Category: advice

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An Elderly Man’s Moving Advice to a Grieving Woman Went Viral for Good Reason

Sadly, we will all go through the experience of losing people we love. It’s part of life, but that doesn’t stop it from being incredibly painful and gutwrenching.

A woman on Reddit lost someone important in her life and she turned to people on the Internet to help her get through the tough time. The title of her post was, “My friend just died. I don’t know what to do.”

Photo Credit: Pexels

That’s when the self-proclaimed “old” person offered up their advice. Be sure to read his entire post, because it is pretty incredible.

“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes.

Photo Credit: Flickr,michael_swan

My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

Photo Credit: Pexels

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

People were deeply moved by the old man’s eloquent words.

“I’m reading this now as I lay bedside by my mother who has had cancer for 6 months, and cancer won. She’s been on a morphine drip for the last few days. I’m trying to cope, and came across this. Thank you.”

“This is beautiful. You have helped more people than you know by posting this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“As much pain as it’s caused, the memories I have of my friends and family are much more pleasant. And when I feel like I’m floating, I hang on to those memories like a life preserver, and you know what? They work really well.”

Thank you for your thoughtful words, sir. I think they brought comfort to many strangers who needed them at exactly the right time.

The post An Elderly Man’s Moving Advice to a Grieving Woman Went Viral for Good Reason appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

An Elderly Man’s Moving Advice to a Grieving Woman Went Viral for Good Reason

Sadly, we will all go through the experience of losing people we love. It’s part of life, but that doesn’t stop it from being incredibly painful and gutwrenching.

A woman on Reddit lost someone important in her life and she turned to people on the Internet to help her get through the tough time. The title of her post was, “My friend just died. I don’t know what to do.”

Photo Credit: Pexels

That’s when the self-proclaimed “old” person offered up their advice. Be sure to read his entire post, because it is pretty incredible.

“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes.

Photo Credit: Flickr,michael_swan

My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

Photo Credit: Pexels

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

People were deeply moved by the old man’s eloquent words.

“I’m reading this now as I lay bedside by my mother who has had cancer for 6 months, and cancer won. She’s been on a morphine drip for the last few days. I’m trying to cope, and came across this. Thank you.”

“This is beautiful. You have helped more people than you know by posting this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“As much pain as it’s caused, the memories I have of my friends and family are much more pleasant. And when I feel like I’m floating, I hang on to those memories like a life preserver, and you know what? They work really well.”

Thank you for your thoughtful words, sir. I think they brought comfort to many strangers who needed them at exactly the right time.

The post An Elderly Man’s Moving Advice to a Grieving Woman Went Viral for Good Reason appeared first on UberFacts.

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This 24-Year-Old Will Have $100,000 Saved by Next Year. Here’s How

Managing our money is definitely one of the biggest struggles most of us face as we enter adulthood. It’s a skill that isn’t nearly as widely discussed/taught in school as it should be. Too many adults these days are living paycheck-to-paycheck, where any major, unexpected expense can potentially derail their entire lives.

Tori Dunlap is only 24 years old, but she recently realized she’s on track to have $100,000 in the bank by next year despite never making more than $80,000 in a year. Pretty impressive for a young person, right?

Dunlap said, “One of my biggest priorities in life has always been to save as much money as possible — and I owe much of that to my parents, who made sure I had a strong financial education at a young age.”

Dunlap acknowledges that she has some advantages that others don’t: she’s white, she comes from a middle-class family, and she graduated from college with no debt. But whether you’re as privileged as she is or not, anyone can benefit from her 5 most important money-saving tips.

1. Get on that side hustle

Dunlap said she worked an extra 15 hours per week doing social media marketing outside of her regular 9-5 job to help reach her $100,000 goal. She then invested all her money from her side job and 20% of her earnings from her full-time job.

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You don't have to stop spending money. You just need to stop spending money on things that aren't priorities for you. ?????? If that daily coffee brings you joy, awesome. But if that daily coffee is your excuse to get you out of the office at 2 pm, and you don't even taste it any more, something needs to change. ☕☕☕ Make a list of your three priorities. These are things you're willing to spend discretionary money on (mine, for example, are travel, food out, and living alone in Seattle.) This list might be the same as mine, or include things like fancy groceries, manicures, makeup, clothes, etc. These are the things were the majority of your "fun" money should be spent. ??? Then, use a tool like my Cash Calendar to track your spending and reflect on your purchases. Did these align with my priorities? Or did I emotionally spend my hard-earned money on something that didn’t matter to me? That’s where the real transformation happens. ??? What are your three spending priorities? Drop them below! ?: @oliviafrances143

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2. Invest early

Dunlap opened a Roth IRA after she graduated from college and she maxed it out every year. She also saved six months of living expenses in a high-yield savings account for an emergency fund.

3. Don’t fall into the lifestyle inflation trap

Dunlap lives in an expensive city (Seattle), but she tries to save money in a variety of ways. She lives in a less expensive, less trendy neighborhood than many young people in Seattle. She has prioritized saving money over having a trendy lifestyle. She has a one-hour commute to work instead of a five-minute ride on the light rail, and her neighborhood consists of mostly older people – but, again, she is saving more money than her peers by not paying an outrageous amount for rent.

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Privilege. • This word, especially when it comes to money, can cause people to go from zero to sixty in a hot second. And rightfully so. It’s hard to listen to folks talk about privilege who haven’t done the work of educating themselves as to what it means and why it matters. • One of the core tenants of my practice is to acknowledge my privilege. A huge reason why I’m on the path to $100K is because I graduated without student debt. That was a privilege. Going to a private college was a privilege. Getting two four-year degrees was a privilege. • It was also work. My parents — who both grew up poor — sacrificed and scrimped and saved so they could help support me financially. A huge privilege. They also expected me to contribute — with profits from summer jobs, three jobs while going to school, and merit scholarships. It was a collaboration, not a handout. A privilege but not a hall pass. • After listening to the most recent episode of @fairercents, it got me thinking. Too often, we don’t showcase that both of these things are possible: having or lacking privilege, combined with hard work. I would not be where I am today without privilege: being white, cis-gendered, with supportive parents who were able to emotionally and financially support me. But I also wouldn’t be where I am without diligence. • With privilege, comes responsibility. Having the financial education I have is a privilege I intend on using for good. With this knowledge, I have the responsibility to teach and guide others. It’s what I believe I was put on this earth to do. • I know privilege can be a tough conversation, one that I am constantly learning more about and trying to be better at. Always more to ponder and consider and strive for… thanks for listening. ?: @karyaschanilec

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4. The three-bucket budget rule

Dunlap divides her budget into three buckets. The first is living expenses (rent, bills, groceries). The second is for goals (investments, retirement, saving for a house). The third bucket is for everything else. This is the fun bucket for eating out, clothes, and travel.

The percentage of how much you put into each of the three buckets varies depending on the person.

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“We all have a better guide in ourselves than any other person can be…” ??? Personal finance is just that — personal. Our emotions and our mindset affect more of our money than any APR or interest rate can. ??? Changing your money habits starts with changing your mindset. It starts with knowing yourself and your triggers. It starts with small steps over time. ??? This is where a money coach can help you. We see you for your whole person, not just the number on your statement. We’re that cheerleader to keep you going, with the knowledge of how to guide you. It’s my favorite thing in the world. ?????? You know yourself better than anyone else. Trust yourself and start building habits that will change your life. Go get ‘em.

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5. Take things one step at a time and learn from your failures

We all make mistakes when it comes to saving (and spending) money. Dunlap said she took a job once simply because the money was good, even though her gut told her otherwise. The work environment ended up being extremely toxic, and she quit less than three months into the job.

Dunlap admits she felt like a failure after this experience and that it took her a while to rebuild her confidence, but in the long run she learned more about herself and what is important to her. She said, “Money is great, but unhappiness isn’t. Life is just too short.”

Do you have any money-saving tips of your own? Share them in the comments.

The post This 24-Year-Old Will Have $100,000 Saved by Next Year. Here’s How appeared first on UberFacts.

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14 Times Therapy Actually Revealed Mind-Blowing Truths

A lot of folks tend to look down on therapy, but the fact of the matter is that it’s honestly helpful for just about anyone. Being in therapy doesn’t mean you’re “weak” or “crazy,” it just means you take your mental health seriously. What’s more, therapy can sometimes reveal inner truths that you might not have come across otherwise (or at least not as quickly).

Today we present 14 people who had some genuine breakthroughs in therapy that helped change their outlook. So, naturally, they shared on Twitter. Because that’s what we all do now.

It’s kind of like group therapy, right?

Making way for your better half…

Friends and “Friends”

The only constant is change!

Wrong person. Right time.

Someone pls pass tissues. Currently dead.

Just because it’s unknown, doesn’t mean it’s bad

If not you, then who?

With a capital T!

Renew yourself, fam!

Always check yourself…

Sometimes you just have to let it go

How much do you love yourself?

Isn’t it always that way, tho?

Time is precious after all…

 

I have that same problem about being direct and not caring who it hurts, so that one really hit home.

Great advice Lula! Thank your therapist for me! ???

The post 14 Times Therapy Actually Revealed Mind-Blowing Truths appeared first on UberFacts.

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20+ People Reveal the Moment That Changed Their Whole Perspective On Life

One of my favorite shows on Netflix, Big Mouth, has a moment where all the characters sing a song called, “Life is a F***ed Up Mess,”and I definitely believe it.

That said, sometimes there are just experiences that we have to go through in order to learn and grow as a person. Whether it be from travel, heartbreak, or a number of other incidents, here are some examples of people whose perspectives on life were totally changed thanks to a single experience.

1. Bucket List

After my dad died in 2014 of Huntington’s Disease, a fatal genetic disorder, I decided to get tested in late 2015. I am gene positive. Meaning, I will develop the disease at some point later in life, but am not currently showing symptoms. Although I’m only 26, I’ve begun working towards my bucket list and only 2 months ago, crossed off my #1 wish of visiting Germany. It was two weeks of everything I could have asked for. I have a relatively successful career, which I enjoy and am thankful for, which allows me to check off these items from my bucket list.

Knowing that my life expectancy is maybe 40 at best, based on my CAG repeats, it’s given me the chance, or maybe the reminder, to live my only life as well as I can.

2. Hard Times

Getting injured, having multiple surgeries, and having to quit my teaching job and go on long-term disability. Being on disability really sucked, and I have more compassion for people who are permanently disabled. I also understand homelessness better. I’d probably be homeless myself if I didn’t have parents who could help with some of the medical bills.

3. Simple Pleasures

Getting high at a music festival. My buddy and I got hungry so we got chicken strips. We sat down on the dirty ground and enjoyed our chicken strips amongst other festival goers. I realized how nothing is more important than being somewhere you love with people you love. No fancy restaurant, no expensive food, no flashy jewelry… just my bud and I having a blast. Will never forget that.

4. Moving On

I’m in my early 20s, and got dumped by my first serious girlfriend a few months ago. I really liked her and she was pretty into me, but I was constantly trying to please her and was letting her walk all over me because that’s what I believed women wanted. I never stood up for myself when she would flake/take hours to text and I think she lost respect for me because of that. Her excuse was that “she wasn’t ready” but I know I was at least partially to blame…

Instead of sulking and begging, I took the breakup as motivation to hit the gym, meet new people, read books, further my career, work on social skills, etc so that at least if she doesn’t want to give it a second try, then a better girl will take her place. I’m so much happier now because of it.

5. Still Here

Drug/alcohol addiction, followed by recovery.

I just shouldn’t even be alive. I told a psychologist I expected to be dead by 25. But I’m 25, not dead, sober for several years, and somehow getting a Ph.D. I literally had no idea how to stop drinking; I wanted to, but couldn’t. Somehow it happened, though. And now when I get super stressed at school, or when people bug me, I just remember the fact that I shouldn’t even be alive. All of my problems immediately become laughable and absurd when I do that.

So I’d say I learned not to take things so serious, because at the end of the day, I’m still just right here.

6. High On Life (And Drugs)

I’ve never had any truly religious or deep meaningful experience in my entire life. Sure I’ve had fun. But I’ve never really got a deep life altering, paradigm shattering experience in my entire life. Everything was just humdrum until I started experimenting with psychedelic drugs.

I was a vocal atheist and thought everybody who believed in anything like that was totally stupid. Not saying I am religious now because I’m not, but I was such a closed minded person about stuff like that.

Psychedelics showed me the potential for love. Both for myself and others. It opened me up to seeing how consciousness and existence is so much more than I ever thought it was and it showed me how to see the world a lot differently than I currently was. Also showed me just how insanely beautiful and wonderful everything truly is.

I lose sight of it all the time, but deep down those experiences are still with me.

7. Rags to Riches to Rags

So after a family member died I inherited almost $78,000,000. My family and friends attitudes changed completely after hearing the news. People I didn’t even know of started contacting me, almost everyone I knew asked me for money, the number of ‘friends’ I had doubled. About a week later, the lawyer that handled the last will contacted me saying there was a closer relative that they had missed. I went back to being normal and found out who my real friends and family were.

8. Take the Time

One of my best friends passed away unexpectedly last August. I didn’t keep up with messaging him every once and a while and slowly grew apart. He messaged me a week before he died simply saying “I miss you.” I forgot about replying like some people do and I got a call the following week from another friend saying he died. I was devastated because I had no idea he was ill. Later that day I was looking at my inbox and noticed his message and it floored me. I still beat myself up over it because all I had to say is “I miss you too we should catch up.” But I didn’t and he’s gone. It was a harsh lesson but it changed me, and no matter what I take the time to reply to any message I get from someone I care about.

9. Hugs Work

Up until I was a teenager, I didn’t like my sister much. She didn’t like me either. Then, one day, I read that hugging someone makes your brain release chemicals that make you trust that person more. I didn’t buy it, so I jokingly told my sister that it means we have to start hugging our enemies to give them a false sense of security, and stuff like that. Then we jokingly hugged and we continued to hug every day for a while.

And you know what? It’s weird, but it actually worked! She’s my best friend now.

10. Eat More Salad

I had been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for about a month straight. I was in college. These things happen. Anyway, I had a little bit of cash put together, so a buddy and I went to TGIFriday’s. The waiter came, and as I was ordering my food, for some reason, inexplicably, I had to have a salad. My friend looked at me like I had grown a second head. He demanded explanations. There were none.

So I ate the salad. Literal chills started racing up and down my spine. It was like a religious experience.

So, I told my friend to order a salad. He was understandably concerned at this point. Why was this important all of a sudden? What’s the deal with the salad? I said, “Order. A. Salad.”

We still talk about it sometimes. That was 15 years ago.

Uh… so, the moral of the story is don’t eat so many sweets and vegetables are a required part of your diet.

11. Count Your Blessings

I traveled a lot early in my career. I spent a lot of time in quite a few poor countries.

I went to Haiti 6 times in my life to work. The poverty and corruption was like nothing I had ever seen before or really since. People would beg and beg for the scrap lumber from our shipping crates to build their houses. When they built a house, it was about the size of the walk-in closet in the first home my wife and I bought.

Ever since then, I have never complained. I have a nice house. Nothing extravagant, but it is a nice house. I have money to put food on the table. I have multiple grocery stores within a 10 minute drive from me and I can buy anything I want to eat. I have a job that pays well and I enjoy working at.

I don’t let the inconveniences of life bring me down. If I feel sorry for myself about something, I remember the really poor people I have come across in my travels (as opposed to what I call American poor) and I am instantly thankful for what I have.

12. Gone Too Soon

A few years ago I lost a long time friend of mine in a car accident. He fell asleep at the wheel on the interstate and crossed over into oncoming traffic, hitting a semi. We had known each other since we were 5 and went through grade school, middle school and high school together. He was 25 when he passed. I knew he had struggled with depression for a long time, but at the time of his passing he was actually in a really good place in his life. He was doing what he loved and had been dating a girl for a few years. He was happy!

So it really made me think if I were to suddenly be gone tomorrow, am I happy with where I’m at? I wasn’t, and I started to make a lot of life changes after that. I had been overweight for a long time and started working on my health and I’ve lost around 85 lbs since then. I got into a career I love and enjoy doing everyday. I stopped stressing about stupid things too. It’s not worth it. I tell my family and friends I love them a lot more frequently than I used to. And I always, always, ALWAYS make sure I get enough sleep before I have a long drive to make.

13. No Apologies

A random stranger in passing. When I was about 16, I accidentally stepped into an elderly woman’s way while walking down a narrow walkway. We did the awkward dance trying to pass one another, as we passed each other I turned and said “I’m sorry!” to her.

She turned back to me and with a stern, but oddly charming, tone says “Don’t you ever apologize for your existence. Just say excuse me and be on your way.”

At first I took what she said as her being rude. Then I walked away and let it sink in for a bit and since then it’s stuck. I always say excuse me now if I’m in someone’s way.

14. Enjoy Life

Gaining a friend and talking to said friend. Up to that point in my life I had lived on the internet and became something of a space exploration fanatic dead-set on pushing humanity into the cosmos. My plan in life was to work as hard as I could toward that goal, without any room for anything else.

Until I met my friend. She was much more normal than me (normalcy was something I disdained at the time), but not any less dedicated academically. She wanted to excel in life, but also enjoy it. It was the latter part that I had been missing.

15. Expand Your Horizons

To me it was definitely travelling.

And, not to sound like that guy, but by traveling I don’t mean two days in a hotel by the beach in some third world country, I’m talking several years in total immersion. Worked there, slept there, ate, met people, got drunk, got mad, fell in love, got heartbroken, split up, fell in love again, made money, lost at least as much, learned how to greet locals the proper way, and why how I’d do it in my country isn’t okay here, the whole thing.

16. Full Circle

For me it was a small comic, it had a picture of a girl at various ages of her life.

Age 6:”I love mommy”

Age 16:”I hate my mom!”

Age 30:”Mom was always right…”

Age 45:”I wish mom was here”

It really hit home and made me change for the better. I started helping my mom around the house and built an amazing relationship with her till now.

17. Power of Empathy

An anthropology course I took in University. The professor told us that when we look at different cultures we have to “make the strange familiar, and the familiar strange”.

So basically you need to look at cultures outside of your own and try to see them with empathy. Really try to look at it as if it was your own culture, that it was normal, or something you grew up with. And to do the opposite with your own culture.

Taught me a lot about looking at my own culture with a critical eye, and looking at other cultures with empathy.

18. Lesson Learned

I was dating a girl for 2 years and was so damn certain she was the one. She was passionate, confident, and could light up a room when she entered. At the same time, we were very different in that regard and I struggled to stay balanced in something that I wanted so badly to work.

Anxiety and a lack of motivation were a serious pattern for me. She pushed me, tried to say that it was important to her that I got a grip on things but I just couldn’t come to terms with it. In the end one day while driving back to her place she told me she couldn’t do it anymore and that she felt I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I needed to learn to believe in yourself or I would always leave people staring at a wall of nerves.

The experience hit me like a bombshell and for a long time I felt like I wasn’t going to make it through. I just wanted to do anything to stop feeling defeated. One day while sitting there and thinking I realized that I let my fears rob me of someone I deeply cared about. It had to stop and I needed to get help.

I reached out to my folks, explained to them what I was going through and got help. After spending some time planning what I wanted out of life I began committing everyday to building back to a place where I could be proud of what I was doing. I never forgot what she said to me, and while it hurt a great deal it made me realize that I was defeating myself out of enjoying life.

Last year I saw her for the first time in 5 years. She was engaged, had moved to a new city and was happy as ever. I thanked her for helping me to realize what I was doing to myself and wished her the very best.

Every time I struggle, or start to doubt myself I remember what that experience taught me. If you are going to lose something, don’t let it be because you defeated yourself. Take charge, do your best and accept the outcome – but don’t sell yourself short.

19. Dumb Luck

Growing up I was absolutely miserable. Being the fat kid in school, no attention from girls, very very few friends, more athletic family members who would single me out and pick on me. This went on through high school unfortunately.

When I was 19 things began falling into place for me through sheer dumb luck. I was (wrongly) diagnosed with ADD and the adderall they put me on caused me to lose 70 lbs in ~2 months, then the family came into some money as a result of a medical malpractice suit that killed my grandmother a few years earlier and my dad paid for me to study Japanese in Japan for 6 months.

Losing the weight and going to Japan were exactly what I needed to shake off my miserable former self. I had finally done something I could be proud of and it just kept catalyzing more and more positive changes in my life. It’s weird to think I spent the first 20 years of my life hating myself, hating the world, hating my family, just as such a miserable guy. I love all those things now.

20. Beauty in Heartbreak

Had my first real breakup last year. For a while, I was devastated and truly depressed. However, after a while I began to discover more things about myself and what I wanted and what I liked. I began to appreciate things and people that I took for granted before. 2016 was one of the worst years of my life, but I can confidently say that so far 2017 is the best year of my life. I’m still single, but I’m truly happy with that and with myself.

21. Love Isn’t Magic

It showed me that love is not magic. It’s something that has to be worked at together. When one party can’t or won’t do equal work, the relationship fails. It feels amazingly good when it works and feels amazingly bad when it breaks down. The fact that my fairytale image of my parents marriage failure led me to (at least try to) have a more realistic view on life. No amount of want alone can make things happen in relationships. It’s like carrying a really big fish tank: it’s difficult with two people, and it’s pretty amazing to move things along to new places, but one person can’t do it. If someone isn’t invested in moving it along, it will drop and break. And it’s a real big mess to clean up and deal with all alone.

22. What’s In a Grade?

I locked myself in a bathroom stall and literally beat myself up for 15 minutes. I cried for many days afterward.

Soon enough, I got sick of living in this misery. I wanted to let go and accept it so I could just be happy. But to be happy in spite of such a grade would mean redefining my values.

Panicked, I looked up whether I could still stand a chance at Caltech, my dream university, if I got such a grade. The general consensus was “eh, pick somewhere else.”

That was it! Not “no, you suck,” not “no, Caltech wants smart people.” Just pick somewhere else.

So now I’ve truly accepted the loss of my valedictorian status, as painful as it may be. There’s nothing I can do about it now, and looking back, I can see that all this grade anxiety did nothing but crush my spirit. Now I centrally define myself as a friend, reader, learner, inquirer, helper, and daughter of God, identities that will endure my whole life – not as the tenuously hanging valedictorian.

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25 Essential Rules for Parents Whose Kids are All Grown Up

A parent’s job is never done. Even when your kids are grown up and moved out and have lives of their own, you’re still their parent and they’ll still look to you for guidance and support.

Here are 25 important rules to help you do your best at parenting your adult children:

1. Stop asking when they’ll get married. Seriously.

2. Always pay for the meal at restaurants.

3. Support their choices – if they’re happy living in the weird part of town in a dingy studio, act as though you love it too.

4. Don’t embarrass them by pulling out awkward childhood photos.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

5. Be ready to become a storage facility for at least some of their unused stuff.

6. Don’t use emojis in text unless you really know how to use them. It just looks awkward.

7. There’s a 70% chance that clothes you bought for them without them being there won’t fit.

8. Let them be the one to suggest FaceTime. Don’t surprise them with it.

9. Stop messaging them video links on Facebook.

10. If they don’t want you on their Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc., respect that. Honestly, you may not want to see some of it anyway!

Photo Credit: Pixabay

11. Even if they’re having a tough time (heat turned off, noisy neighbors, etc.), don’t force them to come sleep at home. Let them know you’re here for them, but let them try to resolve things themselves.

12. Don’t be mad if you don’t get a “Thanks!” for helping them move, covering some groceries, buying furniture, or landing a job interview. Being a parent is a thankless job, and you already know that.

13. If they say something is a huge crisis, act like it is. Don’t try to downplay it.

14. While there’s nothing wrong with being sex-positive and helping your kids make better choices, don’t go overboard either. Even as adults, no one wants to talk to their parents about their sex life.

15. More often than not, your trips down memory lane are best kept to yourself.

16. Much like marriage (see Rule #1), don’t pester them about having kids.

17. Always help them with shopping for their grandparents. They have no idea what to get.

18. Don’t turn up to their place unannounced. You’ve been warned.

19. If you think they’re leaning towards a bad decision, gently question it, but don’t go too hard one way or the other. Ultimately, it’s their decision to make.

20. Your adult kids don’t need your help – until they do.

21. They may not always remember your birthday. You must still never forget theirs.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

22. If they haven’t answered your texts for a little bit, don’t freak out.

23. Unless there’s a ring on it, you don’t need to buy their significant other a holiday gift. It may backfire if a “casual” friend (kids these days) gets the wrong idea.

24. Be comfortable with the fact that you might be on a need-to-know basis when it comes to their lives. Don’t worry, when they really need you, they’ll come to you.

25. Stop pressuring them. You’re probably doing it even when you think you aren’t. Stop.

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Man Asks for Advice About His Wife “Doing Nothing” Around the House – Gets Roasted

This is one time when reading the comments on the internet is not only okay, but will make you feel as if everything is right with the world instead of the other way around.

It all started when a man posted this question on a Facebook page called Man Who Has It All.

Image Credit: Facebook

His wife doesn’t clean the house or take responsibility for the kids, and he wants to know what he should do about it?

Image Credit: Facebook

As you probably can guess, the women of the internet had a good belly laugh about how the men in their lives don’t do much to clean the house and also, even if they play with the kids, don’t take much responsibility when it comes to the heavy lifting of parenting.

Image Credit: Facebook

Imagine a world where gender roles were reversed.

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Where it was acceptable for women to behave as men do when it comes to cohabiting or parenting.

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That’s all we’re saying, Ben.

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Just stop and think about your question and why it seems acceptable to you to ask it and what that says about the world we live in.

Image Credit: Facebook

For his part, Ben did have regrets about posting his question…

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Which honestly just delighted everyone more.

Image Credit: Facebook

I know it did me.

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Viral Twitter Thread Perfectly Explains Why Nobody Should “Wait for You” to Change

Stop me if you’ve heard this one – girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy needs to grow up, girl keeps waiting for him to do it. It happens way too often. If it hasn’t happened to you personally, it probably did to someone you know.

Well, this Twitter thread is for you.

Twitter user @awkward_duck shared a heartbreaking tale of how a friend of hers (a guy) kept screwing up and not taking his relationship seriously. Result: relationship lost.

The set up…

2 years?!?

You never have anybody “on hold”

She told you bro!

Well, it worked for Offset and Cardi B, so…

Gotta let it go, bro…

Gotta fix yourself first…

Wait… 7 years?!

Don’t do the math. Just don’t.

Look in the mirror bro

You blew it

She is fixing to get married. What do you not understand about that?

Being a friend means tough love sometimes…

Naturally, so many could relate and shared their own experiences…

TBH, last minute saves are insulting…

Please be with me so I can take advantage…

Take care of yourself first

This.

So many don’t even know this about themselves!

Yep.

After 67K+ retweets and 165k+ likes, Brown tweeted her appreciation for people picking up her words and sharing them with the world. She also gave us all some advice we could use right now:

The more you can work on you and feel better about who YOU are, the more you’ll be ready to meet that person who fits with the happiest (or happier) version of you.

Truth!

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10+ People Share the Brutal Truth They Learned from Failed Relationships

Breakups are rough, but they can also be a valuable learning experience – they help teach us what we really need from a relationship, what our own flaws are, and even what kinds of red flags to look out for.

That said, maybe the lessons learned by these 12+ people can save you some time (and heartache) the next time around.

#1. When it comes to kids.

“You can love each other as much as you can but if you’re not compatible when it comes to kids, future goals, etc it’s just not going to work out.”

#2. Not your responsibility.

“Sometimes, their mental health is not an excuse to stay with someone. Sometimes, you just need to let that go and it is not your responsibility to keep them healthy. If something does happen to them, it’s not your fault.
You can’t fix someone’s mental health. They can only do that themselves.”

#3. Don’t date a drinker if…

“Don’t date a drinker when you’re not one yourself.”

#4. Poor boundaries.

“I have poor boundaries and I’m too eager to please while simultaneously being too demanding.

Edit: Lol I wonder if I’ll tell her I got my first 1k comment over her.”

#5. Red flags.

“Cheating is a non-negotiable red flag.

Refusing to take responsibility is a red flag.

Ignoring your s/o is worse than arguing against your s/o which are both infinitely worse than communicating with one another about the topic at hand.

And the best one: you have to love yourself more than you love being in a relationship.”

#6. More red flags…

“If she gets fired from >10 jobs in 6 years because nobody can stand working with her…

That’s a red flag…

Edit: I guess the lesson would be to notice how other people that spend 8hrs a day with her….”

#7. It takes two.

“It takes two to make it work. And I was the only one doing any work, hoping if i worked hard enough, he would love me back as much as I loved him.

Doesn’t work that way.”

#8. Take them at their actions.

“if someone acts like they don’t care, its because they don’t care”

#9. The rest of your life.

“Dont put the rest of your life aside, when they leave you are then left with nothing.”

#10. You can’t stop them.

“People are who they are, not who you wish they would be. Loving someone and wanting a future with them won’t stop them from being a toxic person. And the only good option with toxic people is to get them out of your life. Even if it hurts.”

#11. You’ll never be able to be yourself.

“If you start the relationship by editing yourself and hiding the parts of you that you think they won’t like, it’s a trap and you’ll never be able to be yourself. Tears will follow. Do yourself a favor and at a reasonable point in the early relationship, be vulnerable and tell them all the things about yourself you are afraid of admitting. They’ll find them out eventually anyway….”

#12. Not great for each other.

“Accepting that life happens and sometimes two great people are not great for each other.”

#13. You can’t love away the issues.

“You can’t love away the depression. She self medicated with alcohol, and my love wasn’t enough to make her stop drinking.”

#14. Abusive households.

“Just because you both grew up in abusive households doesn’t mean the other person will be reluctant to abuse you.”

#15. How you react to this quirk.

“Everyone has a quirk. Everyone. Even you- you just might not know what it is. Day to day survival of a relationship can depend on how you react to this quirk. I dated a lot of guys who would just annoy the piss outta me daily with their quirks, and I’m not contributing our break ups solely to these habits, but it definitely didn’t help to be annoyed or disgusted on the daily by your partner. It took me some time to realize that this is just a part of who they are and I will never be able to change that. Learn to accept people for the funny little things they do.”

Keep your eyes on the prize out there!

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Everyone Should Read This Twitter User’s Rules for a Successful Marriage

While movies and TV usually make it look like it’s just something that “happens,” the fact of the matter is that any successful relationship/marriage takes a lot of work. It’s all about communicating and understanding each other, and treating each other with respect.

Twitter user Ryan Stephens recently offered 6 rules that he and his wife try to follow to maintain a solid marriage.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Rule #1 is very important.

Photo Credit: Twitter

The second rule is crucial.

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It’s important to be adventurous.

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Support each other and be each other’s biggest fan.

Photo Credit: Twitter

DON’T KEEP SCORE.

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The last item on the list might be the most important.

Photo Credit: Twitter

And keep this advice in mind.

Photo Credit: Twitter

You can read a more detailed post from Stephens’ wife about their “Six Rules to be a Good Teammate in Your Marriage” HERE.

Other Twitter users agreed with the advice.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

In fact, many people could relate.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

What do YOU think? Do you have any additional advice to make a marriage work? Share in the comments below!

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