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People Who’ve Had Bosses Like Michael Scott Share What It Was Like

I’ve never had a boss that was like The Office‘s Michael Scott, but I’ve definitely seen some characteristics in a few of them that made me cringe just a little bit.

And maybe if I could put all my past bosses together and pick out the most ridiculous traits of each one I’d be able to create one INCREDIBLY ANNOYING head honcho.

But these kinds of bosses really do exist and they’re out there in charge of employees all over the place!

AskReddit users went on the record with their funny boss stories.

1. Hahahaha. Wow.

“I had a boss once who spent all morning locked in his office.

He asked me to come in after lunch where he showed me a handmade graph. He then proceeded to explain that this was a chart of all the s*x he had ever had in his life.

“See, here it is blank until I joined the army. Then I went to a hooker here. Then they sent me to Vietnam where hookers only charged $2 per time. That’s where you see the big jump. I was on two tours but then got shot in the face. I came back home and you see how it just drops to almost nothing. ”

I was astounded.”

2. Oh, boy…

“My boss is certainly Michael Scott-esque.

When I first started I was essentially Pam as well since I was both receptionist and his assistant to some extent. My favorite story was back when we were prepping for a conference.

Some context, he’s terrible with the English language in general and will mangle phrases and descriptions to no end (how the turn tables…). So on a group call he kept talking about wanting a “golden hamster ball” to do giveaways with.

Was raving about how great it would be spinning around while people walked by, all the while everyone on the call was just sitting in confused silence. However by that point, I had become so good at decoding his nonsense that I knew he was referring to a gold raffle cage and sent him image privately asking if it’s what he was thinking.

To this day he still talks about the fact I can read his mind and must be psychic. And he still refers to it as a hamster ball.

All in all he’s a pretty nice guy and a solid boss. Hired me based on a gut feeling and has been decent to me ever since. I think I knew it would be a good fit when during the interview he tried to tell me about the four pillars of the company and forgot one.

Told me later it was Knowledge.”

3. Whatever you say.

“He wanted a pomegranate for lunch and they were out of season, but that didn’t stop him from sending me on a quest to every grocery store in town in search of a pomegranate.

Multiple produce guys laughed at me, but that was the easiest $13/hr I’ve ever made.”

4. Hmmmm…

“I had a redhead boss who made us all sit down and watch a training video about how we shouldn’t refer to him as a “ginger” because it is bullying.

No one had ever called him that.”

5. Peculiar.

“Had a boss who was very peculiar. For instance, he’d open a random closet, look at the stuff inside, then go on a tirade, “look at all this! Who bought all this crap?!?!” – “Uh, you did”.

“Oh. Well somebody needs to throw it away!”

Constant stuff like this.”

6. Leave me alone.

“I had a boss that used to watch me through a gap in the glass partition between our desks. She wanted to see if I was paying attention during meetings.

One day, I put a large folder to cover the gap and she freaked. I still laugh when I think about it.”

7. Sounds about right.

“I once worked for a family company (not my family) where my boss often had loud fights with her husband, mother, and sister (an addict with a penchant for stealing) in the halls. I have a million wonderful stories about that workplace but one that stuck out to me is this:

Once for someone’s birthday, she decided it would be fun to buy an anatomically correct, male blowup doll. She took this doll into the office, blew him up, and dressed him in a construction vest (the company was a contractor).

When I walked by, my boss was trying to manipulate the position of the blowup d*ck, and asked me if I wanted to be the “fluffer”.”

8. Just like Michael Scott.

“I had a boss sneak up behind a middle-aged female employee and pick her up, then immediately drop her down saying “I didn’t think you weighed that much!” He could not stop laughing.

He was the principal of the school.

This occurred during passing period in a crowded middle school hallway.”

9. The nerve…

“My boss insisted his daughters be flower girls in my wedding.

I declined.

At the reception, he told me I was spending too much time talking to one person, and I need to work the room more.”

10. A good use of time.

“He held a meeting with our whole team less one person to discuss said person being gay.

We all knew for well over a year, and never made a deal of it.

So yes, they are out there and that is why the show is so funny to me. I can relate…”

11. Conspiracy theories.

“I literally had a boss who would stop us in the middle of our work and hold company-wide meetings talking about 9/11 truther conspiracies and chemtrails.

Mind you we were furniture-making company.

He would get so caught up in his conspiracy theories that he forgot to order wood to make furniture one month.”

12. Welcome to America!

“My first boss in America, I was 21. He was Asian-American. I had never seen the office but noted the absurdity.

He would get free potato chips from a guy in a company truck and would stuff his cheeks in the middle of telling me what to do. He always offered some.

Fired a coworker for screaming some racist stuff at me by just..yanking her out the door.

Called another coworker a cub or a baby lion because she was tiny with wild unruly hair. Would do a small mini roar whenever she was about to report for her shift or when I mentioned her name.

Ran around the place with a wig on his head imitating me.

Brought his daughter to work and give her piggy back rides in the office. Would ask me to take videos.

Would talk to black people in a “black” way. He would say wassup shorty to the ladies and what’s poppin. Called the guys Tyrone and would say shieeeeeet in his most convincing “black” voice. It was actually pretty good.

Would ask me to teach him random Arabic words so he could yell them sporadically in the middle of the day. He always got the accent right.

Had an open door policy and would do shots in his office.

Started a small chicken farm in the back of the building and would give out whole chickens to the staff. Had me and a coworker try to slaughter one one time. I couldn’t and nicked it just a little bit and shrieked, spraying all three of us with blood.

Received a visit from the city people to tell him he couldn’t keep chickens in back. He was rounding the main floor with a small basket of freshly laid eggs just as they were asking for him.

Did the chicken farm again the next summer, this time with a small garden growing squash, cucumber, corn etc to disguise the chicken coop. Happily gave out vegetables along with chicken.

Would be extremely proud of taking home a tray of his own eggs to his children. Ate two fresh eggs every morning.

Bought a wok to work to deep fry sausages in. Sometimes made lunch in the back. The entire floor would smell like food and he would round us all (3 of us) to his office to eat.

Would regularly fall asleep under his desk. The snoring was so loud you could hear it in the front. Once a client asked what that noise was and I said it was the plumbing.

Woke up after his naps looking puffy but acting as if nothing happened. Would immediately go next door for a Cherry coke.

Would constantly eat hard candy to stay awake during the day.

Ate too many edibles at a party I hosted once and passed out.

Told me to hire someone but when he saw the girl did a comical thing with his face, eyebrows raised and eyes big ( think Ken Jeong ) because she was having trouble fitting into her chair. She was a bigger girl.

Took away chairs the next day because they “encouraged us not to concentrate on the client.” The girl was a no call no show the following week.

Had a love hate relationship with a groundhog not long into his farming venture. He never caught the guy.

Once threw a cricket at me from the very opposite end of the office floor. He and another coworker kept such straight faces as I finally convinced myself the cricket flung itself at me. I watched the cameras at the end of the day only to see them do it. I’m still traumatized.

Has an office to this day full of the weirdest collection of things. A few feather from favorite chickens of his that he had since consumed all named and dated, a rabbit paw someone gave him, a goat’s hoof, a framed quote I told him told to me by a very high homeless person.. I don’t remember the rest. It’s just an odd place to go into.

Had a hard time growing a beard and would ask me what I thought of the progress of his “soup taster.”

Nicest boss I’ve ever had. Well meaning if a little racially insensitive all while being fascinated by other people’s cultures. He would buy different cuisines for us to try each week. Gave bonuses because he knew the job didn’t pay much so that was always a nice surprise. He paid my former coworker when she had to stay home all through her husband’s Covid.

Also, he loves llamas, alpacas, baby goats and when I showed him how to use Reddit he would almost always sends me an alpaca photo. I still get a photo now and then.

Also 3 years after leaving he still sends me photos of his illegal farm and recently asked me to post his cucumbers on Reddit.

Also I forgot to add that he fell into poison ivy bush once and didn’t know right away. He ran around screaming until we sat him in his office semi undressed and put medicine on his wounds. He was so miserable for days, it was hard to watch.

He dove head first into the wall when asleep once and needed to go to the doctor and get 3 stitches on his busted lip. He came to work that morning with a huge lip and kept having to explain himself all day.

We kept joking his wife was beating him up. He still insisted on snacking as usual. At one point he sipped ketchup with a straw.”

Did you ever have a boss that reminded you of Michael Scott?

If the answer is YES, then please share your stories with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Who’ve Had Bosses Like Michael Scott Share What It Was Like appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Share Advice They’d Give to Kids Who Are Starting High School

When I was starting high school, one of my older sisters sat me down and gave me all kinds of advice about what I should do so I’d have the best experience possible.

Join this club, avoid this type of kid, study hard, etc.

Of course, I didn’t listen to anything she said and I didn’t actually follow any of her advice, but I really, really appreciated her effort.

Hahahaha. Oh well.

But…maybe in hindsight, I should’ve listened to her.

Here’s what wise folks had to say on AskReddit to kids starting high school.

1. Haters gonna hate.

“Enjoy your personal relationships but never let any negative interactions affect you too heavily. That’s way easier said than done but in all honesty you will never see most people you encounter during your HS days again after graduation.

Let the haters hate, you be you. Use this time to learn what you like, explore your options — most importantly try to be yourself without caring what other people think!

Again, that won’t be easy but if you can do it you’ll thank yourself later.

We’re rooting for you.”

2. Find a balance.

“It’s going to feel like the most important time of your life, and the most emotional time of your life.

But, what’s important is finding a balance between grades and friends and work (if you end up working). Some classes will feel pointless, and they are, but remember there is an end and it’s important to try and get through them.

It’s those skills, learning how to study and how to get through things you don’t like, that will serve you better than pretty much anything you actually learn in school.”

3. Keep the good ones.

“Good friends –real good friends– will push you to be your better self, encourage good habits, and want the best for you.

Anyone who tells you to act against that is an *sshole.

Stay away from them.”

4. We all do stupid stuff.

“Forgive yourself when necessary. It’s high school, you’re probably going to do something stupid.

If you have even a remote interest in joining something, try it out, but don’t be ashamed if it ends up not working out and you end up quitting.

Basically it’ll be way easier if you are able to forgive yourself easily.”

5. Get involved.

“Get involved in some extracurricular activity like tennis or theatre or debate or swimming or something you’re interested in.

You will make friends and it’s really nourishing to be a part of a community.”

6. Don’t sweat it.

“Almost everyone you think is important, cool, or attractive, you will never think about again after you graduate.

I know it’s really hard to do this right now, but try not to care very much about other people’s opinions.

You do you.”

7. Very rare.

“He/She is (most likely) not “the one”.

That first love will sucker punch your decision making skills, no matter how level headed or mature you are.”

8. Good tips.

“Pay attention to the way your friends talk about your mutual friends to you. This is exactly the way they speak of you to them.

If you have a secret that you don’t want to get out, don’t tell a single person. No, not even your best friend. Nobody.

If your parents have concerns about someone you’re dating or one of your friends, pay attention and listen to them. They are rarely wrong about this.

Overall, just try to have fun and grow. You will fall into the rut of “this sucks I can’t wait to graduate” but you will miss some of it eventually.”

9. Get it done!

“Get your work done.

Don’t put it off, don’t make excuses. Get IT DONE. Approximately 86.4% of your grades will be the work you turn in. You can’t get out of it. You can’t lie about it.

And I promise, you’ll feel better having time at home to do what you like, rather than being punished for not doing what you were supposed to do at school.

Be serious about the work, and you’ll find that your teachers will respect you for it.”

10. Remember to be nice.

“Be yourself.

Joining clubs or extra-curricular activities are great ways to make friends who share your interests.

Keep good hygiene habits. You do not want to be labelled the “smelly kid”.

Keep your grades up, but don’t panic if you don’t have a 4.0 GPA only the most prestigious colleges require someone to have a high GPA. Chances are, your college of choice will not require a 4.0 GPA for admission.

Be nice to people.”

11. Good point.

“I don’t think you should get involved with marijuana and drugs in high school. Your brain is still developing and it’s easy to fall into addiction at that age.

It can easily consume your life. But…

If you decide to ignore what I’ve said and you decide to get involved with that sh*t anyway, take half.”

12. Not like the movies.

“High school is so romanticized in movies and the media, and although it’s possible to have a great high school experience, don’t try to compare it to the portrayals in movies.

It doesn’t have to be the time of your life, and I don’t think you want it to be. Use high school to get prepared for college, and if you make some friends along the way, even better.”

13. Get busy.

“If you can handle AP classes, take them.

If you can’t handle AP classes, take dual credit classes.

Apply for every single scholarship that you can qualify for, because once you’re not a graduating senior, they all disappear. My sister and I both had some of the best grades at our school.

Her bachelor’s degree was 3 years, living on campus, for free. Mine was 6 years, living at home, working, paying my way through.”

14. Be yourself.

“Don’t compromise yourself just to be included in a certain group.

Don’t try to force an interest, pretend to be a fan of something you aren’t into, whatever.

Genuine friends will be made naturally.”

Do you have any good advice for the young men and women who are starting high school?

Sound off in the comments and help mold some young minds!

Thanks in advance!

The post People Share Advice They’d Give to Kids Who Are Starting High School appeared first on UberFacts.

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What Advice Would You Give Students About to Start High School? Here’s What People Had to Say.

High school is a special time in a young person’s life.

You make new friends, have all kinds of new experiences, and, for some of us, it sets us on a path to what we’re going to be like for the rest of our lives.

So we want you young whipper snappers out there to sit up straight, pull up your pants, and listen to what these people have to say. Because they’ve been there and done that.

Here are some tips from folks on AskReddit.

1. It’s true.

“You don’t need to impress everyone.

Pretty much everyone you meet in high school won’t matter in your life after you graduate.”

2. Listen up!

“School drama is a fruitless endeavor that will likely only leave you stressed and exhausted. Your mental effort is far more effectively spent following what you enjoy rather than worrying about if jack is going out with susie or what Dylan said to Michael.

Find something you enjoy, and follow that; you’re far more likely to find people you enjoy being around when you can start with a common ground. If you like anime, find an anime club. If you like sports, try out for a team. Theatre? High school is a great time to try it out.

Kind of piggybacking off of that last point: high school is a point where you start to get more options. You have the opportunity to try new things and you may be surprised if you go out of your comfort zone.

I decided to try volleyball for the first time my freshman year, and I ended up playing every season through high school and making some of my best friends. It’s important to follow what you like, but don’t be afraid to try new things as well.

High school is important because it’s a time when you start to try to figure out who you are; don’t box yourself in.

Work hard and don’t procrastinate. I know it’s easy; it’s amazingly, devilishly easy to put something off “till x”. You will save yourself so much stress and pain if you do a little bit at a time and be regimented and disciplined in that. I guarantee you’ve heard this but it’s so incredibly true.

Get sleep. Sleep is amazingly important, and it should be a priority. People will almost brag about not getting enough sleep like it’s a measuring contest. It’s not cool, it’s just unhealthy and you will be so much happier for getting enough sleep.

Coffee is not an adequate substitute for head-on-pillow sleep, do your best to get as much as you can.”

3. Be excellent to each other.

“Be really kind to people.

You’re young and you may have sh*t you’re going through, but you will learn later in life that some of the people you don’t expect are going through some really deep sh*t too.

Be kind, be patient, be forgiving, don’t start drama, don’t participate in gossip. Forgive yourself too. Growing up is difficult, don’t be too hard on yourself for mistakes.

Be nice to your teachers… they have a hard job and it’s much harder with all this Covid stuff. Everyone deserves a little extra grace right now.”

4. Find a good balance.

“Don’t take everything too seriously.

Do Dual Enrollment. APs are fine but sometimes colleges don’t take the credit.

Get in a good study habit/good time management. You’ll be thanking yourself in college.

But also, have fun. I met some of my best friends to this day in my junior year of high school (graduated from undergrad recently). So don’t be afraid to branch out. Meet new people by classes, or by joining clubs.”

5. Pay attention to this one.

“If you’re struggling, tell someone.

Keep reaching out until someone really hears you. Have a sports injury? Don’t ignore it so you can play in the big game… you might put yourself out for the rest of the season. Starting to feel like your mental health is slipping? Address it right away.

The sooner you start working on building healthy mental habits, the better. Struggling with schoolwork? Ask for a tutor, go to extra help sessions, tell a teacher/counselor (trust me… deadlines can be moved/adjusted for someone who needs it, even if your teacher acts really serious about them during class).

And, preferably “make good choices” and all.

BUT if you’re going to make some iffy choices, remember to rule of nothing permanent: nothing that could result in brain damage, permanent injury, or an arrest record.”

6. Make friends.

“Make friends with people in the grades above you.

Widening your social circle early will make a big difference in the long run.”

7. Do what you want.

“Be brave.

A lot of us have regrets about what we didn’t do in high school that we should have done.

Try to overcome your fear.”

8. I wish I did this.

“I never see anyone mention this advice, but I am SO GLAD I did this. Make a book of memories!

Like, whenever you come home after having a really fun day with your friends or something, try to write down everything you remember about the day.

All the funny jokes that were said, the places you went, and just how much you enjoyed it (I made mine on a Google Doc). When I started making this, I honestly thought that I wouldn’t forget that stuff and that it wouldn’t be that interesting for future me to read, but man was I wrong.

I have so many memories and funny moments saved because of that. After 3 years, I now have 100 pages worth of pure gold that really help take me back to all the good memories I had, and I will have them stored forever.

Trust me, it’ll seem tedious and pointless to record the little moments of fun days you had for now, but in the future you’ll be so glad you did it!”

9. That stuff can wait.

“Don’t do drugs or drink.

Enjoy being a kid, find an extra curricular activity you enjoy and just enjoy what you can in high school.

The reason I said this is because I did drugs and drank in high school and I always think I would be better off if I didn’t do them that young.

Like, I would be more emotionally mature and not have such bad mood swings had I not messed with my physiology so young.”

10. Get involved.

“Find clubs/sports/activities that you love and get involved with them!

It’ll feel more fulfilling and help you work on skills that could come in handy in the future.”

11. It doesn’t last long.

“Ignore most of what happens socially.

Real life starts AFTER high school. See those cheerleaders over there that think they are hot sh*t? Most of them will be living off their former cheerleader memories for YEARS. This is their pinnacle.

You will leave them far behind in the dust. See that popular guy? He will cry like a baby on graduation day and claim these were the best years of his life. For him maybe. Not for you. Everybody claims they are having s*x. They aren’t.

Don’t worry. It’s way better when you are in college and beyond. See that quiet outsider. They are part of an interesting sub-group. There are a lot of them. Get to know some. They are going to be amazing long term friends. Don’t want to go do something but feel pressured?

Call your parents. When they say yes, hang up and pretend you were just grounded. Curse them out to your friends then go home, get a great meal cooked by your parents and watch your fave Netflix. High school is primarily a prep for college or trade school or work. No rush to make any decisions. Learning is lifelong.

Don’t have kids!!!!!! Expensive and time consuming!!! Travel if and when you can on school trips. Worth it!!! Music, drama, sports, extra-curricular activities – try some.

Make time for downtime. Volunteer at your local zoo or anywhere you have a passion. Read books! You will find your tribe and it might be after high school. That is OK!!! Ignore social media. Better yet, never respond on it or send your picture out. It’s overrated and frankly, people look happy for that one minute but they are mostly not happy.

Be really happy and ignore it.”

12. It’s important.

“Listen, listen, listen.

To your teachers, superiors, bosses, everyone.

Sometimes, you’ll get some nice stuff out of it.”

13. Good stuff.

“Make the most of it! The amount you learn and how much you enjoy yourself are more in your hands than you might realize.

I just graduated from a high school in Texas as valedictorian. I was in the band and on the robotics team, and quite active academically. Here’s my advice:

Learning > Grades. Always. I had great grades, but the reason I did so well was because I focused on actually getting a deep understanding of what I was doing. You’ll enjoy your time more if you focus on real understanding of concepts instead of just doing what you need to do to get that hundo.

Taking care of business (turning things in on time, checking the rubric boxes) will take care or 80% of your grade-related concerns. Don’t put yourself through unnecessary stress just by not getting your stuff done.

Your teachers aren’t the only ones who can help you learn. It’s very good for you and your peers to teach and guide each other – the best way to know if you understand something is to try to explain it.

Your friends and classmates aren’t the only ones you can go to for non-academic help. If you’re going through emotional trouble, your teachers and counselors are more willing to help (or even just listen to you) than you might think. Don’t bottle things up.

Do the activities that you love, not the ones that you think colleges will love. High school is the time to explore your interests, however niche or unusual.

Know that you can be happy in a relationship or not. If you wanna go out, ask them! If you don’t feel ready to do that, that’s ok!

Find the amount of rigor that works for you. It’s good to challenge yourself, but it’s 100% ok to lighten your academic or extracurricular load if it’s so much you can’t enjoy life.

Hope this helps!”

14. Words of wisdom.

“Practice better self reflection, stay quiet, listen more than you speak, and actually think about what you’re doing/saying/thinking/feeling.

I had way too many instances where I looked back at myself and just thought “What the f*ck was that?”

Also, you should know, when you’re stressed your rational decision making skills drop quickly, even if you think you’re fine, you’re probably not. I won’t tell you to talk with someone(god knows I never did) but each day when you get home take a look at everything you did and said, and try to reason out why without emotional justification.

Don’t be afraid to keep a daily journal. I know it sounds lame, but it will help you keep track of your thought patterns and stressors.

Don’t feel embarrassed to apologize for your (re)actions, even if the other person doesn’t.”

What advice would you give to kids that are starting high school?

Tell us what you think in the comments!

Please and thank you!

The post What Advice Would You Give Students About to Start High School? Here’s What People Had to Say. appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Share the Terrifying Facts That Keep Them up at Night

I was a total worrywart when I was younger.

I’d lay in my bed at night and just think of all of the terrifying things that might happen: World War III, an asteroid hitting our house, packs of wild dogs roaming the neighborhood. Basically anything that could potentially cause me harm.

Now, I guess I’m just too tired to stay up past 11 p.m. most nights…hooray for getting old!

But some people are like that their whole lives! Always terrified of what’s around the next corner, what could go wrong, and, most importantly, of ACTUAL, scary FACTS that worry them to no end.

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say about the terrifying facts that keep them up at night. Let’s take a look.

1. On the edge.

“If I lose my job or he loses his job, we have some savings but capitalism will eat us alive and leave us no quarter.

If one of us gets injured or gets cancer, same thing.”

2. Irreversible.

“Humanity is well on the way to destroying itself, it’s now irreversible, but everyone is ignoring the glaring evidence and continuing on business as usual.

We’re going to see worldwide famine within the next few years but people will ignore this warning too.”

3. A reckoning.

“The dollar is worthless.

The treasury is not just empty, it owes the rest of the world trillions, and the government somehow owes itself more trillions. Despite this, or more probably because of this, we continue to spend more than the rest of the world combined on the deadliest military in history.

There will be a reckoning, and I don’t think it will be gentle or pretty.”

4. The world is crazy right now.

“The great depression is now almost certain to repeat itself since economic relief was killed by greedy republicans who were angry they didn’t get to give the lion’s share of 1 trillion dollars to their corporate pimps.

Along with the expiring legislation goes COVID-specific unemployment benefits, individual and family relief checks, EVICTION MORATORIUMS! That last one…

This nation just straight slept through the pure hatred and violence of the republicans’ actions yesterday. People don’t get what’s about to happen here. We’re going to have 15-20% homelessness by the end of the year if relief packages are not put in place.

You think the George Floyd protests have been rough? Most of the BLM protestors have something to lose. Maybe not much for some of them, but probably SOMETHING.

These newly minted homeless will have N O T H I N G to lose by going absolutely apesh*t in the streets. And I won’t have a godd*mn thing to say against them when they do. Maybe it’s about time for some of that good guillotine action…

Keep your non-perishables up to date and well stocked. Get a back log of water.

Things are about to get weird.”

5. Excessive.

“Humans kill roughly 60 billion land animals per year for unnecessary food while at the same time deforesting rainforests, polluting the atmosphere, consuming large amounts of water, creating breeding grounds for infectious diseases, using antibiotics unsustainably, and contributing to heart disease and obesity, but no one seems to care because “bacon tastes good.””

6. Saddens the heart.

“That we as a human race, decided on which race dependent on color of skin was inferior to the rest.

Saddens the heart to think older generations who suffered won’t know whether their efforts worked. (also includes genders).”

7. I feel this one.

“My dogs will pass away someday.

It’s kept me up at night multiple times.”

8. Truth.

“Humans are more disgusting and selfish than we ever admit.”

9. The Big Bang.

“The big bang could’ve been caused by a civilization that developed weapons of mass destruction and were just in a loop of evolution until eventually we become advanced enough to create an explosion so big we destroy and recreate everything from scratch.

Yeah, thank about that!”

10. A rough time.

“I’m about to be 30 in 2 years.

I’m still single and haven’t had as much s*x in life as my peers. I fear that I’ll be this awkward undesirable old dude that’s bad at s*x that’s just wandering the earth only working, doing chores and sleeping for the most part.

A lot of my peers are living in houses with furniture while I live in an apartment with little furniture. I’m working at a call center that I hate.

I am seeking another job preferably in programming since I have a bachelor’s, but due to lack of experience in that field, no one is hiring.”

11. Every day is important.

“That you have absolutely no idea if the next day will be your last. You could be with your SO having the time of your lives, picking up some food, watching a movie at your place, drinking.

Then next day comes, you get hit by a drunk driver while out on the road.”

12. Hard to think about.

“That my parents are aging and will eventually die.

I’m an only child and feel like when they die my connection to my childhood and the people that understand me and love me unconditionally will be gone.

The link to me will be gone and I’ll essentially be alone in the world.”

13. Nuclear war.

“At anytime the US wants we could start a nuclear war and the person who has control over that is umm…. underprepared for the job.

Or that at anytime Russia wants or North Korea wants or basically any other country with access to nuclear power could decide that they want to nuke us and do it.”

14. Collapse.

“The Earth’s ecosystems are collapsing, and with it our ability to collect food and water.

Billions are going to die due to hunger and violence in the coming decades.”

15. THIS.

“The fact that human beings don’t understand the concept of putting a d*mn face mask on and saving thousands of lives when they go to their local grocery store.”

16. The end.

“The end of the universe.

Not the last star, or the last neutron star that glows.

All matter has decayed as protons have half-lives.

Black holes will decay, and moments of brief light in millennia of pure darkness come as black holes collide.

After a very certain point, time becomes meaningless as whatever remains will be so stationary, you cannot observe it.

The universe achieves true equilibrium as the universe in one time point in the far future is indistinguishable from the next second, next month, next year, next millennia, next googleplex years later.”

What do you worry about at night?

What causes you to lose sleep?

Talk to us in the comments and spill your guts out!

The post People Share the Terrifying Facts That Keep Them up at Night appeared first on UberFacts.

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What’s the Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard Someone Say? People Shared Their Stories.

Do you think we give human beings too much credit sometimes…?

I’m beginning to think that the answer to that question is a huge YES.

Why? Because the more time I spend with people, the more I realize just how dumb they really are.

Hey, I’m not talking trash! Maybe a lot of people think I’m a dumb person…but I hope not…

Here are some pretty DUMB stories about our fellow humans from AskReddit users.

1. Ouch.

“My friend once told me he wasn’t too concerned about using birth control because everyone knows the girl can only get pregnant if they both c*m at the same time.

His GF was pregnant 3 months later.”

2. Can I open this?

“My sister panicked while on a plane and asked if she could open a window as she was feeling really hot.

The guy in the seats across from her lost it, it made his day.”

3. Brilliant.

“”If you could adopt a child from a third world country, which country would you choose and why?” “I would choose Alaska, because it’s really cold there.”

A member of the prom court being asked a random question on our school’s live news show that was being broadcasted out to every homeroom.”

4. But, why?

“A girl in my class asked why do farms exist if she gets her food from the supermarket.

The teacher had such a disappointed face and everyone looked at her and wondered how did she pass the all the way through the 8th grade.”

5. Mom needs help.

“My mom frantically called me one day and said she had seen a piece of the sun fall off while taking a picture of the sky.

She was incredibly adamant that it was indeed real and that the picture would prove it

It was just a glare.”

6. History buff.

“I knew a girl who said ‘what’s the big deal about Obama being elected president?

Our first black president was Martin Luther King.’”

7. That guy must be loaded.

“Y’all really gonna make me remember the time my coworker thought Willy Wonka was a real person and wondered how much money he was making on Nerds and Gobstoppers.”

8. Wait, it’s not?

“That Japan was the capital of Australia.”

9. Oh, boy…

“A customer came in today and apparently had a an excuse for not wearing a mask.

We offered curbside pickup for their safety and the safety of others.

They let us know that they work at a covid clinic, so they had “literally 0% chance of contracting it”.”

10. It’s not real!

“A few years ago leading up to the great American eclipse a coworker overheard us discussing it and said “Y’all don’t actually believe in that sh*t do you?”

I figured he misunderstood whatever we were talking about and thought we were talking about mysticism or something regarding the eclipse but no he followed up with “Don’t you know if the moon went into the sun it would melt, that’s why the eclipse can’t be real.”

I genuinely felt like humanity should probably start over from scratch after that.”

11. This guy…

“Co-worker at my last job during lunch:

Him: “The moon landings obviously didn’t happen”

Me: “Thats awkward I was bouncing lasers off the mirrors we left there at University.” (Physics Graduate)

Him after pausing: “Theres loads of ways they could have got there, aliens could have plonked them down”

Man literally believes in aliens but not the moon landings and is a manager at a large company.”

12. Good question!

“In 8th grade this girl, dead serious, asked, “how did people breathe before there was electricity?””

13. Sorry, wrong country.

“A few years ago I got a job offer in Japan and decided to take it. Some friends from my then office threw me a farewell party.

The girlfriend of one of my co-workers came along and told me that she’d always wanted to go to Japan and that her number one thing to do there would be to take a camel ride.

My co-worker and I just looked at her to see if she’d explain more— maybe there was a camel cafe she’d heard about or something.

But no, she just honestly thought camels were a common mode of transportation in Japan.”

Okay, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, please tell us about the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard another person say.

Thanks in advance!

The post What’s the Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard Someone Say? People Shared Their Stories. appeared first on UberFacts.

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Symptoms of “Good Relationship” Syndrome

Are you happy with your significant other? Do you experience bouts of joy, trust, and unafraid intimacy? Do you have symptoms of confidence, stability, and connection?

Then you may suffer from a condition known as “good relationship.” Good Relationship is a chronic condition that can last a very long time. To know whether you have it or are at risk of contracting it, you should be on the lookout for “green flags.”

What are some little known relationship GREEN flags? from AskReddit

These “green flag” symptoms have here been enumerated by a panel of dating doctors (aka Reddit users). Have a look for yourself, and consider this a self-administered test.

1. What should we look for?

Willingness to forgive you when you make a mistake/speak in anger/etc rather than hold a grudge or try to punish you. (Doesn’t mean they won’t be still be upset of course.)

Willingness to admit fault and take responsibility when they make a mistake/speak in anger/etc and work on their own negative behaviors. Related: taking you seriously when something upsets you even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal from their perspective.

Not losing their temper when things don’t go their way. Example: do you want to be with someone who blows up when the car breaks down on a road trip and makes everyone else miserable or the person who calmly calls the repair service and tries to make the best of it?

Not making personal attacks during arguments. Focusing more on how they are feeling and fixing the problem at hand, and then reconciling afterward, rather than lashing out with a list of perceived character flaws. Example: “I feel disrespected when…” rather than “You’re such a disrespectful [expletive of choice]!”

Genuine care for you and others; a lack of self-centeredness. Being open to hear the perspectives of others, even when they don’t agree. An understanding that they are not the center of the universe, they are not always right, and there is always something to learn.

In short: emotional maturity.

– xxrachinwonderlandxx

2. Watch for reduced noise perception.

The ability to co exist in very companionable silence.

– kmm91162

3. Ask your doctor if your health is more important than a car’s.

It’s a pretty convoluted story, but I was dating a guy, had to drive his car to get him from a situation, and wrecked his car due to mechanical failure, and called my mama to come get me so we could go get him.

“Rescued” him. Then had to tell him I’d wrecked his car.

His first question: “Are you okay?”

My mom overheard. “That one’s a keeper.”

– 50EffingCabbages

4. Look out for irritability-resistant cooperation.

I remember the time I was pissed at my SO and then she accidentally spilled some sauce on her lap and I angrily helped her clean it up with my hanky

– [user deleted]

5. Do you need dietary assistance?

When you’re on a road trip and your partner feeds you fries and helps you drink your soda or whatever.

I think that’s such a nice simple gesture of kindness.

– Kekitron

6. Note any increased mobility.

Genuine support in your life goals, even if that means you two will have to go long distance for a while or will have to have conflicting work schedule or it will make your relationship harder in some way. If they love you and want you to be happy, they will be genuinely interested in what you want to do and will try to support you to do that in whatever way they can. They won’t hold you back in anyway.

This is something me and my SO have been facing something similar to this recently, he’s just graduated and is looking for a job. As much as I want him to stay close by so we don’t have to do long distance for any more time than we have to (I’m going home for the summer). But if he gets a job the other side of the country I won’t stop him and as long as I’m around I’ll help him pack up.

– averagehonesthuman

7. Quick recovery periods are frequent.

Being able to emotionally connect even after an argument

– liamfaganmusic

8. Close examination of common experiences may be necessary.

Telling the little details about your day. There’s something really precious about that, and you feel in-tune with the other person.

– archived_idli

9. Note any increased memory function.

Your partner does things for you without asking and remembers little details. For example I like eating with a fruit fork (the smaller version of the dinner fork) I actually googled that since our family calls them the little forks lol.

Anyway, my partner remembers this and will grab it for me when we’re dishing up food. Another good one is they make you feel appreciated.

– SerenityFate

10. Watch what you eat.

They respect your food issues, whether preferences, allergies, etc.

Bonus Points: They defend you to their blood relatives.

– EPresage

11. Note a strong appetite for thing-doing.

If she shows equal interest in hanging out with you. If it feels like you’re dragging them into going on a date, they’re really not into you, no matter what they may say.

Besides, let’s be honest. Wouldn’t you rather date someone who is as excited and interested in seeing you and you are in seeing them?

– Crappyfanchandelier

12. Empathetic response may be above normal parameters.

You want your partner to be happy and not the other way around. Oftentimes people want to be in a relationship to solely make themselves happy

– Some-Specie

13. Take note of reading comprehension.

You recommend them a book or movie and they actually take the time to check it out.

– -eDgAR-

14. There may be a general reduction in stress.

It feels “easy”.

Effortless. Unforced. Natural.

This is a good sign of a real connection. Compromise feels like second nature. You both breath thoughtfulness and consideration towards each other.

You figure things out, together. You see each other, respect each other, and appreciate each other.

– Manateaze

15. In summary:

I feel like there’s a lot of detailed examples that largely boil down to two things: empathy and emotional maturity.

– LegendaryGary74

If you think that you or someone you know may suffer from Good Relationship, ask your doctor how their day went, cause you got nothing to fix. Congratulations.

What would you add to this list of symptoms?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Symptoms of “Good Relationship” Syndrome appeared first on UberFacts.

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“Green Flags” That are Signs of a Good Relationship

We’re all know the term “red flags”  when it comes to relationships. The little (or huge) warning signs that we’d prefer to ignore so we can just keep things going with someone whom we know deep down isn’t good for us. And while it’s doubtlessly important to keep an eye out for such things, we shouldn’t dwell on them all the time. Let’s look at something a little happier today. Like, say, green flags:

What are some little known relationship GREEN flags? from AskReddit

This post in r/AskReddit garnered over 10,000 responses. Here are some of the highlights:

1. Love is unhurried.

You don’t feel like you’re competing for their time. You’re just loved. Even when they are busy, you don’t have to worry.

People think you need to spend all your time with someone. You don’t. But the feeling of being loved removes any jealousy or insecurities.

You just know it’s good

– mewashere1

2. You can be you.

When you like the person that you become when you’re with them.

Everyone projects a different version of themselves around different people and if you don’t like who you become when you’re with someone, it’s probably not going to be the healthiest relationship.

Your SO should bring out the best in you.

– crasher35

3. Burdens are cut in half.

If it’s a chore you both hate, you do it together.

My late husband and I both HATED folding laundry, but it had to be done. So we always did it together. Made the chore less of a pain.

– AlfalfaFloozy

4. You can love through anger.

No matter how angry you are at one another. You will still go out of your way or they go out of their way to help.

I’ll be wicked pissed, but I’ll angrily make my wife her favorite dinner even though I don’t want to eat. No matter how angry we are at one another (usually only last a short period of time) we will never sabotage or try to teach them a lesson. Many times, it ends up being both apologizing to one another.

Arguing and getting angry is just part of a relationship and unavoidable. It is how you deal with it that’s sets it apart from a healthy relationship versus a bad one.

– kamikaziboarder

5. Surprise each other.

Came home from working a 12 hour shift one night to a full dinner with my favorite dessert.

Never had a girlfriend just decide to cook me a full meal for me to come home to like that.

– trgoldfox

6. Forgiveness is key.

Able to forgive mistakes.

Early in our relationship I accidentally backed my car into my Fiance’s car while coming out of the driveway. I definitely did damage. I immediately started freaking out and crying and he just calmly got out of his car, came up to mine and asked if I was okay.

He got me to calm down and said it was fine it was just an accident. He never made me feel bad about it. He called it our little bump to my friends to minimize my embarrassment.

We laugh about it to this day. – KinickieNoodle

7. Don’t be a tease.

My ex would tease me a lot and would tease me in front of his family. He would say things like “Oh she changed her outfit 3 times because she thought you guys would judge her.” Or “She didn’t really want to come over but I convinced her.” He would be laughing and joking but these things would be the truth!

When I was going to meet my current boyfriend’s family I was really nervous! In the car I said “Please don’t tell them how nervous I am, it’s so embarrassing!” He looked at me in shock and said “I’m on YOUR side! Why would I tell them that?” And it was like a freaking lightbulb! Love this guy ?

– chapter2at30

8. Nobody’s perfect.

When your SO takes criticism from you seriously without immediately trying to turn it back on you.

If the converse is also true, you two stand a great chance of going the distance.

– SqueakyCleanNoseDown

9. Have a good thing to say.

Non-sexual compliments

– ipakookapi

10. Remember the best medicine.

Laughter.

And also: I’ve been with my partner for 40 years (this month!) and I still smile when I see him across a room.

He still makes me laugh and my heart soars when I think of him.

– the_real_grinningdog

11. Love is in the details.

Listening to you and remembering the things you’ve said.

Back when me and my boyfriend started dating, he’d sometimes bring up things that I’ve said before (ex: my favorite foods, candies, etc.).

Made me super happy and could tell he genuinely cared.

– isahellarad

12. Talk to each other.

They communicate if they will be delayed and how long they will be.

Talk things through BEFORE it becomes a screaming match. Not after.

Asks about boundaries/traumas and doesn’t judge you for them, but instead respects them.

– KhajitCaravan

13. Stay in touch.

Calling/texting just to see how you’re doing, even if they don’t need anything.

– Frankfertt

14. Take it point by point.

• honesty
• genuine interest in each other’s hobbies (don’t have to do them, but at least support it)
• strong communication
• you feel like you’re hanging out with your best friend…except you wanna smash.

– Iamdaisylion

15. And of course, the ultimate test of character:

Putting the shopping cart back

– bendedsleaze

We should remember to recognize and celebrate the good in our lives and the good in each other. It’s what makes this whole crazy thing worthwhile!

What are some other things you would add to this list?

Tell us in the comments.

The post “Green Flags” That are Signs of a Good Relationship appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Share the Biggest Red Flags About Women They Ignored

Since the 16th century red flags have been used as an indication of danger – a warning that something bad is about to go down.

I live in Chicago just a couple of blocks from the beaches of Lake Michigan, and when I see a red flag on one of my walks, I know that means “Stay away from the water, it’s not gonna go well for you.”

Sometimes the signals we encounter in our relationships are just about as clear – and yet we might be tempted to just keep swimming anyway. Take for instance the thousands of stories that came flooding in based on this prompt from silver_foks on r/AskReddit:

What’s the biggest red flag you’ve ignored because the sex was good? from AskReddit

Here’s what just a few of the top comments had to say about red flags they’d encountered with women in particular. (A lot of this is NSFW.)

1. Fourth time’s the charm?

She was married and divorced 3 times by 27.

– Screamin_STEMI

2. You’re not always the protagonist of the story.

Probably the plethora of empty wine bottles around the apartment, and the knowledge that she’d just gotten out of a long term relationship.

Somehow it never dawned on me that I was the rebound guy.

– the5thbeagle

3. It doesn’t get much more direct…

She basically told me she might cheat on me if she had the opportunity with her ex.

It was my first relationship and I was as stupid as can be.

– Genocide_Fan

4. You can read it loud and clear.

We were in a hotel and she would just keep screaming at the top of her lungs.

I kept telling her to quiet down, but instead that only turned her on more.

Only continued because she was my girlfriend at the time and it was pretty good sex for me as well.

– StaticSh0T

5. I need a diagram for this one, please.

She was my ex-wife’s, husband’s ex-wife…

– mroozienelson

6. If they’ll cheat with you…

Had an affair with a married woman, she left her husband for me, married me, then cheated on me.

If that isn’t karma idk what is.

– G4V_Zero

7. Simple things can be very telling.

She got annoyed because I told her about a coworker who felt bad about cheating on her bf.

She said “just keep sh*t on the DL… Nobody has to know if you keep your f*cking mouth shut.”

Immediately knew someone else was deep in her guts.

– ItsJustRedditRelax

8. Narcissism?

She stared at herself in the mirror during sex.

Fully moaning, and cumming, but would never break eye contact with herself,

– ask-me-about-my-toe

9. After 5 whole months, my dude?

She cried when I just wanted to make out after our first date. She said I wasn’t serious if I didn’t want to f*ck her.

She was 46. And hot as f*ck. I was 31. Cougar time!

So I f*cked her. And the sex was great, but she was f*cking crazy and I bailed after about 5 months.

– Birdamus

10. What can we say but yikes…

She called me the n word all the time. We are not black.

– Arctic_Snowfox

11. Bragging is never a good sign.

All of the lying and bragging about how good she was at it, manipulations, caught her in a lie then caught her cheating and I still didn’t wanna let go.

That sh*t hurt deep for a long time.

– TerminalCrowbar

12. Old problems require old solutions.

I used to have a subscription to Playboy before I met this girlfriend and I’d leave them on top of the toilet for reading material

(before cell phones)

One day after getting situated on the throne I opened an issue and discovered my sweetie had taken a permanent marker…

and covered all the naughty bits on EVERY nude picture (even the tiny ads in the back)

It must of taken her hours to do all the issues

– smilingonion

13. When does a joke stop being a joke?

She was a racist f*ck.

Always said she was joking but I later found out she was entirely serious.

– kalanawi

14. Let me count the ways…

Oh god, so much.

Obsessiveness, narcissism, codependency, overt stupidity, laziness, lack of ambition, all kinds of stuff.

– inomenata

15. And then there’s this simple entry:

She kept f*cking my friends

– mochalatteicecream

Remember to listen to your common sense. And let that voice be louder than…yanno…others.

Do you have a story like this?

Share it with us in the comments.

The post People Share the Biggest Red Flags About Women They Ignored appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Share the Biggest Red Flags They Ignored from Men

I’ve never been one to get worried over a flag. Unless that flag is pure red, and it turns out I should have paid way more attention to it. Just like in these stories from the r/AskReddit thread that kicked off with the question:

What’s the biggest red flag you’ve ignored because the sex was good? from AskReddit

There were thousands of responses about people of all stripes and situations. Here are a few tales about men in particular. As you can imagine, some of these stories are disturbing and/or NSFW. Reader discretion advised.

1. Moving on up?

was hooking up/very casually dating a guy (an idiot) I’d met on tinder. i had a cat at the time, and was leaving for a long weekend so asked him to feed the cat.

i came home and he had moved in to my apartment. like fully moved in. his clothes in the closet, his sheets on my bed, he’d brought furniture from his parents house, and he put his high school hockey trophys on display in the kitchen (we were 26 and 27).

i regret to say it lasted several months, but it did not end well. what a d*ck, pun very much intended.

– allblackeverythng

2. Solve for ex.

His “ex” kept showing up at his place.

Come to find out months later, they were still together and just fighting.

And I was the unwitting other woman. :

– femmemalin

3. You’re no superman.

His savior complex with everyone around us, when we could barley manage.

– 7129527190

4. Sometimes it’s literally trash.

He would let his garbage overflow and never take it outside. His kitchen was gross. So much drug abuse, he was a plug.

Dated again, within a week he was sending me pictures of him slitting his wrists and saying he could get anybody killed.

I ran like hell.

– Readkt92

5. Smoking out the truth.

He told me he didn’t smoke cigarettes when we met and then a week later he did because “his friend started up again and needed emotional support because he didn’t want to smoke alone” (????)

He also told straight-up told me that if this one friend didn’t like me than I wasn’t “allowed” to be his girlfriend. It red-flagged a bit in my mind because I was like what’s up with this control-freak friend and why do you obey him?

And then I just ignored it for 6 months. His friend would almost never speak directly to me but I was always getting, “friend says you don’t have to hang around if you’re not going to play beer pong for 3 hours for the 4th time this week,” or “we don’t have enough controllers for the Wii U, so if you want to play, friend says you have to buy your own controller because we can’t share,” “friend says that you and I can’t hang out today because he’s upset about something.” etc.

…anyway, whatever the deal was with this friend the smoking thing was definitely in part an excuse, because it quickly became clear (another red flag that I ignored) that he was an addict. He literally needed to smoke something (either cigarettes or weed resin, but usually weed.) like every 45 minutes to an hour and we couldn’t go anywhere because he’d start getting cranky. Not like he ever had money to go anywhere because he had like a dragon’s horde of weed to maintain.

Anyway, he ghosted me, because his friend told him to, I’m sure. I was devastated lol

– noexplanation2069

6. Let’s retake anatomy 101.

He legitimately believed his butthole was self-lubricating…

– WolfNThorn

7. Rick & Morty has the worst fanbase.

His tattoo of an anthropomorphic pickle smoking a joint.

Think Towelie…but a pickle.

– hammetar

8. Abuse isn’t cute.

He liked to put me down.

He’d tell me I was stupid or that I didnt matter, in a tone that walked a fine line between joking and laughing with me and not joking at laughing at me.

I should have left him sooner but DAMN, could he work a c*ck

– Appstmntnr

9.

He would get a boner when I would cry..

– m_olive14

10. That must have been killer good.

I jokingly told him only serial killers and married men don’t have a Facebook and that’s when he told me he was wanted for murder in the U.K.

So I fucked him one last night and stopped answering his calls.

– Ikonic1904

11. Sometimes the red flag also has a little white and blue.

The giant Confederate flag on the wall

– nathz7754

12. Old fashioned doesn’t mean good.

Was really pro misogyny. He wanted a girl to save herself for him.

Didn’t want to use condom, but I forced him.

But the sex was good and he was generous with me.

– crystalclearbuffon

13. Watch out for that ego.

The fact he had a poster of himself blown up to fit his wall In his room

– ObjectiveTwo5

14. A rose by any other name would still have thorns.

He lied about his name. We were just casually seeing each other (FWB) so I never thought to question things.

Finally found out about 6 months in by looking at his license.

Turns out he lied because he didnt trust having his personal information on the internet (tinder) and never thought to correct it after we started seeing each other. Super weird. I stuck around for a while because no one likes a dry spell but it wasn’t as good after that for some reason.

– clamber333

15. Run, run, run, run!

He was 34 and I was 22. He never stopped talking about his best friend who was female and 21.

One night he got really drunk told me he was single (we had been dating 3 months) and he was mad his best friend told him she loved him but wouldn’t break up with her boyfriend.

He also once mentioned about how her doing a cartwheel when she was 17 turned his dick into “jelly” I don’t even know what that means.

– SanjiLove

What can we say but yikes? Glad to know that all of these people got out of those situations. Remember, don’t let a good time cause you a whole bunch of bad ones. Know the signs. Only you can prevent dumpster fires.

Do you have a story like this?

Share it with us in the comments.

The post People Share the Biggest Red Flags They Ignored from Men appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About the Coolest Things They’ve Said in the Heat of the Moment

When you’re arguing with a person or you have to make a snappy remark, two things can happen.

You can either say something really stupid and humiliate yourself and ruin your family name forever, or you can pull off a total surprise comment that makes you look like a total hero.

And we’ve all done both of them at some point.

But these people all fall into the latter category, you can be sure about that.

Let’s check out these impressive stories from folks on AskReddit.

1. Close call.

“Big burly former marine/mercenary from Iraq was back stateside, huge fucking mountain of a man. We came to face each other in one of the narrow corridors of the office where one of us was gonna have to turn sideways.

Neither of us turned, but we stopped. I’m 6’1 260 and he still towered over me. He was a nice guy, but still a little…..”conditioned” I guess you could say or mentally unhinged.

He looked me dead in the eye and said, “You feeling froggy?” It truly was like something out of a movie. Without blinking I replied, “You better jump.”

We both cracked up and turned sideways, while the office breathed a collective sigh of relief.”

2. Double whammy.

“I am a fourth grade teacher and one day I was up at the board and struggling to remember how to spell a particular word. I was trying to make light of it, telling the kids that sometimes adults need help with spelling too.

One student replied, “It is because you were poorly educated. But don’t worry, we are poorly educated too.” Double whammy.”

3. Showed him.

“I’ll never forget the moment a family walked into the local pub I was working at while I was working.

This big king-of-the-grill bald alpha patriarch Dad type and his wife and kids came through, I said “welcome, where would you like to sit?” And he snapped back “well a table would be nice”, and without missing a beat at all I replied “actually we usually sit on the chairs here”.

I’ll never forget the satisfaction of that moment or the look on his face haha.”

4. Satisfying.

“I worked in cellphone sales for a few years and a woman came in with a fairly new flip phone (this was 2018 we just still sold them). She was complaining cause one of the sides of the screen was dangling off and said she didn’t do anything it just snapped, and demanded a new phone.

I told her “that looks like physical damage and we don’t have any coverage for that since you didn’t buy a phone protection warranty.”

She insisted it wasn’t physical damage and the phone just sucks and broke itself. She started freaking out and calling me all kinds of names and swinging her phone in my face and then the top half of the phone LITERALLY snapped off and landed on the counter in front of me.

I just looked her in the eyes and said: “Well that was definitely physical damage.” She lost her sh*t at my comment and it was weirdly satisfying.”

5. Oh, Karen…

“Working retail a Karen once told me she hoped I die. I was so into “work mode” that I blankly responded: “I mean, we all die. That’s not much of a threat.”

Maybe it was my lack of intimidation or blank stare, but that really shut her up.”

6. Hey o!

“Forensic biology professor brings out a fresh human brain as a surprise to a stunned class.

“You have no idea what I had to go through to get this.”

“The skull?””

7. See you there!

“After 4 years in an abusive relationship and 1 year of an abusive marriage, I told my ex that I wanted a divorce. He told he that I couldn’t divorce him or I’d go to hell. My response was “Well I guess I’ll see you there!”

I then kicked him out of my house (for which he had never paid a dime in bills) and told him to call his mom for a plane ticket.”

8. Border crossing.

“Young male, traveling with a bunch of other males, border patrol, we were being searched for drug smuggling.

Border Patrol Agent: “You know I have the authority to cavity search you?”

Me (somehow without skipping a beat) “Sure you might, but neither of us would enjoy it and you wouldn’t find anything”

Off the hook! No fingers in my butt!”

9. Which part?

“I was accused of being passive aggressive.

I replied “Which part sounded passive? I don’t ever want to come across as passive.”

10. Sitting pretty.

“A couple months ago, my (now ex) friend was telling me all the things that were “wrong” with me, and she finished it with “…and at least I dont have to wear makeup to look pretty.”

I was so fed up with her shit, so I responded, “At least I am capable of looking pretty.” She was speechless and I felt like such a badass because this was the first time I ever stood up to her.”

11. Get it started.

“Me and my girlfriend at the time were having a discussion about her going back to school. She kept putting it off every semester, and one day she got angry at me trying to get her to actually go back, not just talk about it, and she yelled “Rome wasn’t built in a day!”

And I responded, “yeah, but it was built.” And a decade later I still think of that.

She did end up going back to school. Got her masters even. She’s married now with twins. Just a real *sshole.”

12. Dramatic.

“We had a overly dramatic neighbor who always claimed she was sick and dying.

My mom came to see my kids in the middle of battling stage 4 lung cancer.

The neighbor pulled her, “Hi Rita, so glad to see you. Did Jason tell you that I am dying?”

My mom looked right at her, smiled and said “Me too, dear. But not today.”

Never more proud of her.”

13. Nailed it!

“I was eating McDonald’s with a few friends and I started choking.

The only thing I managed to say in the whole ordeal was “I’m McChokin’”.”

14. Give it to ’em!

“When I was 7 some girls were bullying me at school.

I just learned the word mutual. One of the bullies said “we don’t like you” and I said “ the feeling’s mutual” and then walked off.

I’m 37 now and I still remember it.”

15. Action hero.

“At a party a few years back, someone stole my friends purse. Her boyfriend found the guys who took it and got it back for her, but he was still in an angry, drunken rage and was continuing to escalate the situation when he was well outnumbered.

My friend finds me and says, “I’m afraid [boyfriend] is about to get into a fight, I need your help. Stop him, please!”. I stand up, and I tell her, “I can’t promise you I can stop him from fighting, but I can promise you I won’t let him lose.” Before walking off to find him.

Ultimately, no fight actually broke out, and I didn’t realize that I had basically said a cheesy one liner until after the fact when my friend told me how intense that line was.

I didn’t mean for it to sound so dramatic, I just wanted to let her know I wouldn’t let him get his ass kicked, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was about to demolish three guys by myself like I’m some sort of action hero.”

What’s the most impressive thing YOU’VE said in the heat of the moment?

Share it with us in the comments!

Let’s see what you got!

The post People Talk About the Coolest Things They’ve Said in the Heat of the Moment appeared first on UberFacts.