Category: ask reddit

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15 People Reveal the Things Their Hometown is Infamous For

No matter where you end up in life, you’ll always remember your hometown. Maybe it’s a great place with fond memories, or maybe it’s a total s**thole that you’re glad to be away from. Every town has that one “thing” that defines it. Some places, though, have a darker claim to fame than others…

AskReddit users went on the record and shared what their hometowns are infamously known for.

1. Not the South

“I’ll preface this by saying this is not the South.

Back in the day, a crowd tried to lynch a black man over an alleged assault. A mob gathered, overpowered police, and stormed the courthouse where he was on trial. In an attempt to stop the violence, many government officials tried to address the crowd themselves. After none of this proved successful, the Mayor, fearing for his life, shot a member of this mob. The mob then attempted to hang the mayor as well.

Nowadays, it’s still one of the most dangerous cities in America, however only if you’re black.”

2. True crime

“A disproportionately high unsolved murder rate. In my 40+ years alive, there’s been less than 10 murders, (probably less than 5, but the last couple years have been a little crazy). Of those only like 3 are solved.”

3. It’s complicated

“The waterfall we have here and part of the Erie Canal. And it’s kind of a ghetto place. There’s the snobby tourist who come in and judge the people who live here. Like, dude take your hipster butt somewhere else if you don’t like us.”

4. The Big Easy

“Jambalaya, red beans and rice, Popeyes, Mardi Gras, French quarter, Bourbon Street, oh and Arby’s on canal.”

5. Dallas

“JFK got an unpleasant greeting from a guy named Lee Harvey.”

6. C’mon, sheriff…

“Our sheriff arrested Willie Nelson’s band… for weed.”

 

7. Well, sh*t

“Being full of sh*tty people. I’m not even kidding, if you go anywhere else in the province, and you mention my hometown, people usually grimace or pity you or even straight up ask you if you’re a piece of sh*t like everyone else there.”

8. Dad doesn’t reside there

“Big old prison. Smaller newer prison.

The big old one is used in films a lot, for example Shawshank.

The funny thing is, being born there it had no connotations for me. So when my parents split up and we moved, and people asked where my father was, and I told them, they all assumed he was locked up good.”

9. Deep in the heart of Texas

“Andrea Yates

Clara Harris

Enron collapse

Candy Man killer in the 70s (I didn’t exist then)”

10. Oscar!

“A giant, possibly man-eating, certainly terrifying snapping turtle, whose name is Oscar. We also have the oldest continuous annual festival in Indiana, which is a celebration of same turtle.”

11. Hellhole

“Very little, but Fatboy Slim, who grew up there, once called it “A suburban hellhole” which made the front cover of the local newspaper for three weeks in a row as people were so upset. He wasn’t wrong though.”

12. Google it

“The local football/Soccer team lied and said one of the players died so they didn’t have to play a match. (Players wanted to go to a stag do) There was a minutes silence for him and everyone thought he was dead. He was fine and just went home to Spain. This was like 2 days ago lol. Google it. Clubs name is Ballybrack FC. It’s been all over the news and I imagine it’s what we’re gonna be known for from now on.”

13. A sad state of affairs

“Apparently it’s a heroin death rate 25x the national average.”

14. Not a good combo

“Country music and meth.”

15. What an honor

“We were the subject of a 4chan prank and got Pitbull to come to our Walmart.”

The post 15 People Reveal the Things Their Hometown is Infamous For appeared first on UberFacts.

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10+ Chefs Share Some of Their Favorite Recipes That You Can Make at Home

Do you like to cook, or are you the type of person who burns water? Well, who better to get some recipes and tips from than trained chefs, who are out there cooking yummy meals for us day in and day out?

In this AskReddit article, culinary professionals share some of their favorite recipes, most of which are easy enough for even the most inept home cook to get great results!

1. Wings

“Righto, you want some hot wings? Heres my EC Wings recipe, not for the faint of heart y’all. The EC – Existential Crisis – wing recipe is all about level of burn and interaction of different SHU levels in chilli tastes. Let’s get her rollin ey, cos this one will take at least a day to throw together.

Wings, part 1

Get yerself 4 wings – This recipe is for 4 of em so multiply ingredients if needs be – and chuck em in a sealable freezer bag SKIN ON. This ain’t about dietary concerns. Add about

80mls of Soy Sauce (Sweet Soy if you’re skipping the sauce step further down)
30mls of Red Wine Vinegar
60mls Lime Juice, fresh squeezed. None of that bottled shit.
2 cloves of Garlic (finely diced, or a heaped tablespoon of Garlic Paste)
a heaped Teaspoon of Carolina Reaper Paste. For the Reaper paste I recommend Chilli Factory’s one, although this can be substituted for whatever you want heat wise – Sometimes I’ll use a smokey Chipotle instead if I’m cooking for others who ain’t on my chilli level. Regardless: for this recipe, the hottest chilli yer using is for the Marinade.
Mix all that up in a Blender or in a bowl with a fork if you’re old fashioned like that, pour it into the bag with the chook and seal it. Give her a good shake for coverage and chuck it in the fridge overnight – absolute minimum of 12 hours to marinate.

The sauce:

Another overnighter, borrowed this recipe from online and tweaked it a bit. Not a necessary addition, but you’ll be robbing yourself if you don’t do it as well.

12 finely diced Birds Eye Chillies (Peri Peri)
One clove of Garlic
40ml White Vinegar
1/2 teaspoon of salt
Combine and let her sit in room temperature for 12 hours or overnight, longer the better IMO. Now, before cooking the chicken – as the sauce has gotta cool – drop the sauce mix into a small saucepan on medium heat. Add a teaspoon of Caster Sugar and stir through, bringing it to the boil. Then crank yer heat down and let it simmer till the chillies are soft. Pour out and let that cool, I usually chuck mine in e freezer for 30 mins then fridge it. Once cooled, blender time til nice and smooth.

Guess what you just made? SRIRACHA. Noice. Well, Sriracha is with Jalapeños but whatevs, I’m manly and jalapeños are nothing to me. Plus, Jalapeños are in the Part 2 of the chicken.

Anywho, whilst the sauce is chilling in the fridge, pour 100ml of Orange (or Mango, mango works great too) Juice and a shot of Grand Marnier into a small saucepan. Reduce at high heat, whilst sprinkling more caster sugar in slowly, continuously stirring when it comes back to the boil. Once the consistency is thick like cream, take it off the heat, combine it with the homemade Sriracha, and chuck it back in the fridge. You’re left with a fruity dipping sauce that will punch you in the face if you look at it wrong.

Chicken, part 2

Almost there. This step is entirely optional as well, but in for a penny eh?

Finely dice about 6 decent sized Habaneros and [follow this guide here] (https://np.reddit.com/r/spicy/comments/3j5lqs/my_homemade_habanero_powder_xpost_from_rfood/). PROTIP: open all your windows and maybe even chuck on a face mask as the fumes get stuck in the back of your throat pretty damn well.

Chicken part 3, the final chapter

Get yerself a bowl with a few whipped up eggs in it, and two shallow bowls. To one of em, add…

Half a cup of Breadcrumbs
Tablespoon of Salt (I use Himalayan Pink Salt because I’m classy as fuck like that)
Tablespoon of Cracked Black Pepper (Sichuan Peppercorns if you got em, distinct flavour base change for the better)

Sprinkle of Cayenne pepper

Dried Chillies from earlier. If you didn’t do that shrug your loss IMO, cos it makes the recipe.

To the other bowl, chuck a cup of flour in it. Grab your wings one at a time but keep the rest of the Marinade. Give the wings a shake to get rid of excess Marinade, even pat em down with a paper towel. Why, you ask? All that acid from the vinegar and juice earlier has already penetrated the meat like a Seviche and brought the Reaper paste and garlic flavour with it so it’s only needed just prior to cooking now. Give it a dredging in the flour, and carefully dip through the egg wash. Next, hold over the bowl with the chilli breading bits, grab a handful of the mixture and sprinkle it on til you can’t see the meat anymore. DO NOT dredge it in the Breading Mix, trust me. Place the wing on a lightly oiled pan, and when fully loaded back in the fridge uncovered for an hour. This should set the breaded bits.

Finally, preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius and slide those bad boys in there for 15 minutes give or take. Baste over the top with the extra Marinade every 5 minutes, and turn over.

After that long and complicated process, you’ll have the Best Goddamn Hot-Wings you’ll ever eat, or my name ain’t Fatbeard. Which it obviously ain’t, but y’know what I mean.

Who’s hungry?”

2. Tips from dad

“My Dad is a chef and he always makes unusual and delicious stuff. Homemade spicy cocktail sauce with grated jicama in it. Marinade jalapeno slices in soy sauce, it’s great.

The best is something that only other chefs are ever excited to try, but it’s so amazing. Stick with me on this. . . Blue cheese cinnamon rolls.

Start with a good yeast dough, fill with a cinnamon mix that is heavy on the cinnamon and a bit a nutmeg and all spice, and light on the brown sugar. No white sugar at all.

One risen and baked sprinkle with blue cheese crumbles while still warm. Once slightly melty drizzle with a white glaze.

Do not use cream cheese frosting. Do not frost. Light on the sugar glaze, do not treat it like you think you’re Johnson’s corner.

I promise it’s amazing.”

3. Cookies

“Chicago Crunch Chocolate Chip Cookies. My mom originally saw the recipe in Woman’s Day or Family Circle years ago but this is the same one from Recipeland. She’d make these every holiday gathering and when my younger brother and I had curriculum day early release. Some people think it’s weird to put corn flakes inside of your cookies, but it’s actually pretty common in some places. I’ve just never seen it done quite like this before.”

4. Peposo

“Peposo (a black pepper based stew) is pretty great for home cooks. It looks classy as sh!t, it’s easy, doesn’t take much work, and absolutely “holy hell how can something be this good” delicious if you don’t cook often.

The only downside is that they don’t get to see you make it since the “impressive” part of the cooking happens about 3.5 hours before the finishing.

All you need is short rib (bone in you savages), a bottle of Chianti, and a ludicrous quantity of pepper. Of course, salt, tomato paste, a couple herbs, and some rice is definitely a plus.

Smash/crush some garlic, mix with tomato paste and liberally smear onto the short rib.

Buy whole black pepper corns. Crush some using a cutting board and skillet, maybe 2 tablespoons for 3 pounds? I’ve never measured, and usually add ground pepper too.

Put the beef in a pot/saute pan, add pepper on top. Poke in some herbs/ bag leaves/whatever if you have it. Pour in most of a bottle of Chianti. The cheap but not completely shit kind with work. Set it on high heat, turn down as low as you can right before boil. Add lid. Leave for 2 hours. Optionally flip beef prices and if possible, slide the bone out. If you take the bones out, leave them in the pot. Cook for another hour-hour and a half. It’s basically impossible to overdo this stuff, so just don’t stop until it’s basically falling apart when you touch it. Remove the herbs, beef, and bones. Give the bones to the dog. Enjoy his eternal love. Uncover and turn the heat back as high as it will go. Reduce until it’s nice and thick or it’s half the volume it was. Salt to taste (taste your food numbnuts). Put rice/polenta on a plate in a pretty shape. Stack some meat chunks on top. Pour over your sauce (you might need to whisk it to combat separation).

Make sure to make sexy eyes when they take a bite, they will have a spontaneous orgasm.

Honorable mention for learning to make your own marinade so that all your meat tastes better.”

5. Yummy!

“I make a grilled guacamole. Pretty standard guacamole recipe but everything gets charred on the grill and then cut and mashed. Creates the most delicious smoky flavor and takes guac to the next level! Something I thought couldn’t be done.”

6. Blew away the competition

“Mashed potato recipe I found online that blew away the competition this thanksgiving.

Boil 5 lbs of quartered, unpeeled Yukon gold or Idaho gold taters in 4 cups of whole milk, 4 cups of heavy cream, 9 sprigs of thyme, 8 cloves of garlic, 3 bay leaves. Once they are mashable, strain potatoes, remove herbs, mash, then fold the strained milk concoction back in slowly. Fold in 2-4 tablespoons of butter, roughly 2 tablespoons of olive oil, salt, pepper, and 3 tablespoons of grainy mustard.

I made turkey too so I took the bacon I used to keep the turkey moist and minced it and threw that in the mashed taters as well. Finally, to make it healthy, I threw in a handful of chopped parsley. Gold it up nicely. Watch as your taters are annihilated at thanksgiving and the sad, russet potato, dry as f*ck mash remains untouched!”

7. Beer bread

“Beer bread. It is one of the easiest things to make and who doesn’t like fresh bread. Take a can of beer, 3 cups of flour, 3 teaspoons of baking powder, 1 teaspoon of salt and mix it together. Put it in a bread pan and throw it in the oven at 375 for an hour. That’s it.”

8. Biscuits and Gravy

“Ok, I have worked as a professional chef, and here’s something wonderful for you out of my recipe file:

Special Biscuits and Gravy for a crowd

Gravy:

1 stick unsalted butter

1 medium sweet or yellow onion, very finely chopped or processed

2-3# fresh, good quality pork sausage

~1/4 c AP flour for thickening

2 c half and half + ~ 2 cups whole milk, preheated to below boiling in microwave

1/2 t fresh nutmeg

pinch cayenne pepper

salt & pepper to taste

In a medium dutch oven, over med heat, melt butter and then sauté onions until they are deeply caramelized, stirring often. Set onions aside, spray dutch oven with nonstick spray, add pork sausage, cook until heavily browned. Reintroduce onions, add flour, tossing mixture to combine – no flour specks should be visible.

Add hot milk mixture to pork and onions, using whisk or wooden spoon to scrape up fond and combine. Increase heat to med-high, stirring constantly, then drop to low when it starts simmering. Add nutmeg, cayenne, salt & pepper to taste.

Biscuits:

3 c cake flour

3 c AP flour

2 sticks butter, chilled, cut into slices

2 c shredded sharp cheddar cheese, frozen

1 T kosher salt

2 T baking powder

1/2 c finely chopped green onions (optional)

~2 c chilled cream

Preheat oven to 350F convection, 375F standard oven.

Process the cake flour with 1 stick butter until only small specks of butter remain, dump into stand mixer work bowl. Repeat with AP flour. Add cheese, salt, baking powder, green onions. Mix on low in stand mixer to thoroughly combine. Put flour mixture in freezer for 20 minutes. Add cream until a wet, sticky dough is formed, don’t overmix, make sure nothing dry remains on the bottom of the work bowl.

Using a greased spatula, turn dough out onto a heavily greased half sheet, pressing it into the corners. Bake, turning pan once, until golden, about 25 minutes.

Split hot biscuits, top with gravy.”

9. Simple and awesome

“I make a great coconut curry. It is so simple and tastes awesome.

To make the spice mix combine:

1/2 tsp cumin 1/2 tsp coriander 1/2 tsp cardamom 1/2 tsp ground cloves 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp chili powder 1/4 tsp ground ginger 1/4 tsp turmeric salt and pepper to taste red pepper flakes to taste

In a medium sized sauce pan with enough olive oil to cover the bottom, brown some meat of choice (preferably, cubed beef, chicken or ground lamb in little meat balls).Add a diced medium sized onion once the meat is 3/4 cooked through. Once the onion goes translucent, add 2 cloves minced garlic. Add a sliced hot pepper (or peppers of your choice) and the spice mix. Stir through for 20-30 seconds and then add a can of coconut milk. Stir that and bring to a simmer. Take off the stove and serve over rice.”

10. Ooooohhhh this sounds good

“PEI POTATO CHOCOLATE CAKE

1 cup hot mashed potatoes, not seasoned
1 cup lukewarm water
2/3 cup soft margarine
2 cups white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
4 eggs
2 cups flour
3/4 cup cocoa
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350°F . Prepare cake pan (tube pan) by lightly greasing & then dusting with flour. Whisk water into well mashed potatoes until a smooth mixture is formed. Cool to lukewarm.

Beat margarine & sugar with electric mixer until combined. Add vanilla & beat 2 minutes at medium speed. Add 2 eggs and beat until blended. Add remaining 2 eggs. Beat at medium speed until blended. Sift together dry ingredients & stir to combine. At low speed, add 1/3 of the sifted dry ingredients, alternately with half the potato mixture, until all is blended.

Fold in chocolate chips. Turn batter into prepared pan. Bake in over for about 55 minutes. Cool on rack. Top with confectioners’ sugar.

Enjoy!”

11. Carnitas!

“There was a carnitas recipe on Reddit not long ago… tried it, even went to a special grocery store for Mexican coke since the recipe is different than typical American Coke… it was heavenly. And so inexpensive. And freezes so well. Three criteria for a great bulk recipe that makes your life easier, your wallet richer, and your soul happier.

Edit to add recipe from original post. If you want to find it, its on r/slowcooker

Inspired by /u/Lalalaraee !

4 pounds (or 2 kg) pork butt (or shoulder)

3-4 teaspoons salt

1 teaspoon pepper

1 tablespoon dried oregano (or Mexican oregano)

1 tablespoon ground cumin

1 large brown or white onion, cut into wedges

8 cloves garlic, smashed

2 limes, juiced

2 large oranges, juiced (or 3/4 cup natural orange juice)

3/4 cup Original coke (Mexican coke is ideal)

2 bay leaves

Combine everything and cook on low for 8-10 hours. Don’t discard liquid!

Place on baking sheet, cover with 1 cup of liquid and broil. Watch closely!

The recipe recommended broiling for 15 minutes but I only broiled for 5, any longer and ours would have burned. Enjoy guys!”

12. A good bargain

“I did the chef thing for a while but didn’t like the end-game. Switched focus to bodybuilding but still have some ezmode recipes that even redditors can’t screw up.

Fish. Tilapia / Salmon / Whatev

Let sit till room temp. Put it on a sheet of foil.
Drizzle with olive oil.
Add lemon pepper and creole or season-all.
Pinch of parsely. Can be fresh, doesn’t matter.
Fold it up in foil, like a pouch, so no fluid will escape. Bake it at 425F (Make sure oven is preheated.) for 10-12 minutes depending on how big it is. 10 will be safe to eat for any size and 12 won’t overcook the smallest pieces so set your timer for 10 minutes and if it sits in the oven an extra 2 don’t stress.

Unwrap it and you’re good to go. Restaurants will charge a good $15-30 for this and you can make this for under $5.”

13. CHILI

“My mom’s super easy white chicken chili recipe, and my all time favorite. This recipe has won 3 different chili cookoffs and nobody knows just how easy and effortless it is.

1 cup sour cream

15 ounces chicken broth, maybe a little more depending on preference.

2 cups freshly shredded Monterrey jack cheese

1 small can green chilis

3 cans Great Northern beans (those white beans, whatever they’re called)

Chicken breast. I usually do 2 or 3 depending on the size.

How to make:

Cook chicken however you want, shred it or chop it, your choice. I usually just bake the chicken for 25 minutes at 350 degrees. My wife prefers shredded, I prefer chopped cuz ain’t nobody got time for that.

Drain the beans, rinse em if you want. I mash half of them, my mom doesn’t, do what you want here.

Once chicken and beans are done, throw them in a pan and add everything else on the list and mix it up, bring it up to a medium heat and just mix it around until it’s all hot, usually 20 minutes or so. The longer the better. Just cook it until your hunger decides enough is enough. When we do this chili we usually go the Crockpot route – add everything to the Crockpot and cook on low for anywhere between 3-9 hours.

Chili best enjoyed poured over fritos, with lime sprinkled over the top.”

14. Making it for decades

“Beef Wellington with mushroom pate. Never fails…been making it for decades!

2 filet mignons, about 1 inch thick

salt and pepper, to taste

1 recipe mushroom pate (see below)

1 pkg frozen puff pastry shells or dough

1 egg, beaten with 1 tablespoon milk or cream

Thaw puff pastry. Season filets with salt and pepper. On a board, roll out 2 puff pastry shells (or if using sheets, roll out the sheet) cutting a round big enough to encase the filets. Spread the pate on top of each filet. Wrap the filets in puff pastry, pate side down so the seams are on the bottom of each wrapped filet. Seal the edges with the egg mixture. Brush egg mixture all over pastry to give a glossy sheen. Roll out another sheet of pastry. Cut out shapes you desire and and decorate each wrapped filet. Brush again with egg mixture. Bake the wrapped filets on cookie sheet in a preheated 375 degree oven for about 20 minutes. The pastry will be golden brown. The filets will come out medium rare. If you are a well done lover, this will not work. Tenderloin is best under-cooked. It might get tough if you cook them till they are well done.Mushroom Pate:

Ingredients10 Tbsp butter, cut in pieces.2 1/2 c flour1/2 tsp salt1/3 c sour cream1 egg, slightly beaten4 Tbsp butter3 Tbsp finely chopped shallots1/2 lb finely chopped mushrooms2 Tbsp flour1 c heavy cream (whipping cream)1 Tbsp finely chopped chives1/2 tsp salt1/2 tsp lemon juice parsley sprigs, optional for garnish.

In heavy skillet melt butter. Add shallots cook for 4 minutes, stirring constantly. Shallots should not brown. Blend in mushrooms. Cook until all moisture evaporates, about 10-15 minutes. Sprinkle flour over mixture. Mix well. Stirring constantly, add cream and bring to a boil. When mixture thickens, reduce heat and simmer for a minute or 2. Remove from heat. Stir in remaining ingredients; cool.”

15. Moroccan food

“Shakshouka. Moroccan dish. It’s basically eggs poached in tomato sauce with veggies. Easy to make, delicious and flexible.

Add a generous amount of olive oil in a pan. Add thinly sliced onions. Saute. When they’re half-done, add thinly sliced red, yellow and green peppers (bell or horn, either works). Saute a bit more. Add diced garlic and pepper. This is the point where I add a splash of cold water to prevent burning and lower the heat to minimum.

Take a can of tomatoes and pour them in a bowl. Crush them with your hand and remove the harder parts (where the stem was attached). Add a pinch of salt and sugar (you need sugar to balance out the acidity of tomatoes).

When the water evaporates, pour in the tomatoes. Simmer for a minute or two, then mix in any herbs and spices you want – oregano, thyme and basil all work. Simmer for 10-20 minutes and enjoy the aromas. At this point, you can stop cooking and have an AMAZING pasta sauce. However, that is not shakshouka. You can also take a break at this point – say, if you’re prepping it for tomorrow, you can put it in the fridge until then.

In any case, when you want to eat, bring it to what’s effectively a boil, then reduce the heat. Use a tablespoon to make small holes in the sauce, then break in eggs. Salt to taste and a twist of black pepper. Garnish with chives, parsley and/or chili flakes. Serve with bread on the side.

If you want it hot, you can infuse the oil or just add chili peppers with regular peppers. You can also use whatever other veggies you have – for example, zucchini add thickness and volume, so you’ll want to use more water. :)”

The post 10+ Chefs Share Some of Their Favorite Recipes That You Can Make at Home appeared first on UberFacts.

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10+ Flight Attendants Dish on the Most Ridiculous Passengers They’ve Ever Dealt With

From the outside, working as a flight attendant might look like a pretty cushy gig. You get to fly to exotic locales, meet interesting people and eat all the peanuts you want. But, in reality, they have to deal with a whole lot of nonsense and interact with folks at their absolute worst.

In these AskReddit stories, flight attendants (and people who’ve witnessed flight attendant horror stories) shared the most ridiculous and wildest passengers they’ve ever come in contact with.

Next time you fly, give them a break, huh?

1. Another slap in the face

“A lady with a very fake British accent basically behaved the same. And then she touched the female flight attendant who was probably half her weight. Next thing was the French flight attendant and her colleague tackling her and restraining her (with the rest of the crew helping). I got a bit involved (and almost spat on) as they called for medical personnel to make sure she wasn’t hurt or psychotic (she wasn’t).

Once landed she was released from her seat by a cop. Who she directly slapped across the face. Which is never a good idea. But a really bad idea in a predominantly muslim country. She got dragged out of the airplane.”

2. Drug mule

“My wife used to be a flight attendant.

They were coming back from Brazil and some dude had swallowed a bunch of drugs to smuggle. They ended up popping inside his stomach and when he realized it he was sticking his whole hand down his throat to try and claw it out. She said she still has nightmares to this day about his eyes and him screaming to save him. They had to restrain him and cover him with a blanket.”

3. He started crying

“Not a flight attendant, but last Christmas I was flying from Amsterdam to Seattle, and you know how you have to “have your window shades open, have your tray tables locked, your seat in an upright position and the arm rests down for take off and landing” ya, well this 50ish year old grumpy face of an old man literally did the opposite of all those things. (Was being a complete boob the whole 9 hour flight)

So when the attendant came by to tell him to get his stuff together, he pretended to be asleep and ignored her, so she shoved his seat forward and slammed his try table up. This guy starts screaming at her, flailing his arms, and STARTS CRYING, yes, crying because she was “rude.”

I’m literally just staring at this dude in pure disbelief.

Then when we finally land, they were like “please stay seated until the seatbelt sigh turns off.” This idiot stands up while we’re taxiing and starts to get in the overhead bin. So the same flight attendant comes by and in the sternest and most pissed off voice, says “sit. Down. Right. Now.” She slams the overhead bin closed and just returns to her seat.

That woman needs a raise.”

4. No more booze

“I was working on a return flight from Moscow to New York at the back of the plane. One of the guys smuggled on a 5th of jack Daniel’s and was drinking that along with the free drinks we passed out on international flights. None of us really cared that he had smuggled on the bottle and was drinking it with his friends but we thought it was stupid since we offered free booze.

Everything was fine until he asks the flight attendant for another drink and when she leaned over to put it on his tray, he licked the side of her neck. We confiscated his alcohol and shut down drink service for the rest of the flight after that.”

5. Outburst

“Not a flight attendant, but I’ll share. You know how as soon as you get to the gate and the seatbelt sign turns off people leap out of their seats to stand around, this takes it to a new level.

A man in his 50s or 60s is at the front of the plane with his elderly mother. As soon as the seatbelt sign turns off, he jumps up, unbuckles his mother and lifts her up.

Man: I NEED A WHEELCHAIR NOW!
Attendant: Sir, we just got to the gate, there isn’t a wheelchair here yet. Please put your mother down until the wheelchair comes.
Man: I NEED A WHEELCHAIR NOW!
Attendant: Sir, they are bringing the chair to the gate now, but it isn’t here.
Man: WHEELCHAIR!
Attendant: Sir, please put your mother down.
Man: WHERE IS THE WHEELCHAIR!

This continues on for another minute until the man finally loses his strength and breath.”

6. A veteran

“Getting ready to board a flight from California to Vegas (Vegas flights were notorious for being “eventful”) and we didn’t have a jetway. So this was a flight that had passengers come outside the terminal and board up the stairs. Lady comes out the door, puts down her bag, and starts pretending to be an airplane zooming around with her arms outstretched. Mmmmkay. Keeping an eye on her at this point. She comes on board, and has a cat with her in its carrier.

While we’re taking a seat count (for weight and balance before takeoff), the other FA and I notice she took the cat out, which isn’t allowed. We tell her to put the cat back and keep it secure for the flight. She complies, we take off, and before we’re even at 10k ft I see a cat head poke out into the aisle from her seat area. You fucking kidding me? I have to get up, while still in a very steep angled takeoff, and tell her to put the fucking cat back in its crate. Poor kitty was clawing at the seat and terrified. Luckily she behaved after that.

Another time I had a pair of sisters who started drinking, no big deal. First sister said the other was a nervous flyer. They were behaving so I let them order more drinks. They each had four, but still seemed fine. Come to find out the nervous sister had also taken Xanax before the flight – great. She comes to the back lavatory and has already wet her pants. Oh god. She asks if I can make her another drink, “but this time it needs to be Christmas tree!” Uhhhh, I think you’ve had enough for now. Rest of the flight is fine. We land and start to deplane and as I’m saying goodbye to passengers I hear a WHOMP. The hell?!

It was her. She totally ate shit and face planted in the middle of the aisle right before the galley. She gets up and there’s blood on her mouth, so I tell the captain to call medics down. They get her into a straight-back wheelchair and as they’re strapping her in she starts asking, “Are we in Denver?!” over and over. The medic goes, “No, were in Omaha and you need to hold still!” (And no, Denver was not where we left from either.)

I also had a mother and son who boarded, and our plane had a seat that was MEL’d. (Minimum Equipment List is for things that are broken but not anything that’s bad enough to keep you from flying the plane – so this seat would be fixed when we got back to our base that had maintenance workers.) This seat literally had no seat cushion, and had bright green tape over the armrests with a sign saying it was out of order. While I was still boarding passengers, the mother had taken the tape off, sat her son in the seat, and put the tape back on the armrests on top of his arms.

I looked at him, looked at her, and said, “Ma’am, he can’t sit there, the seat is out of service.” Of course I helped them find seats together somewhere else, but man, that was weird.

I have a million of these stories, lol.”

7. Annoying

“Not a flight attendant.

Was on a flight from the UK to Japan. As soon as we were cruising the guy diagonally in front of me reclines his seat. That doesn’t bother me: we all need to relax. But it’s a personal insult to the woman beside me (directly behind him). She immediately attacks his seat, quickly growing increasingly violent while the guy ignores her. Flight attendant gets involved. Somehow it’s this guy’s fault that the lady had cancer. She argued with the flight attendant for at least 30 mins before loudly giving up.

It was a long flight.”

8. Nice to meet you

“I was sitting next to a couple with a baby that was nursing who unlatched suddenly causing me to get squirted in the face with breast milk.

It was definitely an ice breaker.”

9. Weirdo radar

“I am a flight attendant for a major airline, have been with current airline for 7 years. I gotta say – over those years, my “weirdo” radar has gotten considerably more lenient.

you get a lot of run of the mill odd balls, or just people from different cultures who have different ways of doing things.

there is one person who sticks out in my mind as being absolutely a nutball. she was traveling with her ~8 year old daughter. to this woman everything was the end of the world. out of a certain drink? oh god how will I go on! the straw that broke the camels back was when our wifi was down momentarily and she got in my face screaming at me (we had two hours left until landing, and it was an overnight flight so she was definitely disturbing other passengers who were just trying to sleep) about how her life was ruined and it was all my fault the wifi was down.

her daughter started crying because the mom was being obviously psycho and the moms response was to slap her daughter, turn to me and threaten to have me fired. while she was screaming that I was going to “never have a job again” she started poking my shoulder. if there’s one thing you don’t do on an airplane, it’s touch the flight attendant especially in an aggressive manner. from then on we straight up ignored her, and told her only to ring her call button if there was a medical emergency.

we got to our destination, had the cops meet her just to escort her out of the airport so she didn’t stick around to yell at us any more. she decided not to go quietly. SHE SLAPPED THE COP ACROSS HIS FACE and from then on it was out of my hands. mostly I just felt bad for the daughter.”

10. How to get banned

“Had a flight get f-ed up so the airline upgraded my next flight to first class. It was a pretty long flight so sweet. I happen to sit next to a retired flight attendant and, being the pro she is, she orders us a bottle of Champaign. I didn’t know you could get the bottle on a flight but I’m not asking any questions.

Obviously I ask her for her horror stories. She’s like, “I can’t tell you names, but I’ve seen some very famous people get banned from airlines.” Not off the flight, from the whole airline.

How to get banned from an airline (drugs and booze help, but apparently some people don’t need those):

climb the food & beverage cart while it’s in use
accost flight staff repeatedly
let your kids climb on other passengers and blame the other passengers
DIY medical emergency via drug / alcohol abuse
incite a riot mid-flight
We had a blast that flight, she was lovely.”

11. Probably shouldn’t do that

“My sister in law is a flight attendant. And a very sexy one at that! She had a drunk guy offer to buy her pantyhose for $500. He wanted her to go in the bathroom and remove them and give them to him. She said she would have done it but didn’t want anyone she works with to notice her pantyhose were no longer on.”

12. Classy

“My fellow flight attendant had the pleasure of kicking Lil Pump off her flight last year (for those of you who are blessed enough to not know him, he is an obnoxious mumble rapper). Him and his whole entourage were screaming and throwing money during the flight and were super drunk and taking percocets. They diverted the flight and kicked them off. He so thoughtfully dedicated a verse about it in his song Gucci gang.”

13. Up to something

“Flight attendant here. Quick one hour flight, we board, uneventful. We get in the air and this guy is paranoid. Edge of his seat, looking around. He’s either on something or is a schizophrenic who didn’t take his meds. We (the crew) are doing our service thing, but watching this guy.

He calls me over several times, points out a different passenger each time and mumbles about them being “up to something.” I assure the guy everything is fine, make small talk with him, and try to land without incident. He keeps up the paranoia, this time grabbing a young girl who is trying to walk past him to go to the lav. Now he has to be supervised non stop since grabbing a teenage girl is a no no.

The Captain has been filled in that we’re keeping an eye on this guy, and it’s getting close to landing time. Just prior to touching down, he jumps up and rushes the exit. Me and another passenger, an off duty pilot who is quite buff, rush over to what we assume is a guy trying to pop the exit doors. All the passengers who have been watching the shenanigans go into f**k this s**t mode, and physically restrain the guy, while the plane is landing and taxiing.

Meanwhile the guy is yelling about some other passenger having a gun. We get to the gate, cops come on, and the guy attacks a cop and tries to flee across the tarmac, meanwhile I’m watching this happen in the galley from the galley. I google the guy’s name and of course he has a history. The gate agent I find out later had a problem with him at the originating airport too but never bothered to inform us about him. Company sent me a $25 gift card for dealing with all of that.”

14. A little unstable

“There was one guy who kept insistently pressing the help button before we even took off. “Just making sure it works,” he said. Then, during the presentation, he kept insisting I repeat myself. At once point, he shushed the women behind him that were talking to each other, supposedly because he couldn’t hear. Then, he asked “how do we know that the best people possible are in the emergency rows?” Yeah. Yeah, he did.

Oh, and I’m pretty sure that he suspected one of the passengers had murdered his wife. Never mind the fact that his wife was sitting right next to the man. Weirdo.”

15. Keep your mouth shut

“A little off topic but I felt the most ridiculous I’ve ever felt. I was flying from ATL-CDG on Delta. I like sitting in the last row especially on the 777. When I got to my seat I noticed the armrest between the two seats was broken and flopped around. As I worked in law enforcement it was my habit to let someone know if something was broken so I showed it to the flight attendant behind me.

Everyone boarded but the plane stayed at the gate for a while past departure time. About then the Captain of the plane came back to look at the seat. He asked me if I was ok sitting there. I was so embarrassed that I had been holding up departure. Staff was very kind and courteous. In the future I’ll keep my mouth shut unless it’s something that could endanger someone’s life.”

 

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10+ People Share the Most Improbable Thing That Ever Happened to Them

Have you ever had a moment where something happened that you just couldn’t believe? Something that made you think, “What are the odds?” You hear people say that a lot, but it’s not usually about anything that improbable.

These folks on AskReddit, however, have had some extremely random things happen to them — some downright weird, lucky, random things.

See for yourself.

1. Stolen ID

“In 2012 I was mugged at gunpoint while walking home late at night. Lost my wallet and phone but fortunately was fine. Reported to police and never got my stuff back, no surprise.

4 years later I had moved 4500 km away and got a phone call from my sister. She was at a music festival and lost her ID. A guy camping next to her found it, noticed the address on her drivers license. He recognized it because it was the same as the address of the fake ID he had been using. He had my ID from my wallet that had been stolen 4 years earlier.

My sister handed him the phone and I was more amazed than anything, but I asked where he had got it from, and it sounded like it had been passed around a few people at the school he went to. I told him I didn’t want it back, but asked him to promise to not give it to anyone else, and not to steal my identity.

So far my identity hasn’t been stolen.”

2. Freeze!

“I had a police helicopter light me up in my car with the spotlight and red and blue lights. Pulled over and waited for what I assumed was a swat team coming to get me. Waited 10 mins and then the lights went off and it flew away.

The statistically improbable part is that I was selling weed and had just made a drop. So I thought I was done for. Nope…. Never found out why they lit me up.”

3. WOW

“I have a good one!

When I was still dating my wife, she was on vacation with her parents in Cancun and her flight was cancelled due to a storm. She had a hugely important job interview coming up and no one in the airport could get her on a flight home in time. She called me, frantic, from her hotel asking me to help.

So, I went on the airport website and found a single first-class ticket to fly to JFK that same night. I bought it, knowing it might not still be available after calling my then-girlfriend to confirm. $1,400 later, I call her hotel in Cancun only to find she and her parents have checked out and are nowhere to be found. This was quite a while ago, so they did not have cell phones with international plans.

Now freaking out more than a little, I call both the hotel and the airport multiple times trying to get in touch with her. No luck. So I Google to see if there are any other numbers listed for the airport, where I assume she must be, and I come across a crappy looking little website listing what it claims to be the phone numbers of a bank of pay phones in the airport.

I called the first number on that list of pay phones. It rings for a while, and someone picks up. It’s my wife’s voice. In the middle of a Mexican airport jam-packed with stuck travelers, she overheard that exact payphone ringing and happened to pick it up.

I passed her all the flight details, spoke again with the airport to confirm she could board. She got on the flight to JFK with 15 minutes to spare. She now tells this story as the day she decided to marry me.

Oh yeah, and she got the job.”

4. Seriously, what are the chances?

“I bought a family reunion T-shirt (not my family) at a thrift store outside Houston. Two years later at Northwestern University outside Chicago I was wearing the shirt, and I ran into a guy in the dining hall wearing the same shirt. He was also not in the family.”

5. Weird

“When I was in middle school I friend requested around 30 people with the same name as me. only like 4 accepted but around 6 or 7 years after that I was scrolling through Facebook and saw my name was tagged in something. The picture was at a basketball tournament I went to the previous weekend but when I looked at the picture while I was on the other teams beach the person that was tagged was playing against us.

The crazy part was we both travelled 500+ miles from different sides of the country to play in the same tournament on different teams in the same game and picture. And the only reason I saw the picture was I friended other people with the same name as me when I was 11.”

6. That’s…extremely bad luck

“Not me, a friend.

He was very depressed and became a hermit, picking up agoraphobic fears. He was convinced bad things happen when he leaves the house. Usually referring to injuries or mess sups that did happen to him.

Myself and others convinced him to take a college class just to get out of the house 3 hours a week. He already had a college degree, even from an ivy league school.

It was an elective class, only 15 people. The only thing he had to do for the class was a group project with two other people. One member never showed up, so he spent all his time with the other student.

The partner was a transfer from one of those good California schools. My friend bonded with him in class. Things were looking up for my friend’s morale.

3 days before they were set to present, the entire college shut down because of a murder. His partner was the culprit.

My friend was called in for questioning, but that’s it. The other student was found guilty and is now sitting out a life sentence.

If that wasn’t enough, we convinced my friend to take another class at a different college the following semester.

He became friendly with the kid that sat next to him. A month in, the other student went missing, then found dead. Authorities say it was a suicide.

We’re not making him take anymore classes. He hasn’t left the house since.”

7. Gramps?

“When at college we had old style (plug in) phones in each of our rooms. Never used them, didn’t even know the number. One day mine rang, I picked it up and some old guy was asking for a Phillip. I told him that, no, there wasn’t a Phillip here – but this old guys voice sounded really familiar, like really really familiar, like I was 90% sure, so I asked,

“Grandpa? *(Insert grandpa’s full name) Is that you?” (It was)

Turns out he was trying to call an old friend, and had been pressing 2 instead of 5 when dialing the number ie 2782 387 instead of 5785 387. And it happened to be the phone number to my room.”

8. See you in the sky

“My father and I are both airline pilots. Early one morning I am working a flight from Louisville to Detroit and he is going from Columbus to Chicago. It’s quiet on the radios at that early hour when ATC calls out some traffic for us to look for, and us to another aircraft. When I hear my dad answer the radio. Shortly after that, he says hi to me, and I reply with “Hi Dad.” Then we passed directly over his aircraft by 1000 feet. One of the coolest moments of my flying career to date.

Follow up: Thanks for all the support. It means a lot to know people find it as cool as I did. It was a pretty significant moment for me because I was a little a**hole when I was young and flying and our shared love for aviation was what really made my Dad and my relationship take off (pun intended).”

9. What are the odds?

“I was telling my coworkers about an interesting customer of mine from a month before, who looked like a hobo but bought a very nice product and talked about his international travels, to remind them not to judge customers on appearances only. Right as I finished the story, he walked in to buy another identical one as backup.

Cue a month or so later and I was telling the story again to a different coworker, with the update that he’d appeared as if summoned the last time… AND YET AGAIN he walked in right on the heels of my story about him, to buy again.

…he’s probably standing at the locked door of the closed store now since I told the story again….”

10. Magic wallet

“I lost my wallet one night partying in Redondo Beach. About a month later I was sitting down on some big boulders that make up the breakwater again in Redondo and I looked down by my feet and there was my wallet, sitting there water logged on one of the rocks. Nothing missing out of it. About a year later, the same wallet goes missing again. I’m like wtf is going on? No idea. So a month later, I’m in a random grocery store and the cashier sorta recognizes me and says “hey stay right here” She goes over to an office and comes back with my wallet. Nothing missing. Had all my cash still there.”

11. What just happened?

“Opened a beer while sitting around a bonfire, threw the cap in the fire and it bounced in the air off a log and landed on top of my friends beer. We just froze. I don’t even want to know the chances of making that happen again.”

12. Oh, hi there

“I went to a small university in the midwest, less than 6,000 students.

I bumped into an old classmate one day. On a train in southern Japan.”

13. Pain in the ass

“Someone with multiple felonies has my same birthday to the year and first, middle and last name as well as the same eye color and height in my state. It makes all background checks a big pain the ass as well as renewing any official documents like my drivers license.”

14. Old friends

“I run into the same Ukrainian guy every time I go to the Vegas airport. He was my roommate briefly in college and since then it’s happened three times.”

15. Same name

“First day of fourth grade a guy and I were confused because we both have the same name and last name, no middle name. Had to deal with that through elementary and middle school. He goes to the same college as me and back in the day we were pretty good friends.

An annoying thing is that we’d get each other’s papers, grades, Test scores handed to each other. Just from habit I know his old school ID number to this day, as well as his birthday lmao. Even a couple years back a guy sent me a message on FB saying that I’ll be his roommate but I live at home. I immediately knew he was talking about the other guy and gave the other guy’s account.”

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10+ People Reveal Their Guiltiest Secret Pleasure

We all have a guilty pleasure. It’s okay, there’s no shame in it. For me, it’s the fact that I started watching America’s Next Top Model as a way to share an activity with my wife, and now I’m more into it than she is!!

People on AskReddit also ‘fessed up to things they’ve been ashamed to admit they like. Honestly, some of them sound pretty great to me, so go figure.

1. Hey, whatever works

“I love using escort services.

Most of the escorts I’ve met have been great sex, and really great company. One of them showed me pictures of the house she was saving up money to buy back home in Poland. Another wanted to cuddle afterwards.”

2. Enjoy yourself!

“Picking my nose, like so deep inside all the way. Don’t judge me, I just enjoy doing that when nobody’s around.”

3. Just let it out

“As a metalhead, I’m always ashamed to admit I love Lady Gaga. She’s so talented and the way she controls her voice and gives it authority is really awing. At the same time this leads to other artists I’m ashamed of saying I’m a fan of but Lady Gaga is def the biggest.”

4. You’re not alone

“Very trashy romance books. The ability read them in sometimes less than one sitting is perfect for calming my brain.”

5. Nothing wrong with that

” “Fast food pizza,” i.e. Domino’s, Pizza Hut, etc.

It’s by no means great. But there are so many inconsistent-to-subpar New York-style pizzerias in my area (which is far from New York), and they all have the same recurring problems: greasy cheese, crust that’s too tough or too thin (ultra-thin crust that isn’t crispy is pretty gross), and occasionally a scorched pie from being baked in an oven that wasn’t cleaned properly.

Wood-fired oven pizzerias are becoming more popular, but I’m not a huge fan of the almost-burnt crust.

There’s one place near me that does Chicago-style pizza, but it’s both relatively pricey and feels more like I’m eating a casserole than a pizza. Good, but I can’t be eating anything that rich all the time.

So if I’m very tired, not feeling very adventurous, and just really craving pizza, I’ll usually order up from some chain joint. It’s not glamorous and it’s not the pinnacle of dining, but it’s consistent.”

6. Sure!

“My Chemical Romance has some genuinely good songs.”

7. Interesting…

“The sound of high heels.

Hate feet, hate heels, but the sound is just comforting and rhythmic that I like.”

8. Same!

“Eating food alone in my car.”

9. A common one

“Having someone else take care of me.”

10. Makes sense in a weird way

“I’ll never admit it to anyone in real life, but sometimes the reason why I’m so gung-ho when sh*t goes sideways is because I’d quite like to get hurt.

When I’m legitimately incapacitated is the only time I feel like I’m really allowed to switch off and it’s nice, sometimes, to get in to some clean, warm, dry gear and let somebody else look after you for a bit. No worries, no responsibilities, just…quiet.

I’d never do anything to get anyone else hurt, of course, but I’ll take risks with myself that, in all honesty, nobody with their head in a good place ever would.”

11. Harmless fun

“About once a week I go to my local laundromat and peel off the lint from their dryers.”

12. Challengers

“Welp, I’m a grown a** man who for some reason keeps on logging back in to get his butt kicked by 12 year olds on Fortnite. So there’s that.”

13. It was fantastic!

“Last year I got my appendix removed. I stayed 2 nights in the hospital, and it was fantastic. No responsibilities, nice nurses, good food (believe it or not). I got to take the whole week off work, and I swear it was the best week of my life. All I did was sleep, play video games, go on walks, and hang out with my cats.

Some days I find myself wishing to get in a car wreck. Not so bad that I’m seriously injured, but enough to get me at least another week off.”

14. No shame in your game

“Professional Wrestling.

Been a fan for close to 20 years, and I only feel comfortable telling my close friends about it.”

15. Tell me what to do

“Being subordinate. As someone who’s held management positions in every job I’ve had from the bottom to the top of the food chain, there’s nothing I’m more ashamed of loving more than being told what to do.”

Any of yours make this list?

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If You Know a Kevin, They’re Probably an Idiot (According to Reddit)

Do you know a Kevin? Are they kind of a jerk, or an idiot? Maybe they’re an overachiever who’s a jerk and an idiot? I mean, really think about all the Kevins in your life. I have to admit, I don’t want to generalize against any nice, smart Kevins out there, but the ones I’ve known definitely fit the bill.

So, are all Kevins really idiots or just misunderstood?

Like most weird phenomena, you only need to visit Reddit to see proof of this Kevin a-hole’s stupid existence.

So grab a brewski (because that’s what Kevin often drinks) and scroll through these 15 pieces of evidence to decide for yourself if Kevin is really a nitwit or not.

Photo Credit: Pxhere

But, first a definition

Photo Credit: Reddit

1. Dr. Kevina

Photo Credit: Reddit

2. Kevina gets confused about all the States.

Photo Credit: Reddit

3. If Kevins don’t know the answer, they will ask the question.

Photo Credit: Reddit

5. SMDH

Photo Credit: Reddit

5. Kevin is hard to live with.

Photo Credit: Reddit

6. The Stupid Diaries

Photo Credit: Reddit

7. Kevin is a flat earther, obviously.

Photo Credit: Reddit

8. Kevin is deluded.

Photo Credit: Reddit

9. Kevin should be bubble-wrapped.

Photo Credit: Reddit

10. Kevin is a rebel without a clue.

Photo Credit: Reddit

11. Kevinas are people too.

Photo Credit: Reddit

12. Kevin can’t learn a damn thing.

Photo Credit: Reddit

13. Falling Kevins seems to be a recurring theme.

Photo Credit: Reddit

14. Sometimes adorable.

Photo Credit: Reddit

15. Oh, Kevin.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Kevins may be dumber than big bags of rocks, but wouldn’t we miss them if they weren’t here making the rest of us look like geniuses?

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15 People Share the Creepiest Thing They Saw From Their Bedroom Window

If you’re like me, you’re constantly waking up in the middle of the night and thinking that every little bump and creak is someone or something lurking outside your bedroom window. There’s something about that time of night that just makes everything seem more sinister.

Lucky for me, it’s always been my imagination. These AskReddit users, however, have some genuinely creepy tales to tell.

1. Shooter

“Live in Detroit right on the border between a safer neighborhood and “Detroit” Detroit, so I tend to see quite a bit from my window.

Maybe not creepy, but the scariest would have to be getting an alert for an active shooter and only to see a guy matching the exact description just wandering around across the street.”

2. Scary

“A man walk in his yard with a gun drawn, aiming it at windows of different houses. He was arrested after someone called 911.”

3. Terrifying ex

“I was sitting on my bed trying to ignore the texts my abusive ex was sending me. I was dating my now husband, and my ex didn’t take kindly to it. He was sending me text, after text switching between being apologetic and threatening me. I was sitting on bed. The bedhead was against the window and I was leaning on it.

Eventually I grab my phone and text back, telling him to stay the f**k away from me, when I hear his message tone go off right behind me. I, while shaking, open the curtain and he was right there in the bushes. Nothing too good unfortunately happened after. I opened the front door, like an idiot, to tell him to go away. He burst through. I was home alone. I reported to the Police but nothing was done. I did manage to get a transfer with work though and never saw him again.

Last I heard, he is in prison.”

4. Flashlight in the face

“Not me but my mom, she has a sliding glass door that she sleeps with open because my cat used to wake her up wanting in and out of it at all hours of the night. Well, one night she wakes up with two men in her room and a flashlight in her face, she jumps up and realizes it was two cops, they asked her if anyone came in, apparently someone on the run ran through our backyard while she was asleep with the door open, and luckily enough the guy didn’t notice and ran on.

She just leaves her actual door open now, my cat can deal with it.”

5. That’s…odd

“A very well to-do looking man who didn’t appear to be drunk, walking down the street at about 2am. He stopped, got down on his knees, and started having a conversation with the darkness through the grills of a sewer drain. I couldn’t hear what he was saying. It appeared to be a two-way conversation, he would pause, nod, gesticulate from time to time. Lasted around 20 minutes.

And no, he didn’t drop anything down there, I saw the whole thing. I have no explanation.”

6. Pregnant and alone

“My husband and I rented the upper floor of a house and another couple rented the bottom floor. They usually went to work early and didn’t come home until the dinner hour. I was very pregnant and alone at home during the day. I had just gotten out of the shower, towel barely wrapped around me, to see that someone was outside my bedroom window in my side yard. He didn’t see me because he was trying to lure the neighbor’s dogs to the fence by shaking a bottle of pills at them. He was wearing a large trench coat, underwear and no shoes.

I called 911 kinda naked and they came immediately. Turns out my downstairs neighbors had a house guest. Which is fine, I guess, but he really was trying to drug the neighbor’s dogs. Who knows why because they were quiet sweet dogs. Neighbors were called and they kicked him out immediately and apologized for scaring me. Still, I had a friend come over while I was there alone that day.”

7. Neighbor

“My neighbor (older woman) looking right through it. With her hands on the glass to see better, like this.

I got out to ask her if she needed help. Her response was “No, I’m just looking.” and she walked away. After she probably stood there for four hours (my brother saw her standing there earlier).

She did this every day for half a year. Turned out she was mentally ill and absolutely harmless. But it creeped me out and made me paranoid for a few weeks.

One day she was gone for a few months. She’s back now but doesn’t look through my windows anymore. Now she’s standing on the ground-floor, looking through the door outside. I miss her.”

8. Silhouette

“My wife and I were awakened in the middle of the night by what sounded like a loud scream in our backyard. What really freaked us out though was there was a silhouette of someone on the drawn window blind.

I ran through the house to grab my highest power flash light then back to the bedroom. I tried looking out the adjacent window but didn’t see the person even when I used the flashlight, but the person’s silhouette was still on the drawn blind. I finally decided to pull the blind back, fully expecting some freak to be on the other side but no one was there.

It turned out to be an owl sitting on the fence silhouetted by my neighbor’s garage light.

Awakened by scream, thought some freak was looking in our window, tuned out to be an owl.”

9. OH SH*T

“Used to live in a basement apartment in a reasonably nice end of town. Had been there a few months, no issues. One night (late summer), I was laying in bed, watching a movie, whilst the dog had adopted about a month prior was laying on my feet, sleeping. (110 lbs, senior Rottie x).

Window was open, as I normally opened it in the evening for fresh air when the weather was decent. About 10 PM, I hear nothing, but my dog snaps awake, snarling, flies at the open window, knocks the screen out and all I hear is “OH S**T!” I look out the window, and there is a screwdriver on the ground.

Turns out this guy was trying to break in, using a screwdriver to quietly remove the screen. Moved to an 8th floor unit very, very shortly afterwards.

(Also got my dog back about an hour later, un-injured. RCMP had gotten a few calls (including mine) about this guy seen at other complexes around my neighborhood and one picked up my dog along the way). They also caught the guy, and from what I understood, he was wanted on multiple warrants.”

10. Dad!?!?!

“Not seen but heard–what sounded like a young woman pleading and crying. It was a hot summer night in Chicago so I had my windows open.

“PLEASE NO! NO OH GOD NO!” Followed by a gruff male voice shouting back. I go outside to investigate, holding a hockey stick. I walk up the alley between my house and the neighboring apartment building. Nothing. No lights on, no more voices.

A few nights later I hear the same voices. “PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU DON’T DO IT!” followed by MUFFLED ANGRY MALE SHOUTING

I walk out again, hockey stick in hand. Again, nothing. I walk into the neighboring building’s back yard to see if someone is there. Nothing. I say “can anyone hear me?” in as calm a tone as possible, holding on to the hockey stick for dear life. Nothing.

About a week later, in the middle of the day, I hear this voice again. “COME ON PLEASE! PLEASE!” I go outside and stand on my front porch. There, I see a young teen boy, pleading with his dad, who I can clearly hear now. “I told you once, I told you again, you don’t do your homework, you don’t get to play XBOX!” The dad walked to his car, Xbox in hand, with this kid screaming bloody murder from the front porch.

I wonder if Batman ever had to deal with this crap.”

11. Sad

“my neighbors bathroom light on. obviously it doesn’t sound creepy initially, but to this day the story it still gives me chills.

growing up in my childhood home, we had a neighbor who was very… eclectic, but very nice. 99% sure he was on a lot of heavy drugs, and he would leave for weeks/months at a time cause he traveled and worked with the circus. he was also a heavy cigarette smoker. he would take baths every night and i could sometimes faintly hear his loud smokers cough from my window. one night i saw his bathroom light on, heard him cough a little, then it was quiet. the next night the light was on, but he was oddly quiet this night… no coughing. same thing the next night, and the next, and the next, and the next…..

come to find out, he had suffered a heart attack while he was in the tub and had been in there dead for almost five days. his body was only discovered because his roommate came home and found him ? makes me so sad to think he died all alone.”

12. A gang thing

“When I was a teenager I woke up one night to fighting outside and this one guy was hitting this other guy with a belt all crazy talking about how “he stood up for him” and all this…the weird thing is the guy just was taking it and not fighting back…I think it might have been some sort of gang thing…”

13. Oh my god!

“I was awakened by this scratching noise to find a creature that I can not for the life of me recognize as anything I’ve ever seen at my window trying to pry it open with tiny paws. I looks like a cross between a weasel and a rat but I will never forget the fur on this creature. It look like it hadn’t cleaned itself in days and its fur made this creature unrecognizable to the point that I need to put my face about two feet from it with only a plane of glass between us just to see if I can recognize it.

It clearly wanted in but thankfully, the apartment window is secure. I recall there being a second one, but it wasn’t any more recognizable to me in the slightest.”

14. Not a pleasant sight

“A man urinating from his roof.

Ugh so disgusting.”

15. Don’t do drugs

“In high school, I lived in an apartment where the first floor was downstairs, so ground level was about half way up your wall, meaning your windows were basically just above the grass.

My blinds were shit, and couldn’t be rolled up because of it. I had to yank them out of the way to crack the window at all, and that lead to one of the slats cracking. Maybe an inch tall, 5 inch wide strip was missing.

One night, I heard a lot of chatter, then people walking away. After about 15 minutes of dead silence, with me facing the window, I noticed something moving and shut my laptop.

Some dude was just peeking in that strip like that’s totally a normal thing to do, watching a teenager play habbo probably.

When I moved, he stepped back, laughed, and walked away. Creepy fucker. I think it was an older brother of someone who lived in the complex but I’m not positive.

Honorable mention to the methhead that lived above me who had finger looking nipples and paper thin,translucent night gowns, just standing and staring at nothing, rocking back and forth. I expected her to teleport like 10 feet while I blinked or something. She’d sometimes smoke a blunt and just let ash fall onto herself, wiping it away when she was done smoking then walk over the broken glass and cracked up concrete barefoot about half the time.

Drugs are a hell of a drug, kids.”

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15 Women Reveal Why They Refused Being a Bridesmaid (and What Happened After)

If you’re asked to be a bridesmaid (or a groomsman) for one of your friends, the acceptable response is to jump for joy, say thanks, and accept the honor immediately.

That said, there are exceptions like financial problems, health issues, and being asked by someone you’ve never even met before (true story). Sadly, the AskReddit stories that follow don’t all fall into the above ‘acceptable’ reason column, but most still make a great deal of sense once you read them.

1. A proposition

“I’ve said no at least three times because I absolutely hate being a bridesmaid. But each time I’ve offered to play violin for the ceremony instead. All three times I was taken up on the offer.

Saved me the expense of being a bridesmaid, saved the bride $ on music for the ceremony (I always played these weddings for free), and I still got to be an important part of the event. Win, win, win.”

2. Selfish

“I told her I wasn’t even going to be able to attend the wedding because of health issues. She had selected an out-of-state rural location that was not accessible for my wheelchair. I wouldn’t have been able to afford the trip to begin with anyway. She got upset and said I was just being cruel.

I guess she talked to someone else or had time to calm down and called me the next day apologizing for accusing me if trying to ruin her special day. I mean I had been dealing with the same health issues long before she got engaged or even started dating the man she was about to marry. Also, asking someone in a wheelchair to attend a wedding in the forest off a hiking trail with no easy access isn’t well thought out is it?”

3. Very weird

“Had a girl I had never met or heard of before call and ask me to be her bridesmaid.

She was a friend of a friend whom I had helped out years before by being a bridesmaid and doing all her flowers and such because that friend wasn’t very well off. Apparently this girl thought I was some sort of volunteer paratrooper bridesmaid florist? It was very weird.

I told her that I couldn’t because:
A) I didn’t know her

AND

B) I was going to have a three week old baby at the time if my due date was correct and didn’t want to drive 8 hours with a newborn.

She seemed ok with this and hung up, only to call again a few minutes later to ask if I was refusing because he was so much older than her and I was being judgmental and I said no, because I literally knew none of this because I do not know you. I have never heard of either you or your fiance before. Which is – again- the major reason I would not be your bridesmaid…

I wished her every happiness and hung up.”

4. Sister story

“My sister asked me to be her Maid of Honor and I declined. She was like “What the heck, why?!” I told her “You’re just asking me to be nice and because you think it’s the right thing to do. But I’m not your best friend. Jocelyn is your best friend, and she should be your maid of honor.” My sister cried and said what a good sister i was. So i guess i demoted myself to bridesmaid.”

5. A long story

“My sister had a destination wedding in the beginning of August of this year. I have three sisters, and the one getting married is the youngest one. All of the sisters would be bridesmaids (plus like 5 of her best friends). Problem was, I got pregnant and my baby was due in the middle of June. Fortunately, she was also pregnant and due in March, and she totally understood.

The timing was so borderline. If he was born on his due date, he would only be 7 weeks old by the wedding. They recommend waiting until two weeks after the 6 weeks vaccinations to fly, but they could do the vaccinations as early as 4 weeks. If he was early, we might be able to make it. If he was late, maybe not. This was also my first child, so I had NO clue what to expect. Maybe it would be chaos and traveling was a horrible idea. I just had no way of knowing.

As it turned out, I had an induction 5 weeks early due to a medical emergency. I missed all of the wedding planning stuff due to being sick and then having a newborn. But baby was healthy, really easygoing, and it was looking like I was going to be able to go. Not only that, but my husband wanted to take two weeks of his parental leave so that we could take a family vacation just the three of us. We were going to island hop for two weeks, visit one of his friends, etc. We were so excited. I told my husband that I would book our travel and accommodations for Oahu first (where my sister was getting married) and the rest of the trip was up to him. I was down for whatever. I bought my bridesmaid dress and booked our travel. Everything was coming up Millhouse.

Then my husband passed away suddenly two and a half weeks before the wedding. Obviously I was a total f*cking wreck. But literally all of my family was going to Hawaii for the wedding. My in-laws live across the country from me. Nobody wanted me to be left alone so they insisted baby and I still come to Hawaii. One of my sisters helped me cancel my husband’s flight, move mine so that I wouldn’t have to travel alone, cancel my accommodations and crash in their room with the baby.

Now, I thought it was obvious I wasn’t going to be in the wedding anymore. I thought I didn’t have to have that conversation. It was already always up in the air whether I would be able to attend the wedding at all, let alone be a bridesmaid. I thought it would be clear that a wedding would be really f*cking hard for me as it is. I didn’t want to ruin all the videos and pictures with my thousand yard stare, running mascara, and bags under my eyes.

Well, it just never occurred to my baby sister that I wasn’t still one of her 8 bridesmaids. God love her, she is amazing and thoughtful and the most loving and sweet person I know. But she just had a lot going on and she probably hadn’t thought about it.

The day of the rehearsal, I put the baby in a stroller and hoofed it from the resort. We walked around Waikiki and I tried to not be desperately miserable behind sunglasses. I took pictures of my son with the Duke Kahanamoku statue, bought and ate a rapidly melting pineapple soft serve cone, and window shopped. My parents called me and told me to come back to the hotel so we could “go shopping” so I sighed and went back. When I got there, they were like, OK we’re going to the rehearsal. I said, uh you guys are, I’m not. They said, “[your sister] wants you there.”

I thought it was weird, but I went. And I sat in the back with the baby while everyone chatted and got directed around. Then the wedding coordinator kept making references to where I’ll be standing and sitting, etc. All the bridesmaids and groomsmen and my sister and brother in law were standing fanned out up front, when the wedding coordinator started talking about where in the order I will be standing during the wedding (mind you, at this point I’m sitting in the third row with my baby).

So I said flatly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not a bridesmaid.” And my sister, standing where the bride stands in front of everyone says, “yes you are.”

And I said, “I thought you knew I wasn’t going to be. I didn’t have time to get my dress hemmed. I didn’t even bring my dress.”

LONG PAUSE.

I don’t remember what happened after that except for they reset to do the whole march again and I picked up my baby and walked away to sob behind some bushes. Once I got all my sh!t together I went back and watched the rest of the rehearsal. Afterwards I immediately went back to the room, where one of my sister’s friends was working on handwritten name cards.

That friend was the first people who had donated to a GoFundMe after my husband died, so as soon as I parked my stroller in the room I started crying and thanking her. She gave me a big hug and I told her about how I had a mega meltdown during the rehearsal, and she held me and told me it was OK, that it’s understandable. My sister walked into the room while I was crying and she gave me a big hug. I told her that I was sorry, I messed up her rehearsal, and I should have told her I wasn’t going to be her bridesmaid. She said it was OK, she wasn’t mad.

SO yeah. That’s how that went. The wedding was hard for me, but I was happy for my sister. She still included me as much as I was willing to be included. She still had my makeup and hair done, and I was in her video a little and in family photos. During the reception my sister and BIL gave a speech, and she gave a shout out to my husband and I ugly cried. Anyway, I’m still glad that I went. I love my sister, she was there for me when I had my baby and she was there for me when my husband died. I wish I could have been there for her during her wedding, but I did the best that I could. Super glad I wasn’t a bridesmaid, though.”

6. Excited for her

“She asked, and thus ended up being one of the first people I told I was pregnant. I couldn’t even go to the wedding—I lived 500 miles away and on the wedding day I was 8 months pregnant on no-travel orders. Baby was born 2 weeks later.

Bride was excited, not angry.

Over a decade later I am still sad I missed that wedding though—so many of our friends and families have not all been together since.”

7. She got mad

“I was a broke college student that had my own bills to pay on a student worker part time wage. She expected me to buy my own dress, and the one she picked out was $400 and refused to change to a cheaper one. I literally made $400 per month so there was no way I could afford it. She got mad and has not talked to me since, which does not bother me because she was being extremely selfish.”

8. You don’t know me

“My then-boyfriend’s brother’s fiance asked me to be her maid of honor. It was a shotgun wedding due to her pregnancy but it was also about 6 weeks away. I barely knew her and thought it was really weird. I told her she should choose someone she’s known longer and has a deeper connection with or perhaps a family member. I also pointed out that if my bf and I broke up, she would probably hate having me in their wedding photos. That’s got a weird reaction from everyone involved.”

9. Not a good idea

“I turned down an opportunity to be in a wedding party on the summit of Longs Peak in Colorado. Start hiking at 3 am so we could be off the summit before the afternoon lightening storms killed us. Sounds great! (actually sounds awful, let’s be real.)

All of us were in sh!t shape, bride especially. WTF were they thinking? I heard later that it was absolutely miserable. I guess it turned out so badly that multiple people dropped out of the hike. We didn’t get the full story for months. Lots of minor injuries and they didn’t make it to the summit until noon.

No one could tell her it was a stupid idea.

This was long before social media. I shudder to think what she could have come up with in the age of social media. They would been dropping on to the summit with parachutes.

Yes, they divorced in a few years.

I have no idea why a chubby bride thought her chubby friends would all enjoy hiking up a 14K foot mountain for a sunrise wedding.”

10. No thanks

“Yes….I declined because I saw the groom to be picking up the bride by her neck. We were young, we were out clubbing, I don’t know why these two were even trying to get married, this was back in say, 1998. Anyway, groom-to-be picks up bride by the neck, I call cops, they come arrest him, she bails him out same night. It was about 3 or 4 months later that they were getting married and she asked me to be the maid of honor! No can do I told her, I told her the truth. And she was okay with it.

They were over within a year. I just remember she was crying and so embarrassed that she had just gotten all these gifts for the wedding, and that all those people who came to her wedding would find out that it was all for nothing. As far as I know she moved back in with her parents for a while, she was quite young.”

11. Short notice

“Bride asked me to be a bridesmaid on a Wednesday. Wedding was on a Saturday. Across the country. She claimed she had ‘asked my Dad to tell me’ (I don’t even live with him anymore) and spent years without talking to me after I declined.

Not a big loss.”

12. A true bridezilla

“I had a friend from high school ask me to be her maid of honor. I said yes, but I was worried about the money. I bought the dress, started planning her shower and she was already hounding me about her bachelorette party, even though she was four months away from getting married. Bridal shower went well in my opinion, until the bride kept making side comments about how there weren’t enough games, or prizes. (I was recently unemployed and didn’t have money, but my parents were helping.) I had planned four games, and I thought that was fair. She also said the food wasn’t good enough either, and spent the entire time talking to her other friends and ignoring me.

The next day she messages me saying we need to meet and plan her bachelorette party. She wanted all the bridesmaids to come over and have dinner. Well, night of the dinner I was really sick. I have a lot of health concerns and she was aware of them, but still got mad at me. Keep in mind I had been planning and trying to accommodate her requests for the bachelorette party while also making it feasible. She wanted an over night weekend get away in a air B&B and it would have been like $300 per person or something like that. I tried to convince her it wasn’t feasible and wanted to plan something else. I found something else to do, but hadn’t told her about it yet.

She messaged me later that night saying how disappointed she was that I wasn’t being a good maid of honor, and that she shouldn’t have to plan her own bachelorette party, and she basically yelled at me and said that I was a terrible friend because I did not do what she wanted exactly. Our entire friendship she always made it about herself, and I had distanced myself from her recently, and so I was surprised she asked me to be her MOH. After that message I was like fine, I’m done. And I quit her wedding.

We are no longer friends, and When we met in person to discuss it she blew up at me for not being there for her, that I was ruining her special day, and that she wasn’t getting what she wanted. I knew I had done nothing wrong and she was being a bridezilla. Their wedding recently happened and I could care less. She was a toxic person and I don’t need that negativity. Sure I feel bad about it, but I also know I needed to stand up for myself as our entire friendship she always walked over me.”

13. Drama

“My half sister asked me to be her bridesmaid at her extravagant, not small wedding. All good, until I was told she wasn’t inviting my dad, because he ‘wasn’t her family’ despite financially supporting her for 15 years while her dad refused to pay any parental contribution.

I wanted nothing to do with the wedding after that. I attended, and went to bed very swiftly after I had a free meal.

To this day, my sister is still very standoffish and rude to my dad. It’s caused no end of drama in our house, but I love my dad to pieces and I will always stick up for him and all the amazing things he’s helped us achieve and experience even as adults. He’s a very wonderful man.”

14. Not on speaking terms

“My ex husband’s sister had asked me to be her bridesmaid. I declined because it was shortly after his affair and there was a lot of bad blood between his family and me. It was really heartbreaking to do; we had been best friends for years prior. Unfortunately, we no longer speak.”

15. You’re disinvited

“A friend of a friend asked me to be a groomsman at his wedding. I thought it was odd because we only ever saw one another when we were hanging out with our mutual friend. I don’t even remember if I ever met his fiance.

At the time my wife was pregnant and due to give birth right around the time of the wedding and also I had just gotten a job again after being unemployed and was trying to catch back up on finances so paying for a tux wasn’t an exciting prospect. I declined and told him I didn’t want to leave them in a lurch if my wife ended up going into labor because it was such an important day for them. I thanked him for inviting me and told him I would attend the wedding but this way at least they weren’t depending on me.

He understood and was fine with it but called me a couple days later, clearly embarrassed and told me his fiance was furious and had disinvited me from the wedding.

They ended up getting divorced a few years later.”

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10+ People Reveal the Absolutely Dumbest Ways They Hurt Themselves

Think back: what’s the absolutely dumbest way you’ve ever hurt yourself? For me, it was that time I punched my brother in the head and nearly broke my hand in the process. Ouch! Just for the record, I feel terrible about it now…

In this AskReddit article, people admit the stupidest ways they’ve ever hurt themselves.

1. Mooning gone wrong

“In college I went to visit one of my roommate’s hometown. It was a well visited summer destination, with a large lake. We took his Dad’s boat out and proceeded to check out the girls and blast around the lake. Being the smart 19 year old I was, I decided to moon him from the front of the boat. Well, he cut the engine and we hit a cross wake. My bare a** flew over the front. I hit the bottom middle of the boat, twisted, and my bare bum was dragged under the prop, getting cut from the small fin under the blades.

My legs went numb, and my bathing suit was around my ankles. My buds had to help me onto the boat with my junk hanging out. As I regained feeling in my legs, we went to the hospital to make sure not much more than my ego was injured all while my buddy kept asking me if I was going to sue his dad.

I tweaked my story to the nurse, saying I just fell over the front. She suspiciously asked why my bathing suit wasn’t cut up. I told her it was just big and must have fallen down.

Two days later, I had to drive my broken self 8 hours back to school and call off my job for the week (doctor’s orders).”

2. Not too bright…

“My dad had taken me and my siblings to get ice cream. He was pulling into the driveway. I wanted to see what would happen if I opened the door and put my foot on the ground. You get hurt is what happens.

Also grabbed the cord from a hot iron after being told not to about 6 times. Fell on my chest.

Was super hungover another time and tried to plug a cord in. Put my body in a weird position. My left side cramped. Stretched the other way to uncramp it. That side cramped. Then one of my calves cramped. Just had to wait it out and move around like an idiot.

I get off my couch after a nap kind of aggressively. I push myself up with my hand and swing my feet out and under me in one motion. One time they were wrapped pretty right in the blanket. Luckily my face was there to catch my fall.

No idea how I’ve made it to 27.”

3. Stabbed

“At my second grade Christmas concert we were drawing pictures before the show and I accidentally stabbed myself in the head.

Blood everywhere, pencil sticking out of my head I ran to the teacher who of course freaked out and rushed me to the nurse. She yanked it out and gave me a bandaid (this was the early 90s.)

It didn’t really hurt. I got a cool scar and still sang in the Christmas concert.”

4. Clumsy

“I sneezed as I was walking, tripped over a box and then went head first into the wall. My poor anxious father was in the other room and just heard a really loud THUMP followed by me cackling hysterically at my own stupidity. He came running in and I was holding my nose with clear fluid running out, unable to put a coherent sentence together (from laughing too hard).

He was convinced it was spinal fluid for some reason and that I had a concussion. He made me go to the doctor (thankfully not the ER). It was just some runny mucus that got knocked loose from my sinuses.”

5. Bowl in the face

“There was a dirty bowl left in the center my now wife’s coffee table in college. Her roommate had painted the table with the wrong kind of paint which caused everything to stick to it. So I went to pick this bowl up and it was REALLY stuck on there. So in my infinite wisdom I thought to myself ‘I bet I could pick up this entire table holding nothing but the bowl.’

Mind you this table wasn’t light by any means but I gave it a try anyway. I succeeded in lifting the table a good inch or two off the ground when it suddenly gave way, causing me to slam the bowl directly into my face. I still have a unibrow scar from that incident.”

6. Eye injury

“When I was like 13 I was stripping some cables with a pair of scissors to rewire a table lamp with a longer cable. Being a dumb little sh*t, I stripped by applying force in a face-ward direction. When the cable casing let go, my hand flew towards my face, jabbing the very tip of the scissors into my eyeball.

When this happened, time slowed into the most serious bullet time I’ve ever experienced, and I could feel the scissors hitting three distinct layers as it went in. Like how it feels when you cut an onion, and you can sort of feel the layers of the onion, right?

Anyway, it was just left of the iris. No damage was done and it just stung for like a few hours with a tiny blood dot as the only proof it ever happened and then it was good as new. Scared the sh*t out of me.”

7. I’m too young to die…

“Used to work at a recycling plant and everyday 1 hour till the end of our shift we had to clean up.

So I was sweeping the concrete floor with those long, fuzzy brooms. After 20 minutes of sweeping I’m getting bored of looking busy so I set the end of the handle in between my chest and continue walking while simultaneously pushing the broom.

As I’m sweeping like an idiot on the smooth concrete, I hit a worn out portion of concrete where it’s rough and jagged and the end of the handle comes flying up and hits me right in the throat.

I can’t breath for what seems an eternity and I’m thinking to myself I’m too young to die.

Realistically, after 5 seconds I was fine.”

8. Right in the nuts

“You know how when you put a comforter on a bed you kind of whip it from the edges to make it fall into place? I whipped it so hard that the wave crest of the comforter hit the chain cord for the ceiling fan, which was on. The chain cord had a weighted ball at the end that swung up into the spinning ceiling fan. The weighted ball broke off the chain and became a projectile that nailed me in the testicles hard. I dropped to the ground immediately and was in pain for a solid day.”

9. Face first

“As a kid I was running to hide from someone around the corner of a brick wall, so that I could jump out and scare them. I turned around to check if they were behind me while simultaneously starting to run around the wall. I undershot my turn, so when I looked back in front of me I was staring face first at the corner of the wall running full speed. That was the first time I had to get stitches.”

10. That poor penis

“Not me, but my husband burnt his peen on a plug in heater. My dog bumped past it and it fell while my husband was freshly naked and about to get dressed from taking a shower.

The metal heating plate on it was a honey comb pattern so it basically branded that pattern on his penis. The E.R. nurses kept coming in to see what was I’m sure to them entertaining and strange injury. It was hilarious aside from his understandably and excruciating pain.

Luckily for my husband his E.R. doctor was male and made sure the pain was taken care of. The doc was just covering his manhood in horror while trying to maintain composure. That was an interesting night.”

11. Ouch

“Literally stepped out of bed while talking on the phone and breaking one foot, simultaneously spraining the other one.”

12. Yes

“You ever try and pull the blankets up and end up punching yourself in the head? That.”

13. Rabbit attack

“Stuck my finger in a rabbit cage at a friend’s house and had one of my finger nails get chewed off.

Also walked around my house looking through binoculars backwards and walked straight into a wall, getting two black eyes in the process.”

14. Accident prone

“As a kid I kneed myself in the face and knocked out my front teeth trying to crawl through a play tube. A few months ago I threw out my back blowing my nose.”

15. Flesh wound

“Forgot I was holding a plastic butter knife, went to scratch my eye and somehow cut my fuckin upper lip and started gushing blood.”

The post 10+ People Reveal the Absolutely Dumbest Ways They Hurt Themselves appeared first on UberFacts.

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Divorce Lawyers Share the Worst Ways People Got Revenge on a Spouse

Divorce is a nasty business. While it doesn’t always have to be this way, chances are that more often than not, it’ll become a battle of he said/she said that gets ugly fast.

These AskReddit users share the worst ways they’ve seen divorces play out in court.

1. Lost her mind

“Worked at a law firm that was subpoenaed as part of a divorce between a partner at the firm and a partner at another major law firm.

The woman issued more than 70 subpoenas to banks, firms, investment companies — you name it — because she was convinced he had squirreled away $20+ million overseas behind her back. It got so bad that she dug up receipts from 25 years ago to try to put together this grand conspiracy puzzle.

In the end, after she racked up $1.5 million in legal fees, and 7 different lawyers, the judge said this sh*t is ridiculous — there was no conspiracy, and you are not entitled to a portion of this phantom $20 million.

Mind you: this was a major law firm partner who was acting this way. She made millions per year in her career. But she apparently lost her mind.”

2. A final f*ck you

“Not a divorce lawyer, but my father went through the process recently. Amounts of money aren’t the real concern. The assets must be split as close to 50/50 as possible. So the f*cking over generally comes in the form of inequitable distribution of one-of-a-kind things.

My father had a precious set of old, inexpensive kitchenware that his late mother gave him before he even married my mother. When the divorce went to mediation and she told the mediator that she wanted those pots and pans, she got them. She got them because she was willing to give up something else of equal monetary value (so, something worth less than $10), and was willing to sit in mediation for hours, racking up thousands in lawyer fees for both sides, until my father consented. Again, an even financial trade, but a sentimental trade of overwhelming disparity. Just as a final “f*ck you.”

3. Scummy

“Not a lawyer, but I met with a scummy one when I was looking to get a divorce. The first lawyer I met with, who had been recommended by a coworker as an amazing divorce attorney, suggested that, if I wanted full custody, I should make sure people knew the relationship was abusive. Tell my friends/family, make sure the neighbors heard me screaming/begging him not to hit me, document every bruise even if I wasn’t sure it came from him.

Thing is, my relationship wasn’t abusive and I’d already told her that multiple times. She never outright said I should fabricate evidence or anything, but she ignored my repeated statements that there was no abuse and kept on with her detailed instructions of how to document any abuse that might happen. I got the distinct impression that she was letting me know how to create an abusive relationship out of thin-air in order to get custody of my kids.

I ended up not using her as an attorney, for obvious reasons, and in the end my ex and I shared 50/50 physical and legal custody of our children and raised them together despite whatever issues we had with each other. I can’t help but wonder, though, how many dads lost a relationship with their kids because of her zealous coaching.”

4. Screwed over

“A friend of mine in high school worked at a pizza place. One of the delivery drivers was just ridiculously smart when I talked to him. Later I found out that he use to be a nuclear physicist. His wife was also a nuclear physicist, but left him for her lawyer.

He got screwed out of his kids, most of the assets, and had to pay a lot towards alimony/child support. He did the math, and figured out the tips he didn’t get taxed on plus his minimum wage delivering pizza was more than keeping his job as a nuclear physicist. Plus he got a little satisfaction not having to pay her as much. The guy was really nice. I always felt bad for him.”

5. A sad tale

“My dad actually got f*cked by his divorce lawyer during my parents’ divorce last year.

My dad and my sister have never gotten along, and over the years it got more and more strained. They eventually got into a physical fight which led to a CPS report and him getting slapped with a child abuse record (they labeled it as ‘confirmed but isolated’, so he’s not on the registry and you can only see it with certain background checks).

In this case, my mom was OBVIOUSLY going to get full custody of my sister. My mom also wanted to give my dad the house, and his cars, and his money pit of a boat.

Lawyer decided, because my dad is stubborn as f*ck, that he would string ol’ dad along. Lawyer spent HOURS with my dad trying to convince him that Dad could get more money and custody from my mom.

They did a divorce mediation (so they wouldn’t have to go to court), and lawyer dragged it out for 4 hours. The whole time he was riling my dad up, thinking he could get things like the original down payment on the house, half custody of my sister, my mom’s car, etc. At the end of the 4 hours of mediation, Lawyer told my dad he should take the deal that my mom and her lawyer had originally offered in the first place, and Dad signed that.

So he paid about $12,000 in completely unnecessary legal fees.”

6. Geraldo even covered it!

“Parents divorce seemed simple: dad cheated on mom, mom gets custody of me. Dad didn’t like paying alimony and child support to the tune of $2k a month after he gave up rights. Dad had great idea, pay a hitman $15k to kill soon to be ex-wife. Dad goes through with it, idiot actually pays undercover cop the money.

Dad then flies back to Canada (home) and wait for results. International task force is formed to try and detain him. Geraldo Rivera covers story, idiot dad gets arrested in Toronto and flown back to California. In this process I was 3 in care of family back down south, mother in protection by police. Dad’s family is apparently wealthy, gets a good lawyer, is charged with 17 felonies can’t remember how many he was convicted of. He gets 18 months. After all of this mom still had to sue for divorce it still took 2 years.”

7. Toxic

“My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well she decides to build a house right behind the other house, mind you this was a lot of land probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so that the back of the houses faced each other.

The house gets built and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the legality of a situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently his ex wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out he would yell “Susan you b*tch! Get in here!”

He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers,”Susan you b*tch! Quit pissing on the flowers!” or “Susan you b*tch! Quit digging in the dirt!” The ex-wife called the cops on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan, and it was in fact a b*tch so there you go.”

8. A real piece of work

“My mom was a real piece of work in this department. My mother is mentally unstable and was very abusive to me as a child. When my father finally moved out and asked for a Divorce I was luckily old enough (13) to legally decide who I wanted to live with. I, of course, chose my dad and that enraged my mother. By court order, she was allowed to live in our 4 bedroom house while me and my dad had to move in with my aunt into a two bedroom house.

We lived there for 4 years while my mom did everything she could to slow down the divorce proceedings. During this period my father was court ordered to pay the mortgage and utilities on the house my mother was living in. She would leave all the lights on and crank the heat with the widows open just to drive the utility bills up. She once left the garden hose on for a week into a drain to even make the Water bill outrageous. When it was finally all over and she had taken my dad for as much as she could she decided to sue him for my college fund.

I called her and told her if she went through with it I would never speak to her again, she told me if I wanted it I needed to move in with her before I turned 18 so she could get child support from my dad. I refused, she won the case for the money and my dad had to use most of what was left of the fund to pay for her lawyers costs.”

9. C’mon Dad

“Dad was a real *sshole and mom tried to save him a lot of money during the divorce. They have 3 kids who were 16, 13, and 8. Dad wouldn’t sign ANY agreement my moms lawyer produced. It had to be his idea and from his lawyer or it wasn’t getting signed. Dads lawyer was incompetent and sends an agreement that states he will pay $2,000 a month in child support until all kids are 18.

Mom tried to explain to dad that it needed to be revised to lower every time a child turned 18. Dad called mom a c*nt during that negotiation so mom said f*ck it and signed the agreement and dad paid the $2,000/month for 10 years when he should’ve been paying around $1,400/month for 5 years and $700/month for the last 5 years.”

10. Wow

“My friends husband was a cop, got a judge friend to commit her. He filed for divorce while she was committed, got same judge to grant him custody while she was committed. When she was released because she wasn’t a danger to herself or anyone, she had no one to come get her, (she was committed in Atlanta, no family anywhere close) she had nowhere to go and nothing with her, had to spend 3 homeless nights in Atlanta before someone came and got her. She still only has supervised visits 3 years later.”

11. No moral compass

“A good family friend was a lifelong post office employee, 30+ years of savings and retirement. Mid 50’s, one of the funniest, best natured people I’ve ever met. Married an early 30s woman, very well educated and seemingly nice person. They had a child, shortly after she filed for divorce for no apparent reason. Family friend never owned a credit card, excellent money management his entire life with a credit score over 800. Proceedings start, he finds out she opened over 13 credit cards in his name and drained his accounts of over $70,000.

He’s had to relocate to another part of the state just to see his only child, and will never be able to retire. Somehow she has gotten away with fraud to the tune of over a quarter million dollars, and the courts have done nothing thus far to prosecute her for anything. It’s the disgusting reality of modern day human nature, and it makes me sick just to write this out. Stuck with massive court costs, absolutely no savings and a sub 600 credit score just so his ex wife can live the extravagant lifestyle she wants. Some people have absolutely no moral compass whatsoever.”

12. Humanity at its worst

“Handled a divorce between a teacher (wife) and a CVS cashier (husband.) I represented the wife.

For all intents and purposes, the wife was the breadwinner of the family and she supported herself, her husband, and their two children. I should note: one of the children was severely autistic and required intensive (and expensive) rehab and education.

During the process of the divorce, the husband (living alone) sued the wife (caring for both children) for temporary spousal support. He met all the statutory guidelines to receive it. But, it just came off as slimy.

At the day of the hearing, the judge reviewed all of the facts and spent 20 minutes lambasting the husband. He called him a “vile creature” that was everything wrong with society.

The judge then told us that his “hands were tied” and that he was forced to grant the spousal support. But he let everyone know how little he thought of the husband.

As we were leaving the court, the husband just kept saying to my crying client “Just like Goodfellas – F*ck you, pay me.”

It was literally humanity at its worst.”

13. Extreme

“In family law particularly, people can behave in extreme ways because this is the most emotional flash point in their lives. It usually involves their children or their home, or both. However, clients with character who care about their children, go about divorces in the same way they do the rest of their lives; and they are a pleasure to represent.

The problem clients… As you practice law longer, you recognize clients that aren’t emotionally functional and do crazy sh*t. I want to list some comic examples, but once you really understand that these are human beings who are victims of physical and sexual abuse, suffer from debilitating addiction problems, or have serious psychiatric disorders, it loses its panache. The hardest thing to do is look at some ignorant alcoholic 45 year old 250 pound tattooed bully that just beat the sh*t out of his wife and see that he’s really a 10 year little kid that watched his mom get beat up and he never moved on from that.

Or some screeching middle aged woman that lights a car on fire but it turns out she’s really a little girl that got molested and told her mother and her mother told her she was a liar and never to tell anyone. Or the innocent spouse that never saw that one coming. Now try switching the races. Being a lawyer means getting uncomfortable insight into people’s lives and it usually isn’t very funny.

From the lawyer’s perspective, he or she is putting their reputation alongside someone going through this. These are red flag clients and our job isn’t to fix all these problems. If they are abusive or display psychotic behavior to their spouses, they will do it to you. Same principal as seeing as how they treat the waiter. They also won’t pay your bill or be satisfied with your legal work. I generally turn these clients away unless I know their family and no one else is going to represent them. But you have to be very heavy handed with them.”

14. People are sketchy

“There’s the typical cleaning out the accounts and running, claiming the children first on taxes so the other party can’t, claiming the other party as a dependent so they can’t file separately, stuff like that.

Then there was this one case.

My client fled the home with her baby after an incident of domestic violence. In my state, both parents have full rights to the children unless a custody order in place. In other words, whoever has the kid, gets the kid. Police will not intervene where one spouse is withholding a child from the other spouse if there are no orders in place.

Well my client had the child for two weeks at her new place when H showed up demanding the child. She refused. He called the police. The responding officer was a family friend of both, but originally a friend of H. This PO shows up and decides to try to mediate the conflict. The PO tells my client something along the lines of “let him hug his son goodbye and he will leave peacefully.” My client was hesitant, but agreed. H took the kid and exclaimed “he’s mine now!” And ran to his car with the baby. No supplies, no clothes, nothing. The PO claimed he had no idea what was happening (yeah right). And since no orders were in place, there was nothing my client could do.

While we were trying to track him down, we got an order returning the child to my client’s possession. He suddenly contacted my client saying he was at a hotel in the area and if she wanted her son back, she could if she came over and slept with him. We sent the police.”

15. Quite a story

“I do some work for the attorney on this one…

Local investment broker has done well. Strong practice and very affluent client base. Wife owns a small shop in the local community (a pet pastime – doesn’t really turn a profit). Been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years – working with reproductive doctors / clinic. Wife finally gets pregnant – one in a million chance. Has the baby – its a boy! Fast forward a couple of months. Wife has to go to market for her shop and takes a day trip to “the big city” a couple of hours away. Husband prepared for this and takes opportunity to have baby tested for paternity – not his. When they started fertility clinic, he was tested and knew he was shooting blanks.

So, he contacts his attorney (my “boss”) and we start “the plan”. While we are preparing the case, we have PI follow wife. A few doctor visits, tennis lessons, lunch at the country club daily, hanging out with her friends. Her friends decide to throw her a birthday party at the Country Club. This is our opportunity.

I serve her the divorce papers, loudly asking her name and, after confirming, announce the reason for the divorce – infidelity. You are hereby ordered to appear, in the {blank} county court, blah blah blah… Her friends are stunned. Discovery reveals that she and her friends are all cheating in the same circles. Go to court – present evidence showing husband is not father and request to have his name removed from birth certificate. Judge, not wanting the child to become a ward of the state orders her to produce a list of all people she has slept with during the reasonable window of conception. She provides list. Next court appearance, ten men show up running the full gamut of “personalities”. One doctor, one architect, a tennis coach, two chefs, one “trust fund prince”, and a few others to “round out the mix”. One was actually the father of the person they really needed, but when she said, “John Doe”, she didn’t specify “John Doe Jr”.

All ordered to take a dna test. Our client succeeds in getting his name removed from birth certificate, no child support, no alimony. Wife strikes a deal with baby daddy for child support and “support payments” for a number of years – she “wins”, it’s the doctor. Part of agreement is she has to move from area (paid by Dr.), NDA signed, Doctor VERY rich and must protect his name / reputation. Court allowed no dad on birth certificate because of guaranteed support for child (trust fund).

Yea client. It sucked for him keeping everything secret, but he a smart and patient man. He has since remarried and is very happy. Because of evidence produced, several other high profile (but low key) divorces followed.”

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