Unpopular Opinion: Adults Shouldn’t Tell Teens That High School Will Be the Best Years of Their Lives.

Do you remember that line in Dazed and Confused when Randall “Pink” Floyd says to his friends, “All I’m saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life, remind me to kill myself”?

I think a lot of people probably feel that way about their high school days. And it’s true that a lot of teenagers are told that those years will definitely be the best of their lives for some reason…

I got news for you, young folks, it gets way better! But it’s also up to you to make it happen.

Should adults keep telling young people that high school will be the best years of their lives?

Let’s see what folks on AskReddit had to say about this.

1. Disheartened.

“I am senior and the number of adults that have told me that these will be the years I’ll miss for the rest of my life is disheartening.

I feel I have a lot to look forward to in life and I think the message we should be sending to kids is not “it’s all downhill from here.””

2. Missing it.

“I’m 21 and I miss high school.

Got to see all your friends everyday, did what ever you want, constantly surrounded by girls.

Now I just work 6 times a week for 12 hour days so I can afford to be alive.”

3. Maybe it was the best…?

“Ah nostalgia. I just turned 26 and have a small/growing family of my own.

It’s very rewarding, but I definitely miss all those good nights of getting f*cked up at a house party and kicking it with a bunch of people I knew.

My senior keg party was 120+ kids all camping in the mountains and making bonfires.

One of the best times of my life.”

4. Wants to go back.

“I Never smoked.
Never Drank
Never hooked up at parties, or even went to parties.

When I was a teenager my only concern was getting hold of enough money to supply my D&D crew with enough Mountain Dew for our next session. We’d go through 2-3 cases in a night of that disgusting swill.

I didn’t worry about having health insurance. I didn’t worry about whether my job was going to collapse and leave me unemployed with 3 kids to feed. I didn’t worry about living in a country that doesn’t give a f*ck if one of my kids gets cancer. (which, to be clear they dont, but it still sits on my mind)

I didn’t worry about what I’ll do if my parents die, and suddenly I have to care for my permanently mentally disabled brother.

When I was a teenager, my biggest worry was if my dice would roll well for me that night and my character would be able to take out the big bad guy of the week.

God I wish I could go back to those days. Days without constant pain in my back and knees from when I worked 12 hour days 5 days a week in a factory, standing on concrete floors. Days where i don’t feel the next kidney stone getting ready to pass.

Days when I could eat whatever I wanted and i wouldn’t be stuck on the toilet for an hour. Days before I had an organ torn out because I drank half a case of mountain dew every night for years.

Being a teenager was great.”

5. Not a good time.

“High school in my opinion are some of the worst years of anyone’s life. You are basically stuck, you can’t move, you can’t earn much of a living, you can’t really do anything but stay for 4 years and suck it up.

It really is awful and if anyone tells you they were the best years of their life, the life they built afterward must have been pretty miserable.

I’m in my mid 30s with 2 kids and a wife and a job now and it’s infinitely better. I drink when and where I want, the s*x is so much better and more frequent and I don’t have to use a d*mn condom, I make money and I can move or change jobs or do whatever I want really.

It’s so much better in virtually every single way possible. I actually look forward to the day and week and month ahead of me now.

I grew up in a poor family in a sh*t neighborhood in a sh*t city (at the time at least). So your mileage may vary.”

6. Dysfunctional family.

“As someone who came from a dysfunctional family…

Despite not having any financial responsibility, my environment growing up gave me so much emotional distress that I would NEVER go back. I f*cking hated being a teenager, having no control over the irrational decisions of the “adults” in my life, and no real skills to get away and provide for myself.

I love my parents and I’m still grateful for my parents’ financial support back then, but as someone with a “real job” (which I don’t really like right now due to a dysfunctional office environment), I’d still rather have this than ever live with them again.”

7. Don’t want to do it again.

“I’m 31 and a mature student and I do catch myself looking at the youngsters and thinking, god you have no idea what’s coming, do you?

But I also absolutely would not want to revisit that time in my life either knowing what I know now, both about the world and my life.”

8. Don’t miss it.

“I absolutely do not miss being a teenager.

My parents weren’t responsible, so I had all of the responsibility of being an adult with none of the power (age, money).

I was expected to do things that actual adults would fight to deal with, in addition to everything terrible that comes with being a teenager.”

9. Pure nostalgia.

“It’s rose colored glasses.

I had a decent time in high school but I wouldn’t want to relive it. We always look back and remember the good parts and forget about the bad.

My 20s we’re F*CKING awesome, but there’s a lot of bad sh*t I would not want to relive. F*ck that. There’s no better time than the present.”

10. Keeps getting better.

“High school was pretty great for me, but college has been way better so far.

The key is to remember that nobody gives a sh*t who you are or what you do, so don’t be afraid to try new things and have fun.

Live your own life and enjoy it”

11. Not your glory days.

“You’ll miss the carefree days of being a kid/teen without responsibilities like paying bills and such, so enjoy that while it lasts.

But high school shouldn’t be considered anyone’s “glory days”.

You grow a lot in your twenties and your brain finishes developing.

But over the years you just won’t really care about what happened in high school any more.”

12. Late bloomer.

“I’m 39 and really hitting my stride. In the best shape of my life, great house, beautiful wife.

There is no set time for when the best years of your life are, but I actually feel a little bad for people that peak in high-school.

I can’t imagine how depressing it would be looking back at high-school now and wishing I was back there.”

13. Carefree times.

“I think really what adults mean when they say this is that they miss being young and relatively carefree.

I understand that high school is hard work and, as someone who hated high school so much that he actually dropped out, I understand that it actually can really, really suck major balls. But, being 30 now and looking back, I do miss being a teenager. I didn’t have to worry about bills and other stuff like that, it was nice to be taken care of by someone else (parents) and to be generally protected from serious consequences.

I remember fondly being a hoodlum – smoking cigarettes under bridges and getting sh*tfaced at house parties, flirting (or at least trying to) with girls and just generally discovering who I am and who I wanted to be. I doubt very much most adults are referring to the act of going to high school itself.

It also doesn’t mean it’s all downhill or anything, just that it’s a period in your life where you’re sort of both an adult and a child, that you will never get to experience again. There are good things about being an adult too, and you should look forward to it.”

What do you think?

Should kids be told high school is the best time of their lives, or do you think that is completely ridiculous?

Sound off in the comments and let us know your thoughts. Thanks!

The post Unpopular Opinion: Adults Shouldn’t Tell Teens That High School Will Be the Best Years of Their Lives. appeared first on UberFacts.

Are Quiet Guys or Outgoing Ones More Attractive? Here’s What People Said.

If you’re a man, this is a question that you’ve thought about before.

How do I get people to be attracted to me?

Do I try to play the strong, silent type? Or do I present myself as an outgoing, fun person who is the life of the party?

Well, we’re about to find out what people prefer, aren’t we?

Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say about this.

1. The same level.

“Guys who aren’t as good looking but are charismatic and outgoing are on the same level as a shy, introvert, good looking guys.

It’s like yin yang or something.”

2. True.

“I’d like to posit that there are a lot of things “unattractive” people can do to make themselves attractive.

People really don’t realize what dressing well and grooming can do for a person. And dress doesn’t have to be fancy clothing, just wear clothing that somewhat matches and fits your body.

Very few guys are actually ugly. Maybe not good looking, but compared to women, average is very achievable for a lot of men.”

3. Well, there’s this…

“Quiet guys are only attractive if they themselves are attractive.

If an ugly guy is quiet, you’d consider them weird or creepy.”

4. This guy knows from experience.

“Being the “quiet guy” for the majority of my life and now being the “loud, semi obnoxious guy”, I have gotten much more female attention lately being the latter.

Just my two cents.”

5. Interesting…

“I had times where I was loud and times when I was quiet.

Being loud got me laid, being quiet made me mysterious but never led to anything physical, despite there being a clear understanding that we liked each other.”

6. Gotta get noticed.

“I can imagine that there’s a market for quiet guys, but there’s still the first hurdle of them getting noticed in the first place.

A girl can’t fall for a quiet guy if she never even heard of him before.”

7. Confidence is key.

“As a heteros*xual woman I can say it’s not about being loud or quiet but rather about having confidence.

Typically someone with confidence isn’t shy and quiet, and confidence is attractive. I am much more attracted to a guy with confidence who knows how to express themselves and hold up a conversation, rather than a guy who acts timid and isn’t willing to open up.

It screams insecurity”

8. There’s a difference.

“There’s also a difference between extroverted and talkative.

Most of the guys I like never shut up and have no filter, but in a nerdy “okay now that I’ve started talking about this I can’t stop” way. None of them liked parties, big social outings, etc.

They are just very excited about whatever it is they happen to be excited about at that moment, and you never know what they going to say.”

9. Not a fan of the loudness.

“I am a quiet person so I prefer guys who are also quiet.

I don’t really like when guys are super loud, I find that if I am trying to talk it always gets overshadowed.”

10. Being outgoing helps.

“Everyone has a type, though as an ambivert I’ve found it way easier to get to know and date girls when I’m outgoing than when in more reserved.

I think the sweet spot is being outgoing enough to get people to notice you and want to be with you and be reserved enough so you’re not annoying and people get interested in getting to know you.”

11. You can do both.

“The best is a combination between quiet and outgoing. Usually if there are a lot of outgoing people in a group, I’ll be quiet.

If people are a bit awkward and the ice isn’t broken, I’ll be the first to try and make conversation.”

12. Good luck out there…

“As an older guy, i will just throw this out. Guys, you MUST learn to approach women.

I don’t mean you have to be the life of the party. I don’t mean you have to be Vic Ferrari. (Andy Kaufmann character) But, unless you are good looking, especially in the slim willowy poet, or nerdy genius with curly hair and a big schnozz that some women find attractive sort of way, forget it. Women will not spy you across the room and want to meet you.

Now, loud boisterous jocks are not every woman’s cup of tea. But that does not mean they do not expect a man to have the balls to approach her.

For lack of a better venue, I will throw this out. Learn to meet women on the street and in bars. You would not believe how easy it is. In the street, walk up to a woman and say, hi, I saw you and wanted to say hi. She will either blow you off or stop and chat. After a few minutes, invite her for coffee.

In bars, take your drink and walk around a crowded bar and say cheers, what are we toasting? when they ask you what you are toasting, say, I just met some awesome people. Cheers. people love that. Sooner or later, a nice woman will be intrigued and want to talk to you.

If you are shy, I know it sounds hard. Start with baby steps. Just way hi to women in the street. Rejection will not kill you. Sooner or later it will work.

If anyone wants a little encouragement, feel free to message me. Am I a master seducer? No. But I know how to actually converse with real live women. And, trust me, women these days can barely believe a guy talked to them on the street. I once met a woman in a bar.

She heard my name and said , I met a guy a while back with that name., with this romantic haze look in her eye. It was me, having met her last month for a minute on the street. She still remembered because most guys do not do that. I didn’t follow up the first time because she was too young. But it as pretty sweet to be remembered like that.

Not even sure why I am writing this. Believe me, it is not to brag. I was a flop with women most of my life, then I realized how easy it was to walk up to women on the street. They actually are more responsive on the street than in bars because it is more unusual. it is like a movie to them.

Anyway, too much wine. But, to all the quiet guys, it is not helping. You do not have to be a macho jock studs. Most of them have no nerve, especially without alcohol . Just learn to walk up to a woman and say hi. Even if she is not interested, she will usually be nice about it, so don’t worry.

Good luck. Every good man and good woman deserves a good partner to marry and have a nice family. Cheers.”

13. Let’s end on this note.

“Girlfriend of an introvert here!! I like to joke that we’re only together because I talked for the first 3 hours of our first date (I was nervous – it was like word vomit).

In reality it’s because while he’s quiet in big spaces, when it’s just the two of us he makes me laugh until I cry, he’s sweet, sensitive, and absolutely the best person I’ve ever met.”

Now we want to hear from all the readers out there.

Which do you find more attractive: quiet men or outspoken fellas?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments. Thanks!

The post Are Quiet Guys or Outgoing Ones More Attractive? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

What Legal Things Make You Look Like a Crazy Person? Here’s What People Had to Say.

Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it looks normal, folks.

We don’t think about it very often, but we’re allowed to do all kinds of wild, weird, and crazy stuff that is totally, 100% legal…but it still makes us look like psychos if we actually do them in public.

Are you ready to get weird?

Let’s see what AskReddit users had to say about this.

1. Out on the street.

“There’s a guy in my town that has a portable karaoke machine and casually walks around singing to himself and dancing.

He’s not a busker or entertainer, just in another world.”

2. I live here! I swear!

“Lockpicking the door to your own house because you’ve lost your key.

Did that a few years ago at my old apartment, a few times actually.

Then the hair salon downstairs was broken into one night, back door had the lock picked.

I then quickly became the prime suspect…luckily I was in the next state that night due to a morning funeral, got there a day early because I wasn’t going to be a pallbearer right after a 4 hour drive.

Believe it or not, caskets are  heavy.”

3. Just minding my own business.

“I’m not sure if other people see me this way, but I always feel like a creep when looking straight ahead alone.

I feel like the person in front of my is gonna turn around, see me, and think I’m a creep.

What’s worse is I forcefully look around, but I also feel like that’s weird, and that people will think I’m trying to make it look like I’m not looking at them when I really am.

It’s a weird dynamic.”

4. What are you doing?

“Jogging in place. Anything short of waiting for a light to change and it’s just odd.

In line at the DMV? Jog in place.

Waiting to use the bathroom at Starbucks? Jog in place.

Standing awkwardly in the middle of a full park when you don’t have kids? Jog in place.

Waiting for the hot dog vendor to add relish? Job in place.

Waiting for the waitress to come back with the check? Jog in place.

Standing in an elevator? Jog in place.”

5. I need directions.

“Asking a person for directions like “which way is the forest?” and then going the completely opposite direction.

I didn’t want to go to the forest, my dude!”

6. Gross.

“Empty a chocolate sauce bottle and use it as a water bottle in the gym.

That was tasty.”

7. You look crazy.

“My old landlord’s husband was clearing out a bunch of stuff recently after an operation, and the dude collected medieval weapons that he had to get rid of. Asked me if I wanted one, I said sure it would be pretty sick.

So walking back to the car at 10:30 at night, in pitch black, lit only by streetlights, I discovered there is no way to hold a two-handed axe without looking like a crazy person.”

8. You okay, Mom?

“My mom legit started vacuuming the lawn one day when I was in high school.

Mom… wtf are you doing?”

9. Nothing to see here.

“Talking alone/to yourself.

I do it sometimes when alone but it makes you look like a crazy person if you do it in public.”

10. What’s in the box?

“It’s fine to carry around human bones (*ahem* I mean legal specimens) in creepy looking boxes.

Everyone in my anatomy class was given a box and we took public transit with it while smelling like death.

You could literally see creepy people on the bus move slowly away from us.”

11. I’ll take that!

“Taking somebody’s groceries at the checkout.

They haven’t paid for it yet, so it isn’t theirs”

12. Digging graves?

“Digging at night.

I’ve dug a lot of holes at night. It’s too hot to dig during the day.

But the whole time you are thinking, I probably look conspicuous to the neighbors.”

13. Now, here’s a story.

“This one time my ex girlfriend asked me to pick up her prom dress from a friend. I went to the friends house at around 9 pm and picked up the dress. She gave me no coat hanger or anything so I just carried the dress in my clenched fist.

As I was walking back home through a dark alleyway It occurred to me that my hand is pretty sweaty and the dress might actually start smelling bad from all the sweat of my hand. I wanted to check the situation so I smelled the dress.

As I was standing in the alleyway in the darkness of the night, smelling a red dress that I was gripping in my sweaty hand I saw a woman standing several feet from me, scared sh*tless, reaching for something in her purse (a phone? A pepper spray?).

At that point I became more scared/embarrassed than her and ran off. I assume that to this day she’s telling her friends a story about how she was almost murdered by a dress stealing maniac murderer…”

What do you think?

What perfectly legal things make you look like a crazy person when you do them in public?

Sound off in the comments!

The post What Legal Things Make You Look Like a Crazy Person? Here’s What People Had to Say. appeared first on UberFacts.

Should Everyone Be Cremated Because Cemeteries Are a Waste of Space? Here’s How People Responded.

In my humble opinion, people should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies when they die.

Want to be buried? Cool.

Leaning toward getting cremated? Go for it!

Want to be put on a raft and set on fire and pushed out to sea? Actually, I’m not sure if that’s legal, but it sounds pretty cool.

The question posed to AskReddit users was, “Should all people be cremated because cemeteries are a waste of space?”

Let’s check out the responses.

1. More trees, please.

“Keep the cemeteries, but instead of just burying people’s bodies, bury them with a tree seed.

So we can have a bunch of trees instead of rotting dead bodies.”

2. A place to remember.

“I’m still happy to have a place to go and sit and still talk with my husband even though he’s six feet below now.

I feel like it may not be quite the same if it was just ashes to the wind.

I like to picture both of us together on that mountainside someday.”

3. Habitats.

“In a lot of cities, cemeteries are important habitat for a lot of animals and birds.

They’re large stretches of green space that aren’t too frequently visited by (living) people, so are important refuges.

Although I agree with you that there are less impactful methods of interment, and I don’t want to be buried, I quietly support them for the animals.”

4. To each their own.

“I have opted for a green burial when my time comes. The whole embalming-casket-headstone thing creeps me out.

But I get that green burials creep other people out. It’s just that my way leaves room for future generations unlike traditional graveyards.”

5. Please cremate me.

“I want to be cremated and spread in the forests of my home, laws allowing.

My fiancé is wholeheartedly against this, wanting to be buried side by side.

I don’t like being around a lot of people while I’m alive, what makes you think I want to be close to other people in death for eternity?”

6. I agree, BUT…

“I do think that some cemeteries are way too big and a waste of space, but as someone who lost both of my grandparents this year, I’m very glad to be able to go and see them.

I have a big family, and if they weren’t buried, I would have to go to someone else’s house to see their urns.

Since they’re in a cemetery, I can go and sit and talk to them about what’s going on as long as I want.”

7. Emotional support.

“Having a place to go visit a loved one even after they pass away is a huge emotional support for many people.”

8. Respect the dead.

“I don’t necessarily like cemeteries and what they do, but all matters of body disposal isn’t really environmentally friendly regardless. My biggest thing about death is respecting the dead.

Do what they want you to do with their body. Don’t be disrespectful  because “they’re dead and don’t care”. Like if they told you a plan, they obviously cared while they were here and did not want you to do the opposite.

Your final say before you die is how you shall be taken care of and it disgusts me when a family doesn’t respect the final request because they don’t agree with it.”

9. A new idea.

“Cremation is a terrible waste of fuel and source of pollution.

What would make sense is to bury bodies in a biodegradable sack, and after they’ve decomposed for 50 years or so, after everyone who remembered them is dead, recycle the ground for another grave.”

10. Make them more beautiful.

“Some people are (due to religion) are only allowed to be buried.

But I think they should make cemetery’s more like….parks? Like maybe some trees and have like sidewalks.

It would be more prettier and also less depressing that bodies just laying all in a row.”

11. Get natural.

“Cremation increases the carbon footprint. Each death is 100 L of fuel and 200 kg of CO2.

It also risks burning the cremation center (anything that handles fires, gets fires).

I recommend natural burials: no casket, no chemicals, bury me directly in a field. I just become anonymous compost, and create trees or something.”

12. See you on the road!

“I don’t get why people are so caught up with being preserved after death.

It might be the atheist in me but throw me in the middle of the road and use me as a temporary speed bump.

At least that is more useful than being placed in a cemetery.”

13. Interesting point of view.

“If I learned one thing about cemeteries when working in one for some time, it’s that they exist to serve the living rather than the dead.

The dead don’t care, but the living need somewhere to mourn, somewhere memorialize their loved ones. We remain protective of our loved ones remains even after death, and burying them in a safe and beautiful place helps us in our grief.

This is what people critical of cemeteries don’t understand.

Another thing people often aren’t aware of is that the picture of a cemetery as a somber resting place that’s off limits for anything but grief hasn’t always been the case.

In the Victorian era it was perfectly common to hold picnics and other activities in the cemetery amongst your loved ones. In some senses it was a park, just one that bad a bunch of rocks in it.

If we went back to this mentality we wouldn’t have such as issue with cemeteries being a waste of space.”

14. Create gardens.

“Make it into a botanical gardens.

People pay for ceremonies where the deceased person’s ashes are scattered over the Japanese garden or the rose garden or the bamboo forest. Maybe put up kiosks of people’s names on small plaques with names and dates of birth/death.

Then people who want to visit their deceased loved ones can do so in beautiful surroundings.”

15. And then, there’s this.

“In the words of Danny De Vito, “when I’m dead just throw me in the trash.””

Cremation or burial?

What do you think you’d prefer?

Talk to us in the comments and let us know how you feel about this subject. Thanks!

The post Should Everyone Be Cremated Because Cemeteries Are a Waste of Space? Here’s How People Responded. appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Wildest Butterfly Effect Stories From Their Lives

You never know how one supposedly insignificant action or decision in your life can snowball and spin out of control.

And that’s where we get the term “the butterfly effect” from.

I’m sure you’ve experienced something like this in your life at some point. And we’re about to get some wild “butterfly effect” stories from people on AskReddit.

Let’s take a look at what they had to say.

1. Best decision ever.

“4 years ago a kid I barely knew from school invited me to a Six Flags. I was a bit of a loner at the time and I heard rumors about this kid being weird, so I intended to not go.

On the day he wanted me to go, I was feeling extra bored and decided on a whim “why not?”. So I went and met this kid and two of his friends I’ve never met at a Six Flags.

4 years later and that kid is my best friend, and I have 3 other very close friends I met through him. Not only that, but I also met my first girlfriend because of the connections some of my new friends had. It transformed my high school years from being alone to having an amazing group of friends I could do almost anything with.

I intended to ask my best friend to be my best man one day, and I don’t intend on ever getting out of touch with any of them. I’m home from college now, and we are going to have a lot of fun together. Best decision I’ve ever made.”

2. Funny how that works out.

“The older I get, the more I am constantly cognizant of the vast cascade of seemingly insignificant decisions and actions that led me to where I am.

For example, a decision 25 years ago to change a refrigerator light bulb before going out resulted in my being at the “wrong” time and place so as to get mugged, which resulted in my decision to move out of the city I had been living in, which resulted in my meeting my wife, and from there to having all my kids and the whole shebang.

I would have had a different whole shebang had I not changed that lightbulb that afternoon, but the path to the present leads through that (and a thousand other) similarly trivial decisions…”

3. Career fair.

“At a university career fair and just has a long day taking to companies and heading out when I see a Honda booth. Designing cars would be awesome but there is a huge line, it has been a long day, and what are the chances?

But wait! They are giving away hats and shirts and model cars! So I talk to them. A day later I get a callback for an online assessment. I fill that out and don’t hear anything back for a month or so, the I get a call one night saying I was an alternate and someone cancelled last minute so they want to fly me up for on-site interviews.

I go and end up getting and accepting an offer. After graduation I move about 1000 miles away from home for my new job where a few years after I meet my now wife and we have 2 kids. I never would have crossed paths with her otherwise.

So the entire course of my life was shifted because Honda gave away good swag at their career fair booth.”

4. Wow, your parents sound awful.

“My parents dream was to have a “famous child”.

When my older sister’s figure skating career ended in her early twenties, the spotlight shifted to me. I was a fine oboist, and took private voice lessons with intent to audition for the local music faculty (opera?). In any case, there was a lot of pressure, and while I was successful at school and classical music, it was never enough.

At 17, before senior year began, my sister gifted me a kitten. My parents had given her 2 in her senior year and the implication was that it was my turn. When my sister dropped me off, my parents locked me out, saying that if i wanted my own pet I needed my own place.

So I found one – that night. I worked 3 jobs to support myself through senior year and graduated with entrance scholarships to both of the local universities.

I couldnt afford a music degree while living on my own, even with the entrance scholarships. And good thing. Entering the work force showed me how much I love active jobs. 3 years later, I enrolled in college and became an industrial mechanic/millwright, to my parents great shame.

After a few years of this I landed a sweet contract where I work on Saturdays and Sundays but receive a full week’s pay. Although I am a living beacon of disappointment, I comfort myself with my 100k a year job, 2 day workweek, and 2 cats.

Being kicked out over a kitten saved me from wasting years chasing an improbable career just to please my parents.”

5. The film biz.

“My wife got an email from her old colleagues the day we returned home from our honeymoon, asking if she wanted to star in a short film they were doing for fun.

She said sure, and asked if I could come along, as she knew I had an interest in movies, but at the time I worked in life insurance and was miserable.

It was more than an interest- I had always wanted to make films, but never made the right connections with people and didn’t know where to start.

I made friends with the producer of that short film my wife was in, and 11 years later filmmaking and video production is my career. I’ve shot feature films, short films, video for tv and web, and all over the world because of that one email to my wife. Changed our lives!

Oh, and that original short film never got finished.”

6. Old friends.

“I sent a friend from secondary school (who I had a huge crush on) a message saying happy birthday a couple years after we left school. Did the whole ‘we’ll have to catch up soon!’ thing, not expecting much.

He replied with ‘how about Monday?’. I saw him that Monday for a coffee. Next month will be our 6th anniversary. Best thing that ever happened to me.

My friends joke I’m ‘queen of escaping the friend zone’.”

7. Sounds like Jim and Pam.

“I was always super flirty with the girl from HR, but we were always seeing other people / don’t date at work so when she left the company I was bummed. A year or two later a coworker asked me to search my email archives (that was a thing back then) for something he needed.

I ended up stumbling across the “farewell to my work-friends” email from HR girl and she sent it from her personal email address. I reached out to her, we had coffee, then a date, then many dates, then I love yous and I put a ring on it ASAP.

12 years later, extremely happily married, 2 goofy kids, 2 evil cats, and she still puts up with my bullsh*t.”

8. What a story!

“I chose to rearrange the sequence of classes slightly before starting my education. By doing this, I had to commute to a different branch of the school in a different town than the one I was originally signed up for.

On my first day there, I helped a girl who had managed to break both of her arms in a drunken shopping cart accident, I learned later.

This girl, whom I would absolutely never have met had I not changed my classes around, is my wife through 14 years.”

9. Still here.

“My friends took me to mMalaga in Spain for a long weekend to cheer me up after my mum died.

4 years later I’m still here and have never been happier. I owe them everything for that spontaneous trip.”

10. Close call.

“In Afghanistan, wasn’t done with my coffee, so I passed on a trip from one base to another (there was another convoy a few hours later).

Most everyone died who took the 1st convoy. My 2nd cup of coffee wasnt even cold when I found out.”

11. That burns!

“Burned my arm on an extremely hot plate working at a restaurant in NYC.

New manager didn’t like that I told him we were out of towels to hold hot plates, had a vendetta against me.

Six months later, found a reason to fire me.

Friend got me a job working on the set of a low budget movie, met a woman named Dorothy who was key PA.

A full year later I ran into her on the street, she asked if I still worked in production, got me a job on reality tv.

Worked 9 seasons on a renovation show, learning finish carpentry and eventually becoming an on screen carpenter.

New PA on set. Beautiful, sassy, amazing.

Ask her out (was just a key PA at the time)

Two years later we move to New Orleans together, a year later we move back to NYC and have our first child.

Three years later we move to Montreal. Been here for three years.

I now have a wife, two kids, and a successful contracting business all because I burned my arm on a plate ten years ago.”

12. Isn’t that funny?

“Ordered some shirts off the internet, company sent a size too small. Emailed them and they sent the correct size and let me keep the other ones too.

My grandpa’s house was being redone, noticed one of the workers liked a band i did and gave him the shirts that didn’t fit. Years later working and having a smoke break, guy overhears me and a friend discussing a concert we were going to, asked about it and said he had some old shirts I could have. Met up with him after work to hang out. They were my shirts from a couple years before.

We start hanging out and he is dating this girl, she says she has a friend that she thinks would be perfect for me. We hook up. Been married for almost 10 years with 2 kids. All for a few shirts that the company sent me the wrong size for.”

13. The girl with the mohawk.

“I was dating a girl in college. I didnt actually go to college as I was doing an apprenticeship instead.

One day I had a day off midweek and figured I would pop into college to see my old friends and chat to this girl I was dating. At the time I was very I to skateboarding. So I take my skateboard into the building but had to leave it in the reception bit.

As luck would have it a girl saw me (with bleached blond hair and a pink mohawk) place the skateboard and decided she was in love with me. She went to the local skate park after school until eventually she found me. We swapped numbers and now 15 years later we are married with 3 kids.

Also my skateboard was stolen by someone and by the time I made my way out of the college my brother had noticed someone carrying my board and stole it back for me. As I walked out and noticed it was gone my bro came in and asked if I was looking for my board.

It was a wierd day that I had no idea would impact my whole life to this point.”

Do you have any interesting butterfly effect stories that have happened to you?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Share the Wildest Butterfly Effect Stories From Their Lives appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About the Statement “Construction Work Is a Respectable Job and Shouldn’t Be Stigmatized”

I’ve never understood when folks say things like “you’ll end up working construction” or “you’ll end up being a garbageman” if you don’t get your act together.

Both of those jobs are honorable, pay well, and I’m sure a lot of the people who do them enjoy them. There’s still kind of a weird bias in this country against people who work with their hands, for some reason…I don’t get it.

But, you still do hear comments like that from people out there.

Folks on AskReddit discussed this mentality. Let’s see what they had to say.

1. Something to think about.

“I always took “you don’t want to end up in construction” as you don’t want to do something your whole life that takes a toll on your body.

At least that’s how my parents always pushed it on me.”

2. Changed my life.

“I did construction work from 24 years old to 30 years old. I made $31 a hour and anything over 8 hours in a day was time and a half.

Saturdays and Sundays were automatic time and a half no matter how many hours your worked throughout the week. At 30 years old I was injured on the job and had to have a major spine surgery on my lower spine.

I can no longer play most sports without extreme discomfort afterward. It has completely changed my life.”

3. Lesson from Dad.

“My dad farmed for 40 years and supported a family on it.

But he outright refused to let any of us come back and take over the farm without trying college and other careers out.

It destroyed his body and he didn’t want the same for us.”

4. Won’t age well.

“I worked with my dad in construction every summer while in high school and college.

People on the job site tell you they’re all proud of their hard work and get payed appropriately, but they’ll all tell you to get out while you can.

You don’t age well in construction.”

5. Tough work.

“It’s a respectable job and the people who work it deserve respect.

But it’s also back-breaking work with a high risk of injury and will ultimately lead to a lot of nasty health problems as you grow old.”

6. Not for everyone.

“I’m a pipe fitter.

With only a technical high school diploma I make over 6 figures.

Pros are I get to go to different places everyday and fix things, good pay and I don’t have college debt.

Cons are it’s back breaking work that has given me two shoulder surgeries (one on each) and bad knees. Having to have surgery because of your job isn’t for everybody.”

7. A lifestyle?

“Unfortunately even though the money can be great, there’s a certain lifestyle that’s rampant.

Drugs, alcohol, crazy spending.

Obviously not true for all construction workers, but it’s definitely there.

My cousin could makes great money, but he’d have nothing left a week after payday.”

8. They were wrong.

“My grade school teachers would say “study hard or you will end up a construction worker”.

Well, now I make more than them and have one of the most valuable skill sets a person can have, in my opinion.

So y’all can suck it!”

9. A hot take.

“It’s not about it not being respectable. It is a respectable job.

It’s the fact that it’s hard labor.

No parent wants their child to get a job that’s going to take a tole on their body over the years they’re working it.”

10. Good advice.

“I’m a construction worker and I do make $100,00 or more a year.

I respect my job and the opportunities it has afforded me but I tell my three sons all the time to stay in school and get an education because I’m outside everyday when it’s nice, when it’s crazy hot, or when it is freezing cold.

That sucks and your body pays the price for that lifestyle.”

11. Miserable.

“Take it from someone who did it for years…

It’s about the most miserable sh*t I’ve ever done.

Enough to motivate me to actually go to college so I never have to do it again.”

12. Get out early.

“It’s a great job to have when you are young but be careful and get out early. The type of work you find on most construction sites is very back breaking.

I suggest it while someone is young because the body can handle it then but doing the job for too long, even with the proper technique and equipment, your body is going to start falling apart.

Then you have the worst case scenario where you can get hurt far easier than other jobs. My best friend was on a site where they were removing cases with glass panels. Someone accidentally bumped a case while not paying attention on a forklift.

The case hit another case which fell on top of my friend. He instinctually put his hands up to stop it but it came down on his glass facing him and it broke when it hit him. A piece of glass sliced the muscle or whatever it is that allows you to move your pointer finger.

Surgery was able to reconnect it so he can use his hand fully again but he was told flat out by the doctor this is an injury that will haunt him his entire life. And when my friend spoke to a lawyer he repeated what the doctor said and was told basically ain’t sh*t he can do about it.

He can sue for medical bills or years later when it starts to really bother him again he cant go after them again. He’s f*cked and now has an injury his entire life to deal with and the job wont do sh*t for it.”

13. Hard work.

“I’ve heard the pay is well but doing back-breaking work for so usually isn’t ideal.

It’s a very important and necessary job just doesn’t seem like one many think a lot about.”

14. As simple as that.

“I know it comes with some negative connotations, but construction work is a respectable job.

They build the houses we live in and the schools we learn and teach in.”

Alright, now we want to hear from all the readers out there.

In the comments, tell us what you think about this issue.

Please and thank you!

The post People Talk About the Statement “Construction Work Is a Respectable Job and Shouldn’t Be Stigmatized” appeared first on UberFacts.

There Needs to Be More Child-Free Restaurants and Businesses. Here’s How People Responded to This Opinion.

I have a feeling this is going to get some people fired up.

I’m gonna go on the record about this and I only have one thing to say: I don’t think it would be the worst idea in the world if certain businesses decided they wanted to be kid-free zones.

I really don’t understand why people insist on bringing their kids to breweries or even bars. It’s just weird to me. And I don’t think that most customers who are there to have a few beers in what are supposed to be adult establishments really appreciate it, either.

So should there be more child-free businesses?

Are you ready to dive into the responses about this from AskReddit users? Let’s take a look.

1. Oh, boy…

“Do you know the feeling when you’re just sitting at the restaurant with your significant other and the two of you just want to enjoy your food and each other’s company, and out comes running a little kid screaming their head off?

Most of the time the parents don’t bother to properly even address their kids’ behaviors. They just laugh it off at the distance or say “Oh, so cute!” and start filming their lousy kid? Or when you’re visiting the spa at a hotel, just bubbling away in a jacuzzi and in jumps a little kid who starts splattering around?

Or when you’re at the cinema, focused on a really interesting scene and some kid starts talking all over the place “Daddy, look at that!” multiple times throughout the movie.

It should be more normalized for kids not to be taken everywhere. There should be more places for adults who specifically don’t have kids for a reason. The obsession around “kids are cute and should be with everyone 24/7″ is disgusting.”

2. Bad business?

“Its’ just a bad business model. Most people have kids so you’re missing out on like 80% of your potential customers by having a child-free business.

Maybe in a big city. But that especially would never be a good idea in middle America. I live in the south and there’s people who bring their kids to bars, I sh*t you not.”

3. You’re in a dive bar!

“Midwest US. I once got scolded by an angry parent for language in front of their kid… at a dive bar… in a college town… on a game night Friday… while the parent had a beer in hand…

It wasn’t even like a food chain like BWW or anything, like can I not have a place where I can talk how I want?”

4. Tell us how you feel.

“A lot of people are just negative and want to be upset that 100% of the world doesn’t work exactly how they want.

And even if they haven’t experienced it they are upset that other people are living their lives in a way they don’t approve of.”

5. Not a problem.

“My view may be skewed because I love kids, but I honestly don’t see this as a problem either.

I can’t recall a time when an experience was ruined by a wayward child.

Perhaps people who post stuff like this are just extraordinarily sensitive to the presence of small humans in their vicinity.

In which case, I would suggest that perhaps they are too fragile for this world.”

6. Lack of support.

“The reason that there’s not more of these types of places is simply due to lack of support.

Childfree Apartments (I lived in one), beaches, resorts, restaurants exist but they aren’t cheap and you have to support them because they are cutting themselves out of a large money spending portion of consumers.

I see this type of opinion a lot on here and usually it boils down to someone having champagne taste with a tap water budget. If you think a family of four week-long trip to Disney world is expensive look up a few night stay at some of these adult only resorts.

If you aren’t willing to shell out for first class tickets then you wouldn’t be able to afford the price hike for a coach ticket on an adult only flight Malaysia airlines and others have proved people don’t want to deal with the reality of childfree accommodations.”

7. What goes around…

“The people moaning about other peoples kids were the annoying kids when some of us were their age. What goes around comes around.

That said I’d never take mine to a bar and they only go in pubs at lunchtime, if we’re eating, and rarely at that.

And unless you have a thing for Disney movies or matinee PG movies then you’ll never be in the same cinema as them. They ain’t watching Rambo 7 or terminator 15.

Adult only spaces are fine with me, but I have a feeling most people moaning are eating at Pizza Hut or McDonalds and then complaining, rather than being somewhere classy that’s actually aimed at adults.

If you don’t have to dress up to eat there then it’s casual and most likely aimed at families.”

8. Expensive.

“People ask for champagne but can barely afford beer.

These places would not be cheap. Most people have kids, families etc. so this business model would be removing a large demographic.

They could do it by being expensive but that would be out of reach for most people and this is why it isn’t that popular.”

9. I get it.

“As a parent with kids….

I couldn’t agree more. My children shouldn’t be causing you stress, anxiety, or anger while you made plans to go out and enjoy your dinner/movie etc…

I totally get it.”

10. Need some time away.

“I’m a parent that agrees and I know tons of parents that do too. When I get a night away from my kids I don’t want to have to listen to other kids.

When I say kids I mean anyone under 18 because a lot of times in public teenagers are louder or just as loud as toddlers and babies.”

11. Adults are worse.

“Before the pandemic I’ve worked with kids a lot, so I’ve seen my fair share of misbehaving but I can’t recall being at a restaurant, movie, concert or airport with overly misbehaving kids.

Loud adults tends to always be the more immediate problem. Like dude, stop screaming into your phone, it’s not that serious and move out of the middle of the aisle, for crying out loud.”

12. They gotta learn.

“I… don’t think so. Hear me out. How will the kid learn to behave if they are not taken everywhere? You literally have to teach the small human based on your own behavior.

When I was young we’d travel with family friends. A huge group of 15 adults and 20 to 25 kids. (Nieces, nephews and cousins were brought with us.)

We never caused a racket because we were always treated as adults and expected to behave well in public. We all learned how to act and would call out each other in case of sh*tty actions.”

13. Pick your places.

“As a parent who likes to have dinner with my family this is annoying.

People constantly complain about kids making a ruckus in restaurant and hotels. To you and the billion other people that complain about this everyday go visit more upscale restaurants and hotels.

When I want to have a kid free romantic night with my wife I don’t go to Olive Garden or Applebee’s and complain about kids being disruptive. Kids are part of families don’t eat at family restaurants if you don’t want to be around kids being kids.”

How do you feel about this?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments.

Thanks in advance!

The post There Needs to Be More Child-Free Restaurants and Businesses. Here’s How People Responded to This Opinion. appeared first on UberFacts.

If You Were Able to Stop Time for 20 Minutes a Day, What Would You Do With That Time? Here’s What People Said.

Let’s all be superheroes for a few minutes!

We’re going to play a fun game called “If You Could Stop Time for 20 Minutes a Day, What Would You Do With That Time?”

This is gonna be fun! And…it’s nice to dream about a little bit of extra time since most of us are so darn busy day in and day out.

People on AskReddit talked about what they’d do…let’s see what they had to say.

1. Good plan.

“Whenever I’m in a heated argument, I’ll stop time to think of a good comeback.

If I can’t, just put something in the other person’s mouth and restart time.

Walk away from the chaos.”

2. Take it down a notch.

“Honestly the mornings can be kinda hectic in our house so I’d stop time to enjoy a cup of coffee in peace and quiet.”

3. Take advantage of it!

“As a tennis player I would stop time for milliseconds at a time allowing me to hit perfect shots.

After a couple of years I would perfect this art, slowly establishing myself as a top tier player. This would allow me to dominate tournaments like the U.S. Open, winning me millions in sponsorships and tournament winnings.

Decades later, while going down as the best player of all time, I would cement myself in history. My remaining years would be spent relaxing in exotic places with my supermodel wife.”

4. A little time to relax.

“Exercise, read, cook.

Basically any activity that takes up a huge part of my daily activity so I have more time to relax.”

5. Do I know you?

“Go to an amusement park and swap out children from families in close proximity.

Not to the point where the child becomes lost, but to the point where like 5 or 6 groups of people are looking at each other funny.”

6. Don’t worry about what they think.

“I’d go for a 20 minute jog in the neighborhood without the fear of neighbors seeing fat me trying to run.

Plus I wouldn’t have to worry about cars too I guess.”

7. Mess with ’em a little bit.

“I’d just wander through my neighbors houses and adjust their settings, hide their keys/phones/etc, disconnect their router and leave a suction cup dildo on the bathroom mirror.”

8. Awwwwwww.

“I’d go hug my grandma without her knowing.

Then 20 minutes would be over and she’d be there on her couch playing animal crossing like “I feel so loved right now for some reason!””

9. Quality time.

“Every day at 5:30.

So I could pick up my kid at school without traffic and be able to spend more time with him.”

10. Use it however you want to.

“Does it have to be all at once? If I could split it up, I would walk around the city and apply karma to people.

Litter? I’ll freeze time and throw it back at you.

Refuse to wear a mask? I’ll freeze time and draw a mask on your face with a sharpie.

Being a jerk to the cashier? That $20 in your pocket will find it’s way into the tip jar.”

11. Let it out.

“Scream extremely loudly without worrying about alarming people.

Because the way this year has been…I need me a fat healthy scream to let it all out.”

12. Fix them teeth!

“Go into my dentist office and apply a huge credit to my account so I could finally go and get my teeth fixed!

I wouldn’t even need to do it everyday, just once so I could get them fixed, not have to hurt every time I eat, or worry about another piece of tooth just fracturing away and I could honestly live a happy life for the rest of my life!”

13. People are gonna lose it.

“I;d remove things from people’s hand and place it in their other hand.

I’d swap people’s drinks with ketchup.

I’d flip the tag of everyone’s shirt in the room out.

I’d place things into people’s pockets. Notes that say “meet me at the usual place” and stuff.”

14. The good and the bad.

“20 minutes would be an insane amount of time to do things.

Arrange to visit someone who needs to go away, pause, kidnap, escape, success!

Want a new car, find what you want at a dealer, pause, drive car away and hide it somewhere nearby, change number plates, done.

If you pre-plan 20 minutes is huge! You could over turn governments over a series of weeks, steal millions, own whatever you want, escape almost any situation where death wasn’t certain (e.g falling).

You could be a super hero or villain.”

15. What now?

“I’d pause time without planning ahead.

I’d probably end up spending the whole 20 minutes trying to figure out what to do.”

Okay, folks, now we’d like to hear from you.

In the comments, tell us what YOU would do if you could stop time for 20 minutes every day.

We can’t wait to see what you come up with!

The post If You Were Able to Stop Time for 20 Minutes a Day, What Would You Do With That Time? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

People Discuss the Nicest Celebrities They’ve Dealt With at Their Jobs

I know that celebrities seem like they have it all, but I think one aspect of their lives that would be kind of a nightmare would be dealing with people in their everyday lives.

I know, I know, they signed up for it once they decided to become an actor/singer/etc., but it’s gotta get old to have people always bothering you and wanting a photo with you when you’re just trying to have dinner with your family or go to the grocery store.

But still, people do like to hear stories about their encounters with bigwigs in ordinary situations.

AskReddit users talked about dealing with celebrities at their jobs.

Let’s see what they had to say.

1. It was her.

“Amanda Seyfried came into the coffee shop I used to work in.

I made her a coffee and she even complimented me on it!

When I asked if it was her, she said, ‘No but I get that a lot.’

Two days later she posted a photo on Instagram where she was obviously in the same small town.

It was totally her.”

2. Sir Ian.

“I was working at a theatre café trying to get through the usual rush before the show started when I realized I was serving Sir Ian McKellen!

I kept my cool and was disappointed to learn that the guy who was in the bar with me didn’t know who he was!

We both loved Ian’s Ugg boots though.”

3. Please don’t.

“I met Morgan Freeman when he came to my work (a symphony hall) for a show.

He was so nice, he was asking me all these questions about my life, and his voice sounded even better in person.

I held it together pretty well but as I was walking away I said to my coworker (too loudly) “omg I’m gonna pee my pants.”

And he tapped my shoulder and said “please don’t.””

4. We miss him.

“Robin Williams was in town for a performance and was having an issue with his computer.

He brought it in for repair and spent the time waiting hanging out with us, taking pictures, cracking jokes and talking to us.”

5. Hmmm…

“Several years ago I worked at a nice, sit down pizza restaurant.

One night Miley Cyrus (Party in the USA era) and her whole family came in.

I waited on them. When it was time to bring out their pizza I put it on the table and said, “It’s a pizza party in the USA!”

She did not find it as amusing as my coworkers did.”

6. That was nice.

“I used to work at an oil company where we dispatched over a radio…

A driver was delivering to Ben Affleck’s house and mentioned that it was my birthday.

Ben got up into the cab of the truck and got on the radio to wish me a happy birthday!”

7. Big mug.

“This happened to a girl I work with but still awesome.

Nick Offerman came into the coffee shop we work at and ordered a large coffee.

When she gave him the mug he looked at her and said ” that’s a satisfyingly large mug” did his awesome laugh and sat down giggling at the mug.”

8. Maybe they’re just normal folks.

“I was working at a restaurant when Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel came in.

They were so nice and actually tried to help us bus their table!”

9. Funny.

“I was a barista at the time, and Brad Garrett (from Finding Nemo, Everybody Loves Raymond) came in.

It was a busy cafe and I had TONS of fun with customers there, while trying to be as efficient as possible.

I also had THE COOLEST eyeglasses ever at the time, they were rectangle with triangle shaped arms made of stainless steel.

It’s important that you know how cool these were (R.I.P. ?). Anyways, Brad comes over to watch me make his beverage. We make some small talk, and now Brad is wearing my glasses and impersonating me. ” I am a fancy barista, look at how cool I am with my weird glasses…” he says.

So I immediately shot back, in my most Brad Garrett-y voice: ” oh look, I’m Brad Garrett, I’m SOOOO funny and I’m a giant human” (said while walking around like Shrek). He laughed. I laughed. He even came back the next day asking where I was!

It’s the friendship that never was, but always should have been.”

10. Not a shocker.

“Taylor Swift came into the store I work in while she was in Westerly, Rhode Island and completely ignored all the workers and customers.

Her very attractive body guard was pleasant and chatted with us though!”

11. Oops.

“I work at a Starbucks drive thru and one day Kevin Bacon came through! He was wearing a beanie and sunglasses (at night ?) and I wasn’t 100% sure it was him so I decided to test it.

Right before he was gonna drive away I said “have a nice night, Kevin!” He said thank you very politely, then as if remembering he didn’t want to be recognized he mumbled “sh*t” and drove away.”

12. That voice, though.

“My mom, my sisters, and I were visiting Philadelphia on July 4, 2006. We went to the hotel penthouse to play a board game.

While we were playing, my mom realized that Lionel Richie was across the room and was being interviewed for the July 4 festivities. She was so excited that she stopped playing the game and started whispering her responses to anything Richie said as if they were having a conversation.

When he finished the interview, he walked by and my mom introduced herself. He was extremely pleasant, warm and friendly. He said to my mom, “Very nice to meet you, ma’am.” He then turned to my sisters and me and said, “You guys probably don’t know me. You probably know Nicole.”

I said, “No, we don’t go to school around here, so probably not.” He just stared at me, smiled, and gave my mom a hug. Once he left, my twin sister said, “No, you idiot, Nicole Richie. She’s on TV.” I said, “Oh, yeah, sure.” I still wasn’t sure who she was until I looked her up later.

In any case, Lionel Richie was very kind, and even though my mom apologized profusely for “bothering” him, he assured her that he always liked meeting fans and their families.”

13. That’s a weird comment.

“My family own a Mexican restaurant on the south side of Chicago. One day three men come in and talk about the charity work being done in the area. I nod along and go about serving them. One gentlemen in particular looked especially familiar but I couldn’t place him.

Eventually, they ask me about The Shawshank Redemption, if I have ever seen the movie. I said no. They point to one of the men, not the one who looked familiar, and said he was in the film. I shrug and say, “that’s cool”. All this while the one who looks familiar refuses to make direct eye contact with me, like he was shy. I almost said that he looked familiar but I didn’t want to bother them while they ate.

Eventually they finished and left, but not without telling me not to get knocked up at a young age. Later that day I tell my older brother about the encounter. He pulls up pictures of the cast. The shy gentleman who I recognized – Tim Robbins. Thanks for the life advice, Tim Robbins, 12 years later and I’m still not knocked up.”

How about you?

Have you ever had to deal with any celebrities at your job or out in public?

Tell us about your experiences in the comments.

Thanks!

The post People Discuss the Nicest Celebrities They’ve Dealt With at Their Jobs appeared first on UberFacts.

13 People Share the Best Jokes They Know

Here we go…

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who?

Hey, we got an owl on our hands, here!

Okay, that was totally lame, but that is, technically, an example of a joke. Are you ready to hear some more?

What’s the best joke that you know?

Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say.

1. I laughed at this.

“Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls.

One guy says, “I wish I could do that.”

The other replies, “… well maybe just try petting him first.””

2. Hahahahaha.

“A penguin is on a long-deserved vacation from the zoo. He decides to take a road trip out west, where his car breaks down. Luckily, it’s right in front of a mechanic in town.

He drops the car off and tells the mechanic he’s going to get some lunch. Its a really hot day, so after eating he stops by the ice cream shop for a little treat.

Walking back to his car, the mechanic tells the penguin “It looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin laughs: “Oh, no” he said, as he wiped his mouth “It’s just ice cream.””

3. Groan…

“I had a song stuck in my head the other day and kept singing it out loud.

My wife finally broke down and screamed Will you please STOP singing Wonderwall!?

I said maybe…”

4. Short and sweet.

“What did the sign on the door of the brothel say?

“Beat it, we’re closed.””

5. Gotcha!

“People are shocked when they find out what a terrible electrician I am.”

6. Not sure if younger folks will get this…

“Doc, you gotta help me. I can’t stop singing ‘What’s New Pussycat’.”

“Ah. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?”

“It’s not unusual.”

7. The island of cannibals.

“One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. The cannibals said, “if you do what we say, we wont kill you”. S

So the 3 people followed the orders the cannibals. So the cannibals said, “go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see”. So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, “put the apples up your *ss without making a facial expression”. The person then made a facial expression after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.

The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. the cannibals said, “put the cherries up your *ss without making a facial expression”. The person then started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.

In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with cherries “why did you start laughing?”. The person replied, “I saw the third person come out with pineapples.””

8. Talking dog.

“This guy sees a sign: “Talking Dog $5”

He walks up and asks the man: “Does this dog really talk?”

Owner: “Yep”

“Bullsh*t”

Dog: “It’s true, I can talk.”

Man” Holy sh*t!”

Dog: “Yeah, I started out in the circus as a sideshow, until the CIA found me. They recruited me as a spy. No one suspects the dog in the room is listening to state secrets. After two tours, I retired here in the country to live out my days.”

Man: “My god, man! That is the most astounding thing I have ever heard! So, why the hell are you only selling him for $5?”

Owner: “Because that dog is a liar. He didn’t do any of that sh*t!””

9. LOL.

“The divorce court judge says to Mickey “Now let me get this straight Mr. Mouse, you want a divorce from your wife Minnie because she’s crazy?”

And Mickey says “No, I never said she was crazy, I said she was f*cking Goofy!””

10. See you in Hell.

“Three men went to Hell, and they stood before the Devil.

The Devil asked the first man, “WHAT DID YOU DO FOR A LIVING?”

The man answered, “I was a lumberjack.”

The Devil said “THEN WE WILL CHOP YOUR PEN*S OFF.” He turned to the second man, asking the same question he asked the first.

“I was a fireman,” said the second man.

“THEN WE WILL BURN YOUR PEN*S OFF,” said the Devil. He turned to the third man, asking the same question he asked the other two.

The third man thought about it, and finally answered the Devil:

“I was a lollipop salesman.”

11. In the woods.

“A pair of hunters from Illinois are out in the woods.

Whilst decending a hill one of them suddenly cries out in pain and falls to the bottom, clutching his chest as he hit the ground. The other hunter rushes to his side as his friend noticeably stops breathing. Pulling out his phone he quickly dials 911.

After a few rings the dispatcher picks up. “911 what is your emergency?” Asks the dispatcher. The hunter replies, “I am out near route 51 my friend has a heart attack i think he is dead!” “What do i do?” Asks the hunter. The dispatcher replies, “It is okay sir, can you calm down and make sure that he is dead?” The hunter replies, “okay.”

The dispatcher hears some rustling over the phone followed by the resounding boom of a 12 gauge. The hunter comes back on the line asking, “Okay, now what?””

12. Don’t even try it.

“What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo!”

13. The priest and the plumber.

“Priest and plumber go golfing. It’s the last three holes after a close round.

Plumber misses his swing and curses “bugger missed”. The priest is mildly offended and chastises him “you shouldn’t curse in the lord’s presence”. The plumber laughs it off and looks furtively over his shoulder.

Next hole, the plumber is distracted and goofs on the putting green. He can’t help but curse “bugger this!”. The priest scolds him “i told you, if you curse again may the lord strike you down”. The priest takes the lead.

On the last hole, the plumber is sweating from the pressure, practicing his putting move. One points separates them on the green. He swings… connects… and the ball rolls on the lip of the hole and pivots off target into the sand bunker. “f*ckin f*ck!” the plumber rants.

Before the priest can chime in a mighty rumble is heard, the thick clouds overhead part and a bolt of lightning screams through the air. The priest is struck dead and a voice from the clouds says “bugger, missed”.”

Okay, friends, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, please share your favorite joke with us.

Let’s see what you got!

The post 13 People Share the Best Jokes They Know appeared first on UberFacts.