Someone Says They’re You From the Future. How Do They Prove It? Here’s What People Said.

Let’s have some fun, shall we?

Imagine that a person interrupts your life one day and claims to be you from the future. What do you do? You couldn’t just take them at their word, right?

You’d have to make them prove it somehow so you could be sure that you weren’t about to get duped by some clone or android from beyond…

So how would you make them PROVE it to you?

Let’s get weird with folks on AskReddit!

1. Pop quiz!

“I ask them how many times have you accidentally almost cut your fingers off on a table saw.

Hopefully I didn’t see that number going up in the future.”

2. Interesting…

“When I was 8, I made up a number to prove exactly this. I figured that unless I shared it or the imposter could read minds, I would be safe.

I’ve never told anyone, and my refusal to tell my wife started as a joke and ended up causing our only actual fight in 10 years together…which I now am finding very suspicious.”

3. Let’s see it.

“”Show me the fourth finger of your right hand”.

That’s my weird finger, it wasn’t stitched back together correctly after an accident so theres a wobbly line of 13 stitches going right through the middle.

If they’ve got it, and can tell me about the nerve damage and rehab process “we” sustained, then they’re me.”

4. Top three.

“Ask them who are the top 3 artists I loved in my teen era.

Britney Spears

Justin Timberlake

Marilyn Manson.”

5. Good idea.

“I’ll ask them specifics about a recurring dream I had when I was a kid.

The one with the werewolf eating the neighbors across the street!”

6. Snapshots.

“I’ve always done this thing where I take “snapshots” of my life, when things seem very surreal.

I have 5 snapshots in total.

Describe two of them.”

7. They’d have to know this one.

“I’d ask them what I said to my mom 5 minutes before she passed away.

Only she and I were there.”

8. Well, that was easy.

“Me: “What number am I thinking of?”

Future me: “Sixty-nine, dude.”

Me: “WOAH!”

9. Pin number.

“In Jr. High I used to ditch class and spend time in the library because I’m a huge nerd. My school didn’t like letting students print or copy things because it was too expensive.

So to print or copy you needed a four digit code. I watched the librarian enter the code a couple times and memorized it. It’s a total random number with nothing to do with my life (think all your “typical” pin numbers like a birthday, anniversary or street address).

Even when I tell someone, like my mother or sister, they can never remember it, it is totally forgettable and I’ve been using it for 20 years now. You could ask me in 50 years and as long as I don’t have dementia I will remember it, it’s engrained in me.”

10. Your own language.

“When I was a kid I made my own written language with completely diff characters for English letters, so I would simply ask him to write my name in that language.”

11. Go down the list.

“What is the maiden name of your mom?”

“What is the name of your first pet?”

“What is the name of your first boss?”

12. The scar.

“Where is the tiny scar from the time I was bit by a spider at the age of 9? Where did I get the scar?

Answer: left thumb, at a water park in California called the Drop Zone.”

13. The secret.

“I would ask them what the secret is that I’ve held about my ex-husband since before we split.

I’m a woman of my word, and no one but me would know.”

14. Okay, I believe you!

“Please describe one of the past events that I’m ashamed of and that haunts me in the middle of the night.”

One hour later…

Ok you can stop, I said ONE.”

15. That’s it!

“”Okay, if you’re me from five years in the future, tell me our secret passphrase.”

“You idiot, we look exactly the same. How much more proof do you need?”

“Yeah, that’s the passphrase.””

How would you have your future self prove themselves to you?

Tell us what you think in the comments.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Someone Says They’re You From the Future. How Do They Prove It? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

What Insults Don’t Require Swear Words? Here’s What People Said.

When’s the last time you heard a really good insult that didn’t involve any ugly curse words?

It doesn’t happen very often, does it? But when it does, OH BOY! It’s pretty exciting!

Are you ready to hear some new ones that you can use anytime you need to? You’re in luck!

Enjoy these clean insults from AskReddit users and feel free to use them next time you need to cut someone down to size!

1. Ouch!

“Your grades say marry rich but your face says study harder.

The more polite version of: you’re too ugly to be this dumb!”

2. That hurts.

“One of my favorites: You’re about as sharp as a bowling ball and twice as dense.”

3. I’m gonna use this one.

“It’s my fault, I underestimated your stupidity.”

4. Hahahaha.

“You are the human equivalent of a participation award.”

5. Genius!

“You’re not the dumbest person alive, but you better pray they don’t die.”

6. Wait, what?

“I can see you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of education.”

7. It’s all true…

“I expected better.

No, that’s a lie, at this point I take it for granted you’ll keep finding ways to disappoint me.”

8. Sick burn!

“I hope you know that people just simply tolerate you.”

9. Might give it a shot.

“In Cantonese you can call someone a “bun-dan” which translates to rotten egg.

But it has a deeper meaning and implies that a “bun-dan” is someone who was born defectively, and should have been ab*rted.”

10. Stay away from me.

“I wish we were better strangers.”

11. I like this one!

“I wonder if you’d be able to speak more clearly if your parents were cousins instead of siblings.”

12. Yes, you are.

“You are a living, breathing ad for birth control.”

13. Keep quiet.

“When I said there were no stupid questions, I wasn’t asking you to try to prove me wrong.”

14. Turn it around on them.

“Someone said, “there can’t be beautiful in this world without ugly”. Well, I appreciate your sacrifice.”

15. A classic!

“You’ve got a great face for radio.”

16. Cuts deep.

“You look like you’re going to spend your life hanging on to one epiphany after another, always thinking you’ve finally figured out what’s holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around.

But nothing will ever change. The cycle of mediocrity isn’t due to some obstacle. It’s who you are.

The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.”

Now it’s your turn!

Tell us your favorite insults that don’t have swear words.

Do it in the comments!

The post What Insults Don’t Require Swear Words? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Times When They Didn’t Pick up on the Signs That Someone Liked Them

You blew it!

Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs…unfortunately we just fail to pick up on them sometimes…

Hey, don’t get too down on yourself about it, we’ve all been there: someone likes you, they try to let you know in a roundabout way but you just don’t pick up what they’re putting down.

Hey, that’s life!

Let’s check out some stories about this phenomenon from AskReddit users.

1. A beeline.

“Making a beeline to sit on my lap on multiple nights out, repeatedly asking for my ‘help’ with buying stuff on eBay, inviting me specifically to a party at the end of our first year at uni. Those are just the ones I remember in hindsight.

Teenage me was about as attentive as a concrete bollard. All the more annoying since she was just the right sort of quirky and weird, and I’d have been all about her in a heartbeat if I’d realised.”

2. Flirty.

“There was a lot of touching from her. Just general flirtatious behaviour. Had another girl even comment on how cute we were. The icing on the cake was her kissing my forehead, and saying “I would not want to kiss you in the wrong place”.

I was way too young when I started college and was way too clueless around girls due to having a pretty sh*tty high school experience.”

3. Blew that one.

“Cute Friend: “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Me: “Nah”

Cute Friend: “Are you dating someone?”

Me: “Nope. Not really.”

Cute Friend: “Wow. If you asked me out, I would date you.”

Me: “Ha. Thanks… ok bye”

Fast forward to a few years later

Me: “… hold up””

4. Moron.

“In college I was in a girl’s apartment at 3am and she said “I’m really horny right now” and I sh*t you not, my response was “nice to meet you horny, I’m (name).””

5. Wakeup call.

“There was a girl in college who I had a crush on. One night, she described the “type” of guy who she’s attracted to.

She basically just described me, but since my self-esteem was so low at the time, I was like “d*mn I wish I was like that…” A few days later, my friends were discussing it and they were laughing at me for not making a move.

It was actually a huge wakeup call for me to get my mental health together.”

6. Wow.

“She used to crash in my bed because her dorm was “too far away.” I really liked her and didn’t want to scare her off by taking advantage of her.

Thank god she liked ’em dumb.”

7. Too shy.

“In high school. She was gorgeous. She ended up wearing my leather jacket and said I was “mysterious.. and HOT!”

I just thought she was being nice. Sigh.. I was way too shy to do anything about it.”

8. You putz.

“She, along with my parents, helped me move into a new apartment. She was my then girlfriend’s old roommate and I thought of her as a friend.

As soon as my parents were out the door, she gave me a big grin, grabbed my hand, and started pulling me toward the bedroom. I thought it was her just making a joke.

What a putz I was…”

9. Let’s go check out the closet.

“A girl I had a crush on wanted me to hide in a closet with her in her bedroom to “scare her friend”. Waited in there for like 10 minutes and her friend never came into her house.

I think she wanted me to make a move…”

10. What do you mean?

“They wanted to buy chewing gum and asked what flavour to get. I asked why, they told me I’d be tasting it later.

Went straight over my head…”

11. You failed.

“Once a girl took me to my favorite tea place, bought it for me, then we went thrifting and she bought me buttons in a jar, and I still didn’t get it.

And she like sat very close to me and even wrapped her arm around my shoulders but. nope. her efforts failed so hard.”

12. Not too quick.

“Freshman in college and I was a moron.

“I heard you like Monty Python. Want to watch it in my room?”

Thought it was a totally common thing to hear in an American school.

Cut to: three episodes in, she’s sitting on my lap, arm around me, and asking me to stroke her legs. The most pressing thought in my mind was “she wanted to watch the show why isn’t she paying attention?”. I

don’t get it until she asks me if I want to kiss her. I turn her down because I promised my long-distance friend I would take her on a date later.”

13. It was pretty clear.

“She wrote “I want you in my pants” in my yearbook but I just thought she was joking, or was just something girls did.

She was one of those friends you don’t think about that way until one day you do. Man, I couldn’t have been more oblivious.”

14. Left behind.

“I had a coworker in a coffee shop I used to work at. Most beautiful girl I had ever met inside and out. I used to joke with one of our mutual coworkers that I would marry her in a heartbeat if I ever got the chance. We became really good friends.

Would go on midnight drives, sing songs the whole time. Go look at the stars while sitting on the roof. We would go get lunch together, and do art in her apartment. Talk for hours and hours about the things in life that others cant share.The whole shebang in retrospect… but I lacked the confidence to ever ask her out formally.

I was so afraid that she just valued my friendship, and that by asking her out I would cross some invisible line and lose all that time that I cherished. I never ever made a move. Time passed and she began dating someone else (a godd*mn Saint of a man) and I fell into a cycle of unfulfilling relationships.

Years later Im talking to our mutual coworker who I was still friends with. Turns out, after I stopped working there he asked her if she ever liked me in that way… She did.

I had a chance with a woman I can now only dream of, and now she’s married to the Saint, and I am alone typing up one of my deepest and most painful regrets on the internet.”

Has this ever happened to you?

DID YOU REALIZE LATER THAT YOU TOTALLY BLEW IT?!?!

Tell us your stories in the comments. Thanks!

The post People Share the Times When They Didn’t Pick up on the Signs That Someone Liked Them appeared first on UberFacts.

Folks Who Work in Customer Service Share the Ridiculous Complaints They’ve Had to Deal With

If you’ve worked in customer service, you know the deal: most people are reasonable and friendly but there is a certain percentage of folks out there who just like to be DIFFICULT.

I’ve worked in restaurants and I did catering for a long time so I feel the pain of all the people out there who have to deal with customers every day.

Ugh!

Take a look at these stories about annoying customers from folks on AskReddit.

1. Which side are you on?

“A few years ago I was cashier at a retail store. A pregnant woman came up and said that she was trying to leave but couldn’t get into her car because a truck was parked very close to her. I paged the driver of the truck up to the cash desk.

The truck driver, a middle aged woman, came up, and she and the pregnant woman got into an argument because truck lady didn’t want to leave her shopping to go move her truck. I didn’t get involved and continued to cash out customers, and eventually truck lady moved her car so the pregnant lady could go home.

Later as I was cashing out the truck lady, she asked to speak to my manager. Afterwards my manager told me that she was complaining about me because at some point she said it looked like I nodded, so I was clearly siding with the pregnant lady.

My manager said “I told her I’d talk to you about it, so here I am talking to you about it” and just left it at that.”

2. Weirdo.

“I worked at a shoe store and I had a guy come in and ask where he could get some books packed up for free and shipped. I said I wasn’t sure and that maybe Staples would do it because they have a UPS area there.

He said he already tried there and then he called me a fat *ss (I wasn’t fat. Just very pregnant) because I couldn’t be bothered to get off the ladder to help him.

I was like dude. I sell shoes. I don’t know what you want from me.

He storms out of the store and like 3 years later I’m still super confused about the whole situation.”

3. I’m appalled!

“A lady ordered a sandwich and then cancelled her order because she thought it took too long.

Someone else from the party she was having called and made an order. We made it and delivered it without issue. Same lady calls back APPALLED that we would allow one of her guests to order from us after she made it very clear she wanted to cancel her own order.

It’s not my business if other people at her party want to order food and I had no idea it was her party anyway. I told her it was very common for multiple deliveries to go to the same house party, why wouldn’t we make them sandwiches?

She then told me I would obviously never amount to anything in life and she was going to make a formal complaint against me. It was such a weird complaint. It was probably 10 years ago but it still bugs me sometimes.”

4. Make up your mind.

“Restaurant with open kitchen, so customers and us cooks can converse freely. Customer wanted crispy fish. Made it really crispy.

Not done enough. I cooked a new one, literally like 15 minutes on the fryers; I cooked three or four other orders around it.

She then complained that it was too hot and she didn’t want it.”

5. Get outta here.

“Worked at a coffee shop that wasn’t Starbucks.

Frappuccino is a trademarked word for Starbucks blended coffee drinks. When customers would ask for frappuccinos we would just put in the order as what we called it and let them know the name for it at our store so they would recognize it when the barista called it out. Had a women get so upset she was screaming, all over the word frappuccino.

According to her it was the traditional Italian word for a blended coffee drink (it’s not) and we obviously thought she was stupid to tell her otherwise and how dare we insult her like that. Tried to calm her down and just say we called them something else but it would be a similar drink…didn’t even correct her about the rest.

She continued to flip out and literally looked up and called our corporate customer service line in front of us, holding up the rest of the line, to have them tell her the same thing.

She then started screeching to demand to talk to the president of our company, and started knocking stuff off our counter top. That’s when we called security to escort her out of our store.”

6. It’s too cold.

“I was a lifeguard for 2-3 years in high school. Everyday I would get people complaining about the pool temperature as if I could do something about it.

“Ma’am, the pool does not have a heating system, I’m sorry. Larger bodies of water hold their temperature longer, which is why it’s so cold”. And they would complain ALL. THE. TIME.

“This is your job, you need to fix it!” I’m sorry lady. This isn’t the 4 Seasons Hotel, this is a community pool. It was never young people, always the old ladies who would come in at 5 am to do water aerobics.”

7. Have you heard of tax?

“I worked at Subway in high-school and a customer demanded to speak to a manger because her $5 footlong was not exactly $5.

I tried explaining to her that sales tax is normal and $5.35 is the price of anything after tax that is $5 she continued to yell and cuss at me. She even specifically stated she does not have to pay a tax.

It was at that moment I accepted that there was no being rational with some people…”

8. Nothing better to do.

“When I was at DirecTV I received a call from a man whose sole purpose was to complain that this is the United States and there should not be a Spanish option in the automated call tree.”

9. You can’t win with some people.

“Customer was sent a bill in an envelope with a plastic window part for the address and called to complain that our company was single handedly (her words) destroying the planet by sending so much plastic through her door.

Turns out she’d had several letters as she was significantly behind in payments and there was a previous complaint on her records where she had insisted all correspondence must be by post.

Literally could not win with the woman.”

10. Huh?

“We couldn’t get a $5 coupon to scan so we just took it off in another way and she ranted and raved because she didn’t like how it was going to look on the receipt.

Legit yelled at one of my cashiers for this. I’ll never understand.”

11. That’s pretty rude.

“The best is always people who aren’t using your services or paying you for anything but demanding your time and attention.

Work at a vets office part time and every shift someone calls in asking about some random medication or another vet clinic when we insanely busy (we see roughly 40-50 pets a day) and demand that I look up phone numbers and pricing for other clinics, people act like smart phones and the internet aren’t at their disposal.

The best was one time this lady called because she found a wild rabbit and wanted us to give it an exam. Explain to her to put the rabbit back outside as it could have a number of diseases and it’s not safe to keep a wild animal in your house, also we don’t see anything other than cats and dogs.

She then demanded I look up a vets office that did take wild animals, told her “ma’am, we are very busy and this is a personal issue and you aren’t a client. I will not do research for you. Have a great day.”

She then left us a one star yelp review and tried to write a complain to the better business bureau.”

12. Get over yourself.

“I worked at a campus coffee shop in college. It had multiple locations, and my position was to fill in for people who didn’t show up.

One morning I ended up having to open a location I had never been to by myself. A woman came in to buy her regular coffee and yelled at me because I had put the milk and sugar out on the wrong side of the room.”

13. Too late, buddy.

“Ah I got a great one.

So I have a small retail business with my mom that’s strictly brick and mortar. Normally our return policy is within 21 days for store credit. During the holidays we extend it so that anything purchased between black Friday and December 24th can be returned up until the end of January.

A few years ago this guy came in around the end of April trying to return Christmas gifts on DRY CLEANING HANGERS. When I told him I wouldn’t take it back, even for a store credit, he blew up on me and cussed me out in front of other customers in the store.

He then proceeded to leave a 1 star review and bash the store saying how he’s “never been treated like that before at a store”. How tf do people like that exist?”

How about you?

Have you ever had any really bad customer service experiences?

If so, please share them with us in the comments. Thanks!

The post Folks Who Work in Customer Service Share the Ridiculous Complaints They’ve Had to Deal With appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About When They Got Sweet Revenge on Someone

Sweet, sweet revenge

It feels good when you get it, right?

No, that doesn’t make you a terrible person! Sometimes in life, people just get what’s coming to them, even if it takes a very long time.

Are you ready for some tales of epic revenge?

Let’s check out these stories from folks on AskReddit.

1. Felt good.

“When I was 11 I got a job as a paper runner for a junk paper advertising agency but I never got the chance to hand in the contract that they made me sign (which pretty much said I was getting paid 16 bucks a week for hours and hours of work including retrieving the junk mail, sorting them together, and delivering to hundreds of mail boxes.

Also if I was hit by a car the company wouldn’t take the blame).

I worked for this company for about a month, working my little *ss off delivering papers awesomely letter box by letter box, eagerly waiting my 72 bucks pay at the end of the month.

Until I realized I never got it, so I got my mom to call the company and ask them why they refuse to pay me. They say it’s because I never gave in the contract and said they refuse to pay fir what i have already done once i handed the contract in.

I was 11 and I was still doing hours and hours of work already so I got really pissed off and just stopped delivering the papers. For months. The place where they would leave the papers for me stacked up to about neck high in undelivered junk mail when they finally rang my mom to yell at her saying we’d have to pay a 2000 dollar fine because of the “damage”.

I got the phone off her because I and said “I didn’t sign any contract. I never worked for you.” and hung up. Felt good.”

2. Oh, boy.

“One summer I took an algebra 2 class. During a break me and a class mate played black jack for cash.

One day I was down about $20 bucks, and I paid up. The very next day we played again, but I won my money back and then some. My class mate wouldn’t pay up. I was pissed, so I was plotting revenge.

I would always have a pack of gum on me and that bastard would always ask for a piece. I went to the drug store after class and I purchased a pack of Clorettes and a pack of Feen-a-Mint gum(laxative gum), because the packaging looked the same. I have no idea why that company invented a laxative gum, but I thank the lord some crazy bastard did.

The next morning I walked into class snapping gum. Sure enough he took the bait. He asked me for some gum, and I gave him two pieces. He chewed that gum for about an hour. That *sshole also stole a fruit pie from another kid’s lunch bag right next to him while still chewing on that gum.

He spit out the gum, ripped open the fruit pie, and inhaled it. He leapt up from his seat like frogs in a dynamite pond and ran out of class never to return.”

3. What’s that smell?

“Since kinder-garden there was a kid that bullied me to no end. He would hurass me, call me names, and toy with my weak emotions (I was a small sensitive child) So after 9 years of constant torture, we were put in the same math class in eighth grade.

Needless to say, I wasn’t happy with this. I was bullied on the bus, and in class, ’till one day I decided I’d had enough.

I decided to strategically purchase a second lunch, once every few days (I had to save up my spare quarters). After I bought them, I stored them in my locker, which I didn’t really use.

After two months, those lunches had morphed into the most putrid mush on the planet. I had stored them in plastic baggies as to prevent the smell from escaping my locker, but that sh*t STILL reeked.

At this point it was June, and the end of the year was coming, as was my revenge. My school has a large spiral-like stair case, where there is a balcony over looking the lower stairs. After my last math class of the year, we were released early to go to our buses.

I rushed to my locker and grabbed the garbage bag full of nausea and prepared myself.

Without a word, as I watched my bully go down the stairs, I dropped the bag off the balcony and immediately strutted off like I wasn’t doing anything. I heard a very loud “WHAT THE F*CK” and then ran to the bus via another stair way.

Watching him have to sit on the bus covered in rotten food all the way home (which was 20min away) was the best feeling ever. And I got off scott free too!”

4. Serves him right.

“Nerd revenge:

I had a roommate in college who thought it was the greatest fun in the world to hack into our personal computers, even though none of us made any attempts to protect them from anyone else in the house. He would leave stupid messages on our desktops and change our backgrounds, and it just got annoying after a while.

One day I was bored and fed up and decided to return the favor. This was back when PC ISA cards all needed their IRQs set up by flipping jumpers on the cards.

One of the most common results of an IRQ conflict in a sound card was that the first sound you played after boot would fill only a small buffer (4096 bytes, more or less) and loop it forever until you rebooted, fiddled with the IRQ jumpers, and tried again.

My roommate had gone through this procedure several times that week trying to install a new video card without IRQ conflicts. So in revenge, I ‘hacked’ into his computer, and found his startup sound file. I took the first tiny snippet, looped it in a new file that lasted about 10 minutes, and copied it back to his computer.

When he booted his computer up, it sounded EXACTLY like he had an IRQ conflict on his sound card, and he spent the next 3 days tearing his PC to bits and putting it back together again to find the problem.

He finally fixed it by reinstalling Windows, and never suspected any foul play. Served him right.”

5. Now we’re even.

“The first time I ever got drunk, my neighbor was having a keg party and told me to come over. A bunch of my older brother’s friends were there, and not really knowing anyone else, I was hanging out with them.

I asked the fateful question, “How do you know when you’re drunk?” “When you can’t feel your face anymore.” SLAP!

5 years later, I was at a party with a bunch of the same people. I walked up to the man who slapped me, wound up, and slapped him as hard as I could across his stupid bearded face. The whole room went quiet, and I announced “5 years ago, ______’s party, you slapped me. Now we’re even.”

Slow clap.

Vindication.”

6. Scandalous.

“Found out my then-wife was f*cking a lawyer/politician. She was 32, he was 50. Being a politician, his home phone number is public. I calmly called his wife and told her that her husband was banging my wife.

Needless to say, she took him to the cleaners. Best part was he was steaming mad at me and said “You had no right to call my wife”.

I said “I had every right, you scumbag politicians have public phone numbers”. Apparently he didn’t know that.”

7. You’re alive?

“I convinced my abusive ex-boyfriend that I was dead by telling him that I had bronchitis and pneumonia (true) and then blocking him on Facebook/not responding to his text messages, etc.

It was probably one of the best pranks I have ever played in my life. I saw him 2 years later at a Christmas party. The look on his face was amazing, because it isn’t like he could say anything.”

8. Ouch.

“Before I start, let me say I AM NOT a violent person, this being the only fight I’ve ever been in. For 5 years the bully of my grade passed around a rumour that I had had s*xual relations with my younger brother.

It followed me to 2 separate schools. It was very dark time in my life. Due to this I didn’t have a huge amount of friends, so I spent my spare time learning kendo, aikido, and lifting weights, not so typical 6th grader activities. 2 years later I ran into the guy at a monthly youth group event.

I threw him through a coffee table, kicked his ribs in and pissed on him. I was promptly removed from the youth group and never heard from the guy ever again.”

9. Nice work.

“Girlfriend cheated on me, so I hooked up with her younger, hotter, sl*ttier sister.

Much better s*x.

Then I told the GF.”

10. Held back.

“Junior year of high school. In my Civics class, there was a certain individual (we’ll call him Dave) that was one of those Too-cool-for-school *ss-holes. Now, for years this guy had picked on me, for being the class nerd. Needless to say, I hated his guts.

But back to Civics. He never paid attention in class, thus failing almost every test, not that he cared. Near the end of the year, it was brought to his attention that if he failed the class, he would be held back. He needed to pass the final. So he formulated a genius plan to copy off of my test, making sure he passed. He even had the balls to tell me what he was going to do. Bad move.

As soon as the test starts, I take my time filling in all the wrong answers, while Dave casually pulled the ol’ stretch-and-peek every five minutes. Once he finished his test and turned it in, I set to work erasing all my answers and replacing them with the correct ones.

I scored a 95 on the test, I believe he pulled a 32. Guess who got to repeat junior year?”

11. Power move.

“I caught my husband cheating on me, so in the course of a week, I found a place to live, hired movers, and planned for all of the utilities (gas, water, electricity, cable/internet) to be transferred to the new house, it was convenient that they were all in my name.

I made all the arrangements to occur on Friday, I scheduled for the movers to come after he left for work and they packed up the furniture (I did leave his clothing and absolute personal things) and moved it to my new place. So, he came home from work around six pm to an empty house with no utilities.

I don’t imagine he went to stay at his new girlfriend’s house since she was a college student living with her mom and dad. Also, it just happened to be April First.

Every April Fools Day I giggle just a little for the biggest fool I’ll ever know.”

12. You can wait.

“I used to work at a movie theater and this *sshole came up to the concession stand and was overall being a complete d*ck about everything he said. Just rude to me and snotty to the people he was with.

My theater was really a landing strip pretty much. One long hallway that had all of the theaters lined up, concessions stand in the front and one way in the back as well. I was in the back one.

So he paid for his food and I purposely short changed him and went “Oh, whoops! Forgot some of the change!” He annoyingly said he’d wait while a manager unlocked my drawer.

Little did he know that all of my managers were on break and wouldn’t be back for 15 minutes, along with walking down the crazy long hallway to get the money. The entire time, I chilled in the back room (in the guy’s eyesight of course) and munched on some popcorn.”

How about you?

What’s your best revenge story?

Tell us all the dirt in the comments!

The post People Talk About When They Got Sweet Revenge on Someone appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share Brutal Insults That Don’t Require Swear Words

I think that it takes a lot more creativity to insult a person WITHOUT using all the classic curse words that we know and love.

Have you ever tried it? It’s pretty hard!

But we’re in luck today, because we’re about to get bombarded with a whole bunch of them that you can add to your arsenal.

Feel free to use some of the “clean” insults that folks offered up on AskReddit.

1. Nowhere to go but down.

“You’re not a disappointment to your parents, because they already lost all their expectations.”

2. That’s pretty good.

“I’ve always loved this Cher monologue from The Witches of Eastwick:

“I think-no, I am positive-that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones.

You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.”

3. Not too bright.

“You’re the kind of person who takes the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the beeping was giving you a headache.”

4. I’m gonna use this.

“You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you waste.”

5. He was a legend.

“I’m gonna go with one from Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf…

“If they put your brain in a parrot, it would fly backwards.”

6. The master.

“Mark Twain had some bangers.

My personal favorite is:

“I didn’t attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.””

7. Brutal.

“Surely you realize by now that your friends don’t actually like you, they just feel sorry for you. So why do you keep wasting their time?”

8. I like it.

“Wouldn’t trust you to get water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”

9. Bottom of the barrel.

“You’re the kind of person who should only ever get burnt bacon.”

10. Not a good thing.

“In the South.

“I’ll pray for you” and “bless your/their heart.”

Both can mean pretty much you’re a dumb*ss or a nice way of calling you a sinner.”

11. A big letdown.

“I expected nothing from you, and you still let me down.”

12. Nonexistent.

“It’s not that I don’t think highly of you; I don’t think of you at all.”

13. Too late for that.

“If your ancestors had possessed the foresight to castrate the village idiot, you wouldn’t even exist.”

14. Epic.

“You talk so much, yet say so little.”

15. Boom!

“The day I want to be like you is the day I’ll take your advice.

So far, I’m not interested in going backwards.”

16. Dummy.

“If you had more than one brain cell, they’d collide and kill each other.”

Now we want to hear from you!

What is your favorite CLEAN insult?

Talk to us in the comments.

Thanks!

The post People Share Brutal Insults That Don’t Require Swear Words appeared first on UberFacts.

What’s Illegal but People Act Like It Isn’t? Here’s What People Said.

We sure live in a weird world, huh?

Some people obey the law and some don’t.

And then some folks choose WHICH laws they choose to obey, which is a whole different issue…

What’s actually illegal but people act like it isn’t?

Let’s see what folks on AskReddit had to say about this.

1. Not cool.

“Teenagers with leaking each other’s nudes.

I’m a teen myself and seen it happen to many classmates.

Lots of kids don’t realize you can get charged with CP as a minor.”

2. Interesting…

“In the US, telling non-managerial employees not to discuss wages. The National Labor Relations Act — which was passed in 1935 — makes it illegal for an employer to prohibit you in any way from discussion of your wages with others.

Nnless you’re management; as in, actually have control over others’ salaries. Then they can tell you not to disclose those.”

3. Pick it up!

“Not picking up after your dog.

There’s an awful lot of doggie landmines in the dog walking trails where I take my dogs.”

4. It’s not free.

“Stealing artwork and photos from the Internet and using it for commercial purposes without permission (logos, t-shirts etc.).

I’m talking artwork done by currently living artists who are most likely trying to make a living off their work.

Too many people think that just because it’s on the
Internet, means it’s free to use.”

5. Not good.

“I work in downtown Seattle a lot.

So heroin and having your d*ck out.”

6. This scares me.

“Texting while driving.

I live in a college town, and I take a mile walk every morning, and I like to people watch while waiting at crosswalks. It’s infuriating how people can just stare at their phones while driving.

I could understand if it was just when stopped (though you shouldn’t do it even then) but these people roll up to a light, head tilted 90 degrees to the side, one hand on the wheel and it drives me nuts.”

7. Out of the road!

“Jaywalking.

I always wondered where this was actually enforced. Thought it was big cities like New York.

Then I went to New York and realized you cross the street whenever you think you can do so without dying.

Still wondering where it’s actually a thing.”

8. Litterbug.

“Dropping the cigarette butts on the ground.”

9. People do it.

“Recording a baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.”

10. Pretty trashy.

“Stealing.

Holy sh*t, the amount of people that I saw when I had Tiktok actively encouraging and giving tips for shoplifting was f*cking insane.”

11. Gross!

“”Sampling” bulk candy in grocery stores.”

12. A dumb move.

“Drinking and driving.

It’s actually frightening how many people drink and drive regularly.”

13. Too much red tape.

“Giving a homeless person a place to sleep.

Incredible amount of regulation involved in putting someone in a sheltered bed for the night, yet the general public assume it’s an easy process.”

14. Sounds bad.

“In South Africa, literally everything.

It’s not illegal if nobody important sees you and even if they do see you they either dont care or you can probably bribe them.”

15. Weird.

“In the Netherlands, scaffold theft.

It is insane how much scaffolds get stolen.

Worth of thousands of euros.”

What do you think?

What do people not think is illegal, even though IT IS.

Talk to us in the comments!

The post What’s Illegal but People Act Like It Isn’t? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Bad Encounters They’ve Had With Celebrities

I worked on movies and TV sets for quite a few years, but I gotta say that most of the celebrities I had personal interactions with seemed pretty cool and somewhat normal. But, as you know, people who are rich and powerful can often be…difficult…and some of them are just straight-up *ssholes.

I guess we can’t really blame some celebrities for being frustrated in public (or even online). You have people coming at you all the time from different directions wanting something, anything, from you.

So I can see how certain famous people get irritated and lash out. I’m not saying it’s appropriate or acceptable, but I guess until you’re in that position, you just really don’t know how you’d act or react to people. I plan on finding out very soon when I get famous from either my dancing or my modeling.

But back to the folks who are ALREADY famous…

Are you ready to hear about some regular, everyday folks who had unpleasant experiences with celebrities?

Let’s see what these folks on TikTok had to say. I can’t wait to see what happened!

1. Kendall Jenner.

@rachelistyping

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef #foryou #fyp #kendalljenner #kyliejenner #storytime

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

2. Leonardo DiCaprio.

@catalinaacat

#stitch with @bloatflygirl celeb beef by proxy? #fyp #fypシ #storytime #celebritybeef #WellDone #WeWinTogether #ShowUpShowOff

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

3. Bill Murray.

@sean_gatz

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #fyp #billmurray #celebritybeef #funny #storytime #funnystory #truestory

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

4. Tyra Banks.

@trishlikefish88

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #greenscreen #celebritybeef #tyrabanks

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

5. Jake T. Austin.

@ipreferally

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef #jaketaustin #selenagomez #wizardsofwaverlyplace #halloween #storytime #z100

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

6. Peyton Manning.

@tifftok78

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef Big baller, $0.00 tip. #peytonmanning I got stiffed, not in the fun way.

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

7. Anna Kendrick.

@theresalanglois

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebritybeef #annakendrick #rude #why #millennial #mom #over30 #hilarious #women #idkwhy #pitchperfect ??‍♀️

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

8. Ariana Grande.

@sarahrochele

#stitch with @bloatflygirl i actually hated her for years until I got over it and now I’m a fan lmao #celebrity #celebritybeef #beef #fyp

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

9. Lebron James.

@qharris8

#stitch with @bloatflygirl my celebrity beef? Lebron James…. #Lebron #lebronjames #celebritybeef #nba #lakers #losangeleslakers #qharris8

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

10. Debby Ryan.

@brittanyvictoriaj

#stitch with @bloatflygirl #celebrity #celebritybeef #fyp #foryoupage #celebritytiktok

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

11. Jonathan Cheban.

@kweenizzyy

#stitch with @bloatflygirl my fave story #kardashian #foodgod #celebritybeef

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

12. Niall Horan.

@winecowgirl

I love my random celeb beef #onedirection#niallhoran#louistomlinson#harrystyles#liampayne#zaynmalik#WellDone#celebritybeef#WeWinTogether#fyp

♬ Elevator Music – Bohoman

So… how about those encounters, eh? Are you shocked? Dismayed?

We want to hear from you. Have you ever had a bad encounter with a celeb? Or a good one? Or just an average one that left you underwhelmed?

Tell us your stories in the comments.

Thanks!

The post People Share the Bad Encounters They’ve Had With Celebrities appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Hilarious Things That Were Blurted Out When Children Were Born

For a lot of people, there’s nothing more natural or terrifying than childbirth. Is the baby going to come out alright? Is the mom gonna make it? Will the dad pass out or not?

And when it comes to this Ask Reddit thread… nothing was held back. And I mean… nothing.

Doctors, nurses who deliver babies, what are some strange/funny things people have screamed while giving birth? from AskReddit

From surprise genders to raptor babies to some REALLY inappropriate things… these stories have got it all!

Let’s take a look.

1. Surprises abound!

My dad has told me they thought I was a girl all the way up to birth.

I came out as a c-section and the doctor goes “huh, this ones got extra equipment.”

2. Once you get there…

I am not an obgyn but I was questioning a patient in the ER about some other health problem, she wasn’t carrying at that time. When I got to the part about the gynecological history I asked how many kids did she have and how were they born. She had two kids and were both born with C-section. I should clarify that this was in Spain and the patient was gypsy, now gypsies are not usually well educated and women often marry young and don’t finish school, they also talk weird.

Now, the lady told me she had 2 kids and 2 c-sections and I asked her why she had to deliver by c-section she said because the first kid was a “come coño”.

Well, this can be translated as “p*ssy eater.” This lady was convinced that her first child was going to eat her pussy and had to be taken out before he did.

You can imagine my surprise.

At first I didn’t understand and left the room after the questioning still puzzled. I went and started digging in her file and found out that the c-section had to be done because after she broke water the doctors noticed the amniotic fluid was filled with baby sh*t, usually when a baby shits in-utero, it is a sign that the baby is suffering and has to come out quick, that was why she had a c-section. Now here is why it is funny:

  1. In-utero baby shit is called meconio.
  2. The doctors probably told this lady that she had to get a c-section because the baby comes with meconio
  3. Comes with meconio = “viene con meconio” in spanish.
  4. “Viene con meconio” sounds a lot like “viene comecoño” (p*ssy eater)
  5. Imagine being told your whole life that your mom had to get a c-section because you were going to eat her p*ssy when you actually almost died at childbirth.

I know it must not be that funny in English but I did my best translating it and hope some of you see how funny it was for me.

3. Well, that happened!

One lady was too posh to swear when in pain from contractions, she just said “jeepers creepers.”

4. Haha… can you imagine??

When I was born, my dad didn’t know that babies are usually born face down.

And as I was coming out he screams “OH MY GOD SHE DOESN’T HAVE A FACE.”

5. Let’s go higher!

I was high on meds at the time, I was begging for BBQ ribs in between contractions.

“C’mon, honey! The nurses will never know!”

They were standing right there.

6. Oh snap… that’s hilarious

Apparently, when my aunt was giving birth, she was all jokes.

Very angry jokes, but jokes none-the-less.

KNOCK-KNOCK! WHO’S THERE?! THE BABY! NOT YET!

7. Dino baby!

Not a doctor, but a father.

When my first child was born his head was kind of misshapen, and when the doctor lifted him up to show my wife she yelled “why the f*ck does he look like a raptor?”

I lost it.

8. Perfect timing

EMT who did a birth on the side of the road.

Woman shouted “f*ck me!” during a contraction and the husband casually replied “that’s how we got into this mess, dammit!”.

I had a very hard time containing myself.

9. Nope! Time to go!

Patient fully dilated, started pushing, then changed her mind. “I don’t wanna do this, I’m going the f*ck home.”

And then tried to get off the table.

10. Haha… gurl…

When my sister was in labor, she was screaming and our mom was trying to be comforting:

“It’ll be OK. Take some deep breaths. It’ll be over soon.”

Then my sister looks up at our mom and says “You have no idea what this is like.”

11. It’s not a tumor!

Paramedic here: Delivered a baby for a lady who did not realize she was pregnant and called us for ‘abdominal pain’

Patient: ‘You are an idiot! I am not f*cking pregnant’

Me: ‘Well, I can see a head crowning’

Patient: That must be a f*cking tumor!

The tumor was a healthy baby girl. Mom was totally sweet afterwards btw.

12. Bad timing…

My roommate and I just finished our labor and delivery rotation in July.

During one of the births she was helping out in, the mom and the dad were separated but still good friends. So while this woman is pushing out her baby she begins to half tell/half scream that my roommate should date her ex/the baby daddy. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: You should really….(screams in pain)….go out with….(Screams again) him sometime. He’s really fun.

Dad: I wouldn’t mind some drinks sometime, what are you doing this evening?

No, she did not go out with him.

13. Is that even possible?

I’m white, Irish ancestry so I had red hair when I was a child, and my wife is black.

Her sister was also in the delivery room. When the baby crowned her sister told her she could see the baby’s hair. My wife who can barely breathe blurted out, “The hair isn’t red is it?!”

Apparently she was terrified the baby would be black with red hair.

14. She’ll never live that down

My mothers labour was extremely short, I was born within an hour. So that means that she went from experiencing minimal pain, to extreme pain with little time to adjust.

When my dad was driving her to the hospital, he unfortunately had to stop for gas. He went into pay, and just then an elderly man in a wheelchair stopped him, asking him to buy cigarettes for him as the store was not wheelchair accessible.

My mom then proceeded to lean out the window, yelling “DON’T HELP THE CRIPPLE.”

We have never let her forget that one.

15. Get the tongs!

When my brother was born, they had to use forceps to get him out.

My mom saw them and screamed “THOSE ARE SALAD TONGS! YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ANY GODD*MN KITCHENWARE IN THERE!”

I am seriously crying laughing. The things people say at their most vulnerable are comedic gold, right?

Do you have a story as crazy/silly as this? Let us know in the comments!

The post People Share the Hilarious Things That Were Blurted Out When Children Were Born appeared first on UberFacts.

Postal Workers Share the Things We Can Do That Would Really Help Them Out

With all the stuff that’s currently going on with the US postal service, it’s a wonder that anybody is a mail carrier at all. But, thankfully, we have a bunch of brave folks who continue to soldier on regardless of the circumstances so we can get our much needed mail.

That’s why one person on Reddit asked this question:

Postal Workers of Reddit: What do you need right now? How can we brighten your day when we see you on our routes? from AskReddit

Personally, I LOVE that this question exists because we really could do a lot more for our folks in light blue… and it doesn’t take a lot of work.

Let’s find out more…

1. It’s not hard

Husband delivers mail and he loves just about anything people do.

From pictures drawn from kids along the route to thank you letters to cold water and ding dongs.

He is appreciative of it all!!

2. That’s cool! Literally!

You could buy them a battery powered mini fan that clips to something in their truck. Some wear water vests to keep cool.

Yes, postal employees can accept gifts up to $20

Here’s the policy: https://about.usps.com/postal-bulletin/2012/pb22349/html/cover_025.htm

3. Cooling down seems to be a trend…

Former carrier here.

Had one house that always left me a bottle of ice cold water.

Highlight of that route!

4. Basic. Human. Kindness.

My father has been a postal worker for decades.

What makes him smile the most is when people just reach out and be nice and friendly. He would always tell us stories about the people who would put a smile on his face.

Notes/cards go a long way. But also just say hi and ask them how their day is going.

5. Make their jobs easier.

Former mail carrier here, #1 get a bigger mail box lol.

Water and treats are nice, but a box they don’t have to get out at to deliver things is the gift that keeps on giving.

6. Games!

Cold drinks and maybe a bag of chips or something. I’m a current carrier and seeing that stuff can completely brighten our day. Also just saying hi, or leaving a note saying thank you.

I have a customer who plays tic tac toe with me. That’s pretty fun.

Honesty anything helps and please be friendly and understanding if something is late or missing. As of right now a lot of this stuff is out of our control. It’s coming straight down from up top and there isn’t a lot we can do about it ourselves.

7. The bigger the box…

I also agree that a big mailbox is an amazing option especially if you order a lot of small packages, but don’t feel like you have to replace your mailbox.

If something happens to your box or you’re looking for a new one, consider getting a larger box.

8. Pants pls!

Carrier here!

All I ask is for the love of God PLEASE WEAR PANTS WHEN ANSWERING THE DOOR!… I’ve had straight up naked dudes sign for there package without batting a eye…oh the stories of awkwardness I could tell you guys.

Oh also smiles and friendliness is appreciated ? ..but with clothes on…

9. Help them help you

Put numbers on your damn mailbox/house. Send cards/legit letters to people. Tear down your POS lockbox that nothing fits into and get an actual mailbox.

Say hello but don’t hold me up for a half-hour bc I don’t have time to lose. Buy stamps. If you see the mailman struggling with your giant ass refrigerator box, help, don’t just watch from your porch.

And for the LOVE OF GOD, STOP ASKING IF ITS HOT ENOUGH FOR ME OUT HERE.

10. Control those pups!

Okay… I know the whole joke about “ahhh dogs hate mailmans dogs go brrrrrr”

But please do keep your dogs inside… it scares the mail ?

11. Wow! That’s so nice!

I’m a big Jimmie Johnson fan the Nascar driver, today I opened a box and there was a signed Jimmie Johnson hat with a note saying it was for me.

That has brightened my whole week, but water or Gatorade, snacks always appreciated. However I would recommend writing a note saying it’s for the mailman as a lot of times items are left in a box and we are unsure.

One Christmas I totally thought a gift was for me and it wasn’t. ?

12. It’s the little things!

I’m a carrier and I can tell you the cutest thing I see with the men in my office is the pure joy on their face when they reveal all the drinks/snacks they were given on their routes.

They are so excited to take their treasures home to show the family. They even take pictures and post them on Facebook.

As for me I love being squirted with a hose. A garden hose that is!

13. Yum!

My dad and his dad were rural carriers.

My dad’s favorite treat he received was peanut brittle made by different ladies on his route. If we were lucky he would bring it home to us! When I was little I would ride with him and get to meet tons of folks on his route. And yes, he loved the really big mail boxes.

Back then there was no UPS – he delivered everything, including live chicks. Oh, stories to tell.

14. Legit advice!

Yoooooooo Let me chime in, Postal worker here!

STOP YELLING AT ME WHEN I CAN NOT FIND YOUR PACKAGE!!!! We get mail from UPS AND Fedex and sometimes it’s already comes all fu*ked up or they lost it…but we are last to touch it, then customers hate us for thinking we damaged the package or lost it.

MAKE SURE YOU PUT YOUR ADDRESS CORRECTLY ALONG WITH APT # (if you live in an apartment) Many many times we get packages and they don’t have an apartment number, and you know how big apartment complexes can get, so how do you expect us to find where it goes ?? Just so you guys know when it does not have an apartment number it’s get returned to sender.

Also that sh*t where it takes photos of the letters your suppose to get and it sends a pic to you, we don’t even know where the picture is taken it could be from the originating city/country, countless times people come pick up there mail and they say “where’s this letter ?!” Then proceed to show me the picture like they think I’m keeping their dam mail, it usually comes a day or so later.

STOP TRYING TO SCAM US Looking at you people who sell sh*t on eBay, we know you paid for postage for 5 lbs when In reality it weighs 30 lbs, you cheap asses !

BE PATIENT!!! many times customers come in bitching that “ooooh my package should have been delivered already” so I track that sh*t and it still has not even left the city it’s coming from just cause it says ARRIVAL AT UNIT does not means it’s out for delivery ? “Mam your package has not even left Philadelphia!”

There’s probably more but this is all I could think about right now. Any questions lemme know.

15. They’re thinking about you…

When the quarantine was just getting started, a few of my customers left me a note in their mailbox.

Just a friendly thanks and reminder that I am appreciated being out there during these hard times, making sure people get their mail and packages.

I’d say this small kindness would be much appreciated again with all of this political nonsense interfering with my career. ✌?

So, it seems like they want a little bit of kindness, a lot of cold water, and maybe some bigger mailboxes.

Got all that? Think you can help out?

Let us know what you do for our postal workers in the comments OR… what you will do going forward!

Thx fam!

The post Postal Workers Share the Things We Can Do That Would Really Help Them Out appeared first on UberFacts.