.

I was a dispatcher for a residential alarm company similar to ADT. I would call people when their alarm was tripped and ask them if they were okay.
One day I received a signal from a residence from a glass break sensor on a window in the bathroom.
When i called the lady was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.
Turns out she was cleaning her bathroom and when she bent over she farted so hard and loud it set off the sensor on the bathroom window.

#14. Not even a little bit.

Not 911, but tele-nursing, people called me plenty when it should have been 911.

Grandma, calls me about her 16 year old, 40 week pregnant, grand daughter.

GM: Hey my grandbaby is pregnant and she just went to pee and said the cord is hanging out….is that normal?

Me: No…..not even a little bit

#15. Not something I’ll ever forget.

For me, the worst ones are always the calls you can relate to on a personal level. I took a call last month from a father who discovered his son with a bag over his head and a note next to his body. I’ve taken a ton of suicide calls, but this one was particularly difficult for me because the son was my age, and the way the father pleaded with his son was almost exactly the same way I’ve imagined my dad if I were to ever do the same. I’ve had the same “Come on, buddy! Don’t do this to me!” running in my head at least 2-3 times a day since.

Also, not technically a call but my first shift on my own, I dispatched the deputy I did my ride along with to a domestic that he ended up being shot and killed at. Hearing his blood-gurgled “shots fired” scream on the radio won’t be something I’ll ever forget.

#16. It was a wild time.

A woman masturbating on the phone.

The first time she called she sounded normal at first. Asked for an officer that never worked here. General conversation about this officer while she progressively got more.. extreme with her moaning. I eventually (and gracefully) ended the conversation. It was a wild time. I still remember her name and voice.

The second and third times she called I asked if it was her and she hung up right away.

Why are you like this Ms. Roberts? What is your end game?

Edit: For clarification, we traced the number down to a woman in Florida. We’re located in Missouri and our agency is tiny (part of why I like this job). Hunting her down and bringing her to justice probably would have gotten her offwouldn’t have been worth the hassle.

#17. It will stick with me forever.

Student Paramedic here. Had a call being general broadcasted over radio when I was chilling in base with my mentor (we were on a 2 man car ambulance) operator who was broadcasting said something along the lines of: “female, reportedly unconscious, police on scene, major trauma (pause)… CPR in progress confirmed arrest by police on scene.”

my mentor looks at me, we’re off in 30 mins at the end of a night shift but we go anyway. We’re around the corner. Make it there in no time at all. There’s police EVERYWHERE. at least 7 squad cars. I’m nervous as hell and so is my mentor. As we approach the house, a man emerges, handcuffed by police. He looks content enough and smiles at us as we walk by. Police shout for us to hurry, we run over with equipment to front door and are met with one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen and will always be there in my mind.

There’s a woman lying on the ground, with the left side of her head caved in, blood absolutely all over the place and brain matter scattered around the floor too. Police are doing CPR, we stop them when we see the Patient has signs of pooling and rigor mortis. I’m literally sweating and on the verge of tears, this is not how I wanted my shift to end. Then, we hear from behind us more police in the house and the sounds of children. 2 kids are escorted out of a bedroom behind us with their eyes covered and one of them asks:”what’s going on Where’s Mommy?”. My heart melted. I’ve never been exactly traumatised by a job but those kids being shielded from what just happened to their mother will stick with me forever.

I bring equipment back to the ambulance as my mentor starts to do paperwork and we wait for someone to move the body. Social services arrive and take the kids, blissfully unaware of what’s just happened. Was off 3 hours late after all the paperwork and interviewing from police. Good job, but man has it lefts it’s mark on me.

I couldn’t do it. Glad others can!

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15+ People Who Are Not Sorry At All, Thank You Very Much!

Sometimes you do something and you really regret it.

Not these 18 people! They do not regret a thing, and it’s wonderful to read. Because when you’re truly wronged, you deserve a little retribution.

Or if you want a plum… go get the plum!

You’ll see…

1. Slowly…

Slowing down when someone is tailing me.

I only do this in the slow lane, I typically move if I’m in the fast lane.

2. This aunt needs to get her priorities straight!

My aunt was about to get married to this one rich scumbag who apparently treated her “right”. My brother and I did some investigating over the fact that he had lots and I mean LOTS of female friends.

A lot of sht went on, but in the end, we found out that he was a sleeping with and is a sugardaddy to some of of them. It was just three days before the actual wedding that we found out.

Told our aunt about it, wedding was cancelled, aunt was upset with us as well for some reason, and we regret nothing.

3. The right thing to do!

Sneaking pictures of my aunt into her fathers funeral slideshow behind her sisters back.

The two never got along and one sister was in charge of the funeral. She was adamant about leaving out any photo with her sister in it. My aunt (the victim in this case) was very close with her father. So I lied to my other aunt that the slideshow was done and I downloaded a secret folder of pictures onto the slideshow. She’s so bad with technology that she didn’t notice.

Not sorry.

My other aunt gave me a teary hug after the funeral and thanked me, she knew I had been the one to slip them in. She died last month of a sudden aneurism. I’d do it again, even if my other aunt never talked to me again. I sure miss her.

4. Be kind to yourself!

I’m not sorry for focusing on me and my needs. I used to be so concerned with taking care of all my friends and family to the point that I was I was sacrificing my needs for a lot of people who would not do the same for me. I’ve learned to cut toxic people out of my life and focus on my true close friends and family rather than trying to care for everyone.

Being liked by everyone used to be so important to me and honestly it’s so exhausting. I’m not sorry if people don’t like me anymore. It’s impossible to make everyone happy.

As long as you’re not being a complete asshole, you need to take your needs into consideration as well.

5. Time to grow up kid!

I love my daughter to death, but at 25, I had to cut her off financially.

I support everything she is passionate about, but if your passion is working for non-profits and wilderness retreats, maybe you should adjust your lifestyle so you can afford your bills.

6. Bully… watch your back…

In Elementary School, a kid named Patrick was my bully and he’d do shit like “accidentally” bump into me and spill my lunch and step on the backs of my shoes.

So one day, he was coming out of the cafeteria and I stuck my leg out and watched him trip face forward into the ground. We both got sent to the Principal’s Office, and he got whatever the Elementary School version of an In-School Suspension was for his repetitive bullying while I got a slap on the wrist.

Absolutely not sorry.

7. Completely fair!

Eating the snacks that my wife has forgotten about.

8. Facebook is not real life, people!

Quitting FB and having people complain that they don’t know what I’m up to. Fucking ask me!

9. Oh, this is a really good idea…

Cutting out my dad’s side of the family from my life.

They made my life a living hell while I was growing up. I was the youngest of the cousins so I would regularly get beat up or locked in rooms (my dad worked nights). They would smash furniture and TVs then blame me. As a young adult all they did was cause more drama by still break things in my dad’s apartment, or try to start physical fights. I’ve had so many fist fights with my cousin from defending my property to protecting my cat (no one messes with my kitty).

Once I moved out of my dad’s I cut all contact with them. I maybe see them once a year when my dad tricks me into seeing them (he has the mentality of always forgive family).

They know nothing of my adult life and I know nothing of theirs and I’m going to keep it that way.

10. Charities shouldn’t pressure like this…

I refused to give money to charity. Okay, but hear me out on this.

There was a lady who was claiming to represent a charity, but acted really shady. This was at a concert in a cafe/bar. She had a clipboard and was approaching people by saying “I’m taking donations for (whatever charity). Just write down whether you’re giving $5, $10, or $20.”

She didn’t ask if you’d donate, just told you to choose how much you were giving her.

I told her I prefer giving to charities I’ve researched, because some of them only spend a low percentage of donation money on the cause (Susan B. Komen ಠ_ಠ ). The lady got angry and raised her voice at me. She tried shaming and bullying me into giving her money, and we seriously fought about it.

Eventually she turned to my friend and started pressuring him lol. He said “Yeah uh…like my friend said…” and she stormed off. You have to trust me, there was something off about her. Plus, she waited until people were buzzed at a concert before approaching to tell them to give her money.

11. Fire in the hole!

Laughing at my friend in high school who stuffed her bra with tissue and then dropped a cigarette down her cleavage and she thought the tissue was going to catch on fire and dumped a beer on herself. I refused to stuff my bra and she said I was chicken, this was her karma. I felt bad when her parents smelled the beer and grounded her for drinking though.

12. YES!

Leaving my abusive ex.

13. Hey, it’s your wedding!

Not inviting my needy aunt to go wedding dress shopping with me. She’s begged me already and has been dropping hints for months, but I’m not budging.

This is the one time in my life that something really is only about me, and I’m not going to deal with her drama that day.

14. RIP Fido *sniff*

Creating a small “pet cemetery” in our parents’ back yard, despite my father forbidding it.

It felt like the right thing to do – no regrets.

15. Plums!

Eating the plums from the icebox.

They were delicious.

So sweet, and so cold.

16. Tips ARE NOT mandatory…

I’m normally a big tipper as I worked in the industry a long time but last week I left zero tip for my server that did a horrible job.

17. Don’t be a dick to the customers, please!

When we were in high school, my friends and I would always go to the same diner.

About 85% of the time we’d get sat with this awful woman who’d treat us like shit. She’d smile and be polite with grown ups, but the smile would disappear the second she got to us. She’d leave our food on the counter for 5-10 minutes while she talked to other tables, never refill a single drink, and roll her eyes if you asked for anything.

The first few times I just figured she wasn’t trying because she thought teenagers would tip like shit, so I tipped her really well. But the shitty service continued, and eventually I just tipped her $0.

Only time I’ve ever done that, but she really earned that $0.

18. Sometimes, this is necessary.

Telling the parents of a special needs child (think similar to Down’s Syndrome) that their daughter was struggling a lot with normal schooling (even with her IEP and own lesson plans) and she would be better off in a special needs school sooner rather than later.

They said to be honest with them and I was.

Sorry, not sorry!

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15 People Ponder How Much Damage Someone Can Take Without Dying

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? In video games, the most damage you could take before it’s “Game Over” is right around 99HP (maybe 98, if that particular game’s health bar tops out at 99 points).

These 15 people muse on what, if any, real-life equivalent exists.

#1. Terrifying.

Seizures.

They’re god damn terrifying

Edit: I’ve read a number of your stories. They all prove my point.

#2. Your life flashes before your eyes.

Missing a step while going down the stairs. And when you think you finished, but that last step came out of nowhere and now your life flash before your eyes

-99HP

#3. My daughter was going to die.

Being told your child is going to die.

I’ve been told on three separate occasions that my daughter was going to die. As I write this, she’s upstairs asleep and she’s fine, but let me tell you – when you look into a Doctor’s eyes and they tell you your child is not long for this world ……-99HP

This blew up a bit, and thanks for all the well wishes. She has navigated a bunch of open heart surgeries with various complications from them but is doing great and has a great future prognosis.

#4. Is it game over?

Choking on food when no one is around belongs here as well, will I be completely fine in 15 seconds or Is game over for me?

#5. In the middle.

A car crash in the middle seat

#6. To the ankle.

taking a scooter to the ankle.

#7. My left everything.

I got T-Boned by a Semi.

Provided that you can’t recover from 0hp, it was a solid 99.9

Since somebody asked: Semi blew a red light as I was pulling out of the hospital I worked at. The ED crew ran out, shoveled me off the asphalt, and ran me inside. If it had been anywhere else I’d have bled out before an ambulance arrived. It broke my left everything, including ten ribs, many if which wound up in my lung, one of which is still unaccounted for. I was fortunate enough not to suffer any spinal damage, but I did lose my left leg below the knee. I’ve made a mostly full recovery, less the.leg and significant lung functionality.

Obligatory: I got spread across the road like so much red paint and all I got was this lousy silver gold showered with internet riches <3 <3 <3

#8. Loser, you.

Pinky toe versus the corner of the bed in the night.

#9. Short and sweet.

Nut shot.

#10. Severely compromised.

A severely compromised immune system.

#11. Giving birth.

I almost died giving birth. 3 years later and I’m only now back to where I started. We almost didn’t make it a few times during the pregnancy, but we got to term, and then a few major organs decided it was time to ntfo. During emergency surgery, I woke up twice and after, they forgot to drug me at all. I screamed and blacked out for an entire day. Mysteriously, I woke up to the nurse changing my iv in the night. But did it kill me? Nope!

#12. But barely.

This guy jumped on two grenades at the same time and lived, but barely. I think that qualifies.

#13. You’re still alive.

Shot in the head but you’re still alive.

#14. Betrayal.

You bite a pizza and the cheese slides off and burns your chin.

#15. The ability to create new memories.

Terry Wallis want into a coma in 1984 and woke up in 2003. He’s completely paralysed, brain damaged and thinks it’s still 1984. He’s lost the ability to create new memories.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Wallis

I hope I never have to find out for real!

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20+ Security Guards Reveal the Weirdest Things They’ve Caught on Camera

Being a security guard can be kind of a dull job (depending on where you’re working, I suppose). The one thing that livens up the day is seeing all the weird things people do when they aren’t thinking about the fact that they’re in range of a CCTV camera.

Oh yeah, they’ve seen some shit.

“Watched a woman jump off a nearby highway…”

Good God, where do I even start? Been a surveillance operator for 5 years at a casino. Let’s just make a list:

Guy whipping his thing out while going up escalators, leaving a trail off urine. He was sober.

Man, super toasted, thought he saw his ex-wife’s car. Proceeded to stand on and stomp in the hood, then pass out on the windshield.

Saw one cop miss with a taser and tase another officer.

Watched a woman attempt to walk up a down escalator for eight minutes straight without moving. She eventually passed out.

Watched a woman jump off a nearby highway, land, and walk off like nothing happened.

Caught a guy (more than once) using his mobile phone camera to not-so-discreetly take upskirt shots of women standing next to him.

Caught a cashier stealing money. By pretending to sneeze, use the bill as a tissue, then shove the bill down his shirt.

Barfight. Two groups going at it. Random girl not part of the brawl grabs a bottle off the bar and tomahawk chucks it at the melee. Thankfully she somehow missed everyone.

Watched a man jump off the roof. Hit the ground and bounced about three feet. Only suicide I’ve ever seen.

There’s probably a lot more I could come up with. After you’ve seen hundreds of attempted cheats, a few people fall over dead, and a guy bounce after falling 12 stories, everything just becomes kind of mundane.

“…She gets EJECTED out of her seat.”

Worked IT for a company. One day, a lot of the head managers of this certain department come barging into my office demanding I pull some footage, serious.

I think somebody is about to get fired so I start scrubbing through footage. Finally, I get to what they want me to see. One of their team leads is rocketing through the office on an office chair when it gets stuck on something in the carpet and she gets EJECTED out of her seat.

She must have landed like 10 feet from her chair. As soon as the scene happens, the group of managers busts out laughing their butts off. I nearly peed my pants laughing, I had never been asked to pull camera footage of something so funny.

The best part is the girl just laid on the carpet while everybody around her in the room collapsed with laughter.

“Immediately my soul crushes…”

One time at work I went to the Starbucks down the street and got a delicious panini. I was so excited for this panini. Double smoked bacon and chicken.

Delish. I was working the closing shift so I was tired and just wanted to eat my panini. I pulled the little paper bag out and what I assume was the heat from the food had melted the adhesive holding the bag together and my delicious panini is now all over the break room floor.

Immediately my soul crushes, then right afterward, I’m like ‘forget this!’ and picked it right back up and ate it. It was delicious.

A few weeks later my coworkers are chatting away and whatever, one of them offhandedly mentions that our GM watches all the security cam footage on the days she isn’t at work.

She wasn’t at work that day my panini exploded everywhere.

She probably saw me eating that sandwich off the ground like a savage, so to answer the question at hand, that.

“He wasn’t there for a minute before some lady arrived and they started having relations…”

I’m the security supervisor overnight at a food dye processing plant. I sit in a guard shack and watch upwards of 20 camera feeds at a time. One night, one of my officers, who is posted up at the other side of the facility, walks away from his shack and goes to an area behind one of the buildings, out of the way.

He apparently thought there weren’t any cameras watching that particular area because he wasn’t there for a minute before some lady arrived and they started having relations, right there.

When they were done, she left and he went right back to his post. He had no idea I saw the whole thing. I didn’t talk to him about it, but I called my operations manager over in the office the next morning and told him about it.

The officer wasn’t fired. He was transferred, however. Bull, in my opinion. When an officer can be fired for being late, they should be fired for abandoning their post to meet with a lady of the night.

“The guy just took his hand out of his pocket, grabbed the goose by the neck, snapped it…”

Used to work security for a mall back in Kansas City, that city was chalk full of geese when it wasn’t winter. One day one of the store clerks called me up and told me to get animal control to dispose of a dead goose in our parking lot.

I went to the front to check it out and sure enough, there was a dead goose lying in the middle of the parking lot. Called animal control and they had it removed from the premises. Out of curiosity, I went into the back and started viewing the cameras for the parking lot thinking the goose may have just died of sickness or somebody accidentally ran him over with their car.

Nope.

Apparently, this particular goose wandered onto the parking lot and started terrorizing anyone that got near him. If you’ve encountered a goose before, you would know how much a mean bird those things are.

Everybody that came out of the store basically had to walk around the goose to get to their car, except for one guy. This dude, wearing a striped sweater and khakis, holding a bag in one hand and his other hand in his pocket started walking straight to his car.

He literally didn’t care at all that the goose was flapping his wings and honking at him, telling him to run off. The guy was about 4 feet from the goose when the goose started charging him trying to mess him up.

The guy just took his hand out of his pocket, grabbed the goose by the neck, snapped it, dropped the body in the middle of the parking lot and proceeded to get into his car and drive off.

I don’t know why, but the way he just nonchalantly snapped a goose’s neck with his bare hand and left its body for dead sent a chill down my spine.

“5 min later she would come out adjusting her skirt…”

I worked I.T. at a company that had cameras on the shop floor. The boss called me in to watch a video and get my opinion on what I thought was going on.

So the night shift had one lady working and 6 guys. When things slowed down in the middle of the night she would walk over to one of the guys, whisper in his ear, and they would both go into the girl’s bathroom together.

5 min later she would come out adjusting her skirt and the guy would follow with a huge smile on his face. Over several hours she did this with each of the 6 guys and it appeared it was a regular thing.

I said it looked like she was sleeping with everyone in the place. Well, the boss fired her for the possibility that it would lead to a harassment lawsuit.

Later I found out what was really going on. Seems she was the local weed dealer and hid her stash in her panties.

“I ask the store manager why he didn’t fire him…”

I used to work in loss prevention at a very large retail store. I had been finding wrappers and discarded packages in a place called the fixture room.

This is where they keep all the peg hooks, shelves, and racks to display products. Not many people go in there so I put up a hidden camera thinking I would catch someone stealing stuff.

Around 1:00 am a guy walks in, pulls his pants down and rubs one out all over a shelf leaning against the wall.

I show the video to the store manager and he said that the guy was his 3rd shift supervisor.

As he watches the video he starts getting mad… at me for showing it to him! I take it to my boss and he tells the store manager to fire the guy. Two weeks later I come in early one morning to see the guy clocking out.

I ask the store manager why he didn’t fire him and he said, ‘I talked to him about it and he explained what happened.’ I said, ‘Ok I gotta hear this one!’

The manager explained, ‘He had been drinking and smoking weed before he came to work and was just out of his mind. So he’s not a pervert or anything.’

The manager then told me that as punishment the guy had to clean everything in the fixture room, on his own time (unpaid) and had to submit to 4 random screenings the next year (which never happened because the manager is a cheapo).

The guy got promoted to assistant manager a year later!

“He even had a sheath on his belt and everything.”

I was staying overnight at my hotel security job in downtown San Diego one night and noticed that a homeless man had something shiny in his hands but I couldn’t determine what exactly it was just by looking at the cameras.

So I dispatched a security guard to investigate and it turns out that this guy was carrying a machete. Not a large knife. An actual life-size machete.

He even had a sheath on his belt and everything. I told my guy to keep his distance and I called the local police.

Minutes later the police show up and I got to see them in action.

They kept yelling at him to drop his machete but he was on a different planet and wasn’t hearing a word they were trying to say to him. When they finally had enough, the cop with the launcher shot him with a beanbag round and leveled him to the ground.

He dropped his machete and another cop came in and punted it away from his reach. They pinned him down and arrested him. It was awesome to watch.

“He just walked out of the building carrying the pizza box…”

I didn’t catch him in the act, but I watched a guy steal my pizza.

I was working the night shift on a Friday night and ordered pizza for my lunch. I had leftovers which I put in the staff-room fridge so I could have it for lunch the next day.

Saturday evening I come into work, I work until lunchtime, then go to grab my pizza only to discover that it is gone.

Like what!? So I check the camera feed. During the day some random guy came into our office, went to the staff-room, and stole my pizza. He just walked out of the building carrying the pizza box and the day shift guy didn’t even notice. No questions just walked in and never heard from again.

I am not sure how someone could have that level of confidence.

“This didn’t stop a middle-aged lady who cycled through every day…”

I work in IT, had to splice a video from our CCTV into our CEO’s end of year presentation.

The company had refurbished the car park, which used to have an all-access footpath running through it.

There was no legal right of way there, so they got rid of the footpath and put up signs saying it was private property.

This didn’t stop a middle-aged lady who cycled through every day, and regularly damaged parked cars with her bike when she squeezed through narrow gaps.

The alternative route was literally 50 yards out of her way to go around the car park rather than through it.

So, bigger signs go up. This is PRIVATE LAND, NO ACCESS etc.

As part of that, they install an automatic barrier. To get into or out of the car park, you have to keep your company ID badge on a sensor, the barrier raises, and you can drive through.

Cyclist lady just ignores everything.

Cycles up to the new barrier, and WHAM, her bike goes under it, and she doesn’t. She gets up, walks up to her bike and cycles off again, up the road.

The next day, they’re investigating damage to the barrier, and have a look at the CCTV.

They can’t believe she hasn’t seen the bright red and white barrier. While they’re reviewing the CCTV, she comes in again from the other direction, and WHAM.

Exactly the same thing happens again.

They run out to check if she’s OK. She refuses all help and runs away with her bike. She knows she’s not supposed to be going through here and has now made the same mistake twice.

She now goes around the car park instead of through it.

“I saw two suicide attempts, one successful.”

Worked casino surveillance for several years – so I have a lot of stories. Saw a guy receive a BJ at a roulette table, saw a couple get it on in a crowded bar.

I saw a guy get stabbed, and saw two people get hit by speeding cars. I saw a lot of people vomit, saw a lot of people pee – especially in the elevators.

Saw a guy who was drinking trip on an escalator, catching himself on the side, then slide down a 50-foot moving rail, spinning the whole time, then land on his feet without spilling his drink.

I watched people cheat at blackjack and various carnival games. I saw two suicide attempts, one successful. I saw a casino cashier stuff two hundred dollar bills in his sock.

He was arrested. I saw a waitress twerking upside down in the well, she slipped and landed face first on the tile and was unconscious for about 20 seconds.

I saw a kitchen worker slice her hand while cutting lemons – blood everywhere. She wrapped it in a towel and continued cutting the lemons with the same knife.

She put the finished lemons in the fridge then went for medical attention. I saw a brawl in the craps pit that ended with a mostly naked woman riding piggy-back on the cop that tried to break up the fight.

She was arrested and the rest of the brawlers escaped to the parking garage where the fight continued. Last I saw, another semi-naked woman was hanging on to the hood of a car as it drove away, slamming her shoe on the windshield.

That was a fun job.

“Then he picks it up and just hurls it into the pool.”

Saw a guy once get out of our pool, he dries off and is carrying his pool noodle. He does the look around, sees he’s alone, then starts smacking it against the floor.

He folded it in half and then starts punching it. He then twists it and tries to punt it. It untwists and flops to the ground so he missed. He goes to pick it up, doesn’t get a good grip, stands up and it’s not in his hand.

Picks it up, tries to punt it again, flops to the floor as he missed again. Then he picks it up and just hurls it into the pool.

He stands there for a second, has a look of defeat, goes back into the pool, fishes it out, dries off and proceeds towards the locker room.

“…Then all of a sudden just casually reached into the back of her pants…”

I worked in a supermarket, not as security, but one day stocking shelves my manager and I noticed a strange smell, we couldn’t find the source so we kept working.

A couple of hours later and it was still hanging around, eventually we emptied the last trolley of stock which had been sitting in an aisle for a while (small supermarket) and we found a blob of human poop on a box of cat food, and then two or three more on the shelves next to the trolley.

We checked the cameras and there was this seemingly normal 50 something year old lady, walked in, put a few things in her basket, then started walking / waddling oddly down the pet food aisle and then all of a sudden just casually reached into the back of her pants, pulled some poop out, chucked it on the stock trolley, walked another few paces and did the same then from memory she even proceeded through the checkout and out of the store.

The manager asked me to clean it up to which I offered my immediate resignation (as a joke, he was my mate but there was no way I was dealing with that) so he had to clean it up and we ended up throwing out a lot of stock and most of the fruit and veg stock.

I’ve told so many people this story, I still find it so bizarre to this day.

“Bathing in the sink.”

I worked as an assistant manager at a grocery retailer. The store was closing and there were a few employees left. I’m finishing paperwork and happen to look up at the monitor displaying 16 different cameras.

The one in the deli caught my eye because I happened to notice the deli employee filling a sink.

Didn’t think anything of it and kept on going with my work. Looked at the time and was thinking, okay everyone should be out. Look through the cameras and see the girl in the deli…

Bathing in the sink.

The dread comes over me. What… What do I do…

I wait until she’s done, burn the video, sterilize the sink, bleach the sink, pour boiling water over the sink, and scrub it until my hands hurt, then leave the store in night crews hands.

Next morning, speak with the store manager and show him the video.

Pull the girl upstairs and let her go for violating all sorts of health and safety violations.

Turns out, her water was turned off and she needed to bathe for her date…

With her parole officer the next morning.

Things people do when they think others aren’t watching.

“When I came around the corner, there was a girl completely naked…”

I was working the desk at a gym in a large sports facility that was connected to a high school. There is one section that shows a hallway known as ‘Trojan alley’ because of all the high school kids who went around a corner and had relations.

One day I see a foot kinda sticking out from around the corner kind of twitching. I thought a member of the facility had fallen or had a seizure or something.

So I grabbed a first aid kit and ran over. When I came around the corner, there was a girl completely naked with her laptop open and filming herself messing around alone.

She slammed the laptop shut, grabbed her clothes and stood up very embarrassed. I was equally embarrassed. Neither of us said anything. I just turned around and went back to my desk and I’m assuming she left.

I feel bad because that must have been so scarring yet I legitimately thought there was a medical emergency so I was very thrown off as well.

“… In the center of an ice rink, naked, with nowhere to go.”

I worked in IT for a resort that had an ice rink. Two guests decided to bone in the middle of said rink at like 1 in the morning. Thing is, those cameras are motion detecting because it’s dangerous.

Security office immediately gets an alarm if they detect anything. So Security had to go up there while they were mid-act and ask them to not… Unfortunately, their situation had placed them in the center of an ice rink, naked, with nowhere to go.

Security had to watch as they carefully and awkwardly put their clothes back on and removed themselves from the rink.

“… He leaned the cane against the rail and started to practice…”

A middle-aged man who always walked with a cane got into an elevator at the end of the day. Fairly big elevators. The guy was always nice but pretty unseemly.

After he got in the elevator, however, he leaned the cane against the rail and started to practice what looked like (and I later checked with a friend) a taekwondo form.

When he heard the elevator ding at a floor to stop, he grabbed the cane, went back to his demeanor and walked out.

I found out later that the guy worked in a dangerous profession and makes himself seem weak.

I’d be terrified to mess with that guy.

“… What took the cake is one morning around maybe 7-8 AM…”

My old job was on a busy boulevard with an alley in the back. We had an open garage with access to said alley.

We used to often catch people doing weird acts, doing/selling stimulants, guys urinating, even saw one couple take turns relieving themselves beside our AC unit…

But what took the cake is one morning around maybe 7-8 AM a man was walking by through the alley, stops suddenly, goes into our garage, lights a candle, and sets it there by the wall and walks away.

It was so odd getting there and seeing a randomly lit candle. Checking the footage only left us with more questions.

“In this video, a guy takes his streetwalker…”

I hang out with our security guard a lot and spend time in their office at our hotel messing with them. There’s footage saved that they show to our new hire guards to see if they can handle things professionally.

In this video, a guy takes his streetwalker (a $100 an hour one, super dirty and cheap) and takes her into an alley by a function room where we had a camera.

They get to it, and he straight away pulls down her pants and starts to eat her butt. This goes on for five minutes or so until you see the door open behind them, and our HUGE Polynesian guard standing behind the guy.

The lady runs off laughing instantly, leaving her poor client to put on his pants and clean up by himself

“Sure enough around 3:30 am I noticed some movement by one of the fences.”

I worked at a car dismantler and people would break in and steal catalytic converters, radiators, and other valuables.

I noticed a pattern of break-ins on Wednesday mornings around 4 am.

So, one day I decided to catch the perp. I locked myself into the office around midnight, called up the local PD and explained to them what I was doing.

Sure enough around 3:30 am I noticed some movement by one of the fences.

I watched him cut a hole in the fence and start to wander around. He started to stash things by the hole. I called the cops and told them what was going on, but asked them to hold off on arresting him until he was outside the fence.

I watched as five cars pulled up in the parking lot next door. The perp pushed the stuff through the fence and I told the dispatcher OK, now get him!

They caught him and arrested him.

The reason I wanted to wait till he was outside is that it was then burglary and trespassing. If they had arrested him inside it would only be trespassing because he hadn’t left the premises with the parts.

I later got a letter of commendation from the chief of police.

“The owner just screams NOT THOSE TWO AGAIN!”

Not me, but a story from somebody who helped set up remote logins for a security company.

He was on a remote session with this one local bar. Typically normal but he wanted this whole suite of cameras, a lot more than what he thought was normal.

Going through the entire process of setting up the equipment, testing the DVR and having the owner walk through every cam. Now on the phone going over some information and the final checks my friend notices some people slip in through the back.

Since it is the middle of the day just as the bar is about to open he assumes they are employees. Then these two guys just start going at it. Shell-shocked at the brazenness of it he just kinda stares for about 30 seconds.

Now the owner notices my friend isn’t responding and asks what is wrong. He finally tells him ‘uhh there are two guys in the first floor back hallway…ugh just having relations.’

The owner just screams ‘NOT THOSE TWO AGAIN’ and bolted from his office. My friend watches the owner run full sprint from his office through the bar towards the back hallway.

They must have heard him as they start pulling up their pants. Just as he arrives they bolt out the door and he chucks his phone at them full force.

Of course, now the owner has just destroyed his phone and cut the call.

“We put grease there.”

I worked at a thrift store. We had a furniture storage semi-trailer out back where people would also drop off donations during the day. It was so common for people to break into the trailer we just stopped locking it.

It’s a thrift store and we never prosecuted because frankly it just wasn’t worth it. One day me and a couple of guys decided if they want to violate our property we’ll make it a bit more enjoyable for them.

We rigged up a bucket of water on top of the semi-door and tied it so it would fall when the door was opened. Then we also had a big dumpster there that was regularly looked through so we put a couch up against the dumpster positioned in a way that there was only one obvious place to put your hands when you climbed up the dumpster.

We put grease there.

For us working at the thrift store and never getting revenge on the countless thieves it was an enjoyable experience to watch their plans fall apart for at least one night.

“I caught the door slowly opening by itself!”

I worked security at a large hotel chain. Part of my job was to keep track of storage room visits, by kitchen staff and other employees. There was a camera watching the big metal door of the storage room.

One day as I returned to my office I noticed the storage room door was open, which was odd because only I had keys for it and I hadn’t opened it that day.

I checked the camera and on film I caught the door slowly opening by itself! No one was there and no way the wind could unlock a heavy metal door. Showed my boss and he told me not to mention it.

Although word got out and some of the more superstitious employees avoided the storage room. There had been 2 suicides that previous year, some said it was related to them.

Whoa. Just whoa.

I never want to be a security guard ever.

Never ever.

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15 Students Share the One Detention That Was Totally Worth It

Few things terrify kids more than one word: detention.

Not only will their parents know they screwed up, but now they have to go sit in a room and basically do nothing. Well, besides homework. And that’s if you’re lucky. Some detentions are completely silent. Those are definitely the shittiest.

But sometimes when revenge is involved… those detentions just fly by.

Here are 15 stories of students who got back on those who had wronged them, and didn’t mind serving the time because they definitely did the crime.

1. “Because she couldn’t hold a pencil.”

I beat the crap out of a boy twice my size in 3rd grade for teasing my friend – another girl who was severely physically handicapped, in a motorized wheelchair, who had to use a computer to type because she couldn’t hold a pencil.

School had a no-tolerance policy for fighting – the principal said he understood why I did what I did but next time not to fight on school grounds…so the next time it was at a playground near the lake.

I didn’t get in trouble for that one, though the police were called.

2. “I was never bullied again after that…”

After being bullied a lot between the ages of 8-14, I finally snapped as I was ‘walking away’ from a bully and he said, ‘Keep rolling, fatboy,’ in front of a girl I liked.

I turned around in a blinding anger and hit him so hard that I broke a few bones on my hand, and his nose, He fell back and landed in a puddle of mud and started crying.

Fast forward to sitting outside the headteachers office after I was reported for fighting, and out walks my favorite teacher, who apparently saw the whole thing and argued in my corner, meaning the only punishment I got was a weeks of lunchtime detentions.

I was never bullied again after that incident and I just wish I had done it sooner.

3. “During the next class, she wouldn’t leave me alone.”

A teacher in our chemistry class had been acting aggressive and bullying towards students all year. If anyone asked for help, she would always call that person a condescending name or something.

At one point, I literally heard her say to a student: ‘I don’t give a (censored) when you get your homework in!’ and at another point she accused me of trying to tell her how to do her job after requesting more time to do homework.

Yeah, half the time her insults and accusations weren’t even related to what was going on.

She seemed to especially target me, and one day we got into a major argument over a late homework. I was feeling rather guilty for some of the things I’d said in the heat of the moment and went to apologize to her during lunchtime.

She asked me what I was apologizing for and I said I wasn’t sure but I’d clearly annoyed her and was sorry for it, and she basically told me to bugger off and leave her alone.

During the next class, she wouldn’t leave me alone.

Every two seconds she was going, ‘Are you doing work or just daydreaming,’ ‘Turn to the same page in your books as the rest of the class,’ ‘Are you even listening?’

Eventually I get sick of it and finally call her on her crap: ‘Okay now you’re just being condescending.’

She goes into a fury, spends a full five minutes berating me and sends me out of the class, telling me to wait outside.

Half an hour later she comes out, asks me what I was thinking, and accuses me of being, and I quote, ‘out to get her.’ I try to defend myself and she says, ‘Okay, you can return to my class now, sit down in your chair and not say a WORD to me for the rest of the year.

Or, if you want to argue with me, you can gather your stuff, get out of my class and not come back.’

I told her I DID in fact want to argue with her, that she was being totally unfair, then went inside, left, and went straight to the head of school to tell him everything that had happened.

Long story short I was in the very next lesson with her and she didn’t do a thing against me for the rest of the year.

She did however move on to bullying another guy in the class who had the same name as me (I wonder if there’s a connection there).

I tried to defend him where I could though and eventually we both managed to be rid of her as we dropped chemistry next year.

4. “I brought an extra change of clothes hidden in my backpack…”

I had a teacher who would not let anyone go to the bathroom the entire year, so the last month of school, my friends and I got so fed up with it, I decided to take action.

I brought an extra change of clothes hidden in my backpack and drank three bottles of water at lunch.

During class that afternoon, I asked the teacher if I could use the restroom, and of course, she responded with the usual ‘no,’ so I said ‘ok’ and just urinated all over myself and the desk.

Since I had an extra change of clothes, it was only uncomfortable for a little bit.

The look on her face was worth it. Now she lets any and everyone go to the bathroom as needed. You’re welcome, America!

Basically, I wet myself during class at school to make a point to the teacher to let people go to the bathroom during class.

5. “At the end of it, everybody stood at the street in front of the school yelling…”

I once instigated a whole revolution in my (Catholic) school.

We had an horrible math teacher that nobody liked, and when he took vacations, they brought a substitute teacher that was really great, so we did a petition with signatures from students of all grades for the school to keep her as the official teacher.

I was the head of the movement, so I went to the principal with the ‘document’ to show our efforts. She laughed at me and told to get out of because students don’t have the right to demand such things.

I went back to class crying (7th grade) and my classmates became really angry that the principal had treated me like that so everybody got out of the class, started to call the other students in all classes to join then and they did.

At the end of it, everybody stood at the street in front of the school yelling that the principal was a jerk.

I was in serious trouble after that but totally worth it.

6. “GAME OVER! WE WIN! BIGGEST UPSET IN STATE HISTORY! Nope.”

My senior year, our boys basketball team is in the playoffs, playing the number one seed. They were much bigger, faster, and stronger than us. We didn’t have size, but we made up for it with good ball skills, shooting, and defense.

We tie the game with about eight seconds left. As they’re coming down the court with the ball, their point guard dribbles the ball off his foot. It’s about to roll out of bounds when our MVP grabs it and takes it in for the easy lay up just as time expires.

GAME OVER! WE WIN! BIGGEST UPSET IN STATE HISTORY! Nope.

The ref on the opposite base line says our guy kicked the ball and the opposing player in the process.

Their ball, double bonus, we’re effed. The thing is: our guy wasn’t even close and had started retreating to set up a perimeter defense in order to stop penetration and force a longer shot.

HE WASN’T EVEN CLOSE! Of course, everyone goes nuts and there is a meeting among the refs. The original call stands, everyone is booing their faces off, and our coach begins arguing the call with one ref while the kid buries his foul shots.

To top it all off, there was only .3 seconds put back on the clock. The ref says there will be no more extra time and as they are fixing the clock, the chanting starts…

I started this chant earlier in the year.

It goes like this: ‘OATS AND BEANS, AND BEANS AND OATS!’ I know, it makes no sense, but it was different and fun and I was in high school, what can I say?

So I start this chant.

LOUDLY. I’m literally screaming at the top of my lungs. Within about ten seconds, our entire bleachers section is wailing and the students all come as close to court side as possible with me, and start screaming, ‘OATS AND BEANS, AND BEANS AND OATS!’

It was so loud that no one could communicate on the court.

Imagine about four hundred people at the top of their lungs, in a high school gymnasium. Then, our bench players start in!

It was epic! The refs keep trying to wave us off and are blowing their whistles like wild, so they can confirm the clock is right and/or game is over.

The ref in question turns to the scoreboard guy and gives a ‘THAT’S IT!’ type of motion. We’re still going nuts with ‘oats and beans.’ The refs are trying to leave the court and our bench stands up to block the entrance to the locker room.

We storm the court, surround them, just screaming ‘oats and beans, beans and oats!’ as loud as we can. They push through us and into the locker room.

It didn’t stop there.

About a hundred students followed them into the locker room, ‘oats and beans-ing’ it all the way. We followed that jerk out to his car and never stopped.

He ‘retired’ after that season.

I was suspended for three days for inciting a riot after the guy threatened to press charges for ‘psychological abuse.’

The best part: the superintendent of the district comes to my house on the last day of my suspension.

My parents were angry, but I was a senior, good student, and already accepted into college, so I didn’t get it too bad. The superintendent goes on to sit us all down and tell us how lucky I was that there wouldn’t likely be legal repercussions and whatever.

I go to my room so he can talk to my parents alone, then my mom calls me back down to say goodbye. He shakes my mom’s hand, my dad’s hand, then mine and says, ‘Son, you’re going to change the world.’

At the end of the year, I was given a $2000 ‘spirit’ scholarship and the entire school chanted ‘OATS AND BEANS, AND BEANS AND OATS!’

when they announced my name at graduation. It was amazing and made everything worth it.

7. “I relished in the look of her disgust…”

I went to a K-8 Catholic school. Our school lunches were pitifully small, same portion for 1st graders, as for 8th graders.

The lunch ladies understood that the portions were small and would often let students get second servings, which they were otherwise going to throw out.

I went to get some extra salad. Rather than giving me an additional serving, they just gave me the remaining, heaping mound of cheap iceberg lettuce drenched in Italian dressing. It was seriously probably several pounds of salad.

I had no intention of eating the entirety of it, but a teacher caught me eating the leftovers and said I had ought to finish it otherwise it would be so wasteful.

At that point it became a competition to prove her wrong. I had to stay probably an extra 10 minutes to finish munching down the pile of salad. When I finished, the teacher called me a pig and gave me a detention anyway.

I relished in the look of her disgust and gleefully took the detention.

8. “I could feel the chair vibrate under me…”

I was in class in high school and a female student asked to go to the restroom. The teacher replied, ‘No, that’s what passing period is for,’ and didn’t let her go.

This ticked me off something terrible, because the student was a girl and might have had women issues, so I came up with a plan.

I held all of my farts for a whole day until the next class with this terrible teacher.

Being on the football team and on a high protein diet, it was very hard, but I did it. When I got to the class, I waited about 5 minutes and asked to go to the bathroom, I received the same snide remark, so I bent over as much as I could and let go the loudest, longest fart in my whole life.

I could feel the chair vibrate under me and the whole class burst into laughter.

I was immediately sent to the office which was great for me, because I’m sure it smelled like a dead whale that had been beached for a month.

I received five days of in-school suspension for farting in class, and had to do extra workouts for missing football practice. It was worth it.

9. “Our principal’s attempt at therapy didn’t work.”

To make a long story short, there was this girl who was a complete jerk, bully, and overall horrible to me. One day, after years of harassment, I took a permanent marker and drew all over her sweater, arms, and face.

This prompted a week’s worth of detention, but she didn’t get off scot-free though.

The faculty knew that this was a long time coming and gave her detention as well. This, however, meant that the two of us spent a week of our school year sitting in the office with the principal, talking about our issues.

I also had to pay for half the price of the sweater, which was pretty expensive, especially to a elementary-schooler.

Our principal’s attempt at therapy didn’t work.

We still openly hated each other, but the week of detention and the money was all worth it because she never harassed me again. Instead, it turned into a cold war.

She knew that if she ever poked me hard enough again that I wouldn’t be afraid retaliate with nuclear fury, like I had done before.

Needless to say, it stopped a lot of the other bullies from messing with me too. Being the runt of the class, the remainder of elementary school was rather relaxing.

10. “I started running as fast as I could straight at him…”

When I was in 4th grade, this annoying 3rd grader kept messing with me. He would run up behind me and try to knock me down all the time. Especially since he was just a 3rd grader that was trying to bully me, it ticked me off, and I decided to end it before it got out of control.

I saw him standing there doing nothing like an idiot one day at recess and remembered how much he had been bothering me.

I started running as fast as I could straight at him from across the play ground, and knocked him flat on his back. He got up and tackled me, and we rolled around on the ground wrestling for a little while before one of the recess monitors saw us.

I got in trouble and had to write, ‘I will not fight’ or something like that 25 times during one recess. He never bothered me again after that, though.”

11. “The class was silent for a few seconds…”

I had this witch of an English teacher in 9th grade who had a horrible temper and would always victimize boys for no reason. One day she gave some vague instructions and the class just looking at her puzzled.

She said, ‘Don’t look at me like I’m naked!’

The class was silent for a few seconds until I covered my mouth as if I was about to cough and spouted, ‘Gross!’

The class erupted with laughter and I got a week of detention. After the first day, an assistant principal found out about the situation and called off the rest of my detention.

12. “One day she picked on the fat kid sitting next to me…”

I got kicked out of class for making a substitute teacher cry.

For background, the teacher was horrible with the class. She told students they were dumb, talked down to them, and was all around just not good for a healthy educational environment.

For example, we once watched a movie on space exploration and and after part one, I talked to her about how we could just put bubble structures on a planet with an atmosphere.

Put plants in there, slowly expand and increase until they covered the whole planet. She laughed at me, told the class how this would never work and continued with lesson plans.

The next day, we watched part two of the film and it went over the idea of terraforming using structures where they gradually increase size of structures to alter the planet to make it inhabitable…

Sure, they also said it would take an extremely one time and be super costly so not a very viable option, but nevertheless I felt vindicated.

Anyway, one day she picked on the fat kid sitting next to me and I lost my cool.

I stood up from my desk and proceeded to berate her, telling her that she shouldn’t be allowed to shape the minds of children, that she was awful at her job and how I truly believe she should look into another occupation.

After some choice verbal jabs, I got sent to the office.

After I left, she burst into tears. I feel my outburst was justified.

13. “I found out two years later that the bully of a gym teacher was fired from his job…”

I was in 8th grade and our gym teacher picked one student per class to make his personal slave. I wasn’t having any of it, so everything he tried I was able to one up him.

The final straw was when we were throwing frisbees and he threw one at me. At the last second he said ‘Heads up!’ expecting me to get hit in the face.

I don’t know it happened but without looking I grabbed it, spun around and whipped it back at him fast enough and hard enough to give him a bloody nose when it cracked him square in the face.

He sent me to the principal’s office where she while laughing her butt off about it, but she had to give me a three-day suspension due to ‘attacking a teacher.’

I found out two years later that the bully of a gym teacher was fired from his job due to multiple students, from several years, coming forward and claiming physical and verbal abuse.

So it was totally worth it to get that bully out of teaching.”

14. “…Held up a brazen middle finger, and walked inside, ignoring his demands that I stop.”

In high school, my dad dropped me off out front after all the buses had left. The vice-principal was being a jerk for no reason and giving my dad trouble for ‘parking’ in a bus lane (when in fact he had not violated any rules).

It was clear the VP was trying to pick a fight. After a brief heated exchange, my dad drove off, and I heard the VP mutter ‘scumbag’ under his breath.

I stood in front of the building, waited for the VP to turn around and see me, held up a brazen middle finger, and walked inside, ignoring his demands that I stop.

I proceeded to dodge detention until I was pulled from class.

Basically, I flipped off vice principal in front of the school. Felt great.

15. “So I had taken my belt off as some sort of make-shift weapon…”

Some kid was stealing money out of the locker rooms every day after school while sports teams were practicing. I skipped cross-country practice one day and hid in the shower area in an attempt to catch them.

After waiting for over an hour, I finally heard someone enter.

I didn’t know what I would be up against, so I had taken my belt off as some sort of make-shift weapon (just made me feel safer). I hear the sound of velcro separating, and I knew I had finally caught him.

I ran out to the locker area, and he flung the wallet in his hands away and immediately pretended to be opening a lock on the locker. The culprit was this tiny 8th grader (our junior high was connected to our high school).

As he sat there fumbling with a lock, I just stood and waited.

Finally, when it was clear to him that he wasn’t fooling me, and that he didn’t know the combination of the locker he was trying to open, he looked up at me.

I started yelling at him, telling him how many people wanted to kick his behind. The wallet he was opening was one of my friends, who was in open gym nearby.

I told him to wait there unless he wanted trouble, and got my friend.

Ultimately, we started trying to extort the money he had stolen over the last few weeks with threats, because we were concerned that if we turned him in we wouldn’t see a dime.

Finally the kid turned himself in, because he didn’t have any of the money left, nor a way to make the money, and was legitimately concerned we were going to hurt him.

The discipline lady said something I’ll never forget, ‘you just can’t do that.

I’m glad you did, but you can’t take the law into your own hands. I’m sorry, but I’ve got to give you detention for this.’ She asked why I didn’t turn him in, so I answered her honestly.

She asked us to get a list together, and made his parents pay up. All-in-all, totally worth it!

Basically, I caught a kid stealing and extorted money from him rather than turning him in.

I wish I had a story as good as any of these, but I don’t. I was such a good kid back in the day.

What happened?! ?

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People Raised in Cults Reveal the Moment They Realized Things Weren’t Right

I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to grow up in a cult. Thankfully, my family was relatively normal in this aspect. That’s why these responses from AskReddit are so fascinating.

1. No learning

“When they said I couldn’t go to college.”

2. Demons

“I’m Pentecostal still, (NOT APOSTOLIC PENTECOSTAL) but the UPCI one is I consider a cult. UPCI guy was praying for me to remove the “demons” from my head that were causing a ringing and loud blaring in my ears. I would hear a constant “WOOSH” and experience moments of deafness. He kept saying, “They’re going. They’re gone. You’ll feel it soon.”

I was like OK. Nothing happened. I got prayer. I should be fixed. Then for weeks I kept praying that God would “remove the demons.” Then I had a dream that I was freaking out about demons and the blaring was incredibly loud my parents were yelling at me something about “It’s Your BRAIN. It’s medical.”

Well, I woke up and realized that I actually had just started taking a new form of birth control for my skin called Tri-Sprintec, which sounds like something out of Black Mirror, and so I threw it out and I was fine again. About a week later the ringing and temporary deafness stopped and I was able to go back to ordinary life.

My grandmother was part of UPCI as well. They refused to baptize her because she was wearing earrings. (Totally unbiblical.) I should have noticed something back then.”

3. Creepy

“Oh there was little doubts all the way. But I guess I found it most odd that full grown adults couldn’t answer simple questions. “Why does God kill babies” “why did god hate black people until society changed their mind” “if God is humble why do we praise him” ect. Me and my friends were like 12 or 13.

We would constantly ask questions like these and never got an answer that wasn’t “God works in mysterious ways” “or you should have faith. I was Mormon. It’s straight up a cult. The members are so brain washed they can’t even see it. Looking back it’s all so f-cking creepy.”

4. Awakening

“When I smoked weed for the first time and realized nothing was wrong with it. I eventually went down the rabbit hole and read as much as I could about Mormon church history. I know the Mormon church isn’t as culty as many other “religions,” but it does at least have many cultish aspects to it.”

5. Impure thoughts

“Where do I even start?

I guess the whole not speaking in tongues make me a sinner, regardless of any other factors.

That if I have any depressive thoughts I must be possessed by a demon.

That any impure thought I had meant I was going to hell and needed to drop to my knees and ask for forgiveness

Any other of denomination of Christianity was going to hell specially those Methodist and Catholics.

Was not allowed to have friends because they might bring some kind of sin into my life.”

6. No freedom

“When the leader, whom claimed to be freedom of speech, started suing people who said stuff he didn’t like.”

7. Sounds like brainwashing

“When I realized all the books at our home were from the same obscure publication house. And I wasn’t allowed to read Harry Potter.”

8. Scam

“As soon as paying them was obligatory.”

9. Cultish

“Calling it a cult might be a stretch, but I was raised in an incredibly religious household and went to a pretty intense evangelical church most days of the week. My parents put me in just about every club/ group the church offered. Between youth group, bible study, church services, young adults group, AWANA, etc. I was there pretty often. Anyway my parents didnt have enough money for a private christian school, so public school was really my only escape from my super christian environment.

Sophmore year of high school I was taking a government class and we did this exercise to see where people stood on certain issues where the teacher would say heres a topic, go to the left side if youre for this and right side if youre against it.

Then someone in the group would have to give some reasons why they thought that way. I stood alone on one side of the room on probably 3 out of 4 issues and when I had to defend my choice, there were just too many times when my only reasoning was ” because god/my parents say so”.

That gave me some pause to think about why / if i really believed those things at all. It didnt instantly shatter my faith but it was definitely the moment my opinions started to change and I began to analyze why/what I was being told. I realized I didnt actually believe/ care about most of the things I was standing for.”

10. Had no idea

“When the only non-baptised kid in my school appeared.

I didn’t even know baptism was not compulsory in the entire world or that other religions and no religion at all were things that existed. Also, he was so relentlessly and violently bullied that he had to leave school.”

11. Niscience

“My mother was an avid follower of Niscience. She made my sister and I attend the meetings for Niscience. Part of the meetings was that you used your own Niscience name (my sister thought of it as a second middle name) and during certain prayers you had to use proper arm motions to salute the particular direction.

I was 8 when I realized no one else had a different church name or did prayers with specified motions. I stopped going to the meetings, told my mom and sister it was a cult. Within a month they both stopped going as well, although my mom prayed and practiced daily at an alter in her bedroom for another couple of years before quitting.”

12. Sketchy

“When the pastor talked like a stereotypical Kickstarter campaign to fund the church (which was not poor to begin with), with obscenely high goals expected of middle class at best people.”

13. Cut off from the world

“Whenever I figured out that my friends at my school were having birthdays, and Christmas, and Halloween, and how I wasn’t allowed to go my friends house…because my parents didn’t want me to see a functioning normal life. (Grew up in a cult-like Jehovas Witness religion) got out of it around 11. Now 15.”

14. Science is wrong

“My parents and their cult maintained that stars could no longer be born because ‘god was done creating’ – I’d just done some stuff about stellar formation in school. Mentioned it in passing, and the denial was astounding.

“They are lying to pull you away from Jehovah” (what they call god). Typical.

I said “A new star is born every 10 minutes or so, and some of them are visible through a telescope. You can look at it for yourself.” – for which I was accused of blasphemy. It was not a pleasant experience.

When you choose to silence someone instead of looking at the evidence they have, you are only showing how much you fear what they have to say. Their desperation to avoid hearing undeniable science was the tip I should have seen years earlier.”

15. Escaped

“I don’t know if you can call them a cult, but a lot of people I talk to about my childhood compare it to one. I don’t know if I’m biased because I was raised in it or not.

I realized something was wrong when I was about 12 and I was being told that my whole life was gonna be get married, have kids, be a housewife. Oh and if you can do that by 19, great. I’ve always been creative, mainly writing stories, and they started taking that away. My whole purpose was to make babies and serve a husband. I wasn’t allowed school after 5th grade and I wasn’t allowed contact with the outside world.

It was rough. I’m out now, though! And if you’re reading this and you think you need to escape from something like this, whoever you are, message me. I escaped August of last year. It took me 5 years, but I did it. You can too.”

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